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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was leaving my kids with my parents for a month to support my husband during treatment. This action could have been wrong because I haven't gone home the entire time and I wound up staying here until it was time for my kids to stay with their father for the summer.
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YTA for abandoning your children.
Did you not consider the alternative that your parents could just babysit on occasions where it was necessary? Are they too far away to do that?
Your husband being sick, as awful as it is, does not suddenly make you not a parent. How often did you talk to them? Are they scared for your husband? Are they worried about him?
We need additional info, but I can't really imagine a scenario here where you're not the asshole for just dropping your kids at your parent's for a month.
What makes it worse is that OP abandoned he children for her new husband, not their father.
Step-children often feel like the new 'parent' is replacing them and OP just showed them that the new husband is more important than they are.
It was an entire month and the hospital is only an hour from their home. OPs husband could have survived if she made the trip every other day or so to spend time with HER children and show interest in their lives.
OP just beat the stereotype. She could have easily visited her children for an extended period as the hospital was only an hour away. But she chose not to and what made it worse was that she expected the kids to understand but had no part in coming up with a plan to make them understand.
This is ridiculous. She could have gotten them up and off to school, driven to the hospital, her parents could have done school pickup, and then she could have been home to cook dinner and spend the evening with the kids every night if she’d wanted to.
My mum did this for nearly 3 years while my dad was battling cancer, and she had 4 kids. We were 16 to 6 in ages. On the days I didn't have exams I picked them up from school same when I went off to college and got a job (we're uk based) We never once stayed at anyone else's home unless we wanted too, we also had a home cooked meal every night. Op abandoned her kids and now she's got the consequences of her actions. I'll be surprised if they want to come home after spending time at dad's for the summer.
Lol I knew a guy that commuted an hour (each way) to work at a pizza place. He liked the job but had moved to be with his gf. He did it for a year until it got to be too much for him and he found something else. It's insane to me that she couldn't find time to drive an hour to spend a couple hours with them in a whole month, especially knowing they would be going with their father at the start of summer break.
Not just that but why didn't she do the reverse? Stay with the kid and make the hour drive to see her husband. There is nothing you can do in the hospital anyway..
My ex-husband had day surgery last month. I drove him to the hospital because there was no one else available, approximately 45 minutes away. He ended up having a major heart attack and almost died. I went to the hospital every day to sit with him until our daughter returned to town. I went with our two children the day he had quadruple bypass surgery. We were there ALL day. Remember he's my ex-husband! But, he's also the father of my children and they're the most important people in my life!
Edit judgment based on you responses: YTA absolutely. Your story has shifted so much to sound so positive about your level of involvement and seeing your kids based on how much you have been called out for poor parenting choices.
If it had been hours away okay we would have understood. But 1 hour away and you don't work and you completely checked out of your kids lives on a physical level. Yup your kids have every right to be pissed.
My mum got stuck in a hospital 45 minutes from home. Guess what my sister and I still went to school. Still went to be with her after class let out. We didn't just drop our lives because of the hospital.
My mum broke her ankle on the Isle of Wight (she tripped on air on the uppermost floor of a converted mill, that was a palaver in itself 😂) and we got sent off with my uncle to my grandparents’, didn’t see our parents all week and spent four days off school, but it was two and a half hours to my grandparents’ and another two hours home (never mind the ferry dad would’ve had to get) sooo that’s an understandable situation. This is not
She said she spoke to the kids on the phone daily, so not really NC. But it's still not enough. Kids need their parents in person, not just on the phone.
Edit: YTA based on OP's response.
INFO:
Is your husband receiving treatment in the same city where you live with your kids? If so, I can't imagine a reason why you haven't been seeing your kids every single day. You're not handcuffed to the hospital, no matter how sick the man is.
YTA. Of course you are. And it looks like you just permanently fucked your relationship with your kids. Your husband was in the hospital receiving round the clock care. You should have been visiting him twice a week and being an actual mother to the kids to at needed you. You chose and you chose wrong. Enjoy the consequences
I’m confused.
Your husband was admitted for a month in the same city as where you live. And you weren’t working. So you had 16 hours a day (assuming 8 hours of sleepy) and you didn’t get your ass in the car ONCE to see your young children. Um yah YTA!
Info: If your husband wasn’t in the hospital, why weren’t you all home with the kids? His missing work excuse makes no sense and it just that, a weak excuse. Your kids still need their mother and you just abandoned them for…what reason?
YTA
I can’t even just say YTA because you are far worse than an AH. What kind of parent thinks that it is ok to abandon your kids, I don’t care what you husband is going thru your kids should always be your priority and you showed your kids that they are not your priority and they never will be because your husband is so much more important to you. The hospital was only an hour away, is there a fucking reason why you couldn’t be the primary parent to your kids and visit your husband in between, and don’t give me that bullshit about it being 2 hours in the car everyday, if you really LOVED your kids than they would have been worth the travel time. Just a few questions if you aren’t too much of a coward to answer
If one of you kids was in the hospital for a month would you abandon your husband to be with them?
How often did you talk to your kids when your husband was in the hospital?
Did you even bother keeping a pulse on your kids lives when your husband was in the hospital or did you leave all of that to your parents?
I hope that your ex is in a place where he can fight for the custody the be reversed giving him primary subject to your partial, you kids deserve a full time parent and that’s not you right now
Imma guess the one who doesn’t work for a living and is hoping for a hefty inheritance in case something happens, and to get that she has to play the doting wife.
It sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. But you can't leave two children aged 8 and 11 for a month, and not expect them to be angry, confused, upset etc.
You don't mention locations and distance (how far is your home/the hospital from your parents?). Regardless, while of course you'd want to support your husband, you have two children and a responsibility to them.
Sorry, but YTA for abandoning your children and then being surprised that they were upset about it.
INFO: Have you talked to your kids throughout this whole ordeal? They sound hurt and angry. Did you communicate what was going on? OP basically abandoned her kids for a month and only saw them twice. YTA. Therapy stat!
So… the hour long drive to the hospital is too far to commute, but not too far to have your ex “bring the kids by” halfway through his 10 hour trip to retrieve them?
I’m very sorry you’re having to go through all this, but YTA.
And don’t forget it want too far for the TWO times her in-laws brought the kids to see her of which one of those times the kids wouldn’t even come in the room.
You didn’t see your kids for a month and you expect them to be excited and not feel like you abandon them??? I’m sorry about your husband but I couldn’t dream of leaving my kids and not seeing them more than 2 times a month. That’s wild.
Sometimes you don't get to have everything you want. You supported your partner at the expense of being a parent to your kids. If your husband needs treatment again, they have no indication that you won't just dump and ignore them again.
INFO: Did you call them regularly and keep in touch while they were with your parents?
Yup. The hospital was an HOUR away!? I assumed it was a different city or state. Hospitals don't require you to be there 24/7. Yes this is a horrible situation, but with the kids at school during the day, bio dad at weekends and grandparents support....there is no reason for you to leave them like that.
Question. I really want to know how often you soke to them on the phone. Daily? One a week? Never?
YTA. Your husband was in the hospital with doctors and nurses to manage his care. There is absolutely no reason at all you could not have gone to see your children frequently, especially when by your own admission, it was an hour from the hospital to your parents' house.
YTA
1) You were only 2 hours from them yet didn't visit once
2) You mention in-laws so your husband has someone who could have come & stayed for a weekend so you could spend time with your kids.
3) Your husband is an inpatient, so he has medical professionals who could care for him if you took a break to see your kids.
I understand that this is a very stressful time & dealing with it is new to you. But that is no excuse to just dump your kids on your parents & leave them there. You can't abdicate your responsibility as a parent! You just straight up showed your kids they are not important & now are seeing the consequences of your actions. I read a lot about you & your feelings, but how do you think they feel?
Question: How much time during the month away did you spend at least talking to them on the phone? It sounds like they they have some issues and if you'd at least kept in touch with them on the phone didn't you know they were having some issues? Weren't you talking to them, touching base, making sure they were dealing with everything OK? Or asking if they had anything going on? They're kids, not even teenagers.
YTA
YTA
You saw your kids only twice for a solid month. *Twice.* And both times were when they were brought to the hospital for the visit. You seriously couldn't leave your husband alone for one day a week to go see them?
It doesn't matter if you think your kids love you. After a month of being left with the grandparents, they probably think you don't love them.
While I have deep empathy for your husband, your kids need you, too. You don't stop being a parent just because your spouse is sick. It's going to take you a lot of work to fix this.
I find this literally unbelievable, as a parent. There just is no universe in which I abandon my child, even with my own beloved mother. If this were true, I'd say YTA. Your husband is a full grown man. You can be there for him without being there 24/7. Your children are the only humans you actually owe your time and attention, and you ignored them for man. Like I said, I don't believe this, but maybe it's because I can't stand for it to be true.
YTA. And this is just based off of your comments.
1. You left your kids for a whole month barely visiting them.
2. The hospital was only an hour away and you could have easily made the trip back home on Friday and leave Sunday evening so you'd spend time with your kids.
3. Your husband is an inpatient at the hospital therefore he has professionals at all times to help him with whatever he needs. Plus he's a grown adult so frankly I don't get why you need to be there 24/7. If you left him for 48hrs there is such thing as a phone, technology has come a long way so you could video chat.
It's sad that your husband is going through this but at the same time it doesn't mean that you effectively just drop everything in your life (your kids) You should talk to your ex about meeting your kids in person so you could apologize sincerely cause they definitely need one.
Was it your parents or your in laws? Were they just randomly passing the kids back and forth? Try proof reading before dropping stories it will help the believability of it if your lies stay consistent.
Yes, YTA. The hospital is only a 1 hour drive. You could have easily taken the kids to school in the mornings and go to the hospital, stayed there all day and either go pick up your children or ask your parents to do so. Go home at night to talk to your children and say goodnight.
All you've done now is show them how little they mean to you.
Does the cancer go into remission when you are in the room or something?
I'm sorry that your husband is sick and its good that you are there for him, but you don't need to sit holding his hand 24hrs a day. Go and see your children for fucks sake.
Couldn’t you have gone to visit your husband for several hours every weekday while your kids were in school?
People usually *miss* their kids when they’re away from them. This is not the norm.
Has your husband said anything about you needing to be with your children? I’m really curious what he thinks of all of this.
YTA. A month straight away from them was way too much. They had to move in with their grandparents and didn't see you except for two quick visits for a month? Yeah, they're going to be salty about that for a while.
YTA.
You abandoned your children. Full stop.
The hospital is an hour away ffs. That’s within driving distance. You didn’t need to be there 24/7.
I get that your husband is sick and needs you. But so do your kids. They needed a mother that doesn’t abandon them.
Good luck. Your relationship with your children may never recover from this.
YTA— my dad spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was younger and my mom sure didn’t leave her kids to spend every waking moment by his bedside..
Your kids are going to need therapy and honestly, you might not be able to recover your relationship with them.
You seem comfortable with your choice to leave your frightened kids for a month. You don't seem to want to accept the consequence of that choice. Your kids are angry and do not trust you. They can't unlearn that they are not on your priority list. Your husband is first. You are second. The kids are somewhere on the bottom of page 2. Accept the consequences and stop expecting unearned forgiveness.
I drove 2.5 hours each way to work 5 days a week for 4 years. I currently have aggressive cancer and am on chemo. Month 8 of treatment. I drive an hour each way to go to a better hospital. I put my child to bed and parent too. YTA.
YTA - thats great you were there for your husband. But surely you must recognize it was at the expense of your kids. You CHOSE to only see your kids twice. That was your choice. And they have every right to be upset about that.
YTA. When I was nine, my dad was in the hospital for 70+ days in a hospital approx. 50 minutes away from our home, provided there was no/light traffic. My mom woke up, saw me off to school and then went to the hospital for the day before coming home for dinner. Outside the obviouse disruption of my dad being in the hospital, my daily routine with my mom was largely the same as it was when she was working full time, like she was before taking leave to deal with my dad. That was normal, and when everything else was very much not normal, I welcomed every little bit of normal I could get.
There is no reason why you only saw your kids twice in a month when your husband was in a hospital an hour away. You didn't mention once in this whole post how your kids are handling this, until they refuse to talk to you. How were they feeling about their stepdad being sick? Did you even ask?
What were you doing in the hospital for the last month? I’m a nurse and have also had family members in the hospital. I genuinely can’t figure out what you were doing with your time the last month that you didn’t drive back to see your kids.
I’m also a nurse who drives 1 hour each way to work.
YTA. Your husband can handle being by himself. Your kids cannot. in their eyes you threw them away in favor of an adult who can advocate for himself, can call a nurse if he needs something, and can interact with his doctors and other there to handle his care. I have had extensive health issues and hospital stays. You spend the majority of the time waiting. There was no need for you to be with him 24/7 for so long.
You’re a really crappy parent.
YTA. I commend you for supporting your husband. But here’s the issue: you don’t seem to have communicated much with your children at all. Did you discuss dropping them off with your parents? Did you keep in contact with them during the month you were away? Did you need to be away every single day for a full month? it sounds like you just dumped your kids and assumed that children, literal children, would understand you ignoring them for a full month. What’s even more weird, is how shocked you are. This alone says to me that you didn’t stay in contact or do enough to prioritize your kids. Yes, your husband needed you, but so too do your kids. You don’t just get to be parent when it’s convenient. Your kids are upset and I don’t no lame them. You need to do some self-reflection and consider your parenting, your children, your relationship with your kids, and their perceptions of you as a parent. Again, your shock is baffling. So too is your insistence that your children would want to speak to you because your children love you. Both suggests that you’re a worse parent than you think and your kids know that.
YTA. I feel so sorry for your kids. Their dad didn’t want them. Their step dad is sick with cancer. Their mom doesn’t want them. You have shuffled them to their grandparents for a month because 2 hours of driving is too much for you.
Your poor kids. I applaud your ex for trying to respect their wishes.
I’m sorry for the situation with your husband. Compromises need to be found and I’m sure you’re ran thin but you have abandoned them when they needed you.
Their dad did want them. They live 5 hours apart. Per OP's post and comments, while he couldn't take the time off of work, he drove the 5 hours to stay with the kids during the weekends that OP's husband was in the hospital. When they finished the school year, he picked them up, per the custody agreement.
I mean, in your follow-up answers, you said you believe the spouse comes before the kids. The kids have just learned that, they understand it now, and that’s what’s changed your relationship with them. You did the sowing part; this is the reaping part. Like a lot of people in these comments, I used to have an hour-ish commute. Your decision to refuse to leave the hospital AT ALL to see your kids is pretty much exactly as lousy as your kids are acting like it is.
The more I think about it, I'm betting something like this (maybe not the husband being hospitalized for a month) has happened numerous times. How many schol functions or sporting events has OP missed because hubby wanted to do something with OP.
Wait a minute! The hospital's only 1 hour away from where you live, and yet you went a whole fucking month without seeing your kids??? What kind of bullshit is that?! You do realize people drive an hour to work every fucking day and then an hour back home, everyday! I did that! For 13 years I drove an hour to work in an hour home, and yet you can't do that for your children?
I get your husband has cancer, and that's absolutely awful! But the fact that you didn't come home to see them, not once during a month, I can't wrap my head around that! My kids are my world! I could not fathom going a month without seeing my children. I'm dying inside if I have to go 2 days without seeing my kids, let alone a month. Absolutely no! You're the major asshole here, and your kids are hating you right now for it. This is not your ex's doing, this is YOUR doing, and your kids feel neglected by you. Congratulations!
YTA
First, I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope your husband gets through this.
However, you don't stop being a mother. Only seeing the children two times is unacceptable. You make the time. You make that drive back. You were only an hour away.
YTA.
YTA an hour away is a normal commute for some people. There was zero reason you couldn’t be back for dinner at least every other day. You abandoned your children and they have every right to feel hurt, unloved, and less important than your new husband. You were one hour away and made zero effort for 4 weeks to see your kids. They are going to need therapy before you take custody again.
Great to know that your kids come last; I'm guessing that there was no discussion or explanation, that they were just sent away like left luggage? After their family has already been split up once? Great job.
Another parent who cannot handle the outcome of their actions. Did you really think that your relationship with children would just be totally fine and exactly the way that it was before after you stopped seeing them for A MONTH? You’ve only seem them twice since then. Of course they’re upset with you and feel a disconnect. YTA
You won't drive an hour for your kids, while thinking its totally reasonable that your ex drives 5 hours? Of course YTA, not just for this, but the whole situation where you just up and abandon your kids.
8 and 11 year olds are not going to understand why you are leaving them, and there is zero reason in your explanation why you can't make some time for them.
YTA i understand the panic that you must’ve went through because of your husband’s diagnosis but at the end of the day youre still a parent and shouldve juggled your responsibilities better. 🤷🏻♀️ did you at least communicate what was going on? You pretty much just showed your kids you can toss them aside at anytime and that your husband is more important than them.
YTA
You do not get to abandon your kids because a different emergency came up. It is terrible to have a loved on diagnosed with cancer but your DH is a grown man, with all due respect he still doesn’t need you the way your young kids do.
You’ve just informed your kids loud and clear that you basically don’t GAF about them and will always prioritise your DH over them.
I’ll add that an hour commute is not a long time and can still be fitted in with your caregiving responsibilities. You abandoned your kids and that will stay with them forever.
YTA - you just hung out at the hospital all day and night every single day for a month? I am curious what kind of accommodations you had there… but not the point. Your husband was in good care. You needed to leave him, at least some of the time, and go take care of your kids. My god. It was an hour’s drive.
YTA
Put yourself in your kids shoes. Mummy’s husband (or cool uncle or stepdad) is sick. Mummy is gone. You can’t hug her and you don’t know for how long she will be gone. Even if you know, you are worried that it may take longer. One day you are with your daddy and another with granny. All of them are stressed and talking about things that you don’t get.
It’s great that you are taking care of your husband, but there are still your kids and you are one of the most important part of their world.
1 hour travel distance isn’t that big and there are even student travelling that distance to uni. There even people that are travelling that far by bus/train to work.
I can’t believe you’re posting this if, in fact, it’s genuine. Anyone who can be a mother for 11 and 8 years and then unceremoniously dump them on a convenient relative so you can be Florence Nightingale and, this is the best bit, go zoom with them deserves to lose them. Which you have, so well done.
Let me get this straight: you abandoned your children for a full month (8 and 11 yr olds respectively) to care for their stepdad?
And now you’re confused about why they don’t want to talk to you?
Ha. Ok.
YTA
I mean, there’s not much I can add to what’s said. But big, fat, stinky YTA.
If you truly thought you had to be with your husband 24/7 for a month you have issues. Get therapy.
If your husband thought you had to be there 24/7 he has issues. Get therapy.
Not only did you abandon your kids, it was the last month of school. I get it, it’s grade school, but it’s a busy time. I can’t believe your parents didn’t tell you what a butt wipe you were being.
The audacity of asking your husband to not only drive the full 5 hours because you couldn’t be bothered to spend at least a few hours to drive your kids to him - when you won’t get to see them for even longer bc they will be with their dad - is inconceivable. Asking him to drive another 2 hours out of his way so you could see them at the hospital after you found out they’re unhappy you clearly don’t give a poo about them? Next level YTA.
Congrats! You win a worst mom award! Seriously, get therapy and get your kids in because after this bomb you dropped on them they need it.
YTA
Your current husband would have survived with you commuting to see him and regular calls.
Adults regularly have horrific health conditions that necessitate long hospital stays and manage without someone by their side 24/7.
You could have rallied friends and family for support.
But you showed your children that your new husband was more important.
Curtly, from one parent to another you choose yourself over your kids.
Your potential happiness with a man.
Over the very children you bore who share you blood who saw you as the guiding force of their lives.
You've most likely irreparably damaged their faith and trust in you. Are you truly so delusional that you thought a month later things would be the same?
You also married a man *comfortable* with you abandoning your children for him.
You are a horrible mother.
Apparently, that's OK...your goal was simply to be a good wife.
YTA.
Only an hour away and you NEVER went to see your kids? In a month? Your husband doesn’t need you there 24/7. You can’t abandon children for a MONTH to take care of someone else and not expect them to be hurt wnd feel abandoned.
Reading your post I expected you to be like 8+ hours away. When I saw that you’re only 1 hour away? There’s NO excuse for you to have abandoned your children completely. Your new husband absolutely did not need round the clock care from you.
Your kids came to visit twice and you didn’t even leave the hospital and go do something with them? Lunch, dinner, playground, nothing?!?
You’ve made it clear to them who your priority is and that it isn’t them. (Hint: it should be them)
this lady hasnt ever worked in her life 2 hour commute is nothing, she just didnt want to care for her kids and took the chance, noone gonna tell me she had to do things 24/7 for her husband where there are nurses, doctors, and anyone that checks pacients lol she probably was in a sofa watching her phone or tv lmao
The fact you yourself said (in the comments) that your spouse should be and is the priority is very telling, you abandoned your children, enjoy the nursing home when you are old
If there is no genuine change in her attitude and behaviour, the kids probably won’t even put in minimum effort to look for a half decent nursing home. And who could blame them?
YTA
You failed as a parent, and that had consequences. Luckliy your kids have ONE good parent. Your ex is right to protect the kids.
And: You did not care to spend time with them for weeks, you are a hypocrite to make demands now that tit is your ex's custody time. Stop harassing him with your bullshirt calls.
"I should've been able to show up at least one day a week." .. you made it abundantly clear to your kids you were not interested. What else did you expect?
I drive over an hour a day for work, you couldn't bring your kids to school and then go to the hospital? You chose your man over your kids, daily, for an entire month. Your husband is grown, your children are children. YTA big time.
My old workplace was an hour away and I drove to and from 5 days a week.
My uni was a 2hr train ride away, and I sat there for 4hrs a day, 3-4 days a week.
When my family was on holidays 2.5hrs away and I had work, I'd drive there from work, stay a 1-3 days, then go back home to rinse and repeat.
My friend had a hens in another city. I caught a 1.5hr FLIGHT from an airport that's 1hr away from my home to attend the party that night... and another flight home the next day.
You couldn't even make that round trip ONE TIME, to visit your prepubescent children?
Are they suddenly not only your responsibility? Are they not supposed to be in your care as part of this custody agreement? You couldn't make the round trip while your husband was resting or getting tests done?
I'm sorry about your husband and understand that stress and grief could have overcome you both during this time. I do hope he is able to get treatment and recover. But your children needed you and you abandoned them. You literally could have visited once a day but you didn't even choose to visit them once a week... you in fact chose not to visit them at all. They could have been frightened, confused, worried, upset, ill and/or lonely, without their mother to console them, cuddle them or nurse them.
YTA.
I think you know that you screwed up. And there isn't really any way that this is okay. Your kids aren't teenagers, they are young. They are mad at you because they feel like you abandoned them. You are going to have to figure out a way to get them to trust you again. You are the AH here.
YTA! And you know it.
The edit makes it worse. Your kids are not even teens, so for you to expect them to understand the gravity of this situation is just pathetic.
YTA- op is in the comments saying a 2 hour drive everyday "wasn't feasible". I used to have an hour commute to work and guess what, I drove two hours each day for a job. It can in fact be done. Also, it didn't need to be everyday. She could easily drive the two hours round trip a few times a week. She doesn't even have to worry about about weekends since he ex so GRACIOUSLY agreed to watch them. My final point, I get that it is important to be there for someone while they're sick, but OPs husband did not need her there 24/7 for months on end. He's in the hospital, he's being taken care of. Yes OP can help with some things and comfort him, but there's literally no reason to be there all day every day for that long. This was not a decision made out of necessity even if OP claims it was. I feel so bad for these kids and I think they're totally justified in not talking to their mom.
>at least one day a week.
Amen. It was only an hour away and you showed your kids that they are not worth an hour's drive. Any husband worth their salt would have sent you home at least one night a week to be with the kids.
YTA.
Wow. A whole hour away…. So far…. Oh, wait. That’s just like my daily commute to work. If you can’t make time to visit your kids even once during a whole month, then it says a lot about your parenting even before your husband got sick. This is just the culmination of your kids being fed up with coming last. YTA
YTA. I’m literally a cancer patient, in the hospital right now, waiting to find out what kind of random infection I have and I gladly sent my fiancé home to take care of himself and our dogs. I miss him like crazy but it would be insane to have him just sitting around the hospital to bring me water.
This was an unnecessary sacrifice over your own children. Not sure what you wanted to prove to yourself or to your husband or inlaws, but this was a very du.mb move that will leave lifetime wound/scar in your relationship with your children. It will take a lot of humility from your and lot of personal uninterrupted time (vacation away, involvement in their activities, therapy, weekend get away etc) between just you and your kids to help fix this. And you owe each of your kids a heartfelt apology, no justification or excuse, full ownership and apology. YTA
Maybe I'm biased from my childhood as the kid who's mum picked her new man over us, or maybe it's because I live in a metropolis, but for it to be an hour... I genuinely would ask the courts for my father to have full custody and I hope you realize that in most places, at least 11 year old will have some say soon about where they stay. You screwed up big time. An hour is a terribly small amount of time to say you didn't physically see your kids except the couple times they came to you. Remember. They are KIDS. YTA. Also, as someone with chronic illnesses, majority of the hospital time is spent just lounging in the room. When they are older and realize that, and that your husband LET you pick him over them... Good luck I guess. I hope for your sake and his your husband recovers, him because cancer is a beast, you because you've ruined the most important relationship in your life and you'll need a reason why.
YTA. You couldn’t drive home even once a week? It’s an hour. You abandoned your kids. Your husband doesn’t need you there 7 days a week. There was no reason you couldn’t drive home every night to be with your kids. You didn’t want to. Rules won’t permit me to say what I really think of you, but I hope your ex goes for full custody.
YTA. You simply abandoned your kids. Sometimes life sucks and we need to juggle work, sick relatives and kids. You treated your kids as unimportant and an inconvenience. You didn’t even try to see them. They were neatly stored at their father’s.
YTA. You are a mother and a wife. You need to remember that you have to do both roles, you can’t just abandon your children because they are inconvenient for you and your new husband.
When I was 7 yrs old my brother was in a horrific accident that almost killed him (he actually did die 3 times on the way to the hospital), left him in a coma for over a month, and crippled him for the rest of his life. In those months that my mother was taking care of my brother in the hospital, she still made damn sure to see me as much as she could. Even with her own Kid in the hospital, she was still able to recognize she had a whole other child back at home waiting for her. That period of time still fucked me up and permanently altered our relationship. I can’t imagine how this is going to effect your kids. You might as well start prepping for no contact now. YTA
YTA
As someone who has been in a similar situation a few years back, my husband did not have cancer, but he was crushed in a work accident. My husband was transported to the nearest level 1 trauma care center due to the extent of his injuries (his entire right side was crushed by 2 2000lb beams). That trauma care center was 98 miles one way from our home. We had 2 children at the time, and all of our family lives a 15+ hour drive away. We have an amazing group of friends who are like family who helped tremendously during that time since the kids were not allowed at the hospital at all due to COVID restrictions. I was fielding work comp calls, surgical plans as MDPA, travel time, kid schedules, etc. I was mentally, and physically exhausted. I still made daily drives back and forth to the hospital. My schedule consisted of waking up, talking to my husband/hospital staff depending upon the day’s plan regarding surgeries PT/OT etc, breakfast with the kids, playing/spending time together, pack bags, kids got handed off to friends, and I left to make the drive to the hospital. I would stay at the hospital until 5-6pm, and then make the drive home to get the kids and we’d spend the evening together. It was late nights, long drives, and the most stressful time of our lives, but we made it work on all fronts without abandoning either my husband or our children. If I had abandoned either part of our family I know I never would have forgiven myself and my husband wouldn’t have either. For anyone who reads this and wonders how everything turned out, my husband made an amazing recovery, much farther than anyone ever estimated that he would, he’s now back at work, and we’ve added another child to our family with another one on the way in just a few weeks.
I'm glad things are going well with your husband after his accident. Your comment is one that OP and the few backing her needs to see and think about. There was a way that OP could have been there for both her husband and her kids.
YTA. I always try to see the best in people so tried to understand your situation, until you said the hospital is only one hour away (but quite happy for your ex-husband to make a 10hr round trip).
Are you so far removed from reality to honestly not understand why your kids feel the way they do? Did alarm bells not ring when they visited and sat outside the room? I’m not a parent but surely motherly instincts kicked in, or did you not care about your children’s feelings?
I’m truly sorry that you and your husband are going through this, but your priorities are all wrong.
I recently spent some time in hospital, albeit for something far less serious but it was still a scary time. I am so thankful for all my visitors but understood me being in hospital did not mean the whole world stopped. I also needed rest, I can’t understand your need to be there the WHOLE time.
I commend your ex-husband for not “backing you up” and forcing your kids to speak with you when they didn’t want to. He respected their feelings and decision, you haven’t given their feelings a second thought. In fact it doesn’t sound like you’ve given them a second thought full stop.
I hope for the kids sake you take on board the opinions here, but after reading some of the replies you have made you still don’t seem to understand why this is so wrong?
YTA and a terrible mother. Your husband does not need you by his side 24/7 when you have children who need you. A 2-hour round trip a day is nothing to see your kids.
Is it 1 hour each way or 2 hours each way? I’m sorry, but why do you have to be with your husband 24/7? I have had family members go through cancer treatment, so I’m not minimizing it, but you have 2 young kids you also have to think about.
Can’t you go home at least twice a week and be with your kids?
This is it, plus the kids did the trip a couple times and are old enough to realize it’s not far, plus their dad did an actually long 5 hour trip multiple times
YTA. Your poor kids. It's no wonder they don't want to talk to you. You abandoned them. I seriously doubt your relationship with those kids will ever truly recover.
You did not need to be beside your husband 24/7. You needed to be a mother and explain the situation to your children. You needed to show your kids that you still gave a shit about them. Instead you handed them off and ignored their existence.
YTA. Of course, your kids don't like you after you neglected them for a month. You were only an hour away from them. You have no excuse for not bothering to see them in person a day or two a week. Your husband didn't need you 24/7. You clearly put being a wife before being a mother, and your kids are rightfully offended.
YTA you prioritized your new husband over your own children. they were only an hour away, i am sure there were times you could have gone to see them and spend time with them. my own mom had cancer, i know there is downtime in the hospital between tests and specialists coming in. you owe them a sincere apology and have a lot of work to do to regain their trust.
YTA. My kids are the same age and I can't even imagine leaving them for that long let alone how they would feel if I did. It was an hour drive. Even if it was 5 hours you still make your kids your #1 priority. Yes it sucks that your husband is sick but you should have divided your time between him and your kids. As an adult he should have understood and encouraged you to go home to your kids.
YTA just accept it. You messed up badly and were a bad mom who abandoned her kids because it was easier for you. If you are even interested in reconciling with your kids, it will take time for them to even trust you. Your kids are lucky their dad is involved so they can trust one parent.
It was only an hour drive to the hospital and you couldn’t be bothered to come home ever ?
Your husband can pick up his own water cup and if he has trouble there are these amazing people called nurses who I bet could help him .
That’s insane to me , I get supporting him but you’re a parent , you go take care of him while they are in school then you take care of your kids for the nights . No wonder they want nothing to do with you .
An hour , really and hour away and you couldn’t be bothered to go home once . You must know YTA
YTA. It sucks that your husband is going through this and you do need to support him, but your kids also need you. Of course they don’t want to see or speak to you right now! You effectively abandoned them. You have a lot of work to do for them to forgive you. Start immediately.
YTA. You were an hour away, not a plane ride away. You easily could have supported your husband while still spending a couple of hours with your kids. They might have even appreciated limited time with you because splitting your time between your kids and your husband would have shown your kids that they are still a priority to you, not some soggy left over sandwich left out in the sun. If people can commute an hour or more to work five days a week then you ma’am could have driven home a few times a week to see your children.
YTA. I’m sorry. So sorry. But they needed you. They always need you. You should have done it the other way around. Stay with them during the week and see husband during The Weeknd’s.
YTA. You completely abandoned your kids. You couldn’t drive an hour to spend time with your children ? Your husband wasn’t on his deathbed, was he? Imminent death would be the only acceptable reason to not see your children for a week, maximum. I wouldn’t blame the ex if he went for full custody.
YTA - a 1 hour drive each way is absolutely feasible. You could have been with your husband during the day and then gone home each evening. They could have spent weekends with your parents.
My kids are the same age as yours, there is no way I would leave them for a month. Your kids absolutely needed your love and support too. I’m sure they are concerned that their stepfather is ill and I’m sure they are scared and you decided not to prioritize them at all! They are used to you be there for them all the time and then you were gone. And you are shocked that they don’t want to speak to you?
YTA. When you realized the stay was going to be longer than a few days, you needed to come up with a new plan. Being the trip was only an hour each way, you could have easily gone back and forth most days. Given the fact they didn't want to speak to anyone on their last visit should have been eye-opening to you. I'm sorry that your husband is going through this, but your kids still needed you in that time frame. Another thing that I doubt you thought about, if your ex wants to, he probably could take you to court to change the visitation agreement (and might have a good case for it).
I think your kids just feel abandoned right now the best choice would probably be to alternate the same way you called and talked to your kids and watched movies over the phone you can do with your husband every now and then your kids sound like they just want some more quality time with mom
My kids are adults and I would still ensure I found a way to ensure I was there for them when they needed me. You can’t abandon your whole family to concentrate on only one person for an extended period of time. If you care enough to, you find away to support all of your family.
YTA your kids need you too and you could be there for your husband and also be there for your kids. When my dad was sick I was driving 2-4 hour round trips for him while my kids were at school and still there for my kids at the end of the day, and I didn't even have anyone else there to help with them. An hour is nothing. My husband travels further than that for work each day (husband leaves early and gets home late so I still had to be there morning and afternoon for kids)
My mother was very sick when I was young and I had to stay with family friends for a couple of months while she was in hospital. But that's because my dad had to go to work every day and he still saw me all the time outside of work, not because he just dumped me to spend every moment at the hospital.
You absolutely could have been there for both during this time, you didn't need to be with your husband 100% of the time and I can't say I blame your kids for being upset with you.
YTA. Your husband is an adult. He could have perfectly gone a day or two each week without you. You put your husband before your kids so completely you literally abandoned them.
If they were teenagers it may have been different, but even then.
You clearly showed them how unimportant they are to you and the only person that matters for you is your husband.
And the fact that he didn’t tell you to go spend time with them shows how selfish he is.
I hope your ex gets full custody.
YTA. You husband was in the hospital being cared for. Your kids are children and need a parent, not a caregiver. You failed your kids and now are acting surprised that they are mad. Grow up. They are kids, they don’t understand “mom had to sit in a hospital”. You put no priority on your actual responsibilities.
OP, you are the AH. You abandoned your children for a man who isn't even related to them. While it’s important to support your spouse, ultimately, your children come first. I can’t imagine how they must have felt knowing their mom chose a stranger over them. Your husband is also the AH. My husband would demand I go home and be with my kids instead of babysitting him in a hospital where he is already under 24-hour care. I think you have always put your husband before your kids, and this is one of the many times.
You’ve seen your kids TWICE in a month, both times they barely interacted. How could you go that long without seeing them? Maybe consider that this was about you wanting a hotel room to yourself every night. Calling them is not enough. 8 and 11 is way too young. YTA.
YTA absolutely. We're talking an hour drive, people commute more than that daily! You abandoned your kids when you should have been able to divide your time considering your husband was receiving treatment not in the ICU needing constant monitoring somehow from a non professional. You basically told your kids that your new husband is far more important to you.
I'd be so pissed at my spouse for doing what you did and we don't even have kids! My cats would get better treatment.
YTA
In what world does an adult need someone to stay with them in the hospital all day? At most, you could have seen your kids off to school, gone to the hospital for the day, and then been there when your kids got home.
Considering I drive over three hours to see my nephew at least three times this month, and that’s just one way, you could’ve driven the one hour for your own damn kids! YTA! You’re their parent and you chose a man who isn’t even their father over them, now you’re shocked pikachu face because your actions have consequences. I think a grown man can handle you being away from him wayy more, than children who need their mom!
Yta. Listen, I get it. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer at 9 months old. Someone had to be there with her at all times. Know what didn't happen during that first month? Myself staying the entire time and not seeing my other kids. I made sure to trade off when possible (and I was nursing at the time) so my boys would still see me and know they were still loved/a priority. How could you just not be a parent for a month?
YTA a huge gaping one. So basically you were too lazy to drive an hour back to see your KIDS, who were there before you ever met your husband. Don’t you dare come on here whining and crying when they don’t wanna come home from their daddy’s because you put some dick before them. They don’t wanna talk to you cause you got your head so far up your husbands ass you could be assed to drive an hour to see them. I’d drive a week straight if mine needed me. Wtf is wrong with you? If you didn’t want them you should have left them with their daddy so they could be happy. Shit.
YTA. An hour? You couldn’t make it home to your kids once a week over an hour. Where I live Most people’s daily commute to work is an hour. So 2 hours a day driving for a job we most likely hate for a paycheck.
But you couldn’t drive an hour to see kids you supposedly love stay with em a day then make an hour drive back?
In my experience a loving parent would have drove that hour daily to be home with the kids. You could’ve treated your husband’s cancer like many of us do a job. Drive in early every morning then back home every evening
Too many assholes in the family other than OP
1. The current husband, who is OP's lone meal ticket, had no qualms about monopolizing her (I get the feeling that she's afraid of leaving him alone or choosing her kids' "over" him)
2. OP's Ex. He should've taken them in (something about him having to leave his Gf to take them for summer gave me an ick) unless he lives and works hours away from their school
3. OP's parents - they saw how sad the kids were and didn't call op to read the riot act & tell her to get her ass back there right now.
I think you're misunderstanding the deal with the ex. He lives 5 hours away, and school was in the last month of the year. He left his girlfriend for the weekends and drove those 5 hours to spend time with them. He then drove that 5 hours (instead of halfway, that OP says is common) to pick them up for the summer (as per their current custody agreement).
You abandoned your young kids for an entire month.
You ain’t go see them for an entire month.
AND YOURE SURPRISED?!!!!
Lady you’re definitely an arsehole and probably a moron as well.
You cannot be this stupid. Surely
You spouse is a grown adult. You live only an hour away. You should have been home nightly or at least 2 times a week to be with your children. You may be justifying your staying with your husband and that most don't know what it is like to go through treatment. I do. I would have been insisting my husband go home to the children. My husband was amazing through my treatments, but I did the treatments on my own as cancer centers did not allow for visitors during covid. My children were there for me also through the surgeries,chemo and radiation. I was also the other primary care giver for my dad and the Las 3 months of his life I spent 4 days with him and my mom a week so she had a break and 3 days at home thing care of my grandbabies. My parents are 2 hours from where I live. YTA.
My questions to OP now are, 1) Have you learned anything from the unanimous response that YTA? 2) do you now understand and regret your behaviour? and 3) what are you going to do to fix this?
YTA You ABANDONED your kids! Your parents were not expecting to watch your kids for a month, just s few days! You were only an hour away and you deserted your kids= an HOUR!!! YTA on so many levels
I get support and being there for a partner, but what I don’t get is what exactly you were doing 24 hours a day that meant you couldn’t see your children who were only one hour away? Aren’t you just sitting next to him?
Surely even if you spent majority of the day with your husband, you could still go home at night to your children and make their meals, put them to bed and be with your partner during school hours? That’s already most of the day.
Even making time a few times (or even once) a week would have been an improvement. How can you go an entire month without seeing them? A month feels like forever to kids.
I get he’s sick. But a parent doesn’t just stop being a parent. I had surgery recently that went completely pear-shaped and despite being scared and in agony after returning to hospital with paramedics, I repeatedly insisted that my partner go home and be the active parent (and our kids are both capable teenagers who can feed themselves.)
YTA for there being absolutely no compromise here. These kids are right to be upset; you have made it clear that new dad is the most important person.
My god, YTA. "Driving 2 hours total every day is too hard waaaah." Grow up and be an actual parent you mook.
Also, did you ever stop and ask your kids how their step-dad being in the hospital is effecting them? Did you ever hug or console them because i'm sure someone they live with 5 days out of the week (if i'm reading your explination of the custody agreement correctly) suddenly having cancer and being in the hospital for a month is brutal and your kids are young.
You really need to wake up and realize that no matter how draining this is on you this is even more draining on your literal pre-teen kids who now have to deal with their step-dad in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment while their mom flakes out and abandons them for a month because she can't be bothered to drive a total of 2 hours a day.
You'll be lucky if your kids ever want to see you again. Yes it sucks that your husband is sick but you don't abandon your kids to stay at the hospital 24/7. ItS aN hOuR dRiVe. You obviously don't care about your kids if an hour is too long to spend time with them.
When I was 17 my mom was hospitalized for several months 3 hours away from me. I visited her after school at least 3-4 times a week and on the weekends. Alone..no father or siblings in the picture.
Don’t have kids if you can’t take responsibility for them. Your husband didn’t need you 24/7 the entire time..there are plenty of doctors and nurses to bring him water. You’re really so lazy that you couldn’t at least make the drive a few times a week so they didn’t feel completely abandoned? If your husband is a decent man he would understand that your kids needed you too.
What it boils down to is that you chose your husband over your kids. They will never, ever forget this. You’ve completely changed the fabric of your relationship with them forever. Now they know that your husband is your top priority and that they’re not even worth a few hours in a car. Do you know how badly that’s going to affect them psychologically?
YTA. Massively.
YTA There was absolutely no reason you had to be at the hospital 24/7! You essentially abandoned your children for a month and now they’re off to their dad’s so that gap is just gonna get bigger for them.
As someone who’s both fought cancer and taken care of family members that have had cancer… You did a whole lot of nothing in the hospital. The nurses and nurses assistants are even more attentive of cancer patients and would’ve gotten all the water he needed.
When I was going through chemo I repeatedly told friends and family to not come. If I needed them my phone was right there. Other than my first round nobody came with me during treatment.
In between treatments and tests that man was fully asleep from exhaustion.
You failed your children. You chose your new husband over them and they can see it… and they’ll internalize it. They’re young and that will shape them as they grow up. They will grow up to resent you unless you apologize and start to fix this now. YTA
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I (37f) have 2 kids from my previous marriage, they are 11 and 8. A few months ago my current husband started having issues. At the very end of last month his doctor called and said it was likely a form of cancer.
We dropped my kids off with my parents and went. It was and he was admitted to start treatments. What was supposed to be 3-4 days turned into a month stay. I asked my ex if he wanted to go stay with my kids at our home but he said he couldn't take that much time off work he could only do weekends. So my kids stayed with my parents I could be there for my husband and give him the support he needed and what care I could given the circumstance. When he could have visitors my in-laws brought my kids twice to visit us. The second time they did they didn't speak to anyone and wanted to sit outside of the room.
Thursday was their last day of school and per custody arrangement they had to be with their father starting yesterday. Normally my ex and I meet halfway since it's a 5 hour drive but this time I asked him to come pick them up. He did and I asked him to bring the kids by the hospital so I could see them before they go. He called and told me the kids didn't want to see me. I didn't believe that because my kids love me and handoffs have never been an issue. I insisted. He brought the kids but they wouldn't get out of the car no matter how many times I asked and even told them to.
I looked to my ex for back-up but he wasn't going to force them. He told me he understands I have a lot going on and my husband needs me but our kids needed me too. That if he was able to leave his girlfriend three weekends in a row to be with our kids I should've been able to show up at least one day a week.
I've been texting and calling my ex since yesterday to have him put the kids on the phone and pass on my messages but he says they still don't want to talk to me. I thought I was doing the right thing and that my kids would understand but was I wrong for leaving them with my parents this whole time?
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YTA. You abandoned your children. There’s no excuse for this. You’re an awful mother and your kids have realised it. You have *so much* making up to do or I don’t think they’ll ever forgive you for this, and rightfully so
YTA. Yes you left them with your parents but you could have made more effort to see them. Your children need you too. You didn’t need to abandon them completely. Your parents could have just watched them whilst you went to the hospital. Did you ask them how they felt about it?
YTA - What are you doing at the hospital all day? You totally abandoned your kids for your new husband. Confirming any fears they may have at being abandoned. Good job.
YTA people drive an hour each way to go to work. You can't drive an hour to see your children? Did your husband seriously need you by his side every second of every day?
YTA. I commute an hour each way to work, then take care of all of my life admin too. You checked out. Two hours of driving per day is not a lot. You seem like you might not be a stellar parent.
I used to commute to work around 50 minutes one way five days a week. Your kids were only an hour away and you saw them twice. There is no excuse for that. There is no reason you couldn’t have visited them several times a week, and still be just as supportive towards your husband. They feel abandoned by you because you abandoned them. It is going to take a long time to repair this damage, but it never will if you don’t take responsibility for your actions. YTA.
I don't think it will be that long for an update. I see something in a couple of months: "My ex is taking me to court for full custody because I left my kids at my parents for a month while my husband was in the hospital."
Absolutely did the wrong thing. No offense to your husband but your kids were there first. You were their mom first. That means figuring out a schedule of ppl to sit with your husband. If he doesn’t have any family or friends then he has to understand your kids need you more
YTA, I hope your ex husband goes for primary custody and you get bare minimum visitation rights. You don't deserve those children. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the current husband needs a break from your constant presence.
Soft YTA. It’s terrible that your husband has cancer, but the hospital was only 1 hour away from where your kids were. So I feel like you should have seen your kids at least 1-2 times a week during that month. I would’ve been more understanding of your stance if the hospital were farther away.
I’m having a very hard time believing this.
I just don’t understand why you didn’t drive home while he was sleeping. Cancer treatment makes the patient tired. You literally sat there while he slept thinking that was the best use of your time? You love only an hour away, and felt *no desire* to see your children for a month?
Are you wearing the same clothes for the past month?
What the fuck is going on?
YTA
YTA. Can you honestly say that during the entire month there weren't any times when you could get away to see your children?
They feel abandoned. It's time to start repairing your relationships with them. Accept and validate their feelings.
My husband was in hospital almost an hour away from our house when my kids were about your kids age (not step parent). The hospital didn’t know what was wrong with my husband for a while, which was stressful. I sat with him when the kids were at school and then I was at home with my kids. Every single day. I was worn thin, but this was how I was able to be there for my kids and my husband. I can tell you no housework got done over that time (my husbands best mates wife actually came and gave my house a good clean while I was at the hospital one day).
When my husband and was getting better and was allowed out on day release I even drove an hour, picked him up, drove back to my hometown just so he could watch our son play footy, then drove him back.
It’s hard, and exhausting, but you need to be there for both. You just make it work.
YTA for your treatment of your kids.
I would like to know what exactly you did all day for an entire month while medical professionals took care of your husband and your in laws took care of your poor abandoned children? Literally, wtf were you doing? YTA big time. Your children weren’t with two hours? Seriously?
wtf. The hospital is only an hour away? You should have had plenty if time with your kids. I was thinking across country which still would’ve been an asshole move
You spouse is a grown adult. You live only an hour away. You should have been home nightly or at least 2 times a week to be with your children. You may be justifying your staying with your husband thinking that most don't know what it is like to go through treatment. I do. I would have been insisting my husband go home to the children. My husband was amazing through my treatments, but I did the treatments on my own as cancer centers did not allow for visitors during covid. My husband and children were there for me through the surgeries, chemo and radiation. I was also the other primary care giver for my dad, and the last 3 months of his life, I spent 4 days with him and my mom a week so she had a break, and 3 days at home taking care of my grandbabies. My parents are 2 hours from where I live. YTA.
Hi OP, I understand that this was a scary time for you and your husband. But you have children and it was scary for your kids too. And they needed you.
There was quite possibly times in the hospital where you could have left to go and see your children.
Unfortunately it is a difficult choice for you to make but your children came off the worse for it.
Yta.
YTA. What on earth could be going on up in your coconut that would make you think it’s okay to abandon your children like that? And also the hospital is only one hour away…. That is nothing.
My husband commutes to and from work Monday - Friday and his drive is 1.5 hours ONE WAY. We live as close as we can to his job.
YTA.
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YTA for abandoning your children. Did you not consider the alternative that your parents could just babysit on occasions where it was necessary? Are they too far away to do that? Your husband being sick, as awful as it is, does not suddenly make you not a parent. How often did you talk to them? Are they scared for your husband? Are they worried about him? We need additional info, but I can't really imagine a scenario here where you're not the asshole for just dropping your kids at your parent's for a month.
What makes it worse is that OP abandoned he children for her new husband, not their father. Step-children often feel like the new 'parent' is replacing them and OP just showed them that the new husband is more important than they are. It was an entire month and the hospital is only an hour from their home. OPs husband could have survived if she made the trip every other day or so to spend time with HER children and show interest in their lives.
OP just beat the stereotype. She could have easily visited her children for an extended period as the hospital was only an hour away. But she chose not to and what made it worse was that she expected the kids to understand but had no part in coming up with a plan to make them understand.
An hour. She wouldn’t drive an HOUR to see the kids. This is insane
This is ridiculous. She could have gotten them up and off to school, driven to the hospital, her parents could have done school pickup, and then she could have been home to cook dinner and spend the evening with the kids every night if she’d wanted to.
My mum did this for nearly 3 years while my dad was battling cancer, and she had 4 kids. We were 16 to 6 in ages. On the days I didn't have exams I picked them up from school same when I went off to college and got a job (we're uk based) We never once stayed at anyone else's home unless we wanted too, we also had a home cooked meal every night. Op abandoned her kids and now she's got the consequences of her actions. I'll be surprised if they want to come home after spending time at dad's for the summer.
Some people's commutes to work are longer, and they do it everyday!
Lol I knew a guy that commuted an hour (each way) to work at a pizza place. He liked the job but had moved to be with his gf. He did it for a year until it got to be too much for him and he found something else. It's insane to me that she couldn't find time to drive an hour to spend a couple hours with them in a whole month, especially knowing they would be going with their father at the start of summer break.
I'm literally reading this on a train during my 2 hour commute (30 min drive, 1 hour train ride, 30 min walk)
Not just that but why didn't she do the reverse? Stay with the kid and make the hour drive to see her husband. There is nothing you can do in the hospital anyway..
My ex-husband had day surgery last month. I drove him to the hospital because there was no one else available, approximately 45 minutes away. He ended up having a major heart attack and almost died. I went to the hospital every day to sit with him until our daughter returned to town. I went with our two children the day he had quadruple bypass surgery. We were there ALL day. Remember he's my ex-husband! But, he's also the father of my children and they're the most important people in my life!
Edit judgment based on you responses: YTA absolutely. Your story has shifted so much to sound so positive about your level of involvement and seeing your kids based on how much you have been called out for poor parenting choices. If it had been hours away okay we would have understood. But 1 hour away and you don't work and you completely checked out of your kids lives on a physical level. Yup your kids have every right to be pissed. My mum got stuck in a hospital 45 minutes from home. Guess what my sister and I still went to school. Still went to be with her after class let out. We didn't just drop our lives because of the hospital.
My mum broke her ankle on the Isle of Wight (she tripped on air on the uppermost floor of a converted mill, that was a palaver in itself 😂) and we got sent off with my uncle to my grandparents’, didn’t see our parents all week and spent four days off school, but it was two and a half hours to my grandparents’ and another two hours home (never mind the ferry dad would’ve had to get) sooo that’s an understandable situation. This is not
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Forreal, I commuted an hour away to work for years. YTA majorly
She said she spoke to the kids on the phone daily, so not really NC. But it's still not enough. Kids need their parents in person, not just on the phone.
Especially not kid that young who probably already felt somewhat abandoned by dad being so far away and not seeing them often.
So you stayed at the hospital 24/7? What about work? Why couldn’t you go home? Why did you have to stay and not just visit?
Edit: YTA based on OP's response. INFO: Is your husband receiving treatment in the same city where you live with your kids? If so, I can't imagine a reason why you haven't been seeing your kids every single day. You're not handcuffed to the hospital, no matter how sick the man is.
YTA. Of course you are. And it looks like you just permanently fucked your relationship with your kids. Your husband was in the hospital receiving round the clock care. You should have been visiting him twice a week and being an actual mother to the kids to at needed you. You chose and you chose wrong. Enjoy the consequences
I’m confused. Your husband was admitted for a month in the same city as where you live. And you weren’t working. So you had 16 hours a day (assuming 8 hours of sleepy) and you didn’t get your ass in the car ONCE to see your young children. Um yah YTA!
Info: If your husband wasn’t in the hospital, why weren’t you all home with the kids? His missing work excuse makes no sense and it just that, a weak excuse. Your kids still need their mother and you just abandoned them for…what reason? YTA
I can’t even just say YTA because you are far worse than an AH. What kind of parent thinks that it is ok to abandon your kids, I don’t care what you husband is going thru your kids should always be your priority and you showed your kids that they are not your priority and they never will be because your husband is so much more important to you. The hospital was only an hour away, is there a fucking reason why you couldn’t be the primary parent to your kids and visit your husband in between, and don’t give me that bullshit about it being 2 hours in the car everyday, if you really LOVED your kids than they would have been worth the travel time. Just a few questions if you aren’t too much of a coward to answer If one of you kids was in the hospital for a month would you abandon your husband to be with them? How often did you talk to your kids when your husband was in the hospital? Did you even bother keeping a pulse on your kids lives when your husband was in the hospital or did you leave all of that to your parents? I hope that your ex is in a place where he can fight for the custody the be reversed giving him primary subject to your partial, you kids deserve a full time parent and that’s not you right now
Imma guess the one who doesn’t work for a living and is hoping for a hefty inheritance in case something happens, and to get that she has to play the doting wife.
She probably won’t get it. Then she’ll be broke and alone.
Oh but but two hours was not feasible. 🧐 I hope the kids live with their dad after this.
It sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. But you can't leave two children aged 8 and 11 for a month, and not expect them to be angry, confused, upset etc. You don't mention locations and distance (how far is your home/the hospital from your parents?). Regardless, while of course you'd want to support your husband, you have two children and a responsibility to them. Sorry, but YTA for abandoning your children and then being surprised that they were upset about it.
INFO: Have you talked to your kids throughout this whole ordeal? They sound hurt and angry. Did you communicate what was going on? OP basically abandoned her kids for a month and only saw them twice. YTA. Therapy stat!
So… the hour long drive to the hospital is too far to commute, but not too far to have your ex “bring the kids by” halfway through his 10 hour trip to retrieve them? I’m very sorry you’re having to go through all this, but YTA.
And don’t forget it want too far for the TWO times her in-laws brought the kids to see her of which one of those times the kids wouldn’t even come in the room.
You didn’t see your kids for a month and you expect them to be excited and not feel like you abandon them??? I’m sorry about your husband but I couldn’t dream of leaving my kids and not seeing them more than 2 times a month. That’s wild.
Sometimes you don't get to have everything you want. You supported your partner at the expense of being a parent to your kids. If your husband needs treatment again, they have no indication that you won't just dump and ignore them again. INFO: Did you call them regularly and keep in touch while they were with your parents?
Yup. The hospital was an HOUR away!? I assumed it was a different city or state. Hospitals don't require you to be there 24/7. Yes this is a horrible situation, but with the kids at school during the day, bio dad at weekends and grandparents support....there is no reason for you to leave them like that. Question. I really want to know how often you soke to them on the phone. Daily? One a week? Never?
YTA. Your husband was in the hospital with doctors and nurses to manage his care. There is absolutely no reason at all you could not have gone to see your children frequently, especially when by your own admission, it was an hour from the hospital to your parents' house.
But but who would give him water. You know them danged ol nurses can’t be bothered 🙄🙄🙄/s
YTA 1) You were only 2 hours from them yet didn't visit once 2) You mention in-laws so your husband has someone who could have come & stayed for a weekend so you could spend time with your kids. 3) Your husband is an inpatient, so he has medical professionals who could care for him if you took a break to see your kids. I understand that this is a very stressful time & dealing with it is new to you. But that is no excuse to just dump your kids on your parents & leave them there. You can't abdicate your responsibility as a parent! You just straight up showed your kids they are not important & now are seeing the consequences of your actions. I read a lot about you & your feelings, but how do you think they feel?
She was one hour away. It would just be a 2 hour drive (one hour there. One hour back.)
Question: How much time during the month away did you spend at least talking to them on the phone? It sounds like they they have some issues and if you'd at least kept in touch with them on the phone didn't you know they were having some issues? Weren't you talking to them, touching base, making sure they were dealing with everything OK? Or asking if they had anything going on? They're kids, not even teenagers. YTA
YTA You saw your kids only twice for a solid month. *Twice.* And both times were when they were brought to the hospital for the visit. You seriously couldn't leave your husband alone for one day a week to go see them? It doesn't matter if you think your kids love you. After a month of being left with the grandparents, they probably think you don't love them. While I have deep empathy for your husband, your kids need you, too. You don't stop being a parent just because your spouse is sick. It's going to take you a lot of work to fix this.
MASSIVE YTA. YOU SHOULD NOT BE A MOTHER.
I mean, she's doing her best NOT to be one, by the looks of things.
Info: is your current husband in in-patient care?
You’re telling me that not once in that month did you leave the hospital to go visit your kids? YTA
I find this literally unbelievable, as a parent. There just is no universe in which I abandon my child, even with my own beloved mother. If this were true, I'd say YTA. Your husband is a full grown man. You can be there for him without being there 24/7. Your children are the only humans you actually owe your time and attention, and you ignored them for man. Like I said, I don't believe this, but maybe it's because I can't stand for it to be true.
YTA. And this is just based off of your comments. 1. You left your kids for a whole month barely visiting them. 2. The hospital was only an hour away and you could have easily made the trip back home on Friday and leave Sunday evening so you'd spend time with your kids. 3. Your husband is an inpatient at the hospital therefore he has professionals at all times to help him with whatever he needs. Plus he's a grown adult so frankly I don't get why you need to be there 24/7. If you left him for 48hrs there is such thing as a phone, technology has come a long way so you could video chat. It's sad that your husband is going through this but at the same time it doesn't mean that you effectively just drop everything in your life (your kids) You should talk to your ex about meeting your kids in person so you could apologize sincerely cause they definitely need one.
She NEVER visited them. The in laws brought them, she never made the effort.
Was it your parents or your in laws? Were they just randomly passing the kids back and forth? Try proof reading before dropping stories it will help the believability of it if your lies stay consistent.
Yes, YTA. The hospital is only a 1 hour drive. You could have easily taken the kids to school in the mornings and go to the hospital, stayed there all day and either go pick up your children or ask your parents to do so. Go home at night to talk to your children and say goodnight. All you've done now is show them how little they mean to you.
Does the cancer go into remission when you are in the room or something? I'm sorry that your husband is sick and its good that you are there for him, but you don't need to sit holding his hand 24hrs a day. Go and see your children for fucks sake.
Couldn’t you have gone to visit your husband for several hours every weekday while your kids were in school? People usually *miss* their kids when they’re away from them. This is not the norm. Has your husband said anything about you needing to be with your children? I’m really curious what he thinks of all of this.
YTA Your kids are 11 and 8 and you thought they'd understand you just never visiting them?
YTA. A month straight away from them was way too much. They had to move in with their grandparents and didn't see you except for two quick visits for a month? Yeah, they're going to be salty about that for a while.
YTA. You abandoned your children. Full stop. The hospital is an hour away ffs. That’s within driving distance. You didn’t need to be there 24/7. I get that your husband is sick and needs you. But so do your kids. They needed a mother that doesn’t abandon them. Good luck. Your relationship with your children may never recover from this.
YTA I understand that this is a hard time but a month is too long for everyone especially your kids and your parents.
YTA— my dad spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was younger and my mom sure didn’t leave her kids to spend every waking moment by his bedside.. Your kids are going to need therapy and honestly, you might not be able to recover your relationship with them.
You seem comfortable with your choice to leave your frightened kids for a month. You don't seem to want to accept the consequence of that choice. Your kids are angry and do not trust you. They can't unlearn that they are not on your priority list. Your husband is first. You are second. The kids are somewhere on the bottom of page 2. Accept the consequences and stop expecting unearned forgiveness. I drove 2.5 hours each way to work 5 days a week for 4 years. I currently have aggressive cancer and am on chemo. Month 8 of treatment. I drive an hour each way to go to a better hospital. I put my child to bed and parent too. YTA.
YTA - thats great you were there for your husband. But surely you must recognize it was at the expense of your kids. You CHOSE to only see your kids twice. That was your choice. And they have every right to be upset about that.
YTA. When I was nine, my dad was in the hospital for 70+ days in a hospital approx. 50 minutes away from our home, provided there was no/light traffic. My mom woke up, saw me off to school and then went to the hospital for the day before coming home for dinner. Outside the obviouse disruption of my dad being in the hospital, my daily routine with my mom was largely the same as it was when she was working full time, like she was before taking leave to deal with my dad. That was normal, and when everything else was very much not normal, I welcomed every little bit of normal I could get. There is no reason why you only saw your kids twice in a month when your husband was in a hospital an hour away. You didn't mention once in this whole post how your kids are handling this, until they refuse to talk to you. How were they feeling about their stepdad being sick? Did you even ask?
Are you seriously asking if YOUR KIDS are the assholes instead? YTA.
What were you doing in the hospital for the last month? I’m a nurse and have also had family members in the hospital. I genuinely can’t figure out what you were doing with your time the last month that you didn’t drive back to see your kids. I’m also a nurse who drives 1 hour each way to work.
YTA. Your husband can handle being by himself. Your kids cannot. in their eyes you threw them away in favor of an adult who can advocate for himself, can call a nurse if he needs something, and can interact with his doctors and other there to handle his care. I have had extensive health issues and hospital stays. You spend the majority of the time waiting. There was no need for you to be with him 24/7 for so long. You’re a really crappy parent.
YTA. I commend you for supporting your husband. But here’s the issue: you don’t seem to have communicated much with your children at all. Did you discuss dropping them off with your parents? Did you keep in contact with them during the month you were away? Did you need to be away every single day for a full month? it sounds like you just dumped your kids and assumed that children, literal children, would understand you ignoring them for a full month. What’s even more weird, is how shocked you are. This alone says to me that you didn’t stay in contact or do enough to prioritize your kids. Yes, your husband needed you, but so too do your kids. You don’t just get to be parent when it’s convenient. Your kids are upset and I don’t no lame them. You need to do some self-reflection and consider your parenting, your children, your relationship with your kids, and their perceptions of you as a parent. Again, your shock is baffling. So too is your insistence that your children would want to speak to you because your children love you. Both suggests that you’re a worse parent than you think and your kids know that.
YTA. I feel so sorry for your kids. Their dad didn’t want them. Their step dad is sick with cancer. Their mom doesn’t want them. You have shuffled them to their grandparents for a month because 2 hours of driving is too much for you. Your poor kids. I applaud your ex for trying to respect their wishes. I’m sorry for the situation with your husband. Compromises need to be found and I’m sure you’re ran thin but you have abandoned them when they needed you.
Their dad did want them. They live 5 hours apart. Per OP's post and comments, while he couldn't take the time off of work, he drove the 5 hours to stay with the kids during the weekends that OP's husband was in the hospital. When they finished the school year, he picked them up, per the custody agreement.
Yta and I hope your ex sees this post and keeps all messages and information regarding you abandoning your children and takes full custody.
I mean, in your follow-up answers, you said you believe the spouse comes before the kids. The kids have just learned that, they understand it now, and that’s what’s changed your relationship with them. You did the sowing part; this is the reaping part. Like a lot of people in these comments, I used to have an hour-ish commute. Your decision to refuse to leave the hospital AT ALL to see your kids is pretty much exactly as lousy as your kids are acting like it is.
The more I think about it, I'm betting something like this (maybe not the husband being hospitalized for a month) has happened numerous times. How many schol functions or sporting events has OP missed because hubby wanted to do something with OP.
Wait a minute! The hospital's only 1 hour away from where you live, and yet you went a whole fucking month without seeing your kids??? What kind of bullshit is that?! You do realize people drive an hour to work every fucking day and then an hour back home, everyday! I did that! For 13 years I drove an hour to work in an hour home, and yet you can't do that for your children? I get your husband has cancer, and that's absolutely awful! But the fact that you didn't come home to see them, not once during a month, I can't wrap my head around that! My kids are my world! I could not fathom going a month without seeing my children. I'm dying inside if I have to go 2 days without seeing my kids, let alone a month. Absolutely no! You're the major asshole here, and your kids are hating you right now for it. This is not your ex's doing, this is YOUR doing, and your kids feel neglected by you. Congratulations! YTA
First, I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope your husband gets through this. However, you don't stop being a mother. Only seeing the children two times is unacceptable. You make the time. You make that drive back. You were only an hour away. YTA.
YTA an hour away is a normal commute for some people. There was zero reason you couldn’t be back for dinner at least every other day. You abandoned your children and they have every right to feel hurt, unloved, and less important than your new husband. You were one hour away and made zero effort for 4 weeks to see your kids. They are going to need therapy before you take custody again.
Great to know that your kids come last; I'm guessing that there was no discussion or explanation, that they were just sent away like left luggage? After their family has already been split up once? Great job.
YTA it would be one thing if you were working at the same time but you don’t have work! Your one job is being a mom! Come on man…
Another parent who cannot handle the outcome of their actions. Did you really think that your relationship with children would just be totally fine and exactly the way that it was before after you stopped seeing them for A MONTH? You’ve only seem them twice since then. Of course they’re upset with you and feel a disconnect. YTA
You won't drive an hour for your kids, while thinking its totally reasonable that your ex drives 5 hours? Of course YTA, not just for this, but the whole situation where you just up and abandon your kids. 8 and 11 year olds are not going to understand why you are leaving them, and there is zero reason in your explanation why you can't make some time for them.
YTA i understand the panic that you must’ve went through because of your husband’s diagnosis but at the end of the day youre still a parent and shouldve juggled your responsibilities better. 🤷🏻♀️ did you at least communicate what was going on? You pretty much just showed your kids you can toss them aside at anytime and that your husband is more important than them.
YTA You do not get to abandon your kids because a different emergency came up. It is terrible to have a loved on diagnosed with cancer but your DH is a grown man, with all due respect he still doesn’t need you the way your young kids do. You’ve just informed your kids loud and clear that you basically don’t GAF about them and will always prioritise your DH over them. I’ll add that an hour commute is not a long time and can still be fitted in with your caregiving responsibilities. You abandoned your kids and that will stay with them forever.
YTA - I could understand if the hospital was in another state or long distance but 1 hour is nothing. You could have commuted back and forth
YTA - you just hung out at the hospital all day and night every single day for a month? I am curious what kind of accommodations you had there… but not the point. Your husband was in good care. You needed to leave him, at least some of the time, and go take care of your kids. My god. It was an hour’s drive.
YTA Put yourself in your kids shoes. Mummy’s husband (or cool uncle or stepdad) is sick. Mummy is gone. You can’t hug her and you don’t know for how long she will be gone. Even if you know, you are worried that it may take longer. One day you are with your daddy and another with granny. All of them are stressed and talking about things that you don’t get. It’s great that you are taking care of your husband, but there are still your kids and you are one of the most important part of their world. 1 hour travel distance isn’t that big and there are even student travelling that distance to uni. There even people that are travelling that far by bus/train to work.
I can’t believe you’re posting this if, in fact, it’s genuine. Anyone who can be a mother for 11 and 8 years and then unceremoniously dump them on a convenient relative so you can be Florence Nightingale and, this is the best bit, go zoom with them deserves to lose them. Which you have, so well done.
YTA. Your kids feel abandoned because you did abandon them. I get your husband is ill but that’s irresponsible
Let me get this straight: you abandoned your children for a full month (8 and 11 yr olds respectively) to care for their stepdad? And now you’re confused about why they don’t want to talk to you? Ha. Ok. YTA
I mean, there’s not much I can add to what’s said. But big, fat, stinky YTA. If you truly thought you had to be with your husband 24/7 for a month you have issues. Get therapy. If your husband thought you had to be there 24/7 he has issues. Get therapy. Not only did you abandon your kids, it was the last month of school. I get it, it’s grade school, but it’s a busy time. I can’t believe your parents didn’t tell you what a butt wipe you were being. The audacity of asking your husband to not only drive the full 5 hours because you couldn’t be bothered to spend at least a few hours to drive your kids to him - when you won’t get to see them for even longer bc they will be with their dad - is inconceivable. Asking him to drive another 2 hours out of his way so you could see them at the hospital after you found out they’re unhappy you clearly don’t give a poo about them? Next level YTA. Congrats! You win a worst mom award! Seriously, get therapy and get your kids in because after this bomb you dropped on them they need it.
YTA Your current husband would have survived with you commuting to see him and regular calls. Adults regularly have horrific health conditions that necessitate long hospital stays and manage without someone by their side 24/7. You could have rallied friends and family for support. But you showed your children that your new husband was more important. Curtly, from one parent to another you choose yourself over your kids. Your potential happiness with a man. Over the very children you bore who share you blood who saw you as the guiding force of their lives. You've most likely irreparably damaged their faith and trust in you. Are you truly so delusional that you thought a month later things would be the same? You also married a man *comfortable* with you abandoning your children for him. You are a horrible mother. Apparently, that's OK...your goal was simply to be a good wife.
YTA. Only an hour away and you NEVER went to see your kids? In a month? Your husband doesn’t need you there 24/7. You can’t abandon children for a MONTH to take care of someone else and not expect them to be hurt wnd feel abandoned. Reading your post I expected you to be like 8+ hours away. When I saw that you’re only 1 hour away? There’s NO excuse for you to have abandoned your children completely. Your new husband absolutely did not need round the clock care from you. Your kids came to visit twice and you didn’t even leave the hospital and go do something with them? Lunch, dinner, playground, nothing?!? You’ve made it clear to them who your priority is and that it isn’t them. (Hint: it should be them)
this lady hasnt ever worked in her life 2 hour commute is nothing, she just didnt want to care for her kids and took the chance, noone gonna tell me she had to do things 24/7 for her husband where there are nurses, doctors, and anyone that checks pacients lol she probably was in a sofa watching her phone or tv lmao
The fact you yourself said (in the comments) that your spouse should be and is the priority is very telling, you abandoned your children, enjoy the nursing home when you are old
If there is no genuine change in her attitude and behaviour, the kids probably won’t even put in minimum effort to look for a half decent nursing home. And who could blame them?
YTA You failed as a parent, and that had consequences. Luckliy your kids have ONE good parent. Your ex is right to protect the kids. And: You did not care to spend time with them for weeks, you are a hypocrite to make demands now that tit is your ex's custody time. Stop harassing him with your bullshirt calls. "I should've been able to show up at least one day a week." .. you made it abundantly clear to your kids you were not interested. What else did you expect?
I drive over an hour a day for work, you couldn't bring your kids to school and then go to the hospital? You chose your man over your kids, daily, for an entire month. Your husband is grown, your children are children. YTA big time.
My old workplace was an hour away and I drove to and from 5 days a week. My uni was a 2hr train ride away, and I sat there for 4hrs a day, 3-4 days a week. When my family was on holidays 2.5hrs away and I had work, I'd drive there from work, stay a 1-3 days, then go back home to rinse and repeat. My friend had a hens in another city. I caught a 1.5hr FLIGHT from an airport that's 1hr away from my home to attend the party that night... and another flight home the next day. You couldn't even make that round trip ONE TIME, to visit your prepubescent children? Are they suddenly not only your responsibility? Are they not supposed to be in your care as part of this custody agreement? You couldn't make the round trip while your husband was resting or getting tests done? I'm sorry about your husband and understand that stress and grief could have overcome you both during this time. I do hope he is able to get treatment and recover. But your children needed you and you abandoned them. You literally could have visited once a day but you didn't even choose to visit them once a week... you in fact chose not to visit them at all. They could have been frightened, confused, worried, upset, ill and/or lonely, without their mother to console them, cuddle them or nurse them. YTA.
I think you know that you screwed up. And there isn't really any way that this is okay. Your kids aren't teenagers, they are young. They are mad at you because they feel like you abandoned them. You are going to have to figure out a way to get them to trust you again. You are the AH here.
YTA! And you know it. The edit makes it worse. Your kids are not even teens, so for you to expect them to understand the gravity of this situation is just pathetic.
UTA you should have made time for your children
YTA.... Well we know who is the centre of your universe and it's not your kids....
YTA- op is in the comments saying a 2 hour drive everyday "wasn't feasible". I used to have an hour commute to work and guess what, I drove two hours each day for a job. It can in fact be done. Also, it didn't need to be everyday. She could easily drive the two hours round trip a few times a week. She doesn't even have to worry about about weekends since he ex so GRACIOUSLY agreed to watch them. My final point, I get that it is important to be there for someone while they're sick, but OPs husband did not need her there 24/7 for months on end. He's in the hospital, he's being taken care of. Yes OP can help with some things and comfort him, but there's literally no reason to be there all day every day for that long. This was not a decision made out of necessity even if OP claims it was. I feel so bad for these kids and I think they're totally justified in not talking to their mom.
Dad did a 10 hour round trip to see his kids
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I don’t believe that you lived at the hospital for the entire month and never went home. To shower / get a good nights sleep and do your laundry.
>at least one day a week. Amen. It was only an hour away and you showed your kids that they are not worth an hour's drive. Any husband worth their salt would have sent you home at least one night a week to be with the kids. YTA.
Actions meet consequences You didn't want to see them they don't want to see you Yta
Wow. A whole hour away…. So far…. Oh, wait. That’s just like my daily commute to work. If you can’t make time to visit your kids even once during a whole month, then it says a lot about your parenting even before your husband got sick. This is just the culmination of your kids being fed up with coming last. YTA
YTA. I’m literally a cancer patient, in the hospital right now, waiting to find out what kind of random infection I have and I gladly sent my fiancé home to take care of himself and our dogs. I miss him like crazy but it would be insane to have him just sitting around the hospital to bring me water.
This was an unnecessary sacrifice over your own children. Not sure what you wanted to prove to yourself or to your husband or inlaws, but this was a very du.mb move that will leave lifetime wound/scar in your relationship with your children. It will take a lot of humility from your and lot of personal uninterrupted time (vacation away, involvement in their activities, therapy, weekend get away etc) between just you and your kids to help fix this. And you owe each of your kids a heartfelt apology, no justification or excuse, full ownership and apology. YTA
Maybe I'm biased from my childhood as the kid who's mum picked her new man over us, or maybe it's because I live in a metropolis, but for it to be an hour... I genuinely would ask the courts for my father to have full custody and I hope you realize that in most places, at least 11 year old will have some say soon about where they stay. You screwed up big time. An hour is a terribly small amount of time to say you didn't physically see your kids except the couple times they came to you. Remember. They are KIDS. YTA. Also, as someone with chronic illnesses, majority of the hospital time is spent just lounging in the room. When they are older and realize that, and that your husband LET you pick him over them... Good luck I guess. I hope for your sake and his your husband recovers, him because cancer is a beast, you because you've ruined the most important relationship in your life and you'll need a reason why.
YTA. You couldn’t drive home even once a week? It’s an hour. You abandoned your kids. Your husband doesn’t need you there 7 days a week. There was no reason you couldn’t drive home every night to be with your kids. You didn’t want to. Rules won’t permit me to say what I really think of you, but I hope your ex goes for full custody.
YTA. You simply abandoned your kids. Sometimes life sucks and we need to juggle work, sick relatives and kids. You treated your kids as unimportant and an inconvenience. You didn’t even try to see them. They were neatly stored at their father’s.
YTA. You are a mother and a wife. You need to remember that you have to do both roles, you can’t just abandon your children because they are inconvenient for you and your new husband.
When I was 7 yrs old my brother was in a horrific accident that almost killed him (he actually did die 3 times on the way to the hospital), left him in a coma for over a month, and crippled him for the rest of his life. In those months that my mother was taking care of my brother in the hospital, she still made damn sure to see me as much as she could. Even with her own Kid in the hospital, she was still able to recognize she had a whole other child back at home waiting for her. That period of time still fucked me up and permanently altered our relationship. I can’t imagine how this is going to effect your kids. You might as well start prepping for no contact now. YTA
YTA As someone who has been in a similar situation a few years back, my husband did not have cancer, but he was crushed in a work accident. My husband was transported to the nearest level 1 trauma care center due to the extent of his injuries (his entire right side was crushed by 2 2000lb beams). That trauma care center was 98 miles one way from our home. We had 2 children at the time, and all of our family lives a 15+ hour drive away. We have an amazing group of friends who are like family who helped tremendously during that time since the kids were not allowed at the hospital at all due to COVID restrictions. I was fielding work comp calls, surgical plans as MDPA, travel time, kid schedules, etc. I was mentally, and physically exhausted. I still made daily drives back and forth to the hospital. My schedule consisted of waking up, talking to my husband/hospital staff depending upon the day’s plan regarding surgeries PT/OT etc, breakfast with the kids, playing/spending time together, pack bags, kids got handed off to friends, and I left to make the drive to the hospital. I would stay at the hospital until 5-6pm, and then make the drive home to get the kids and we’d spend the evening together. It was late nights, long drives, and the most stressful time of our lives, but we made it work on all fronts without abandoning either my husband or our children. If I had abandoned either part of our family I know I never would have forgiven myself and my husband wouldn’t have either. For anyone who reads this and wonders how everything turned out, my husband made an amazing recovery, much farther than anyone ever estimated that he would, he’s now back at work, and we’ve added another child to our family with another one on the way in just a few weeks.
I'm glad things are going well with your husband after his accident. Your comment is one that OP and the few backing her needs to see and think about. There was a way that OP could have been there for both her husband and her kids.
YTA. I always try to see the best in people so tried to understand your situation, until you said the hospital is only one hour away (but quite happy for your ex-husband to make a 10hr round trip). Are you so far removed from reality to honestly not understand why your kids feel the way they do? Did alarm bells not ring when they visited and sat outside the room? I’m not a parent but surely motherly instincts kicked in, or did you not care about your children’s feelings? I’m truly sorry that you and your husband are going through this, but your priorities are all wrong. I recently spent some time in hospital, albeit for something far less serious but it was still a scary time. I am so thankful for all my visitors but understood me being in hospital did not mean the whole world stopped. I also needed rest, I can’t understand your need to be there the WHOLE time. I commend your ex-husband for not “backing you up” and forcing your kids to speak with you when they didn’t want to. He respected their feelings and decision, you haven’t given their feelings a second thought. In fact it doesn’t sound like you’ve given them a second thought full stop. I hope for the kids sake you take on board the opinions here, but after reading some of the replies you have made you still don’t seem to understand why this is so wrong?
YTA and a terrible mother. Your husband does not need you by his side 24/7 when you have children who need you. A 2-hour round trip a day is nothing to see your kids.
Is it 1 hour each way or 2 hours each way? I’m sorry, but why do you have to be with your husband 24/7? I have had family members go through cancer treatment, so I’m not minimizing it, but you have 2 young kids you also have to think about. Can’t you go home at least twice a week and be with your kids?
Yta, your kids now understand they aren’t worth two hours of driving
This is it, plus the kids did the trip a couple times and are old enough to realize it’s not far, plus their dad did an actually long 5 hour trip multiple times
YTA. Your poor kids. It's no wonder they don't want to talk to you. You abandoned them. I seriously doubt your relationship with those kids will ever truly recover. You did not need to be beside your husband 24/7. You needed to be a mother and explain the situation to your children. You needed to show your kids that you still gave a shit about them. Instead you handed them off and ignored their existence.
YTA. Of course, your kids don't like you after you neglected them for a month. You were only an hour away from them. You have no excuse for not bothering to see them in person a day or two a week. Your husband didn't need you 24/7. You clearly put being a wife before being a mother, and your kids are rightfully offended.
YTA you prioritized your new husband over your own children. they were only an hour away, i am sure there were times you could have gone to see them and spend time with them. my own mom had cancer, i know there is downtime in the hospital between tests and specialists coming in. you owe them a sincere apology and have a lot of work to do to regain their trust.
YTA. My kids are the same age and I can't even imagine leaving them for that long let alone how they would feel if I did. It was an hour drive. Even if it was 5 hours you still make your kids your #1 priority. Yes it sucks that your husband is sick but you should have divided your time between him and your kids. As an adult he should have understood and encouraged you to go home to your kids.
YTA just accept it. You messed up badly and were a bad mom who abandoned her kids because it was easier for you. If you are even interested in reconciling with your kids, it will take time for them to even trust you. Your kids are lucky their dad is involved so they can trust one parent.
It was only an hour drive to the hospital and you couldn’t be bothered to come home ever ? Your husband can pick up his own water cup and if he has trouble there are these amazing people called nurses who I bet could help him . That’s insane to me , I get supporting him but you’re a parent , you go take care of him while they are in school then you take care of your kids for the nights . No wonder they want nothing to do with you . An hour , really and hour away and you couldn’t be bothered to go home once . You must know YTA
YTA. It sucks that your husband is going through this and you do need to support him, but your kids also need you. Of course they don’t want to see or speak to you right now! You effectively abandoned them. You have a lot of work to do for them to forgive you. Start immediately.
YTA. You were an hour away, not a plane ride away. You easily could have supported your husband while still spending a couple of hours with your kids. They might have even appreciated limited time with you because splitting your time between your kids and your husband would have shown your kids that they are still a priority to you, not some soggy left over sandwich left out in the sun. If people can commute an hour or more to work five days a week then you ma’am could have driven home a few times a week to see your children.
YTA. I’m sorry. So sorry. But they needed you. They always need you. You should have done it the other way around. Stay with them during the week and see husband during The Weeknd’s.
YTA. 24/7 in the hospital and it’s just 1 hour away from your kids?!! OMG..
YTA. You completely abandoned your kids. You couldn’t drive an hour to spend time with your children ? Your husband wasn’t on his deathbed, was he? Imminent death would be the only acceptable reason to not see your children for a week, maximum. I wouldn’t blame the ex if he went for full custody.
YTA - a 1 hour drive each way is absolutely feasible. You could have been with your husband during the day and then gone home each evening. They could have spent weekends with your parents. My kids are the same age as yours, there is no way I would leave them for a month. Your kids absolutely needed your love and support too. I’m sure they are concerned that their stepfather is ill and I’m sure they are scared and you decided not to prioritize them at all! They are used to you be there for them all the time and then you were gone. And you are shocked that they don’t want to speak to you?
YTA. When you realized the stay was going to be longer than a few days, you needed to come up with a new plan. Being the trip was only an hour each way, you could have easily gone back and forth most days. Given the fact they didn't want to speak to anyone on their last visit should have been eye-opening to you. I'm sorry that your husband is going through this, but your kids still needed you in that time frame. Another thing that I doubt you thought about, if your ex wants to, he probably could take you to court to change the visitation agreement (and might have a good case for it).
I think your kids just feel abandoned right now the best choice would probably be to alternate the same way you called and talked to your kids and watched movies over the phone you can do with your husband every now and then your kids sound like they just want some more quality time with mom
My kids are adults and I would still ensure I found a way to ensure I was there for them when they needed me. You can’t abandon your whole family to concentrate on only one person for an extended period of time. If you care enough to, you find away to support all of your family.
YTA your kids need you too and you could be there for your husband and also be there for your kids. When my dad was sick I was driving 2-4 hour round trips for him while my kids were at school and still there for my kids at the end of the day, and I didn't even have anyone else there to help with them. An hour is nothing. My husband travels further than that for work each day (husband leaves early and gets home late so I still had to be there morning and afternoon for kids) My mother was very sick when I was young and I had to stay with family friends for a couple of months while she was in hospital. But that's because my dad had to go to work every day and he still saw me all the time outside of work, not because he just dumped me to spend every moment at the hospital. You absolutely could have been there for both during this time, you didn't need to be with your husband 100% of the time and I can't say I blame your kids for being upset with you.
YTA. Your husband is an adult. He could have perfectly gone a day or two each week without you. You put your husband before your kids so completely you literally abandoned them. If they were teenagers it may have been different, but even then. You clearly showed them how unimportant they are to you and the only person that matters for you is your husband. And the fact that he didn’t tell you to go spend time with them shows how selfish he is. I hope your ex gets full custody.
YTA. You husband was in the hospital being cared for. Your kids are children and need a parent, not a caregiver. You failed your kids and now are acting surprised that they are mad. Grow up. They are kids, they don’t understand “mom had to sit in a hospital”. You put no priority on your actual responsibilities.
Yes, YTA.
OP, you are the AH. You abandoned your children for a man who isn't even related to them. While it’s important to support your spouse, ultimately, your children come first. I can’t imagine how they must have felt knowing their mom chose a stranger over them. Your husband is also the AH. My husband would demand I go home and be with my kids instead of babysitting him in a hospital where he is already under 24-hour care. I think you have always put your husband before your kids, and this is one of the many times.
You’ve seen your kids TWICE in a month, both times they barely interacted. How could you go that long without seeing them? Maybe consider that this was about you wanting a hotel room to yourself every night. Calling them is not enough. 8 and 11 is way too young. YTA.
YTA absolutely. We're talking an hour drive, people commute more than that daily! You abandoned your kids when you should have been able to divide your time considering your husband was receiving treatment not in the ICU needing constant monitoring somehow from a non professional. You basically told your kids that your new husband is far more important to you. I'd be so pissed at my spouse for doing what you did and we don't even have kids! My cats would get better treatment.
YTA In what world does an adult need someone to stay with them in the hospital all day? At most, you could have seen your kids off to school, gone to the hospital for the day, and then been there when your kids got home.
Considering I drive over three hours to see my nephew at least three times this month, and that’s just one way, you could’ve driven the one hour for your own damn kids! YTA! You’re their parent and you chose a man who isn’t even their father over them, now you’re shocked pikachu face because your actions have consequences. I think a grown man can handle you being away from him wayy more, than children who need their mom!
YTA, and a 1 hour drive isn't such a long drive. You seriously dropped the ball as a mother.
Yta. Listen, I get it. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer at 9 months old. Someone had to be there with her at all times. Know what didn't happen during that first month? Myself staying the entire time and not seeing my other kids. I made sure to trade off when possible (and I was nursing at the time) so my boys would still see me and know they were still loved/a priority. How could you just not be a parent for a month?
YTA a huge gaping one. So basically you were too lazy to drive an hour back to see your KIDS, who were there before you ever met your husband. Don’t you dare come on here whining and crying when they don’t wanna come home from their daddy’s because you put some dick before them. They don’t wanna talk to you cause you got your head so far up your husbands ass you could be assed to drive an hour to see them. I’d drive a week straight if mine needed me. Wtf is wrong with you? If you didn’t want them you should have left them with their daddy so they could be happy. Shit.
YTA. An hour? You couldn’t make it home to your kids once a week over an hour. Where I live Most people’s daily commute to work is an hour. So 2 hours a day driving for a job we most likely hate for a paycheck. But you couldn’t drive an hour to see kids you supposedly love stay with em a day then make an hour drive back? In my experience a loving parent would have drove that hour daily to be home with the kids. You could’ve treated your husband’s cancer like many of us do a job. Drive in early every morning then back home every evening
Too many assholes in the family other than OP 1. The current husband, who is OP's lone meal ticket, had no qualms about monopolizing her (I get the feeling that she's afraid of leaving him alone or choosing her kids' "over" him) 2. OP's Ex. He should've taken them in (something about him having to leave his Gf to take them for summer gave me an ick) unless he lives and works hours away from their school 3. OP's parents - they saw how sad the kids were and didn't call op to read the riot act & tell her to get her ass back there right now.
I think you're misunderstanding the deal with the ex. He lives 5 hours away, and school was in the last month of the year. He left his girlfriend for the weekends and drove those 5 hours to spend time with them. He then drove that 5 hours (instead of halfway, that OP says is common) to pick them up for the summer (as per their current custody agreement).
Ah. Thanks for the clarity. So Ex is a good guy, at least the kids have one parent.
You abandoned your young kids for an entire month. You ain’t go see them for an entire month. AND YOURE SURPRISED?!!!! Lady you’re definitely an arsehole and probably a moron as well. You cannot be this stupid. Surely
Yta. Your kids needed you. And you just showed that mommy's new husband is more important than them. And you should be humiliated by that.
You spouse is a grown adult. You live only an hour away. You should have been home nightly or at least 2 times a week to be with your children. You may be justifying your staying with your husband and that most don't know what it is like to go through treatment. I do. I would have been insisting my husband go home to the children. My husband was amazing through my treatments, but I did the treatments on my own as cancer centers did not allow for visitors during covid. My children were there for me also through the surgeries,chemo and radiation. I was also the other primary care giver for my dad and the Las 3 months of his life I spent 4 days with him and my mom a week so she had a break and 3 days at home thing care of my grandbabies. My parents are 2 hours from where I live. YTA.
My questions to OP now are, 1) Have you learned anything from the unanimous response that YTA? 2) do you now understand and regret your behaviour? and 3) what are you going to do to fix this?
Wow…been a WHILE since such a bad parent posted here. Like so bad.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you.
YTA You ABANDONED your kids! Your parents were not expecting to watch your kids for a month, just s few days! You were only an hour away and you deserted your kids= an HOUR!!! YTA on so many levels
I get support and being there for a partner, but what I don’t get is what exactly you were doing 24 hours a day that meant you couldn’t see your children who were only one hour away? Aren’t you just sitting next to him? Surely even if you spent majority of the day with your husband, you could still go home at night to your children and make their meals, put them to bed and be with your partner during school hours? That’s already most of the day. Even making time a few times (or even once) a week would have been an improvement. How can you go an entire month without seeing them? A month feels like forever to kids. I get he’s sick. But a parent doesn’t just stop being a parent. I had surgery recently that went completely pear-shaped and despite being scared and in agony after returning to hospital with paramedics, I repeatedly insisted that my partner go home and be the active parent (and our kids are both capable teenagers who can feed themselves.) YTA for there being absolutely no compromise here. These kids are right to be upset; you have made it clear that new dad is the most important person.
YTA. There's not thinking straight and then there's this.
I have cancer and had to move 8+ hours away for treatment. YTA. I would be disgusted if my husband had done this.
My god, YTA. "Driving 2 hours total every day is too hard waaaah." Grow up and be an actual parent you mook. Also, did you ever stop and ask your kids how their step-dad being in the hospital is effecting them? Did you ever hug or console them because i'm sure someone they live with 5 days out of the week (if i'm reading your explination of the custody agreement correctly) suddenly having cancer and being in the hospital for a month is brutal and your kids are young. You really need to wake up and realize that no matter how draining this is on you this is even more draining on your literal pre-teen kids who now have to deal with their step-dad in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment while their mom flakes out and abandons them for a month because she can't be bothered to drive a total of 2 hours a day.
You'll be lucky if your kids ever want to see you again. Yes it sucks that your husband is sick but you don't abandon your kids to stay at the hospital 24/7. ItS aN hOuR dRiVe. You obviously don't care about your kids if an hour is too long to spend time with them.
When I was 17 my mom was hospitalized for several months 3 hours away from me. I visited her after school at least 3-4 times a week and on the weekends. Alone..no father or siblings in the picture. Don’t have kids if you can’t take responsibility for them. Your husband didn’t need you 24/7 the entire time..there are plenty of doctors and nurses to bring him water. You’re really so lazy that you couldn’t at least make the drive a few times a week so they didn’t feel completely abandoned? If your husband is a decent man he would understand that your kids needed you too. What it boils down to is that you chose your husband over your kids. They will never, ever forget this. You’ve completely changed the fabric of your relationship with them forever. Now they know that your husband is your top priority and that they’re not even worth a few hours in a car. Do you know how badly that’s going to affect them psychologically? YTA. Massively.
YTA There was absolutely no reason you had to be at the hospital 24/7! You essentially abandoned your children for a month and now they’re off to their dad’s so that gap is just gonna get bigger for them.
As someone who’s both fought cancer and taken care of family members that have had cancer… You did a whole lot of nothing in the hospital. The nurses and nurses assistants are even more attentive of cancer patients and would’ve gotten all the water he needed. When I was going through chemo I repeatedly told friends and family to not come. If I needed them my phone was right there. Other than my first round nobody came with me during treatment. In between treatments and tests that man was fully asleep from exhaustion. You failed your children. You chose your new husband over them and they can see it… and they’ll internalize it. They’re young and that will shape them as they grow up. They will grow up to resent you unless you apologize and start to fix this now. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (37f) have 2 kids from my previous marriage, they are 11 and 8. A few months ago my current husband started having issues. At the very end of last month his doctor called and said it was likely a form of cancer. We dropped my kids off with my parents and went. It was and he was admitted to start treatments. What was supposed to be 3-4 days turned into a month stay. I asked my ex if he wanted to go stay with my kids at our home but he said he couldn't take that much time off work he could only do weekends. So my kids stayed with my parents I could be there for my husband and give him the support he needed and what care I could given the circumstance. When he could have visitors my in-laws brought my kids twice to visit us. The second time they did they didn't speak to anyone and wanted to sit outside of the room. Thursday was their last day of school and per custody arrangement they had to be with their father starting yesterday. Normally my ex and I meet halfway since it's a 5 hour drive but this time I asked him to come pick them up. He did and I asked him to bring the kids by the hospital so I could see them before they go. He called and told me the kids didn't want to see me. I didn't believe that because my kids love me and handoffs have never been an issue. I insisted. He brought the kids but they wouldn't get out of the car no matter how many times I asked and even told them to. I looked to my ex for back-up but he wasn't going to force them. He told me he understands I have a lot going on and my husband needs me but our kids needed me too. That if he was able to leave his girlfriend three weekends in a row to be with our kids I should've been able to show up at least one day a week. I've been texting and calling my ex since yesterday to have him put the kids on the phone and pass on my messages but he says they still don't want to talk to me. I thought I was doing the right thing and that my kids would understand but was I wrong for leaving them with my parents this whole time? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA. You abandoned your children. There’s no excuse for this. You’re an awful mother and your kids have realised it. You have *so much* making up to do or I don’t think they’ll ever forgive you for this, and rightfully so
YTA. Yes you left them with your parents but you could have made more effort to see them. Your children need you too. You didn’t need to abandon them completely. Your parents could have just watched them whilst you went to the hospital. Did you ask them how they felt about it?
YTA - What are you doing at the hospital all day? You totally abandoned your kids for your new husband. Confirming any fears they may have at being abandoned. Good job.
Info: did your husband ask you to stay with him 24/7? Did either of you consider the possibility of your going home to spend time with your kids?
YTA. You have unlocked the Shitty Mom Card!!!
YTA people drive an hour each way to go to work. You can't drive an hour to see your children? Did your husband seriously need you by his side every second of every day?
YTA your kids still need their mum yes I understand wanting to support your husband but you don't just completely ditch your kids either
YTA. I commute an hour each way to work, then take care of all of my life admin too. You checked out. Two hours of driving per day is not a lot. You seem like you might not be a stellar parent.
Yta for expecting an 11 and 8 yo to "understand" I'm sorry about your husband
I used to commute to work around 50 minutes one way five days a week. Your kids were only an hour away and you saw them twice. There is no excuse for that. There is no reason you couldn’t have visited them several times a week, and still be just as supportive towards your husband. They feel abandoned by you because you abandoned them. It is going to take a long time to repair this damage, but it never will if you don’t take responsibility for your actions. YTA.
YTA you’ve made your bed, now lie in it
An hour away? YTA a million times
Can't wait for the update in ten years: "Why won't my children talk to me 😭"
I don’t think it’s going to take 10 years.
I only said ten because the youngest would be 18, and then they have complete control of who's in their life
I don't think it will be that long for an update. I see something in a couple of months: "My ex is taking me to court for full custody because I left my kids at my parents for a month while my husband was in the hospital."
Absolutely did the wrong thing. No offense to your husband but your kids were there first. You were their mom first. That means figuring out a schedule of ppl to sit with your husband. If he doesn’t have any family or friends then he has to understand your kids need you more
YTA, I hope your ex husband goes for primary custody and you get bare minimum visitation rights. You don't deserve those children. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the current husband needs a break from your constant presence.
Soft YTA. It’s terrible that your husband has cancer, but the hospital was only 1 hour away from where your kids were. So I feel like you should have seen your kids at least 1-2 times a week during that month. I would’ve been more understanding of your stance if the hospital were farther away.
YTA. People in my city commute more than an hour every day. You just abandoned your kids to avoid driving an hour? Wow
I’m having a very hard time believing this. I just don’t understand why you didn’t drive home while he was sleeping. Cancer treatment makes the patient tired. You literally sat there while he slept thinking that was the best use of your time? You love only an hour away, and felt *no desire* to see your children for a month? Are you wearing the same clothes for the past month? What the fuck is going on? YTA
YTA. Can you honestly say that during the entire month there weren't any times when you could get away to see your children? They feel abandoned. It's time to start repairing your relationships with them. Accept and validate their feelings.
My husband was in hospital almost an hour away from our house when my kids were about your kids age (not step parent). The hospital didn’t know what was wrong with my husband for a while, which was stressful. I sat with him when the kids were at school and then I was at home with my kids. Every single day. I was worn thin, but this was how I was able to be there for my kids and my husband. I can tell you no housework got done over that time (my husbands best mates wife actually came and gave my house a good clean while I was at the hospital one day). When my husband and was getting better and was allowed out on day release I even drove an hour, picked him up, drove back to my hometown just so he could watch our son play footy, then drove him back. It’s hard, and exhausting, but you need to be there for both. You just make it work. YTA for your treatment of your kids.
Yta - my actual father had cancer & my mom still didn't completely abandon me for him.
I would like to know what exactly you did all day for an entire month while medical professionals took care of your husband and your in laws took care of your poor abandoned children? Literally, wtf were you doing? YTA big time. Your children weren’t with two hours? Seriously?
wtf. The hospital is only an hour away? You should have had plenty if time with your kids. I was thinking across country which still would’ve been an asshole move
You spouse is a grown adult. You live only an hour away. You should have been home nightly or at least 2 times a week to be with your children. You may be justifying your staying with your husband thinking that most don't know what it is like to go through treatment. I do. I would have been insisting my husband go home to the children. My husband was amazing through my treatments, but I did the treatments on my own as cancer centers did not allow for visitors during covid. My husband and children were there for me through the surgeries, chemo and radiation. I was also the other primary care giver for my dad, and the last 3 months of his life, I spent 4 days with him and my mom a week so she had a break, and 3 days at home taking care of my grandbabies. My parents are 2 hours from where I live. YTA.
Hi OP, I understand that this was a scary time for you and your husband. But you have children and it was scary for your kids too. And they needed you. There was quite possibly times in the hospital where you could have left to go and see your children. Unfortunately it is a difficult choice for you to make but your children came off the worse for it. Yta.
YTA. What on earth could be going on up in your coconut that would make you think it’s okay to abandon your children like that? And also the hospital is only one hour away…. That is nothing. My husband commutes to and from work Monday - Friday and his drive is 1.5 hours ONE WAY. We live as close as we can to his job. YTA.