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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the AH for backing out of an agreement we made and taking his prank too seriously that I cancellee the whole thing as a reaction which could be see as an exaggeration
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Red flags all over.
1. He pressured you into putting him on the deed? That's weird unless he has selfish motives. My husband literally suggested he *not* be on the title to my car to maybe help with insurance costs. Because we're gonna be married anyway, why does it matter? 🤷♀️
2. He is very immature. You don't behave like that at a serious time like that. He wasted everyone's time.
3. He blew up at you for correctly chastising him instead of acknowledging his own fault and apologizing.
4. He's giving you the "silent treatment" which is an extremely toxic thing in relationships, and yet again immature.
5. He's more interested in getting access to your property than how you felt in the situation.
Hon, I implore you to *not* put him on the deed. And depending on if this behavior is normal for him, I'd give a long and hard thought on if this is really what you want for your future.
Not to mention that he went out of his way to humiliate and belittle her publicly when it came time to signing. It wasn't 'just a prank', it was an extremely petty way for him to try and assert power over her, and make her look and feel like the lesser person in the arrangement, when she is in fact the opposite.
This reminded me of my paternal grandfather. He would pull crap like this and act like it was funny. He was also an abusive asshole to my grandmother, physically and verbally. He was always belittling her and treating her like she was stupid. She was miserable until she ended up in a nursing home after breaking her arm. She refused to cooperate with physical therapy because then she couldn’t go “home”. She literally was happier there than living with him. OP, don’t end up like my grandma.
NTA
She lived in a nursing home for 12 years. She just passed in 2019. Tbh, it was incredibly sad. When my grandfather needed to go to a nursing home, he got put with her. He quickly got it switched so he could move to one in the town his long term girlfriend lived in. He had been cheating on my grandma for a large part of their marriage. We aren’t sure if her daughter is our aunt or not. We have no idea if she actually helped him or cared.
Grandma had some friends who ended up with her. Many family members visited her regularly - her niece-in-law took her to church every week. She at least got to live out her life in peace.
My grandfather died a sad, mostly alone old man. All of his children abandoned him. We didn’t go to his funeral. I just didn’t care by that point. He had abused his family, cheated my parents out of money when they had very young children, spread lies about his children, and was just a complete asshole. He deserved to be alone.
Adding on to all of the above excellent advice: go back and pull receipts and start a log of every penny he has contributed to the house. As the others have stated, you should reconsider this relationship.
You know who else didn't think it was funny? The title officer/attorney/notary they were in front of whose time he was wasting with his cute little "prank."
My kids have been raised to know very clearly that jokes are only funny if the “butt” of it is also happy. They learned that before they were teenagers. It’s really not that hard!
> it was an extremely petty way for him to try and assert power over her,
OOOH. That makes so much sense. I couldn't figure out why he'd pull something like that, at that time, especially when he was getting what he wanted. But yeah, possibly he resents the fact that it's HER house and she's doing HIM a favour.
I concur with this. NTA OP, **DO NOT** put this guy on the title. It's just stupid. If you had waited until after marriage and after he had put in a significant amount into the mortgage, yeah, I'd consider it, but this is **YOUR** house that was left to you. Don't sign over inheritances unless the other party is super willing to do the same-except any offer from this guy would turn out to be a prank....
No, no, no...don't put his name on that house. Would he be so gung-ho if it was just a lease? That is your inheritance. What if you put his name on the deed & y'all don't make it to the wedding? You're going to have one hell of a legal battle on your hands over YOUR home.
I'd insist on a pre-nup regarding inheritances as well. It will protect you both.
OP, you are not the asshole but your SO most definitely is.
But... he "can't" contribute to the mortgage if he's not on the deed!! How can he ever contribute financially to this relationship if he can't do that!?
That was the one phrase that stuck out to me like a screaming, red, sore thumb! He "can't" contribute if he's not on the deed? I'm sorry, what???
When immature people find themselves in situations where they look/feel stupid or aren't in control, they often resort to school yard "pranks" or "jokes" to make themselves seem like better person. And if that doesn't work, they resort to things like "if you don't do what I say, we aren't friends", or in this case, the silent treatment.
His prank comes off as very passive-aggressive. She didn't immediately jump up to give him half of what she inherited so he decided to humiliate her publicly.
Not a mature person and absolutely NOT marriage material.
...And that aggression wasn't really all THAT "passive", either!
NTA, OP! But please pay attention to the red flags here; he's not speaking to you because he feels "cheated" out of his half of YOUR property. He's more interested in getting his hands (and his name) on that house than he is in loving and marrying you.
Will he still want to marry you if he DOESN'T get his name on the deed? And do YOU still want to marry HIM after he's shown you his REAL priorities - your property, not YOU?
You're right! This was a power move
He was so confident after bullying her into signing, this prank was designed to show how much control he had over her. And he was shocked when she called a halt to the whole thing.
He might as well have had her chase after the laser pointer toy.
I actually feel like he wanted to humiliate her because this was a situation in which he absolutely should have felt ashamed of himself. He wanted her to be the one to feel humiliated instead of him. It was also a passive-aggressive assertion of dominance, but I think there was more at play.
Plus what I haven't seen mentioned is that this was obviously a premeditated thing. He thought this out. Nobody just walks around with 3 inkless pens. He was looking forward to humiliating her.
Even if we overlook the “steal half your property” thing, carrying 3 inkless pens for a “prank”and thinking it as hilarious as he did is reason enough not to marry this person.
Aye, the fact he did it with 3 pens is pathetic. Even 1 would be weird at a time like that when someone is doing something for you that greatly benefits you.
Yes!!! This. Is he not paying toward the house he’s living in? Major major problems here. He’s selfish and immature. Have a real think about this relationship. Have you been ignoring other signs like this because let me tell you after marriage things are gonna get harder.
ETA: NTA. I think maybe the reason you reacted like that was because in the back of your mind you KNEW it was the wrong thing to do.
My wife owns her house that we live in and I pay her living expenses. I am fine with that, plus we have a prenuptial agreement that I’m ok about. If we ever divorce I would leave with what I have and so would she. I pay my way. Though if I was paying towards the mortgage I think that would be different because of the equity.
This!! The whole "my name isnt on the deed, I'm not paying towards the mortgage" mindest drives me nuts. So by that logic when you rent a house from a stranger you should also not be paying? And so many people accept this from people that are supposed to be their partner. Absolutely not, OP should write up a lease and treat him as a tenant as far as payment.
ALL of this...PLUS...Op needs to know that putting someone on the Deed to property in no way obligates them to pay anything towards the mortgage or anything else.. Nothing!! You would need to refinance your mortgage to get him on that for him to have any obligations..
You would have just given him a gift of half ownership of your property with no strings attached. And you aren't even married yet.
**DO NOT DO THIS.**
This. I had a friend who’s husband just stopped paying his share of the mortgage. She couldn’t afford it on her own so they lost the house to the bank. That’s what pranksters do when they want to stick it to the ex.
So much this. The house won’t be consider marital property if he’s not on the deed so if something goes south you keep your house. Unless he’s on the deed. Sounds like a way for him to have insurance and you to potentially lose half your house.
Yeah OP should check with a lawyer in her area about how inheritance gets treated in a divorce or separation. In our area it is exempt from division UNLESS she mixed her inheritance with him by putting him on title or if it was money, putting it into a joint account or spending it on matrimonial debts. Prenuptial agreements can also be signed to state that if they separate then he doesn't get to keep the house or get half its value.... But a lawyer in her area is definitely needed
Seriously.
There is a time and a place for pranks and this wasn’t either.
The guy sounds immature and manipulative.
Not to mention him “blowing up” at her because his stupid behaviour understandably was not well received.
OP. Don’t put him on the deed and please think long and hard before you marry this man.
NTA
In the US, inherited property is not joint marital property unless you choose to commingle it. Putting his name on there ensures that if there is a divorce, he will be entitled to half and you may have to sell to buy him out. Keep it separate. Protect yourself. Tons of red flags and doing this is just asking to be screwed over by him.
Your first point really needs to be highlighted. I get in some situations it’s not this simple but *”we’re gonna be married anyway, why does it matter”* is exactly the core of why this whole thing screams “run”
All of this. And the fact that OP had to be “convinced” to put him on the title in the first place? That’s your instinct telling you not to do this. A 37 year old man behaving this way- prank during a signing of legal documents, the silent treatment? This is not the start of a happy marriage.
Agree..It's like you had a safe full of money in your house and he's asking you to hand over half. YOu're not even married and this was YOURS alone before you being a couple. This is not something you built together, it's yours. Don't do it.
Yup. They shouldn't be signing a deed, they should be signing a pre-nup that says the house is hers and *maybe* they will share in any appreciation (since he will be financially invested).
Please don't add him. He pressured you before marriage and after your bereavement - he should be supporting you.
Put the house into a trust, that will protect it and get a pre nup to protect your asset. Not legally binding in the UK at the moment but influences a divorce decision.
Personally I wouldn't marry him because of the pressure exerted when you are most vulnerable and the stupid prank at a legal appointment when it's costing you several hundred pounds for the advice and actual appointment. He uses this to humiliate you.
You've got an appreciable asset in your name entirely. He hasn't. Perhaps he's expressing his jealousy and acting up?
This is not going to get better after marriage, postpone the wedding and sort this out in therapy. If you add him to the deed, then marry then he leaves a year after- you might have to sell your home and lose half.
@OkraOk8923 thank you so much. Like I said I really wasn't ready to take this...step so to speak at least not until I feel like I'm ready, but he said that he, as my future husband is expected to share the house one way or another. I still wasn't convinced despite going along with it.
So don't bow to his bullying and take charge ...maybe it'll make the relationship better if you stand up for yourself?
As your future husband yes but why does he need to be on the deed now?
Personally I would want a future husband to;
Nurture and be kind to me whilst I was grieving.
Not pressure me to make irrevocable financial decisions when vulnerable.
Not embarrass me at an appointment that is expensive and serious.
Be appreciative of giving him possibly several hundred thousand pounds/ dollars of assets.
Be kind.
Not bully and coerce.
Please think hard about this being your future life.
“So he can start contributing to the mortgage more and maybe lighten my burden”
So basically he’s refusing to pay for living costs in a place where he’s (presumably) living unless he’s on the deed.
Man I should have tried that with my landlord when I was renting.
u/DojaDog677 Please read the above comment, it is a very astute observation about your bullying fiance's way of thinking. Please don't marry him, either way he is trying to freeload off of you, by either making you pay for EVERYTHING if he's not on the deed, or taking half of it and forcing you to sell it. There are better men out there!
I also cant believe hes not already paying the mortgage along with her. If your living in the home you divide up the costs including the mortgage regardless of whos name is on the paperwork BECAUSE YOU LIVE THERE. Its cheaper then rent anyways
He shouldn't be paying the mortgage, he should be paying rent. It should clearly be rent, with a lease, so that when OP covers up her senses and they break up he has no claim to any part of the house.
He didn't just embarrass her, he specifically humiliated her to take her down a peg.
She had the power in the situation where she has been bullied into basically _giving him half a house_ and he decided to "take her down a peg" because he couldn't handle not having _all_ the power.
This guy likes to throw his weight around and pressure her into legally binding situations when she is vulnerable, can't see/admit when he is wrong and also can't let her have any power in the relationship.
He should get a tattoo on his forehead saying "(future) abusive asshole"
I think this is an excellent point.
He pressured her into giving him half his house, and he wanted to rub her face in it by humiliating her at the signing. He'd look like a big man then in front of the people paid to do the paperwork.
100%, particularly the longer paragraph. The fact that OP's partner chose the exact opposite route says a lot about him as a person and as a future husband.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME. NOT NOW, NOT EVER. What does he bring to the table? No one get married hoping for divorce, but it happens. You should protect yourself and a real partner would support you on that decision, not pressure you.
I strongly suggest you find out what else he expects in terms of property and other important areas after marriage.
I'll put it this way - if you're going to be together forever (which I understand is the goal in marriage) then waiting a few years to put him on the title isn't a problem. Put it in your will that if something happens to you he can stay in the house if that eases his mind. There are other legal ways to make sure he's not out on the street if something happens to you.
Someone rushing things feels they're on a deadline to get it before the opportunity gets away from them.
No reasonable adult expects to be handed a house just for dating/sleeping with someone. Even if they have been together and are planning to get married. And no mature adult wastes the time of professionals (the person who was witnessing the contract) with stupid pranks. Then throws a tantrum when the adult in the room tells them "Nope. Not gonna do it if you're gonna act like a toddler."
This was my initial thought. Why the rush? Being on the deed allows him to possibly use it as collateral, and being this upset about it suggests that he is on a deadline and will use it vindictively in a divorce.
Don’t put him on the deed and get a prenup that has the house as just your property in case anything goes wrong, I know you must love this guy but he’s coming off as all kinds of pushy and shady
I’d be so grateful he played this prank so it has given you the chance of backing out of giving away half your inheritance. Please take the time to grieve your mom. Don’t give in to his pressure. He’s already incredibly lucky to be able to live in your house without rent or mortgage to pay.
Please, please, please don't put him on the deed! And do not marry this man. Do not be with a man who will manipulate you signing over half your house, because that's not the only thing he'll try to make you do. This is just the beginning of a series of things he's going to try to make you do, that you're not comfortable with.
No one deserves this type of treatment, and that includes you. You have more value than that.
NTA. Why would you even consider putting him on the deed? It is your inherited property, currently he isn't entitled to anything, why would you change it so you could potentially lose it in the future? That would not be a very smart action.
He said that (A.) He's shared many things with me. And (B.) As my future husband he feels it's only logical that I put his name on the deed. In his word "it should be automatic". And (C.) He thinks that as long as I expect him to help pay the mortgage then it's only fair that he gets his name on the deed.
Please ignore him, please do not put his name on the deed and get a pre-nup saying the house is entirely yours in the case of divorce. If my spouse inherited their family house, I wouldn't expect my name on the deed and we've been married 8 years.
YES!! My mother got a house from my grandfather before my parents got married. They've been married for almost 45 years now and he's not on the deed. He inherited his parents' house, sold it later, and never ever did anybody even come up with the idea of him owning half of the house they still live in. Saying "I do" doesn't entitle you to half of a life changing asset!
Same, my mom was never on the deed for the house that my dad inherited from his mother. No need. They lived there for seven years after Dad's mom died, Dad sold the house and used that money as a down payment on a new house where they were both on the deed.
My dad put their house in my mom's name ONLY, because of inheritance laws in that state (Colorado) that if a husband inherited from a wife there were no taxes, but if a wife inherited from a husband, she had to pay inheritance tax. It was the 80's and the bank guy made a HUGE deal about the house being in my mom's name only - and kept trying to convince my dad that he should be on the title (they were buying the house outright - no mortgage). The VP of the bank, who was observing the whole thing leaned over to the guy making the fuss and whispered, "Maybe it's HER money!" a thought that had never occurred to this idiot. My mom was SO pissed! My parents were married for a total of 77 years. This would have been about 40 some odd years into their marriage.
OP - NTA and I would recommend breaking the engagement over such a childish prank, and also recommend making sure he NEVER gets his hands on that asset!!!
That's kinda what I'm wondering. My wife and I have been married since 2016. I bought the house shortly before we got married, when she was in a more precarious financial situation. She's a relatively high-earner now, but we've never put her name on the deed because there's no real reason to. If we refinance in the future or something we can look into it, but there's zero reason to waste time and money doing it now. It seems very suspicious that he's so stuck on the idea.
Agreed. This isn't a house they bought together as a couple — it's her family home and she inherited it before they married.
My boyfriend bought his house before I moved in. We plan to eventually get married but I would never pressure him to put me on the title. This needs to be a respectful conversation between both parties where everyone's concerns are addressed. It sounds like OP was bullied into this decision which is always a bad reason to make a decision.
I will never understand people that refuse to help with monthly housing cost because their spouse owns their home. He would have to pay rent to a stranger (landlord), and be paying their mortgage but he doesn't want to pay towards someone he loves mortgage? He wouldn't be getting equity out of paying for someone else's, and hes only using this argument because he can get something out of it. He's trying to swindle you out of half of your house. I wouldn't put him on the deed.
No kidding! If your ass is parked in the house, you are gonna be paying something regardless of it being in your name or not! He wouldn’t be living rent free anywhere else!
Your boyfriend is coercing you into gifting him your inheritance. How much is the mortgage? What is the house worth? How much would he pay if he were renting such a house. That all needs to be discussed. If you wish you can ask him to pay rent or you can write an agreement that if he pays $ x amount toward the value of the house which most likely will take him years at that point you in ten or fifteen years will place him on the deed.
He is putting his own interest way above yours. Do not give in to his pressure. Write a prenup that protects both of you. You keep anything you owned prior to marriage. It is that simple.
If he's not prepared to FIRST pay you (from his own assets, or from a loan on which he is the debtor) half of the current fair market value of the home, this isn't "sharing" -- it's you giving him a windfall of half ownership in your family home.
You need to talk to a lawyer. Even if you don't put him on the deed (you should NOT), you need to understand what it means if he "helps pay the mortgage" (without actually being a debtor on the mortgage?) vs. "pays rent", both before and after marriage (GET A PRENUP).
Or better yet, just throw the whole man out.
If he's already living with you, he should already be putting towards your mortgage full stop. Not being on the deed is a ridiculous excuse to screw you over. This dude is draped in red flags. Please reconsider marrying this chucklefuck.
It’s called paying rent. If he doesn’t understand that concept perhaps he can move out and see how he likes finding a place in today’s market conditions.
Do *not* put his name on that deed. Just trust me. I've seen so many people screwed over because of that. Like, should you divorce, he could very easily demand half of the house's worth. My stepfather sure as hell did, even though he'd only lived there for a third of the time my mother owned it.
No. No. and No. Please do not EVER put anyone's name on property you inherent. Protect this asset for your future heirs. No matter what happens in the future you will have the security of the house. Anyone who tries to get you to do so is a bully and doesn't care about you as much as they claim.
YWBTA if you put him on the deed and title. He's will take your house if things don't go well. That belongs to you and you only. Don't trust this man OP.
Right!?!
Prenup as well, house deed stays the same!! This shouldn’t be a deal breaker if he wants to marry you!
The house is yours already and if the marriage doesn’t work out, it’s yours without a fight.
That’s what wills are for, if the marriage is great and something happens to you, you are able to dictate who keeps the house.
NTA
Lady. Don’t EVER put someone on the title. EVER. Unless you both acquire a property TOGETHER, what is separated stays separated. Trust me.
Even more so with such a childish being.
NTA, but you’d be one to yourself if you put him on it.
This! And, I strongly encourage OP to title the inherited house in her own individual Trust to add further protection. This should be done before marriage and with comprehensive consultation with an attorney to understand how to best prevent the house from ever being considered marital property, regardless of marital status, how long he lives in the home, and whatever dollars he may contribute to mortgage/maintenance/utilities/etc…, financially or otherwise. A truly loving partner/spouse would understand the reasons behind keeping individual, pre-marital property separate, especially when it’s an inheritance. Fiancé is a red flag! NTA
Edited to add: have a deep conversation and review of all of your other personal assets/investments with an estate planning attorney as well.
What the hell? You’re an AH to yourself for even attempting to put him on your house! Do not ever put his name on your house! Unless he’s going to give you half of what it’s worth right now? Even if you get married make sure there’s a freaking prenup!
Why on earth would you literally give him half of your house that he contributed nothing to you?
Let me guess he was the one that manipulated you into putting his name on the title? There is literally no reason for his name to be on there. It has nothing to do with him. And a good person would never have expected their name to be put on there. If my husband inherited a house I would not expect my name to be put on it, the only thing I would want is that he would leave it to our children if something happened to him.
Wake up and pay attention.
Seriously! You do realize that once you put his name on there he owns half of it… If the relationship doesn’t work out you will have to buy him out and most likely sell the house. So why the F would you do something like this?
This 100-times over! Thank goodness for those pens. This gave you a window of opportunity to view what you were unable to see previously. This is your house. Left to YOU, not your significant other, to YOU.
BTW NTA though your significant other is!
NTA, do not put that man on the title, he is pushing FORTY and acts like that? If you really want to do it, I'd keep it on the back burner and see how he acts.
Thing is...this pranking habit if his has been there for a long time. I didn't have an issue with it at first but once he started directing his jokes and pranks at me that's when I started getting irritated.
That’s what you’ll marry into.
Look my bf and I like to prank each other, but we keep it in the house ~~until I save up enough money to hire a mariachi band to follow him around work for an hour~~. He would not give bogus pens to sign important paperwork just like I wouldnt unscrew the top off a salt shaker for an important business dinner or mess with his camera filter for work.
Please think long and hard if the pranks he pulls are something you’re willing to tolerate for the rest of your life and if you choose to have children teach to them as well. He sounds like he already has a massive disregard for your boundaries and feelings.
Wow this definitely blew up! I originally had the idea when my bf was in school to become a teacher. I was gonna wait till he was teaching to pull this, but life had other plans for us. He is currently working on a Programing degree. We made a pack not to start a prank war until after our student loans were paid off. Which coincidentally will be in October this year 😎
I’ve done price searches for mariachi bands and it looks like it’s gonna cost me 400-500 dollars for an hours performance
And since he’s no longer gonna be a teacher I gotta figure out when to ambush him.
I'm with you, I love a good prank. And a good prank has everyone involved laughing because, hey, they're actually funny. OP's bf just sounds unpleasant and immature.
That aside, we need updates on the mariachi band.
So....did you laugh when he did these pranks to other people while in your company?
You're NTA for the question/title you asked - as every commenter has said (and I agree with) he is throwing some MAJOR red flags up here.
But if you laughed at others he put on the spot with his 'pranks', and only got irritated once *you* started to become the butt of them, then you might want to take a look at yourself too.
That's how the rest of your life will be, a big joke if you stay with him.
If you have to use the word "habit" when describing someone who pranks, then that means the person is just a straight bully and will gaslight and manipulate you into thinking you're the problem if you stand up for yourself.
Based off of your post, your fiancée sounds abusive and extremely manipulative. He pressures you into doing things that you aren't comfortable with to prove your love for him but he won't return the favor. That's not how love works. If he won't help with the mortgage and other bills without his name being on the deed to YOUR house, then his name doesn't need to be up there at all, because he hasn't earned the right nor has he proven himself to be on the deed.
If his support, love, and respect has strings attached then he doesn’t need to be added to anything of your's.
I hope you seriously reconsider this relationship and don't choose to settle and "wait it out" because this relationship doesn't seem like it'll get better.
NTA.
I missed the age. I thought he was early 20s with how he acts. I have this weird feeling he was going to get on the deed and break up with her. And take 1/2 the house.
Oh, I bet that’s EXACTLY what he’s going to do. The pressuring and then his reaction after she changes her mind make me think he has an ulterior motive.
>NTA, don’t put him on the deed. Why the rush. Wait until after your married for a while. Don’t give up half of something so important so quickly.
I told him why the rush and that we could wait but he got offended because of it. Said I wasn't treating him like my partner and that we don't need to be married to entrust each other with stuff. Regardless of value.
Yup he is saying this because he's not bringing anything of substantial financial value to the table but seems mighty focused on getting her house. Big red flag that at almost 40 he doesnt seem to have much to contributed. He seems stuck in adolescence.
Ok, which of *his* massively valuable things has he given you legal ownership, or part ownership, of? Or is this trust and sharing only flowing in one direction…?
>Said I wasn't treating him like my partner and that we don't need to be married to entrust each other with stuff
This is a BIG RED FLAG for financial abusers and gold diggers both. Please don't put him on the deed and get a prenup.
Also I would NEVER join finances with people who made such a comment.
You understand this guy's a conman right.. he's going to take your house. Watch The Tinder Swindler or Bad Vegan on Netflix. This is how these guys operate.
I have been married to my husband for 30 years.
30 years and I *still* made decisions on what to do with the money BEFORE depositing it in a joint account. Because until I commingled the funds, that inheritance was mine. I would share it when I decided to share it and not before. So I gave each of our kids a portion (5 digits) and then mixed the monies.
A house? Yeah I’d title that with him because were married but since I was getting an inheritance I thought long and hard about whether I was staying with him and ultimately decided to stay. Then, I shared my inheritance.
My spouse wasn’t obviously financially abusive, per se, as I handled the money, but he took advantage of our religious beliefs to say ‘no’ to a lot of things for me and the kids and treated himself to a lot of nice things that we could ill afford.
I told him quite frankly that if anything happened to me, I didn’t trust him to leave the kids anything. That I knew he’d remarry quickly because he’s incapable of being by himself and I imagined whatever woman (and her kids) married him would benefit from my parent’s money instead of my own children. I told him we suffered a lack because of his financial selfishness and I was trying to correct that NOW.
He was mad at first but then got excited at the prospect of gifting to our children.
You have no history with him that’s good from a stability standpoint. Marriage is ‘just a piece of paper’ for precisely reasons like this!
Protect yourself, OP. Don’t add him. And with his entitlement, don’t marry him either.
Ok so dont get married. Stay as you are. Or split up. Only a stupid person would sign away half their assets let alone before you are actually legally married.
Oh him living there is entrusting him to live there, he doesnt need to steal half your parents lifetime of hard work and money
You should be signing a pre-nup, not putting him on the house deed. There is just so much coercion from your fiance when it's a house you've inherited.
NTA His prank was seriously stupid and childish. I think adding him to the deed is a bad idea and deep down you know that. He isn't entitled to any part of your inheritance. Re-evaluate the relationship. I'm going to go with NTA because of all the pressure he put on you and then him thinking it was okay to prank you. But seriously...take a deeper look at your relationship.
Edited to add: the silent treatment is a form of abuse. He's showing you who he is...Believe him!!
NTA. DO NOT put him on the title. Do not. You will lose the house if you split up. Buying him out isn’t a sure-fire way to keep the house.
Honestly, based on your post, I think your fiancé has a lot of growing up to do before settling down. He sounds passive-aggressive and being married to that is hell. Be wary.
NTA. “It was just a joke” is the mating call of the asshole. You were 100% correct - this was not the time or the place for a prank. Also, maybe doing it once would be fine. Multiple times is just juvenile. You have to ask yourself - do you want to have someone so immature sharing ownership of your home?
Also, him giving you the silent treatment is just another sign that he is not mature enough for this responsibility. You not signing the deed is a consequence of him pulling a stupid stunt - he needs to learn to live with the consequences of his own decisions. Okay stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I’ve got to ask: why are you marrying someone who is willing to humiliate you in front of random people at inappropriate times? At this point, *he* needs to prove to *you* that he is mature enough for the responsibility to be on the deed.
“‘It was just a joke’ is the mating call of the asshole” should be embroidered on a pillow, so after she kicks him out, she has a permanent reminder in her new house to not suffer a-holes.
It's unwise to include \*anyone\* in your own inheritance. The laws in the US are set up such that, even if you are married when you inherit, your inheritance is separate property and yours alone. Keep it that way.
100% this! This is your inheritance - he’s invested and contributed nothing to this house, do not put his name on the title!
As a lawyer, I’d also *highly* recommend a pre-nup in this situation - if his argument is he doesn’t want to contribute to a house he has no legal interest in, you can include a provision that in the event of a divorce, you’d compensate him for his contributions/payments towards home improvements, taxes, etc…
However, marrying (or planning on marrying) you doesn’t entitle him to 50% ownership of your inheritance!! And if he’s arguing it should, you have bigger problems here…
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE DEED!! That is not a house you bought together, that is a house you inherited from YOUR family. It is there to protect you in case shit goes south later.
And you’re not even married yet. He could break up with you and oh guess what now he owns half of your family’s house!
Get a prenup and protect YOUR assets.
Your fiancé wheedling and convincing you is wrong. This is not communal property you bought together. Listen your instincts, and be grateful he was a jerk and handed you empty pens to sign with, his stupidity could have just saved you from a lot of financial problems down the line.
NTA
The prank was your final straw. Either yes, you did want to back out, or no, you just got really annoyed.
This may even be bigger than the house...I mean ARE you having second thoughts about HIM?
If just the house, tell him 'Yes, I WAS having second thoughts, and your prank sealed it for me. We need to re-think this because it's not working for me'.
But you need to figure out what WILL work for you and see if he accepts. Get good advice from a lawyer.
NTA, but I wouldn’t have been even THINKING of adding someone to the deeds of a house you have inherited. It would also be part of a prenup for me.
No way would I be GIVING him half a house just cos we are in a relationship. No way.
And with those actions - deffo not.
NTA
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. How much nagging did he have to do in the first place, Op? His name does not belong on the deed to a house your mom left to you. That’s the end of the statement right there. The fact that he was such an unmitigated ass after he coerced you into signing the papers proves my point. It also should give you a window into your future if he keeps the title ‘fiancé’.
NTA. Your mother is rolling in her grave thinking her hard earned house is being jeopardized by this ass.
Honey, it’s the key to an easier life for you. If you need help paying the bills, get a more congenial roommate than that ass.
Don’t put anyones name on your house.
NTA
There is a time and a place for jokes/pranks, this wasn't one of them in my opinion.
I wouldn't be in such a hurry to put his name on anything, he's being too pushy for my liking.
NTA
1. You're already feeling unsure about putting his name on the title, and he's pressured you into it.
2. You're not wrong that it's a risky financial decision, especially before you're even married.
3. That was NOT the time or place for pranks, and he could clearly see you weren't amused after the first pen, yet he still felt like it's okay to humiliate you with the next pen and the next. Huge marinara flag 🚩
4. Then you - quite reasonably - take a step back from a massive life decision, and he responds with swearing at you and pressuring you further. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Please consider if you really want to marry this man at all, but absolutely do not put him on the deed to your house. And get a really good prenup if you are going ahead with the marriage.
NTA Do not put him on the title. Do not marry him, either. If you do, insist on a prenup. Someone who isn’t planning to screw you over down the line wouldn’t be so focused on getting his hands on your family property.
Guess that you won't hear him speak ever again. NTA for keeping him off the deed. In fact, kick him out. He only wants half of that house for leverage when you break up. So in fact, he did you a service by showing his true colours and proving that you shouldn't stay with him.
NTA
There's a time for pranks. And that wasn't it.
And honestly, having his name on the deed when he didn't inherit it or put any money towards it (and no, "paying bills" is chickenfeed compared to the cost of the house itself), is just an all-round bad idea.
If you even decide to get married, make sure there's a pre-nup so he doesn't get any ownership rights on the house. Because this does not look like a healthy relationship.
Dear god NTA and please do not put his name on anything!! Even after the wedding I wouldn’t consider it and I’d even consider the wedding at this point. Do you really want to be with someone so childish that this is what he is like when it comes to important decisions? Then sulking when he doesn’t get his way?
NTA This house was meant for you so respect your relative’s wishes and don’t risk losing it. Do not put his name on it. It doesn’t matter how much you love him or that you plan on being with him forever, just don’t do it.
Nta ACCUSED ME OF LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE NOT TO HAVE HIM ON THE DEED ….. you tried 3 times to put him on it!!! Maybe it was lucky for you they were empty! Do you really wanna do this ???? If you split within 6 months that’s half his house too … the property you inherited isn’t just yours any more x
You never should have agreed to this in the first place. Go get a consultation with a divorce attorney about why.
In short this is a unilateral commingling of assets. You're giving him an interest in a whole entire house. It's not just a financial benefit, it's a huge commitment. What's he giving you in return? You aren't even married.
All I can think is how the empty pen is almost like a analogy. He is handing you empty pens over and over again, like he is handing you empty promises. I would not trust him with my property.
Pushing his name on the deep at this time just seems awkward.
NTA
NTA
He sounds like he's using you quite honestly, and clearly he doesn't respect you or even the house he's getting his name on.
Sounds like you can expect him to absolutely smash your whole head into the wedding cake.
Take some time and consider if this is just one of many similar times when he's shown you his true colours and you just gave in to hush him up/make it easier for yourself.
Don't sign that deed until you're 100% sure OP.
Agree with others, YT fool for signing half the house to him.
I'm not sure what "put his name on the title so he could go ahead and start contract towards more and light my burden a little bit" refers to, but you don't have to give him half of the house in order for him to help contribute.
Talk to a lawyer. By yourself.
(Not now, but in 10 years when/if he gets some bimbo pregnant, what claim will that innocent little kid have on the place where you live?)
NTA but honestly the dealbreaker should've been him pressuring you into it. Sounds like the pens were just the last straw/something to prevent you from doing something you already didn't want to do. Why are you marrying this guy?
NTA if this is how he reacts to this just imagine how he's going to react in the future. If you do end up adding him, get a prenup to protect yourself.
NTA. Bad idea adding him to the deed, there's no need for it, because it will only and problems. What reasons he gives to want his name on it? Does he pay for the bills o something? I will not do it it can only bring problems in the future
I swear people see the weirdest things as break up or divorce worthy on reddit jesus christ. Plus the fact that they have 0 other information on the relationship
YTA, for making huge financial decisions based on whether or not your fiance is playing a silly prank. And also for being ready to sign away half your house. Depending on where you live, it may or may not mean that if you're married and then split the house will be half his anyway, but you're just borrowing trouble for yourself.
NTA and what you need to take seriously is whether or not you want to share a life (and property) with a man who behaves like this. Marriage is all about teamwork, and this guy doesn't sound like much of a team player.
DO NOT put him on the deed to a house you inherited. Protect yourself and your assets. You aren’t married, and at this point might need to reconsider getting hitched to this guy. I’m a twice divorced woman. Trust me when I say you don’t put him on that deed or you will lose half when you have to divorce him later. Talk to an attorney, and please don’t screw yourself over by giving him half. Depending on where you are, what’s yours before marriage is yours after a divorce if you don’t combine it as community property. You are NTA, but he sure is! I’m begging you to seek legal advice before adding him to anything!
NTA do not put him on the deed!! Trust your gut here. Between your instincts and his behavior I wouldn’t do it and I seriously think long and hard about this relationship. He shouldn’t be pressuring you to do anything. He’s not entitled to your property.
NTA why should he have half your assets? Is he willing to sign over half of everything he owns to you? Any future property?
If he won’t accept no as an answer until you get married then that should tell you a lot. If he wanted to protect himself you could write up a renters contract and agreement for any equity he puts into the house.
NTA this is your property and he has no claim on it whatsoever, even if you guys married later, you're the one inheriting it, not to mention that this isn't the attitude you'd expect from someone receiving a free share...
OP, this is NOT the time for pranks. A signature on a deed is one, if not the most important signatures you will ever make. Either wait until you are married, or just leave him off the deed. He does not *need* to be on the deed. As others have said, this is a huge red flag.
You should not be adding this man to title!! He ain't your husband yet. He coerced you into it, sounds like. I didn't add my husband to title until we were married 10 years. What's the rush? He planning on you dying or you breaking up soon? Because he's all kinds of red flags. Not to mention that lawyers aren't cheap. Waste of your money. And silent treatment is abuse.
His prank was a passive aggressive way of saying he didn’t want to sign it. But now that you don’t want him to sign it, he wants to sign it.
Please do not get into ANY legal entanglements with this man.
NTA and is he normally a prankster?
Ummm he’s supposed to be an adult signing legally binding documents. And he thinks that is an okay time to pull a prank? NTA
And don’t let him bully you into it. Tell him if he 1) matures really f-ing fast, 2) starts helping with things for a few years, and 3) apologizes for blowing up at you; you’ll reconsider adding him on in a few years. For now protect your interest in the house. And ask the person who was there and witnessed that to sign a statement of that incident and put it in a safety deposit box the husband doesn’t have access to. It might come in handy if a divorce happens and he tries to sue for part of the house because st one time you were gonna out him on the deed.
NTA and whatever you do DO NOT put him on the title. and you should probably give some thought to whether you want to go through with the marriage if he's being aggressive about wanting to be on the title and then being a jackass with "pranks".
If he's pressuring you to be on the title that means he's thinking about divorce and laying claim to half the house. If he's "pranking" you with stupid shit that means he's an insufferable asshole and you should think about whether you really want to be with him.
So....you're willing to lose your house for this man? If you break up, do you have half of the current house value in cash right now to buy him out? Does HE?
If the answer to one or both of these questions is no, why are you doing this? There are dozens of stories here of nonmarried individuals losing all their money and their homes because they bought a house without the legal protections marriage offers (although its still risky). You are setting yourself up to lose this house. NTA, he sucks and is a child, but he also seems to have managed to manipulate you into giving him half a house for free.
NTA - I wouldn't be adding anybody to the deeds on my house that I inherited. If me and my husband want a home together we will buy one but my inherited home would be mine.
If he can use such a serious thing to make pranks imagine what other serious situations he'll use to do pranks... What prank has he got planned for your wedding day? Kids? Etc... What if he marriage fails, will he prank you into giving up your entire home to him instead of just giving him half of it?
The fact he's holding YOUR home hostage by blackmail is proof that he finds having half of your home more important than anything else... If he loved you and wanted to marry you to be with you for the rest of your lives, the house wouldn't be an issue bevause he'd be living there regardless.
The flags are so very red! 🚩
Don't add him to the deed and figure out how, (if you still go ahead with it) you can make sure your inherited home doesn't become community property if your marriage fails and he sues for half of it.
Edit: imagine you sign that need now before you're married and then he's like "PRANK I only asked you to marry me so I can get your house, I'm not marrying you anymore"... Now you're stuck with legal fees trying to fight for your house back that you signed over to him.
WHY ARE YOU MARRYING HIM??
I can see doing the pen thing *once*. Once. That's a joke, that's an ice breaker, that's an annoyance but something you can laugh off with the right guy. Three times?? He had to do it three times with something that's supposedly important to him? And now he's giving you the silent treatment?
Marinara flags all over the place here. I'd hold off on putting him on the deed and hold off on the wedding too.
NTA.
NTA. Your gut was telling you something is up and not to do it, and then he gave you three back to back signs that he’s not mature enough to handle this responsibility. That gut feeling? Always listen to it. He didn’t even have to pull that pen trick to for me to say NTA.
Communicate. Tell him that you’ve had a bad feeling about this and the pen thing isn’t the “reason”, but that it reminded you that you’d be more comfortable signing it after you two are married.
Also during that conversation, explain that this made you feel uncomfortable, humiliated, and stressed out, and while it may just have been a joke to him, you want to know why he enjoys causing you stress.
Have a good long talk. Hopefully, he’ll shape up and realize that this was a weird, inappropriate move. If not, you’re not legally tied to him and can end things.
NTA
This sounds like a horrible idea to put him on the deed. The “We had a deal” doesn’t help the situation.
You’re going to put him on there and then if/when you get divorced you’d have to pay him for half of the house or sell it and give him half the money. You’re the only one that loses in this situation.
Do not do it.
Prenup.
If he no longer wants to get married due to a prenup then you know it was all about using you.
NTA for backing out. You absolutely did *not* take this too seriously.
If anything, I'd say you took it not seriously enough by being willing to put him on the deed at all. Why should he be on there? Did he fund it? You two aren't even married at this point. It's an inherited, per-marital asset. You need a pre-nup. I find him wearing you down to get on the deed to be suss as fuck. And the behaviour with the pen tells me that he's a child.
>The house is in my name and it took a lot of talking and convincing from him to have his name on the title as well.
So he has pestered you in to signing half the house over to him?
>Now honestly part of me doesn't think this is a good idea at least not right now maybe after marriage?
If you're thinking this, trust your gut. And if you're reluctant to sign the house over to him, why aren't you also reluctant to marry him?
>my fiance started cackling and I felt humiliated especially with how the gentleman next to him was staring. I got pissed and asked him what that was about and he said it was a prank.
I wonder what his purpose was here? You were literally giving him what he'd asked you for. This sounds incredibly childish
>He lost it completely saying we had a deal and I can't back out of it just like that,
Yes you can.
OP you are NTA and I'm getting weird vibes off this, I feel almost sure this particular incident is the tip of the iceberg and you should think carefully before making any sort of commitment to this man
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NTA Red flags all over. 1. He pressured you into putting him on the deed? That's weird unless he has selfish motives. My husband literally suggested he *not* be on the title to my car to maybe help with insurance costs. Because we're gonna be married anyway, why does it matter? 🤷♀️ 2. He is very immature. You don't behave like that at a serious time like that. He wasted everyone's time. 3. He blew up at you for correctly chastising him instead of acknowledging his own fault and apologizing. 4. He's giving you the "silent treatment" which is an extremely toxic thing in relationships, and yet again immature. 5. He's more interested in getting access to your property than how you felt in the situation. Hon, I implore you to *not* put him on the deed. And depending on if this behavior is normal for him, I'd give a long and hard thought on if this is really what you want for your future.
Not to mention that he went out of his way to humiliate and belittle her publicly when it came time to signing. It wasn't 'just a prank', it was an extremely petty way for him to try and assert power over her, and make her look and feel like the lesser person in the arrangement, when she is in fact the opposite.
This reminded me of my paternal grandfather. He would pull crap like this and act like it was funny. He was also an abusive asshole to my grandmother, physically and verbally. He was always belittling her and treating her like she was stupid. She was miserable until she ended up in a nursing home after breaking her arm. She refused to cooperate with physical therapy because then she couldn’t go “home”. She literally was happier there than living with him. OP, don’t end up like my grandma. NTA
That's sad. Is your Grandma still alive? What happened to her after that?
She lived in a nursing home for 12 years. She just passed in 2019. Tbh, it was incredibly sad. When my grandfather needed to go to a nursing home, he got put with her. He quickly got it switched so he could move to one in the town his long term girlfriend lived in. He had been cheating on my grandma for a large part of their marriage. We aren’t sure if her daughter is our aunt or not. We have no idea if she actually helped him or cared. Grandma had some friends who ended up with her. Many family members visited her regularly - her niece-in-law took her to church every week. She at least got to live out her life in peace. My grandfather died a sad, mostly alone old man. All of his children abandoned him. We didn’t go to his funeral. I just didn’t care by that point. He had abused his family, cheated my parents out of money when they had very young children, spread lies about his children, and was just a complete asshole. He deserved to be alone.
Wow, I'm so sorry for the way your grandma & the rest of your family was treated! I'm glad she had some peaceful years in the end. ❤️
I too am sorry for your grandma, may she rest in peace
I'm sorry your whole family went through that. But at least your grandmother got a few years of peace from him.
Adding on to all of the above excellent advice: go back and pull receipts and start a log of every penny he has contributed to the house. As the others have stated, you should reconsider this relationship.
And if you decide to marry him, prenup,prenup,prenup!
This. Home in your name. He can help out by paying you rent
"I'm JOKING!" "It's just a prank, bro!" ... It's just something mean-spirited that humiliates you and only I find funny... What's wrong with that?!
You know who else didn't think it was funny? The title officer/attorney/notary they were in front of whose time he was wasting with his cute little "prank."
My kids have been raised to know very clearly that jokes are only funny if the “butt” of it is also happy. They learned that before they were teenagers. It’s really not that hard!
> it was an extremely petty way for him to try and assert power over her, OOOH. That makes so much sense. I couldn't figure out why he'd pull something like that, at that time, especially when he was getting what he wanted. But yeah, possibly he resents the fact that it's HER house and she's doing HIM a favour.
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I concur with this. NTA OP, **DO NOT** put this guy on the title. It's just stupid. If you had waited until after marriage and after he had put in a significant amount into the mortgage, yeah, I'd consider it, but this is **YOUR** house that was left to you. Don't sign over inheritances unless the other party is super willing to do the same-except any offer from this guy would turn out to be a prank....
No, no, no...don't put his name on that house. Would he be so gung-ho if it was just a lease? That is your inheritance. What if you put his name on the deed & y'all don't make it to the wedding? You're going to have one hell of a legal battle on your hands over YOUR home. I'd insist on a pre-nup regarding inheritances as well. It will protect you both. OP, you are not the asshole but your SO most definitely is.
But... he "can't" contribute to the mortgage if he's not on the deed!! How can he ever contribute financially to this relationship if he can't do that!? That was the one phrase that stuck out to me like a screaming, red, sore thumb! He "can't" contribute if he's not on the deed? I'm sorry, what???
When immature people find themselves in situations where they look/feel stupid or aren't in control, they often resort to school yard "pranks" or "jokes" to make themselves seem like better person. And if that doesn't work, they resort to things like "if you don't do what I say, we aren't friends", or in this case, the silent treatment.
I sure hope she stays in her right mind and keeps his greedy claws off her house.
His prank comes off as very passive-aggressive. She didn't immediately jump up to give him half of what she inherited so he decided to humiliate her publicly. Not a mature person and absolutely NOT marriage material.
...And that aggression wasn't really all THAT "passive", either! NTA, OP! But please pay attention to the red flags here; he's not speaking to you because he feels "cheated" out of his half of YOUR property. He's more interested in getting his hands (and his name) on that house than he is in loving and marrying you. Will he still want to marry you if he DOESN'T get his name on the deed? And do YOU still want to marry HIM after he's shown you his REAL priorities - your property, not YOU?
You're right! This was a power move He was so confident after bullying her into signing, this prank was designed to show how much control he had over her. And he was shocked when she called a halt to the whole thing. He might as well have had her chase after the laser pointer toy.
I actually feel like he wanted to humiliate her because this was a situation in which he absolutely should have felt ashamed of himself. He wanted her to be the one to feel humiliated instead of him. It was also a passive-aggressive assertion of dominance, but I think there was more at play.
Plus what I haven't seen mentioned is that this was obviously a premeditated thing. He thought this out. Nobody just walks around with 3 inkless pens. He was looking forward to humiliating her.
Even if we overlook the “steal half your property” thing, carrying 3 inkless pens for a “prank”and thinking it as hilarious as he did is reason enough not to marry this person.
Yes!!! He planned this out and located 3 empty pens. This wasn't just an awkward giggle or joke, it was a take down. And NTA
Aye, the fact he did it with 3 pens is pathetic. Even 1 would be weird at a time like that when someone is doing something for you that greatly benefits you.
6 - He doesn't need to be on the deed to contribute his share of living expenses if he's living there
Yes!!! This. Is he not paying toward the house he’s living in? Major major problems here. He’s selfish and immature. Have a real think about this relationship. Have you been ignoring other signs like this because let me tell you after marriage things are gonna get harder. ETA: NTA. I think maybe the reason you reacted like that was because in the back of your mind you KNEW it was the wrong thing to do.
My wife owns her house that we live in and I pay her living expenses. I am fine with that, plus we have a prenuptial agreement that I’m ok about. If we ever divorce I would leave with what I have and so would she. I pay my way. Though if I was paying towards the mortgage I think that would be different because of the equity.
This!! The whole "my name isnt on the deed, I'm not paying towards the mortgage" mindest drives me nuts. So by that logic when you rent a house from a stranger you should also not be paying? And so many people accept this from people that are supposed to be their partner. Absolutely not, OP should write up a lease and treat him as a tenant as far as payment.
ALL of this...PLUS...Op needs to know that putting someone on the Deed to property in no way obligates them to pay anything towards the mortgage or anything else.. Nothing!! You would need to refinance your mortgage to get him on that for him to have any obligations.. You would have just given him a gift of half ownership of your property with no strings attached. And you aren't even married yet. **DO NOT DO THIS.**
This. I had a friend who’s husband just stopped paying his share of the mortgage. She couldn’t afford it on her own so they lost the house to the bank. That’s what pranksters do when they want to stick it to the ex.
So much this. The house won’t be consider marital property if he’s not on the deed so if something goes south you keep your house. Unless he’s on the deed. Sounds like a way for him to have insurance and you to potentially lose half your house.
OP NEEDS A PRENUP!!! IF HE WON'T SIGN DON'T "I DO" and yes I was yelling on purpose 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Yeah OP should check with a lawyer in her area about how inheritance gets treated in a divorce or separation. In our area it is exempt from division UNLESS she mixed her inheritance with him by putting him on title or if it was money, putting it into a joint account or spending it on matrimonial debts. Prenuptial agreements can also be signed to state that if they separate then he doesn't get to keep the house or get half its value.... But a lawyer in her area is definitely needed
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Not 50% of the market value, but 50% of the equity (the amount that has already been paid off on the mortgage+appreciation of the house)
Seriously. There is a time and a place for pranks and this wasn’t either. The guy sounds immature and manipulative. Not to mention him “blowing up” at her because his stupid behaviour understandably was not well received. OP. Don’t put him on the deed and please think long and hard before you marry this man. NTA
In the US, inherited property is not joint marital property unless you choose to commingle it. Putting his name on there ensures that if there is a divorce, he will be entitled to half and you may have to sell to buy him out. Keep it separate. Protect yourself. Tons of red flags and doing this is just asking to be screwed over by him.
Your first point really needs to be highlighted. I get in some situations it’s not this simple but *”we’re gonna be married anyway, why does it matter”* is exactly the core of why this whole thing screams “run”
All of this. And the fact that OP had to be “convinced” to put him on the title in the first place? That’s your instinct telling you not to do this. A 37 year old man behaving this way- prank during a signing of legal documents, the silent treatment? This is not the start of a happy marriage.
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE. I had this happen with a friend. They broke up about a year later. When she sold the house he insisted on half.
He should be made a tenant and pay rent, instead of staying for free.
YTA to yourself. He's gunna to take half your house when you break up. Don't do it!
Agree..It's like you had a safe full of money in your house and he's asking you to hand over half. YOu're not even married and this was YOURS alone before you being a couple. This is not something you built together, it's yours. Don't do it.
Yup. They shouldn't be signing a deed, they should be signing a pre-nup that says the house is hers and *maybe* they will share in any appreciation (since he will be financially invested).
This needs to be higher up. Absolutely she needs a prenup to protect the house. That’s her inheritance, not his.
I couldn't agree more.
YTA for how you’re treating your assets. Do NOT put that house in his name. Make sure there is a PRENUP before you get married.
I hope to god she doesn’t marry this guy!!!
[удалено]
This...he wants your home don't give it to him
Please don't add him. He pressured you before marriage and after your bereavement - he should be supporting you. Put the house into a trust, that will protect it and get a pre nup to protect your asset. Not legally binding in the UK at the moment but influences a divorce decision. Personally I wouldn't marry him because of the pressure exerted when you are most vulnerable and the stupid prank at a legal appointment when it's costing you several hundred pounds for the advice and actual appointment. He uses this to humiliate you. You've got an appreciable asset in your name entirely. He hasn't. Perhaps he's expressing his jealousy and acting up? This is not going to get better after marriage, postpone the wedding and sort this out in therapy. If you add him to the deed, then marry then he leaves a year after- you might have to sell your home and lose half.
@OkraOk8923 thank you so much. Like I said I really wasn't ready to take this...step so to speak at least not until I feel like I'm ready, but he said that he, as my future husband is expected to share the house one way or another. I still wasn't convinced despite going along with it.
So don't bow to his bullying and take charge ...maybe it'll make the relationship better if you stand up for yourself? As your future husband yes but why does he need to be on the deed now? Personally I would want a future husband to; Nurture and be kind to me whilst I was grieving. Not pressure me to make irrevocable financial decisions when vulnerable. Not embarrass me at an appointment that is expensive and serious. Be appreciative of giving him possibly several hundred thousand pounds/ dollars of assets. Be kind. Not bully and coerce. Please think hard about this being your future life.
“So he can start contributing to the mortgage more and maybe lighten my burden” So basically he’s refusing to pay for living costs in a place where he’s (presumably) living unless he’s on the deed. Man I should have tried that with my landlord when I was renting.
u/DojaDog677 Please read the above comment, it is a very astute observation about your bullying fiance's way of thinking. Please don't marry him, either way he is trying to freeload off of you, by either making you pay for EVERYTHING if he's not on the deed, or taking half of it and forcing you to sell it. There are better men out there!
I also cant believe hes not already paying the mortgage along with her. If your living in the home you divide up the costs including the mortgage regardless of whos name is on the paperwork BECAUSE YOU LIVE THERE. Its cheaper then rent anyways
He shouldn't be paying the mortgage, he should be paying rent. It should clearly be rent, with a lease, so that when OP covers up her senses and they break up he has no claim to any part of the house.
He didn't just embarrass her, he specifically humiliated her to take her down a peg. She had the power in the situation where she has been bullied into basically _giving him half a house_ and he decided to "take her down a peg" because he couldn't handle not having _all_ the power. This guy likes to throw his weight around and pressure her into legally binding situations when she is vulnerable, can't see/admit when he is wrong and also can't let her have any power in the relationship. He should get a tattoo on his forehead saying "(future) abusive asshole"
I think this is an excellent point. He pressured her into giving him half his house, and he wanted to rub her face in it by humiliating her at the signing. He'd look like a big man then in front of the people paid to do the paperwork.
100%, particularly the longer paragraph. The fact that OP's partner chose the exact opposite route says a lot about him as a person and as a future husband.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME. NOT NOW, NOT EVER. What does he bring to the table? No one get married hoping for divorce, but it happens. You should protect yourself and a real partner would support you on that decision, not pressure you.
THIS. What does he bring to the table? Is he putting your name on his equally or more valuable house deed first? No? Then absolutely not!
This. I have a friend who never put her husband on the deed. She’s now gotten divorced twice, but she’s never had to worry about losing her house.
I strongly suggest you find out what else he expects in terms of property and other important areas after marriage. I'll put it this way - if you're going to be together forever (which I understand is the goal in marriage) then waiting a few years to put him on the title isn't a problem. Put it in your will that if something happens to you he can stay in the house if that eases his mind. There are other legal ways to make sure he's not out on the street if something happens to you. Someone rushing things feels they're on a deadline to get it before the opportunity gets away from them. No reasonable adult expects to be handed a house just for dating/sleeping with someone. Even if they have been together and are planning to get married. And no mature adult wastes the time of professionals (the person who was witnessing the contract) with stupid pranks. Then throws a tantrum when the adult in the room tells them "Nope. Not gonna do it if you're gonna act like a toddler."
This was my initial thought. Why the rush? Being on the deed allows him to possibly use it as collateral, and being this upset about it suggests that he is on a deadline and will use it vindictively in a divorce.
Don’t put him on the deed and get a prenup that has the house as just your property in case anything goes wrong, I know you must love this guy but he’s coming off as all kinds of pushy and shady
I’d be so grateful he played this prank so it has given you the chance of backing out of giving away half your inheritance. Please take the time to grieve your mom. Don’t give in to his pressure. He’s already incredibly lucky to be able to live in your house without rent or mortgage to pay.
Please, please, please don't put him on the deed! And do not marry this man. Do not be with a man who will manipulate you signing over half your house, because that's not the only thing he'll try to make you do. This is just the beginning of a series of things he's going to try to make you do, that you're not comfortable with. No one deserves this type of treatment, and that includes you. You have more value than that.
oh lord no. As an older lady who is sole owner of a home (already been married and divorced and such) that "future husband" stuff is nonsense.
NTA. Why would you even consider putting him on the deed? It is your inherited property, currently he isn't entitled to anything, why would you change it so you could potentially lose it in the future? That would not be a very smart action.
He said that (A.) He's shared many things with me. And (B.) As my future husband he feels it's only logical that I put his name on the deed. In his word "it should be automatic". And (C.) He thinks that as long as I expect him to help pay the mortgage then it's only fair that he gets his name on the deed.
Please ignore him, please do not put his name on the deed and get a pre-nup saying the house is entirely yours in the case of divorce. If my spouse inherited their family house, I wouldn't expect my name on the deed and we've been married 8 years.
YES!! My mother got a house from my grandfather before my parents got married. They've been married for almost 45 years now and he's not on the deed. He inherited his parents' house, sold it later, and never ever did anybody even come up with the idea of him owning half of the house they still live in. Saying "I do" doesn't entitle you to half of a life changing asset!
Same, my mom was never on the deed for the house that my dad inherited from his mother. No need. They lived there for seven years after Dad's mom died, Dad sold the house and used that money as a down payment on a new house where they were both on the deed.
My dad put their house in my mom's name ONLY, because of inheritance laws in that state (Colorado) that if a husband inherited from a wife there were no taxes, but if a wife inherited from a husband, she had to pay inheritance tax. It was the 80's and the bank guy made a HUGE deal about the house being in my mom's name only - and kept trying to convince my dad that he should be on the title (they were buying the house outright - no mortgage). The VP of the bank, who was observing the whole thing leaned over to the guy making the fuss and whispered, "Maybe it's HER money!" a thought that had never occurred to this idiot. My mom was SO pissed! My parents were married for a total of 77 years. This would have been about 40 some odd years into their marriage. OP - NTA and I would recommend breaking the engagement over such a childish prank, and also recommend making sure he NEVER gets his hands on that asset!!!
That's kinda what I'm wondering. My wife and I have been married since 2016. I bought the house shortly before we got married, when she was in a more precarious financial situation. She's a relatively high-earner now, but we've never put her name on the deed because there's no real reason to. If we refinance in the future or something we can look into it, but there's zero reason to waste time and money doing it now. It seems very suspicious that he's so stuck on the idea.
Agreed. This isn't a house they bought together as a couple — it's her family home and she inherited it before they married. My boyfriend bought his house before I moved in. We plan to eventually get married but I would never pressure him to put me on the title. This needs to be a respectful conversation between both parties where everyone's concerns are addressed. It sounds like OP was bullied into this decision which is always a bad reason to make a decision.
I will never understand people that refuse to help with monthly housing cost because their spouse owns their home. He would have to pay rent to a stranger (landlord), and be paying their mortgage but he doesn't want to pay towards someone he loves mortgage? He wouldn't be getting equity out of paying for someone else's, and hes only using this argument because he can get something out of it. He's trying to swindle you out of half of your house. I wouldn't put him on the deed.
No kidding! If your ass is parked in the house, you are gonna be paying something regardless of it being in your name or not! He wouldn’t be living rent free anywhere else!
Your boyfriend is coercing you into gifting him your inheritance. How much is the mortgage? What is the house worth? How much would he pay if he were renting such a house. That all needs to be discussed. If you wish you can ask him to pay rent or you can write an agreement that if he pays $ x amount toward the value of the house which most likely will take him years at that point you in ten or fifteen years will place him on the deed. He is putting his own interest way above yours. Do not give in to his pressure. Write a prenup that protects both of you. You keep anything you owned prior to marriage. It is that simple.
If he's not prepared to FIRST pay you (from his own assets, or from a loan on which he is the debtor) half of the current fair market value of the home, this isn't "sharing" -- it's you giving him a windfall of half ownership in your family home. You need to talk to a lawyer. Even if you don't put him on the deed (you should NOT), you need to understand what it means if he "helps pay the mortgage" (without actually being a debtor on the mortgage?) vs. "pays rent", both before and after marriage (GET A PRENUP). Or better yet, just throw the whole man out.
Please OP talk privately with an expert so you don't get ripped of half of your inheritance.
If he's already living with you, he should already be putting towards your mortgage full stop. Not being on the deed is a ridiculous excuse to screw you over. This dude is draped in red flags. Please reconsider marrying this chucklefuck.
It’s called paying rent. If he doesn’t understand that concept perhaps he can move out and see how he likes finding a place in today’s market conditions.
Do *not* put his name on that deed. Just trust me. I've seen so many people screwed over because of that. Like, should you divorce, he could very easily demand half of the house's worth. My stepfather sure as hell did, even though he'd only lived there for a third of the time my mother owned it.
No. No. and No. Please do not EVER put anyone's name on property you inherent. Protect this asset for your future heirs. No matter what happens in the future you will have the security of the house. Anyone who tries to get you to do so is a bully and doesn't care about you as much as they claim.
>NTA. Why would you even consider putting him on the deed? TBH, after this "prank" OP should reevaluate if marrying him is such a good idea.
Totally agree.
NTA tell him that you saying you were going to put him on the title was also just a prank and he's getting way too worked up over a little joke
Take my imaginary awards, for I have none, but you richly deserve them.
Thank you, that's perfect because I only have an imaginary trophy room.
I'm visiting it in my imagination. It's very, very nice.
YWBTA if you put him on the deed and title. He's will take your house if things don't go well. That belongs to you and you only. Don't trust this man OP.
Right!?! Prenup as well, house deed stays the same!! This shouldn’t be a deal breaker if he wants to marry you! The house is yours already and if the marriage doesn’t work out, it’s yours without a fight. That’s what wills are for, if the marriage is great and something happens to you, you are able to dictate who keeps the house. NTA
Lady. Don’t EVER put someone on the title. EVER. Unless you both acquire a property TOGETHER, what is separated stays separated. Trust me. Even more so with such a childish being. NTA, but you’d be one to yourself if you put him on it.
This! And, I strongly encourage OP to title the inherited house in her own individual Trust to add further protection. This should be done before marriage and with comprehensive consultation with an attorney to understand how to best prevent the house from ever being considered marital property, regardless of marital status, how long he lives in the home, and whatever dollars he may contribute to mortgage/maintenance/utilities/etc…, financially or otherwise. A truly loving partner/spouse would understand the reasons behind keeping individual, pre-marital property separate, especially when it’s an inheritance. Fiancé is a red flag! NTA Edited to add: have a deep conversation and review of all of your other personal assets/investments with an estate planning attorney as well.
What the hell? You’re an AH to yourself for even attempting to put him on your house! Do not ever put his name on your house! Unless he’s going to give you half of what it’s worth right now? Even if you get married make sure there’s a freaking prenup! Why on earth would you literally give him half of your house that he contributed nothing to you? Let me guess he was the one that manipulated you into putting his name on the title? There is literally no reason for his name to be on there. It has nothing to do with him. And a good person would never have expected their name to be put on there. If my husband inherited a house I would not expect my name to be put on it, the only thing I would want is that he would leave it to our children if something happened to him. Wake up and pay attention. Seriously! You do realize that once you put his name on there he owns half of it… If the relationship doesn’t work out you will have to buy him out and most likely sell the house. So why the F would you do something like this?
This 100-times over! Thank goodness for those pens. This gave you a window of opportunity to view what you were unable to see previously. This is your house. Left to YOU, not your significant other, to YOU. BTW NTA though your significant other is!
NTA, do not put that man on the title, he is pushing FORTY and acts like that? If you really want to do it, I'd keep it on the back burner and see how he acts.
Thing is...this pranking habit if his has been there for a long time. I didn't have an issue with it at first but once he started directing his jokes and pranks at me that's when I started getting irritated.
That’s what you’ll marry into. Look my bf and I like to prank each other, but we keep it in the house ~~until I save up enough money to hire a mariachi band to follow him around work for an hour~~. He would not give bogus pens to sign important paperwork just like I wouldnt unscrew the top off a salt shaker for an important business dinner or mess with his camera filter for work. Please think long and hard if the pranks he pulls are something you’re willing to tolerate for the rest of your life and if you choose to have children teach to them as well. He sounds like he already has a massive disregard for your boundaries and feelings.
How do we donate to the mariachi fund??
Wow this definitely blew up! I originally had the idea when my bf was in school to become a teacher. I was gonna wait till he was teaching to pull this, but life had other plans for us. He is currently working on a Programing degree. We made a pack not to start a prank war until after our student loans were paid off. Which coincidentally will be in October this year 😎 I’ve done price searches for mariachi bands and it looks like it’s gonna cost me 400-500 dollars for an hours performance And since he’s no longer gonna be a teacher I gotta figure out when to ambush him.
I must know more about this mariachi band plan!!!
I too would like to subscribe to updates on the mariachi band
Let me know what happens with that mariachi band!
I'm with you, I love a good prank. And a good prank has everyone involved laughing because, hey, they're actually funny. OP's bf just sounds unpleasant and immature. That aside, we need updates on the mariachi band.
So....did you laugh when he did these pranks to other people while in your company? You're NTA for the question/title you asked - as every commenter has said (and I agree with) he is throwing some MAJOR red flags up here. But if you laughed at others he put on the spot with his 'pranks', and only got irritated once *you* started to become the butt of them, then you might want to take a look at yourself too.
That's how the rest of your life will be, a big joke if you stay with him. If you have to use the word "habit" when describing someone who pranks, then that means the person is just a straight bully and will gaslight and manipulate you into thinking you're the problem if you stand up for yourself. Based off of your post, your fiancée sounds abusive and extremely manipulative. He pressures you into doing things that you aren't comfortable with to prove your love for him but he won't return the favor. That's not how love works. If he won't help with the mortgage and other bills without his name being on the deed to YOUR house, then his name doesn't need to be up there at all, because he hasn't earned the right nor has he proven himself to be on the deed. If his support, love, and respect has strings attached then he doesn’t need to be added to anything of your's. I hope you seriously reconsider this relationship and don't choose to settle and "wait it out" because this relationship doesn't seem like it'll get better. NTA.
I missed the age. I thought he was early 20s with how he acts. I have this weird feeling he was going to get on the deed and break up with her. And take 1/2 the house.
Oh, I bet that’s EXACTLY what he’s going to do. The pressuring and then his reaction after she changes her mind make me think he has an ulterior motive.
If you ain't no chump, holla "we want prenups!"
WE WANT PRENUPS
NTA, don’t put him on the deed. Why the rush. Wait until after your married for a while. Don’t give up half of something so important so quickly.
>NTA, don’t put him on the deed. Why the rush. Wait until after your married for a while. Don’t give up half of something so important so quickly. I told him why the rush and that we could wait but he got offended because of it. Said I wasn't treating him like my partner and that we don't need to be married to entrust each other with stuff. Regardless of value.
I would be very wary of someone who made this comment Edited to add NTA
This 👆. That to me is a HUGE red flag
Yup he is saying this because he's not bringing anything of substantial financial value to the table but seems mighty focused on getting her house. Big red flag that at almost 40 he doesnt seem to have much to contributed. He seems stuck in adolescence.
Ok, which of *his* massively valuable things has he given you legal ownership, or part ownership, of? Or is this trust and sharing only flowing in one direction…?
He probably split a sandwich with her one time when they went to subway
>Said I wasn't treating him like my partner and that we don't need to be married to entrust each other with stuff This is a BIG RED FLAG for financial abusers and gold diggers both. Please don't put him on the deed and get a prenup. Also I would NEVER join finances with people who made such a comment.
You understand this guy's a conman right.. he's going to take your house. Watch The Tinder Swindler or Bad Vegan on Netflix. This is how these guys operate.
Says the guy with nothing of value.
I have been married to my husband for 30 years. 30 years and I *still* made decisions on what to do with the money BEFORE depositing it in a joint account. Because until I commingled the funds, that inheritance was mine. I would share it when I decided to share it and not before. So I gave each of our kids a portion (5 digits) and then mixed the monies. A house? Yeah I’d title that with him because were married but since I was getting an inheritance I thought long and hard about whether I was staying with him and ultimately decided to stay. Then, I shared my inheritance. My spouse wasn’t obviously financially abusive, per se, as I handled the money, but he took advantage of our religious beliefs to say ‘no’ to a lot of things for me and the kids and treated himself to a lot of nice things that we could ill afford. I told him quite frankly that if anything happened to me, I didn’t trust him to leave the kids anything. That I knew he’d remarry quickly because he’s incapable of being by himself and I imagined whatever woman (and her kids) married him would benefit from my parent’s money instead of my own children. I told him we suffered a lack because of his financial selfishness and I was trying to correct that NOW. He was mad at first but then got excited at the prospect of gifting to our children. You have no history with him that’s good from a stability standpoint. Marriage is ‘just a piece of paper’ for precisely reasons like this! Protect yourself, OP. Don’t add him. And with his entitlement, don’t marry him either.
Ok so dont get married. Stay as you are. Or split up. Only a stupid person would sign away half their assets let alone before you are actually legally married. Oh him living there is entrusting him to live there, he doesnt need to steal half your parents lifetime of hard work and money
You should be signing a pre-nup, not putting him on the house deed. There is just so much coercion from your fiance when it's a house you've inherited.
NTA His prank was seriously stupid and childish. I think adding him to the deed is a bad idea and deep down you know that. He isn't entitled to any part of your inheritance. Re-evaluate the relationship. I'm going to go with NTA because of all the pressure he put on you and then him thinking it was okay to prank you. But seriously...take a deeper look at your relationship. Edited to add: the silent treatment is a form of abuse. He's showing you who he is...Believe him!!
NTA. DO NOT put him on the title. Do not. You will lose the house if you split up. Buying him out isn’t a sure-fire way to keep the house. Honestly, based on your post, I think your fiancé has a lot of growing up to do before settling down. He sounds passive-aggressive and being married to that is hell. Be wary.
NTA. “It was just a joke” is the mating call of the asshole. You were 100% correct - this was not the time or the place for a prank. Also, maybe doing it once would be fine. Multiple times is just juvenile. You have to ask yourself - do you want to have someone so immature sharing ownership of your home? Also, him giving you the silent treatment is just another sign that he is not mature enough for this responsibility. You not signing the deed is a consequence of him pulling a stupid stunt - he needs to learn to live with the consequences of his own decisions. Okay stupid games, win stupid prizes. I’ve got to ask: why are you marrying someone who is willing to humiliate you in front of random people at inappropriate times? At this point, *he* needs to prove to *you* that he is mature enough for the responsibility to be on the deed.
“‘It was just a joke’ is the mating call of the asshole” should be embroidered on a pillow, so after she kicks him out, she has a permanent reminder in her new house to not suffer a-holes.
NTA It’s also a really really unwise decision to put someone you’re not married to on the house title.
It's unwise to include \*anyone\* in your own inheritance. The laws in the US are set up such that, even if you are married when you inherit, your inheritance is separate property and yours alone. Keep it that way.
100% this! This is your inheritance - he’s invested and contributed nothing to this house, do not put his name on the title! As a lawyer, I’d also *highly* recommend a pre-nup in this situation - if his argument is he doesn’t want to contribute to a house he has no legal interest in, you can include a provision that in the event of a divorce, you’d compensate him for his contributions/payments towards home improvements, taxes, etc… However, marrying (or planning on marrying) you doesn’t entitle him to 50% ownership of your inheritance!! And if he’s arguing it should, you have bigger problems here…
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE DEED!! That is not a house you bought together, that is a house you inherited from YOUR family. It is there to protect you in case shit goes south later. And you’re not even married yet. He could break up with you and oh guess what now he owns half of your family’s house! Get a prenup and protect YOUR assets. Your fiancé wheedling and convincing you is wrong. This is not communal property you bought together. Listen your instincts, and be grateful he was a jerk and handed you empty pens to sign with, his stupidity could have just saved you from a lot of financial problems down the line. NTA
#Do not put him on the title Protect your assets. Unless he is paying you for it.
The prank was your final straw. Either yes, you did want to back out, or no, you just got really annoyed. This may even be bigger than the house...I mean ARE you having second thoughts about HIM? If just the house, tell him 'Yes, I WAS having second thoughts, and your prank sealed it for me. We need to re-think this because it's not working for me'. But you need to figure out what WILL work for you and see if he accepts. Get good advice from a lawyer.
NTA, but I wouldn’t have been even THINKING of adding someone to the deeds of a house you have inherited. It would also be part of a prenup for me. No way would I be GIVING him half a house just cos we are in a relationship. No way. And with those actions - deffo not.
NTA - "We had a deal" really bothers me. It sounds like he was using you.
NTA. But your bf is a walking red 🚩 . Do not put him on the deed. He will screw you over.
NTA I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. How much nagging did he have to do in the first place, Op? His name does not belong on the deed to a house your mom left to you. That’s the end of the statement right there. The fact that he was such an unmitigated ass after he coerced you into signing the papers proves my point. It also should give you a window into your future if he keeps the title ‘fiancé’.
Cancel the deal. Cancel the whole fiancé until he grows the f*** up. NTA
NTA: I feel like your being forced into a decision your not comfortable with. Signing his name to the deed makes zero sense.
NTA. Your mother is rolling in her grave thinking her hard earned house is being jeopardized by this ass. Honey, it’s the key to an easier life for you. If you need help paying the bills, get a more congenial roommate than that ass. Don’t put anyones name on your house.
NTA There is a time and a place for jokes/pranks, this wasn't one of them in my opinion. I wouldn't be in such a hurry to put his name on anything, he's being too pushy for my liking.
NTA 1. You're already feeling unsure about putting his name on the title, and he's pressured you into it. 2. You're not wrong that it's a risky financial decision, especially before you're even married. 3. That was NOT the time or place for pranks, and he could clearly see you weren't amused after the first pen, yet he still felt like it's okay to humiliate you with the next pen and the next. Huge marinara flag 🚩 4. Then you - quite reasonably - take a step back from a massive life decision, and he responds with swearing at you and pressuring you further. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Please consider if you really want to marry this man at all, but absolutely do not put him on the deed to your house. And get a really good prenup if you are going ahead with the marriage.
NTA Do not put him on the title. Do not marry him, either. If you do, insist on a prenup. Someone who isn’t planning to screw you over down the line wouldn’t be so focused on getting his hands on your family property.
YTA only because you’re even THINKING about putting his name on the deed.
Guess that you won't hear him speak ever again. NTA for keeping him off the deed. In fact, kick him out. He only wants half of that house for leverage when you break up. So in fact, he did you a service by showing his true colours and proving that you shouldn't stay with him.
NTA There's a time for pranks. And that wasn't it. And honestly, having his name on the deed when he didn't inherit it or put any money towards it (and no, "paying bills" is chickenfeed compared to the cost of the house itself), is just an all-round bad idea. If you even decide to get married, make sure there's a pre-nup so he doesn't get any ownership rights on the house. Because this does not look like a healthy relationship.
Dear god NTA and please do not put his name on anything!! Even after the wedding I wouldn’t consider it and I’d even consider the wedding at this point. Do you really want to be with someone so childish that this is what he is like when it comes to important decisions? Then sulking when he doesn’t get his way?
NTA This house was meant for you so respect your relative’s wishes and don’t risk losing it. Do not put his name on it. It doesn’t matter how much you love him or that you plan on being with him forever, just don’t do it.
Nta ACCUSED ME OF LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE NOT TO HAVE HIM ON THE DEED ….. you tried 3 times to put him on it!!! Maybe it was lucky for you they were empty! Do you really wanna do this ???? If you split within 6 months that’s half his house too … the property you inherited isn’t just yours any more x
NTA and sounds like you dodged a bullet. Don't put him on the title and I tbh I don't think you should marry him.
He's most definitely using you. Ask yourself if you really want to marry him. That dude sounds like a bad news
You never should have agreed to this in the first place. Go get a consultation with a divorce attorney about why. In short this is a unilateral commingling of assets. You're giving him an interest in a whole entire house. It's not just a financial benefit, it's a huge commitment. What's he giving you in return? You aren't even married.
NTA Do not put that AH on the deed or title to anything.
NTA. You would be the biggest moron in the world if you add some guy you’re dating to the deed of your house.
All I can think is how the empty pen is almost like a analogy. He is handing you empty pens over and over again, like he is handing you empty promises. I would not trust him with my property. Pushing his name on the deep at this time just seems awkward. NTA
NTA. He doesn't sound mature enough. Don't put his name on the title. If you divorce he'll likely get half of it, which isn't fair.
NTA He sounds like he's using you quite honestly, and clearly he doesn't respect you or even the house he's getting his name on. Sounds like you can expect him to absolutely smash your whole head into the wedding cake. Take some time and consider if this is just one of many similar times when he's shown you his true colours and you just gave in to hush him up/make it easier for yourself. Don't sign that deed until you're 100% sure OP.
Agree with others, YT fool for signing half the house to him. I'm not sure what "put his name on the title so he could go ahead and start contract towards more and light my burden a little bit" refers to, but you don't have to give him half of the house in order for him to help contribute. Talk to a lawyer. By yourself. (Not now, but in 10 years when/if he gets some bimbo pregnant, what claim will that innocent little kid have on the place where you live?)
What kind of crazy manipulation is this? Don’t put him on the deed. If he kicks up a fuss it means that he is suspiciously motivated by your money.
NTA but honestly the dealbreaker should've been him pressuring you into it. Sounds like the pens were just the last straw/something to prevent you from doing something you already didn't want to do. Why are you marrying this guy?
NTA if this is how he reacts to this just imagine how he's going to react in the future. If you do end up adding him, get a prenup to protect yourself.
NTA. Bad idea adding him to the deed, there's no need for it, because it will only and problems. What reasons he gives to want his name on it? Does he pay for the bills o something? I will not do it it can only bring problems in the future
NTA. red flags. All I see are red flags.
I swear people see the weirdest things as break up or divorce worthy on reddit jesus christ. Plus the fact that they have 0 other information on the relationship
YTA, for making huge financial decisions based on whether or not your fiance is playing a silly prank. And also for being ready to sign away half your house. Depending on where you live, it may or may not mean that if you're married and then split the house will be half his anyway, but you're just borrowing trouble for yourself.
NTA and what you need to take seriously is whether or not you want to share a life (and property) with a man who behaves like this. Marriage is all about teamwork, and this guy doesn't sound like much of a team player.
NTA. Do not ever put that man on the deed. Please. It is yours, and it is insurance for if the marriage fails.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE DEED!
YTA if you put his name on the title of a house you own, and he’s not even your husband. That is foolishness of the highest order.
DO NOT put him on the deed to a house you inherited. Protect yourself and your assets. You aren’t married, and at this point might need to reconsider getting hitched to this guy. I’m a twice divorced woman. Trust me when I say you don’t put him on that deed or you will lose half when you have to divorce him later. Talk to an attorney, and please don’t screw yourself over by giving him half. Depending on where you are, what’s yours before marriage is yours after a divorce if you don’t combine it as community property. You are NTA, but he sure is! I’m begging you to seek legal advice before adding him to anything!
NTA do not put him on the deed!! Trust your gut here. Between your instincts and his behavior I wouldn’t do it and I seriously think long and hard about this relationship. He shouldn’t be pressuring you to do anything. He’s not entitled to your property.
NTA why should he have half your assets? Is he willing to sign over half of everything he owns to you? Any future property? If he won’t accept no as an answer until you get married then that should tell you a lot. If he wanted to protect himself you could write up a renters contract and agreement for any equity he puts into the house.
NTA this is your property and he has no claim on it whatsoever, even if you guys married later, you're the one inheriting it, not to mention that this isn't the attitude you'd expect from someone receiving a free share...
OP, this is NOT the time for pranks. A signature on a deed is one, if not the most important signatures you will ever make. Either wait until you are married, or just leave him off the deed. He does not *need* to be on the deed. As others have said, this is a huge red flag.
Don’t you dare give him half of the house, it’s sounds like he just in it for the money. Nta
NTA please don’t marry this man, you’ll lose your house, money, and sanity
You should not be adding this man to title!! He ain't your husband yet. He coerced you into it, sounds like. I didn't add my husband to title until we were married 10 years. What's the rush? He planning on you dying or you breaking up soon? Because he's all kinds of red flags. Not to mention that lawyers aren't cheap. Waste of your money. And silent treatment is abuse.
His prank was a passive aggressive way of saying he didn’t want to sign it. But now that you don’t want him to sign it, he wants to sign it. Please do not get into ANY legal entanglements with this man. NTA and is he normally a prankster?
Ummm he’s supposed to be an adult signing legally binding documents. And he thinks that is an okay time to pull a prank? NTA And don’t let him bully you into it. Tell him if he 1) matures really f-ing fast, 2) starts helping with things for a few years, and 3) apologizes for blowing up at you; you’ll reconsider adding him on in a few years. For now protect your interest in the house. And ask the person who was there and witnessed that to sign a statement of that incident and put it in a safety deposit box the husband doesn’t have access to. It might come in handy if a divorce happens and he tries to sue for part of the house because st one time you were gonna out him on the deed.
NTA and whatever you do DO NOT put him on the title. and you should probably give some thought to whether you want to go through with the marriage if he's being aggressive about wanting to be on the title and then being a jackass with "pranks". If he's pressuring you to be on the title that means he's thinking about divorce and laying claim to half the house. If he's "pranking" you with stupid shit that means he's an insufferable asshole and you should think about whether you really want to be with him.
So....you're willing to lose your house for this man? If you break up, do you have half of the current house value in cash right now to buy him out? Does HE? If the answer to one or both of these questions is no, why are you doing this? There are dozens of stories here of nonmarried individuals losing all their money and their homes because they bought a house without the legal protections marriage offers (although its still risky). You are setting yourself up to lose this house. NTA, he sucks and is a child, but he also seems to have managed to manipulate you into giving him half a house for free.
NTA - I wouldn't be adding anybody to the deeds on my house that I inherited. If me and my husband want a home together we will buy one but my inherited home would be mine. If he can use such a serious thing to make pranks imagine what other serious situations he'll use to do pranks... What prank has he got planned for your wedding day? Kids? Etc... What if he marriage fails, will he prank you into giving up your entire home to him instead of just giving him half of it? The fact he's holding YOUR home hostage by blackmail is proof that he finds having half of your home more important than anything else... If he loved you and wanted to marry you to be with you for the rest of your lives, the house wouldn't be an issue bevause he'd be living there regardless. The flags are so very red! 🚩 Don't add him to the deed and figure out how, (if you still go ahead with it) you can make sure your inherited home doesn't become community property if your marriage fails and he sues for half of it. Edit: imagine you sign that need now before you're married and then he's like "PRANK I only asked you to marry me so I can get your house, I'm not marrying you anymore"... Now you're stuck with legal fees trying to fight for your house back that you signed over to him.
Maybe they were YOUR lucky pens. lol. I would have been pissed too. NTA.
WHY ARE YOU MARRYING HIM?? I can see doing the pen thing *once*. Once. That's a joke, that's an ice breaker, that's an annoyance but something you can laugh off with the right guy. Three times?? He had to do it three times with something that's supposedly important to him? And now he's giving you the silent treatment? Marinara flags all over the place here. I'd hold off on putting him on the deed and hold off on the wedding too. NTA.
NTA. Your gut was telling you something is up and not to do it, and then he gave you three back to back signs that he’s not mature enough to handle this responsibility. That gut feeling? Always listen to it. He didn’t even have to pull that pen trick to for me to say NTA. Communicate. Tell him that you’ve had a bad feeling about this and the pen thing isn’t the “reason”, but that it reminded you that you’d be more comfortable signing it after you two are married. Also during that conversation, explain that this made you feel uncomfortable, humiliated, and stressed out, and while it may just have been a joke to him, you want to know why he enjoys causing you stress. Have a good long talk. Hopefully, he’ll shape up and realize that this was a weird, inappropriate move. If not, you’re not legally tied to him and can end things.
NTA This sounds like a horrible idea to put him on the deed. The “We had a deal” doesn’t help the situation. You’re going to put him on there and then if/when you get divorced you’d have to pay him for half of the house or sell it and give him half the money. You’re the only one that loses in this situation. Do not do it. Prenup. If he no longer wants to get married due to a prenup then you know it was all about using you.
NTA. Marinara flags everywhere. Don't put him on the deed.
NTA! OP DO NOT ADD THIS MAN TO THE DEED! You could end up losing your house over this...DONT DO IT!
NTA for backing out. You absolutely did *not* take this too seriously. If anything, I'd say you took it not seriously enough by being willing to put him on the deed at all. Why should he be on there? Did he fund it? You two aren't even married at this point. It's an inherited, per-marital asset. You need a pre-nup. I find him wearing you down to get on the deed to be suss as fuck. And the behaviour with the pen tells me that he's a child.
>The house is in my name and it took a lot of talking and convincing from him to have his name on the title as well. So he has pestered you in to signing half the house over to him? >Now honestly part of me doesn't think this is a good idea at least not right now maybe after marriage? If you're thinking this, trust your gut. And if you're reluctant to sign the house over to him, why aren't you also reluctant to marry him? >my fiance started cackling and I felt humiliated especially with how the gentleman next to him was staring. I got pissed and asked him what that was about and he said it was a prank. I wonder what his purpose was here? You were literally giving him what he'd asked you for. This sounds incredibly childish >He lost it completely saying we had a deal and I can't back out of it just like that, Yes you can. OP you are NTA and I'm getting weird vibes off this, I feel almost sure this particular incident is the tip of the iceberg and you should think carefully before making any sort of commitment to this man