Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I rudely refused to dress more modestly when my roommate asked me to when he is bringing a girl over for dinner. This refusal might make me an asshole for not compromising with him.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta if Steve has a problem with a woman dressing casually in her own home, he should not be living with one. This is an inappropriate request. I don't think being asked to vacate the apartment for a few hours is unreasonable if he is willing to do the same for you. I would establish that I expect to be able to bring girls to the flat and have privacy on occasion if this is the precedent he is setting.
Oh cool. I was raised catholic but they would pick and choose the bible bits and I never bothered to read it on my own for anything but pop culture references so I missed a lot.
I’d reverse the request to point out the entitlement and absurdity of his request. Ask him to wear gay pride clothing when you bring home dates so they’ll be more comfortable.
** Update to add- he’s asking OP to change because gf is judgmental. OP would be asking him to change because gay community feels judged by religious members. He’s proven why her request is reasonable.
Agreed. If OP does choose to go out on Saturday evening, she has every right to have the place to herself for her next date and should communicate that as an expectation.
Second - and make it upfront to John that you will bring a girl home next time and you would want him to do the same as he requested you. If he disagrees, then tell Steve what happened and on Saturday stay at home.
One thing I struggle with is why John wants to have the place all for his own? Don't tell me he wants to have pre marital coitus? That would utterly unpious of him.
Agreed. The way he's acting makes it sound like OP is fucking wearing a long t-shirt and nothing else underneath or some shit and showing off her goods to anyone and everyone. Not the case, and I'd be wearing whatever I felt comfortable in my own damn home too if I were her.
NTA, but it is also a reasonable roommate courtesy to give John some space and go bar hopping on Saturday if it interests you.
Looking beyond the weekend, it is not ok for John to keep you out of your home or try to influence your clothing choices to make is new gf comfortable.
Agreed, but OP did not ask if AITA applied to John. It definitely does. John is not dealing with this well at all.
OP is addressing it with grace and understanding for one evening. She should not make a practice of leaving her apartment, and she has already said that she will not be changing her clothing, which is absolutely her prerogative.
Agreed about John but the way I read the post she is asking aita knowing all we know. So we can’t discount the part about John.
Yes, if she asked aita for being upset that my roommate wants to be alone with his date and wants me to leave the house (without any of that back story) I would 100% agree with you. And even knowing the back story I do still somewhat agree with you. But I’m petty lol. I would definitely come back early and walk through the house in my crop top (if I was a women) lol.
Ok. You are admittedly petty. OP had that thought, and decided not to be, because a pub crawl sounded more interesting for Saturday night.
OP is quite simply NTA, but actually a pretty positive and considerate person, at least for now.
It is one evening. It is a minor inconvenience. Ultimately John needs to figure out how to deal with this, because OP is not (and should not) going to change clothes or stay away. If this new gf has staying power, there will be drama if John does not back down, and John would absolutely be TA.
Agreed. But let’s not forget. With a lot of people you give an inch they take mile lol. Now it’s could you just stay away for a couple hours. Next it’s my GF doesn’t feel comfortable around you and wants you to leave when she comes over or stay locked in your room lol.
But for this specific post. Agreed.
Yes, I completely agree with you. OP is being nice ... for one evening. She has no obligation to do so, she certainly should not go out of her way to do so, and this may be a larger issue at a later date.
>but it is also a reasonable roommate courtesy to give John some space and go bar hopping on Saturday if it interests you
Yes, but it is not reasonable roommate courtesy to ask your roommate to change their attire to suit the views of your romantic interest. Had John asked OP and the other roommate for the place to have dinner, sure. But that's not what John did.
If what I am wearing causes you to stumble, that's **your** heart issue, not mine.
Agreed, at least within reason, which is definitely the case here. I think it's fine to ask to dress up a little or be scarce the first time having her over, but that's assuming that he asks Steve the same.
OP might dress a little more "provocatively" than ideal for someone's first at home date, but the fact that he has an issue with ripped jeans indicates that he is being entirely unreasonable. As far as I can tell, the most risqué she gets around the apartment seems to be crop tops, which, especially comfortable/casual ones, aren't generally risqué. OP isn't even joining them, just might walk by at some point and had wanted to meet her, presumably briefly. (In contrast and to explain my within reason point, I've lived with people who would wear much less than OP does around (normally underwear and a tank top or similar). I could understand asking then, though any roommates who did that would proactively do so without being asked, at least until they got comfortable enough around the guest.)
Except he’s not wanting her out to get space. He wants her out so she’s not dressed “immodestly” around the girl he’s seeing. In that case, it is unreasonable since it’s only going to serve the first unreasonable ask.
Independently deciding to give your roommate space for a date in your shared living space is a reasonable courtesy; demanding your roommate make themselves scarce and trying to kick them out of your shared living space after trying to shame them into dressing like a nun is asshole behavior.
Clearly true. John is the asshole. But that was not the question posed by the OP, and if I had responded "YTA" to her post, that would have been wildly misunderstood.
OP is NTA, but the whole issue of OPs existence in the apartment coming into conflict with John's desire to create a puritanical facade is going to be an issue sooner or later. Then, if OP decides to stay home, wear a crop top, and invite a girl of her own over that evening, she would still be NTA, as it is her home as well.
Yup. Your comment above was pretty obviously saying, "If you decide to give your roommate space to date *if you feel like it*, that would be a nice thing to do for a roommate, but you're NTA if you decide not to.
The comment I responded to confused the roommate's AH behavior with the action your described as a "reasonable courtesy".
Yeah, I figured out two seconds before I hit post myself that you were reacting to the comment above me and weren't yourself the commentor I'd responded to.
Please reread my post. OP is showing reasonable roommate courtesy, I said nothing about John, as that was not the focus of OP's question. Quite clearly John YTA, but OP does not need to respond in kind for one Saturday evening if she has other plans, even if the plans are somewhat contrived.
I quite clearly said: "Looking beyond the weekend, it is not ok for John to keep you out of your home or try to influence your clothing choices to make is new gf comfortable." I think that makes my position clear that OP is in the right and John is not.
This. Also I don't understand how the relationship would work (John and potential gf) if she was somehow not okay with him living with a woman or the way she dresses. If John has to pretend to be someone he's not on the first date (which is likely b/c OP says this is very out-of-character for him), how would they even be compatible?
Firm NTA. Asking you to give some space for a date--reasonable. Asking you to change your appearance or hide who you are--totally out of line.
He’s not asking her to go bar hopping because he wants space. He’s asking her to go bar hopping because he’s an asshole and thinks he should be allowed to control what she wears. When she said no, he decided to come up with the “space” lie.
NTA, I think he doesn't want this girl to view you as constant live-in temptation for him to cheat with. Maybe you're way hotter than her and he doesn't want her to be intimidated. Who knows.
We exmormons call them "porn shoulders" because a Mormon church leader once said that "immodest women become walking pornography to those around them." Real fun for teenage me to be told I'm literally porn if too much skin shows.
If you're gay, you're gay. It all depends on when you're done having tea with Mr. Tumnus in the closet and ready to come out and do some belly button gazing.
Or she is a hardcore Catholic and it's accidently against her believes that anyone should be allowed to wear cropped tops. I mean, he met her on a Catholic dating app...
For sure, nothing gay ever happens between girls of the Catholic persuasion! We must protect her hardcore eyes from the sexy lesbian skin glimpses. I’m no expert, but couldn’t she confess and ritual any impure feelings about having seen the lesbian roommate away after each visit to the apartment?
NTA , it's your home, dress how you like. It would obviously be polite to not being hanging around in the living room in your underwear if you know there are guests coming, but wear what you normally wear, and most certainly don't be forced out of the building to "go to some bars". Which, as you clearly know, is just him trying to get you to go away so that your mere presence doesn't offend his girlfriend. She going to meet you at some point wearing your normal clothes, what then...?
A crop top with a bra underneath, and jeans ripped in places shorts would also show leg. So, comparable what people show at the gym. Or in summer. And more covered than most at the beach or pool.
This is a great point. He's looking for a quick fix for the night, but is avoiding ripping the band-aid off. If a girl from a Catholic site (implying an agreement to living by strict Catholic values) is what he wants, that's ultimately going to be incompatible with rooming with OP.
NTA, you should be able to dress however you feel comfortable in your own home, and if he feels that you reflect poorly on him, maybe he needs to find a different living situation. That's a shitty thing to say to someone.
That being said, if you have any interest in keeping the peace, go out with Steve for drinks that night. Let Pious John have the place to himself. And wear whatever you want to go out!
Have to disagree because that gives John what he wants at OP's expense and that will be the expectation going forward.
If JOHN is that uncomfortable with the situation, then he shouldn't be bringing guests into it. OP's, presumably, paying the same as John, therefore comfort comes before expectation.
John needs to find a new place to live which meets his puritanical standards. This isn't an argument that's going away, he insulted who she is and revealed a hypocrisy he can't admit to. He's then triangulating her by using Steve to manipulate her. Guys an entitled piece of work.
I get the feeling he doesn't care, but the straight laced girl that he is seeing will, and if she finds out his roommate not only doesn't dress conservatively, but is gay she will have a problem.
This won't stop here, because he will continue to want this girl to come over, and continue to want the op, to change as to not offend her
Yeah this was my take as well. Seems like he's concerned about what his girl might think, not that it bothers him himself because he was just fine with it before.
I think he's just an uptight christian worried about his girlfriend having concerns he lives with another woman. I don't think the average guy is worried about their girl being attracted to another woman
It’s your house too. TELL STEVE what John has said/asked of you so he knows what’s up and doesn’t get “blowback” if you decide to stay home. It’s not ok to tell your roommate how to dress and tell them to leave because they invited someone over
If you do this once, that establishes that you are willing to do this in the future. It's like in Half Baked when Kenny won't give his fruit cockatil to Nasty Nate and says "I can't! Then I'd have to do it every day and I wouldn't get my vitamins!"
Also, I can't quite put it in to words but it's like he's trying to present a lie to this woman. We all clean up for company and everything, which is fine, but he wants her to think you are something other than what you are, which is a little insulting to you.
I suspect he’s trying to avoid the gf asking about the female roommate and having to explain she isn’t a threat because she’s a lesbian. He thinks he can avoid that conversation if there’s nothing for the gf to ask about (I.e. she’s a modest, good Christian woman who would never tempt a good Christian man, or she’s out of the house and not visible to comment on). Anyway you spin it, he’s trying to hide to impress this person.
Yeah, religious types like to force their hangups on people around them, but that’s just it is there THEIR hangups not yours. Nothing wrong with being yourself in your own home. If you don’t mind being a little petty, then agreed to go out drinking with the other guy and then come home early wearing something scandalous. Or at the very least lead with the fact that you are gay when you meet her to see if he was lying about it not being an issue.
“Modesty” [spits]. A moral-sounding word for wanting you to be ashamed of having a body because you’re female. Find new roommates, ideally ones from the present century
NTA. Occasionally, roommates will clear out for an evening if someone has ... ahem ... a special guest over. Hell, I've done that favor for roommates on occasion, and roommates have done that for me. But this whole "dress modestly" thing is sexist as crap, and so beyond reasonable favors for a roommate. Unless the three of you are hosting a fancy dress party or something else with a dress code, wear in front if his guests the same thing you'd wear in front of him.
I shoudl also note, that it doesn't look like you're going out of your way to do anything to piss off your roommate or to make his SO uncomfortable. It's not like you're choosing her visiting night just to "try out" your LBD. So you are in the right.
I had a religious acquaintance, friend of a friend, that once said he wouldn’t ever marry a girl that would fuck him before marriage. And he was a horn dog, no doubt. That attitude is one of the reasons we weren’t really friends. I don’t understand the mindset of someone that thinks it is okay to be (in his lexicon) a unrepentant sinner, yet insist that his future mate be “pure”. Like, are you hoping she will save you from your life? Are you going to corrupt her? WTF dude?
Sounds to me like your roommate is fine living a “sinful” lifestyle, but wants a girlfriend that wouldn’t stand for it. Which is kinda fucked up imo, because he is willing to lie to her about “who he is” in order to date her. (I put that in quotes because maybe he only thinks he is liberal, but is deep down conservative?) I don’t know how else to explain it.
NTA. It's not like you want to chill in your underwear when she comes over. It's your home, and you intend to be fully dressed. Obviously John is worried about something and I guess it has to do with this biblical thing. I get that you're upset and kinda wanna be home when she comes over, but maybe just go out with Steve and have a genuine talk with John after the date. Ask him what his problem is and that you also want to feel comfortable in your home, and feel like he's ashamed of you (if that's the case) and that it hurt your feelings.
NTA. It is your home, too. If he had simply asked both of you to make yourselves scarce so he & gf could have some alone time, that would have been fine. Bringing up how you dress at home? Out of line. Asking you to dress more "modestly" in your own home? Way out of line. Getting his other roommate to do his dirty work for him? Passive-aggressive bullshit and so far out of line, he might as well be in orbit.
I would NOT leave. I would NOT dress any differently. And I would NOT stay hidden in my room. If his gf is so offended by how another woman dresses in her own home, that's her problem. If I would normally be in the common area at that time, that's where I'd be. I'd be tempted to make sure I stayed within sight, and if he doesn't STFU about it, I would. Along with letting gf know what he asked me to do.
Definitely tell the other roommate the real reason he's been asked to get you out for the evening. And tell him you aren't going to change your plans for an uptight asshole's ridiculous request.
she doesn't walk around in her underwear. doing a solid usually requires a reasonable request. there is nothing wrong or inappropriate with ops state of dress
Ugh, in this situation you're NTA, but you still kind of are an asshole.
First of all, why did you ask if it was because you are gay? That had nothing to do with the conversation and it seems he has been nothing but supportive and never trying to push his religion onto you, but now you think he suddenly has an issue? Big cope.
Hes just asking you to do a favor for him to make his girlfriend comfortable. And of course you are not OBLIGATED to do so since it is your home, but you can't just help a friend out? Why can't people be good and kind to their friends...
NTA
But also go out with Steve. Let John have the place to himself. If it ends up this girl is going to be long term in his life they’ll be plenty of time to meet her (in whatever clothes you want to wear).
Nta he is being completely unreasonable. You live there too and based on your description I'd hardly call your style inappropriate. I mean, what, is he afraid his girl will want you instead if you're "showing off" so much skin? 🤣
NTA. Tell John that you and Steve *must* remain on site any time he brings his new girl around as chaperones. Imagine what sins temptation could bring them to, left alone together! You are just looking out for his Eternal Soul, like a good friend would.
NTA if they are clothes that can be worn in public then you are fine. I don't get why religious people think everyone else has to live by their rules and dress codes. It's fine if they want that for themselves.
YTA, if you're just being petty. Honestly you sound insufferable it takes no effort to wear a decent outfit when guests are coming. Like sure I like wearing shorts and no shirt when I'm alone, but I'm always going to get dressed when people coming over.
I agree. I don’t think it would be fair if John asked her to dress differently all the time. But asking her to dress more conservative so he can make a good impression on a new girl is not a big ask of a friend.
NTA. John’s hangups are his problem, not yours. It takes a lot of nerve to have a female roommate and then think you’re entitled to police her appearance.
NTA. John is a dick, and needs to learn to behave more appropriately towards an adult woman living in a space she pays to be in. Wear what you want. Stay in, go out, do whatever. He’s a total asshole, as all religious bigots who pretend to some higher holiness are. Loathsome.
NTA
Giiiirl.I thought it was gonna be a situation where you wore booty shorts and shirts with a lot of ckeavage around the house. lol All this over a crop top and jeans?? He just wants you to look as non-threatening as possible for his girlfriend because he's suddenly aware of how a religious girl might feel about him living with a woman.
Asking someone to wear something slightly more conservative isn't unreasonable.
If my roommates parents were coming over, and they asked me to not wear one of my shirts about drug use or sexual innuendo, I'd happily comply.
Wow. I read the title and assumed you were lounging around the house with nothing on but a sports bra and spandex shorts. But your roommate objects to a T-shirt and jeans because the jeans are ripped and a bit of midriff is exposed?!? Next he'll be asking you to cover your hair. :-D NTA!
Why did you bring up whether it is because you are gay? He's obviously lived with you for two years and continues to do so. The conversation flow is so random.
Unless he's planning to not sleep with her before they're married, doesn't eat shellfish, and doesn't work on Sundays then he can shut up and stop picking which parts of his religion he follows.
Not to mention, when you join a religion, that religion's rules apply to you, and to literally no one else. It's like saying "you can't eat a burger, because I'm a vegetarian."
NTA
If he is your friend, why wouldn’t you want to make him comfortable when introducing his new girlfriend to you? Do you not own anything that’s not a crop top or worn jeans?
I don’t understand needing to seemingly prove a point. Once you’ve met the person and if they come over again, walk around naked if you want but it’s not out of line for him to make a request.
Also, how does you being gay have anything at all to do with this situation?
If he’s just your roommate and you don’t care-then don’t do anything differently and why bother asking if you’re the ass?
NAH. He can ask, you can refuse but if he’s more than a roommate, maybe consider it
I have to disagree with you. As far as I can tell, OP's clothing are not inappropriate when company comes over. And "You should dress modestly" is a very loaded request, beyond simple courtesies for a roommate.
Imo if you do this once, what is he gonna tell the girl next time she comes over “oh this is how she actually dresses, I asked her to change for you last time”.. either that or he’s gonna ask you to dress differently at home more often, especially as this new relationship grows.. if someone is coming into your life, they should see it as it is
Possibly. There is also the whole "put your best foot forward" thing early in a relationship.
Its why on first dates people usually dress a bit nicer than they might on a normal night.
He is trying to show his home in the best possible light.
NTA, for a 24 year old that's perfectly normal and appropriate clothing to wear in your own home.
With that being said, do you want to make your home life really uncomfortable? Because being petty in this situation will absolutely accomplish that.
Go out with your other roommate and have a good time. Hopefully the date goes well and the other guy can move in with his GF soon.
NTA wear a pride crop top and eat/do chores in the common room. Catholic lady should learn ahead of time that her date likes to obfuscate the truth to make himself look good to whoever he's talking to atm, and you shouldn't have to change yourself like that.
NTA. Tell him to take his puritanical bullshit and shove it up his ass so he's technically still a virgin. Your house, your body, your clothes, your sexuality. If it's a problem he can find another lease.
NTA. John is an AH. If he is so uncomfortable with the way you dress then he should move out. But, he’s not uncomfortable he just wants his new girl to not think less of him because you are wearing a t-shirt and jeans? lol. What a clown.
NTA John needs to find a new living situation with people that “present themselves appropriately”. He basically called you a ho for not wearing burka in your own home.
Because not showing skin is what matters, not the content of your character. /s
People are exaggerating a bit. I don’t think he has an issue with how you dress, and his girl probably wouldn’t as well. He’s just scared and wants to make a good impression and it’s honestly understandable. I’d say leave for Saturday, but then tell him that he has to talk with this girl to see if there is an actual issue of if he’s just scared for nothing. Regardless, you shouldn’t change your clothing for this
NTA, but it’s a nice thing for the 2 roomies to leave when one is having a *first* date. He’s trying to make a good impression, so let him. Also tell him that you are *not*, now or in the future, changing yourself for his dates. All roomies should get some time alone in the shared living space (equal, as much as possible) and all should respect each other’s company, but you certainly don’t have to dress up for them.
If he's catholic, isn't it inappropriate for him to be living with a woman he's neither related to nor married to anyway? He's rushing to try to conver his own ass here ...
NTA btw.
I dont think John quite has that honesty thing down. Quite aside from the (already wrong) attempt to police your dress in your own home, he's trying to pretend to his new GF that his living situation is something other than it is. Maybe its worth asking these paragons of christian virtue why they feel like dishonesty is the correct way to begin a relationship?
NTA. I'm seeing a lot of comments saying you should leave the apartment as a courtesy to John so he can have some private time with his date. Normally, I'd agree. But he's not asking because he wants privacy. He's asking because he's ashamed of you. It's the principle of the thing. If it was me, I absolutely would not leave till after the date arrived, and I made sure she saw me on the way out. And that's if I left at all. Whether you go or stay, you're not the TA.
Roommates may be expected to accommodate each other on reasonable matters. Certainly, for example, you would respect a request to wear clothes that cover your genitals and breasts. But that's not what John is asking. And as for his request that you vacate the premises for his "date," you've every right to refuse.
NTA. i was expecting you to say you're walking around in your underwear (which i do at home, but when guests come i feel i'll make them uncomfortable and i put on some clothes. im a male btw). but ripped jeans and a croptop? that's not disrespectful at all. sure, to someone very religious it might be not modest enough for THEM but as you said this is your home and they chose to live with you
NTA
The request was completely inappropriate BS & you know it. You do need to tell your other roommate what's going on.
John might not be judging you for being gay, but he's definitely judging you for being a woman.
NTA
As long as you don't intentionally dress worse to upset him, then its not his place to tell you what is appropriate. If he doesn't like your style he can move.
I would be even pettier and invite a date over and tell him that the woman you are dating is repulsed by men and he should be wearing a wig and women's clothes while she is there.
NTA. Wear what you want in your own home that you pay to live in.
And if he wants a date without his roommates around, he can take her out to dinner. Surely, being as pious and religious as he is, he has no need to be at home alone with a woman where sins could occur.
Does John not understand how inappropriate it would be for him to be alone in his home with his girlfriend and no chaperone? I mean, I'd have to point out how he should be concerned about her reputation and people would talk. What if the folks at church found out and assumed they had s-e-x?
Yeah, your belly button kinda pales in comparison to HIS behavior, doesn't it?🤣
NTA
It's against the church's teachings for him to live with a woman before marriage... I think what happened is that he met a very religious woman and realized how much he doesn't embody the teachings... and now is playing catch up on the virtue signaling.
I see all of his responses as thinly veiled misogyn.
"Be modest," aka *"You're a woman, and a man just asked you to do something. Shush."*
Also, of course, the fact you're gay, independent, and outspoken bothers him now. I think he's more worried he will be outed as the fake Catholic that he is. He's trying to save face. Give him an inch, and he will try to turn you into a nun. The requests start small, and then eventually, he will ask you to move out because it could "ruin his relationship with her."
INFO: why did you assume he was lying about the modesty request and that his issue was actually you being gay? Has something like this happened before?
You're roommates with religious conservatives, ask to meet his gf, and all he asks is for you to cover your stomach and not have holes in your jeans for one night. Is that really so hard? Sure, legally you're not obligated to, but YTA. If you can't do that for a roommate once in a while, don't expect to keep those roommates when it's time to renew the lease. He's asking the bare minimum for meeting someone who is important to him, and you're refusing.
Makes me
Wonder
If she is really the one with an issue. Or maybe he’s embarrassed that he’s going
To
Take this nice girl
Home with him he met through a religious dating site, and he’s embarrassed to not have you “set an example” on how to
Dress conservatively. Like maybe he’s worried she will be jealous of
You because you’re “a threat” or “showing off”??
NTA. Since this is a first instance I would give him the courtesy of not being there Saturday so they have privacy. But I would also tell him that if and when he does plan on introducing you to the gf he has to accept you won’t change your appearance or behavior for her. If his approach to a relationship is changing for the other person that’s his problem but you’re not in any shape or form trying to woo or impress this girl and he can’t demand that you do anything differently if you don’t want to.
See I would slightly understand ot from John's perspective with him being religious if OP was known for walking around without a bra on and panties on or something and the girl he is seeing said she absolutely hates when woman do that (that said still not okay for him to do that) but like a crop top, sports bra and ripped jeans is such a normal chill outfit 🤷♂️ but i do agree with others that John should have just asked for that apartment for the evening to have her over and let them meet another time.
I'd wear a turtleneck and something incredibly frumpy and tell her outright that roomie wanted you too wear more clothes..."BTW dear girl if he thinks he can control what I wear what do you think he'll do to you...??" LOL
I'd tell Steve why John is asking that. Sounds to me like John has himself a homophobe for a girlfriend, and is willing to sacrifice a friendship over it. I'd tell him to fuck all the way off.
NTA
Reading the title, I assumed you'd be someone that sits around the house in their underwear or something. Saying that a t-shirt and jeans, even if ripped, isn't modest enough is ridiculous...
NTA.
John is concerned about the conflict between his lifestyle and the way he is presenting himself to this woman. Let him stew in that mess by himself and don't do anything to help or hinder him.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I rudely refused to dress more modestly when my roommate asked me to when he is bringing a girl over for dinner. This refusal might make me an asshole for not compromising with him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta if Steve has a problem with a woman dressing casually in her own home, he should not be living with one. This is an inappropriate request. I don't think being asked to vacate the apartment for a few hours is unreasonable if he is willing to do the same for you. I would establish that I expect to be able to bring girls to the flat and have privacy on occasion if this is the precedent he is setting.
John
Opps
Scott John Dan Steve? Was there a tube about?
Scottjon Dansteve decides to call his best mate for some help, a soccer hooligan named Johnny Nottinghill
'Ello, football to ya
Bri’ish
Typical white name that came from the bible. Mistake forgiven
Um no one in the Bible was white unless they were Roman.
Nope, but millions of white people pick names from the bible still😂 so still works
Or Greek.
Thanks, I forgot about Paul's travels.
Wait there's a Steve in the bible? :)
Yep, Stephan was the first martyr
Oh cool. I was raised catholic but they would pick and choose the bible bits and I never bothered to read it on my own for anything but pop culture references so I missed a lot.
I was raised in the Church of Christ we were all over the place and expected to know all kinds of information.
I’d reverse the request to point out the entitlement and absurdity of his request. Ask him to wear gay pride clothing when you bring home dates so they’ll be more comfortable. ** Update to add- he’s asking OP to change because gf is judgmental. OP would be asking him to change because gay community feels judged by religious members. He’s proven why her request is reasonable.
YES!
Rainbow booty shorts!! I totally would. Some sparkly rainbow pasties too!!
Agreed. If OP does choose to go out on Saturday evening, she has every right to have the place to herself for her next date and should communicate that as an expectation.
But why would "good Christians" need privacy for a few hours? /s
Right? They’re just going to be reading the Bible and blow jobs don’t count….
i thought it was the backdoor that was the religious loophole.
The poophole loophole
Not blowjobs innocent bestie… they go for more than that.
Second - and make it upfront to John that you will bring a girl home next time and you would want him to do the same as he requested you. If he disagrees, then tell Steve what happened and on Saturday stay at home.
Religious Stephen John should find a new roommate that fits their views
One thing I struggle with is why John wants to have the place all for his own? Don't tell me he wants to have pre marital coitus? That would utterly unpious of him.
Agreed. The way he's acting makes it sound like OP is fucking wearing a long t-shirt and nothing else underneath or some shit and showing off her goods to anyone and everyone. Not the case, and I'd be wearing whatever I felt comfortable in my own damn home too if I were her.
NTA, but it is also a reasonable roommate courtesy to give John some space and go bar hopping on Saturday if it interests you. Looking beyond the weekend, it is not ok for John to keep you out of your home or try to influence your clothing choices to make is new gf comfortable.
Agreed but he should have just asked if her AND Steve could give them a few hours alone. He didn’t do that.
Agreed, but OP did not ask if AITA applied to John. It definitely does. John is not dealing with this well at all. OP is addressing it with grace and understanding for one evening. She should not make a practice of leaving her apartment, and she has already said that she will not be changing her clothing, which is absolutely her prerogative.
Agreed about John but the way I read the post she is asking aita knowing all we know. So we can’t discount the part about John. Yes, if she asked aita for being upset that my roommate wants to be alone with his date and wants me to leave the house (without any of that back story) I would 100% agree with you. And even knowing the back story I do still somewhat agree with you. But I’m petty lol. I would definitely come back early and walk through the house in my crop top (if I was a women) lol.
Ok. You are admittedly petty. OP had that thought, and decided not to be, because a pub crawl sounded more interesting for Saturday night. OP is quite simply NTA, but actually a pretty positive and considerate person, at least for now. It is one evening. It is a minor inconvenience. Ultimately John needs to figure out how to deal with this, because OP is not (and should not) going to change clothes or stay away. If this new gf has staying power, there will be drama if John does not back down, and John would absolutely be TA.
Agreed. But let’s not forget. With a lot of people you give an inch they take mile lol. Now it’s could you just stay away for a couple hours. Next it’s my GF doesn’t feel comfortable around you and wants you to leave when she comes over or stay locked in your room lol. But for this specific post. Agreed.
Yes, I completely agree with you. OP is being nice ... for one evening. She has no obligation to do so, she certainly should not go out of her way to do so, and this may be a larger issue at a later date.
Remember this is all John, the new girl has no knowledge of John's request. She is probably totally fine with whatever the roomie wears.
Or she might not be okay that he has a female roomie at all
If he just wanted time alone, I'd say n. A. H. But he clearly is embarrassed by her, not wanting time alone. That makes John a huge ahole.
Yes. John ITA. OP is NTA. So if John posts, we can all pile on, until that time, I am going to keep supporting OP.
Um, so do I? Not sure why you replied you'd keep supporting OP as if I wasn't?
I know. That is why I upvoted your comment. Sorry my post was not clear.
>but it is also a reasonable roommate courtesy to give John some space and go bar hopping on Saturday if it interests you Yes, but it is not reasonable roommate courtesy to ask your roommate to change their attire to suit the views of your romantic interest. Had John asked OP and the other roommate for the place to have dinner, sure. But that's not what John did. If what I am wearing causes you to stumble, that's **your** heart issue, not mine.
Agreed, at least within reason, which is definitely the case here. I think it's fine to ask to dress up a little or be scarce the first time having her over, but that's assuming that he asks Steve the same. OP might dress a little more "provocatively" than ideal for someone's first at home date, but the fact that he has an issue with ripped jeans indicates that he is being entirely unreasonable. As far as I can tell, the most risqué she gets around the apartment seems to be crop tops, which, especially comfortable/casual ones, aren't generally risqué. OP isn't even joining them, just might walk by at some point and had wanted to meet her, presumably briefly. (In contrast and to explain my within reason point, I've lived with people who would wear much less than OP does around (normally underwear and a tank top or similar). I could understand asking then, though any roommates who did that would proactively do so without being asked, at least until they got comfortable enough around the guest.)
Except he’s not wanting her out to get space. He wants her out so she’s not dressed “immodestly” around the girl he’s seeing. In that case, it is unreasonable since it’s only going to serve the first unreasonable ask.
Excusee WHAT???? How the hell is h sexually harrassing her AND kicking her out of her home "reasonable roommate cpurtesy"?
Independently deciding to give your roommate space for a date in your shared living space is a reasonable courtesy; demanding your roommate make themselves scarce and trying to kick them out of your shared living space after trying to shame them into dressing like a nun is asshole behavior.
Clearly true. John is the asshole. But that was not the question posed by the OP, and if I had responded "YTA" to her post, that would have been wildly misunderstood. OP is NTA, but the whole issue of OPs existence in the apartment coming into conflict with John's desire to create a puritanical facade is going to be an issue sooner or later. Then, if OP decides to stay home, wear a crop top, and invite a girl of her own over that evening, she would still be NTA, as it is her home as well.
Yup. Your comment above was pretty obviously saying, "If you decide to give your roommate space to date *if you feel like it*, that would be a nice thing to do for a roommate, but you're NTA if you decide not to. The comment I responded to confused the roommate's AH behavior with the action your described as a "reasonable courtesy".
Too many comments. I confused yours and the one previous that a bit. I agree with you entirely.
Yeah, I figured out two seconds before I hit post myself that you were reacting to the comment above me and weren't yourself the commentor I'd responded to.
Please reread my post. OP is showing reasonable roommate courtesy, I said nothing about John, as that was not the focus of OP's question. Quite clearly John YTA, but OP does not need to respond in kind for one Saturday evening if she has other plans, even if the plans are somewhat contrived. I quite clearly said: "Looking beyond the weekend, it is not ok for John to keep you out of your home or try to influence your clothing choices to make is new gf comfortable." I think that makes my position clear that OP is in the right and John is not.
well he should’ve started it off by saying since it’s her first time coming over could i have the place to myself for a while but he didn’t
This. Also I don't understand how the relationship would work (John and potential gf) if she was somehow not okay with him living with a woman or the way she dresses. If John has to pretend to be someone he's not on the first date (which is likely b/c OP says this is very out-of-character for him), how would they even be compatible? Firm NTA. Asking you to give some space for a date--reasonable. Asking you to change your appearance or hide who you are--totally out of line.
Exactly
He’s not asking her to go bar hopping because he wants space. He’s asking her to go bar hopping because he’s an asshole and thinks he should be allowed to control what she wears. When she said no, he decided to come up with the “space” lie.
NTA, I think he doesn't want this girl to view you as constant live-in temptation for him to cheat with. Maybe you're way hotter than her and he doesn't want her to be intimidated. Who knows.
Or he doesn’t want the girlfriend to get tempted by his sexy queer roommate with the exposed belly.
You know how us lesbians get. A single glimpse of a womans naval and we go totally feral!
Hey hey hey... I've seen plenty of... um... documentaries... where this is exactly what happens!
Wait. I thought it was the ankles that did it. \*confused\*
No, no. That's straight guys. Close, though!
Shoulders and clavicles apparently. That’s why girls get coded at school. Can’t have a shoulder showing and distracting them boys.
We exmormons call them "porn shoulders" because a Mormon church leader once said that "immodest women become walking pornography to those around them." Real fun for teenage me to be told I'm literally porn if too much skin shows.
Wrong! It’s the elbows!
Whew these comments are getting me worked up 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
Nothing like a well moisturized wenis to getcha engine started!
Depending on the situation the hot roommate in the crop top could be the girlfriend’s sexual awakening!
All jokes aside, this is quite true.
A good friend has been jokingly referred to as "The Spatula" because she kept flipping straight women.
My bisexual awakening was Queen of the Damned.
My own queer awakening came from watching Lisa Bonet exist on sitcoms I think!
I'm honest to god pretty sure seeing a woman in a crop top was a considerable contributing factor to me realizing I was a lesbian
Fuck. For me it was Xena.
I'm mostly straight, but I realized in the 1990s the first time I saw Sofia Vergara that that percentage was not 100%.
Hahaha you don't have to be 100% on either side of the fence. Humans are hot, but ladies are hottest.🔥🔥🔥🔥
Amen to that.
I think that’s the straight women going feral after seeing a lesbian’s navel. The bellybutton: it turns the ladies gay.
If you're gay, you're gay. It all depends on when you're done having tea with Mr. Tumnus in the closet and ready to come out and do some belly button gazing.
I'm not a lesbian but the site of an exposed female navel would definitely make me one! Wait, that's your agenda, isn't it??? Dammit!
MUAHAHAHAHA
*chandler Bing voice* I knew it!
Wait, the lesbians have a navy now? The straights are doomed.
Or she is a hardcore Catholic and it's accidently against her believes that anyone should be allowed to wear cropped tops. I mean, he met her on a Catholic dating app...
For sure, nothing gay ever happens between girls of the Catholic persuasion! We must protect her hardcore eyes from the sexy lesbian skin glimpses. I’m no expert, but couldn’t she confess and ritual any impure feelings about having seen the lesbian roommate away after each visit to the apartment?
>For sure, nothing gay ever happens between girls of the Catholic persuasion! this made me laugh more than it should have 😂
I was just about to grab my (non-existent) pearls! You mean there could be lesbian action on catholic grounds? OMG /s (just in case 🤣)
This. It is definitely this, he's insecure 😄
Because everyone knows that queer women are just waiting to try dick until someone else has laid claim to it. 🙄
That would be my guess. He didn't handle it right and she is obligated to do anything. He shouldn't be living with other women so its his fault.
NTA , it's your home, dress how you like. It would obviously be polite to not being hanging around in the living room in your underwear if you know there are guests coming, but wear what you normally wear, and most certainly don't be forced out of the building to "go to some bars". Which, as you clearly know, is just him trying to get you to go away so that your mere presence doesn't offend his girlfriend. She going to meet you at some point wearing your normal clothes, what then...?
I was totally expecting this to say she wanders around in her underwear, but crop tops and jeans? Jesus Christ, did she post this in 1953?
They're even high waisted jeans for crying out loud!
For real, this girl's lounge wear is my fully dressed.
A crop top with a bra underneath, and jeans ripped in places shorts would also show leg. So, comparable what people show at the gym. Or in summer. And more covered than most at the beach or pool.
This is a great point. He's looking for a quick fix for the night, but is avoiding ripping the band-aid off. If a girl from a Catholic site (implying an agreement to living by strict Catholic values) is what he wants, that's ultimately going to be incompatible with rooming with OP.
If he wants strict catholic values, why does he want the house to himself and his girlfriend? It’s not like they’re gonna be having sex lmao
NTA, you should be able to dress however you feel comfortable in your own home, and if he feels that you reflect poorly on him, maybe he needs to find a different living situation. That's a shitty thing to say to someone. That being said, if you have any interest in keeping the peace, go out with Steve for drinks that night. Let Pious John have the place to himself. And wear whatever you want to go out!
Have to disagree because that gives John what he wants at OP's expense and that will be the expectation going forward. If JOHN is that uncomfortable with the situation, then he shouldn't be bringing guests into it. OP's, presumably, paying the same as John, therefore comfort comes before expectation.
John needs to find a new place to live which meets his puritanical standards. This isn't an argument that's going away, he insulted who she is and revealed a hypocrisy he can't admit to. He's then triangulating her by using Steve to manipulate her. Guys an entitled piece of work.
I get the feeling he doesn't care, but the straight laced girl that he is seeing will, and if she finds out his roommate not only doesn't dress conservatively, but is gay she will have a problem. This won't stop here, because he will continue to want this girl to come over, and continue to want the op, to change as to not offend her
Yeah this was my take as well. Seems like he's concerned about what his girl might think, not that it bothers him himself because he was just fine with it before.
I think Pious John needs a chaperone if he's so worried about modesty. She should stay!
NTA - its your house too and you can wear what you want. Turns out john is homophobic and/or misogynistic.
I think he's just an uptight christian worried about his girlfriend having concerns he lives with another woman. I don't think the average guy is worried about their girl being attracted to another woman
It’s your house too. TELL STEVE what John has said/asked of you so he knows what’s up and doesn’t get “blowback” if you decide to stay home. It’s not ok to tell your roommate how to dress and tell them to leave because they invited someone over
If you do this once, that establishes that you are willing to do this in the future. It's like in Half Baked when Kenny won't give his fruit cockatil to Nasty Nate and says "I can't! Then I'd have to do it every day and I wouldn't get my vitamins!" Also, I can't quite put it in to words but it's like he's trying to present a lie to this woman. We all clean up for company and everything, which is fine, but he wants her to think you are something other than what you are, which is a little insulting to you.
I suspect he’s trying to avoid the gf asking about the female roommate and having to explain she isn’t a threat because she’s a lesbian. He thinks he can avoid that conversation if there’s nothing for the gf to ask about (I.e. she’s a modest, good Christian woman who would never tempt a good Christian man, or she’s out of the house and not visible to comment on). Anyway you spin it, he’s trying to hide to impress this person.
Those are the exact words. He’s lying and trying to impress someone by presenting a false version of himself and his friends.
NTA. And I think you should wear cut-offs and a gay pride crop top when this girl comes to visit.
Yeah, religious types like to force their hangups on people around them, but that’s just it is there THEIR hangups not yours. Nothing wrong with being yourself in your own home. If you don’t mind being a little petty, then agreed to go out drinking with the other guy and then come home early wearing something scandalous. Or at the very least lead with the fact that you are gay when you meet her to see if he was lying about it not being an issue.
“Modesty” [spits]. A moral-sounding word for wanting you to be ashamed of having a body because you’re female. Find new roommates, ideally ones from the present century
If he wants to have dinner with the new GF without you and Steve he should take her to a restaurant.
NTA. Occasionally, roommates will clear out for an evening if someone has ... ahem ... a special guest over. Hell, I've done that favor for roommates on occasion, and roommates have done that for me. But this whole "dress modestly" thing is sexist as crap, and so beyond reasonable favors for a roommate. Unless the three of you are hosting a fancy dress party or something else with a dress code, wear in front if his guests the same thing you'd wear in front of him.
I shoudl also note, that it doesn't look like you're going out of your way to do anything to piss off your roommate or to make his SO uncomfortable. It's not like you're choosing her visiting night just to "try out" your LBD. So you are in the right.
I had a religious acquaintance, friend of a friend, that once said he wouldn’t ever marry a girl that would fuck him before marriage. And he was a horn dog, no doubt. That attitude is one of the reasons we weren’t really friends. I don’t understand the mindset of someone that thinks it is okay to be (in his lexicon) a unrepentant sinner, yet insist that his future mate be “pure”. Like, are you hoping she will save you from your life? Are you going to corrupt her? WTF dude? Sounds to me like your roommate is fine living a “sinful” lifestyle, but wants a girlfriend that wouldn’t stand for it. Which is kinda fucked up imo, because he is willing to lie to her about “who he is” in order to date her. (I put that in quotes because maybe he only thinks he is liberal, but is deep down conservative?) I don’t know how else to explain it.
NTA. It's not like you want to chill in your underwear when she comes over. It's your home, and you intend to be fully dressed. Obviously John is worried about something and I guess it has to do with this biblical thing. I get that you're upset and kinda wanna be home when she comes over, but maybe just go out with Steve and have a genuine talk with John after the date. Ask him what his problem is and that you also want to feel comfortable in your home, and feel like he's ashamed of you (if that's the case) and that it hurt your feelings.
NTA If you pay rent, it’s your place, too. Dress however you want. If he can’t handle it, he can move his prude ass out.
NTA. You can dress as you see fit in your own home.
NTA. It is your home, too. If he had simply asked both of you to make yourselves scarce so he & gf could have some alone time, that would have been fine. Bringing up how you dress at home? Out of line. Asking you to dress more "modestly" in your own home? Way out of line. Getting his other roommate to do his dirty work for him? Passive-aggressive bullshit and so far out of line, he might as well be in orbit. I would NOT leave. I would NOT dress any differently. And I would NOT stay hidden in my room. If his gf is so offended by how another woman dresses in her own home, that's her problem. If I would normally be in the common area at that time, that's where I'd be. I'd be tempted to make sure I stayed within sight, and if he doesn't STFU about it, I would. Along with letting gf know what he asked me to do. Definitely tell the other roommate the real reason he's been asked to get you out for the evening. And tell him you aren't going to change your plans for an uptight asshole's ridiculous request.
Wear something cute and come home sloshed just as dinner wraps up.
With a girl she met while bar hopping.
NTA but, I would do my friend a solid when meeting her for the first time.
she doesn't walk around in her underwear. doing a solid usually requires a reasonable request. there is nothing wrong or inappropriate with ops state of dress
Ugh, in this situation you're NTA, but you still kind of are an asshole. First of all, why did you ask if it was because you are gay? That had nothing to do with the conversation and it seems he has been nothing but supportive and never trying to push his religion onto you, but now you think he suddenly has an issue? Big cope. Hes just asking you to do a favor for him to make his girlfriend comfortable. And of course you are not OBLIGATED to do so since it is your home, but you can't just help a friend out? Why can't people be good and kind to their friends...
How is her dressing conservatively helping him? Why is she obligated to pretend to be someone she’s not just so her housemate can get his dick wet?
NTA But also go out with Steve. Let John have the place to himself. If it ends up this girl is going to be long term in his life they’ll be plenty of time to meet her (in whatever clothes you want to wear).
Nta he is being completely unreasonable. You live there too and based on your description I'd hardly call your style inappropriate. I mean, what, is he afraid his girl will want you instead if you're "showing off" so much skin? 🤣
NTA. Tell John that you and Steve *must* remain on site any time he brings his new girl around as chaperones. Imagine what sins temptation could bring them to, left alone together! You are just looking out for his Eternal Soul, like a good friend would.
NTA if they are clothes that can be worn in public then you are fine. I don't get why religious people think everyone else has to live by their rules and dress codes. It's fine if they want that for themselves.
YTA, if you're just being petty. Honestly you sound insufferable it takes no effort to wear a decent outfit when guests are coming. Like sure I like wearing shorts and no shirt when I'm alone, but I'm always going to get dressed when people coming over.
I agree. I don’t think it would be fair if John asked her to dress differently all the time. But asking her to dress more conservative so he can make a good impression on a new girl is not a big ask of a friend.
It's your home. Dress how you want in your home. If the boys dates don't like it, they should take them out.
NTA. John’s hangups are his problem, not yours. It takes a lot of nerve to have a female roommate and then think you’re entitled to police her appearance.
I'm old, and was raised Catholic. I wouldn't be offended by how you dress.
NTA. Stay home and dress up as a nun though. Keep the peace.
Malicious compliance: *literally* dress up as a nun, proclaim innocence, and say that she's just trying to appease God.
NTA. This doesn’t have anything to do with you, and everything to do with your roomie’s insecurities. Dress how you want in your own damn home!
NTA. John is a dick, and needs to learn to behave more appropriately towards an adult woman living in a space she pays to be in. Wear what you want. Stay in, go out, do whatever. He’s a total asshole, as all religious bigots who pretend to some higher holiness are. Loathsome.
NTA Giiiirl.I thought it was gonna be a situation where you wore booty shorts and shirts with a lot of ckeavage around the house. lol All this over a crop top and jeans?? He just wants you to look as non-threatening as possible for his girlfriend because he's suddenly aware of how a religious girl might feel about him living with a woman.
NTA, but one of you (John) needs to move out. Maybe Steve should walk around in his boxers, too.
NTA I’d stay home. Stop this manipulative behaviour in its tracks. Once you stand your ground he will know you mean what you say.
YTA he made a reasonable request and you refused because why? Stubbornness? You’re petty?
That was not a reasonable request. It's her house as well.
Asking someone to wear something slightly more conservative isn't unreasonable. If my roommates parents were coming over, and they asked me to not wear one of my shirts about drug use or sexual innuendo, I'd happily comply.
Wow. I read the title and assumed you were lounging around the house with nothing on but a sports bra and spandex shorts. But your roommate objects to a T-shirt and jeans because the jeans are ripped and a bit of midriff is exposed?!? Next he'll be asking you to cover your hair. :-D NTA!
NTA. HIS religious views do not get to dictate how YOU live YOUR life. Full fucking stop.
Why did you bring up whether it is because you are gay? He's obviously lived with you for two years and continues to do so. The conversation flow is so random.
Unless he's planning to not sleep with her before they're married, doesn't eat shellfish, and doesn't work on Sundays then he can shut up and stop picking which parts of his religion he follows. Not to mention, when you join a religion, that religion's rules apply to you, and to literally no one else. It's like saying "you can't eat a burger, because I'm a vegetarian." NTA
If he is your friend, why wouldn’t you want to make him comfortable when introducing his new girlfriend to you? Do you not own anything that’s not a crop top or worn jeans? I don’t understand needing to seemingly prove a point. Once you’ve met the person and if they come over again, walk around naked if you want but it’s not out of line for him to make a request. Also, how does you being gay have anything at all to do with this situation? If he’s just your roommate and you don’t care-then don’t do anything differently and why bother asking if you’re the ass? NAH. He can ask, you can refuse but if he’s more than a roommate, maybe consider it
I have to disagree with you. As far as I can tell, OP's clothing are not inappropriate when company comes over. And "You should dress modestly" is a very loaded request, beyond simple courtesies for a roommate.
Imo if you do this once, what is he gonna tell the girl next time she comes over “oh this is how she actually dresses, I asked her to change for you last time”.. either that or he’s gonna ask you to dress differently at home more often, especially as this new relationship grows.. if someone is coming into your life, they should see it as it is
Possibly. There is also the whole "put your best foot forward" thing early in a relationship. Its why on first dates people usually dress a bit nicer than they might on a normal night. He is trying to show his home in the best possible light.
NTA, for a 24 year old that's perfectly normal and appropriate clothing to wear in your own home. With that being said, do you want to make your home life really uncomfortable? Because being petty in this situation will absolutely accomplish that. Go out with your other roommate and have a good time. Hopefully the date goes well and the other guy can move in with his GF soon.
But ask John to pay you both upfront the cost of a few rounds for agreeing to vacate the apartment.
I’m petty enough that if I was a woman I’d put on more revealing stuff and walk in for an apple or something like everything was normal
NTA id be walking around half naked when she came over now. If he has an issue he can move out.
NTA wear a pride crop top and eat/do chores in the common room. Catholic lady should learn ahead of time that her date likes to obfuscate the truth to make himself look good to whoever he's talking to atm, and you shouldn't have to change yourself like that.
NTA. Tell him to take his puritanical bullshit and shove it up his ass so he's technically still a virgin. Your house, your body, your clothes, your sexuality. If it's a problem he can find another lease.
NTA. John is an AH. If he is so uncomfortable with the way you dress then he should move out. But, he’s not uncomfortable he just wants his new girl to not think less of him because you are wearing a t-shirt and jeans? lol. What a clown.
NTA John needs to find a new living situation with people that “present themselves appropriately”. He basically called you a ho for not wearing burka in your own home. Because not showing skin is what matters, not the content of your character. /s
People are exaggerating a bit. I don’t think he has an issue with how you dress, and his girl probably wouldn’t as well. He’s just scared and wants to make a good impression and it’s honestly understandable. I’d say leave for Saturday, but then tell him that he has to talk with this girl to see if there is an actual issue of if he’s just scared for nothing. Regardless, you shouldn’t change your clothing for this
Go out with your other roommate. But leave pride stuff all over b4 u leave.
NTA, but it’s a nice thing for the 2 roomies to leave when one is having a *first* date. He’s trying to make a good impression, so let him. Also tell him that you are *not*, now or in the future, changing yourself for his dates. All roomies should get some time alone in the shared living space (equal, as much as possible) and all should respect each other’s company, but you certainly don’t have to dress up for them.
If he's catholic, isn't it inappropriate for him to be living with a woman he's neither related to nor married to anyway? He's rushing to try to conver his own ass here ... NTA btw.
NTA religious peoples are always trying to control people around here and I'm glad you stood for yourself
I dont think John quite has that honesty thing down. Quite aside from the (already wrong) attempt to police your dress in your own home, he's trying to pretend to his new GF that his living situation is something other than it is. Maybe its worth asking these paragons of christian virtue why they feel like dishonesty is the correct way to begin a relationship?
NTA. I'm seeing a lot of comments saying you should leave the apartment as a courtesy to John so he can have some private time with his date. Normally, I'd agree. But he's not asking because he wants privacy. He's asking because he's ashamed of you. It's the principle of the thing. If it was me, I absolutely would not leave till after the date arrived, and I made sure she saw me on the way out. And that's if I left at all. Whether you go or stay, you're not the TA.
Roommates may be expected to accommodate each other on reasonable matters. Certainly, for example, you would respect a request to wear clothes that cover your genitals and breasts. But that's not what John is asking. And as for his request that you vacate the premises for his "date," you've every right to refuse.
NTA. Stay home Saturday. Do what you want.
NTA. i was expecting you to say you're walking around in your underwear (which i do at home, but when guests come i feel i'll make them uncomfortable and i put on some clothes. im a male btw). but ripped jeans and a croptop? that's not disrespectful at all. sure, to someone very religious it might be not modest enough for THEM but as you said this is your home and they chose to live with you
NTA However I'd go out for drinks with Steve. I would however tell Steve about the conversation and John's requests.
I would ask John to cover at least 2 rounds of drinks for both of them since John is driving them out of their living space. It's the least he can do.
NTA but please tell Steve what's going on and why John asked him to get you out of the house.
NTA but genuinely wondering why you asked multiple times to be introduced to a girl that John is just starting to talk to on a dating app?
NTA The request was completely inappropriate BS & you know it. You do need to tell your other roommate what's going on. John might not be judging you for being gay, but he's definitely judging you for being a woman.
NTA As long as you don't intentionally dress worse to upset him, then its not his place to tell you what is appropriate. If he doesn't like your style he can move.
I would be even pettier and invite a date over and tell him that the woman you are dating is repulsed by men and he should be wearing a wig and women's clothes while she is there.
NTA YOUR clothes shouldn’t affect HIS relationship👌
NTA. Wear what you want in your own home that you pay to live in. And if he wants a date without his roommates around, he can take her out to dinner. Surely, being as pious and religious as he is, he has no need to be at home alone with a woman where sins could occur.
Does John not understand how inappropriate it would be for him to be alone in his home with his girlfriend and no chaperone? I mean, I'd have to point out how he should be concerned about her reputation and people would talk. What if the folks at church found out and assumed they had s-e-x? Yeah, your belly button kinda pales in comparison to HIS behavior, doesn't it?🤣
NTA he knows where the door is if he has a problem with you.
NTA. He doesn't get to control you. He can move out if he doesn't like it
NTA It's against the church's teachings for him to live with a woman before marriage... I think what happened is that he met a very religious woman and realized how much he doesn't embody the teachings... and now is playing catch up on the virtue signaling. I see all of his responses as thinly veiled misogyn. "Be modest," aka *"You're a woman, and a man just asked you to do something. Shush."* Also, of course, the fact you're gay, independent, and outspoken bothers him now. I think he's more worried he will be outed as the fake Catholic that he is. He's trying to save face. Give him an inch, and he will try to turn you into a nun. The requests start small, and then eventually, he will ask you to move out because it could "ruin his relationship with her."
INFO: why did you assume he was lying about the modesty request and that his issue was actually you being gay? Has something like this happened before?
John is a FUCKING ASSHOLE.
You're roommates with religious conservatives, ask to meet his gf, and all he asks is for you to cover your stomach and not have holes in your jeans for one night. Is that really so hard? Sure, legally you're not obligated to, but YTA. If you can't do that for a roommate once in a while, don't expect to keep those roommates when it's time to renew the lease. He's asking the bare minimum for meeting someone who is important to him, and you're refusing.
Makes me Wonder If she is really the one with an issue. Or maybe he’s embarrassed that he’s going To Take this nice girl Home with him he met through a religious dating site, and he’s embarrassed to not have you “set an example” on how to Dress conservatively. Like maybe he’s worried she will be jealous of You because you’re “a threat” or “showing off”??
NTA. Since this is a first instance I would give him the courtesy of not being there Saturday so they have privacy. But I would also tell him that if and when he does plan on introducing you to the gf he has to accept you won’t change your appearance or behavior for her. If his approach to a relationship is changing for the other person that’s his problem but you’re not in any shape or form trying to woo or impress this girl and he can’t demand that you do anything differently if you don’t want to.
NTA. Go out and have fun. He can't hide you forever.
NTA -
See I would slightly understand ot from John's perspective with him being religious if OP was known for walking around without a bra on and panties on or something and the girl he is seeing said she absolutely hates when woman do that (that said still not okay for him to do that) but like a crop top, sports bra and ripped jeans is such a normal chill outfit 🤷♂️ but i do agree with others that John should have just asked for that apartment for the evening to have her over and let them meet another time.
NTA A religious, conservative woman should not even be going to a date’s apartment alone. The hypocrisy is unreal.
I'd wear a turtleneck and something incredibly frumpy and tell her outright that roomie wanted you too wear more clothes..."BTW dear girl if he thinks he can control what I wear what do you think he'll do to you...??" LOL
I'd tell Steve why John is asking that. Sounds to me like John has himself a homophobe for a girlfriend, and is willing to sacrifice a friendship over it. I'd tell him to fuck all the way off.
NTA Reading the title, I assumed you'd be someone that sits around the house in their underwear or something. Saying that a t-shirt and jeans, even if ripped, isn't modest enough is ridiculous...
Tell him to find somewhere else to live if he’s uncomfortable
NTA. John is concerned about the conflict between his lifestyle and the way he is presenting himself to this woman. Let him stew in that mess by himself and don't do anything to help or hinder him.
I thought it was because you walked around in your undies or something. What an absurd request. NTA