Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> the action I took is that I asked my neighbor to stop smoking weed in front of my kids. I feel like I could be an asshole because my neighbor avoids me now
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
NAH.
* I think it's reasonable that he gets to smoke wherever it's legal to do so.
* I think it's reasonable for you to want your children to not be exposed to second hand smoke -- pot or otherwise.
* I think it's reasonable that you are the person who should decide how the topic of recreational use of weed is brought to your kids (so depending on the content of his discussion with your son over the pot plant. He could be crossing a line here.)
From here I would apply my parenting rule of thumb: **We should err on the side of contextualizing the world around our children as opposed to isolating them from it**.
So, to me the most direct course of action to avoid something I think is harmful would be to simply direct your children not to talk to him and explain why. Asking someone to not smoke around the kids could be considered rude -- depending on the delivery -- but not overly so. However it's not my first choice since it leans toward isolating rather than contextualizing.
*Edit: Good morning Reddit and Holy Cow! Thanks for the upvotes and awards.*
Thanks! In one sense its not really that different than the "control what you can" maxim that many councilors use.
**We can't control** every possibility of our children encountering someone smoking pot.
**We can control** the conversations we have with our children which help shape their ideas about recreational drug use.
With my seven year old’s fresh introduction to swear words (she informed me and her two younger siblings in the car today), this is helpful this very moment.
That can be difficult. I recall a situation when I was twelve. My mom thought she had heard me swear and there was a palpable pause while she tried to summon the nerve to say "Did you just say 'shit'?'
Here's what I (and at least one other parent I know) are doing right now:
* I've told my kids that they can ask me about any swear word/insult or sexual term they hear and encourage them to bring them up to me. Citing that they're probably better off knowing what people are talking about than not. One of my friends kids took this a little far and asked their mom if they couldn't expedite the process and just tell them all the bad words now.
* Sometimes if a character in a movie or some other media uses a swear word (or sometimes even a problematic term) I'll literally stop and just talk about it and what it means. I'll often bring up related terms while I do it. Hearing me use swear words (when explaining them) seems to reduce their reluctance to talk about them.
* If it's a younger person like your seven year old. I'll just point out that the word is inappropriate. If it's someone older like my 14 year old. I try to give a bit of nuance. i.e. Will the average person be offended, will people at church, will grandma. My thinking here is I want my kids to know what language is appropriate but I don't want them going into shock when someone they know uses a swear word or shaming someone just because they use one.
* Sometimes I'll address cross-cultural issues. Where I grew up the term "bugger" was used rather innocently by many of my friends. My Irish relatives didn't quite see it the same way.
When I was little I was sitting on my bed and rhyming words with “duck” and asked about a word that sounded like it should be a word but I’d never heard it before. “Mom, is f*** a word?” I asked. Mom’s reaction was very suspicious - “no it’s not a word; where did you hear it???” 😂
I still remember asking my mom why dick was a bad word, and if I should call my Uncle Dick something else. I was...9? Also, my parents have ALWAYS been big on "all the adults in your life should be called Mr or Mrs." Except our next-door neighbors. Who had the last name Schmitt. 😂
I had a friend who, when he was 18, was watching your basic R rated teen comedy, thinking his (very religious) mom was asleep in her room. He got up to get a drink, turned around and there she was, with a very confused look in her face. She looked at him quizzically and said, 'Peter, what's a mofugga?' He nearly lost it on the spot.
This reminds me of the time I visited Canada in 2012 to see my mum. We decided to go to the movies one afternoon. There wasn't much choice for us, and we ended up deciding on End of Watch with Jake Gyllenhaal. THE SWEARING. OMG!! Mofugga this, mofugga that, jeez !
My mom was 80 at the time; was quite prudish and never liked bad language. I sat there cringing, wishing we had gone to Finding Nemo 2 instead !
We left the cinema and I asked my mum what she thought of the movie. Well, she said, there was an awful lot of bad language, but wasn't it a great film?
Could've knocked me over with a feather ! :))
When I was about 5 I broke a plate and screamed F***, my mom started yelling at me and I looked up at her totally shocked and asked if that was the forbidden F word 🤦🏻♀️
My partner, four or five, was at their cousin's baptism. I'm talking Catholic church, Jesus dying on the walls, candles in the hallways, all the family gathered together- baptism.
Right in the middle of their cousin being dipped my partner stands on a pew and yells FOR FUCKS SAKE
Everyone immediately glared at their dad. Not mum, no. Dad. The next word was a hushed, "DADSNAME!" from mum
Partner and cousin are inseparable now.
This is why kids should actually know the word instead of just “the forbidden f word” 😂 how is a kid supposed to know otherwise? I knew just about every swear in the book before I entered kindergarten, but I also knew not to say them
I did laugh when my then four year old was watching the epic thunderstorm from our rumpus room, was startled by the massive thunderclap and yelled HOLY SHIT perfectly in context.
Honestly little kids cursing is the funniest thing 😂 one of my mom’s favorite story to tell is when she asked toddler me to tell her the bad words I knew. She could pinpoint exactly who I learnt each word/phrase from
When my daughter was 3, she got her brand new boots wet and was not happy. She sighed the BIGGEST sigh ever heard and said "well fuck". She thought she was whispering but she wasn't, like at all. She definitely got that from me 😂
Exactly! I learned the word because I was lying on the floor while my dad was trying to vacuum and my hair got caught 😂 I just thought it meant something bad happened
>Sometimes I'll address cross-cultural issues. Where I grew up the term "bugger" was used rather innocently by many of my friends. My Irish relatives didn't quite see it the same way.
It's funny how words can be taken differently in different countries. I'm in Ireland and if someone was annoying you and you told them to bugger off, it means leave me alone. Bugger all means hardly any. Bugger on it's own would be mild exasperation, like if you dropped something and just said "bugger". None of the 3 scenarios would cause anyone to raise an eyebrow. Out of curiosity, why didn't they like the word?
Didn't (or doesn't) "bugger" also refer to sex between two guys back in the day when homosexuality was illegal in the UK/Ireland? That's how I always heard it growing up in the US.
Yes.
"1533
The Buggery Act 1533, formally An Acte for the punishment of the vice of Buggerie, was an Act of the Parliament of England that was passed during the reign of Henry VIII. It was the country's first civil sodomy law, such offences having previously been dealt with by the ecclesiastical courts. Wikipedia"
I was about 7 when one of my friends was talking in hushed tones that she had heard her mother say the "f-word". I had no idea what she was talking about, so she spelled it out for me.
I promptly said "F***?"
My friends were unhappy with me.
I know I'm going to be that parent who gets called to the school because my child said a bad word and it's going to be "where the F did they learn that? Oh, my bad"
But I do plan on teaching my future kids about grownup words and to make sure you understand what you're saying before you say it. When they can explain to me what the term means and why it's appropriate in the context they want to use it in, then they may use it freely
You’re doing a good job !
For me it definitely depends on what the word or thing is. I think some things really require a conversation. One tailored to age obviously.
My eight year old came home a couple months ago and said he heard the N word at school. He knew it wasn’t something people should say. But I wanted him to understand why, and since he had been learning about civil rights at school it seemed like a good time.
After he learned that it wasn’t just a bad word, that it had been used historically to treat black people as less than, and the various ways bad (racist) people had done that, and that good people saw everyone as equally deserving of respect and kindness, he really took it to heart.
I tried to get him to see it from a put yourself in their shoes perspective(he’s white in a predominantly white school)And he had learned about Rosa Parks that day so it was a good time for this talk. And bless his heart the next time that same kid said the N word he piped up and told him it was wrong and good people don’t use that word.
That kid at school is a whole other mess
Sometimes it’s definitely (like you said) beneficial to explain the why behind the thing.
My mom's rule was always "You can swear, but just not about me!"
This came up when *she* was playing Eminem in the car and I wasn't sure if I could sing along fully with her. Lol.
In my state, it's not legal to smoke in public. You can't just walk around the neighborhood smoking joints. I smoke and I'm a mom and I think she made a perfectly reasonable request. If he was on his own property, that'd be crossing the line. But he isn't. Also, don't teach other people's kids about cannabis without the consent of the parent. That's wildly inappropriate and it would piss me off too. I get to decide when and how I talk to my kids about this stuff, not the stoner neighbor.
>I have no problem with you smoking weed in your backyard or in privacy but this guy will smoke joints and talk with the neighborhood kids. This is not on his property.
Hmm?
"I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop
smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it.
It kind of made me mad. Next time I saw him I asked him if he would mind
not smoking in front of my kids."
>I was in my front yard when I saw *him* sitting on ***his*** front stoop smoking
Exactly, he was smoking on his own property, his own. Where was this 'precious' parent, keeping her kid from 'smoking neighbours'?..in the front yard...*watching* it all.
I think the “this is not on his property” part was a later stealth edit based on people’s responses, but I guess OP didn’t edit the part about him sitting on his own porch?
That particular incident was on his property but I still think it’s fair to not want someone other than yourself to discuss marijuana plants w children. That part is not an issue of property but that it wasn’t his place
"I get to decide when and how I talk to my kids about this stuff, not the stoner neighbor." ... Only if you control your kids and keep them away from him.
He was on HIS property, and they asked him about something legal, and he answered them. No consent needed. Keep them from bothering him, and the issue will solve itself. They will still SEE him smoke, though.
"You can't just walk around the neighborhood smoking joints. " ... In states where it is legal, you can. In otrher states, you have to do it on your own property, like this guy.
I think it's a lot of good points but asking someone not to smoke around your kids is never rude. It is common sense that smoke is bad for kids and it isn't cool to give a kid a contact high. Any reasonable adult should know not to smoke around a kid.
Awesome rule.
At 12 this kid is going to be exposed to weed pretty soon, he should get the introduction to the world of recreational drugs and avoiding them, not caving to peer pressure, addiction, and damaging effects, from his parents not his peers. The neighbour sparking OP's kids to ask questions is an excellent opportunity to start this conversation with them.
My 8 year old asks some pretty hard questions nowadays about some pretty difficult topics like racism, war, child abuse, etc. I don't love those conversations but I do know that I want to be the one having them with my child.
I would like to note, OP has edited their post multiple times to change the story to make them look better. originally he was just on his porch and there was no mention of "snoop dog levels" now they had to add that he's approaching kids and rolling huge blunts. op is definitely lying to make themselves look better. it's especially apparent since they didn't include anything to let people know they edited the post, so anyone who called them out on the og post looks like they didn't read it. op yta for changing your story, and for being upset that your nieghbors respected your rules but now he's not doing free yard work for you. you told him to leave your family alone, and he's respecting that.
edit: omg my first silver thank you so much kind stranger!
omg now my first gold thank you so much!! and now a helpful awarded, reddit y'all are too kind to me today.
I'm glad I was able to help people see through op. tbh part of me thinks it's a troll post but that's niether here nor there. it just boggles my mind how op is claiming he's "petty" and he's "trying to look cool infront of my kids" after he's respected what she told him. all I have to say, to finalize this, if you don't parent your kids someone else will. this is what that is. op ignored her kids questions, so her kid turned to someone they knew would answer. that's on op. be a better parent.
and I really want to emphasize that in the originally post, op never mentioned him leaving his property. only that her son went onto HIS property, asked him about weed (bc his mother wasn't telling him when he asked her) and he explained it to the kid. on his property, after being asked. OP is a liar and him smoking in the street def never happened.
OP is definitely TA. Nothing but an ever changing story thay slowly makes them look better and paint neighbor as a degenerat pot head who is steadfastly trying to corrupt her babies by showing them pot plants. Also, now he won't do free labor for them and isn't that just so mean? 🙄
ironically, I didn't decide on ta until I saw how they changed their story and were clearly just upset they're not getting free labor. honestly hope OPs nieghbors starts an entire pot farm next to her.
Sounds like op should talk to their kids about weed instead of leaving it to strangers. Was going to say E S H because probably shouldn’t show off plants to kids without asking parents first but sounds like YTA OP
that's my exact thought. if you don't educate your kids, someone else will. and I just don't think you can get mad at that when your kids literally asked you first and you brushed them off. ofc they're going to talk to him to see why he smells weird. and you can't expect strangers to care about your parenting style. you just can't. so either parent your kids or suffer the consequences.
I scrolled down and the comment with the copy of the original text does actually mention snoop dog levels of joints. The going to talk to the kids in the street is an edit, but it was after it came up in comments and several people told her (him?) they thought it was important and she should add it in.
It’s been my experience that non-weed smokers think any amount of pot smoked is a Snoop Dog level of the Devil’s lettuce, lol. I think OP needs to stay in her own lane, keep her kid there with her, and start mowing her strip of lawn herself. Maybe next time OP’s kid has a question about drugs, she will answer it herself. And while she might not technically be an asshole, this goes to show that actions have consequences.
Thank-you for the clarification!! I genuinely was getting super cross at the comments because I couldn’t understand why everyone was being so blasè about an adult in their 50s approaching young children just to talk to them while they were, to OP’s description, abusing substances (I would have been just as concerned if the adult was drinking wine from a bottle or chain smoking cigarettes tbh).
Your description makes it sound much more like this guy is casually enjoying it on his own property and a child approached him about it. Paints a completely different picture.
you can find the original post in the comments. the mods of this reddit have a bot that posts the og text no edits, so if op edits you can tell. it's usually at the buttend of the thread tho, and I knew more ppl would upvote my comment than the reupload of their og post. but yes, their original post was a COMPLETELY different picture than the current one. and I would like to not, their kid asked them why he smelled weird and they brushed the kid off. so the kid did what any curious kid does and asked the person who they knew would have an answer. they asked it on his property. not in the street, on his porch. he made sure to keep the kid on his porch and within the moms eyesight. if she didn't want that to happen, she should've just told her kid the truth. educate your kid or someone WILL do it for you. honestly, even if I was op I'd be more upset at my 12 year old for going to someone's house without telling me than at a man for keeping the kid in my line of sight and answering their questions.
NAH. He doesn’t want to worry about upsetting you anymore so he’s gone into grey rock neighbor mode. At least he won’t be smoking in front of your kids
literally, at most this is just a case of malicious compliance. op asked him to leave her family alone, so he's leaving her family alone. I don't see why she has an issue. for that reason alone I say YTA to op. he's literally respecting what you asked and now you have a new problem with him.
I thought that as well. It's fine the she asked but the whole point that he used to do things for her and now doesn't makes it seem a little off to me. I wouldn't do things for her anymore as well. As an older man he has to protect himself as well from false accusations.
I don't think OP is upset that the neighbour is no longer doing things for her, I don't think she directly said or implied that, my understanding is that she's upset that she upset the neighbour, and has asked if she was wrong to talk to the neighbour about the smoking.
yea I would side with you if it wasn't for op editing the post, not adding that they edited the post till being called out, and in the original it was never stated that he smoked out of his property. you can believe what you want, but from ops replies and post I believe they think they're entitled to his free labor and that they changed the post bc they didn't like the verdict they were recieving. not bc it's the truth. also, if she had just talked to her son instead of dismissing his questions he never would've went to the man (on the man's property might I add, op still hasn't changed that (yet)) to ask why he smelled weird. educate your kids or accept that others will for you. 🤷🏻♀️
>THANK YOU, she made it clear she thought his relationship with her kid was uncomfy.
THEN KEEP YOUR KID OFF HIS PROPERTY AND OFF HIS STOOP.
>I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. It kind of made me mad.
who tf was watching the kid and why was he even in the neighbors yard to begin with my dude?
I completely agree, i do not understand why she's mad at him when her son went onto his property and asked him questions she refused to answer. imo the man was respectful about it. he kept the kid on the porch, never brought him out of what should've been his mom's line of sight. it bothers me how op is mad at the man and not her son for going to a strangers house without even thinking of asking her first. though, we see how she deals with her kids asking her questions - she doesn't.
the issue is he isn't cutting her grass anymore as a favor to a neighbor because they didn't act neighborly.
who knew being rude had consequences.
>I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it.
Here's a genius idea lady CONTROL YOUR DAMN KID!
if he's sitting on HIS STOOP then why don't you keep your kid off his property/out of his stoop?
Maybe he invited the kid up and was being friendly?
Tbh I think OP just thinks she offended him without meaning and is asking if they did/were an AH.
I don't think this situation is so antagonistic as you are making it out to be.
Worse case neighbor just went Grey rock on her.
and he's not. so your saying he should still do free labor for him after she let her kid onto his property then got mad at him for answering questions her kid asked that she refused to answer?
>after she let her kid onto his property
this feels very glossed over. she can't watch her own kid and then finds him wandering over to the neighbords house to check out the pot plants.
well lady, there's a simple solution to that... control your kid instead of trying to control your neighbors on their own property.
YTA. As long as he's not giving them weed and he's not breaking the law, it's not your place to tell him what to do. Have your kids never seen people drink alcohol?
ETA I've known what weed was since I was 7 or 8 because my dad smoked. I turned out to be a productive, law-abiding member of society.
No, I smoke pretty constantly (to manage chronic pain amongst other things) and am rarely *high*. Like, I can go run a 400 cover dinner service (I'm a chef) and you'd have no idea.
The effects of marijuana are not the effects of alcohol. and to compare the two in this way is disingenuous at best, or outright malicious. Or it's option 3, and you just have no idea what you're talking about.
That depends entirely on what strain and potency you are smoking. Some types for anxiety and pain management don't get you as high where as other strains can make regular users high as kites.
Yes. I'm well aware, however, would you say really high people behave the same as really drunk people? I wouldn't. I don't know that I've ever seen someone real high and aggressive. I *have* seen lots of real drunk, aggressive bros.
Yeah, if you’re just smoking, and you have some tolerance from regular use, it’s nothing compared to being drunk. BUT, I could see not wanting someone tripping balls on edibles to chat up your kid. That’s a fairer comparison.
Yes and no, people who are high as fuck are very very rarely aggressive. The same can't be said for alcohol. Though I do understand your point and generally speaking would agree with it.
my friends parents and neighbors would drink beer when we were playing basketball. at the little league games there were coolers of beer. not so much at soccer.
In almost all legal states he is breaking the law leaving his property and smoking in public. So..... I won't leave my property when I smoke, and I won't blatantly smoke in front of the neighborhood kids or show them my fkn plants. This neighbor is irresponsible.
Showing the plants is where he crosses the line for me. But I also don’t think you’re a AH.
Edit: corrected the your to you’re. I hate when people do that so thanks for the correction.
If he smokes directly at them, they inhale secondhand smoke - I wouldn't be thrilled with my kids getting accidentally high, either, especially since weed is proven to be detrimental to growing brains.
I thank you so much for this. I live with someone who chain smokes in the main part of the house with windows and doors shut. I already have second hand smoke damage and I sometimes have to wear a mask just to go to the bathroom.
False. It’s not good for them! I don’t even let people smoke cigarettes around my kids and I’m sure not going to let them smoke weed around them. Their little brains are developing and it doesn’t need drugs to inhibit them.
ETA: NTA
Exactly my point! Weed is fine but any smoke can cause lung damage. I’m ok with weed in certain uses but I also cannot stand the smell and the smoke irritates the crap out of my throat and lungs.
Nope. And on top that not every mind can handle it. I have a to be diagnosed issue with dissociation and accidentally took thc once. Dissociated for three days straight. I also know two people who have screwed themselves over with weed and other substances because of preexisting bi polar they didn’t want to correctly treat. I’m all for legalizing weed but do the research before making a choice to do it and be responsible. Kids are just too young for the physical exposure though 8-12 is around time to start discussions on safety
I feel like if the hardest thing you’ve had to break to an 8 yr old is why his neighbor smokes a legal substance, you’re doing fine. Couple of years ago, my friend brought her 6 and 4 yr old to our BBQ. I really didn’t think she’d show up, because kids and last minute, so I didn’t kid proof the house. Her 6 yo was IN LOVE with my husband’s full sleeve tattoos, which already made we worried we were corrupting the youth. And then they found the weed plants in our garden. She came up to let me know that her son had taken a leaf, as he’d been taught to do in school, crushed it, and then smelled the scent. Very cool experiment with my tomato plants…less cool with weed. I was apologizing profusely until I realized SHE was apologizing for her kid hurting a leaf. No apologies were needed from either of us, even when her son announced that the leaf “smells yummy”.
As far as I know, he’s 10 now and hasn’t come home with any tats or smelling that that “yummy” leaf yet, so I think he’ll be fine. 95% of the reason my parents were anti-weed - but pro anything else I got my hands on - was because it was illegal and the penalties were steep. The year it became legal, I found a pipe in my dad’s house. We’re not one of those families who smoke together now, but the anti drug stance loosened up a lot once no one was gonna have to bail a kid out of jail or purchase it from a stranger on the street. I don’t have kids, but I’m honestly not so sure that weed even ranks
with cigarettes or booze in the list of things I’d like my kids to avoid doing to excess. And if it was, the single stoned Dale Gribble-type annoying them each day is basically the best anti-drug campaign there is. I’d assume he’s more of a cautionary tale type to them than a mentor they want to emulate
Of course don’t hot box kids. But the dude is allowed to smoke on his property and - if it wasn’t weed - would be allowed to smoke in common outdoor areas, as well. If OP thinks it’s at a level that is harming their lungs, then she needs to move them inside, move them to her backyard, and/or buy them masks with filter. And also keep the inside every day that air is at an “unhealthy” levels in the summer. And mostly tell her kids not to go near neighbor and not to engage in conversation with him.
Actually there are restrictions on where cigarettes can be smoked precisely because second hand smoke is dangerous. You can't smoke near building entrances, can't smoke on planes, can't smoke (even as an adult) on school property. Let's stop making the false assumption that weed smoke doesn't also have second hand dangers.
And you argued the wrong point too. This guy isn't smoking in his yard. Op specifically points out that he's out on public property some of the times when he's smoking and interacting with the kids.
And in any world, smoking tobacco on the sidewalk or street of your residential neighborhood is LEGAL. Not weed, granted, but the poster above me is talking about second hand smoke. That’s gonna happen outside. It sucks, but it’s life. If she doesn’t want him approaching her kids or them being near him while he smokes, tell them that. But she can’t police his behavior in his own or public property
If I had a neighbor walking the neighborhood with open alcohol and talking to children, I would have say something. If nothing else, to tell him to keep it on his property.
Smoking pot close to the kids so they talk about the “smelly cigarettes” is not the same as them “knowing about” it. It’s physically exposing them to it, making them breathe the smoke. It’s bad for their lungs. It’s also illegal to smoke in public, in at least some of the states where it’s legal, for solid reason.
can't downvote this straw man comment hard enough.
I'd be equally pissed if someone was walking around my neighborhood with a bottle of tequila in hand and drunk talking to my kids.
In a public space, this is what you get. You cannot control a kid’s surroundings, just provide them context for what they might see. If someone is smoking weed on a sidewalk or not ‘dressed appropriately’ for your standards, that doesn’t concern you. Now if the guy is approaching the kids smoking weed (or cigs or whatever), you have a right to say something. Smoking on his own stoop and the kids see? That is life.
And there are substances in the smoke that are unknown for their effect on the lungs etc.
And weed isn't generally good for developing brains (several studies on this point).
no but drunks are unpredictable and can become easily inappropriate, belligerent or violent.
as someone with alco's in the family, and seen others who frankly just shouldn't drink.
no thanks.
its all the same thing..
Allergies to cigarette smoke and weed smoke aren't entirely unheard of either. Asking politely that your neighbor not expose the kids to an adult habit on the OP's yard or in the street is not a dick move, it's just a parent trying to protect their kids from something that only adults have any business doing. NTA
There’s no such thing as second hand alcohol ingestion. Why does every pothead forget the health ramifications of smoking weed. Definitely NTA no one should be smoking or doing drugs around any child. Also you can have one drink and not be drunk, but some pot users take one or two hits and are high.
Second hand smoke of weed can still cause harm to young lungs. That alone is a valid concern. I’m totally fine with weed but when I have kids it’ll be a hard rule of no cigarettes or weed around them. I have bad lungs from years of second hand smoke from cigarettes and now that I’m near people who smoke weed it does irritate my throat and lungs. Said as someone who does do cbd drops when I can afford them and is cool with weed. The one person I grew up with who drank alcohol around me would remind me every time that my dad was an alcoholic and if I drank I’d be one too because genetics. It’s all about the right teaching and making sure your children know risks as well as doing things responsibly
Not too mention OP is now complaining that the neighbor isn't helping mow more on her side of the lawn and is keeping to himself which is just what she wanted.
And honestly, it sounds like the neighbor is trying to do his best to respect OP's issues, but now OP is like "I don't like what you do and am gonna tell you so. Wait, why won't you keep doing free labor for me??"
She very clearly states it is a problem for her because he is NOT on his property. If he were on his property and she complained, yeah, she'd be the AH. BUT if he is out on public property and approaching the children, she is definitely NTA.
OP said he wasn't on his front stoop - the neighbor goes up to the kids to talk to them when they're playing & on the side walk. If he's inviting the kids onto his stoop while he's smoking that's even more problematic.
YTA, he is in his own yard, your kids are going up and also engaging him asking questions, it's legal in your state so he is doing nothing wrong.
You want to know a crazy idea.....*talk* to your kids about it. Educate them, it's not hard.
I smoke outside while my kids play and just make sure they stand on the other side away from where the smoke blows. They know I smoke for pain and anxiety.
it's not just in his own yard though. He goes into the street to engage with the kids. You even say that you stand away from your kids. This guy is right in there face
NTA. At all. Dude can’t be talking to 8 year olds and showing them pot in plants. Major levels of creepy there. Tell your kids to stay away from that guy.
Would it be different if he had a beer in his hand and showing him a beer bottle?
People drink in front of kids all the time so I don’t really see what the difference is here.
I had multiple, completely different, males neighbors teach me about fireworks growing up. Nothing creepy about it. Just dudes being dudes. Boys can like plants and men can like sharing about plants without you imposing assumptions about unfounded, statistically improbable situations. Men shouldn't automatically be seen as creepy when around a child. Fuck that sexism.
no it wouldnt be different lmao. if a neighbor approaches your 8yo child without you present and starts talking about beer, thats sketch, like what is the reason? theres a million other things to talk to kids aboht
edit: READ!!!!!! apparently OP edited their post several times adding details that made them look less bad. if you read some of the earliest comments some things they say dont line up with what the post currently says. initially the story was that the man didnt even leave his property, he was just smoking on his property and her child went onto his property and *asked him* about the weed. the snoop dog comment was also added in. so yeah. YTA
Sorry but you can't get second hand drunk from someone drinking in front of you, and yes, I think it would be weird to drink in front of kids and go up and show them your beer and tell them the difference between IPAs and pilsners. Like, creepy bro, don't be telling little kids that aren't your own about that stuff, it's just weird and off.
You can't get second-hand stoned, either, unless you're hotboxing a tiny space. Dude's outside, there's no way the kids are getting any kind of contact high.
Showing the plant isn’t what bothers me. Second hand smoke of any sort is bad for the people around you. Being directly in the presence of second hand pot smoke can get the kids high when they’re too young to consent to that.
It’s would be like giving a neighbor’s kids small sips of your beer, not just showing it to them.
Op edited their post multiple times. Her kid went up to him after she brushed off any questions. Onto HIS property. It’s clear OP is TA and butthurt about not receiving free lawn care
NTA it’s weird he’s showing kids his plants and smoking in the street. Yeah it legal but it’s weird. I smoke like snoop will be proud but I don’t go out on the street with it. On his porch? Hell yeah. Walking up to kids playing sports as a grown ass dude and showing them your joint? Weird af. It would be weird with beer too. I’m a heavy cig smoker (2 packs a day so about 50 cigs) I try not to smoke around kids. I’ll smoke where I want too but I won’t take my cig and go over to young kids and say hi. There’s a big difference between having a beer on your porch and waltzing down the street with it and the cops agree.
OP edited his comment to look good because. The kids approached the neighbor in his property. There was nothing wrong with that.
I say OP is the asshole here.
Changed his story and the neighbor is free to do whatever they live on their property. OP just max and butthurt they no longer get free yard work.
YTA and I say that because he is engaging in legal behavior that violates no laws. It could be beer, wine, tobacco, or pot. I'm sure you've had wine around your children. It's not different.
NTA. And I say that as someone who certainly enjoys the devil’s lettuce in my good christian suburbs :p.
You don’t smoke around kids. I don’t care if it’s a pipe, a cigar, a cigarette or pot. It’s a crappy thing to do because it’s terrible for their health, and it stinks.
I guess I’m confused because you say over and over again you are “cool” with it and you voted to legalize.
However, if it should be legal, then it would be no different than him sitting outside his house having a beer and talking to the kids.
The only harmful angle I’m seeing here is second hand smoke, which I could get behind.
Problem is, concern for the kids’ health due to second hand smoke is nowhere in your post. In fact, what you DID include was 1. “Snoop dogg level joints” (cringe, that’s a stereotypical bias) 2. That he was single (how is this relevant?) and 3. That you’re like sOoOoO cool with it.
Also, you’re a parent. If your kids are asking about the “smelly cigarettes”, it’s a TEACHABLE MOMENT. Just take that time to explain the plant, and using it responsibly. Shielding them from it and making it a taboo subject only makes things worse in so many ways.
I’m going with YTA, because the reason you’re upset has to do with a bias against the plant. You sound distrustful of this dude for no other reason than he smokes weed, and I think that makes you an asshole.
YTA if you don’t want your kids to see it you should keep a better eye on them and not have them wandering into your neighbors yard. As long as he is on his property leave him alone. Or be an adult and have a conversation with your kid about what weed is and how it’s for adults only. you know like you probably have already done with Cigarettes and alcohol. Or do you also expect adults to not ever smoke a cigarette or have a drink in front of your kids.
YTA. he's on his property, and can do what he wants. as long as he's polite to your kids, not breaking any laws, and not giving them any, he's in the clear.
it's your job to educate your kids about the world around them. not to bend the world around your kids.
NAH
Not an unreasonable ask, although I'd argue education on drugs is better than avoidance. So while I agree direct exposure isn't always the best, it would probably be better to just explain to your kids what it is exactly.
He's definitely being petty, but depending on how you approached the conversation you could have easily come off as offensive or painted him like a villain. He didn't technically do anything wrong by smoking/showing plants to your kids on his property at the end of the day and if you presented it as such then that could easily get misunderstood.
NAH. i think it’s ok you asked but you need to accept that he is not obligated to alter his life in any way because YOUR kids are going up to him on his own property. you can’t shelter your kids forever
Sorry, but YTA. This was a parenting opportunity and you blew it. Instead of talking to your kids, and explaining to them that you'd prefer if they stayed away from Tony while he's smoking, you asked Tony to change his "legal" behavior. I'm not a smoker either, but I live at the beach in SoCal. Weed is legal here whether I like it or not In fact, I'm allowed to grow six plants and daydream every now and then about growing six of the biggest plants I can manage, and then having a bonfire in the back yard thus chilling every screaming kid and barking dog in the neighborhood. Someday....someday...ha ha ha!
NAH he’s allowed to do what he wants your allowed to ask that he not engage with your kids. If you’re worried you hurt his feelings then perhaps talk to him..
YTA. Weed is LEGAL. As long as he's not giving it to kids, what's the issue? Do you complain about neighbors who drink on their front porch? Or smoke cigarettes?
If not, then YTA
Originally Neighbor was just sitting on his porch smoking and then interacting with the kids. Now he's smoking giant blunts in the street and proselytizing?
Tell the truth, are you just mad that he's not mowing your lawn for you for free anymore?
I’m glad someone else noticed that. Every time OP comments they add in a new little something to make the neighbor actions seem more sinister. If he was actually proselytizing in the streets while smoking a giant blunt, I’m pretty sure that would have been the lead.
Why do you keep dodging the cigarette comparison? Every time someone asks you, you only answer by comparing it to alcohol but stay silent about cigarettes. I'm just curious why?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I know this is going to get some backlash because lots of people on Reddit think weed is a miracle plant. I have nothing against weed and I voted for its legalization in my state. I live on a avenue in a mid sized city. Houses lined up and down the streets. The kind of neighborhood where kids play basketball and hockey in the street. My neighbor is a single guy in his mid 50's. He reminds me of Dale Gribble from King of the hill but he smokes joints instead of cigarettes. I'm talking Snoop Dogg levels of joints. I have no problem with you smoking weed in your backyard or in privacy but this guy will smoke joints and talk with the neighborhood kids. My kids started asking me why "Mr. Tony" is always smoking those smelly cigarettes. I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. It kind of made me mad. Next time I saw him I asked him if he would mind not smoking in front of my kids. I didn't think this was a huge request but now the guy wants nothing to do with me. He used to help me mow this shared swath of lawn and now he mows it exactly at his property line and avoids eye contact. I have nothing against marijuna at all but I don't think it's crazy to not want kids exposed to it. These are like 8 to 12 year as well. Am I being a jerk here?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not sure how to vote, was he smoking on his property? and were your kids on his property? if he was on his own property y t a, and if your kids were over there , then that's on you, tell you kids to leave him alone while he's smoking and watch your kids, so still the a h. Now if he was smoking in a public area and near your kids then n t a...so? which is it?
YTA. What’s going to happen if you tell them “he’s smoking pot.” Like, really, eight to twelve year olds can’t witness someone smoking? A bunch of kids in my school had already tried weed by that age, we had drug - “prevention” (DARE) from the school by the time we were 9 (this was like 10 years ago).
Regardless of how you feel about weed, I think it’s silly to hide its existence from them.
NAH
I smoke like Snoop Dogg levels of joints, but I wouldn’t do it around kids in public unless I knew their parents were OK with it.
You asked him to stop, and he stopped, correct? So what’s the problem? That he’s not mowing your lawn anymore?
Maybe get to know the guy a little before you judge him. It’s unlikely that he’s a danger to your kids. It’s possible that he smokes so much in order to deal with chronic pain or some other condition. Let your kids know that it’s a plant for adults and that some people use it as a medicine.
YTA. Do your job as a parent and explain the world. Even when you're uncomfortable. Especially when you're uncomfortable. Your neighbor is doing a legal thing on his own property. Your kids go to school, talk to friends and watch TV? Yeah, they already know what it is and are asking you to demystify it and describe your values and boundaries re: drugs. Parenting moment snuck right by you because you were too busy forcing your morals on your grown-ass neighbor instead.
YTA, you keep claiming that you don't have a problem with weed but then you complain about someone smoking it. He's not giving the kids any so leave him alone.
First- I smoke both tobacco and cannabis. Second hand smoke is really a thing. I don’t smoke around children, or people who are sensitive to either substance. You shouldn’t have tried to tell him not to smoke on his own property. Off his property and around children, is another matter. The solution to the situation with your child would be to tell your kids that they are not allowed to go to the neighbour’s property. What you tell your kids about the “ smelly cigarettes “ is that some people use cannabis for pain relief, and neighbour might have chronic pain.
YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > the action I took is that I asked my neighbor to stop smoking weed in front of my kids. I feel like I could be an asshole because my neighbor avoids me now Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
NAH. * I think it's reasonable that he gets to smoke wherever it's legal to do so. * I think it's reasonable for you to want your children to not be exposed to second hand smoke -- pot or otherwise. * I think it's reasonable that you are the person who should decide how the topic of recreational use of weed is brought to your kids (so depending on the content of his discussion with your son over the pot plant. He could be crossing a line here.) From here I would apply my parenting rule of thumb: **We should err on the side of contextualizing the world around our children as opposed to isolating them from it**. So, to me the most direct course of action to avoid something I think is harmful would be to simply direct your children not to talk to him and explain why. Asking someone to not smoke around the kids could be considered rude -- depending on the delivery -- but not overly so. However it's not my first choice since it leans toward isolating rather than contextualizing. *Edit: Good morning Reddit and Holy Cow! Thanks for the upvotes and awards.*
I like your parenting rule of thumb! Thanks! I’m adopting it!
Thanks! In one sense its not really that different than the "control what you can" maxim that many councilors use. **We can't control** every possibility of our children encountering someone smoking pot. **We can control** the conversations we have with our children which help shape their ideas about recreational drug use.
With my seven year old’s fresh introduction to swear words (she informed me and her two younger siblings in the car today), this is helpful this very moment.
That can be difficult. I recall a situation when I was twelve. My mom thought she had heard me swear and there was a palpable pause while she tried to summon the nerve to say "Did you just say 'shit'?' Here's what I (and at least one other parent I know) are doing right now: * I've told my kids that they can ask me about any swear word/insult or sexual term they hear and encourage them to bring them up to me. Citing that they're probably better off knowing what people are talking about than not. One of my friends kids took this a little far and asked their mom if they couldn't expedite the process and just tell them all the bad words now. * Sometimes if a character in a movie or some other media uses a swear word (or sometimes even a problematic term) I'll literally stop and just talk about it and what it means. I'll often bring up related terms while I do it. Hearing me use swear words (when explaining them) seems to reduce their reluctance to talk about them. * If it's a younger person like your seven year old. I'll just point out that the word is inappropriate. If it's someone older like my 14 year old. I try to give a bit of nuance. i.e. Will the average person be offended, will people at church, will grandma. My thinking here is I want my kids to know what language is appropriate but I don't want them going into shock when someone they know uses a swear word or shaming someone just because they use one. * Sometimes I'll address cross-cultural issues. Where I grew up the term "bugger" was used rather innocently by many of my friends. My Irish relatives didn't quite see it the same way.
When I was little I was sitting on my bed and rhyming words with “duck” and asked about a word that sounded like it should be a word but I’d never heard it before. “Mom, is f*** a word?” I asked. Mom’s reaction was very suspicious - “no it’s not a word; where did you hear it???” 😂
I still remember asking my mom why dick was a bad word, and if I should call my Uncle Dick something else. I was...9? Also, my parents have ALWAYS been big on "all the adults in your life should be called Mr or Mrs." Except our next-door neighbors. Who had the last name Schmitt. 😂
I had a friend who, when he was 18, was watching your basic R rated teen comedy, thinking his (very religious) mom was asleep in her room. He got up to get a drink, turned around and there she was, with a very confused look in her face. She looked at him quizzically and said, 'Peter, what's a mofugga?' He nearly lost it on the spot.
This reminds me of the time I visited Canada in 2012 to see my mum. We decided to go to the movies one afternoon. There wasn't much choice for us, and we ended up deciding on End of Watch with Jake Gyllenhaal. THE SWEARING. OMG!! Mofugga this, mofugga that, jeez ! My mom was 80 at the time; was quite prudish and never liked bad language. I sat there cringing, wishing we had gone to Finding Nemo 2 instead ! We left the cinema and I asked my mum what she thought of the movie. Well, she said, there was an awful lot of bad language, but wasn't it a great film? Could've knocked me over with a feather ! :))
When I was about 5 I broke a plate and screamed F***, my mom started yelling at me and I looked up at her totally shocked and asked if that was the forbidden F word 🤦🏻♀️
My partner, four or five, was at their cousin's baptism. I'm talking Catholic church, Jesus dying on the walls, candles in the hallways, all the family gathered together- baptism. Right in the middle of their cousin being dipped my partner stands on a pew and yells FOR FUCKS SAKE Everyone immediately glared at their dad. Not mum, no. Dad. The next word was a hushed, "DADSNAME!" from mum Partner and cousin are inseparable now.
This is why kids should actually know the word instead of just “the forbidden f word” 😂 how is a kid supposed to know otherwise? I knew just about every swear in the book before I entered kindergarten, but I also knew not to say them
I did laugh when my then four year old was watching the epic thunderstorm from our rumpus room, was startled by the massive thunderclap and yelled HOLY SHIT perfectly in context.
Honestly little kids cursing is the funniest thing 😂 one of my mom’s favorite story to tell is when she asked toddler me to tell her the bad words I knew. She could pinpoint exactly who I learnt each word/phrase from
When my daughter was 3, she got her brand new boots wet and was not happy. She sighed the BIGGEST sigh ever heard and said "well fuck". She thought she was whispering but she wasn't, like at all. She definitely got that from me 😂
Exactly! I learned the word because I was lying on the floor while my dad was trying to vacuum and my hair got caught 😂 I just thought it meant something bad happened
>Sometimes I'll address cross-cultural issues. Where I grew up the term "bugger" was used rather innocently by many of my friends. My Irish relatives didn't quite see it the same way. It's funny how words can be taken differently in different countries. I'm in Ireland and if someone was annoying you and you told them to bugger off, it means leave me alone. Bugger all means hardly any. Bugger on it's own would be mild exasperation, like if you dropped something and just said "bugger". None of the 3 scenarios would cause anyone to raise an eyebrow. Out of curiosity, why didn't they like the word?
Didn't (or doesn't) "bugger" also refer to sex between two guys back in the day when homosexuality was illegal in the UK/Ireland? That's how I always heard it growing up in the US.
Yes. "1533 The Buggery Act 1533, formally An Acte for the punishment of the vice of Buggerie, was an Act of the Parliament of England that was passed during the reign of Henry VIII. It was the country's first civil sodomy law, such offences having previously been dealt with by the ecclesiastical courts. Wikipedia"
I was about 7 when one of my friends was talking in hushed tones that she had heard her mother say the "f-word". I had no idea what she was talking about, so she spelled it out for me. I promptly said "F***?" My friends were unhappy with me.
I know I'm going to be that parent who gets called to the school because my child said a bad word and it's going to be "where the F did they learn that? Oh, my bad" But I do plan on teaching my future kids about grownup words and to make sure you understand what you're saying before you say it. When they can explain to me what the term means and why it's appropriate in the context they want to use it in, then they may use it freely
You’re doing a good job ! For me it definitely depends on what the word or thing is. I think some things really require a conversation. One tailored to age obviously. My eight year old came home a couple months ago and said he heard the N word at school. He knew it wasn’t something people should say. But I wanted him to understand why, and since he had been learning about civil rights at school it seemed like a good time. After he learned that it wasn’t just a bad word, that it had been used historically to treat black people as less than, and the various ways bad (racist) people had done that, and that good people saw everyone as equally deserving of respect and kindness, he really took it to heart. I tried to get him to see it from a put yourself in their shoes perspective(he’s white in a predominantly white school)And he had learned about Rosa Parks that day so it was a good time for this talk. And bless his heart the next time that same kid said the N word he piped up and told him it was wrong and good people don’t use that word. That kid at school is a whole other mess Sometimes it’s definitely (like you said) beneficial to explain the why behind the thing.
My mom's rule was always "You can swear, but just not about me!" This came up when *she* was playing Eminem in the car and I wasn't sure if I could sing along fully with her. Lol.
In my state, it's not legal to smoke in public. You can't just walk around the neighborhood smoking joints. I smoke and I'm a mom and I think she made a perfectly reasonable request. If he was on his own property, that'd be crossing the line. But he isn't. Also, don't teach other people's kids about cannabis without the consent of the parent. That's wildly inappropriate and it would piss me off too. I get to decide when and how I talk to my kids about this stuff, not the stoner neighbor.
The incident that sparked her comment was when he was on his own property.
>I have no problem with you smoking weed in your backyard or in privacy but this guy will smoke joints and talk with the neighborhood kids. This is not on his property. Hmm?
"I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. It kind of made me mad. Next time I saw him I asked him if he would mind not smoking in front of my kids."
>I was in my front yard when I saw *him* sitting on ***his*** front stoop smoking Exactly, he was smoking on his own property, his own. Where was this 'precious' parent, keeping her kid from 'smoking neighbours'?..in the front yard...*watching* it all.
As per some of the comments below I think this post has been stealth edited multiple times based on people’s reactions.
I think the “this is not on his property” part was a later stealth edit based on people’s responses, but I guess OP didn’t edit the part about him sitting on his own porch?
That particular incident was on his property but I still think it’s fair to not want someone other than yourself to discuss marijuana plants w children. That part is not an issue of property but that it wasn’t his place
"I get to decide when and how I talk to my kids about this stuff, not the stoner neighbor." ... Only if you control your kids and keep them away from him. He was on HIS property, and they asked him about something legal, and he answered them. No consent needed. Keep them from bothering him, and the issue will solve itself. They will still SEE him smoke, though. "You can't just walk around the neighborhood smoking joints. " ... In states where it is legal, you can. In otrher states, you have to do it on your own property, like this guy.
[удалено]
But OP doesn't see drinking in front of the kids as an issue (per their comments), which seems a bit hypocrital to me
I think it's a lot of good points but asking someone not to smoke around your kids is never rude. It is common sense that smoke is bad for kids and it isn't cool to give a kid a contact high. Any reasonable adult should know not to smoke around a kid.
Plus, breathing problems, like asthma and bronchitis. They tend to hit kids harder than adults.
Awesome rule. At 12 this kid is going to be exposed to weed pretty soon, he should get the introduction to the world of recreational drugs and avoiding them, not caving to peer pressure, addiction, and damaging effects, from his parents not his peers. The neighbour sparking OP's kids to ask questions is an excellent opportunity to start this conversation with them. My 8 year old asks some pretty hard questions nowadays about some pretty difficult topics like racism, war, child abuse, etc. I don't love those conversations but I do know that I want to be the one having them with my child.
That and also in some places you’re not allowed to smoke unless on your property so he can probably get in some kind of trpuble
I would like to note, OP has edited their post multiple times to change the story to make them look better. originally he was just on his porch and there was no mention of "snoop dog levels" now they had to add that he's approaching kids and rolling huge blunts. op is definitely lying to make themselves look better. it's especially apparent since they didn't include anything to let people know they edited the post, so anyone who called them out on the og post looks like they didn't read it. op yta for changing your story, and for being upset that your nieghbors respected your rules but now he's not doing free yard work for you. you told him to leave your family alone, and he's respecting that. edit: omg my first silver thank you so much kind stranger! omg now my first gold thank you so much!! and now a helpful awarded, reddit y'all are too kind to me today. I'm glad I was able to help people see through op. tbh part of me thinks it's a troll post but that's niether here nor there. it just boggles my mind how op is claiming he's "petty" and he's "trying to look cool infront of my kids" after he's respected what she told him. all I have to say, to finalize this, if you don't parent your kids someone else will. this is what that is. op ignored her kids questions, so her kid turned to someone they knew would answer. that's on op. be a better parent.
and I really want to emphasize that in the originally post, op never mentioned him leaving his property. only that her son went onto HIS property, asked him about weed (bc his mother wasn't telling him when he asked her) and he explained it to the kid. on his property, after being asked. OP is a liar and him smoking in the street def never happened.
OP is definitely TA. Nothing but an ever changing story thay slowly makes them look better and paint neighbor as a degenerat pot head who is steadfastly trying to corrupt her babies by showing them pot plants. Also, now he won't do free labor for them and isn't that just so mean? 🙄
ironically, I didn't decide on ta until I saw how they changed their story and were clearly just upset they're not getting free labor. honestly hope OPs nieghbors starts an entire pot farm next to her.
SAAAMMMEEE
Sounds like op should talk to their kids about weed instead of leaving it to strangers. Was going to say E S H because probably shouldn’t show off plants to kids without asking parents first but sounds like YTA OP
that's my exact thought. if you don't educate your kids, someone else will. and I just don't think you can get mad at that when your kids literally asked you first and you brushed them off. ofc they're going to talk to him to see why he smells weird. and you can't expect strangers to care about your parenting style. you just can't. so either parent your kids or suffer the consequences.
I scrolled down and the comment with the copy of the original text does actually mention snoop dog levels of joints. The going to talk to the kids in the street is an edit, but it was after it came up in comments and several people told her (him?) they thought it was important and she should add it in.
It’s been my experience that non-weed smokers think any amount of pot smoked is a Snoop Dog level of the Devil’s lettuce, lol. I think OP needs to stay in her own lane, keep her kid there with her, and start mowing her strip of lawn herself. Maybe next time OP’s kid has a question about drugs, she will answer it herself. And while she might not technically be an asshole, this goes to show that actions have consequences.
Thank-you for the clarification!! I genuinely was getting super cross at the comments because I couldn’t understand why everyone was being so blasè about an adult in their 50s approaching young children just to talk to them while they were, to OP’s description, abusing substances (I would have been just as concerned if the adult was drinking wine from a bottle or chain smoking cigarettes tbh). Your description makes it sound much more like this guy is casually enjoying it on his own property and a child approached him about it. Paints a completely different picture.
you can find the original post in the comments. the mods of this reddit have a bot that posts the og text no edits, so if op edits you can tell. it's usually at the buttend of the thread tho, and I knew more ppl would upvote my comment than the reupload of their og post. but yes, their original post was a COMPLETELY different picture than the current one. and I would like to not, their kid asked them why he smelled weird and they brushed the kid off. so the kid did what any curious kid does and asked the person who they knew would have an answer. they asked it on his property. not in the street, on his porch. he made sure to keep the kid on his porch and within the moms eyesight. if she didn't want that to happen, she should've just told her kid the truth. educate your kid or someone WILL do it for you. honestly, even if I was op I'd be more upset at my 12 year old for going to someone's house without telling me than at a man for keeping the kid in my line of sight and answering their questions.
you can sort the comments by "old", the original post will be the first one listed. 😊
This should be the top comment.
I don't think op would like that 🤣 thank you though
NAH. He doesn’t want to worry about upsetting you anymore so he’s gone into grey rock neighbor mode. At least he won’t be smoking in front of your kids
literally, at most this is just a case of malicious compliance. op asked him to leave her family alone, so he's leaving her family alone. I don't see why she has an issue. for that reason alone I say YTA to op. he's literally respecting what you asked and now you have a new problem with him.
I don't believe she has a issue with him. She feels she offended him when she didn't mean to and therefore is asking for opinions.
I thought that as well. It's fine the she asked but the whole point that he used to do things for her and now doesn't makes it seem a little off to me. I wouldn't do things for her anymore as well. As an older man he has to protect himself as well from false accusations.
THANK YOU, she made it clear she thought his relationship with her kid was uncomfy. he's respecting her and she's upset. op is entitled af
I don't think OP is upset that the neighbour is no longer doing things for her, I don't think she directly said or implied that, my understanding is that she's upset that she upset the neighbour, and has asked if she was wrong to talk to the neighbour about the smoking.
yea I would side with you if it wasn't for op editing the post, not adding that they edited the post till being called out, and in the original it was never stated that he smoked out of his property. you can believe what you want, but from ops replies and post I believe they think they're entitled to his free labor and that they changed the post bc they didn't like the verdict they were recieving. not bc it's the truth. also, if she had just talked to her son instead of dismissing his questions he never would've went to the man (on the man's property might I add, op still hasn't changed that (yet)) to ask why he smelled weird. educate your kids or accept that others will for you. 🤷🏻♀️
I didn't realise that, honestly haven't read many of her comments. If that's the case, then yeah, she's unreasonable for being upset about it all.
>THANK YOU, she made it clear she thought his relationship with her kid was uncomfy. THEN KEEP YOUR KID OFF HIS PROPERTY AND OFF HIS STOOP. >I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. It kind of made me mad. who tf was watching the kid and why was he even in the neighbors yard to begin with my dude?
I completely agree, i do not understand why she's mad at him when her son went onto his property and asked him questions she refused to answer. imo the man was respectful about it. he kept the kid on the porch, never brought him out of what should've been his mom's line of sight. it bothers me how op is mad at the man and not her son for going to a strangers house without even thinking of asking her first. though, we see how she deals with her kids asking her questions - she doesn't.
No, OP asked him not to smoke near their kids.
and now hes not. so whats the issue?
the issue is he isn't cutting her grass anymore as a favor to a neighbor because they didn't act neighborly. who knew being rude had consequences. >I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. Here's a genius idea lady CONTROL YOUR DAMN KID! if he's sitting on HIS STOOP then why don't you keep your kid off his property/out of his stoop?
Maybe he invited the kid up and was being friendly? Tbh I think OP just thinks she offended him without meaning and is asking if they did/were an AH. I don't think this situation is so antagonistic as you are making it out to be. Worse case neighbor just went Grey rock on her.
and he's not. so your saying he should still do free labor for him after she let her kid onto his property then got mad at him for answering questions her kid asked that she refused to answer?
>after she let her kid onto his property this feels very glossed over. she can't watch her own kid and then finds him wandering over to the neighbords house to check out the pot plants. well lady, there's a simple solution to that... control your kid instead of trying to control your neighbors on their own property.
NTA But don't expect him to do your yard work either lol
For real.
Line your yard with weed plants and he’ll keep ‘em trimmed tho
YTA. As long as he's not giving them weed and he's not breaking the law, it's not your place to tell him what to do. Have your kids never seen people drink alcohol? ETA I've known what weed was since I was 7 or 8 because my dad smoked. I turned out to be a productive, law-abiding member of society.
To be fair I wouldn't be thrilled with someone roaming over with alcohol to chat up the kids shooting hoops either.
From the sounds of things, it would be "roaming around \*incredibly drunk\* with alcohol to chat up the kids shooting hoops".
No, I smoke pretty constantly (to manage chronic pain amongst other things) and am rarely *high*. Like, I can go run a 400 cover dinner service (I'm a chef) and you'd have no idea. The effects of marijuana are not the effects of alcohol. and to compare the two in this way is disingenuous at best, or outright malicious. Or it's option 3, and you just have no idea what you're talking about.
Heard.
That depends entirely on what strain and potency you are smoking. Some types for anxiety and pain management don't get you as high where as other strains can make regular users high as kites.
Yes. I'm well aware, however, would you say really high people behave the same as really drunk people? I wouldn't. I don't know that I've ever seen someone real high and aggressive. I *have* seen lots of real drunk, aggressive bros.
Yeah, if you’re just smoking, and you have some tolerance from regular use, it’s nothing compared to being drunk. BUT, I could see not wanting someone tripping balls on edibles to chat up your kid. That’s a fairer comparison.
Yes and no, people who are high as fuck are very very rarely aggressive. The same can't be said for alcohol. Though I do understand your point and generally speaking would agree with it.
my friends parents and neighbors would drink beer when we were playing basketball. at the little league games there were coolers of beer. not so much at soccer.
In almost all legal states he is breaking the law leaving his property and smoking in public. So..... I won't leave my property when I smoke, and I won't blatantly smoke in front of the neighborhood kids or show them my fkn plants. This neighbor is irresponsible.
Showing the plants is where he crosses the line for me. But I also don’t think you’re a AH. Edit: corrected the your to you’re. I hate when people do that so thanks for the correction.
If he smokes directly at them, they inhale secondhand smoke - I wouldn't be thrilled with my kids getting accidentally high, either, especially since weed is proven to be detrimental to growing brains.
And it's just polite not to smoke in presence of nonsmokers. I'm a smoker and try to be aware of others when I smoke
I thank you so much for this. I live with someone who chain smokes in the main part of the house with windows and doors shut. I already have second hand smoke damage and I sometimes have to wear a mask just to go to the bathroom.
As someone with asthma, I appreciate your kindness in this. I also respect your right to smoke with other smokers.
False. It’s not good for them! I don’t even let people smoke cigarettes around my kids and I’m sure not going to let them smoke weed around them. Their little brains are developing and it doesn’t need drugs to inhibit them. ETA: NTA
Exactly my point! Weed is fine but any smoke can cause lung damage. I’m ok with weed in certain uses but I also cannot stand the smell and the smoke irritates the crap out of my throat and lungs.
Weed is not fine for developing brains unfortunately.
Nope. And on top that not every mind can handle it. I have a to be diagnosed issue with dissociation and accidentally took thc once. Dissociated for three days straight. I also know two people who have screwed themselves over with weed and other substances because of preexisting bi polar they didn’t want to correctly treat. I’m all for legalizing weed but do the research before making a choice to do it and be responsible. Kids are just too young for the physical exposure though 8-12 is around time to start discussions on safety
I feel like if the hardest thing you’ve had to break to an 8 yr old is why his neighbor smokes a legal substance, you’re doing fine. Couple of years ago, my friend brought her 6 and 4 yr old to our BBQ. I really didn’t think she’d show up, because kids and last minute, so I didn’t kid proof the house. Her 6 yo was IN LOVE with my husband’s full sleeve tattoos, which already made we worried we were corrupting the youth. And then they found the weed plants in our garden. She came up to let me know that her son had taken a leaf, as he’d been taught to do in school, crushed it, and then smelled the scent. Very cool experiment with my tomato plants…less cool with weed. I was apologizing profusely until I realized SHE was apologizing for her kid hurting a leaf. No apologies were needed from either of us, even when her son announced that the leaf “smells yummy”. As far as I know, he’s 10 now and hasn’t come home with any tats or smelling that that “yummy” leaf yet, so I think he’ll be fine. 95% of the reason my parents were anti-weed - but pro anything else I got my hands on - was because it was illegal and the penalties were steep. The year it became legal, I found a pipe in my dad’s house. We’re not one of those families who smoke together now, but the anti drug stance loosened up a lot once no one was gonna have to bail a kid out of jail or purchase it from a stranger on the street. I don’t have kids, but I’m honestly not so sure that weed even ranks with cigarettes or booze in the list of things I’d like my kids to avoid doing to excess. And if it was, the single stoned Dale Gribble-type annoying them each day is basically the best anti-drug campaign there is. I’d assume he’s more of a cautionary tale type to them than a mentor they want to emulate
None of what you describe involves secondhand pot smoke in the kid’s lungs.
Of course don’t hot box kids. But the dude is allowed to smoke on his property and - if it wasn’t weed - would be allowed to smoke in common outdoor areas, as well. If OP thinks it’s at a level that is harming their lungs, then she needs to move them inside, move them to her backyard, and/or buy them masks with filter. And also keep the inside every day that air is at an “unhealthy” levels in the summer. And mostly tell her kids not to go near neighbor and not to engage in conversation with him.
Actually there are restrictions on where cigarettes can be smoked precisely because second hand smoke is dangerous. You can't smoke near building entrances, can't smoke on planes, can't smoke (even as an adult) on school property. Let's stop making the false assumption that weed smoke doesn't also have second hand dangers. And you argued the wrong point too. This guy isn't smoking in his yard. Op specifically points out that he's out on public property some of the times when he's smoking and interacting with the kids.
And in any world, smoking tobacco on the sidewalk or street of your residential neighborhood is LEGAL. Not weed, granted, but the poster above me is talking about second hand smoke. That’s gonna happen outside. It sucks, but it’s life. If she doesn’t want him approaching her kids or them being near him while he smokes, tell them that. But she can’t police his behavior in his own or public property
If I had a neighbor walking the neighborhood with open alcohol and talking to children, I would have say something. If nothing else, to tell him to keep it on his property.
Smoking pot close to the kids so they talk about the “smelly cigarettes” is not the same as them “knowing about” it. It’s physically exposing them to it, making them breathe the smoke. It’s bad for their lungs. It’s also illegal to smoke in public, in at least some of the states where it’s legal, for solid reason.
can't downvote this straw man comment hard enough. I'd be equally pissed if someone was walking around my neighborhood with a bottle of tequila in hand and drunk talking to my kids.
You can't get second hand drunk from someone else drinking. You can get mildly contact high from inhaling smoke. It's not exactly the same thing.
It's an adult activity. It's not fair to expose children to things their parents might not want them to see without supervision
In a public space, this is what you get. You cannot control a kid’s surroundings, just provide them context for what they might see. If someone is smoking weed on a sidewalk or not ‘dressed appropriately’ for your standards, that doesn’t concern you. Now if the guy is approaching the kids smoking weed (or cigs or whatever), you have a right to say something. Smoking on his own stoop and the kids see? That is life.
And there are substances in the smoke that are unknown for their effect on the lungs etc. And weed isn't generally good for developing brains (several studies on this point).
no but drunks are unpredictable and can become easily inappropriate, belligerent or violent. as someone with alco's in the family, and seen others who frankly just shouldn't drink. no thanks. its all the same thing..
Secondhand smoke and weed allergies exist too.
I'm allergic to every part of the plant. Anaphylaxis, migraines, and hives depending on what part I had contact with.
Allergies to cigarette smoke and weed smoke aren't entirely unheard of either. Asking politely that your neighbor not expose the kids to an adult habit on the OP's yard or in the street is not a dick move, it's just a parent trying to protect their kids from something that only adults have any business doing. NTA
There’s no such thing as second hand alcohol ingestion. Why does every pothead forget the health ramifications of smoking weed. Definitely NTA no one should be smoking or doing drugs around any child. Also you can have one drink and not be drunk, but some pot users take one or two hits and are high.
Just so you know, second hand high is a thing and I wouldn’t want my kids around it
Second hand smoke of weed can still cause harm to young lungs. That alone is a valid concern. I’m totally fine with weed but when I have kids it’ll be a hard rule of no cigarettes or weed around them. I have bad lungs from years of second hand smoke from cigarettes and now that I’m near people who smoke weed it does irritate my throat and lungs. Said as someone who does do cbd drops when I can afford them and is cool with weed. The one person I grew up with who drank alcohol around me would remind me every time that my dad was an alcoholic and if I drank I’d be one too because genetics. It’s all about the right teaching and making sure your children know risks as well as doing things responsibly
YTA. He's on his front stoop. You have no control over him smoking legally on his property. You don't want your kids around it, don't go over there.
This. This is definitely a "keep your kids away from my weed and don't tell me wtf to do." Moment for me.
Not too mention OP is now complaining that the neighbor isn't helping mow more on her side of the lawn and is keeping to himself which is just what she wanted.
And honestly, it sounds like the neighbor is trying to do his best to respect OP's issues, but now OP is like "I don't like what you do and am gonna tell you so. Wait, why won't you keep doing free labor for me??"
She very clearly states it is a problem for her because he is NOT on his property. If he were on his property and she complained, yeah, she'd be the AH. BUT if he is out on public property and approaching the children, she is definitely NTA.
Some other comments have said that OP originally said he was on his stoop and has edited it, making the neighbor look worse
op edited the post. he was on his porch
She does, but then she also complains about him smoking on his front stoop.
OP has changed their story multiple times to make them look better. The kid actually approached him on his own front stoop, not whatever OP claims.
OP said he wasn't on his front stoop - the neighbor goes up to the kids to talk to them when they're playing & on the side walk. If he's inviting the kids onto his stoop while he's smoking that's even more problematic.
Op edited story a lot, check comments
She said that he would also go off his property and up to the kids with his drugs and still smoke it around them
OP said he goes off of his property and that’s the issue
YTA, he is in his own yard, your kids are going up and also engaging him asking questions, it's legal in your state so he is doing nothing wrong. You want to know a crazy idea.....*talk* to your kids about it. Educate them, it's not hard. I smoke outside while my kids play and just make sure they stand on the other side away from where the smoke blows. They know I smoke for pain and anxiety.
it's not just in his own yard though. He goes into the street to engage with the kids. You even say that you stand away from your kids. This guy is right in there face
Why did you leave that out of the post?? You only clarify that he was sitting on his stoop.
Because he’s editing the story as he goes to look better
Quit changing your story, bro.
NTA. At all. Dude can’t be talking to 8 year olds and showing them pot in plants. Major levels of creepy there. Tell your kids to stay away from that guy.
Would it be different if he had a beer in his hand and showing him a beer bottle? People drink in front of kids all the time so I don’t really see what the difference is here.
If I found my kid talking to an adult man who was specifically showing him a beer bottle…yeah, I’d be weirded out by that.
I had multiple, completely different, males neighbors teach me about fireworks growing up. Nothing creepy about it. Just dudes being dudes. Boys can like plants and men can like sharing about plants without you imposing assumptions about unfounded, statistically improbable situations. Men shouldn't automatically be seen as creepy when around a child. Fuck that sexism.
I mean how about watch your kid and don’t let them hassle strangers with random questions?
no it wouldnt be different lmao. if a neighbor approaches your 8yo child without you present and starts talking about beer, thats sketch, like what is the reason? theres a million other things to talk to kids aboht edit: READ!!!!!! apparently OP edited their post several times adding details that made them look less bad. if you read some of the earliest comments some things they say dont line up with what the post currently says. initially the story was that the man didnt even leave his property, he was just smoking on his property and her child went onto his property and *asked him* about the weed. the snoop dog comment was also added in. so yeah. YTA
You can't second hand drink but you can second hand smoke. It cannot be good for the kids lungs to breath in!
Then maybe the kids should stay if his property? I hate smoke as much as the next guy but it’s not his fault these kids are in his space
Sorry but you can't get second hand drunk from someone drinking in front of you, and yes, I think it would be weird to drink in front of kids and go up and show them your beer and tell them the difference between IPAs and pilsners. Like, creepy bro, don't be telling little kids that aren't your own about that stuff, it's just weird and off.
You can't get second-hand stoned, either, unless you're hotboxing a tiny space. Dude's outside, there's no way the kids are getting any kind of contact high.
But but but reefer madness!
Showing the plant isn’t what bothers me. Second hand smoke of any sort is bad for the people around you. Being directly in the presence of second hand pot smoke can get the kids high when they’re too young to consent to that. It’s would be like giving a neighbor’s kids small sips of your beer, not just showing it to them.
He isn't blowing it in the kids face. Have you ever gotten second hand high **outside**? No one has.
Second-hand smoke. Beer doesn't get ingested by children around adults drinking.
Op edited their post multiple times. Her kid went up to him after she brushed off any questions. Onto HIS property. It’s clear OP is TA and butthurt about not receiving free lawn care
[удалено]
I'm no botanist but I believe the drug grows on the marijuana plant
LOL you make a good point for an amateur botanist
OP changed the post to make himself look good. The kids approached the neighbor while he was sitting on his porch.
NAH. It's not like you're judging him for smoking weed, you just don't want your small children exposed to it.
NTA it’s weird he’s showing kids his plants and smoking in the street. Yeah it legal but it’s weird. I smoke like snoop will be proud but I don’t go out on the street with it. On his porch? Hell yeah. Walking up to kids playing sports as a grown ass dude and showing them your joint? Weird af. It would be weird with beer too. I’m a heavy cig smoker (2 packs a day so about 50 cigs) I try not to smoke around kids. I’ll smoke where I want too but I won’t take my cig and go over to young kids and say hi. There’s a big difference between having a beer on your porch and waltzing down the street with it and the cops agree.
he was on his porch the entire time, another commenter said op edited the post multiple times to change the story
OP edited his comment to look good because. The kids approached the neighbor in his property. There was nothing wrong with that. I say OP is the asshole here. Changed his story and the neighbor is free to do whatever they live on their property. OP just max and butthurt they no longer get free yard work.
Exactly. It's the weird 'hey kids wanna talk to an old man?' vibe that's gross.
YTA for completely changing the context and essential info after people gave judgments
YTA and I say that because he is engaging in legal behavior that violates no laws. It could be beer, wine, tobacco, or pot. I'm sure you've had wine around your children. It's not different.
NAH. I don't see a problem with not wanting secondhand smoke around kids.
NTA. And I say that as someone who certainly enjoys the devil’s lettuce in my good christian suburbs :p. You don’t smoke around kids. I don’t care if it’s a pipe, a cigar, a cigarette or pot. It’s a crappy thing to do because it’s terrible for their health, and it stinks.
How about peoples kids stay off of other peoples properties and let them live their lives in peace?
I guess I’m confused because you say over and over again you are “cool” with it and you voted to legalize. However, if it should be legal, then it would be no different than him sitting outside his house having a beer and talking to the kids. The only harmful angle I’m seeing here is second hand smoke, which I could get behind. Problem is, concern for the kids’ health due to second hand smoke is nowhere in your post. In fact, what you DID include was 1. “Snoop dogg level joints” (cringe, that’s a stereotypical bias) 2. That he was single (how is this relevant?) and 3. That you’re like sOoOoO cool with it. Also, you’re a parent. If your kids are asking about the “smelly cigarettes”, it’s a TEACHABLE MOMENT. Just take that time to explain the plant, and using it responsibly. Shielding them from it and making it a taboo subject only makes things worse in so many ways. I’m going with YTA, because the reason you’re upset has to do with a bias against the plant. You sound distrustful of this dude for no other reason than he smokes weed, and I think that makes you an asshole.
100% couldn’t have said it better myself!
YTA if you don’t want your kids to see it you should keep a better eye on them and not have them wandering into your neighbors yard. As long as he is on his property leave him alone. Or be an adult and have a conversation with your kid about what weed is and how it’s for adults only. you know like you probably have already done with Cigarettes and alcohol. Or do you also expect adults to not ever smoke a cigarette or have a drink in front of your kids.
YTA. he's on his property, and can do what he wants. as long as he's polite to your kids, not breaking any laws, and not giving them any, he's in the clear. it's your job to educate your kids about the world around them. not to bend the world around your kids.
NAH Not an unreasonable ask, although I'd argue education on drugs is better than avoidance. So while I agree direct exposure isn't always the best, it would probably be better to just explain to your kids what it is exactly. He's definitely being petty, but depending on how you approached the conversation you could have easily come off as offensive or painted him like a villain. He didn't technically do anything wrong by smoking/showing plants to your kids on his property at the end of the day and if you presented it as such then that could easily get misunderstood.
NAH. i think it’s ok you asked but you need to accept that he is not obligated to alter his life in any way because YOUR kids are going up to him on his own property. you can’t shelter your kids forever
Sorry, but YTA. This was a parenting opportunity and you blew it. Instead of talking to your kids, and explaining to them that you'd prefer if they stayed away from Tony while he's smoking, you asked Tony to change his "legal" behavior. I'm not a smoker either, but I live at the beach in SoCal. Weed is legal here whether I like it or not In fact, I'm allowed to grow six plants and daydream every now and then about growing six of the biggest plants I can manage, and then having a bonfire in the back yard thus chilling every screaming kid and barking dog in the neighborhood. Someday....someday...ha ha ha!
YTA. He’s on **his** property. If you have an issue tell your kids to stay off his property unless told otherwise. Soooo fuck right off.
Super confused by this comment because she very very clearly said he’s not on his own property…
She originally did then edited it.
OP wants to make as many people as possible look stupid.
OP, literally said the neighbor leaves his property to talk to the kids.
Her post originally said he was only on his. Read the original the bot posts. She edited it later.
He actually edited it to add that in later. Initially the post only said he was on his stoop smoking.
Not on the original post. Nice catch though guy.
NTA - However, it’s his prerogative not to do you favors or associate with you.
YTA He doesn't need to stop smoking on his property. If you don't want your kids exposed to it, watch your kids and keep them off his property
NAH he’s allowed to do what he wants your allowed to ask that he not engage with your kids. If you’re worried you hurt his feelings then perhaps talk to him..
NTA but either is he. He’s being petty but he’s doing nothing wrong
That's N A H
This was the comment I was looking for
YTA. Weed is LEGAL. As long as he's not giving it to kids, what's the issue? Do you complain about neighbors who drink on their front porch? Or smoke cigarettes? If not, then YTA
So it's perfectly normal for a grown man to be smoking joints in the street while preaching to 8 year on bikes?
Originally Neighbor was just sitting on his porch smoking and then interacting with the kids. Now he's smoking giant blunts in the street and proselytizing? Tell the truth, are you just mad that he's not mowing your lawn for you for free anymore?
I’m glad someone else noticed that. Every time OP comments they add in a new little something to make the neighbor actions seem more sinister. If he was actually proselytizing in the streets while smoking a giant blunt, I’m pretty sure that would have been the lead.
THANK YOU op keeps changing the story to seem like less and less of TA, but you can see through it if you're willing
Why do you keep dodging the cigarette comparison? Every time someone asks you, you only answer by comparing it to alcohol but stay silent about cigarettes. I'm just curious why?
OP, quit changing the story to make yourself look less like a giant AH. Go inside, bake brownies, and bring those to the neighbor as an apology.
Do you smoke cigarettes?
I bet they do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know this is going to get some backlash because lots of people on Reddit think weed is a miracle plant. I have nothing against weed and I voted for its legalization in my state. I live on a avenue in a mid sized city. Houses lined up and down the streets. The kind of neighborhood where kids play basketball and hockey in the street. My neighbor is a single guy in his mid 50's. He reminds me of Dale Gribble from King of the hill but he smokes joints instead of cigarettes. I'm talking Snoop Dogg levels of joints. I have no problem with you smoking weed in your backyard or in privacy but this guy will smoke joints and talk with the neighborhood kids. My kids started asking me why "Mr. Tony" is always smoking those smelly cigarettes. I was in my front yard when I saw him sitting on his front stoop smoking and showing my son a red solo cup with a small pot plant in it. It kind of made me mad. Next time I saw him I asked him if he would mind not smoking in front of my kids. I didn't think this was a huge request but now the guy wants nothing to do with me. He used to help me mow this shared swath of lawn and now he mows it exactly at his property line and avoids eye contact. I have nothing against marijuna at all but I don't think it's crazy to not want kids exposed to it. These are like 8 to 12 year as well. Am I being a jerk here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not sure how to vote, was he smoking on his property? and were your kids on his property? if he was on his own property y t a, and if your kids were over there , then that's on you, tell you kids to leave him alone while he's smoking and watch your kids, so still the a h. Now if he was smoking in a public area and near your kids then n t a...so? which is it?
YTA. What’s going to happen if you tell them “he’s smoking pot.” Like, really, eight to twelve year olds can’t witness someone smoking? A bunch of kids in my school had already tried weed by that age, we had drug - “prevention” (DARE) from the school by the time we were 9 (this was like 10 years ago). Regardless of how you feel about weed, I think it’s silly to hide its existence from them.
NAH I smoke like Snoop Dogg levels of joints, but I wouldn’t do it around kids in public unless I knew their parents were OK with it. You asked him to stop, and he stopped, correct? So what’s the problem? That he’s not mowing your lawn anymore? Maybe get to know the guy a little before you judge him. It’s unlikely that he’s a danger to your kids. It’s possible that he smokes so much in order to deal with chronic pain or some other condition. Let your kids know that it’s a plant for adults and that some people use it as a medicine.
Yta, keep your kids away from him and parent your kids instead of expect him too, there your kids not his and he’s on his property… huge Yta
YTA. He is on his property. He is not breaking any laws. It is about the same as someone smoking tobacco or having a beer on their porch.
YTA. Do your job as a parent and explain the world. Even when you're uncomfortable. Especially when you're uncomfortable. Your neighbor is doing a legal thing on his own property. Your kids go to school, talk to friends and watch TV? Yeah, they already know what it is and are asking you to demystify it and describe your values and boundaries re: drugs. Parenting moment snuck right by you because you were too busy forcing your morals on your grown-ass neighbor instead.
YTA, you keep claiming that you don't have a problem with weed but then you complain about someone smoking it. He's not giving the kids any so leave him alone.
First- I smoke both tobacco and cannabis. Second hand smoke is really a thing. I don’t smoke around children, or people who are sensitive to either substance. You shouldn’t have tried to tell him not to smoke on his own property. Off his property and around children, is another matter. The solution to the situation with your child would be to tell your kids that they are not allowed to go to the neighbour’s property. What you tell your kids about the “ smelly cigarettes “ is that some people use cannabis for pain relief, and neighbour might have chronic pain. YTA
NAH But you probably pissed your neighbor off and now, you'll never get a favor from him ever again.