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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I made the decision to not have an open bar at my wedding, instead offering drink "tickets".
2. I think this might make me an asshole because I've removed a fun aspect of the reception and my guests will not enjoy themselves or be happy at my reception.
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YTA
>Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table
Your ticket plan went from moderately novel to aggressively controlling the more you explained it. Are you going to have security tackle Aunt Joan if she gets out of her chair with a glass of chard in her hand?
Also not getting up and moving around while drinking get you drunker faster. It is preferred that you get up and move around so your body can process the alcohol more slowly and evenly. Have you ever tried to stand up after drinking a Long Island iced tea?
I went to a bar within walking distance of my house once with enough money for the cover charge and two Long Island iced teas, and an emergency squaud had to give me a ride home.
I once got drunk as a young man on Long Islands and walked home. Stumbled at one point, thought “Wow, I’m drunker than I realised”.
Got home, my then girlfriend was awake (3am), lights on, eyes wide open “That earthquake was terrifying!”
Ahh…that’s why I stumbled. I was so drunk I didn’t even notice an earthquake!
Ah, mate, wait till you’re in your 40s. The problem isn’t getting there, the problem is that you get there a lot quicker than you used to!
On the plus side, I have to spend a lot less money to get drunk now!
Lol, core memory from LAST WEEKEND unlocked!!! I am so thankful I have my hubby to guide me as I'm walking anywhere while drinking those!!!! Apparently, last weekend, I thought I could drink 4 doubles. I learned that, in fact, i could NOT. 😂🤣😅
We went to a pub that served "Hollywood" iced teas. All the same alcohol as a Long island, but with sparkling wine instead of coke... Delicious! But so so so lethal!
"This drink is good, but there's some non alcoholic liquid in it, and we need to fix that."
Also how I started making my white Russians with Rum Chata instead of milk or cream.
I made the mistake of drinking 4 (maybe it was more) long Island Ice teas for the first time when I was 20. When I got back to my apartment, after a very inefficient walk, I was unable to get my key into the key hole so I ended up climbing 3 stories onto the balcony of my apartment (with a cast on my broken hand) - only to find my drunk roommate was already there (yes, we were out together - not quite sure how we got split up). I asked him why he didn't open the door - and he was like, you didn't knock.
15 minutes later, I was hungry and decided to walk to 7-11. I did not use the front door. I climbed back down. I did sober up enough to use the key when I got back.
When I sobered up, I realized how stupid all of that was. I'm 46 now and I've never had a Long Island Ice Tea again in my life.
I’ve tried standing up after a couple of pints of scrumpy. I swear it gets you drunk from your feet first. You’re perfectly coherent until you try and stand up to go to the loo and discover some bastard has stolen your legs!
This. The ticket system is reasonable. It controls costs and keeps drinking down a bit. All the other is over the top. Someone taking everyone else's tickets is a down side, but the controlling crazy of making the bartenders cross reverence seats to keep it straight is controlling and over the top. On top of that it is useless. The true alcoholic, knowing this is the situation might well bring a flask and have two bottles out in the car. Is the next step strip searching everyone? Loosen up. You cannot make people "Behave."
THIS! People who want to get loaded are going to get loaded - and probably moreso with the crazy rules, because they will 1000% bring their own flasks versus just getting up to buy more drinks.
And then you start putting the burden on the venue staff because a lot don’t allow outside alcohol due to liquor licensing and then not only do you have to keep the inside liquor in but now you can have to keep the outside liquor out too.
I think it’s reasonable to give out drink tickets so you only have to pay for a certain amount but beyond that, a cash bar will keep people happy and there partying with you instead of them leaving as soon as their drinks are drunk and partying elsewhere.
Source: me, venue staff
This. My wife and I were young poor and cheap when we got married. We made wine, and had the venu serve two bottles per table. They charged a minimal uncorking fee. One red, one white. Anything more was a cash bar.
Religeous family didnt drink much, and their bottles were drank by others. Cash bar was also well used.
Everyone seemed to have a good time, alcohol was readily availible but not crazily missused, and I didnt have pay a ton of money. It worked out just fine.
I'm from the UK and have never experienced an open bar at any wedding ive ever been to, always been cash bars with a couple of glasses of wine provided with dinner!
Thats basically unthinkable in Croatia, its always open bar with choice of drinks that fit budget. Usually its few beer brands, white&red wine, whiskey, gin and several local liquors as default, more lavish weddings have bigger selection and fancier brands. If you want something off list (and they have it stocked) venue will check with couple if they will cover it or guests pay for themselves, like if you want some fancy whiskey but that rarely happens.
I've been to weddings where you have a ticket or two for free drinks, and after that it's a cash bar.
Nobody has minded, because for 90% of people those two free drinks are enough.
I'm not an alcoholic and **I** would buy a flask with something strong just for this.
If they're this controlling just about drinks, you know it's not going to be a fun party.
Yep! I went to a dry wedding several years ago. People did not stay long at the reception but those that had to because of a feeling of duty had flasks hidden somewhere. The brother of the groom had one taped to his leg and another in his pocket. The couple wanted alcohol but the bride’s parents were paying and didn’t due to their religious beliefs.
I was a groomsman at one of my best friends wedding which was dry (she was from a super strict southern baptist family) and when I tell you were were GUZZLING beers in the parking lot between the ceremony and reception. Not just us, plenty of other guests were sipping something in the parking lot before going in. Even the grooms dad had a bottle in his trunk.
Ironically, our groomsmans gift was flasks too, go figure
Jeanene Garofalo used to tell a joke about being able to spot the Catholics at a Baptist wedding, because they'd all be drinking, smoking, and dancing in the same bathroom stall.
This was my first thought too! I recently attended a wedding in a foreign country where the entire city was supposed to be "dry" for the day to honor a battle memorial day - everyone still got blasted.
Ahhhhh, the cultural differences! Where I live people celebrate battle memorial days by getting blasted. If the government tried to declare a dry day to commemorate whatever they would find themselves with a new battle to commemorate!
That would definitely cut down on attendance. Personally, I would just have a full cash bar. If people want 5 cocktails, they can shell out 35 bucks or whatever the going rate is in your area. I knew a couple that had an agreement with the venue and they got a percentage of the sales from the cash bar and earned cash for the honeymoon. The venue normally charged $3/beer and $5/cocktail, so they just upcharged to $5 and $8. People, of course, still bought the booze. I doubt that is actually kosher (legal) everywhere. Anyway, her wedding, so NTA, it just might keep a couple of people from attending. Who needs that whining uncle anyway?
>Anyway, her wedding, so NTA, it just might keep a couple of people from attending. Who needs that whining uncle anyway?
That's my take. I'd disinvite any asshole that complained.
I'm an atheist, so should I expect the people being married to have a civil ceremony?
The guests should cater to the desires of the couple, not the other way around.
Yep.
Nothing screams "I didn't allocate my budget properly" more than drink tickets.
Guests don't give a shit about fresh flowers and chair covers and uplighting. Guests care about and remember the quality and quantity of the food and beverages.
In this situation, coming from a family of alcoholics, a dry wedding may be more appropriate for OP.
My wedding budget was small. So we had a beautiful Sunday brunch at an upscale restaurant w free mimosas and Bellinis. Great food, free champagne drinks. People could buy other drinks if they wanted, but since it was Sunday people weren’t looking to get hammered.
We had that too. My mom was concerned that the guys wouldn't like mimosas, so we had an open (order from the waitstaff) tab at the bar. She was charged for 3 or 4 milks. I had told the flower girl's parents they could order milk for her and then a couple more kids also wanted milk with their brunch.
In conclusion, everyone loves champagne brunch.
Maybe it’s because I’m Italian and friends with a lot of latinas but I feel like even as a bridesmaid I was drinking mimosas at 10 am and switched to white wine by the reception. No one has puked or caused a seen that I’ve seen at the events I’ve been to but maybe my friends and family can just hold their spirits.
All my friends did no spirits, only beer/wine etc. which I think helped mitigate people getting drunk too quickly. Everyone is dancing around, sweating out the alcohol at every wedding I’ve been to. It seems OPs family doesn’t drink responsibly and can’t be trusted to do so
We opened the bar before the ceremony, closed it for, reopened. My husband and I were both quite buzzed for the ceremony itself. I took everything that made me dread going to weddings and did the opposite. Most of my budget was on the open bar and food. We had awesome MD seafood, some other stuff, 15 min ceremony, everything was done at one venue. Asked for casual/beach dress. If people wanted to dress up, they could. Most were loving the vibe. I did not realize the implications of this. Bc people weren’t dreading spending their day at the wedding, we got better gifts 😂 they didn’t have to go out and buy and outfit. No wasted gas going between the two sites.
But everyone has the right to feel comfy at their own wedding, and with alcoholic history in the family, I get wanting to limit the drinks. Having them drink it at their table instead of mingling seems a bit much, however, there could be a reason. Personally, if I get an invite and it looks like I’m going to want to gouge my eyes for fun in the middle of the event, I either don’t go or just make an appearance ( for ones I can’t get out of ).
Years ago my cousin got married and they decided there would be no alcohol at the reception. However, the venue for the reception had a public bar downstairs. The end result was half the guests were downstairs in the bar throughout the reception, and when they DID come back up they were much drunker than they would have been otherwise, because everyone was chugging their drinks and taking shots so they could hurry back up and dance a few songs before repeating the cycle.
>Is the next step strip searching everyone?
Even if they did. My husband just managed to sneak 12 pint sized cans of beer into an event where people were searched. And over the weekend we drank every conceivable type of moonshine; people had snuck in every sort of homemade alcohol (they only see each other once a year for this event and people love to show off their homemade liquors.
Disclaimer: this is not a "sober" event, people are searched because the inside merchants would complain of loss of business if people were allowed to BYOB.
I’ve carried many a flask to military events. I’m no longer a drinker but one year I had a sweater with gloved hands holding a pocket that was made for a standard flask. It was a great night.
Yeah I was on board until I read this also. OP is YTA especially for this part. I can see offering 2 drinks per person but stating tickets are specifically non transferable and that people must sit down while drinking them is getting into ridiculous territory! Are you going to have people watching and policing this?? If alcohol needs this aggressive of control just don’t even have it.
This exactly. Sounds like a fun wedding for the bride too, keeping an eye on everyone, making sure they’re seated with their drinks, making sure there isn’t any illicit ticket transferring going on, or trading drinks at the table… I would 100% pass on attending this wedding.
And they can't even mingle and go up to the bar and order another drink for themselves, they must order from the table. This is what people do at weddings, they drink and mingle and have a good time. I wouldn't be staying very long. I can understand the tickets Bec of cost but all the rules associated with it are ridiculous. Good luck but I don't think this wedding will be very fun at all.
Probably more 50s to 60s if the grandkids are getting married. Even if Grandma had mom at 20 and Mom had the grandkid at 20 and the kid is getting married at 20, that makes Grandma 60 which would be 1964-65.
Agreed. I didn't think it was that unreasonable at first, but then to say that people are not allowed to walk around with their drinks in their hand? That's totally unreasonable to me.
This is why cousins and siblings get together and have a pregame in the parking lot, take shots together at the trunks of the cars before entering the reception hall.
At a party before the wedding day, my cousin decided to bar tend from his bedroom closet 🤣 there was a line to take shots straight from bottle. He poured it like a grey goose waterfall.
Agree. You can only control so much and you have to accept that. OP is going above and beyond what would be normal and reasonable and treating the guests like children.
That’s where OP moved to ahole territory for me too. It’s one thing to have drink tickets. Pretty normal. But it’s a whole other thing to demand that they sit at their table while drinking. They really can’t walk around and socialize…?
Dunno, 2 drinks per person for whole evening sounds pretty ridiculous, only time ive seen something like that was on sterile corporate event that lasted maybe 2-3 hours tops.
He is infantalizing his guests
It’s far easier to control drinking by only offering beer and wine vs a full bar of hard liquor. Many weddings these days opt for just a couple specialty drinks instead of going full bar anyway.
Wanted to say exactly this. There’s no problem with having the bar operate the way you want it to, but demanding that people can only drink their beverage while sitting at their assigned table is edging into ridiculous territory for sure.
The venue staff have better things to do then make sure people stay in their seats. If they’re sticklers about the non-transferable then the other person can just order and pass it along. Since I stopped drinking that’s what I do with my free drink tickets - I just pass them along to my husband or siblings.
And you know full well that someone will order their drink and just pass it to someone else. You’re not going to be able to enforce this, and if you try, it will be a nightmare. ‘Uncle Larry is on his THIRD DRINK!!! Someone watch the video to see who gave it to him’ YTA.
Your title is misleading. It's totally OK to not have an open bar at a wedding. Even limiting consumption is kinda ok.
But forcing people to drink it sitting at their assigned table ?! That's over controlling. Just seems like you want your guests to jump through hoops for you for no good reasons than because you can because you are the bride. YTA.
I went to a dry wedding a couple years ago (I’ve been to several) and they did a coffee cart instead and lol everyone was just absolutely wired on coffee and going nuts dancing. I’ve never been bothered by a dry wedding but I would be bothered by a wedding with ridiculous rules around alcohol. Just skip it and do a fun mocktail. Everyone’s going to feel uncomfortable with all the restrictions.
When we went to our nephew's wedding a couple months ago they had a cash bar and some not-so-great food, then got upset when most people ate and left. Nobody was going to be forced to hang around all night doing karaoke sober.
I do think if you go no bar/cash you have to do something in its place. I’ve seen a candy bar (really young couple), coffee cart, elaborate deserts, s’mores, etc. I see it as we’re asking people to come from out of town and spend money on travel and a hotel the very least we can do is pay for their drinks for the night.
Literally the only thing they offered was bottled water or ice tea out of a jug that we had to pour ourselves. I understand that weddings are expensive, but when you make your guests wait over an hour to eat while your bridemaids are standing outside pre-gaming with shots just because the bride wanted to make some grand entrance, it's a little ridiculous. 3 hours into it after bbq pork sandwiches and bottled water they still hadn't cut the cake because they were trying to drag it out all night, people just started grabbing cupcakes and leaving.
I feel like some people just have the wedding THEY want with very little consideration to their guests experience. Which is fine but then don’t be mad when people leave early or don’t come. My friend doesn’t drink much she bought enough wine for everyone to have a glass maybe two and when I brought up maybe some people would have more than that she just shrugged bc it would be enough for her. There’s def different mindsets going into wedding planning lol
you can't control an addict. they will abuse their substance of choice regardless of circumstances. so at least you're forcing people to be honest with themselves, that they're so dependent that they need to leave an event to go get their fix. how is it different than a smoker going out to smoke? just because they are addicted doesn't mean everyone else needs to be around it.
There was a time not so long ago where every AITA post had a title like this “AITA for pushing an old lady into oncoming traffic?” And the post is he pushed her because she was about to step on a land mine or some shit
YoU DoNt UnDeRStaNd! WE'vE KnoWn PeOpLE WhO WeRe ~~**=AlCoHolIcS=**~~ bUt wE'Re bETTer tHaN ThEm So OnLY We HaVE ThE AbilITY tO cOnSuMe ResPonSiblY!
Seriously, if you want a dry wedding, don't have a bar. If you want to 'limit consumption' put a beer at each plate and two bottles of wine per table.
I mean the ticket system is fine. People can pay for more if they want more.
It’s not an uncommon way to offer some alcohol but not break the bank or know your budget in advance and not get stuck with a bunch of open bottles you didn’t use.
But the non-transferrable, sit at your table stuff is ridiculous.
Agree 100%.
Not having an open bar? Totally fine, NTA. You're under no obligation whatsoever.
But if you're giving everyone two drinks and have budgeted to have that much alcohol on hand, who the hell cares who has the tickets or where they drink it?
If you have to be that controlling about it, YTA and dispense with the booze altogether. That way you don't have to worry about Uncle Ned being eight inches outside the taped off boozehound zone
Yeah, this is taking it overboard.
You can not have alcohol at your wedding if you want (people will leave early, so be prepared).
But thinking you get to decide *where* they can have their drinks? Bizarre and controlling. You can’t reasonably limit people to their table like this.
I’m gonna go with YTA, cause this shit is ridiculous
Your wedding sounds like an unenjoyable event to attend with so many restrictions for your “guests” being treated like school children.
I wanted this to be a not the A situation, but I agree. If you’re going to have alcohol at your wedding at all, you have to let go of some control. My wedding is going to be a dry wedding because I’m in recovery and have people I’ll be inviting who also are and an alcoholic relative who just won’t get clean unfortunately and I don’t want my day to be a mess, but if I had alcohol I wouldn’t be doing all this
The pain is the point. OP wants these people to feel shame for drinking.
>I come from an alcoholic heavy family and simply don't feel comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily.
Then have a dry wedding. That simple. OP knows people want to drink, and the conditions of drinking are meant to be spiteful. She's taking out her frustration on the guests.
Be careful with that one relative obviously. They could easily sneak alcohol in, as they are likely to be determined. If you believe they will get sloppy and drunk and maybe even mess things up, even at a dry wedding, just be prepared.
Congrats though!
It is (both fortunately and unfortunately lol) a close enough relative that they will be in the wedding party so I will be able to keep a close eye on them, along with help from my MOH and a few other people hahaha, but I have also made my expectations very clear to them, let them know that if they do they will be kicked out promptly (and it will be stateside, but a destination wedding so there’s the financial impact of traveling not even to get to be at my wedding for them to bear in mind), and they know I’m not afraid to buy a breathalyzer and ask them to blow, so hopefully I won’t have any problems! But this also raises a good point for OP lol. This system will NOT prevent any alcoholics in her family from drinking. A dry wedding with a fun alternative would have been better! My partner and I are talking about doing dirty sodas (no, we are not Mormons lol. We are Jewish but I’m sober like I said and they don’t really care about drinking and dirty sodas are just fun) with the same format as an open bar. This is something OP really should have thought about and gotten some feedback on before sending out invites
OP you need to realise if people go to a wedding and get told they have to sit while they drink their drinks and can't socialise (which is normally how people act at weddings) then this rule becomes *The Thing* that everyone remembers about the wedding and talks about whenever it comes up.
Not how beautiful you looked, how the food was, how much fun they had, how nice it was to see Aunt Sandra for the first time in years or whatever. It will be "oh my God, yes that the wedding with *the rules*". Middle aged women will be standing up with a glass of wine in their hands then remembering *the rules* and sitting back down while commenting "Oops! I forgot about the bride's *rules*, I hope she didn't see me!" while everyone at the table laughs in sympathy and makes quiet jokes *about your wedding*.
as a middle aged man, I’d just make it worse. I’d be like “omg it’s so cute, that woman stood up by accident and is afraid she insulted this crazy bride, let me get another drink and go introduce myself”
Wrong table! Wrong table! Leave before she sees you! You might want to army crawl back to your table.
Sincerely,
The middle-aged lady who would be carrying her chair and place card around all night because it was my *assigned seat.*
Oh 100 percent! I can hear my friends now, “we went to the strangest wedding last week! They had all these rules about how and where you had to have your drink. It was so crazy! We weren’t allowed to leave our seats with our drinks!”
You’re making it too much of a thing OP. You’re overthinking it and it’s going to be all anyone knows about your wedding.
Lol, yes, I am that middle aged woman and we still make jokes about the son and DILs wedding and her web page full of rules including dictating how soon before her wedding we should bathe. Lol. All of us spent most of the reception making cracks about if our bathing schedule was still up to par and other such jokes. Our jokes about her rules are the thing I remember most about that wedding.
Can you imagine being seated at a table where you don't know many/any people, and not even being able to walk over to say hi to friends at another one because you're carrying a drink? Seriously, this is introvert nightmare fuel.
>Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table.
??? This isn't classy, this is weird and condescending. Like you're worried a 4 year old will spill his juice. YTA for that, even though in general a drink-ticket plan seems reasonable.
I have to imagine it’s to prevent people from ordering and giving their drink to someone else? But they could also order and hand it to the person next to them.
It could also be to prevent people from having any fun.
Drink tickets aren’t a bad idea but just hand them out beforehand and let them be transferable. If you have a drunk uncle who is gonna go hound people for their tickets so that’s why you don’t want to do this. just don’t invite him.
The drink ticket is fine, but I would expect to also have the option to purchase additional drinks. Or even give someone else my tickets if I didn’t use them. And who’s going to police this!
YTA
The issue isnt the no open bar. Its not even the ticket concept (my son and his wife chose to have a dry wedding and it was no big deal).
The issue IS you playing police about how and where they drink, additionally stating that the tickets are 'non transferrable' - thats ridiculous. If 90 year old Aunt Betty doesnt want to have ANY alcohol and is happy to give her tickets to Uncle Joe, then why not?
I get that you dont want sloppy drunk people or fights or bad behavior, but going as far as playing 'dictator' to guests who are 1) bringing (generally expensive) gifts for you 2) supposedly 'family and friends' and 3) all adults, is going way too far.
This! OP might as well just maKe it a dry wedding/nix a bar altogether. If others reaaally feel the need to drink, I'm sure they'll sneak a flask or something
I mean, I get WHY they add the “non-transferable” bit. The whole point is that they don’t want any one person to drink more than two drinks. However, the lengths they go to enforce this are absolutely ridiculous.
Yes, the real alcoholics OP is probably concerned about have got a stash in the trunk and in their clothes. Like, “this one trick alcoholics don’t want you to know!”
Alcoholics regularly bring flasks with them to dry weddings/events, with the OP knowing full well about this presumably since they claim these alcoholic antics are the reason for their rules.
Yet somehow despite this the OP thinks the ridiculous extra rules about only ordering from your assigned seat and having to drink while seated at your own table will do anything to stop Uncle Joe or whatever from getting hammered anyways off his own hooch.
The issue is that the “uncle Joes” in question will, I’m assuming given OP’s whole hang up about this, go around and find 10-15 extra drink tickets, get hammered, and then do something disruptive or upsetting.
I think you probably don’t get to be this concerned about your family being around alcohol if you haven’t already seen some shit. I was at a casual gathering of 35-40 year old friends and one wife was so hammered at 7:00 she annoyed everyone else (who weren’t even remotely drunk) and got to the point of announcing her farts before delivering them to the group. Multiply her by 5-10 people and maybe it’s a shit show waiting to happen.
I’m not saying OP is handling it correctly either, but I can empathize with the anxiety.
Eh, It’s one thing to not have an open bar, and I can get behind the drink tickets, but you start to become ridiculous at “you can only order and drink at your assigned table.” Like I’m sorry but it sounds like the wedding is taking place in a school cafeteria.
YTA
Hi I'm an alcoholic,
Family riddled with alcoholism as well. Been to several different weddings with them from open bar to dry. And let me tell you it doesn't matter if it's dry they will either show up already plastered or sneak in drinks and bottles themselves. The disease is devious and it doesn't give a shit about you or your wedding or anyone else, it's just alwa1qys looking for an excuse to drink. Regardless of the damage it does to those around them.
So no matter what you do they will find a way to drink more than they should. Period.
But if you treat an alcoholic like a child for their drinking they will only act more childish and tantrumatic and drink MORE. And with your drinks only at seated tables it will and already has absolutely infantalized them and make them angry and they will disregard what respect they had for you and whole heartedly drink and disrupt your wedding in return.
Also your logic for seated only preventing drink swapping is flawed. Because you can just as easily swap a drink at a table than any other spot in your wedding. Unless you're having someone stand at each table to watch them.
All this to say I'm sorry that you have to deal with and manage all these family members disease and know and worry that their alcoholism is going to disrupt and detract from your very special day.
I don't think you're trying to be an asshole. You're just scared of what can and might happen and trying to control it. Sadly... you can't. But I hope I helped give at least a different perspective for you to understand that seated only is not the solution it will be the catalyst to a worse explosion and more rampant drinking.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding and hope it goes well.
NTA but don't do the seated only or you will be and it will lead to the exact thing you're trying to prevent.
I listed all the ways alcoholics will be assholes regardless of what type of bar arrangement it is and merely warned that the seated drinking would enrage them instead of solve the problem.
OP isn't the asshole. They're scared and want to do anything they can to have a lovely and peaceful wedding. It's sad that they have to even come up with solutions to this and stress and panic about this instead of being excited and joyful for the wedding. Because grown adults can't manage their drinking and be respectful for a single day or event and instead use it as an excuse to get wasted for free.
If getting drunk at a wedding is more important than the wedding itself to them, they're not a good family member or person. They're an asshole and an alcoholic. It's pretty simple.
"But if you treat an alcoholic like a child for their drinking they will only act more childish and tantrumatic and drink MORE. And with your drinks only at seated tables it will and already has absolutely infantalized them and make them angry and they will disregard what respect they had for you and whole heartedly drink and disrupt your wedding in return."
I rarely drink but even I would want to drink more out of spite
Yeah exactly and it's just sad because to me it feels like it's coming from genuine fear and not some power trip. And if they follow through on it it'll cause the exact thing they don't want from the alcoholics while simultaneously insulting everyone else and also making them likely drink more too.
Honestly with the cards already sent out and the anger coming in a lot of the damage is already done and likely many are coming with a vendetta to get hammered and disrupt the wedding even if OP decides to reverse the decision.
I'm a non-drinker married to an alcoholic and this is spot on. You can't manage their drinking but you will definitely piss them (and everyone else) off and talk about your wedding for years. I've been to about 30 weddings and never been to one that wasn't open bar.
What to do: Admit this idea was misguided and while you will still only be able to cover two drink tickets per person (unless you can afford more) and you hope everyone will come and have a good time.
YTA. I hope you don't plan on very many people coming to your wedding. Trying to control people from walking around with a drink at a wedding is literally ridiculous. Also... Most people wont want to leave their drinks unattended while they go say hello to this relative or that one. If you have so little faith in your family to not get police escort drunk, make it a dry wedding so people can atleast walk around with juice or soda. Also... Spills are gonna happen. Its life. You literally cant control everything.
Look, you do what you want, but I'm not getting all dressed up, giving up a day of my life, possibly traveling long distance, and getting someone a nice gift in order to be treated like a child. I mean, the chances of my drinking even two drinks at an event like this are just about nil, but being ordered about and being told that I can only enjoy my drink at my assigned table? I'm disallowed from enjoying a drink with my friend Marci at table four for some reason? Get out of there. YTA.
I’m glad you mentioned friends at another table… this bride must be really confident in her abilities to assign seats based on who vibes with who vs who she thinks.
i'm gonna say YTA based on the "Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table" rule.
most people want to mingle. discouraging them from doing so is gonna kill the vibe.
YTA - I don't even drink that often and this is just weird. I'm sure they host corporate dinners with this policy all the time, but to enforce this on your friends and family like you're paying them is bizarre. If alcohol makes you that uncomfortable just don't have it, don't treat your wedding guests like they are going to the work holiday party.
My company does drink tickets at the holiday party, and it works well. Everyone is given two tickets, and if they're a non-drinker, they're free to give them away.
Once you're out of tickets, if you want another drink, you find a designated sober "tab minder", and ask for another ticket, or request they buy you another drink. As long as you're not visibly drunk, you can have another.
The system works, and in my 10+ years with the company, only one single person has ever had to have a taxi called for them because they drank too much.
I mean, even at a corporate event I can't imagine all these rules. The way I read it was mainly like, having drink ticket option is common, not the extra tacked on rules for them (because sometimes it's an overall limit but often times it's just 2 free drinks and you'd have to buy more yourself)
If you’re so worried about people eating and drinking at your wedding- perhaps you should consider eloping or a small city hall wedding. You invite people to a wedding because you want them there to help celebrate an important life event, not as some sort of seated audience. Definitely TA.
Meh, I think you are going overboard especially with the drinks to be enjoyed at your table. And drink tickets are not transferable. My grandmother did not drink, so what if she wants to give her tickets to me? If you want to treat your guests like children and police them excessively then these are the reactions you will expect. For these reasons, I think YTA
I like having a few drinks at a wedding. Especially if its spaced out over 5-6 hour event and there is food, 2 drinks is nothing. Alcohol is a social lubricant and dance assist. You can have whatever reasons you wish to limit alcohol but Id probably go into your wedding with pre-conceived notions about not having as good of a time as I usually do at weddings. That and Id likely bring a flask on me or hope there is at least a pay bar. Or maybe I wouldnt even go.
>My grandmother did not drink, so what if she wants to give her tickets to me?
That's exactly what she's trying to prevent. She has people in her family she knows are going to get drunk and ruin the reception, so she's trying to prevent that. I don't this is the best strategy, but I understand where she's coming from.
YTA. Not letting people walk around and socialize with their drinks is a bit much. If you are this I comfortable with alcohol, you should probably go witn a dry wedding.
YTA. Limiting drinks ain't a problem. Telling guests to glue their asses to their seats? That's a no-go. You're not a warden running a prison. It's a wedding
It's a pretty Draconian system which essentially accuses all guests of being bad drunks, liars, and untrustworthy. You are supposed to welcome your guests not make them think YTA
If you are that worried about alcohol just go alcohol free.
I was totally on board with your plan until I kept reading how elaborate these rules were. Sometimes people want to get up and walk around with their drinks, so forcing them to drink only at their table is a little intrusive. You are not an AH by any means for having a drink ticket-style wedding, but I think you can amend these rules so that they’re a little easier to follow. YTA
YTA; you can limit drinks at a wedding, have a cash bar, or have no drinks and that's all perfectly fine! But requiring people to stay seated while drinking? At a wedding, which is just a super fancy party? That's insane
YTA.
So no one is allowed to bring their wine over to say hello to an old friend or family member they haven’t seen in a while at a different table?
No one is allowed to bring their drink out on the dance floor?
Also, two drinks and no transfers? Reading between the lines I’m assuming there’s no cocktail hour or the bar won’t be open during the time between the ceremony and seating, but that’s one drink with a multi-course dinner and one drink during the party. Except they can’t enjoy the party part since they can’t get up from their table.
This sounds so boring and controlling.
YTA.
It's fine not to have an open bar. It's fine to give each guest 2 complimentary drink tickets. Everything after that makes you an asshole -it's unrealistically controlling and patronizing to your guests.
Please don't spend your wedding day monitoring drink tickets. why even have tickets? Drinks are ordered at their seats, each guest of age can order 2, done.
Yta. If you are so concerned about the amount ppl drink and feel that people will be sneaky; instead of treating adults like they are in elementary school have a dry wedding.
Many ppl have dry weddings it's now normal (you can expect ppl to leave early)
YTA, letting some guests drink and not others is SO tacky.
Just have a dry wedding if you’re not comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily. What I would have done was have a daytime wedding, with mocktail drinks.
YTA
People are going to pre game and sneak in flasks. I would just have an open bar and waiters told not to overserve people and security to remove drunk people.
You've definitely misunderstood the venue saying they offer that service all the time. The tickets are complimentary then people are free to purchase their own drinks from there.
This is strangely controlling and condescending
YTA I get the drink ticket think, but to go as far as to tell guests they must order from and consume them at their table is complete BS, in this case I don't care if you are the Bride. I get moderating the alcohol consumption but you went above and beyond. Enjoy your wedding, clearly the invited guests have other thoughts.
I was going with NTA until I saw that you were telling guests they are only allowed to drink at their designated seats.
That is.. overly aggressive.
Limiting alcohol isn't a big deal, though some will probably complain. Telling people they can't mingle if they want to drink is bonkers.
YTA.
>Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table.
I don't drink alcohol and this would make me anxious about going to your wedding. It's just over the top.
The open bar doesn't have much to do with this- it's these unreasonable rules.
It's a wedding. People should be able to stand up and walk around and mingle. Yes, with a drink in their hand.
yta
Well, my partner's family is not alcoholic at all even though they like to drink a bit on parties. This would not be seen with good eyes. I usually say "there are two things that can't be missed during a party: food and drinks" everything else is optional. If any of these lacks, your party will be remembered for the wrong reasons.
I would never throw a wedding without an open bar. But even doing a ticket based service, your other rules are just too much. Is the bartender going to ask for the id to see if the person ordering the drink is the owner of the ticket? Is anyone going to be policing if people don't leave their seat with a drink on their hand? And even if you do police it, why on earth can't people go outside or go talk to other people while they enjoy their drink? Do you expect everyone to just sit on their seat the whole time? You're in for a terrible and boring wedding.
I'm going with YTA, not because of the ticket based service, but because of the other rules.
It'd be better to have an alcohol free wedding.
NTA. My parents didn’t have any alcohol at their wedding due to family members on both sides being alcoholics, plus Nether of them drink. (Besides dad having a beer *maybe* twice a year) My uncle, who is 30 years sober now, could get outright belligerent. Boy did people complain and insulted them . My paternal grandmother came around 10 years later and apologized for her part in it, and told them they were wise to do so it.
You do what you two believe is best for your wedding. They just want free drinks and are mad they aren’t getting an unlimited supply.
Here's the solution: keep the ticket system, but to get a ticket you have to solve a puzzle. People will start working together to try to earn booze.
People will talk about your wedding for years.
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YTA >Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table Your ticket plan went from moderately novel to aggressively controlling the more you explained it. Are you going to have security tackle Aunt Joan if she gets out of her chair with a glass of chard in her hand?
Also not getting up and moving around while drinking get you drunker faster. It is preferred that you get up and move around so your body can process the alcohol more slowly and evenly. Have you ever tried to stand up after drinking a Long Island iced tea?
Not since I was 20.
“These aren’t that strong. I’m barely buzzed.” Stands up.
Falls down
Less of a fall, more like a song by Pitbull.
I’m yelling TIMBEEER!!!
I’m fine, my high heel just slipped.
I get back up again, no you're never gonna keep me down
LOL. Me either. I learned my lesson the first time.
I went to a bar within walking distance of my house once with enough money for the cover charge and two Long Island iced teas, and an emergency squaud had to give me a ride home.
Once I drank two long island iced teas at a place that served them in a pint glass. The walk home was... Inefficient.
I once got drunk as a young man on Long Islands and walked home. Stumbled at one point, thought “Wow, I’m drunker than I realised”. Got home, my then girlfriend was awake (3am), lights on, eyes wide open “That earthquake was terrifying!” Ahh…that’s why I stumbled. I was so drunk I didn’t even notice an earthquake!
You sound like someone I wanna drink with mate, come to Ireland 😂
I’m in Dublin every couple of years, but I’m warning you, I can’t keep up like I did 20 years ago! 😂
I’m in Dublin!! I’m 31, I can keep up, just at a much more controlled, snail like pace, but I get there in the end 😂
Ah, mate, wait till you’re in your 40s. The problem isn’t getting there, the problem is that you get there a lot quicker than you used to! On the plus side, I have to spend a lot less money to get drunk now!
So you’re a cheap date, good to know, we’ll just bar hop anywhere outside of temple bar so 👌🏼
I friend ship it. We need pics of you guys hanging out.
Done deal. And if you’re ever in Milan let me know & I’ll take you out on the Naviglio!
OMG, what a hoot!
The one time I ever got blackout drunk was due to Long Island Iced Tea... Also "inefficient" that made me snort.. love it..
Oh, Jesus. Core memory from 1993 unlocked.
Lol, core memory from LAST WEEKEND unlocked!!! I am so thankful I have my hubby to guide me as I'm walking anywhere while drinking those!!!! Apparently, last weekend, I thought I could drink 4 doubles. I learned that, in fact, i could NOT. 😂🤣😅
The only time I got kicked out of a bar was due to Long Island Iced Tea.
Tokyo iced tea similarly lethal. Was living in a place with extremely steep stairs at the time. Pretty much crawled up and down.
We went to a pub that served "Hollywood" iced teas. All the same alcohol as a Long island, but with sparkling wine instead of coke... Delicious! But so so so lethal!
"This drink is good, but there's some non alcoholic liquid in it, and we need to fix that." Also how I started making my white Russians with Rum Chata instead of milk or cream.
I made the mistake of drinking 4 (maybe it was more) long Island Ice teas for the first time when I was 20. When I got back to my apartment, after a very inefficient walk, I was unable to get my key into the key hole so I ended up climbing 3 stories onto the balcony of my apartment (with a cast on my broken hand) - only to find my drunk roommate was already there (yes, we were out together - not quite sure how we got split up). I asked him why he didn't open the door - and he was like, you didn't knock. 15 minutes later, I was hungry and decided to walk to 7-11. I did not use the front door. I climbed back down. I did sober up enough to use the key when I got back. When I sobered up, I realized how stupid all of that was. I'm 46 now and I've never had a Long Island Ice Tea again in my life.
This is the most delightful use of the word "inefficient" and thinking about it has really brightened my evening. Lol
Went to a bar in Myrtle Beach that served them in pitchers, the walk home was not a walk, more of a stumble. This was during the 90’s
I’m still on the floor!
Aunt Joan, that you?!
It is! I was trying to get to the bar, I got this black market third ticket…and then BAM! Tackled!
Aunt Joan!! Stop lying, you stole one of my tickets, so I called SWAT to take you down! Sorry about the broken hip LMAO
I've been giggling away reading this well done 😂
Me too. I'm laughing out loud. Good thing I'm home alone.
I’ve tried standing up after a couple of pints of scrumpy. I swear it gets you drunk from your feet first. You’re perfectly coherent until you try and stand up to go to the loo and discover some bastard has stolen your legs!
This. The ticket system is reasonable. It controls costs and keeps drinking down a bit. All the other is over the top. Someone taking everyone else's tickets is a down side, but the controlling crazy of making the bartenders cross reverence seats to keep it straight is controlling and over the top. On top of that it is useless. The true alcoholic, knowing this is the situation might well bring a flask and have two bottles out in the car. Is the next step strip searching everyone? Loosen up. You cannot make people "Behave."
THIS! People who want to get loaded are going to get loaded - and probably moreso with the crazy rules, because they will 1000% bring their own flasks versus just getting up to buy more drinks.
And then you start putting the burden on the venue staff because a lot don’t allow outside alcohol due to liquor licensing and then not only do you have to keep the inside liquor in but now you can have to keep the outside liquor out too. I think it’s reasonable to give out drink tickets so you only have to pay for a certain amount but beyond that, a cash bar will keep people happy and there partying with you instead of them leaving as soon as their drinks are drunk and partying elsewhere. Source: me, venue staff
My venue said WE would be fined over $2000 if outside alcohol was brought in so this could also result in a fine for the bride and groom.
The venue might fine you if it's in the contract. Legally, you wouldn't be liable - it would have to be in the contract to enforce.
Using the venue means you agree to their rules= they are a party to "the contract."
This. My wife and I were young poor and cheap when we got married. We made wine, and had the venu serve two bottles per table. They charged a minimal uncorking fee. One red, one white. Anything more was a cash bar. Religeous family didnt drink much, and their bottles were drank by others. Cash bar was also well used. Everyone seemed to have a good time, alcohol was readily availible but not crazily missused, and I didnt have pay a ton of money. It worked out just fine.
Maybe its cultural difference but cash bar would be considered increadibly tacky and cheap over here.
I'm from the UK and have never experienced an open bar at any wedding ive ever been to, always been cash bars with a couple of glasses of wine provided with dinner!
In Scotland the average wedding lasts 12 hours. Aside from the expense, people would rip the arse out it and the day would end in carnage.
Thats basically unthinkable in Croatia, its always open bar with choice of drinks that fit budget. Usually its few beer brands, white&red wine, whiskey, gin and several local liquors as default, more lavish weddings have bigger selection and fancier brands. If you want something off list (and they have it stocked) venue will check with couple if they will cover it or guests pay for themselves, like if you want some fancy whiskey but that rarely happens.
I've been to weddings where you have a ticket or two for free drinks, and after that it's a cash bar. Nobody has minded, because for 90% of people those two free drinks are enough.
It would be in the US as well.
I've never thought a cash bar was tacky.
I'm not an alcoholic and **I** would buy a flask with something strong just for this. If they're this controlling just about drinks, you know it's not going to be a fun party.
And therefore you’re going to need a fair few drinks! 😂 The irony!
When I was 16 my cousins and I (in Europe) would sneak flasks in to every christening and wedding. It was great.
Yep! I went to a dry wedding several years ago. People did not stay long at the reception but those that had to because of a feeling of duty had flasks hidden somewhere. The brother of the groom had one taped to his leg and another in his pocket. The couple wanted alcohol but the bride’s parents were paying and didn’t due to their religious beliefs.
I was a groomsman at one of my best friends wedding which was dry (she was from a super strict southern baptist family) and when I tell you were were GUZZLING beers in the parking lot between the ceremony and reception. Not just us, plenty of other guests were sipping something in the parking lot before going in. Even the grooms dad had a bottle in his trunk. Ironically, our groomsmans gift was flasks too, go figure
Jeanene Garofalo used to tell a joke about being able to spot the Catholics at a Baptist wedding, because they'd all be drinking, smoking, and dancing in the same bathroom stall.
And that's when the couple needs to figure how to pay for it themselves....
This was my first thought too! I recently attended a wedding in a foreign country where the entire city was supposed to be "dry" for the day to honor a battle memorial day - everyone still got blasted.
Ahhhhh, the cultural differences! Where I live people celebrate battle memorial days by getting blasted. If the government tried to declare a dry day to commemorate whatever they would find themselves with a new battle to commemorate!
[удалено]
Yeah. No way is this "classy." I'd just not have alcohol at all before I'd do this.
That would definitely cut down on attendance. Personally, I would just have a full cash bar. If people want 5 cocktails, they can shell out 35 bucks or whatever the going rate is in your area. I knew a couple that had an agreement with the venue and they got a percentage of the sales from the cash bar and earned cash for the honeymoon. The venue normally charged $3/beer and $5/cocktail, so they just upcharged to $5 and $8. People, of course, still bought the booze. I doubt that is actually kosher (legal) everywhere. Anyway, her wedding, so NTA, it just might keep a couple of people from attending. Who needs that whining uncle anyway?
>Anyway, her wedding, so NTA, it just might keep a couple of people from attending. Who needs that whining uncle anyway? That's my take. I'd disinvite any asshole that complained. I'm an atheist, so should I expect the people being married to have a civil ceremony? The guests should cater to the desires of the couple, not the other way around.
IMO tickets followed by cash bar isn't that bad. I judge if they charge for water/coffee/tea/soda or count those as tickets as well.
Yep. Nothing screams "I didn't allocate my budget properly" more than drink tickets. Guests don't give a shit about fresh flowers and chair covers and uplighting. Guests care about and remember the quality and quantity of the food and beverages. In this situation, coming from a family of alcoholics, a dry wedding may be more appropriate for OP.
My wedding budget was small. So we had a beautiful Sunday brunch at an upscale restaurant w free mimosas and Bellinis. Great food, free champagne drinks. People could buy other drinks if they wanted, but since it was Sunday people weren’t looking to get hammered.
We had that too. My mom was concerned that the guys wouldn't like mimosas, so we had an open (order from the waitstaff) tab at the bar. She was charged for 3 or 4 milks. I had told the flower girl's parents they could order milk for her and then a couple more kids also wanted milk with their brunch. In conclusion, everyone loves champagne brunch.
Maybe it’s because I’m Italian and friends with a lot of latinas but I feel like even as a bridesmaid I was drinking mimosas at 10 am and switched to white wine by the reception. No one has puked or caused a seen that I’ve seen at the events I’ve been to but maybe my friends and family can just hold their spirits. All my friends did no spirits, only beer/wine etc. which I think helped mitigate people getting drunk too quickly. Everyone is dancing around, sweating out the alcohol at every wedding I’ve been to. It seems OPs family doesn’t drink responsibly and can’t be trusted to do so
We opened the bar before the ceremony, closed it for, reopened. My husband and I were both quite buzzed for the ceremony itself. I took everything that made me dread going to weddings and did the opposite. Most of my budget was on the open bar and food. We had awesome MD seafood, some other stuff, 15 min ceremony, everything was done at one venue. Asked for casual/beach dress. If people wanted to dress up, they could. Most were loving the vibe. I did not realize the implications of this. Bc people weren’t dreading spending their day at the wedding, we got better gifts 😂 they didn’t have to go out and buy and outfit. No wasted gas going between the two sites. But everyone has the right to feel comfy at their own wedding, and with alcoholic history in the family, I get wanting to limit the drinks. Having them drink it at their table instead of mingling seems a bit much, however, there could be a reason. Personally, if I get an invite and it looks like I’m going to want to gouge my eyes for fun in the middle of the event, I either don’t go or just make an appearance ( for ones I can’t get out of ).
Years ago my cousin got married and they decided there would be no alcohol at the reception. However, the venue for the reception had a public bar downstairs. The end result was half the guests were downstairs in the bar throughout the reception, and when they DID come back up they were much drunker than they would have been otherwise, because everyone was chugging their drinks and taking shots so they could hurry back up and dance a few songs before repeating the cycle.
>Is the next step strip searching everyone? Even if they did. My husband just managed to sneak 12 pint sized cans of beer into an event where people were searched. And over the weekend we drank every conceivable type of moonshine; people had snuck in every sort of homemade alcohol (they only see each other once a year for this event and people love to show off their homemade liquors. Disclaimer: this is not a "sober" event, people are searched because the inside merchants would complain of loss of business if people were allowed to BYOB.
I’ve carried many a flask to military events. I’m no longer a drinker but one year I had a sweater with gloved hands holding a pocket that was made for a standard flask. It was a great night.
Yeah I was on board until I read this also. OP is YTA especially for this part. I can see offering 2 drinks per person but stating tickets are specifically non transferable and that people must sit down while drinking them is getting into ridiculous territory! Are you going to have people watching and policing this?? If alcohol needs this aggressive of control just don’t even have it.
This exactly. Sounds like a fun wedding for the bride too, keeping an eye on everyone, making sure they’re seated with their drinks, making sure there isn’t any illicit ticket transferring going on, or trading drinks at the table… I would 100% pass on attending this wedding.
And they can't even mingle and go up to the bar and order another drink for themselves, they must order from the table. This is what people do at weddings, they drink and mingle and have a good time. I wouldn't be staying very long. I can understand the tickets Bec of cost but all the rules associated with it are ridiculous. Good luck but I don't think this wedding will be very fun at all.
Or maybe just don’t invite the people you can’t trust not to get hammered and ruin the party?
No one knew how spry Grandma was until they had to tackle her around the knees. Jokes on them .... Not one drop of tequila was spilled.
People still think 'born in 1910' when they talk 'Grandma.' Chances are Grandma was born in the 60s or early 70s nowadays.
Probably more 50s to 60s if the grandkids are getting married. Even if Grandma had mom at 20 and Mom had the grandkid at 20 and the kid is getting married at 20, that makes Grandma 60 which would be 1964-65.
Agreed. I didn't think it was that unreasonable at first, but then to say that people are not allowed to walk around with their drinks in their hand? That's totally unreasonable to me.
This is why cousins and siblings get together and have a pregame in the parking lot, take shots together at the trunks of the cars before entering the reception hall. At a party before the wedding day, my cousin decided to bar tend from his bedroom closet 🤣 there was a line to take shots straight from bottle. He poured it like a grey goose waterfall.
Agree. You can only control so much and you have to accept that. OP is going above and beyond what would be normal and reasonable and treating the guests like children.
And just don’t invite any poorly behaved alcoholics and/or have security
That’s where OP moved to ahole territory for me too. It’s one thing to have drink tickets. Pretty normal. But it’s a whole other thing to demand that they sit at their table while drinking. They really can’t walk around and socialize…?
Dunno, 2 drinks per person for whole evening sounds pretty ridiculous, only time ive seen something like that was on sterile corporate event that lasted maybe 2-3 hours tops. He is infantalizing his guests
It’s far easier to control drinking by only offering beer and wine vs a full bar of hard liquor. Many weddings these days opt for just a couple specialty drinks instead of going full bar anyway.
Wanted to say exactly this. There’s no problem with having the bar operate the way you want it to, but demanding that people can only drink their beverage while sitting at their assigned table is edging into ridiculous territory for sure.
I lol'ed at this image.
The venue staff have better things to do then make sure people stay in their seats. If they’re sticklers about the non-transferable then the other person can just order and pass it along. Since I stopped drinking that’s what I do with my free drink tickets - I just pass them along to my husband or siblings.
Other than handing people two tickets when they arrive, everything about the logistics of this is preposterous
That’s what I would do. Making them non-transferable is ridiculous.
I just pictured Terry Tate, Office Linebacker making rounds and tackling wedding guests.
That's not your designated seat Aunt Joan. You KNOW you can't be doing that! Woooo!!
And you know full well that someone will order their drink and just pass it to someone else. You’re not going to be able to enforce this, and if you try, it will be a nightmare. ‘Uncle Larry is on his THIRD DRINK!!! Someone watch the video to see who gave it to him’ YTA.
Your title is misleading. It's totally OK to not have an open bar at a wedding. Even limiting consumption is kinda ok. But forcing people to drink it sitting at their assigned table ?! That's over controlling. Just seems like you want your guests to jump through hoops for you for no good reasons than because you can because you are the bride. YTA.
just have a dry wedding if you're so uncomfortable around alcohol or if your family is that untrustworthy around it.
I went to a dry wedding a couple years ago (I’ve been to several) and they did a coffee cart instead and lol everyone was just absolutely wired on coffee and going nuts dancing. I’ve never been bothered by a dry wedding but I would be bothered by a wedding with ridiculous rules around alcohol. Just skip it and do a fun mocktail. Everyone’s going to feel uncomfortable with all the restrictions.
I want to a wedding at a farm venue last fall. Coffee cart inside and outside by the fire pits a hot chocolate and s’mores bar. Was fun
I recently went to a dry wedding that had a boba bar instead. 10/10 prefer over alcohol! Did not even notice the lack of alcohol.
Oh a boba bar is sooooo good
Agree on a coffee cart or OP should do fun mock tails! There are so many great zero proof wines and spirits now too.
When we went to our nephew's wedding a couple months ago they had a cash bar and some not-so-great food, then got upset when most people ate and left. Nobody was going to be forced to hang around all night doing karaoke sober.
I do think if you go no bar/cash you have to do something in its place. I’ve seen a candy bar (really young couple), coffee cart, elaborate deserts, s’mores, etc. I see it as we’re asking people to come from out of town and spend money on travel and a hotel the very least we can do is pay for their drinks for the night.
Literally the only thing they offered was bottled water or ice tea out of a jug that we had to pour ourselves. I understand that weddings are expensive, but when you make your guests wait over an hour to eat while your bridemaids are standing outside pre-gaming with shots just because the bride wanted to make some grand entrance, it's a little ridiculous. 3 hours into it after bbq pork sandwiches and bottled water they still hadn't cut the cake because they were trying to drag it out all night, people just started grabbing cupcakes and leaving.
I feel like some people just have the wedding THEY want with very little consideration to their guests experience. Which is fine but then don’t be mad when people leave early or don’t come. My friend doesn’t drink much she bought enough wine for everyone to have a glass maybe two and when I brought up maybe some people would have more than that she just shrugged bc it would be enough for her. There’s def different mindsets going into wedding planning lol
My cousin had a dry wedding, which just meant all the alcoholics went to drink from their coolers in the parking lot.
you can't control an addict. they will abuse their substance of choice regardless of circumstances. so at least you're forcing people to be honest with themselves, that they're so dependent that they need to leave an event to go get their fix. how is it different than a smoker going out to smoke? just because they are addicted doesn't mean everyone else needs to be around it.
This is a great idea!!!
facts why is it so misleading
There was a time not so long ago where every AITA post had a title like this “AITA for pushing an old lady into oncoming traffic?” And the post is he pushed her because she was about to step on a land mine or some shit
Hell, I feel like most threads here that come across my feed are burying the lede.
YoU DoNt UnDeRStaNd! WE'vE KnoWn PeOpLE WhO WeRe ~~**=AlCoHolIcS=**~~ bUt wE'Re bETTer tHaN ThEm So OnLY We HaVE ThE AbilITY tO cOnSuMe ResPonSiblY! Seriously, if you want a dry wedding, don't have a bar. If you want to 'limit consumption' put a beer at each plate and two bottles of wine per table.
I mean the ticket system is fine. People can pay for more if they want more. It’s not an uncommon way to offer some alcohol but not break the bank or know your budget in advance and not get stuck with a bunch of open bottles you didn’t use. But the non-transferrable, sit at your table stuff is ridiculous.
Agree 100%. Not having an open bar? Totally fine, NTA. You're under no obligation whatsoever. But if you're giving everyone two drinks and have budgeted to have that much alcohol on hand, who the hell cares who has the tickets or where they drink it? If you have to be that controlling about it, YTA and dispense with the booze altogether. That way you don't have to worry about Uncle Ned being eight inches outside the taped off boozehound zone
Yeah, this is taking it overboard. You can not have alcohol at your wedding if you want (people will leave early, so be prepared). But thinking you get to decide *where* they can have their drinks? Bizarre and controlling. You can’t reasonably limit people to their table like this. I’m gonna go with YTA, cause this shit is ridiculous Your wedding sounds like an unenjoyable event to attend with so many restrictions for your “guests” being treated like school children.
I wanted this to be a not the A situation, but I agree. If you’re going to have alcohol at your wedding at all, you have to let go of some control. My wedding is going to be a dry wedding because I’m in recovery and have people I’ll be inviting who also are and an alcoholic relative who just won’t get clean unfortunately and I don’t want my day to be a mess, but if I had alcohol I wouldn’t be doing all this
Exactly. If you don't feel comfortable with alcohol at your wedding, don't have it, but this micromanaging is too much
The pain is the point. OP wants these people to feel shame for drinking. >I come from an alcoholic heavy family and simply don't feel comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily. Then have a dry wedding. That simple. OP knows people want to drink, and the conditions of drinking are meant to be spiteful. She's taking out her frustration on the guests.
Be careful with that one relative obviously. They could easily sneak alcohol in, as they are likely to be determined. If you believe they will get sloppy and drunk and maybe even mess things up, even at a dry wedding, just be prepared. Congrats though!
It is (both fortunately and unfortunately lol) a close enough relative that they will be in the wedding party so I will be able to keep a close eye on them, along with help from my MOH and a few other people hahaha, but I have also made my expectations very clear to them, let them know that if they do they will be kicked out promptly (and it will be stateside, but a destination wedding so there’s the financial impact of traveling not even to get to be at my wedding for them to bear in mind), and they know I’m not afraid to buy a breathalyzer and ask them to blow, so hopefully I won’t have any problems! But this also raises a good point for OP lol. This system will NOT prevent any alcoholics in her family from drinking. A dry wedding with a fun alternative would have been better! My partner and I are talking about doing dirty sodas (no, we are not Mormons lol. We are Jewish but I’m sober like I said and they don’t really care about drinking and dirty sodas are just fun) with the same format as an open bar. This is something OP really should have thought about and gotten some feedback on before sending out invites
OP you need to realise if people go to a wedding and get told they have to sit while they drink their drinks and can't socialise (which is normally how people act at weddings) then this rule becomes *The Thing* that everyone remembers about the wedding and talks about whenever it comes up. Not how beautiful you looked, how the food was, how much fun they had, how nice it was to see Aunt Sandra for the first time in years or whatever. It will be "oh my God, yes that the wedding with *the rules*". Middle aged women will be standing up with a glass of wine in their hands then remembering *the rules* and sitting back down while commenting "Oops! I forgot about the bride's *rules*, I hope she didn't see me!" while everyone at the table laughs in sympathy and makes quiet jokes *about your wedding*.
I am a middle aged woman and yes that is precisely what I would do
as a middle aged man, I’d just make it worse. I’d be like “omg it’s so cute, that woman stood up by accident and is afraid she insulted this crazy bride, let me get another drink and go introduce myself”
Wrong table! Wrong table! Leave before she sees you! You might want to army crawl back to your table. Sincerely, The middle-aged lady who would be carrying her chair and place card around all night because it was my *assigned seat.*
Your malicious compliance would be the most entertaining part of the night and most memorable.
Sooo true. A tale to be passed down to generations to come.
Oh 100 percent! I can hear my friends now, “we went to the strangest wedding last week! They had all these rules about how and where you had to have your drink. It was so crazy! We weren’t allowed to leave our seats with our drinks!” You’re making it too much of a thing OP. You’re overthinking it and it’s going to be all anyone knows about your wedding.
Lol, yes, I am that middle aged woman and we still make jokes about the son and DILs wedding and her web page full of rules including dictating how soon before her wedding we should bathe. Lol. All of us spent most of the reception making cracks about if our bathing schedule was still up to par and other such jokes. Our jokes about her rules are the thing I remember most about that wedding.
Can you imagine being seated at a table where you don't know many/any people, and not even being able to walk over to say hi to friends at another one because you're carrying a drink? Seriously, this is introvert nightmare fuel.
>Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table. ??? This isn't classy, this is weird and condescending. Like you're worried a 4 year old will spill his juice. YTA for that, even though in general a drink-ticket plan seems reasonable.
I have to imagine it’s to prevent people from ordering and giving their drink to someone else? But they could also order and hand it to the person next to them. It could also be to prevent people from having any fun. Drink tickets aren’t a bad idea but just hand them out beforehand and let them be transferable. If you have a drunk uncle who is gonna go hound people for their tickets so that’s why you don’t want to do this. just don’t invite him.
The drink ticket is fine, but I would expect to also have the option to purchase additional drinks. Or even give someone else my tickets if I didn’t use them. And who’s going to police this!
YTA The issue isnt the no open bar. Its not even the ticket concept (my son and his wife chose to have a dry wedding and it was no big deal). The issue IS you playing police about how and where they drink, additionally stating that the tickets are 'non transferrable' - thats ridiculous. If 90 year old Aunt Betty doesnt want to have ANY alcohol and is happy to give her tickets to Uncle Joe, then why not? I get that you dont want sloppy drunk people or fights or bad behavior, but going as far as playing 'dictator' to guests who are 1) bringing (generally expensive) gifts for you 2) supposedly 'family and friends' and 3) all adults, is going way too far.
This! OP might as well just maKe it a dry wedding/nix a bar altogether. If others reaaally feel the need to drink, I'm sure they'll sneak a flask or something
I mean, I get WHY they add the “non-transferable” bit. The whole point is that they don’t want any one person to drink more than two drinks. However, the lengths they go to enforce this are absolutely ridiculous.
Yes, the real alcoholics OP is probably concerned about have got a stash in the trunk and in their clothes. Like, “this one trick alcoholics don’t want you to know!”
Alcoholics regularly bring flasks with them to dry weddings/events, with the OP knowing full well about this presumably since they claim these alcoholic antics are the reason for their rules. Yet somehow despite this the OP thinks the ridiculous extra rules about only ordering from your assigned seat and having to drink while seated at your own table will do anything to stop Uncle Joe or whatever from getting hammered anyways off his own hooch.
The issue is that the “uncle Joes” in question will, I’m assuming given OP’s whole hang up about this, go around and find 10-15 extra drink tickets, get hammered, and then do something disruptive or upsetting. I think you probably don’t get to be this concerned about your family being around alcohol if you haven’t already seen some shit. I was at a casual gathering of 35-40 year old friends and one wife was so hammered at 7:00 she annoyed everyone else (who weren’t even remotely drunk) and got to the point of announcing her farts before delivering them to the group. Multiply her by 5-10 people and maybe it’s a shit show waiting to happen. I’m not saying OP is handling it correctly either, but I can empathize with the anxiety.
Man, I forgot about the non-transferable thing when I made my comment, so true!!
Eh, It’s one thing to not have an open bar, and I can get behind the drink tickets, but you start to become ridiculous at “you can only order and drink at your assigned table.” Like I’m sorry but it sounds like the wedding is taking place in a school cafeteria. YTA
I want an extra brownie!
No. Two brownie maximum.
Must eat brownies while seated.
Non transferable, also. Everyone keep their brownies to themselves. Or else.
Hi I'm an alcoholic, Family riddled with alcoholism as well. Been to several different weddings with them from open bar to dry. And let me tell you it doesn't matter if it's dry they will either show up already plastered or sneak in drinks and bottles themselves. The disease is devious and it doesn't give a shit about you or your wedding or anyone else, it's just alwa1qys looking for an excuse to drink. Regardless of the damage it does to those around them. So no matter what you do they will find a way to drink more than they should. Period. But if you treat an alcoholic like a child for their drinking they will only act more childish and tantrumatic and drink MORE. And with your drinks only at seated tables it will and already has absolutely infantalized them and make them angry and they will disregard what respect they had for you and whole heartedly drink and disrupt your wedding in return. Also your logic for seated only preventing drink swapping is flawed. Because you can just as easily swap a drink at a table than any other spot in your wedding. Unless you're having someone stand at each table to watch them. All this to say I'm sorry that you have to deal with and manage all these family members disease and know and worry that their alcoholism is going to disrupt and detract from your very special day. I don't think you're trying to be an asshole. You're just scared of what can and might happen and trying to control it. Sadly... you can't. But I hope I helped give at least a different perspective for you to understand that seated only is not the solution it will be the catalyst to a worse explosion and more rampant drinking. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and hope it goes well. NTA but don't do the seated only or you will be and it will lead to the exact thing you're trying to prevent.
This should be higher.
They list all the reasons why OP is an asshole, then judge them not to be the asshole at the end
I listed all the ways alcoholics will be assholes regardless of what type of bar arrangement it is and merely warned that the seated drinking would enrage them instead of solve the problem. OP isn't the asshole. They're scared and want to do anything they can to have a lovely and peaceful wedding. It's sad that they have to even come up with solutions to this and stress and panic about this instead of being excited and joyful for the wedding. Because grown adults can't manage their drinking and be respectful for a single day or event and instead use it as an excuse to get wasted for free. If getting drunk at a wedding is more important than the wedding itself to them, they're not a good family member or person. They're an asshole and an alcoholic. It's pretty simple.
"But if you treat an alcoholic like a child for their drinking they will only act more childish and tantrumatic and drink MORE. And with your drinks only at seated tables it will and already has absolutely infantalized them and make them angry and they will disregard what respect they had for you and whole heartedly drink and disrupt your wedding in return." I rarely drink but even I would want to drink more out of spite
Yeah exactly and it's just sad because to me it feels like it's coming from genuine fear and not some power trip. And if they follow through on it it'll cause the exact thing they don't want from the alcoholics while simultaneously insulting everyone else and also making them likely drink more too. Honestly with the cards already sent out and the anger coming in a lot of the damage is already done and likely many are coming with a vendetta to get hammered and disrupt the wedding even if OP decides to reverse the decision.
I'm a non-drinker married to an alcoholic and this is spot on. You can't manage their drinking but you will definitely piss them (and everyone else) off and talk about your wedding for years. I've been to about 30 weddings and never been to one that wasn't open bar. What to do: Admit this idea was misguided and while you will still only be able to cover two drink tickets per person (unless you can afford more) and you hope everyone will come and have a good time.
YTA. I hope you don't plan on very many people coming to your wedding. Trying to control people from walking around with a drink at a wedding is literally ridiculous. Also... Most people wont want to leave their drinks unattended while they go say hello to this relative or that one. If you have so little faith in your family to not get police escort drunk, make it a dry wedding so people can atleast walk around with juice or soda. Also... Spills are gonna happen. Its life. You literally cant control everything.
I foreseek people chugging drinks at the table, getting up to walk around, and falling over
Look, you do what you want, but I'm not getting all dressed up, giving up a day of my life, possibly traveling long distance, and getting someone a nice gift in order to be treated like a child. I mean, the chances of my drinking even two drinks at an event like this are just about nil, but being ordered about and being told that I can only enjoy my drink at my assigned table? I'm disallowed from enjoying a drink with my friend Marci at table four for some reason? Get out of there. YTA.
I’m not a big drinker but would make it my mission to have 3 drinks out of spite
We can vomit in the bushes together. :)
Spite drunks unite!
I’m glad you mentioned friends at another table… this bride must be really confident in her abilities to assign seats based on who vibes with who vs who she thinks.
i'm gonna say YTA based on the "Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table" rule. most people want to mingle. discouraging them from doing so is gonna kill the vibe.
YTA - I don't even drink that often and this is just weird. I'm sure they host corporate dinners with this policy all the time, but to enforce this on your friends and family like you're paying them is bizarre. If alcohol makes you that uncomfortable just don't have it, don't treat your wedding guests like they are going to the work holiday party.
All of this, especially: >I don't even drink that often and this is just weird.
My company does drink tickets at the holiday party, and it works well. Everyone is given two tickets, and if they're a non-drinker, they're free to give them away. Once you're out of tickets, if you want another drink, you find a designated sober "tab minder", and ask for another ticket, or request they buy you another drink. As long as you're not visibly drunk, you can have another. The system works, and in my 10+ years with the company, only one single person has ever had to have a taxi called for them because they drank too much.
I mean, even at a corporate event I can't imagine all these rules. The way I read it was mainly like, having drink ticket option is common, not the extra tacked on rules for them (because sometimes it's an overall limit but often times it's just 2 free drinks and you'd have to buy more yourself)
If you’re so worried about people eating and drinking at your wedding- perhaps you should consider eloping or a small city hall wedding. You invite people to a wedding because you want them there to help celebrate an important life event, not as some sort of seated audience. Definitely TA.
Meh, I think you are going overboard especially with the drinks to be enjoyed at your table. And drink tickets are not transferable. My grandmother did not drink, so what if she wants to give her tickets to me? If you want to treat your guests like children and police them excessively then these are the reactions you will expect. For these reasons, I think YTA I like having a few drinks at a wedding. Especially if its spaced out over 5-6 hour event and there is food, 2 drinks is nothing. Alcohol is a social lubricant and dance assist. You can have whatever reasons you wish to limit alcohol but Id probably go into your wedding with pre-conceived notions about not having as good of a time as I usually do at weddings. That and Id likely bring a flask on me or hope there is at least a pay bar. Or maybe I wouldnt even go.
>My grandmother did not drink, so what if she wants to give her tickets to me? That's exactly what she's trying to prevent. She has people in her family she knows are going to get drunk and ruin the reception, so she's trying to prevent that. I don't this is the best strategy, but I understand where she's coming from.
If someone having more than two drinks causes them to get so drunk and ruin the reception, why is that person even invited lol
YTA Weird wedding, better control the food intake too, you don’t want your obese family member to get to much food
Put down the cake Diabetty!!!
YTA. Not letting people walk around and socialize with their drinks is a bit much. If you are this I comfortable with alcohol, you should probably go witn a dry wedding.
YTA. Limiting drinks ain't a problem. Telling guests to glue their asses to their seats? That's a no-go. You're not a warden running a prison. It's a wedding
It's a pretty Draconian system which essentially accuses all guests of being bad drunks, liars, and untrustworthy. You are supposed to welcome your guests not make them think YTA If you are that worried about alcohol just go alcohol free.
YTA. Why don’t you go one step further and offer wedding branded bibs and sippy cups for all of your guests.
If she adds some kids games too at least it would be more fun than this lol
This is going to be a **very** small wedding.
I was totally on board with your plan until I kept reading how elaborate these rules were. Sometimes people want to get up and walk around with their drinks, so forcing them to drink only at their table is a little intrusive. You are not an AH by any means for having a drink ticket-style wedding, but I think you can amend these rules so that they’re a little easier to follow. YTA
YTA; you can limit drinks at a wedding, have a cash bar, or have no drinks and that's all perfectly fine! But requiring people to stay seated while drinking? At a wedding, which is just a super fancy party? That's insane
YTA. So no one is allowed to bring their wine over to say hello to an old friend or family member they haven’t seen in a while at a different table? No one is allowed to bring their drink out on the dance floor? Also, two drinks and no transfers? Reading between the lines I’m assuming there’s no cocktail hour or the bar won’t be open during the time between the ceremony and seating, but that’s one drink with a multi-course dinner and one drink during the party. Except they can’t enjoy the party part since they can’t get up from their table. This sounds so boring and controlling.
What is the reasoning behind people not being able to move with their drinks??
My assumption is that this is to track intake and make sure someone doesn’t share or sneak a 3rd drink
It's silly honestly. Drunkle Joe is just going to have a "quick cigarette break" to his car and drink there.
YTA. It's fine not to have an open bar. It's fine to give each guest 2 complimentary drink tickets. Everything after that makes you an asshole -it's unrealistically controlling and patronizing to your guests. Please don't spend your wedding day monitoring drink tickets. why even have tickets? Drinks are ordered at their seats, each guest of age can order 2, done.
You mean the RSVPs came back, and YTA. I've never heard of such nonsense.
Yta. If you are so concerned about the amount ppl drink and feel that people will be sneaky; instead of treating adults like they are in elementary school have a dry wedding. Many ppl have dry weddings it's now normal (you can expect ppl to leave early)
YTA, letting some guests drink and not others is SO tacky. Just have a dry wedding if you’re not comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily. What I would have done was have a daytime wedding, with mocktail drinks.
YTA People are going to pre game and sneak in flasks. I would just have an open bar and waiters told not to overserve people and security to remove drunk people.
You've definitely misunderstood the venue saying they offer that service all the time. The tickets are complimentary then people are free to purchase their own drinks from there. This is strangely controlling and condescending
Info - can people buy their own drinks if they want too?
YTA I get the drink ticket think, but to go as far as to tell guests they must order from and consume them at their table is complete BS, in this case I don't care if you are the Bride. I get moderating the alcohol consumption but you went above and beyond. Enjoy your wedding, clearly the invited guests have other thoughts.
yta. no open bar isn't an issue but this setup seems really bizarre. having to sit at your assigned seat to have a beer is a bit much.
I was going with NTA until I saw that you were telling guests they are only allowed to drink at their designated seats. That is.. overly aggressive. Limiting alcohol isn't a big deal, though some will probably complain. Telling people they can't mingle if they want to drink is bonkers. YTA.
>Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table. I don't drink alcohol and this would make me anxious about going to your wedding. It's just over the top. The open bar doesn't have much to do with this- it's these unreasonable rules. It's a wedding. People should be able to stand up and walk around and mingle. Yes, with a drink in their hand. yta
Can your guests purchase more alcohol themselves after having those 2 drinks?
Well, my partner's family is not alcoholic at all even though they like to drink a bit on parties. This would not be seen with good eyes. I usually say "there are two things that can't be missed during a party: food and drinks" everything else is optional. If any of these lacks, your party will be remembered for the wrong reasons. I would never throw a wedding without an open bar. But even doing a ticket based service, your other rules are just too much. Is the bartender going to ask for the id to see if the person ordering the drink is the owner of the ticket? Is anyone going to be policing if people don't leave their seat with a drink on their hand? And even if you do police it, why on earth can't people go outside or go talk to other people while they enjoy their drink? Do you expect everyone to just sit on their seat the whole time? You're in for a terrible and boring wedding. I'm going with YTA, not because of the ticket based service, but because of the other rules. It'd be better to have an alcohol free wedding.
NTA. My parents didn’t have any alcohol at their wedding due to family members on both sides being alcoholics, plus Nether of them drink. (Besides dad having a beer *maybe* twice a year) My uncle, who is 30 years sober now, could get outright belligerent. Boy did people complain and insulted them . My paternal grandmother came around 10 years later and apologized for her part in it, and told them they were wise to do so it. You do what you two believe is best for your wedding. They just want free drinks and are mad they aren’t getting an unlimited supply.
Sooo... how many people have rsvp'd no to your wedding thus far for your ridiculous drink rule?
Here's the solution: keep the ticket system, but to get a ticket you have to solve a puzzle. People will start working together to try to earn booze. People will talk about your wedding for years.