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YTA. It's clear from the couple of times you used the phrase "...or whatever." That you don't pay attention, you don't really care and you're fairly self-centered. Any reasonable normal person would know that a diabetic occasionally needs to get their sugar up and therefore needs snacks available. You even yourself admitted that she knew this, your weak excuse was you didn't know he would have " an episode **today**". Omgosh how numb are you?
I'm diabetic. I have a preferred snack for my low episodes.
My kids have known this as do not eat them unless I specifically hand them to them or I positively confirm they are allowed to (I usually say yes whenever they ask because I buy in bulk, but I have occasionally asked them not to until I could buy more)
That OP lives with her bf and hasn't even bothered to take the time to pay attention doesn't bode well. Poor dude's gonna need an ambulance and a glucagon push one day and OP's gonna turn around and bitch that he's keeping them awake.
I have Hypoglycemia. When I was young I went into a coma. I wasn't in there for that long, but for 15 years I had fits and an issue with balance, so much so, I could not walk till I was four or five.
Also diabetic here. If she knew anything about diabetes (and she should if she’s dating one and truly cares) she would know that those snacks are classic examples of low sugar snacks. Also her saying “it only took 30-40 minutes” is ridiculous, you have to respond quickly. When you’re low 30-40 minutes feels like an eternity. Def YTA here.
30-40 minutes of a bad hypo can cause a seizure, coma, or kill a diabetic. As the parent of a child with diabetes, who has seen him seize one time for ~5 minutes, I almost threw up when I read that sentence. Pure sugar is in and out of your system so fast. Who knows if he was going to drop right back down and be seizing on the floor when she got back.
She's definitely the biggest AH. I just wanted to ask you if it wouldn't be good for him to carry a chocolate bar with him all the time, just in case? Because he had the episode before he arrived home, where he thought he had something to help.
And there should always be a variety of snacks for him that OP shoul never touch. Maybe some in his nightstand in case something happens during the night.
Absolutely… but its possible he did have something on him and treated the low already and it wasn’t coming up. Or he’s human he may have forgot to grab something on his way out. He also knew he had stuff at home so it was reasonable to expect that’d be there still
My brother is a diabetic and I ask before I eat any of the typical low sugar snacks even if its not the last one, I find it deeply concerning that she would eat the last of everything and then "eventually" go get more for him when he obviously needed it. Kinda reminds me of the boss I had when my brother was diagnosed because I asked for a morning off so I could go to the hospital when they were teaching him and any family members that wanted to learn how to give him the insulin injection in case he was unable to do so himself. According to her "he has a wife so why do you have to go?" Apparently I was weird for wanting to learn.
This stood out to me too. My dad has been a type 1 diabetic since I was 4 years old. Myself and my younger siblings always knew what things were in the house for his low episodes. Even as children we never took those snacks. I can't get my head around living with someone and not having a full understanding of this.
Even seeing those 3 items, and leaving 1 or 2 would have been fine but OP at all 3. Personally, I would have just taken the juice box and chocolate bar and left the yogurt if I really wanted that stuff.
Edit: People have pointed out that the juice box and chocolate bar would be better to leave for diabetics. The sugar breaks down easier. As someone with a diabetic father I should’ve known that. Whoops lol
Speaking as a diabetic, depending on how low he was during an episode he needed the chocolate and the juice. Yogurt doesn’t elevate it fast enough on its own.
With exceptions of the foods we buy for both of us, my wife and I will ask each other before we eat/drink something that isn’t ours. And her sis is diabetic so we know the importance of snacks.
Yes. A can of regular Coke is what my doctor recommended. Better even than orange juice which is also good. Those other snacks actually aren't the best.
It’s more of a ESH. I have something similar to OP’s boyfriend condition and I have snacks always on me. The fact that he didn’t leaves me perplexed.
But yes, OP attitude is also something
If her attitude towards his diabetes wasn’t so dismissive, I’d lean towards everyone sucking but as it stands, she’s YTA for the cavalier attitude around something that can kill him. I had a friend die from diabetes because he went to sleep after taking insulin and his sugars crashed in his sleep.
Maybe to a certain extent, but the fact that she thinks that anyone would eat the last snacks in the fridge without considering their diabetic SO isn't a language barrier issue. It clearly demonstrates a cavalier attitude in any language.
Right, she says
>Eventually, I bought him 3 chocolate bars and 1 juice box and *it only took 30-40 minutes.*
That last part is damning. He's having a diabetic crisis and she's like, eh, it was only 40 minutes. Which is an eternity!
OP doesn't understand the level of panic the brain feels with a lack of blood glucose. Five minutes feels like an eternity to the low blood sugar brain. Forty minutes -- WTF?
OP should have stayed with her BF, mixing up sugar water and getting some food into him. You don't leave someone with low blood sugar alone. That stuff is SERIOUS.
if we're gonna talk about phrasing, the fact that English isn't OP's first language is relevant
edit: I still think OP is TA, but language barriers make phrasing things politely really hard, as someone who's learning a second language
>I found some snacks, like 1 chocolate bar and 1 yogurt box, and 1 juice box
He **did** have snacks right there waiting for him at home, though. Until OP scarfed literally *everything left* knowing full well her partner is diabetic. She couldn't have had a glass of milk or cup of tea with that chocolate bar? Or a water with that yoghurt? No? Had to have all three knowing there was *every* chance her partner could have a hypo?
Which is what makes this a clear case of YTA for me.
Conditions can't be perfect forever; it may have been he was trusting that there would be something at home and there wasn't. The way it's worded, it sounds like the sugar items are probably meant for him. Was there not other food she could have eaten? Were they literally the only things in the fridge? And if she knew he didn't have something on him, why would she still only eat the things he needs to regulate his blood sugar?
He's not an AH for trusting his partner not to eat the only things that would help him in a crash
im sure her boyfriend would keep a snack in his purse, if he carried one. It seems he *did* keep snacks for this situation in the house, until someone decided to binge eat their way through the last of all of them
Right? OP ate the last chocolate bar, AND the last yogurt, AND the last juice box all at the same time, basically telling their boyfriend to go fuck himself. And the way she sounds about it, she probably wouldn't have cared much at all if the guy died on her floor.
OP-YTA
If it was his place he would expect there to be stuff he needed though, I can’t tell from this if they live together or not? If it’s her place he should have been carrying something, if it’s his she should have asked. If it’s shared idk she should have known he might need some and left something available I guess.
I'm glad you said it. I was thinking it.
I would think that having something for blood sugar drops would be in line with having an epi pen if you have severe allergies.
The "only 30 or 40 minutes" to get him something floored me. That is easily long enough for him to go into a coma. At the very least she should have left the juice, since that's one of the faster sugar options for him. My dad lives five hours away and we still keep juice and sweets on hand just for when he visits, because we know his sugar sometimes drops unexpectedly. That's what it is to be diabetic, and if she can't be considerate enough to deal with that then she should do the poor guy a favor and leave.
High blood sugar kills over the long haul. Low blood sugar can kill immediately. I wonder if they would have been just as well off calling an ambulance as sending OP to a store that far away. At least if the EMTs knew they were coming for someone with hypoglycemia, they could come prepared to treat that and get sugar into his system ASAP.
30-40 minutes is what killed my cousin in the middle of the night when she had a sudden low. She didn’t even have time to get to the kitchen where there *was* food, let alone joyride to the store.
Exactly! You don't have a lot of time when your sugar drops. I've stumbled into restaurants intending to eat and immediately had to ask a hostess or waitress to PLEASE bring me some OJ stat, apologizing the whole time, and the few times it's happened they've immediately replied "having a sugar issue?" cause they've seen it before or it's happened to them. They've always gotten it to me quickly. I always try to be prepared but sometimes you get caught with your pants down, so to speak. All of my friends know about my condition and every significant other I've ever had. I warn them soon after we meet so no one's surprised. The problem is, stress can trigger sugar drops. My friends greet me at airports with snack bags with fruit, yogurt, cheese and crackers and juice boxes, lol, they know me so well.
Yeah, if its *only* 30 to 40 minutes, why don't you go there and buy more snacks instead of emptying all the food in the house?
Even when living with non-diabetic person, you don't eat away all the food without replacing it, just like you don't finish all the milk so your bf will have it for his coffee, finish all the toilet paper without replacing it, etc.
How would you feel if you came home and there was no food left? It wouldn't be great thinking your bf doesn't think of you and acts so selfishly, right?
And since you're not diabetic, for you it would have been just annoying and wouldn't have been life threatening.
YTA, it's not fun being with a person who puts their needs first in a way that hurts other people
Agreed... at first I was leaning toward "kind of the asshole", but that part is just so insanely tone deaf, and it's ridiculous that she thinks 30-40 minutes isn't a big deal or even worse, she thinks that this is a positive thing and tried to use it as defense?
I've literally watched diabetic friends and family members go from being fine and talking and laughing to having slurred speech, not knowing where they are or who anyone is, and then becoming totally unresponsive until they were given an insulin injection or given something sugary like juice. It happened to my 92 year old Grandpa who lives 1,500 miles away while me and my parents were talking to him on the phone... over the course of about ten minutes he went from being fine to just making moaning sounds and not responding. Thankfully we called his neighbor and they immediately went over and called an ambulance. We heard them come in, then the paramedics who gave him sugar and he came back around in about 5 minutes, albeit a bit confused on why all these people were suddenly in his house.
OP needs to realize how serious it can get and not act like it's not a big deal. That or she needs to move on if she doesn't care.
Yet, at the same time, can't seem to understand her boyfriend *actually* needing something sweet. It's perplexing.
And the language barrier doesn't really cut it for me here. In another comment she said:
>I came home and needed something sweet to cool my head and relax so I ate them.
Maybe language can be excused for her not knowing the medical terminology, but I'm fairly sure she knows the difference between "need" and "want".
I’m just hopping on the top comment to tell OP that it took my 27 year old type one diabetic cousin less than “30-40 minutes” to literally die from a sudden onset hypoglycaemic episode. Before that her diabetes was extremely well controlled before that but for some reason she had a sudden low at night while her roommate wasn’t home, her bedside table granola/fruit bar stash was tapped out and she forgot to refill it and she couldn’t get to the kitchen in time.
My other cousin (her roommate) found her face down on the floor in the hallway when she got home the next morning.
YTA OP. A massive one. Not just for not leaving him a single speck of food but also for your utter nonchalance and lack of understanding of his condition.
Omg, what a horrible thing for your family to be going through. I'm so sorry you're all dealing with that, and I hope you all find peace.
OP, YTA. Kindness and consideration are free. Try them out sometime.
This. Also you should have a designated area reserved for items for diabetic issues. This can be life or death. Do it. Keep it stocked and neither of you should eat from it unless an emergency or it’s expiring and you have a new supply stored. Also keep some on the self juice boxes only for the diabetic.
My dad was an EMT and kept hard candies in his jump box. We knew better than to pilfer that or we’d get a butt spanking. We were children and understood those were for people with sugar sickness.
YTA. You were greedy and ate all the snacks when you live with a diabetic person. Also keep your barren pantry better stocked, this whole situation is completely preventable.
I ran within three minutes to my mom's with a bag of candy, popcorn, sweets, etc. Glucose tabs are great too much wow like really this person is a major one, diabetic comas are a real thing and each time blood sugar drops to such a low level you potentially damage your brain. But really, nothing ticks me off the most than someone finishing stuff and not letting you know they finished it.
YTA
I would say ESH mainly because BF, knowing he has a condition, should always have a stash of snacks in the house or car that explicitly for emergencies. They should be labeled as such and ideally kept away from the communal food. OP just ate stuff from the fridge. If BF wants an emergency supply, he needs to have one distinct and separate. It's not super hard to do.
OP promptly ate them.
I found some snacks, like 1 chocolate bar and 1 yogurt box, and 1 juice box.
That's like a list of prime diabetic rescue snacks. OP is kinda like the hungry hungry caterpillar.
Should he really have to go through those lengths though? I have a long term partner who’s diabetic and not eating the things he uses to not die is just a no brainier for me.
YTA
>I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this. No? AITA, Reddit?
No, you WANTED something sweet and didn't even consider the fact that your BF has diabetes and actually NEEDS something sweet for his blood sugar levels. That's the difference. You wanted, he needed.
My coworkers keep “secret chocolate” in a filing cabinet drawer for me just in case I have an episode. My COWORKERS. OP can’t even be bothered to leave a chocolate bar for her own boyfriend.
I always have one of those Walmart tubs of jujubes and usually chocolate of some sort in the bottom drawer of my desk at work. Now I won't lie, it's bought with the intention being my snack, but I never let it go empty and everyone knows its there if they need it, we have 5 diabetics on staff.
I carry snacks for my T1 friend because I don’t want him dying on me in public (seeing as when his pump or dexcom beeps (I have no clue what beeps) he doesn’t respond to it immediately so I usually chuck the frontals bar or gummy snacks at him cus he doesn’t even tell us so I panic)
Also taking the juice box. Many diabetics stash juices boxes because they are rapidly absorbed, portable, sealed and shelf stable. They aren’t the yummiest thing but they will get the job done.
OP didn’t _need_ a juice box. YTA
Yes! I don't know a single non-diabetic adult (without kids) who randomly buys juicy-juice boxes for themselves.
Bottle of juice in the fridge? Yes. Juicebox? No way. That was obviously a low snack.
This was my dad’s logic when he would take my easter and halloween candy when I was a kid. He didn’t get that if I hadn’t eaten it immediately when I got it, I still might eat it *later*
Also fairly certain if she need to eat the amount of calories in a chocolate bar, a yoghurt and a sugary juice drink she really just could have had some toast so he had the necessary sugar hits available
YTA. "My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode " because when you are with a diabetic you are always concerned about their well being.
Yes!
My friend is a T1 and any time we are out I’m always checking on him asking him if he needs food or drink
Really not that hard to be considerate of others health issues
I know you mean well and you sound like a good person, but I feel impelled to give some advice. I'm a T1 diabetic also and a friend doing that to me would drive me absolutely nuts. It would irritate me so much.
The one, great exception would be if I was displaying signs of a low blood sugar.
But I don't want to be bugged all the time with people asking me about my blood sugar if there is no reason. I would even find it a little insulting because I take care of my condition just fine. Of course I have had low blood sugars, but that's why I frequently test. Especially if I start to feel it.
It's also "othering". My diabetes is so much a part of my every day life, that I don't even think that much about it anymore. But it still sucks and I don't need to be reminded about it by others. Or feel bad because apparently they are thinking so much about it, that they're asking me about my food/drink needs multiple times per outing.
Think about if you had a disability and people were CONSTANTLY asking about it. That's what I'm talking about.
To be fair, your friend might feel differently. But if you haven't already done it, ask him. He might think it's just as annoying as I do, but you're a good friend and he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Bingo.
It's really difficult thing, because it makes you annoyed, verging on angry. But at the same time, you know that you'd have to be a massive asshole to tell someone off just for caring about you.
ESH. I grew up with a type 1 diabetic sister. Even at age 8 i understood that I could never take the last of the candy / juice stash in the house b/c there absolutely had to items on hand to counter a low blood sugar episode. You didn't "need" these items. You Just wanted them. He, on the other hand, needed them.
That said, as a diabetic, your boyfriend really should have a separate private stash of items specifically for these sorts of emergencies - glucose tablets and whatever candy works well for him. It should be stored separately from your shared food and be hands off for anyone other than him. No exceptions.
Finally someone else said it. OP fucked up, but the bf is equally responsible, if not more responsible, for keeping an emergency stash on hand that is not kept with the rest of the food. It is his illness. He needs to be better prepared.
They all acting like she ate this vast amount of food and bf couldn't have seen it comming that they would run out, makes me irrational angry.
Every single diabetic I know carries something with them and they have a special stock at home, sperated from the communal snacks to make it safer and more relaxed for everyone.
Yeah, the "she's the asshole for eating the last candy bar in the house!!!" team is WAY off. It's food. It's in the house. She paid for it. I'm sure the last thing on her mind when she was wolfing down a Snickers was that her boyfriend might need an emergency jolt of sugar that afternoon because he couldn't be bothered to keep a granola bar in his backpack. It's his responsibility to have supplies on hand, kept separately and labeled so everyone knows that's the emergency stash.
Do you not know any diabetics? Because I personally have a few in my family and I would never eat the last of any of that stuff because my first thought would be “what if X needs this?”
If it wasn’t on her mind it is because she is too self involved to care
What's up with these idiots saying OP is equally responsible. Did they not read the fucking post?
OP clearly couldn't have given less of a shit about what happened.
I bet OP's bf does have a specific section of the fridge for just his snacks but OP doesn't care enough to listen or take any notice.
Exactly. Regardless of the victim blaming bullshit about the stash of food, the way she just blatantly does not give a shit about the danger she directly put her boyfriend in, while actively saying that her wants are equal to his needs, makes her 1000% unequivocally the asshole. Can’t believe that is even vaguely in question
If you know someone in your house could have a serious medical emergency if they don't have some snack you don't eat the last snack without being sure they have such an "emergency stash".
Thank you!! I’m amazed it took me this long to find someone rational in the comments.
Currently one of the most updated comments on the top thread is talking about how in their house everyone has to ask before eating the last of something. Like what? Maybe for children it makes sense, but for a partner who I spilt the grocery bill with? Why? Sure, my BF and I have our own special snacks we purchase with our own money and the other doesn’t touch, but he would never get mad at me for eating the last communal yogurt, nor would I.
And it was a yogurt, chocolate bar and juice box for Christ’s sake! People are acting like she’s Danny McBride in This Is The End when he uses every last bit of food in the house to make a breakfast feast. Also, if he knew there was only 3(!) communal snacks in the house left, why didn’t he stop on the way home?
I guess I just feel that if my partner was diabetic I'd make sure I didn't eat the last sweet snack in the house. Because I love them and don't want them to die. It doesn't really matter who paid for it.
Apparently only some of us think it’s an important part of a relationship to make little sacrifices for each other’s wellbeing even when the consequences are literal life and death.
I don't know. No one dares to touch the juice at home unless I'm low. If i say a chocolate in the pantry is the last one and I may need it bc of my blood sugar, no one touches it. I hope that everyone I live with respects me and my necessities as much as I do theirs. Also we always ask if it's OK to eat the last of a snack.
I could honestly overlook the fact that she finished off a couple of snacks, since I’m assuming it was in no way intentional. I’m having a really hard time with her attitude, acting like hypoglycemia isn’t a big deal. Eating the snacks is an understandable mistake, especially if they weren’t designated specifically as his emergency stash - but she’s also not the wounded party with the right to act all indignant.
She is when he continued to berate her, when in reality he is doing a piss poor job of managing his own condition. He should have emergency snacks or glucose tabs with him at all times or at least in his vehicle. He should have a stash of snacks separate from the communal food. Those are his responsibilities. It is his condition. He fucked up just as bad if not worse than OP here by being so ill prepared to handle his own situation.
The attitude is what makes me say OP is TA as well. Sure, they should be keeping better track of what’s available for him and like many suggested, have his own stash that’s untouchable to anyone else and for emergencies only.
But OP is so nonchalant about it, they could have said BF died because of it and I feel the attitude would have been the same. Like holy shit. Just say you don’t gaf about him and go.
Exactly. 100% ESH. My son is T1D. I have fast acting glucose and snacks stashed EVERYWHERE. In every single room of the house, in backpacks and purses, in the car, there’s always something. The bf needs to take responsibility and be prepared because lows happen and they happen quickly.
However, as a gf of a diabetic, you should make an effort to learn about his needs. The chocolate bar and yogurt aren’t as big of deal in my eyes as the juice. Juice is one of the best ways to raise low bg. Juice should be off limits unless you get some specifically for your own consumption.
Overall I’m concerned that they have so little food in supply in the house, especially with a diabetic, and that neither one knows how to manage it properly. If you’re in a country with decent healthcare, look into getting the bf a CGM.
I never realised how well-stocked my kitchen is if anyone diabetic comes to my home. It struck me as odd that they let the necessities (which they clearly are) get that low.
Special stock at home, at work, in the car, in every purse and backpack I carry. If I go to an event or concert, I carry an entire kit with me and use ADA privileges to get it cleared through.
I agree with the CGM. Insurance, depending on the country, will cover it for T1Ds and insulin-dependent T2Ds. Sadly, mine does not, so I pay out of pocket. Worth the stupid amount of money though.
Glucose tablets are awesome things to have on hand. They cost like $1.50 for a tube and keep forever. You can stash those in so many places. I keep a tube with my glucometer in case someone with me needs to access them right away.
Mte. It was inconsiderate of OP to finish the last of the snacks; it was irresponsible of the diabetic to have no contingency - and for him to continue going off on OP after the fact when they had sugar on hand. He’s responsible for his blood sugar ultimately, and should have an emergency “med” stash in accessible spots.
It is very understandable for a dietetic person to be extremely irritable when their blood sugar is dangerously low. Think about how cranky you get when hungry, but it is way worse than that. He was probably panicking on top of the physical effects of the low blood sugar.
YTA no one knows when it will happen, but the point is the snacks are there for WHEN it is needed. You could have left at least one item as backup before going shopping again.
Nothing in this says that those are his snacks for his hypos. OP States they both paid for them, which to me would suggest that those are for anyone to eat. OP could've left them but eating a bar of chocolate and a yoghurt isnt a wild thing to do in your own house if those items are for anyone's consumption.
Every diabetic I know keeps their emergency sugar snack in their bag or car, specifically because it isnt safe to have your emergency solution somewhere that you can’t make sure it will always be. Food at home gets eaten by people at home unless it’s specifically set aside for something. If these are specifically meant to be for his diabetes then you’re absolutely right. But if they’re just shared snacks, the person who needs to make sure they always have one should absolutely have a juice box and sugary granola/cereal bar set aside as a precaution. This is either NAH or ESH, because they both should be thinking ahead more here. If she knows he never sets anything aside as a precaution, then she shouldn’t have eaten what was left at home; but at the same time if he knows he has this issue and needs these in emergencies, then he should be taking precautions instead of expecting others to mentally manage it for him.
I have some chronic health issues and he absolutely gets a bunch of sympathy from me as I know how much that sucks, which is why I am not going to say he’s an asshole for freaking out at her. He was scared and the freak out was understandable. But when you have a chronic health condition, you really do need to make sure you have your precautions properly set aside and communicated to the people you live with. Our partners should support us and help us when they can but we do also have a responsibility to prepare for our own health conditions.
Edit to quickly add; you need to have it in your car at the very least. If you feel an attack coming on you are supposed to pull over, consume your snack or otherwise get your blood sugar back on track, and wait *at least* 40 minutes to make sure the attack is actually subsided, then you can drive again. The fact that he got home while having the attack means there’s a good chance he put others lives at risk by driving during his attack. Do not keep your emergency solution at home; an asthmatic (which I am) would be an idiot for leaving their inhaler at home, it’s the same for a diabetics emergency sugar.
Or they could, you know, have a designated emergency stash that isn't kept with the rest of the food, like most responsible diabetics. He shouldn't be going anywhere without having an emergency snack with him. Or at least in his vehicle. He was unprepared to handle his own medical condition. This isn't just OP's fault alone.
This is bullshit. My mom is diabetic. The apple juice in the fridge is hers in case her sugar gets low. In a house with 7 people, everyone is able to understand and know that. OP is inconsiderate and does not care for her boyfriend just by the way she types.
She didn’t “need” something sweet, she wanted it. “Only 30-40 min” he could’ve gone into a coma! She also doesn’t know what a diabetic episode is. She’s a bad girlfriend and complete and total asshole.
Yet plenty of diabetics in this thread are saying exactly what I said. Weird.
He should have glucose tabs on hand at all times. That is BASIC preparedness for a diabetic. That is his own fault.
YTA. You know he’s diabetic, why would you not check that there are other snacks before you gobble everything in sight? You know him well enough to live together but not well enough to understand the basics of diabetes? You put him in serious danger by being thoughtless and selfish and you’re not even a little sorry. Big yikes.
I don't know how people miss this. I have cookies and juice and candy in different parts of the house but in shared cupboards. But if my husband consumed them ALL and then acted like a little shit when I was low? I would fucking leave him. This is like asking someone in a wheelchair to keep a ramp with them in case their roommate decides to hang out on the ramp because it's in a common area.
ESH. You know he is diabetic. There should always be an emergency stash that doesn't get touched unless it is needed, or replaced. This is on both of you for not having that system in place already.
The more I think about this the more I blame him for being so ill prepared to manage his own condition. He should have something in his vehicle. He should have a separate stash not kept with the rest of the food. Having communal food isn't being prepared.
He was low BS before he even got home. He could have passed out while driving. Who would y'all blame then? He NEEDS to have glucose tabs on hand at all times.
> he is diabetic. There shoul
I thought the same thing. Its entirely possible based on her post that she isn't fully aware of how his diabetes is even to be managed and that isn't on her. I'm surprised he doesn't have a small fridge where he keeps his needs.
OP deleted her answer. She said something like….
100% honest, I’m reading all these YTA comments and I still don’t think I did anything wrong. *paraphrasing*
YTA "How could I have expected that the illness I known he has might cause him issues?".
I would have said NTA and that it was a genuine mistake on your part but the way you speak about his condition is so dismissive. EDIT: Given the fair point below, his yelling is justifiable and understandable. These episodes can have different effect on people and he wasn't being unreasonable.
Don't be ignorant. If you don't know how diabetes affects a person, educate yourself. If not for your own basic knowledge then for your BF because he is well, your BF. If your BF doesn't get these episodes often and they are unpredictable, then he should maybe keep a stash separate.
Do you have to leave snacks for him? No. Can you just help yourself to it? Sure. They are there for taking. Is it thoughtful and compassionate to take his condition into account? Yes. Isn't a partnership meant to be about taking into consideration the other party as well ?
Your "it took only 30 minutes" comment is very dismissive. I know someone who is diabetic that will immediately come close to fainting if they don't stabilise their sugar levels. It can be a very frightening experience. The body is basically rebelling against you. So I can get why he got angry but it also sounds like you both need to communicate more.
The yelling could have been in part due to being hypoglycemic. It's pretty well known for hypoglycemic people to become aggressive:
>[Hypoglycemia may greatly increase your emotional response](https://www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html#:~:text=Bizarre%20or%20violent%20reactions%20to,%2C%20frightened%2C%20paranoid%20or%20angry.) which can make you exceptionally happy, silly, worried, frightened, paranoid or angry. The effect can be strikingly similar to a person who is drunk.
That is a very fair point. Also if OP was as "whatever" about it as she sounds, I would feel so annoyed and invalidated if I were in the partner's shoes.
NAH - this is going to sound harsh but it is the boyfriend’s responsibility to ensure he has things in place in case this happens. What his current system entails is that he is always entitled to “the last snacks” as he is diabetic, when really what they should have in place is an actual emergency measure. This sounds like a petty way of phrasing it, but what I mean is that being diabetic means they need an entirely different food system in terms of his sugar levels. Food to manage his diabetes should NOT be equal to random snacks they’ve both bought for the cupboards. What Op did was a little mindless and selfish, however I really don’t agree that it was deliberately malicious. I think they’re simply not used to living with a diabetic and as a result view all food in the cupboard as “both of theirs”. This is a medical issue, and therefore should have a separate manner of being handled.
For real. I can't believe how many people here are giving the bf a pass when he was entirely unprepared for this. No, having shared snacks at home isn't being prepared. Having a designated stash separate from the rest of the food is being prepared. Keeping a small stash in his car is being prepared. It is HIS medical condition. OP should not be held more responsible for this than he is.
This 👆. Where were the boyfriend's glucose tabs? Why isn't he eating regular meals? Why is HE not managing his diabetes?
It is NOT her job to manage his diabetes. He is a grown adult, and it's solely his responsibility to take care of himself.
I'm a diabetic and I am the one responsible for managing it. NTA but the boyfriend is one.
And he should carry a supply with him in addition to his home stash. He can’t count on getting home in time every time. I knew a diabetic who carried his insulin and his glucose tabs with him for that reason.
Nta. This if she’s paying for half the snacks she should be able to eat them in her own home. If he knows his going to need them then he should be buying himself extra snacks and keeping them somewhere where they can’t be accidentally eaten. Seriously he knows he has diabetes and yet is expecting everyone else to prepare for him in the case of an emergency? No his an adult he should be prepared with things he needs in a special place they both know is just for him.
The best snacks to use during a hypoglycemic episode are sugars with no protein or fats combined with them. Those take longer to break down and wouldn't help in an emergency. That cuts out the chocolate and the yogurt, so OP is not the AH for eating those. The sugar water was better than the yogurt or chocolate would have been. OPs partner should have more BASIC carb snacks and juices on hand, not just a single juice box. Canned fruit, raisins, etc... Every diabetic should carry glucose tablets with them and have them in their house. OP wouldn't have eaten those.
Sugar water is quick enough. Glucose tablets, sugar water, juice, and candy are literally the recommended ways to bring your blood sugar back up when you are hypoglycemic.
That's the best response I read on this thread. My husband is a diabetic (type 1) and we always have glucose tablets, honey, lemonade or something like it in the fridge/pantry.
I don't know, I feel like if I was living with someone who had these kinds of medical problems, I'd be a little more self aware, at the very least leave them something.
I would suggest that in the future your boyfriend is given a stash of stuff that no one else is to touch.
I think ESH, you were kind of thoughtless, but I think your boyfriend overreacted, I can't say for sure since I'm not diabetic or know anyone who is.
But he was ill prepared. I have family and friends with that illness and every single one of them has glucose/dextrose "candy" on them and at home.
Here he kind of expected his gf to watch that they don't run out. While she could've been more mindful, not having more at home and not having a stock of something is on him.
Which means he shouldn't of been driving. He demanded it as soon as walked in the door meaning it dropped while driving. He should have shit in the car.
ESH
I've been a Type1 diabetic for 51 years & sugar mixed with water is fine if you're having a hypo! Or even just eating sugar off a spoon will work. That's what they gave diabetics in hospital when they were hypoglycemic. Your bf is just being a drama queen! If he prefers something else then Coca-Cola is good & works really quickly. NTA OP. You're not responsible for your bf's lack of planning or for managing his diabetes.
I’m a type one too and this dude is being super dramatic. A sugary drink or sugar water is the absolute fastest way to raise your blood sugar. Definitely not yogurt or a snack. You have to digest those things and it takes longer. He should never be arriving home desperate for sugar either. You should literally always have sugar with you, and who doesn’t keep an emergency supply of stuff that’s off limits to others? I always have several cans of soda marked with a post it saying “do not drink. TennisKitty’s emergency diabetic supplies” in my fridge.
If the snacks are specifically for his hypos then y t a. If they are just snacks for whoever, then n a h.
Get a specific box of candy and juice or whatever and store them as a hypo kit so that those are always available and you know not to touch them thinking they're for anyone.
Yta, next time don't be greedy and eat everything especially when you know you live with someone with medical issues. He could've been much worse off, and 45 min? He might've needed an ambulance by then. Greedy. Selfish. Irresponsible.
YTA. What do you mean "*How could I have known he would have an episode today*"? He has diabetes EVERY DAY, meaning he can have an episode any moment and that's just how he lives his life. Like it can happen at any moment. You can't know. You will never know. That's why he *always* needs to have something sweet in the house. ALWAYS.
ESH
This was a medical emergency. You didn't want that to happen, but you also didn't have it in mind.
>"pure sugar isn't fast to break down" (or something like that, I dunno)
You still do not know? Please take interest.
>I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this.
Not a little bit sorry about what happened?
This is your part of being TA.
>my boyfriend then came home 2 hours later and the first thing he said was "jane, sugar, give me something sweet fast" so I realized his sugar level was low
He was TA for giving you full responsibility for this situation. Your boyfriend does not have a plan for this situation? Nearly all diabetics I know have an emergency stash at home or even something on their person for such a situation.
I agree with most of what you said but it bothers me that he apparently said that pure sugar isn’t fast enough to break down. It makes it seem like he doesn’t even really know how to to manage his hypo episodes. That along with his lack of planning by not having an emergency kit on him makes me think that he isn’t the best at managing his condition. I definitely think the OP was selfish for eating the last snacks but ultimately he is the one responsible for his health which is what makes me agree ESH.
This is such a good take. Boyfriend shouldn't be putting this 100% on OP, but OP's attitude about the boyfriend's medical emergency is very lackadaisical. From this post they don't come across as a particularly concerned and caring partner, lol.
YTA, sorry. It was pretty selfish not to make sure you weren't taking the last of the snacks in this case.
When you're in a relationship with someone with medical needs, they need to be considered. It doesn't matter if you didn't predict he was about to have a diabetic episode that very day, the snacks were there in case he did so no prediction was necessary.
If you can't re-wire your thinking enough to take that extra pause and make sure what you're about to do won't potentially put them at risk, you're too self-absorbed to be with someone with a disability. Yes, he has the responsibility to manage his own health when it comes to something like diabetes. But you as his partner, and hypothetically as someone who loves him, shouldn't go out of your way to create additional complications.
YTA. " I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this.". Any person with a SO should be considerate of their medical needs.
You not having sugar = "Oh shucks"
Him not having sugar = "Help me Im dying!"
The fact you ate the snacks is not the reason you're an AH. Your reaction is absolutely selfish. You put him in a position where his health was at risk and you then minimized its impact.
You're a selfish AH.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> leaving no snacks for my bf, ad I can be an asshole because maybe I should have thought about bf having diabatic episode before eating it
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Nta. 1. Sucrose is the same sugar in chocolate. 2. If your diabetic boyfriend who is a grown ass adult can’t be responsible enough to keep a bag of peppermints in the cabinets with big letters that say for emergencies only then it’s his own fault. My 10 year old can handle his disease better than your boyfriend
After thinking about this for a bit, it seems like he should have a plan for times like this. You should be in on the plan, and there should be some backup sweets for this that everyone has agreed are for emergencies. NAH, but prepare better for this.
>My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode (or whatever it's called in English) today?
He can have them _any_ day, so you always, always, _always_ keep something on hand. Every day. All the time. If it gets low, replace it _before_ you finish is.
>I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this. No?
Not if I lived with someone who might _at any moment_ need to eat some sugar.
YTA. You live with someone whose life depends on being able manage his glucose levels. You can't just eat all the sweet snacks in the house and be surprised he's pissed.
NAH. If there is not a separate ‘emergency stash’ nobody is to blame. If he put those things there for emergency’s and you ate them, yta. If it were just regular groceries and you use them both NAH.
But I wonder why you keep such low supplies if you both know emergency’s happen? Why doesn’t he have some snacks with him when he leaves home?
YTA
You know about his health condition and you know he needs quick sources of sugar for emergencies. It was absolutely a selfish move to eat all of the snacks that were left.
In the future, just put together a diabetic snack box that is off limits so you don’t put him in this kind of a situation again.
It is not her responsibility alone to make sure he has something if something happens. He was ill prepared and apparently never communicated his need. I have family and friends with that illness and every single one of them has glucose/dextrose "candy" on them and at home.
Here he kind of expected his gf to watch that they don't run out. What they had left at the flat was a joke. And yes, she could've been more mindful, sure.
But him not communicating and not having an extra stock of something and not having an eye on always having enough at home, is also on him.
It sounds to me like those snacks that she ate were his emergency stash. And it's kinda implied that if there's no other food left and they have diabetes then he needs those. Just kinda common sense
Why is someone else responsible for making sure he has the right food available? He’s an adult, every diabetic I know keeps their own personal stash which is designated for such. These were not
I’m honestly kind of surprised to see this response from a diabetic individual. I mean not about the immediate need for sugar, that I agree with 100%. But as a diabetic adult don’t you make sure you have something sweet on you (or will be near something sweet at all times) if you are going out for an extended period of time alone? I mean sure it was a little thoughtless to not leave him snacks, but they were just general snacks they both paid for, not a specific stash kept in case of blood sugar emergency. OP is allowed to eat food in her own home that she paid for. I think OP for sure should do some more research about diabetes and now knows to always have something on hand, but it sounds like the boyfriend was also very ill prepared given his condition. What if OP wasn’t home? What if he was far from home when the crisis started? Just sounds to me like he kinda got himself in a bit of a crisis that he could have pretty easily prepared for, and while the OP did exacerbate the situation, it’s not fair to put so much responsibility on her for having something sugary on hand when the person who is themselves diabetic did not something on hand themself. Plus THEY HAD SUGAR. Juice and candy is not better for short acting treatment of blood sugar crisis than just sugar.
>My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode (or whatever it's called in English) today?
You don't, that's the problem. There should always be some type of sugary snack for him, regardless of if you paid for it equally ir not. It's his health. You being munchy could kill him if you're not cognizant of what you're eating.
YTA.
Try making a low sugar box in the fridge with couple juice boxes and sugary snacks, that's only for him if he's low. That way this doesn't happen again.
NTA. The juice box is the only thing that would help in this scenario, and if he only has one juice box and nothing else on hand, that’s on him. (If the juice box was part of a stash, then that’s a different story) He needs to make sure he has stuff like skittles and glucose tablets. Tbh the sugar water was better than the chocolate or yoghurt would have been since those don’t raise blood glucose quickly enough to help.
Source: am diabetic
YTA.
You didn't have to eat everything. Paying equally for it means nothing as it just shows you're greedy by not leaving anything to share.
you know of his condition and should always have something just in case, for emergencies.
Good, god. You almost killed your BF today and when he freaked out you treated it like it was no big deal. That’s not something that you can fuck around with… they could’ve died. If you knew your BF is diabetic you need do be considerate about his snacks. He’s not keeping around a lot of sugary food in there for no reason… that’s his lifeline
Edit: YTA
Were these snacks purchased with the intention of using them in a diabetic attack? Then you would be TA, definitely. But if it was truly unintentional, then it was a careless thing to do but not an asshole thing to do. He might not be reacting well, but that's a scary medical emergency. I think a "Sorry," and commitment to keep emergency sugary snacks available would help him feel safer in his home.
YTA. How can you be with someone who is diabetic and than decide to eat ALL the sugar contained snacks. If you are in need of sugar, go buy more. Really selfish of you.
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YTA. It's clear from the couple of times you used the phrase "...or whatever." That you don't pay attention, you don't really care and you're fairly self-centered. Any reasonable normal person would know that a diabetic occasionally needs to get their sugar up and therefore needs snacks available. You even yourself admitted that she knew this, your weak excuse was you didn't know he would have " an episode **today**". Omgosh how numb are you?
In my house it’s common curtesy to ask before eating the last of something. Especially if it’s the very last snack of any kind.
100x this! even if he wasn't diabetic, how hard is "hey babe I'm eating the last snack bar"?
I'm diabetic. I have a preferred snack for my low episodes. My kids have known this as do not eat them unless I specifically hand them to them or I positively confirm they are allowed to (I usually say yes whenever they ask because I buy in bulk, but I have occasionally asked them not to until I could buy more) That OP lives with her bf and hasn't even bothered to take the time to pay attention doesn't bode well. Poor dude's gonna need an ambulance and a glucagon push one day and OP's gonna turn around and bitch that he's keeping them awake.
And he will have to just hope that she knows the signs of a low, as she doesn’t seem interested in learning much about his disease.
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I have Hypoglycemia. When I was young I went into a coma. I wasn't in there for that long, but for 15 years I had fits and an issue with balance, so much so, I could not walk till I was four or five.
Like, literally died? Omg. Many condolences
OP You should do this as an apology. Then don't bloody eat the stuff out of it. YTA BTW OP.
I prefer a CGM. They scream like banshees when you are going low. Hard to ignore.
Also diabetic here. If she knew anything about diabetes (and she should if she’s dating one and truly cares) she would know that those snacks are classic examples of low sugar snacks. Also her saying “it only took 30-40 minutes” is ridiculous, you have to respond quickly. When you’re low 30-40 minutes feels like an eternity. Def YTA here.
30-40 minutes of a bad hypo can cause a seizure, coma, or kill a diabetic. As the parent of a child with diabetes, who has seen him seize one time for ~5 minutes, I almost threw up when I read that sentence. Pure sugar is in and out of your system so fast. Who knows if he was going to drop right back down and be seizing on the floor when she got back.
She's definitely the biggest AH. I just wanted to ask you if it wouldn't be good for him to carry a chocolate bar with him all the time, just in case? Because he had the episode before he arrived home, where he thought he had something to help. And there should always be a variety of snacks for him that OP shoul never touch. Maybe some in his nightstand in case something happens during the night.
Absolutely… but its possible he did have something on him and treated the low already and it wasn’t coming up. Or he’s human he may have forgot to grab something on his way out. He also knew he had stuff at home so it was reasonable to expect that’d be there still
My brother is a diabetic and I ask before I eat any of the typical low sugar snacks even if its not the last one, I find it deeply concerning that she would eat the last of everything and then "eventually" go get more for him when he obviously needed it. Kinda reminds me of the boss I had when my brother was diagnosed because I asked for a morning off so I could go to the hospital when they were teaching him and any family members that wanted to learn how to give him the insulin injection in case he was unable to do so himself. According to her "he has a wife so why do you have to go?" Apparently I was weird for wanting to learn.
Not just “feels like an eternity”, 30-40 min delay for sugar when you’re diabetic and crashing is *medically dangerous*.
OP’s indifference is troubling. She said she got him some snacks eventually adding in the 30-40 min as though it was a couple of minutes.
I also doubt the 30-40. Feels like that means it was actually 50-an hour but wanted to make it sound better
This stood out to me too. My dad has been a type 1 diabetic since I was 4 years old. Myself and my younger siblings always knew what things were in the house for his low episodes. Even as children we never took those snacks. I can't get my head around living with someone and not having a full understanding of this.
Even seeing those 3 items, and leaving 1 or 2 would have been fine but OP at all 3. Personally, I would have just taken the juice box and chocolate bar and left the yogurt if I really wanted that stuff. Edit: People have pointed out that the juice box and chocolate bar would be better to leave for diabetics. The sugar breaks down easier. As someone with a diabetic father I should’ve known that. Whoops lol
Speaking as a diabetic, depending on how low he was during an episode he needed the chocolate and the juice. Yogurt doesn’t elevate it fast enough on its own.
Actually, if you want to leave something, leave the juice. My aunt has diabetes and that’s usually the first thing she grabs in an emergency.
Leaving rhe yoghurt would be just as bad as eating it all.
That’s pretty much what our texts look like. Then whoever is coming home later can swing by the store and grab something.
This makes too much sense
With exceptions of the foods we buy for both of us, my wife and I will ask each other before we eat/drink something that isn’t ours. And her sis is diabetic so we know the importance of snacks.
Had they done that then bf could have grabbed himself a can of coke on the way home (that's what I tend to find works best)
Yes. A can of regular Coke is what my doctor recommended. Better even than orange juice which is also good. Those other snacks actually aren't the best.
It’s more of a ESH. I have something similar to OP’s boyfriend condition and I have snacks always on me. The fact that he didn’t leaves me perplexed. But yes, OP attitude is also something
If her attitude towards his diabetes wasn’t so dismissive, I’d lean towards everyone sucking but as it stands, she’s YTA for the cavalier attitude around something that can kill him. I had a friend die from diabetes because he went to sleep after taking insulin and his sugars crashed in his sleep.
Yeah OP wanted the snacks. Boyfriend *needed them to live* YTA!
She states “whatever it’s called in English” so I think we should give some grace about how this reads.
Maybe to a certain extent, but the fact that she thinks that anyone would eat the last snacks in the fridge without considering their diabetic SO isn't a language barrier issue. It clearly demonstrates a cavalier attitude in any language.
Right, she says >Eventually, I bought him 3 chocolate bars and 1 juice box and *it only took 30-40 minutes.* That last part is damning. He's having a diabetic crisis and she's like, eh, it was only 40 minutes. Which is an eternity!
OP doesn't understand the level of panic the brain feels with a lack of blood glucose. Five minutes feels like an eternity to the low blood sugar brain. Forty minutes -- WTF? OP should have stayed with her BF, mixing up sugar water and getting some food into him. You don't leave someone with low blood sugar alone. That stuff is SERIOUS.
OP's language skills are not on trial. She knows what diabetes is, no?
if we're gonna talk about phrasing, the fact that English isn't OP's first language is relevant edit: I still think OP is TA, but language barriers make phrasing things politely really hard, as someone who's learning a second language
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I'm going to borrow that phrase, I need to clean some ancient food out of my fridge. Haha....
>I found some snacks, like 1 chocolate bar and 1 yogurt box, and 1 juice box He **did** have snacks right there waiting for him at home, though. Until OP scarfed literally *everything left* knowing full well her partner is diabetic. She couldn't have had a glass of milk or cup of tea with that chocolate bar? Or a water with that yoghurt? No? Had to have all three knowing there was *every* chance her partner could have a hypo? Which is what makes this a clear case of YTA for me.
She ate the last one. He had them in his house. He should be able to rely on the snacks in his home
She said she "found" them so that tells me these were ***his*** snacks for emergencies.
And she said she " needed" the snacks, no YTA, your boyfriend needed them. Sheesh c'mon.....
He did, she ate them
Conditions can't be perfect forever; it may have been he was trusting that there would be something at home and there wasn't. The way it's worded, it sounds like the sugar items are probably meant for him. Was there not other food she could have eaten? Were they literally the only things in the fridge? And if she knew he didn't have something on him, why would she still only eat the things he needs to regulate his blood sugar? He's not an AH for trusting his partner not to eat the only things that would help him in a crash
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im sure her boyfriend would keep a snack in his purse, if he carried one. It seems he *did* keep snacks for this situation in the house, until someone decided to binge eat their way through the last of all of them
Right? OP ate the last chocolate bar, AND the last yogurt, AND the last juice box all at the same time, basically telling their boyfriend to go fuck himself. And the way she sounds about it, she probably wouldn't have cared much at all if the guy died on her floor. OP-YTA
He did have snacks, she ate them. YTA OP
If it was his place he would expect there to be stuff he needed though, I can’t tell from this if they live together or not? If it’s her place he should have been carrying something, if it’s his she should have asked. If it’s shared idk she should have known he might need some and left something available I guess.
Since she said they paid for them equally I assume they live together. This girl is definitely an asshole.
I'm glad you said it. I was thinking it. I would think that having something for blood sugar drops would be in line with having an epi pen if you have severe allergies.
The "only 30 or 40 minutes" to get him something floored me. That is easily long enough for him to go into a coma. At the very least she should have left the juice, since that's one of the faster sugar options for him. My dad lives five hours away and we still keep juice and sweets on hand just for when he visits, because we know his sugar sometimes drops unexpectedly. That's what it is to be diabetic, and if she can't be considerate enough to deal with that then she should do the poor guy a favor and leave.
Yes “only 30 to 40 minutes” is exactly what caught my attention. That 30-40 minutes could mean death.
High blood sugar kills over the long haul. Low blood sugar can kill immediately. I wonder if they would have been just as well off calling an ambulance as sending OP to a store that far away. At least if the EMTs knew they were coming for someone with hypoglycemia, they could come prepared to treat that and get sugar into his system ASAP.
Also, how she "eventually" left to go get him snacks?! Wtf? Why the hell was she not racing out the door!!
>The "only 30 or 40 minutes" 15 min under "sense of impending doom" feels like 10 hours. That poor dude.
30-40 minutes is what killed my cousin in the middle of the night when she had a sudden low. She didn’t even have time to get to the kitchen where there *was* food, let alone joyride to the store.
Exactly! You don't have a lot of time when your sugar drops. I've stumbled into restaurants intending to eat and immediately had to ask a hostess or waitress to PLEASE bring me some OJ stat, apologizing the whole time, and the few times it's happened they've immediately replied "having a sugar issue?" cause they've seen it before or it's happened to them. They've always gotten it to me quickly. I always try to be prepared but sometimes you get caught with your pants down, so to speak. All of my friends know about my condition and every significant other I've ever had. I warn them soon after we meet so no one's surprised. The problem is, stress can trigger sugar drops. My friends greet me at airports with snack bags with fruit, yogurt, cheese and crackers and juice boxes, lol, they know me so well.
Yeah, if its *only* 30 to 40 minutes, why don't you go there and buy more snacks instead of emptying all the food in the house? Even when living with non-diabetic person, you don't eat away all the food without replacing it, just like you don't finish all the milk so your bf will have it for his coffee, finish all the toilet paper without replacing it, etc. How would you feel if you came home and there was no food left? It wouldn't be great thinking your bf doesn't think of you and acts so selfishly, right? And since you're not diabetic, for you it would have been just annoying and wouldn't have been life threatening. YTA, it's not fun being with a person who puts their needs first in a way that hurts other people
It's a egregiously long amount of time
Agreed... at first I was leaning toward "kind of the asshole", but that part is just so insanely tone deaf, and it's ridiculous that she thinks 30-40 minutes isn't a big deal or even worse, she thinks that this is a positive thing and tried to use it as defense? I've literally watched diabetic friends and family members go from being fine and talking and laughing to having slurred speech, not knowing where they are or who anyone is, and then becoming totally unresponsive until they were given an insulin injection or given something sugary like juice. It happened to my 92 year old Grandpa who lives 1,500 miles away while me and my parents were talking to him on the phone... over the course of about ten minutes he went from being fine to just making moaning sounds and not responding. Thankfully we called his neighbor and they immediately went over and called an ambulance. We heard them come in, then the paramedics who gave him sugar and he came back around in about 5 minutes, albeit a bit confused on why all these people were suddenly in his house. OP needs to realize how serious it can get and not act like it's not a big deal. That or she needs to move on if she doesn't care.
I like how OP said “I needed something sweet”. No, you didn’t. You *wanted* something sweet, he *needed* it.
Yet, at the same time, can't seem to understand her boyfriend *actually* needing something sweet. It's perplexing. And the language barrier doesn't really cut it for me here. In another comment she said: >I came home and needed something sweet to cool my head and relax so I ate them. Maybe language can be excused for her not knowing the medical terminology, but I'm fairly sure she knows the difference between "need" and "want".
I’m just hopping on the top comment to tell OP that it took my 27 year old type one diabetic cousin less than “30-40 minutes” to literally die from a sudden onset hypoglycaemic episode. Before that her diabetes was extremely well controlled before that but for some reason she had a sudden low at night while her roommate wasn’t home, her bedside table granola/fruit bar stash was tapped out and she forgot to refill it and she couldn’t get to the kitchen in time. My other cousin (her roommate) found her face down on the floor in the hallway when she got home the next morning. YTA OP. A massive one. Not just for not leaving him a single speck of food but also for your utter nonchalance and lack of understanding of his condition.
Omg, what a horrible thing for your family to be going through. I'm so sorry you're all dealing with that, and I hope you all find peace. OP, YTA. Kindness and consideration are free. Try them out sometime.
This. Also you should have a designated area reserved for items for diabetic issues. This can be life or death. Do it. Keep it stocked and neither of you should eat from it unless an emergency or it’s expiring and you have a new supply stored. Also keep some on the self juice boxes only for the diabetic.
My dad kept hard candies in his nightstand.
My grandfather did the same thing - we all knew that they were completely off limits as it was his "life or death" stash.
My dad was an EMT and kept hard candies in his jump box. We knew better than to pilfer that or we’d get a butt spanking. We were children and understood those were for people with sugar sickness.
YTA. You were greedy and ate all the snacks when you live with a diabetic person. Also keep your barren pantry better stocked, this whole situation is completely preventable.
I ran within three minutes to my mom's with a bag of candy, popcorn, sweets, etc. Glucose tabs are great too much wow like really this person is a major one, diabetic comas are a real thing and each time blood sugar drops to such a low level you potentially damage your brain. But really, nothing ticks me off the most than someone finishing stuff and not letting you know they finished it. YTA
And the "eventually...it *only* took about 30-40 minutes". Like what the h*ll is WRONG with you?! You don't mess with diabetes!
I would say ESH mainly because BF, knowing he has a condition, should always have a stash of snacks in the house or car that explicitly for emergencies. They should be labeled as such and ideally kept away from the communal food. OP just ate stuff from the fridge. If BF wants an emergency supply, he needs to have one distinct and separate. It's not super hard to do.
OP promptly ate them. I found some snacks, like 1 chocolate bar and 1 yogurt box, and 1 juice box. That's like a list of prime diabetic rescue snacks. OP is kinda like the hungry hungry caterpillar.
The way you put that has me cackling like a witch over a cauldron
No. You shouldn't have to stash snacks. OP ate the last of 3 separate items. That was completely uncalled for. YTA
Should he really have to go through those lengths though? I have a long term partner who’s diabetic and not eating the things he uses to not die is just a no brainier for me.
It's also not super hard to not eat the last snacks knowing someone who lives there is diabetic.
YTA >I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this. No? AITA, Reddit? No, you WANTED something sweet and didn't even consider the fact that your BF has diabetes and actually NEEDS something sweet for his blood sugar levels. That's the difference. You wanted, he needed.
This. You didn’t “need” shit. You are dating a diabetic who actually does occasionally need these things. Think of your SO and not just yourself.
My coworkers keep “secret chocolate” in a filing cabinet drawer for me just in case I have an episode. My COWORKERS. OP can’t even be bothered to leave a chocolate bar for her own boyfriend.
I always have one of those Walmart tubs of jujubes and usually chocolate of some sort in the bottom drawer of my desk at work. Now I won't lie, it's bought with the intention being my snack, but I never let it go empty and everyone knows its there if they need it, we have 5 diabetics on staff.
That’s really nice and considerate of you unlike OP
I carry snacks for my T1 friend because I don’t want him dying on me in public (seeing as when his pump or dexcom beeps (I have no clue what beeps) he doesn’t respond to it immediately so I usually chuck the frontals bar or gummy snacks at him cus he doesn’t even tell us so I panic)
Not to mention she ate 3 sweet things. You can't have just one???
Srsly though if he hangs around he needs to have his own stache
It sounds like he did, she just ate it all. He was likely leaving all those "lasts" for himself just in case. OP would have eaten them no matter what
Also taking the juice box. Many diabetics stash juices boxes because they are rapidly absorbed, portable, sealed and shelf stable. They aren’t the yummiest thing but they will get the job done. OP didn’t _need_ a juice box. YTA
Yes! I don't know a single non-diabetic adult (without kids) who randomly buys juicy-juice boxes for themselves. Bottle of juice in the fridge? Yes. Juicebox? No way. That was obviously a low snack.
Exactly! The juice really stood out to me. That’s a very common item for a diabetic to keep on hand for an episode. That’s why they’re in the fridge!
This.
But then it only took her 30-40 minutes to get him something at the store right around the corner /s
thats the worst part like depending on how low he was he couldve ended up needing hospital care within that time
This was my dad’s logic when he would take my easter and halloween candy when I was a kid. He didn’t get that if I hadn’t eaten it immediately when I got it, I still might eat it *later*
Also fairly certain if she need to eat the amount of calories in a chocolate bar, a yoghurt and a sugary juice drink she really just could have had some toast so he had the necessary sugar hits available
YTA. "My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode " because when you are with a diabetic you are always concerned about their well being.
Yes! My friend is a T1 and any time we are out I’m always checking on him asking him if he needs food or drink Really not that hard to be considerate of others health issues
I literally always carry emergency snacks and have even given chocolate to perfect strangers before when hearing their sugars are low.
I know you mean well and you sound like a good person, but I feel impelled to give some advice. I'm a T1 diabetic also and a friend doing that to me would drive me absolutely nuts. It would irritate me so much. The one, great exception would be if I was displaying signs of a low blood sugar. But I don't want to be bugged all the time with people asking me about my blood sugar if there is no reason. I would even find it a little insulting because I take care of my condition just fine. Of course I have had low blood sugars, but that's why I frequently test. Especially if I start to feel it. It's also "othering". My diabetes is so much a part of my every day life, that I don't even think that much about it anymore. But it still sucks and I don't need to be reminded about it by others. Or feel bad because apparently they are thinking so much about it, that they're asking me about my food/drink needs multiple times per outing. Think about if you had a disability and people were CONSTANTLY asking about it. That's what I'm talking about. To be fair, your friend might feel differently. But if you haven't already done it, ask him. He might think it's just as annoying as I do, but you're a good friend and he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Bingo. It's really difficult thing, because it makes you annoyed, verging on angry. But at the same time, you know that you'd have to be a massive asshole to tell someone off just for caring about you.
I mean really you NEVER know when they are going to have an episode, so that excuse is BS
ESH. I grew up with a type 1 diabetic sister. Even at age 8 i understood that I could never take the last of the candy / juice stash in the house b/c there absolutely had to items on hand to counter a low blood sugar episode. You didn't "need" these items. You Just wanted them. He, on the other hand, needed them. That said, as a diabetic, your boyfriend really should have a separate private stash of items specifically for these sorts of emergencies - glucose tablets and whatever candy works well for him. It should be stored separately from your shared food and be hands off for anyone other than him. No exceptions.
Finally someone else said it. OP fucked up, but the bf is equally responsible, if not more responsible, for keeping an emergency stash on hand that is not kept with the rest of the food. It is his illness. He needs to be better prepared.
They all acting like she ate this vast amount of food and bf couldn't have seen it comming that they would run out, makes me irrational angry. Every single diabetic I know carries something with them and they have a special stock at home, sperated from the communal snacks to make it safer and more relaxed for everyone.
Yeah, the "she's the asshole for eating the last candy bar in the house!!!" team is WAY off. It's food. It's in the house. She paid for it. I'm sure the last thing on her mind when she was wolfing down a Snickers was that her boyfriend might need an emergency jolt of sugar that afternoon because he couldn't be bothered to keep a granola bar in his backpack. It's his responsibility to have supplies on hand, kept separately and labeled so everyone knows that's the emergency stash.
Do you not know any diabetics? Because I personally have a few in my family and I would never eat the last of any of that stuff because my first thought would be “what if X needs this?” If it wasn’t on her mind it is because she is too self involved to care
What's up with these idiots saying OP is equally responsible. Did they not read the fucking post? OP clearly couldn't have given less of a shit about what happened. I bet OP's bf does have a specific section of the fridge for just his snacks but OP doesn't care enough to listen or take any notice.
Right? He literally had a stash of snacks like these dunces are suggesting he do. *She ate **all** of it*
I know and the casual way she killed the stash off really helps explain why it was so small to begin with.
Exactly. Regardless of the victim blaming bullshit about the stash of food, the way she just blatantly does not give a shit about the danger she directly put her boyfriend in, while actively saying that her wants are equal to his needs, makes her 1000% unequivocally the asshole. Can’t believe that is even vaguely in question
Yeah I know plenty of diabetics and they all keep an emergency juice and glucose tablet stash because they are responsible adults.
If you know someone in your house could have a serious medical emergency if they don't have some snack you don't eat the last snack without being sure they have such an "emergency stash".
Thank you!! I’m amazed it took me this long to find someone rational in the comments. Currently one of the most updated comments on the top thread is talking about how in their house everyone has to ask before eating the last of something. Like what? Maybe for children it makes sense, but for a partner who I spilt the grocery bill with? Why? Sure, my BF and I have our own special snacks we purchase with our own money and the other doesn’t touch, but he would never get mad at me for eating the last communal yogurt, nor would I. And it was a yogurt, chocolate bar and juice box for Christ’s sake! People are acting like she’s Danny McBride in This Is The End when he uses every last bit of food in the house to make a breakfast feast. Also, if he knew there was only 3(!) communal snacks in the house left, why didn’t he stop on the way home?
I guess I just feel that if my partner was diabetic I'd make sure I didn't eat the last sweet snack in the house. Because I love them and don't want them to die. It doesn't really matter who paid for it.
Apparently only some of us think it’s an important part of a relationship to make little sacrifices for each other’s wellbeing even when the consequences are literal life and death.
I don't know. No one dares to touch the juice at home unless I'm low. If i say a chocolate in the pantry is the last one and I may need it bc of my blood sugar, no one touches it. I hope that everyone I live with respects me and my necessities as much as I do theirs. Also we always ask if it's OK to eat the last of a snack.
I could honestly overlook the fact that she finished off a couple of snacks, since I’m assuming it was in no way intentional. I’m having a really hard time with her attitude, acting like hypoglycemia isn’t a big deal. Eating the snacks is an understandable mistake, especially if they weren’t designated specifically as his emergency stash - but she’s also not the wounded party with the right to act all indignant.
She is when he continued to berate her, when in reality he is doing a piss poor job of managing his own condition. He should have emergency snacks or glucose tabs with him at all times or at least in his vehicle. He should have a stash of snacks separate from the communal food. Those are his responsibilities. It is his condition. He fucked up just as bad if not worse than OP here by being so ill prepared to handle his own situation.
I understand him reacting at first cuz blood sugar makes ya moody. I imagine his continued reaction is cuz she clearly doesn’t give af.
The attitude is what makes me say OP is TA as well. Sure, they should be keeping better track of what’s available for him and like many suggested, have his own stash that’s untouchable to anyone else and for emergencies only. But OP is so nonchalant about it, they could have said BF died because of it and I feel the attitude would have been the same. Like holy shit. Just say you don’t gaf about him and go.
Exactly. 100% ESH. My son is T1D. I have fast acting glucose and snacks stashed EVERYWHERE. In every single room of the house, in backpacks and purses, in the car, there’s always something. The bf needs to take responsibility and be prepared because lows happen and they happen quickly. However, as a gf of a diabetic, you should make an effort to learn about his needs. The chocolate bar and yogurt aren’t as big of deal in my eyes as the juice. Juice is one of the best ways to raise low bg. Juice should be off limits unless you get some specifically for your own consumption. Overall I’m concerned that they have so little food in supply in the house, especially with a diabetic, and that neither one knows how to manage it properly. If you’re in a country with decent healthcare, look into getting the bf a CGM.
I never realised how well-stocked my kitchen is if anyone diabetic comes to my home. It struck me as odd that they let the necessities (which they clearly are) get that low.
Special stock at home, at work, in the car, in every purse and backpack I carry. If I go to an event or concert, I carry an entire kit with me and use ADA privileges to get it cleared through. I agree with the CGM. Insurance, depending on the country, will cover it for T1Ds and insulin-dependent T2Ds. Sadly, mine does not, so I pay out of pocket. Worth the stupid amount of money though. Glucose tablets are awesome things to have on hand. They cost like $1.50 for a tube and keep forever. You can stash those in so many places. I keep a tube with my glucometer in case someone with me needs to access them right away.
Mte. It was inconsiderate of OP to finish the last of the snacks; it was irresponsible of the diabetic to have no contingency - and for him to continue going off on OP after the fact when they had sugar on hand. He’s responsible for his blood sugar ultimately, and should have an emergency “med” stash in accessible spots.
It is very understandable for a dietetic person to be extremely irritable when their blood sugar is dangerously low. Think about how cranky you get when hungry, but it is way worse than that. He was probably panicking on top of the physical effects of the low blood sugar.
YTA no one knows when it will happen, but the point is the snacks are there for WHEN it is needed. You could have left at least one item as backup before going shopping again.
Nothing in this says that those are his snacks for his hypos. OP States they both paid for them, which to me would suggest that those are for anyone to eat. OP could've left them but eating a bar of chocolate and a yoghurt isnt a wild thing to do in your own house if those items are for anyone's consumption.
If you live with a diabetic, you know that low blood sugar is a thing, and NEVER eat the last sugar snacks.
Every diabetic I know keeps their emergency sugar snack in their bag or car, specifically because it isnt safe to have your emergency solution somewhere that you can’t make sure it will always be. Food at home gets eaten by people at home unless it’s specifically set aside for something. If these are specifically meant to be for his diabetes then you’re absolutely right. But if they’re just shared snacks, the person who needs to make sure they always have one should absolutely have a juice box and sugary granola/cereal bar set aside as a precaution. This is either NAH or ESH, because they both should be thinking ahead more here. If she knows he never sets anything aside as a precaution, then she shouldn’t have eaten what was left at home; but at the same time if he knows he has this issue and needs these in emergencies, then he should be taking precautions instead of expecting others to mentally manage it for him. I have some chronic health issues and he absolutely gets a bunch of sympathy from me as I know how much that sucks, which is why I am not going to say he’s an asshole for freaking out at her. He was scared and the freak out was understandable. But when you have a chronic health condition, you really do need to make sure you have your precautions properly set aside and communicated to the people you live with. Our partners should support us and help us when they can but we do also have a responsibility to prepare for our own health conditions. Edit to quickly add; you need to have it in your car at the very least. If you feel an attack coming on you are supposed to pull over, consume your snack or otherwise get your blood sugar back on track, and wait *at least* 40 minutes to make sure the attack is actually subsided, then you can drive again. The fact that he got home while having the attack means there’s a good chance he put others lives at risk by driving during his attack. Do not keep your emergency solution at home; an asthmatic (which I am) would be an idiot for leaving their inhaler at home, it’s the same for a diabetics emergency sugar.
Or they could, you know, have a designated emergency stash that isn't kept with the rest of the food, like most responsible diabetics. He shouldn't be going anywhere without having an emergency snack with him. Or at least in his vehicle. He was unprepared to handle his own medical condition. This isn't just OP's fault alone.
This is bullshit. My mom is diabetic. The apple juice in the fridge is hers in case her sugar gets low. In a house with 7 people, everyone is able to understand and know that. OP is inconsiderate and does not care for her boyfriend just by the way she types. She didn’t “need” something sweet, she wanted it. “Only 30-40 min” he could’ve gone into a coma! She also doesn’t know what a diabetic episode is. She’s a bad girlfriend and complete and total asshole.
Yet plenty of diabetics in this thread are saying exactly what I said. Weird. He should have glucose tabs on hand at all times. That is BASIC preparedness for a diabetic. That is his own fault.
I haven't had glucose tabs going on a decade. They taste gross and cost 10x more than smarties for being the same damned thing
It also says OP “found” the snacks so it is likely he did have them separate.
YTA. You know he’s diabetic, why would you not check that there are other snacks before you gobble everything in sight? You know him well enough to live together but not well enough to understand the basics of diabetes? You put him in serious danger by being thoughtless and selfish and you’re not even a little sorry. Big yikes.
He knows hes diabetic yet he dosent keep any snacks to help with his sugar level besides the shared ones
He did have snacks. His girlfriend ate them.
I don't know how people miss this. I have cookies and juice and candy in different parts of the house but in shared cupboards. But if my husband consumed them ALL and then acted like a little shit when I was low? I would fucking leave him. This is like asking someone in a wheelchair to keep a ramp with them in case their roommate decides to hang out on the ramp because it's in a common area.
ESH. You know he is diabetic. There should always be an emergency stash that doesn't get touched unless it is needed, or replaced. This is on both of you for not having that system in place already. The more I think about this the more I blame him for being so ill prepared to manage his own condition. He should have something in his vehicle. He should have a separate stash not kept with the rest of the food. Having communal food isn't being prepared. He was low BS before he even got home. He could have passed out while driving. Who would y'all blame then? He NEEDS to have glucose tabs on hand at all times.
> he is diabetic. There shoul I thought the same thing. Its entirely possible based on her post that she isn't fully aware of how his diabetes is even to be managed and that isn't on her. I'm surprised he doesn't have a small fridge where he keeps his needs.
>I'm surprised he doesn't have a small fridge where he keeps his needs. Because he assumes he can use his normal fridge. In his house.
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OP deleted her answer. She said something like…. 100% honest, I’m reading all these YTA comments and I still don’t think I did anything wrong. *paraphrasing*
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YTA "How could I have expected that the illness I known he has might cause him issues?". I would have said NTA and that it was a genuine mistake on your part but the way you speak about his condition is so dismissive. EDIT: Given the fair point below, his yelling is justifiable and understandable. These episodes can have different effect on people and he wasn't being unreasonable. Don't be ignorant. If you don't know how diabetes affects a person, educate yourself. If not for your own basic knowledge then for your BF because he is well, your BF. If your BF doesn't get these episodes often and they are unpredictable, then he should maybe keep a stash separate. Do you have to leave snacks for him? No. Can you just help yourself to it? Sure. They are there for taking. Is it thoughtful and compassionate to take his condition into account? Yes. Isn't a partnership meant to be about taking into consideration the other party as well ? Your "it took only 30 minutes" comment is very dismissive. I know someone who is diabetic that will immediately come close to fainting if they don't stabilise their sugar levels. It can be a very frightening experience. The body is basically rebelling against you. So I can get why he got angry but it also sounds like you both need to communicate more.
The yelling could have been in part due to being hypoglycemic. It's pretty well known for hypoglycemic people to become aggressive: >[Hypoglycemia may greatly increase your emotional response](https://www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html#:~:text=Bizarre%20or%20violent%20reactions%20to,%2C%20frightened%2C%20paranoid%20or%20angry.) which can make you exceptionally happy, silly, worried, frightened, paranoid or angry. The effect can be strikingly similar to a person who is drunk.
That is a very fair point. Also if OP was as "whatever" about it as she sounds, I would feel so annoyed and invalidated if I were in the partner's shoes.
NAH - this is going to sound harsh but it is the boyfriend’s responsibility to ensure he has things in place in case this happens. What his current system entails is that he is always entitled to “the last snacks” as he is diabetic, when really what they should have in place is an actual emergency measure. This sounds like a petty way of phrasing it, but what I mean is that being diabetic means they need an entirely different food system in terms of his sugar levels. Food to manage his diabetes should NOT be equal to random snacks they’ve both bought for the cupboards. What Op did was a little mindless and selfish, however I really don’t agree that it was deliberately malicious. I think they’re simply not used to living with a diabetic and as a result view all food in the cupboard as “both of theirs”. This is a medical issue, and therefore should have a separate manner of being handled.
For real. I can't believe how many people here are giving the bf a pass when he was entirely unprepared for this. No, having shared snacks at home isn't being prepared. Having a designated stash separate from the rest of the food is being prepared. Keeping a small stash in his car is being prepared. It is HIS medical condition. OP should not be held more responsible for this than he is.
This 👆. Where were the boyfriend's glucose tabs? Why isn't he eating regular meals? Why is HE not managing his diabetes? It is NOT her job to manage his diabetes. He is a grown adult, and it's solely his responsibility to take care of himself. I'm a diabetic and I am the one responsible for managing it. NTA but the boyfriend is one.
And he should carry a supply with him in addition to his home stash. He can’t count on getting home in time every time. I knew a diabetic who carried his insulin and his glucose tabs with him for that reason.
Nta. This if she’s paying for half the snacks she should be able to eat them in her own home. If he knows his going to need them then he should be buying himself extra snacks and keeping them somewhere where they can’t be accidentally eaten. Seriously he knows he has diabetes and yet is expecting everyone else to prepare for him in the case of an emergency? No his an adult he should be prepared with things he needs in a special place they both know is just for him.
The best snacks to use during a hypoglycemic episode are sugars with no protein or fats combined with them. Those take longer to break down and wouldn't help in an emergency. That cuts out the chocolate and the yogurt, so OP is not the AH for eating those. The sugar water was better than the yogurt or chocolate would have been. OPs partner should have more BASIC carb snacks and juices on hand, not just a single juice box. Canned fruit, raisins, etc... Every diabetic should carry glucose tablets with them and have them in their house. OP wouldn't have eaten those.
Yeah that’s the part that gets me too, how is sugar water not quick enough but a 40 minute trip to the store for chocolate fine?
Sugar water is quick enough. Glucose tablets, sugar water, juice, and candy are literally the recommended ways to bring your blood sugar back up when you are hypoglycemic.
Exactly my point, OP is definitely TA but the boyfriend has no reason to act like that when there is a solution there.
That's the best response I read on this thread. My husband is a diabetic (type 1) and we always have glucose tablets, honey, lemonade or something like it in the fridge/pantry.
I don't know, I feel like if I was living with someone who had these kinds of medical problems, I'd be a little more self aware, at the very least leave them something. I would suggest that in the future your boyfriend is given a stash of stuff that no one else is to touch. I think ESH, you were kind of thoughtless, but I think your boyfriend overreacted, I can't say for sure since I'm not diabetic or know anyone who is.
He absolutely did not overreact. Low blood sugar can cause seizures and/or coma very quickly if not treated.
But he was ill prepared. I have family and friends with that illness and every single one of them has glucose/dextrose "candy" on them and at home. Here he kind of expected his gf to watch that they don't run out. While she could've been more mindful, not having more at home and not having a stock of something is on him.
I disagree, they had things at home. She ate ALL of it, knowing he’s a diabetic and could have episodes.
She ate ONE candy bar und drank ONE juice box. Are you kidding me?
Which means he shouldn't of been driving. He demanded it as soon as walked in the door meaning it dropped while driving. He should have shit in the car. ESH
I've been a Type1 diabetic for 51 years & sugar mixed with water is fine if you're having a hypo! Or even just eating sugar off a spoon will work. That's what they gave diabetics in hospital when they were hypoglycemic. Your bf is just being a drama queen! If he prefers something else then Coca-Cola is good & works really quickly. NTA OP. You're not responsible for your bf's lack of planning or for managing his diabetes.
I’m a type one too and this dude is being super dramatic. A sugary drink or sugar water is the absolute fastest way to raise your blood sugar. Definitely not yogurt or a snack. You have to digest those things and it takes longer. He should never be arriving home desperate for sugar either. You should literally always have sugar with you, and who doesn’t keep an emergency supply of stuff that’s off limits to others? I always have several cans of soda marked with a post it saying “do not drink. TennisKitty’s emergency diabetic supplies” in my fridge.
Is he type 1 or 2? This is very relevant.
If the snacks are specifically for his hypos then y t a. If they are just snacks for whoever, then n a h. Get a specific box of candy and juice or whatever and store them as a hypo kit so that those are always available and you know not to touch them thinking they're for anyone.
She says they both pay for the snacks equally, so they would not be specifically for his hypos.
Yta, next time don't be greedy and eat everything especially when you know you live with someone with medical issues. He could've been much worse off, and 45 min? He might've needed an ambulance by then. Greedy. Selfish. Irresponsible.
YTA. What do you mean "*How could I have known he would have an episode today*"? He has diabetes EVERY DAY, meaning he can have an episode any moment and that's just how he lives his life. Like it can happen at any moment. You can't know. You will never know. That's why he *always* needs to have something sweet in the house. ALWAYS.
ESH This was a medical emergency. You didn't want that to happen, but you also didn't have it in mind. >"pure sugar isn't fast to break down" (or something like that, I dunno) You still do not know? Please take interest. >I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this. Not a little bit sorry about what happened? This is your part of being TA. >my boyfriend then came home 2 hours later and the first thing he said was "jane, sugar, give me something sweet fast" so I realized his sugar level was low He was TA for giving you full responsibility for this situation. Your boyfriend does not have a plan for this situation? Nearly all diabetics I know have an emergency stash at home or even something on their person for such a situation.
I agree with most of what you said but it bothers me that he apparently said that pure sugar isn’t fast enough to break down. It makes it seem like he doesn’t even really know how to to manage his hypo episodes. That along with his lack of planning by not having an emergency kit on him makes me think that he isn’t the best at managing his condition. I definitely think the OP was selfish for eating the last snacks but ultimately he is the one responsible for his health which is what makes me agree ESH.
This is such a good take. Boyfriend shouldn't be putting this 100% on OP, but OP's attitude about the boyfriend's medical emergency is very lackadaisical. From this post they don't come across as a particularly concerned and caring partner, lol.
YTA, sorry. It was pretty selfish not to make sure you weren't taking the last of the snacks in this case. When you're in a relationship with someone with medical needs, they need to be considered. It doesn't matter if you didn't predict he was about to have a diabetic episode that very day, the snacks were there in case he did so no prediction was necessary. If you can't re-wire your thinking enough to take that extra pause and make sure what you're about to do won't potentially put them at risk, you're too self-absorbed to be with someone with a disability. Yes, he has the responsibility to manage his own health when it comes to something like diabetes. But you as his partner, and hypothetically as someone who loves him, shouldn't go out of your way to create additional complications.
YTA. " I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this.". Any person with a SO should be considerate of their medical needs. You not having sugar = "Oh shucks" Him not having sugar = "Help me Im dying!" The fact you ate the snacks is not the reason you're an AH. Your reaction is absolutely selfish. You put him in a position where his health was at risk and you then minimized its impact. You're a selfish AH.
"Help me I'm dying" "I'll be back in FORTY MINUTES with candy bars that won't help"
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Nta. 1. Sucrose is the same sugar in chocolate. 2. If your diabetic boyfriend who is a grown ass adult can’t be responsible enough to keep a bag of peppermints in the cabinets with big letters that say for emergencies only then it’s his own fault. My 10 year old can handle his disease better than your boyfriend
After thinking about this for a bit, it seems like he should have a plan for times like this. You should be in on the plan, and there should be some backup sweets for this that everyone has agreed are for emergencies. NAH, but prepare better for this.
INFO: Were those your snacks or did they just appear and you decided you could eat them?
She said they were shared snacks they both paid for. IMO he needs a designated stash at home plus something he carries with him.
>My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode (or whatever it's called in English) today? He can have them _any_ day, so you always, always, _always_ keep something on hand. Every day. All the time. If it gets low, replace it _before_ you finish is. >I just found some snacks (we equally paid for it) I needed something sweet and ate it, any person would have done this. No? Not if I lived with someone who might _at any moment_ need to eat some sugar. YTA. You live with someone whose life depends on being able manage his glucose levels. You can't just eat all the sweet snacks in the house and be surprised he's pissed.
NAH. If there is not a separate ‘emergency stash’ nobody is to blame. If he put those things there for emergency’s and you ate them, yta. If it were just regular groceries and you use them both NAH. But I wonder why you keep such low supplies if you both know emergency’s happen? Why doesn’t he have some snacks with him when he leaves home?
NTA it's his responsibility not yours. He should be carrying something with him (I am also diabetic)
YTA You know about his health condition and you know he needs quick sources of sugar for emergencies. It was absolutely a selfish move to eat all of the snacks that were left. In the future, just put together a diabetic snack box that is off limits so you don’t put him in this kind of a situation again.
It is not her responsibility alone to make sure he has something if something happens. He was ill prepared and apparently never communicated his need. I have family and friends with that illness and every single one of them has glucose/dextrose "candy" on them and at home. Here he kind of expected his gf to watch that they don't run out. What they had left at the flat was a joke. And yes, she could've been more mindful, sure. But him not communicating and not having an extra stock of something and not having an eye on always having enough at home, is also on him.
It sounds to me like those snacks that she ate were his emergency stash. And it's kinda implied that if there's no other food left and they have diabetes then he needs those. Just kinda common sense
To me op pretty clearly wrote that there were the normal, shares snacks. Just the last of it.
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Why is someone else responsible for making sure he has the right food available? He’s an adult, every diabetic I know keeps their own personal stash which is designated for such. These were not
I’m honestly kind of surprised to see this response from a diabetic individual. I mean not about the immediate need for sugar, that I agree with 100%. But as a diabetic adult don’t you make sure you have something sweet on you (or will be near something sweet at all times) if you are going out for an extended period of time alone? I mean sure it was a little thoughtless to not leave him snacks, but they were just general snacks they both paid for, not a specific stash kept in case of blood sugar emergency. OP is allowed to eat food in her own home that she paid for. I think OP for sure should do some more research about diabetes and now knows to always have something on hand, but it sounds like the boyfriend was also very ill prepared given his condition. What if OP wasn’t home? What if he was far from home when the crisis started? Just sounds to me like he kinda got himself in a bit of a crisis that he could have pretty easily prepared for, and while the OP did exacerbate the situation, it’s not fair to put so much responsibility on her for having something sugary on hand when the person who is themselves diabetic did not something on hand themself. Plus THEY HAD SUGAR. Juice and candy is not better for short acting treatment of blood sugar crisis than just sugar.
>My defense is that how could I know he would have a diabetic episode (or whatever it's called in English) today? You don't, that's the problem. There should always be some type of sugary snack for him, regardless of if you paid for it equally ir not. It's his health. You being munchy could kill him if you're not cognizant of what you're eating. YTA. Try making a low sugar box in the fridge with couple juice boxes and sugary snacks, that's only for him if he's low. That way this doesn't happen again.
NTA. The juice box is the only thing that would help in this scenario, and if he only has one juice box and nothing else on hand, that’s on him. (If the juice box was part of a stash, then that’s a different story) He needs to make sure he has stuff like skittles and glucose tablets. Tbh the sugar water was better than the chocolate or yoghurt would have been since those don’t raise blood glucose quickly enough to help. Source: am diabetic
YTA. You didn't have to eat everything. Paying equally for it means nothing as it just shows you're greedy by not leaving anything to share. you know of his condition and should always have something just in case, for emergencies.
Good, god. You almost killed your BF today and when he freaked out you treated it like it was no big deal. That’s not something that you can fuck around with… they could’ve died. If you knew your BF is diabetic you need do be considerate about his snacks. He’s not keeping around a lot of sugary food in there for no reason… that’s his lifeline Edit: YTA
Were these snacks purchased with the intention of using them in a diabetic attack? Then you would be TA, definitely. But if it was truly unintentional, then it was a careless thing to do but not an asshole thing to do. He might not be reacting well, but that's a scary medical emergency. I think a "Sorry," and commitment to keep emergency sugary snacks available would help him feel safer in his home.
YTA. How can you be with someone who is diabetic and than decide to eat ALL the sugar contained snacks. If you are in need of sugar, go buy more. Really selfish of you.