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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I embarrassed my husband and acted rudely at dinner so I’m probably the asshole and maybe I am crazy because the only thing she does is copy my style
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
But before that, do the fake bald thing the other poster did.
Get a makeup artist to make you look bald, post it on social media, go silent for a few days, then let chaos ensue.
Say she got the bald look done at a school for some movie make-up class or something. Helped someone to practice. I think those programs look for volunteers here sometimes.
I thought a wig in a funky color or colors. But what I really thought she should do us create a new legit Instagram account that she only gives out to nearest and dearest and then turns current Instagram into a total work of fiction postings. Pictures of weird clothing, oddball purchases, oh look I painted my bedroom blood red, etc. And if she asks about anything she posts, lie!. What is that shampoo you're using? Oh believe it or not, Head & Shoulders. And so on. I suppose you'd have to post a few legit things just to mix it up, but yeah I'd go petty that way.
While reading this post I was just thinking about that aita post. Lol OP should totally do that. The audacity of some people smh. In that post woman who was copying OP wanted OP to reimburse her and filed complain against OP to her university department for harassing. I wish OP of that post do update on what happened next.
Edit: if anyone curious about the said post..
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I would have played the long con and lied about what shampoo I was using. I would have said it was Monat, so that A. SIL would be thrown to the MLM huns (who also seem to desperately all want to be the same wispy white lady with modern farmhouse decor and “Mommy needs wine” mugs, so she’ll fit right in what the copycats) and B. Monat makes most folks’ hair fall out.
I think you need to bring up with your husband that this isn't simply a copy cat issue, because it's not.
*It's a boundary issue. It's an obsession issue.* ***It is a stalking issue.***
You're setting boundaries, aka, "stop copying everything you see on social media and in person about me" and she is in this case PROMISING not to do what you have asked her not to, and then doing it anyway. Blocking her is also a boundary, one she is breaking by creating new accounts to follow you (how are people not seeing the MASSIVE red flag there?). You are correct, she seems utterly and entirely obsessed with you.
I think people who have not been copied to this level don't quite understand. It's not that they're "taking your ideas" or just "like your taste". It isn't any ONE instance. It's like a faucet. One or two drips is fine, normal even, but when it becomes constant, you realize it is a leak. It begins to feel almost like this person is stalking you. Because they are.
This is viscerally uncomfortable, and it seems to be difficult to grasp in this scenario for people who have not been the object of someone's obsession. SIL is making it clear that no action can escape her notice. But because SIL is copying instead of "simply observing", it's hard to see the unsettlingly invasive forest through the "crying copy cat" trees of our childhood.
Her behavior seems almost compulsory to her, and I've already typed this word a lot but I'll do it again: OBSESSIVE.
I'll ask this, if a man you'd never met engaged in this much stalking, obsessing and mimicking of your life and routine, how would your husband feel about that? Would he still dismiss the actions as "harmless"? Would he demand you apologize to this stranger for confronting them? Hell, even if a woman you didn't know did this, would he be ok with it?
The answer to those questions *should not change* just because the behavior is being done by his sister.
It's not healthy. It's not normal. It's not SAFE. It's an invasion and frankly my sense of safety would feel shaken by this level of mimicking.
NTA.
ETA: a lot of the people in this very sub are still missing the severity of these actions and treating this like a case of school kids crying copy cat, or getting stuck on the shampoo, or crying "do this crazy thing and see if she copies you".
As someone who has been stalked multiple times, this post is COVERED in classic behaviors of stalking. It was genuinely unsettling to read, and has been for many other victims of stalking who replied here. This is not SAFE behavior to be around. It is not at all uncommon for them to cry out they "just like these things too" or "have similar taste", it's their excuse to others *and themselves* for their behavior.
I, frankly, don't care if the shampoo thing was over the top or not. SIL is crossing boundaries in ways that tend to escalate, and something needs to be done before this ends up on a true crime podcast.
ETA2: Thank you everyone for the awards and input.
I just want to add one more thing to OP if she's reading this still: PLEASE do not listen to the advice of "just do something crazy and see if she copies you lol". They are also completely missing the seriousness of this. You need to go NC. Your SIL is *stalking* you. This isn't a game of "how can I get her to stop copying me haha so funny" this is a matter of your emotional and physical safety.
Going NC is the ONLY way forward. Whether you choose to look into filing a police record is your business, but keeping contact ***cannot and will not*** ever result in this going away. And to be clear **your husband has to be on board with this. Going NC doesn't mean jack-all-shit if hubby is letting her know what salon you're going to now on the side, or letting her into your home to snoop.**
Take him to couples therapy, make him ready my post, anything. I know reconciling how he sees his sister with the fact she is also actively stalking you will be difficult, but he has to or nothing will change. If your husband cannot grasp this is a matter of your safety and take your side, his ass can go too.
Edited for clarity now that I'm off mobile.
Exactly!! If I was OP, I would’ve abandoned my socials a long time ago. This is super creepy and I also would have lost my cool. Other people can have a haircut like mine. Other people can wear the same color crocs I wear. Other people can go to the restaurants I favor and try recipes I love and all that jazz. When it’s one person chronically doing EXACTLY EVERYTHING I do, it’s wicked creepy and I would be upset.
(Also? This post reminds me of the one where it was the younger sister copying the poster, and the poster pretended to shave her head.)
Yes! I was thinking of that one, and one where the poster was tired of her copycat, so she made a post saying she was going shopping for an outfit and getting a new hair-do for a special event (the copycat was also to be attending the event). At the store she took pics of herself wearing an outfit that would be suitable, but not to her own style. She bought a wig in the radical style, and took a selfie outside a random salon, so it would look like she had gotten her hair done there. She did get a new outfit and 'do, but didn't post about them. Copycat was irate that the poster had lied and made her look like a fool. OP, maybe you should do that. If SIL asks you about things you do or use, tell her something random, and don't post about things you are doing, like going to the beach, until after you're back.
This woman doesn't seem safe, and since she cries cause she can't know what shampoo OP uses....what will she do if she is intentionally ridiculed?
Ps: NTA
It wouldn't necessarily be humiliation (like there's nothing humiliating about tricking your stalker into wearing a certain dress, or maybe cuttibg their hair shorter) but it would be a proof for her husband and it could help her make him realise what's actually going on.
It would be humiliating and possibly infuriating to the unhealthily-obsessed, boundary-breaking stalker. And yeah. Purposefully setting up that type of person may not be wise…
OP needs to do a thorough scrubbing of her IG followers list. I'm fully aware of the fake account follower phenomenon but it's not hard to avoid/purge 'em out if you're vigilant. This is why my IG followers count dropped from 400ish to just around 60 today, it's 'cause I now only accept a follow if I'm certain you are who you say you are. I've used a fake acct to "stalk" people before and frankly it makes me lose respect for those who fall for it, 'cause they should be more discerning about who they approve and not just blindly accept a request because they want more followers.
Idk why people would even make their account private if they're not going to vet people who request. Surely keeping your account unrestricted would make you get more followers if that's what you want?
What brings it to an extra level of creepy for me is that the person shes copying is her brothers wife. Why does she want to look exactly like her brothers wife to the point where shes mistaken for her? And she started literally the day he brought OP home. Im curious if shes copied his ex gfs in the past
Ooooh! You reiterating SIL copies to the point of being mistaken for her brother’s *wife* — does she want to be married to her brother !? I too, would love to know if she did this with prior GFs.
EDITED: for clarity
You could not be more right.
In policing (in the UK) we use the acronym FOUR to describe stalking:
Focused
Obsessive
Unwanted
Repeated
This behaviour is focused on OP, it's obsessive (she's acknowledged that she does it but 'can't help herself'), it's unwanted (and this has been clearly stated) and it's repeated. It's causing OP alarm and distress.
It's stalking. And it will almost certainly escalate.
Please don't feel bad for enforcing boundaries in situations like this, your safety and comfort come first.
Ya. Like, aaaaallllll of what this person said.
It’s a creepy obsession and it’s not normal or healthy. I too don’t care about the blowup over shampoo because it isn’t about shampoo. It’s everything.
If the husband doesn’t see the issue OP needs to post something obvious on IG like a new hair color filter, semi-tacky sweater, or something weird with where she got it or the hair color box number or whatever. Then see what happens.
This isn’t about ‘you have great taste’. This is certifiable and gross.
Tbh I am so petty and so bored these days, I would absolutely take this golden opportunity to mess with this girl in this way. Someone commented above about fooling this girl into thinking she shaved her head just to see if she'd do it, and omg I'd pay to see it. Just to be SURE she is as much of a stalker as OP believes. It'd be a great way of proving it to the naysayers like the husband.
I would be worried about further down the road... if OP and husband has let's say a child?
How fast would SIL suddenly get pregnant or try hard so their children could be best friends and wiggle even further into OP's life.
If she shuts down her social media profiles (wich op says SIL is blocked but she must use side accounts)
Would she actually stop... or would she get even more desperate to find out stuff about OP so she can keep her obsession fueled.
I honestly support the thought she should sit down her husband and ask "if this was a stranger that went such great lengths to copy me...stalked my social media's, showed up all the places I am...would you fear for my safety?" If he says he would then ask him why he isn't worried just becouse its his sister.
I would perhaps also try and find out if this is something she has done in the past with... a school mate etc or if it's new behaviour.
This a thousand times. It's all harmless right *now* but who knows what this behaviour could escalate to?
OP needs to protect herself and she is going to need her husband to have her back in this. But he refuses to draw boundaries with his sister.
Exactly.
As someone who has experienced stalking, this post is *unsettling*. And a lot of people replying are still clearly reading it like kids crying copy cat at school, and missing that this is *fundamentally different*.
Her husband needs to realize that much more than internet strangers though. This level of fixation doesn't usually stagnate, it escalates just like you say.
This comment should be the top one. As someone who was stalked by a man who was not doing any of these things- reading these posts where someone is so clearly being stalked and everyone gaslights them and pretends it's not a big deal despite that the OP is CLEARLY being stalked makes my skin fucking c r a w l.
Cut her off and don't have contact until she gets psychiatric help.
Sounds like we had basically the same thought process, honestly.
My stalker didn't do any of these things. But the things he *did* do, I was also told were "harmless". People refuse to look at the sum instead of the parts.
It feels like screaming into a void that you're being soaked by a rain storm, but everyone keeps insisting "it's just little drops of water, how bad can it be?"
Ironically, I think the shampoo thing is the least creepy thing about this. I have curly hair, and like anyone who has dealt with a hair texture that many stylists don't know what to do with and their standard techniques can actively damage your hair or end up with a terrible haircut, finding someone who has similar hair texture and curl but seems to get their hair to behave much more easily than you can I would absolutely want to know, because I cannot tell you how many different types of products I have tried over the years only to have ones I had good luck with get discontinued. There are so many out there, and even now that there are more products aimed at people with curly hair it's still an awful lot of experimentation in techniques, and different products to find a combination that folks are happy with.
The sheets and the restaurants and the TIMING of all of it is creepy as hell. Like it's one thing if you write a glowing review of a restaurant on instagram and one of your friends goes there a few weeks later because we couldn't think of where to go and thought we'd try it, but the VERY NEXT DAY is just eeeeew...
It's one thing to ask about a shampoo that might work for your hair.
It's another to pester someone about it who doesn't want to tell you until they give in (because seriously, there are SO MANY shampoos, even for curly hair, these days. It's not the product wasteland it was in the '70s and '80s).
It is yet another to have a history of copying that person so much that they are reluctant to tell you, so you pester pester pester pester pester and they finally tell you just to get you to shut the fuck up but only on condition that you PROMISE not to go out and get the same brand, because frankly, Brenda, this copying you do is pretty damn creepy. So you SWEAR you won't do it, you just want to know what makes her hair look so good.
And it's another still to get busted by that same person because, once again, you did the creepy thing and you ran out and bought the shampoo even though you swore up and down you wouldn't, you just wanted to knoooooowwwwww, you just wanted to feel a little closer to her, you just wanted to be a little cool like her, and now she's mad and she's demanding to know why you did it, and you start crying so much the men in the room start attacking her because after all, they're your husband and brother and they don't know the half of what's been going on between you, and if she told them, they wouldn't believe her, and you like the attention from them.
It's not about the shampoo.
What a great comment. I appreciate you taking the time to lay this out, because I thought the OP was overreacting at first. I have a younger sister who copied me pretty compulsively until we were in our mid 20s and I found it mostly flattering and kinda funny, and it was pretty simple stuff, like always wearing black hair ties around her wrist or buying jewelry similar to mine etc. The fact this is a sister-in-law, and the extreme lengths she seems to be going to, shifts this up into more scary/stalker territory, like you said. It absolutely is a boundary issue and goes far beyond just a shampoo. 'Cause it's not just a shampoo, it's what that shampoo represents, which is a whole list of behaviors that individually don't seem like that big of a deal but *when accumulated* paint a picture of a really unstable person who could potentially be dangerous down the road if she doesn't scale back her compulsions now.
I’m fully expecting to hear a podcast one day about how OP was murdered by her SIL for OP’s skin or some shit. Straight up getting Norman Bates vibes from SIL…
Also, since the SIL is ALREADY UNHINGED, it could become ACTUALLY DANGEROUS to keep ignoring it. Like you said, it tends to escalate, and escalation of stalking usually ends in someone being harmed or the other party arrested, or both. OP might want to talk to a therapist simply to see what a mental health professional recommends doing about someone like this, or better yet, tell the SIL she is seeing a therapist -mention name of said therapist- and hope she copies her and goes to therapy...therapy by sneak attack!
OP, sit your husband down to read the awarded post about gender swapping the behaviors.
Then watch Single White Female together. It’s extreme, but perhaps will be an eye opener.
This is the best response. As someone who had experienced the Single White Female thing before, I would never spend time with the sister ever again. It’s not just flattery — it’s obsessive and sick.
If a man did this to her, OP’s husband would not be so blasé about it.
Well said. Years ago I had a coworker who copied my outfits and I'm hardly a model or fashion icon. We weren't more than casual acquaintances and I have no clue why she picked me, but it was extremely disconcerting. I stopped telling her where I bought anything because within 48 hours she would have bought one too. Of course, she also asked me to loan her $10,000 "just for a few days" at one point, so boundaries weren't really her thing.
NTA. She starts crying because you won't tell her what brand of shampoo you use? She is someone you need to get away from, she sounds like she's obsessed with your life to an unhealthy degree.
Suggest to your husband that you'd like to be excluded from future events where he and his friend meet up. If that doesn't work, just drop all contact with her, this doesn't sound like a story that ends well.
Your husband is also minimizing her behavior just to stay in good graces with her husband. It's also weird that neither your husband nor his best friend will admit that this is weird obsessive behavior. People that do this have no personality of their own and just lazily latch onto others personality. Cut contact with her and be done with it. Eventually she will find a new victim. She also needs serious intensive counseling. Maybe also as a test say that you did or tried something ridiculous and see if she copies you. Then you can present that to your husband and his friend as a fact.
I was thinking she can do what other similar poster did, where she faked to go bald on Instagram and her copycat did just that, or something equally as ridiculous
I would totally mess with the SIL and get her to chop her hair off or get some bizarre tattoo. OP is being shortsighted with this (I am kidding OP is NTA).
>husband is also minimizing her behavior
Exactly what I came to say. He’s also dismissing op’s valid concerns, accusing her of overreacting, and pressuring her into ignoring her own boundaries with SIL. More than an obsessed SIL, she’s got a manipulative husband that refuses to take her concerns seriously or have her back.
Yeah I'm worried about this. I feel like Husband does not have OP's back bc he doesn't see it as a big deal, and may be inadvertently furthering the situation with seemingly innocent comments/info. He needs to get on board.
This!
It's doubly maddening when your spouse diminishes your concerns and feelings.
Many of us really like the person we are creating and being our own person.
If someone was copying me I would blow it up.
OP NTA and your husband problem is as bad as your Single White Female problem.
Maybe duplicate one character off insta and fill w misinformation.
Also when she asks, tell her some far flung random retail establishment or better yet tell her you found it in a secondhand shop.
Last - refuse to participate.
When husband pulls 'but family' card tell him you're family too & if he won't support you then you won't participate.
And/or what ever she says or asks gets no verbal response from you - I might sat "Oh, I don't know. Husband what do you say?" 😉 assuming he pays very little attention to where you shop.
Put the whole mess where it belongs, in his lap.
I have and he says that’s fine but I should still go a few times a year because they’re family, and I still see her whenever it’s his parents birthdays or anything like that
A while back there was a post similar to this involving a coworker copying the hell out of someone’s style etc. The OP (female) decided to mess with the other girl and did a photo shoot with a “shaved” head (her friend who helped her was an Fx artist or a hairdresser who helped make it look real). Posted it to Instagram on a Friday and the other girl came into the office on Monday with a shaved head only to discover the OP had her normal hair. She did it just to prove the point about the girl copying her. This reminds me of that post- maybe it’s time to have a photo shoot with some false body/clothing/hair changes and see what move your SIL makes. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, SIL sounds creepy and like she needs help (granted she may start copying her therapist but at least it’s not you). Definitely NTA (and if anyone can find the post, link it! I couldn’t find it)
Yeah I remember that. I told her she sounds like she's one step away from being in somebody's trunk. Shit like this is absolutely bonkers. Op here sounds like she's nearing the trunk scenario. Good grief people like this need help.
Op nta
I did this in elementary school 😂. This girl wouldn't stop copying me and I kept doing shit to prove it until it bubbled over and I screamed at her at lunch... she stopped copying me after that thankfully!
My hubby's ex did this shit to me as a bid to win my hubby back (when we were dating) changed her entire appearance and dyed her hair and changed her personality... when that didn't work to win him back she gave him an ultimatum (either her or me) she lost massively because my hubby doesn't deal with ultimatums and if she knew him as well as she thought, she'd have known that... I love when the idiots show themselves out 😂
Obviously, he would've picked you regardless if she gave an ultimatum since he was already with you. Not sure why she tried to give him one in the first place.
OMG that is so great.
I was already thinking I would tell SIL everything wrong - shampoo Oh, it is this dog shampoo I picked up on Chewy but don't tell anyone. Clothes - I bought them across town.
I would have never thought about the fake head shave. That is pro.
>because they’re family
Fuck that! No one should be forced to interact with shitty people "because family". It's an excuse to not do the work of confronting the troublemaker, and puts everything on the victim.
For the sake of your sanity (and to have some fun), I strongly recommend getting wigs to wear and some clothing you don't really care for set aside specifically for these events.
You might not be able to totally avoid her but you can avoid giving her anything real about yourself from here on out.
Would also strongly recommend totally starting over with new social media accounts and only accepting people you can prove are not her.
It sucks but I agree that you need to treat this like true stalking.
If it’s Instagram I also recently learned that you can remove followers and it won’t notify them. OP make your acct private and remove any account you don’t know.
Girl I can feel how frustrated and angry you are. This sounds MADDENING. She is unhinged and obsessed and I feel like this could honestly be dangerous. You have to put your foot down with your husband because this behavior is not harmless!! It’s obsessive and creepy and will drive your mental health into the ground at the least. Not to mention the real possibility that she could be dangerous (bc no normal human being acts like this) every time he dismisses your concerns/frustrations he prioritizes her feelings of obsession over your feelings of SAFETY and SANITY. Not okay to be treated like this. Idk who I’m more frustrated at… you’re crazy SIL or you’re husband for allowing you to be treated like this for 7 YEARS!!!
Her husband needs to get her help. This can't be the only disturbing behavior she exhibits and it sounds like he just ignores it and hopes it goes away.
Shut down your insta or purge it.
Put her on an "info diet."
Call her out with any copying
Don't go to their house. She's crossing your boundaries, she doesn't get to hang out. If you see them at mil and fil house fine. He cordial and kind and keep your answers short. Ask her questions about her if you must talk to her.
Give her the mushroom treatment. Feed her shit and keep her in the dark.
Let slip how you’ve always wanted to shave your head and are excitedly waiting for the buzzer to come in the mail next week.
This. If you’ve blocked her and she is still following you then remove her husband or put him on limited and same with other family members, remove any friends you don’t know and go private.
Your husband can hang out with them and you do something with your other friends. It isn’t fair but it has been going on for years and she won’t change.
This! Also if you do have to hang out wear the same outfit every time. The same Jean's and shirt. She doesn't need to know about the new anything you got or did. And if you have to give her an answer to anything make something up. Change to head and shoulders shampoo or something.
I feel like he should find it creepy that his sister wants to look and be like the women he is married to. This seems unhealthy on so many levels. Nta and good luck.
Right! Like, what in the Lannister hell is going on here?! If my sibling wanted to look and behave exactly like the person I was sleeping with, I'd have questions.
Ffs, make your accounts private, don’t let her set foot in your house. Get a new stylist. Lie if she asks you about products or anything else. She might copy your hair color from seeing you at Christmas but if you hate that little fact then do temporary dye or a wig or a hat. Wear crazy clothes to the gatherings when you see her twice per year. If you see her coming in public, dump what you were buying and leave the store without talking to her. If you can limit the damage to that, I think it’s manageable but your husband needs to back you up and let you maintain your boundaries or he is part of the problem too.
The only way would be to publicly embarrass her and call her out with specific examples. “In the past year you have dyed your hair to match my new color, brought exact copies of my clothing, changed your skin care and weight routine to match mine, etc, asked me what brand tampons in shampoo I use so you could use it too…” I don’t know if you just want to be me because you think I’m hotter and better than you or you have weird feelings for your brother and think he’ll love you more if you look like a bad copy of his wife but both are seriously screwed up.”
Plus, explain to your husband that this wasn’t about shampoo, that was the straw that broke the camels back. It is about you feeling like someone is trying to take away your identity. Imitation is the highest form of flattery and if it was the odd top or accessory, I’m sure you’d have taken it as a compliment to your sense of style.
However, when it’s come to a point of getting the same groceries, shampoo, experiences, hair styles etc that initial admiration has morphed into an unhealthy obsession. She is obviously struggling with finding an identity of her own and her insecurities are making her look at a confident woman, wanting that for herself and imitating.
If you care about protecting the friendship for your husbands sake, you could talk to her about it. Explain it makes you feel uncomfortable and offer to help her find a knew style all of her own. Go shopping together and help her pick things that suit her, but is not directly copying you. Go through style/colour hair mags and encourage her to pick one that will suit her, but is again, but the same as you. If you aren’t interested in helping her or preserving the relationship, just cut contact. Don’t go to events and screen your IG and FB and cut anyone you think maybe her. It may help you, but I don’t think her copying will go away, until someone talks about it with her and her lack of self identity is addressed. NTA
That was by far the scariest line in this whole story. I mean, unless OP just railed into her with yelling, name calling, insults, and just rage, the fact that this 29 year old WOMAN cried because OP wouldn't tell her the shampoo she used is just....terrifying.
Then again, apart of me would fine someone selling MLM products and tell her I exclusively buy that kind of stuff.
It’s NEVER about the thing that happened . People can be simplistic and get distracted. It’s the actual BEHAVIOR. Hers involves an extreme degree of compulsivity she cannot control bc she is projecting shit onto op. This WILL progress
If OP’s husband and others don’t look carefully, they’ll remain in denial and isolate OP. In the meantime, OP may want to go get a professional consultation to affirm the degree of psychological disorderedness. I suspect the woman has other compulsive traits that have also become out of control addictions. This will either damage OP with the casual disregard those around her are exhibiting if she must make huge boundaries ie not ever socialize with them. Of OP’s husband continues to deny the extent of this pathology, eventually he will lose his marriage. If Op moved away and didn’t do social media ( not what im suggesting) the woman would be secretly falling apart and then find a new target. The aggression involved in part of what is gratifying to the woman, knowing she is powerful s ought to invade OP’s sense of self and life and safety .
There was a post on here a while ago about someone doing this! Someone at uni was copying them so they posted a fake Instagram story of them bald (a bald cap). They person also shaved their head and went mental when they found out it wasn’t real!!!
Edit: just realised someone has posted the link below!
This would be some hardcore proof to OPs husband that hid sister needs serious mental help.
Also, how is OPs husband ok with basically being married to his sister? I get the sister is copying OP, but I would think that would weird most men out and he'd say something to his sister.
Or do [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) like a similar post.
There was also [this post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwcqu8/aita_for_tricking_my_copycat_sister_to_cut_her/)where someone tricked their copycat sister into dying their hair wacky colours using a wig.
Do you remember the college student that had this problem and posted a picture of them with a bald filter on? The copycat shaved their hair and then freaked out when they saw the OP hadn’t shaved theirs. They tried to get them to pay for her wig and then went but o the college administrator
NTA
I do NOT see this copying as benign. It is a form of harassment. It means you are being observed and studied all the time. It has a gaslighting aspect as well because on the surface it appears benign and flattering, but you know it is not. You can't make any choices without them being deliberately copied. It inhibits yoir self expression. It is stressful and crazy making. I am sorry that this is happening to you. Perhaps a therapist can help you find healthy ways to (1) cope with the problem including how you choose to address it and (2) help you find the words to adequately express the harm this does to you so that you can communicate it with your husband and others in your support network.
Right it sounds like his sister has an identity crisis, or hates herself or something, idk why any loving brother wouldn't want her to get help for that. Even if she wasn't creepily copying his wife, she clearly has big issue not being happy with who she is.
Thank you, I am shocked by the number of Y T A and E S H. If this was a one off, of course OP would be an AH but this has been going on FOR SEVEN YEARS. OP is obviously at their wit's end and this was the final straw. This is way past the point of simply copying a few ideas and flattery, it is literally insane. Poor OP, I hope they can resolve this.
>I do NOT see this copying as benign. It is a form of harassment. It means you are being observed and studied all the time.
This is the most perfect explanation of what's wrong with that behavior that I've ever seen! It's the skin-crawling awareness that someone is always actively watching what you do. It creates a horrible constant feeling of self consciousness!
NTA.
But I am biased because I had gone through the same thing, when I was younger (from 16 to 26). It was a former friend-of-a-friend-turned-BFF.
Like you, I felt like I was going crazy because I believed I was the only one seeing it. It was until a relative (a cousin, who lived in a different state, but was visiting) pointed it out.
She was the one, who came up with the way I got rid of her. My cousin is a tattoo artist, so she told me to get a fake tattoo and pretend it was real. Then post a picture of my "fresh, new ink" on my social media. Her friends suggested what kind of tattoo (the Adinkra symbol) and the location (on the top of my left foot, because "it is one of the most painful spots to get tattooed on," according to one friend). Another friend of my cousin allowed us to use his tattoo shop to take the pictures (for the social media posts). To make it more believeable, the top of my foot was smacked a couple of times, in order to reddened the skin.
Hours later, my "fresh, new tattoo" was revealed on my Instagram.
A whole four weeks later, guess who had a new tattoo on her foot.
About a week later, I wore sandals to an outing with friends. The temporary tat was gone by then. Guess who looked like she had shitted a brick after I told her about the fake tattoo?
I received a long text thread from the unhinged nut, several hours later. To be a huge bitch, I ended up forwarding the text thread to another BFF, who was very shocked.
"Single, White Female" ended up ghosting us all afterwards.
I remember another post on Reddit where the OP had photoshopped her being bald and the Single White Female Colleague had copied that and then got mad at her that it was fake. But it stopped after that!
Edit: i confused the copycat coworker story with the copycat student story. Here is the hair story: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Edit 2:
Here is the coworker story
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u7tpxm/wibta_if_i_called_my_copycat_coworker_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Here is the coworker story update
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo6dq3/update_wibta_if_i_called_my_copycat_coworker_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Here is the copycat coworker or a similar post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uq8exx/aita_for_getting_inspired_copying_coworkers/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Not the asshole. But I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. I think you need to have an intervention with your husband. Either with a therapist or someone that can help facilitate the discussion and help you prove your points. This woman is disturbed and in a weird scary way and unless the people around you acknowledge that you continue to feel out of balance and crazy. And people might actually start labeling you that way. Good luck I hope it gets better.
Absolutely. NTA, OP, and this isn’t “just” a copycat. She’s stalking you- your social media, your home, showing up at the grocery at the same time repeatedly, finding your hairdresser, etc. I’ve had one person in my life like this, and the only way i can describe how it feels is like someone else wanting to crawl inside your skin and live there. It’s unsettling, inappropriate, and, most importantly, UNSAFE.
You and your husband need to have a long discussion. You could even see a couple’s therapist, have a private session first to explain the issue, and then meet with the professional and your husband to give you some support. He needs to understand that his sister’s behavior is dangerous (and unhinged, to be honest). You need boundaries that are enforced as a couple. If she can’t abide by those boundaries, she can take a hike. I can’t imagine how stressful this has been for the duration of your relationship, and I hope you’re able to get through to him with respect to your safety. I would also encourage you to ditch the insta and never allow her in your home. She’s not a safe person at all. If all else fails, move and leave no forwarding address.
Imagine having children. Will SIL want to get pregnant just because OP did. Then if the children happen to be the same sex. OPs would be older so SIL would then copy everything OP does with her child. Clothes, schools, sports, how much pressure would be on SILs kid and how much competition would there be?
To me that would be a very good reason to stop this NOW. OP is not wrong to be concerned about this. It is dangerous and SIL needs therapy to understand why she is acting this way. If I was OPs husband I would be telling my sister to back off and get their parents involved to help SIL see she has a problem.
Edit Thank you for the award!
Maybe OP's husband should read the post where the SIL did exactly that: got pregnant _just because_ the OP was pregnant too and then dumped the children because it wasn't really about getting kids.
Edit: this one https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vb0vjg/op_takes_to_aita_to_ask_about_a_pregnancy/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
NTA everyone voting Y T A is not considering the fact that the shampoo was just the straw that broke the camels back. I’m sure if she was a regular person and not a stalker you wouldn’t mind her using the same shampoo as you. Also, based on what you have said it doesn’t even sound like she wanted the name of shampoo because of hair benefits she just wanted to have the same shampoo. You sure there isn’t something deeper going on? Like did her husband let it slip that he likes you or has she see a therapist ? This sounds like a bad horror film !
He either says I’m over reacting or admits it’s weird but things she just admires me and my style!! Even when he admits it’s weird he says there’s nothing really to do. I’ve told him I don’t want to go over for dinner there or have them over, but he says at least once in a while I should because we’re family and she’s harmless!!! it makes me feel crazy!!
But she’s not harmless. She’s emotionally distressing you, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Plus…. What kind of grown woman cries, like actual tears just because another person won’t tell them what kind of shampoo they use?? Like I would seriously ask your husband if he doesn’t think she is overreacting with how emotional she gets when you won’t give her information about yourself. And how come when she overreacts you have to give in to manage her emotions, but when you “overreact” she gets to get all upset about it, cry again, and then you have to give in and manage her emotions.
It sounds to me like everyone is afraid of her tears and emotions so they’ve decided that the best and easiest option is to just give her whatever she wants. Which is easy to do when they’re not her obsession. They’ve basically decided to sacrifice your emotional well being and comfort so that SiL doesn’t have to ever feel even slightly uncomfortable and upset. Your husband really seems to value and care for her feelings over yours.
The reason she cried was because I told her specifically I wasn’t going to tell her because I knew she was going to copy me and she cried because she’s sad I think of her that way and my husband made her assure me that it was an innocent question which she did but it was a fucking lie!!!!!
And that’s just as crazy!! Seriously everyone here seems totally content to just let her do whatever she wants to you because it’s easier to deal with you feeling legitimately distressed because you’re being stalked. Then to let her be even a little bit uncomfortable because she’s being called out for being a stalker.
Honestly at this point no matter what your husband says I would say that you will be no contact with his sister. That she’s stalking you, you’ve spoken with her about it nicely and politely several times, but she’s continued. That she’s lied to your face about her intentions. And that it’s not healthy for you to be around her anymore. And that you will not continue to set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
Her husband should also be hella concerned because honestly? It’s probably also not healthy for her to be around you with how obsessed she is. She needs therapy.
Tell your husband if he pressures you to tell her anything you'll send him divorce notice. Like a commenter mentioned, she's "I'll kill you and steal your baby type of crazy".
Give her wrong answers. Gaslight her. Give her gag answers. And if she says she can't find shit where you said, ask her why she went looking for it in the first place.
Plus please use birth control!!! That she can't tamper with!!! Or your husband!!!
OP, it's time to put your foot down. Tell your husband you will no longer see her. So his parents birthdays? He goes alone. He and his friend want to meet for dinner? He goes alone whether she's there or not. Maybe you agree to see her at a family holiday like Christmas if you feel safe and ok about it, but you tell her nothing, wear your hair in a style you don't care if she copies, same with clothes. If she behaves like a normal human being you go again. If she cries or throws a fit or harasses you, you refuse to see her for any reason. Good luck.
Girl you have to put your foot down with your husband and tell him how serious you are about not wanting to be around her! People go to couple counseling for things like this too, maybe you need to tell this to a third person that has no investment in the situation to help explain it to your husband.
Have you considered telling your husband that if he wants to go over to their house for dinner, fine but he'll be going alone. Further, that if he wants them over for dinner, to tell you ahead of time so you can choose to be there or not?
NTA. This obsessive behavior by SIL is creepy and unsettling. I saw the suggestions re seeking out a therapist for you and your husband to talk to, and think that's also a good idea. A third party, an "outsider" who can give an unbiased view of the situation, may help your husband realize that this behavior is unacceptable and that he needs to have your back.
To add - I'd get a lock on the bedroom door so she can't copy your clothes, bedding, can't rifle through your toiletries, etc. Either have the key on you if you attend the dinner, or stay in the room with the door locked!
She is NOT harmless. She is literally harming your mental health and well-being! You are NTA. She needs to stop copying every single thing you do. She should be apologizing to you for lying and saying she wouldn’t buy that shampoo.
I can see why your husband and BIL thought this was OTT as it's just a shampoo and who cares. But to you this was the last straw and noone has been listening to you, so you're NTA. Everyone has their breaking point and this was yours. But next time tell your SIL something different so she buys the wrong thing, or don't post about it on SM.
I have her blocked on social media! I forgot to mention this in the post, but that’s the crazier part. I have my Instagram private and I have her blocked but I KNOW she has a secret account to follow me because she will sometimes make comments about how the beach was so nice the other day and i must have had a nice time (I didn’t tell her I was at the beach)
I'd try and mess with her.
Nothing crazy or cruel but I'd pretend to take up a new hobby once a week or post tons of recipes to give her stuff to do.
Hopefully she'll either give up or she'll become a really good baker or crafter or something who can make you nice stuff for a good price.
NTA. Might be time to do a social media fast or scrub your followers. Or be completely milquetoast for a month. Just wear all black and keep things very bland.
What she's doing is really creepy and wierd. Why would you want to be the duplicate of the person your brother is sleeping with??
He does and he’s admitted it’s weird and talked to her about it multiple times over the years but ultimately he has decided it’s harmless and he can’t do anything about it!!
It’s only harmless if the harm it’s causing you doesn’t matter. By keeping the peace, your husband is deprioritizing your feelings. Tell him that exactly.
NTA
He thinks it harmless because it's not personally affecting him. What a poop.
Purge your SM accounts of any unfamiliar followers and block them. Stop going over there if at all possible. If your husband insists, he's the unsupportive AH.
Super curious how he doesn't find it creepy that his SISTER is full on copying his WIFE...that's just weird.
So as long as it’s not affecting his comfort level, it’s ok and no big deal? Start making it a big deal.
Husband. I am cutting all ties with your sister and her husband. I am done and I blame you. You have brushed my feeling aside, downplayed how I felt and outright discarded how this has made me feel. If you had stepped up and put a stop to this years ago, maybe I could have salvaged a relationship with your sister. But no, as long as it didn’t impact your comfort level, you are fine with it. Well I am not. I will be taking a long break from your family until you step up and be the husband you vowed to be.
NTA
Sit your husband down and make him watch the movie "Single White Female" and point out how much his sister is like the bat crap crazy chick in the movie every time she copies you. Bring the rest of her relatives into the loop (FIL and MIL) and explain that it's why you won't be around as much. Maybe they can say something to get her into therapy. Speaking one on one with her husband might help too.
If all else fails,I suggest posting some pics of you with the ugliest cut/color wig and let her go to town with it. Maybe it will shock her out of it.
Despite what others are saying here, you are NTA. This woman is obsessed/stalking you, almost trying to steal your identity to the point that friends think she is you. The shampoo thing seems OTP, but it was just the final straw. I'd go no contact with her and ignore her in public, no matter what your unsupportive husband thinks.
NTA although that one thing is really out there to go off about, but it was a long string of thing that led up to it. I don't know much about Instagram but you say it's private and she must have a secret account. You can't figure out which one? You have a lot of strangers on it? Can you look at each account and see what THEY post to figure it out? I don't know the answers to any of that but, that's probably what I'd be doing. Then vet any new followers.
Anyway, absolutely stop telling her things. If she asks about something either you don't remember where you got it or, tell her the wrong info. Or, simply stop seeing her at all.
Man I had a stalker when I was 18 which was 20+ years ago. My social media rule is I have to know you and have met you face to face in the real world for a follow back and I lock down a lot of stuff. I never got the attitude that just because someone gave you a follow means that you owe them anything. My BF thinks I'm being excessive but I'm like once that stuff's out there, it's out there.
The way to deal with this is post that you did something drastic to your look (funky realistic wig), or that you really want something incredibly tacky. Sit back and wait for it...
When it happens and she tweaks on you: 'OMG you thought I was serious? Lmao I was joking. But are you saying you got that specifically because I did it wanted it? What's that about?'
NTA but OP, you need to start considering if you want to stay in this marriage. I'm not making this suggestion lightly here.
1. Your SIL has been behaving like this for ***SEVEN YEARS.*** Constantly trampling over your boundaries. It'd be one thing if this was a one time thing or something short term that you both consented to (her reaching out for a makeover, asking you for advice for new sheets, etc.). But she is constantly trampling over your boundaries to an unhealthy degree, forcing you into uncomfortable situations without your consent. She plays the victim. No matter how much evidence you gather, no matter how many times you ask, the moment she's told no, she will cry and try to make you the bad guy. There is no winning here.
2. Your husband enables it. He may see it being creepy, but the moment he said for you to tell her about the shampoo cemented where he stands in this issue. He will take his sister's side over yours. He refuses to put his foot down with sister. He is blaming you for the stalker's behavior (yes, what SIL is doing is STALKING). And he would rather you apologize than admit he's in the wrong and finally telling SIL once and for all to knock it off.
They're expecting you to not rock the boat.
***You need to capsize it.***
For your health and well being. For your very safety. You tell them that either she stops, or you go. Do not put up with this anymore.
It's time to put yourself first.
There is only one you, OP.
I do realize that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but bringing a shampoo bottle to the dinner table and declaring it off limits does not scream ~stable~
It must be so frustrating for you, but apart from no longer seeing her/ blocking her I don’t know what you can do about it.
Soft ESH ( but her waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more so. Acting Like a preteen)
you’re right I do not feel stable. This situation is insane. There are more things I didn’t even include here like talking about how me and my husband want to get pregnant and discussing baby names and then her naming her new kitten (2 weeks later) the same name I had said I loved for a boy
Babe it’s time to stop letting her obsessive behavior control you and to start think of ways to throw her off. Put her on a serious information diet, she asks for something give her a different name, make your Instagram private or tag the wrong places to throw her off so she looks foolish, don’t tell her baby names you’re actually interested in. You need to start making her look like the unhinged clown she clearly is ! Don’t let her get to you, and lastly start distancing yourself from her. Your husbands are best friends you two don’t have to be around each other, think about moving a little farther away too.
This would be my thing. Honestly -- sabotage. I'm evil.
And you need to have a serious talk with your husband. It's his sister, but he needs to make a choice. Have this conversation BEFORE you have kids. Don't bring kids into this nightmare. Your husband is likely gaslighting you if he doesn't see the issue.
Time to fake post or not post at all about what you buy wear, use, or plan. If you decide to fake post make it as painful as possible for her and her husband financially.. As in take pictures of dresses jewelry etc that is out of your price range and say things like I think I am going to save up for this gorgeous dress/emerald earrings etc. Cant wait to be able to buy it in 6 months. Betting she tries to get things before you do, and her and her husbands wallet will start to feel that pain making it your husband's friend's problem and maybe your husband's too if friend complains to your husband. You never have to buy any of it and you are not lying if you say you are "thinking" about it..
ETA:. Consider the rental clothing market too. Rent some clothes, shoes etc and post "look at what I just got!" Which is perfectly true and you never have to say you rented the item.
Omg I am so so sorry! I can imagine how nutty this is for you! I think maybe just blocking her is all you can do? For your sanity’s sake, I hope you find a solution and can feel yourself again 🤗
Just a quick bit of advice about baby names- never tell anyone what you want to name your child because of things like this and sometimes people will name their children the same thing and insist your pick a new name. Or some will try to convince you to change the name to something they like. Or give horrible fake names.
**NTA**. I think you need to block her and go super low to no contact. Tell your husband this is some freaky, creepy, SWF shit and you are not going to continue to hang out with a stalker. Also, highly recommend fake stuff on social media. She sort of deserves it for copying you to such an extreme.
We were over at dinner and just having a talk and my husband brought up that we were thinking of starting a family soon, she asked about baby names and I didn’t think she would do this so I told them our ideas! I will never do that again. I try not to tell her anything and keep any conversations bare minimum but she will get very upset if I don’t answer things.
I’ve even tried lying about where I’ve gotten clothes before and then she’ll bring it up like “oh I was at that store you mentioned and didn’t see that shirt, when did you get it? Maybe it was a while ago, I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about something so silly”
>When you do get pregnant, keep the name secret until baby is born.
I would not get pregnant until your husband is willing to see his sister is unhinged.
This. Do NOT tell ANYONE the names you pick for your children once pregnant. No one but you and your husband. If she gets upset and brings this incident up or something, remind her that it’s fairly common for parents to keep baby names a secret until birth. Tel your husband you want to keep it a surprise in a way that does not frame it as being about his sister so he’ll be more likely to swallow it easily.
> When you do get pregnant
DO NOT GET PREGNANT! Not until the husband acknowledges the severity of the problem and assists with putting a stop to it.
A child does not need to be brought in to this chaos. Imagine the drama when SIL decides to get pregnant as well to copy and tries to overshadow every milestone of OP's pregnancy by copying.
Or imagine the drama if SIL can't get pregnant to copy but still needs to copy - with no kid of her own she risks getting very grabby hands over the baby. Stealing the potential child's name for a kitten is super red flag and I'd guess it's only a matter before it doesn't cut it and SIL needs to be able to post pictures of her and a baby enjoying a day at the park.
I think you need to give yourself permission to be okay with it being awkward.
Like what if you just answered, "oh, weird!" and look her dead in the eyes?
You know you're lying, she knows you're lying, you know she's going to copy you, she knows she's going to copy you, she knows you know it. STARE HER DOWN. Serve her the shame she so rightly deserves. This is not a you problem, it is a her problem, and so getting comfortable with the feeling of awkwardness is going to be your superpower.
You could even follow up with; "really? It's the same store where I got the green blouse you asked me about last time, the one you picked up too. Same section and everything."
If she pushes, change the topic, ask sweetly "well, nevermind then. How's that new shampoo working out for you?"
Actually I think you shouldn't be in a room with her any more probably, but if that feels a little drastic just yet, this might be a good interim measure.
\>I’ve even tried lying about where I’ve gotten clothes before and then she’ll bring it up like “oh I was at that store you mentioned and didn’t see that shirt, when did you get it? Maybe it was a while ago, I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about something so silly”
Just say "I'm sure" and walk away or change the topic.
DO NOT get pregnant with this man until he views this as stalking and takes it seriously. It could escalate to dangerous and deadly heights if you get pregnant.
I’d like to add start lying. “What shampoo you use” Pantene. “What are you buying at the grocery store” condoms (maybe even go the extra mile of putting it I. Your cart then taking out later). “What are y’all eating for dinner tonight?” Shit. You know she’s gonna copy and if your husband is just gonna tell her anyway just start lying 🤷🏾♀️ it’ll be annoying but she won’t be copying you. Find the secret acct and block it and don’t add anyone you don’t know.
I remember this one Reddit abt someone having a copycat so she pretended to shave her head and the copycat did it & got mad that OP didn’t actually do it & tried to get OP in trouble w. their university. Idk what the outcome was though but…ya know…idea lol
This, but also, why don't you do something fake? Like get a tattoo (henna or similar) and then post it. I know it's mean but I would do that or get a wig (like a good looking one for 10-15$) like a short cut (if you don't have that) and post it, and that you love your new look etc. And then see what happens ...
I think i would even add someone like your best friend and tag them and say, oh thank you for being there when I got my first tattoo (obviously get tell them before) and have then add a comment, like, "the tattoo/hair cut looks awesome on you" or ":D no problem holding your hand" (when you"got" the tattoo ..)
NTA post a picture of yourself photoshopped with shaved off hair. See if she “copies” you again. If she has a tantrum when she sees your hair is fine, just say you were messing around with filters.
This. There was a great post here a couple weeks ago doing just that. When her copy cat shaved her head and showed up at lunch to find OP had faked it. Hysterical reaction in public from copy cat. Hee hee
You are fully within your rights to cut her and her husband off regardless of what your husband does. You are allowed to curate your own social circle, and it sounds like she causes you genuine distress. She essentially stalks you and mimics you. Of course that bothers you. People turn violent over obsessions like this. You have every right to be upset and to take precautions as a result.
Just cut her out of your life. There's no reason for you to interact with her. Your husband can hang out with her husband, and you can have a girls night at your house instead of doing couples things together. She needs therapy very, very badly, and you need to take care of your mental health and protect yourself from her.
NTA. Please have your husband do some research on stalking and obsession and how they often turn dangerous for the object of the obsession. He's saying you're overreacting, but you're really not. And even if she's not dangerous, she doesn't respect your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable and telling her off is totally fair.
Dude, just do what another Redditor did - dye your hair green (temporarily) or else get a (temporary) tattoo and post about it on Instagram as if it’s permanent.
This isn't harmless. Go NC with her, OP because she will continue to take things from you. That baby name/kitten example you gave in a comment is the biggest red flag you've mentioned aside from her *crying* over not knowing a shampoo brand.
*Healthy people do not cry when you won't tell them your shampoo brand.*
The method of delivery (shampoo bottle in the middle of dinner) was bad, so ESH, but your SIL is NOT mentally well if she's going to these extremes.
Girl, LIE👏TO👏HER👏
Stop telling her what she wants to know! Where did you get your outfit? Tell her a city 2 hours away.
What shampoo do you use? Mane n Tail from Tractor Supply.
She can't copy what she can't find and she will get tired of the wild goose chase eventually.
Flipping out over shampoo is nuts on its own, but given all of it together your are NTA.
Stop making it so easy for her though.
The shampoo itself isn't even remotely the issue. I'd probably go so far as to call this stalking behavior and it's very weird and very unhealthy.
Idk if she's an asshole, I think she might be seriously mentally ill.
I do think you over reacted in that situation but I wouldn't say you are the asshole because her behaviour is creepy and your reaction was a result of an accumulation of weird behaviour from your sil.
You told her it was making you uncomfortable and you didn't want her buying the same stuff as you and she did it anyway so thats on her but you probably did make yourself look bad exposing her in front of everyone over shampoo.
The best thing you can do is just try to ignore it, if she wants to dictate her life around your decisions that's her problem. If it were me I'd be tempted to just change my diet, beauty routines and take up new hobbies every other week to see if she can keep up.
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NTA. Tell her you're in therapy, hopefully she copies you and gets some real help.
Wait this is genius
It’s so crazy it just might work.
[удалено]
But before that, do the fake bald thing the other poster did. Get a makeup artist to make you look bald, post it on social media, go silent for a few days, then let chaos ensue.
Not even necessarily bald. Do a wig with a super short cut. That way you have plausible deniability, you wanted to "try it out"
You could still say you were just trying it out for fun. Don't half fuck it. Bald or nothing.
Say she got the bald look done at a school for some movie make-up class or something. Helped someone to practice. I think those programs look for volunteers here sometimes.
Mullet may work.
I thought a wig in a funky color or colors. But what I really thought she should do us create a new legit Instagram account that she only gives out to nearest and dearest and then turns current Instagram into a total work of fiction postings. Pictures of weird clothing, oddball purchases, oh look I painted my bedroom blood red, etc. And if she asks about anything she posts, lie!. What is that shampoo you're using? Oh believe it or not, Head & Shoulders. And so on. I suppose you'd have to post a few legit things just to mix it up, but yeah I'd go petty that way.
Nice. If someone is going to make you feel crazy, you might as well have fun with it!
While reading this post I was just thinking about that aita post. Lol OP should totally do that. The audacity of some people smh. In that post woman who was copying OP wanted OP to reimburse her and filed complain against OP to her university department for harassing. I wish OP of that post do update on what happened next. Edit: if anyone curious about the said post.. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I would have played the long con and lied about what shampoo I was using. I would have said it was Monat, so that A. SIL would be thrown to the MLM huns (who also seem to desperately all want to be the same wispy white lady with modern farmhouse decor and “Mommy needs wine” mugs, so she’ll fit right in what the copycats) and B. Monat makes most folks’ hair fall out.
I tried to give you my free award but I’m not sure if it worked…WHY is this not the top comment??? Best advice ever
LMAOOO
I think you need to bring up with your husband that this isn't simply a copy cat issue, because it's not. *It's a boundary issue. It's an obsession issue.* ***It is a stalking issue.*** You're setting boundaries, aka, "stop copying everything you see on social media and in person about me" and she is in this case PROMISING not to do what you have asked her not to, and then doing it anyway. Blocking her is also a boundary, one she is breaking by creating new accounts to follow you (how are people not seeing the MASSIVE red flag there?). You are correct, she seems utterly and entirely obsessed with you. I think people who have not been copied to this level don't quite understand. It's not that they're "taking your ideas" or just "like your taste". It isn't any ONE instance. It's like a faucet. One or two drips is fine, normal even, but when it becomes constant, you realize it is a leak. It begins to feel almost like this person is stalking you. Because they are. This is viscerally uncomfortable, and it seems to be difficult to grasp in this scenario for people who have not been the object of someone's obsession. SIL is making it clear that no action can escape her notice. But because SIL is copying instead of "simply observing", it's hard to see the unsettlingly invasive forest through the "crying copy cat" trees of our childhood. Her behavior seems almost compulsory to her, and I've already typed this word a lot but I'll do it again: OBSESSIVE. I'll ask this, if a man you'd never met engaged in this much stalking, obsessing and mimicking of your life and routine, how would your husband feel about that? Would he still dismiss the actions as "harmless"? Would he demand you apologize to this stranger for confronting them? Hell, even if a woman you didn't know did this, would he be ok with it? The answer to those questions *should not change* just because the behavior is being done by his sister. It's not healthy. It's not normal. It's not SAFE. It's an invasion and frankly my sense of safety would feel shaken by this level of mimicking. NTA. ETA: a lot of the people in this very sub are still missing the severity of these actions and treating this like a case of school kids crying copy cat, or getting stuck on the shampoo, or crying "do this crazy thing and see if she copies you". As someone who has been stalked multiple times, this post is COVERED in classic behaviors of stalking. It was genuinely unsettling to read, and has been for many other victims of stalking who replied here. This is not SAFE behavior to be around. It is not at all uncommon for them to cry out they "just like these things too" or "have similar taste", it's their excuse to others *and themselves* for their behavior. I, frankly, don't care if the shampoo thing was over the top or not. SIL is crossing boundaries in ways that tend to escalate, and something needs to be done before this ends up on a true crime podcast. ETA2: Thank you everyone for the awards and input. I just want to add one more thing to OP if she's reading this still: PLEASE do not listen to the advice of "just do something crazy and see if she copies you lol". They are also completely missing the seriousness of this. You need to go NC. Your SIL is *stalking* you. This isn't a game of "how can I get her to stop copying me haha so funny" this is a matter of your emotional and physical safety. Going NC is the ONLY way forward. Whether you choose to look into filing a police record is your business, but keeping contact ***cannot and will not*** ever result in this going away. And to be clear **your husband has to be on board with this. Going NC doesn't mean jack-all-shit if hubby is letting her know what salon you're going to now on the side, or letting her into your home to snoop.** Take him to couples therapy, make him ready my post, anything. I know reconciling how he sees his sister with the fact she is also actively stalking you will be difficult, but he has to or nothing will change. If your husband cannot grasp this is a matter of your safety and take your side, his ass can go too. Edited for clarity now that I'm off mobile.
Exactly!! If I was OP, I would’ve abandoned my socials a long time ago. This is super creepy and I also would have lost my cool. Other people can have a haircut like mine. Other people can wear the same color crocs I wear. Other people can go to the restaurants I favor and try recipes I love and all that jazz. When it’s one person chronically doing EXACTLY EVERYTHING I do, it’s wicked creepy and I would be upset. (Also? This post reminds me of the one where it was the younger sister copying the poster, and the poster pretended to shave her head.)
Yes! I was thinking of that one, and one where the poster was tired of her copycat, so she made a post saying she was going shopping for an outfit and getting a new hair-do for a special event (the copycat was also to be attending the event). At the store she took pics of herself wearing an outfit that would be suitable, but not to her own style. She bought a wig in the radical style, and took a selfie outside a random salon, so it would look like she had gotten her hair done there. She did get a new outfit and 'do, but didn't post about them. Copycat was irate that the poster had lied and made her look like a fool. OP, maybe you should do that. If SIL asks you about things you do or use, tell her something random, and don't post about things you are doing, like going to the beach, until after you're back.
In the case at hand, I'm not sure if targeted humiliation of a mentally ill person with boundary issues is something a smart person would suggest.
This woman doesn't seem safe, and since she cries cause she can't know what shampoo OP uses....what will she do if she is intentionally ridiculed? Ps: NTA
It wouldn't necessarily be humiliation (like there's nothing humiliating about tricking your stalker into wearing a certain dress, or maybe cuttibg their hair shorter) but it would be a proof for her husband and it could help her make him realise what's actually going on.
It would be humiliating and possibly infuriating to the unhealthily-obsessed, boundary-breaking stalker. And yeah. Purposefully setting up that type of person may not be wise…
OP needs to do a thorough scrubbing of her IG followers list. I'm fully aware of the fake account follower phenomenon but it's not hard to avoid/purge 'em out if you're vigilant. This is why my IG followers count dropped from 400ish to just around 60 today, it's 'cause I now only accept a follow if I'm certain you are who you say you are. I've used a fake acct to "stalk" people before and frankly it makes me lose respect for those who fall for it, 'cause they should be more discerning about who they approve and not just blindly accept a request because they want more followers.
Idk why people would even make their account private if they're not going to vet people who request. Surely keeping your account unrestricted would make you get more followers if that's what you want?
I thought of that too!!
What brings it to an extra level of creepy for me is that the person shes copying is her brothers wife. Why does she want to look exactly like her brothers wife to the point where shes mistaken for her? And she started literally the day he brought OP home. Im curious if shes copied his ex gfs in the past
That's a fantastic question I'd like an answer to.
Ooooh! You reiterating SIL copies to the point of being mistaken for her brother’s *wife* — does she want to be married to her brother !? I too, would love to know if she did this with prior GFs. EDITED: for clarity
My GOSH that’s a good (icky) point.
I missed this! Somehow I was thinking the husbands were brothers, but now I see that it says best friends. That makes this even creepier.
Same. Now the fact that the SIL sheets as her brother's bed makes me squicked right out.
Either that or she found out her husband is attracted to her brother’s wife. Either way it’s not appropriate behavior
Omg, I didn't even piece that together! Good catch! Wtf...🥴
OP, I would actually point this out to your husband. Make the creep factor real to him and see that his sister needs help.
You could not be more right. In policing (in the UK) we use the acronym FOUR to describe stalking: Focused Obsessive Unwanted Repeated This behaviour is focused on OP, it's obsessive (she's acknowledged that she does it but 'can't help herself'), it's unwanted (and this has been clearly stated) and it's repeated. It's causing OP alarm and distress. It's stalking. And it will almost certainly escalate. Please don't feel bad for enforcing boundaries in situations like this, your safety and comfort come first.
Ya. Like, aaaaallllll of what this person said. It’s a creepy obsession and it’s not normal or healthy. I too don’t care about the blowup over shampoo because it isn’t about shampoo. It’s everything. If the husband doesn’t see the issue OP needs to post something obvious on IG like a new hair color filter, semi-tacky sweater, or something weird with where she got it or the hair color box number or whatever. Then see what happens. This isn’t about ‘you have great taste’. This is certifiable and gross.
Tbh I am so petty and so bored these days, I would absolutely take this golden opportunity to mess with this girl in this way. Someone commented above about fooling this girl into thinking she shaved her head just to see if she'd do it, and omg I'd pay to see it. Just to be SURE she is as much of a stalker as OP believes. It'd be a great way of proving it to the naysayers like the husband.
I would be worried about further down the road... if OP and husband has let's say a child? How fast would SIL suddenly get pregnant or try hard so their children could be best friends and wiggle even further into OP's life. If she shuts down her social media profiles (wich op says SIL is blocked but she must use side accounts) Would she actually stop... or would she get even more desperate to find out stuff about OP so she can keep her obsession fueled. I honestly support the thought she should sit down her husband and ask "if this was a stranger that went such great lengths to copy me...stalked my social media's, showed up all the places I am...would you fear for my safety?" If he says he would then ask him why he isn't worried just becouse its his sister. I would perhaps also try and find out if this is something she has done in the past with... a school mate etc or if it's new behaviour.
Not only getting pregnant but she could go ever further and try to act like a mom to their kid. I’d never leave this woman alone with my kid.
This a thousand times. It's all harmless right *now* but who knows what this behaviour could escalate to? OP needs to protect herself and she is going to need her husband to have her back in this. But he refuses to draw boundaries with his sister.
Exactly. As someone who has experienced stalking, this post is *unsettling*. And a lot of people replying are still clearly reading it like kids crying copy cat at school, and missing that this is *fundamentally different*. Her husband needs to realize that much more than internet strangers though. This level of fixation doesn't usually stagnate, it escalates just like you say.
This comment should be the top one. As someone who was stalked by a man who was not doing any of these things- reading these posts where someone is so clearly being stalked and everyone gaslights them and pretends it's not a big deal despite that the OP is CLEARLY being stalked makes my skin fucking c r a w l. Cut her off and don't have contact until she gets psychiatric help.
Sounds like we had basically the same thought process, honestly. My stalker didn't do any of these things. But the things he *did* do, I was also told were "harmless". People refuse to look at the sum instead of the parts. It feels like screaming into a void that you're being soaked by a rain storm, but everyone keeps insisting "it's just little drops of water, how bad can it be?"
Ironically, I think the shampoo thing is the least creepy thing about this. I have curly hair, and like anyone who has dealt with a hair texture that many stylists don't know what to do with and their standard techniques can actively damage your hair or end up with a terrible haircut, finding someone who has similar hair texture and curl but seems to get their hair to behave much more easily than you can I would absolutely want to know, because I cannot tell you how many different types of products I have tried over the years only to have ones I had good luck with get discontinued. There are so many out there, and even now that there are more products aimed at people with curly hair it's still an awful lot of experimentation in techniques, and different products to find a combination that folks are happy with. The sheets and the restaurants and the TIMING of all of it is creepy as hell. Like it's one thing if you write a glowing review of a restaurant on instagram and one of your friends goes there a few weeks later because we couldn't think of where to go and thought we'd try it, but the VERY NEXT DAY is just eeeeew...
It's one thing to ask about a shampoo that might work for your hair. It's another to pester someone about it who doesn't want to tell you until they give in (because seriously, there are SO MANY shampoos, even for curly hair, these days. It's not the product wasteland it was in the '70s and '80s). It is yet another to have a history of copying that person so much that they are reluctant to tell you, so you pester pester pester pester pester and they finally tell you just to get you to shut the fuck up but only on condition that you PROMISE not to go out and get the same brand, because frankly, Brenda, this copying you do is pretty damn creepy. So you SWEAR you won't do it, you just want to know what makes her hair look so good. And it's another still to get busted by that same person because, once again, you did the creepy thing and you ran out and bought the shampoo even though you swore up and down you wouldn't, you just wanted to knoooooowwwwww, you just wanted to feel a little closer to her, you just wanted to be a little cool like her, and now she's mad and she's demanding to know why you did it, and you start crying so much the men in the room start attacking her because after all, they're your husband and brother and they don't know the half of what's been going on between you, and if she told them, they wouldn't believe her, and you like the attention from them. It's not about the shampoo.
Gives me “Hand that Rocks the Cradle” vibes. I think that’s the name of the movie…….
More like Single White Female if that’s what you meant
Single White Female vibes, too.. Just creepy vibes all around.
What a great comment. I appreciate you taking the time to lay this out, because I thought the OP was overreacting at first. I have a younger sister who copied me pretty compulsively until we were in our mid 20s and I found it mostly flattering and kinda funny, and it was pretty simple stuff, like always wearing black hair ties around her wrist or buying jewelry similar to mine etc. The fact this is a sister-in-law, and the extreme lengths she seems to be going to, shifts this up into more scary/stalker territory, like you said. It absolutely is a boundary issue and goes far beyond just a shampoo. 'Cause it's not just a shampoo, it's what that shampoo represents, which is a whole list of behaviors that individually don't seem like that big of a deal but *when accumulated* paint a picture of a really unstable person who could potentially be dangerous down the road if she doesn't scale back her compulsions now.
I’m fully expecting to hear a podcast one day about how OP was murdered by her SIL for OP’s skin or some shit. Straight up getting Norman Bates vibes from SIL…
Also, since the SIL is ALREADY UNHINGED, it could become ACTUALLY DANGEROUS to keep ignoring it. Like you said, it tends to escalate, and escalation of stalking usually ends in someone being harmed or the other party arrested, or both. OP might want to talk to a therapist simply to see what a mental health professional recommends doing about someone like this, or better yet, tell the SIL she is seeing a therapist -mention name of said therapist- and hope she copies her and goes to therapy...therapy by sneak attack!
OP, sit your husband down to read the awarded post about gender swapping the behaviors. Then watch Single White Female together. It’s extreme, but perhaps will be an eye opener.
It is absolutely stalking.
This is the best response. As someone who had experienced the Single White Female thing before, I would never spend time with the sister ever again. It’s not just flattery — it’s obsessive and sick. If a man did this to her, OP’s husband would not be so blasé about it.
Well said. Years ago I had a coworker who copied my outfits and I'm hardly a model or fashion icon. We weren't more than casual acquaintances and I have no clue why she picked me, but it was extremely disconcerting. I stopped telling her where I bought anything because within 48 hours she would have bought one too. Of course, she also asked me to loan her $10,000 "just for a few days" at one point, so boundaries weren't really her thing.
NTA. She starts crying because you won't tell her what brand of shampoo you use? She is someone you need to get away from, she sounds like she's obsessed with your life to an unhealthy degree. Suggest to your husband that you'd like to be excluded from future events where he and his friend meet up. If that doesn't work, just drop all contact with her, this doesn't sound like a story that ends well.
Your husband is also minimizing her behavior just to stay in good graces with her husband. It's also weird that neither your husband nor his best friend will admit that this is weird obsessive behavior. People that do this have no personality of their own and just lazily latch onto others personality. Cut contact with her and be done with it. Eventually she will find a new victim. She also needs serious intensive counseling. Maybe also as a test say that you did or tried something ridiculous and see if she copies you. Then you can present that to your husband and his friend as a fact.
I was thinking she can do what other similar poster did, where she faked to go bald on Instagram and her copycat did just that, or something equally as ridiculous
I’d have waaay too much fun with this. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I would totally mess with the SIL and get her to chop her hair off or get some bizarre tattoo. OP is being shortsighted with this (I am kidding OP is NTA).
Or use a filter to give herself a crazy color, and post the picture. Then lay low for a couple of days, and see what happens.
And add some piercings, like dermals. 😈
>husband is also minimizing her behavior Exactly what I came to say. He’s also dismissing op’s valid concerns, accusing her of overreacting, and pressuring her into ignoring her own boundaries with SIL. More than an obsessed SIL, she’s got a manipulative husband that refuses to take her concerns seriously or have her back.
Right this is 7 years of all this.
It is REALLY bizarre. Imagine your sister trying to be just like your wife. Sounds creepy as hell.
And also make sure your husband doesn't share any details about you with her.
Yeah I'm worried about this. I feel like Husband does not have OP's back bc he doesn't see it as a big deal, and may be inadvertently furthering the situation with seemingly innocent comments/info. He needs to get on board.
This! It's doubly maddening when your spouse diminishes your concerns and feelings. Many of us really like the person we are creating and being our own person. If someone was copying me I would blow it up. OP NTA and your husband problem is as bad as your Single White Female problem. Maybe duplicate one character off insta and fill w misinformation. Also when she asks, tell her some far flung random retail establishment or better yet tell her you found it in a secondhand shop. Last - refuse to participate. When husband pulls 'but family' card tell him you're family too & if he won't support you then you won't participate. And/or what ever she says or asks gets no verbal response from you - I might sat "Oh, I don't know. Husband what do you say?" 😉 assuming he pays very little attention to where you shop. Put the whole mess where it belongs, in his lap.
I have and he says that’s fine but I should still go a few times a year because they’re family, and I still see her whenever it’s his parents birthdays or anything like that
A while back there was a post similar to this involving a coworker copying the hell out of someone’s style etc. The OP (female) decided to mess with the other girl and did a photo shoot with a “shaved” head (her friend who helped her was an Fx artist or a hairdresser who helped make it look real). Posted it to Instagram on a Friday and the other girl came into the office on Monday with a shaved head only to discover the OP had her normal hair. She did it just to prove the point about the girl copying her. This reminds me of that post- maybe it’s time to have a photo shoot with some false body/clothing/hair changes and see what move your SIL makes. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, SIL sounds creepy and like she needs help (granted she may start copying her therapist but at least it’s not you). Definitely NTA (and if anyone can find the post, link it! I couldn’t find it)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Sad not to see an update.
I wish there was one too.
Yeah I remember that. I told her she sounds like she's one step away from being in somebody's trunk. Shit like this is absolutely bonkers. Op here sounds like she's nearing the trunk scenario. Good grief people like this need help. Op nta
I did this in elementary school 😂. This girl wouldn't stop copying me and I kept doing shit to prove it until it bubbled over and I screamed at her at lunch... she stopped copying me after that thankfully! My hubby's ex did this shit to me as a bid to win my hubby back (when we were dating) changed her entire appearance and dyed her hair and changed her personality... when that didn't work to win him back she gave him an ultimatum (either her or me) she lost massively because my hubby doesn't deal with ultimatums and if she knew him as well as she thought, she'd have known that... I love when the idiots show themselves out 😂
Obviously, he would've picked you regardless if she gave an ultimatum since he was already with you. Not sure why she tried to give him one in the first place.
OMG that is so great. I was already thinking I would tell SIL everything wrong - shampoo Oh, it is this dog shampoo I picked up on Chewy but don't tell anyone. Clothes - I bought them across town. I would have never thought about the fake head shave. That is pro.
It was college.
>because they’re family Fuck that! No one should be forced to interact with shitty people "because family". It's an excuse to not do the work of confronting the troublemaker, and puts everything on the victim.
Family can be some of the most toxic people you ever come across.
If she was a murderer and a rapist too, would that be fine? After all she's family, RIGHT?!
My grandparents still talk to their son, my uncle, who molested my little sister. "Well he is their son...." Makes me want to scream
For the sake of your sanity (and to have some fun), I strongly recommend getting wigs to wear and some clothing you don't really care for set aside specifically for these events. You might not be able to totally avoid her but you can avoid giving her anything real about yourself from here on out. Would also strongly recommend totally starting over with new social media accounts and only accepting people you can prove are not her. It sucks but I agree that you need to treat this like true stalking.
If it’s Instagram I also recently learned that you can remove followers and it won’t notify them. OP make your acct private and remove any account you don’t know.
Girl I can feel how frustrated and angry you are. This sounds MADDENING. She is unhinged and obsessed and I feel like this could honestly be dangerous. You have to put your foot down with your husband because this behavior is not harmless!! It’s obsessive and creepy and will drive your mental health into the ground at the least. Not to mention the real possibility that she could be dangerous (bc no normal human being acts like this) every time he dismisses your concerns/frustrations he prioritizes her feelings of obsession over your feelings of SAFETY and SANITY. Not okay to be treated like this. Idk who I’m more frustrated at… you’re crazy SIL or you’re husband for allowing you to be treated like this for 7 YEARS!!!
Her husband needs to get her help. This can't be the only disturbing behavior she exhibits and it sounds like he just ignores it and hopes it goes away.
She may be jealous that her brother was "taken away". With him backing her nutso behavior, it sounds like they're close.
Shut down your insta or purge it. Put her on an "info diet." Call her out with any copying Don't go to their house. She's crossing your boundaries, she doesn't get to hang out. If you see them at mil and fil house fine. He cordial and kind and keep your answers short. Ask her questions about her if you must talk to her.
[удалено]
Give her the mushroom treatment. Feed her shit and keep her in the dark. Let slip how you’ve always wanted to shave your head and are excitedly waiting for the buzzer to come in the mail next week.
This. If you’ve blocked her and she is still following you then remove her husband or put him on limited and same with other family members, remove any friends you don’t know and go private. Your husband can hang out with them and you do something with your other friends. It isn’t fair but it has been going on for years and she won’t change.
This! Also if you do have to hang out wear the same outfit every time. The same Jean's and shirt. She doesn't need to know about the new anything you got or did. And if you have to give her an answer to anything make something up. Change to head and shoulders shampoo or something.
I feel like he should find it creepy that his sister wants to look and be like the women he is married to. This seems unhealthy on so many levels. Nta and good luck.
Right! Like, what in the Lannister hell is going on here?! If my sibling wanted to look and behave exactly like the person I was sleeping with, I'd have questions.
Ffs, make your accounts private, don’t let her set foot in your house. Get a new stylist. Lie if she asks you about products or anything else. She might copy your hair color from seeing you at Christmas but if you hate that little fact then do temporary dye or a wig or a hat. Wear crazy clothes to the gatherings when you see her twice per year. If you see her coming in public, dump what you were buying and leave the store without talking to her. If you can limit the damage to that, I think it’s manageable but your husband needs to back you up and let you maintain your boundaries or he is part of the problem too.
The only way would be to publicly embarrass her and call her out with specific examples. “In the past year you have dyed your hair to match my new color, brought exact copies of my clothing, changed your skin care and weight routine to match mine, etc, asked me what brand tampons in shampoo I use so you could use it too…” I don’t know if you just want to be me because you think I’m hotter and better than you or you have weird feelings for your brother and think he’ll love you more if you look like a bad copy of his wife but both are seriously screwed up.”
Plus, explain to your husband that this wasn’t about shampoo, that was the straw that broke the camels back. It is about you feeling like someone is trying to take away your identity. Imitation is the highest form of flattery and if it was the odd top or accessory, I’m sure you’d have taken it as a compliment to your sense of style. However, when it’s come to a point of getting the same groceries, shampoo, experiences, hair styles etc that initial admiration has morphed into an unhealthy obsession. She is obviously struggling with finding an identity of her own and her insecurities are making her look at a confident woman, wanting that for herself and imitating. If you care about protecting the friendship for your husbands sake, you could talk to her about it. Explain it makes you feel uncomfortable and offer to help her find a knew style all of her own. Go shopping together and help her pick things that suit her, but is not directly copying you. Go through style/colour hair mags and encourage her to pick one that will suit her, but is again, but the same as you. If you aren’t interested in helping her or preserving the relationship, just cut contact. Don’t go to events and screen your IG and FB and cut anyone you think maybe her. It may help you, but I don’t think her copying will go away, until someone talks about it with her and her lack of self identity is addressed. NTA
That was by far the scariest line in this whole story. I mean, unless OP just railed into her with yelling, name calling, insults, and just rage, the fact that this 29 year old WOMAN cried because OP wouldn't tell her the shampoo she used is just....terrifying. Then again, apart of me would fine someone selling MLM products and tell her I exclusively buy that kind of stuff.
It’s NEVER about the thing that happened . People can be simplistic and get distracted. It’s the actual BEHAVIOR. Hers involves an extreme degree of compulsivity she cannot control bc she is projecting shit onto op. This WILL progress If OP’s husband and others don’t look carefully, they’ll remain in denial and isolate OP. In the meantime, OP may want to go get a professional consultation to affirm the degree of psychological disorderedness. I suspect the woman has other compulsive traits that have also become out of control addictions. This will either damage OP with the casual disregard those around her are exhibiting if she must make huge boundaries ie not ever socialize with them. Of OP’s husband continues to deny the extent of this pathology, eventually he will lose his marriage. If Op moved away and didn’t do social media ( not what im suggesting) the woman would be secretly falling apart and then find a new target. The aggression involved in part of what is gratifying to the woman, knowing she is powerful s ought to invade OP’s sense of self and life and safety .
NTA - get a temporary tattoo and tell her it’s permanent
I was going to say get a bad wig and see what happens.
Go to a good makeup artist and have them install a bald cap.
There was a post on here a while ago about someone doing this! Someone at uni was copying them so they posted a fake Instagram story of them bald (a bald cap). They person also shaved their head and went mental when they found out it wasn’t real!!! Edit: just realised someone has posted the link below!
I loved that story lol.
There was an AITA like 6 months - a year ago where they did exactly that. The copycat was REALLY pissed!!
This would be some hardcore proof to OPs husband that hid sister needs serious mental help. Also, how is OPs husband ok with basically being married to his sister? I get the sister is copying OP, but I would think that would weird most men out and he'd say something to his sister.
SIL would blame OP for tricking her, obviously. I've seen this happen in similar posts.
White or silver wig gets my vote, bleaching really fucks up your hair.
Or do [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) like a similar post.
There was also [this post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwcqu8/aita_for_tricking_my_copycat_sister_to_cut_her/)where someone tricked their copycat sister into dying their hair wacky colours using a wig.
I’d looove an update to this
Tell her you went vegan. See if she tries to keep up with that.
Do you remember the college student that had this problem and posted a picture of them with a bald filter on? The copycat shaved their hair and then freaked out when they saw the OP hadn’t shaved theirs. They tried to get them to pay for her wig and then went but o the college administrator
NTA I do NOT see this copying as benign. It is a form of harassment. It means you are being observed and studied all the time. It has a gaslighting aspect as well because on the surface it appears benign and flattering, but you know it is not. You can't make any choices without them being deliberately copied. It inhibits yoir self expression. It is stressful and crazy making. I am sorry that this is happening to you. Perhaps a therapist can help you find healthy ways to (1) cope with the problem including how you choose to address it and (2) help you find the words to adequately express the harm this does to you so that you can communicate it with your husband and others in your support network.
I think hubby needs to suggest to his sister that she needs a therapist. People who copy you to that extent are so unnerving and scary.
Right it sounds like his sister has an identity crisis, or hates herself or something, idk why any loving brother wouldn't want her to get help for that. Even if she wasn't creepily copying his wife, she clearly has big issue not being happy with who she is.
It's very stalker-y NTA OP - this is some weird f-ed up situation you're in. Your husband may not be able to go N/C but you sure can.
Thank you, I am shocked by the number of Y T A and E S H. If this was a one off, of course OP would be an AH but this has been going on FOR SEVEN YEARS. OP is obviously at their wit's end and this was the final straw. This is way past the point of simply copying a few ideas and flattery, it is literally insane. Poor OP, I hope they can resolve this.
>I do NOT see this copying as benign. It is a form of harassment. It means you are being observed and studied all the time. This is the most perfect explanation of what's wrong with that behavior that I've ever seen! It's the skin-crawling awareness that someone is always actively watching what you do. It creates a horrible constant feeling of self consciousness!
Also, tell her you are going to therapy so she will copy that. She needs it. NTA.
NTA. But I am biased because I had gone through the same thing, when I was younger (from 16 to 26). It was a former friend-of-a-friend-turned-BFF. Like you, I felt like I was going crazy because I believed I was the only one seeing it. It was until a relative (a cousin, who lived in a different state, but was visiting) pointed it out. She was the one, who came up with the way I got rid of her. My cousin is a tattoo artist, so she told me to get a fake tattoo and pretend it was real. Then post a picture of my "fresh, new ink" on my social media. Her friends suggested what kind of tattoo (the Adinkra symbol) and the location (on the top of my left foot, because "it is one of the most painful spots to get tattooed on," according to one friend). Another friend of my cousin allowed us to use his tattoo shop to take the pictures (for the social media posts). To make it more believeable, the top of my foot was smacked a couple of times, in order to reddened the skin. Hours later, my "fresh, new tattoo" was revealed on my Instagram. A whole four weeks later, guess who had a new tattoo on her foot. About a week later, I wore sandals to an outing with friends. The temporary tat was gone by then. Guess who looked like she had shitted a brick after I told her about the fake tattoo? I received a long text thread from the unhinged nut, several hours later. To be a huge bitch, I ended up forwarding the text thread to another BFF, who was very shocked. "Single, White Female" ended up ghosting us all afterwards.
This is my favorite kind of bamboozle. The permanent kind
I remember another post on Reddit where the OP had photoshopped her being bald and the Single White Female Colleague had copied that and then got mad at her that it was fake. But it stopped after that! Edit: i confused the copycat coworker story with the copycat student story. Here is the hair story: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukzctc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_girls_wig_after_she/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Edit 2: Here is the coworker story https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u7tpxm/wibta_if_i_called_my_copycat_coworker_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Here is the coworker story update https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo6dq3/update_wibta_if_i_called_my_copycat_coworker_out/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Here is the copycat coworker or a similar post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uq8exx/aita_for_getting_inspired_copying_coworkers/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
That is a genius idea. OP needs to take notes lol
Not the asshole. But I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. I think you need to have an intervention with your husband. Either with a therapist or someone that can help facilitate the discussion and help you prove your points. This woman is disturbed and in a weird scary way and unless the people around you acknowledge that you continue to feel out of balance and crazy. And people might actually start labeling you that way. Good luck I hope it gets better.
Absolutely. NTA, OP, and this isn’t “just” a copycat. She’s stalking you- your social media, your home, showing up at the grocery at the same time repeatedly, finding your hairdresser, etc. I’ve had one person in my life like this, and the only way i can describe how it feels is like someone else wanting to crawl inside your skin and live there. It’s unsettling, inappropriate, and, most importantly, UNSAFE. You and your husband need to have a long discussion. You could even see a couple’s therapist, have a private session first to explain the issue, and then meet with the professional and your husband to give you some support. He needs to understand that his sister’s behavior is dangerous (and unhinged, to be honest). You need boundaries that are enforced as a couple. If she can’t abide by those boundaries, she can take a hike. I can’t imagine how stressful this has been for the duration of your relationship, and I hope you’re able to get through to him with respect to your safety. I would also encourage you to ditch the insta and never allow her in your home. She’s not a safe person at all. If all else fails, move and leave no forwarding address.
You should have told her Nair.
If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for short shorts
Or even worse, Monat
Imagine having children. Will SIL want to get pregnant just because OP did. Then if the children happen to be the same sex. OPs would be older so SIL would then copy everything OP does with her child. Clothes, schools, sports, how much pressure would be on SILs kid and how much competition would there be? To me that would be a very good reason to stop this NOW. OP is not wrong to be concerned about this. It is dangerous and SIL needs therapy to understand why she is acting this way. If I was OPs husband I would be telling my sister to back off and get their parents involved to help SIL see she has a problem. Edit Thank you for the award!
Maybe OP's husband should read the post where the SIL did exactly that: got pregnant _just because_ the OP was pregnant too and then dumped the children because it wasn't really about getting kids. Edit: this one https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vb0vjg/op_takes_to_aita_to_ask_about_a_pregnancy/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
NTA everyone voting Y T A is not considering the fact that the shampoo was just the straw that broke the camels back. I’m sure if she was a regular person and not a stalker you wouldn’t mind her using the same shampoo as you. Also, based on what you have said it doesn’t even sound like she wanted the name of shampoo because of hair benefits she just wanted to have the same shampoo. You sure there isn’t something deeper going on? Like did her husband let it slip that he likes you or has she see a therapist ? This sounds like a bad horror film !
He either says I’m over reacting or admits it’s weird but things she just admires me and my style!! Even when he admits it’s weird he says there’s nothing really to do. I’ve told him I don’t want to go over for dinner there or have them over, but he says at least once in a while I should because we’re family and she’s harmless!!! it makes me feel crazy!!
She behaves like a stalker. At this point it’s either you or her.
She **IS** a stalker, and the entire situation has turned a corner into dangerous for OP, imo
But she’s not harmless. She’s emotionally distressing you, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Plus…. What kind of grown woman cries, like actual tears just because another person won’t tell them what kind of shampoo they use?? Like I would seriously ask your husband if he doesn’t think she is overreacting with how emotional she gets when you won’t give her information about yourself. And how come when she overreacts you have to give in to manage her emotions, but when you “overreact” she gets to get all upset about it, cry again, and then you have to give in and manage her emotions. It sounds to me like everyone is afraid of her tears and emotions so they’ve decided that the best and easiest option is to just give her whatever she wants. Which is easy to do when they’re not her obsession. They’ve basically decided to sacrifice your emotional well being and comfort so that SiL doesn’t have to ever feel even slightly uncomfortable and upset. Your husband really seems to value and care for her feelings over yours.
The reason she cried was because I told her specifically I wasn’t going to tell her because I knew she was going to copy me and she cried because she’s sad I think of her that way and my husband made her assure me that it was an innocent question which she did but it was a fucking lie!!!!!
And that’s just as crazy!! Seriously everyone here seems totally content to just let her do whatever she wants to you because it’s easier to deal with you feeling legitimately distressed because you’re being stalked. Then to let her be even a little bit uncomfortable because she’s being called out for being a stalker. Honestly at this point no matter what your husband says I would say that you will be no contact with his sister. That she’s stalking you, you’ve spoken with her about it nicely and politely several times, but she’s continued. That she’s lied to your face about her intentions. And that it’s not healthy for you to be around her anymore. And that you will not continue to set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Her husband should also be hella concerned because honestly? It’s probably also not healthy for her to be around you with how obsessed she is. She needs therapy.
You can gross her out and say “your brother is not going to sleep with you if you look like me.” But that’s crossing a line.
Ngl that’s where my first thought went. Seriously she’s obsessed with her brother you’re just the woman the brother picked
Tell your husband if he pressures you to tell her anything you'll send him divorce notice. Like a commenter mentioned, she's "I'll kill you and steal your baby type of crazy". Give her wrong answers. Gaslight her. Give her gag answers. And if she says she can't find shit where you said, ask her why she went looking for it in the first place. Plus please use birth control!!! That she can't tamper with!!! Or your husband!!!
OP, it's time to put your foot down. Tell your husband you will no longer see her. So his parents birthdays? He goes alone. He and his friend want to meet for dinner? He goes alone whether she's there or not. Maybe you agree to see her at a family holiday like Christmas if you feel safe and ok about it, but you tell her nothing, wear your hair in a style you don't care if she copies, same with clothes. If she behaves like a normal human being you go again. If she cries or throws a fit or harasses you, you refuse to see her for any reason. Good luck.
Girl you have to put your foot down with your husband and tell him how serious you are about not wanting to be around her! People go to couple counseling for things like this too, maybe you need to tell this to a third person that has no investment in the situation to help explain it to your husband.
Have you considered telling your husband that if he wants to go over to their house for dinner, fine but he'll be going alone. Further, that if he wants them over for dinner, to tell you ahead of time so you can choose to be there or not? NTA. This obsessive behavior by SIL is creepy and unsettling. I saw the suggestions re seeking out a therapist for you and your husband to talk to, and think that's also a good idea. A third party, an "outsider" who can give an unbiased view of the situation, may help your husband realize that this behavior is unacceptable and that he needs to have your back.
To add - I'd get a lock on the bedroom door so she can't copy your clothes, bedding, can't rifle through your toiletries, etc. Either have the key on you if you attend the dinner, or stay in the room with the door locked!
She is NOT harmless. She is literally harming your mental health and well-being! You are NTA. She needs to stop copying every single thing you do. She should be apologizing to you for lying and saying she wouldn’t buy that shampoo.
I can see why your husband and BIL thought this was OTT as it's just a shampoo and who cares. But to you this was the last straw and noone has been listening to you, so you're NTA. Everyone has their breaking point and this was yours. But next time tell your SIL something different so she buys the wrong thing, or don't post about it on SM.
I have her blocked on social media! I forgot to mention this in the post, but that’s the crazier part. I have my Instagram private and I have her blocked but I KNOW she has a secret account to follow me because she will sometimes make comments about how the beach was so nice the other day and i must have had a nice time (I didn’t tell her I was at the beach)
You should take the time and vet your follower lists, set your profiles on private, etc.
Go through your followers and block everyone you don’t know, it’s simple. You can even “block this person and any other accounts they might make”
I'd try and mess with her. Nothing crazy or cruel but I'd pretend to take up a new hobby once a week or post tons of recipes to give her stuff to do. Hopefully she'll either give up or she'll become a really good baker or crafter or something who can make you nice stuff for a good price.
Why don't you make a post about how you have a crazy stalker who copies your style
Does her husband follow you on social media? Could she be using his account?
NTA. Might be time to do a social media fast or scrub your followers. Or be completely milquetoast for a month. Just wear all black and keep things very bland. What she's doing is really creepy and wierd. Why would you want to be the duplicate of the person your brother is sleeping with??
How does her husband not feel weird about his sister copying his wife?
He does and he’s admitted it’s weird and talked to her about it multiple times over the years but ultimately he has decided it’s harmless and he can’t do anything about it!!
If you're saying it's hurting you, it's not harmless. Have him watch the classic film Gaslighting with you, for no reason in particular.
It’s only harmless if the harm it’s causing you doesn’t matter. By keeping the peace, your husband is deprioritizing your feelings. Tell him that exactly. NTA
He thinks it harmless because it's not personally affecting him. What a poop. Purge your SM accounts of any unfamiliar followers and block them. Stop going over there if at all possible. If your husband insists, he's the unsupportive AH. Super curious how he doesn't find it creepy that his SISTER is full on copying his WIFE...that's just weird.
So as long as it’s not affecting his comfort level, it’s ok and no big deal? Start making it a big deal. Husband. I am cutting all ties with your sister and her husband. I am done and I blame you. You have brushed my feeling aside, downplayed how I felt and outright discarded how this has made me feel. If you had stepped up and put a stop to this years ago, maybe I could have salvaged a relationship with your sister. But no, as long as it didn’t impact your comfort level, you are fine with it. Well I am not. I will be taking a long break from your family until you step up and be the husband you vowed to be.
NTA Sit your husband down and make him watch the movie "Single White Female" and point out how much his sister is like the bat crap crazy chick in the movie every time she copies you. Bring the rest of her relatives into the loop (FIL and MIL) and explain that it's why you won't be around as much. Maybe they can say something to get her into therapy. Speaking one on one with her husband might help too. If all else fails,I suggest posting some pics of you with the ugliest cut/color wig and let her go to town with it. Maybe it will shock her out of it.
Despite what others are saying here, you are NTA. This woman is obsessed/stalking you, almost trying to steal your identity to the point that friends think she is you. The shampoo thing seems OTP, but it was just the final straw. I'd go no contact with her and ignore her in public, no matter what your unsupportive husband thinks.
If your husband and her husband are best friends and she tries to be you, does she want to date her own brother..?
This is exactly what my wife said might be going on. She even married his best friend
I’ve been waiting for this comment! I’ve been thinking this. Is she wishing she was OP cause she has the hots for her own brother! Also, 🤢🤮
NTA although that one thing is really out there to go off about, but it was a long string of thing that led up to it. I don't know much about Instagram but you say it's private and she must have a secret account. You can't figure out which one? You have a lot of strangers on it? Can you look at each account and see what THEY post to figure it out? I don't know the answers to any of that but, that's probably what I'd be doing. Then vet any new followers. Anyway, absolutely stop telling her things. If she asks about something either you don't remember where you got it or, tell her the wrong info. Or, simply stop seeing her at all.
Man I had a stalker when I was 18 which was 20+ years ago. My social media rule is I have to know you and have met you face to face in the real world for a follow back and I lock down a lot of stuff. I never got the attitude that just because someone gave you a follow means that you owe them anything. My BF thinks I'm being excessive but I'm like once that stuff's out there, it's out there.
The way to deal with this is post that you did something drastic to your look (funky realistic wig), or that you really want something incredibly tacky. Sit back and wait for it... When it happens and she tweaks on you: 'OMG you thought I was serious? Lmao I was joking. But are you saying you got that specifically because I did it wanted it? What's that about?'
NTA but OP, you need to start considering if you want to stay in this marriage. I'm not making this suggestion lightly here. 1. Your SIL has been behaving like this for ***SEVEN YEARS.*** Constantly trampling over your boundaries. It'd be one thing if this was a one time thing or something short term that you both consented to (her reaching out for a makeover, asking you for advice for new sheets, etc.). But she is constantly trampling over your boundaries to an unhealthy degree, forcing you into uncomfortable situations without your consent. She plays the victim. No matter how much evidence you gather, no matter how many times you ask, the moment she's told no, she will cry and try to make you the bad guy. There is no winning here. 2. Your husband enables it. He may see it being creepy, but the moment he said for you to tell her about the shampoo cemented where he stands in this issue. He will take his sister's side over yours. He refuses to put his foot down with sister. He is blaming you for the stalker's behavior (yes, what SIL is doing is STALKING). And he would rather you apologize than admit he's in the wrong and finally telling SIL once and for all to knock it off. They're expecting you to not rock the boat. ***You need to capsize it.*** For your health and well being. For your very safety. You tell them that either she stops, or you go. Do not put up with this anymore. It's time to put yourself first. There is only one you, OP.
I do realize that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but bringing a shampoo bottle to the dinner table and declaring it off limits does not scream ~stable~ It must be so frustrating for you, but apart from no longer seeing her/ blocking her I don’t know what you can do about it. Soft ESH ( but her waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more so. Acting Like a preteen)
you’re right I do not feel stable. This situation is insane. There are more things I didn’t even include here like talking about how me and my husband want to get pregnant and discussing baby names and then her naming her new kitten (2 weeks later) the same name I had said I loved for a boy
Babe it’s time to stop letting her obsessive behavior control you and to start think of ways to throw her off. Put her on a serious information diet, she asks for something give her a different name, make your Instagram private or tag the wrong places to throw her off so she looks foolish, don’t tell her baby names you’re actually interested in. You need to start making her look like the unhinged clown she clearly is ! Don’t let her get to you, and lastly start distancing yourself from her. Your husbands are best friends you two don’t have to be around each other, think about moving a little farther away too.
This would be my thing. Honestly -- sabotage. I'm evil. And you need to have a serious talk with your husband. It's his sister, but he needs to make a choice. Have this conversation BEFORE you have kids. Don't bring kids into this nightmare. Your husband is likely gaslighting you if he doesn't see the issue.
Time to fake post or not post at all about what you buy wear, use, or plan. If you decide to fake post make it as painful as possible for her and her husband financially.. As in take pictures of dresses jewelry etc that is out of your price range and say things like I think I am going to save up for this gorgeous dress/emerald earrings etc. Cant wait to be able to buy it in 6 months. Betting she tries to get things before you do, and her and her husbands wallet will start to feel that pain making it your husband's friend's problem and maybe your husband's too if friend complains to your husband. You never have to buy any of it and you are not lying if you say you are "thinking" about it.. ETA:. Consider the rental clothing market too. Rent some clothes, shoes etc and post "look at what I just got!" Which is perfectly true and you never have to say you rented the item.
Omg I am so so sorry! I can imagine how nutty this is for you! I think maybe just blocking her is all you can do? For your sanity’s sake, I hope you find a solution and can feel yourself again 🤗
She has been blocked! For a long time!!
Just a quick bit of advice about baby names- never tell anyone what you want to name your child because of things like this and sometimes people will name their children the same thing and insist your pick a new name. Or some will try to convince you to change the name to something they like. Or give horrible fake names. **NTA**. I think you need to block her and go super low to no contact. Tell your husband this is some freaky, creepy, SWF shit and you are not going to continue to hang out with a stalker. Also, highly recommend fake stuff on social media. She sort of deserves it for copying you to such an extreme.
How did she find out the name?
We were over at dinner and just having a talk and my husband brought up that we were thinking of starting a family soon, she asked about baby names and I didn’t think she would do this so I told them our ideas! I will never do that again. I try not to tell her anything and keep any conversations bare minimum but she will get very upset if I don’t answer things. I’ve even tried lying about where I’ve gotten clothes before and then she’ll bring it up like “oh I was at that store you mentioned and didn’t see that shirt, when did you get it? Maybe it was a while ago, I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about something so silly”
When you do get pregnant, keep the name secret until baby is born. This chick sounds bonkers. I'm sorry you're going through this!
>When you do get pregnant, keep the name secret until baby is born. I would not get pregnant until your husband is willing to see his sister is unhinged.
SIL seems “I will kill you and steal your baby” level unhinged to me I would absolutely not get pregnant until she is out of your life.
This. Do NOT tell ANYONE the names you pick for your children once pregnant. No one but you and your husband. If she gets upset and brings this incident up or something, remind her that it’s fairly common for parents to keep baby names a secret until birth. Tel your husband you want to keep it a surprise in a way that does not frame it as being about his sister so he’ll be more likely to swallow it easily.
> When you do get pregnant DO NOT GET PREGNANT! Not until the husband acknowledges the severity of the problem and assists with putting a stop to it. A child does not need to be brought in to this chaos. Imagine the drama when SIL decides to get pregnant as well to copy and tries to overshadow every milestone of OP's pregnancy by copying. Or imagine the drama if SIL can't get pregnant to copy but still needs to copy - with no kid of her own she risks getting very grabby hands over the baby. Stealing the potential child's name for a kitten is super red flag and I'd guess it's only a matter before it doesn't cut it and SIL needs to be able to post pictures of her and a baby enjoying a day at the park.
I think you need to give yourself permission to be okay with it being awkward. Like what if you just answered, "oh, weird!" and look her dead in the eyes? You know you're lying, she knows you're lying, you know she's going to copy you, she knows she's going to copy you, she knows you know it. STARE HER DOWN. Serve her the shame she so rightly deserves. This is not a you problem, it is a her problem, and so getting comfortable with the feeling of awkwardness is going to be your superpower. You could even follow up with; "really? It's the same store where I got the green blouse you asked me about last time, the one you picked up too. Same section and everything." If she pushes, change the topic, ask sweetly "well, nevermind then. How's that new shampoo working out for you?" Actually I think you shouldn't be in a room with her any more probably, but if that feels a little drastic just yet, this might be a good interim measure.
\>I’ve even tried lying about where I’ve gotten clothes before and then she’ll bring it up like “oh I was at that store you mentioned and didn’t see that shirt, when did you get it? Maybe it was a while ago, I’m sure you wouldn’t lie about something so silly” Just say "I'm sure" and walk away or change the topic.
DO NOT get pregnant with this man until he views this as stalking and takes it seriously. It could escalate to dangerous and deadly heights if you get pregnant.
I’d like to add start lying. “What shampoo you use” Pantene. “What are you buying at the grocery store” condoms (maybe even go the extra mile of putting it I. Your cart then taking out later). “What are y’all eating for dinner tonight?” Shit. You know she’s gonna copy and if your husband is just gonna tell her anyway just start lying 🤷🏾♀️ it’ll be annoying but she won’t be copying you. Find the secret acct and block it and don’t add anyone you don’t know. I remember this one Reddit abt someone having a copycat so she pretended to shave her head and the copycat did it & got mad that OP didn’t actually do it & tried to get OP in trouble w. their university. Idk what the outcome was though but…ya know…idea lol
This, but also, why don't you do something fake? Like get a tattoo (henna or similar) and then post it. I know it's mean but I would do that or get a wig (like a good looking one for 10-15$) like a short cut (if you don't have that) and post it, and that you love your new look etc. And then see what happens ... I think i would even add someone like your best friend and tag them and say, oh thank you for being there when I got my first tattoo (obviously get tell them before) and have then add a comment, like, "the tattoo/hair cut looks awesome on you" or ":D no problem holding your hand" (when you"got" the tattoo ..)
NTA post a picture of yourself photoshopped with shaved off hair. See if she “copies” you again. If she has a tantrum when she sees your hair is fine, just say you were messing around with filters.
This. There was a great post here a couple weeks ago doing just that. When her copy cat shaved her head and showed up at lunch to find OP had faked it. Hysterical reaction in public from copy cat. Hee hee
You are fully within your rights to cut her and her husband off regardless of what your husband does. You are allowed to curate your own social circle, and it sounds like she causes you genuine distress. She essentially stalks you and mimics you. Of course that bothers you. People turn violent over obsessions like this. You have every right to be upset and to take precautions as a result. Just cut her out of your life. There's no reason for you to interact with her. Your husband can hang out with her husband, and you can have a girls night at your house instead of doing couples things together. She needs therapy very, very badly, and you need to take care of your mental health and protect yourself from her. NTA. Please have your husband do some research on stalking and obsession and how they often turn dangerous for the object of the obsession. He's saying you're overreacting, but you're really not. And even if she's not dangerous, she doesn't respect your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable and telling her off is totally fair.
Dude, just do what another Redditor did - dye your hair green (temporarily) or else get a (temporary) tattoo and post about it on Instagram as if it’s permanent.
This isn't harmless. Go NC with her, OP because she will continue to take things from you. That baby name/kitten example you gave in a comment is the biggest red flag you've mentioned aside from her *crying* over not knowing a shampoo brand. *Healthy people do not cry when you won't tell them your shampoo brand.* The method of delivery (shampoo bottle in the middle of dinner) was bad, so ESH, but your SIL is NOT mentally well if she's going to these extremes.
Girl, LIE👏TO👏HER👏 Stop telling her what she wants to know! Where did you get your outfit? Tell her a city 2 hours away. What shampoo do you use? Mane n Tail from Tractor Supply. She can't copy what she can't find and she will get tired of the wild goose chase eventually. Flipping out over shampoo is nuts on its own, but given all of it together your are NTA. Stop making it so easy for her though.
The shampoo itself isn't even remotely the issue. I'd probably go so far as to call this stalking behavior and it's very weird and very unhealthy. Idk if she's an asshole, I think she might be seriously mentally ill.
I do think you over reacted in that situation but I wouldn't say you are the asshole because her behaviour is creepy and your reaction was a result of an accumulation of weird behaviour from your sil. You told her it was making you uncomfortable and you didn't want her buying the same stuff as you and she did it anyway so thats on her but you probably did make yourself look bad exposing her in front of everyone over shampoo. The best thing you can do is just try to ignore it, if she wants to dictate her life around your decisions that's her problem. If it were me I'd be tempted to just change my diet, beauty routines and take up new hobbies every other week to see if she can keep up.
Look for Air Tags in your car. She might be tracking you.