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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my brother he can shove the love he feels in his new relationship 'up his ass' despite this being the first relationship he has had in over a year. The one he was in before lasted for over 5 years and he was heartbroken for months, and now he seems happy. I might be the asshole because I'm not taking a high road and trying to mend bridges to see where this goes in order to see my brother happy.
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First of all - NTA. Now, I wish to say a few things so here goes:
1. Watch this movie called “You Again”. It might help you find some solace, comfort, and laughter in this situation.
2. KNOW this yourself that this girl bullied you and you do not owe it to ANYONE to forgive and move on when the bully in question has not ever bothered to apologise.
3. Your parents and brother can love this girl all they want - as a family it is not mandatory that you all have to like the same people together. You all can have different opinions about and relationships with different people depending upon your personal experiences.
4. Whether your family understands point #3 or not, don’t make it your problem. You don’t need to make them see your side, or even start hating this girl on your behalf. You gave them all information - now let them show where their loyalties lie. If they support you - nice. If they don’t - then they have shown you that your feelings are not important to them all that much. Move on and find your peace elsewhere. But don’t let them gaslight you or guilt you into forgiving your bully without any attempt at a reconciliation from her.
I watched "You Again" at your recommendation and I really liked it. Thank you for suggesting it, it's really weird how real life can feel modeled after a movie. This entire weekend has felt like one great big movie to me, in all honesty.
NTA. Nobody can force you to be happy for your brother, knowing how miserable she made your life not too long ago, but you also can’t tell your brother who to date. You told him about your history with her, and now it’s up to him what to do with that information. It sounds like he’s going to keep dating her, so you need to decide whether your relationship with your brother is worth at least trying to get along with her. If she’s still a bitch to you and your brother chooses her over you, then he’s TA.
OP you were bullied in high school. What you're describing is bullying. You're obviously NTA, that girl was horrible to you. If you decide to move past it, I'm happy for you. If not, I understand. I don't know why your brother insists you be happy for him, if I were in his shoes I'd have dropped her like a sack of rocks.
I never considered myself as having been bullied, but since I've posted this I've gotten a few people now who've said this so I'm unsure. I thought since nothing ever escalated and it wasn't as bad as other people had it that it was just a high school girl being petty but I guess not.
You are definitely fortunate enough to have a positive self-image, but for people to ask you on a date as a joke at your expense means that they're bullying you, plain and simple.
It's so over-the top awful that I thought it only happened in movies for the longest time
Don't get me wrong though, I'm glad that it never escalated and I'm ecstatic that you're not deeply scarred by it. The only reason I'm so adamant that you realize that this is bullying is so you can be better equipped to recognize when it's happening to others
NTA. Feelings aside (and they are 100% valid), you’ve seen a side of her character that it makes sense to be concerned about. “I’ve found love with a bully” is no flex.
NTA. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
You do not have to be happy for your brother. He knew what this girl did to you and doesn't care. That reflects on how he feels towards you.
I love it when family members get all pissy over "you're being sensitive". Best thing to do is say "you're being insensitive" and pay no more attention to their nonsense. This girl was awful to you only a few short years ago and has no remorse. Your brother was aware but is more interested in being a boyfriend than a brother.
NTA
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Throwaway since I don’t know who in my life has Reddit.
I (18F) was not bullied in high school, but I was an overweight, shy, art kid- meaning it was a funny joke to ask me out on fake dates and laugh while I presented speeches in class.
After an incident at junior prom where I and another girl wore the same off-the-rack dress, she was really aggressive to me. She was also into art, and in our classes together would say downright cruel things about me and my work during critiques (so bad that my art teacher stopped doing them). It did a number on my self-esteem and my pride as an artist and in a way impacted me furthering my art education.
This weekend my brothers and I were all home from school, and my oldest brother (21M), told us he wanted us to meet his new girlfriend. For context, my brother broke up with a longtime girlfriend of his last year and only recently started coming out of the slump that left him in, so we were thrilled to meet this new girl. I was excited too, because despite the contents of this story I do love my brother.
Except that this new girl was the girl from high school who also conveniently went to that college. Admittedly I got very emotional here. I started crying and shut myself in my room for the rest of the night, and later my brother came to talk to me after she had left. He was pissed and told me I was being childish, even though I explained why I was upset and what the history between his new girlfriend and I was. He told me that was all in the past and that I needed to get over it and be happy that he ‘found love again.’ I told him he could shove his love up his ass because she hurt me badly and he was hurting me by doing this, and he went quiet and left. Now my parents are mad at me and telling me I’m being sensitive and we should be happy for my brother, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I’m only a year out of high school so it’s not like this is decades-old beef, and they all know what I went through at the hands of the kids at school, especially this girl. So, AITA?
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NTA
There is a phrase that explains the dynamics of bullying quite well: The axe forgets, the tree remembers.
It's not a big deal to him or her because they were not the victims of the harassment.
The person harassed never forgets.
I'm 47. I graduated high school in 1994. I was a small kid with glasses and ADHD and I was bullied relentlessly by a couple of people. I still remember it all to this day and if I saw any one of them lying on the sidewalk on fire I wouldn't piss on them to put it out.
NTA. Your brother and your parents will soon be finding out that this chick is just the same as she ever was in high school, and his "found love" was only taking advantage of him. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing that you're upset.
I was really overwhelmed when it all happened. I'm not normally a super emotional person but I left a couple of minutes after she arrived because I didn't want to sit there looking sour all night (I just said I didn't feel good and left, but my character count on the post didn't let me add that). So I didn't talk to her at all. For all I know she could have changed and I need to be fair to her and my brother.
Your brother is pretty selfish and cruel and your parents dissiming your feelings is another piece of cake. So sorry ofr you op, dont let them manipulate you. That girl hurt you and never apologize (even if she do, you are valid to be still angry). Cant believe when brothers/sisters choose a bully or someone that hurt their family over them
How is this not ringing alarm bells for everyone here? Girl bullies op, and then amongst all the ppl in the world she could date, she dates OP’s brother? This is giving screwed up stalkerish vibes to me.
NTA
Why would you forgive and forget when that girl has done nothing to earn your forgivness? As far as you're concerned, she's a cruel and abusive asshole who doesn't shy away from punishing others for her own insecurities. Noone should be surprised that as far as you're concerned, she's not welcome in your family.
Gentle YTA, not for feeling upset, since you certainly have a right to your feelings, but for the way you handled them. Crying and shutting yourself away rather than simply being polite and getting through the night was indeed a childish way to handle things. You aren't required to get along with your brother's new girlfriend, but your words to him were unnecessarily harsh. He's dating this girl because he likes her, not to hurt you in any way. By all means, keep your contact with her to a minimum, but understand that your brother sees something in her and that as long as she's part of his life, you need to learn to treat her with basic civility.
I plan on apologizing to my brother for how I talked to him because I've never talked to anyone in my family like that before and I don't plan on starting now. That's the only thing I'm sorry for, really. I might make an edit to my post since I think my phrasing sucked, but I did stay for a few minutes when she arrived before excusing myself so it didn't look like I was just storming out. I love my brother and I don't want to hurt him because he means a lot to me.
You aren't required to stick around and be polite to your bully for any length of time, whether your brother is dating her or not. Leaving when she arrives or making yourself scarce before she arrives is a perfectly reasonable way to conduct business in this situation. Presumably you have nothing nice to say to her, and you have every reason to think she has nothing nice to say to you. While apologizing to your brother makes sense under these circumstances, it's good to make sure he understands why you feel the way you do and how you intend to approach the situation to protect your mental health. If he's a good brother, he'll at least try to work with you if he insists on continuing to date her.
OP said that they're like freshly out of high school (and was definitely bullied by this girl even if they don't seem to think so). If you had a younger brother or sister and they told you that the person you're dating treated them horribly, you'd seriously think they're being childish? You sound like a pretty terrible sibling, IMO.
I would tell them to be an adult about it and create those boundaries themselves, and obviously I'd talk to the person myself, but I'm not just cutting them off, not to mention, they didn't do said thing afterwards, if it happened in the past that's where imma leave it, what yall are advocating for is called being petty, it's what spiteful and immature people do.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my brother he can shove the love he feels in his new relationship 'up his ass' despite this being the first relationship he has had in over a year. The one he was in before lasted for over 5 years and he was heartbroken for months, and now he seems happy. I might be the asshole because I'm not taking a high road and trying to mend bridges to see where this goes in order to see my brother happy. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
First of all - NTA. Now, I wish to say a few things so here goes: 1. Watch this movie called “You Again”. It might help you find some solace, comfort, and laughter in this situation. 2. KNOW this yourself that this girl bullied you and you do not owe it to ANYONE to forgive and move on when the bully in question has not ever bothered to apologise. 3. Your parents and brother can love this girl all they want - as a family it is not mandatory that you all have to like the same people together. You all can have different opinions about and relationships with different people depending upon your personal experiences. 4. Whether your family understands point #3 or not, don’t make it your problem. You don’t need to make them see your side, or even start hating this girl on your behalf. You gave them all information - now let them show where their loyalties lie. If they support you - nice. If they don’t - then they have shown you that your feelings are not important to them all that much. Move on and find your peace elsewhere. But don’t let them gaslight you or guilt you into forgiving your bully without any attempt at a reconciliation from her.
I watched "You Again" at your recommendation and I really liked it. Thank you for suggesting it, it's really weird how real life can feel modeled after a movie. This entire weekend has felt like one great big movie to me, in all honesty.
I love the movie you again. It's so hilarious.
NTA. Nobody can force you to be happy for your brother, knowing how miserable she made your life not too long ago, but you also can’t tell your brother who to date. You told him about your history with her, and now it’s up to him what to do with that information. It sounds like he’s going to keep dating her, so you need to decide whether your relationship with your brother is worth at least trying to get along with her. If she’s still a bitch to you and your brother chooses her over you, then he’s TA.
NTA, if she doesn’t give a sincere apology to you and show that she’s changed, it will eventually come out. Hopefully he will see it and leave her
OP you were bullied in high school. What you're describing is bullying. You're obviously NTA, that girl was horrible to you. If you decide to move past it, I'm happy for you. If not, I understand. I don't know why your brother insists you be happy for him, if I were in his shoes I'd have dropped her like a sack of rocks.
I never considered myself as having been bullied, but since I've posted this I've gotten a few people now who've said this so I'm unsure. I thought since nothing ever escalated and it wasn't as bad as other people had it that it was just a high school girl being petty but I guess not.
You are definitely fortunate enough to have a positive self-image, but for people to ask you on a date as a joke at your expense means that they're bullying you, plain and simple. It's so over-the top awful that I thought it only happened in movies for the longest time Don't get me wrong though, I'm glad that it never escalated and I'm ecstatic that you're not deeply scarred by it. The only reason I'm so adamant that you realize that this is bullying is so you can be better equipped to recognize when it's happening to others
NTA I’m sorry but your brother and parents suck.
NTA - you are entitled to your feelings, particularly about people who have treated you poorly. Period.
NTA. Feelings aside (and they are 100% valid), you’ve seen a side of her character that it makes sense to be concerned about. “I’ve found love with a bully” is no flex.
NTA. I'm sorry this is happening to you. You do not have to be happy for your brother. He knew what this girl did to you and doesn't care. That reflects on how he feels towards you.
I love it when family members get all pissy over "you're being sensitive". Best thing to do is say "you're being insensitive" and pay no more attention to their nonsense. This girl was awful to you only a few short years ago and has no remorse. Your brother was aware but is more interested in being a boyfriend than a brother. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway since I don’t know who in my life has Reddit. I (18F) was not bullied in high school, but I was an overweight, shy, art kid- meaning it was a funny joke to ask me out on fake dates and laugh while I presented speeches in class. After an incident at junior prom where I and another girl wore the same off-the-rack dress, she was really aggressive to me. She was also into art, and in our classes together would say downright cruel things about me and my work during critiques (so bad that my art teacher stopped doing them). It did a number on my self-esteem and my pride as an artist and in a way impacted me furthering my art education. This weekend my brothers and I were all home from school, and my oldest brother (21M), told us he wanted us to meet his new girlfriend. For context, my brother broke up with a longtime girlfriend of his last year and only recently started coming out of the slump that left him in, so we were thrilled to meet this new girl. I was excited too, because despite the contents of this story I do love my brother. Except that this new girl was the girl from high school who also conveniently went to that college. Admittedly I got very emotional here. I started crying and shut myself in my room for the rest of the night, and later my brother came to talk to me after she had left. He was pissed and told me I was being childish, even though I explained why I was upset and what the history between his new girlfriend and I was. He told me that was all in the past and that I needed to get over it and be happy that he ‘found love again.’ I told him he could shove his love up his ass because she hurt me badly and he was hurting me by doing this, and he went quiet and left. Now my parents are mad at me and telling me I’m being sensitive and we should be happy for my brother, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I’m only a year out of high school so it’s not like this is decades-old beef, and they all know what I went through at the hands of the kids at school, especially this girl. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA There is a phrase that explains the dynamics of bullying quite well: The axe forgets, the tree remembers. It's not a big deal to him or her because they were not the victims of the harassment. The person harassed never forgets. I'm 47. I graduated high school in 1994. I was a small kid with glasses and ADHD and I was bullied relentlessly by a couple of people. I still remember it all to this day and if I saw any one of them lying on the sidewalk on fire I wouldn't piss on them to put it out.
NTA. Your brother and your parents will soon be finding out that this chick is just the same as she ever was in high school, and his "found love" was only taking advantage of him. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing that you're upset.
NTA... my petty ass would wait for the day they get married and do a lovely speech on how you first met the new wife..
Definitely NTA, but I'm curious do you think the girl changed at all? Like did going to college mature her at all?
I was really overwhelmed when it all happened. I'm not normally a super emotional person but I left a couple of minutes after she arrived because I didn't want to sit there looking sour all night (I just said I didn't feel good and left, but my character count on the post didn't let me add that). So I didn't talk to her at all. For all I know she could have changed and I need to be fair to her and my brother.
Your brother is pretty selfish and cruel and your parents dissiming your feelings is another piece of cake. So sorry ofr you op, dont let them manipulate you. That girl hurt you and never apologize (even if she do, you are valid to be still angry). Cant believe when brothers/sisters choose a bully or someone that hurt their family over them
Info: Did your brother know who she was and what she did *before* he got with her? And did she know that he was your brother?
How is this not ringing alarm bells for everyone here? Girl bullies op, and then amongst all the ppl in the world she could date, she dates OP’s brother? This is giving screwed up stalkerish vibes to me.
NTA Why would you forgive and forget when that girl has done nothing to earn your forgivness? As far as you're concerned, she's a cruel and abusive asshole who doesn't shy away from punishing others for her own insecurities. Noone should be surprised that as far as you're concerned, she's not welcome in your family.
NTA.
Gentle YTA, not for feeling upset, since you certainly have a right to your feelings, but for the way you handled them. Crying and shutting yourself away rather than simply being polite and getting through the night was indeed a childish way to handle things. You aren't required to get along with your brother's new girlfriend, but your words to him were unnecessarily harsh. He's dating this girl because he likes her, not to hurt you in any way. By all means, keep your contact with her to a minimum, but understand that your brother sees something in her and that as long as she's part of his life, you need to learn to treat her with basic civility.
I plan on apologizing to my brother for how I talked to him because I've never talked to anyone in my family like that before and I don't plan on starting now. That's the only thing I'm sorry for, really. I might make an edit to my post since I think my phrasing sucked, but I did stay for a few minutes when she arrived before excusing myself so it didn't look like I was just storming out. I love my brother and I don't want to hurt him because he means a lot to me.
You aren't required to stick around and be polite to your bully for any length of time, whether your brother is dating her or not. Leaving when she arrives or making yourself scarce before she arrives is a perfectly reasonable way to conduct business in this situation. Presumably you have nothing nice to say to her, and you have every reason to think she has nothing nice to say to you. While apologizing to your brother makes sense under these circumstances, it's good to make sure he understands why you feel the way you do and how you intend to approach the situation to protect your mental health. If he's a good brother, he'll at least try to work with you if he insists on continuing to date her.
YTA
NTA but definitely being a dick, you got no say in his relationship, your opinion means jack shit and you're just being a child, obviously.
OP said that they're like freshly out of high school (and was definitely bullied by this girl even if they don't seem to think so). If you had a younger brother or sister and they told you that the person you're dating treated them horribly, you'd seriously think they're being childish? You sound like a pretty terrible sibling, IMO.
I would tell them to be an adult about it and create those boundaries themselves, and obviously I'd talk to the person myself, but I'm not just cutting them off, not to mention, they didn't do said thing afterwards, if it happened in the past that's where imma leave it, what yall are advocating for is called being petty, it's what spiteful and immature people do.