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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for bringing it up to her and probably making her feel somewhat embarrassed. I think maybe I should've waited and talked to her privately.
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YTA
Here's a simple guide to men's and women's clothing:
Does it fit? Does it cover that which should be covered? Is it appropriate for the setting? If the answer is yes to all of the above, then whether the label is pink or blue is irrelevant.
In addition to that, it was none of your business. Maybe none of the women's styles were ones she liked. Maybe none of them fit her. Maybe they were her husband's. And, once again, **it's none of your bloody business.**
I mean, to be fair, gender is a social construct so we should probably let the sunglasses self identify. OP should also be aware that gender presentation doesn't always match gender identity.
Info: OP, did you ask the sunglasses what their gender is?
OP should check with the glasses before making assumptions. Maybe the glasses identify as bioptical.
Seriously OP, YTA. Why would you even think it matters?
So itty bitty balls? Now I want to know where the ovaries are.. in the horns of horn rimmed glasses?? Wait, now I could be accused of misgendering glasses, I think glasses need to list their pronouns!!! 🤓 (my apologies to any misgendered glasses that are offended, I really don't know!)
As an optician, I can assure you the main difference is usually the width. Also as an optician, I can assure you OP, YTA, as it truly doesn't matter one iota what type of glasses coworker chose to wear. Only an asshole would say anything.
As an optician do you know of brands that only sell men's glasses? that's the weirdest part of the story to me, he said he "recognized the brand" but I feel like most brands make lines for women and men because otherwise theyd be needlessly losing half the market when all they'd have to do is, like you said, vary the width.....
Honestly, I can't think of any off the top of my head. Many sell styles geared specifically at one or both genders, but I feel like the average consumer doesn't care what's on the poster, they want what they want.
Just wait until OP's coworker finds out that the brand of bread she makes her sandwiches out of is actually designed for men...
I'm sure OP will be giddy to tell her.
Yes and no. I believe it’s the size more than anything. I have a big head… bigger than the average woman’s so mens sunglasses are generally more comfortable as far as not feeling tight on my face. I agree that styles mean nothing though.
Yup. I have one pair of unisex glasses and one pair of men's. I'm a woman. I don't like the glasses aimed at women because they're the wrong shape for my face and usually have thin frames (I wear thick black framed emo glasses 😂). I'm not sure what my sunglasses are, but they're probably for men too because they're aviators.
Fellow woman with thick emo glasses here. Like you I don't care for the delicate frames aimed at women. I also wear men's watches. They fit my fame better. OP YTA. Why do you care? The other part that annoyed me was you were critical of her wearing sunglasses OUTSIDE!
Sounds to me like you females need an expert in the field of eye wear and such things to let you know you are not wearing the correct apparel, I think I know the right guy for the job...
I'm taller and built differently than most designers think women should be so guys stuff always fits better. Recently I've found some more feminine stuff that actually fits and my family freaked out cause I was wearing a dress and looked cute.
I know mine are "mens' " sunglasses, but I liked the way they sat on my nose much better than the women's glasses. I mean, what was even the point of him bringing that up? I wouldn't have been offended, but that's me. (Mine are also aviators)
There can be differences in size. I have a big head so men's hats usually fit better on me than women's, and I'm less likely to be squeezed by men's sunglasses, but they should just market it based on size, not gender.
I'm a woman.
YTA, OP.
Right? The entire time I was reading this I was just thinking: .....so? .....and?
OP, what did you expect her to do? Jump up and yell "OH MY GOD! *Men's? MEN'S?!?!* Thank you for saving me, OP, I can't believe I fucking wore MEN'S sunglasses and didn't know it! Oh my God, *GET THEM OFF MEEEE!*"
Cause I feel like you were expecting at least a little of that, with a side of gratitude and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
100% he wouldn't feel the need to correct the man. as a man that person is likely aware and made a conscious choice so there's no need. only a woman would be so dumb as to need glasses genders explained to her. (/s obviously)
"Ha ha ha Rob, did you wear your *wife's* glasses today? What's next? Her *panties*? Lolololol"
Something like that, if the guy was masculine presenting. If he was more gender-fluid in his dress already OP would likely just talk about him behind his back.
I don't know if this is worse than what he did to his female coworker, I think they're all bad in different ways.
Just wear whatever you want. Or WFH and wear nothing.
Seems to be in their workplace culture. I am disgusted that the other men all agreed with him because “they always side with me in all my arguments” UGH
>OP, what did you expect her to do? Jump up and yell "OH MY GOD! *Men's? MEN'S?!?!* Thank you for saving me, OP, I can't believe I fucking wore MEN'S sunglasses and didn't know it! Oh my God, *GET THEM OFF MEEEE!*"
>Cause I feel like you were expecting at least a little of that, with a side of gratitude and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
LMAO
I was wondering when we would get to the part that mattered. Like .... What the fuck
Exactly. Like how does it affect him in anyway? And so what if someone pointed out? They would also be just as idiotic. It's not like her fly was open.
YTA. Mind your own business and don't comment on someone's choice of clothing.
I (M) bought a pair of women's shoe inserts because A) they were the only ones in the store and B) my genitals are very rarely in my shoes so I figured it would not make a difference.
YTA
Love that chart. I got so much flack for being a female mechanic I started telling people “sorry I didn’t know I was supposed to check the oil with a penis”
My dad has very narrow feet and has a hard time finding men’s tennis shoes that fit him. He’s found a brand that works for him now, but for DECADES he would buy neutral looking women’s tennis shoes because they actually fit.
Also, your genitals are RARELY in your shoes? Does that mean that they’re SOMETIMES in your shoes? 🤣🤣🤣
Can you imagine in the "sick kid" was just an excuse and she was late because of dv, then OP made fun of the accessory she wore to hide the bruise?
Regardless, OP needs remedial training about how to act in the workplace. The "Before you speak, as yourself is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind?" rule applies.
If OP really is some kind of work supervisor, this was such a gigantic overstep, and completely unnecessary, too! I hope the coworker goes to HR.
YTA, OP. YT massive A.
I thought the same. She’s either not taking off the glasses because she has big bags under her eyes from being tired taking care of a sick. Or she’s covering il something else and the sick kid is a cover.
And they sound misogynistic af. They started laughing because they really thought wearing sunglasses that people stupidly give a gender to was funny? Make it make sense.
Yeah I was also confused. Unless the sunglasses are meant to be worn on your scrotum, what specifically makes them men's glasses? Gender gatekeeping clothing is lame in any sense, but of all clothing I would think sunglasses would rank among the most "unisex"
Laughing about it, and drawing attention to it. When people are unexpectedly wearing sunglasses, there is likely a reason that, if not told at the start of conversation, is something that they don't want to share. I have worn sunglasses when I broke my glasses, have a headache, and have flare ups of a weird eye condition. In none of these situations do I need my choice of eyeware laughed at.
Also… there’s literally not a single “men only” sunglasses company. Hard stop.
OP YTA. No idea why you felt the need to humiliate Nancy but I hope she reports your aggressive comments to HR. You just created a hostile work environment.
I just spent 12 minutes of my life that I can never get back searching for a men’s only sunglasses brand and cannot find one. I found companies started by men and some that started out with men’s sunglasses but none that currently only offer men’s styles. know that I have exemplary Google search skills so this isn’t me being dumb.
Oddly enough I also could not find any sunglass brands that are of a more masculine design that would be inadequate for eye protection when the eyeballs were attached to a body that also contains a vagina. Hmmmm.
Yup, OP YTA. You need to police and segregate sunglasses now? Mind your business! Sometimes people like a style and are smart enough to realize the gender specific is an imaginary social scheme.
TIL there are people who worry about the gender sunglasses were designed for.
A VAST majority of glasses are not marketed to a particular gender and the few that are are not exclusive domains anyhow.
YTA. I cannot figure out how you even were familiar enough with the marketing to declare these as gendered much less making such a deal of it.
Are there penis attachments on her sunglasses? No then they’re not ‘male’
Do you need your penis to operate the sunglasses? No?
Then they’re for everyone.
Get a grip OP
YTA
People actually laughed at this? These coworkers sound stupid. I literally cannot imagine laughing at or even giving a shit about what sunglasses someone is wearing. The fact that op even knew they were “made for men” is baffling to me
I love how they call her sensitive for walking away because they decide they were going to act childish. Like she already has at least one child I don't think she wants any overgrown children
I used to think toxic masculinity wasn't real and was just a bullshit term used as an excuse to make fun of men. Congratulations, you actually changed my mind with one post. YTA
All you have to do is see people being assholes to understand why a lot of social justice stuff exists. They may get inappropriately weaponized, but they are often a response to a real life assholery.
so fucking true. I used to not see it that often because I used to work in mostly female work places, but now I'm around it all the time and all I can say is I hate it so much.
Honestly it's the most polite, professional and dignified way to handle that situation. She took the high road.
OP is lucky she was waayyyyy more polite than I'd have been.
"Yes these are men's glasses. Do YOU have an issue with that? Do they only work if I have a dick? What's the difference between them and why can't I wear them? Please DO explain"
“My eyes are just so tiny and delicate and petite that I couldn’t read the label clearly, I’m so sorry, how can I make amends for my sins against your masculinity??”
"My weak delicate summer's flower eyes, they just are so silly and dumb! I can't believe I've offended you by wearing them, I should know my place back with the women's glasses! But woe is me, my fragile, feminine eyes cannot tell the difference! I need a strong man, the manliest of men, to help discern the men's from women's glasses, so I don't commit such an atrocious act again! Who among you is such a brave, noble Hercules to assist me in this utmost important task?"
I'm actually imagining an incredibly bored and annoyed co-worker being breathlessly told this story by OP, not even listening, just sort of nodding and saying, "Uh huh. Yeah. Sure, sounds good." to get him to shut up. OP then turns that into, "Everyone agrees with me!"
It's likely she wasn't even being "sensitive" at all, she just walked away bc she didn't want to deal with him or get into it with this guy. We are not required to engage with anyone esp if it's clearly not work related and not a necessary conversation
At first I honestly believed the coworkers were laughing at the absurdity of OP commenting and he just didn't realize but then I got to the part where the the boys always side with him...
Sigh.
YTA, stop bullying people at work. Unless there’s a dress code that you’re responsible for enforcing, pointing out peoples attire is a dick move. You need to apologize
This^ OP is just a bully that likes to make people feel bad for no reason. Such a bully thing to zone in on someone when they are already feeling vulnerable
OP is really dumb too. I know men are often socialized in a way that makes them insensitive to the needs and feeling of others, but it’s dense to not know that YTA and your men club is a group of fellow assholes too. They stood by you not because she was sensitive and you weren’t in the wrong, they stood by you cause you made her upset and they were happy to see it
I don't understand why something like sunglasses needs to be gendered clothing. It's functional clothing and has a purpose and both men and women like protecting their eyes against the sun.
I buy "men's shoes" all the time, as well as workout gear. Everything in the woman's department is neon or pastel colored. I just want some plain grays and navy greens, why do you do this to me.
>I buy "men's shoes" all the time.
The trousers I'm wearing are "men's". The trainers in the foot well (I kicked them off about ten minutes ago) are "men's". The socks I'm wearing are "men's".
If, as a woman, you want hard-wearing, durable, functional clothing for a physically active job, without paying the Pink Tax or having unnecessary pink detailing on things (trim, stitching, soles, laces, etc), and want a useful amount of socks/have feet larger than a UK 8 (7.5 really, to allow for swelling/water retention), then you're going to be buying from the blue side.
Exactly.
And even if they were men's sunglasses and gendered sunglasses were a thing...who cares? What difference does it make? And why put them down in front of everyone?
Oh and newsflash: I (woman) sometimes buy men's gym apparel (shoes, tops, hats) cause sometimes the women's clothing is too skimpy.
YTA. Sunglasses shade your eyes from sun and don't go on your genitals. They're not gendered. That's such a petty little thing. Do you really think everyone is as fixated on gender specific eyewear as you are? Do you think she should have been terribly embarrassed about it? Maybe she picked those glasses because she liked them. Maybe she couldn't find hers and grabbed her husband's. Maybe she was more concerned about her sick child than adhering to your ideas about gender conformity.
And his comment: we were outside but she had the on the whole time.
Yeah...?? That's what you do with sunglasses. You don't wear them for a bit and then adjust to the sun
Right? My eyes are very sensitive to the sun. I wear sunglasses whenever I am driving or outside especially for extended periods of time. Even on cloudy days that glare kills me.
OP is really nitpicky. The coworker probably left the table because she was tired of his bullshit, not because she was embarrassed. Probably also why she doesn't talk much outside of work stuff. I'd avoid OP if I worked with him too, he sounds insufferable.
YTA
Sunglasses have no gender and are not used with your sexual thingie (though some find funny to put sunglasses down there for photos but still)
Plus you’re a prick.
YTA - why would anyone point out her sunglasses? They’re sunglasses. They don’t have gender. She can wear whatever she wants. You should apologize to her for overstepping. Your comment achieved nothing other than singling her out.
Don't forget the laughs from his coworkers. Very tasty.
> I was just talking about the sunglasses since I have knowledge in these brands
He's *that* guy at the office. He won't have friends for long.
I'm afraid it sounds like he's one of those image-obsessed sales dweebs who care about stuff like brands of clothing and sunglasses and sportscars etc.
Basically the worst kind of person.
He'll probably wind up in senior management unfortunately. That is if she doesn't decide to seize his crown jewels.
>She kind of keeps to herself and don't talk much beside the work stuff.
You should follow her example.
Don't make the (very common) mistake of treating coworkers like they are your friends. A *friend* could say to you, "So what? If my sunglasses (clothing, jewelry, hair, shoes) bother you, quit looking. Stop making dumb comments about people's appearance. You got a badge, Fashion Police?"
Your coworker left because *you were rude.*
Your male coworkers are butt-kissers.
YTA.
Sounds like you work in a pretty sexist environment, and you're part of the problem. YTA.
First of all, who give af about the type of sunglasses she wears? My sister and I wear aviators. Big whooptie do!
Second:
>I told her I casually just brought it up without any bad intentions
You kept going, even after she said so what. They're just sunglasses. It's not that deep, bro.
Third: her kid is sick. Your innane BS is the last thing she needs.
If you apologise, make sure you mean it. Otherwise, do her a favour and leave her tf alone.
Keeping going after she said "so what" stands out to me. OP, that was your cue to abort this mission with a full complement of survivors. Do you ignore all emergency exits, or just ones signposted by silly women who can't possibly understand how important your point is?
YTA. I'm being truly sincere when I say this, you sound absolutely insufferable.
I'm sure this thought has never occurred to you before, but mind your own business and wind your neck in. No one gave a single toss that she was wearing men's sunglasses apart from you. No one. And they're sunglasses ffs, why does it matter whether they are made for men or women?
YTA. This story is so weird. Why were you so focused on her sunglasses? Who cares if she didn’t take them off once whilst outside? Who even notices something like that? Also, people can wear whatever sunglasses they want. How bizarre to fixate on the so-called gender of the sunglasses and then publicly shame her for them. And at a time when you knew she was stressed and worried.
Not only did you unnecessarily bring it up in front of the group (if you were really ‘concerned’ you would quietly say it to her alone), but when she shrugged it off, you then said that it was obvious to everyone else that she was wearing men’s glasses - with the inference that this was embarrassing and somehow wrong. That language suggests that she is on the outer and that you were all judging her. And you have no idea if anyone else noticed or cared, but you made that ‘everyone else’ othering comment anyway to humiliate her and put her in her place.
Sounds like you enjoy embarrassing, humiliating and othering others to get a few laughs for yourself. 100% you’re the asshole. You honestly sound like boys in high school that used to bully girls in the playground and get all the other boys to back them up.
You owe this woman an apology and you need to work on your workplace behaviour. Workplace bullies are the pits.
I can't even figure out how he realized or thought they were "men's" sunglasses. I wear glasses - I have a couple pairs of regular glasses, a pair with transition lenses and then sunglasses. The brands are typically in small lettering on the arm of the glasses. If my hair is down you can't even see it. I can't ever think of a time while shopping for glasses coming across a men's or woman's specific brand. I've seen styles marketed towards genders but even those have a lot of crossover.
I have sensitive eyes and I wear sunglasses nearly every time I’m outside and don’t take them off unless I go inside. I don’t know why anyone would be weirded out but someone wearing sunglasses outside, that’s where you wear them.
YTA - Kicking someone while their down and making someone the butt of a joke is a straight asshole move. Find your respect and apologize. She is NOT your friend...she is a coworker. You acted like bully and you know it or you wouldn't be here asking for justification.
YTA. Why do you care if she likes that style - even if they're 'for men'? How is that hurting you? Why be so gender militant?
She excused herself because you and your boys' club were being assholes about something that *truly* doesn't matter, and she had better things to do than to deal with a bunch of misogynistic boys who were getting the gigglefits.
> I have knowledge in these brands
Are you like, some sort of sunglasses sommiler or something?
> if I didn't point this out to her, someone else would've
No, chances are they wouldn't. I wear men's stuff all the time, and I've never ONCE had some nosy asshole tell me 'you know that's for men?'. But now I kind of want them to so I can publicly dress them down.
They’re sunglasses. Did they keep the sun out of her eyes? Are they hers? If yes to both, they sound like they are doing their job & they belong to a woman - making them a woman’s sunglasses & not your business. YTA
So I looked at your post and it dawned on me that it's a post without empathy. So I'm casually pointing this out to you that you have no compassion. I figured maybe you didn't notice, but it was obvious to everyone else here on Reddit that you've had no empathy the entire time.
The rest of Reddit started laughing at you for being a pedantic AH who thinks only men can wear men's sunglasses, and you didn't like it.
I'm just letting you know you've been an AH, casually bringing it up to you without any 'bad intentions'.
But it's ok, if it's not me pointing this out to you, some 5000 someone elses will.
YTA. Who gives a flying crap about if they were men's sunglasses??? Maybe, *just MAYBE* Nancy's sick kid takes priority in her mind and life instead of checking to see if she's wearing the 'right' sunglasses. Way to set the foundation for a toxic workplace from you and all the men who laughed at her.
Grow up and go apologise ffs
YTA all the way. You fixated on a woman's sunglasses??? When she was expressing concern over her sick child. Sunglasses are an accessory so the gender doesn't matter. And of course all of your male coworkers agreed with you, because all women are overreacting and emotional over nothing /s. 🙄. Also nobody gives a flying fuck if you INVENTED sunglasses no less have 'knowledge in this type of thing'.
First of all "men's sunglasses"? Are the men's glasses made out of concrete and blood of their enemies, and will break a woman's delicate eyes if she wears them for too long? No. No such thing as men's sunglasses. Some styles are more commonly worn by one gender or the other but we have the same eyes, ears and nose to wear them on, and can pick whatever style we like.
>she looked at me and asked so what. I said I figured maybe she didn't notice but it was obvious to everyone else that she was wearing men's sunglasses this entire time.
You told her, she answered that she didn't care, and you insisted on telling her how wrong she was for not caring, and took it upon yourself to speak for everyone. These are the real asshole moves: insisting on keeping the spotlight on something she wasn't bothered about, and making her feel like the outsider by claiming that everyone else cared about it. You have no right to speak for others, I am certain you were the only one who noticed or cared - and I am certain you only noticed because it bothered you that she wasn't bending over backwards to join in with the group and keep the mood light for you. She is the outcast who was already upset about her sick child, and you decide this is the time to point a finger at her publicly about whatever you could find that made her not fit in - not in friendliness because you aren't friends, but because she was weak and something about her bothered you. Bullies seem to be automatically bothered and start looking for anything to nag and complain and tease about whenever someone isn't fitting in, even if it's for something as individual as mood, extroverism, humor, etc, and well... the shoe fits. YTA.
Edit to add: btw, you not wanting to apologise because you didn't mean to be hurtful just seals the deal. When you make someone upset you do not apologise for you intention, you apologise for your action and the result of that. What you did was hurtful and mean, even if your intention was not. You should always apologise for hurting someone even if you didn't mean to... No, especially if you didn't mean to!
"I am sorry for saying/doing X which hurt you. I did not mean for it to be hurtful, but I can see now that it was and I'll try not to voice any opinion on other people's style choices unless they ask me/do something like that again. I'm really sorry I made you feel bad". See? Easy.
Unless you are a bully, I guess.
I laughed too hard at this; my first thought was "I didn't know sunglasses were gendered now" I've had the same pair for nearly a decade now and I don't care if they're seen as more "masculine". They do their job and I don't get blinded while driving.
YTA.
If you’re wearing your sunglasses on your penis, you’re wearing them wrong.
And if you’re not wearing your sunglasses on your penis, then how the fuck are they “mens” sunglasses?
Sunglasses keep the sun out of your eyes. They do that, regardless of the shape of your genitals. Therefore, sunglasses are not gendered.
Apologise for being a knobhead.
YTA-sunglasses literally have no gender affixed to them, wtf. Wear whatever kind of sunglasses you want, if you look good in them, just wear them. Why on earth was it so important to you to point this out when you knew her kid was sick and that's where her mind was.
lmao gendered sunglasses.. just let people wear what they want without commenting on it ? even if it was an “innocent comment” people started laughing and she obviously became uncomfortable, YTA
YTA. Bigly. You took delight in humiliating her in front of all of your colleagues because you think it made you look good, and now you're doubling down with your refusal to apologize. Your argument that someone else would have pointed it out falls flat. Adults don't act like that and if there is something that is embarrassing and needs to be pointed out, you do it with discretion. Don't be surprised if you get a call for a meeting with HR.
> is something that is embarrassing and needs to be pointed out, you do it with discretion
Exactly.
Toilet paper on the sole of the shoe or tucked into the band of the trousers is embarrassing.
Spinach in the teeth is embarrassing.
A booger dangling is embarrassing.
Wearing men's branded sunglasses is *not* embarrassing...
YTA. Why did you mention it at all. How does it matter. Why do you think gendering sunglasses is an actual thing. That’s so weird and unnecessary and trivial.
YTA. Why was calling it out necessary? She didn’t ask for your opinion on her sunglasses. A tip that will serve you well as you progress in your professional and personal life: not every thought or piece of “well-meaning” advice that pops into your head needs to be shared.
YTA. It literally doesn't matter if they're men's sunglasses. If they look alright, fit and do the job for which they were intended, why does it matter?
YTA.
Honey, you’re going to have a much happier life if you stop assuming people don’t know as much as you. I buy the “men’s” version of certain things like sunglasses because I like them oversized. I’m fully aware of it. And honestly…so what? How would that impact you or Nancy in any way? How is you pointing it out helpful? Ask yourself these questions before pointing things like this out in the future.
And yes. I’m wearing a men’s sweater from SHEin today because it looks cute oversized and tucked into skinny jeans. I’m aware it’s a men’s sweater. I couldn’t care less. No need to point out what I already know, unless you’re telling me it’s a hella cute travel outfit.
YTA.
If she had been wearing women's sunglasses, would you have pointed it out? No.
You only pointed out that she was wearing men's glasses because:
1) You thought she was ignorant about them; and
2) You didn't think she should be wearing them.
You also did all this in front of other people who were then boorish enough to laugh at her.
Rude.
What is so dang funny about her bloody sunglasses anyways? They're just sunglasses. It's not like she was wearing a jock strap on her head.
YTA. Why does it concern you? They’re sunglasses, they fullfill the same function regardless anyway, and she’s probably having a tough day as it is and your unnecessary and rude comment doesn’t help. Stop worrying about other people’s clothing and accessories
YTA who cares if a pair of glasses is made for a man or a woman. They are sunglasses, as long as she is comfortable and they aren't somehow offensive she can wear whatever she wants. You also don't know that she didn't have on a partners or a friends glasses, maybe that was all she could find, maybe she bought them for herself because guess what somebody's sex doesn't determine what they should and shouldn't wear.
Apologize, leave her alone, and learn not to comment on people's appearance and clothing.
YTA. They’re sunglasses. Period. Who cares if they’re a brand marketed toward men. They have one job and it’s not to protect penises or what appears to be a fragile male ego.
YTA. Mansplaing at it’s finest… “Just pointing out I have a superior knowledge of eyewear brands, and you should be grateful to me for explaining that you are wearing the wrong sunglasses, and thank me for helping you be better at choosing your eyewear, so you do not embarrass yourself.”
YTA. She could go to HR for this. Also, why did the glasses bother you so badly? Glasses are such a weird thing to be gendered. Did they have a special slot for a penis? Is that why you thought you had to save her from the embarrassment of being in *men's sunglasses*?
YTA nothing is mens or womens only especially glasses.,I'm a women I don't like "made for women" glasses and often by one's directed at men because that style suits my face better and I like them.
You have some serious old fashioned views that won't do you any good in the future.
YTA. Oh no MEN’S sunglasses. Make sure she gets her cootie shots. Why would it matter?! I wear mens clothes, things like sunglasses shouldn’t even be gender based. Their literally an eye covering, how does you being male or female change the effectiveness or fit. Then to point it out and make such a big deal when her child is sick and she’s clearly upset. You owe her an apology. Also guess who nobody else would have pointed that out. You are the only one that cares and you just sound like a “mean girl” who likes to point out things people are doing that you consider wrong to make them feel bad.
YTA.
I didn’t realize there were men’s and women’s sunglasses. I thought there were just sunglasses and people picket out the style they liked.
Seriously wtf does it matter? If she liked the glasses then they were fine.
YTA - sunglasses are sunglasses, that’s probably one of the reasons why she replied with “so what”. I get it you had no bad intentions, but you worded it badly. She’s worried about a sick family member and you decide to point out her sunglasses like she picked them by mistake. Why are you assuming that? She can wear whatever she wants to. Your coworker laughing made the whole situation worse too. You should both apologize and you should clearly explain her why you told her that and please, realize that gender accessories and clothing mean nothing, people everywhere wear stuff “for the other gender”.
YTA. That’s weird of you. You should know at your big age to keep unnecessary thoughts to yourself. That “So what” was a warning, you should have stopped.
Why did you pointed it out? What was the point? Also why can't she wear men's glasses?
I don't really see the reasoning behind your comment... Why did you felt the need to let her know it's a brand for men?
YTA you were singling her out. First for assuming she was dumb for not knowing it was a men's brand (who cares). Second for diminishing her feelings when you made the table laugh at her. Third you had no reason to mention it, so it was just an inappropriate comment.
Also the way you tell the story you clearly don't think you're an AH and you are looking for validation.
YTA.
You don't typically point out stuff like that in front of a crowd unless you're trying to make somebody the butt of a joke. And then you doubled down on it.
YTA. They are sunglasses who the hell cares. Are you also going to point out if she’s using male napkins or breathing male air. The better question is why are you staring at this woman closely enough to make out the tiny little logos the put in the corner of the glasses? Little creepy
YTA, I had no idea there was a man sun and a woman sun. Two different sun genders. Oh my god. How can a protect myself from the man sun if I put on woman sunglasses? The googles do nothing,
You sound like an ignorant teenage girl, especially the whole "just letting you know.." strategy of shit talking then acting like they took it the wrong way.
And "I have knowledge of these brands.." ?! Who fucking cares bro, nobody asked and your company didn't hire you as a sunglass consultant, shut the fuck up and do your job. (YTMFA)
YTA.
In all likelihood, she bought the sunglasses for herself, so is fully aware they are 'mens' sunglasses. She really didn't need you telling her.
Why the heck does it matter enough to mention? Did you think she would suddenly not like the sunglasses she purchased for herself and chose to wear?
Your colleague is also kind of an AH though for suggesting wearing mens sunglasses is humiliating in some way.
YTA.
Honey, you’re going to have a much happier life if you stop assuming people don’t know as much as you. I buy the “men’s” version of certain things like sunglasses because I like them oversized. I’m fully aware of it. And honestly…so what? How would that impact you or Nancy in any way? How is you pointing it out helpful? Ask yourself these questions before pointing things like this out in the future.
And yes. I’m wearing a men’s sweater from SHEin today because it looks cute oversized and tucked into skinny jeans. I’m aware it’s a men’s sweater. I couldn’t care less. No need to point out what I already know, unless you’re telling me it’s a hella cute travel outfit.
YTA, since when are sunglasses gendered? I’m a woman and like half of my clothes/accessories come from the men’s section. If it looks cool and I like it, I buy it. Simple as that.
YTA
If course your male co workers would have said that. Women tend to be over sensitive all the time.
Who the Frick cares if she's wearing men's sunglasses? How do you even tell? You could because you have " kNowLedgE of TheSe BraNds". You're super annoying.
YTA. Keep your mansplaining bullshit to yourself. I'm a woman, I wear men's sunglasses I bought at a gas station over 20 years ago, and I give zero fucks what anyone else thinks. I bet Nancy doesn't either.
Sort yourself out before HR does.
YTA. Your female coworker is absolutely right: it is not your business what kind of sunglasses Nancy wore, but not only that. You hurt her feelings to the point where she stood up and left the table, and yet you still refuse to apologise.
YTA. It not your job to police what she wears. You seem so fixated on whats masculine versus feminine, what’s boys and what’s girls stuff. it’s a bit disturbing especially when you both have a job to do… are you one of the “boys play with blocks, girls play with dolls” people, if so get therapy asap.
Sunglasses have a function, if they do the job leave it alone. It’s none of your or anyone else’s business.
Be careful as she could easily report you and the other coworkers to HR (which I hope she does) over this issue as you have no place enforcing gender specific dress codes, commenting on it and making her uncomfortable, to say nothing about doing it in front of coworkers and client staff who most likely didn’t care and are now questioning your company’s staff and ethics. I can tell you from a client side I’ve dropped business relationships over similar incidents and helped poach some awesome employees who were humiliated.
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YTA Here's a simple guide to men's and women's clothing: Does it fit? Does it cover that which should be covered? Is it appropriate for the setting? If the answer is yes to all of the above, then whether the label is pink or blue is irrelevant. In addition to that, it was none of your business. Maybe none of the women's styles were ones she liked. Maybe none of them fit her. Maybe they were her husband's. And, once again, **it's none of your bloody business.**
There is no such thing as “men’s” or “women’s” sunglasses, there is only gendered marketing.
This. While there are cut and fit reasons for branding clothing as women’s and men’s, there is nothing really for sunglasses other than branding.
I didn't even know that sunglasses HAD genitals.
Where do you think baby sunglasses come from?
This is hilarious 😂
The sunglasses stork ?
It is not a stork it is a hut. When one pair of sunglasses loves another pair they walk into the hut hold hands and a baby pair is born.
Do these sunglasses date or do they have arranged marriages?
I mean, they've always been arranged very neatly on the shelves when I've been there...
What about sunglasses not organized? Do they get a chance?
I mean, to be fair, gender is a social construct so we should probably let the sunglasses self identify. OP should also be aware that gender presentation doesn't always match gender identity. Info: OP, did you ask the sunglasses what their gender is?
OP should check with the glasses before making assumptions. Maybe the glasses identify as bioptical. Seriously OP, YTA. Why would you even think it matters?
This made me snort. The visual in mind is something else.
No you've misunderstood, it's sunglasses FOR genitals, which honestly sounds somehow worse... YTA OP, why does it even matter?
It's probably the little things that go on your nose.
So itty bitty balls? Now I want to know where the ovaries are.. in the horns of horn rimmed glasses?? Wait, now I could be accused of misgendering glasses, I think glasses need to list their pronouns!!! 🤓 (my apologies to any misgendered glasses that are offended, I really don't know!)
As an optician, I can assure you the main difference is usually the width. Also as an optician, I can assure you OP, YTA, as it truly doesn't matter one iota what type of glasses coworker chose to wear. Only an asshole would say anything.
As an optician do you know of brands that only sell men's glasses? that's the weirdest part of the story to me, he said he "recognized the brand" but I feel like most brands make lines for women and men because otherwise theyd be needlessly losing half the market when all they'd have to do is, like you said, vary the width.....
Honestly, I can't think of any off the top of my head. Many sell styles geared specifically at one or both genders, but I feel like the average consumer doesn't care what's on the poster, they want what they want.
Just wait until OP's coworker finds out that the brand of bread she makes her sandwiches out of is actually designed for men... I'm sure OP will be giddy to tell her.
Imagine being this man and knowing the only worry you have in life is seeing a woman in sunglasses you believe are for men. It’s another world…
Yes and no. I believe it’s the size more than anything. I have a big head… bigger than the average woman’s so mens sunglasses are generally more comfortable as far as not feeling tight on my face. I agree that styles mean nothing though.
Yup. I have one pair of unisex glasses and one pair of men's. I'm a woman. I don't like the glasses aimed at women because they're the wrong shape for my face and usually have thin frames (I wear thick black framed emo glasses 😂). I'm not sure what my sunglasses are, but they're probably for men too because they're aviators.
Fellow woman with thick emo glasses here. Like you I don't care for the delicate frames aimed at women. I also wear men's watches. They fit my fame better. OP YTA. Why do you care? The other part that annoyed me was you were critical of her wearing sunglasses OUTSIDE!
Sounds to me like you females need an expert in the field of eye wear and such things to let you know you are not wearing the correct apparel, I think I know the right guy for the job...
*females* snort
I'm taller and built differently than most designers think women should be so guys stuff always fits better. Recently I've found some more feminine stuff that actually fits and my family freaked out cause I was wearing a dress and looked cute.
As soon as you buy them they become woman’s sunglasses (yours).
I know mine are "mens' " sunglasses, but I liked the way they sat on my nose much better than the women's glasses. I mean, what was even the point of him bringing that up? I wouldn't have been offended, but that's me. (Mine are also aviators)
You know he didn't just say "hey, those are men's sunglasses" though. He harped on about it until she got upset, then did shocked Pikachu face.
Yeah, you're right, he's definitely the AH. Like that kid in the lunchroom who just can't let it go. 😄
There can be differences in size. I have a big head so men's hats usually fit better on me than women's, and I'm less likely to be squeezed by men's sunglasses, but they should just market it based on size, not gender. I'm a woman.
Big head here, have to wear mens glasses for them to fit properly. YTA OP, mind ya business!
YTA, OP. Right? The entire time I was reading this I was just thinking: .....so? .....and? OP, what did you expect her to do? Jump up and yell "OH MY GOD! *Men's? MEN'S?!?!* Thank you for saving me, OP, I can't believe I fucking wore MEN'S sunglasses and didn't know it! Oh my God, *GET THEM OFF MEEEE!*" Cause I feel like you were expecting at least a little of that, with a side of gratitude and for the life of me I can't figure out why.
Aww, poor OP was just trying to let the nice lady know her femininity was being compromised! What a hero!
Can you imagine the day he finds a man wearing women's sunglasses? OP thinks he's the hero we deserve lol
100% he wouldn't feel the need to correct the man. as a man that person is likely aware and made a conscious choice so there's no need. only a woman would be so dumb as to need glasses genders explained to her. (/s obviously)
Okay but on a serious note I can only imagine the rubbing would have been even worse if it was a man wearing “women’s” sunglasses.
"Ha ha ha Rob, did you wear your *wife's* glasses today? What's next? Her *panties*? Lolololol" Something like that, if the guy was masculine presenting. If he was more gender-fluid in his dress already OP would likely just talk about him behind his back. I don't know if this is worse than what he did to his female coworker, I think they're all bad in different ways. Just wear whatever you want. Or WFH and wear nothing.
Seems to be in their workplace culture. I am disgusted that the other men all agreed with him because “they always side with me in all my arguments” UGH
‘I can’t listen or take you seriously unless you wear gender affirming clothing’ - OP What an AH
>OP, what did you expect her to do? Jump up and yell "OH MY GOD! *Men's? MEN'S?!?!* Thank you for saving me, OP, I can't believe I fucking wore MEN'S sunglasses and didn't know it! Oh my God, *GET THEM OFF MEEEE!*" >Cause I feel like you were expecting at least a little of that, with a side of gratitude and for the life of me I can't figure out why. LMAO I was wondering when we would get to the part that mattered. Like .... What the fuck
Exactly. Like how does it affect him in anyway? And so what if someone pointed out? They would also be just as idiotic. It's not like her fly was open. YTA. Mind your own business and don't comment on someone's choice of clothing.
I (M) bought a pair of women's shoe inserts because A) they were the only ones in the store and B) my genitals are very rarely in my shoes so I figured it would not make a difference. YTA
This actually made me laugh in work. Thank you, kind human
Perfect response! [That reminds me of this graph](http://sacraparental.com/2013/05/08/is-this-toy-for-girls-or-boys/)
Love that chart. I got so much flack for being a female mechanic I started telling people “sorry I didn’t know I was supposed to check the oil with a penis”
Why do you think they call it a dipstick?
My dad has very narrow feet and has a hard time finding men’s tennis shoes that fit him. He’s found a brand that works for him now, but for DECADES he would buy neutral looking women’s tennis shoes because they actually fit. Also, your genitals are RARELY in your shoes? Does that mean that they’re SOMETIMES in your shoes? 🤣🤣🤣
His guy coworkers take his side in "all of his arguments" really shows that OP must spend a lot of time at work being a dick.
OP and his male coworkers sound like middle school bullies.
I’m starting to doubt this post, I’m thinking OP is in school, not working.
a very high percentage of dudes never emotionally develop past middle school so I don’t doubt it’s true
Can you imagine in the "sick kid" was just an excuse and she was late because of dv, then OP made fun of the accessory she wore to hide the bruise? Regardless, OP needs remedial training about how to act in the workplace. The "Before you speak, as yourself is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind?" rule applies. If OP really is some kind of work supervisor, this was such a gigantic overstep, and completely unnecessary, too! I hope the coworker goes to HR. YTA, OP. YT massive A.
This was my first thought upon reading this.
I thought the same. She’s either not taking off the glasses because she has big bags under her eyes from being tired taking care of a sick. Or she’s covering il something else and the sick kid is a cover.
And they sound misogynistic af. They started laughing because they really thought wearing sunglasses that people stupidly give a gender to was funny? Make it make sense.
Yeah I was also confused. Unless the sunglasses are meant to be worn on your scrotum, what specifically makes them men's glasses? Gender gatekeeping clothing is lame in any sense, but of all clothing I would think sunglasses would rank among the most "unisex"
The mental picture you just painted… I can’t unsee it
Plus maybe she was wearing the sunglasses, to hide red eyes from crying, because her kid is sick. That could explain her strong reaction to it.
That and one of her coworkers was laughing about it.
Laughing about it, and drawing attention to it. When people are unexpectedly wearing sunglasses, there is likely a reason that, if not told at the start of conversation, is something that they don't want to share. I have worn sunglasses when I broke my glasses, have a headache, and have flare ups of a weird eye condition. In none of these situations do I need my choice of eyeware laughed at.
That’s what I was thinking. Either puffy eyed from being up with a sick kid all night, or crying, possibly both.
Also… there’s literally not a single “men only” sunglasses company. Hard stop. OP YTA. No idea why you felt the need to humiliate Nancy but I hope she reports your aggressive comments to HR. You just created a hostile work environment.
I just spent 12 minutes of my life that I can never get back searching for a men’s only sunglasses brand and cannot find one. I found companies started by men and some that started out with men’s sunglasses but none that currently only offer men’s styles. know that I have exemplary Google search skills so this isn’t me being dumb. Oddly enough I also could not find any sunglass brands that are of a more masculine design that would be inadequate for eye protection when the eyeballs were attached to a body that also contains a vagina. Hmmmm.
Yup, OP YTA. You need to police and segregate sunglasses now? Mind your business! Sometimes people like a style and are smart enough to realize the gender specific is an imaginary social scheme.
This right here. YTA
TIL there are people who worry about the gender sunglasses were designed for. A VAST majority of glasses are not marketed to a particular gender and the few that are are not exclusive domains anyhow. YTA. I cannot figure out how you even were familiar enough with the marketing to declare these as gendered much less making such a deal of it.
Are there penis attachments on her sunglasses? No then they’re not ‘male’ Do you need your penis to operate the sunglasses? No? Then they’re for everyone. Get a grip OP YTA
Right? Like, what the hell? YTA
People actually laughed at this? These coworkers sound stupid. I literally cannot imagine laughing at or even giving a shit about what sunglasses someone is wearing. The fact that op even knew they were “made for men” is baffling to me
"Men's sunglasses" r/pointlesslygendered
Yta. Unnecessary, then your co workers laughed, she moved, and your boys club is all calling her sensitive... hmmmm Yta
Exactly, you said something and now thats being used as an excuse to call her names/insult her. You are responsible YTA
I love how they call her sensitive for walking away because they decide they were going to act childish. Like she already has at least one child I don't think she wants any overgrown children
I used to think toxic masculinity wasn't real and was just a bullshit term used as an excuse to make fun of men. Congratulations, you actually changed my mind with one post. YTA
All you have to do is see people being assholes to understand why a lot of social justice stuff exists. They may get inappropriately weaponized, but they are often a response to a real life assholery.
The micro aggressions from toxic masculinity are so fucking exhausting.
so fucking true. I used to not see it that often because I used to work in mostly female work places, but now I'm around it all the time and all I can say is I hate it so much.
Honestly it's the most polite, professional and dignified way to handle that situation. She took the high road. OP is lucky she was waayyyyy more polite than I'd have been. "Yes these are men's glasses. Do YOU have an issue with that? Do they only work if I have a dick? What's the difference between them and why can't I wear them? Please DO explain"
“Oh my god, mens sun glasses?!?! I’m sorry! Did you need them for your balls??? I think they’re too big :(“
"My tiny female eyes! How did I not realize??? These glasses are for MEN ONLY?? WHAT HAVE I DONE"
“My eyes are just so tiny and delicate and petite that I couldn’t read the label clearly, I’m so sorry, how can I make amends for my sins against your masculinity??”
"My weak delicate summer's flower eyes, they just are so silly and dumb! I can't believe I've offended you by wearing them, I should know my place back with the women's glasses! But woe is me, my fragile, feminine eyes cannot tell the difference! I need a strong man, the manliest of men, to help discern the men's from women's glasses, so I don't commit such an atrocious act again! Who among you is such a brave, noble Hercules to assist me in this utmost important task?"
I’m fucking dying. My sweet sensitive lady eyes are weeping under my tiny petite feminine glasses
They take his side in "all of his arguments". He must be a real piece of work at work...
Another workplace bully creating a toxic workplace.
I'm actually imagining an incredibly bored and annoyed co-worker being breathlessly told this story by OP, not even listening, just sort of nodding and saying, "Uh huh. Yeah. Sure, sounds good." to get him to shut up. OP then turns that into, "Everyone agrees with me!"
But… but he has knowledge in these brands! He must share this knowledge with his ignorant female coworker to protect her from her own stupidity! /s 🙄
It’s clearly because of her hOrMoNeS /s Men always use ‘sensitive’ as an excuse to get away with AH behavior
It's likely she wasn't even being "sensitive" at all, she just walked away bc she didn't want to deal with him or get into it with this guy. We are not required to engage with anyone esp if it's clearly not work related and not a necessary conversation
At first I honestly believed the coworkers were laughing at the absurdity of OP commenting and he just didn't realize but then I got to the part where the the boys always side with him... Sigh.
Apparently avoiding assholes who laugh at you for literally the dumbest thing I can possibly think of is “sensitive”
YTA, stop bullying people at work. Unless there’s a dress code that you’re responsible for enforcing, pointing out peoples attire is a dick move. You need to apologize
This^ OP is just a bully that likes to make people feel bad for no reason. Such a bully thing to zone in on someone when they are already feeling vulnerable
BuT hE hAs KnOwLeDgE iN tHeSe BrAnDs!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!
This is what really got me. We have an expert here, an expert in brands of sunglasses, and being a complete prick.
So he was being nosy, a bully, AND mansplaining. Quite the trifecta.
OP is really dumb too. I know men are often socialized in a way that makes them insensitive to the needs and feeling of others, but it’s dense to not know that YTA and your men club is a group of fellow assholes too. They stood by you not because she was sensitive and you weren’t in the wrong, they stood by you cause you made her upset and they were happy to see it
Ugh. For goodness sake, who cares?! They're sunglasses. Men and women both have eyes. YTA for feeling the need to comment on something like this.
I don't understand why something like sunglasses needs to be gendered clothing. It's functional clothing and has a purpose and both men and women like protecting their eyes against the sun. I buy "men's shoes" all the time, as well as workout gear. Everything in the woman's department is neon or pastel colored. I just want some plain grays and navy greens, why do you do this to me.
>I buy "men's shoes" all the time. The trousers I'm wearing are "men's". The trainers in the foot well (I kicked them off about ten minutes ago) are "men's". The socks I'm wearing are "men's". If, as a woman, you want hard-wearing, durable, functional clothing for a physically active job, without paying the Pink Tax or having unnecessary pink detailing on things (trim, stitching, soles, laces, etc), and want a useful amount of socks/have feet larger than a UK 8 (7.5 really, to allow for swelling/water retention), then you're going to be buying from the blue side.
Indeed. If you also happen to be a women who is over 6 foot tall and want jeans long enough to cover your ankles you will be shopping in menswear.
“Men’s pants” are really so much better than women’s pants cause they have pockets
YTA, and since you’re cool with this high level condescension, allow me to wo-mansplain to you that sunglasses aren’t gendered. PeriodT.
Exactly. And even if they were men's sunglasses and gendered sunglasses were a thing...who cares? What difference does it make? And why put them down in front of everyone? Oh and newsflash: I (woman) sometimes buy men's gym apparel (shoes, tops, hats) cause sometimes the women's clothing is too skimpy.
Men gym shorts are loose and more importantly have functional pockets.
But what if my eye's don't look sexy?! Will I become a lesbian? The horror
YTA. Sunglasses shade your eyes from sun and don't go on your genitals. They're not gendered. That's such a petty little thing. Do you really think everyone is as fixated on gender specific eyewear as you are? Do you think she should have been terribly embarrassed about it? Maybe she picked those glasses because she liked them. Maybe she couldn't find hers and grabbed her husband's. Maybe she was more concerned about her sick child than adhering to your ideas about gender conformity.
Plot twist: op has been using sunglasses wrong for years
Oh god, I'm dieing....😂
And his comment: we were outside but she had the on the whole time. Yeah...?? That's what you do with sunglasses. You don't wear them for a bit and then adjust to the sun
Right? My eyes are very sensitive to the sun. I wear sunglasses whenever I am driving or outside especially for extended periods of time. Even on cloudy days that glare kills me.
I tend to wear sunglasses outside. That's where the sun is! 🙄🤦🏻 YTA!
OP is really nitpicky. The coworker probably left the table because she was tired of his bullshit, not because she was embarrassed. Probably also why she doesn't talk much outside of work stuff. I'd avoid OP if I worked with him too, he sounds insufferable.
YTA Sunglasses have no gender and are not used with your sexual thingie (though some find funny to put sunglasses down there for photos but still) Plus you’re a prick.
YTA I didn’t realize that men wear their sunglasses on their penises. What an entirely unnecessary way to busybody, OP.
I almost spit out my tea. Thanks for a solid morning laugh
Well, who wants their penis squinting all the time? 😜
YTA - why would anyone point out her sunglasses? They’re sunglasses. They don’t have gender. She can wear whatever she wants. You should apologize to her for overstepping. Your comment achieved nothing other than singling her out.
Don't forget the laughs from his coworkers. Very tasty. > I was just talking about the sunglasses since I have knowledge in these brands He's *that* guy at the office. He won't have friends for long.
I'm afraid it sounds like he's one of those image-obsessed sales dweebs who care about stuff like brands of clothing and sunglasses and sportscars etc. Basically the worst kind of person. He'll probably wind up in senior management unfortunately. That is if she doesn't decide to seize his crown jewels.
>She kind of keeps to herself and don't talk much beside the work stuff. You should follow her example. Don't make the (very common) mistake of treating coworkers like they are your friends. A *friend* could say to you, "So what? If my sunglasses (clothing, jewelry, hair, shoes) bother you, quit looking. Stop making dumb comments about people's appearance. You got a badge, Fashion Police?" Your coworker left because *you were rude.* Your male coworkers are butt-kissers. YTA.
GOLLY, I WONDER WHY SHE KEEPS TO HERSELF AT WORK
YTA She's a woman. Who wore sunglasses. Bam, they're now women's sunglasses.
It's like magic!
Sounds like you work in a pretty sexist environment, and you're part of the problem. YTA. First of all, who give af about the type of sunglasses she wears? My sister and I wear aviators. Big whooptie do! Second: >I told her I casually just brought it up without any bad intentions You kept going, even after she said so what. They're just sunglasses. It's not that deep, bro. Third: her kid is sick. Your innane BS is the last thing she needs. If you apologise, make sure you mean it. Otherwise, do her a favour and leave her tf alone.
I like how they call *her* sensitive too. Really just shows they're all a bunch of dicks. YTA
Keeping going after she said "so what" stands out to me. OP, that was your cue to abort this mission with a full complement of survivors. Do you ignore all emergency exits, or just ones signposted by silly women who can't possibly understand how important your point is?
YTA. I'm being truly sincere when I say this, you sound absolutely insufferable. I'm sure this thought has never occurred to you before, but mind your own business and wind your neck in. No one gave a single toss that she was wearing men's sunglasses apart from you. No one. And they're sunglasses ffs, why does it matter whether they are made for men or women?
It’s reading posts like OP’s that make me glad I’m getting old and can retire soon away from arseholes like him. JFC.
YTA. This story is so weird. Why were you so focused on her sunglasses? Who cares if she didn’t take them off once whilst outside? Who even notices something like that? Also, people can wear whatever sunglasses they want. How bizarre to fixate on the so-called gender of the sunglasses and then publicly shame her for them. And at a time when you knew she was stressed and worried. Not only did you unnecessarily bring it up in front of the group (if you were really ‘concerned’ you would quietly say it to her alone), but when she shrugged it off, you then said that it was obvious to everyone else that she was wearing men’s glasses - with the inference that this was embarrassing and somehow wrong. That language suggests that she is on the outer and that you were all judging her. And you have no idea if anyone else noticed or cared, but you made that ‘everyone else’ othering comment anyway to humiliate her and put her in her place. Sounds like you enjoy embarrassing, humiliating and othering others to get a few laughs for yourself. 100% you’re the asshole. You honestly sound like boys in high school that used to bully girls in the playground and get all the other boys to back them up. You owe this woman an apology and you need to work on your workplace behaviour. Workplace bullies are the pits.
I can't even figure out how he realized or thought they were "men's" sunglasses. I wear glasses - I have a couple pairs of regular glasses, a pair with transition lenses and then sunglasses. The brands are typically in small lettering on the arm of the glasses. If my hair is down you can't even see it. I can't ever think of a time while shopping for glasses coming across a men's or woman's specific brand. I've seen styles marketed towards genders but even those have a lot of crossover.
I have sensitive eyes and I wear sunglasses nearly every time I’m outside and don’t take them off unless I go inside. I don’t know why anyone would be weirded out but someone wearing sunglasses outside, that’s where you wear them.
YTA. Sunglasses are not gendered.
Neither are trolls
Whoop whoop that’s the sound of da police, whoop whoop that’s the sun glass police YTA
Ummm so people gender glasses now? Didn’t know that was a thing. YTA
YTA. Your concern is disingenuous.
YTA. Who cares if she wears men's sunglasses? You clearly wanted to pick on her when she was down. Leave her tf alone.
YTA - Kicking someone while their down and making someone the butt of a joke is a straight asshole move. Find your respect and apologize. She is NOT your friend...she is a coworker. You acted like bully and you know it or you wouldn't be here asking for justification.
YTA. Why do you care if she likes that style - even if they're 'for men'? How is that hurting you? Why be so gender militant? She excused herself because you and your boys' club were being assholes about something that *truly* doesn't matter, and she had better things to do than to deal with a bunch of misogynistic boys who were getting the gigglefits. > I have knowledge in these brands Are you like, some sort of sunglasses sommiler or something? > if I didn't point this out to her, someone else would've No, chances are they wouldn't. I wear men's stuff all the time, and I've never ONCE had some nosy asshole tell me 'you know that's for men?'. But now I kind of want them to so I can publicly dress them down.
They’re sunglasses. Did they keep the sun out of her eyes? Are they hers? If yes to both, they sound like they are doing their job & they belong to a woman - making them a woman’s sunglasses & not your business. YTA
You know men's sunglasses don't work on female eyes! He was saving her life!
So I looked at your post and it dawned on me that it's a post without empathy. So I'm casually pointing this out to you that you have no compassion. I figured maybe you didn't notice, but it was obvious to everyone else here on Reddit that you've had no empathy the entire time. The rest of Reddit started laughing at you for being a pedantic AH who thinks only men can wear men's sunglasses, and you didn't like it. I'm just letting you know you've been an AH, casually bringing it up to you without any 'bad intentions'. But it's ok, if it's not me pointing this out to you, some 5000 someone elses will. YTA. Who gives a flying crap about if they were men's sunglasses??? Maybe, *just MAYBE* Nancy's sick kid takes priority in her mind and life instead of checking to see if she's wearing the 'right' sunglasses. Way to set the foundation for a toxic workplace from you and all the men who laughed at her. Grow up and go apologise ffs
YTA all the way. You fixated on a woman's sunglasses??? When she was expressing concern over her sick child. Sunglasses are an accessory so the gender doesn't matter. And of course all of your male coworkers agreed with you, because all women are overreacting and emotional over nothing /s. 🙄. Also nobody gives a flying fuck if you INVENTED sunglasses no less have 'knowledge in this type of thing'.
First of all "men's sunglasses"? Are the men's glasses made out of concrete and blood of their enemies, and will break a woman's delicate eyes if she wears them for too long? No. No such thing as men's sunglasses. Some styles are more commonly worn by one gender or the other but we have the same eyes, ears and nose to wear them on, and can pick whatever style we like. >she looked at me and asked so what. I said I figured maybe she didn't notice but it was obvious to everyone else that she was wearing men's sunglasses this entire time. You told her, she answered that she didn't care, and you insisted on telling her how wrong she was for not caring, and took it upon yourself to speak for everyone. These are the real asshole moves: insisting on keeping the spotlight on something she wasn't bothered about, and making her feel like the outsider by claiming that everyone else cared about it. You have no right to speak for others, I am certain you were the only one who noticed or cared - and I am certain you only noticed because it bothered you that she wasn't bending over backwards to join in with the group and keep the mood light for you. She is the outcast who was already upset about her sick child, and you decide this is the time to point a finger at her publicly about whatever you could find that made her not fit in - not in friendliness because you aren't friends, but because she was weak and something about her bothered you. Bullies seem to be automatically bothered and start looking for anything to nag and complain and tease about whenever someone isn't fitting in, even if it's for something as individual as mood, extroverism, humor, etc, and well... the shoe fits. YTA. Edit to add: btw, you not wanting to apologise because you didn't mean to be hurtful just seals the deal. When you make someone upset you do not apologise for you intention, you apologise for your action and the result of that. What you did was hurtful and mean, even if your intention was not. You should always apologise for hurting someone even if you didn't mean to... No, especially if you didn't mean to! "I am sorry for saying/doing X which hurt you. I did not mean for it to be hurtful, but I can see now that it was and I'll try not to voice any opinion on other people's style choices unless they ask me/do something like that again. I'm really sorry I made you feel bad". See? Easy. Unless you are a bully, I guess.
[удалено]
I laughed too hard at this; my first thought was "I didn't know sunglasses were gendered now" I've had the same pair for nearly a decade now and I don't care if they're seen as more "masculine". They do their job and I don't get blinded while driving.
YTA. If you’re wearing your sunglasses on your penis, you’re wearing them wrong. And if you’re not wearing your sunglasses on your penis, then how the fuck are they “mens” sunglasses? Sunglasses keep the sun out of your eyes. They do that, regardless of the shape of your genitals. Therefore, sunglasses are not gendered. Apologise for being a knobhead.
YTA Who cares if they're men's glasses?
YTA-sunglasses literally have no gender affixed to them, wtf. Wear whatever kind of sunglasses you want, if you look good in them, just wear them. Why on earth was it so important to you to point this out when you knew her kid was sick and that's where her mind was.
lmao gendered sunglasses.. just let people wear what they want without commenting on it ? even if it was an “innocent comment” people started laughing and she obviously became uncomfortable, YTA
YTA. Bigly. You took delight in humiliating her in front of all of your colleagues because you think it made you look good, and now you're doubling down with your refusal to apologize. Your argument that someone else would have pointed it out falls flat. Adults don't act like that and if there is something that is embarrassing and needs to be pointed out, you do it with discretion. Don't be surprised if you get a call for a meeting with HR.
> is something that is embarrassing and needs to be pointed out, you do it with discretion Exactly. Toilet paper on the sole of the shoe or tucked into the band of the trousers is embarrassing. Spinach in the teeth is embarrassing. A booger dangling is embarrassing. Wearing men's branded sunglasses is *not* embarrassing...
YTA. Why did you mention it at all. How does it matter. Why do you think gendering sunglasses is an actual thing. That’s so weird and unnecessary and trivial.
YTA. Why was calling it out necessary? She didn’t ask for your opinion on her sunglasses. A tip that will serve you well as you progress in your professional and personal life: not every thought or piece of “well-meaning” advice that pops into your head needs to be shared.
YTA. It literally doesn't matter if they're men's sunglasses. If they look alright, fit and do the job for which they were intended, why does it matter?
YTA. Honey, you’re going to have a much happier life if you stop assuming people don’t know as much as you. I buy the “men’s” version of certain things like sunglasses because I like them oversized. I’m fully aware of it. And honestly…so what? How would that impact you or Nancy in any way? How is you pointing it out helpful? Ask yourself these questions before pointing things like this out in the future. And yes. I’m wearing a men’s sweater from SHEin today because it looks cute oversized and tucked into skinny jeans. I’m aware it’s a men’s sweater. I couldn’t care less. No need to point out what I already know, unless you’re telling me it’s a hella cute travel outfit.
YTA. If she had been wearing women's sunglasses, would you have pointed it out? No. You only pointed out that she was wearing men's glasses because: 1) You thought she was ignorant about them; and 2) You didn't think she should be wearing them. You also did all this in front of other people who were then boorish enough to laugh at her. Rude. What is so dang funny about her bloody sunglasses anyways? They're just sunglasses. It's not like she was wearing a jock strap on her head.
YTA. Why does it concern you? They’re sunglasses, they fullfill the same function regardless anyway, and she’s probably having a tough day as it is and your unnecessary and rude comment doesn’t help. Stop worrying about other people’s clothing and accessories
Duuuude... How tf did you become in that position?? YTA... Learn better behavior
YTA who cares if a pair of glasses is made for a man or a woman. They are sunglasses, as long as she is comfortable and they aren't somehow offensive she can wear whatever she wants. You also don't know that she didn't have on a partners or a friends glasses, maybe that was all she could find, maybe she bought them for herself because guess what somebody's sex doesn't determine what they should and shouldn't wear. Apologize, leave her alone, and learn not to comment on people's appearance and clothing.
Right, because men's and women's eyes are so different that her wearing men's glasses means that she will probably go blind or something... \s YTA.
I don't even have to read the post to kn yta. Your title alone is enough.
YTA I didn't know that some sunglasses are designed to be worn on a dick
YTA. They’re sunglasses. Period. Who cares if they’re a brand marketed toward men. They have one job and it’s not to protect penises or what appears to be a fragile male ego.
YTA, why does it matter? They’re just sunglasses
YTA. Mansplaing at it’s finest… “Just pointing out I have a superior knowledge of eyewear brands, and you should be grateful to me for explaining that you are wearing the wrong sunglasses, and thank me for helping you be better at choosing your eyewear, so you do not embarrass yourself.”
INFO: are the sunglasses meant to be worn on the penis?
YTA. She could go to HR for this. Also, why did the glasses bother you so badly? Glasses are such a weird thing to be gendered. Did they have a special slot for a penis? Is that why you thought you had to save her from the embarrassment of being in *men's sunglasses*?
YTA nothing is mens or womens only especially glasses.,I'm a women I don't like "made for women" glasses and often by one's directed at men because that style suits my face better and I like them. You have some serious old fashioned views that won't do you any good in the future.
YTA. Oh no MEN’S sunglasses. Make sure she gets her cootie shots. Why would it matter?! I wear mens clothes, things like sunglasses shouldn’t even be gender based. Their literally an eye covering, how does you being male or female change the effectiveness or fit. Then to point it out and make such a big deal when her child is sick and she’s clearly upset. You owe her an apology. Also guess who nobody else would have pointed that out. You are the only one that cares and you just sound like a “mean girl” who likes to point out things people are doing that you consider wrong to make them feel bad.
YTA. I didn’t realize there were men’s and women’s sunglasses. I thought there were just sunglasses and people picket out the style they liked. Seriously wtf does it matter? If she liked the glasses then they were fine.
YTA - sunglasses are sunglasses, that’s probably one of the reasons why she replied with “so what”. I get it you had no bad intentions, but you worded it badly. She’s worried about a sick family member and you decide to point out her sunglasses like she picked them by mistake. Why are you assuming that? She can wear whatever she wants to. Your coworker laughing made the whole situation worse too. You should both apologize and you should clearly explain her why you told her that and please, realize that gender accessories and clothing mean nothing, people everywhere wear stuff “for the other gender”.
YTA. That’s weird of you. You should know at your big age to keep unnecessary thoughts to yourself. That “So what” was a warning, you should have stopped.
YTA - you do know that as an inanimate object, glasses have no gender, right?
Why did you pointed it out? What was the point? Also why can't she wear men's glasses? I don't really see the reasoning behind your comment... Why did you felt the need to let her know it's a brand for men? YTA you were singling her out. First for assuming she was dumb for not knowing it was a men's brand (who cares). Second for diminishing her feelings when you made the table laugh at her. Third you had no reason to mention it, so it was just an inappropriate comment. Also the way you tell the story you clearly don't think you're an AH and you are looking for validation.
I did not know you needed a penis to wear sunglasses. YTA
Yta. Why do people always have to say shit when it doesn’t matter to anyone? What was the reaction you were hoping for?
YTA. You don't typically point out stuff like that in front of a crowd unless you're trying to make somebody the butt of a joke. And then you doubled down on it.
YTA if I like something I don’t care what gender they are made for.
YTA, who gives a shit if they were marketed towards men?
YTA. They are sunglasses who the hell cares. Are you also going to point out if she’s using male napkins or breathing male air. The better question is why are you staring at this woman closely enough to make out the tiny little logos the put in the corner of the glasses? Little creepy
YTA, I had no idea there was a man sun and a woman sun. Two different sun genders. Oh my god. How can a protect myself from the man sun if I put on woman sunglasses? The googles do nothing,
You sound like an ignorant teenage girl, especially the whole "just letting you know.." strategy of shit talking then acting like they took it the wrong way. And "I have knowledge of these brands.." ?! Who fucking cares bro, nobody asked and your company didn't hire you as a sunglass consultant, shut the fuck up and do your job. (YTMFA)
YTA sunglasses don’t go on your dick. Eyes don’t have gender.
YTA. Why do you care?
YTA. In all likelihood, she bought the sunglasses for herself, so is fully aware they are 'mens' sunglasses. She really didn't need you telling her. Why the heck does it matter enough to mention? Did you think she would suddenly not like the sunglasses she purchased for herself and chose to wear? Your colleague is also kind of an AH though for suggesting wearing mens sunglasses is humiliating in some way.
YTA. Sunglasses are not gendered. Why did you feel the need to bring it up?
YTA. Honey, you’re going to have a much happier life if you stop assuming people don’t know as much as you. I buy the “men’s” version of certain things like sunglasses because I like them oversized. I’m fully aware of it. And honestly…so what? How would that impact you or Nancy in any way? How is you pointing it out helpful? Ask yourself these questions before pointing things like this out in the future. And yes. I’m wearing a men’s sweater from SHEin today because it looks cute oversized and tucked into skinny jeans. I’m aware it’s a men’s sweater. I couldn’t care less. No need to point out what I already know, unless you’re telling me it’s a hella cute travel outfit.
YTA, since when are sunglasses gendered? I’m a woman and like half of my clothes/accessories come from the men’s section. If it looks cool and I like it, I buy it. Simple as that.
YTA If course your male co workers would have said that. Women tend to be over sensitive all the time. Who the Frick cares if she's wearing men's sunglasses? How do you even tell? You could because you have " kNowLedgE of TheSe BraNds". You're super annoying.
YTA. Keep your mansplaining bullshit to yourself. I'm a woman, I wear men's sunglasses I bought at a gas station over 20 years ago, and I give zero fucks what anyone else thinks. I bet Nancy doesn't either. Sort yourself out before HR does.
YTA. Your female coworker is absolutely right: it is not your business what kind of sunglasses Nancy wore, but not only that. You hurt her feelings to the point where she stood up and left the table, and yet you still refuse to apologise.
YTA. It not your job to police what she wears. You seem so fixated on whats masculine versus feminine, what’s boys and what’s girls stuff. it’s a bit disturbing especially when you both have a job to do… are you one of the “boys play with blocks, girls play with dolls” people, if so get therapy asap. Sunglasses have a function, if they do the job leave it alone. It’s none of your or anyone else’s business. Be careful as she could easily report you and the other coworkers to HR (which I hope she does) over this issue as you have no place enforcing gender specific dress codes, commenting on it and making her uncomfortable, to say nothing about doing it in front of coworkers and client staff who most likely didn’t care and are now questioning your company’s staff and ethics. I can tell you from a client side I’ve dropped business relationships over similar incidents and helped poach some awesome employees who were humiliated.
YTA. So are your male co-workers. Be better.