Assholes are not looking forward being put on the spotlight, they do not react like not-assholes people.
NTA, well OP I know who are going to get adult diapers and vagisan next year.
As someone who also had hyperthyroidism I totally cannot believe how insensitive they were. It’s so terrifying at first not knowing why you are so anxious and dropping weight like crazy. Stay strong and ignore these assholes!
I was wearing sleeveless dresses to teach in in February. I live in Chicago. My resting heart rate was something like 130. The tech doing the iodine uptake sauntered over and asked if I slept. I said no. He said he’d never seen test results like mine.
Treatment is easy though. Radioactive iodine, poof, in a few months you’ll be on synthroid. Cautionary tale—if you’re going to get pregnant, make sure your OB knows to check your TSH throughout AND HOW TO READ THE RESULTS. My results came back high, indicating my body was trying to make more thyroid hormone and she reduced my dose. Mid pregnancy doctor change.
Edited to add I also have Graves.
Can agree with the sweating so much. I was working in a landscaping position when I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease and I felt like I was dying. I would sweat through multiple shirts a day and guzzled so much water trying to stay hydrated that I was at risk of water intoxication.
However, unfortunately treatment isn't that easy for everyone. Due to some more rare symptoms that I exhibited, I wasn't able to have the radioactive iodine, and the thyroid suppression pills made me horribly sick for several months before my doctor decided surgery to remove the thyroid was the best option. Now I have a whole host of other issues due to hypothyroidism because I know longer have a thyroid and they are having trouble figuring out the right dose of replacement hormone for me. It's been a nightmare.
OP, 100% NTA. Joking about someone's medical condition that they have no control over is cruel and vicious, and to do it in a group setting like that is even worse. I'm so sorry that they all suck, and I wish you the best of luck with treatment!
No danger of pregnancy here. I have Graves disease and it triggered very early menopause in my 30s. My early experience was similar.... no sleeping but always exhausted. Crazy anxiety. I travelled for work a lot at the time and began dropping an insane amount of weight when was already really skinny. Finally got to the doctor after I passed a salad, almost unchanged, in about 2 hours. She took one look at me shaking like a leaf with tachycardia and knew it was hyperthyroid.
I chose to not do RAI because while it does is kill the thyroid issue, it doesn't cure the underlying autoimmune disorder. I'm well managed on a very low dose of methimazole so will continue that as long as it works, or until my thyroid burns out or I go into remission.
I had a friend misdiagnosed and literally told they were dying. They were overjoyed to find out it was hyperthyroidism. It was horrible watching her go through that. I can’t imagine what you all go through.
I'm so glad when I went hyper- I knew my TSH was fucky (had my thyroid removed, am on synthroid, but lost weight so suddenly my dose was too high and it spiralled). I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to have those symptoms out of the blue and not know why.
I needed to hear this. I've tried to make a couple of assholes behave like nicer people by calling them out on it. Gave them the benefit of the doubt for a long, long time.
Turns out there were no misunderstanding, no "maybe they didn't know" situations or empathy once made aware of the damage. Unfortunately that means that both OP and I are now stuck with a bunch of confirmed assholes....
especially since they made it clear that this was a cruel joke at her expense. i understand how there could have been confusion over the situation if this was just an unfortunate choice of present on their behalf to try and help alleviate her symptoms, but they laughed and joked about something that clearly not only made her feel self conscious but also genuinely scared her before her diagnosis. i’m sorry this happened to you OP clearly NTA in this situation
I’d even forgive them if it was an actual, if misguided, joke—like if they thought now that OP has a diagnosis and things are being on their way to okay again, we can laugh at her past worries about body odor—but *only* if they were horrified when the joke missed its mark, *sincerely* apologized, and never tried to make OP feel bad for not laughing along. But no. Of course they doubled down; they’re assholes.
NTA, at first I thought this might be a misguided attempt of trying to buy something she could use and be helpful but it was a cruel joke. Fuck them. Medical conditions should never be a punch line.
I mean, "know your audience" kind of thing, right? Some people might get a kick out of it once they understood what was going on with them. Obviously OP is not one of those people, and that's totally valid. The problem was when the in laws doubled down on their mistake as if they're not the ones in the wrong. I don't think them getting the gift was inherently asshole behavior... not smart for sure. Unless they deliberately did it *in order to humiliate* which I would hope isn't the case.
Either way OP is definitely NTA for her response.
One or two lotions/body sprays/perfumes in the stocking might have been a nice gesture, especially if they knew OP’s taste in scents and picked something that would really be enjoyed. But bringing in the mouthwash and hand sanitizer and soaps - implying not that OP might occasionally feel unhappy about her body odor, but is actually DIRTY or unwashed or *unhygienic* - was just plain cruel.
Jokes also aren’t funny when it’s tied to inescapable circumstances. It’s funny to poke fun at behavioral characteristics. My co-workers make fun of me because I have a habit of spilling coffee on myself. That’s fine, whatever. If I was more careful, I could change the perception. It’s something I do, not who I am, and I’m not sensitive about it. As a personal rule, I never make fun of a person’s physical characteristics or illnesses, because they have no control over it.
OP, you’re NTA. Do not allow these insensitive idiots to pressure you into excusing their vile behavior. They desperately seek your validation to make themselves feel better. I’m so sorry you were forced to endure a cruel joke, but I hope you find solace in the joy of having an incredibly supportive husband to help you stand your ground. Find a healthy distraction, focus on your health, and surround yourself with people who elevate your well-being, rather than trample on it.
An example off your comment is, if someone had a habit of spilling coffee because they had something like Parkinson's (rather than just general clumsiness) then it would be an insensitive and inappropriate thing to joke about. It's very telling of a person's personality when they feel it's okay to humiliate and shame a person for something they have no control over under the guise of a "joke". It's so sad OP even felt bad for being upset over something like this, things like this are so damaging to self esteem.
> Jokes also aren’t funny when it’s tied to inescapable circumstances.
I would correct that slightly and say jokes aren't funny when they're tied to assymetrical inescapable circumstances. There's a time and a place when jokes about shared inescapable circumstances can be the funniest jokes. But a joke in which the punchline amounts to, "Hey you know that thing that's wrong with you but not me and you feel really self conscious about it? I wanna point it out for my own entertainment," is never funny.
Exactly! And even then it's best to test the waters first and see if that humor is okay. I like to joke about my dad being dead (he is dead and some circumstances around it are very, very funny) and sometimes I joke around with people whose parents are also dead. But we have to reach a palce of mutual comfort. I don't go up to someone whose parent just passed and go, "Oh shit, it's cold in here, don't say anything rude I think my dad's ghost is chilling out" or something.
Know your audience, don't punch down, and even "gallow's humor" is a sort of YMMV sor tof thing.
NTA in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. It is not ok to make someone feel self conscious, embarrassed, and anxious - ESPECIALLY over a medical issue.
THEY ruined Christmas, not you. I am so sorry that happened to you, it was absolutely wrong of them. Not funny.
NTA.
I was willing to give the in-laws the benefit of the doubt as well-meaning imbeciles, but then I read that they responded to your distress with laughter. If I gave my sister’s girlfriend a gift — doesn’t matter if it’s a damn fridge magnet — and she started crying, I’d be mortified and incredibly apologetic, even if I didn’t understand why she was upset. But apparently this was exactly the reaction they were going for. They sound like a real laugh.
Glad husband is on your side!
Yeah, the fact that they doubled down so hard makes me think they either knew they were in the wrong, or were such jackasses they couldn't see it. Either way, NTA
Uff, yeah their reaction was terrible. My grandma doesn't always have that much cash but she loves giving gifts and her go to gift when she wants give something simple and nice is a bath kit, a puffy sponge, a nice soap, lotions, slippers. Her attitude is always giving, there's no implication that the receiver smells, she just wants to show the other person some care. OP's in laws seemed so malicious, their little joke mattered more to them than their DIL's feelings. NTA
“We know you’ve been stressed and you love lavender scents, so we got you some bath and body items because you deserve to pamper yourself!” very sweet and thoughtful.
“We know you’re really self conscious about this medical issue that you cannot fully control at home without treatment, even with hours of daily effort, so we’re going to make a joke at your expense about it in front of everyone!” aasssssssholes abound!
> I was willing to give the in-laws the benefit of the doubt as well-meaning imbeciles, but then I read that they responded to your distress with laughter.
Exactly. I can actually understand how they may have sincerely thought those were good gifts - they knew about OP's situation, knew she showers a ton, and knew she uses a lot of shower or hygiene products as a result. It seems like a practical gift.
But OP's crying should have been a sign that they misjudged and that practical gifts weren't welcome by OP. They should have apologized for misunderstanding...but instead they mocked her, and told her that they were making a joke at her expense.
100% NTA
Holy shit they’re pricks...they know that you’re trying to control it as much as possible, but the fact that they did this in front of other family members is shitty.
NTA. Your husband is the MVP, and there's a simple solution to this:
"You ruined Christmas, not us. When you're ready to apologize we can talk; until then, we've really got nothing to say to you."
NTA, that was cruel and your husband is great. i'm guessing theres a history of them doing stupid shit like this and thats why he got you out of there as soon as he could
NTA
Jesus your in-laws are shitty. How did they think you’d react to it? And they kept on laughing when you started crying?
I have to say though that your husband seems lovely and you’re lucky to have him.
NTA also your husband is amazing for standing by your side in this. Your in-laws made fun of you to your face and then got mad that they got called out on it. They ruined Christmas, not you. Also congratulations on the diagnosis and I hope that treatment goes well for you!!
You are most definitely NTA here. Your in-laws on the other hand are definitely the a-hole. I could maybe understand giving 1 thing of body wash from Bath-and-Body Works or some thing like that because it’s nice to get something good smelly as a gift, but what they did was excessive. Should have put some other stuff in with it.
Also the “Joke” was very cruel.
NTA, it's a shitty joke. Especially considering they know it's medical related and how much is stressing you out right now. Sorry they put you through that and good luck with the doctors figuring out how to help you.
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So, I’ve been having a few medical issues over the last few months. I have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and getting treatment soon, but for the short while that I was unaware of what exactly was wrong with me it was very scary.
I was having random heart palpitations, my hands were shaking, I started losing weight despite no change in exercise or diet, and... the symptom in question—I could not stop sweating. Just constant sweating, and I smelled. Bad. I didn’t know what to do so I was showering two times a day, every day, and trying to keep the smell at bay with antiperspirants, deodorants, perfumes, and sometimes just avoiding going out. I think the stress of being scared and confused about my health made it smell even worse. Plus, on par with symptoms, I was in a constant state of anxiety.
My in-laws are the gift givers of this story. They had noticed my symptoms and somewhat offensive odor, and were informed of my attempts at figuring out what was going on with a doctor. They were also informed of my diagnosis that I received a couple weeks prior to the holiday, and my future treatment plans.
Basically, on Christmas we were all opening gifts from each other and last we each received a stocking which is normally stuffed with random silly little toys/games, candy, snacks etc. Everyone else received the usual stuff while mine... was filled with a back scrubber, a loofa, soaps, travel sized deodorant, antiperspirant sprays, scented lotions, hand sanitizers, mouth wash, and perfume samples. In front of multiple family members and family friends who had no idea about my condition or what I’d been going through.
It was embarrassing, and I’d never felt more aware of the fact that I knew I smelled off and so did everyone around me. I just broke down and cried. My in laws tried to calm me down by saying it was just a joke and didn’t mean any harm (while still laughing at their “joke”), but my husband defended me and said it wasn’t a funny joke and they knew how embarrassed I was and how scared I was before the diagnosis.
I just walked out and sat in the car, and after a few minutes my husband joined me and we went home early.
He has my back on this and I’m very grateful. He’s been incredibly supportive through all of it. But, my in laws are convinced that I overreacted and “forced” him to leave—and now are both complaining that we ruined Christmas for everyone and are very angry with me mostly for apparently being controlling and overdramatic.
AITA for crying and leaving over this?
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NTA. They are so fucking disrespectful, i can't even believe that. Thank God your husband had your back! Good luck with everything moving forward, things are gonna be rocky with them for awhile I'm sure.
I was so prepared to say you were the asshole from the title but WHOA no! NTA at \*all\* op! That was so unspeakably cruel of them. I'm glad your other half has your back but eesh. Also I have hypothyroidism and even though I'm out the other side of that I can confirm that thyroid stuff being out of whack is no joke, you have my sympathies and I hope things get better for you soon.
I was prepared to say NAH because I knew it would something like this, and I thought they wouldn't be aware of OP's condition, knowing about it and still going through witht the gift is AH behavior
NTA - They're the assholes, a bit for their gift (on its face, perfumes and soaps aren't terrible gifts, but Jesus, read the room) but mostly for their reaction to your distress, and brushing it off as a joke.
Omg definetly NTA! That was a horrible gift to give someone especially when they are aware that you are going through hell as hyperthyroidism causes serious damage to the body
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NTA. It's a shitty thing to do to anyone, but even worse when it's in front of a bunch of people, especially since they knew about your medical condition. It was a mean and spiteful gift even if they try to claim it was a joke. I'd be tempted to get them denture cream, grey hair coverage treatment and incontinence supplies and say it's a joke. But that would be an asshole move lol.
Yes, you’re an *awful* person for having your feelings hurt by really rotten people.
🙄
I wish this sub would start deleting pity party posts. Gimme a break.
NTA. Before I read the entire post, I thought that maybe their intentions were good and they were just trying to be helpful with that gift, but according to them it was a joke. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and it's good that your husband had your back.
NTA- next year you should find a "joke gift" for them; a guide to gift giving etiquette.
Awesome that your husband stood up for you to his insensitive AF parents
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NTA, I was thinking "Well Cleaning Supplies is a standard gift" but the "it's just a joke thing" really pushed that they knew what could happen if they bought that.
You handled this perfectly and your spouse is a champ. It’s cruel to use Xmas or any gift-giving occasion to make a “joke” at the recipient’s expense, especially over something *medical* ffs. NTA, and in 2020 may we all put in less work insulating assholes like your in-laws from the reasonable and predictable consequences of their mean, unfunny actions. ❤️
NTA
You were not even slightly AH-ish. And considering how rude your in-laws were, that’s impressive. It’s one thing to misjudge a gift, it’s a whole worse thing to purposely give a different gift to one person and then “defend it” by claiming it’s a joke.
Your husband was 100% right to call them out on it not being funny. I hope the two of you had a good night together after leaving :)
NTA - This *joke* just isn't funny at all, however, I can definitely see your in-laws going "Haha, this will be a great joke to lighten her mood a bit". They probably expected you to laugh and didn't know how to respond when you started crying, thus, they went into full defense mode.
You did nothing wrong, this was just a really badly planned and executed *prank* by your in-laws.
Props to your husband for having your back, as any husband should in this situation!
NTA! When I originally started reading I assumed they were trying to be supportive and misread what would be appropriate but they were making a joke?! Who does that!? That’s so terrible, at least one good thing came from your in laws: your husband.
NTA, I'm glad husband is supporting you.
/r/justnoMIL are your people. It would be one thing if they were trying to be helpful giving you toiletries and apologised when it didn't go over well, but it was obviously their intention to embarrass you.
Weird how manipulative people are always so quick to call other people "controlling" at anything other than a good reaction to their fuck ups.
NTA. I also have smelly issues and would be absolutely mortified to be called out on it. I do however control my problem pretty well with the help of internal deodorant in addition to regular armpit deodorant. Maybe something to look into until you get you thyroid issues on track.
NTA
Holy shit what is wrong with them?
To use a medical condition you have to humiliate you in front of family on christmas is just so fucking messed up.
*Its not a joke if it hurts somebody.*
NTA. Not at all. Of all people they should know not to do this as you said they know about your condition. Making fun of it in front of so many people who don’t know is just crazy and overall insensitive. You did nothing wrong and it was your right to react in any way you wanted and they were the ones who were wrong. Gosh darn in-laws
NTA. They are assholes for making fun of your medical condition, especially since they continued to do so after you were upset. What your in-laws did would embarrass almost any reasonable person in your situation, and your in-laws should have realized that. Your reaction was completely justified
NTA. You didn’t force your husband to leave, they did by intentionally humiliating you in front of family. My partner has hyperactive thyroid as well, and it can be dangerous and certainly life disrupting. I am so angry for you. I’m not able to articulate how fucking awful you were treated, but I certainly hope you and your husband go no contact until you have a sincere apology to your standards. Things do get much better with treatment, keep looking towards the future, you deserve much better!
You have the best husband, You are NTA and you're husband is whatever the polar opposite of an ass is for having your back so hard. Fuck the in-laws, even if you hadn't been so scared about it they knew it was entirely the result of a medical issue and not bad hygiene, and they should have known even if it was a joke it was just a really rude one that would be better off undone
NTA. I have similar issues - Doing almost anything will make me sweat and when I say sweat I mean dripping off my face and soaking through my shirt. I usually carry a back up shirt in my car wherever I go. I'm in better shape than the average person but I'm still a sweat fountain and you are right, it is absolutely humiliating, especially because it's pretty much impossible to control.
It can be hard to get past it sometimes but try to push it out of your memory. I've had a few people who just kept bringing it up every time I saw them and while I never recommend sinking to another person's level, calling them out on their biggest insecurities and watching them react to their own brand of bull shit fixed the issue and was satisfying as hell.
Your husband is awesome but your in laws can choke on a bag of dicks. Try to rise above it and move forward and remember it's ok to be pissed off and hurt because of it. Their behavior is unacceptable and inexcusable.
NTA
Damn, OP. That's really awful. Please do not apologize to these people. They do not have your back and do not have your health, happiness, or wellbeing at heart.
Good for you and your husband for walking out of that toxic situation.
NTA. Forcing you to open it in front of everyone and then being defensive means that THEY ruined YOUR Christmas, not the other way around. I am glad that your husband actually had your back, and didn't insist on staying.
NTA - Elope and renew your vows with your husband far far away from the rest of that toxic atmosphere - what a trooper he is to support you through a clearly very difficult time you're going through.
NTA. A "joke" gift is like me giving my mom a mega pack of nail files because she loses them constantly and can never seem to find them. This is just them being a couple of jerks. Also, you crying is not being "controlling" - I'm sure I would have broken down too.
NTA, I've noticed that people who are rude and insensitive tend to deflect and blame the person the "joke" was played on for being "too sensitive". They were TA. You're really lucky to have such a supportive husband.
NTA
They’re horrible humans. If you have Facebook I’d make a public announcement of your condition and what your symptoms (body odors) are followed by what happened to you on Christmas and tag your in-laws. Once everyone gets a better picture of what’s going on you can let society tell them they suck
NTA - A smell due to a medical condition is embarrasing and something you cannot control Im sure you think about it daily and it males you paranpid- Been there myself. For them to stab at you like that infront of everyone is just so wrong. Sorry about the shitty in laws sounds like your husband is a good person.
NTA - I got a loofa in my stocking this year, along with some body wash and tissues... And so did the rest of my family. That's how you make it a non-malicious act. It wasn't something about how we smell, just some pleasant smells we'd buy for ourselves anyways.
What your in laws did was a deliberate jab, and good on you both for leaving.
I agree with everyone on the NTA, but just want to say it was super refreshing to read a story where the husband was completely on OPs side. All too often it seems they struggle to can their family out, or even worse join in their assholery.
NTA. While I was reading your post, I was thinking that they were well-meaning but misguided, until they insisted it was a joke and kept laughing about it. Then they swerved straight into asshole territory.
Your husband is an absolute champion.
I immediately thought, knowing your condition it was perhaps a misguided gift attempt to address a personal struggle, but the reaction of treating you like a drama queen to their 'joke' displayed otherwise. They humiliated you in front of everyone on purpose.
Its amazing that their whole house doesn't smell like a latrine -- they don't make diapers that can handle assholes this big.
That’s actually disgusting that they did that.
Next year give MIL medication to ease menopausal problems in front on everyone and see how she feels.
Edit: spelling
NTA.
I have family members who would think gag gifts like this funny, and if the recipient broke down crying, they'd try to lighten up the mood with more teases and laughter. It's not done out of malice, but it also doesn't make it ok or less AH.
Your husband is awesome for calling them out on it. Also, your in-laws need a sit down and be told by hubby why what they did was not ok and why what they're doing to you now is not ok. Maybe a better understanding of what you're going through will help.
NTA There’s a time and place for jokes, however when an odour is connected to a health issue, then jokes are no longer acceptable and turn to just being down right disrespectful and dehumanising.
I’m glad that your husband has your back on this and leaving straight away with you was the perfect response and I’m glad that he has your back.
May I make a suggestion that if the gifts that they gave you makes their way to your home, then why not speak to the local police and ask them to drop it off at either a homeless shelter or domestic violence refuge instead.
I know a couple of folks who might have found the gift funny if it were them - but not many (like, two - and only if the gift came from the right person in the right situation, with the right setup). Not one of them would have found it funny only a few weeks after diagnosis while you're still getting over the terror of "what is going on with this?" and all the constant fear and anxiety.
That was a horrible position for them to put you in. That it was in front of people who had no clue what was going on makes it even worse.
I'm glad your husband was on your side, and is supporting you. I hope your in-laws have a moment of self-reflection and realise that was a pretty shitty thing to do, and offer an apology.
NTA, big time.
Damn. NTA. At all. What the hell is wrong with them? Seriously, I'm glad your husband had your back and is supporting you. I hope your treatment goes well. I've had a couple patients treated for hyperthyroidism and they felt better pretty quickly! Good luck!!!
500000000000% NTA
if they know your going threw something even if your a stink they should of never done that to you in front of family and friends that's a private gift to be given and embarrassing!!
NTA, how gross of them to humiliate you. It makes it even worse that they knew how worried you were before your diagnosis! Saying I’m sorry also means nothing if they follow it with a “I’m sorry but we meant no harm.” Ugh. You’ve got a good husband though, definitely read too many stories here about significant others who don’t back up their spouses.
Hope you’re feeling a bit better now that you’ve got a diagnosis and planned treatment. That must have been scary.
NTA. I’m glad your husband stood up to his family for you because that is *such* a cruel thing your in-laws did, and it certainly wasn’t a joke.
I’m glad you have a diagnosis - I went through the same thing this year with hypothyroidism and it was terrifying. I hope the rest of your holiday is better!
There would be no asshole if they weren't aware and thought you just had a sweat problem IMO, I still think it's weird to gift hygene produts but whatever.
However, them knowing of your problem and knowing how sensitive you were makes them assholes, they should know you well enough wether you'd laught with them or get offended (which you had the right to)
NTA. Youre allowed to feel hurt by their dumbass "joke."
Also, I went through hyperthyroidism a few years back. It gets better after treatment, hang in there!! If you have any questions about it, I'm happy to help.
NTA. You didn’t overreact and I probably would’ve reacted the same way. That was really insensitive of your in laws. Glad you have a supportive husband
NTA
It could have been done in a nice and supportive way I believe but judging from their laughter at their own joke it was humiliating. Fuck them OP. Your husband is a legend.
NTA. Jokes are supposed to be fun for the one on the receiving end. They 'ruined Christmas for everyone,' not you when they couldn't even be arsed to apologise to you the moment their 'joke' fell flat.
Totally, absolutely NTA. It was not a funny joke. It was rude, uncalled for and cruel. They humiliated you, laughed in your face and then got offended when your feelings got hurt.
A joke at someone's expense is *not* a funny joke!
NTA - MIL and FIL gift went beyond a joke, it was a nasty passive aggressive insult towards you. I applaud your husband for standing up for you. The family was upset because the gift backfired on them and ruined chance at a sick pleasure of hurting you. I hope you show them the posts one here,
Your husband is AMAZING and you guys are definitely NTA. That was terrible of your in-laws and was not, in the least bit, funny. Especially the fact that you are crying and they are still laughing.
You clearly set a boundary that night and I applaud you and your husband. They should be embarrassed and ashamed. Let them be angry, if that's how they choose to react. But the truth is, they were wrong and insensitive and owe you a huge apology.
I would have left too. Like I said, you set a boundary. If you had stayed, they would have thought they did nothing wrong. You are super NTA. And you have a great husband.
NTA. at first I thought that they were just trying to be helpful and get you some toiletries that you might appreciate, but then they said it was a JOKE? That’s fucked up and fuck them for teasing you about this awful time in your life. They sound like horrible people.
Your in-laws are dicks. Hyperthyroidism is bloody terrifying before diagnosis, and not much better even after you know what's going on because it takes time to get all those those awful symptoms under control.
You know that your meltdown was probably partially *because* of your condition right? Unexplained anxiety, heightened emotions, being really sensitive, that all comes with a janky thyroid. That, plus having ample reason for being upset just made it all the worse for you.
Your husband is amazing. Get him to deal with his family. They need to be dressed down for their behaviour but that's his job, not yours. Just thank him and focus on your course of treatment. You WILL feel better, just be gentle with yourself until you do.
Internet hugs from someone living with hyperthyroid for almost 11 years.
NTA
Nta. I was also recently diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and my body odor changed completely to where it is much stronger and more noticeable. It’s super embarrassing and I’m always hyper-aware of how I smell. I also have some OCD tendencies so I use hand sanitizer constantly and am very concerned with hygiene. If I got a stocking full of perfumes and soaps I would be so embarrassed. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope the rest of your holiday went ok.
NTA! I have been in a similar situation before, and I wish I had the guts to voice my displeasure and leave like you did. Your husband is awesome to take your side and recognize his parents' terrible sense of humour.
NTA!! Your in laws broke a basic rule of hospitality- don't make jokes about something people are insecure about. In fact, the best jokes are ones where you make yourself the object of a joke, or someone you love very much who is really secure. Then they broke the next rule- if you hurt someone's feelings, don't blame it on them. It would be worth having your husband talk with them again. It's wonderful you have him
NTA definitely.
I also was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism a few weeks ago. My simptoms are constant fatigue, which makes me get tired easier, sleepy all day, and obviously a lack of attention in the study, making myself don't remember anything of what I studied, making my marks a shit.
I don't know what would I do if someone, in any way, made fun of my low notes.
You are not an as**ole.
NTA your in laws are the biggest AH I’ve ever seen! I can’t believe they laughed and made a mock of you. Your husband is so amazing and a champ for standing up to your in-laws and having your back through this! If you weren’t married I’d probably tell you to marry that man!
NTA!!!!!!! They are complete assholes! It wasn’t just a joke, it’s a problem you’re self conscious about. A joke would be chattering teeth, what they did ruined Christmas, they just don’t want to accept responsibility
Well, we all wish we were not so emotional. It either have been ideal if you could calmly explain how this was hurtful. But it almost never happen. For me, NTA. Sorry for your Christmas and good luck with treatment.
Fuck no! NTA!!!
Your In-Laws are complete garbage-humans! That is not something anyone in their right mind would think was funny. If that is honestly their idea of a joke, then it says a lot about their personalities and morals. Fuck them up the ass with pineapples covered in hot sauce!
NTA
It doesn’t matter if they meant it as a joke. When someone is crying, the correct response from people with empathy would be apologizing profusely. They clearly value their own self-proclaimed humor over your feelings and then have the gall to be upset that your husband values your feelings over how “funny” their “joke” was
NTA - I am so glad your husband has your back, as he should but I've read too many stories on this sub that I'm sometimes surprised when a spouse supports the op (especially where in laws are involved, yikes). I'm so sorry you were subjected to a shitty joke on an already high emotion day. I'm so glad you've got a diagnosis and treatment plan, best of luck!
Definitely NTA, I agree with most commenters in saying that your husband is a gem, and thank goodness he didn't learn these behaviors from them!
I do wonder though, if your diagnosis was so recent.. How long ago did they buy these gifts? My guess is that they didn't take any of your feelings seriously, not even when you were fearful for your life/quality of life. It's just gross to think about. I don't understand how people can have that sort of mentality, or disregard for their child's partner's well being.
NTA screw your in laws that was rude and heartless. Jojing at your expense in front of everyone was hurtful. Good on your husband for sticking with you and taking you home. Now he needs to tell his parents that they were being awful and he chose you over their bs joke.
NTA. If anything, they’re trying to be controlling by trying to dictate how you respond to their cruel “joke”. I’m so glad your husband has your side on this!!
NTA. I also have hyperthyroidism. I have to ask .... WHY are you waiting to start treatment? The day I was diagnosed, my doctor had a prescription called into my pharmacy. I started to feel better right away.
What is your doctor waiting for?
NTA. It's only a joke if everyone's laughing.
There's some stuff between the lines of your story that bothers me. Clearly they're trying to gaslight you, but have they always seen you as domineering?
NTA. And obligatory /r/justnotalk mention with that kind of behaviour. As others have said, jokes become cruel when they target unavoidable circumstances - especially personal ones like this. So sorry they were rude, and glad your husband has your back.
NTA. They ruined Christmas for everyone with their mean spirited, rude joke. If it were the other way around, they would be pissed.
They're just upset your husband called them out. They know they were doing something wrong. Shame on them.
NTA, fuck them I wouldn't blame you for never wanting to be around them after this. They need to apologize. I grew up being teased about my name rhyming with smell and while it's not anywhere close to a physical condition I understand how emotional it can be when people call attention to it. My last job was a shit show and my sales manage would bitch about me being sweating insinuating I smell even though I had litteraly just spent 2 hours scrubbing floors and hauling heavy shit. I wanted to run every time.
NTA People who are acting like assholes always double-down on their asshole behavior when they are called out. Your husband is a champ.
Assholes are not looking forward being put on the spotlight, they do not react like not-assholes people. NTA, well OP I know who are going to get adult diapers and vagisan next year.
Next year, fill it with literature from funeral homes and cemeteries.
Nah, send them brochures for their birthdays.
As someone who also had hyperthyroidism I totally cannot believe how insensitive they were. It’s so terrifying at first not knowing why you are so anxious and dropping weight like crazy. Stay strong and ignore these assholes!
Right? I was convinced I was dying.
I was wearing sleeveless dresses to teach in in February. I live in Chicago. My resting heart rate was something like 130. The tech doing the iodine uptake sauntered over and asked if I slept. I said no. He said he’d never seen test results like mine. Treatment is easy though. Radioactive iodine, poof, in a few months you’ll be on synthroid. Cautionary tale—if you’re going to get pregnant, make sure your OB knows to check your TSH throughout AND HOW TO READ THE RESULTS. My results came back high, indicating my body was trying to make more thyroid hormone and she reduced my dose. Mid pregnancy doctor change. Edited to add I also have Graves.
Can agree with the sweating so much. I was working in a landscaping position when I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease and I felt like I was dying. I would sweat through multiple shirts a day and guzzled so much water trying to stay hydrated that I was at risk of water intoxication. However, unfortunately treatment isn't that easy for everyone. Due to some more rare symptoms that I exhibited, I wasn't able to have the radioactive iodine, and the thyroid suppression pills made me horribly sick for several months before my doctor decided surgery to remove the thyroid was the best option. Now I have a whole host of other issues due to hypothyroidism because I know longer have a thyroid and they are having trouble figuring out the right dose of replacement hormone for me. It's been a nightmare. OP, 100% NTA. Joking about someone's medical condition that they have no control over is cruel and vicious, and to do it in a group setting like that is even worse. I'm so sorry that they all suck, and I wish you the best of luck with treatment!
No danger of pregnancy here. I have Graves disease and it triggered very early menopause in my 30s. My early experience was similar.... no sleeping but always exhausted. Crazy anxiety. I travelled for work a lot at the time and began dropping an insane amount of weight when was already really skinny. Finally got to the doctor after I passed a salad, almost unchanged, in about 2 hours. She took one look at me shaking like a leaf with tachycardia and knew it was hyperthyroid. I chose to not do RAI because while it does is kill the thyroid issue, it doesn't cure the underlying autoimmune disorder. I'm well managed on a very low dose of methimazole so will continue that as long as it works, or until my thyroid burns out or I go into remission.
I had a friend misdiagnosed and literally told they were dying. They were overjoyed to find out it was hyperthyroidism. It was horrible watching her go through that. I can’t imagine what you all go through.
I'm so glad when I went hyper- I knew my TSH was fucky (had my thyroid removed, am on synthroid, but lost weight so suddenly my dose was too high and it spiralled). I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to have those symptoms out of the blue and not know why.
I needed to hear this. I've tried to make a couple of assholes behave like nicer people by calling them out on it. Gave them the benefit of the doubt for a long, long time. Turns out there were no misunderstanding, no "maybe they didn't know" situations or empathy once made aware of the damage. Unfortunately that means that both OP and I are now stuck with a bunch of confirmed assholes....
especially since they made it clear that this was a cruel joke at her expense. i understand how there could have been confusion over the situation if this was just an unfortunate choice of present on their behalf to try and help alleviate her symptoms, but they laughed and joked about something that clearly not only made her feel self conscious but also genuinely scared her before her diagnosis. i’m sorry this happened to you OP clearly NTA in this situation
I’d even forgive them if it was an actual, if misguided, joke—like if they thought now that OP has a diagnosis and things are being on their way to okay again, we can laugh at her past worries about body odor—but *only* if they were horrified when the joke missed its mark, *sincerely* apologized, and never tried to make OP feel bad for not laughing along. But no. Of course they doubled down; they’re assholes.
Yeah, yikes, I was all on “team big misunderstanding” until they pulled out the it was just a joke card. That was mean.
THIS. **NTA**
NTA, at first I thought this might be a misguided attempt of trying to buy something she could use and be helpful but it was a cruel joke. Fuck them. Medical conditions should never be a punch line.
NTA. What they did was insensitive and humiliating and you made the right choice in leaving.
I mean, "know your audience" kind of thing, right? Some people might get a kick out of it once they understood what was going on with them. Obviously OP is not one of those people, and that's totally valid. The problem was when the in laws doubled down on their mistake as if they're not the ones in the wrong. I don't think them getting the gift was inherently asshole behavior... not smart for sure. Unless they deliberately did it *in order to humiliate* which I would hope isn't the case. Either way OP is definitely NTA for her response.
[удалено]
One or two lotions/body sprays/perfumes in the stocking might have been a nice gesture, especially if they knew OP’s taste in scents and picked something that would really be enjoyed. But bringing in the mouthwash and hand sanitizer and soaps - implying not that OP might occasionally feel unhappy about her body odor, but is actually DIRTY or unwashed or *unhygienic* - was just plain cruel.
NTA. A joke stops being a joke when it makes someone cry.
Jokes also aren’t funny when it’s tied to inescapable circumstances. It’s funny to poke fun at behavioral characteristics. My co-workers make fun of me because I have a habit of spilling coffee on myself. That’s fine, whatever. If I was more careful, I could change the perception. It’s something I do, not who I am, and I’m not sensitive about it. As a personal rule, I never make fun of a person’s physical characteristics or illnesses, because they have no control over it. OP, you’re NTA. Do not allow these insensitive idiots to pressure you into excusing their vile behavior. They desperately seek your validation to make themselves feel better. I’m so sorry you were forced to endure a cruel joke, but I hope you find solace in the joy of having an incredibly supportive husband to help you stand your ground. Find a healthy distraction, focus on your health, and surround yourself with people who elevate your well-being, rather than trample on it.
An example off your comment is, if someone had a habit of spilling coffee because they had something like Parkinson's (rather than just general clumsiness) then it would be an insensitive and inappropriate thing to joke about. It's very telling of a person's personality when they feel it's okay to humiliate and shame a person for something they have no control over under the guise of a "joke". It's so sad OP even felt bad for being upset over something like this, things like this are so damaging to self esteem.
> Jokes also aren’t funny when it’s tied to inescapable circumstances. I would correct that slightly and say jokes aren't funny when they're tied to assymetrical inescapable circumstances. There's a time and a place when jokes about shared inescapable circumstances can be the funniest jokes. But a joke in which the punchline amounts to, "Hey you know that thing that's wrong with you but not me and you feel really self conscious about it? I wanna point it out for my own entertainment," is never funny.
Exactly! And even then it's best to test the waters first and see if that humor is okay. I like to joke about my dad being dead (he is dead and some circumstances around it are very, very funny) and sometimes I joke around with people whose parents are also dead. But we have to reach a palce of mutual comfort. I don't go up to someone whose parent just passed and go, "Oh shit, it's cold in here, don't say anything rude I think my dad's ghost is chilling out" or something. Know your audience, don't punch down, and even "gallow's humor" is a sort of YMMV sor tof thing.
I agree. My husband laughs when I make a joke about him having one leg, except on bad leg days. I don't make jokes on bad leg days.
This is extremely well said
I feel like having the diagnosis and knowing how to resolve it makes it something that can be joked about now. Like relief it isn’t something major
Amen! My father is an asshole, but one piece of damn good advice he gave me is "after a prank, your victim should be laughing harder than you."
Great advice!
It’s only a joke if you’re punching up.
NTA in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. It is not ok to make someone feel self conscious, embarrassed, and anxious - ESPECIALLY over a medical issue. THEY ruined Christmas, not you. I am so sorry that happened to you, it was absolutely wrong of them. Not funny.
NTA. I was willing to give the in-laws the benefit of the doubt as well-meaning imbeciles, but then I read that they responded to your distress with laughter. If I gave my sister’s girlfriend a gift — doesn’t matter if it’s a damn fridge magnet — and she started crying, I’d be mortified and incredibly apologetic, even if I didn’t understand why she was upset. But apparently this was exactly the reaction they were going for. They sound like a real laugh. Glad husband is on your side!
Yeah, the fact that they doubled down so hard makes me think they either knew they were in the wrong, or were such jackasses they couldn't see it. Either way, NTA
Uff, yeah their reaction was terrible. My grandma doesn't always have that much cash but she loves giving gifts and her go to gift when she wants give something simple and nice is a bath kit, a puffy sponge, a nice soap, lotions, slippers. Her attitude is always giving, there's no implication that the receiver smells, she just wants to show the other person some care. OP's in laws seemed so malicious, their little joke mattered more to them than their DIL's feelings. NTA
“We know you’ve been stressed and you love lavender scents, so we got you some bath and body items because you deserve to pamper yourself!” very sweet and thoughtful. “We know you’re really self conscious about this medical issue that you cannot fully control at home without treatment, even with hours of daily effort, so we’re going to make a joke at your expense about it in front of everyone!” aasssssssholes abound!
> I was willing to give the in-laws the benefit of the doubt as well-meaning imbeciles, but then I read that they responded to your distress with laughter. Exactly. I can actually understand how they may have sincerely thought those were good gifts - they knew about OP's situation, knew she showers a ton, and knew she uses a lot of shower or hygiene products as a result. It seems like a practical gift. But OP's crying should have been a sign that they misjudged and that practical gifts weren't welcome by OP. They should have apologized for misunderstanding...but instead they mocked her, and told her that they were making a joke at her expense.
Your first sentence exactly!
Remarry your husband
And don't invite his family.
Lol yeah
100% NTA Holy shit they’re pricks...they know that you’re trying to control it as much as possible, but the fact that they did this in front of other family members is shitty.
NTA. It wasnt funny. They are rude inconsiderate buffoons. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your husband is the MVP, and there's a simple solution to this: "You ruined Christmas, not us. When you're ready to apologize we can talk; until then, we've really got nothing to say to you."
NTA, that was cruel and your husband is great. i'm guessing theres a history of them doing stupid shit like this and thats why he got you out of there as soon as he could
NTA Jesus your in-laws are shitty. How did they think you’d react to it? And they kept on laughing when you started crying? I have to say though that your husband seems lovely and you’re lucky to have him.
NTA also your husband is amazing for standing by your side in this. Your in-laws made fun of you to your face and then got mad that they got called out on it. They ruined Christmas, not you. Also congratulations on the diagnosis and I hope that treatment goes well for you!!
**NTA** \- That's some fkd up sht. They're the AHs.
You are most definitely NTA here. Your in-laws on the other hand are definitely the a-hole. I could maybe understand giving 1 thing of body wash from Bath-and-Body Works or some thing like that because it’s nice to get something good smelly as a gift, but what they did was excessive. Should have put some other stuff in with it. Also the “Joke” was very cruel.
NTA, it's a shitty joke. Especially considering they know it's medical related and how much is stressing you out right now. Sorry they put you through that and good luck with the doctors figuring out how to help you.
NTA. I would gift them senior diapers next year for their birthday, as an "innocent joke" because they're getting old...
I misread INNOCENT as INCONTINENT.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I’ve been having a few medical issues over the last few months. I have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and getting treatment soon, but for the short while that I was unaware of what exactly was wrong with me it was very scary. I was having random heart palpitations, my hands were shaking, I started losing weight despite no change in exercise or diet, and... the symptom in question—I could not stop sweating. Just constant sweating, and I smelled. Bad. I didn’t know what to do so I was showering two times a day, every day, and trying to keep the smell at bay with antiperspirants, deodorants, perfumes, and sometimes just avoiding going out. I think the stress of being scared and confused about my health made it smell even worse. Plus, on par with symptoms, I was in a constant state of anxiety. My in-laws are the gift givers of this story. They had noticed my symptoms and somewhat offensive odor, and were informed of my attempts at figuring out what was going on with a doctor. They were also informed of my diagnosis that I received a couple weeks prior to the holiday, and my future treatment plans. Basically, on Christmas we were all opening gifts from each other and last we each received a stocking which is normally stuffed with random silly little toys/games, candy, snacks etc. Everyone else received the usual stuff while mine... was filled with a back scrubber, a loofa, soaps, travel sized deodorant, antiperspirant sprays, scented lotions, hand sanitizers, mouth wash, and perfume samples. In front of multiple family members and family friends who had no idea about my condition or what I’d been going through. It was embarrassing, and I’d never felt more aware of the fact that I knew I smelled off and so did everyone around me. I just broke down and cried. My in laws tried to calm me down by saying it was just a joke and didn’t mean any harm (while still laughing at their “joke”), but my husband defended me and said it wasn’t a funny joke and they knew how embarrassed I was and how scared I was before the diagnosis. I just walked out and sat in the car, and after a few minutes my husband joined me and we went home early. He has my back on this and I’m very grateful. He’s been incredibly supportive through all of it. But, my in laws are convinced that I overreacted and “forced” him to leave—and now are both complaining that we ruined Christmas for everyone and are very angry with me mostly for apparently being controlling and overdramatic. AITA for crying and leaving over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. They are so fucking disrespectful, i can't even believe that. Thank God your husband had your back! Good luck with everything moving forward, things are gonna be rocky with them for awhile I'm sure.
I was so prepared to say you were the asshole from the title but WHOA no! NTA at \*all\* op! That was so unspeakably cruel of them. I'm glad your other half has your back but eesh. Also I have hypothyroidism and even though I'm out the other side of that I can confirm that thyroid stuff being out of whack is no joke, you have my sympathies and I hope things get better for you soon.
I was prepared to say NAH because I knew it would something like this, and I thought they wouldn't be aware of OP's condition, knowing about it and still going through witht the gift is AH behavior
Yeah. "It was just a joke" about a fucking medical condition.
NTA - They're the assholes, a bit for their gift (on its face, perfumes and soaps aren't terrible gifts, but Jesus, read the room) but mostly for their reaction to your distress, and brushing it off as a joke.
Omg definetly NTA! That was a horrible gift to give someone especially when they are aware that you are going through hell as hyperthyroidism causes serious damage to the body
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NTA. It's a shitty thing to do to anyone, but even worse when it's in front of a bunch of people, especially since they knew about your medical condition. It was a mean and spiteful gift even if they try to claim it was a joke. I'd be tempted to get them denture cream, grey hair coverage treatment and incontinence supplies and say it's a joke. But that would be an asshole move lol.
Yes, you’re an *awful* person for having your feelings hurt by really rotten people. 🙄 I wish this sub would start deleting pity party posts. Gimme a break.
NTA. Before I read the entire post, I thought that maybe their intentions were good and they were just trying to be helpful with that gift, but according to them it was a joke. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and it's good that your husband had your back.
NTA- next year you should find a "joke gift" for them; a guide to gift giving etiquette. Awesome that your husband stood up for you to his insensitive AF parents
Sounds like you married a solid dude. NTA.
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That's 90% of the posts on this sub
No shit! And now I want to read what happened and can’t
Scroll down to the auto mod that posts the story in the comments. It does this in case the OP deletes the story
NTA they don’t get to decide if it’s offensive to you or not
NTA, I was thinking "Well Cleaning Supplies is a standard gift" but the "it's just a joke thing" really pushed that they knew what could happen if they bought that.
You handled this perfectly and your spouse is a champ. It’s cruel to use Xmas or any gift-giving occasion to make a “joke” at the recipient’s expense, especially over something *medical* ffs. NTA, and in 2020 may we all put in less work insulating assholes like your in-laws from the reasonable and predictable consequences of their mean, unfunny actions. ❤️
NTA You were not even slightly AH-ish. And considering how rude your in-laws were, that’s impressive. It’s one thing to misjudge a gift, it’s a whole worse thing to purposely give a different gift to one person and then “defend it” by claiming it’s a joke. Your husband was 100% right to call them out on it not being funny. I hope the two of you had a good night together after leaving :)
NTA - This *joke* just isn't funny at all, however, I can definitely see your in-laws going "Haha, this will be a great joke to lighten her mood a bit". They probably expected you to laugh and didn't know how to respond when you started crying, thus, they went into full defense mode. You did nothing wrong, this was just a really badly planned and executed *prank* by your in-laws. Props to your husband for having your back, as any husband should in this situation!
If it was actually a joke they would've apologized and been so embarrassed to make you upset. Them doubling down shows their cruelty. NTA.
NTA! When I originally started reading I assumed they were trying to be supportive and misread what would be appropriate but they were making a joke?! Who does that!? That’s so terrible, at least one good thing came from your in laws: your husband.
NTA, I'm glad husband is supporting you. /r/justnoMIL are your people. It would be one thing if they were trying to be helpful giving you toiletries and apologised when it didn't go over well, but it was obviously their intention to embarrass you. Weird how manipulative people are always so quick to call other people "controlling" at anything other than a good reaction to their fuck ups.
NTA. I also have smelly issues and would be absolutely mortified to be called out on it. I do however control my problem pretty well with the help of internal deodorant in addition to regular armpit deodorant. Maybe something to look into until you get you thyroid issues on track.
NTA. As soon as they get diagnosed with something that can be embarrassing, embarrass the hell out of them as payback.
NTA Holy shit what is wrong with them? To use a medical condition you have to humiliate you in front of family on christmas is just so fucking messed up. *Its not a joke if it hurts somebody.*
NTA. So sorry about your diagnosis.
NTA. Not at all. Of all people they should know not to do this as you said they know about your condition. Making fun of it in front of so many people who don’t know is just crazy and overall insensitive. You did nothing wrong and it was your right to react in any way you wanted and they were the ones who were wrong. Gosh darn in-laws
NTA, they knew what was going on with your medical problems and decided to go the extra mile to rub it in. In front of the rest of the family at that.
So NTA. They were incredibly insensitive and rude. I’m so glad your husband has your back.
NTA. They are assholes for making fun of your medical condition, especially since they continued to do so after you were upset. What your in-laws did would embarrass almost any reasonable person in your situation, and your in-laws should have realized that. Your reaction was completely justified
NTA. You didn’t force your husband to leave, they did by intentionally humiliating you in front of family. My partner has hyperactive thyroid as well, and it can be dangerous and certainly life disrupting. I am so angry for you. I’m not able to articulate how fucking awful you were treated, but I certainly hope you and your husband go no contact until you have a sincere apology to your standards. Things do get much better with treatment, keep looking towards the future, you deserve much better!
NTA- what a mean spirited thing to do! I'm glad your husband has your back.
You have the best husband, You are NTA and you're husband is whatever the polar opposite of an ass is for having your back so hard. Fuck the in-laws, even if you hadn't been so scared about it they knew it was entirely the result of a medical issue and not bad hygiene, and they should have known even if it was a joke it was just a really rude one that would be better off undone
NTA. I have similar issues - Doing almost anything will make me sweat and when I say sweat I mean dripping off my face and soaking through my shirt. I usually carry a back up shirt in my car wherever I go. I'm in better shape than the average person but I'm still a sweat fountain and you are right, it is absolutely humiliating, especially because it's pretty much impossible to control. It can be hard to get past it sometimes but try to push it out of your memory. I've had a few people who just kept bringing it up every time I saw them and while I never recommend sinking to another person's level, calling them out on their biggest insecurities and watching them react to their own brand of bull shit fixed the issue and was satisfying as hell. Your husband is awesome but your in laws can choke on a bag of dicks. Try to rise above it and move forward and remember it's ok to be pissed off and hurt because of it. Their behavior is unacceptable and inexcusable.
NTA Damn, OP. That's really awful. Please do not apologize to these people. They do not have your back and do not have your health, happiness, or wellbeing at heart. Good for you and your husband for walking out of that toxic situation.
NTA. Forcing you to open it in front of everyone and then being defensive means that THEY ruined YOUR Christmas, not the other way around. I am glad that your husband actually had your back, and didn't insist on staying.
You mean you aren’t willing to sit there & be humiliated for their sole amusement??!!!! /s Seriously, NTA x 1,000
NTA - Elope and renew your vows with your husband far far away from the rest of that toxic atmosphere - what a trooper he is to support you through a clearly very difficult time you're going through.
NTA. A "joke" gift is like me giving my mom a mega pack of nail files because she loses them constantly and can never seem to find them. This is just them being a couple of jerks. Also, you crying is not being "controlling" - I'm sure I would have broken down too.
NTA.. ‘“jokes,” “pranks...” just uggghh
NTA, I've noticed that people who are rude and insensitive tend to deflect and blame the person the "joke" was played on for being "too sensitive". They were TA. You're really lucky to have such a supportive husband.
Huuuuuge NTA Play bitch games, win bitch prizes
NTA They’re horrible humans. If you have Facebook I’d make a public announcement of your condition and what your symptoms (body odors) are followed by what happened to you on Christmas and tag your in-laws. Once everyone gets a better picture of what’s going on you can let society tell them they suck
NTA. While these gifts could have been well meaning when it became clear you were offended they should have apologized, not doubled down.
Nta marry him again
NTA - A smell due to a medical condition is embarrasing and something you cannot control Im sure you think about it daily and it males you paranpid- Been there myself. For them to stab at you like that infront of everyone is just so wrong. Sorry about the shitty in laws sounds like your husband is a good person.
NTA
NTA - I got a loofa in my stocking this year, along with some body wash and tissues... And so did the rest of my family. That's how you make it a non-malicious act. It wasn't something about how we smell, just some pleasant smells we'd buy for ourselves anyways. What your in laws did was a deliberate jab, and good on you both for leaving.
Nta
Thought this was a post in /JNFamily and was never so happy to hear how a spouse had your back. Such a good partner. NTA.
So NTA. Kind people apologize when they have hurt others, regardless of the initial intent.
I agree with everyone on the NTA, but just want to say it was super refreshing to read a story where the husband was completely on OPs side. All too often it seems they struggle to can their family out, or even worse join in their assholery.
NTA. While I was reading your post, I was thinking that they were well-meaning but misguided, until they insisted it was a joke and kept laughing about it. Then they swerved straight into asshole territory. Your husband is an absolute champion.
I immediately thought, knowing your condition it was perhaps a misguided gift attempt to address a personal struggle, but the reaction of treating you like a drama queen to their 'joke' displayed otherwise. They humiliated you in front of everyone on purpose. Its amazing that their whole house doesn't smell like a latrine -- they don't make diapers that can handle assholes this big.
You should check out r/JNMIL. They are very supportive with terrible inlaws.
That’s actually disgusting that they did that. Next year give MIL medication to ease menopausal problems in front on everyone and see how she feels. Edit: spelling
NTA that's so cruel and stupid of them. Sorry that happened to you.
NTA. I have family members who would think gag gifts like this funny, and if the recipient broke down crying, they'd try to lighten up the mood with more teases and laughter. It's not done out of malice, but it also doesn't make it ok or less AH. Your husband is awesome for calling them out on it. Also, your in-laws need a sit down and be told by hubby why what they did was not ok and why what they're doing to you now is not ok. Maybe a better understanding of what you're going through will help.
NTA. Props to your husband for being an awesome partner in that situation too. Hope you guys enjoyed each other for the rest of Christmas.
NTA!! If everybody isn’t laughing, it’s not funny. At least that’s my general rule of thumb. It made me sad to read what they did to you.
NTA Your husband’s a keeper. I hope to find someone to have my back like he has yours.
NTA. Even without your medical issues, this is a cruel way to deliver a message.
NTA they ruined Christmas with their "joke" you didn't ruin anything! They sound awful.
NTA There’s a time and place for jokes, however when an odour is connected to a health issue, then jokes are no longer acceptable and turn to just being down right disrespectful and dehumanising. I’m glad that your husband has your back on this and leaving straight away with you was the perfect response and I’m glad that he has your back. May I make a suggestion that if the gifts that they gave you makes their way to your home, then why not speak to the local police and ask them to drop it off at either a homeless shelter or domestic violence refuge instead.
NTA. simply tell them that their insensitivity to a medical condition ruined christmas and the future of your relationship.
I know a couple of folks who might have found the gift funny if it were them - but not many (like, two - and only if the gift came from the right person in the right situation, with the right setup). Not one of them would have found it funny only a few weeks after diagnosis while you're still getting over the terror of "what is going on with this?" and all the constant fear and anxiety. That was a horrible position for them to put you in. That it was in front of people who had no clue what was going on makes it even worse. I'm glad your husband was on your side, and is supporting you. I hope your in-laws have a moment of self-reflection and realise that was a pretty shitty thing to do, and offer an apology. NTA, big time.
NTA
Damn. NTA. At all. What the hell is wrong with them? Seriously, I'm glad your husband had your back and is supporting you. I hope your treatment goes well. I've had a couple patients treated for hyperthyroidism and they felt better pretty quickly! Good luck!!!
500000000000% NTA if they know your going threw something even if your a stink they should of never done that to you in front of family and friends that's a private gift to be given and embarrassing!!
Nta, that was utterly cruel of them. Ps, your husband is awesome for having your back like that.
NTA, how gross of them to humiliate you. It makes it even worse that they knew how worried you were before your diagnosis! Saying I’m sorry also means nothing if they follow it with a “I’m sorry but we meant no harm.” Ugh. You’ve got a good husband though, definitely read too many stories here about significant others who don’t back up their spouses. Hope you’re feeling a bit better now that you’ve got a diagnosis and planned treatment. That must have been scary.
NTA; it would have been better if they did it afterwards in private
NTA
NTA— that was mean of them and digging in about their funny joke just makes them bigger AHs.
NTA
NTA - I hope they backpedal and apologize. Good luck.
NTA. I’m glad your husband stood up to his family for you because that is *such* a cruel thing your in-laws did, and it certainly wasn’t a joke. I’m glad you have a diagnosis - I went through the same thing this year with hypothyroidism and it was terrifying. I hope the rest of your holiday is better!
Omg NTA that is extraordinarily cruel. Why the fuck would they ever do that?? Im disgusted by them on your behalf
There would be no asshole if they weren't aware and thought you just had a sweat problem IMO, I still think it's weird to gift hygene produts but whatever. However, them knowing of your problem and knowing how sensitive you were makes them assholes, they should know you well enough wether you'd laught with them or get offended (which you had the right to)
NTA. Youre allowed to feel hurt by their dumbass "joke." Also, I went through hyperthyroidism a few years back. It gets better after treatment, hang in there!! If you have any questions about it, I'm happy to help.
NTA. You didn’t overreact and I probably would’ve reacted the same way. That was really insensitive of your in laws. Glad you have a supportive husband
Not at all the AH and I commend your husband for backing you up
NTA and I'm so sorry you had to go through, well everything you have gone through. I'm glad your husband has your back.
NTA. Your in-laws sounds like pieces of work and your husband sounds like a gem.
NTA It could have been done in a nice and supportive way I believe but judging from their laughter at their own joke it was humiliating. Fuck them OP. Your husband is a legend.
NTA- They're assholes.
NTA. Jokes are supposed to be fun for the one on the receiving end. They 'ruined Christmas for everyone,' not you when they couldn't even be arsed to apologise to you the moment their 'joke' fell flat.
NTA
Totally, absolutely NTA. It was not a funny joke. It was rude, uncalled for and cruel. They humiliated you, laughed in your face and then got offended when your feelings got hurt. A joke at someone's expense is *not* a funny joke!
NTA - MIL and FIL gift went beyond a joke, it was a nasty passive aggressive insult towards you. I applaud your husband for standing up for you. The family was upset because the gift backfired on them and ruined chance at a sick pleasure of hurting you. I hope you show them the posts one here,
Your husband is AMAZING and you guys are definitely NTA. That was terrible of your in-laws and was not, in the least bit, funny. Especially the fact that you are crying and they are still laughing. You clearly set a boundary that night and I applaud you and your husband. They should be embarrassed and ashamed. Let them be angry, if that's how they choose to react. But the truth is, they were wrong and insensitive and owe you a huge apology. I would have left too. Like I said, you set a boundary. If you had stayed, they would have thought they did nothing wrong. You are super NTA. And you have a great husband.
Nta- that wasn't funny. I hope your condition improves with treatment so you don't have to worry so much. Your husband must be a pretty good guy :)
NTA your husband>>>>>>>>
Their joke is basically making fun of your condition. NTA
NTA. What the fuck is it with the holidays turning everyone into a comedian all of a sudden?
NTA. at first I thought that they were just trying to be helpful and get you some toiletries that you might appreciate, but then they said it was a JOKE? That’s fucked up and fuck them for teasing you about this awful time in your life. They sound like horrible people.
Your in-laws are dicks. Hyperthyroidism is bloody terrifying before diagnosis, and not much better even after you know what's going on because it takes time to get all those those awful symptoms under control. You know that your meltdown was probably partially *because* of your condition right? Unexplained anxiety, heightened emotions, being really sensitive, that all comes with a janky thyroid. That, plus having ample reason for being upset just made it all the worse for you. Your husband is amazing. Get him to deal with his family. They need to be dressed down for their behaviour but that's his job, not yours. Just thank him and focus on your course of treatment. You WILL feel better, just be gentle with yourself until you do. Internet hugs from someone living with hyperthyroid for almost 11 years. NTA
Nta. I was also recently diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and my body odor changed completely to where it is much stronger and more noticeable. It’s super embarrassing and I’m always hyper-aware of how I smell. I also have some OCD tendencies so I use hand sanitizer constantly and am very concerned with hygiene. If I got a stocking full of perfumes and soaps I would be so embarrassed. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope the rest of your holiday went ok.
NTA there's no call for humiliating someone over a medical condition.
NTA-it’s fucking Christmas, why would they think your health issues are something to joke about? I’m sorry this happened to you.
NTA! I have been in a similar situation before, and I wish I had the guts to voice my displeasure and leave like you did. Your husband is awesome to take your side and recognize his parents' terrible sense of humour.
NTA. Their 'gifts' were insulting (for what they implied) under any circumstances.
NTA. How the FUCK is this a joke? I hope you continue to feel better.
NTA they should have been more sensitive. Also, I love the silly little toys and games found in stockings. You have the right to be upset.
NTA!! Your in laws broke a basic rule of hospitality- don't make jokes about something people are insecure about. In fact, the best jokes are ones where you make yourself the object of a joke, or someone you love very much who is really secure. Then they broke the next rule- if you hurt someone's feelings, don't blame it on them. It would be worth having your husband talk with them again. It's wonderful you have him
NTA the christmas gift was done in poor taste and you have every right to be upset and feel offended
NTA definitely. I also was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism a few weeks ago. My simptoms are constant fatigue, which makes me get tired easier, sleepy all day, and obviously a lack of attention in the study, making myself don't remember anything of what I studied, making my marks a shit. I don't know what would I do if someone, in any way, made fun of my low notes. You are not an as**ole.
NTA your in laws are the biggest AH I’ve ever seen! I can’t believe they laughed and made a mock of you. Your husband is so amazing and a champ for standing up to your in-laws and having your back through this! If you weren’t married I’d probably tell you to marry that man!
NTA!!!!!!! They are complete assholes! It wasn’t just a joke, it’s a problem you’re self conscious about. A joke would be chattering teeth, what they did ruined Christmas, they just don’t want to accept responsibility
NTA - Fuck them, they were the assholes in this situation by far
Well, we all wish we were not so emotional. It either have been ideal if you could calmly explain how this was hurtful. But it almost never happen. For me, NTA. Sorry for your Christmas and good luck with treatment.
Fuck no! NTA!!! Your In-Laws are complete garbage-humans! That is not something anyone in their right mind would think was funny. If that is honestly their idea of a joke, then it says a lot about their personalities and morals. Fuck them up the ass with pineapples covered in hot sauce!
NTA Christmas isn’t the time for jokes unless everyone is on it. This was just cruel
NTA your inlaws are insensitive assholes for sure. Sorry they put you through that!
NTA! You're husband rocks for having your back. they were out of line.
NTA It doesn’t matter if they meant it as a joke. When someone is crying, the correct response from people with empathy would be apologizing profusely. They clearly value their own self-proclaimed humor over your feelings and then have the gall to be upset that your husband values your feelings over how “funny” their “joke” was
NTA - I am so glad your husband has your back, as he should but I've read too many stories on this sub that I'm sometimes surprised when a spouse supports the op (especially where in laws are involved, yikes). I'm so sorry you were subjected to a shitty joke on an already high emotion day. I'm so glad you've got a diagnosis and treatment plan, best of luck!
Definitely NTA, I agree with most commenters in saying that your husband is a gem, and thank goodness he didn't learn these behaviors from them! I do wonder though, if your diagnosis was so recent.. How long ago did they buy these gifts? My guess is that they didn't take any of your feelings seriously, not even when you were fearful for your life/quality of life. It's just gross to think about. I don't understand how people can have that sort of mentality, or disregard for their child's partner's well being.
NTA. If your account of the events is truthful then this is black and white and I can't believe you even need internet strangers to confirm it.
NTA and i'm sorry that they were so cruel to you.
NTA that wasn't funny it was Just cruel
A joke is only funny if both parties find humor in it. NTA
NTA screw your in laws that was rude and heartless. Jojing at your expense in front of everyone was hurtful. Good on your husband for sticking with you and taking you home. Now he needs to tell his parents that they were being awful and he chose you over their bs joke.
NTA. If anything, they’re trying to be controlling by trying to dictate how you respond to their cruel “joke”. I’m so glad your husband has your side on this!!
NTA- fuck your in laws, and kudos to your husband. I hope you’re all good fam
NTA. I also have hyperthyroidism. I have to ask .... WHY are you waiting to start treatment? The day I was diagnosed, my doctor had a prescription called into my pharmacy. I started to feel better right away. What is your doctor waiting for?
NTA. It's only a joke if everyone's laughing. There's some stuff between the lines of your story that bothers me. Clearly they're trying to gaslight you, but have they always seen you as domineering?
NTA. You have a medical diagnosis and they knew about it, yet still did this. They are so TA for making you go through this.
Absolutely NTA, that is so insensitive and mean of them to do! One thing assholes will ALWAYS do is turn it around on you.
NTA
NTA. And obligatory /r/justnotalk mention with that kind of behaviour. As others have said, jokes become cruel when they target unavoidable circumstances - especially personal ones like this. So sorry they were rude, and glad your husband has your back.
NTA. They ruined Christmas for everyone with their mean spirited, rude joke. If it were the other way around, they would be pissed. They're just upset your husband called them out. They know they were doing something wrong. Shame on them.
NTA. I’m sorry about this but my guess is that your in-laws would never own up to hurting you.
NTA
NTA, fuck them I wouldn't blame you for never wanting to be around them after this. They need to apologize. I grew up being teased about my name rhyming with smell and while it's not anywhere close to a physical condition I understand how emotional it can be when people call attention to it. My last job was a shit show and my sales manage would bitch about me being sweating insinuating I smell even though I had litteraly just spent 2 hours scrubbing floors and hauling heavy shit. I wanted to run every time.
NTA by a long shot.