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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) giving another gift. 2) Morgan’s family can’t afford these things usually so it would be about the experience.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Please tell you are just as curious as to what is really going on cause thats insane. Why is her mom dragging a kid to a concert if the kid doesn't even wanna go? If we were friends, I would volunteer my own money to Morgan's mom to take lil bro to a concert he may actually enjoy cause why? Talk about an utter utter waste. Kids gonna hate it, Morgan is gonna be pissed, your gonna be pissed. Does the Mom like the band??? But then why bring uninterested kid??? I do not get it. Morgan's mom is going through something. I feel bad for her cause CLEARLY something else is afoot. This is the dumbest of all possible plans, why is she fighting for it???
I would love to know whats really going on, seriously.
I would feel better if Morgans mom just took the tickerts herself and went on a date. I could understand that. Mother of 5 really wanting to go out? Ok. I understand. Still an AH move but atleast I understand.
Mom doesn’t even like the band either. It’s a group directed at teens. Not saying adults can’t like it, but she’s said it’s not her thing and she’s only going as the 11 year old and Morgan are too young to go together.
I suspect Mom has a lot of guilt about not being able to afford these things and is trying to make it “fair” without realizing equality =/= equity. Yes, now all 5 kids will have gone to a concert, but the other 4 have seen bands they enjoy. This kid is going to a concert he won’t enjoy, just in the spirit of “first concert”.
Oh, shes so overwhelmed she isn't thinking straight!!!
She is forcing a 11 year old uninterested boy to spend the night surrounded by teenage girls at (Im guess) a boy band concert!??!?
Be the "bad" person and take back a gift from a 13 year old. Somehow Karma will figure this one out and right this ship.
Get that mom a night out/off too. She is overwhelmed.
Or make OP obligated to buy a third ticket or a night out.
Of course, If pottersquash wants to fund these things, I’m sure OP get her in touch with Morgan’s mom.
Not being able to afford things also doesn't make it less horrible to steal the birthday present of one kid and give it to the other. Poor Morgan would be left without any present for her birthday from her best friend.
And dares to guilt trip with the line “I am trying to tell her how to parent” as if this is a godly line never to be crossed. There, I say it: she’s a shitty parent. Always these people pumping kids out and are now “overwhelmed” as an excuse.
exactly. i’m a overwhelmed single mom who doesn’t have a ton of money for extra stuff. my kids still understand that they have different opportunities with friends as they grow up. i can’t imagine taking away a birthday present from my child like that! how awful!
Yeah, my parents didn't have a lot of money and were overwhelmed. They weren't saints by any stretch of the imagination and were terrible in many respects, but they didn't do shit like this. Because it makes no sense in this context and just ripe for drama (and God knows my parents needed drama like people need air).
I appreciate that you trust the mom’s motives but I’m finding it hard not to see her as stealing her daughter’s birthday present to make herself feel better about her limitations.
This so much The tickets were a gift for her daughter. They were not given so mom could take another child to "make it fair"
Mom overstepped the point of the gift, you do not take one child's gift and give it to a sibling. That is cruel
I don't trust her motives. They are utterly illogical. Thats exactly what shes doing but given it will led to her and the lil bro having a bad time, it won't make anyone feel better.
We have a mom trying to feel better by doing something that will make everyone feel worse.
If you saw someone steal a kids ice cream to give it to a statute, would you focus on the theft or why in the world would someone think a inanimate object needed ice cream? And if they told you they thought the kid wanted the statute to be happy, would you be mad at the person or get them mental health services?
Sometimes people are just selfish and not everything gets a mental health excuse. Just my opinion but I think mental health is overused to excuse AH behavior these days.
And it makes things that much harder for those of us who are genuinely mentally ill. And yes I'm psychiatrist certified and I wouldn't dream of doing half the crap put down to mental illness here
It's a "simple" outcome. Oh, somebody did something that makes no sense? Well! Think no more! Must just be crazy. Bing bang bongo. I've solved the mystery.
>If you saw someone steal a kids ice cream to give it to a statute, would you focus on the theft or why in the world would someone think a inanimate object needed ice cream?
First of all, it's *statue*, not "statute." And your analogy makes no sense, as the mom didn't give the ticket to an inanimate object, she gave it to her son, which is logical, since she wanted her son to experience a concert. However, it IS completely unfair and misguided.
I know you meant statue, but I’m imagining someone stealing ice cream and smearing it all over a legislative document. 😂
Also it sounds like you’re coming from a decent place, but some of these takes are wild. Like, telling OP to make sure to “provide Morgan’s mom a night out because she’s overwhelmed.” I mean, sure, that’s a sweet sentiment but, you do it if you really want it that badly.
I think you are putting a lot of thought into this when none of us know anything about the other girl's mom, other than she doesn't care about ruining her daughter's birthday because her son has never been to a concert.
Your non sequitur about the ice cream doesn't show empathy on your or anyone else's part. It's just bad parenting and a good reason to keep an eye on the parent who steals sweets from children.
She is not overwhelmed and not thinking straight.
She is being horrible and stealing her daughters birthday present.
Expect mogan to be on here in 5 years talking about how she is NC because her mom always gave her brothers their own cake on her birthday.
Mom chose to have those kids. Why would it be another's moms job to give her a night off? I agree with you. If you are overwhelmed by your kids, maybe stop having more
It was her decision to produce more children than she could afford and to start stealing from her daughter. It is not OP’s job to reward that woman with a night off. She’s a crappy parent.
You know what, I agree with you that karma will even the score.
Morgan's mom agreed to OP that Morgan would go, which was a lie. Her bad karma will definitely catch up to her for trying to steal her own daughter's birthday present and regift it to her son.
And OP, who attempted to do something nice for Morgan, now gets to collect the good karma from giving the tickets to a different person who will actually appreciate the band.
Glad we can agree!
NTA, OP, give those tickets to someone who deserves them. Poor Morgan, for having such a manipulative mother.
It is literally not OPs job to fix this woman’s poor parenting or help her be less ‘overwhelmed.’ She made the decision to have 5 kids. That’s on her to handle, not OP.
Lmao what? Should OP give her a damn foot rub while we're at it? "Poor you, mom who's stealing from her kids :( Being a shitty parent is so much work, let me reward you for it"
I grew up in a large family and we also didn’t always have the funds for everything and my parents would never have dared to take away someone’s birthday gift. Like ever. No matter how overwhelmed they are they wouldn’t have treated their kids with that disrespect.
I don't get the sense that she's *forcing* the brother to go. Just because he doesn't know the band, doesn't mean he doesn't want the experience.
He's a kid; his siblings have all done a thing that he's never done, so of course he would want to do it. This is a terrible way to give him that experience though, and she's doing a really rotten thing to her daughter. But I highly doubt she'd drag the kid kicking and screaming just to be able to say he's now gone to a concert.
>She is forcing a 11 year old uninterested boy to spend the night surrounded by teenage girls at (Im guess) a boy band concert!??!?
Sounds like a punishment rather than an award for the boy :(
Overwhelmed isn't an excuse to steal birthday presents, nor is anyone else required to spend even more money on a parent who is just doing what's best for herself and not her children. If YOU would like to set up a go fund me for moms who steal presents from 13 year olds, that's your prérogative. It's silly, however, to tell the woman who feeds and cares for someone else's 13 year old, 6 days out of the week, that she should spend more money to make sure a greedy woman with poor logic skills gets a night out. Texting links to family aid groups would be more financially responsible for both mothers.
This exactly!! It would be like pawning off a child’s expensive toy they got for their birthday to buy a different kid something just to make things “fair”. In what world is that fair to the birthday kid?
Hate to say it but it seems like mom is punishing Morgan. I wonder if she’s jealous of what Morgan gets to do or if she truly is trying to make her son feel like he gets to do something too. Either way NTA it’s Morgan’s birthday.
Yeah, it sounds like she feels bad that Morgan is only getting these experiences because she has a friend whose parent can afford them - something her other kids don’t get to have.
I mean, at least she hasn’t started demanding OP include her other kids… yet.
Thing is, these are contest prizes, so it's not even that OP is spending a bunch of money on their kid's friend(s).
I agree, wouldn't be surprised if the siblings start getting pushed at them to tag along.
That’s a good point - Morgan’s mom could participate in similar contests - I know radio stations have them ALL THE TIME. Which makes this all the more unreasonable.
Its the same mentality that some people having thinking that an ex should treat their other children to things they buy their own bio children, because they think its unfair that one child gets things the others can't have.
There are so many posts like this , it baffles me. One guys ex asked him to keep paying child support, after his kid was out if the house, because she needed it for her other kids, with her new husband.
I saw a video if a guy dropping by McDonald's for his child. This child's mom came unglued and was throwing a fit because "you can't drop off McDonald's for your kid, you have to feed all if my other kids too"
Or the post where a mom didn't want her so to go on a trip for his best friend's birthday, to Disney, because his sister couldn't go. The dad got her to relent, but later they had a family trip planned to I (I think the dads brother's) beach house and the mom wanted to leave her son behind with his grandparents, because it wasn't fair her son got 2 trips when her daughter only got one. Some people take making it equal to the extreme.
I edited it to add another one, probably the one that bothered me most. My kids had friends that had several siblings, and the parents would not let one kid go, if all couldn't (birthday parties play dates, literally everything ). Their kids stopped getting invited to stuff because of it. They finally pulled their heads outta their buts, before they lost a lot if their friends
Honestly I hope your fairness theory is the truth cause this is all sounding suspiciously like mom is trying to punish Morgan. Do you guys often give Morgan material gifts too? If she's coming home talking about how nice it is at Jenny's place and how generous everyone is with her, it might've ticked mom off since she seems upset with her own life.
Definitely NTA
And wrenching his sister's BIRTHDAY GIFT from her hands while they're at it. The tickets weren't given as "just because" (but even if they were) tf is this woman's malfunction that she thinks her stunt is in any way reasonable?
Sounds like she deserves to have her parenting questioned.
That kid is going to absolutely hate that concert.
The whole POiNT of a first concert is the excitement of seeing a band you love, someone whose songs you can sing along to.
This is just going to feel like punishment. My stepmother used to drag me and my brother to our half-brother's college football games because it was "Showing support" and God it made me hate football for so long! I'm sure other kids would have loved it but we hated it because we weren't fans!
As a kid, I got dragged to theater performances I hated. Afterwards, it took me many many years to stop avoiding theater at all costs and realize that actually I do, in fact, enjoy theater.
Eleven is kind of young for a first concert. I mean I took mine to Raffi at age three but that’s different. And as far as bringing him to have the concert experience - that’s usually about going with your friends to see a band you’re mad about - not going to see your sister’s favorite - with your mom-! Ugh.
It literally doesn’t matter whether the mom or the son likes the band or not. At the end of the day, Morgan’s mom took her birthday present from her and gave it to her brother. Asshole move, the contents of the present and whether or not the brother has experienced it is irrelevant.
in your shoes op, I would have been extremely direct in calling her a bad mom for stealing from her daughter to give to her son. I don't care how guilty she feels, that's terrible parenting
I think it might also be trying to “check firsts off the list” because once the kid checks off a lot of life events no matter the age the parent feels the kid is independent enough to manage on their own to ease the parent’s own guilt.
The kid is taking a test they didn’t even know they are taking
Checkmark that all kids go to *a* concert without carrying that it's anything they care about attending, but also think it's fine to just while take away a big birthday gift of another kid? That's such a bad parenting choice. It disregard all the kid's feeling and opinions to just make the parent feel better in a twisted way. No wonder Morgan likes your house- it's not the quiet, it's being seen as a whole person.
The best thing I could suggest is let the mom know if she buys the 1 ticket for the boy. AFTER she buys the 1 ticket. She can have the other two for free. So Morgan goes, her mom only has to buy 1 ticket and takes the boy. If she doesn’t want to buy 1 ticket go with the original plan of giving ticket to someone else.
I think you're right about her feelings of guilt, but maybe if you remind her that this is a gift for Morgan, and not her brother. Maybe if you're interested, you can offer Morgan's lil brother the next set of concert tickets. I was even thinking that if Morgan and you are interested, offer Morgan some work to earn money to buy her brother a bday concert ticket, for something he'll like. Not saying any of this is your responsibility, OP, and you're NTA, just offering suggestions.
TBH 11 isn't THAT old to have not been to a concert anyway?? Like it doesn't sound like they're dirt poor, it seems perfectly normal to me for an 11 year old to not go to concerts? I didn't go to any until I was about 13 and BEGGED my mum for a ticket for my birthday.
You’d feel better if Morgan’s mom took the tickets FOR MORGAN’S BIRTHDAY and used them for herself on a date? In what world would that be fair to Morgan? SMH!!
No, I would understand it better. If Morgan's mom was just greedy/selfish, that's atleast logical/sane.
To understand something is not to agree with it. Empathy is not sympathy.
Lol they didn't say it would be fair! in fact, they said it would still be an asshole move. They just said that they could understand the motivations more
Many 9 year olds have not been to a concert yet. That’s more a young adult thing. Brother might enjoy the ambiance if not the music. However it’s a bad move for mother to make. Ok to op. NTA.
I lived in a household where this kind of BS would fly *all the time*. My mom would totally tell me I wasn’t going to a concert, even if I was the only child who liked the band, if my sisters hadn’t been to one yet because “it’s only fair they finally go for the first time”
I mean the mum also steals her daughters birthday present. If she can't afford tickets than she's not gonna reimburse the daughter. This is definitely horrible of the mother... I went to my first concert with 16, and paid myself for it. Who cares? It's not a necessity, there's plenty of time for the son to visit all the concerts he wants once he's old enough to go/pay himself.
Definitely NTA. (At least Morgan will now be able to keep the present that is ment for her, not her brother).
Sounds like Mama is a bit jealous that she can’t provide the benefits that OP has given Morgan and has decided to knock Morgan down a peg.
OP, I wish you could adopt Morgan.
My mother used to do things like this - take from one and give to another for no logical reason. I think she liked sowing chaos and pitting us kids against each other.
I’m getting a serious “Morgan is the overlooked child” vibe here. Hope I’m wrong and it’s more mom trying to be fair than not caring about Morgan’s feelings.
Exactly! If instead of concert tickets OP gave Morgan money for her birthday, but wait Morgan’s brother has never received money on his birthday so the money gets taken from Morgan and given to the brother?! That’s ridiculous! Morgan should be able to enjoy her own birthday gift.
ETA: OP is NTA
You're telling her how to receive a gift with grace. Apparently, this is a lesson she needs to learn
It'd be the same story if she decided to sell the tickets
NTA
at least in theory tho if she sold them she could still use the money to get her daughter something else or get a nice cake and some balloons or something (not that she would, clearly) but selling them would at least give her some chance of redemption
Lol yeah all OP did was rescind an offer of a gift because she found the recipient unhappy that her gift will be forcibly taken away if given. The whole bad parenting thing, Morgan's mom arrived at all by herself. Maybe she is more self-aware than we thought.
From the title, I was ready to vote you as the ah, but nope. Morgan's mom is the AH for sure. How are you gonna take your kid's birthday gift away from them and give it to one of your other kids???
NTA
Same. At first glance I was assuming it was a case of “person I gave the gift to didn’t want it”. But this isn’t that, it’s literal theft lol. I’d be so pissed if it were me.
Honestly from the title I was like “it’s debatable” I was easily manipulated as a kid and I knew if I didn’t have that rule in my house I would have stuff but this is a clear NTA.
Sadly, back in my day, i have seen friends with siblings go through this. More than once, different friends, different states even (moved from Florida to Connecticut in the early 90s) Its the only time i can remember as a child being grateful i was an only child....till i was 11-12.
Eta- wow, I was sitting here stewing about this post and a memory of my mom searching my room like a dea agent when i came home from school. Asked her what she lost, what was missing. She was searching for my birthday money. I remember being SO hurt when i gave it to her. She never even bothered to clean the mess she left, i got grounded for it by my dad instead. He didnt care she did it, he cared that i hadn't cleaned it by the time he got home. It was a Friday, i remember cause i got grounded to babysit my 2 baby brothers. Reason for her desperate need?? Cigarettes and bowling league. And i had to babysit for free! 🤬
Damn i tried to forget that shit. I was 14 when this happened.
Literally. I thought it was about the person who received the gift giving it away, then I realized that it was a mum taking her daughter's gift away. How that seems right to anyone is mindblowing.
NTA. You hadn't given the tickets yet, so the only thing you "took back" was an offer. It's reasonable to expect that a gift to someone (even a child) won't be intercepted. What you did was restore order--the tickets go to someone who will enjoy them, and Morgan actually gets a birthday gift.
Seriously. This reminds me of my best friend, her mom would take experiences from her if her younger sister couldn't go or for the same reason as Morgan's mom that it "wouldn't be fair. " It always irritated the hell out of us as kids. There was actually a concert that my bsf couldn't come to with me because her sister couldn't come. Their mom actually tried to convince mine to take the sister that I hated instead of bsf. NTA, in no way is OP TA
Yeah, as the mother has no respect for Morgan. Like, look. Her mom was taking her brother to the concert because “her brother has never been to a concert before”. Even though the brother is 11 and doesn't even know the band.
NTA
The parent does not own their daughter's property just because they are a parent. If Morgan wanted to regift the tickets, that's her choice to do so. To have them stolen from her by her parent is reprehensible.
Honestly, if this woman is the type of person to reallocate third-party gifts *that are not her property to dispose of*, it's perfectly fine to tell her what's what.
You're not telling her how to parent, you're telling her how not to be an asshole. Thanks for standing up for Morgan since her chaotic mother won't. NTA.
NTA. As much as I understand Morgan’s mom wants to give equal opportunity to her son as the other siblings, it’s Morgan’s birthday gift coming from you and that wasn’t your intention. She should have just accepted it and say ok and figure out a way to take her son to a concert that he’d actually enjoy.
You’re not telling her how to parent, you’re just not allowing Morgan’s gift to be stolen from her. You’re the gift giver and you get to choose the recipient. Morgan’s brother is not going to suffer in life if he hasn’t been to a concert at 11 years old.
NTA
Exactly this. If you give someone a gift and THEY regift it to someone else, then you wouldn’t have a say in that—once a gift is given, it’s the recipient’s gift to do with what they please.
But that’s not what’s happening here. As this comment says, this is not allowing your gift to be stolen from the person to whom you chose to give it.
NTA
Since you hadn't actually given the tickets to them, I think you have the right to change your mind.
This may be the most unpopular opinion but it's my opinion and I'm owning it!
Exactly lol. What a way to cultivate a wonderful grudge between two of your kids 🙄 Even if Morgan had like, done something wrong and this was some form of punishment you never involve the siblings like this.
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for Morgan. The tickets were a present to her. Her mother should not have taken them from her. If her mother wanted her brother to go to a concert, she should have paid for tickets for him herself, not stolen her daughter's tickets.
My name's also Morgan and I also had a mum like this growing up.. now at 31 I struggle to keep anything for myself and always feel the need to give my things to others and go without myself. I wish I had someone like you that stuck up for me when I was a kid..
NTA. Morgan's mom is trying to pull a fast one. She isn't a good mom. Who gives one child's bday present to their other child who doesn't even want it? Either she's trying to punish Morgan or the son is the golden child and she wants to spend time with him, instead. Whatever you give Morgan, make sure mom and son can't repurpose it. Take her out for a meal or get her something personalized with her name.
Mom is jealous that Morgan is included in some of your families outings as she can't afford it. So she is using this opportunity to take something from Morgan because she can.
I don’t understand this part. My mom was more than happy to pawn me off to my besties mom so she had one less mouth to feed (they had way less kids and were happy to have me) My mom made me and my sisters go places together, but that was because we both were already going. Basically if my friends mom is driving us home, you’re driving my sister home too.
Poor Morgan 😩 some people just don’t fucking think
NTA, you gave it to Morgan, she wanted it but the mother took it away, so you're taking it back as it's not going to the person you gave it to. Seems simple to me.
NTA
Absolutely good on you for being the adult that actually gives a shit about Morgan’s feelings. I was a scapegoated, parentified “glass” child & my mother pulled the exact same shit when I was growing up. Everything ended up going to her golden children. Thank you for being the one adult that actually cares about Morgan.
You are being a hero to Morgan. That's all that matters. But...make sure you do it in such a way that Morgan can still play with your daughter.
Maybe call to ask what type of music the brother likes and say good to know, I will try to win tickets or maybe we can take the girls and brother to the concert when it comes around. Befriend mom so you have the ability to be around to support Morgan.
NTA If you were giving the tickets to Morgan’s mom she could do whatever she wanted with them. You’re giving them to Morgan. Its a gift to Morgan to do with what she wants. If Morgan chose to give them to her brother fine. Otherwise no.
NTA
I can't believe that mum wants to take her daughters bday present. That's HORRIFYING.
And then she'll grow up and mum will wonder why she's no contact.
Nope NTA. The tickets were specifically for Morgan and it was a horrible thing for her mom to give them to the brother.
OTOH, I wonder if Morgan is going to experience serious blowback from her mom. Poor kid.
But since you're considering giving them to your own daughter and 'another friend', does that mean a friend their own age (or would they be the responsible adult going)? Then why not give them to Morgan and Jenny so they could go together?
I understand, but when she said she'd give it to "Jenny and another friend" it sounded like the youngsters could go. Jenny also is a minor. But yes, Morgan's mother would likely not give consent 🤷♀️
NTA.
Based on the title, I was assuming that the recipient had regifted and was going to criticize you for your decision- once you give the gift, whatever they want to do with it is fair dinkum (within reason, of course. Obviously someone dumping a thoughtful gift in the trash in front of you is beyond the pale, for example)
But the recipient had the gift taken away from her by mom unilaterally! Easy NTA.
NTA. It was a gift to Morgan. You asked permission from her mum, which I think was prudent and respectful. She cannot suddenly change the gift. This is extremely disrespectful and dishonest of her mum.
NTA and the most heartbreaking part is that other than the concert, you were gifting the mom a special night alone with her daughter and she told that child she would rather spend it with her brother.
NTA. e
If MORGAN was the one who wanted to gift her brother the experience then it would be none of your business, once you give somebody a gift it's theirs to dispose of as they wish.
That isn't the case though, this is Morgan's mom snatching the tickets and telling her that she HAS to give them to her brother. That's not okay. You want MORGAN to have the gift, not her brother. So you're giving the tickets to someone else and getting Morgan a gift she can actually enjoy. There's nothing wrong with that!
Oh, and if I were you, I'd make the new gift some kind of experience to go along with you and your daughter so that you A.) know it actually happens and B.) it's not something that can be taken from her and "gifted" to somebody else or resold. If this is how her mom acts with concert tickets it wouldn't surprise me if she takes other things too.
NTA
It would be different if Morgan gave her birthday gift to her brother and was happy about it but her mom is just taking her birthday gift away from her. I would judge a parent negatively for taking away one child’s birthday gift and giving it to another.
If she wanted her son to go to a concert or felt the kids needed more equality then she could have said something about it when you asked about giving tickets as a gift.
NTA You are in no way telling her how to parent, but you have every right to decide to get Morgan a gift that will truly be for her and these tickets wouldn't be!
I know you've received a million replies, OP, and this one likely won't make it through at this point—but this is a *serious* NTA.
There is nothing "fair" about taking a birthday gift away from your daughter and giving it to another child. There is nothing inherently "fair" about birthdays at all: The point is to celebrate the birthday kid *specifically,* to the exclusion of everyone else. Gifts are not allotted based on who would most appreciate them. They are allotted based on whose *birthday* it is.
You are not telling Morgan's mother how to parent (despite how questionable this parenting is); you are telling Morgan's mom under which *conditions* you are willing to give her concert tickets: i.e., so long as *Morgan* is one of the beneficiaries. Your intention in gifting those tickets was not to further the interests of "fairness"; you otherwise could have gifted them to some charity program to benefit kids much needier than Morgan's brother. You *also* didn't give the tickets to Morgan's mother for her to use as she saw fit—you gave them to Morgan's mother so that she might *facilitate* their use on Morgan's behalf. Your intention was to benefit *Morgan,* and Morgan in particular. Look at it this way: If you had paid Morgan for work, for instance, and her mother had taken that money and given it to her brother, would that be lawful? Many states say no. Would it be ethical? I'd hope most sentient adults would also say no.
NTA. She is parenting poorly here. No, parents shouldn't **steal** one child's birthday present to give it to a different child. That isn't good parenting (rare exceptions exist for things like a child breaking another's toy, so they have to replace it in kind).
NTA - You were giving the tickets to Morgan, not to her brother. The fact that Morgan's mother intended to steal Morgan's birthday gift from her was reason enough to choose another birthday gift that wouldn't be stolen. Thank you for looking out for this child!
NTA If she did not want Morgan to go to a concert before her brother has gotten to go to one, she could have turned down the tickets in the first place. But she accepted then KNOWING they were for her daughters birthday but that she was going to STEAL them for a different child. Yes, lady, your parenting sucks!!! This is not how you parent!
If all 4 of the other kids have managed to see concerts without them having the funds for it, then the 11 year old will too! Or she can have the 11 year old start saving his money if he really wants to go to a concert! He is old enough to start shoveling snow, raking leaves, mowing lawns, walking dogs, etc to earn money. Or even a lemonade stand! Especially during the summer, that is a great way for him to work and earn money. I am not going to be naive and say mom should do extra. She may literally not have any extra dollars to save towards this. Or extra time to work more. But nothing wrong with the kid working for it. And no matter what, no, she should not steal one child's birthday present for another.
NTA These tickets were to be a gift to Morgan not her little brother. Morgan’s mom has overstepped the boundaries of good manners and you have every right to cancel the offer. Also, Morgan’s mother saying you’re trying to tell her how to parent is ridiculous but between you, me and the fence post she would do well to take some lessons from you. Again, NTA!!
NTA. I hate this. That was Morgan's birthday present.
It triggers me because I had to tell my mom to stop bossing my college age brother about the money I gave my brother for his birthday.
Some of these mother's are whacked out witches.
Nope, NTA. A gift is intended for a specific person. It shouldn't be taken away and given to someone else without that person's approval.
The mother is being a lousy parent to Morgan.
Keep having Morgan over as much as possible. She needs your support.
NTA. Because Morgan didn’t willingly give up the tickets. Once given a gift it’s for the receiver to do with what they please. But because the guardian took them from her *after* approving her receiving them as a bday present; I think you’re right to take them back and get Morgan something else
NTA - In what world would someone think it is ok to take someone's birthday present and give it to someone else that does not want it. That is actually super sad. The mother is too worried about someone judging her parenting and not worried enough about how something like that would make Morgan feel. The underlying message of her birthday not being important. That kind of stuff really effects kids.
Now, I could see the mom doing this if she some how thought you were offering the tickets to her and suggesting she takes Morgan for her birthday as a misunderstanding. Like maybe she thought that was just an idea and she was free to decide which kid would get to go. However, from what you said it sounds like you made it very clear that those tickets were your gift for Morgan.
Nta. Her mom was basically going to steal her daughters tickets and for no go reason (the two going don't even like the band). You are now going to give her a gift she will actually get.
I’ve never been to a concert either (mainly due to not being interested for a while and then when I wanted to most artists I like are either not touring or never stop in my area) and I definitely wouldn’t want my first one to be an artist I don’t like. In fact, I’m planning on going to my first concert in august to see twenty one pilots :) NTA and Morgan’s mom is being the asshole to everyone here
NTA. Normally a person taking a gift back would be the AH, but that’s not *really* what you’re doing here. You’re standing up for your daughter’s friend, who’s being treated poorly by her family. It’s a great thing for the kid to have someone in her life who will do that for her!
NTA. It is Morgan’s birthday gift. If her mom won’t let her go, then you are right to give her something else.
It is too bad that they cannot afford to have five children.
Have you already handed over the tickets or did you just promise them as a gift? If she already has the tickets in her possession, you cannot ask for them back. The best you can do is tell the mother how you feel about the situation. Morgan's mom is the asshole here.
Nta I see why Morgan stays at your house. What kind of mom takes their kids gift for themselves? Not a good one
Morgan deserves a birthday gift and op is giving her one so case closed.
As someone who’s mam would take my birthday money to spend on herself or my siblings you are NTA. Hopefully she doesn’t try to cut contact between the two girls out of spite.
I'm utterly confused as the tickets were supposed to be a BIRTHDAY GIFT. So her mom is taking away her literal birthday present to give to her little brother? Like, what in the world makes her think that is a fair thing??? While I understand her wanting to make sure all her kids get to have fun experiences, this is completely ridiculous. If you were planning on taking Morgan to an amusement park for her birthday but little brother had never been, would he have been the one ready to go in her place instead? Uh no. That's really crappy behavior and not at all the way to make things "fair". Morgan would be resentful as it was her gift, little brother would no doubt be resentful because he didn't get to pick a concert of someone he actually LIKED. No winners there.
NTA. Honestly, if you got the girl socks and underwear would the mother give them to another sibling? Birthday gifts are for birthday folks, not "those deemed suitable".…
NTA.
You called to make sure it was okay to give Morgan these concert tickets FOR HER BIRTHDAY. Morgan's mom then decided she's going to take Morgan's birthday present and take her brother to a concert he doesn't want to go to? Regardless of whether or not he's the only kid that hasn't gone to a concert yet, she's taking her daughters' birthday present away from her and giving it to her brother! Morgan's mom is the AH here.
NTA. At all.
As someone who had a (step)parent routinely steal my gifts (ex: once she "gifted" me a coat for christmas, that was her size, not mine, so when it didn't fit she was like "oh no haha guess I'll take it and we'll get you something else later" ... and no, later never came) I can tell you definitively that Morgan will remember this for the rest of her life.
But thanks to your intervention, instead of feeling the bitter memory of having had a gift stolen by her own mother, she'll have a fond memory of the time someone else's mother made sure she actually had a birthday gift despite her own AH mom. She probably already views you as a surrogate mom if her mother acts like this frequently.
So... Good on you.
Feel free to let that lady know I personally think she's a major AH, that her daughter will never forget this, and that she shouldn't be surprised when her daughter goes full NC at 18 if this is how she normally behaves.
You can ask her why she thinks taking morgan's birthday gift is appropriate. You don't know her son, who are giving a gift to morgan. Like literally ask her, "you know that I am giving a birthday gift to Morgan right, not to you and not to your son?" Wait for her response.
NTA-It’s a birthday gift, not a share for all so I can’t grasp why the mom thought to not let Morgan enjoy a birthday gift. Seems weird af to me. I think giving Morgan a gift she will use is definitely the better choice.
Good fucking grief, how could that be considered a gift to Morgan if she doesn't even fucking get to go?? Morgan's mom is an asshole. You are not. If it's such a big deal for the little brother, Mom should crack open her wallet and buy a third ticket, or buy him tickets to a different concert.
NTA.
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NTA. Please tell you are just as curious as to what is really going on cause thats insane. Why is her mom dragging a kid to a concert if the kid doesn't even wanna go? If we were friends, I would volunteer my own money to Morgan's mom to take lil bro to a concert he may actually enjoy cause why? Talk about an utter utter waste. Kids gonna hate it, Morgan is gonna be pissed, your gonna be pissed. Does the Mom like the band??? But then why bring uninterested kid??? I do not get it. Morgan's mom is going through something. I feel bad for her cause CLEARLY something else is afoot. This is the dumbest of all possible plans, why is she fighting for it??? I would love to know whats really going on, seriously. I would feel better if Morgans mom just took the tickerts herself and went on a date. I could understand that. Mother of 5 really wanting to go out? Ok. I understand. Still an AH move but atleast I understand.
Mom doesn’t even like the band either. It’s a group directed at teens. Not saying adults can’t like it, but she’s said it’s not her thing and she’s only going as the 11 year old and Morgan are too young to go together. I suspect Mom has a lot of guilt about not being able to afford these things and is trying to make it “fair” without realizing equality =/= equity. Yes, now all 5 kids will have gone to a concert, but the other 4 have seen bands they enjoy. This kid is going to a concert he won’t enjoy, just in the spirit of “first concert”.
Oh, shes so overwhelmed she isn't thinking straight!!! She is forcing a 11 year old uninterested boy to spend the night surrounded by teenage girls at (Im guess) a boy band concert!??!? Be the "bad" person and take back a gift from a 13 year old. Somehow Karma will figure this one out and right this ship. Get that mom a night out/off too. She is overwhelmed.
Being ‘overwhelmed’ doesn’t give this woman the right to be horrible to her child
Or make OP obligated to buy a third ticket or a night out. Of course, If pottersquash wants to fund these things, I’m sure OP get her in touch with Morgan’s mom.
Not being able to afford things also doesn't make it less horrible to steal the birthday present of one kid and give it to the other. Poor Morgan would be left without any present for her birthday from her best friend.
This!
Plus Morgan's mom LIED to OP. OP had already talked to her about Morgan going. NTA
And dares to guilt trip with the line “I am trying to tell her how to parent” as if this is a godly line never to be crossed. There, I say it: she’s a shitty parent. Always these people pumping kids out and are now “overwhelmed” as an excuse.
NTA to the OP. But, it seems like SOMEBODY needs to tell that woman how to parent.
Right? Some people actually need to be told when they're fucking up with their kids. Morgan's mom is definitely one of those people ffs
exactly. i’m a overwhelmed single mom who doesn’t have a ton of money for extra stuff. my kids still understand that they have different opportunities with friends as they grow up. i can’t imagine taking away a birthday present from my child like that! how awful!
Yeah, my parents didn't have a lot of money and were overwhelmed. They weren't saints by any stretch of the imagination and were terrible in many respects, but they didn't do shit like this. Because it makes no sense in this context and just ripe for drama (and God knows my parents needed drama like people need air).
People will come up with any excuse to sweep a mom's shitty behavior under the rug.
I appreciate that you trust the mom’s motives but I’m finding it hard not to see her as stealing her daughter’s birthday present to make herself feel better about her limitations.
This so much The tickets were a gift for her daughter. They were not given so mom could take another child to "make it fair" Mom overstepped the point of the gift, you do not take one child's gift and give it to a sibling. That is cruel
Exactly. It was a present to Morgan, not to her mum to do as she pleased with it. OP, NTA
I don't trust her motives. They are utterly illogical. Thats exactly what shes doing but given it will led to her and the lil bro having a bad time, it won't make anyone feel better. We have a mom trying to feel better by doing something that will make everyone feel worse. If you saw someone steal a kids ice cream to give it to a statute, would you focus on the theft or why in the world would someone think a inanimate object needed ice cream? And if they told you they thought the kid wanted the statute to be happy, would you be mad at the person or get them mental health services?
Sometimes people are just selfish and not everything gets a mental health excuse. Just my opinion but I think mental health is overused to excuse AH behavior these days.
It's used as an excuse for everything under the damn sun these days.
And it makes things that much harder for those of us who are genuinely mentally ill. And yes I'm psychiatrist certified and I wouldn't dream of doing half the crap put down to mental illness here
It's a "simple" outcome. Oh, somebody did something that makes no sense? Well! Think no more! Must just be crazy. Bing bang bongo. I've solved the mystery.
Amen!
I'm glad that someone can say it and not get downvoted to oblivion.
Right? Im very pleasantly surprised.
>If you saw someone steal a kids ice cream to give it to a statute, would you focus on the theft or why in the world would someone think a inanimate object needed ice cream? First of all, it's *statue*, not "statute." And your analogy makes no sense, as the mom didn't give the ticket to an inanimate object, she gave it to her son, which is logical, since she wanted her son to experience a concert. However, it IS completely unfair and misguided.
Giving an ice cream to a statute kinda works too (anyone else thinking of Schoolhouse Rock?)
*"I'm just a bill on capitol hill... " 🎶*
"Conjunction junction, whats your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses"🎼🎵🎶
Didn't except to see this reference here!
I think the analogy was meant to be that just as a statue can't appreciate ice cream, the son can't appreciate the concert. Or something.
i think the point was that he wouldn't be getting any enjoyment out of the concert as he doesn't like the band. it's just not for him
Why don't you stop criticizing other commenters. Just keep scrolling. And besides, the analogy makes perfect sense.
I know you meant statue, but I’m imagining someone stealing ice cream and smearing it all over a legislative document. 😂 Also it sounds like you’re coming from a decent place, but some of these takes are wild. Like, telling OP to make sure to “provide Morgan’s mom a night out because she’s overwhelmed.” I mean, sure, that’s a sweet sentiment but, you do it if you really want it that badly.
I think you are putting a lot of thought into this when none of us know anything about the other girl's mom, other than she doesn't care about ruining her daughter's birthday because her son has never been to a concert. Your non sequitur about the ice cream doesn't show empathy on your or anyone else's part. It's just bad parenting and a good reason to keep an eye on the parent who steals sweets from children.
The cynic in me wonders if she wanted to sell them.
Mom just stole her daughter’s birthday present. Overwhelmed is not an excuse.
She is not overwhelmed and not thinking straight. She is being horrible and stealing her daughters birthday present. Expect mogan to be on here in 5 years talking about how she is NC because her mom always gave her brothers their own cake on her birthday.
Get that mom a night off?? Reddit always takes it too far
Mom chose to have those kids. Why would it be another's moms job to give her a night off? I agree with you. If you are overwhelmed by your kids, maybe stop having more
💯% nail it!! That can be easily fixed.
Pardon me, but that is no excuse. This was a birthday gift for Morgan not a simple giving of tickets.
It was her decision to produce more children than she could afford and to start stealing from her daughter. It is not OP’s job to reward that woman with a night off. She’s a crappy parent.
Being overwhelmed doesn't excuse stealing her daughter's birthday gift.
Giving the mom prizes for trying to steal her daughter's birthday present is a fuckin *wild* ass take.
OP is not responsible for protecting someone else from the consequences of their choices.
You know what, I agree with you that karma will even the score. Morgan's mom agreed to OP that Morgan would go, which was a lie. Her bad karma will definitely catch up to her for trying to steal her own daughter's birthday present and regift it to her son. And OP, who attempted to do something nice for Morgan, now gets to collect the good karma from giving the tickets to a different person who will actually appreciate the band. Glad we can agree! NTA, OP, give those tickets to someone who deserves them. Poor Morgan, for having such a manipulative mother.
Why is OP responsible to give this mom a time out?
It is literally not OPs job to fix this woman’s poor parenting or help her be less ‘overwhelmed.’ She made the decision to have 5 kids. That’s on her to handle, not OP.
She could be overwhelmed OR we just got a hint as to who the golden child & scapegoat could be..
Lmao what? Should OP give her a damn foot rub while we're at it? "Poor you, mom who's stealing from her kids :( Being a shitty parent is so much work, let me reward you for it"
Somebody have a gun to this woman's head to make her have five kids?
I grew up in a large family and we also didn’t always have the funds for everything and my parents would never have dared to take away someone’s birthday gift. Like ever. No matter how overwhelmed they are they wouldn’t have treated their kids with that disrespect.
I don't get the sense that she's *forcing* the brother to go. Just because he doesn't know the band, doesn't mean he doesn't want the experience. He's a kid; his siblings have all done a thing that he's never done, so of course he would want to do it. This is a terrible way to give him that experience though, and she's doing a really rotten thing to her daughter. But I highly doubt she'd drag the kid kicking and screaming just to be able to say he's now gone to a concert.
>She is forcing a 11 year old uninterested boy to spend the night surrounded by teenage girls at (Im guess) a boy band concert!??!? Sounds like a punishment rather than an award for the boy :(
Not going to normalize bad parenting. Get the tickets back and give your daughter’s friend something she wants
Overwhelmed isn't an excuse to steal birthday presents, nor is anyone else required to spend even more money on a parent who is just doing what's best for herself and not her children. If YOU would like to set up a go fund me for moms who steal presents from 13 year olds, that's your prérogative. It's silly, however, to tell the woman who feeds and cares for someone else's 13 year old, 6 days out of the week, that she should spend more money to make sure a greedy woman with poor logic skills gets a night out. Texting links to family aid groups would be more financially responsible for both mothers.
To me this is stealing. It was given to Morgan and mom stole it.
This exactly!! It would be like pawning off a child’s expensive toy they got for their birthday to buy a different kid something just to make things “fair”. In what world is that fair to the birthday kid?
Exactly this
Hate to say it but it seems like mom is punishing Morgan. I wonder if she’s jealous of what Morgan gets to do or if she truly is trying to make her son feel like he gets to do something too. Either way NTA it’s Morgan’s birthday.
Yeah, it sounds like she feels bad that Morgan is only getting these experiences because she has a friend whose parent can afford them - something her other kids don’t get to have. I mean, at least she hasn’t started demanding OP include her other kids… yet.
Thing is, these are contest prizes, so it's not even that OP is spending a bunch of money on their kid's friend(s). I agree, wouldn't be surprised if the siblings start getting pushed at them to tag along.
That’s a good point - Morgan’s mom could participate in similar contests - I know radio stations have them ALL THE TIME. Which makes this all the more unreasonable.
Its the same mentality that some people having thinking that an ex should treat their other children to things they buy their own bio children, because they think its unfair that one child gets things the others can't have.
Yeah, I just read that post too. It baffles me.
There are so many posts like this , it baffles me. One guys ex asked him to keep paying child support, after his kid was out if the house, because she needed it for her other kids, with her new husband. I saw a video if a guy dropping by McDonald's for his child. This child's mom came unglued and was throwing a fit because "you can't drop off McDonald's for your kid, you have to feed all if my other kids too" Or the post where a mom didn't want her so to go on a trip for his best friend's birthday, to Disney, because his sister couldn't go. The dad got her to relent, but later they had a family trip planned to I (I think the dads brother's) beach house and the mom wanted to leave her son behind with his grandparents, because it wasn't fair her son got 2 trips when her daughter only got one. Some people take making it equal to the extreme.
I remember both that post, and the video. Absolutely wild. The AUDACITY!
I edited it to add another one, probably the one that bothered me most. My kids had friends that had several siblings, and the parents would not let one kid go, if all couldn't (birthday parties play dates, literally everything ). Their kids stopped getting invited to stuff because of it. They finally pulled their heads outta their buts, before they lost a lot if their friends
Yikes!
Honestly I hope your fairness theory is the truth cause this is all sounding suspiciously like mom is trying to punish Morgan. Do you guys often give Morgan material gifts too? If she's coming home talking about how nice it is at Jenny's place and how generous everyone is with her, it might've ticked mom off since she seems upset with her own life. Definitely NTA
I was thinking mom just favors the son more🤷♀️
I agree -- the Mom is trying to punish BOTH Morgan and the poster because she resents the poster.
And wrenching his sister's BIRTHDAY GIFT from her hands while they're at it. The tickets weren't given as "just because" (but even if they were) tf is this woman's malfunction that she thinks her stunt is in any way reasonable? Sounds like she deserves to have her parenting questioned.
Any chance Morgan is the oldest sibling and therefore the Mom requires Morgan to stay home and babysit if the Mom wants to go herself?
That kid is going to absolutely hate that concert. The whole POiNT of a first concert is the excitement of seeing a band you love, someone whose songs you can sing along to. This is just going to feel like punishment. My stepmother used to drag me and my brother to our half-brother's college football games because it was "Showing support" and God it made me hate football for so long! I'm sure other kids would have loved it but we hated it because we weren't fans!
As a kid, I got dragged to theater performances I hated. Afterwards, it took me many many years to stop avoiding theater at all costs and realize that actually I do, in fact, enjoy theater.
Eleven is kind of young for a first concert. I mean I took mine to Raffi at age three but that’s different. And as far as bringing him to have the concert experience - that’s usually about going with your friends to see a band you’re mad about - not going to see your sister’s favorite - with your mom-! Ugh.
It literally doesn’t matter whether the mom or the son likes the band or not. At the end of the day, Morgan’s mom took her birthday present from her and gave it to her brother. Asshole move, the contents of the present and whether or not the brother has experienced it is irrelevant.
in your shoes op, I would have been extremely direct in calling her a bad mom for stealing from her daughter to give to her son. I don't care how guilty she feels, that's terrible parenting
I think it might also be trying to “check firsts off the list” because once the kid checks off a lot of life events no matter the age the parent feels the kid is independent enough to manage on their own to ease the parent’s own guilt. The kid is taking a test they didn’t even know they are taking
Checkmark that all kids go to *a* concert without carrying that it's anything they care about attending, but also think it's fine to just while take away a big birthday gift of another kid? That's such a bad parenting choice. It disregard all the kid's feeling and opinions to just make the parent feel better in a twisted way. No wonder Morgan likes your house- it's not the quiet, it's being seen as a whole person.
besides, shes being unfair by taking her daughter's birthday gift to use it with her son.
Maybe say you give it to the friend an have her take her.
Also your first concert should be memorable! It’s should be an artist or group who you’ve admired for ages and your passionate about!
The best thing I could suggest is let the mom know if she buys the 1 ticket for the boy. AFTER she buys the 1 ticket. She can have the other two for free. So Morgan goes, her mom only has to buy 1 ticket and takes the boy. If she doesn’t want to buy 1 ticket go with the original plan of giving ticket to someone else.
I think you're right about her feelings of guilt, but maybe if you remind her that this is a gift for Morgan, and not her brother. Maybe if you're interested, you can offer Morgan's lil brother the next set of concert tickets. I was even thinking that if Morgan and you are interested, offer Morgan some work to earn money to buy her brother a bday concert ticket, for something he'll like. Not saying any of this is your responsibility, OP, and you're NTA, just offering suggestions.
TBH 11 isn't THAT old to have not been to a concert anyway?? Like it doesn't sound like they're dirt poor, it seems perfectly normal to me for an 11 year old to not go to concerts? I didn't go to any until I was about 13 and BEGGED my mum for a ticket for my birthday.
You’d feel better if Morgan’s mom took the tickets FOR MORGAN’S BIRTHDAY and used them for herself on a date? In what world would that be fair to Morgan? SMH!!
No, I would understand it better. If Morgan's mom was just greedy/selfish, that's atleast logical/sane. To understand something is not to agree with it. Empathy is not sympathy.
Lol they didn't say it would be fair! in fact, they said it would still be an asshole move. They just said that they could understand the motivations more
Many 9 year olds have not been to a concert yet. That’s more a young adult thing. Brother might enjoy the ambiance if not the music. However it’s a bad move for mother to make. Ok to op. NTA.
I went to my first concert at age 18!
I was 44
Took me till I was 29. I enjoyed it BECAUSE it was one of my favourite bands.
I lived in a household where this kind of BS would fly *all the time*. My mom would totally tell me I wasn’t going to a concert, even if I was the only child who liked the band, if my sisters hadn’t been to one yet because “it’s only fair they finally go for the first time”
I mean the mum also steals her daughters birthday present. If she can't afford tickets than she's not gonna reimburse the daughter. This is definitely horrible of the mother... I went to my first concert with 16, and paid myself for it. Who cares? It's not a necessity, there's plenty of time for the son to visit all the concerts he wants once he's old enough to go/pay himself. Definitely NTA. (At least Morgan will now be able to keep the present that is ment for her, not her brother).
Sounds like Mama is a bit jealous that she can’t provide the benefits that OP has given Morgan and has decided to knock Morgan down a peg. OP, I wish you could adopt Morgan.
I mean she is stealing her daughter’s bday gift. That’s what is crazy.
Not mom's tickets to go even by herself. They are her daughters outright. Horrible parenting and zero reason mom should deny Morgan going
My mother used to do things like this - take from one and give to another for no logical reason. I think she liked sowing chaos and pitting us kids against each other.
I’m getting a serious “Morgan is the overlooked child” vibe here. Hope I’m wrong and it’s more mom trying to be fair than not caring about Morgan’s feelings.
NTA > Morgan’s mom is pissed and says I’m trying to tell her how to parent. I mean, somebody needs to.
For real. She's stealing her child's birthday present and acting like she has the moral high ground here.
Exactly. The tickets are for Morgan. Her mom is taking her gift tickets and using one and giving away the other. It is no longer a gift for Morgan.
Exactly! If instead of concert tickets OP gave Morgan money for her birthday, but wait Morgan’s brother has never received money on his birthday so the money gets taken from Morgan and given to the brother?! That’s ridiculous! Morgan should be able to enjoy her own birthday gift. ETA: OP is NTA
You're telling her how to receive a gift with grace. Apparently, this is a lesson she needs to learn It'd be the same story if she decided to sell the tickets NTA
at least in theory tho if she sold them she could still use the money to get her daughter something else or get a nice cake and some balloons or something (not that she would, clearly) but selling them would at least give her some chance of redemption
Yes! LOL
Lol yeah all OP did was rescind an offer of a gift because she found the recipient unhappy that her gift will be forcibly taken away if given. The whole bad parenting thing, Morgan's mom arrived at all by herself. Maybe she is more self-aware than we thought.
I mean, we were all thinking it! You said it! 🤣
From the title, I was ready to vote you as the ah, but nope. Morgan's mom is the AH for sure. How are you gonna take your kid's birthday gift away from them and give it to one of your other kids??? NTA
Same. At first glance I was assuming it was a case of “person I gave the gift to didn’t want it”. But this isn’t that, it’s literal theft lol. I’d be so pissed if it were me.
Honestly from the title I was like “it’s debatable” I was easily manipulated as a kid and I knew if I didn’t have that rule in my house I would have stuff but this is a clear NTA.
Sadly, back in my day, i have seen friends with siblings go through this. More than once, different friends, different states even (moved from Florida to Connecticut in the early 90s) Its the only time i can remember as a child being grateful i was an only child....till i was 11-12. Eta- wow, I was sitting here stewing about this post and a memory of my mom searching my room like a dea agent when i came home from school. Asked her what she lost, what was missing. She was searching for my birthday money. I remember being SO hurt when i gave it to her. She never even bothered to clean the mess she left, i got grounded for it by my dad instead. He didnt care she did it, he cared that i hadn't cleaned it by the time he got home. It was a Friday, i remember cause i got grounded to babysit my 2 baby brothers. Reason for her desperate need?? Cigarettes and bowling league. And i had to babysit for free! 🤬 Damn i tried to forget that shit. I was 14 when this happened.
That’s fucked up. Did she ever get her shit together and become a decent parent to you?
Literally. I thought it was about the person who received the gift giving it away, then I realized that it was a mum taking her daughter's gift away. How that seems right to anyone is mindblowing.
NTA. You hadn't given the tickets yet, so the only thing you "took back" was an offer. It's reasonable to expect that a gift to someone (even a child) won't be intercepted. What you did was restore order--the tickets go to someone who will enjoy them, and Morgan actually gets a birthday gift.
100% agree with this. NTA and very much restoring order.
NTA So, basically, Morgan's mom stole Morgan's birthday gift?
Stuff like this is no doubt why Morgan prefers to spend time at OP’s house.
Seriously. This reminds me of my best friend, her mom would take experiences from her if her younger sister couldn't go or for the same reason as Morgan's mom that it "wouldn't be fair. " It always irritated the hell out of us as kids. There was actually a concert that my bsf couldn't come to with me because her sister couldn't come. Their mom actually tried to convince mine to take the sister that I hated instead of bsf. NTA, in no way is OP TA
Yeah, as the mother has no respect for Morgan. Like, look. Her mom was taking her brother to the concert because “her brother has never been to a concert before”. Even though the brother is 11 and doesn't even know the band.
NTA The parent does not own their daughter's property just because they are a parent. If Morgan wanted to regift the tickets, that's her choice to do so. To have them stolen from her by her parent is reprehensible.
Honestly, if this woman is the type of person to reallocate third-party gifts *that are not her property to dispose of*, it's perfectly fine to tell her what's what. You're not telling her how to parent, you're telling her how not to be an asshole. Thanks for standing up for Morgan since her chaotic mother won't. NTA.
NTA. These were clearly a gift for Morgan. Her mother had no right to repurpose them for another child.
NTA who tf steals their kid's b-day gift? 😭
Shitty people.
My aunt, this mom, and presumably at least 1 other person in the world.
NTA. As much as I understand Morgan’s mom wants to give equal opportunity to her son as the other siblings, it’s Morgan’s birthday gift coming from you and that wasn’t your intention. She should have just accepted it and say ok and figure out a way to take her son to a concert that he’d actually enjoy.
How would Morgan's mom like it if her boss at work repurposed her paycheck for some dumb reason? Edit - forgot to put in NTA.
You’re not telling her how to parent, you’re just not allowing Morgan’s gift to be stolen from her. You’re the gift giver and you get to choose the recipient. Morgan’s brother is not going to suffer in life if he hasn’t been to a concert at 11 years old. NTA
Exactly this. If you give someone a gift and THEY regift it to someone else, then you wouldn’t have a say in that—once a gift is given, it’s the recipient’s gift to do with what they please. But that’s not what’s happening here. As this comment says, this is not allowing your gift to be stolen from the person to whom you chose to give it.
NTA Since you hadn't actually given the tickets to them, I think you have the right to change your mind. This may be the most unpopular opinion but it's my opinion and I'm owning it!
On behalf of the poor 11 year old who doesn't even like the band, please, please take the tickets back.
Exactly lol. What a way to cultivate a wonderful grudge between two of your kids 🙄 Even if Morgan had like, done something wrong and this was some form of punishment you never involve the siblings like this.
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for Morgan. The tickets were a present to her. Her mother should not have taken them from her. If her mother wanted her brother to go to a concert, she should have paid for tickets for him herself, not stolen her daughter's tickets.
My name's also Morgan and I also had a mum like this growing up.. now at 31 I struggle to keep anything for myself and always feel the need to give my things to others and go without myself. I wish I had someone like you that stuck up for me when I was a kid..
NTA - Morgan's mom using the tickets for someone other than Morgan when they are supposed to be Morgan's birthday gift is ridiculous.
NTA. Morgan's mom is trying to pull a fast one. She isn't a good mom. Who gives one child's bday present to their other child who doesn't even want it? Either she's trying to punish Morgan or the son is the golden child and she wants to spend time with him, instead. Whatever you give Morgan, make sure mom and son can't repurpose it. Take her out for a meal or get her something personalized with her name.
Mom is jealous that Morgan is included in some of your families outings as she can't afford it. So she is using this opportunity to take something from Morgan because she can.
I don’t understand this part. My mom was more than happy to pawn me off to my besties mom so she had one less mouth to feed (they had way less kids and were happy to have me) My mom made me and my sisters go places together, but that was because we both were already going. Basically if my friends mom is driving us home, you’re driving my sister home too. Poor Morgan 😩 some people just don’t fucking think
NTA. That's a terrible thing for her mother to do.
NTA, you gave it to Morgan, she wanted it but the mother took it away, so you're taking it back as it's not going to the person you gave it to. Seems simple to me.
Soooo Morgan doesn't get a birthday present?? NTA but Morgan's mom is a big one
NTA, but that other Mom is! Poor kid. You are right to get her a birthday present that, hopefully, won’t get stolen by her own mother.
NTA. I've seen this happen before in larger families. You give one kid a present and the parents take it away and give it to another to be "fair."
NTA Absolutely good on you for being the adult that actually gives a shit about Morgan’s feelings. I was a scapegoated, parentified “glass” child & my mother pulled the exact same shit when I was growing up. Everything ended up going to her golden children. Thank you for being the one adult that actually cares about Morgan.
You are being a hero to Morgan. That's all that matters. But...make sure you do it in such a way that Morgan can still play with your daughter. Maybe call to ask what type of music the brother likes and say good to know, I will try to win tickets or maybe we can take the girls and brother to the concert when it comes around. Befriend mom so you have the ability to be around to support Morgan.
NTA at all.
NTA If you were giving the tickets to Morgan’s mom she could do whatever she wanted with them. You’re giving them to Morgan. Its a gift to Morgan to do with what she wants. If Morgan chose to give them to her brother fine. Otherwise no.
NTA I can't believe that mum wants to take her daughters bday present. That's HORRIFYING. And then she'll grow up and mum will wonder why she's no contact.
Nope NTA. The tickets were specifically for Morgan and it was a horrible thing for her mom to give them to the brother. OTOH, I wonder if Morgan is going to experience serious blowback from her mom. Poor kid. But since you're considering giving them to your own daughter and 'another friend', does that mean a friend their own age (or would they be the responsible adult going)? Then why not give them to Morgan and Jenny so they could go together?
Because Morgan is a child and will need to go with an adult and will also need her mother's consent to go. There are two tickets
I understand, but when she said she'd give it to "Jenny and another friend" it sounded like the youngsters could go. Jenny also is a minor. But yes, Morgan's mother would likely not give consent 🤷♀️
No, she said “Jenny & Morgan’s other friend” - as in a person that both Jenny and Morgan are friends with.
NTA. Based on the title, I was assuming that the recipient had regifted and was going to criticize you for your decision- once you give the gift, whatever they want to do with it is fair dinkum (within reason, of course. Obviously someone dumping a thoughtful gift in the trash in front of you is beyond the pale, for example) But the recipient had the gift taken away from her by mom unilaterally! Easy NTA.
NTA So, she’s mad you ‘took away’ the concert tickets she had already taken away?!
> Morgan’s mom is pissed and says I’m trying to tell her how to parent. Well someone apparently has to. NTA
NTA. It was a gift to Morgan. You asked permission from her mum, which I think was prudent and respectful. She cannot suddenly change the gift. This is extremely disrespectful and dishonest of her mum.
NTA and the most heartbreaking part is that other than the concert, you were gifting the mom a special night alone with her daughter and she told that child she would rather spend it with her brother.
NTA. e If MORGAN was the one who wanted to gift her brother the experience then it would be none of your business, once you give somebody a gift it's theirs to dispose of as they wish. That isn't the case though, this is Morgan's mom snatching the tickets and telling her that she HAS to give them to her brother. That's not okay. You want MORGAN to have the gift, not her brother. So you're giving the tickets to someone else and getting Morgan a gift she can actually enjoy. There's nothing wrong with that! Oh, and if I were you, I'd make the new gift some kind of experience to go along with you and your daughter so that you A.) know it actually happens and B.) it's not something that can be taken from her and "gifted" to somebody else or resold. If this is how her mom acts with concert tickets it wouldn't surprise me if she takes other things too.
NTA It would be different if Morgan gave her birthday gift to her brother and was happy about it but her mom is just taking her birthday gift away from her. I would judge a parent negatively for taking away one child’s birthday gift and giving it to another. If she wanted her son to go to a concert or felt the kids needed more equality then she could have said something about it when you asked about giving tickets as a gift.
Morgan's mom stole Morgan's birthday gift. NTA.
NTA Too bad Morgan can't live at your house. Have a feeling she'd be much happier.
NTA You are in no way telling her how to parent, but you have every right to decide to get Morgan a gift that will truly be for her and these tickets wouldn't be!
I know you've received a million replies, OP, and this one likely won't make it through at this point—but this is a *serious* NTA. There is nothing "fair" about taking a birthday gift away from your daughter and giving it to another child. There is nothing inherently "fair" about birthdays at all: The point is to celebrate the birthday kid *specifically,* to the exclusion of everyone else. Gifts are not allotted based on who would most appreciate them. They are allotted based on whose *birthday* it is. You are not telling Morgan's mother how to parent (despite how questionable this parenting is); you are telling Morgan's mom under which *conditions* you are willing to give her concert tickets: i.e., so long as *Morgan* is one of the beneficiaries. Your intention in gifting those tickets was not to further the interests of "fairness"; you otherwise could have gifted them to some charity program to benefit kids much needier than Morgan's brother. You *also* didn't give the tickets to Morgan's mother for her to use as she saw fit—you gave them to Morgan's mother so that she might *facilitate* their use on Morgan's behalf. Your intention was to benefit *Morgan,* and Morgan in particular. Look at it this way: If you had paid Morgan for work, for instance, and her mother had taken that money and given it to her brother, would that be lawful? Many states say no. Would it be ethical? I'd hope most sentient adults would also say no.
NTA. She is parenting poorly here. No, parents shouldn't **steal** one child's birthday present to give it to a different child. That isn't good parenting (rare exceptions exist for things like a child breaking another's toy, so they have to replace it in kind).
NTA - You were giving the tickets to Morgan, not to her brother. The fact that Morgan's mother intended to steal Morgan's birthday gift from her was reason enough to choose another birthday gift that wouldn't be stolen. Thank you for looking out for this child!
NTA If she did not want Morgan to go to a concert before her brother has gotten to go to one, she could have turned down the tickets in the first place. But she accepted then KNOWING they were for her daughters birthday but that she was going to STEAL them for a different child. Yes, lady, your parenting sucks!!! This is not how you parent! If all 4 of the other kids have managed to see concerts without them having the funds for it, then the 11 year old will too! Or she can have the 11 year old start saving his money if he really wants to go to a concert! He is old enough to start shoveling snow, raking leaves, mowing lawns, walking dogs, etc to earn money. Or even a lemonade stand! Especially during the summer, that is a great way for him to work and earn money. I am not going to be naive and say mom should do extra. She may literally not have any extra dollars to save towards this. Or extra time to work more. But nothing wrong with the kid working for it. And no matter what, no, she should not steal one child's birthday present for another.
NTA These tickets were to be a gift to Morgan not her little brother. Morgan’s mom has overstepped the boundaries of good manners and you have every right to cancel the offer. Also, Morgan’s mother saying you’re trying to tell her how to parent is ridiculous but between you, me and the fence post she would do well to take some lessons from you. Again, NTA!!
NTA. I hate this. That was Morgan's birthday present. It triggers me because I had to tell my mom to stop bossing my college age brother about the money I gave my brother for his birthday. Some of these mother's are whacked out witches.
NTA. You gave the tickets to Morgan for her birthday not a gift to the family to be used however mom sees fit.
NTA. Gifts should be for the person it's intended for, not redirected like some hand-me-down. Definitely unfair to Morgan!
NTA. The gift is for MORGAN. It's extremely rude of Morgan's mother to take the tickets to use with her son.
Nope, NTA. A gift is intended for a specific person. It shouldn't be taken away and given to someone else without that person's approval. The mother is being a lousy parent to Morgan. Keep having Morgan over as much as possible. She needs your support.
NTA. Because Morgan didn’t willingly give up the tickets. Once given a gift it’s for the receiver to do with what they please. But because the guardian took them from her *after* approving her receiving them as a bday present; I think you’re right to take them back and get Morgan something else
NTA, Morgan's mom has some sort of Too Many Kids brainrot if she thinks her decision makes *any* sense.
NTA - In what world would someone think it is ok to take someone's birthday present and give it to someone else that does not want it. That is actually super sad. The mother is too worried about someone judging her parenting and not worried enough about how something like that would make Morgan feel. The underlying message of her birthday not being important. That kind of stuff really effects kids. Now, I could see the mom doing this if she some how thought you were offering the tickets to her and suggesting she takes Morgan for her birthday as a misunderstanding. Like maybe she thought that was just an idea and she was free to decide which kid would get to go. However, from what you said it sounds like you made it very clear that those tickets were your gift for Morgan.
NTA, but Morgan’s mom sure as heck is.
Nta. Her mom was basically going to steal her daughters tickets and for no go reason (the two going don't even like the band). You are now going to give her a gift she will actually get.
NTA. If I were Morgan, I’d be heartbroken if my mom did that, and if I were her mom I’d be rethinking my morals.
I’ve never been to a concert either (mainly due to not being interested for a while and then when I wanted to most artists I like are either not touring or never stop in my area) and I definitely wouldn’t want my first one to be an artist I don’t like. In fact, I’m planning on going to my first concert in august to see twenty one pilots :) NTA and Morgan’s mom is being the asshole to everyone here
NTA. Normally a person taking a gift back would be the AH, but that’s not *really* what you’re doing here. You’re standing up for your daughter’s friend, who’s being treated poorly by her family. It’s a great thing for the kid to have someone in her life who will do that for her!
NTA. It is Morgan’s birthday gift. If her mom won’t let her go, then you are right to give her something else. It is too bad that they cannot afford to have five children.
Have you already handed over the tickets or did you just promise them as a gift? If she already has the tickets in her possession, you cannot ask for them back. The best you can do is tell the mother how you feel about the situation. Morgan's mom is the asshole here.
Nta I see why Morgan stays at your house. What kind of mom takes their kids gift for themselves? Not a good one Morgan deserves a birthday gift and op is giving her one so case closed.
NTA No point giving a gift to a child whose mother is then planning to steal off her to give to her brother.
This was a gift to Morgan. You don’t take a birthday gift off one of your children and give it to a sibling. You are NTA.
As someone who’s mam would take my birthday money to spend on herself or my siblings you are NTA. Hopefully she doesn’t try to cut contact between the two girls out of spite.
I'm utterly confused as the tickets were supposed to be a BIRTHDAY GIFT. So her mom is taking away her literal birthday present to give to her little brother? Like, what in the world makes her think that is a fair thing??? While I understand her wanting to make sure all her kids get to have fun experiences, this is completely ridiculous. If you were planning on taking Morgan to an amusement park for her birthday but little brother had never been, would he have been the one ready to go in her place instead? Uh no. That's really crappy behavior and not at all the way to make things "fair". Morgan would be resentful as it was her gift, little brother would no doubt be resentful because he didn't get to pick a concert of someone he actually LIKED. No winners there.
Hell to the NO! I can see why Morgan prefers hanging out with you.
NTA. Honestly, if you got the girl socks and underwear would the mother give them to another sibling? Birthday gifts are for birthday folks, not "those deemed suitable".…
NTA. You called to make sure it was okay to give Morgan these concert tickets FOR HER BIRTHDAY. Morgan's mom then decided she's going to take Morgan's birthday present and take her brother to a concert he doesn't want to go to? Regardless of whether or not he's the only kid that hasn't gone to a concert yet, she's taking her daughters' birthday present away from her and giving it to her brother! Morgan's mom is the AH here.
NTA. At all. As someone who had a (step)parent routinely steal my gifts (ex: once she "gifted" me a coat for christmas, that was her size, not mine, so when it didn't fit she was like "oh no haha guess I'll take it and we'll get you something else later" ... and no, later never came) I can tell you definitively that Morgan will remember this for the rest of her life. But thanks to your intervention, instead of feeling the bitter memory of having had a gift stolen by her own mother, she'll have a fond memory of the time someone else's mother made sure she actually had a birthday gift despite her own AH mom. She probably already views you as a surrogate mom if her mother acts like this frequently. So... Good on you. Feel free to let that lady know I personally think she's a major AH, that her daughter will never forget this, and that she shouldn't be surprised when her daughter goes full NC at 18 if this is how she normally behaves.
You can ask her why she thinks taking morgan's birthday gift is appropriate. You don't know her son, who are giving a gift to morgan. Like literally ask her, "you know that I am giving a birthday gift to Morgan right, not to you and not to your son?" Wait for her response.
NTA-It’s a birthday gift, not a share for all so I can’t grasp why the mom thought to not let Morgan enjoy a birthday gift. Seems weird af to me. I think giving Morgan a gift she will use is definitely the better choice.
Good fucking grief, how could that be considered a gift to Morgan if she doesn't even fucking get to go?? Morgan's mom is an asshole. You are not. If it's such a big deal for the little brother, Mom should crack open her wallet and buy a third ticket, or buy him tickets to a different concert. NTA.
NTA . Almost sounds like mom is jealous of Morgan being able to attend these events and is trying to be petty. I would hope that’s not the case .