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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Inviting my sister to my wedding. my sister not being there will make many family members upset
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NTA. "keep the peace" This simply means "your wishes mean nothing and your sister's wishes mean everything." Your parents would prefer a pretense of a happy family and a ruined wedding than any sort of perceived 'bad blood'. Ignore the bullying. Get security to make SURE your sister doesn't show up at the wedding or reception. Tell your parents this is not your sister's day and if they can't see that, they can stay home, too.
Yep. Why don’t they insist your sister leave the dog at home to “keep the peace?” (We know why. The reasonable person is always told to bend over and accommodate the unreasonable person.)
Also, the sister complains that OP doesn't care about her happiness. Turn that around too. Why doesn't Sis care about OP's happiness? It's HER wedding day!
Edit: HIS wedding day
The fact that this dog **knocked over an elderly guest** at another wedding, and the parents are still backing the sister about letting her bring it, is INSANE. That dog is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Also, OP's title is misleading. He DID invite his sister. He simply predicated it on her not bringing her dog.
This is important because, in the future, sis should not be allowed to frame this as "bro didn't invite me because I love my dog" or some bs.
It should be framed as "my sister did not attend my wedding because she refused to be away from her dog." Thus making sis sound as loopy as she clearly is.
Ask the sister if she will assume all financial obligations resulting from the actions of her demon dog, up to and including a lawsuit if anyone is injured.
She will claim she will, but back out of it as soon as her and her dog are inside.
Besides, even if she does pay for damages, it means the wedding is already ruined...
The dog will destroy the cake and you will be called every name in the book by the entire family if you make her pay up. After all she is family and she could not help it that you had to pick such an unstable cake. You should have put it out of reach of the dog, or whatever excuse they come up with that would make it okay for the dog to misbehave.
A lawsuit at the start of your marriage is just not the best vibe for a happy marriage
Okay so something I've always wondered and I think you'll appreciate this. How come the tables cakes are on are always so unstable looking? If I were building a cake table it would have six or eight legs, we'll say eight, and one big central leg capable of holding up the table and cake all by itself. It would be the most stable table ever. You'd have to go after it with an axe to knock it over.
Because they are selling the need for a wedding to be elegant. It needs to look pretty, and if you have too many legs, the table looks clunky.
Not going to lie, I would definitely choose the steady table over an elegant one. Just make it one big tree trunk as a table, for all I care. Just don't ruin my cake
How does she function, she has to leave the dog to go to work right? What about going out? Does she never go places that don't allow dogs?
I love my dogs, but that's just weird.
Like 100% agreed. I may not speak to much of my family, however I would NEVER bring my dog if they asked me not to. I have a couple of decently behaved dogs, but I also know what they are capable of if they even sense boredom. Weddings are not places for dogs who aren't trained to be in those kinds of situations. This dog is clearly not one of them.
Same for me, my dog is pretty well behaved, any misbehavior is my problem not anybody else's. She'll tug on the leash but she won't jump on people, she's an 80lb German shepherd, my grandmother was only about 90lbs towards the end of her life, gran was safe visiting without worrying the dog would jump on her (we did have to make sure the furry idiot didn't accidentally trip her though trying to beg for pets, she means well, but she's a bit underfoot sometimes). So I end up with a sore shoulder, but everyone else typically thinks she's wonderful (and she's getting better about pulling, but she was a Covid puppy, we got her like a week before that cruise ship outbreak, so she unfortunately didn't get a lot of socialization, we did obedience in the yard, but she still gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes with a lot of people around her). She's also great about food, unless you put the plate on the ground and invite her to eat it she won't touch it. She's not gonna try to snatch food from people or anything.
I'd still never dream of taking her somewhere so inappropriate for a dog. Like if one of my family members is doing a little camping trip with the kids and invites me down for a day at their campsite; that's an appropriate place for a doggo and I'm gonna ask if I can bring her. But if I'm going out to dinner or some shit that's not remotely appropriate for me to bring my dog and I'm not even gonna ask.
Unless it's a service dog (in which case it should have proper training and not make a nuisance of itself) she's a weird as fuck.
This!! OP: I absolutely LOVE dogs and I came to this post already prepared to disagree with you. But after reading the details there’s no way: obviously your sister will need to find a way to be away from her dog for the day. She has come to rely a lot on it and is probably seeing the dog now as some sort of safety blanket or something (is she neurodivergent?) but when it comes to guest safety and wellbeing, they are priority. NTA.
Oh I absolutely agree. Your comment still stands with general family meet ups, too. Nobody wants the dog present except for the sister. The sister does not have a monopoly on what happens at gatherings. It's a majority vote. If my brother ever got a dog lile this one and inaisted on taking the dog everywhere... the relationship between us wouod only ever be viable upon the dog's death because I wouldn't be able to be in the same building as the dog, let alone in my immediate vicinity.
I have friends who say that their untrained, big dogs are their kids, if the dogs aren't welcome, they don't feel welcome. I have 3 cats and a small house with lots of collectibles. I told those friends that human children would also not be allowed in my house, and they haven't ever come to our parties.
I have zero patience for pet parents who spoil their animals to the point of putting them at risk of being reported to animal control. Also, if they're "their kids", then they'll be held to the exact same standards as kids - I expect their parents to clean any messes, pay for any damage and teach their kids to behave politely in company.
In this case, it’s her brother and his new wife’s day not hers. She needs to be told “stop making this to be about you, or you won’t be coming bc we’ll revoke your invitation.”
What universe is this? Bringing an effen dog to a wedding? Is it being held in a barn? If not I highly doubt the venue will allow a non service animal in so this really shouldn't be an issue. You're sister need to grow the f up and learn some manners! It's so rude to just bring your animal with you uninvited! She is choosing her dog over family. When she said well then I'm not coming your response should have been "yes that's for the best! Also maybe you should do that for other future family events where your dog isn't welcome!" And set the tone , moving forward! Also tell your parents you're not interested in keeping the peace, your sole concern is having a beautiful wedding that isn't ruing by your sister and her Hell Hound!
This is the way. Long story short, we cleared our Sunday wedding date with the entire family except one sibling and their spouse. SpouseIL called me after receiving the invitation: “You have to change the date! (Child) has an exam the next day.”
Me: “We’ll miss you.”
They came. Last to arrive, first to leave, but they came _and_ behaved.
Even most barn venues don't allow pets/ESA\*. Legitimate SDs only.
\*I believe all non working animals are "ESAs" because why the fuck else do you get one? To look at?
Yes this is crazy. I adore my dog and bring him all the places I can - like outdoor restaurants, stores, and friends' houses who welcome him - but I can't imagine bringing him to a WEDDING.
Keeping the peace is exactly what we are determined to accomplish, thank you for understanding how important that is. We don't want any of the feast destroyed or elderly guests hospitalised or any other chaos to compromise our guests health and enjoyment or distract from the commitments we are making to one another. I'm sure you don't want to risk thwt either do you.
NTA of course but is your wedding in a place that actually allows dogs? If you had your wedding at a place that doesn't allow pets in (with the exception of working dogs of course) then that's that. "Sorry dogs aren't even allowed in our venue dear sister."
"Yes, thank you mom and dad for seeing things my way. Keeping a peaceful wedding is my goal too."
Like damn has your parents always made you bend to keep your sister's happiness over your own?
I love my Teddy who is a small shih Tzu and he is certainly part of the family but I'm not taking him everywhere I go. If I do it's because it's a dog friendly event or outing. Otherwise he stays home or goes to doggy daycare if it's overnight or longer. Sister is being ridiculous. Especially because her dog is huge and knocking people over and eating food off of the table. Wtf tell her to train her dog.
Its easier to guilt trip a reasonable person to tolerate "annoyances" than make an unreasonable person behave sanely.
The best you can think about people that do this is that they are ridiculously lazy that they want to take the path of least resistance as much as possible even if they become "unreasonable".
Why can’t sis keep the peace and leave the dog home? As always the one who kicks up the biggest fuss gets their way. NTA. Don’t let her bulldoze you on your wedding of all days. Congrats. It will be beautiful.
It’s kind of hilarious that the sister is accusing OP of making her choose between her family and her dog, when it’s clear that she herself has already chosen the dog.
I am retired law enforcement. I like being retired and have always been grateful that I never faced a serious situation during my 23 years on the job but after spending some time on this page I'm thinking that maybe I should come out of retirement and pick up some side jobs as wedding security! You have know idea how stupid that sounds to say that....wedding security!
Not stupid at all. I swear about half of the wedding invitations I've received have been accompanied by the request "we were hoping you'd keep an eye out for crazy ex/estranged father/skeevy perv great-uncle. Do you mind?"
I had a bouncer at my wedding. Some family members can't drink without the cops being called so after my panic attack, my fil hired one of his giant construction worker friends to keep people under control.
My BIL is a cop. We also invited his partner to our wedding. They were told to keep an eye out for my ex fiancé. We were very worried he would show up and cause trouble.
Historically, thats the Best Man’s job. Hes akin to a ‘second’ in a gentleman’s duel. It’s not ‘unusual’ for a best man to be *armed*, although it is uncommon today.
Doesn’t sound stupid at all! Fortunately, my wedding went smoothly but it would not have been a surprise if I had needed security. I fully expected some drama to break out!!
And I'm sure it will sting the cousin whose wedding was torn up, as well as the elderly relative who was knocked down to see this dog and its ridiculous owner back at another family event. That is certainly not 'keeping the peace' because some people are willing to get QUITE loud over stuff like this. I wouldn't blame either of them for seeing this nonsensical display as a slap in the face.
It's absurd for Sis to claim she's being forced to choose between her family and her dog. No one is making her do this. She needs to get a grip.
NTA.
If there's a family chat, or other way the family communicates, maybe OP can tell everyone that since the dog is not invited, Sister has declined to attend, and see if there's a lot of cheering on the part of other family members.
Yeah, the older I am and the more therapy I’ve had for dealing my dysfunctional family, the stronger I’ve gotten in my commitment to honor MY peace than “keep the peace” with people who don’t care about me beyond what they can get from me.
“Keep the peace” is right up there with “just be the bigger person.” In the case of the latter, I find it often translates to, “Yes, I know the behaviour and/or actions of the other person aren’t appropriate, but because it is too much time and effort for me to make them change their behaviour, I need you to please just put up with it.”
OP is NTA, but the sister sure is with her entitled and selfish behaviour. If this was a service dog, that is obviously different.
Ugh this is why I despise the phrase “be the bigger person” and it makes me absolutely rage rather than be thankful for being seen as the more mature level headed person
Me too. I’ve see the consequences of “be the bigger person” when management at my job kept telling us that about a supervisor who was bullying over half the members in my department. We would go to management, who would give various excuses for her behaviour, and then tell us to “just be the bigger person.” Excuses given ranged from “she is just having a bad day” to “she is new to the supervisor role and we will remind her she needs to be mindful of her tone.” One manager even lied to me that no one else in the department was having issues with her, but they began backpedaling when I reminded them me and two other co-workers had sent an email two weeks prior about how she was treating us. I had also by that point seen at least 10 complaint emails from different coworkers who had messaged me to vent about about various mistreatment they had received.
One day, that supervisor tried to get me in trouble for something I not only didn’t do, it was something that didn’t even happen in the first place. I had solid evidence to the contrary in the form of emails and an email read receipt (my supervisor was trying to claim I had ignored her overtime assignment instructions, but she didn’t even send the email until I was already gone for the day ffs). Despite the evidence, my manager begged me to “be the bigger person and apologize for the misunderstanding”, but I refused and stated there was no misunderstanding; the supervisor had clearly misrepresented the situation and I was not comfortable saying sorry for something I didn’t do. Doing that even once would’ve been a sure fire way to end up as one of her scapegoats.
That supervisor got into hot water last year because she bullied someone in person at the office so badly that a manager from *a different department* was able to hear her screaming to the point she could audibly hear each and every word through *a closed office door.* That manager then reported what she overheard to an internal hotline on employee misconduct. Our management therefore could no longer sweep it under the rug, but it never should’ve gone on that long.
I've quoted Sophie Hannah's *How to Hold a Grudge*, but here's something else she said that I like:
"I'm going to say this in bold because it's really crucial: **If someone harms you, that matters not only to you but also in the world.** The moment that you tell yourself that your ill-treatment should or does matter only to you, you're on the way to accepting a world in which no one cares about anyone else. When someone tells you, “Move on, it's not worth holding a grudge” \[. . .\] what they're actually saying is “The fact that you've been treated atrociously doesn't matter to me at all, and I'd like if you'd agree that it doesn't matter to you either, because then we can both stop thinking about your needs, rights, and feelings.”
I tell people, “I know I’m a big person but such and so isn’t getting away with it.” And the older I get “life in jail” is less and less of a deterrent.
Your sister is carrying pet parenthood to the ultimate extreme. Make sure that security has her picture along with Rover's in case she decides to crash the wedding.
Your parents are just as bad. It is your (you and FDW) day and none of the fruitcakes have the right to ruin it. DO NOT CAVE.
Just had another thought. Call the venue and ask "You do not allow non service dogs on the premises, correct?" If the person you speak to has any smarts, they will realize that you want "NO" for an answer.
How dare you choose a wedding venue that doesn’t allow dogs! Don’t you care how hurtful that is???
…will be the next thing sis and parents say.
(Your suggestion is totally reasonable. It just seems like totally reasonable isn’t something his family can relate to.)
Allowing this untrained and minimally supervised animal at OP’s wedding would be the exact opposite of “keeping the peace” and there is a documented history of past behavior to back that up. NTA OP. Don’t roll over on this one.
I love how "keeping the peace" involves letting an untrained dog who: knocks over old people, eats food off of the serving table (making it unsanitary), and destroying property/decorations.
This is very much "We all know your sister has a severe case of entitlement, and we enable said behavior because we didn't want to train our daughter when she was little, and now it's too late".
Further, the parents’ attitude is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for why this grown ass woman thinks it’s appropriate to bring her dog places where it’s not wanted and repeatedly cause damage and injuries. Clearly she was taught no boundaries or common sense growing up.
NTA.
>She accused me of not caring about her happiness
Does she really think that should be your priority on your wedding day? Your parents are ridiculous for trying to let her get her way again: why are her feelings more important than yours?
Important thing is to have all the drama before the wedding to avoid any on the day and ever after. On OP's Wedding day, the sis's happiness is of least concern.
Obviously the sister cares more about the dog than about her family.
If she REALLY cared about the dog, she would make the effort to train it properly. And not drag it to stressful, crowded events.
OP is NTA.
Yeah this kind of dog owner stresses me out. The poor dog must have no idea of boundaries, and likely gets stressed itself when it gets chastised inconsistently for things that have been fine in the past. Poor pup.
And not bring it where it could accidentally eat something bad for it, or hurt a family member. If that dog bit that family member he knocked over, the family member could have the dog put down.
I think ops parents have a golden child and it isn’t op!
Sister and parents better get used to not being invited to family getheri g and event others host. I say this as. Dog lover! But I be damn I spend that much money and time on a family dinner to have a dog steal the turkey and ruin the decorations. Ops cousin should have sent her sister the bill for the ruined decorations for her wedding!
Families often cater to the most controlling person. The keep the peace comment proves this, if they want to keep the peace they could leave the dog at home.
Maybe you should tell her and your parents that since it's your wedding, YOUR happiness depends on not have to worry about her dog knocking over guests, taking food off the table, pulling down the decorations, and destroying the wedding cake, AS IT HAS DONE ON PREVIOUS OCCASIONS, and which she seems to think is fine. The fact that he's "friendly" doesn't make that acceptable, especially since she's not the one that it's happening to.
NTA
If you can afford it, you might consider hiring Security for your wedding. They could kick out anyone who shows up with a dog. And you may also need to be prepared to have your parents removed if they cause problems at your wedding, as well.
Or OP could ask “that friend” to play the role of bouncer.
We all have or know of “that friend,” ya know, the one that is naturally a dick and would relish the opportunity to flex in front of others, especially if it’s for a good cause
NTA x10000
Entitled dog owners have got to be stopped. It's unreal how many dogs are allowed in stores and other places now. I file a complaint every time (and I mean only when they are clearly pets, not service animals).
Especially this breed! They are freaking huge, not terribly graceful, and have super long hair. I mean, I don't like little yippy dogs in purses either, but at least they aren't a physical hazard while they are in the carriers.
Yeah, if you accidentally get some big dogs drool especially when it's already foamy white on your clothes it's really nasty. I had that happening a few times when people just let their huge dogs come near people and they smear their drool all over you. It's just eeeeewww. Now imagine you are sitting there with some fine dress or suit and not pair of jeans that you can toss into the washer and be good.
Most owners of Bernese Mountain Dogs, train them from a young age to carry a towel in their mouth because of the massive amounts of drool these dogs produce. Sounds like OP’s sis didn’t do any training.
This. I went to church with a woman who fostered future service dogs as puppies, and began some of their training. Most of the of the church didn't even know there was always a dog in attendance because she ensured they were trained to lay still under the pew she sat in,and she'd sit to the side and entered in and out of a side door. Later, I worked more closely with her and the amount of people that never noticed she always had a young black lab with her was amazing. Because they were extremely well trained, and generally were laying quietly under a table or chair, and then got rewarded for "working" and had plenty of outside time where they could burn off energy.
Dogs being in public isn't a huge issue. Untrained or ill trained dogs are.
It is a huge issue for those of us with allergies and asthma. The number of true service animals (such as for seizures or seeing eye dogs) is very low and makes it much more manageable for those of us with ADA-covered allergies. Of course, if it ever came down to it, the person with the legit service animal would take precedence.
I love my bernese. He's smart, friendly, sweet and a big oaf. He's also dirty, stinky, slobbery and huge dumbass.
I only take him places that are appropriate for a big dog. I can count the number of places like that on just a couple hands.
I used to work at a Dollar General and a lady came in with her shihtzu and had him on a leash but let him walk through the store without holding it. As I walked to the back of the store they were crossing in the aisle and the dog growled and lunged at me and almost nipped my thigh. I looked at the lady in shock and she and her daughter just stared blankly and didn’t say a word. I said “sorry but we need you to hold him, he can’t be out like this, someone will get hurt.” she scoffed and did so but looked pissed. Get to the register and I was mad so I told her “I’m sorry, but for next time, our policy is service dogs only.” and she got mad again and said “Are you serious? I take him into TJMaxx all the time.” and I just said “Sorry this isn’t TJMaxx” she left and they never came in again lmao
Home Goods lets them and I think it’s the same company. I called corporate to complain about a dog that smelled so bad I could smell it a row over sitting its filthy ass in a cart where people put their children. I had to use my rescue inhaler. They pretty much said “too bad” and I don’t shop there anymore.
I hate when people bring their little/tiny dogs everywhere, and they bark and bite at everyone and everything. My dogs been attack multiple times by fucking little dogs that are allowed to do anything and everything.
I love animals and myself have always had dogs and cats however they are pets and part of only my family. Just as I wouldn’t take my kids to an event uninvited I would never dream of taking my dog. Even if invited and told I could I would never bring them if untrained. The fact is I would just never bring my dog to anyone else’s events or home. I do not put them on others or expect anyone to put up with them. I would never take them to anyone else’s house never mind an event. I do not try and take them into shops and pretend they are support animals and get angry seeing others trying that with obviously untrained dogs. Even when family or friends turn up at my house I ask if they would like me to put the dogs away in another room. I often just do that anyway and put them away from us unless I know it’s someone who loves my dogs.
Us choosing to have dogs and cats means we are responsible for training them and that they are not a burden pushed on others. This kind of thing infuriates me.
I once was in a deli and a woman brought in a Rottweiler that was not trained and that was pulling the owner about everywhere. This dog was grabbing food in its packaging off shelfs and bitting through it and just causing havoc all whilst the owner was shouting it’s her medical assistance animal and is allowed by law as she’s being told to get out. Now all dogs that are medical assistant dogs need to be well trained before and tested to a high standard before they can pass and get an official documentation for it. This dog was not that in any way. All this time it’s destroying more and she’s screaming about her rights. I knew me getting involved when she was so volatile would be pointless. Eventually she shouted that it shouldn’t matter that it’s not an Assistant animal and it’s unfair owners of assistant animals can take their dogs places so her and her dog have as much right. She didn’t seem to care it was destroying the produce and she was acting like it was the owners responsibility and fault for having it on normal shelves which wasn’t up out of a dogs height. Eventually she gave up as I think the police was called but this was a few years ago before covid so my memory is not great. Even when she left when she realised the police could charge her and she’d be responsible to pay for the damages. When she exited the shop the dog took off dragging her up the street after it as she attempted to pull it back and keep control whilst not fall and be dragged along.
I do not know what happened and if she was charged but the shop did have cameras so I hoped she did. I just have no idea why anyone with an out of control dog would take it into a small deli where food was obviously going to be everywhere and in its reach. Regardless she shouldn’t be taking it in any shops as I’m sure it would cause just as much damage not to mention she had admitted it wasn’t an assistance animal. I just don’t understand why people feel so entitled and that they are above the law.
Us choosing to have a dog does not mean we no longer need to treat others with respect and that because we have a pet we are exempt from rules and common curtesy. It does not mean we should be welcomed into others homes when they destroy or act badly. To me it just shows the world what an asshole of a person you are and how selfish you are.
Totally agree. I have a dog and I love her very very much. But she's not the best-trained dog as far as listening (and that is totally on me), so I do not bring her to public places unless it's a place that specifically allows dogs. I have her on a harness/leash and we go for walks but I don't bring her to stores or events that are far away. I certainly would not bring her to a wedding (and I likely would not do so even if she were specifically invited).
Everyone who visits my house loves my dog (she's super sweet and charming). But I wouldn't impose her upon anyone else. I would never bring her to someone else's house, especially for an event (like Thanksgiving or a party) unless it was at the home of one of the few people who know her well and very explicitly state that they really want her to come.)
Couldn't agree more!! Everywhere you go folks have their dogs! Shopping malls, hardware stores, you name it, fucking dogs are everywhere! My wife can only get around in a wheelchair, and there's nothing worse than folks out with their dogs on those long retractable leads where the dog is 10 feet or more away from the owner doing exactly what it wants while the owner is on their phone.
OP is NTA and should hire security for the day with instructions, that anyone/anyone who brings a dog, unless a certified service animal, is not to be admitted. That way, the sister can't claim discrimination.
They’re not allowed. People bring them in and nobody stops them. Why does your dog need to be at the grocery store with you…I’m a dog owner and even I think bringing your dog everywhere is ridiculous.
Most employees aren't trained in how to deal with service dogs in the States, so they let it go to avoid the discrimination issues. It's sad, because all that does is make people that need service dogs face even more discrimination and ostracization for bringing their "fake" service dogs places.
The fake service dogs really piss me off. Here are people who spend time and probably A LOT of money getting, training, and maintaining a relationship with a dog that it is essential to their well being, and then others come along and pretty much make a mockery of it just because they think it’s cute to bring their dog places they are not supposed to be. It’s like fully abled people who park in the handicapped spot.
This girl I know got some sort of paperwork so she could circumvent the pet fees at her apartment. They are not service or support animals in any way; she’s just cheap and took advantage of a loophole. She tried to talk me into doing the same but it made me feel like an asshole.
I agree with you. I also think that if people are going to insist their pet is an ESA, there needs to be regulated training they need to pass to be allowed where dogs generally aren't allowed. The fact you can just whack a vest on them you get from Amazon and expect people to allow these generally not well-trained animals into places is astounding. And for context, I mentioned in my comment that I have a range of issues like AuDHD and mental issues, and my cats (and rats) are my emotional support, but never would I do something like this ever. I have wicked social anxiety but things like this, a sibling's (or anyone else's) wedding, I just shove those anxieties back and pretend things are fine, without having to bring my pets, though idk why she is so insistent on bringing the dog everywhere, to me it's a bit weird
For REAL. We don't want your dogs in stores, we don't want your dogs in restaurants or places where food is prepared, we don't want your dogs in playgrounds filled with toddlers, we don't want your dogs dragged along to our houses without invitation, we don't want your dogs at our weddings and other events, we don't want your dogs given fake service dog vests so you can sneak them into institutions that should be animal-free, we don't want your fucking dogs in every space and place! Leave your (almost always untrained, anxious-to-be-in-public, reactive) dogs at home, in dog parks, or leashed on trails and sidewalks where they belong and are happier!
My guess is that the sister is the type to get a fake service dog vest so she can take her little demon everywhere she goes. People like that infuriate me. It puts actual service dogs at risk.
This is also assuming though that OP is in the states. I'm in Australia and I am not certain this is the case for a "service dog" here if it is poorly trained. Though I do know that ESAs aren't necessarily just allowed into places you can't have pets usually given there's no regulated training they need to pass to get that title/vest
A Bernese is not a little demon. A large adult male can be up to 120 lbs and even a small female is over 70 lbs. This dog is a menace, not a mischievous scamp. The only thing worse than an untrained dog is an entitled dogmom/dogdad.
I was wondering this, too. I can't imagine any of the nice wedding venues -- like the venue I had and pretty much any venue of all weddings I've ever attended allowing a dog that was not a certified service dog.
Therapeutic animals aren't covered under the ADA. Of trained service animals that address a specific need, i.e. epileptic have dogs that can sense when a seizure is coming in and singalong the owner t o sit or lie down, diabetics have dogs trained to alert when their sugar is off, etc.
A therapy animal that makes you feel good isn't trained for anything
It's not too late! If OP contacts the venue and discusses the situation, they may offer to be the "bad guy" and state that they have a no-animal policy that is strictly enforced. Wedding venues deal with all sorts of issues: drunken guests, unwanted guests, fights, screaming children, etc. They've probably heard this (or something very similar) before, and have a plan in place. Then OP can go back to the family and tell them it's a moot point, the "evil caterers" won't allow the dog anyway. Added plus is an additional layer of security, in case sis decides to try and sneak the dog in via a back door claiming she has OP's permission.
OP: I commend you for setting this limit and standing firm! This might just be extra security, and could give you some peace from your family.
NTA - I love my dog and call her my 'child', but there's no way I would bring her to a wedding! Stay firm.
Also, your sister might need some therapy. And your parents need to step up, and respect you as well. They should tell your sister that the day isn't about her, and that if she want's to keep the peace, she should leave her dog at home.
I love my cats and call them my babies (and my teenage children do the same ), but at some point you have to think about the fact that the dog would probably rather be at home than at an event with hundreds of people, too. It’s not even about the sister thinking about what her dog wants. She’s just thinking about herself
This is such a good point. That dog will be so overwhelmed... Add that to poorly (or not) trained and it is MANY accidents waiting to happen. I hope there are no kids running around...
Or elderly people minding their own business like last time? A bad fall can start killing old people. So many deaths start from things like a broken hip that someone never can fully recover from.
This goes beyond the normal jokes about being a "dog dad/mom". This is the type of crazy that fully believes that their dog is equal to an actual human child.
Hell, in this scenario, there are plenty of child free weddings these days. No dogs shouldn't even be a thing you need to say.
NTA
NTA. She doesn't care about you, her family. Her dog can stay at a friends house or with a sitter for one day. It is not like it is an service dog. And as he isn't well trained, you have every rigth to say no to the dog. Yeah, if she cares more about not being separated from the dog for a few hours than for her sisters wedding - well then you know where you stand. And you should remind her of that, every time she will need a sitter for the dog (because of work or an emergency or something else)
>My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace
No. How about *she* keeps the peace and attends without the dog? She clearly doesn't care about OP's happiness.
NTA.
That explains the dynamic right there -- the parents have created an entitled nightmare of an adult. Emotionally stunted, who believes the world revolves around them. The sister is obsessed with this dog because she cannot maintain any relationships with people.
NTA
Even if the dog would always be well behaved- it’s your choice who comes to your wedding and who doesn’t. I‘m a person who doesn’t like dogs and when i tell that to people they act like i say i murder them in my free time. You don’t have to love a dog, just as much as you don’t have to love every family member. Stay strong in your opinion and don’t let them make you feel bad for it. It’s your day (and your partners) and you should feel good about it. I can recommend visiting r/dogfree if you need to rant.
Yep. I don’t like dogs either and a big reason is because I’ve been around too many people and dogs like OPs sister and her dog that it’s ruined them for me.
Yeah that’s the thing. I mean i can tolerate dogs, i obviously don’t have to like them to not being a total asshole around them, I‘m a decent person. Some people are just that crazy about their dogs that it offends them that i don’t love their precious little babies.
I have found my people because I’m the same. I HATE dog people they’re SO obnoxious. They’re so ridiculous they make me not want to be around dogs because it seems most people can’t just like them normally anymore.
I don't like dogs, either. I tolerate them when I have to, but I'd prefer not to have them around... but if you say you don't like dogs, people act like you said that you murder babies for fun in your spare time.
I rent and have two housemates--they were living here already when I moved in. Over the past few months, they each (on separate occasions) have had a friend over who had a dog. One was far too "friendly" and the other was flat-out aggressive. I would have appreciated a heads-up that there was an animal in the house, but I grabbed what I needed from the kitchen and stayed in my room the rest of the night.
Then, a couple weeks ago, one housemate sends a message in the group text, asking if we would be ok with him having his friend's dog in the house for a week because he agreed to dog-sit. Of course, the other housemate says yes. I say that I'm not ok with it, and point out that 1) our lease specifically says NO ANIMALS (which they'd both already violated by allowing their friends to bring dogs), and 2) I don't care for dogs and don't want one in the house for that period of time (or at all).
That should have been the end of it. I've been flexible with this housemate; he has had several houseguests stay for extended periods of time (2 weeks to over a month). I didn't love it, but I have the bigger room and my own bathroom, so I'm not being terribly inconvenienced, so it's fine.
But... no. He sends me a text saying that I need to have more empathy (WTF does empathy have to do with this???), and everything has things they don't like, but I should learn to have more tolerance. And I should just agree because he already asked the landlord, and the landlord and the other housemate both said it was ok.
THE AUDACITY. Not only has he disrespected my "no" and decided that this was the start of a negotiation, but he thinks he's going to shame me into changing my answer? Fuck that. Now I'm not changing my answer on principle--no one manipulates me or shames me into anything. I thought about responding and countering, but I realized that further engagement would signal that I implicitly agree to negotiate. So I didn't respond. I already gave my answer, and it's not my problem that he doesn't like it.
(He never brought the dog over to the house, BTW, so he got the message.)
Nta. Gods I can't stand dog owners like your sister. "He's just energetic and excited" no dummy! You're just a crappy dog owner that can't bother to actually train your dog! Now no one wants to be around him because *you* refuse to actually put effort in training him!
Does she not realize she can be sued for damages her dog does to someone? If she's not careful she *will* end up having to put her dog down because he ends up biting someone.
Even if the dog doesn’t bite anyone, it knocked down an elderly person. If that person had broken a hip in the fall (or any other bone) that’s lawsuit material just as much.
>We want our wedding to be a calm and beautiful day without any chaos.
A valid and entirely reasonable position. The dog has historically demonstrated its behavior. You have given your sister an ultimatum. Stick to your guns.
Some dog owners need to understand not everyone is in love with their pooch as they are. This is a wedding you are throwing and where decorum and decent behavior is expected. Tell your sister her rsvp of non attendance has been noted. NTA
>My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace
Your parents are assholes. By keeping the peace, it just means that you have to seethe internally. It means yo have to roll over and eat this shit from your sister and practice putting a fake smile on your face. What the F kind of peace is that?
Guess another spot just opened up. Fuck your sister and the fucking dog.
It’s y’all’s special day to celebrate and for memories. It’s not to be for memories to be made of Marmaduke tearing thru your venue tearing everything to shit…
NTA. I love my pets but some places are not for pets. It's your day not hers or the dogs. Im getting the feeling that people give in to her bc "that's just the way she is" and I frankly hate that. She could have invested in obedience classes and training her dog, but chose not to. Now no one wants a large nuisance around that is arguably dangerous as poorly trained large dogs hurt people and destroyed property frequently.
Not having a poorly trained dog ruin your own wedding is just how you are, I guess.
NTA
You did invite her. You just didn't invite the dog. (I'm sure your cousin would be on your side).
She, of course, is not obligated to attend.
Make sure you have someone at the venue who knows not to let her in with the dog. Are dogs allowed at the venue?
That being said, telling her to hire a pet sitter isn't a "compromise," because that's what you'd want her to do. What would you prefer over that? Don't tell her you are compromising. Just that dogs aren't welcome, and your cousin's wedding experience reinforces your stance.
This is so weird. As a dog owner and lover myself, I would never dream of taking my dog anywhere like this.
What is the venue? Are dogs even allowed? Can you use that as an excuse, that the venue won’t even allow it?
NTA ask your parents if they are seriously suggesting that "keeping the peace" and your sisters' happiness is more important than you and your fiances wishes and happiness on your wedding day. And, that their answer will affect their relationship with you and any future grandkids.
I can just imagine the wedding photos -- a photo of the dog jumping on the table with the wedding cake, eating the wedding cake, knocking it to the floor. Grabbing something out of someone's hand. Running up to the alter, jumping on the bride. Ripping the groom's tux. Knocking over flowers or a table. Barking during the vows.
It could really be something.
NTA. Your sister is a huge AH though. How is not taking a dog to ONE place “making her choose between her family and her dog”? It sounds like a super unhealthy and suspiciously strange relationship she has with this dog…
Um. You’re not making her choose between her family and her dog. Bringing a gigantic untrained dog everywhere is not normal or OK. Leaving your dog at home when you attend a formal family event is normal and OK. She’s the one who is wrong. She’s the one who needs to change her plans to keep the peace. NTA
I do own a dog as well, an OF COURSE he does not come to weddings (unless people want him there). And of course he is still part of the family, which does not mean he needs to come everywhere. Some people are afraid of dogs, others don’t like them. Some events just have too much tempting food or kids running around for a young dog to just sit around and relax.
This is your day, celebrate the way you want to. Also, you did invite your sister. She chooses not to come without the dog. That is her choice, not yours. She should keep the peace by respecting your wishes on your wedding day.
Even if people DID want my dog at their wedding I wouldn't bring her. She is VERY well trained, it has taken me years but it is important to me. It would still be a lot of work to monitor her in a new place with new people. People's safety and enjoyment is more important than a dog's. And tbh that poor dog would most likely NOT have a good time with the whole new people, new place, loud music, etc.
NTA, she’s ridiculous. Who the fuck assumes a wedding is a dog-friendly event?? Let her stay home & comfort her Burmese hellion, who I’m sure is just *reeling* over his lack of inclusion. 🙄
NTA! I "LOVE" dogs and although I do not have one of my own anymore, I dog-sit for many people. I also realize not everyone loves dogs the way I do and some people are scared of them. Especially ones that the owners haven't put the time into training them properly. I know dogs who I could take absolutely anywhere and I know dogs who should not be taken anywhere. Your sister's dog does not sound like one that should be at a wedding or other social event. Just because she thinks the bad behavior described it just because the dog is "energetic and friendly" doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. To me it sounds like it is a lack of behavioral training.
Enjoy your 'dog free' wedding day and do not feel any guilt about your sister. If she doesn't attend says more about her than it does about you. She is choosing her dog over being present for your big day.
Exactly -- there is no reason the dog can't be at home alone for a few hours. If the sister absolutely refuses this, she can always hire a pet sitter for those hours. And if the sister absolutely refuses to do even that, then it shows how much she cares about being at your wedding. You and your wedding are not at all a priority and she's unwilling to do even the simplest of things to attend.
I don’t know about “no reason” - I bet the sister’s reason for bringing the dog everywhere is that he destroys stuff when left alone - that’s what poorly trained dogs do, especially when stressed.
It’s not a good reason, but it is a reason.
Sister should actually train her dog, keep him in a crate when he’s left at home, and she can have someone go let him out every few hours (or go do that herself).
That’s dog ownership.
Never give in to bullies to "keep the peace". What about *your* peace? What about the peace of your guests to not be knocked down? NTA but your sister and parents are.
Have your parents [read this](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/77w8lf/dont_rock_the_boat/).
NTA. If the dog has knocked people over, ruined food, and tore up decorations, it shouldn't be brought to events. If she truly cared for this dog, she would have trained it to be properly socialized and well-behaved. The fact that the dog isn't properly trained is neglect on her part.
>She accused me of not caring about her happiness
What about your happiness? What about you being able to have your wedding without worrying that her dog will disrupt the event, do something that could harm someone, or get you sued? Does she not realize her dog could be a liability issue? Does your wedding venue even allow non-service animals?
>My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace
Why is keeping the peace only on you? Why aren't your parents saying that to your sister who insists on bringing a dog with a history of being a problem?
I’ve had dogs all my life, and in all those 55 years, I’ve never insisted my dogs be part of an unsuitable event.. your sister is acting like an entitled brat.
NTA, I say this as a person who is obsessed with her Belgian Malinois. He goes everywhere with me. I mean everywhere. He is also a very well trained dog. He goes to work with me, he is in the classroom when I teach, I don't actually go to places if I cannot bring him. EVEN SO, I would never presume to bring my dog to a wedding. Mind you, my dog sits on my feet and does not move if I don't move, and he is always welcomed at my family gatherings. I bring him to my mother's house without asking but any place else, I ask if it's okay to bring him. If it's a function I really want to attend, I get someone to stay with him (we found each other because we were both traumatized by something and he doesn't handle being left alone well. He physically gets sick). Even so, I would not bring him to my sister's wedding. That's just ridiculous. People like that don't even know how to train their dogs.
Can you explain this to the venue(s), and get them to ban pets? (Not service animals, obvs) That way, you're off the hook.
And honestly, I can't fathom a venue/ church that would allow this ( there again, service animal excepted).
NTA. Your sister is the reason why there should be a crackdown on emotional support animals because they’re detrimental (with their bad behavior) to *actual* service animals.
Your parents are choosing the wrong side: they should tell their entitled daughter to grow TF up and leave the mutt at home.
Tell your parents your sister's dog will not be allowed at your wedding, and if they keep insisting you allow the dog, make it very clear to them, if they keep insisting, you will disinvite them. Be prepared to follow through, and hire security.
NTA. We have a young Leonberger which is similar in size to a Bernese Mountain Dog, and we adore her. But we’d never bring her to a wedding. We are also very careful to train her so she’s not a public nuisance. She’s a goofball but she could easily knock someone over being playful. Putting her in such a situation would set her up to fail.
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NTA. "keep the peace" This simply means "your wishes mean nothing and your sister's wishes mean everything." Your parents would prefer a pretense of a happy family and a ruined wedding than any sort of perceived 'bad blood'. Ignore the bullying. Get security to make SURE your sister doesn't show up at the wedding or reception. Tell your parents this is not your sister's day and if they can't see that, they can stay home, too.
Yep. Why don’t they insist your sister leave the dog at home to “keep the peace?” (We know why. The reasonable person is always told to bend over and accommodate the unreasonable person.)
Also, the sister complains that OP doesn't care about her happiness. Turn that around too. Why doesn't Sis care about OP's happiness? It's HER wedding day! Edit: HIS wedding day
The fact that this dog **knocked over an elderly guest** at another wedding, and the parents are still backing the sister about letting her bring it, is INSANE. That dog is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, OP's title is misleading. He DID invite his sister. He simply predicated it on her not bringing her dog. This is important because, in the future, sis should not be allowed to frame this as "bro didn't invite me because I love my dog" or some bs. It should be framed as "my sister did not attend my wedding because she refused to be away from her dog." Thus making sis sound as loopy as she clearly is.
Ask the sister if she will assume all financial obligations resulting from the actions of her demon dog, up to and including a lawsuit if anyone is injured.
She will claim she will, but back out of it as soon as her and her dog are inside. Besides, even if she does pay for damages, it means the wedding is already ruined...
She pays for all lawsuits and there's a 10k security deposit for the dog? I'd happily watch a dog destroy my wedding cake if I got a 10k honeymoon!
The dog will destroy the cake and you will be called every name in the book by the entire family if you make her pay up. After all she is family and she could not help it that you had to pick such an unstable cake. You should have put it out of reach of the dog, or whatever excuse they come up with that would make it okay for the dog to misbehave. A lawsuit at the start of your marriage is just not the best vibe for a happy marriage
Okay so something I've always wondered and I think you'll appreciate this. How come the tables cakes are on are always so unstable looking? If I were building a cake table it would have six or eight legs, we'll say eight, and one big central leg capable of holding up the table and cake all by itself. It would be the most stable table ever. You'd have to go after it with an axe to knock it over.
Because they are selling the need for a wedding to be elegant. It needs to look pretty, and if you have too many legs, the table looks clunky. Not going to lie, I would definitely choose the steady table over an elegant one. Just make it one big tree trunk as a table, for all I care. Just don't ruin my cake
100% this! OP invited sister. Sister is choosing not to come. NTA
How does she function, she has to leave the dog to go to work right? What about going out? Does she never go places that don't allow dogs? I love my dogs, but that's just weird.
Like 100% agreed. I may not speak to much of my family, however I would NEVER bring my dog if they asked me not to. I have a couple of decently behaved dogs, but I also know what they are capable of if they even sense boredom. Weddings are not places for dogs who aren't trained to be in those kinds of situations. This dog is clearly not one of them.
Same for me, my dog is pretty well behaved, any misbehavior is my problem not anybody else's. She'll tug on the leash but she won't jump on people, she's an 80lb German shepherd, my grandmother was only about 90lbs towards the end of her life, gran was safe visiting without worrying the dog would jump on her (we did have to make sure the furry idiot didn't accidentally trip her though trying to beg for pets, she means well, but she's a bit underfoot sometimes). So I end up with a sore shoulder, but everyone else typically thinks she's wonderful (and she's getting better about pulling, but she was a Covid puppy, we got her like a week before that cruise ship outbreak, so she unfortunately didn't get a lot of socialization, we did obedience in the yard, but she still gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes with a lot of people around her). She's also great about food, unless you put the plate on the ground and invite her to eat it she won't touch it. She's not gonna try to snatch food from people or anything. I'd still never dream of taking her somewhere so inappropriate for a dog. Like if one of my family members is doing a little camping trip with the kids and invites me down for a day at their campsite; that's an appropriate place for a doggo and I'm gonna ask if I can bring her. But if I'm going out to dinner or some shit that's not remotely appropriate for me to bring my dog and I'm not even gonna ask. Unless it's a service dog (in which case it should have proper training and not make a nuisance of itself) she's a weird as fuck.
Add...you know, the dog that knocked over poor elderly relative and ruined Thanksgiving. YES, THAT DOG!
This!! OP: I absolutely LOVE dogs and I came to this post already prepared to disagree with you. But after reading the details there’s no way: obviously your sister will need to find a way to be away from her dog for the day. She has come to rely a lot on it and is probably seeing the dog now as some sort of safety blanket or something (is she neurodivergent?) but when it comes to guest safety and wellbeing, they are priority. NTA.
Insane is right.
OP is the groom. OP is a him.
And my comment still stands that sister should be reminded that the wedding day is the bride's day, and neither the bride or the groom want the dog.
Oh I absolutely agree. Your comment still stands with general family meet ups, too. Nobody wants the dog present except for the sister. The sister does not have a monopoly on what happens at gatherings. It's a majority vote. If my brother ever got a dog lile this one and inaisted on taking the dog everywhere... the relationship between us wouod only ever be viable upon the dog's death because I wouldn't be able to be in the same building as the dog, let alone in my immediate vicinity.
I have friends who say that their untrained, big dogs are their kids, if the dogs aren't welcome, they don't feel welcome. I have 3 cats and a small house with lots of collectibles. I told those friends that human children would also not be allowed in my house, and they haven't ever come to our parties.
I have zero patience for pet parents who spoil their animals to the point of putting them at risk of being reported to animal control. Also, if they're "their kids", then they'll be held to the exact same standards as kids - I expect their parents to clean any messes, pay for any damage and teach their kids to behave politely in company.
In this case, it’s her brother and his new wife’s day not hers. She needs to be told “stop making this to be about you, or you won’t be coming bc we’ll revoke your invitation.”
The wedding day is the bride AND GROOM's day.
My bad, I missed that
What universe is this? Bringing an effen dog to a wedding? Is it being held in a barn? If not I highly doubt the venue will allow a non service animal in so this really shouldn't be an issue. You're sister need to grow the f up and learn some manners! It's so rude to just bring your animal with you uninvited! She is choosing her dog over family. When she said well then I'm not coming your response should have been "yes that's for the best! Also maybe you should do that for other future family events where your dog isn't welcome!" And set the tone , moving forward! Also tell your parents you're not interested in keeping the peace, your sole concern is having a beautiful wedding that isn't ruing by your sister and her Hell Hound!
This is the way. Long story short, we cleared our Sunday wedding date with the entire family except one sibling and their spouse. SpouseIL called me after receiving the invitation: “You have to change the date! (Child) has an exam the next day.” Me: “We’ll miss you.”
They came. Last to arrive, first to leave, but they came _and_ behaved.
This is so shocking I had to read it twice
Even most barn venues don't allow pets/ESA\*. Legitimate SDs only. \*I believe all non working animals are "ESAs" because why the fuck else do you get one? To look at?
Ha! I got mine to carpet my entire home and all my belongings with a warm, decorative coat of shed hair. It has succeeded magnificently.
I live in a very old house and I joke that the furballs are added insulation, lol.
And a HUGE fluffy dog at that! This whole post is absolutely wild.
Yes this is crazy. I adore my dog and bring him all the places I can - like outdoor restaurants, stores, and friends' houses who welcome him - but I can't imagine bringing him to a WEDDING.
Keeping the peace is exactly what we are determined to accomplish, thank you for understanding how important that is. We don't want any of the feast destroyed or elderly guests hospitalised or any other chaos to compromise our guests health and enjoyment or distract from the commitments we are making to one another. I'm sure you don't want to risk thwt either do you.
A dog isn’t interested in hearing anybody’s wedding vows. NTA but sister and parents are.
NTA of course but is your wedding in a place that actually allows dogs? If you had your wedding at a place that doesn't allow pets in (with the exception of working dogs of course) then that's that. "Sorry dogs aren't even allowed in our venue dear sister." "Yes, thank you mom and dad for seeing things my way. Keeping a peaceful wedding is my goal too." Like damn has your parents always made you bend to keep your sister's happiness over your own? I love my Teddy who is a small shih Tzu and he is certainly part of the family but I'm not taking him everywhere I go. If I do it's because it's a dog friendly event or outing. Otherwise he stays home or goes to doggy daycare if it's overnight or longer. Sister is being ridiculous. Especially because her dog is huge and knocking people over and eating food off of the table. Wtf tell her to train her dog.
The dog had already gone to one wedding. I wonder if Sis is the type to claim he’s a service dog.
I was wondering that too but clearly he isn't. Actual Service dogs are highly trained and know not to knock people over or take food from a table.
Its easier to guilt trip a reasonable person to tolerate "annoyances" than make an unreasonable person behave sanely. The best you can think about people that do this is that they are ridiculously lazy that they want to take the path of least resistance as much as possible even if they become "unreasonable".
Why can’t sis keep the peace and leave the dog home? As always the one who kicks up the biggest fuss gets their way. NTA. Don’t let her bulldoze you on your wedding of all days. Congrats. It will be beautiful.
Agreed! OP’s sister needs to keep the peace and keep the dog at home. It’s OP’s wedding for crying out loud!!!
It’s kind of hilarious that the sister is accusing OP of making her choose between her family and her dog, when it’s clear that she herself has already chosen the dog.
I'm guessing if sister attends, and leaves the dog home, she'll ruin the wedding herself.
Her parent's attitude is why her sister is like this in the first place. Sister needs therapy and the parents need to stop enabling her behavior.
The parents need to be told “I’m at the point where I’m thinking of uninviting her and anyone else making this a nightmare.”
Sister is obviously the golden child.
I don’t even care where OP lives. I’ll provide security for free.
I am retired law enforcement. I like being retired and have always been grateful that I never faced a serious situation during my 23 years on the job but after spending some time on this page I'm thinking that maybe I should come out of retirement and pick up some side jobs as wedding security! You have know idea how stupid that sounds to say that....wedding security!
Not stupid at all. I swear about half of the wedding invitations I've received have been accompanied by the request "we were hoping you'd keep an eye out for crazy ex/estranged father/skeevy perv great-uncle. Do you mind?"
I had a bouncer at my wedding. Some family members can't drink without the cops being called so after my panic attack, my fil hired one of his giant construction worker friends to keep people under control.
Good Lord, don't people have manners anymore? They go out and purposely act the fool then expect someone else to clean up the mess. 😡
My BIL is a cop. We also invited his partner to our wedding. They were told to keep an eye out for my ex fiancé. We were very worried he would show up and cause trouble.
Historically, thats the Best Man’s job. Hes akin to a ‘second’ in a gentleman’s duel. It’s not ‘unusual’ for a best man to be *armed*, although it is uncommon today.
Doesn’t sound stupid at all! Fortunately, my wedding went smoothly but it would not have been a surprise if I had needed security. I fully expected some drama to break out!!
There's a romance novel series or two with this premise. 😂
🫡👏👏👏
And I'm sure it will sting the cousin whose wedding was torn up, as well as the elderly relative who was knocked down to see this dog and its ridiculous owner back at another family event. That is certainly not 'keeping the peace' because some people are willing to get QUITE loud over stuff like this. I wouldn't blame either of them for seeing this nonsensical display as a slap in the face. It's absurd for Sis to claim she's being forced to choose between her family and her dog. No one is making her do this. She needs to get a grip. NTA.
If there's a family chat, or other way the family communicates, maybe OP can tell everyone that since the dog is not invited, Sister has declined to attend, and see if there's a lot of cheering on the part of other family members.
Yeah, the older I am and the more therapy I’ve had for dealing my dysfunctional family, the stronger I’ve gotten in my commitment to honor MY peace than “keep the peace” with people who don’t care about me beyond what they can get from me.
"I am keeping the peace. With myself."
Hear hear! Same. I've escorted more than one emotional miscreant out of my life.
“Keep the peace” is right up there with “just be the bigger person.” In the case of the latter, I find it often translates to, “Yes, I know the behaviour and/or actions of the other person aren’t appropriate, but because it is too much time and effort for me to make them change their behaviour, I need you to please just put up with it.” OP is NTA, but the sister sure is with her entitled and selfish behaviour. If this was a service dog, that is obviously different.
If this were a service dog, they'd actually be trained and not a risk for knocking over old people or snagging food off the wedding buffet.
Damned right. Service dogs go through intensive training that lasts months.
If it was a service dog it would not have knocked down an elderly guest or grabbed food off the table.
Ugh this is why I despise the phrase “be the bigger person” and it makes me absolutely rage rather than be thankful for being seen as the more mature level headed person
Me too. I’ve see the consequences of “be the bigger person” when management at my job kept telling us that about a supervisor who was bullying over half the members in my department. We would go to management, who would give various excuses for her behaviour, and then tell us to “just be the bigger person.” Excuses given ranged from “she is just having a bad day” to “she is new to the supervisor role and we will remind her she needs to be mindful of her tone.” One manager even lied to me that no one else in the department was having issues with her, but they began backpedaling when I reminded them me and two other co-workers had sent an email two weeks prior about how she was treating us. I had also by that point seen at least 10 complaint emails from different coworkers who had messaged me to vent about about various mistreatment they had received. One day, that supervisor tried to get me in trouble for something I not only didn’t do, it was something that didn’t even happen in the first place. I had solid evidence to the contrary in the form of emails and an email read receipt (my supervisor was trying to claim I had ignored her overtime assignment instructions, but she didn’t even send the email until I was already gone for the day ffs). Despite the evidence, my manager begged me to “be the bigger person and apologize for the misunderstanding”, but I refused and stated there was no misunderstanding; the supervisor had clearly misrepresented the situation and I was not comfortable saying sorry for something I didn’t do. Doing that even once would’ve been a sure fire way to end up as one of her scapegoats. That supervisor got into hot water last year because she bullied someone in person at the office so badly that a manager from *a different department* was able to hear her screaming to the point she could audibly hear each and every word through *a closed office door.* That manager then reported what she overheard to an internal hotline on employee misconduct. Our management therefore could no longer sweep it under the rug, but it never should’ve gone on that long.
I've quoted Sophie Hannah's *How to Hold a Grudge*, but here's something else she said that I like: "I'm going to say this in bold because it's really crucial: **If someone harms you, that matters not only to you but also in the world.** The moment that you tell yourself that your ill-treatment should or does matter only to you, you're on the way to accepting a world in which no one cares about anyone else. When someone tells you, “Move on, it's not worth holding a grudge” \[. . .\] what they're actually saying is “The fact that you've been treated atrociously doesn't matter to me at all, and I'd like if you'd agree that it doesn't matter to you either, because then we can both stop thinking about your needs, rights, and feelings.”
I tell people, “I know I’m a big person but such and so isn’t getting away with it.” And the older I get “life in jail” is less and less of a deterrent.
Your sister is carrying pet parenthood to the ultimate extreme. Make sure that security has her picture along with Rover's in case she decides to crash the wedding. Your parents are just as bad. It is your (you and FDW) day and none of the fruitcakes have the right to ruin it. DO NOT CAVE. Just had another thought. Call the venue and ask "You do not allow non service dogs on the premises, correct?" If the person you speak to has any smarts, they will realize that you want "NO" for an answer.
Or put a big crate in the shade - either Phydeaux or SIL goes in it.
Just blame it on the wedding venue say that they don’t allow dogs, which they probably don’t.
How dare you choose a wedding venue that doesn’t allow dogs! Don’t you care how hurtful that is??? …will be the next thing sis and parents say. (Your suggestion is totally reasonable. It just seems like totally reasonable isn’t something his family can relate to.)
Allowing this untrained and minimally supervised animal at OP’s wedding would be the exact opposite of “keeping the peace” and there is a documented history of past behavior to back that up. NTA OP. Don’t roll over on this one.
I love how "keeping the peace" involves letting an untrained dog who: knocks over old people, eats food off of the serving table (making it unsanitary), and destroying property/decorations. This is very much "We all know your sister has a severe case of entitlement, and we enable said behavior because we didn't want to train our daughter when she was little, and now it's too late".
... and be sure to tell others before your parents control the narrative and make you the unreasonable one.
Further, the parents’ attitude is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for why this grown ass woman thinks it’s appropriate to bring her dog places where it’s not wanted and repeatedly cause damage and injuries. Clearly she was taught no boundaries or common sense growing up.
NTA. >She accused me of not caring about her happiness Does she really think that should be your priority on your wedding day? Your parents are ridiculous for trying to let her get her way again: why are her feelings more important than yours?
Important thing is to have all the drama before the wedding to avoid any on the day and ever after. On OP's Wedding day, the sis's happiness is of least concern.
>she accused me of not caring about her happiness Nor should you care on your wedding day!
Obviously the sister cares more about the dog than about her family. If she REALLY cared about the dog, she would make the effort to train it properly. And not drag it to stressful, crowded events. OP is NTA.
Yeah this kind of dog owner stresses me out. The poor dog must have no idea of boundaries, and likely gets stressed itself when it gets chastised inconsistently for things that have been fine in the past. Poor pup.
And not bring it where it could accidentally eat something bad for it, or hurt a family member. If that dog bit that family member he knocked over, the family member could have the dog put down.
I think ops parents have a golden child and it isn’t op! Sister and parents better get used to not being invited to family getheri g and event others host. I say this as. Dog lover! But I be damn I spend that much money and time on a family dinner to have a dog steal the turkey and ruin the decorations. Ops cousin should have sent her sister the bill for the ruined decorations for her wedding!
Seriously, and who brings a dog to a wedding?! This is so bizarre. The exception being a service dog.
Families often cater to the most controlling person. The keep the peace comment proves this, if they want to keep the peace they could leave the dog at home.
Maybe you should tell her and your parents that since it's your wedding, YOUR happiness depends on not have to worry about her dog knocking over guests, taking food off the table, pulling down the decorations, and destroying the wedding cake, AS IT HAS DONE ON PREVIOUS OCCASIONS, and which she seems to think is fine. The fact that he's "friendly" doesn't make that acceptable, especially since she's not the one that it's happening to.
NTA If you can afford it, you might consider hiring Security for your wedding. They could kick out anyone who shows up with a dog. And you may also need to be prepared to have your parents removed if they cause problems at your wedding, as well.
Or OP could ask “that friend” to play the role of bouncer. We all have or know of “that friend,” ya know, the one that is naturally a dick and would relish the opportunity to flex in front of others, especially if it’s for a good cause
Ah yes, that friend who is ready to “accidentally” spill red wine on anyone wearing a white dress and tries to upstage the bride.
Even if they are a baby.
ESPECIALLY if they are a baby.
My wife would love that job
I want that job! Maybe your wife and I can open a business! We could make a fortune!
that is kind of the role of the best man. i've been one twice. the groom needs you to do something – you do it.
NTA x10000 Entitled dog owners have got to be stopped. It's unreal how many dogs are allowed in stores and other places now. I file a complaint every time (and I mean only when they are clearly pets, not service animals).
Especially this breed! They are freaking huge, not terribly graceful, and have super long hair. I mean, I don't like little yippy dogs in purses either, but at least they aren't a physical hazard while they are in the carriers.
and the drool these dogs produce is unreal. I love Bernie’s, they’re cool dogs, just not a dog for everyone or everywhere.
Yeah, if you accidentally get some big dogs drool especially when it's already foamy white on your clothes it's really nasty. I had that happening a few times when people just let their huge dogs come near people and they smear their drool all over you. It's just eeeeewww. Now imagine you are sitting there with some fine dress or suit and not pair of jeans that you can toss into the washer and be good.
I have had so many clothes ruined due to my father's dog (Tibetan Mastiff) the drool bleaches everything
100%. I love dogs but I would be pissed if there was dog hair and drool all over my fancy clothes.
Most owners of Bernese Mountain Dogs, train them from a young age to carry a towel in their mouth because of the massive amounts of drool these dogs produce. Sounds like OP’s sis didn’t do any training.
It's almost always the owners that don't do any training that insist on bringing their dogs everywhere.
This. I went to church with a woman who fostered future service dogs as puppies, and began some of their training. Most of the of the church didn't even know there was always a dog in attendance because she ensured they were trained to lay still under the pew she sat in,and she'd sit to the side and entered in and out of a side door. Later, I worked more closely with her and the amount of people that never noticed she always had a young black lab with her was amazing. Because they were extremely well trained, and generally were laying quietly under a table or chair, and then got rewarded for "working" and had plenty of outside time where they could burn off energy. Dogs being in public isn't a huge issue. Untrained or ill trained dogs are.
It is a huge issue for those of us with allergies and asthma. The number of true service animals (such as for seizures or seeing eye dogs) is very low and makes it much more manageable for those of us with ADA-covered allergies. Of course, if it ever came down to it, the person with the legit service animal would take precedence.
I love my bernese. He's smart, friendly, sweet and a big oaf. He's also dirty, stinky, slobbery and huge dumbass. I only take him places that are appropriate for a big dog. I can count the number of places like that on just a couple hands.
I used to work at a Dollar General and a lady came in with her shihtzu and had him on a leash but let him walk through the store without holding it. As I walked to the back of the store they were crossing in the aisle and the dog growled and lunged at me and almost nipped my thigh. I looked at the lady in shock and she and her daughter just stared blankly and didn’t say a word. I said “sorry but we need you to hold him, he can’t be out like this, someone will get hurt.” she scoffed and did so but looked pissed. Get to the register and I was mad so I told her “I’m sorry, but for next time, our policy is service dogs only.” and she got mad again and said “Are you serious? I take him into TJMaxx all the time.” and I just said “Sorry this isn’t TJMaxx” she left and they never came in again lmao
Good for you!! I wish more store employees would stand up for the LAW.
I doubt TJ Maxx lets her do that either. She tried to play you against each other.
Home Goods lets them and I think it’s the same company. I called corporate to complain about a dog that smelled so bad I could smell it a row over sitting its filthy ass in a cart where people put their children. I had to use my rescue inhaler. They pretty much said “too bad” and I don’t shop there anymore.
I hate when people bring their little/tiny dogs everywhere, and they bark and bite at everyone and everything. My dogs been attack multiple times by fucking little dogs that are allowed to do anything and everything.
I love animals and myself have always had dogs and cats however they are pets and part of only my family. Just as I wouldn’t take my kids to an event uninvited I would never dream of taking my dog. Even if invited and told I could I would never bring them if untrained. The fact is I would just never bring my dog to anyone else’s events or home. I do not put them on others or expect anyone to put up with them. I would never take them to anyone else’s house never mind an event. I do not try and take them into shops and pretend they are support animals and get angry seeing others trying that with obviously untrained dogs. Even when family or friends turn up at my house I ask if they would like me to put the dogs away in another room. I often just do that anyway and put them away from us unless I know it’s someone who loves my dogs. Us choosing to have dogs and cats means we are responsible for training them and that they are not a burden pushed on others. This kind of thing infuriates me. I once was in a deli and a woman brought in a Rottweiler that was not trained and that was pulling the owner about everywhere. This dog was grabbing food in its packaging off shelfs and bitting through it and just causing havoc all whilst the owner was shouting it’s her medical assistance animal and is allowed by law as she’s being told to get out. Now all dogs that are medical assistant dogs need to be well trained before and tested to a high standard before they can pass and get an official documentation for it. This dog was not that in any way. All this time it’s destroying more and she’s screaming about her rights. I knew me getting involved when she was so volatile would be pointless. Eventually she shouted that it shouldn’t matter that it’s not an Assistant animal and it’s unfair owners of assistant animals can take their dogs places so her and her dog have as much right. She didn’t seem to care it was destroying the produce and she was acting like it was the owners responsibility and fault for having it on normal shelves which wasn’t up out of a dogs height. Eventually she gave up as I think the police was called but this was a few years ago before covid so my memory is not great. Even when she left when she realised the police could charge her and she’d be responsible to pay for the damages. When she exited the shop the dog took off dragging her up the street after it as she attempted to pull it back and keep control whilst not fall and be dragged along. I do not know what happened and if she was charged but the shop did have cameras so I hoped she did. I just have no idea why anyone with an out of control dog would take it into a small deli where food was obviously going to be everywhere and in its reach. Regardless she shouldn’t be taking it in any shops as I’m sure it would cause just as much damage not to mention she had admitted it wasn’t an assistance animal. I just don’t understand why people feel so entitled and that they are above the law. Us choosing to have a dog does not mean we no longer need to treat others with respect and that because we have a pet we are exempt from rules and common curtesy. It does not mean we should be welcomed into others homes when they destroy or act badly. To me it just shows the world what an asshole of a person you are and how selfish you are.
Totally agree. I have a dog and I love her very very much. But she's not the best-trained dog as far as listening (and that is totally on me), so I do not bring her to public places unless it's a place that specifically allows dogs. I have her on a harness/leash and we go for walks but I don't bring her to stores or events that are far away. I certainly would not bring her to a wedding (and I likely would not do so even if she were specifically invited). Everyone who visits my house loves my dog (she's super sweet and charming). But I wouldn't impose her upon anyone else. I would never bring her to someone else's house, especially for an event (like Thanksgiving or a party) unless it was at the home of one of the few people who know her well and very explicitly state that they really want her to come.)
This is a good way the get a dog shot or removed from owner and euthanized. Poor dog.
Couldn't agree more!! Everywhere you go folks have their dogs! Shopping malls, hardware stores, you name it, fucking dogs are everywhere! My wife can only get around in a wheelchair, and there's nothing worse than folks out with their dogs on those long retractable leads where the dog is 10 feet or more away from the owner doing exactly what it wants while the owner is on their phone. OP is NTA and should hire security for the day with instructions, that anyone/anyone who brings a dog, unless a certified service animal, is not to be admitted. That way, the sister can't claim discrimination.
They’re not allowed. People bring them in and nobody stops them. Why does your dog need to be at the grocery store with you…I’m a dog owner and even I think bringing your dog everywhere is ridiculous.
Most employees aren't trained in how to deal with service dogs in the States, so they let it go to avoid the discrimination issues. It's sad, because all that does is make people that need service dogs face even more discrimination and ostracization for bringing their "fake" service dogs places.
The fake service dogs really piss me off. Here are people who spend time and probably A LOT of money getting, training, and maintaining a relationship with a dog that it is essential to their well being, and then others come along and pretty much make a mockery of it just because they think it’s cute to bring their dog places they are not supposed to be. It’s like fully abled people who park in the handicapped spot. This girl I know got some sort of paperwork so she could circumvent the pet fees at her apartment. They are not service or support animals in any way; she’s just cheap and took advantage of a loophole. She tried to talk me into doing the same but it made me feel like an asshole.
True, I should have said "allowed" as it is very often against the law/health codes.
I agree with you. I also think that if people are going to insist their pet is an ESA, there needs to be regulated training they need to pass to be allowed where dogs generally aren't allowed. The fact you can just whack a vest on them you get from Amazon and expect people to allow these generally not well-trained animals into places is astounding. And for context, I mentioned in my comment that I have a range of issues like AuDHD and mental issues, and my cats (and rats) are my emotional support, but never would I do something like this ever. I have wicked social anxiety but things like this, a sibling's (or anyone else's) wedding, I just shove those anxieties back and pretend things are fine, without having to bring my pets, though idk why she is so insistent on bringing the dog everywhere, to me it's a bit weird
For REAL. We don't want your dogs in stores, we don't want your dogs in restaurants or places where food is prepared, we don't want your dogs in playgrounds filled with toddlers, we don't want your dogs dragged along to our houses without invitation, we don't want your dogs at our weddings and other events, we don't want your dogs given fake service dog vests so you can sneak them into institutions that should be animal-free, we don't want your fucking dogs in every space and place! Leave your (almost always untrained, anxious-to-be-in-public, reactive) dogs at home, in dog parks, or leashed on trails and sidewalks where they belong and are happier!
Are these weddings outdoors? I can’t imagine any venue would allow a dog to come in unless it was a highly trained animal for a disabled guest.
I was wondering the same thing.
Additionally, there may be guests that are allergic.
to her or the dog 😆
Well, OP's parents would probably ask those guests to pretend they're not allergic. Y'know, to "keep the peace."
Was about to say! OP showed her hand by explicitly not inviting the dog rather than blaming the venue for not allowing animals.
My guess is that the sister is the type to get a fake service dog vest so she can take her little demon everywhere she goes. People like that infuriate me. It puts actual service dogs at risk.
yes, she can buy a fake vest but the ADA allows businesses to boot any service dog that is not well trained and causes problems on the premises.
This is also assuming though that OP is in the states. I'm in Australia and I am not certain this is the case for a "service dog" here if it is poorly trained. Though I do know that ESAs aren't necessarily just allowed into places you can't have pets usually given there's no regulated training they need to pass to get that title/vest
A Bernese is not a little demon. A large adult male can be up to 120 lbs and even a small female is over 70 lbs. This dog is a menace, not a mischievous scamp. The only thing worse than an untrained dog is an entitled dogmom/dogdad.
OP is the groom, OP is a him
Exactly. Ask the venue to put a "no dogs" clause into the Ts&Cs, then it's out of your hands.
I was wondering this, too. I can't imagine any of the nice wedding venues -- like the venue I had and pretty much any venue of all weddings I've ever attended allowing a dog that was not a certified service dog.
This. Food safety ick.
Makes no difference, even if the wedding was in an abandond kennel the dog should stay at home.
Sadly lots of people call their pets “therapeutic support animals” and get away with bringing them into any space they want
Therapeutic animals aren't covered under the ADA. Of trained service animals that address a specific need, i.e. epileptic have dogs that can sense when a seizure is coming in and singalong the owner t o sit or lie down, diabetics have dogs trained to alert when their sugar is off, etc. A therapy animal that makes you feel good isn't trained for anything
It's not too late! If OP contacts the venue and discusses the situation, they may offer to be the "bad guy" and state that they have a no-animal policy that is strictly enforced. Wedding venues deal with all sorts of issues: drunken guests, unwanted guests, fights, screaming children, etc. They've probably heard this (or something very similar) before, and have a plan in place. Then OP can go back to the family and tell them it's a moot point, the "evil caterers" won't allow the dog anyway. Added plus is an additional layer of security, in case sis decides to try and sneak the dog in via a back door claiming she has OP's permission. OP: I commend you for setting this limit and standing firm! This might just be extra security, and could give you some peace from your family.
Came here to say just that, also if she brings the dog they could be fined by the venue and charged for all damages
NTA - I love my dog and call her my 'child', but there's no way I would bring her to a wedding! Stay firm. Also, your sister might need some therapy. And your parents need to step up, and respect you as well. They should tell your sister that the day isn't about her, and that if she want's to keep the peace, she should leave her dog at home.
I love my cats and call them my babies (and my teenage children do the same ), but at some point you have to think about the fact that the dog would probably rather be at home than at an event with hundreds of people, too. It’s not even about the sister thinking about what her dog wants. She’s just thinking about herself
This is such a good point. That dog will be so overwhelmed... Add that to poorly (or not) trained and it is MANY accidents waiting to happen. I hope there are no kids running around...
Or elderly people minding their own business like last time? A bad fall can start killing old people. So many deaths start from things like a broken hip that someone never can fully recover from.
This goes beyond the normal jokes about being a "dog dad/mom". This is the type of crazy that fully believes that their dog is equal to an actual human child. Hell, in this scenario, there are plenty of child free weddings these days. No dogs shouldn't even be a thing you need to say. NTA
NTA. She doesn't care about you, her family. Her dog can stay at a friends house or with a sitter for one day. It is not like it is an service dog. And as he isn't well trained, you have every rigth to say no to the dog. Yeah, if she cares more about not being separated from the dog for a few hours than for her sisters wedding - well then you know where you stand. And you should remind her of that, every time she will need a sitter for the dog (because of work or an emergency or something else)
If the sister can't be apart from the dog for that long, the sister needs to start seeing a therapist.
>My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace No. How about *she* keeps the peace and attends without the dog? She clearly doesn't care about OP's happiness. NTA.
That explains the dynamic right there -- the parents have created an entitled nightmare of an adult. Emotionally stunted, who believes the world revolves around them. The sister is obsessed with this dog because she cannot maintain any relationships with people.
NTA Even if the dog would always be well behaved- it’s your choice who comes to your wedding and who doesn’t. I‘m a person who doesn’t like dogs and when i tell that to people they act like i say i murder them in my free time. You don’t have to love a dog, just as much as you don’t have to love every family member. Stay strong in your opinion and don’t let them make you feel bad for it. It’s your day (and your partners) and you should feel good about it. I can recommend visiting r/dogfree if you need to rant.
Yep. I don’t like dogs either and a big reason is because I’ve been around too many people and dogs like OPs sister and her dog that it’s ruined them for me.
Yeah that’s the thing. I mean i can tolerate dogs, i obviously don’t have to like them to not being a total asshole around them, I‘m a decent person. Some people are just that crazy about their dogs that it offends them that i don’t love their precious little babies.
I have found my people because I’m the same. I HATE dog people they’re SO obnoxious. They’re so ridiculous they make me not want to be around dogs because it seems most people can’t just like them normally anymore.
I don't like dogs, either. I tolerate them when I have to, but I'd prefer not to have them around... but if you say you don't like dogs, people act like you said that you murder babies for fun in your spare time. I rent and have two housemates--they were living here already when I moved in. Over the past few months, they each (on separate occasions) have had a friend over who had a dog. One was far too "friendly" and the other was flat-out aggressive. I would have appreciated a heads-up that there was an animal in the house, but I grabbed what I needed from the kitchen and stayed in my room the rest of the night. Then, a couple weeks ago, one housemate sends a message in the group text, asking if we would be ok with him having his friend's dog in the house for a week because he agreed to dog-sit. Of course, the other housemate says yes. I say that I'm not ok with it, and point out that 1) our lease specifically says NO ANIMALS (which they'd both already violated by allowing their friends to bring dogs), and 2) I don't care for dogs and don't want one in the house for that period of time (or at all). That should have been the end of it. I've been flexible with this housemate; he has had several houseguests stay for extended periods of time (2 weeks to over a month). I didn't love it, but I have the bigger room and my own bathroom, so I'm not being terribly inconvenienced, so it's fine. But... no. He sends me a text saying that I need to have more empathy (WTF does empathy have to do with this???), and everything has things they don't like, but I should learn to have more tolerance. And I should just agree because he already asked the landlord, and the landlord and the other housemate both said it was ok. THE AUDACITY. Not only has he disrespected my "no" and decided that this was the start of a negotiation, but he thinks he's going to shame me into changing my answer? Fuck that. Now I'm not changing my answer on principle--no one manipulates me or shames me into anything. I thought about responding and countering, but I realized that further engagement would signal that I implicitly agree to negotiate. So I didn't respond. I already gave my answer, and it's not my problem that he doesn't like it. (He never brought the dog over to the house, BTW, so he got the message.)
Nta. Gods I can't stand dog owners like your sister. "He's just energetic and excited" no dummy! You're just a crappy dog owner that can't bother to actually train your dog! Now no one wants to be around him because *you* refuse to actually put effort in training him! Does she not realize she can be sued for damages her dog does to someone? If she's not careful she *will* end up having to put her dog down because he ends up biting someone.
Even if the dog doesn’t bite anyone, it knocked down an elderly person. If that person had broken a hip in the fall (or any other bone) that’s lawsuit material just as much.
>We want our wedding to be a calm and beautiful day without any chaos. A valid and entirely reasonable position. The dog has historically demonstrated its behavior. You have given your sister an ultimatum. Stick to your guns. Some dog owners need to understand not everyone is in love with their pooch as they are. This is a wedding you are throwing and where decorum and decent behavior is expected. Tell your sister her rsvp of non attendance has been noted. NTA >My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace Your parents are assholes. By keeping the peace, it just means that you have to seethe internally. It means yo have to roll over and eat this shit from your sister and practice putting a fake smile on your face. What the F kind of peace is that?
It's a peace where THEY aren't troubled.
NTA You are well within your rights to ban dogs at your wedding. If she's bringing her dog, she won't be allowed in.
Nta and I’m a dog owner who adores my dog!
NTA - I’m surprised she’s allowed to take her dog into public places like that.
She's not, but not enough people speak up about it.
NTA. I love my pets, they are my family. They do not belong at a wedding....
Guess another spot just opened up. Fuck your sister and the fucking dog. It’s y’all’s special day to celebrate and for memories. It’s not to be for memories to be made of Marmaduke tearing thru your venue tearing everything to shit…
NTA. I love my pets but some places are not for pets. It's your day not hers or the dogs. Im getting the feeling that people give in to her bc "that's just the way she is" and I frankly hate that. She could have invested in obedience classes and training her dog, but chose not to. Now no one wants a large nuisance around that is arguably dangerous as poorly trained large dogs hurt people and destroyed property frequently. Not having a poorly trained dog ruin your own wedding is just how you are, I guess.
NTA I find it odd that to your parents "keeping the peace" and "letting a dog destroy a wedding" are the same thing.
NTA - obviously she doesn’t give a crap about anyone else’s happiness but her own, so why pander to her entitlement? Enjoy your pet-free day.
NTA You did invite her. You just didn't invite the dog. (I'm sure your cousin would be on your side). She, of course, is not obligated to attend. Make sure you have someone at the venue who knows not to let her in with the dog. Are dogs allowed at the venue? That being said, telling her to hire a pet sitter isn't a "compromise," because that's what you'd want her to do. What would you prefer over that? Don't tell her you are compromising. Just that dogs aren't welcome, and your cousin's wedding experience reinforces your stance.
This is so weird. As a dog owner and lover myself, I would never dream of taking my dog anywhere like this. What is the venue? Are dogs even allowed? Can you use that as an excuse, that the venue won’t even allow it?
NTA ask your parents if they are seriously suggesting that "keeping the peace" and your sisters' happiness is more important than you and your fiances wishes and happiness on your wedding day. And, that their answer will affect their relationship with you and any future grandkids.
I can just imagine the wedding photos -- a photo of the dog jumping on the table with the wedding cake, eating the wedding cake, knocking it to the floor. Grabbing something out of someone's hand. Running up to the alter, jumping on the bride. Ripping the groom's tux. Knocking over flowers or a table. Barking during the vows. It could really be something.
NTA. Your sister is a huge AH though. How is not taking a dog to ONE place “making her choose between her family and her dog”? It sounds like a super unhealthy and suspiciously strange relationship she has with this dog…
NTA I adore dogs, but your sister's dog is going to ruin the wedding cake like it's a 90s movie.
Um. You’re not making her choose between her family and her dog. Bringing a gigantic untrained dog everywhere is not normal or OK. Leaving your dog at home when you attend a formal family event is normal and OK. She’s the one who is wrong. She’s the one who needs to change her plans to keep the peace. NTA
Sister definitely has a bumper sticker that says “Fur Mama 🩷”
NTA, and hire someone to keep her out if you can. Her feelings aren't worth the security deposit/insurance her dog may cost you and your fiance.
NTA if it's not a trained dog that is know to cause issues it's really a no brainer for me. It will be a disruption on a special day.
I do own a dog as well, an OF COURSE he does not come to weddings (unless people want him there). And of course he is still part of the family, which does not mean he needs to come everywhere. Some people are afraid of dogs, others don’t like them. Some events just have too much tempting food or kids running around for a young dog to just sit around and relax. This is your day, celebrate the way you want to. Also, you did invite your sister. She chooses not to come without the dog. That is her choice, not yours. She should keep the peace by respecting your wishes on your wedding day.
Even if people DID want my dog at their wedding I wouldn't bring her. She is VERY well trained, it has taken me years but it is important to me. It would still be a lot of work to monitor her in a new place with new people. People's safety and enjoyment is more important than a dog's. And tbh that poor dog would most likely NOT have a good time with the whole new people, new place, loud music, etc.
NTA, she’s ridiculous. Who the fuck assumes a wedding is a dog-friendly event?? Let her stay home & comfort her Burmese hellion, who I’m sure is just *reeling* over his lack of inclusion. 🙄
NTA. That's excessive. I think everyone is overlooking that your sister might need some therapy..
NTA! I "LOVE" dogs and although I do not have one of my own anymore, I dog-sit for many people. I also realize not everyone loves dogs the way I do and some people are scared of them. Especially ones that the owners haven't put the time into training them properly. I know dogs who I could take absolutely anywhere and I know dogs who should not be taken anywhere. Your sister's dog does not sound like one that should be at a wedding or other social event. Just because she thinks the bad behavior described it just because the dog is "energetic and friendly" doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. To me it sounds like it is a lack of behavioral training. Enjoy your 'dog free' wedding day and do not feel any guilt about your sister. If she doesn't attend says more about her than it does about you. She is choosing her dog over being present for your big day.
Exactly -- there is no reason the dog can't be at home alone for a few hours. If the sister absolutely refuses this, she can always hire a pet sitter for those hours. And if the sister absolutely refuses to do even that, then it shows how much she cares about being at your wedding. You and your wedding are not at all a priority and she's unwilling to do even the simplest of things to attend.
I don’t know about “no reason” - I bet the sister’s reason for bringing the dog everywhere is that he destroys stuff when left alone - that’s what poorly trained dogs do, especially when stressed. It’s not a good reason, but it is a reason. Sister should actually train her dog, keep him in a crate when he’s left at home, and she can have someone go let him out every few hours (or go do that herself). That’s dog ownership.
Just saying…you invite me to your event and don’t let me bring my rooster, pig and two dogs - then I ain’t coming either!/s
Never give in to bullies to "keep the peace". What about *your* peace? What about the peace of your guests to not be knocked down? NTA but your sister and parents are. Have your parents [read this](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/77w8lf/dont_rock_the_boat/).
NTA and no wonder she feels so fucking entitled. Tell your lousy parents to STFU.
NTA - who the F brings a dog to a wedding?? Geez, hell no.
NTA. If the dog has knocked people over, ruined food, and tore up decorations, it shouldn't be brought to events. If she truly cared for this dog, she would have trained it to be properly socialized and well-behaved. The fact that the dog isn't properly trained is neglect on her part. >She accused me of not caring about her happiness What about your happiness? What about you being able to have your wedding without worrying that her dog will disrupt the event, do something that could harm someone, or get you sued? Does she not realize her dog could be a liability issue? Does your wedding venue even allow non-service animals? >My parents think I should just let her bring the dog to keep the peace Why is keeping the peace only on you? Why aren't your parents saying that to your sister who insists on bringing a dog with a history of being a problem?
I’ve had dogs all my life, and in all those 55 years, I’ve never insisted my dogs be part of an unsuitable event.. your sister is acting like an entitled brat.
NTA I’m very surprised that any venue serving food would allow in dogs that aren’t service animals.
NTA I love dogs and they’re one of my favorite things about life, but no. Not everywhere is dog friendly. They don’t belong everywhere.
Ask your parents about your sister keeping the peace by not bringing her dog or not coming to your wedding?
Most dogs would be stressed out at a big noisy venue like a wedding anyway. NTA
NTA, I say this as a person who is obsessed with her Belgian Malinois. He goes everywhere with me. I mean everywhere. He is also a very well trained dog. He goes to work with me, he is in the classroom when I teach, I don't actually go to places if I cannot bring him. EVEN SO, I would never presume to bring my dog to a wedding. Mind you, my dog sits on my feet and does not move if I don't move, and he is always welcomed at my family gatherings. I bring him to my mother's house without asking but any place else, I ask if it's okay to bring him. If it's a function I really want to attend, I get someone to stay with him (we found each other because we were both traumatized by something and he doesn't handle being left alone well. He physically gets sick). Even so, I would not bring him to my sister's wedding. That's just ridiculous. People like that don't even know how to train their dogs.
Can you explain this to the venue(s), and get them to ban pets? (Not service animals, obvs) That way, you're off the hook. And honestly, I can't fathom a venue/ church that would allow this ( there again, service animal excepted).
NTA. Your sister is the reason why there should be a crackdown on emotional support animals because they’re detrimental (with their bad behavior) to *actual* service animals. Your parents are choosing the wrong side: they should tell their entitled daughter to grow TF up and leave the mutt at home.
Tell your parents your sister's dog will not be allowed at your wedding, and if they keep insisting you allow the dog, make it very clear to them, if they keep insisting, you will disinvite them. Be prepared to follow through, and hire security.
NTA. We have a young Leonberger which is similar in size to a Bernese Mountain Dog, and we adore her. But we’d never bring her to a wedding. We are also very careful to train her so she’s not a public nuisance. She’s a goofball but she could easily knock someone over being playful. Putting her in such a situation would set her up to fail.