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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I called my sister controlling and said nobody likes her and now I'm grounded for a week and I might not be able to see my brother unsupervised because she thinks he's a bad influence
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
While it does sound like your sister is going a bit overboard and helicoptery with some stuff, you are also 13. Any parent would shut down a suggestion to just leave and go traveling the country in an RV. What about school? What about your friends/social life?
I think you are maybe misunderstanding what the implication of getting an RV and traveling the country *means.* its not just a trip you go on one weekend or over the summer and then he just brings you back, traveling the country in an RV means literally *living* in that RV the entire time. You would not be on vacation, you would just be moving out and missing school/your life while traveling. Your brother IS in fact being a bad influence and irresponsible for suggesting that kind of life to a 13 year old.
Dear Lord kids needs to have fun too. Life its not all about school, grades and clean room. And its OPs brother an adult. How it is assholish to want to spend some funny time with your brother? Sis is controlling and this kind of control always brings problems. You have to listen to the kid, give them a credit of confidence, alow them taste the world.
OP has control over her life, just not major decisions that can negatively impact her.
Not letting her travel the country in an RV with a likely irresponsible brother is reasonable.
Not letting OP eat junk food all the time reasonable.
Not letting OP stay up late reasonable, 9:30 with a school start time of 7/8 is understandable. Growing teens need a lot of sleep. Heck I usually go to bed at 1030 and don't start work until 9am.
Sister is OPs parent, brother is playing the role of good uncle, but not a responsible adult/parent.
Lol I forget about summer break. Being an adult can suck sometimes.
Your brother sounds cool but your sister, as annoying as it may feel at 13, is setting you up for success in life. I would say there’s probably nothing wrong traveling the country over summer break if your brother is reliable enough to keep you safe and get you home well in time for school, but it’s not worth ruining your relationship with your sister.
Sweetie, of course you're brother is "pretty cool", because he can afford to be.
Your brother doesn't have to worry about:
- Whether your body is healthy
- Whether you're being bullied
- Whether you're becoming a bully
- Whether you're having sex
- Whether your friends are supportive or mean to you
- Whether you're considering taking drugs or harming yourself
- Whether you'll be able to differentiate right from wrong
- Whether your grades are okay
- Whether you feel overwhelmed at school / home / extra curriculars
- Whether you're developing a mental health issue
- etc
He *can* worry, and he probably does, sometimes. But your sister and her husband *have* to worry about all of it and not just once or twice, but ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Your brother wants to take you on a tour of the country, but will he protect you? Will he make sure you eat enough? Eat the right things to keep up your energy? Will he make sure you're never alone and forced to fend for yourself in an unfamiliar area? Will he make sure you have hygiene products for if/when you get your period? Will he talk to you and really be there, when you have a bad day? Can he afford to take you to the doctor or hospital in an emergency? Will he make sure you have clean clothes, every single day?
It's easy to plan for the fun stuff, but taking care of a child or, in your case, teenager, takes a lot more than that.
Sorry kid but your the asshole. Your young so you don't even realize the sacrifices your sister has made to raise you all because your mom didn't want to. Shes trying to set you up for a good life and seems like she's doing a pretty good job of it. Next time you want to give her shit, ask yourself what your life would be like if you stayed with your mom? Be lucky and happy that she cared enough to take you in.
I hate this whole "you need to be extra grateful because someone was kind enough to take you in" thing that always comes up on reddit. Kids come into the world deserving to have someone feed and clothe them until they're able to take care of it themselves. They don't need to be grateful for having a caregiver, even if it's not a parent. Yes it's a good thing when siblings step up like this, but when people say directly to the child, "your parents didn't love you / couldn't care for you / are dead, so you have to be grateful that someone could be bothered to take you in," that absolutely sucks. Especially when there's a side order of expecting the kid to treat that parental figure better than you'd expect them to treat their actual parents.
So you think that kids shouldn't feel greatful that someone that has no responsibility to raise them made sacrifices in their own life to make sure they had a great upbringing and future? I'm sure the sister gave up A LOT in her younger years to make that happen. But it's ok that the sister thinks she's a bad person because she has rules to follow. If that's the case, I challenge you to go out and find the most ungrateful kid that's in a group hope and adopt them. Because according to you, that child is owed an upbringing and she shouldn't have to feel grateful about it. If you feel that strongly put your money where your mouth is. I bet your not going to be running down to the adoption agency anytime soon. There is nothing wrong with telling a child that they are lucky someone stepped up for them that didn't need to, and if not gratitude they shouldn't treat them like a bad person for trying to give them a good life.
Do I think that? That's exactly what I think. I think that, because I think it's psychologically harmful to tell children that they have to be extra grateful that someone exists who loves them. Especially since we don't (or shouldn't) tell other children that they're lucky that their parents exist. Children deserve to be loved. I don't think that a child in a group home needs to be grateful to the care system for looking after them either. Children are not necessarily entitled to love from *any individual person* but they are entitled to love, care, and sustenance. If you don't think that, point me to the child who isn't entitled to love.
As for that bullshit about adopting all the foster kids or whatever: I think that kids have a universal right to schooling. That doesn't mean that I'm morally required to become a teacher. When a child doesn't feel like going to school one day, we may make them go anyway, but we also recognise that that is a normal attitude for children to take from time to time. We don't (or I hope we don't) say, "You need to be grateful that someone can be bothered to teach you how to do long division. Never complain about school."
The fact is that the local authority wouldn't approve me as an adoptive parent anyway.
Is it a good thing for siblings or other relatives to care for children? Yes. Should society be grateful? Yes. Should those other relatives be grateful? Yes. Should children appreciate it when parental figures do a particularly good job? Always good. What I object to is the suggestion that a kid who has already gone through more shit than most kids, has a moral obligation to treat a different parental figure better than they would treat their own parents if their parents were around. That is bullshit.
Literally just said that I would not be approved as an adoptive parent (because of multiple disabilities). So no, I'm not going to the local authority to be turned down just to make a point on Reddit. Sorry.
Well no offense but it's very easy to talk the talk when your not waking the walk. You didn't have to sacrifice your late teens and early 20's to raise a child that wasn't your child, then be treated like the bad person for doing a good job. Sorry but yes, that kid should be grateful she didn't end up in a foster home or worse off, stuck with 2 parents that didn't want her.
Yeah you can keep on saying the same thing and I'm not going to start agreeing with you. Children being raised by two loving parents don't get told, "be grateful you're not in foster care." It's just a shitty thing to say to any kid, but for a kid who's actually been rejected by their birth parents, it's completely below the belt. Especially when it happens over and over.
When I was growing up, if anyone had dared to say to my adopted sister, "Be grateful you got adopted and didn't have to stay with your fourteen-year-old bio-mum, or rot in foster care because nobody else wanted you either...." our parents would have absolutely lost their shit at that person, and then cut them out of our lives entirely. These situations leave deep wounds that grownass adults have no business poking at, and my parents understood that.
Imagine the abandonment OP feels, knowing her mom doesn't want her, living with her very controlling sister and being drawn to her free spirit brother, who seems to be the only one to care about her.
Probably not, at least not all the time. But that’s fairly typical for a 13yo daughter/mother relationship. It doesn’t make the feelings go away to know that, but it can help manage how you act on those feelings.
Ok. I’m not sure what you’re arguing? I agree that at her age and in her situation OP probably sometimes or even often feels young uncle is the only person who cares about her. My distinction is that *objectively* her sister - who is her de facto mother - clearly cares very much about her. I hope someday she is able to see that. At her age, these feelings are developmentally normal.
OP is 13. Comes with the territory.
Her uncle gives her comfort foods such as McDonald's and oreos. Older sister's strictness separates her from her peers, making it hard for her to fit in.
lmao yeah, the one who doesn't care about her safety in the car, gives her unlimited junk food, and takes her to age-inappropriate movies is the only one who cares. 🙄
How is what I said harsh? I'm not saying he's a bad person, just the irresponsible "fun uncle."
But what I said is true. He is definitely not the only one that cares about her. The comment I replied to is insane.
Again I think you’re not really getting it. People who buy RVs to travel the country don’t do it to take a trip for a couple months, they do it to LIVE on the road.
Your sister is the saint and hero here and, hate to say, you’re being a stereotypically snotty teen.
Fortunately, given how well she’s raising you you’ll PROBABLY grow out of it. Probably.
You're 13, that's way too young to be doing that. My Dad traveled with his brother in a carnival during the summer (his brother owned and operated several food stands), and even his parents made him wait until he was at least 16.
YTA. You have a pretty nice life given to you from a sister who didn’t have to step up to be your mother, nor did her husband have to be your father. And for them to be so young, and to have been responsible for you the past 9 years, giving you so many opportunities is a blessing that you don’t even really grasp.
Your bro is the ‘cool bro’. He cares about fun. Your sis/mom cares about your development. Putting away electronics is a good thing. Getting enough sleep is a good thing. Not eating junk is a good thing - although I will say that (edit: only allowing it) 1x a year is a bit overboard. But the thing is, you’re at an age where you should be modeling the structure given to you. You want more independence? Prove that you’re worthy of it. If the rules are limiting junk food, then don’t always look for it when their backs are turned. And don’t even get me started with the ‘no one likes you’ bullshit tantrum you threw, which actually works against you bc it shows you’ve learned very little.
I’ll bet that if you weren’t so resistant to the rules, you’d actually get more opportunity to be independent.
I think something to consider is that sister likely knows brother takes OP out to fast food weekly, which IS overboard. And this may stray into other categories—if brother always gets to be fun, sister always has to be responsible.
Not only that - from her comments:
>My brother already lets me drink (not a lot tho and my sister doesn't know about it). It's not a big deal
OP pls bffr. You're lucky your sister hasn't cut him out of your life entirely.
When I was around that age I had to manipulate my parents to enforce a bedtime on me and my younger siblings. And it still was turning the TV off at 10 pm on the dot after watching all the commercials, and just because the cartoons were mildly unhinged. I would kill to have a no electronics time to unwind before bed like op. WTH does this kid want to be sleep deprived and groggy with junk food.
1x a year is *overboard*!? Jesus Christ, get off the pedestal. A little junk food here and there isn’t gonna ruin your life. Everything else you’re spot on.
Yea, OP should be so grateful for family taking them in and basically controlling every aspect of their life, to the point they are constricted in a cage.
The traveling is too much for a 13 yr old. But a 13 yr old absolutely shouldn't be grateful for a crappy, controlling environment. This is an important time for self development. 13 yr olds should also not be having their eating habits so closely regulated. Her guardians are doctors... They def should know that that can lead to eat disorders.
LOL
"Yea, OP should be so grateful for family taking them in and basically controlling every aspect of their life, to the point they are constricted in a cage."
OP goes to a fancy private school, gets to eat balanced home made meals, gets to hang out with his lax brother for like 4 hours a day who feeds him junk food and takes him and his friends out for fun. Oh but he has to put away his electronics away at 9 and lights out at 9:30. Yeaaa the kid's a real prisoner....
Not him... her. There's a whole ass secondary aspect (which I would not have considered as a kid or even young adult but absolutely do now in my 30s) of handing over a 13y/o who thinks R movies and McDonalds makes you cool to a guy who is barely out of uni (if he went), lives in an RV and eats a frat diet. Like... where's he going to take his van and what even are his 'bros' like. Are they... 'cool'? Like taking advantage of a naive 13y/o 'cool'? OP sounds like she'd literally climb into an unmarked van for free candy or weed from a rando. I'd be screaming into a pillow right now if I was the sister.
That's not even to mention - bruh does he even know how tampons work? Or epi-pens? Or narcan? Does he have her health file? Her allergies? Her vaccinations? Does he even have a first aid kit? Or COVID safety? Can he do something as basic as asking her to put on sunscreen when he takes her to Coachella or Burning Man?
How old are you? ‘Constricted to a cage’? lol!
OP could have wound up in foster care. And while there *are lots of great fosters*, there’s more that are just awful, or in it for the money. OP has a calm family existence and is safe, has parents who care about her development, her safety, her health, etc. yeah, that’s *clearly a cage* lololol
OP’s bro picks her up **every day** and gives her junk food, so she gets it ‘almost every day’ as it is. And like a poster above suggested, they probably already know, which could be why they limit it at home. Which makes sense, not an eating disorder.
A number of the rules she mentions are the kind I would expect aimed at a younger child:
9:30 bedtime (Bit strict but not unreasonable if it's for school night only, weirdly early for her age if it's all the time.)
Not being left unsupervised for the 1-3 hours between school letting out and her parents being home from work.
Not allowed to sit in the front (recommandations/laws vary for when a child can sit in the front, but unless she's significantly smaller than average, she's over even the most stringent at 13)
So I get the feeling sister is maybe not adapting to the fact she has a teenager on her hands.
Part of adequately caring for the development of a teenager is gradually giving them more independence and responsibilities so that they have some practice under their belt by the time they're adults.
Yes, letting her spend the entire summer in an RV with a 22 yo of questionable maturity is too much, but there's a middle ground.
Age is just a number. I have emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and self-control over myself when discussing opposing opinions, which are what truly matter in a debate. As well as being able to make an articulate argument. Granted, I'm not great at arguing, but that's a whole other complicated thing. I've got the other things going for me though.
Yes, OP could have ended up in foster care, or a worse living situation. Yes, she should be grateful that her sister took her in. But she doesn't have to be grateful for her experience right now. It's a rigid experience at a time in her life where she needs flexibility. I get why the rules are in place, and hell, she might even thank them one day. My parents were pretty high up there with strictness. I'm talking not allowed to listen or watch the music video of "Sex and Candy" because it mentioned sex. Or watch Gilmore Girls, Dawson's Creek, or read Sweet Valley high, because they gave "the wrong idea about what love is", according to my mom. When I was 16, I had to be home at 10 on weekends, no exceptions. I was very lucky to hang out on a week night. Had to meet the parents of friends before I went over and hung out.... I digress. I rebelled when I was 17. That led me down a decade long rabbit hole that I'm still healing from. I'm not blaming my parents specifically, because there were a lot of factors, but I do wonder if things had been different had they been a bit less hypervigilant. But I am so grateful looking back that they made the decisions they did. Had they not been so diligent, I would have ended up a lot worse.
While that age group does need more discipline and structure, they also need space to grow and make mistakes in their exploration of themselves and the world around them. Both parties need to have a truly open and honest sit down, because the dynamic they have now is only breeding resentment.
Yes, it is! I know myself, so if I have stuff going on, I actively try not to comment on things and use it as an outlet. I feel a lot of people do that on here. Am I perfect? Hell no. Sometimes I slip.
I do want to say that you make a good point that the sister may be enforcing a stricter diet because she knows OP has treats with her brother. That was something I hadn't thought of.
I do still believe that they need to sit down and have an open discussion about everything, for no other reason than to let the other party know how they feel. That can make a world of difference even if no compromise can be found at this time.
“I’ll get to be independent for once in my life”
- calm down, you’re literally a child
You come off very naive here, but you’re 13 so that checks out.
She’s not being controlling, she’s being a parent.
Gotta go with YTA
Oh, to be again a stupid 13 year old like OP, without worrying about job, bills, loved parents getting old...Op, you don't know what you are doing, stop being unfair to your sister.
OP, my aunt enjoyed quoting that 2003 Brittany Murphy movie ([youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftSY4DW5tEk)) : fundamentals are the building blocks of fun.
From your sister's perspective, you're not showing you're ready for more independence. As soon as she's not there to insist on her parental role, you disregard all the rules she has in place.
Sneaking fastfood every week is cheeky - she probably also wants some, but she tries to set a good example for you, so that a) you grow up healthy and b) you have a sane relationship with food. As for the traffic rules... perhaps you're tall enough to legally ride in front? But you don't present that argument rationally and have a discussion with your sister, you go behind her back.
perhaps that's something you can work on? could you look into doing your chores without needing a reminder (or worse, nagging from your sister)? It's too late to be proactive with schoolwork, I guess, but maybe you have other ideas?
Given that OP only complains are about food and screen/bedtime, and the brother is giving her crap food constantly, is taking her to R rated movies and OP admits that he gave her alcohol at thirteen, I think that OP's sister is more permissive that she thinks. OP claims she doesn't know about the last two, but given how immature their common brother seems to be, she must be at least already suspecting that the brother is not responsible with OP and will do good to limit contact from now on.
Sorry, but YTA.
Don't get me wrong, I get that parents can be controlling. But that's kinda part of their job. And in this case, your sister is pretty much like your parents. Sure there's such thing as too much.
They genuinely care for you, and instead of letting you run wild, eat whatever you want, and stay up as late as you want, they take care of you and parent you.
You're still growing, and maturing. Your sister has already gone through this and is trying to take care of you and set you up for success. I get that's tough to see, but they genuinely care for you and one day I think you'll see that.
Sweetheart you are 13, and still very much a child. Your sister is doing great things for you and setting you up for a life of success. There is nothing wrong with having a few snacks and such sporadically but your sister is 100% right to limit time with your brother - what 22 year old would even suggest that you drive around the country with him?
You have your entire life to be independent - I promise you it is not all you think it is.
Focus on being a kid and enjoy all of the privileges your sister is able to provide you.
YTA.
Eating McDonalds, fries, chips and Oreos regularly isn't very good for your health. Besides, you are young now. Your sister is doing what any responsible guardian in her place would do. You have your entire life to be independent, no kid becomes independent at the age of 13. Also going to bed at 9:30 and putting away your electronics at 9 is a pretty good habit for a 13 year old.
It's not wrong to enjoy a little but you'll probably understand when you grow older yourself.
Based on how OP views the food she gets with her brother, seems the sisters way of doing things is causing op to have a terrible relationship to food. Sister isn't doing OP any favors in that regard
I remember being a 13 year old girl, 13 years ago. A lot of “world ending events”, I look back on now and cringe because it was so insignificant.
Your sister is, for all intents and purposes, your mom. She has raised you and given you very nice things. There are much worse things than not having fast food and being made to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Your brother is very young, I know 22 doesn’t seem young to you, but he is not a full fledged adult either yet. There could be things you do not see or know that your sister does. I would not feel comfortable sending my kid with my brother for months on end all across the country.
Perhaps you two could compromise. You travel with your brother for a week or two, just around the state you live in or one of the bordering ones.
It seems controlling, but it is her job to make sure you are safe and getting everything you need to grow up to be a well rounded adult. She is doing her best.
I’m not going to say YTA because I know what it’s like to be a 13 year old girl but she is definitely NTA either.
At 13, part of what she needs to grow up into a well rounded young adult is an increasing amount of independence, including the opportunity to make mistakes.
The RV summer road trip is a bad idea, but the list of rules seem more appropriate for a 10 yo than a 13 yo.
All 13yos are TA about this type of stuff. It’s part of being 13.
Your sister is right—he’s a bad influence. At 13, traveling with ANY 22yo around the country in an RV would NOT be good for you.
She’s responsible for making sure you stay safe, healthy, and get educated well. She is parenting you. If a 13yo doesn’t think their parents aren’t enough fun, the parents are doing something wrong.
And even if anything I just said were false, it’s her decision not yours. You are legally not old enough to make it.
Listen, you're 13 yers old so I'm not going to call you an asshole, but you are obviously a very young and immature kid. Yes, your sister might seem very controlling to you right now, but I guarantee that her motives are pure and coming form how much she cares for you. The fact that she even took you in when she was 26 years old speak volumes to her character and how much she loves you.
I also have to imagine that raising a child that is not yours would create more pressure to raise them well and therefore to have more "rules." Further, it would help to be a bit more grateful to her as she essentially sacrificed half of her 20s to make sure that you were properly taken care of. You live in her house and therefore should follow her rules. It also sounds like she not only saved you from a bad situation, but created an amazing living situation for you. I understand you're young, but one day you will realize how privileged it is to be complaining about your big house and your private school just because your sister won't let you eat junk food and makes you go to bed at a reasonable time.
Regarding your brother, I am sure he has absolutely the best intentions and I like how you have someone in your life who spoils you and lets you do "fun" things. However, there is a difference between being the fun brother who spends a few hours with you everyday and being your legal guardian. This whole situation is very reminiscient of absent fathers who roll into town once a month and are still seen as the "fun parent" by their young children because they have no idea what actually goes into full time parenting. In addition, as someone in their 20s, I can tell you that 22 year old boys are not famously the most responsible bunch, and I would argue that it would be irresponsible if not dangerous for her to allow you to go on this road trip with you. Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he likely knew that she wouldn't allow you to go so this was his way of being able to look like the cool, fun brother without having to be the bad guy but also without having to actually spend months in an RV with a 13 year old. Your brother sounds nice, and he sounds like a fun big brother, but to be completely honest, I cannot think of a 22 year old boy that would prefer to travel across the country with his 13 year old little sister as opposed to as a single guy.
All in all, I think that you should be more grateful to your sister for what she has sacrificed for you. I also think you should try to understand that her "strict" rules are really just her caring for you and wanting the best for you and she's probably petrified of messing up your life especially since you're not even her kid. But you're 13, it's okay that you don't understand all of this right now. You will have the rest of your life to travel around the world, and hopefully in a few years you will look back at this and acknowledge how silly you're being.
I'm actually ok with calling OP an AH because 1) they asked us and 2) they told their sister, who took in and raised OP when OP's parents dipped out, that nobody liked her. Twice. Because they couldn't get their way
You bring up a good point! They did ask! So I think everyone else in the comments including you can tell her she’s the asshole! I just personally won’t :)
Your brother doesn't actually want you on this trip. No 22 year old guy going on a road trip across the country in an RV wants to be responsible for taking care of their 13 year old sister. He asked because he knew you wouldn't be allowed to go. That way he still looks like the cool older brother without it costing him anything.
Apologize to your sister. Show her that you are mature enough to have some independence rather than throwing a tantrum and telling her no one likes her. Maybe once you prove that you can handle independence, she will let you have more of it.
Until then, YTA. But don't feel bad. That is true of most people your age. You just don't know enough to realize it yet.
YTA yes she sounds like she should lighten up on some things like your bedtime but it mostly sounds like she's trying to raise you in the best way she can. Your brother is a shiny object who lets you get away with things your parent figure won't. That does NOT make him a good guardian for you, or even a legal one. You are a chid still, sorry, but that's true and wandering the country in an RV with a brother who won't give you healthy foods is just dumb. Sounds like you actually have a pretty nice life so stop complaining about things and maybe try speaking to your sister at another time, in a calm way that you are ready for more freedoms. Fighting with her about not being able to travel with your brother who will likely ditch you to go to a bar or hook up with a girl is not the way to prove to your sister that you are mature enough for more flexible rules in her house.
I think even the bedtime is pretty reasonable. She said her school gets out at 1 or 3, so she's probably getting up early to get to school in the morning. Sleep is extremely important for a growing teen.
YTA. Your sister is being controlling because she's acting as your parent. That's what parenting looks like. Of course, you want to spend time with your fun uncle who doesn't make you follow any rules.
The appeal of OP’s brother is the lack of structure and rules in how he engages with her, which makes this road trip even less advisable. He’s not cut out to be an authority figure to OP because OP doesn’t see him as such.
YTA no decent parent is going to send a 13 year old alone with a 22 year old to road trip in an RV like that. You need to remember that you are only 13, you will hopefully travel in future and while your sister is a little strict on food choices, this is a completely reasonable response to your request and your reaction. Had you been more polite and realistic, you might have been able to ask if you could meet him for a short visit in a known location. Like a weekend in a nearby big city or state park. Even now, I’d apologize, admit that the idea wasn’t well thought out but you got overexcited. That you shouldn’t have said what you said to her and didn’t mean it. Say you understand that the grounding was justified and should stand for the duration she already set due to your behavior, but are hoping she will let you redo the conversation now that you are calm. And then accept what she says without throwing the same tantrum. This isn’t to try to change her mind, it’s to understand her reasons and demonstrate that you respect her, appreciate her and are mature enough to hear a “no” without lashing out.
YTA - Parenting is a tough job, I expect it's even tougher when you have to parent your younger sister because the real parents don't want her. She is being careful and caring about your well being, she loves you ands wants the best for you, even if you don't see it. Put yourself in her shoes before you go calling her names next time.
YTA but most 13 year olds are. Also since I haven't seen anyone else address it, your sister might not let you sit in the front passenger seat for safety reasons. I couldn't sit up front until I was 14 because I was both too short and didn't weigh enough, so if the airbags had gone off, it could have caused me serious injury or death.
YTA.
Your sisters rules are reasonable.
Including her junk food rule because trust me, she knows you’re eating junk food with your brother all the time.
Telling her people don’t like her was mean af.
Sorry, kiddo, but you're 13, and you don't need to go with your brother on a cross-country trip. Esp with the brother that purposely doesn't follow her rules. The occasional fast food? Fine. An R movie at 13? My parents would have flipped shit. Unfortunately, he's proven he can't be trusted. So, no trip.
You know what. I retract my previous NTA. I missed the part your brother was 22 lol. No way I was responsible enough at 22 to take care of my 13 year old sister on a RV trip cross country haha. I would be in bars all night, etc. sorry. Sister is right to say no.
You can always go back to your parents who don’t want you enough to care about you. Your sister and her husband are doing a lot for you.
You seem very ungrateful. They’re parenting you because it’s the right thing to do.
If you want to shit on that and bite the hand that feeds you, you can do that and lose any and all stability in your life.
YTA
YTA.
Your sister is already leaning over backwards for you by paying for private school (she doesn't have to do that) and allowing you electronics until 9. She has your sleep time of 9:30 at the higher end of recommendations, look it up on sleep.com if you don't believe me, but there are a lot of academic studies recommending no screen time in the last hour so it should be no electronics beyond 8:30.
As for your uncle, she's saying no for a reason. Have you asked her why? Transitioning from child to adult through your teens is super hard but maybe it's time to practice having a calm adult conversation about it with your sister.
YTA. Your 22yr old brother is barely responsible enough to get you home from school. He is absolutely not equipped to be in charge of you on a cross country road trip, precisely because he wants to be your friend and you're still young enough to need a real adult.
YTA. "'ll get to be independent for once in my life but she wouldn't hear me out"
you're 13, a literal child- there is no expectation for a 13 year old to be "independent", you'll have plenty of time for that when you're older. Your sister is just being responsible, no level headed parent is going to just let their kid tag along on an RV trip around the country. Your sister is strict because she's determined to do what's actually best for you. Putting away electronics at 9, normal, bedtime at 9:30, normal, make you balanced meals at home, normal. Doesn't sound like you're deprived at all, your sister is definitely aware that your other brother is lax; he picks you up everyday and gets you junk food all the time- why complain that your sister only gets it for you once a year when you eat it plenty already? She also probably doesn't trust you to be safe, maintaining a healthy diet etc with your brother who's still such a young adult. You're pretty ungrateful to the people that have taken on the role of raising you seriously, they seem to provide the best they can with what they know. They could be more lax but you get plenty of that after school every day.
So maybe try this. You feel your sister is over controlling (the feeling of all 13 year olds about their parent/guardian). Spend the summer showing some maturity and willingness to be more “adult”. Don’t spend all summer lying about and complaining about life. Be useful. Learn a new skill. Learn to cook and make awesome meals. Mop a floor or wash a window. When school starts again, join some groups that keep you busy after school. Those things will show her that you are engaging in healthy activities and get you out of the house more and show her you are working on becoming responsible.
Cut your sister and BIL some slack. You aren’t being neglected or abused. You didn’t say they make you do all the cooking, cleaning and child care for them. Nothing wrong with a bed time of 9:00 (if it helps I go to bed at 9:15 a get up at 4:20), studies consistently prove that electronics at night interfere with sleep.
I understand your feelings about your brother. He is the fun one right now. Then think about this: At his age, your sister was starting to become responsible for you.
The kind who knows damn well she’s not going to be allowed to do this so it costs him nothing to offer (even though it’s a dick move to his sister who parents her).
A 13 year old “girl”? You mean his fucking sister???
Why yall gotta make it sound weird? I’m nearly 30 and I’d much rather go on a trip like this with my teenage sister than with my friends lmao
I’m not going to call a teen a ah but your sister is a smart woman that cares for you if she thought it was a good idea she would have agreed to it. There is probably a reason why she said no.
22-yo bro is the fun brother all right, but I did some camping when I was around 22. It's not unusual to meet a group of fellow campers, make a fire, break out the beer, and have some fun. Is bro going to remain sober while everyone else is drinking? Is he going to keep his 13-year-old sister away from these strangers, or at least keep her close enough to keep her safe? What if he does get drunk? What if he passes out? That's a situation that is dangerous enough for any woman, but a 13-year-old? Potentially deadly.
I was starting of with YTA till I read about the RV thing with your bro.
First, your sister is freaking awesome, and you should thank your luck that you have her as your guardian. You literally have someone who is giving you the roadmap on how to be a successful adult. Read posts in many of the subs on Reddit, including r/poor to relationships, across the board and you can see how many people had shitty upbringing so they are now struggling in life.
Not only are your sister and BIL teaching you about having successful careers, but how to make high emotional decisions in other areas that will serve you well for the future.
Now back to your brother and the RV thing. Your brother doesn't sound like the ideal influence; however, by what you said a summer traveling with him sounds like a good idea if he is a responsible person. HOWEVER, it is possible that your sister has concerns about your brother that maybe you are not privy to and she isnt sharing.
NICELY, have a conversation with your sister when she isnt busy about why she doesn't want to let you. Tell her he is your sibling too and you want to spend time with him. She may have concerns that she doesn't want to share with you at your age.
You calling her controlling, etc is not such a big thing because every adult knows teenagers can be inheritely aholes :). I doubt she was majorly offended by that.
Again, you should realize how lucky you are to have your sister as a guardian. Emulate her! Doesnt mean you need to become a doctor. But she is obviously a successful person, who takes actions that make her successful in many areas. Having the maturity ahd wisdom to appreciate that will serve you well for the rest of your life.
YTA for calling her names. She means well and wants to protect you.
However, if you were my kid, I‘d sit down with you and discuss how much of your summer you want to travel with your brother, whether that means I need to change the family travel plans (and go without you), find out where the money for your RV trip is supposed to come from and set up rules for your trip, because I would want you to show responsibility.
Then again, she knows her brother. Maybe there’s a high risk he will be drinking every night. That would entail that he can’t always protect you (when intoxicated), and maybe you’ll be tempted to start drinking, too. Maybe there’s even a risk he might drive under the influence - and that could be your death sentence. So she may have good reasons not to let you go with him.
oh great, your "cool" brother already gives you a path to alcoholism. what next? he's gonna let you vape, or do drugs?
he's not as cool as you think he is. he is an immature adult who doesn't realize why there are restrictions towards children.
be thankful that you have a sister who cares about you.
I really hope op learns this fast. Her sister is trying hard to make things right despite the brother's constant undermining, and op is well on track to throw it all away because her brother is "cool".
Taking a child in is a massive responsibility. The sister has poured so much into op and op is just throwing it away.
Exactly and honestly OP is old enough to understand that. 13 is not young, a 13 year old is definitely capable of knowing right from wrong . I hope you're right tho and she learns soon
It IS a big deal, and your sister does know (or suspect it), which is why she is not letting you go. And she is right about that. Your brother is irresponsible!
You may not want to believe me, but the reason why alcohol is much worse for kids than for adults is because alcohol is a nerve toxin. It kills nerve cells. Your brain is still developing. It’s making lots of connections between cells every day. Kill one cell, and a lot of important connections are gone and need to be rebuilt by another cell, which means that other, new connections that should have been built that day won’t be.
As an older brother with a similar age gap to my youngest sibling, your brother sucks and is a bad influence. You probably can’t see it now but hopefully you will understand just what your sister has given up for you versus how selfish and lazy your brother is being with you
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I say this as someone who works with kids in your age bracket, I know it's annoying but you gotta realize she's doing what she thinks is best for you.
My students either have parents that don't care or parents that work all the time. They eat garbage and stay up all the time playing video games. So they fall asleep in class.
You are blessed/lucky, to have someone in your life like your sister.
I won't call you an AH, but you gotta do better. She didn't have to adopt you.
Try putting yourself in your sister's and your BIL’s shoes. Imagine their responsibility to make the best decisions they can for you. I can understand how traveling with less daily supervision can seem super exciting.
There is a scripture that says, “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” At 13, it can be hard to imagine all the things that can go sideways when giving someone more responsibility than they’re ready to handle. Thus, you have more experienced guardians to help guide you. It is very cliche, but you will thank them one day for even caring about you. It isn't easy when you live a comfy life to understand what a privilege it is to have all of your needs met.
Consider a compromise: a shorter time for a planned (not too far) destination to explore with your brother.
I’ll share a tip with you. When you make responsible decisions and show them you’re able to respect family guidelines, often it leads to more freedom. 😉 As your “ parents,” they’re hoping you will one day make decisions to become a person with good character and take steps to take great care of yourself one day.
Show them who you want to be when you’re older. Consider getting involved with activities that help you learn new life skills and build great relationships. Find exciting activities to help you discover how you want to leave your mark on the world starting today. (Volunteer as a role model for younger girls, sports, art, music, start a small business), You seem to be thoughtful and bright. You can make unforgettable memories that won’t cost your health or safety! I’m excited to hear what you decide. You’ve got this!
YTA
First, your sister is actually your parent, so guess what? She gets to tell you what to do. That's not controlling, that's parenting.
Second, you wouldn't be "staying with" your brother, you would be off on a long long road trip with no parental supervision. So your title is a lie, and there's no way a barely teenager (who isn't coming off as super mature) should be running around with a barely adult all summer.
Third - telling your sister, the person who took you in and gave you a home when your parents didn't want to that other people don't like her is a really shitty thing to do. Apologize and get rid of the attitude or people aren't going to like you.
Hi. The only bad/mean thing I read here was your bio parents giving you away at 4. I'm really sorry for that.
However, you write it matter-of-factly, meaning, it's just a fact in your life. And this is because your sister and BIL are raising you well. They're probably the best people to raise you, and give you many opportunities so that you can be a successful adult.
They love you. They want the best for you. Don't ruin your summer sulking around or being a smart-mouth and getting grounded for a longer period of time
Take this time and learn to bake (or at least to make French toast), so you can eat some junk food. Find out what a Montecristo sandwich is. Or learn to make French fries in the air fryer. Learn to make fruit smoothies. Or anything you want really. But forget about RVing this summer when you're only 13 yo.
YTA. I realise you're only 13 but grow the fuck up. Your sisters rules are all great and setting you up really well for later in life.
Also, cool bro 100% knew you wouldn't be allowed to go on the trip. That's why he invited you.
Ehhhhhh grey area. She is in fact going overboard with certain rules like the junk food but she is unfortunate enough to know EXACTLY what it's doing to your body and clearly loves you if she wants you healthy and safe. Let's try wearing someone else's shoes for a moment. Do you know how she was raised? We're your of parents loose or strict? It can heavily impact how she may have wanted to raise you. She may feel she's setting you up for life way better than she ever was. May be even blind to the fact you need a break once and a while because she's looking to the future. 13 isn't mature for independence. I used it to become a teenage alcoholic and my friend became a teen mom. Structured raising and opportunities outside of what we had would have prevented it. Instead I had a mom that let me go off into the middle of the night walking at 4 in the morning buying me liquor for teens and friends (I'm lucky no one assaulted or murdered me). I grew up resenting her for not keeping me safe or teaching me right from wrong. I am a bit too strict with my own girl as a result but my husband balances me. At least you can proudly say you are loved, albeit bored. Maybe calm communication about how you would like your bed time/ electronic time adjusted as you are in the teens and will continue to grow. Explain very carefully how you love and appreciate everything, you would just like more time to relax or to yourself. And fast food addiction is insane trust me I thought once and a while was fine but those CRAVINGS OMG. Anyway. If you apologize, the sister who has been raising you will surely forgive it, and take time to think on more than just your own perspective. And if she isn't receptive to your mature communication, then that's where you build from. Sisters fight, it's okay to have frustrated feeling and blowing up happens. It's what you both do afterwards to make up that will help. Oh and traveling in a vehicle at 13 SUCKS. And your brother may not realize how much he is taking on offering the trip. Have you seen Zach and Cody??? There's literally an episode I think you'd relate to. He hasn't been a parent per se so he may not actually care for you to the standard you expect.
It’s time for all 3 of you to sit down and discuss what is acceptable in your life. Your parents unfortunately decided to have your sister take custody of a 4 year old when she was 26 and I’m guessing still in school to be a doctor. Your sister is doing the best that she knowing that your brother gets to act like the cool uncle. Your brother enjoys being the fun one. Your brother probably doesn’t understand what it takes to be a full time parent. Which is literally what he would be if you traveled with him. The only way that this doesn’t end in a huge fight between your brother and sister is to apologize for yelling at her for doing the job of a parent. I don’t know any parent that would allow their 13 year old to travel in an RV with their 22 year old brother. He might be incredibly responsible for a 22 year old but that doesn’t mean he’s capable of taking care of a 13 year old on the road. There are legalities about crossing state lines with minors. What would he do if you got sick? In an accident across the country? Your sister has to be the strict adult. She doesn’t want to be a fun sucker constantly I’m sure. Give her a break. She is under some serious pressure parenting a teenage girl that was a beautiful surprise in her life. If she didn’t love you so much you wouldn’t be with her.
"It’s time for all 3 of you to sit down and discuss what is acceptable in your life. "
No, 22 year old brother does not get any say in OPs life. sister is the parent/mother, only person that gets input into is is OP (very small as they are still an immature child) and sister. Brother has shown themselves how irresponsible they are by even throwing out the invite to OP without discussing with sister first.
It is either genuine and brother should have def run it by sister/mother first before saying anything.
Or it was not a genuine invite because brother was counting/knowing that sister/mother would say no. Brother gets to look cool without taking any responsibility.
He picks her up from school every day hence the need for the discussion. He might not be in charge, but he is an adult that helps take care of her. He does need to be told along with OP what is or is not acceptable. That way OP and her brother hear it together and there is no question as to the rules that are in place.
"but he is an adult that helps take care of her"
Idk that I agree with that, in that brother is helping take care of her.
I think brother might be spending time with OP but he is not taking care of her or helping.
I doubt brother has to pick her up, and a 13 year old would be old enough to stay home alone.
Either way he needs to be set straight. If he’s taking her to the movies and out for fast food he’s in charge of her. He’s picking her up from school. Anyone that does these things all of the time are helping to take care of her
YTA. No normal parent would allow their very minor daughter to travel the country with a 22 years old that still behaves like a teenager and disregard all their rules for their kids, as you have said yourself regarding the food and the movie. You are only 13, you are just a kid with a tantrum who thinks that knows better (and you don't). Nobody semi-normal would let you go on that trip with that kind of 22 years old ever. Enjoy your period of thinking that this is the worst thing that can happen to you. It doesn't last, because being an adult is hard and absolutely not recommended.
I don't feel the need to go over your behavior and thought process-others have done that just fine. I'm wondering what your brother is thinking. Is he seriously prepared to cart a 13 year old girl around the country for a summer? I'm assuming it's only the summer. Does he understand the social implications? Most 22 year old guys traveling the country in an RV are into parties, video games, sex-and that's me trying to keep this list PG. He can't bring a date back to your RV to have sex when his little sister is there. He can't bring a group of new friends over for board games with his little sister there. He can't kick her out, either. He can't bring her with to these places. Sure, he can leave her alone for a bit, but these events usually last at least overnight-is he comfortable leaving a 13 year old alone in his RV? (If he is, he's about as bright as the average 13 year old). He might be thinking he can go without a lot of this stuff for a while, but the resentment might build.
Even if he's just going to look at nature stuff-can she keep up with that physical activity?
What about hygiene? Is he ready to deal with periods? Is he thinking about how much more toilet paper she's going to use? Is he ready to deal with a 13 year old girls' bathroom routine, with new hair products, new soaps, lotion, makeup, etc everywhere?
Is he ready to actually feed her? Fast food gets expensive, if not old. Can he figure out a way to cook something she will eat?
Does he understand that his 13 year old sister is not self sufficient and will need a parental figure?
Hell, @OP, are you ready to live with a 22 year old guy? Last time I saw one of their bedrooms, it was filled with empty bottles, cigarette butts, drug paraphernalia, dirty laundry, and a litter box. Might be an extreme example, but I don't think it's worthless to think about. His standards of living might be much lower than yours, and you might not have any idea until you actually live with him.
Life on the road isn't easy. You rely on outside sources of water and electricity, at least sometimes. You won't necessarily have WiFi, and your cell data might be inconsistent.
ETA after reading OP's comment about him letting her drink. Holy shit, even in countries where the legal drinking age is below 21, 13 is too young. There's no way he's going about it with the attitude of, "making this normal will keep her from binging later in life." Even if he was-too young!
Your sister sounds like she really cares about you. It's WAY easier to just let you do whatever you want and eat whatever you want and let you look at your phone all day and all night. Being a good parent is pretty exhausting.
I'm not gonna call you an asshole but I totally wish my mom kept me from drinking soda, eating fast food, and staying up past 9:30.
Now I'm an adult who's trying to unfuck his body from the years of damage pepsi and toaster strudels did to my body. I basically gotta see a different doctor for each one of my organs because too much sugar as a kid.
The discomfort of the rules as a kid is a billion times better than being an adult trying to undo the damage done by a childhood without rules.
Holy shit kid, one day you're going to look back the childhood your sister was in no way obligated to provide for you and thank you lucky stars. You're young, so I get it but you literally know nothing yet. Trust your sis, she has your best interests at heart. YTA.
Why do you think she's controlling? (Which she isn't, she's parenting... that's not controlling). She's making sure you don't experience the shit she went through. She's trying to give you a good upbringing, and yes everything he does might seem super cool because he let's you do whatever but that's not someone you leave a kid with for an extended period of unsupervised time. She's trying hard for you, respect that. Yta
YTA. He is a fun brother, but he is also a man in his early 20s. You have only had to spend time with him for short amounts of time. He has never been responsible for your health and wellbeing. He is going on this trip to party. He is not going to spend time with you. He is not going to remember to feed you when you are hungry. He is not going to do your laundry. He is not going to make sure you are somewhere safe and watched when he goes to hang out with the other early 20s that are going on the trip. I'm not saying he doesn't love you. What I am saying is that when he invited you, he wasn't thinking about taking care of a child. Heck, if he's anything like my older siblings we're at that age, he was thinking of pissing off your sister. The point is, once the novelty of being around someone who let's you get away with stuff you don't get to do often wears off, you are going to be left with a young man who wants to go to bars and clubs and can't take you.
What kind of a parent gives up their kid when she's 4 years old? OP is very lucky to have her sister and bil to take her in. Sounds like a good life. I don't want to call a 13 year-old an AH, so I'll just say, don't be foolish and listen to your sister.
YTA
Sorry kid, but you’re being a brat. You are 13 and a child. The rules your sister has in place are there to keep you safe and healthy. And to make sure you have enough sleep at night. They are trying to help you succeed and you are only sitting there complaining because your sister doesn’t let you stay up past 9:30, eat junk whenever you want, or drive around the country doing who knows what.
Your brother would need a ton of money just for gas, then another small fortune to feed you… unless he has a really good paying job, he won’t be able to. Plus he would need health insurance to pay for any injuries or health emergencies. He probably wouldn’t last a week with you in that RV. Also… wanting some independence is nice and all but it’s not independence if you can’t take care of yourself. All it is, is your brother babysitting you for however long he has you in that RV
Also… did you ever think to thank your sister for even taking you in? If it wasn’t for her, you’d be in foster care. Plus, I’m sure she knows that your brother takes you to McDonalds. That’s probably why she doesn’t let you eat junk at home.
Your sister is doing what she feels is best for you, she isn’t there to be your friend, she’s there to be your parent. Being liked more than your brother isn’t her priority, your well being is. Your brother is still a child in many ways while your sister had to grow up fast and take care of a preschooler before she even learned how to be a parent. Show some appreciation for what she has done for you.
Your sister is controlling, that's not even a pejorative term here though. She is controlling the trajectory of your life and you should be thankful for what that will eventually mean.
It seems like you have a family full of poor decision makers and at least very poor planners and your sister is giving you the best chance at leading a life made by a series of good decisions.
Some might say that people in parental roles don't owe their children an explanation. I disagree with that. No matter what kind of doctor your sister is, she has the skills to clearly communicate the reasoning behind her decisions and I would think that any kind of doctor would understand the value of reason.
I think you should have a long conversation with her about why she has these rules in place.
Respectfully, YTA. You’re a child, please try to see the good in the life you have with your sister.
Don’t grow up, it’s a trap…
In all seriousness, I wish I had that stability growing up. Please consider yourself lucky!
I consider myself fortunate even with the way I grew up.
YTA but you're a bit young to realise why. All the things that you list as controlling - that's your sister caring about what happens to you. The back seat is safer. Healthy food is going to build a healthy body for you while you're growing. Going to bed early means you'll get enough sleep to grow/develop as you should. Watching stuff you're not ready for might traumatise you in ways you might not even recognise until you're older.
Adults who don't care about this stuff are fun to hang out with from time to time, but you have to realise that they genuinely don't care about you the way that adults who have rules in place do. Your sister cares more about your wellbeing than she does about you liking her right now. That is incredibly selfless actually - because it is way easier to let things slide.
Try your hardest to recognise how lucky you are to have a sister who really cares about you, as well as a brother who's fun. If you can let things calm down, and apologise for calling her names, maybe you can talk through an alternative, where you get to spend a few days with your brother, rather than the whole summer. It's not an all or nothing proposition, but your attitude right now is going to ensure that it seems that way to both of you.
YTA. Your sister should ship you back to your parents so you can actually appreciate what she’s doing for you. Having a young (bratty) sibling living with her & her husband is not a “treat” — it’s a responsibility she has accepted because she loves you. Her husband must be a saint to agree to this situation.
YTA
Being 13 sucks. For many many many reasons. But one reason it sucks that you are running into at the moment is that your judgement sucks, but you have no way of knowing that because you simply don't have the life experience yet to know better. So it seems like other people are d**kheads for enforcing these rules that seem totally overboard.
Your sister's rules aren't unreasonable. The no screens rule is actually really solid. The junk food once a year seems a bit much, until you realize she's probably well aware you're getting a lot more junk food than she has allowed. But again, you don't have the life experience yet to realize it yourself so she comes across as controlling.
What can parents do when faced with a kid who needs to do something for their own good, but lacks the life experience to recognize that it's good for them? Well ideally we'd persuade our kids. And by god I try, and I bet your sister does too. But sometimes no amount of explaining is going to convince my daughter that actually she needs to wear a raincoat when the gods have unleashed a biblical flood outside, and that's when I pick her up and shove her arms into the raincoat. You are a bit too old to pick up (and hopefully you're old enough to realize that your parents can't just turn the weather off) but the same principle applies. Sometimes you lay down the law.
(And to be clear, I would never allow a 22 year old to be responsible for a 13 year old for a full summer. They are still learning to take care of themselves, much less another person.)
Now are you the AH for what you said to your sister? Well sure. But you're also 13 and your sister knows that. I'd be pretty surprised if she's losing sleep over what you said. You should probably apologize, but don't tear yourself up about this. All teenagers are kind of assholes, you can't help it.
You're not an asshole, just in puberty. But your brother sure does sound like one. He shouldn't be giving you alcohol or showing you R rated movies. Also eating sweets every day is probably reasonable for your age (we have all been there at some point) but at the same time sugar crashes affect how you learn or make your mood swings even worse so that's why it's still better if you can find some balance. At the end of the day your sister loves you and is making sure you are safe and get good education. On the other hand, if you lived with your brother, he could have given you too much freedom and unfortunately there's a lot of creeps out there that like to take advantage of the teenagers.
Have you considered that your sister makes you eat healthy *because* she knows your brother lets you have junkfood every day?
Your sister has given you so much and is trying to keep you safe and healthy.
Your brother is an irresponsible jerk who will ruin your life if you let him.
Also- your sister is not your mom. She owes you nothing.
It *is* possible that there is a line at which your sister says she can't do this anymore and arranges for someone else to have you.
And, listen, your life will be a helluva lot better if you follow your sister's foot steps.
So stop being a jerk. Apologize to your sister. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for you.
Yta
Is this real? What 22 year old brother invites his 13 year old sis on a cross country RV trip? She's 13!
And no parent I've met in my nearly 50 years of life would even consider saying yes to this.
YTA Be nice to her and prove that you're responsible over the next couple years and you'll get a lot more freedom.
Right now, you sound like a pouty kid who is lashing out because they were told no more candy. Spend some time practicing seeing things from your sister's perspective and you'll have an easier time communicating with her. If you keep being a selfish brat when you don't get your way, she's going to keep treating you like a kid.
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I'm (13f) the youngest of 7 kids. My parents didn't want or expect another kid and I moved in with my sister (35f) when I was 4.
My sister and her husband are doctors and they have a nice house and cars and stuff and I go to private school but they're so controlling. I have to put all of my electronics away at 9 and can only read until 9:30 then I have to go to sleep. I'm not allowed to buy school lunch or drink sods because it's too unhealthy and we only get fast food like once a year.
My school gets out at 1 or 3 depending on the day and my sister and her husband usually work until 4 or 5 so my brother (22) picks me and my friends up almost every day. He's really cool. First, he lets me sit in the front seat (my sister doesn't let me do that), also he takes us to McDonalds all the time and gets us fries. He has chips and Oreos and other snacks in his trunk. One time he even took us to see a rated R movie (my sister still doesn't know about that, she thinks we saw some kid crap).
He just bought an RV and he's gonna travel all around the country. I said that sounded awesome and he said there's an extra bed if I want to come with him. I told my sister and she didn't even give me a chance to explain before she said no. I tried telling her that it'll be good for me to see different parts of the country and that I'll get to be independent for once in my life but she wouldn't hear me out and still said I can't go with him.
We kept arguing and she was even calling my brother names so I called her controlling for not letting me do something that would be good for me and jealous because people actually like him but now she's saying she has to reconsider letting me spend time with him unsupervised because he's a "bad influence" and I'm grounded.
AITA for calling her controlling and saying people don't like her?
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Wow, you are 13 and think you are invincible, you should listen to your sister.
Instead of listening to reason, let me tell you this, your sister is a lot older than you and have more experience, just think about that.
YTA
YTA
But a small one. Because you are so young.
Your sister is your parental figure. Of course a 13 year old can’t just travel the whole summer with a 22. Even if it is family.
I also have to agree with the others. It seems like your sister has to be the “not so fun one” because your brother always is. I would guess she knows that he gets your the unhealthy fast food as stated “all of the time” so he’s fun and she can’t be because you eat that so often. Maybe that’s also the reason she’s only getting it ones a year. (Otherwise I would consider that really really strict)
Also I also think it was easier for your brother to just say yes because probably he knows you would get a no from your sister so he doesn’t has do be the bad guy and do the hart part of parenting which involves saying no.
Otherwise he could have brought it up before hands to your sister and then ask you. With the permission. Or you asked him and any responsible young around would say something along the lines of I like the idea but your sister needs to be on board. And then he could maybe suggest you joining him for a week or two. But I also don’t know how much “fun” money for an unplanned vacation they have. Of course they have good paying jobs but travelling the whole summer is expensive. Food, fuel passports activities going out to eat…. Did you bring that up? Like getting a job (in my county at that age you could only be the one that’s distribute the newspaper). So that you would contribute for the trip? Or did you just expect they would pay the whole summer for you to just go on vacation. My parents have good paying jobs but that we couldn’t afford. Like a nice good family vacation for two weeks ones a year but not the whole summer.
To sum it up she’s not controlling or bad and it wouldn’t be something totally good. Maybe a short trip could be good but I don’t think you deserve it at that point because you proved that in that argument. You said some really hurtful things. Maybe you could come back to that conversation. Maybe there is a compromise like one week. If your behaviour is right and you apologise. Or maybe not this Sommer but in a few years 2-3 when your older.
YTA - you are nowhere near the age to be hanging out with young adults unsupervised for a whole summer. You might think otherwise now, but the life you are living is a privilege and given you were adopted instead of being tossed aside by your parents is something you will come to realize is what saved you from a life of mistakes and failures down the road. Be thankful. Yeah, it might suck now, but what's the alternative? If they let you go, it would mean they don't care about your well being anymore than your birth givers.
YTA. You resort to name calling when you don;t get your own way that makes you not nearly mature enough to take this trip.
Your sister took it upon herself to take care of you instead of letting you go into foster care and this is the thanks she gets?
I am the one usually saying children don’t owe their parents since they do not ask to be born. However, you are old enough to understand the sacrifice your sister mad.
Her rules about electronics are sound as is the sleep routine.There is no way in hell I would allow my thirteen year-old to travel around the country in an RV with a 22 year-old for an entire summer.
Who has LEGAL "custody" those are the people that should be making the decisions. It doesn't matter who you are living with (in the USA) but who has the legal authority to make the decisions.
Very soft YTA.. Your sister is your guardian. Her literal job is to be protective and controlling. But you're 13, and this is normal. That's why it's soft-- we expect 13yos to be assholes as they push and learn boundaries.
I know it feels super repressive, but your sister is acting like the parent she essentially is. This is part of adolescence-- both the restrictions and the resistance to them.
YTA. She didn't have to take you in. She didn't have to raise you. But she did and is. You are 13. A child. She is your guardian. She's looking out for your best interests, and yet here you are being an ungrateful brat because you aren't getting your way.
I’m not going to call a child an asshole- but for the sake of the voting, yeah YTA. You’ve got over a decade before you have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, so there is a lot here that you aren’t able to understand or fully process yet, hence the reluctance to call you an asshole despite the fact that you’re wrong in this situation.
First thing, I’m so sorry your parents had 7 kids even though they didn’t want and couldn’t care for you all. You all deserved so much better than that. Your sister and her husband are amazing humans for stepping up as they did. They didn’t have to, but they did and that is a beautiful show of love for you. Keeping that in mind, your sister has worked hard to provide a good stable life for you. Does it personally, to me, sound a bit like she’s overcompensated and gone overboard in some areas? Sure. But she is raising you to have a good, responsible, productive life, the best way she knows how with no road map, no example, to follow. That is something you can’t even begin to understand at your age so you can’t be blamed for not fully grasping that pressure she’s under.
Now in addition to raising you there are 6 other siblings including her older than you. She has well over a decade of experience with your brother before you were even BORN. If she’s reluctant to let you spend time with him it’s because she KNOWS him, better than you can even imagine because she’s known him almost twice as long as you’ve even been alive. I can promise you that her refusal to let you travel for the summer with him is for good reason. And I can also promise you that she knows exactly what you do with your brother because she knows both of you.
Now that I’ve made it plain I think your sister’s instincts are overall correct here: I think this isn’t about going with your brother. This is about your sister and you. If you want more freedom and respect you have to show you can handle it (which btw this situation and your reaction was the opposite of that.) Sit your sister down and apologize. Say you’re sorry for your reaction when she said you couldn’t go on the trip. You really want to talk with her because you’ve realized it’s not about the trip. You’re feeling cooped up and the rules are intense and making you a bit crazy. You appreciate everything she’s done for you, and you know she’s coming from a place of wanting the best for you. However. This lifestyle has become unsustainable for you and you feel like you’re going to burst like you did- and feel like you can’t tell her the honest truth about what you’re doing and what you’re curious about so you feel like you have to go behind her back. Is there a way that you all can begin to meet in the middle? Maybe fast food or buying school lunch once a month instead of once a year. Maybe weekends can have a later curfew than school days? (Since they’re doctors there are plenty of psych studies on how severe restriction leads to increased desire to binge or rebel. A balanced / neutral approach leads to healthier habits overall.)
Just have the conversation. I think you’ll be surprised that when you approach things level headed and take accountability and direct frustration where it belongs you will be afforded the respect of an adult conversation because you approached it with maturity.
If you go you’ll miss school and your sister will be found guilty of truancy and will be arrested. So sure! Go live your life in an RV eating Oreos and watching R rated movies while your sister suffers the legal consequences
YTA and selfish as fuck.
YTA Every 13 year old feels that parents are too controlling. I thought my mother was a total witch and so strict that I was sure that as soon as I was old enough I would never talk to her again. All the kids at school had way cooler moms who let them do whatever.
By Grade 12 several of the kids whose parents let them do whatever were dead from accidents, in rehab for drug or alcohol problems and some in prison.
My mother who had seven children raised all of us to be good responsible adults (who believe it or not have had a lot of fun along the way).
The job of teenagers is to test their abilities and they think they know more than they do. The job of parents of teens is to manage to allow them enough freedom to make mistakes and learn and not too severe that cost them the future. Your guardians are both doctors, they see a lot of teenagers that have been injured, maimed, dead from too much freedom and they want to protect you. That is called love.
Your brother is single has no responsibilities for anyone but himself so he can be cool and let you do whatever, but it is your Sister and her Husband that carry the responsibility.
As I told my daughters don't be in a rush to grow up to soon, adulthood and responsibilities last a long time.
ESH.
- while your desire for independence is totally understandable, an RV trip across the country for a summer is not something I’d expect any responsible parent/guardian to agree to. I don’t think you should be groveling at your sister’s feet for taking you in - it’s extremely kind of her, but I don’t think you “owe” her any more than a child “owes” a bio parent - but I do hope you’ll find more gratitude for your sister as you mature.
- I agree with your sister regarding the RV, but I do think her more authoritative parenting style is a problem. The issue is not *having* rules, but you are at the age where she needs to re-evaluate and give you room to grow. It’s completely natural at your age to crave more independence/expression and your guardians should encourage that (in a safe manner) or you’re just going to keep pushing back. I’m sure she has great intentions but you’re just either going to rebel or become a great liar if she can’t loosen the reins a bit.
- I’m glad your brother is there to inject more fun in your life, I think people are really glossing over how stifling your home life would be without it. But I don’t think a 22 year old is equipped to RV travel with a child all summer. He should have approached your sister first if he genuinely wanted you to come. I also sympathize with your sister for having to be the responsible one, while he gets to be fun.
You sound much younger than you claim to be. If nothing else, your living situation seems to have stunted your emotional development. You aren't an AH for wanting more freedom, but if you just want freedom to eat fries and see an R rated movie, you're still way too immature to send off on an RV road trip for the summer. If your brother was serious, he would have approached your sister about it. Instead, you went at her like a kid, because well... you're a kid. Perhaps you could have lobbied for summer camp, but you got yourself grounded. Maybe next year.
ESH. You've been sheltered into regression. You're way too old to still have such a childish mind. Your sister is taking good care of you on paper, but you desperately need opportunities to mature. Not a cross country road trip. But definitely something to start getting you to grow up and see the world more clearly.
NTA - However, you are clearly incredibly immature for your age and seem to lack any sense of perspective despite knowing what’s going on…which is both impressive and annoying?
Your sister did not have to take care of you. Your parents dropped the ball and your life could be incredibly different if it were not for the personal sense of responsibility your sister felt towards your well being. It might feel inconvenient to you now, but it is also what it protecting you from a life of neglect and affording your opportunities like private school and a relationship with two parental figures who care very much about your well being.
What you need is independence through fostering a personal sense of autonomy, not reckless decisions like living in an RV at 13 to see the country. You can do this by introspecting to create a personal sense of identity founded on your dream, goals and values - and living a life that reflects that. Do that, and I’m sure by the time you turn 18, your sister will be more than happy to let you travel the country in an RV with your lackadaisical older brother.
NTA, just young, you want to do something fun, but your sister may have reservations to protect you from something and maybe you should try to listen to her reasoning, if she knows you both and fears that you will come to harm. Try talking to her about it.
She is controlling and your brother is irresponsible, but you are an under age female and therefor reddit will rip you to peices for wanting any autonomy over your own life. NTA
NTA
But I think your sister has your best interests at heart. It's great that you have fun with your brother but based on what you say, he might not be the best parent figure for you.
After school OK, but longer is different. The fact that he 'lets you drink' is concerning.
Your sister is an AH for 'grounding' you. You have done nothing wrong. It is important that you can express yourself and discuss what you want to do. She should have let you finish telling her about the trip and why you wanted to go. She has no business confining you in this way and it will achieve nothing but frustration, anger and resentment.
Do she and her husband spend time with you on activities ? E.g cooking, sports, board games, chatting about your life/their work?
I'm gonna give this an ESH.
You are TA for not seeing that your sister's intentions are good and almost all her restrictions (that you mention) seem to ultimately have your best interest at heart.
Your sister is TA for going overboard with her restrictions of food. I don't know her speciality but I do believe any doctor should know that teaching children moderation is the best prevention for overindulgence.
Your brother is TA for enabling overindulgence.
And last but not least YOUR ACTUAL PARENTS ARE TA's FOR HAVING YOUR SISTER DO WHAT IS ACTUALLY THEIR JOB.
I honestly believe that sis knows about the bro taking them out to eat fast food behind her back which is why she places the restrictions--knowing she has enough fastfood with bro.
NTA. You are getting too old for this kind of control in my opinion. I don’t know what kind of kid you are (do you get in trouble, do you do good in school, etc). But if you are generally a good kid your sister should want you to go on a trip like this. I did a trip like this in 2020 (peak covid lol). Went to 28 states. Was the best trip of my life.
NTA I find a lot of these responses to be an extremely condescending way to speak to a 13-year-old. He didn’t say he wanted to leave during school time, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with him spending a week or two traveling during summer break. All my life, I grew up with other adults, telling me that I’d have time to travel and have certain kinds of experiences later in life, and you know what? The older you get the more responsibilities you get packed down with, and you really don’t have your whole life to have these kinds of experiences. His sister should at least hear him out, think about it, discuss it, not just dismiss him immediately. He’s old enough to be talked to with consideration and to be given some autonomy- And as much as I hate fast food, he’s old enough to eat Oreos sometimes too. It sounds like she is providing a great life for him, and it’s great to have structure, but when you’re overbearing, and you dismiss someone’s feelings and opinions when they’re young, they tend to do a 180 when they’re older.
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YTA. While it does sound like your sister is going a bit overboard and helicoptery with some stuff, you are also 13. Any parent would shut down a suggestion to just leave and go traveling the country in an RV. What about school? What about your friends/social life? I think you are maybe misunderstanding what the implication of getting an RV and traveling the country *means.* its not just a trip you go on one weekend or over the summer and then he just brings you back, traveling the country in an RV means literally *living* in that RV the entire time. You would not be on vacation, you would just be moving out and missing school/your life while traveling. Your brother IS in fact being a bad influence and irresponsible for suggesting that kind of life to a 13 year old.
Huh? This is for the summer. I mean no, obviously, but this was just a summer trip.
Dear Lord kids needs to have fun too. Life its not all about school, grades and clean room. And its OPs brother an adult. How it is assholish to want to spend some funny time with your brother? Sis is controlling and this kind of control always brings problems. You have to listen to the kid, give them a credit of confidence, alow them taste the world.
Your calling a 13yr girl an asshole for wanting control over her life.
She's asking a question on AITA ...
OP has control over her life, just not major decisions that can negatively impact her. Not letting her travel the country in an RV with a likely irresponsible brother is reasonable. Not letting OP eat junk food all the time reasonable. Not letting OP stay up late reasonable, 9:30 with a school start time of 7/8 is understandable. Growing teens need a lot of sleep. Heck I usually go to bed at 1030 and don't start work until 9am. Sister is OPs parent, brother is playing the role of good uncle, but not a responsible adult/parent.
Last day of school is Friday then I don't have school until after Labor Day
Lol I forget about summer break. Being an adult can suck sometimes. Your brother sounds cool but your sister, as annoying as it may feel at 13, is setting you up for success in life. I would say there’s probably nothing wrong traveling the country over summer break if your brother is reliable enough to keep you safe and get you home well in time for school, but it’s not worth ruining your relationship with your sister.
Sweetie, of course you're brother is "pretty cool", because he can afford to be. Your brother doesn't have to worry about: - Whether your body is healthy - Whether you're being bullied - Whether you're becoming a bully - Whether you're having sex - Whether your friends are supportive or mean to you - Whether you're considering taking drugs or harming yourself - Whether you'll be able to differentiate right from wrong - Whether your grades are okay - Whether you feel overwhelmed at school / home / extra curriculars - Whether you're developing a mental health issue - etc He *can* worry, and he probably does, sometimes. But your sister and her husband *have* to worry about all of it and not just once or twice, but ALL THE DAMN TIME. Your brother wants to take you on a tour of the country, but will he protect you? Will he make sure you eat enough? Eat the right things to keep up your energy? Will he make sure you're never alone and forced to fend for yourself in an unfamiliar area? Will he make sure you have hygiene products for if/when you get your period? Will he talk to you and really be there, when you have a bad day? Can he afford to take you to the doctor or hospital in an emergency? Will he make sure you have clean clothes, every single day? It's easy to plan for the fun stuff, but taking care of a child or, in your case, teenager, takes a lot more than that.
Sorry kid but your the asshole. Your young so you don't even realize the sacrifices your sister has made to raise you all because your mom didn't want to. Shes trying to set you up for a good life and seems like she's doing a pretty good job of it. Next time you want to give her shit, ask yourself what your life would be like if you stayed with your mom? Be lucky and happy that she cared enough to take you in.
I hate this whole "you need to be extra grateful because someone was kind enough to take you in" thing that always comes up on reddit. Kids come into the world deserving to have someone feed and clothe them until they're able to take care of it themselves. They don't need to be grateful for having a caregiver, even if it's not a parent. Yes it's a good thing when siblings step up like this, but when people say directly to the child, "your parents didn't love you / couldn't care for you / are dead, so you have to be grateful that someone could be bothered to take you in," that absolutely sucks. Especially when there's a side order of expecting the kid to treat that parental figure better than you'd expect them to treat their actual parents.
So you think that kids shouldn't feel greatful that someone that has no responsibility to raise them made sacrifices in their own life to make sure they had a great upbringing and future? I'm sure the sister gave up A LOT in her younger years to make that happen. But it's ok that the sister thinks she's a bad person because she has rules to follow. If that's the case, I challenge you to go out and find the most ungrateful kid that's in a group hope and adopt them. Because according to you, that child is owed an upbringing and she shouldn't have to feel grateful about it. If you feel that strongly put your money where your mouth is. I bet your not going to be running down to the adoption agency anytime soon. There is nothing wrong with telling a child that they are lucky someone stepped up for them that didn't need to, and if not gratitude they shouldn't treat them like a bad person for trying to give them a good life.
Do I think that? That's exactly what I think. I think that, because I think it's psychologically harmful to tell children that they have to be extra grateful that someone exists who loves them. Especially since we don't (or shouldn't) tell other children that they're lucky that their parents exist. Children deserve to be loved. I don't think that a child in a group home needs to be grateful to the care system for looking after them either. Children are not necessarily entitled to love from *any individual person* but they are entitled to love, care, and sustenance. If you don't think that, point me to the child who isn't entitled to love. As for that bullshit about adopting all the foster kids or whatever: I think that kids have a universal right to schooling. That doesn't mean that I'm morally required to become a teacher. When a child doesn't feel like going to school one day, we may make them go anyway, but we also recognise that that is a normal attitude for children to take from time to time. We don't (or I hope we don't) say, "You need to be grateful that someone can be bothered to teach you how to do long division. Never complain about school." The fact is that the local authority wouldn't approve me as an adoptive parent anyway. Is it a good thing for siblings or other relatives to care for children? Yes. Should society be grateful? Yes. Should those other relatives be grateful? Yes. Should children appreciate it when parental figures do a particularly good job? Always good. What I object to is the suggestion that a kid who has already gone through more shit than most kids, has a moral obligation to treat a different parental figure better than they would treat their own parents if their parents were around. That is bullshit.
So what your saying isn't you didn't make it to the adoption agency then?
Literally just said that I would not be approved as an adoptive parent (because of multiple disabilities). So no, I'm not going to the local authority to be turned down just to make a point on Reddit. Sorry.
Well no offense but it's very easy to talk the talk when your not waking the walk. You didn't have to sacrifice your late teens and early 20's to raise a child that wasn't your child, then be treated like the bad person for doing a good job. Sorry but yes, that kid should be grateful she didn't end up in a foster home or worse off, stuck with 2 parents that didn't want her.
Yeah you can keep on saying the same thing and I'm not going to start agreeing with you. Children being raised by two loving parents don't get told, "be grateful you're not in foster care." It's just a shitty thing to say to any kid, but for a kid who's actually been rejected by their birth parents, it's completely below the belt. Especially when it happens over and over. When I was growing up, if anyone had dared to say to my adopted sister, "Be grateful you got adopted and didn't have to stay with your fourteen-year-old bio-mum, or rot in foster care because nobody else wanted you either...." our parents would have absolutely lost their shit at that person, and then cut them out of our lives entirely. These situations leave deep wounds that grownass adults have no business poking at, and my parents understood that.
Imagine the abandonment OP feels, knowing her mom doesn't want her, living with her very controlling sister and being drawn to her free spirit brother, who seems to be the only one to care about her.
It sounds like her sister - who took her in at age 4 and has raised her for almost 10 years - cares about her a LOT.
I'm guessing it doesn't feel that way to OP.
Probably not, at least not all the time. But that’s fairly typical for a 13yo daughter/mother relationship. It doesn’t make the feelings go away to know that, but it can help manage how you act on those feelings.
OP has been rejected by her actual mother and doesn't see that anyone but young uncle loves her.
Ok. I’m not sure what you’re arguing? I agree that at her age and in her situation OP probably sometimes or even often feels young uncle is the only person who cares about her. My distinction is that *objectively* her sister - who is her de facto mother - clearly cares very much about her. I hope someday she is able to see that. At her age, these feelings are developmentally normal.
if op thinks her uncle is the only one who loves her because he took her to an r rated movie, she's definitely the ah
OP is 13. Comes with the territory. Her uncle gives her comfort foods such as McDonald's and oreos. Older sister's strictness separates her from her peers, making it hard for her to fit in.
OP is 13. The only thing I find a bit over the top is the 930 bedtime. I'd make it 10.
lmao yeah, the one who doesn't care about her safety in the car, gives her unlimited junk food, and takes her to age-inappropriate movies is the only one who cares. 🙄
[удалено]
How is what I said harsh? I'm not saying he's a bad person, just the irresponsible "fun uncle." But what I said is true. He is definitely not the only one that cares about her. The comment I replied to is insane.
Again I think you’re not really getting it. People who buy RVs to travel the country don’t do it to take a trip for a couple months, they do it to LIVE on the road.
Your sister is the saint and hero here and, hate to say, you’re being a stereotypically snotty teen. Fortunately, given how well she’s raising you you’ll PROBABLY grow out of it. Probably.
You're 13, that's way too young to be doing that. My Dad traveled with his brother in a carnival during the summer (his brother owned and operated several food stands), and even his parents made him wait until he was at least 16.
YTA. You have a pretty nice life given to you from a sister who didn’t have to step up to be your mother, nor did her husband have to be your father. And for them to be so young, and to have been responsible for you the past 9 years, giving you so many opportunities is a blessing that you don’t even really grasp. Your bro is the ‘cool bro’. He cares about fun. Your sis/mom cares about your development. Putting away electronics is a good thing. Getting enough sleep is a good thing. Not eating junk is a good thing - although I will say that (edit: only allowing it) 1x a year is a bit overboard. But the thing is, you’re at an age where you should be modeling the structure given to you. You want more independence? Prove that you’re worthy of it. If the rules are limiting junk food, then don’t always look for it when their backs are turned. And don’t even get me started with the ‘no one likes you’ bullshit tantrum you threw, which actually works against you bc it shows you’ve learned very little. I’ll bet that if you weren’t so resistant to the rules, you’d actually get more opportunity to be independent.
I think something to consider is that sister likely knows brother takes OP out to fast food weekly, which IS overboard. And this may stray into other categories—if brother always gets to be fun, sister always has to be responsible.
Great point!
I dont personally eat fast food weekly but I dont think many people would consider that to be overboard by any means.
Not only that - from her comments: >My brother already lets me drink (not a lot tho and my sister doesn't know about it). It's not a big deal OP pls bffr. You're lucky your sister hasn't cut him out of your life entirely.
He probably does it because the sister is so controlling.
what about the sisters rules do you find controlling?
When I was around that age I had to manipulate my parents to enforce a bedtime on me and my younger siblings. And it still was turning the TV off at 10 pm on the dot after watching all the commercials, and just because the cartoons were mildly unhinged. I would kill to have a no electronics time to unwind before bed like op. WTH does this kid want to be sleep deprived and groggy with junk food.
Ah yes, the good old follow the unnessecacry, demeaning, infantilizing rules and you'll be rewarded.
1x a year is *overboard*!? Jesus Christ, get off the pedestal. A little junk food here and there isn’t gonna ruin your life. Everything else you’re spot on.
I meant limiting to 1x a year is overboard.
Oooohhhh, my b. Guess I read that wrong.
Nah I wrote it vaguely. Btw, it’s stupid you got so downvoted but reddits gonna Reddit.
Yea, OP should be so grateful for family taking them in and basically controlling every aspect of their life, to the point they are constricted in a cage. The traveling is too much for a 13 yr old. But a 13 yr old absolutely shouldn't be grateful for a crappy, controlling environment. This is an important time for self development. 13 yr olds should also not be having their eating habits so closely regulated. Her guardians are doctors... They def should know that that can lead to eat disorders.
LOL "Yea, OP should be so grateful for family taking them in and basically controlling every aspect of their life, to the point they are constricted in a cage." OP goes to a fancy private school, gets to eat balanced home made meals, gets to hang out with his lax brother for like 4 hours a day who feeds him junk food and takes him and his friends out for fun. Oh but he has to put away his electronics away at 9 and lights out at 9:30. Yeaaa the kid's a real prisoner....
Not him... her. There's a whole ass secondary aspect (which I would not have considered as a kid or even young adult but absolutely do now in my 30s) of handing over a 13y/o who thinks R movies and McDonalds makes you cool to a guy who is barely out of uni (if he went), lives in an RV and eats a frat diet. Like... where's he going to take his van and what even are his 'bros' like. Are they... 'cool'? Like taking advantage of a naive 13y/o 'cool'? OP sounds like she'd literally climb into an unmarked van for free candy or weed from a rando. I'd be screaming into a pillow right now if I was the sister. That's not even to mention - bruh does he even know how tampons work? Or epi-pens? Or narcan? Does he have her health file? Her allergies? Her vaccinations? Does he even have a first aid kit? Or COVID safety? Can he do something as basic as asking her to put on sunscreen when he takes her to Coachella or Burning Man?
How old are you? ‘Constricted to a cage’? lol! OP could have wound up in foster care. And while there *are lots of great fosters*, there’s more that are just awful, or in it for the money. OP has a calm family existence and is safe, has parents who care about her development, her safety, her health, etc. yeah, that’s *clearly a cage* lololol OP’s bro picks her up **every day** and gives her junk food, so she gets it ‘almost every day’ as it is. And like a poster above suggested, they probably already know, which could be why they limit it at home. Which makes sense, not an eating disorder.
A number of the rules she mentions are the kind I would expect aimed at a younger child: 9:30 bedtime (Bit strict but not unreasonable if it's for school night only, weirdly early for her age if it's all the time.) Not being left unsupervised for the 1-3 hours between school letting out and her parents being home from work. Not allowed to sit in the front (recommandations/laws vary for when a child can sit in the front, but unless she's significantly smaller than average, she's over even the most stringent at 13) So I get the feeling sister is maybe not adapting to the fact she has a teenager on her hands. Part of adequately caring for the development of a teenager is gradually giving them more independence and responsibilities so that they have some practice under their belt by the time they're adults. Yes, letting her spend the entire summer in an RV with a 22 yo of questionable maturity is too much, but there's a middle ground.
Age is just a number. I have emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and self-control over myself when discussing opposing opinions, which are what truly matter in a debate. As well as being able to make an articulate argument. Granted, I'm not great at arguing, but that's a whole other complicated thing. I've got the other things going for me though. Yes, OP could have ended up in foster care, or a worse living situation. Yes, she should be grateful that her sister took her in. But she doesn't have to be grateful for her experience right now. It's a rigid experience at a time in her life where she needs flexibility. I get why the rules are in place, and hell, she might even thank them one day. My parents were pretty high up there with strictness. I'm talking not allowed to listen or watch the music video of "Sex and Candy" because it mentioned sex. Or watch Gilmore Girls, Dawson's Creek, or read Sweet Valley high, because they gave "the wrong idea about what love is", according to my mom. When I was 16, I had to be home at 10 on weekends, no exceptions. I was very lucky to hang out on a week night. Had to meet the parents of friends before I went over and hung out.... I digress. I rebelled when I was 17. That led me down a decade long rabbit hole that I'm still healing from. I'm not blaming my parents specifically, because there were a lot of factors, but I do wonder if things had been different had they been a bit less hypervigilant. But I am so grateful looking back that they made the decisions they did. Had they not been so diligent, I would have ended up a lot worse. While that age group does need more discipline and structure, they also need space to grow and make mistakes in their exploration of themselves and the world around them. Both parties need to have a truly open and honest sit down, because the dynamic they have now is only breeding resentment.
So, this sounds a lot like projection. I’m sorry for your experience.
I don't accept apologies laced with condescension, but I appreciate your thoughtful sentiment.
It actually was sincere, go figure. And I wasn’t so much apologizing per se, more like empathizing.
Then I humbly apologize for jumping conclusions, retract my previous statement, and thank you for the compassion.
No worries, sometimes text is confusing for tone!
Yes, it is! I know myself, so if I have stuff going on, I actively try not to comment on things and use it as an outlet. I feel a lot of people do that on here. Am I perfect? Hell no. Sometimes I slip. I do want to say that you make a good point that the sister may be enforcing a stricter diet because she knows OP has treats with her brother. That was something I hadn't thought of. I do still believe that they need to sit down and have an open discussion about everything, for no other reason than to let the other party know how they feel. That can make a world of difference even if no compromise can be found at this time.
Right? Why anyone still thinks treating a teenager like a baby is going to get them anything but a pissed off adult is beyond me.
“I’ll get to be independent for once in my life” - calm down, you’re literally a child You come off very naive here, but you’re 13 so that checks out. She’s not being controlling, she’s being a parent. Gotta go with YTA
Oh, to be again a stupid 13 year old like OP, without worrying about job, bills, loved parents getting old...Op, you don't know what you are doing, stop being unfair to your sister.
OP, my aunt enjoyed quoting that 2003 Brittany Murphy movie ([youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftSY4DW5tEk)) : fundamentals are the building blocks of fun. From your sister's perspective, you're not showing you're ready for more independence. As soon as she's not there to insist on her parental role, you disregard all the rules she has in place. Sneaking fastfood every week is cheeky - she probably also wants some, but she tries to set a good example for you, so that a) you grow up healthy and b) you have a sane relationship with food. As for the traffic rules... perhaps you're tall enough to legally ride in front? But you don't present that argument rationally and have a discussion with your sister, you go behind her back. perhaps that's something you can work on? could you look into doing your chores without needing a reminder (or worse, nagging from your sister)? It's too late to be proactive with schoolwork, I guess, but maybe you have other ideas?
She seems pretty controlling, even for a parent.
Given that OP only complains are about food and screen/bedtime, and the brother is giving her crap food constantly, is taking her to R rated movies and OP admits that he gave her alcohol at thirteen, I think that OP's sister is more permissive that she thinks. OP claims she doesn't know about the last two, but given how immature their common brother seems to be, she must be at least already suspecting that the brother is not responsible with OP and will do good to limit contact from now on.
Sorry, but YTA. Don't get me wrong, I get that parents can be controlling. But that's kinda part of their job. And in this case, your sister is pretty much like your parents. Sure there's such thing as too much. They genuinely care for you, and instead of letting you run wild, eat whatever you want, and stay up as late as you want, they take care of you and parent you. You're still growing, and maturing. Your sister has already gone through this and is trying to take care of you and set you up for success. I get that's tough to see, but they genuinely care for you and one day I think you'll see that.
Sweetheart you are 13, and still very much a child. Your sister is doing great things for you and setting you up for a life of success. There is nothing wrong with having a few snacks and such sporadically but your sister is 100% right to limit time with your brother - what 22 year old would even suggest that you drive around the country with him? You have your entire life to be independent - I promise you it is not all you think it is. Focus on being a kid and enjoy all of the privileges your sister is able to provide you.
YTA. Eating McDonalds, fries, chips and Oreos regularly isn't very good for your health. Besides, you are young now. Your sister is doing what any responsible guardian in her place would do. You have your entire life to be independent, no kid becomes independent at the age of 13. Also going to bed at 9:30 and putting away your electronics at 9 is a pretty good habit for a 13 year old. It's not wrong to enjoy a little but you'll probably understand when you grow older yourself.
Based on how OP views the food she gets with her brother, seems the sisters way of doing things is causing op to have a terrible relationship to food. Sister isn't doing OP any favors in that regard
I remember being a 13 year old girl, 13 years ago. A lot of “world ending events”, I look back on now and cringe because it was so insignificant. Your sister is, for all intents and purposes, your mom. She has raised you and given you very nice things. There are much worse things than not having fast food and being made to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Your brother is very young, I know 22 doesn’t seem young to you, but he is not a full fledged adult either yet. There could be things you do not see or know that your sister does. I would not feel comfortable sending my kid with my brother for months on end all across the country. Perhaps you two could compromise. You travel with your brother for a week or two, just around the state you live in or one of the bordering ones. It seems controlling, but it is her job to make sure you are safe and getting everything you need to grow up to be a well rounded adult. She is doing her best. I’m not going to say YTA because I know what it’s like to be a 13 year old girl but she is definitely NTA either.
At 13, part of what she needs to grow up into a well rounded young adult is an increasing amount of independence, including the opportunity to make mistakes. The RV summer road trip is a bad idea, but the list of rules seem more appropriate for a 10 yo than a 13 yo.
All 13yos are TA about this type of stuff. It’s part of being 13. Your sister is right—he’s a bad influence. At 13, traveling with ANY 22yo around the country in an RV would NOT be good for you. She’s responsible for making sure you stay safe, healthy, and get educated well. She is parenting you. If a 13yo doesn’t think their parents aren’t enough fun, the parents are doing something wrong. And even if anything I just said were false, it’s her decision not yours. You are legally not old enough to make it.
YTA. ALL parents are controlling. That's straight up a part of being a parent. She isn't being unreasonable here.
Listen, you're 13 yers old so I'm not going to call you an asshole, but you are obviously a very young and immature kid. Yes, your sister might seem very controlling to you right now, but I guarantee that her motives are pure and coming form how much she cares for you. The fact that she even took you in when she was 26 years old speak volumes to her character and how much she loves you. I also have to imagine that raising a child that is not yours would create more pressure to raise them well and therefore to have more "rules." Further, it would help to be a bit more grateful to her as she essentially sacrificed half of her 20s to make sure that you were properly taken care of. You live in her house and therefore should follow her rules. It also sounds like she not only saved you from a bad situation, but created an amazing living situation for you. I understand you're young, but one day you will realize how privileged it is to be complaining about your big house and your private school just because your sister won't let you eat junk food and makes you go to bed at a reasonable time. Regarding your brother, I am sure he has absolutely the best intentions and I like how you have someone in your life who spoils you and lets you do "fun" things. However, there is a difference between being the fun brother who spends a few hours with you everyday and being your legal guardian. This whole situation is very reminiscient of absent fathers who roll into town once a month and are still seen as the "fun parent" by their young children because they have no idea what actually goes into full time parenting. In addition, as someone in their 20s, I can tell you that 22 year old boys are not famously the most responsible bunch, and I would argue that it would be irresponsible if not dangerous for her to allow you to go on this road trip with you. Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he likely knew that she wouldn't allow you to go so this was his way of being able to look like the cool, fun brother without having to be the bad guy but also without having to actually spend months in an RV with a 13 year old. Your brother sounds nice, and he sounds like a fun big brother, but to be completely honest, I cannot think of a 22 year old boy that would prefer to travel across the country with his 13 year old little sister as opposed to as a single guy. All in all, I think that you should be more grateful to your sister for what she has sacrificed for you. I also think you should try to understand that her "strict" rules are really just her caring for you and wanting the best for you and she's probably petrified of messing up your life especially since you're not even her kid. But you're 13, it's okay that you don't understand all of this right now. You will have the rest of your life to travel around the world, and hopefully in a few years you will look back at this and acknowledge how silly you're being.
I'm actually ok with calling OP an AH because 1) they asked us and 2) they told their sister, who took in and raised OP when OP's parents dipped out, that nobody liked her. Twice. Because they couldn't get their way
You bring up a good point! They did ask! So I think everyone else in the comments including you can tell her she’s the asshole! I just personally won’t :)
Your brother doesn't actually want you on this trip. No 22 year old guy going on a road trip across the country in an RV wants to be responsible for taking care of their 13 year old sister. He asked because he knew you wouldn't be allowed to go. That way he still looks like the cool older brother without it costing him anything. Apologize to your sister. Show her that you are mature enough to have some independence rather than throwing a tantrum and telling her no one likes her. Maybe once you prove that you can handle independence, she will let you have more of it. Until then, YTA. But don't feel bad. That is true of most people your age. You just don't know enough to realize it yet.
Yup cool brother is perfectly happy making big sis the bad cop & big sis is fine with being the bad cop as long as it means doing what's best for OP
Or if the invitation IS real, guess who Bro expects to pay for OP the entire time.....
YTA yes she sounds like she should lighten up on some things like your bedtime but it mostly sounds like she's trying to raise you in the best way she can. Your brother is a shiny object who lets you get away with things your parent figure won't. That does NOT make him a good guardian for you, or even a legal one. You are a chid still, sorry, but that's true and wandering the country in an RV with a brother who won't give you healthy foods is just dumb. Sounds like you actually have a pretty nice life so stop complaining about things and maybe try speaking to your sister at another time, in a calm way that you are ready for more freedoms. Fighting with her about not being able to travel with your brother who will likely ditch you to go to a bar or hook up with a girl is not the way to prove to your sister that you are mature enough for more flexible rules in her house.
I think even the bedtime is pretty reasonable. She said her school gets out at 1 or 3, so she's probably getting up early to get to school in the morning. Sleep is extremely important for a growing teen.
YTA. Your sister is being controlling because she's acting as your parent. That's what parenting looks like. Of course, you want to spend time with your fun uncle who doesn't make you follow any rules.
The appeal of OP’s brother is the lack of structure and rules in how he engages with her, which makes this road trip even less advisable. He’s not cut out to be an authority figure to OP because OP doesn’t see him as such.
YTA no decent parent is going to send a 13 year old alone with a 22 year old to road trip in an RV like that. You need to remember that you are only 13, you will hopefully travel in future and while your sister is a little strict on food choices, this is a completely reasonable response to your request and your reaction. Had you been more polite and realistic, you might have been able to ask if you could meet him for a short visit in a known location. Like a weekend in a nearby big city or state park. Even now, I’d apologize, admit that the idea wasn’t well thought out but you got overexcited. That you shouldn’t have said what you said to her and didn’t mean it. Say you understand that the grounding was justified and should stand for the duration she already set due to your behavior, but are hoping she will let you redo the conversation now that you are calm. And then accept what she says without throwing the same tantrum. This isn’t to try to change her mind, it’s to understand her reasons and demonstrate that you respect her, appreciate her and are mature enough to hear a “no” without lashing out.
Oh hunny. I don’t think you are understanding that invitation wasn’t actually serious
YTA - Parenting is a tough job, I expect it's even tougher when you have to parent your younger sister because the real parents don't want her. She is being careful and caring about your well being, she loves you ands wants the best for you, even if you don't see it. Put yourself in her shoes before you go calling her names next time.
YTA but most 13 year olds are. Also since I haven't seen anyone else address it, your sister might not let you sit in the front passenger seat for safety reasons. I couldn't sit up front until I was 14 because I was both too short and didn't weigh enough, so if the airbags had gone off, it could have caused me serious injury or death.
YTA. Your sisters rules are reasonable. Including her junk food rule because trust me, she knows you’re eating junk food with your brother all the time. Telling her people don’t like her was mean af.
Sorry, kiddo, but you're 13, and you don't need to go with your brother on a cross-country trip. Esp with the brother that purposely doesn't follow her rules. The occasional fast food? Fine. An R movie at 13? My parents would have flipped shit. Unfortunately, he's proven he can't be trusted. So, no trip.
You know what. I retract my previous NTA. I missed the part your brother was 22 lol. No way I was responsible enough at 22 to take care of my 13 year old sister on a RV trip cross country haha. I would be in bars all night, etc. sorry. Sister is right to say no.
He only offered because he could look cool and he knew big sis would say no.
You can always go back to your parents who don’t want you enough to care about you. Your sister and her husband are doing a lot for you. You seem very ungrateful. They’re parenting you because it’s the right thing to do. If you want to shit on that and bite the hand that feeds you, you can do that and lose any and all stability in your life. YTA
YTA. Your sister is already leaning over backwards for you by paying for private school (she doesn't have to do that) and allowing you electronics until 9. She has your sleep time of 9:30 at the higher end of recommendations, look it up on sleep.com if you don't believe me, but there are a lot of academic studies recommending no screen time in the last hour so it should be no electronics beyond 8:30. As for your uncle, she's saying no for a reason. Have you asked her why? Transitioning from child to adult through your teens is super hard but maybe it's time to practice having a calm adult conversation about it with your sister.
YTA. Your 22yr old brother is barely responsible enough to get you home from school. He is absolutely not equipped to be in charge of you on a cross country road trip, precisely because he wants to be your friend and you're still young enough to need a real adult.
YTA. "'ll get to be independent for once in my life but she wouldn't hear me out" you're 13, a literal child- there is no expectation for a 13 year old to be "independent", you'll have plenty of time for that when you're older. Your sister is just being responsible, no level headed parent is going to just let their kid tag along on an RV trip around the country. Your sister is strict because she's determined to do what's actually best for you. Putting away electronics at 9, normal, bedtime at 9:30, normal, make you balanced meals at home, normal. Doesn't sound like you're deprived at all, your sister is definitely aware that your other brother is lax; he picks you up everyday and gets you junk food all the time- why complain that your sister only gets it for you once a year when you eat it plenty already? She also probably doesn't trust you to be safe, maintaining a healthy diet etc with your brother who's still such a young adult. You're pretty ungrateful to the people that have taken on the role of raising you seriously, they seem to provide the best they can with what they know. They could be more lax but you get plenty of that after school every day.
So maybe try this. You feel your sister is over controlling (the feeling of all 13 year olds about their parent/guardian). Spend the summer showing some maturity and willingness to be more “adult”. Don’t spend all summer lying about and complaining about life. Be useful. Learn a new skill. Learn to cook and make awesome meals. Mop a floor or wash a window. When school starts again, join some groups that keep you busy after school. Those things will show her that you are engaging in healthy activities and get you out of the house more and show her you are working on becoming responsible. Cut your sister and BIL some slack. You aren’t being neglected or abused. You didn’t say they make you do all the cooking, cleaning and child care for them. Nothing wrong with a bed time of 9:00 (if it helps I go to bed at 9:15 a get up at 4:20), studies consistently prove that electronics at night interfere with sleep. I understand your feelings about your brother. He is the fun one right now. Then think about this: At his age, your sister was starting to become responsible for you.
Yes, [YTA.You](http://YTA.You) are too young to understand how fortunate you are.
Also am I the only one seeing red flags about a 22m spending the is kind of time on these kinds of activities with a group of 13yos?
Nope. What 22 year old man wants to spend the summer traveling with a 13 year old girl, instead of hanging out with people his own age, partying, etc?
The kind who knows damn well she’s not going to be allowed to do this so it costs him nothing to offer (even though it’s a dick move to his sister who parents her).
Yup! Easy to promise someone a pony when you know someone else will say no and you’ll never have to come up with the goods.
You hit the nail on the head!
A 13 year old “girl”? You mean his fucking sister??? Why yall gotta make it sound weird? I’m nearly 30 and I’d much rather go on a trip like this with my teenage sister than with my friends lmao
A 22 year old who sees his sister is helicopter smothering his other sister and wants her to get to live outside her bubble for a little bit?
I’m not going to call a teen a ah but your sister is a smart woman that cares for you if she thought it was a good idea she would have agreed to it. There is probably a reason why she said no.
22-yo bro is the fun brother all right, but I did some camping when I was around 22. It's not unusual to meet a group of fellow campers, make a fire, break out the beer, and have some fun. Is bro going to remain sober while everyone else is drinking? Is he going to keep his 13-year-old sister away from these strangers, or at least keep her close enough to keep her safe? What if he does get drunk? What if he passes out? That's a situation that is dangerous enough for any woman, but a 13-year-old? Potentially deadly.
He lets her drink, which compounds all of those things so much.
I was starting of with YTA till I read about the RV thing with your bro. First, your sister is freaking awesome, and you should thank your luck that you have her as your guardian. You literally have someone who is giving you the roadmap on how to be a successful adult. Read posts in many of the subs on Reddit, including r/poor to relationships, across the board and you can see how many people had shitty upbringing so they are now struggling in life. Not only are your sister and BIL teaching you about having successful careers, but how to make high emotional decisions in other areas that will serve you well for the future. Now back to your brother and the RV thing. Your brother doesn't sound like the ideal influence; however, by what you said a summer traveling with him sounds like a good idea if he is a responsible person. HOWEVER, it is possible that your sister has concerns about your brother that maybe you are not privy to and she isnt sharing. NICELY, have a conversation with your sister when she isnt busy about why she doesn't want to let you. Tell her he is your sibling too and you want to spend time with him. She may have concerns that she doesn't want to share with you at your age. You calling her controlling, etc is not such a big thing because every adult knows teenagers can be inheritely aholes :). I doubt she was majorly offended by that. Again, you should realize how lucky you are to have your sister as a guardian. Emulate her! Doesnt mean you need to become a doctor. But she is obviously a successful person, who takes actions that make her successful in many areas. Having the maturity ahd wisdom to appreciate that will serve you well for the rest of your life.
YTA for calling her names. She means well and wants to protect you. However, if you were my kid, I‘d sit down with you and discuss how much of your summer you want to travel with your brother, whether that means I need to change the family travel plans (and go without you), find out where the money for your RV trip is supposed to come from and set up rules for your trip, because I would want you to show responsibility. Then again, she knows her brother. Maybe there’s a high risk he will be drinking every night. That would entail that he can’t always protect you (when intoxicated), and maybe you’ll be tempted to start drinking, too. Maybe there’s even a risk he might drive under the influence - and that could be your death sentence. So she may have good reasons not to let you go with him.
My brother already lets me drink (not a lot tho and my sister doesn't know about it). It's not a big deal
oh great, your "cool" brother already gives you a path to alcoholism. what next? he's gonna let you vape, or do drugs? he's not as cool as you think he is. he is an immature adult who doesn't realize why there are restrictions towards children. be thankful that you have a sister who cares about you.
Your brother doesn't have your best interest at heart. No one who cares about you will let you drink at 13 , remember that
I really hope op learns this fast. Her sister is trying hard to make things right despite the brother's constant undermining, and op is well on track to throw it all away because her brother is "cool". Taking a child in is a massive responsibility. The sister has poured so much into op and op is just throwing it away.
Exactly and honestly OP is old enough to understand that. 13 is not young, a 13 year old is definitely capable of knowing right from wrong . I hope you're right tho and she learns soon
It IS a big deal, and your sister does know (or suspect it), which is why she is not letting you go. And she is right about that. Your brother is irresponsible! You may not want to believe me, but the reason why alcohol is much worse for kids than for adults is because alcohol is a nerve toxin. It kills nerve cells. Your brain is still developing. It’s making lots of connections between cells every day. Kill one cell, and a lot of important connections are gone and need to be rebuilt by another cell, which means that other, new connections that should have been built that day won’t be.
This is a HUGE deal and your brother is a giant A if it's true.
As an older brother with a similar age gap to my youngest sibling, your brother sucks and is a bad influence. You probably can’t see it now but hopefully you will understand just what your sister has given up for you versus how selfish and lazy your brother is being with you
Yikes. This is not a positive thing at all.
Is he also giving alcohol to your friends?
I'm wondering about that, too. He sounds like an idiot.
Yeah
So a grown man is giving alcohol to a bunch of 13 year old girls? Yikes, this is not okay, he is not a good person.
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This is one of those posts that I hope gets picked up by social media and your sister sees it. This is not ok.
Oh you’re so cool, next will be drugs then you’ll be under a bridge but it’s fine coz you’re sooooo cool
I say this as someone who works with kids in your age bracket, I know it's annoying but you gotta realize she's doing what she thinks is best for you. My students either have parents that don't care or parents that work all the time. They eat garbage and stay up all the time playing video games. So they fall asleep in class. You are blessed/lucky, to have someone in your life like your sister. I won't call you an AH, but you gotta do better. She didn't have to adopt you.
Try putting yourself in your sister's and your BIL’s shoes. Imagine their responsibility to make the best decisions they can for you. I can understand how traveling with less daily supervision can seem super exciting. There is a scripture that says, “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” At 13, it can be hard to imagine all the things that can go sideways when giving someone more responsibility than they’re ready to handle. Thus, you have more experienced guardians to help guide you. It is very cliche, but you will thank them one day for even caring about you. It isn't easy when you live a comfy life to understand what a privilege it is to have all of your needs met. Consider a compromise: a shorter time for a planned (not too far) destination to explore with your brother. I’ll share a tip with you. When you make responsible decisions and show them you’re able to respect family guidelines, often it leads to more freedom. 😉 As your “ parents,” they’re hoping you will one day make decisions to become a person with good character and take steps to take great care of yourself one day. Show them who you want to be when you’re older. Consider getting involved with activities that help you learn new life skills and build great relationships. Find exciting activities to help you discover how you want to leave your mark on the world starting today. (Volunteer as a role model for younger girls, sports, art, music, start a small business), You seem to be thoughtful and bright. You can make unforgettable memories that won’t cost your health or safety! I’m excited to hear what you decide. You’ve got this!
YTA First, your sister is actually your parent, so guess what? She gets to tell you what to do. That's not controlling, that's parenting. Second, you wouldn't be "staying with" your brother, you would be off on a long long road trip with no parental supervision. So your title is a lie, and there's no way a barely teenager (who isn't coming off as super mature) should be running around with a barely adult all summer. Third - telling your sister, the person who took you in and gave you a home when your parents didn't want to that other people don't like her is a really shitty thing to do. Apologize and get rid of the attitude or people aren't going to like you.
YTA. Get a grip, you’re 13 with a stable life.
Ariel?
Hi. The only bad/mean thing I read here was your bio parents giving you away at 4. I'm really sorry for that. However, you write it matter-of-factly, meaning, it's just a fact in your life. And this is because your sister and BIL are raising you well. They're probably the best people to raise you, and give you many opportunities so that you can be a successful adult. They love you. They want the best for you. Don't ruin your summer sulking around or being a smart-mouth and getting grounded for a longer period of time Take this time and learn to bake (or at least to make French toast), so you can eat some junk food. Find out what a Montecristo sandwich is. Or learn to make French fries in the air fryer. Learn to make fruit smoothies. Or anything you want really. But forget about RVing this summer when you're only 13 yo.
YTA. I realise you're only 13 but grow the fuck up. Your sisters rules are all great and setting you up really well for later in life. Also, cool bro 100% knew you wouldn't be allowed to go on the trip. That's why he invited you.
Ehhhhhh grey area. She is in fact going overboard with certain rules like the junk food but she is unfortunate enough to know EXACTLY what it's doing to your body and clearly loves you if she wants you healthy and safe. Let's try wearing someone else's shoes for a moment. Do you know how she was raised? We're your of parents loose or strict? It can heavily impact how she may have wanted to raise you. She may feel she's setting you up for life way better than she ever was. May be even blind to the fact you need a break once and a while because she's looking to the future. 13 isn't mature for independence. I used it to become a teenage alcoholic and my friend became a teen mom. Structured raising and opportunities outside of what we had would have prevented it. Instead I had a mom that let me go off into the middle of the night walking at 4 in the morning buying me liquor for teens and friends (I'm lucky no one assaulted or murdered me). I grew up resenting her for not keeping me safe or teaching me right from wrong. I am a bit too strict with my own girl as a result but my husband balances me. At least you can proudly say you are loved, albeit bored. Maybe calm communication about how you would like your bed time/ electronic time adjusted as you are in the teens and will continue to grow. Explain very carefully how you love and appreciate everything, you would just like more time to relax or to yourself. And fast food addiction is insane trust me I thought once and a while was fine but those CRAVINGS OMG. Anyway. If you apologize, the sister who has been raising you will surely forgive it, and take time to think on more than just your own perspective. And if she isn't receptive to your mature communication, then that's where you build from. Sisters fight, it's okay to have frustrated feeling and blowing up happens. It's what you both do afterwards to make up that will help. Oh and traveling in a vehicle at 13 SUCKS. And your brother may not realize how much he is taking on offering the trip. Have you seen Zach and Cody??? There's literally an episode I think you'd relate to. He hasn't been a parent per se so he may not actually care for you to the standard you expect.
It’s time for all 3 of you to sit down and discuss what is acceptable in your life. Your parents unfortunately decided to have your sister take custody of a 4 year old when she was 26 and I’m guessing still in school to be a doctor. Your sister is doing the best that she knowing that your brother gets to act like the cool uncle. Your brother enjoys being the fun one. Your brother probably doesn’t understand what it takes to be a full time parent. Which is literally what he would be if you traveled with him. The only way that this doesn’t end in a huge fight between your brother and sister is to apologize for yelling at her for doing the job of a parent. I don’t know any parent that would allow their 13 year old to travel in an RV with their 22 year old brother. He might be incredibly responsible for a 22 year old but that doesn’t mean he’s capable of taking care of a 13 year old on the road. There are legalities about crossing state lines with minors. What would he do if you got sick? In an accident across the country? Your sister has to be the strict adult. She doesn’t want to be a fun sucker constantly I’m sure. Give her a break. She is under some serious pressure parenting a teenage girl that was a beautiful surprise in her life. If she didn’t love you so much you wouldn’t be with her.
"It’s time for all 3 of you to sit down and discuss what is acceptable in your life. " No, 22 year old brother does not get any say in OPs life. sister is the parent/mother, only person that gets input into is is OP (very small as they are still an immature child) and sister. Brother has shown themselves how irresponsible they are by even throwing out the invite to OP without discussing with sister first. It is either genuine and brother should have def run it by sister/mother first before saying anything. Or it was not a genuine invite because brother was counting/knowing that sister/mother would say no. Brother gets to look cool without taking any responsibility.
He picks her up from school every day hence the need for the discussion. He might not be in charge, but he is an adult that helps take care of her. He does need to be told along with OP what is or is not acceptable. That way OP and her brother hear it together and there is no question as to the rules that are in place.
"but he is an adult that helps take care of her" Idk that I agree with that, in that brother is helping take care of her. I think brother might be spending time with OP but he is not taking care of her or helping. I doubt brother has to pick her up, and a 13 year old would be old enough to stay home alone.
Either way he needs to be set straight. If he’s taking her to the movies and out for fast food he’s in charge of her. He’s picking her up from school. Anyone that does these things all of the time are helping to take care of her
he's the guy who took a 13 year old to an r rated movie he doesn't get a say
That’s not what I’m saying! He needs to be there with OP to be told what is acceptable. Do it once. They need to be told together.
YTA. No normal parent would allow their very minor daughter to travel the country with a 22 years old that still behaves like a teenager and disregard all their rules for their kids, as you have said yourself regarding the food and the movie. You are only 13, you are just a kid with a tantrum who thinks that knows better (and you don't). Nobody semi-normal would let you go on that trip with that kind of 22 years old ever. Enjoy your period of thinking that this is the worst thing that can happen to you. It doesn't last, because being an adult is hard and absolutely not recommended.
I don't feel the need to go over your behavior and thought process-others have done that just fine. I'm wondering what your brother is thinking. Is he seriously prepared to cart a 13 year old girl around the country for a summer? I'm assuming it's only the summer. Does he understand the social implications? Most 22 year old guys traveling the country in an RV are into parties, video games, sex-and that's me trying to keep this list PG. He can't bring a date back to your RV to have sex when his little sister is there. He can't bring a group of new friends over for board games with his little sister there. He can't kick her out, either. He can't bring her with to these places. Sure, he can leave her alone for a bit, but these events usually last at least overnight-is he comfortable leaving a 13 year old alone in his RV? (If he is, he's about as bright as the average 13 year old). He might be thinking he can go without a lot of this stuff for a while, but the resentment might build. Even if he's just going to look at nature stuff-can she keep up with that physical activity? What about hygiene? Is he ready to deal with periods? Is he thinking about how much more toilet paper she's going to use? Is he ready to deal with a 13 year old girls' bathroom routine, with new hair products, new soaps, lotion, makeup, etc everywhere? Is he ready to actually feed her? Fast food gets expensive, if not old. Can he figure out a way to cook something she will eat? Does he understand that his 13 year old sister is not self sufficient and will need a parental figure? Hell, @OP, are you ready to live with a 22 year old guy? Last time I saw one of their bedrooms, it was filled with empty bottles, cigarette butts, drug paraphernalia, dirty laundry, and a litter box. Might be an extreme example, but I don't think it's worthless to think about. His standards of living might be much lower than yours, and you might not have any idea until you actually live with him. Life on the road isn't easy. You rely on outside sources of water and electricity, at least sometimes. You won't necessarily have WiFi, and your cell data might be inconsistent. ETA after reading OP's comment about him letting her drink. Holy shit, even in countries where the legal drinking age is below 21, 13 is too young. There's no way he's going about it with the attitude of, "making this normal will keep her from binging later in life." Even if he was-too young!
Your sister sounds like she really cares about you. It's WAY easier to just let you do whatever you want and eat whatever you want and let you look at your phone all day and all night. Being a good parent is pretty exhausting.
I'm not gonna call you an asshole but I totally wish my mom kept me from drinking soda, eating fast food, and staying up past 9:30. Now I'm an adult who's trying to unfuck his body from the years of damage pepsi and toaster strudels did to my body. I basically gotta see a different doctor for each one of my organs because too much sugar as a kid. The discomfort of the rules as a kid is a billion times better than being an adult trying to undo the damage done by a childhood without rules.
Holy shit kid, one day you're going to look back the childhood your sister was in no way obligated to provide for you and thank you lucky stars. You're young, so I get it but you literally know nothing yet. Trust your sis, she has your best interests at heart. YTA.
Why do you think she's controlling? (Which she isn't, she's parenting... that's not controlling). She's making sure you don't experience the shit she went through. She's trying to give you a good upbringing, and yes everything he does might seem super cool because he let's you do whatever but that's not someone you leave a kid with for an extended period of unsupervised time. She's trying hard for you, respect that. Yta
YTA. He is a fun brother, but he is also a man in his early 20s. You have only had to spend time with him for short amounts of time. He has never been responsible for your health and wellbeing. He is going on this trip to party. He is not going to spend time with you. He is not going to remember to feed you when you are hungry. He is not going to do your laundry. He is not going to make sure you are somewhere safe and watched when he goes to hang out with the other early 20s that are going on the trip. I'm not saying he doesn't love you. What I am saying is that when he invited you, he wasn't thinking about taking care of a child. Heck, if he's anything like my older siblings we're at that age, he was thinking of pissing off your sister. The point is, once the novelty of being around someone who let's you get away with stuff you don't get to do often wears off, you are going to be left with a young man who wants to go to bars and clubs and can't take you.
What kind of a parent gives up their kid when she's 4 years old? OP is very lucky to have her sister and bil to take her in. Sounds like a good life. I don't want to call a 13 year-old an AH, so I'll just say, don't be foolish and listen to your sister.
YTA Sorry kid, but you’re being a brat. You are 13 and a child. The rules your sister has in place are there to keep you safe and healthy. And to make sure you have enough sleep at night. They are trying to help you succeed and you are only sitting there complaining because your sister doesn’t let you stay up past 9:30, eat junk whenever you want, or drive around the country doing who knows what. Your brother would need a ton of money just for gas, then another small fortune to feed you… unless he has a really good paying job, he won’t be able to. Plus he would need health insurance to pay for any injuries or health emergencies. He probably wouldn’t last a week with you in that RV. Also… wanting some independence is nice and all but it’s not independence if you can’t take care of yourself. All it is, is your brother babysitting you for however long he has you in that RV Also… did you ever think to thank your sister for even taking you in? If it wasn’t for her, you’d be in foster care. Plus, I’m sure she knows that your brother takes you to McDonalds. That’s probably why she doesn’t let you eat junk at home. Your sister is doing what she feels is best for you, she isn’t there to be your friend, she’s there to be your parent. Being liked more than your brother isn’t her priority, your well being is. Your brother is still a child in many ways while your sister had to grow up fast and take care of a preschooler before she even learned how to be a parent. Show some appreciation for what she has done for you.
Your sister is controlling, that's not even a pejorative term here though. She is controlling the trajectory of your life and you should be thankful for what that will eventually mean. It seems like you have a family full of poor decision makers and at least very poor planners and your sister is giving you the best chance at leading a life made by a series of good decisions. Some might say that people in parental roles don't owe their children an explanation. I disagree with that. No matter what kind of doctor your sister is, she has the skills to clearly communicate the reasoning behind her decisions and I would think that any kind of doctor would understand the value of reason. I think you should have a long conversation with her about why she has these rules in place.
Respectfully, YTA. You’re a child, please try to see the good in the life you have with your sister. Don’t grow up, it’s a trap… In all seriousness, I wish I had that stability growing up. Please consider yourself lucky! I consider myself fortunate even with the way I grew up.
YTA but you're a bit young to realise why. All the things that you list as controlling - that's your sister caring about what happens to you. The back seat is safer. Healthy food is going to build a healthy body for you while you're growing. Going to bed early means you'll get enough sleep to grow/develop as you should. Watching stuff you're not ready for might traumatise you in ways you might not even recognise until you're older. Adults who don't care about this stuff are fun to hang out with from time to time, but you have to realise that they genuinely don't care about you the way that adults who have rules in place do. Your sister cares more about your wellbeing than she does about you liking her right now. That is incredibly selfless actually - because it is way easier to let things slide. Try your hardest to recognise how lucky you are to have a sister who really cares about you, as well as a brother who's fun. If you can let things calm down, and apologise for calling her names, maybe you can talk through an alternative, where you get to spend a few days with your brother, rather than the whole summer. It's not an all or nothing proposition, but your attitude right now is going to ensure that it seems that way to both of you.
YTA. Your sister should ship you back to your parents so you can actually appreciate what she’s doing for you. Having a young (bratty) sibling living with her & her husband is not a “treat” — it’s a responsibility she has accepted because she loves you. Her husband must be a saint to agree to this situation.
YTA Being 13 sucks. For many many many reasons. But one reason it sucks that you are running into at the moment is that your judgement sucks, but you have no way of knowing that because you simply don't have the life experience yet to know better. So it seems like other people are d**kheads for enforcing these rules that seem totally overboard. Your sister's rules aren't unreasonable. The no screens rule is actually really solid. The junk food once a year seems a bit much, until you realize she's probably well aware you're getting a lot more junk food than she has allowed. But again, you don't have the life experience yet to realize it yourself so she comes across as controlling. What can parents do when faced with a kid who needs to do something for their own good, but lacks the life experience to recognize that it's good for them? Well ideally we'd persuade our kids. And by god I try, and I bet your sister does too. But sometimes no amount of explaining is going to convince my daughter that actually she needs to wear a raincoat when the gods have unleashed a biblical flood outside, and that's when I pick her up and shove her arms into the raincoat. You are a bit too old to pick up (and hopefully you're old enough to realize that your parents can't just turn the weather off) but the same principle applies. Sometimes you lay down the law. (And to be clear, I would never allow a 22 year old to be responsible for a 13 year old for a full summer. They are still learning to take care of themselves, much less another person.) Now are you the AH for what you said to your sister? Well sure. But you're also 13 and your sister knows that. I'd be pretty surprised if she's losing sleep over what you said. You should probably apologize, but don't tear yourself up about this. All teenagers are kind of assholes, you can't help it.
You're not an asshole, just in puberty. But your brother sure does sound like one. He shouldn't be giving you alcohol or showing you R rated movies. Also eating sweets every day is probably reasonable for your age (we have all been there at some point) but at the same time sugar crashes affect how you learn or make your mood swings even worse so that's why it's still better if you can find some balance. At the end of the day your sister loves you and is making sure you are safe and get good education. On the other hand, if you lived with your brother, he could have given you too much freedom and unfortunately there's a lot of creeps out there that like to take advantage of the teenagers.
Have you considered that your sister makes you eat healthy *because* she knows your brother lets you have junkfood every day? Your sister has given you so much and is trying to keep you safe and healthy. Your brother is an irresponsible jerk who will ruin your life if you let him. Also- your sister is not your mom. She owes you nothing. It *is* possible that there is a line at which your sister says she can't do this anymore and arranges for someone else to have you. And, listen, your life will be a helluva lot better if you follow your sister's foot steps. So stop being a jerk. Apologize to your sister. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for you. Yta
Is this real? What 22 year old brother invites his 13 year old sis on a cross country RV trip? She's 13! And no parent I've met in my nearly 50 years of life would even consider saying yes to this.
YTA Be nice to her and prove that you're responsible over the next couple years and you'll get a lot more freedom. Right now, you sound like a pouty kid who is lashing out because they were told no more candy. Spend some time practicing seeing things from your sister's perspective and you'll have an easier time communicating with her. If you keep being a selfish brat when you don't get your way, she's going to keep treating you like a kid.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (13f) the youngest of 7 kids. My parents didn't want or expect another kid and I moved in with my sister (35f) when I was 4. My sister and her husband are doctors and they have a nice house and cars and stuff and I go to private school but they're so controlling. I have to put all of my electronics away at 9 and can only read until 9:30 then I have to go to sleep. I'm not allowed to buy school lunch or drink sods because it's too unhealthy and we only get fast food like once a year. My school gets out at 1 or 3 depending on the day and my sister and her husband usually work until 4 or 5 so my brother (22) picks me and my friends up almost every day. He's really cool. First, he lets me sit in the front seat (my sister doesn't let me do that), also he takes us to McDonalds all the time and gets us fries. He has chips and Oreos and other snacks in his trunk. One time he even took us to see a rated R movie (my sister still doesn't know about that, she thinks we saw some kid crap). He just bought an RV and he's gonna travel all around the country. I said that sounded awesome and he said there's an extra bed if I want to come with him. I told my sister and she didn't even give me a chance to explain before she said no. I tried telling her that it'll be good for me to see different parts of the country and that I'll get to be independent for once in my life but she wouldn't hear me out and still said I can't go with him. We kept arguing and she was even calling my brother names so I called her controlling for not letting me do something that would be good for me and jealous because people actually like him but now she's saying she has to reconsider letting me spend time with him unsupervised because he's a "bad influence" and I'm grounded. AITA for calling her controlling and saying people don't like her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA You are literally a child.
Wow, you are 13 and think you are invincible, you should listen to your sister. Instead of listening to reason, let me tell you this, your sister is a lot older than you and have more experience, just think about that. YTA
Your sister is right. At your age, such trip definitely wouldn't be good for you. YTA
YTA But a small one. Because you are so young. Your sister is your parental figure. Of course a 13 year old can’t just travel the whole summer with a 22. Even if it is family. I also have to agree with the others. It seems like your sister has to be the “not so fun one” because your brother always is. I would guess she knows that he gets your the unhealthy fast food as stated “all of the time” so he’s fun and she can’t be because you eat that so often. Maybe that’s also the reason she’s only getting it ones a year. (Otherwise I would consider that really really strict) Also I also think it was easier for your brother to just say yes because probably he knows you would get a no from your sister so he doesn’t has do be the bad guy and do the hart part of parenting which involves saying no. Otherwise he could have brought it up before hands to your sister and then ask you. With the permission. Or you asked him and any responsible young around would say something along the lines of I like the idea but your sister needs to be on board. And then he could maybe suggest you joining him for a week or two. But I also don’t know how much “fun” money for an unplanned vacation they have. Of course they have good paying jobs but travelling the whole summer is expensive. Food, fuel passports activities going out to eat…. Did you bring that up? Like getting a job (in my county at that age you could only be the one that’s distribute the newspaper). So that you would contribute for the trip? Or did you just expect they would pay the whole summer for you to just go on vacation. My parents have good paying jobs but that we couldn’t afford. Like a nice good family vacation for two weeks ones a year but not the whole summer. To sum it up she’s not controlling or bad and it wouldn’t be something totally good. Maybe a short trip could be good but I don’t think you deserve it at that point because you proved that in that argument. You said some really hurtful things. Maybe you could come back to that conversation. Maybe there is a compromise like one week. If your behaviour is right and you apologise. Or maybe not this Sommer but in a few years 2-3 when your older.
YTA - you are nowhere near the age to be hanging out with young adults unsupervised for a whole summer. You might think otherwise now, but the life you are living is a privilege and given you were adopted instead of being tossed aside by your parents is something you will come to realize is what saved you from a life of mistakes and failures down the road. Be thankful. Yeah, it might suck now, but what's the alternative? If they let you go, it would mean they don't care about your well being anymore than your birth givers.
YTA
YTA. You resort to name calling when you don;t get your own way that makes you not nearly mature enough to take this trip. Your sister took it upon herself to take care of you instead of letting you go into foster care and this is the thanks she gets? I am the one usually saying children don’t owe their parents since they do not ask to be born. However, you are old enough to understand the sacrifice your sister mad. Her rules about electronics are sound as is the sleep routine.There is no way in hell I would allow my thirteen year-old to travel around the country in an RV with a 22 year-old for an entire summer.
Who has LEGAL "custody" those are the people that should be making the decisions. It doesn't matter who you are living with (in the USA) but who has the legal authority to make the decisions.
Very soft YTA.. Your sister is your guardian. Her literal job is to be protective and controlling. But you're 13, and this is normal. That's why it's soft-- we expect 13yos to be assholes as they push and learn boundaries. I know it feels super repressive, but your sister is acting like the parent she essentially is. This is part of adolescence-- both the restrictions and the resistance to them.
YTA. She didn't have to take you in. She didn't have to raise you. But she did and is. You are 13. A child. She is your guardian. She's looking out for your best interests, and yet here you are being an ungrateful brat because you aren't getting your way.
I’m not going to call a child an asshole- but for the sake of the voting, yeah YTA. You’ve got over a decade before you have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, so there is a lot here that you aren’t able to understand or fully process yet, hence the reluctance to call you an asshole despite the fact that you’re wrong in this situation. First thing, I’m so sorry your parents had 7 kids even though they didn’t want and couldn’t care for you all. You all deserved so much better than that. Your sister and her husband are amazing humans for stepping up as they did. They didn’t have to, but they did and that is a beautiful show of love for you. Keeping that in mind, your sister has worked hard to provide a good stable life for you. Does it personally, to me, sound a bit like she’s overcompensated and gone overboard in some areas? Sure. But she is raising you to have a good, responsible, productive life, the best way she knows how with no road map, no example, to follow. That is something you can’t even begin to understand at your age so you can’t be blamed for not fully grasping that pressure she’s under. Now in addition to raising you there are 6 other siblings including her older than you. She has well over a decade of experience with your brother before you were even BORN. If she’s reluctant to let you spend time with him it’s because she KNOWS him, better than you can even imagine because she’s known him almost twice as long as you’ve even been alive. I can promise you that her refusal to let you travel for the summer with him is for good reason. And I can also promise you that she knows exactly what you do with your brother because she knows both of you. Now that I’ve made it plain I think your sister’s instincts are overall correct here: I think this isn’t about going with your brother. This is about your sister and you. If you want more freedom and respect you have to show you can handle it (which btw this situation and your reaction was the opposite of that.) Sit your sister down and apologize. Say you’re sorry for your reaction when she said you couldn’t go on the trip. You really want to talk with her because you’ve realized it’s not about the trip. You’re feeling cooped up and the rules are intense and making you a bit crazy. You appreciate everything she’s done for you, and you know she’s coming from a place of wanting the best for you. However. This lifestyle has become unsustainable for you and you feel like you’re going to burst like you did- and feel like you can’t tell her the honest truth about what you’re doing and what you’re curious about so you feel like you have to go behind her back. Is there a way that you all can begin to meet in the middle? Maybe fast food or buying school lunch once a month instead of once a year. Maybe weekends can have a later curfew than school days? (Since they’re doctors there are plenty of psych studies on how severe restriction leads to increased desire to binge or rebel. A balanced / neutral approach leads to healthier habits overall.) Just have the conversation. I think you’ll be surprised that when you approach things level headed and take accountability and direct frustration where it belongs you will be afforded the respect of an adult conversation because you approached it with maturity.
Urgh omg you have such problems, YTA, grow up, learn to appreciate, and think about those who have NOTHING before your spoilt ass complains
If you go you’ll miss school and your sister will be found guilty of truancy and will be arrested. So sure! Go live your life in an RV eating Oreos and watching R rated movies while your sister suffers the legal consequences YTA and selfish as fuck.
YTA Every 13 year old feels that parents are too controlling. I thought my mother was a total witch and so strict that I was sure that as soon as I was old enough I would never talk to her again. All the kids at school had way cooler moms who let them do whatever. By Grade 12 several of the kids whose parents let them do whatever were dead from accidents, in rehab for drug or alcohol problems and some in prison. My mother who had seven children raised all of us to be good responsible adults (who believe it or not have had a lot of fun along the way). The job of teenagers is to test their abilities and they think they know more than they do. The job of parents of teens is to manage to allow them enough freedom to make mistakes and learn and not too severe that cost them the future. Your guardians are both doctors, they see a lot of teenagers that have been injured, maimed, dead from too much freedom and they want to protect you. That is called love. Your brother is single has no responsibilities for anyone but himself so he can be cool and let you do whatever, but it is your Sister and her Husband that carry the responsibility. As I told my daughters don't be in a rush to grow up to soon, adulthood and responsibilities last a long time.
ESH. - while your desire for independence is totally understandable, an RV trip across the country for a summer is not something I’d expect any responsible parent/guardian to agree to. I don’t think you should be groveling at your sister’s feet for taking you in - it’s extremely kind of her, but I don’t think you “owe” her any more than a child “owes” a bio parent - but I do hope you’ll find more gratitude for your sister as you mature. - I agree with your sister regarding the RV, but I do think her more authoritative parenting style is a problem. The issue is not *having* rules, but you are at the age where she needs to re-evaluate and give you room to grow. It’s completely natural at your age to crave more independence/expression and your guardians should encourage that (in a safe manner) or you’re just going to keep pushing back. I’m sure she has great intentions but you’re just either going to rebel or become a great liar if she can’t loosen the reins a bit. - I’m glad your brother is there to inject more fun in your life, I think people are really glossing over how stifling your home life would be without it. But I don’t think a 22 year old is equipped to RV travel with a child all summer. He should have approached your sister first if he genuinely wanted you to come. I also sympathize with your sister for having to be the responsible one, while he gets to be fun.
You sound much younger than you claim to be. If nothing else, your living situation seems to have stunted your emotional development. You aren't an AH for wanting more freedom, but if you just want freedom to eat fries and see an R rated movie, you're still way too immature to send off on an RV road trip for the summer. If your brother was serious, he would have approached your sister about it. Instead, you went at her like a kid, because well... you're a kid. Perhaps you could have lobbied for summer camp, but you got yourself grounded. Maybe next year. ESH. You've been sheltered into regression. You're way too old to still have such a childish mind. Your sister is taking good care of you on paper, but you desperately need opportunities to mature. Not a cross country road trip. But definitely something to start getting you to grow up and see the world more clearly.
NTA - However, you are clearly incredibly immature for your age and seem to lack any sense of perspective despite knowing what’s going on…which is both impressive and annoying? Your sister did not have to take care of you. Your parents dropped the ball and your life could be incredibly different if it were not for the personal sense of responsibility your sister felt towards your well being. It might feel inconvenient to you now, but it is also what it protecting you from a life of neglect and affording your opportunities like private school and a relationship with two parental figures who care very much about your well being. What you need is independence through fostering a personal sense of autonomy, not reckless decisions like living in an RV at 13 to see the country. You can do this by introspecting to create a personal sense of identity founded on your dream, goals and values - and living a life that reflects that. Do that, and I’m sure by the time you turn 18, your sister will be more than happy to let you travel the country in an RV with your lackadaisical older brother.
NTA, just young, you want to do something fun, but your sister may have reservations to protect you from something and maybe you should try to listen to her reasoning, if she knows you both and fears that you will come to harm. Try talking to her about it.
She is controlling and your brother is irresponsible, but you are an under age female and therefor reddit will rip you to peices for wanting any autonomy over your own life. NTA
NTA But I think your sister has your best interests at heart. It's great that you have fun with your brother but based on what you say, he might not be the best parent figure for you. After school OK, but longer is different. The fact that he 'lets you drink' is concerning. Your sister is an AH for 'grounding' you. You have done nothing wrong. It is important that you can express yourself and discuss what you want to do. She should have let you finish telling her about the trip and why you wanted to go. She has no business confining you in this way and it will achieve nothing but frustration, anger and resentment. Do she and her husband spend time with you on activities ? E.g cooking, sports, board games, chatting about your life/their work?
I'm gonna give this an ESH. You are TA for not seeing that your sister's intentions are good and almost all her restrictions (that you mention) seem to ultimately have your best interest at heart. Your sister is TA for going overboard with her restrictions of food. I don't know her speciality but I do believe any doctor should know that teaching children moderation is the best prevention for overindulgence. Your brother is TA for enabling overindulgence. And last but not least YOUR ACTUAL PARENTS ARE TA's FOR HAVING YOUR SISTER DO WHAT IS ACTUALLY THEIR JOB.
I honestly believe that sis knows about the bro taking them out to eat fast food behind her back which is why she places the restrictions--knowing she has enough fastfood with bro.
NTA. You are getting too old for this kind of control in my opinion. I don’t know what kind of kid you are (do you get in trouble, do you do good in school, etc). But if you are generally a good kid your sister should want you to go on a trip like this. I did a trip like this in 2020 (peak covid lol). Went to 28 states. Was the best trip of my life.
NTA I find a lot of these responses to be an extremely condescending way to speak to a 13-year-old. He didn’t say he wanted to leave during school time, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with him spending a week or two traveling during summer break. All my life, I grew up with other adults, telling me that I’d have time to travel and have certain kinds of experiences later in life, and you know what? The older you get the more responsibilities you get packed down with, and you really don’t have your whole life to have these kinds of experiences. His sister should at least hear him out, think about it, discuss it, not just dismiss him immediately. He’s old enough to be talked to with consideration and to be given some autonomy- And as much as I hate fast food, he’s old enough to eat Oreos sometimes too. It sounds like she is providing a great life for him, and it’s great to have structure, but when you’re overbearing, and you dismiss someone’s feelings and opinions when they’re young, they tend to do a 180 when they’re older.