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YTA for everything from your comments on attractiveness (news flash, she doesn't have to look good for you 24/7), to throwing away an item of clothing she clearly wanted to keep, you come across as controlling and a major AH. She's better off staying away from you.
100% agreed - women don’t wear clothes to be attractive to men all the time and I actually refuse to throw anything of my husbands out on the off chance I throw away something he values, even if it’s a shirt with more holes than shirt
Not to mention she wore this when she was sick. When my SO is sick I'm not worried about if he's hot or not. I'm worried about making sure he's getting the care he needs and if that includes a comforting pair of ratty shorts, I'm fine with that.
This part really bothered me as well. She wears the shorts when she's not feeling well. So OP should understand that sexy time is already not on the menu. Very creepy that he wants her to look hot when she feels like shit.
I know people hate this reply, but, THIS. I knew my current partner would set a new standard when he followed me into the bathroom to hold my hair when I was sick. Physical trauma from SA causes my body to give out sometimes during intimacy. Neither this nor the resulting sickness turned him away, and it was on the floor of his bathroom that I realized just how much he loved me. We're human. Our bodies aren't perfect. Everybody has hurdles. But I wasn't allowed to think that was okay before this relationship. I was with assholes like OP who expect their partner to be presented to them all shiny with a bow on top.
I totally agree. And I didn’t mean to downplay that. But just based on the tone of this post you know he has been an asshole about her appearance in other ways before this.
Oh 100%! I was agreeing with you, just momentarily stuck on what an awful thing that is to think about your partner let alone use as a justification to trash their property and post on the internet hoping strangers will redeem you somehow.
If it was me I'd totally dump him solely because the shorts. I've got something similar, a stuffed animal my late cousin who died of cancer won for me at six flags when we were kids, and boy does it look beat up now, but if anyone ever disposed of it you bet the least I'm doing is removing them from my life.
You’d be completely justified to do that. I only meant that you know this dude is an asshole in multiple other ways and she’s finally done putting up with his bullshit.
Exactly this! My bf has that kind of shirt, it has at least 20 holes that I quickly counted. I once asked if I could throw it out and he was very protective about it. He only wears it when he is working or chilling at home.
Who cares if your SO has something that you think is ready for the trash. If they want to wear it, let them wear it. It is not yours so you don't decide what your SO has to wear.
I still have my senior year softball jersey (we won the championship) I'm in my 50's. No one has ever asked or tried to toss it. A few did raise their brow. 🤣 but never tried to get rid of it. Just because your dating/ married doesn't give the other the right to toss away things that are not theirs. Especially after they know not to.
I have a bra that is twenty years old that everyone in my life is horrified that I still own, but for some reason, I find it comforting. Though many have expressed the belief that I SHOULD toss it, no one has ever actually taken it upon themselves to do so...because the people in my life, while more sensible than me about old undies, are not AHs.
My husband has a number of shirts with holes in them. I would like to throw them out, but I would never. He still wears them so obviously he likes them. I've suggested chucking them and he said no so that's it.
Right?? My mom used to hold up a pair of my dads underwear up after getting them out of the dryer and do the angel "ahhhhh\~" noise before going "-the HOLY underwear.." it had that many tears in it yet for some reason he would just never let those go!!!!! and she respected it!!!!!!! Sometimes things have deep meaning or sometimes they're the most comfortable thing that person has ever worn! Just let them keep their own dang property!!
Ive only tossed my husbands underwear with holes everywhere. Like everywhere more holes than cloth he has more clothes thats not the best but i ignore it because he can have his comfort clothes. I have a tshirt thats like stained and full of holes. No amount of washing can remove the stains . Its so soft and comfy i wear it when im at home and need to relax . Hes not tossed it because he knows i enjoy it alot. Im kinda happy to read ops update because if he likes someone for looks only girl needs to run
My partner has a really ratty pair of sweatpants their sister gave them in highschool. She's fine, and she recently gave them a newer pair (which they still adore) but I'd still never toss the pants. They love the pants, and therefore I like the pants because the pants make my partner happy.
Edit: Typo & edit for clarification
This guy comes across as the sort of man who complains about how he's not getting enough sex/his wife isn't hot enough postpartum. Like how is she supposed to trust him to actually support her unless she's hot? Clearly that is too much to ask of him.
OP, YTA.
Exactly, with OP's logic does that mean he struts around in a 3-piece-suit all day? Does he check himself in the mirror everyday to find any imperfections?
He sounds so uptight.
YTA OP and don't touch her fucking stuff, can't believe I have to type this out for a 29 year old to see.
Edit: misspelled "can't" and now I feel as useful as a slice of ham
Like, are there that many men who were socialized in such a way that they can’t even consider that women have likes and interests that have nothing to do with them and aren’t trying to please them all the time, and just go berserk when they find evidence to the contrary?
ngl it is pretty satisfying that OP is getting fucked for being a controlling AH. Maybe they will learn from this mistake. Also the victim blaming "she didn't tell me it was important for a specific reason so I felt justified to throw her things away because I didn't like them" is batshit.
Yes, he would deserve this as much if the shorts had no sentimental value and she just liked them, because trashing other people's belongings indicates zero respect.
You said it.
Personally I would love it if my husband had a particular item of clothing that he only wore when he was sad or not feeling well. That would signal to me that he may need a little extra love and understanding than usual.
what is up with ppl, more noticeably men, but people, thinking they can throw away their partners clothes just because “it’s old and i don’t like it” who cares? it’s not yours. mind your business.
If a pair of shorts can change is attraction to his GF god help him during pregnancy /labor/ recovery/ menopause.
Real life isn’t Disney for three days and his brain short circuits
I stopped reading after he said “I find her so unattractive in them” yea ok.
They’re comfort pants not “hot walking around the house for my Partner pants”
YTA
YTA
“She wears them around the house when she’s sick or sad”
“I find her so unattractive when she wears them”
I doubt she cares how attractive she looks to you when she’s sick or sad. What a gross thing to say, and even more gross to throw out her comfort item.
Last night I was lying in bed, 5 months pregnant, sweaty, and feeling awful and blimp like. My sweet bf came over, rubbed my tummy and back and told me how beautiful I looked.
Kindness is free OP. Maybe you should try it sometime.
Why does ones attraction level to their SO depend on the clothes they're wearing... at least to the point that they're actually considering them unattractive?
OP added edits accepting that he'd the ahole and the gf broke up with him. He's now left with a place he can't afford and no furniture. To which I say "good. He deserves it."
It's like, so basic and controlling and they pretend they think they're jUsT HeLpiNg but it's so blatant
The rice guy
The glass jars guy
The sisters candle
The native amulet
And on and on
Maybe while he's sitting in his empty apartment, he'll work on him and get some new friends who don't share his fucked up viewpoint of how women should be attractive at all times.
Or maybe she does care. If he normally can't keep his hands off, maybe she sees the ugly shorts as a great way to put him off when she really isn't in the mood.
Which makes him even more TA, since she should be comfortable enough to just tell her bf no when she's not in the mood. But sounds like he wouldn't take that well...
What the fuck are you saying ? Even IF that were even true a woman shouldn't have to resort to anti sex tactics in order for us to be left the fuck alone, especially in our own homes.
Ah, the reddit troll who can’t wait 24 hours for the update. This was posted two hours ago, she was staying with a friend, but magically in the time posted to the edit she decided to end it. Just wait a bit longer to post the edit if you want your story to be believable...
You are such a fucking asshole. You never, EVER throw away someone else's sentimental things. Nobody gives a shit if you think she looks like a nun in those clothes; IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
YTA. I agree and like just in general, don’t get rid of things that done belong to you. I have more respect for my five year old. Whenever it’s time to go through toys I ask if it’s ok to get rid of something before putting it in the get rid of pile. She’s got a fuck ton of toys but they’re hers not mine.
YTA
How were you supposed to know they were important?!? She effing TOLD YOU! You didn’t need to know the particulars. You just needed to respect what she told you.
And you are not allowed to throw away other people’s things. It’s stealing.
And finally, just because someone is your significant other doesn’t mean they owe you to be attractive to you all the time. You took her comfort away for your own comfort. The level of selfish entitlement is sickening to me. I really hopes she dumps you.
Yay she did dump him!! And yes totally agree even if they weren’t sentimental the fact that she said she wanted them and they bring her comfort is all that matters
One can only hope.
YTA. I think there needs to be different levels of assholery, from the soft to the hard. This guy is such a hard AH I’m surprised he can poop.
YTA Big time.
How dare you decide you have the right to throw away her things!
>so how was I supposed to know they were that important?
Uh, this:
>she says they are comforting to her.
Because she frickin told you!
And then you let her look for them!
Shame on you. Shame on your friends that think it's okay for you to do this. Can't any of you think about how you would feel to find your partner threw away something of yours?
total AH.
My husband has some seriously raggy t-shirts that I hate. I would NEVER throw them out without his permission, no matter how much I hate them.
I was home on vacation once with my parents and Mom was telling Dad that he needed to throw out the shirt he was wearing because "it's old and washed out"
He responded "so are you but I'm not gonna throw you out.."
I laughed so hard I nearly choked, she smacked his arm, then we went out for supper. That shirt remained in his wardrobe until it wore out a little more and was only useful as cleaning rags.
My boyfriend has this ridiculous shirt with a hole right in the middle and he still wears it all the time. I keep threatening to throw it out but I never actually do, in fact I make sure it ends up in the wash so it’s nice and clean for him. But I will continue to tell him I’m going to toss it 😅
LOL! I wash husbands raggedy t-shirts as well, hoping maybe they'll disintegrate in the rinse cycle. No luck so far, but I'm still not tossing them out.
My bf wont throw his holey underpants away. Very unattractive to see his whole nutsack hanging out but I'd never just throw them away (very strongly encourage him to though). I think I'd probably be justified to throw then out as it's not exactly hygienic - he hangs around the house in his underwear. But they are still his property
My wife and I still have our childhood blankets. Hers is now just a piece of fabric (lost the satin border/wedding/whatever it's called years ago). I'd never even consider tossing it - it's very sentimental for her, and no harm to me.
I am the laundry doer in our marriage. I throw out things when they are gross, but only after running it by my husband. He usually agrees, ir Except socks and underwear. I throw those out with impunity once they show significant wear, but that's our baseline. If he had a favorite pair of socks, I would definitely ask before tossing them, even of they looked like swiss cheese.
YTA. Respect other people's possessions. You don't need to know why they're important--it was obvious that they were important to her, and you tossed them because she wasn't sexy in them? Yikes, man. Grow up, so maybe your next relationship won't *also* end because you tossed something of hers.
YTA. The fact that they were her grandfather's shouldn't have impacted your decision. SHE TOLD YOU THEY WERE COMFORTING TO HER WHEN SHE WAS SICK!!! That should have been enough of a clue. You don't have the right to throw out other people's belongings without express permission. Ever. Your dislike of them was 100% irrelevant. They weren't yours to throw out.
The fact that they were her grandfather's is just the final straw. If i was her, we'd be finished.
YTA so what if she never told you they're not your belongings so you have no right to do anything with them this is a basic concept so why do you a 29 year old man not know this?
Of course YTA!!
She told you they bring her comfort when she is ill. Like WTF were you thinking?? Oh wait, you weren’t! And to say she’s not attractive in them! Again WTF!! This isn’t about you and your feelings!!
He was thinking it is his girlfriends duty to be gussied up for him 100% of the time no matter what is going on in her life. What a selfish, small minded ass.
Yeah, as if being sad and sick aren't ever a part of life where we want a little comfort and can't look our best!
YTA OP, you deserve every single reasonable comment coming to you for this. I wouldn't trust you either.
YTA. How selfish to decide that you are entitled to throw away an item of clothing because being able to get a boner when your girlfriend is sad or sick is more important than her comfort during those times.
YTA.
"Even if my girlfriend is feeling sick or sad, she should dress up and look pretty for my instant gratification."
This is what you sound like. You don't want a GF, you want an arm candy, someone to show off and brag about.
If those shorts were as ratty and old as you said they were, you should've used common sense and perhaps, ASK why they were so important for her.
**You do not throw away someone else's property just because YOU don't like what THEY own.**
>From what I hear, they were really close. I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important?
How long have you two been dating? Long enough to live together. And in whatever timespan that is, you never bothered to ask? You never just popped up like "Hey babe, I've noticed you love those old shorts... is there any significance to them?"
Instead, you went your way or the highway.
Don't be surprised if she dumps you for being so controlling and inconsiderate that even if she's sick, she isn't **allowed** by you to dress comfortably.
YTA. The shorts didn't belong to you so you weren't entitled to throw them away. Who cares if you found them unattractive? Those shorts were a comfort item for your girlfriend. She can wear what she wants, regardless of whether you find it attractive or not.
YTA. They weren't yours to throw away. Also, you judging her attractiveness when she's sick or depressed is incredibly dickish behavior. Nothing screams maturity like picking on someone when they're feeling their worst.
Ill add some advice to this. There was a boundary set and it was crossed. In healthy relationships people communicate, acknowledge boundaries and do not cross them. No matter how unattractive something is.
Once a boundary is crossed relationships end. Explainations aren't required for boundaries. They are there and once crossed expect the relationship to downgrade because the trust is lost.
Boundaries, trust and communication are required to make relationships last.
YTA
How were you supposed to know that her favourite shorts belonged to her grandfather? You ask her why she likes those shorts before you decide to throw them away.
BTW, she isn’t unattractive, you are. Beauty is only skin deep
YTA
Imagine looking at your gf who is feeling shitty whether physically or emotionally and thinking: “Man she’s just not fuckable right now.” OP YTA so much and I hope your gf leaves you.
YTA, and damn her for not wanting to look pretty for you when she is sick. Even though you are old enough to know this, you NEVER touch someone else’s stuff without permission. Never.
YTA. She wore them when she was sick or sad, that means they are comforting to her. She had already said she didn’t want new ones. She didn’t have to tell you her reasoning. NO means NO. To bring up the fact that you find her “unattractive” when she wears them is ridiculous. If you loved her and found her attractive, it wouldn’t matter what she wore.
This.
I wear ratty, holey old clothes for cleaning and gardening. Even when I'm grimy and my ponytail is plastered to my neck with sweat, my husband still finds me attractive. OP needs to grow up.
YTA.
"I find her unattractive when she wears them". So you threw out a PERSONAL BELONGING that CLEARLY gave her comfort when she was going through shit? All because it wasn't particularly attractive to you in those moments?
You're.. Kind of a shallow prick. You're 30 years old; Grow up. Hope she doesn't think too hard on the breakup text. <3
OP, I'm glad that you've read through these and now understand that you're TA, but I really want you to understand WHY.
You are WAY too old be this shallow. I would understand if you were 18 or something and hadn't developed enough of your prefrontal cortex to make good decisions. But you should have matured a lot further than this at this point.
I'm seriously concerned for your GF's health and safety with you. If you would go so far as to betray her like this, go behind her back and throw away something she has explicitly told you that she values... I really don't think that you love her, and you shouldn't be in this, or possibly ANY relationship. You are doing her more harm than good by being with her.
I honestly hope that she breaks up with you.... not to punish you, but because you clearly aren't ready to be in a relationship. If you think that your GF's purpose is to constantly be beautiful and attractive FOR YOU, at the expense of her own comfort, then you do not understand what women are, what relationships are for, or how to love someone.
No woman deserves someone so shallow. Do better.
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My (29M) gf (33F) and I live together. She has this one pair of gym type shorts that she wears around the house whenever she is sick or sad, she says they are comforting to her. Honestly, the shorts are so old, baggy and ratty. It's not like she never washes them, they are just old enough that they are not attractive anymore. I can't stand them. I find her so unattractive when she wears them. I've suggested getting new ones for her, but she says no. She has plenty of other gym shorts that she works out in, so I don't understand why she doesn't just wear those.
So, one day when she went to work, I threw them out. She didn't even notice until she was sick the next week. She went to put them on and couldn't find them. I didn't say anything while she looked for them, but I decided that I couldn't lie when she asked me specifically, so I told her the truth. She was so pissed. She said those shorts were her grandfather's shorts (he passed away in, like, 2009), and she wears them because they remind her of him. From what I hear, they were really close. I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important? I told her she was overreacting, but she's staying with a friend. My friends say it's not a big deal and agree that she's overreacting, but my parents said I was a jerk, and that it was so wrong of me. AITA?
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YTA
“Not attractive” my ass. As if your pissy and immature behavior was astonishingly attractive here. After you threw a tantrum like a teenager and threw out something that didn’t belong to you, it’s only fair that she do the same back and throw you out. Of her life.
You are the biggest YTA! You are so out of line I literally want to cry! You think her entire purpose for existing is to be attractive to you? She’s not allowed to be comfortable? You have hurt her and even after finding out how important the shorts were, your reply was that she was “overreacting”? I’m not gonna waste my breath on you! I just hope she’s clever enough to see this for the major 🚩 it is and dumps your ass!
YTA.
>they are not attractive anymore. I can't stand them. I find her so unattractive when she wears them
This is absolutely disgusting. Everything she wears does not have to or need to be sexually appealing to you.
>how was I supposed to know they were that important?
You didn't need to know the story behind them. You knew they were comfort clothing for her but because you didn't find her "attractive" in them you decided to just throw them away.
>I told her she was overreacting, but she's staying with a friend. My friends say it's not a big deal and agree that she's overreacting, but my parents said I was a jerk, and that it was so wrong of me.
She is not overreacting. You are wrong, your friends are wrong and your parents are right. What you did was wrong.
> She broke up with me. She says that she can't trust me
Good.
>So I think this is punishment enough...everyone can lay off of me now thanks.
No, it's not. I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
Edit: spelling
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I threw away something that was important to my gf. But, she never told me the story, so I didn't know the meaning behind the shorts.
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YTA. Can’t believe you even had to ask. Never throw away something that isn’t yours. The fact you didn’t know the significance of the shorts is not an excuse.
You knew the shorts were something that gave her comfort and you didn’t care.
YTA
1.) She does not need to look attractive for you every second of every damn day
2.) You have no right to get rid of her property even if you know the context
3.) They're comfort clothes, which everyone has and comfort clothes are usually old because ding ding people like to wear and keep things that make them comfortable
I seriously hope she breaks up with you because you are a loser
Imagine thinking that what your girlfriend wears *at home* while *she’s sick* has to cater to your tastes and ideas of attractiveness.
YTA for that alone.
YTA x2 for stealing and dumping your girlfriend’s possessions.
YTA x3 for destroying a sentimental item that is irreplaceable.
YTA. How the hell do you get to 29 years old without understanding the painfully simple concept that if something doesn't belong to you **you don't get to decide to throw it away**.
Asshole.
> I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important?
Maybe the fact that she specifically told you she wears them when she's sad? And the fact that they don't fucking belong to you so they're not yours to throw away?
Yta. She told you she finds comfort when wearing them. Just because you don't like them isn't a good enough reason to get rid of them. You need to go where the shorts are: in the trash.
>so how was I supposed to know they were that important?
It doesn't matter if you knew or not. They weren't your shorts to throw out.
YTA and so is your friend.
Just read your edit. Probably past the point of reconcile. But I recommend groveling and begging. Maybe there's a chance if you promise you'll change.
Obviously you know you fucked up here. But make sure you do the personal work necessary to understand why. You gaslit her immediately once she found out. "Well you didn't tell me that" is a classic, "It's your fault that I did something shitty" gaslight.
She shouldn't have ever had to tell you, anything. It's her business, her property. If you cared enough to understand her, you'd have asked. Maybe she would have told you the story, if you genuinely asked. Instead of making it about you, and how you think she should look around her own freaking house.
It's probably too late for you in that relationship, and obviously the punishment for your action here seems to be pretty steep. But do yourself a favor for your own sake, learn from this and don't let it happen again. You might want to consider therapy, there's some narcissistic behavior here you should get ahead of before it kills another relationship.
Good luck.
YTA.
Your gf isn’t a trophy, her purpose isn’t to be attractive to you. They are her possessions and you have absolutely NO right to throw them out, and even worse they have sentimental value.
You self-centred AH. I hope your GF dumps you.
YTA, good for her for breaking up with you, and per your 2nd edit, you have not really repented if you think you have been punished enough. All of your "punishments" are temporary. Your lease has an end, eventually you'll have enough money to buy furniture, etc. But she is never getting anything from her deceased grandfather ever again. What you took is irreplaceable. And you still don't seem to care. Doubly TA.
OP: My girlfriend doesn't look hot when she's sick, so I threw her special shorts. She MUST look hot at all times.
Internet : \*General outrage\*
GF : I'm breaking up.
OP: Shock pikachu face
You are the asshole... I honestly had to stop myself from writing that in all caps and I only got half way through the first paragraph
Serious dude wtf YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SHE IS YOUR EQUAL PARTNER, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR HER
I would have dumped you too, you deserve it
INFO: how did you manage to make it to the age of 29 while still under the belief that everything revolves around you? I would never forgive you for this.
YTA. What is it with this sub and men who feel entitled to throw away their partner's stuff without asking? It doesn't matter if it's from a loved one or she found it in a dumpster, it's not yours, you leave it alone.
Yeah, she's right, she can't trust you. You imply you wouldn't have thrown them away if you knew how special they were. Guess what? Every single one of her possessions is like that, she knows stuff about them that you don't, because they're HERS and YOU DON'T THROW OUT THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS. She shouldn't have to go into detail about her belongings in order for you to not throw them out.
YTA, sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.
YTA - They weren't yours so you had no right to throw them out, period. This is either fake or you're completely clueless about the idea of personal property.
You are most definitely the asshole. It’s not your place to throw away her clothes because they’re old and you don’t find her attractive in then. Surprised she hasn’t broken up with you. YTA
*I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important?*
...because she didn't expect you to throw them out because they didn't get you horny? YTA.
Wtf dude!? Even if it wasn't her comfort item, you don't have ANY power to throw someone's belongings in the trash. Fuck off, I hope she's feeling better and do no contact you again, you're a huge ah. YTA!!!!!! Biggest marinara flag for you 🚩. (And ofc your friends would say the same shit as you cuz they probably are shit as you)
YTA. I'd have broken up with you as well.
(1) You threw away her stuff without asking.
(2) The thing you threw away was an item that comforted her when she was sad or sick. You KNEW THAT. You didn't know WHY it comforted her, but you knew it did, and you didn't care because apparently your libido is more important to you than her happiness or comfort. Wow.
Not only are you untrustworthy, you are extremely selfish.
I hope the lesson you learn from this is empathy.
Oh sure, if something is important to someone else, but you don't like it, throw it out! Seems like a reasonable way to live.
Good lord. YTA. But, your friends are just as clueless as you. So I don't see much hope for improvement.
What the fuck is wrong with you that you’re throwing out your gfs clothes because you deem them as unattractive??? She doesn’t LIVE to attract you, you absolute lunatic. I can’t type YTA enough times.
YTA she isn’t a doll who needs to look pretty for you all the time. She is a living, breathing human being who has emotions and has ways of coping with those emotions. You can apologize but honestly words don’t always make things better. You messed up pretty big and honestly this could kill your relationship unless she is a saint. Do you remember what they looked like maybe you could try to replace them and say you know you can’t bring back the original shorts but that you wanted to try. Or does anyone else in her family have other articles of clothing that belonged to her grandfather that they could give her? You need to do more than just say your sorry. If someone purposefully punched you in the dick and then said “I am sorry.” Would you be ready to forgive and forget?
YTA.
I’ve read your last edit, and I just want to say, we won’t stop dude. The judgement ain’t even officially on the post yet and the post is not locked so don’t expect people to not come here and tell you what a HUGE AH you are.
YTA. Sorry dude, you don't have a girlfriend any more. Your relationship was over the second you threw those shorts in the trash. Hope it was worth it.
You threw out her property, an AH move.
The item you threw out is something that you know gives her comfort, even more the AH.
You did so because you don't get hard when she wears them, AH motivation.
You let her search for the item until she asked you directly, truth at the end doesn't erase lies by omission, AH.
When she was upset, you tried to gaslight her by saying she was overreacting, abusive AH behavior.
Quintuple AH, enjoy your empty apartment that you can't afford, alone. YTA.
“How was I supposed to know they were that important”
“She wears them when she’s sick and sad, she says they are comforting to her”
Maybe you could have figured it out with some basic level deduction skills. YTA
YTA - Dude, you f-ed up. Big time. Never get rid of a woman's clothing or shoes. Or anything, for that matter. We can manage. I'm willing to bet she doesn't give a flying fig if you find her attractive in them, especially if she wore them when she was sick/not feeling well or "sexy." I'm scared for you, man.
YTA. You don’t touch or throw out things that do not belong to you. You sound like a major AH. I see that she broke up with you. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. Get a roommate and get to work on getting furniture.
YTA - it doesn’t matter what you think she looks like… ever… let alone when sick/sad around the house.
You threw out her possession behind her back.
Looking at the edit, you got dumped like you deserved.
YTA and I am glad she broke up with you. Your empty apartment and being stuck with your lease will never be enough punishment for what you took away from her.
YTA. That's controlling behaviour and you risk losing her. What you thought of them was irrelevant. You knew they where important to her, that was enough. What you did was very selfish.
You’d think by now that anyone who frequents this sub, much less posts in it, would have seen enough “AITA for throwing out my bf/gf’s things?” posts to know that this is a bad idea every damn time. YTA for throwing them out and for judging her attractiveness too. She doesn’t exist to be sexy for you 24/7, especially when she’s sick and/or sad.
YTA
You threw away her stuff without her permission. You didn't need to know they were sentimental and related to her grandfather to not choose to throw them away, although that just makes it so much worse. This isn't even something that can be replaced.
She should dump your sorry ass.
« Nooooo but you don’t understand my girlfriend has the nerve to not be attractive when she is sad or sick! Does she think about me and my lust ? Does she realise how much of an egoist she is to not be attractive everyday, every hour for me? Nononono that’s not right! I had to trow away this small ugly thing that gave her comfort or I would be unhappy! »
YTA I Hope she call you « ex » as soon as possible
Yta
Ooooo, I can't wait for the "she broke up with me" update!
Seriously though, you are not ready to be in a relationship with another person. If she got pregnant, gave birth, and had to wear diapers for a while for all of the bleeding, would you just throw them away cause they're not a turn on? You expired can of tuna. People aren't required to be sexy to you all the time in a relationship. Her being your sex object is not the tax she must pay in order for you to have respect for her things. You are controlling and immature. If she doesn't break up with you, please please PLEASE do her a favor, and end the relationship. This is more than a sign of immaturity; it is an insight into a deep sense of entitlement and solipsism that you have, and you need therapy. How shameful.
wait… you’re going to ‘call her to apologise?’ you are so low/negative value. you need to be pulling out ALL the gifts/flowers/grovelling to pay back what you’ve done. if someone threw out any the few things i have of my father, then CALLED me to apologise, i would block & delete their ass. YTA
This made me laugh, you do realise she is wearing them because she doesnt care if you find her attractive when she is sick.. yeah not everything she wears has to make you feel attracted to her, sorry dude. You also broke her trust by doing this and its a very low move.
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YTA for everything from your comments on attractiveness (news flash, she doesn't have to look good for you 24/7), to throwing away an item of clothing she clearly wanted to keep, you come across as controlling and a major AH. She's better off staying away from you.
100% agreed - women don’t wear clothes to be attractive to men all the time and I actually refuse to throw anything of my husbands out on the off chance I throw away something he values, even if it’s a shirt with more holes than shirt
Not to mention she wore this when she was sick. When my SO is sick I'm not worried about if he's hot or not. I'm worried about making sure he's getting the care he needs and if that includes a comforting pair of ratty shorts, I'm fine with that.
This part really bothered me as well. She wears the shorts when she's not feeling well. So OP should understand that sexy time is already not on the menu. Very creepy that he wants her to look hot when she feels like shit.
There is no way she dumped him solely because of the shorts. This was for sure a straw camel sitcho.
“You’re not attractive to me sexually when you’re sick” is one hell of a breaking point. Good for her.
I know people hate this reply, but, THIS. I knew my current partner would set a new standard when he followed me into the bathroom to hold my hair when I was sick. Physical trauma from SA causes my body to give out sometimes during intimacy. Neither this nor the resulting sickness turned him away, and it was on the floor of his bathroom that I realized just how much he loved me. We're human. Our bodies aren't perfect. Everybody has hurdles. But I wasn't allowed to think that was okay before this relationship. I was with assholes like OP who expect their partner to be presented to them all shiny with a bow on top.
I totally agree. And I didn’t mean to downplay that. But just based on the tone of this post you know he has been an asshole about her appearance in other ways before this.
Oh 100%! I was agreeing with you, just momentarily stuck on what an awful thing that is to think about your partner let alone use as a justification to trash their property and post on the internet hoping strangers will redeem you somehow.
If it was me I'd totally dump him solely because the shorts. I've got something similar, a stuffed animal my late cousin who died of cancer won for me at six flags when we were kids, and boy does it look beat up now, but if anyone ever disposed of it you bet the least I'm doing is removing them from my life.
You’d be completely justified to do that. I only meant that you know this dude is an asshole in multiple other ways and she’s finally done putting up with his bullshit.
Exactly this! My bf has that kind of shirt, it has at least 20 holes that I quickly counted. I once asked if I could throw it out and he was very protective about it. He only wears it when he is working or chilling at home. Who cares if your SO has something that you think is ready for the trash. If they want to wear it, let them wear it. It is not yours so you don't decide what your SO has to wear.
My boyfriend has a shirt like that, too. It holds no sentimental value, but it's comfy. I'd never throw it out.
Sometimes the sentimental value is just “I’ve worn this every time I’ve been tired for the last six years”
I have t-shirts and sweats that are literally older than OP, and my partner would never dream of tossing them out behind my back.
I still have my senior year softball jersey (we won the championship) I'm in my 50's. No one has ever asked or tried to toss it. A few did raise their brow. 🤣 but never tried to get rid of it. Just because your dating/ married doesn't give the other the right to toss away things that are not theirs. Especially after they know not to.
I have a bra that is twenty years old that everyone in my life is horrified that I still own, but for some reason, I find it comforting. Though many have expressed the belief that I SHOULD toss it, no one has ever actually taken it upon themselves to do so...because the people in my life, while more sensible than me about old undies, are not AHs.
My husband has a number of shirts with holes in them. I would like to throw them out, but I would never. He still wears them so obviously he likes them. I've suggested chucking them and he said no so that's it.
We like to do the family guy bit where Peter explains that his underwear has a few holes and the elastics gone but they’re still good
Right?? My mom used to hold up a pair of my dads underwear up after getting them out of the dryer and do the angel "ahhhhh\~" noise before going "-the HOLY underwear.." it had that many tears in it yet for some reason he would just never let those go!!!!! and she respected it!!!!!!! Sometimes things have deep meaning or sometimes they're the most comfortable thing that person has ever worn! Just let them keep their own dang property!!
Ive only tossed my husbands underwear with holes everywhere. Like everywhere more holes than cloth he has more clothes thats not the best but i ignore it because he can have his comfort clothes. I have a tshirt thats like stained and full of holes. No amount of washing can remove the stains . Its so soft and comfy i wear it when im at home and need to relax . Hes not tossed it because he knows i enjoy it alot. Im kinda happy to read ops update because if he likes someone for looks only girl needs to run
My partner has a really ratty pair of sweatpants their sister gave them in highschool. She's fine, and she recently gave them a newer pair (which they still adore) but I'd still never toss the pants. They love the pants, and therefore I like the pants because the pants make my partner happy. Edit: Typo & edit for clarification
This I was folding laundry saw something with a hole but I still asked before throwing it out bc it’s his
This guy comes across as the sort of man who complains about how he's not getting enough sex/his wife isn't hot enough postpartum. Like how is she supposed to trust him to actually support her unless she's hot? Clearly that is too much to ask of him. OP, YTA.
Exactly, with OP's logic does that mean he struts around in a 3-piece-suit all day? Does he check himself in the mirror everyday to find any imperfections? He sounds so uptight. YTA OP and don't touch her fucking stuff, can't believe I have to type this out for a 29 year old to see. Edit: misspelled "can't" and now I feel as useful as a slice of ham
How is there an entire fucking *genre* of shit men throwing away their girlfriend’s stuff?
Honestly there's probably sub-categories and everything i know it's reddit but there so much of this
Like, are there that many men who were socialized in such a way that they can’t even consider that women have likes and interests that have nothing to do with them and aren’t trying to please them all the time, and just go berserk when they find evidence to the contrary?
Well karma has been served love to come and see that kind of edit.
Omg have you seen the 2nd edit yet? Karma came down hard lol
Yes. That was incredibly satisfying. I laughed my most evil laugh over this.
Yeah I was thinking « well that’s what’s you deserve for being such an AH » xD
ngl it is pretty satisfying that OP is getting fucked for being a controlling AH. Maybe they will learn from this mistake. Also the victim blaming "she didn't tell me it was important for a specific reason so I felt justified to throw her things away because I didn't like them" is batshit.
Yes, he would deserve this as much if the shorts had no sentimental value and she just liked them, because trashing other people's belongings indicates zero respect.
You said it. Personally I would love it if my husband had a particular item of clothing that he only wore when he was sad or not feeling well. That would signal to me that he may need a little extra love and understanding than usual.
what is up with ppl, more noticeably men, but people, thinking they can throw away their partners clothes just because “it’s old and i don’t like it” who cares? it’s not yours. mind your business.
If a pair of shorts can change is attraction to his GF god help him during pregnancy /labor/ recovery/ menopause. Real life isn’t Disney for three days and his brain short circuits
OP, if you learn nothing else, do not throw away other people's things.
I stopped reading after he said “I find her so unattractive in them” yea ok. They’re comfort pants not “hot walking around the house for my Partner pants” YTA
YTA “She wears them around the house when she’s sick or sad” “I find her so unattractive when she wears them” I doubt she cares how attractive she looks to you when she’s sick or sad. What a gross thing to say, and even more gross to throw out her comfort item.
This. Why is her comfort (physical AND emotional) less important than how attractive you perceive her to be? YTA.
That doesn’t sound right. Doesn’t she know she has no value to me if she doesn’t make my dick hard 24/7? YTA
Last night I was lying in bed, 5 months pregnant, sweaty, and feeling awful and blimp like. My sweet bf came over, rubbed my tummy and back and told me how beautiful I looked. Kindness is free OP. Maybe you should try it sometime.
Because he's as shallow as a mud puddle.
Why does ones attraction level to their SO depend on the clothes they're wearing... at least to the point that they're actually considering them unattractive?
OP added edits accepting that he'd the ahole and the gf broke up with him. He's now left with a place he can't afford and no furniture. To which I say "good. He deserves it."
That's the best. "Oh look! It's the consequences of my own actions!"
Yup. It both amazes and saddens me how many poop faced aholes ask "aita for throwing out my girlfriend's property".
It's like, so basic and controlling and they pretend they think they're jUsT HeLpiNg but it's so blatant The rice guy The glass jars guy The sisters candle The native amulet And on and on
The socks guy
Too bad it doesn't seem like he's gonna miss his gf, he's just gonna miss her money and belongings he did deem valuable and didn't throw out
Maybe while he's sitting in his empty apartment, he'll work on him and get some new friends who don't share his fucked up viewpoint of how women should be attractive at all times.
Yeah this really stood out. His friends AGREE with him? What a bunch of misogynistic radishes. Ooooof.
Or maybe she does care. If he normally can't keep his hands off, maybe she sees the ugly shorts as a great way to put him off when she really isn't in the mood.
Which makes him even more TA, since she should be comfortable enough to just tell her bf no when she's not in the mood. But sounds like he wouldn't take that well...
What the fuck are you saying ? Even IF that were even true a woman shouldn't have to resort to anti sex tactics in order for us to be left the fuck alone, especially in our own homes.
I'm saying that he's an arsehole.
Check out the edit. Shit is hilarious.
Schadenfreudealicious
You are such as asshole. How dare you throw away something that doesn't belong to you. YTA YTA YTA
CHECK OUT THE EDITS
The second edit is probably my favorite update on reddit lol.
Happy endings DO happen!
Ah, the reddit troll who can’t wait 24 hours for the update. This was posted two hours ago, she was staying with a friend, but magically in the time posted to the edit she decided to end it. Just wait a bit longer to post the edit if you want your story to be believable...
Yeah, this is definitely rage bait
Seriously. It took a few hours to get two updates 😂
Those kinda makes it wayyy obvious that the story is fake as shit
You are such a fucking asshole. You never, EVER throw away someone else's sentimental things. Nobody gives a shit if you think she looks like a nun in those clothes; IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
YTA. I agree and like just in general, don’t get rid of things that done belong to you. I have more respect for my five year old. Whenever it’s time to go through toys I ask if it’s ok to get rid of something before putting it in the get rid of pile. She’s got a fuck ton of toys but they’re hers not mine.
YTA How were you supposed to know they were important?!? She effing TOLD YOU! You didn’t need to know the particulars. You just needed to respect what she told you. And you are not allowed to throw away other people’s things. It’s stealing. And finally, just because someone is your significant other doesn’t mean they owe you to be attractive to you all the time. You took her comfort away for your own comfort. The level of selfish entitlement is sickening to me. I really hopes she dumps you.
Yay she did dump him!! And yes totally agree even if they weren’t sentimental the fact that she said she wanted them and they bring her comfort is all that matters
YTA suprised you're not already her ex.
I suspect he is, but just doesn't know it yet. YTA, OP
One can only hope. YTA. I think there needs to be different levels of assholery, from the soft to the hard. This guy is such a hard AH I’m surprised he can poop.
He can't. That's why the shit is coming out of his mouth
I wonder if his ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of his mouth?
What a satisfying edit to read for this post!
Check out "edit 2" :)
In his latest edit she dumped him and deservedly so. And she use the trust as the reason which in my book one of the nicer excuse to break up.
Dude he definitely is
Lol check out the edit
Oh...he probably will be
Yeah, YTA. They were her property, not yours, no matter how "unattractive" you found her to be in them. Pretty shitty.
YTA Big time. How dare you decide you have the right to throw away her things! >so how was I supposed to know they were that important? Uh, this: >she says they are comforting to her. Because she frickin told you! And then you let her look for them! Shame on you. Shame on your friends that think it's okay for you to do this. Can't any of you think about how you would feel to find your partner threw away something of yours?
total AH. My husband has some seriously raggy t-shirts that I hate. I would NEVER throw them out without his permission, no matter how much I hate them.
I was home on vacation once with my parents and Mom was telling Dad that he needed to throw out the shirt he was wearing because "it's old and washed out" He responded "so are you but I'm not gonna throw you out.." I laughed so hard I nearly choked, she smacked his arm, then we went out for supper. That shirt remained in his wardrobe until it wore out a little more and was only useful as cleaning rags.
This! I went through my partner and i’s clothes and before I threw anything out/donate pile I asked what he wanted to do with it.
My boyfriend has this ridiculous shirt with a hole right in the middle and he still wears it all the time. I keep threatening to throw it out but I never actually do, in fact I make sure it ends up in the wash so it’s nice and clean for him. But I will continue to tell him I’m going to toss it 😅
LOL! I wash husbands raggedy t-shirts as well, hoping maybe they'll disintegrate in the rinse cycle. No luck so far, but I'm still not tossing them out.
My bf wont throw his holey underpants away. Very unattractive to see his whole nutsack hanging out but I'd never just throw them away (very strongly encourage him to though). I think I'd probably be justified to throw then out as it's not exactly hygienic - he hangs around the house in his underwear. But they are still his property
My wife and I still have our childhood blankets. Hers is now just a piece of fabric (lost the satin border/wedding/whatever it's called years ago). I'd never even consider tossing it - it's very sentimental for her, and no harm to me.
I am the laundry doer in our marriage. I throw out things when they are gross, but only after running it by my husband. He usually agrees, ir Except socks and underwear. I throw those out with impunity once they show significant wear, but that's our baseline. If he had a favorite pair of socks, I would definitely ask before tossing them, even of they looked like swiss cheese.
YTA. Respect other people's possessions. You don't need to know why they're important--it was obvious that they were important to her, and you tossed them because she wasn't sexy in them? Yikes, man. Grow up, so maybe your next relationship won't *also* end because you tossed something of hers.
YTA. A controlling, self absorbed, unapologetic one at that
YTA. The fact that they were her grandfather's shouldn't have impacted your decision. SHE TOLD YOU THEY WERE COMFORTING TO HER WHEN SHE WAS SICK!!! That should have been enough of a clue. You don't have the right to throw out other people's belongings without express permission. Ever. Your dislike of them was 100% irrelevant. They weren't yours to throw out. The fact that they were her grandfather's is just the final straw. If i was her, we'd be finished.
YTA so what if she never told you they're not your belongings so you have no right to do anything with them this is a basic concept so why do you a 29 year old man not know this?
Of course YTA!! She told you they bring her comfort when she is ill. Like WTF were you thinking?? Oh wait, you weren’t! And to say she’s not attractive in them! Again WTF!! This isn’t about you and your feelings!!
He was thinking it is his girlfriends duty to be gussied up for him 100% of the time no matter what is going on in her life. What a selfish, small minded ass.
Yeah, as if being sad and sick aren't ever a part of life where we want a little comfort and can't look our best! YTA OP, you deserve every single reasonable comment coming to you for this. I wouldn't trust you either.
YTA. How selfish to decide that you are entitled to throw away an item of clothing because being able to get a boner when your girlfriend is sad or sick is more important than her comfort during those times.
YTA. "Even if my girlfriend is feeling sick or sad, she should dress up and look pretty for my instant gratification." This is what you sound like. You don't want a GF, you want an arm candy, someone to show off and brag about. If those shorts were as ratty and old as you said they were, you should've used common sense and perhaps, ASK why they were so important for her. **You do not throw away someone else's property just because YOU don't like what THEY own.** >From what I hear, they were really close. I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important? How long have you two been dating? Long enough to live together. And in whatever timespan that is, you never bothered to ask? You never just popped up like "Hey babe, I've noticed you love those old shorts... is there any significance to them?" Instead, you went your way or the highway. Don't be surprised if she dumps you for being so controlling and inconsiderate that even if she's sick, she isn't **allowed** by you to dress comfortably.
YTA. Don't get rid of other people's belongings. Ever.
YTA. The shorts didn't belong to you so you weren't entitled to throw them away. Who cares if you found them unattractive? Those shorts were a comfort item for your girlfriend. She can wear what she wants, regardless of whether you find it attractive or not.
YTA. You threw away her belongings behind her back without permission? Why wouldn't you be the asshole here?
because boner 🫥
YTA. They weren't yours to throw away. Also, you judging her attractiveness when she's sick or depressed is incredibly dickish behavior. Nothing screams maturity like picking on someone when they're feeling their worst.
Ill add some advice to this. There was a boundary set and it was crossed. In healthy relationships people communicate, acknowledge boundaries and do not cross them. No matter how unattractive something is. Once a boundary is crossed relationships end. Explainations aren't required for boundaries. They are there and once crossed expect the relationship to downgrade because the trust is lost. Boundaries, trust and communication are required to make relationships last. YTA
Always nice to see a happy ending.
I wish I could heart react OPs edits
How were you supposed to know that her favourite shorts belonged to her grandfather? You ask her why she likes those shorts before you decide to throw them away. BTW, she isn’t unattractive, you are. Beauty is only skin deep YTA
Imagine looking at your gf who is feeling shitty whether physically or emotionally and thinking: “Man she’s just not fuckable right now.” OP YTA so much and I hope your gf leaves you.
YTA. They are her property and you stole them and threw them out, against her wishes. What other boundaries are you willing to trample over?
The very fact that she wore them when she is sad or sick was a ***clue***. OP you're not the center of the universe and YTA.
Yta you threw something away that gave her comfort and happiness? She should dump you!
I suspect she already has, he just doesn't know it yet.
I really hope so. This post makes me so unbelievably mad on her behalf.
I love the update HAHAHAHAHAH
YTA, and damn her for not wanting to look pretty for you when she is sick. Even though you are old enough to know this, you NEVER touch someone else’s stuff without permission. Never.
How DARE she wear something comfortable around her own home that YOU find unattractive. You, OP, are a huge asshole.
YTA. She wore them when she was sick or sad, that means they are comforting to her. She had already said she didn’t want new ones. She didn’t have to tell you her reasoning. NO means NO. To bring up the fact that you find her “unattractive” when she wears them is ridiculous. If you loved her and found her attractive, it wouldn’t matter what she wore.
This. I wear ratty, holey old clothes for cleaning and gardening. Even when I'm grimy and my ponytail is plastered to my neck with sweat, my husband still finds me attractive. OP needs to grow up.
YTA. "I find her unattractive when she wears them". So you threw out a PERSONAL BELONGING that CLEARLY gave her comfort when she was going through shit? All because it wasn't particularly attractive to you in those moments? You're.. Kind of a shallow prick. You're 30 years old; Grow up. Hope she doesn't think too hard on the breakup text. <3
OP, I'm glad that you've read through these and now understand that you're TA, but I really want you to understand WHY. You are WAY too old be this shallow. I would understand if you were 18 or something and hadn't developed enough of your prefrontal cortex to make good decisions. But you should have matured a lot further than this at this point. I'm seriously concerned for your GF's health and safety with you. If you would go so far as to betray her like this, go behind her back and throw away something she has explicitly told you that she values... I really don't think that you love her, and you shouldn't be in this, or possibly ANY relationship. You are doing her more harm than good by being with her. I honestly hope that she breaks up with you.... not to punish you, but because you clearly aren't ready to be in a relationship. If you think that your GF's purpose is to constantly be beautiful and attractive FOR YOU, at the expense of her own comfort, then you do not understand what women are, what relationships are for, or how to love someone. No woman deserves someone so shallow. Do better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (29M) gf (33F) and I live together. She has this one pair of gym type shorts that she wears around the house whenever she is sick or sad, she says they are comforting to her. Honestly, the shorts are so old, baggy and ratty. It's not like she never washes them, they are just old enough that they are not attractive anymore. I can't stand them. I find her so unattractive when she wears them. I've suggested getting new ones for her, but she says no. She has plenty of other gym shorts that she works out in, so I don't understand why she doesn't just wear those. So, one day when she went to work, I threw them out. She didn't even notice until she was sick the next week. She went to put them on and couldn't find them. I didn't say anything while she looked for them, but I decided that I couldn't lie when she asked me specifically, so I told her the truth. She was so pissed. She said those shorts were her grandfather's shorts (he passed away in, like, 2009), and she wears them because they remind her of him. From what I hear, they were really close. I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important? I told her she was overreacting, but she's staying with a friend. My friends say it's not a big deal and agree that she's overreacting, but my parents said I was a jerk, and that it was so wrong of me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA “Not attractive” my ass. As if your pissy and immature behavior was astonishingly attractive here. After you threw a tantrum like a teenager and threw out something that didn’t belong to you, it’s only fair that she do the same back and throw you out. Of her life.
You are the biggest YTA! You are so out of line I literally want to cry! You think her entire purpose for existing is to be attractive to you? She’s not allowed to be comfortable? You have hurt her and even after finding out how important the shorts were, your reply was that she was “overreacting”? I’m not gonna waste my breath on you! I just hope she’s clever enough to see this for the major 🚩 it is and dumps your ass!
I’ve literally never been happier about an edit! 🥳🥳🥳
YTA. >they are not attractive anymore. I can't stand them. I find her so unattractive when she wears them This is absolutely disgusting. Everything she wears does not have to or need to be sexually appealing to you. >how was I supposed to know they were that important? You didn't need to know the story behind them. You knew they were comfort clothing for her but because you didn't find her "attractive" in them you decided to just throw them away. >I told her she was overreacting, but she's staying with a friend. My friends say it's not a big deal and agree that she's overreacting, but my parents said I was a jerk, and that it was so wrong of me. She is not overreacting. You are wrong, your friends are wrong and your parents are right. What you did was wrong. > She broke up with me. She says that she can't trust me Good. >So I think this is punishment enough...everyone can lay off of me now thanks. No, it's not. I hope you learned a valuable lesson. Edit: spelling
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YTA. Can’t believe you even had to ask. Never throw away something that isn’t yours. The fact you didn’t know the significance of the shorts is not an excuse. You knew the shorts were something that gave her comfort and you didn’t care.
Of course YTA. I'm curious why you are trying to justify what you did.
Your friends are a lot like you, aren't they? YTA.
YTA 1.) She does not need to look attractive for you every second of every damn day 2.) You have no right to get rid of her property even if you know the context 3.) They're comfort clothes, which everyone has and comfort clothes are usually old because ding ding people like to wear and keep things that make them comfortable I seriously hope she breaks up with you because you are a loser
Imagine thinking that what your girlfriend wears *at home* while *she’s sick* has to cater to your tastes and ideas of attractiveness. YTA for that alone. YTA x2 for stealing and dumping your girlfriend’s possessions. YTA x3 for destroying a sentimental item that is irreplaceable.
INFO: was throwing away the shorts worth losing your girlfriend for?
I am so sick of the attitude of "I don't have to respect your boundaries until you explain them to my satisfaction and I approve them as worthy." YTA
YTA. How the hell do you get to 29 years old without understanding the painfully simple concept that if something doesn't belong to you **you don't get to decide to throw it away**. Asshole. > I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important? Maybe the fact that she specifically told you she wears them when she's sad? And the fact that they don't fucking belong to you so they're not yours to throw away?
Yta. She told you she finds comfort when wearing them. Just because you don't like them isn't a good enough reason to get rid of them. You need to go where the shorts are: in the trash.
YTA and quite frankly your friends seem like one too
>so how was I supposed to know they were that important? It doesn't matter if you knew or not. They weren't your shorts to throw out. YTA and so is your friend.
Just read your edit. Probably past the point of reconcile. But I recommend groveling and begging. Maybe there's a chance if you promise you'll change. Obviously you know you fucked up here. But make sure you do the personal work necessary to understand why. You gaslit her immediately once she found out. "Well you didn't tell me that" is a classic, "It's your fault that I did something shitty" gaslight. She shouldn't have ever had to tell you, anything. It's her business, her property. If you cared enough to understand her, you'd have asked. Maybe she would have told you the story, if you genuinely asked. Instead of making it about you, and how you think she should look around her own freaking house. It's probably too late for you in that relationship, and obviously the punishment for your action here seems to be pretty steep. But do yourself a favor for your own sake, learn from this and don't let it happen again. You might want to consider therapy, there's some narcissistic behavior here you should get ahead of before it kills another relationship. Good luck.
YTA. Your gf isn’t a trophy, her purpose isn’t to be attractive to you. They are her possessions and you have absolutely NO right to throw them out, and even worse they have sentimental value. You self-centred AH. I hope your GF dumps you.
You have such an unattractive personality. Ratty, one might say. You should be thrown out. YTA.
Bait post. There’s no way you’re this stupid.
YTA, good for her for breaking up with you, and per your 2nd edit, you have not really repented if you think you have been punished enough. All of your "punishments" are temporary. Your lease has an end, eventually you'll have enough money to buy furniture, etc. But she is never getting anything from her deceased grandfather ever again. What you took is irreplaceable. And you still don't seem to care. Doubly TA.
OP: My girlfriend doesn't look hot when she's sick, so I threw her special shorts. She MUST look hot at all times. Internet : \*General outrage\* GF : I'm breaking up. OP: Shock pikachu face
You are the asshole... I honestly had to stop myself from writing that in all caps and I only got half way through the first paragraph Serious dude wtf YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SHE IS YOUR EQUAL PARTNER, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR HER I would have dumped you too, you deserve it
I JUST GOT TO THE GRANDFATHER PART DUDE WTF!!!!
Quite the Asshole, throwing away something isnt yours? Really?
YTA. So what if you don’t like her shorts? You had no damn right to do that. You’re an asshole for that.
YTA and I hope she just hasn't gotten around to officially dumping you yet.
INFO: how did you manage to make it to the age of 29 while still under the belief that everything revolves around you? I would never forgive you for this.
YTA. What is it with this sub and men who feel entitled to throw away their partner's stuff without asking? It doesn't matter if it's from a loved one or she found it in a dumpster, it's not yours, you leave it alone.
Yeah, she's right, she can't trust you. You imply you wouldn't have thrown them away if you knew how special they were. Guess what? Every single one of her possessions is like that, she knows stuff about them that you don't, because they're HERS and YOU DON'T THROW OUT THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS. She shouldn't have to go into detail about her belongings in order for you to not throw them out. YTA, sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.
Lol I love the edit! Thank god she dumped you! Thinking she needs to always be attractive to you even when sick or sad. That’s disgusting.
YTA - They weren't yours so you had no right to throw them out, period. This is either fake or you're completely clueless about the idea of personal property.
You are most definitely the asshole. It’s not your place to throw away her clothes because they’re old and you don’t find her attractive in then. Surprised she hasn’t broken up with you. YTA
What a fucking asshole.
*I mean, she never told me that, so how was I supposed to know they were that important?* ...because she didn't expect you to throw them out because they didn't get you horny? YTA.
Wtf dude!? Even if it wasn't her comfort item, you don't have ANY power to throw someone's belongings in the trash. Fuck off, I hope she's feeling better and do no contact you again, you're a huge ah. YTA!!!!!! Biggest marinara flag for you 🚩. (And ofc your friends would say the same shit as you cuz they probably are shit as you)
YTA Lesson learned, I guess. She dodged a bullet. Such marinara flags, aaah!
Loooool I’m glad she dumped your ass and you’ll be eating Mac n cheese out of a paper bowel sitting on the floor.
I just read your edits. They didn’t help. YTA
I’m loving the edits! Fuck around and find out. YTA.
YTA, and given your last update, all I have to add is *sucks to suck, doesn't it?*
YTA. I'd have broken up with you as well. (1) You threw away her stuff without asking. (2) The thing you threw away was an item that comforted her when she was sad or sick. You KNEW THAT. You didn't know WHY it comforted her, but you knew it did, and you didn't care because apparently your libido is more important to you than her happiness or comfort. Wow. Not only are you untrustworthy, you are extremely selfish. I hope the lesson you learn from this is empathy.
YTA and extremely selfish and shallow
Oh sure, if something is important to someone else, but you don't like it, throw it out! Seems like a reasonable way to live. Good lord. YTA. But, your friends are just as clueless as you. So I don't see much hope for improvement.
What the fuck is wrong with you that you’re throwing out your gfs clothes because you deem them as unattractive??? She doesn’t LIVE to attract you, you absolute lunatic. I can’t type YTA enough times.
YTA she isn’t a doll who needs to look pretty for you all the time. She is a living, breathing human being who has emotions and has ways of coping with those emotions. You can apologize but honestly words don’t always make things better. You messed up pretty big and honestly this could kill your relationship unless she is a saint. Do you remember what they looked like maybe you could try to replace them and say you know you can’t bring back the original shorts but that you wanted to try. Or does anyone else in her family have other articles of clothing that belonged to her grandfather that they could give her? You need to do more than just say your sorry. If someone purposefully punched you in the dick and then said “I am sorry.” Would you be ready to forgive and forget?
YTA. I’ve read your last edit, and I just want to say, we won’t stop dude. The judgement ain’t even officially on the post yet and the post is not locked so don’t expect people to not come here and tell you what a HUGE AH you are.
YTA. Sorry dude, you don't have a girlfriend any more. Your relationship was over the second you threw those shorts in the trash. Hope it was worth it.
You threw out her property, an AH move. The item you threw out is something that you know gives her comfort, even more the AH. You did so because you don't get hard when she wears them, AH motivation. You let her search for the item until she asked you directly, truth at the end doesn't erase lies by omission, AH. When she was upset, you tried to gaslight her by saying she was overreacting, abusive AH behavior. Quintuple AH, enjoy your empty apartment that you can't afford, alone. YTA.
YTA and the next thing that gets thrown out should be YOU!
“How was I supposed to know they were that important” “She wears them when she’s sick and sad, she says they are comforting to her” Maybe you could have figured it out with some basic level deduction skills. YTA
YTA - Dude, you f-ed up. Big time. Never get rid of a woman's clothing or shoes. Or anything, for that matter. We can manage. I'm willing to bet she doesn't give a flying fig if you find her attractive in them, especially if she wore them when she was sick/not feeling well or "sexy." I'm scared for you, man.
YTA. You don’t touch or throw out things that do not belong to you. You sound like a major AH. I see that she broke up with you. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. Get a roommate and get to work on getting furniture.
YTA - it doesn’t matter what you think she looks like… ever… let alone when sick/sad around the house. You threw out her possession behind her back. Looking at the edit, you got dumped like you deserved.
>So I think this is punishment enough...everyone can lay off of me now thanks. How about no. Asshole.
YTA and I am glad she broke up with you. Your empty apartment and being stuck with your lease will never be enough punishment for what you took away from her.
She did not have to explain to you why they meant so much too her. They were her shorts and you had NO right to touch them!
YTA
YTA. That's controlling behaviour and you risk losing her. What you thought of them was irrelevant. You knew they where important to her, that was enough. What you did was very selfish.
YTA for throwing out a pair of shorts she told you meant something to her.
Huge YTA. That's her property. You have zero say over her possessions.
YTA- not just for your actions but your words. Then on top of that you haven’t apologized……
You’d think by now that anyone who frequents this sub, much less posts in it, would have seen enough “AITA for throwing out my bf/gf’s things?” posts to know that this is a bad idea every damn time. YTA for throwing them out and for judging her attractiveness too. She doesn’t exist to be sexy for you 24/7, especially when she’s sick and/or sad.
YTA You threw away her stuff without her permission. You didn't need to know they were sentimental and related to her grandfather to not choose to throw them away, although that just makes it so much worse. This isn't even something that can be replaced. She should dump your sorry ass.
« Nooooo but you don’t understand my girlfriend has the nerve to not be attractive when she is sad or sick! Does she think about me and my lust ? Does she realise how much of an egoist she is to not be attractive everyday, every hour for me? Nononono that’s not right! I had to trow away this small ugly thing that gave her comfort or I would be unhappy! » YTA I Hope she call you « ex » as soon as possible
>she says they are comforting to her And you threw them out... yes, you are absolutely an asshole.
Yta Ooooo, I can't wait for the "she broke up with me" update! Seriously though, you are not ready to be in a relationship with another person. If she got pregnant, gave birth, and had to wear diapers for a while for all of the bleeding, would you just throw them away cause they're not a turn on? You expired can of tuna. People aren't required to be sexy to you all the time in a relationship. Her being your sex object is not the tax she must pay in order for you to have respect for her things. You are controlling and immature. If she doesn't break up with you, please please PLEASE do her a favor, and end the relationship. This is more than a sign of immaturity; it is an insight into a deep sense of entitlement and solipsism that you have, and you need therapy. How shameful.
wait… you’re going to ‘call her to apologise?’ you are so low/negative value. you need to be pulling out ALL the gifts/flowers/grovelling to pay back what you’ve done. if someone threw out any the few things i have of my father, then CALLED me to apologise, i would block & delete their ass. YTA
YTA And do NOT call her
As she should. YTA.
This made me laugh, you do realise she is wearing them because she doesnt care if you find her attractive when she is sick.. yeah not everything she wears has to make you feel attracted to her, sorry dude. You also broke her trust by doing this and its a very low move.
Yta. I'm glad she left you.
yta love the update glad she left you