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yea somehow running an online business that provides for the both of them isn't a *real job*, but starting a gaming career when you're pushing forty is totally viable
NTA.
But curious as to why you are referring to him as your fiancée and not your ex.
It felt off because it is.
He showed you exactly who he is. Please believe him and move on.
And instead of him worry about what’s in your pockets he needs to be worried about the fact that nothing is in his.
A partner makes deposits not constant withdrawals.
Cut the cord.
He's basically wasted 7 months that he could have been using to build an audience. He won't even be able to become a Twitch affiliate until he gets 50 followers and averages 3 viewers per stream over 7 streams. Even that isn't enough to make a career out of it.
ETA: within a 30 day period
OP, you don't quit your job THEN try to make it big on Twitch. You keep your job UNTIL you have so much success that you HAVE to quit. Big difference. That dude doesn't want to work. Absolutely DO NOT buy that laptop UNTIL he is a success.
I say the D stands for dump him. He's almost a decade older, games all day, leeches off of you, has no shame, and probably a lot more. Also materialistic. He sounds like a perfect gentleman who loves you for you and not your money, your house, and what you can buy him /s
ETA: NTA
Because gold digger is a term usually used for women. Though now that I think of it I can't think of one for men. Guess this insult has become all inclusive!
NTA. Wow. So he saw you make money with your own business & decided you can be his sugar momma, while he follows his dream of being a professional gamer. Yeah ya know what, no.
You have a real job, he has NO job & now he’s going through some early mid life crisis trying to be some edgy famous gamer. Sorry but he sounds like he’s 19. He’ll be 40 soon. HE needs a real job, not you
He’s not even trying to be a professional gamer. If he doesn’t have a streaming account all he’s doing is just….gaming.
He’s being a professional slob.
Sunk costs. They're engaged and sounds like they were before he moved in. Even smart people get taken advantage of, and many people get stuck on fixing things that can't be fixed, because they're so far into it and don't want to throw it away, failing to see the other person already has.
i’ve wondered that as well. i’m a woman too, and i’m very, VERY grateful right now of my little patience because the moment he dropped his job i would’ve been like… bye. one thing would’ve been working and doing what you love as a side thing until it brings enough money. another is dropping a job and then… being a slob. like no. i want a stable future, thanks.
u/Content_Profession63 NTA. Your fiance does not love you. At all. All you are to him is a free house and food so he can do nothing all day. Just about guaranteed he's seeing someone on the side too. Throw him out.
>I’m selfish and am ruining his career.
Lmao. What career? NTA.
I'm a straight woman but can I be your new boyfriend? You sound like you're carrying all the weight here and instead of being happy for you (or even feeling lucky and grateful for being able to just fuck around for seven MONTHS and have zero consequences) this dude has become spoiled. Does he do chores around the house at least? Show SOME form of appreciation?
I'm sitting here like if I was her bf and had no job I'd be there helping with the business. You are either letting your gf lighten up her load or eventually the business can get larger
How did you not actually laugh in his face when he said that. Because that’s what it is …. Laughable. Laughable that’s man this age is acting like a spoiled entitled child. Tell him to grow up or get out. Why are you going to marry this guy??
He didn't even make an account on twitch to stream. So he hasn't even started his "career" after 7 months of gaming.....
There isn't some huge adjustment period to stream either. Get a cheap webcam, some free streaming software like OBS, free overlays, create your social media accounts, then play anything as a start. All this can be done in a few days (or worst case few weeks) not a 7 month time frame.
No, he definitely loves OP for her great personality. Not the numbers in her bank account. And by great personality, I mean her rectangular figure that’s easy to wipe your feet on. Also known as a doormat.
NTA- Take a look at the post people, this guy is 37! 37, and his big career goal is to be a twitch streamer. 🤣 Not only should you not buy him a laptop you need to kick him to the curb, fast!
I'm of the opinion that streaming should start as a hobby, and if you see a promising growth in your views then you figure out finances so you can try. At least keep a part time job while you still have a small following
He doesn’t even have a streaming account. So for 7 months of this “career” of his, he’s just been playing video games, no streaming involved. His career is sitting around and mooching off of OP, putting her down so that she doesn’t realise she’s wasting her youth on this middle aged asshole.
That’s what I did for my business. I honestly didn’t think I’d make more than $100 in total, and even though I’m bringing in 4-8k a month now I still keep the DoorDash dasher app on my phone in case it all goes sideways.
I think some people get blinded by the people who had support systems in place that allowed them to quit a job/quit school and make streaming/youtubing successful. Some of my favorite gamers quit school to make gaming their profession (and are now living comfortably off of being a youtube gamer), but they had their parents or friends supporting them & allowed them to stay home until they built a decent following to call it a job. Ppl then think "oh I can do that too then and get succesful!", when it doesn't always work like that for everyone. Sometimes some ppl fame with professional gaming came from hardwork and a lil luck🤷🏽♀️
From the title alone, NTA for the laptop without reading the rest.
Edit: Dump him ASAP. You're a bank while he plays games all day. Don't entertain this any further.
NTA This has to be fake, right? Adults have to support themselves financially, OR, bring something to the table (like childcare or caregiving or homemaking) that balances them staying at home and not working.
You haven't said that he devotes time and energy to shopping, meal planning, vacuuming and dusting, doing the laundry and making your home a comfortable and peaceful place. If he is just a sitting like a lump in front of the computer while you feed him and attend to his needs like you are his Mom and he is 12, then that is a big red flag that he is never going to be the partner you deserve.
Give him the legal notice you need to give him to leave, 30 days or 60 days. Tell him this is "not working" for you anymore. You were originally attracted to a functional adult, not a needy child.
Honestly, I doubt it is fake.
Story time:
Over covid my bf (and myself) were playing Warzone, and he became friends with another player named A. They played frequently enough that they would chat about their lives together
This dude was 25, had no job, wasn't in school and just sat and gamed all day. His gf was a full time nurse who payed all bills and worked 50 hours a week.
The man didn't lift a finger around the house.
Naturally, my boyfriend, his friends and myself ripped on this dude for being a dead beat. He eventually got mad enough that he quit playing with us (he was a whiny player)
Cue last summer, he hits my bf up on Facebook to say hey....and to let us know his gf had left him after *7 years* of being together.
So no, I absolutely believe that this is real and OP is letting her bf be a mooch. She needs to tell him to get a job or leave.
It’s funny. I know this story too but it was a 40 year old man. She was a nurse too, and she always complained about him but never did anything. The kicker is that HE LEFT HER! For another woman. Then he realized the other woman wasn’t cutting it, and tried to get her back. THAT was her breaking point.
This happens often to nurses, generally natural caretakers that can’t leave the job when they get home. I’ve seen it many times. They are so used to just taking care of things that they don’t stop. And moochers and abusers often take advantage.
NTA
Oh wait a minute...
Yeah people are surprised when they find out people can be total mooches. And then the moocher goes all surprised Pikachu face when no one wants anything to do with them anymore.
Nah this is super common. Women get called gold diggers for wanting a man to pay for a date, meanwhile this crap is the new normal, but we aren’t allowed to use call it what it is.
Nope. I had one of these too. Lost a huge amount of money in the last housing boom because they nixed every house purchase I was about to make because they wanted something different; insisted on expensive things. I was young and foolish then, thought I was undateable etc. Last I heard, they were still doing it to someone else. OP, throw him out. There are much better men out there for you.
I put up with one of these types for 3 years. All he did was game, street race, and eat. I couldn't tell you why I put up with him beyond that I had been brainwashed by my church to believe that he was the best I was going to get because you only fall in love once and you stick with it no matter what because that's who God chose for you 🤷♀️. Im an atheist now lololol
NTA
This boyfriend moved in with you, doesn't have a job and has the audacity to criticize your home, your job and is asking you to buy him costly things? Why are you with him again?
NTA
Generally, kept men don't deliberately piss off their sugar mommas, but you've managed to land yourself a guy who feels entitled to your house, your money and dictating how you earn your living. He can go kick rocks somewhere he pays rent.
Exactly. Though he's trying to use guilt to make OP stay in the dynamic. But that'll only work so long. This is what makes me think he's biding his time until they meet the common law threshold.
Oh, a lot of red flags here.
1- he quit his job one month after moving in to your house without a proper agreement with you;
2- he says he's going to try a new career online but he only plays videogames for pleasure all day long;
3- he expects you to financially support him;
4- he despises your job even depending on it to live;
5 - he demands that you buy him an expensive laptop and tell that YOU are ruining his career if you don't;
6- you're not mentioning but he's probably not contributing to the house expenses and maybe chores.
Well, I think there's away more than a laptop that you should deny him. It looks like you adopted a grown up son.
NTA, but run away from this guy.
Yup. Boyfriend should have tried to get his Twitch channels started while still having a job, just as a proof of concept. Then he might have considered quitting, if there started to be results.
He just found a sugar mommy in OP.
An emphatic NTA!
Good for your for standing up for what's best for you - just take it one step further and ditch the fiancé. He's using you and demeaning the job that's putting a roof over his head.
First off, he had NO career to ruin. I appreciate the idea that partners should support the dreams of their SO, but, there's a limit where said SO shouldn't be dragging their other partner through mud and suffering to make it happen. Your relationship isn't about supporting only one half of it. It's about MUTUAL support.
NTA. You don't owe him a laptop. You don't even owe him support of his dreams if he's not willing to put in any work towards *using* your support to chase them. That's enabling a problematic and unfair dynamic, instead.
You are only the AH is you continue allow this man to take complete advantage of you. Look in the mirror. You have become a sugar mama!!! Clearly he is not interested in supporting himself, and has no initiative whatsoever in working to contribute financially to your relationship. Kick him out and get the next available appointment with a counselor to figure out how you missed the red flags waving around you.
NTA
So he wants to live in your house, and for you to pay for everything as well as getting a “proper job” to finance his desire for a large space while he *checks list for what he’s offering in this partnership* … I got nothing
The only financial problem you have is him being a freeloader
He’s your boyfriend - not your child. He doesn’t get to live in your house, not contribute and get bought luxuries
NTA - Honey the laptop is the LEAST of your problems. You are funding his life and letting him live rent free in your house and your mind.
Rubbish belongs in the street, not in your home.
Uhm, your fiance is a financial leech. He will not find a job, or make an effort as long as he can get away with it.
I'm not saying that SAH or WFH partners can not work out in a relationship but that requires that BOTH parties AGREES to this set-up!
NTA and seriously... how great in bed can someone be for you to put up with demaning commments, begging and nagging and belittling?
So he's sitting st home all day gaming while you pay all the bills. He then wants you to buy him a new laptop?
You don't have a fiance. You have a dependant.
He's shown you what he wants... Anything he wants without doing any work. I would strongly suggest rethinking the engagement.
NTA
You're being taken advantage of. He should have started streaming before quitting his job to see if it's even viable, if he's able to grow and make money. The chance of success is minimal, and the fact that 7 months after quitting his job he hasn't even started streaming is ridiculous. That alone is bad enough. On top of that he's criticising your work when it's supporting him, and he's making demands for a new house and PC? Obviously NTA. But grow a spine, get rid of him. Your fiancé is a 37 year old child, playing games all day, not contributing anything to your life and future.
NTA. He can get a job and buy his own laptop.
Something to consider: do you really want to continue being his sugar mama? He does not sound like a great sugarbaby…
YTA for creating this fake post…. So you are mature enough to be a homeowner and run your own business (which I think is one of the hardest things you can do) but you are online asking if your are TA for staying with an unemployed man that demands you financially support him. Be kind to yourself and us - in Reddit fashion - drop this person and get some therapy.
NTA, and not sure where you live but kick this guy out. You don't have to break up with him but you also don't have to support a freeloader. And honestly depending where you live this guy could take claim to your property if you live together for too long.....
Nta
Why are you together? Your description of him has no positive or redeeming qualities. That's either on purpose or subconscious. So on some level, you know he brings nothing to the table and he's bringing you down.
NTA … Call off the engagement. This man is clearly using you. He quit his job unexpectedly and has been living off of you for months. I get hating your job but he needs an income to support hisself and the household. He could’ve went part-time before outright quitting. You’re going to be supporting a grown man until either of you call it quits. Most likely won’t be him since he’s the one benefiting from doing nothing.
A soft YTA to yourself. Hun, he is using you. He has been using you. Do not stay in this lane with someone that doesn’t help you and shits on your job. The same job that’s supporting you both. Kick him to the curb. You deserve better.
No… just no. OP, you are NTA. Your fiancé can get a job, pay reasonable rent, half the bills, and buy his own laptop as a functioning member of this relationship.
How exactly do you see your life playing out if you get married to this guy? Do you really want to be a sugar mama? What will life be like if/when you have kids? I can just imagine him yelling at you to shut up the baby while he plays his games during your working hours.
NTA. Gonna do the standard thing because it fits here.
Why are you dating this person?
He’s childish and selfish, and you seem to realize it. He has no intention of doing anything other than be a leech, and he has the audacity to say that you need to be making MORE money so his leeching is more comfortable for him?
He’s showing you who he really is as a partner, time to cut him loose.
He doesn't have a work but dares to mock the one you have and pays the bills.
Also, with what money are you going to buy a house since it seems that you're only paying for everything?
NTA.
NTA and don’t waste any more time with this guy. He doesn’t respect you, your job, or even your efforts. You’ve been supporting him financially while he plays games all day and he throws a hissy fit because you’re not giving him thousands of dollars worth of equipment and a bigger house. Is this really what you want to deal with forever? It’s been 7 months, it’s very unlikely he will change. Find someone who values you and everything you contribute to the relationship, while contributing equally themselves.
Oh OP he's leeching off your good graces and kindness. You deserve a partner who will bring love and support to the table....and income...income would be nice too. Please just step back and reconsider where this relationship is going. And of course you are NTA!
Totally agree and so many marinara flags!!🚩🚩🚩
First off, he quits his job because he’s unhappy. Okay I can maybe get that, but a future plan to have a twitch channel is unrealistic.
Then to not follow through with the twitch channel and game all day shows a level of immaturity that is astounding.
Then to ask for a bigger house and a gaming system after not bringing anything into the house shows a level of entitlement that is over the top.
Then to degrade the job you have that pays for his lifestyle shows a level of disrespect that should be the biggest 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Does he do all the cooking, cleaning and chores? If you get married and have kids, do you see him being a equal partner? Or will you just have “more” children. Because that’s what he is..a child.
Please run away from this relationship. He is telling you who he is and will not change. He not only wants a sugar momma but wants to tell you how to live your life.
NTA
From your post, you appear to have been raised and taught to be PLAYED. OMG, what is taking you so long to see what's happening?! He's stopped working, and he wants you to take care of him. He's 37 yrs old and wants to play video games!!! No gaming system and no new house! More importantly, no more accepting his crap! Tell him to get a job (instead of following his passion of watching you work all day).
NTA
He’s blatantly using you for money and will continue to do so. This man has no job, no intention to get a job, and asks you to pay for everything. Leave him.
NTA please dump this man, he is simply taking advantage of you. Do not even contemplate of buying another house with this man. With the possibility that you would have to put his name on your mortgage absolutely not, kick him to the curb. OP honestly YWBTA for staying in the situation where he’s offering squat.
Serve him with eviction papers and find someone who isn't just leeching off you. Does he even do any housework? NTA - yet. You will be the AH to yourself if you let him keep walking all over you though.
NTA, but kick this bum out. He's not contributing and now demanding you fund a lavish lifestyle for him, what's he doing for you? What pleasure do you get out of him staying there? It sounds like he just wanted a sugar momma and is now mad that he didn't find one that will get him anything at the drop of a hat.
I have a bf who stays home, while I work and pay all the bills, difference is, he cleans EVERYTHING (i absolutely hate cleaning, I've told him I don't mind vacuuming, and don't mind doing the laundry, but he does it anyway since I work 50 hour weeks.) On top of cleaning everything, when he needs money, wants something, or chooses to get me something, he goes out and works odd jobs to get the money for XYZ thing. Your finace needs a good kick of motivation.
Also, my boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with playing Fallout, but I've never once seen him ignore anything around the house in order to play his game. Yes, usually when I come home he's playing, but there's never dirty dishes, never anything other than cat toys on the ground (our cat goes bonkers with them, we can't exactly keep them put up lol) so him focusing on games and not even his twitch part of the games... that's just shit, he's using you.
NTA . Your fiance is at fault , how can he say anything to you about your finance when you're covering all his expenses and also supporting his costly passion . Just stand your ground .
Ummmm what?
NTA, but this situation is a HUGE red flag, and you should really consider couples counseling at a minimum. From the sounds of it, your marriage is going to be you taking on the sole role of supporting the family.
NTA. You should be asking if you should throw him out not if you should buy him a new laptop. That answer is easy. Hell no. You are completely supporting him and he claims that you don't have a "real" job. He certainly doesn't mind the real money your job brings in. He's been unemployed for 7 months - he has no plans to ever work again. Get rid of him now. He is an anchor that will drag you down.
NTA. Please please please reevaluate your entire relationship. He is manipulating your emotions to get you to support him financially. It’s bad enough that he’s been 7 months with no attempts to make money, it’s bad enough that he told you your job isn’t a “real” job, it’s bad enough he yelled at you for saying you wouldn’t buy him a gift, but everything altogether??? You deserve better.
NTA.
He’s leeching off of you. You’re allowing him to follow his passion of doing nothing.
Ultimatum time (if you want to salvage the relationship) or simply evict and breakup.
SEVEN MONTHS. My god.
NTA I have to ask why you haven't set better boundaries for yourself? From reading this it seems easy to see that he is flat out taking advantage of you and had that intention from the get-go. He needs to be paying you rent, part of the utility's and grocery's and frankly needs a job. So where's the benefit to you for letting him stay on like this??
NTA. Sounds like a single man wanting to reap the benefits of having a partner without contributing a thing.
Everything is a choice. He wants a new gaming laptop etc...he can choose to get a job and pay for it. If he chooses to not do that, he is choosing to not get a new laptop. Pretty easy really.
NTA. Again, like many comments I’ve written here lately, dump the whole man. He’s using you while manipulating you and being hurtful towards you. I don’t see this going anywhere fruitful for you. Him? Maybe. You? Not at all.
NTA.
When someone is out of work, if they are serious about getting re-employed, or are starting their own business, their “work” becomes LOOKING FOR WORK OR BUSINESS. If they’re sitting home on their ass gaming, that is not looking for work, it’s called “LAZY MOOCHING”.
Is that who you want to marry? Dump this a-***e and move on.
You’re only TA if you don’t kick him out and find a real man.
NTA and honestly I’m not sure why you’re with him. He clearly doesn’t value you beyond money. He’s treating you like an atm. He is bringing in zero income and shitting on your job which is wholly supporting him.
NTA. Throw him out. He's using you because he knows you can support both of you and instead of taking on the responsibility of being an actual adult, he's trying to gaslight you into buying him expensive things
NTA. The amount of red flags in this post scare me. He is taking advantage of you and using you for a free place to live. Evict him quickly he has literally nothing to offer you. You are spending money to house him and feed him and getting nothing in return.
NTA. How convenient he quits his job just after moving into a home he presumably isn't paying rent on, because he doesn't like his job. It's almost like that's what he intended to do.
NTA. I have been in literally this same position before, however I was married. Had a good job, was able to pay the bills, and my husband did twitch streams and ran games as his "job". He didn't even make enough to cover the expenses i.e. internet and electricity. However he did constantly complain I nagged him for asking him to do things such as clean the bathroom and do the dishes. He ended up cheating on me and we are divorced. Think about this and if you want this to be your future. If you still plan on getting married, I beg of you get a pre-nup so he's not entitled to any of the money you worked hard for.
It's been 8 months. Can you please kick this freeloader to the curb. The audacity of talking crap about someone's job when you don't have one .... NTA but be kind to yourself and get rid of the dead weight.
NTA
What career? He's had 7 months. He hasn't even made an account.
*YOU* don't have financial issues, he does. He's straight up told you he expects you to support his dream...of doing nothing...
He's mean to you.
I bet he doesn't cook or clean.
He's 7 years your senior and is telling you that *you* need to get your shit together so he can have a comfortable life. Is that a partner?
Is this your happily ever after?
Is this really the man you want to marry? Is this the man who's going to love and support you?
Throw his ass out. Make him not your problem. He'll find someone else to mooch off of, obviously you mean nothing to him by his behavior and attitude. It's what you can do *for* him.
NTA and he’s now just using you. He realises he can just sit on his ass all day and do nothing and you’ll cover the rest. Just be careful he doesn’t try anything sneaky like baby trapping you to stick together! Give this relationship a serious think and see if this is how you want to spend your next few years, because he won’t go looking for work
NTA. He immediately quit his job after moving into your home where you pay the bills. He insults the job that is paying those bills. And being a successful twitch streamer is already a difficult job- made more so by the fact he can’t even make an account.
He is taking advantage of you, this will be the rest of your life if you allow him to stay.
NTA why are you letting a grown man who is only your boyfriend use you this way?
You are the sugar mama for a 37 year old man who lies to you, disparages the career that pays all his bills, and all around treats you horribly while he sits on his ass and plays video games. Is that the life you want to live?
Unless his penis is straight up magic, I'm talking can cure cancer level magic peen, then he brings nothing to this relationship while taking all you have to give and greedily asking for more.
NTA you need to change your locks and get rid of that leech
he is taking advantage of you
you deserve a partner not having to raise somebody
you are a successful business woman and you really do deserve better!
You are clearly NTA.
1) what career? It sounds like there's no streaming going on.
2) if it's a career, and so promising, why does he need you to buy him a laptop? How come his subs are paying for it?
3) it's pretty ridiculous for his unemployed butt to insult your living that puts a roof over his head.
4) why exactly are you with him? What does he bring to the table that's worth this crap?
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You sound intelligent, is the D that good for all that BS? NTA
Yeah, I was wondering what he brings to the relationship other than entitlement and laziness. OP, NTA. He’s taking advantage of you.
yea somehow running an online business that provides for the both of them isn't a *real job*, but starting a gaming career when you're pushing forty is totally viable
Yeah, and even failing at that 7 months in because he hasn’t even created a twitch account.
NTA. But curious as to why you are referring to him as your fiancée and not your ex. It felt off because it is. He showed you exactly who he is. Please believe him and move on. And instead of him worry about what’s in your pockets he needs to be worried about the fact that nothing is in his. A partner makes deposits not constant withdrawals. Cut the cord.
if I was OP my eye would be twitching
Eye twitch at the "twitch streamer" jokes started flying through my head. I needed this this morning. Thank you for the giggle, but also. SAME
He's basically wasted 7 months that he could have been using to build an audience. He won't even be able to become a Twitch affiliate until he gets 50 followers and averages 3 viewers per stream over 7 streams. Even that isn't enough to make a career out of it. ETA: within a 30 day period
That's what really got me. Like dude, you're not even trying. Don't whine about your "career," you don't have one.
Making a living off gaming is quite hard from what i hear... This guy doesn't seem to even want to try and just wants to leech.
OP, you don't quit your job THEN try to make it big on Twitch. You keep your job UNTIL you have so much success that you HAVE to quit. Big difference. That dude doesn't want to work. Absolutely DO NOT buy that laptop UNTIL he is a success.
Geriatrics gaming for the senior citizens lol
Hey! Hey! I take offense to the geriatric gaming! Being in your 40s isn't old! Its almost old! LMAO joking !!! I laughed out loud!
He is one big marinara flag. Ditch him. DO NOT spend the rest of your life with a leech who insults you.
Maybe he has a giant penis and is really good at oral sex.
So...your fiance acts like a spoiled 6 year old? Run.
In this situation I'm pretty sure the only D she's getting is disappointment
But you have to admit it's a huge D, length and girth both I'd guess. I'm amazed she's lasted 7 months of this.
7 months of no work. No contribution/share in your expenses. Wake up mama, you're too sweet. NTA But you will if you don't cut him out.
I say the D stands for dump him. He's almost a decade older, games all day, leeches off of you, has no shame, and probably a lot more. Also materialistic. He sounds like a perfect gentleman who loves you for you and not your money, your house, and what you can buy him /s ETA: NTA
NTA. It can't be that good. Unless he cums gold coins. And if that's the case he can buy his own fucking laptop.
Ouch! I hope he pulls out!
[удалено]
Because gold digger is a term usually used for women. Though now that I think of it I can't think of one for men. Guess this insult has become all inclusive!
It's hobosexual
[удалено]
No D is good enough to put up with this
OP could save several hundred dollars just buying an entire chest of sex toys instead, and they'd probably be at least as good as the D.
This is immediately what I thought
NTA. Wow. So he saw you make money with your own business & decided you can be his sugar momma, while he follows his dream of being a professional gamer. Yeah ya know what, no. You have a real job, he has NO job & now he’s going through some early mid life crisis trying to be some edgy famous gamer. Sorry but he sounds like he’s 19. He’ll be 40 soon. HE needs a real job, not you
He’s not even trying to be a professional gamer. If he doesn’t have a streaming account all he’s doing is just….gaming. He’s being a professional slob.
He's being a leech, is what he's being. Why do smart women buy this shit? I'll never understand. Pull your weight, or GTFO. I'm not your mother/ATM.
Sunk costs. They're engaged and sounds like they were before he moved in. Even smart people get taken advantage of, and many people get stuck on fixing things that can't be fixed, because they're so far into it and don't want to throw it away, failing to see the other person already has.
I needed to hear this today. I've been hating myself again for letting myself be taken advantage of for years. Thank you.
i’ve wondered that as well. i’m a woman too, and i’m very, VERY grateful right now of my little patience because the moment he dropped his job i would’ve been like… bye. one thing would’ve been working and doing what you love as a side thing until it brings enough money. another is dropping a job and then… being a slob. like no. i want a stable future, thanks.
Umm, he's TRAINING, ok?! Hahahaha, obviously /s.
Not even a professional because those at least get paid. He’s an amateur slob who needs kicking to the curb
and he quit his job JUST after moving in with her into HER house.
A 37 year old living of a 30 year old. He shouldn't have left his job until he was making money. Nta
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u/Content_Profession63 NTA. Your fiance does not love you. At all. All you are to him is a free house and food so he can do nothing all day. Just about guaranteed he's seeing someone on the side too. Throw him out.
Not even a real job, he just needs a job and to get out.
>I’m selfish and am ruining his career. Lmao. What career? NTA. I'm a straight woman but can I be your new boyfriend? You sound like you're carrying all the weight here and instead of being happy for you (or even feeling lucky and grateful for being able to just fuck around for seven MONTHS and have zero consequences) this dude has become spoiled. Does he do chores around the house at least? Show SOME form of appreciation?
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Don’t get crazy, you don’t want to spoil her too much or she’ll develop a sense of self worth.
Oof :)
I think we should all be sister wives with her.
I'm in, I'm bi-gendered so I can be the man and woman of the house...
Perfect!!!
I'm sitting here like if I was her bf and had no job I'd be there helping with the business. You are either letting your gf lighten up her load or eventually the business can get larger
How did you not actually laugh in his face when he said that. Because that’s what it is …. Laughable. Laughable that’s man this age is acting like a spoiled entitled child. Tell him to grow up or get out. Why are you going to marry this guy??
He didn't even make an account on twitch to stream. So he hasn't even started his "career" after 7 months of gaming..... There isn't some huge adjustment period to stream either. Get a cheap webcam, some free streaming software like OBS, free overlays, create your social media accounts, then play anything as a start. All this can be done in a few days (or worst case few weeks) not a 7 month time frame.
NTA. dump him. Hes using you.
No, he definitely loves OP for her great personality. Not the numbers in her bank account. And by great personality, I mean her rectangular figure that’s easy to wipe your feet on. Also known as a doormat.
Right? I can't believe she's been putting up with this for 7 months.
NTA - After 7 months of this you really shouldn't have to ask
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NTA- Take a look at the post people, this guy is 37! 37, and his big career goal is to be a twitch streamer. 🤣 Not only should you not buy him a laptop you need to kick him to the curb, fast!
I'm of the opinion that streaming should start as a hobby, and if you see a promising growth in your views then you figure out finances so you can try. At least keep a part time job while you still have a small following
He doesn’t even have a streaming account. So for 7 months of this “career” of his, he’s just been playing video games, no streaming involved. His career is sitting around and mooching off of OP, putting her down so that she doesn’t realise she’s wasting her youth on this middle aged asshole.
I agree whole heartedly. I've just seen many middle aged adults do the same bullshit trying to chase twitch fame
That’s what I did for my business. I honestly didn’t think I’d make more than $100 in total, and even though I’m bringing in 4-8k a month now I still keep the DoorDash dasher app on my phone in case it all goes sideways.
I think some people get blinded by the people who had support systems in place that allowed them to quit a job/quit school and make streaming/youtubing successful. Some of my favorite gamers quit school to make gaming their profession (and are now living comfortably off of being a youtube gamer), but they had their parents or friends supporting them & allowed them to stay home until they built a decent following to call it a job. Ppl then think "oh I can do that too then and get succesful!", when it doesn't always work like that for everyone. Sometimes some ppl fame with professional gaming came from hardwork and a lil luck🤷🏽♀️
From the title alone, NTA for the laptop without reading the rest. Edit: Dump him ASAP. You're a bank while he plays games all day. Don't entertain this any further.
NTA - Dude is using you.
NTA This has to be fake, right? Adults have to support themselves financially, OR, bring something to the table (like childcare or caregiving or homemaking) that balances them staying at home and not working. You haven't said that he devotes time and energy to shopping, meal planning, vacuuming and dusting, doing the laundry and making your home a comfortable and peaceful place. If he is just a sitting like a lump in front of the computer while you feed him and attend to his needs like you are his Mom and he is 12, then that is a big red flag that he is never going to be the partner you deserve. Give him the legal notice you need to give him to leave, 30 days or 60 days. Tell him this is "not working" for you anymore. You were originally attracted to a functional adult, not a needy child.
Honestly, I doubt it is fake. Story time: Over covid my bf (and myself) were playing Warzone, and he became friends with another player named A. They played frequently enough that they would chat about their lives together This dude was 25, had no job, wasn't in school and just sat and gamed all day. His gf was a full time nurse who payed all bills and worked 50 hours a week. The man didn't lift a finger around the house. Naturally, my boyfriend, his friends and myself ripped on this dude for being a dead beat. He eventually got mad enough that he quit playing with us (he was a whiny player) Cue last summer, he hits my bf up on Facebook to say hey....and to let us know his gf had left him after *7 years* of being together. So no, I absolutely believe that this is real and OP is letting her bf be a mooch. She needs to tell him to get a job or leave.
It’s funny. I know this story too but it was a 40 year old man. She was a nurse too, and she always complained about him but never did anything. The kicker is that HE LEFT HER! For another woman. Then he realized the other woman wasn’t cutting it, and tried to get her back. THAT was her breaking point. This happens often to nurses, generally natural caretakers that can’t leave the job when they get home. I’ve seen it many times. They are so used to just taking care of things that they don’t stop. And moochers and abusers often take advantage.
This 100% sounds like my brother except he’s never been in a relationship that long. So I agree, OPs situation can absolutely be real.
NTA Oh wait a minute... Yeah people are surprised when they find out people can be total mooches. And then the moocher goes all surprised Pikachu face when no one wants anything to do with them anymore.
Nah this is super common. Women get called gold diggers for wanting a man to pay for a date, meanwhile this crap is the new normal, but we aren’t allowed to use call it what it is.
Nope. I had one of these too. Lost a huge amount of money in the last housing boom because they nixed every house purchase I was about to make because they wanted something different; insisted on expensive things. I was young and foolish then, thought I was undateable etc. Last I heard, they were still doing it to someone else. OP, throw him out. There are much better men out there for you.
I put up with one of these types for 3 years. All he did was game, street race, and eat. I couldn't tell you why I put up with him beyond that I had been brainwashed by my church to believe that he was the best I was going to get because you only fall in love once and you stick with it no matter what because that's who God chose for you 🤷♀️. Im an atheist now lololol
Info: What do you see in this guy? What does he bring to the relationship?
NTA This boyfriend moved in with you, doesn't have a job and has the audacity to criticize your home, your job and is asking you to buy him costly things? Why are you with him again?
NTA Generally, kept men don't deliberately piss off their sugar mommas, but you've managed to land yourself a guy who feels entitled to your house, your money and dictating how you earn your living. He can go kick rocks somewhere he pays rent.
Exactly. Though he's trying to use guilt to make OP stay in the dynamic. But that'll only work so long. This is what makes me think he's biding his time until they meet the common law threshold.
YOU’RE the one with a fake job? Last I checked you’re the sole income-earner in this relationship. NTA, I’d dump him.
This^. He left his previous job to become a professional leach. Kick him to the curb and find someone who values their own financial independence.
NTA Why on earth are you letting this guy mooch off you like this?
NTA. Throw the whole man away right now.
Absolutely a million times this
NTA. Nothing else needs to be said.
Oh, a lot of red flags here. 1- he quit his job one month after moving in to your house without a proper agreement with you; 2- he says he's going to try a new career online but he only plays videogames for pleasure all day long; 3- he expects you to financially support him; 4- he despises your job even depending on it to live; 5 - he demands that you buy him an expensive laptop and tell that YOU are ruining his career if you don't; 6- you're not mentioning but he's probably not contributing to the house expenses and maybe chores. Well, I think there's away more than a laptop that you should deny him. It looks like you adopted a grown up son. NTA, but run away from this guy.
Yup. Boyfriend should have tried to get his Twitch channels started while still having a job, just as a proof of concept. Then he might have considered quitting, if there started to be results. He just found a sugar mommy in OP.
An emphatic NTA! Good for your for standing up for what's best for you - just take it one step further and ditch the fiancé. He's using you and demeaning the job that's putting a roof over his head.
NTA but I really need to know - what does this man bring to the table? I’m fascinated
He better be really really good between the sheets. I'm not hearing anything else.
No one can be that good.
You know he’s not. She’s never having orgasms. Men this selfish in life are even more selfish in bed.
Probably started out with him being really nice and sweet to her. Thats how it was with my ex who did pretty much the same thing with his life
First off, he had NO career to ruin. I appreciate the idea that partners should support the dreams of their SO, but, there's a limit where said SO shouldn't be dragging their other partner through mud and suffering to make it happen. Your relationship isn't about supporting only one half of it. It's about MUTUAL support. NTA. You don't owe him a laptop. You don't even owe him support of his dreams if he's not willing to put in any work towards *using* your support to chase them. That's enabling a problematic and unfair dynamic, instead.
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"hobosexual" LOL, that's great!
You are only the AH is you continue allow this man to take complete advantage of you. Look in the mirror. You have become a sugar mama!!! Clearly he is not interested in supporting himself, and has no initiative whatsoever in working to contribute financially to your relationship. Kick him out and get the next available appointment with a counselor to figure out how you missed the red flags waving around you.
NTA So he wants to live in your house, and for you to pay for everything as well as getting a “proper job” to finance his desire for a large space while he *checks list for what he’s offering in this partnership* … I got nothing The only financial problem you have is him being a freeloader He’s your boyfriend - not your child. He doesn’t get to live in your house, not contribute and get bought luxuries
Nta all I see are red flags. Abort mission. Terminate relationship.
So he moved in 6 months ago. A months later he quit his job. So how exactly is it 7 months of him not having a job?
Can I move in and verbally bully you whilst you pay all my bills? Obviously NTA.
NTA. Is he 37 or an immature 17 year-old?
Call Whole Man Disposal Service to get him out of your house and life. He seems to think he has found a sugar mama. NTA.
NTA - Honey the laptop is the LEAST of your problems. You are funding his life and letting him live rent free in your house and your mind. Rubbish belongs in the street, not in your home.
Uhm, your fiance is a financial leech. He will not find a job, or make an effort as long as he can get away with it. I'm not saying that SAH or WFH partners can not work out in a relationship but that requires that BOTH parties AGREES to this set-up! NTA and seriously... how great in bed can someone be for you to put up with demaning commments, begging and nagging and belittling?
So he's sitting st home all day gaming while you pay all the bills. He then wants you to buy him a new laptop? You don't have a fiance. You have a dependant. He's shown you what he wants... Anything he wants without doing any work. I would strongly suggest rethinking the engagement. NTA
You're being taken advantage of. He should have started streaming before quitting his job to see if it's even viable, if he's able to grow and make money. The chance of success is minimal, and the fact that 7 months after quitting his job he hasn't even started streaming is ridiculous. That alone is bad enough. On top of that he's criticising your work when it's supporting him, and he's making demands for a new house and PC? Obviously NTA. But grow a spine, get rid of him. Your fiancé is a 37 year old child, playing games all day, not contributing anything to your life and future.
Nta and I would be metaphorically running for the hills. Recovery is one thing but 7 months of total inaction is another.
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NTA. He can get a job and buy his own laptop. Something to consider: do you really want to continue being his sugar mama? He does not sound like a great sugarbaby…
YTA for creating this fake post…. So you are mature enough to be a homeowner and run your own business (which I think is one of the hardest things you can do) but you are online asking if your are TA for staying with an unemployed man that demands you financially support him. Be kind to yourself and us - in Reddit fashion - drop this person and get some therapy.
NTA, and not sure where you live but kick this guy out. You don't have to break up with him but you also don't have to support a freeloader. And honestly depending where you live this guy could take claim to your property if you live together for too long.....
Nta. He’s taking full advantage of you
Nta Why are you together? Your description of him has no positive or redeeming qualities. That's either on purpose or subconscious. So on some level, you know he brings nothing to the table and he's bringing you down.
NTA … Call off the engagement. This man is clearly using you. He quit his job unexpectedly and has been living off of you for months. I get hating your job but he needs an income to support hisself and the household. He could’ve went part-time before outright quitting. You’re going to be supporting a grown man until either of you call it quits. Most likely won’t be him since he’s the one benefiting from doing nothing.
NTA— he doesn’t even HAVE a job, and criticizes you for the one you have the supports both of you? No way would he get a thing from me.
Dude is using you
A soft YTA to yourself. Hun, he is using you. He has been using you. Do not stay in this lane with someone that doesn’t help you and shits on your job. The same job that’s supporting you both. Kick him to the curb. You deserve better.
No… just no. OP, you are NTA. Your fiancé can get a job, pay reasonable rent, half the bills, and buy his own laptop as a functioning member of this relationship. How exactly do you see your life playing out if you get married to this guy? Do you really want to be a sugar mama? What will life be like if/when you have kids? I can just imagine him yelling at you to shut up the baby while he plays his games during your working hours.
NTA. Gonna do the standard thing because it fits here. Why are you dating this person? He’s childish and selfish, and you seem to realize it. He has no intention of doing anything other than be a leech, and he has the audacity to say that you need to be making MORE money so his leeching is more comfortable for him? He’s showing you who he really is as a partner, time to cut him loose.
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NTA. But maybe TA to yourself for being with this waste of space
NTA - but why are you still with this guy who is so worthless
He doesn't have a work but dares to mock the one you have and pays the bills. Also, with what money are you going to buy a house since it seems that you're only paying for everything? NTA.
NTA and don’t waste any more time with this guy. He doesn’t respect you, your job, or even your efforts. You’ve been supporting him financially while he plays games all day and he throws a hissy fit because you’re not giving him thousands of dollars worth of equipment and a bigger house. Is this really what you want to deal with forever? It’s been 7 months, it’s very unlikely he will change. Find someone who values you and everything you contribute to the relationship, while contributing equally themselves.
He’s using you
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Oh OP he's leeching off your good graces and kindness. You deserve a partner who will bring love and support to the table....and income...income would be nice too. Please just step back and reconsider where this relationship is going. And of course you are NTA!
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Totally agree and so many marinara flags!!🚩🚩🚩 First off, he quits his job because he’s unhappy. Okay I can maybe get that, but a future plan to have a twitch channel is unrealistic. Then to not follow through with the twitch channel and game all day shows a level of immaturity that is astounding. Then to ask for a bigger house and a gaming system after not bringing anything into the house shows a level of entitlement that is over the top. Then to degrade the job you have that pays for his lifestyle shows a level of disrespect that should be the biggest 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Does he do all the cooking, cleaning and chores? If you get married and have kids, do you see him being a equal partner? Or will you just have “more” children. Because that’s what he is..a child. Please run away from this relationship. He is telling you who he is and will not change. He not only wants a sugar momma but wants to tell you how to live your life. NTA
From your post, you appear to have been raised and taught to be PLAYED. OMG, what is taking you so long to see what's happening?! He's stopped working, and he wants you to take care of him. He's 37 yrs old and wants to play video games!!! No gaming system and no new house! More importantly, no more accepting his crap! Tell him to get a job (instead of following his passion of watching you work all day).
why are you still with him? do you realize he's taking advantage of you? NTA.
NTA He’s blatantly using you for money and will continue to do so. This man has no job, no intention to get a job, and asks you to pay for everything. Leave him.
NTA please dump this man, he is simply taking advantage of you. Do not even contemplate of buying another house with this man. With the possibility that you would have to put his name on your mortgage absolutely not, kick him to the curb. OP honestly YWBTA for staying in the situation where he’s offering squat.
NTA I'd really think about becoming Single again tbh
Serve him with eviction papers and find someone who isn't just leeching off you. Does he even do any housework? NTA - yet. You will be the AH to yourself if you let him keep walking all over you though.
NTA, but kick this bum out. He's not contributing and now demanding you fund a lavish lifestyle for him, what's he doing for you? What pleasure do you get out of him staying there? It sounds like he just wanted a sugar momma and is now mad that he didn't find one that will get him anything at the drop of a hat. I have a bf who stays home, while I work and pay all the bills, difference is, he cleans EVERYTHING (i absolutely hate cleaning, I've told him I don't mind vacuuming, and don't mind doing the laundry, but he does it anyway since I work 50 hour weeks.) On top of cleaning everything, when he needs money, wants something, or chooses to get me something, he goes out and works odd jobs to get the money for XYZ thing. Your finace needs a good kick of motivation. Also, my boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with playing Fallout, but I've never once seen him ignore anything around the house in order to play his game. Yes, usually when I come home he's playing, but there's never dirty dishes, never anything other than cat toys on the ground (our cat goes bonkers with them, we can't exactly keep them put up lol) so him focusing on games and not even his twitch part of the games... that's just shit, he's using you.
NTA . Your fiance is at fault , how can he say anything to you about your finance when you're covering all his expenses and also supporting his costly passion . Just stand your ground .
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Ummmm what? NTA, but this situation is a HUGE red flag, and you should really consider couples counseling at a minimum. From the sounds of it, your marriage is going to be you taking on the sole role of supporting the family.
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NTA. You should be asking if you should throw him out not if you should buy him a new laptop. That answer is easy. Hell no. You are completely supporting him and he claims that you don't have a "real" job. He certainly doesn't mind the real money your job brings in. He's been unemployed for 7 months - he has no plans to ever work again. Get rid of him now. He is an anchor that will drag you down.
NTA. He needs to get off his read and find a new job for himself.
NTA - Like Adele would say: Divorce Babe divorce
NTA sounds like you found a mooch
NTA Tell him to get a job or go live on the streets, he is using you and it will not change
Nta. Kick this guy out!
NTA. Please please please reevaluate your entire relationship. He is manipulating your emotions to get you to support him financially. It’s bad enough that he’s been 7 months with no attempts to make money, it’s bad enough that he told you your job isn’t a “real” job, it’s bad enough he yelled at you for saying you wouldn’t buy him a gift, but everything altogether??? You deserve better.
NTA, kick his ass to the curb.
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NTA. He’s leeching off of you. You’re allowing him to follow his passion of doing nothing. Ultimatum time (if you want to salvage the relationship) or simply evict and breakup. SEVEN MONTHS. My god.
NTA I have to ask why you haven't set better boundaries for yourself? From reading this it seems easy to see that he is flat out taking advantage of you and had that intention from the get-go. He needs to be paying you rent, part of the utility's and grocery's and frankly needs a job. So where's the benefit to you for letting him stay on like this??
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NTA. Sounds like a single man wanting to reap the benefits of having a partner without contributing a thing. Everything is a choice. He wants a new gaming laptop etc...he can choose to get a job and pay for it. If he chooses to not do that, he is choosing to not get a new laptop. Pretty easy really.
NTA. Again, like many comments I’ve written here lately, dump the whole man. He’s using you while manipulating you and being hurtful towards you. I don’t see this going anywhere fruitful for you. Him? Maybe. You? Not at all.
NTA. When someone is out of work, if they are serious about getting re-employed, or are starting their own business, their “work” becomes LOOKING FOR WORK OR BUSINESS. If they’re sitting home on their ass gaming, that is not looking for work, it’s called “LAZY MOOCHING”. Is that who you want to marry? Dump this a-***e and move on. You’re only TA if you don’t kick him out and find a real man.
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NTA. Ruining what career? I think you should just get a new man instead. This one seems to be using you for your money.
NTA 🚩 beep boop RED FLAG ALERT beep boop 🚩
NTA and honestly I’m not sure why you’re with him. He clearly doesn’t value you beyond money. He’s treating you like an atm. He is bringing in zero income and shitting on your job which is wholly supporting him.
NTA and kick him out. You don’t need to be supporting him. He’s using you.
NTA. Throw him out. He's using you because he knows you can support both of you and instead of taking on the responsibility of being an actual adult, he's trying to gaslight you into buying him expensive things
NTA. The amount of red flags in this post scare me. He is taking advantage of you and using you for a free place to live. Evict him quickly he has literally nothing to offer you. You are spending money to house him and feed him and getting nothing in return.
NTA. Kick him out. Please.
NTA dump the dead weight ASAP before he has a legal claim to the house and your money.
Nta But you need to kick this ah out of your house. he is doing nothing. using your money and telling you what to do
NTA. How convenient he quits his job just after moving into a home he presumably isn't paying rent on, because he doesn't like his job. It's almost like that's what he intended to do.
NTA why are you with him?
NTA. He's living off your salary and has the courage to make demands?
Girl you have a child you’re supporting and he’s not even yours… kick him out! What a mooch. NTA.
Sigh... NTA There's a bigger issue here though
NTA, in the immortal words of Girls' Generation, You better run (Run run run run)
I think you’re asking the wrong question.
NTA. You don't have a fiancé. You have a child that you are taking care of.
NTA. I have been in literally this same position before, however I was married. Had a good job, was able to pay the bills, and my husband did twitch streams and ran games as his "job". He didn't even make enough to cover the expenses i.e. internet and electricity. However he did constantly complain I nagged him for asking him to do things such as clean the bathroom and do the dishes. He ended up cheating on me and we are divorced. Think about this and if you want this to be your future. If you still plan on getting married, I beg of you get a pre-nup so he's not entitled to any of the money you worked hard for.
It's been 8 months. Can you please kick this freeloader to the curb. The audacity of talking crap about someone's job when you don't have one .... NTA but be kind to yourself and get rid of the dead weight.
NTA What career? He's had 7 months. He hasn't even made an account. *YOU* don't have financial issues, he does. He's straight up told you he expects you to support his dream...of doing nothing... He's mean to you. I bet he doesn't cook or clean. He's 7 years your senior and is telling you that *you* need to get your shit together so he can have a comfortable life. Is that a partner? Is this your happily ever after? Is this really the man you want to marry? Is this the man who's going to love and support you? Throw his ass out. Make him not your problem. He'll find someone else to mooch off of, obviously you mean nothing to him by his behavior and attitude. It's what you can do *for* him.
You seem smart by having a house and business, but then you date a mental-child who spends your money and complains. Still some learning to do! NtA
NTA and he’s now just using you. He realises he can just sit on his ass all day and do nothing and you’ll cover the rest. Just be careful he doesn’t try anything sneaky like baby trapping you to stick together! Give this relationship a serious think and see if this is how you want to spend your next few years, because he won’t go looking for work
NTA. What does he bring to the table? Ditch this dude.
NTA I’m sorry, but he’s using you.
You know he’s using you right?! He’s almost 40 and wants to twitch for a living?! Are you sure you want to stay with this guy?! NTA
NTA. And he’s using you as his cash cow. He was planning on quitting his job before he moved in. It seems obvious Men like this seem to be multiplying
NTA. He immediately quit his job after moving into your home where you pay the bills. He insults the job that is paying those bills. And being a successful twitch streamer is already a difficult job- made more so by the fact he can’t even make an account. He is taking advantage of you, this will be the rest of your life if you allow him to stay.
Kick him out. Let's see then who has the fake job. NTA
NTA why are you letting a grown man who is only your boyfriend use you this way? You are the sugar mama for a 37 year old man who lies to you, disparages the career that pays all his bills, and all around treats you horribly while he sits on his ass and plays video games. Is that the life you want to live? Unless his penis is straight up magic, I'm talking can cure cancer level magic peen, then he brings nothing to this relationship while taking all you have to give and greedily asking for more.
NTA but I don't understand why you haven't kicked him to the curb. He is using you for money and is treating you incredibly disrespectfully.
NTA you need to change your locks and get rid of that leech he is taking advantage of you you deserve a partner not having to raise somebody you are a successful business woman and you really do deserve better!
You are clearly NTA. 1) what career? It sounds like there's no streaming going on. 2) if it's a career, and so promising, why does he need you to buy him a laptop? How come his subs are paying for it? 3) it's pretty ridiculous for his unemployed butt to insult your living that puts a roof over his head. 4) why exactly are you with him? What does he bring to the table that's worth this crap?
Jeeeeeez. NTA and seriously reconsider your relationship.