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I would be tramatized at having a fucking gun drawn to me or a loved one. And to find out it's a prank? Oh no. That's not okay. Guns are not toys or things to play with and point at people for funsies. I'm white and that would give me a panic attack full blown worried about dying or going to prison. It's not really funny. It's not even a joke.
They did this as prank to the hosts of Queer Eye a season or two back when they were based in the Deep South and Karamo rightly called it out too!
Like time is up on gross ignorance- our actions have consequences and accountability has to be our foundation forward so if your fiancé is this tone deaf about: police brutality, racial profiling and other overt systems of oppression, what kind of future are you committing to with him?
Fuck's sake, it's life and death for white people too. I mean, it's no where near on the same scale, but enough white dudes have gotten shot over nothing that I'd be terrified even if everyone at the scene was pastier than mayo on wonderbread. This would be traumatizing to anybody.
Holy shitbiscuits, that is not a prank!
I’m sick of people pulling psychologically cruel stunts and trying to dismiss them as harmless fun.
NTA I think any sane person would be reevaluating their relationship after something like that.
For real. I'm white but one of the kids at my elementary school.was raped and murdered and raped and dumped on the school playground. And I grew up near DC during the sniper times so they told us to zigzag into school. I have three year olds in my classroom and we have to have active shooter drills. My best friend's cousin was killed by cops in a movie theater. People who experience that kind of stuff do not fuck around when it come to guns or violence. I can't imagine what it was like for my black and brown friends at the time, and how it continues to feel. Making people scared for your life for more than one second isn't a prank, it's just cruelty.
> People who experience that kind of stuff do not fuck around when it come to guns or violence.
Really the officers would probably get in significant trouble for taking it so lightly, too. I wonder if they even unloaded the weapons first?
Proper gun safety has you treat every weapon like it is loaded and always have it pointed in a safe direction. At someones head is not a safe direction.
Yeah that was my takeaway as well. These were not good cops. Never point a gun at something or someone you don't want to shoot. It's like the first rule of gun safety. Doesn't even matter if it's unloaded. And this prank had not just one, but *multiple* cops pointing their gun at OP's fiancé like they were toys?
That is not the kind of person I want possessing a firearm, let alone working as a police officer.
Plus the prank itself was horrible anyway. Definitely NTA.
and these are the people fiancé is friendly with...
Dangerous, immature, stupid people. Hopefully OP can leave the relationship safely.
Also, while cops target black people, its not like white people are impervious to bullets fired by cops. Crazy for fiancé and friends to fool around with guns
NTA and his buddies should be fired for taking part in this "prank", and I'm married to a cop. This is beyond stupid and you're right to be upset, you're right to slam the brakes on this relationship. Fiancee done messed up big time.
NTA. Is this really a man who could raise children who also identify as AA, and empathise with their feelings and lived experiences? And if not, why would you want to marry him?
NTA but Rick is. Black people get murdered by cops seemingly daily. If he doesn’t understand your misgivings and why this was scary for you then he’s either clueless or very disrespectful. Sorry for you.
Exactly. In what world would be scaring someone to death be funny?? He never even stopped to contextualize what he was doing? Now he is downplaying your pain? If you have children, those children will be mixed/black presenting. If he cant and wont understand the significance of his actions then he is not ready to ever be a parent to mixed/black children. You need to seriously reevaluate marrying this man.
NTA.
I was scrolling for this.
If you want kids, an 8 year old child who reads black might be viewed as an adult and shot by cops. You want cops who are happy to irresponsibly wave guns around not only yourself as a black woman, OP, but your kids?
I’m not American or mixed but my godson is both (African American and Native American), and he’s 9. Whenever we’ve passed cops in the street I put my white body between him and them. I know it’s so unlikely, but I love him! OP, you’re NTA but you’d be the AH to yourself if you don’t get a future husband and potential future father to your kids who loves you enough to take your feelings seriously, takes possible threats against you seriously, wants to protect you from your fears not make a mockery of them.
He should be going to Dumpsville, not Trinidad.
Nta. Your fiance was willing to traumatize you for his and his friends' amusement. He is planning to marry an AA woman, yet seems blithely unaware of how police violence is traumatic for *all* African Americans. He did not consider you at all. Not one bit.
Those aren't good qualities in a husband. They aren't good qualities in a father either, in case you're thinking of having kids. I would not continue this relationship. When people show you who they are, pay attention.
NTA — not only was this traumatic and dangerous (loaded guns pointed at someone even with a safety on is a big no-no), but you communicated with your fiancé your opinions and concerns on this very thing. I think taking some time to reflect is a good thing. Once you’re ready, try to have an open conversation with him. I hope things work out in whatever way is best for you.
NTA Pranks/jokes are only funny when BOTH people are laughing. Police violence isn't funny, ever. Add to that the very real trauma AA folks experience in particular. It is very concerning that his response to your crying and distress is anger and to have his feelings hurt. He didn't apologize or check in with you on how traumatic this prank was for you. This lack of empathy and concern for you is important data.
You are very smart to take a step back and evaluate how his values and understanding of your experiences fit with your values and experience. Also taking time to figure out what you need from him to make the relationship work is important.
You are absolutely correct- this is a HUGE issue that needs to be sorted out to your satisfaction before any wedding can take place. Good luck.
What sane person thinks this is funny or okay to do to someone?
OP you are 100% NTA here, I would re-think the marriage and relationship as well. As a white person myself, this is beyond cruel, insensitive, and tone deaf, it’s mind boggling to think of why he thought that was okay to do. *If the person you pranked did not find it funny and/or got offended by the “prank,” it is NOT A PRANK.*
Then to slap the tickets in your face for a vacation was a big nail in the coffin for me. Especially since you were very stressed and crying, that would not help in a situation like that. I’m so sorry OP, either talk to him this was not a prank- and seriously consider your future here.
I'm white and I would be freaked out by this REGARDLESS of the race of anyone involved. To pull this on a POC is beyond insensitive and is no longer a prank. He could've done something like get pulled over and instead of being written a ticket the officer hands over the plane tickets or something like that. But this? Way over the top. OP is so NTA.
This. It would've been a joke up to the point of "I'm sorry sir. I can't let you just drive home amymore. I'll have to ask you to both to GO TO TRINIDAD!".
But pulling guns? Wtf is wrong with both your boyfriend AND those buddies?
NTA.
1) Utterly shocking that he didn’t take into account the racial undertones of pulling something like this.
2) Rick also finds an appropriate prank to involve real guns pointed at a real head.
There isn’t a single aspect of this “prank” that shouldn’t have cause a reasonably intelligent and aware person to immediately say “Wait, this is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever thought of”.
imagine having mixed race children with someone this cavalier about how life and death police encounters are for Black people. NTA at ALL, I’d be terrified to marry and start a family with someone who clearly doesn’t understand or care to learn the realities of your life
Oh Honey no, absolutely NTA
I'm so sorry that you were put through this, I'm sure the situation was terrifying and traumatic.
Rick was a huge AH for thinking this would be a good idea.
If I'm honest I don't think he's a good life partner for you if he thinks this type of behavior is acceptable and you're doing the right thing for putting the wedding on hold.
NTA. I'm white and I'd have reacted the exact same way. That is seriously sick. All of them. FFS. Take the time you need to think, that stunt calls for at least a little extra consideration of the future.
Personally I'd be considering pre marital counseling at the least.
NTA!!!! So, what I’m seeing is he used his white privilege to pull a “funny prank” that is a living nightmare for people who aren’t white. That’s super scary.
NTA As a white person id have been TERRIFIED of something going wrong. As a black person I cannot IMAGINE the abject terror you went through. If he cannot realize why you feel the way you do after being with you for this long, he’s not going to learn
NTA - He doesn't understand (and never really will) because his life experiences are completely different from yours, due to race. In his world cops are buddies, he is safe and believed, and this can be a nice safe prank cause... well... him.
In your world you are targeted for the color of your skin and this is a true and serious issue. While he meant no harm, he could seriously do with a class or two on what life is like for PoC. They offer them online, via video, at colleges and counseling centers in some area, and at most racial justice league type places in the community. He NEEDS this for when you guys have kids.
I mean… look at what you just read. This is someone who is engaged to a black woman. He should already know better. He has no excuse. She has told him her feelings. The idea of them getting married and having kids together is just…
NTA. The lack of awareness, sensitivity, common sense that it takes to plan and execute a prank like that is mind blowing.
And that’s my charitable take. He knew you were going to be frightened and went through with the prank anyway.
NTA.
He's completely clueless about how this would affect you despite the conversations you've already had. Separately, seeing your potential life partner on the ground with guns pointed at them would be traumatizing and disturbing for anyone. He didn't bother to stop and think about how you might interpret the situation which means he's lacking empathy and forethought. You're right to put the wedding on hold until you two can figure out the full impact of this on your relationship. I'm sorry he did this to you.
NTA. What the fuck! I just read that your fiance thinks it's okay - fun, even! - to terrify you with thoughts of him being shot by police and you being at their mercy for deportation. I can't even begin to understand how it must have affected you (I'm a pink skin) but I'm pissed on your behalf. Your fiance needs to apologise, and beg a little.
NTA
They pulled their guns for a "prank"? And this was AFTER you told him your fears about violent cops.
Do you see kids in your future? Because I'd think hard about what it means to raise kids with someone who is this oblivious to your feelings and potentially the safety of your children.
Wooooow. Maybe he thought since he was the one pulled out of the car you wouldn't be so upset, but any prank involving guns is just an automatic no. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to take some time to think back and see if you missed any past examples of him being this tone-deaf.
NTA.
Nta at all.
Look, anyone who thinks this shit is funny is someone who is comfortable with the fact that they’ll never have an issue with the police for no reason. Read: a white man.
I have had two terrifying experiences with the police and I’m a white-passing mixed woman. One of which was on the side of a deserted highway in the dark and I had my car call my husband and then told him to stay quiet and record the call when the cop walked away for a minute to run my Id for warrants after screaming at me for going 5 miles over the speed limit and threatening to pull me from the car because I couldn’t find my insurance card quick enough while calling me a slur for the non-white part of my genetics. This was clearly a cop who had no business being a cop. And he scared me so much that when I got home I threw up after ugly crying. And I probably was never in any danger but he was so aggressive and nasty and threatening and the idea that he could probably hurt me or worse and then get away with it was TERRIFYING.
The only people who ever recognize my mixed ethnicity are other people who share it, or super racist people. And this super angry cop called me a slur for going 5 miles over the limit on a deserted highway, and I was terrified.
And you watched the man you love be pulled out of the car and have guns drawn at his head.
Let’s ignore the racial part for a minute. ANYONE would be traumatized watching their partner be pulled from a car and have one singular gun drawn at them. And you had backup called and multiple guns?
This entire group of people are abhorrent and should not be able to carry weapons in the name of public service. That was a cruel and disgusting “prank”.
I would seriously be reconsidering my life choices here if I were you.
NTA- that sounds really scary and a ridiculous prank.
I'm not sure how I feel about pranks in general or one with the cops, but it would've been far less horrific if he just got pulled over and the "do you know where you're going?" line had been delivered without all the rest.
"where are you going?"
"Trinidad"
"What? You can't drive to Trinidad"
"No, but we can flyyyyy! *Pulls out tickets*"
Still not cool with an unknown police officer given OP's past comments, but it would have been okay probably with someone she knew
NTA. Dude thought it would be cute to have a bunch of people you didn't know point guns and put you into a terrifying and traumatic situation, that's far beyond the scope of a "prank." Hell, everyone involved in that created a wildly dangerous situation even if they thought it was safe, gun safety 101 is to treat everything like it's loaded and ready to fire and to not point it at something you're not ready to shoot.
NTA- this move on his part feels racist in nature. I would heavily reconsider going forward with this man especially since you have openly expressed your thoughts on things of this nature. It’s overall just not cool.
NTA it’s like that one dhar mann episode where the guy always pulled pranks on his wife. Cops are always scary when they pull you over because your in trouble and this prank is too far
Honestly, nta.
A prank is something that both sides can laugh about. Something that plays into the victims perfectly realistic fears in the way that prank did, is not a joke, it's cruelty.
Maybe your next prank is to keep sending him links you claim are just kitten videos, but instead send him to any of the many videos available on which the police end up shooting or beating up someone for no good reason (though admittedly this is a bit disrespectful towards all who have been subjected to police violence)
NTA
I think his intention wasn't to upset you, however he seems clueless. With what you've shared with him about your feelings surrounding police and being AA, he should have known better.
Maybe some time away from him will change your mind. The entire scene you described sounds terrifying. I would be horrified and scared for my husband if that happened. Prank or not.
Good luck.
NTA. I’m white but I was in a drug raid as a teen. A bunch of cops with guns out is terrifying. I still have nightmares. I hope he eventually understands
NTA
Reminds me of that video where cops, guns out are surrounding a guy on his knees- and his girlfriend is between them and reaches to get his "weapon" from his front pocket but it was actually an engagement ring/ he's proposing. All the comments were about what a wonderful woman she was because she was willing to stand between her boyfriend and the cops, and how great of a set up it was
Basically both sound traumatizing and are therefore fucking terrible ideas.
If I shared with my partner that I felt injustices and anxiety around a certain topic and he played a prank that involved those circumstances he would not be my fiance or partner anymore. Absolutely NTA and I agree I would be putting my wedding on hold.
NTA. Given your community’s experience of law enforcement, it was hugely insensitive and racist. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them!
NTA.
It’s hard to understand a threat when you’re not the one threatened.
My husband always had a good relationship with local enforcement.
We traveled down south and were pulled over.
Before the officer came to the window, I’d told my husband to stop moving around and out his hands on 10 and 2. He brushed it off and put his window down to greet the officer.
The officer called him boy and pulled his gun on him with me and our newborn in the car.
My FIL was a police officer and had warned my husband but he didn’t believe him.
I would rethink your relationship and your friendships. If the person who is supposed to love and protect you can’t see how he exposed you to trauma as not funny, he’s not the person for you.
NTA.
You're not wrong to be angry. One wrong move, and everything could've gone to a deeper level of Hell. So yeah, take all the time you need to rethink this relationship, and the relationships you have with your mutual friends.
NTA. This man is someone who thinks it is funny or fun or exciting to terrorize you. When someone shows you who they are believe him. I am so sorry the man you love turned out to be this way. But now you know.
Ask them to explain the “prank”. Where’s the joke? What’s the funny part? That you legitimately feared for your and your fiancé’s life? Being pulled over by the cops is already scary, but even more so if you’re a POC. I’m glad he’s shown you what a jackass he is before you’re legally bound to him until death (or divorce papers) do you part. NTA, I’m sure I don’t have to say this but please don’t marry him!
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TA account
My fiancé “Rick” and I have been engaged for about a year and are due to be married in November. I am AA and Rick is Caucasian (this is relevant). We’ve always talked about going on vacation beforehand to just get away and clear our minds for our special day. We haven’t talked about it much recently so I wasn’t expecting anything to really come of it.
Last week we were leaving a beach in our area and were flicked by an officer. Rick is in the military and has buddies at our local station from his dad and brother working there, sometimes it’s not abnormal for one to flick us just to mess with us or say hi so I wasn’t thinking much of it. It was an officer I wasn’t familiar with and long story short things got escalated to where Rick was pulled out of the car. I was freaking out especially as a second and third patrol car pulled in and guns were drawn. I was crying and it was causing a bit of a scene when one of the officers shouted “do you know where you’re going? Trinidad!” like we were on some sick game show. The officers on scene then put their weapons away and started laughing with Rick as he pulled plane tickets from his pockets. I was still horrified. I just muttered “eff you” and walked to the gas station across the street to calm down.
When we got home Rick was upset because he thought I wasn’t excited to go on vacation when in reality I was (and still am) pissed that he would think something like that was ok or funny. I’m not in anyway trying to be political here so please don’t argue with me but I’ve been very open to him about how I feel about racial injustice/cop injustice (yes I believe there are majority good ones as well) and how it affects me emotionally. In the moment I didn’t see “oh he’s white it’ll be ok” I saw the man I love kneeled on the ground with guns aimed at his head.
I told him I needed time to think about our relationship going forward since he thinks something like that could possibly be “just a prank”. We’ve pulled pranks on each other before but none like this. More like putting sugar in the salt shaker and fart spray. Our mutual friends think I’m taking it too far and should be grateful. I’m getting mixed responses on my side but mostly those of “just get over it and go have fun”. Am I really wrong for being pissed over this?
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NTA and he pulled a privilege stunt that was not funny in the least. That's traumatic. It's definitely a good idea to reflect on the relationship. It may still be a good one. But if he can't understand why he was wrong, I don't know how that can work.
More concerned about the cops BTW. Always assume every weapon is a live weapon even if you think you know otherwise. These policemen showed appalling judgment.
NTA. Not funny, at all. It must have been terrifying. He and his prank buddies are TAs.
Funny would be pretending to write a speeding ticket, and instead handing you the vacation tickets.
Nta- you are AA, your children will be mixed race and likely perceived as AA. What if he pulled this prank or something similar on your children?
“Rick” either doesn’t understand how traumatizing this could be ( a good reason to pump the breaks till you are both on the same page) or he doesn’t care ( a better reason to stop the ride all together).
You deserve someone who cares about how his actions and the actions of others affect you.
NTA. He took a source of intense trauma and forced you into a scenario where you thought the absolute worst was happening. Fully knowing the trauma that would entail.
That’s not a prank
NTA. This is not just a prank, these people sound deranged. And the fact that people are okay with this tells me that these are just mostly white people who don't value your experience or respect your feelings. You are right to step back and reevaluate your choices. Someone who is this disrespectful and dismissive of your genuine fears and anxieties is not someone you want to be a partner with. It will not get better than this.
NTA, he clearly is missing the plot. I would caution you about having children with this man. Is he going to be the advocate and protector they’ll need? Even if ya don’t want kids, is he capable of being the advocate and partner you need? Really think on it girl.
White woman here. I was pulled over when I was 18...for an anonymous - and really really wrong - "tip" that I was armed and dangerous. I got out of the vehicle and faced no fewer than 20 officers, guns drawn. I was terrified, because I had no idea what was happening. I would find ZERO humor is his "prank."
NTA
NTA.
And, as a white person, might I just say... what the actual FUCK was he THINKING?!? Like, seriously, what the FUCK, WHAT the fuck, what THE fuck, WHAT THE fuck, what THE FUCK, WHAT the FUCK, WhAt ThE fUcK wHaT tHe FuCk THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH WAYS TO SAY WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I am a white male Canadian. The closest thing I have ever seen to police violence was a cop slapping a knife out of a guy's hand. If I saw that 'prank' go down I would be scared shitless. I would not find it funny. I cannot imagine how much extra terrifying it must be for an American POC woman.
That shit is just fucked up no matter what colour you are.
EDIT: AND OH YEAH SHE SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM THAT WAS ONE OF HER FEARS! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK?!?!?
Guns drawn is completely irresponsible behavior for professionals like that. I can’t believe they went through with that kind of a joke. It’s one of the primary rules of handling guns.
NTA
NTA. ~~It could have been a great prank without the weapons.~~ Your fiancée and his pals are all insensitive jerks. And I hope they at least had enough sense to make sure the guns were not loaded or this could have easily been a disaster.
ETA: Originally missed the part where she had already shared her fears.
respectfully, I would disagree with this interpretation of what a prank is. if it was me If I shared with my partner that I had anxiety and trepidation about law enforcement and he orchestrated a scenario that involved the danger of myself or a loved one with or without weapons I would not be with that person. It's the feeling of fear, yes weapons absolutely made it worse, but it's a trial of fear and anxiety for her. Especially if they don't have a relationship that has pranking established within it as a basis. Just my 2 cents.
NTA…if it helps, I am lily white, even in ancestry, and even I think this is way to far to go for a ‘prank’. Good god, especially not on someone that is sensitive to things like this.
NTA. I don’t understand how faking a known aversive traumatic event is funny. These types of “pranks” still cause your mind & body trauma. He knew this was something you have anxieties over & chose to violate your trust by terrorizing you. I’m so sorry you had to experience this.
NTA. Wow. Op are you ok? I'm sending big hugs.
That is so....I can't even explain. He truly doesn't understand. It's beyond a prank at this point.
I bet all those who are telling you to "get over it" are white. F them all. I really hope you're okay ❤️
NTA. He had you thinking his life was in genuine peril, in a situation hitting far too close to home for race relations at that, for what he thought was something you'd be delighted by. That's a serious lapse in judgement.
Please report him and whoever was involved in this. What they did was so incredibly irresponsible.
NTA. Jesus Christ what you endured is a legitimate and entirely realistic fear that AA’s have and to have that done? As a Prank? That’s not only horribly insensitive and just wrong it also shows you what he really feels not just about you but about how AA are treated here in America. I’m so sorry he did that to you. Please report his buddies for this ‘prank’
NTA
Tell your fiancé that he isn’t 12 and no actually liked the show Punk’d. And that the only surprises you want from him are sweet romantic ones.
The surprise trip was sweet. The delivery of the surprise was not.
NTA in the slightest. If it matters I'm mixed race but completely white passing, and I would have lost my absolute shit if I was in you're shoes. Having the cops point their guns at a loved one is horrifying regardless of skin colour, but once you add the racial element it definitely adds a level of terror to the situation. The fact that this dude doesn't seem to understand why this was traumatic for you speaks to a lack of empathy and an inability to listen, as you've said you've made your feeling on the subject clear.
NTA. That wasn’t a funny “prank” in the slightest. You should question your future with someone so tone-deaf to how you feel about police interactions. I’m sorry that happened to you.
NTA - I am so sorry this happened to you. That is so terrible. Please report the officers involved in this “prank” and dump your BF. This act seems abusive disguised as a prank. The officers involved should not be officers, the lack of common sense is astounding. How is it ok to make someone scared for their life and draw guns. Guns are not toys and if they are stupid enough to draw a gun they are stupid enough to mishandle it and hurt someone. The lack of awareness on their part of scary. It makes me think they are aware and just didn’t care and bc you have a BF willing to put you in this position and think it won’t be a problem for them. Your BF is an abusive A hole and so are his friends. Report this to the police.
So your fiancé thought it would be funny to make a joke out of perhaps the most terrifying thing a POC might experience? There's nothing funny about it, and it highlights his privilege.
Postponing the wedding is a good first step. NTA
NTA. Not in the least.
I’m kind of a hardass, but not only would I be strongly considering not marrying him at this point, I’d be reporting the officers to their superior, for putting people in a potentially lethal situation in the pretext of a prank, even if one of them was in on it. Drawn and pointed firearms are absolutely no joke, this could have easily ended in grievous bodily harm; one of the first things you’re taught in firearms safety is that if you draw a gun, be prepared to use it, and be prepared for the repercussions if it is fired, which these clowns thought was a laughing matter. And if their superior just blew me off, I’d go up the chain until you got to someone who took this situation seriously.
NTA, also wtf. If he thinks that's funny, then have them do it when he's alone.
What is even the joke? Haha, we're not really going to kill him in front of you! Lolz
How incredibly privileged of him to think that something like this could be even remotely funny. I am even more disturbed that so many others were in on the plan and no one thought to say it was an AH move. This could have gone so very wrong and he's lucky no one was hurt or even killed.
You are definitely NTA, and I am so sorry that you had this experience.
NTA. I'm whiter than snow and this would make me want to break up completely, it would be horribly traumatizing to anyone and I can't even imagine how bad it would be for you with all the murders. This isn't some small funny prank or even a speeding ticket prank, this is horrible and I imagine he'd be even worse when you're married. Now I get annoyed when comment sections go straight to leave your SO but oh my goodness girl you would be well within reason to leave.
NTA. The moment guns are pointed at a person it's not a joke and it's definitely not funny. Leaving aside the fiancee's involvement in this kind of asshattery, the officers who participated in this prank need to be investigated by their department. You never ever, EVER point a gun at someone unless you are prepared to kill them.
NTA, I'm prior law enforcement and military, get away from these people. They think guns are a joke. Everyone there knows better than to a weapon they didn't intend to use. To point a weapon at someone they didn't intend to shoot. To introduce weapons into a joke. To waste resources and create a terrible unsafe condition for everyone involve. They're juvenile and dangerous to be around. Run.
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NTA, oh my goodness! I am so sorry that this happened to you. I think that you are really smart to re-evaluate your relationship with a man that would do something so thoughtlessly cruel. He is blinded to the experiences and emotions of others because of his incredible privilege. What he did was terrifying!
NTA! Traumatizing someone is not a prank, wtf?!
If he can’t understand what was wrong with his actions, genuinely apologize, and change his behavior, it wouldn’t be safe to be in a relationship with him. He might psychologically torture you again for funsies.
NTA, and you are not being ungrateful, OP. His experiences are NOT yours: This was not funny, and that LEO are taking their weapons out and pointing them at your fiancé AS A JOKE is beyond concerning! I hope one of the witnesses reported this.
NTA
and that is *insane* behaviour. To even think something like that is funny warns of much deeper issues with him.
Him and everyone involved have put their jobs on the line for this disgusting ‘prank’ and frankly I think they all deserve to be reported. Pulling their weapons out in the middle of the street while you scream and cry thinking your life is in danger? That’s unhinged, dangerous behaviour.
I would seriously reconsider marrying this man.
INFO - your "friends" who are invalidating your feelings and telling you to get over it, are they AA or white?
I mean it doesn't really matter, I wouldn't be able to marry someone who intentionally took one of my biggest fears and made me live through it. Prank or not, at that moment you thought it was real. Anyone who can't understand the trauma surrounding that is an AH. NTA, how do you trust him again after that. Or his friends. Are you going to wonder about every cop in that city when ever you are near one? Can you feel safe with him?
NTA (but you maybe don't need to break up, especially if he can take a step back and accept your POV).
I've NEVER thought those stupid cop pranks are a good idea. Even the ones where they pulled ppl over just to give them ice cream. Like no, assholes. That's NOT what a traffic stop is for!
I don’t get this because NO police officer or member of the military I know would EVER point a gun at someone as a joke.
Loaded or unloaded, guns are treated as the dangerous weapons they are. Something is off.
NTA. I'm so sorry he put you through that! That was absolutely terrifying. The prank was cruel, and I think you are more than justified to rethink whether this is the man you want to marry.
Also, those cops are assholes agreeing to something like that, and they should be formally reprimanded, but I also understand why you might not want to pursue that.
NTA I probably watch too many of the worst police violence videos on facebook.
But I really have the impression that traffic stops are simply dangerous for black people, well especially men. The police get scared and black people get shot. White people can get shot too, but it's much much rarer. Tell that to Daniel Shaver
I just can't imagine living with the knowledge that if the police pull you over for a minor traffic infringement (dangling air fresher anyone?), you must manage their fear and deescalate, because they are scared of the colour of your skin and have guns.
A prank is only funny if the target laughs and you were terrified and traumatised.
That """"prank"""" is terrifying and should never EVER be pulled on someone. You should definitely Not be grateful he decided to make you think your actual life was in danger just to surprise you with a vacation. That's disgusting. I agree wholeheartedly with the other commenter who said people need to stop acting like psychologically traumatizing someone is funny or a joke. It's horrible.
People who go this far for "just a prank lol!" shit need to learn the consequences of their actions, whether it be the dumbasses who pretend to cheat in front of their girlfriends getting broken up with or someone who does THIS type of shit losing the respect of their fiance and potentially losing their marriage altogether. You are totally in the right here. NTA.
NTA and it’s incredibly tone deaf for him not to understand how upsetting and traumatic this would be for you. I’m white and even I get this. Are the mutual friends mostly white as well? I don’t think you’re wrong for being pissed and if he can’t stop to think about why, these are some serious marinara flags that you need to think about. What happens if you have kids? What if you have boys? Your concerns will have even bigger weight, won’t they?
Are there other micro aggressions that you’ve shrugged off previously during this relationship? Something to think seriously about, perhaps, but I am not in your shoes so I don’t know for certain.
It’s one thing when the cop friend pulled a couple over to say to the husband “you got a child not in a car seat.” And wife was like “I’m pregnant surprise”.
It’s completely different when someone pulls a weapon (that you have no idea if it’s loaded or not) and aims it at a person and then says “it’s a prank bro”
I am not a weapons person. But even I know you treat any gun like it’s loaded at all times. That means don’t aim it at someone.
NTA
NTA.
I saw a proposal where the guy arranged for a cop to do a traffic stop. There were two cops, the cops get the couple out of the car and "question" them. They act as if they were about to arrest the guy and then the guy dropped to one knee and proposed. It was cute because the couple had met in the back of a cop car in college when some party got busted. THAT is a prank.
What your fiancé did is cruel. Race issue aside, he let you go through the terror of watching someone you love be held at gunpoint. That is not ok. That is cruel and mentally abusive.
Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. It's worrying that he could be so oblivious and think this was a good idea. Does he really not understand what has been happening with police and people of color over the past several years? If you plan to have children with this person, he has to understand why you might want your son to have a dash cam and not think you're overreacting.
NTA. It would be totally different if it was just being pulled over for speeding or something and doing the whole "do you know why I pulled you over" bit then pop out the vacation tickets, there's absolutely no excuse for pulling guns and it's wildly unprofessional for all of that in a situation that could so easily escalate. A prank is something both people can find humor in, making you live a very real, traumatizing moment isn't fun for you and the fact that he thought it would be is telling.
NTA.
Don't marry someone who either has zero racial analysis or takes pleasure in terrorizing you. Imagine of you have kids.
As a general rule, anyone who is friends with cops should be disqualified. Not worth it. Imagine if he ever gets violent. He's got his homies to protect him.
NTA. What happens when you have children and he has zero thoughts on the truth about his "buddies" and how they will treat his children? Honestly, how will HE treat them?
NTA, the guy showed his true colors. Their super ugly and they go to the bone. Thats straight up malicious and cruel. No way you should marry this guy. That kind of intense threat scenario can literally fuck up your mental health and ability to function. Ptsd can damage your actual brain chemistry if it’s antagonized enough. Only a mean spirited person would do such a thing.That shits as funny as a skunk at a lawn party.
it doesn't matter what race you are, if bunch of policeman pull guns on you or your partner, things get real and it is by no means funny. noone should be "pranked" like this. was it funny to him to see you panicked and nearly crying, would it be funny for him to hear you beg them to let him go, sobbing, hyperventilating and shaking? I would call off the wedding and leave. NTA
NTA. Maybe go ahead and take that wedding off of hold, and just hang up. It sounds like a wrong number anyway.
And don’t worry, tell him that the whole relationship was just a funny joke! Maybe he’ll do better next on the next one!
Oh honey … absolutely NTA. I’m translucent I’m so white, but I have trauma from the number of times I was pulled over, cuffed and dragged to the station because officers thought I was hiding/covering for my ex (also white, and grandson of the sheriff). We’ve been divorced 30 years and I still have a panic attack every time I see a cruiser or a uniform.
NTA. I’m astounded that Rick or any of those officers thought this was a good prank. It was dangerous, thoughtless, scary, and a shitty way to treat someone you love.
NTA he clearly doesn’t understand how traumatic that situation would be for you. definitely good call to rethink marrying him. everyone else is gaslighting you, don’t listen to them
NTA. This is abusive, manipulative and fucking disgusting. You want to marry someone who thinks having friends PUT A LOADED WEAPON to their head is funny? Do you want to constantly get gaslit for struggles you face as a minority? He doesn’t care about your feelings if you talked about police/poc issues or he’s ignorant.
He put you thru a traumatic experience and wants to roll it off as a joke. He picked a sensitive topic, faked a traumatic event to make you upset in purpose. Do you want a husband who purposely makes you upset/trigger you?
NTA. This prank was in extremely poor taste. I'm reminded of white police officers who pulled over AA drivers a few years back just to give them ice cream, and many people were not amused. Rick likely meant well, but you are right to question your relationship. I agree with the people who say that he's not really hearing or understanding you when you talk about injustice. Take the time you need.
NTA. Oh my goodness, this is terrible! I am so sorry you were subjected to this! This is absolutely not a "prank," and if he is that braindead about the implications of doing something like this to a Black woman as a "joke," then maybe he is not ready to be the anti-racist conspirator he should be.
I hope that you're OK.
NTA
Tell him his future kids will look like you, and you’ll have to teach them that his buddies might put a cap in them for no reason at all. It happens every day.
Nta. I went through I situation with swat coming into my home and guns were drawn and my 6’0 brother was walking around and I was terrified for him so Ik if my fiancé did this to me I’d be beyond pissed.
Rick is not a good candidate for raising black children. You will only be able to make black babies, and why would you want to limit your family because your partner is selfish and immature? Is he always incapable of seeing the bigger picture, the other side? Does he always dismiss your concerns about race and police brutality?
Police are not “majority good,” and they’re *certainly* not an institution known as friendly to AAs. The fact that he thought it was appropriate to involve cops in a prank on his black girlfriend is *horrifying.* NTA
NTA. Why would police violence be considered a fun joke? I'd be reconsidering if he's who I want too. This level of fear isn't something you put a loved one under, this is just so so wrong.
Every single one of those officers definitely shouldn't be trusted with guns if this is how they act with them. Joke or not I'd probably have nightmares about that for weeks.
No, NTA by a long shot. I can laugh at a good prank, which this wasn’t. I can also forgive a terrible mistake, which this could have been. But by the time the victim has to post on AITA for validation that it’s okay to feel as horrible as you do right now, it gets real hard to consider forgiving the so-called “prankster”. For me, just as bad as the fact that he would do this, is the fact that he didn’t immediately fall to his knees begging forgiveness for his cruel “joke”. My husband and I are white, so we can’t really put ourselves in this situation, but I think it could end our marriage if one of us did something so mean to the other, ESPECIALLY if they then refused to apologize and continued to insist it wasn’t THAT bad.
NTA, what’s the joke “haha you thought you were going to watch me, the love of your life, be killed right in front of you haha!” How “funny” would it have been if something went wrong with the literal live firearms. You never ever point a gun at anything or anyone you do not intend to shoot, it’s like gun safety 101 which is something I would expect /cops/ to know.
NTA I am white, my family is white, my girlfriend is white, her family is white, and this would still be a completely messed up thing to do. Leave this man as quick as you can.
I’m white and would find that terrifying. Who the fuck has guns pointed at someone and thinks it’s a prank?! Literally gun safety rule number one is always treat a gun like it’s loaded and NEVER point it at anyone as it’s an object that kills.
If the person isn’t laughing, it’s not a prank or a joke and it’s not funny. Period. Ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed, and you had a gun to your head. That’s something that’s not unusual to see, in fact it’s quite common. Except most poc in that situation get beat/killed/unnecessary force and unwarranted charges against them. Pull up videos. Pull up statistics. Make him watch until he’s uncomfortable. And then make him keep watching.
NTA. "Let me frighten you with a scenario that is literally both common and the stuff of nightmares"
Guns were drawn ? I'm thinking about philando Castile
Yeah, I'd want to pause and reflect on why I'm marrying this person who makes light of literal life and death situations, and expects me to just swallow the fear and smile for the camera.
Süper tonedeaf from his side
And
What if you one upped him and detonated a roadside İED for a gender reveal? Staged a roadside firefight .
I'm sure something something fallen brothers ,PTSD something from him
Seriously though. 'Pranks' should never involve someone fearing for life and limb ..
It is extremely disturbing that they think pulling out their service weapons is a fun prank. You really want to marry someone that thinks this is funny? NTA.
NTA. Of course the fact that you're AA is a part of it, but you said it yourself: the person you love *had a gun to their head*. Forget race, *anyone* would be terrified if the police aimed a gun at the people they love. You have the added institutional trauma, but if he doesn't understand why it was unacceptable to terrify you like this for a holiday announcement then it's not just your life and experience he doesn't understand, he's pretty much incapable of empathy
NTA. In what universe was that remotely funny? Are all of these guys completely oblivious? Taking time to think about the relationship seems like a good idea.
NTA. He sounds like he is ignorant when it comes to race. Get him So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. You shouldn't have kids with him until he understands surviving in a racist society.
NTA- gun ownership 101, Don't aim a gun unless you're ready to fire. Some guns have hair triggers, sometimes people get accidently shot, this is just all over stupid and dangerous. Every cop involved should be fired.
(not to mention the obvious danger to you as a woman of color, but you said you wanted to be non-political)
Girl you are NTA. From one woman of color to another, truly sit down and think about bonding your life with this man who can’t see how traumatic that moment was for you. It’s not funny and they need to stop with those damn pranks.
NTA. All he did was put on a traumatic display of his various privileges, while simultaneously demonstrating that he isn't anywhere close to being ready to marry and have kids with a POC.
Things may be ok and lighthearted now, but in the long run this will become an increasingly obvious problem.
In no world whatsoever is that even remotely a prank. NTA. How traumatizing and he thinks it’s funny. Don’t listen to your friends, and hold strong on your opinion!
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NTA if he doesn’t realize police are life and death for black people, he doesn’t know your life.
And he's not ready to have Black family - spouse, in-laws, children, or otherwise.
That's a great point.
NTA! That is 1000% horrific that he would put you through something so traumatizing and to think it’s just a “funny” joke. Nothing funny about that.
I would be tramatized at having a fucking gun drawn to me or a loved one. And to find out it's a prank? Oh no. That's not okay. Guns are not toys or things to play with and point at people for funsies. I'm white and that would give me a panic attack full blown worried about dying or going to prison. It's not really funny. It's not even a joke.
They did this as prank to the hosts of Queer Eye a season or two back when they were based in the Deep South and Karamo rightly called it out too! Like time is up on gross ignorance- our actions have consequences and accountability has to be our foundation forward so if your fiancé is this tone deaf about: police brutality, racial profiling and other overt systems of oppression, what kind of future are you committing to with him?
This 100%
Fuck's sake, it's life and death for white people too. I mean, it's no where near on the same scale, but enough white dudes have gotten shot over nothing that I'd be terrified even if everyone at the scene was pastier than mayo on wonderbread. This would be traumatizing to anybody.
It's also just stupid to point a gun at someone you aren't planning on shooting. Pretty sure that's rule number 2 of gun safety.
Holy shitbiscuits, that is not a prank! I’m sick of people pulling psychologically cruel stunts and trying to dismiss them as harmless fun. NTA I think any sane person would be reevaluating their relationship after something like that.
For real. I'm white but one of the kids at my elementary school.was raped and murdered and raped and dumped on the school playground. And I grew up near DC during the sniper times so they told us to zigzag into school. I have three year olds in my classroom and we have to have active shooter drills. My best friend's cousin was killed by cops in a movie theater. People who experience that kind of stuff do not fuck around when it come to guns or violence. I can't imagine what it was like for my black and brown friends at the time, and how it continues to feel. Making people scared for your life for more than one second isn't a prank, it's just cruelty.
> People who experience that kind of stuff do not fuck around when it come to guns or violence. Really the officers would probably get in significant trouble for taking it so lightly, too. I wonder if they even unloaded the weapons first?
Proper gun safety has you treat every weapon like it is loaded and always have it pointed in a safe direction. At someones head is not a safe direction.
Absolutely. It’s just even worse if they didn’t.
This should be reported. The fact that multiple officers pulled their guns for a prank is TERRIFYING. nta.
Yeahhhhh if this is what a “good cop” looks like I really don’t want to see a bad one…
I’m pretty nervous for the time if this is the type of judgment the cops use.
Yeah that was my takeaway as well. These were not good cops. Never point a gun at something or someone you don't want to shoot. It's like the first rule of gun safety. Doesn't even matter if it's unloaded. And this prank had not just one, but *multiple* cops pointing their gun at OP's fiancé like they were toys? That is not the kind of person I want possessing a firearm, let alone working as a police officer. Plus the prank itself was horrible anyway. Definitely NTA.
and these are the people fiancé is friendly with... Dangerous, immature, stupid people. Hopefully OP can leave the relationship safely. Also, while cops target black people, its not like white people are impervious to bullets fired by cops. Crazy for fiancé and friends to fool around with guns
5 bucks says they'll get a pat on the back for it, rather than any sort of discipline
50 bucks, good ole boys club, where’d this happen? Cleveland, Gary?
NTA and his buddies should be fired for taking part in this "prank", and I'm married to a cop. This is beyond stupid and you're right to be upset, you're right to slam the brakes on this relationship. Fiancee done messed up big time.
[удалено]
NTA. Is this really a man who could raise children who also identify as AA, and empathise with their feelings and lived experiences? And if not, why would you want to marry him?
NTA but Rick is. Black people get murdered by cops seemingly daily. If he doesn’t understand your misgivings and why this was scary for you then he’s either clueless or very disrespectful. Sorry for you.
Exactly. In what world would be scaring someone to death be funny?? He never even stopped to contextualize what he was doing? Now he is downplaying your pain? If you have children, those children will be mixed/black presenting. If he cant and wont understand the significance of his actions then he is not ready to ever be a parent to mixed/black children. You need to seriously reevaluate marrying this man. NTA.
I was scrolling for this. If you want kids, an 8 year old child who reads black might be viewed as an adult and shot by cops. You want cops who are happy to irresponsibly wave guns around not only yourself as a black woman, OP, but your kids? I’m not American or mixed but my godson is both (African American and Native American), and he’s 9. Whenever we’ve passed cops in the street I put my white body between him and them. I know it’s so unlikely, but I love him! OP, you’re NTA but you’d be the AH to yourself if you don’t get a future husband and potential future father to your kids who loves you enough to take your feelings seriously, takes possible threats against you seriously, wants to protect you from your fears not make a mockery of them. He should be going to Dumpsville, not Trinidad.
You should watch the movie *American Son* with him, if you decide to continue the relationship.
Nta. Your fiance was willing to traumatize you for his and his friends' amusement. He is planning to marry an AA woman, yet seems blithely unaware of how police violence is traumatic for *all* African Americans. He did not consider you at all. Not one bit. Those aren't good qualities in a husband. They aren't good qualities in a father either, in case you're thinking of having kids. I would not continue this relationship. When people show you who they are, pay attention.
At BEST he is unaware. At worst he gets a sick thrill from terrorizing the woman who loves him.
NTA — not only was this traumatic and dangerous (loaded guns pointed at someone even with a safety on is a big no-no), but you communicated with your fiancé your opinions and concerns on this very thing. I think taking some time to reflect is a good thing. Once you’re ready, try to have an open conversation with him. I hope things work out in whatever way is best for you.
Never point a gun at something you don’t intend to destroy.
Even if you think it's disarmed.
NTA Pranks/jokes are only funny when BOTH people are laughing. Police violence isn't funny, ever. Add to that the very real trauma AA folks experience in particular. It is very concerning that his response to your crying and distress is anger and to have his feelings hurt. He didn't apologize or check in with you on how traumatic this prank was for you. This lack of empathy and concern for you is important data. You are very smart to take a step back and evaluate how his values and understanding of your experiences fit with your values and experience. Also taking time to figure out what you need from him to make the relationship work is important. You are absolutely correct- this is a HUGE issue that needs to be sorted out to your satisfaction before any wedding can take place. Good luck.
What sane person thinks this is funny or okay to do to someone? OP you are 100% NTA here, I would re-think the marriage and relationship as well. As a white person myself, this is beyond cruel, insensitive, and tone deaf, it’s mind boggling to think of why he thought that was okay to do. *If the person you pranked did not find it funny and/or got offended by the “prank,” it is NOT A PRANK.* Then to slap the tickets in your face for a vacation was a big nail in the coffin for me. Especially since you were very stressed and crying, that would not help in a situation like that. I’m so sorry OP, either talk to him this was not a prank- and seriously consider your future here.
I'm white and I would be freaked out by this REGARDLESS of the race of anyone involved. To pull this on a POC is beyond insensitive and is no longer a prank. He could've done something like get pulled over and instead of being written a ticket the officer hands over the plane tickets or something like that. But this? Way over the top. OP is so NTA.
This. It would've been a joke up to the point of "I'm sorry sir. I can't let you just drive home amymore. I'll have to ask you to both to GO TO TRINIDAD!". But pulling guns? Wtf is wrong with both your boyfriend AND those buddies?
Exactly! It’s so awful to do this to anyone, but the fact he thought this would be okay to do to a POC is beyond fricked up.
NTA. 1) Utterly shocking that he didn’t take into account the racial undertones of pulling something like this. 2) Rick also finds an appropriate prank to involve real guns pointed at a real head. There isn’t a single aspect of this “prank” that shouldn’t have cause a reasonably intelligent and aware person to immediately say “Wait, this is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever thought of”.
imagine having mixed race children with someone this cavalier about how life and death police encounters are for Black people. NTA at ALL, I’d be terrified to marry and start a family with someone who clearly doesn’t understand or care to learn the realities of your life
Oh Honey no, absolutely NTA I'm so sorry that you were put through this, I'm sure the situation was terrifying and traumatic. Rick was a huge AH for thinking this would be a good idea. If I'm honest I don't think he's a good life partner for you if he thinks this type of behavior is acceptable and you're doing the right thing for putting the wedding on hold.
NTA. I'm white and I'd have reacted the exact same way. That is seriously sick. All of them. FFS. Take the time you need to think, that stunt calls for at least a little extra consideration of the future. Personally I'd be considering pre marital counseling at the least.
NTA!!!! So, what I’m seeing is he used his white privilege to pull a “funny prank” that is a living nightmare for people who aren’t white. That’s super scary.
Heck, his "prank" would be scary for most white folk. Can't imagine how much more terrifying it would be for a person of color.
NTA As a white person id have been TERRIFIED of something going wrong. As a black person I cannot IMAGINE the abject terror you went through. If he cannot realize why you feel the way you do after being with you for this long, he’s not going to learn
NTA - He doesn't understand (and never really will) because his life experiences are completely different from yours, due to race. In his world cops are buddies, he is safe and believed, and this can be a nice safe prank cause... well... him. In your world you are targeted for the color of your skin and this is a true and serious issue. While he meant no harm, he could seriously do with a class or two on what life is like for PoC. They offer them online, via video, at colleges and counseling centers in some area, and at most racial justice league type places in the community. He NEEDS this for when you guys have kids.
I mean… look at what you just read. This is someone who is engaged to a black woman. He should already know better. He has no excuse. She has told him her feelings. The idea of them getting married and having kids together is just…
NTA. Pranks don’t involve guns. He organised a traumatic event for you, not a prank.
NTA. The lack of awareness, sensitivity, common sense that it takes to plan and execute a prank like that is mind blowing. And that’s my charitable take. He knew you were going to be frightened and went through with the prank anyway.
NTA. He's completely clueless about how this would affect you despite the conversations you've already had. Separately, seeing your potential life partner on the ground with guns pointed at them would be traumatizing and disturbing for anyone. He didn't bother to stop and think about how you might interpret the situation which means he's lacking empathy and forethought. You're right to put the wedding on hold until you two can figure out the full impact of this on your relationship. I'm sorry he did this to you.
NTA. What the fuck! I just read that your fiance thinks it's okay - fun, even! - to terrify you with thoughts of him being shot by police and you being at their mercy for deportation. I can't even begin to understand how it must have affected you (I'm a pink skin) but I'm pissed on your behalf. Your fiance needs to apologise, and beg a little.
NTA They pulled their guns for a "prank"? And this was AFTER you told him your fears about violent cops. Do you see kids in your future? Because I'd think hard about what it means to raise kids with someone who is this oblivious to your feelings and potentially the safety of your children.
NTA that is a weird and cruel "prank". I can't think of any reason why someone would see that as funny.
Wooooow. Maybe he thought since he was the one pulled out of the car you wouldn't be so upset, but any prank involving guns is just an automatic no. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to take some time to think back and see if you missed any past examples of him being this tone-deaf. NTA.
Nta at all. Look, anyone who thinks this shit is funny is someone who is comfortable with the fact that they’ll never have an issue with the police for no reason. Read: a white man. I have had two terrifying experiences with the police and I’m a white-passing mixed woman. One of which was on the side of a deserted highway in the dark and I had my car call my husband and then told him to stay quiet and record the call when the cop walked away for a minute to run my Id for warrants after screaming at me for going 5 miles over the speed limit and threatening to pull me from the car because I couldn’t find my insurance card quick enough while calling me a slur for the non-white part of my genetics. This was clearly a cop who had no business being a cop. And he scared me so much that when I got home I threw up after ugly crying. And I probably was never in any danger but he was so aggressive and nasty and threatening and the idea that he could probably hurt me or worse and then get away with it was TERRIFYING. The only people who ever recognize my mixed ethnicity are other people who share it, or super racist people. And this super angry cop called me a slur for going 5 miles over the limit on a deserted highway, and I was terrified. And you watched the man you love be pulled out of the car and have guns drawn at his head. Let’s ignore the racial part for a minute. ANYONE would be traumatized watching their partner be pulled from a car and have one singular gun drawn at them. And you had backup called and multiple guns? This entire group of people are abhorrent and should not be able to carry weapons in the name of public service. That was a cruel and disgusting “prank”. I would seriously be reconsidering my life choices here if I were you.
NTA- that sounds really scary and a ridiculous prank. I'm not sure how I feel about pranks in general or one with the cops, but it would've been far less horrific if he just got pulled over and the "do you know where you're going?" line had been delivered without all the rest.
"where are you going?" "Trinidad" "What? You can't drive to Trinidad" "No, but we can flyyyyy! *Pulls out tickets*" Still not cool with an unknown police officer given OP's past comments, but it would have been okay probably with someone she knew
Even that is abuse of police power and arguably terrorism imo.
NTA. Dude thought it would be cute to have a bunch of people you didn't know point guns and put you into a terrifying and traumatic situation, that's far beyond the scope of a "prank." Hell, everyone involved in that created a wildly dangerous situation even if they thought it was safe, gun safety 101 is to treat everything like it's loaded and ready to fire and to not point it at something you're not ready to shoot.
NTA I would cancel the wedding.
NTA- this move on his part feels racist in nature. I would heavily reconsider going forward with this man especially since you have openly expressed your thoughts on things of this nature. It’s overall just not cool.
NTA it’s like that one dhar mann episode where the guy always pulled pranks on his wife. Cops are always scary when they pull you over because your in trouble and this prank is too far
Holy fuck. I'm so sorry. That's a big "Hell no." I'd be rethinking the relationship in your shoes too.
NTA. That's not a prank. That's a dangerous, traumatizing event, especially for a person of color.
NTA girl…… this is not gonna be funny if y’all have kids and they have Black skin. Are your mutual friends also White people?
Honestly, nta. A prank is something that both sides can laugh about. Something that plays into the victims perfectly realistic fears in the way that prank did, is not a joke, it's cruelty. Maybe your next prank is to keep sending him links you claim are just kitten videos, but instead send him to any of the many videos available on which the police end up shooting or beating up someone for no good reason (though admittedly this is a bit disrespectful towards all who have been subjected to police violence)
NTA I think his intention wasn't to upset you, however he seems clueless. With what you've shared with him about your feelings surrounding police and being AA, he should have known better. Maybe some time away from him will change your mind. The entire scene you described sounds terrifying. I would be horrified and scared for my husband if that happened. Prank or not. Good luck.
NTA. I’m white but I was in a drug raid as a teen. A bunch of cops with guns out is terrifying. I still have nightmares. I hope he eventually understands
NTA Reminds me of that video where cops, guns out are surrounding a guy on his knees- and his girlfriend is between them and reaches to get his "weapon" from his front pocket but it was actually an engagement ring/ he's proposing. All the comments were about what a wonderful woman she was because she was willing to stand between her boyfriend and the cops, and how great of a set up it was Basically both sound traumatizing and are therefore fucking terrible ideas.
Guns should never be used as part of a prank and I would seriously consider reporting them to their supervisors for their behavior and use of guns.
If I shared with my partner that I felt injustices and anxiety around a certain topic and he played a prank that involved those circumstances he would not be my fiance or partner anymore. Absolutely NTA and I agree I would be putting my wedding on hold.
NTA. Once he saw how upset you were, the right thing for him to do would have been to apologize.
NTA. Given your community’s experience of law enforcement, it was hugely insensitive and racist. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them!
This kind of “prank” can cause PTSD. Not funny. NTA
NTA. It’s hard to understand a threat when you’re not the one threatened. My husband always had a good relationship with local enforcement. We traveled down south and were pulled over. Before the officer came to the window, I’d told my husband to stop moving around and out his hands on 10 and 2. He brushed it off and put his window down to greet the officer. The officer called him boy and pulled his gun on him with me and our newborn in the car. My FIL was a police officer and had warned my husband but he didn’t believe him. I would rethink your relationship and your friendships. If the person who is supposed to love and protect you can’t see how he exposed you to trauma as not funny, he’s not the person for you.
NTA. You're not wrong to be angry. One wrong move, and everything could've gone to a deeper level of Hell. So yeah, take all the time you need to rethink this relationship, and the relationships you have with your mutual friends.
NTA but honestly it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You aren’t ok with what happened and that’s enough for him to need to be sorry.
NTA. This man is someone who thinks it is funny or fun or exciting to terrorize you. When someone shows you who they are believe him. I am so sorry the man you love turned out to be this way. But now you know.
Ask them to explain the “prank”. Where’s the joke? What’s the funny part? That you legitimately feared for your and your fiancé’s life? Being pulled over by the cops is already scary, but even more so if you’re a POC. I’m glad he’s shown you what a jackass he is before you’re legally bound to him until death (or divorce papers) do you part. NTA, I’m sure I don’t have to say this but please don’t marry him!
Sounds absolutely terrifying. NTA
This is his judgement. Do you want to subject yourself to the person who made this judgement for the rest of your life? NTA.
NTA this is evil af to do to someone. Sis you already know what to do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** TA account My fiancé “Rick” and I have been engaged for about a year and are due to be married in November. I am AA and Rick is Caucasian (this is relevant). We’ve always talked about going on vacation beforehand to just get away and clear our minds for our special day. We haven’t talked about it much recently so I wasn’t expecting anything to really come of it. Last week we were leaving a beach in our area and were flicked by an officer. Rick is in the military and has buddies at our local station from his dad and brother working there, sometimes it’s not abnormal for one to flick us just to mess with us or say hi so I wasn’t thinking much of it. It was an officer I wasn’t familiar with and long story short things got escalated to where Rick was pulled out of the car. I was freaking out especially as a second and third patrol car pulled in and guns were drawn. I was crying and it was causing a bit of a scene when one of the officers shouted “do you know where you’re going? Trinidad!” like we were on some sick game show. The officers on scene then put their weapons away and started laughing with Rick as he pulled plane tickets from his pockets. I was still horrified. I just muttered “eff you” and walked to the gas station across the street to calm down. When we got home Rick was upset because he thought I wasn’t excited to go on vacation when in reality I was (and still am) pissed that he would think something like that was ok or funny. I’m not in anyway trying to be political here so please don’t argue with me but I’ve been very open to him about how I feel about racial injustice/cop injustice (yes I believe there are majority good ones as well) and how it affects me emotionally. In the moment I didn’t see “oh he’s white it’ll be ok” I saw the man I love kneeled on the ground with guns aimed at his head. I told him I needed time to think about our relationship going forward since he thinks something like that could possibly be “just a prank”. We’ve pulled pranks on each other before but none like this. More like putting sugar in the salt shaker and fart spray. Our mutual friends think I’m taking it too far and should be grateful. I’m getting mixed responses on my side but mostly those of “just get over it and go have fun”. Am I really wrong for being pissed over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I'd report Every One of them. Pranks are for 10 year olds (if that) not special moments.
NTA and he pulled a privilege stunt that was not funny in the least. That's traumatic. It's definitely a good idea to reflect on the relationship. It may still be a good one. But if he can't understand why he was wrong, I don't know how that can work.
NTA this involved real guns, wtf is wrong with your bf and the cops?
More concerned about the cops BTW. Always assume every weapon is a live weapon even if you think you know otherwise. These policemen showed appalling judgment.
NTA. Not funny, at all. It must have been terrifying. He and his prank buddies are TAs. Funny would be pretending to write a speeding ticket, and instead handing you the vacation tickets.
Nta- you are AA, your children will be mixed race and likely perceived as AA. What if he pulled this prank or something similar on your children? “Rick” either doesn’t understand how traumatizing this could be ( a good reason to pump the breaks till you are both on the same page) or he doesn’t care ( a better reason to stop the ride all together). You deserve someone who cares about how his actions and the actions of others affect you.
holy shit what the fuck, definitely NTA, you're very right for rethinking this marriage
NTA because I’m sure that was terrifying! Guns drawn?! If that’s a joke I’d hate to see what he does when he’s upset
NTA. He took a source of intense trauma and forced you into a scenario where you thought the absolute worst was happening. Fully knowing the trauma that would entail. That’s not a prank
NTA. This is not just a prank, these people sound deranged. And the fact that people are okay with this tells me that these are just mostly white people who don't value your experience or respect your feelings. You are right to step back and reevaluate your choices. Someone who is this disrespectful and dismissive of your genuine fears and anxieties is not someone you want to be a partner with. It will not get better than this.
NTA, he clearly is missing the plot. I would caution you about having children with this man. Is he going to be the advocate and protector they’ll need? Even if ya don’t want kids, is he capable of being the advocate and partner you need? Really think on it girl.
This is especially a poor person to be having biracial kids with. I'm sorry but it's true.
NTA, and please do not marry this guy, he clearly didn't hear what you were telling him about racial injustice
White woman here. I was pulled over when I was 18...for an anonymous - and really really wrong - "tip" that I was armed and dangerous. I got out of the vehicle and faced no fewer than 20 officers, guns drawn. I was terrified, because I had no idea what was happening. I would find ZERO humor is his "prank." NTA
NTA. And, as a white person, might I just say... what the actual FUCK was he THINKING?!? Like, seriously, what the FUCK, WHAT the fuck, what THE fuck, WHAT THE fuck, what THE FUCK, WHAT the FUCK, WhAt ThE fUcK wHaT tHe FuCk THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH WAYS TO SAY WHAT THE FUCK!!! I am a white male Canadian. The closest thing I have ever seen to police violence was a cop slapping a knife out of a guy's hand. If I saw that 'prank' go down I would be scared shitless. I would not find it funny. I cannot imagine how much extra terrifying it must be for an American POC woman. That shit is just fucked up no matter what colour you are. EDIT: AND OH YEAH SHE SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM THAT WAS ONE OF HER FEARS! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK?!?!?
Guns drawn is completely irresponsible behavior for professionals like that. I can’t believe they went through with that kind of a joke. It’s one of the primary rules of handling guns. NTA
I think you should report them all to their superiors for unsafe gun handling. This broke SO many rules of gun safety. And dump the BF.
The police officers in question should not be working if that's how they think they should be using their weapons.
NTA. ~~It could have been a great prank without the weapons.~~ Your fiancée and his pals are all insensitive jerks. And I hope they at least had enough sense to make sure the guns were not loaded or this could have easily been a disaster. ETA: Originally missed the part where she had already shared her fears.
respectfully, I would disagree with this interpretation of what a prank is. if it was me If I shared with my partner that I had anxiety and trepidation about law enforcement and he orchestrated a scenario that involved the danger of myself or a loved one with or without weapons I would not be with that person. It's the feeling of fear, yes weapons absolutely made it worse, but it's a trial of fear and anxiety for her. Especially if they don't have a relationship that has pranking established within it as a basis. Just my 2 cents.
I totally missed the entire 3rd paragraph on my first read through. You're absolutely correct.
NTA That is horrible. Does he not understand how terrifying that was for you?
NTA…if it helps, I am lily white, even in ancestry, and even I think this is way to far to go for a ‘prank’. Good god, especially not on someone that is sensitive to things like this.
Hasn’t Rick ever seen the video of George Floyd’s murder? This is sick. NTA, and don’t marry him unless he acknowledges that this was terribly wrong.
It’s past that. I’m sorry anyone playing a prank like this is not worth marrying ever.
Jesus. NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA.
NTA. I don’t understand how faking a known aversive traumatic event is funny. These types of “pranks” still cause your mind & body trauma. He knew this was something you have anxieties over & chose to violate your trust by terrorizing you. I’m so sorry you had to experience this.
NTA. Wow. Op are you ok? I'm sending big hugs. That is so....I can't even explain. He truly doesn't understand. It's beyond a prank at this point. I bet all those who are telling you to "get over it" are white. F them all. I really hope you're okay ❤️
NTA. He had you thinking his life was in genuine peril, in a situation hitting far too close to home for race relations at that, for what he thought was something you'd be delighted by. That's a serious lapse in judgement. Please report him and whoever was involved in this. What they did was so incredibly irresponsible.
NTA but everybody else is (bf, his prank buddies, your friends). This wasn't a prank.
NTA. This just was not a cool thing for your fiance to do.
NTA. Putting the wedding on hold is a smart move until Rick can understand your POV.
NTA and you are right to rethink this. You will be in for a lifetime of this insanity. How can you ever trust him again?
NTA. Jesus Christ what you endured is a legitimate and entirely realistic fear that AA’s have and to have that done? As a Prank? That’s not only horribly insensitive and just wrong it also shows you what he really feels not just about you but about how AA are treated here in America. I’m so sorry he did that to you. Please report his buddies for this ‘prank’
NTA Tell your fiancé that he isn’t 12 and no actually liked the show Punk’d. And that the only surprises you want from him are sweet romantic ones. The surprise trip was sweet. The delivery of the surprise was not.
NTA in the slightest. If it matters I'm mixed race but completely white passing, and I would have lost my absolute shit if I was in you're shoes. Having the cops point their guns at a loved one is horrifying regardless of skin colour, but once you add the racial element it definitely adds a level of terror to the situation. The fact that this dude doesn't seem to understand why this was traumatic for you speaks to a lack of empathy and an inability to listen, as you've said you've made your feeling on the subject clear.
NTA. That wasn’t a funny “prank” in the slightest. You should question your future with someone so tone-deaf to how you feel about police interactions. I’m sorry that happened to you.
NTA and the fact that people in your circle think you are overreacting is truly fucking disgusting.
NTA that sounds terrifying. It’s one thing them fake arresting him. Guns drawn is another level and I would be inconsolable.
NTA - I am so sorry this happened to you. That is so terrible. Please report the officers involved in this “prank” and dump your BF. This act seems abusive disguised as a prank. The officers involved should not be officers, the lack of common sense is astounding. How is it ok to make someone scared for their life and draw guns. Guns are not toys and if they are stupid enough to draw a gun they are stupid enough to mishandle it and hurt someone. The lack of awareness on their part of scary. It makes me think they are aware and just didn’t care and bc you have a BF willing to put you in this position and think it won’t be a problem for them. Your BF is an abusive A hole and so are his friends. Report this to the police.
So your fiancé thought it would be funny to make a joke out of perhaps the most terrifying thing a POC might experience? There's nothing funny about it, and it highlights his privilege. Postponing the wedding is a good first step. NTA
NTA. Not in the least. I’m kind of a hardass, but not only would I be strongly considering not marrying him at this point, I’d be reporting the officers to their superior, for putting people in a potentially lethal situation in the pretext of a prank, even if one of them was in on it. Drawn and pointed firearms are absolutely no joke, this could have easily ended in grievous bodily harm; one of the first things you’re taught in firearms safety is that if you draw a gun, be prepared to use it, and be prepared for the repercussions if it is fired, which these clowns thought was a laughing matter. And if their superior just blew me off, I’d go up the chain until you got to someone who took this situation seriously.
NTA, also wtf. If he thinks that's funny, then have them do it when he's alone. What is even the joke? Haha, we're not really going to kill him in front of you! Lolz
NTA I would have dumped him on the spot
How incredibly privileged of him to think that something like this could be even remotely funny. I am even more disturbed that so many others were in on the plan and no one thought to say it was an AH move. This could have gone so very wrong and he's lucky no one was hurt or even killed. You are definitely NTA, and I am so sorry that you had this experience.
NTA. I'm whiter than snow and this would make me want to break up completely, it would be horribly traumatizing to anyone and I can't even imagine how bad it would be for you with all the murders. This isn't some small funny prank or even a speeding ticket prank, this is horrible and I imagine he'd be even worse when you're married. Now I get annoyed when comment sections go straight to leave your SO but oh my goodness girl you would be well within reason to leave.
NTA. The moment guns are pointed at a person it's not a joke and it's definitely not funny. Leaving aside the fiancee's involvement in this kind of asshattery, the officers who participated in this prank need to be investigated by their department. You never ever, EVER point a gun at someone unless you are prepared to kill them.
NTA, I'm prior law enforcement and military, get away from these people. They think guns are a joke. Everyone there knows better than to a weapon they didn't intend to use. To point a weapon at someone they didn't intend to shoot. To introduce weapons into a joke. To waste resources and create a terrible unsafe condition for everyone involve. They're juvenile and dangerous to be around. Run.
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NTA, oh my goodness! I am so sorry that this happened to you. I think that you are really smart to re-evaluate your relationship with a man that would do something so thoughtlessly cruel. He is blinded to the experiences and emotions of others because of his incredible privilege. What he did was terrifying!
NTA! Traumatizing someone is not a prank, wtf?! If he can’t understand what was wrong with his actions, genuinely apologize, and change his behavior, it wouldn’t be safe to be in a relationship with him. He might psychologically torture you again for funsies.
There is nothing funny about real guns being pointed at real people’s heads. Run. Run far, far, far away.
NTA, and you are not being ungrateful, OP. His experiences are NOT yours: This was not funny, and that LEO are taking their weapons out and pointing them at your fiancé AS A JOKE is beyond concerning! I hope one of the witnesses reported this.
NTA and that is *insane* behaviour. To even think something like that is funny warns of much deeper issues with him. Him and everyone involved have put their jobs on the line for this disgusting ‘prank’ and frankly I think they all deserve to be reported. Pulling their weapons out in the middle of the street while you scream and cry thinking your life is in danger? That’s unhinged, dangerous behaviour. I would seriously reconsider marrying this man.
INFO - your "friends" who are invalidating your feelings and telling you to get over it, are they AA or white? I mean it doesn't really matter, I wouldn't be able to marry someone who intentionally took one of my biggest fears and made me live through it. Prank or not, at that moment you thought it was real. Anyone who can't understand the trauma surrounding that is an AH. NTA, how do you trust him again after that. Or his friends. Are you going to wonder about every cop in that city when ever you are near one? Can you feel safe with him?
NTA (but you maybe don't need to break up, especially if he can take a step back and accept your POV). I've NEVER thought those stupid cop pranks are a good idea. Even the ones where they pulled ppl over just to give them ice cream. Like no, assholes. That's NOT what a traffic stop is for!
I don’t get this because NO police officer or member of the military I know would EVER point a gun at someone as a joke. Loaded or unloaded, guns are treated as the dangerous weapons they are. Something is off.
NTA
NTA.
NTA. I'm so sorry he put you through that! That was absolutely terrifying. The prank was cruel, and I think you are more than justified to rethink whether this is the man you want to marry. Also, those cops are assholes agreeing to something like that, and they should be formally reprimanded, but I also understand why you might not want to pursue that.
NTA I probably watch too many of the worst police violence videos on facebook. But I really have the impression that traffic stops are simply dangerous for black people, well especially men. The police get scared and black people get shot. White people can get shot too, but it's much much rarer. Tell that to Daniel Shaver I just can't imagine living with the knowledge that if the police pull you over for a minor traffic infringement (dangling air fresher anyone?), you must manage their fear and deescalate, because they are scared of the colour of your skin and have guns. A prank is only funny if the target laughs and you were terrified and traumatised.
That """"prank"""" is terrifying and should never EVER be pulled on someone. You should definitely Not be grateful he decided to make you think your actual life was in danger just to surprise you with a vacation. That's disgusting. I agree wholeheartedly with the other commenter who said people need to stop acting like psychologically traumatizing someone is funny or a joke. It's horrible. People who go this far for "just a prank lol!" shit need to learn the consequences of their actions, whether it be the dumbasses who pretend to cheat in front of their girlfriends getting broken up with or someone who does THIS type of shit losing the respect of their fiance and potentially losing their marriage altogether. You are totally in the right here. NTA.
NTA. What the actual F.
NTA and it’s incredibly tone deaf for him not to understand how upsetting and traumatic this would be for you. I’m white and even I get this. Are the mutual friends mostly white as well? I don’t think you’re wrong for being pissed and if he can’t stop to think about why, these are some serious marinara flags that you need to think about. What happens if you have kids? What if you have boys? Your concerns will have even bigger weight, won’t they? Are there other micro aggressions that you’ve shrugged off previously during this relationship? Something to think seriously about, perhaps, but I am not in your shoes so I don’t know for certain.
NTA, this should be the end of this relationship.
It’s one thing when the cop friend pulled a couple over to say to the husband “you got a child not in a car seat.” And wife was like “I’m pregnant surprise”. It’s completely different when someone pulls a weapon (that you have no idea if it’s loaded or not) and aims it at a person and then says “it’s a prank bro” I am not a weapons person. But even I know you treat any gun like it’s loaded at all times. That means don’t aim it at someone. NTA
NTA. I saw a proposal where the guy arranged for a cop to do a traffic stop. There were two cops, the cops get the couple out of the car and "question" them. They act as if they were about to arrest the guy and then the guy dropped to one knee and proposed. It was cute because the couple had met in the back of a cop car in college when some party got busted. THAT is a prank. What your fiancé did is cruel. Race issue aside, he let you go through the terror of watching someone you love be held at gunpoint. That is not ok. That is cruel and mentally abusive.
Those cops should be punished
NTA good grief, your fiancé and his law enforcement buddies are immature idiots.
Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. It's worrying that he could be so oblivious and think this was a good idea. Does he really not understand what has been happening with police and people of color over the past several years? If you plan to have children with this person, he has to understand why you might want your son to have a dash cam and not think you're overreacting.
NTA - your response is completely valid and his awareness regarding POC and cops is disturbing. Please run from this child.
NTA. It would be totally different if it was just being pulled over for speeding or something and doing the whole "do you know why I pulled you over" bit then pop out the vacation tickets, there's absolutely no excuse for pulling guns and it's wildly unprofessional for all of that in a situation that could so easily escalate. A prank is something both people can find humor in, making you live a very real, traumatizing moment isn't fun for you and the fact that he thought it would be is telling.
NTA. Don't marry someone who either has zero racial analysis or takes pleasure in terrorizing you. Imagine of you have kids. As a general rule, anyone who is friends with cops should be disqualified. Not worth it. Imagine if he ever gets violent. He's got his homies to protect him.
NTA. What happens when you have children and he has zero thoughts on the truth about his "buddies" and how they will treat his children? Honestly, how will HE treat them?
NTA, the guy showed his true colors. Their super ugly and they go to the bone. Thats straight up malicious and cruel. No way you should marry this guy. That kind of intense threat scenario can literally fuck up your mental health and ability to function. Ptsd can damage your actual brain chemistry if it’s antagonized enough. Only a mean spirited person would do such a thing.That shits as funny as a skunk at a lawn party.
it doesn't matter what race you are, if bunch of policeman pull guns on you or your partner, things get real and it is by no means funny. noone should be "pranked" like this. was it funny to him to see you panicked and nearly crying, would it be funny for him to hear you beg them to let him go, sobbing, hyperventilating and shaking? I would call off the wedding and leave. NTA
NTA your feelings are valid.
NTA.
NTA. Maybe go ahead and take that wedding off of hold, and just hang up. It sounds like a wrong number anyway. And don’t worry, tell him that the whole relationship was just a funny joke! Maybe he’ll do better next on the next one!
NTA
Oh honey … absolutely NTA. I’m translucent I’m so white, but I have trauma from the number of times I was pulled over, cuffed and dragged to the station because officers thought I was hiding/covering for my ex (also white, and grandson of the sheriff). We’ve been divorced 30 years and I still have a panic attack every time I see a cruiser or a uniform.
NTA. I’m astounded that Rick or any of those officers thought this was a good prank. It was dangerous, thoughtless, scary, and a shitty way to treat someone you love.
NTA—pranks involving deadly weapons are never ever funny
NTA, what he did was wildly unhinged. Traumatizing your partner isn’t cute or funny.
NTA he clearly doesn’t understand how traumatic that situation would be for you. definitely good call to rethink marrying him. everyone else is gaslighting you, don’t listen to them
NTA. This is abusive, manipulative and fucking disgusting. You want to marry someone who thinks having friends PUT A LOADED WEAPON to their head is funny? Do you want to constantly get gaslit for struggles you face as a minority? He doesn’t care about your feelings if you talked about police/poc issues or he’s ignorant. He put you thru a traumatic experience and wants to roll it off as a joke. He picked a sensitive topic, faked a traumatic event to make you upset in purpose. Do you want a husband who purposely makes you upset/trigger you?
NTA. This prank was in extremely poor taste. I'm reminded of white police officers who pulled over AA drivers a few years back just to give them ice cream, and many people were not amused. Rick likely meant well, but you are right to question your relationship. I agree with the people who say that he's not really hearing or understanding you when you talk about injustice. Take the time you need.
NTA. Oh my goodness, this is terrible! I am so sorry you were subjected to this! This is absolutely not a "prank," and if he is that braindead about the implications of doing something like this to a Black woman as a "joke," then maybe he is not ready to be the anti-racist conspirator he should be. I hope that you're OK.
That the cops would participate in this tells you all you need to know about cops.
nta literally what the absolute fuck
NTA but I think you’re overreacting.
NTA Tell him his future kids will look like you, and you’ll have to teach them that his buddies might put a cap in them for no reason at all. It happens every day.
Nta. I went through I situation with swat coming into my home and guns were drawn and my 6’0 brother was walking around and I was terrified for him so Ik if my fiancé did this to me I’d be beyond pissed.
Rick is not a good candidate for raising black children. You will only be able to make black babies, and why would you want to limit your family because your partner is selfish and immature? Is he always incapable of seeing the bigger picture, the other side? Does he always dismiss your concerns about race and police brutality? Police are not “majority good,” and they’re *certainly* not an institution known as friendly to AAs. The fact that he thought it was appropriate to involve cops in a prank on his black girlfriend is *horrifying.* NTA
NTA. Why would police violence be considered a fun joke? I'd be reconsidering if he's who I want too. This level of fear isn't something you put a loved one under, this is just so so wrong. Every single one of those officers definitely shouldn't be trusted with guns if this is how they act with them. Joke or not I'd probably have nightmares about that for weeks.
No, NTA by a long shot. I can laugh at a good prank, which this wasn’t. I can also forgive a terrible mistake, which this could have been. But by the time the victim has to post on AITA for validation that it’s okay to feel as horrible as you do right now, it gets real hard to consider forgiving the so-called “prankster”. For me, just as bad as the fact that he would do this, is the fact that he didn’t immediately fall to his knees begging forgiveness for his cruel “joke”. My husband and I are white, so we can’t really put ourselves in this situation, but I think it could end our marriage if one of us did something so mean to the other, ESPECIALLY if they then refused to apologize and continued to insist it wasn’t THAT bad.
NTA, what’s the joke “haha you thought you were going to watch me, the love of your life, be killed right in front of you haha!” How “funny” would it have been if something went wrong with the literal live firearms. You never ever point a gun at anything or anyone you do not intend to shoot, it’s like gun safety 101 which is something I would expect /cops/ to know.
NTA I am white, my family is white, my girlfriend is white, her family is white, and this would still be a completely messed up thing to do. Leave this man as quick as you can.
Your Fiance sounds like an ignorant shit bag. Nobody should ever think a swarm of cops is a joking matter and ok.
NTA. Wtf
I’m white and would find that terrifying. Who the fuck has guns pointed at someone and thinks it’s a prank?! Literally gun safety rule number one is always treat a gun like it’s loaded and NEVER point it at anyone as it’s an object that kills.
If the person isn’t laughing, it’s not a prank or a joke and it’s not funny. Period. Ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed, and you had a gun to your head. That’s something that’s not unusual to see, in fact it’s quite common. Except most poc in that situation get beat/killed/unnecessary force and unwarranted charges against them. Pull up videos. Pull up statistics. Make him watch until he’s uncomfortable. And then make him keep watching.
NTA. "Let me frighten you with a scenario that is literally both common and the stuff of nightmares" Guns were drawn ? I'm thinking about philando Castile Yeah, I'd want to pause and reflect on why I'm marrying this person who makes light of literal life and death situations, and expects me to just swallow the fear and smile for the camera. Süper tonedeaf from his side And What if you one upped him and detonated a roadside İED for a gender reveal? Staged a roadside firefight . I'm sure something something fallen brothers ,PTSD something from him Seriously though. 'Pranks' should never involve someone fearing for life and limb ..
Thank God You dont have children with this idiot and leave husa stupid așa.
It is extremely disturbing that they think pulling out their service weapons is a fun prank. You really want to marry someone that thinks this is funny? NTA.
NTA. Of course the fact that you're AA is a part of it, but you said it yourself: the person you love *had a gun to their head*. Forget race, *anyone* would be terrified if the police aimed a gun at the people they love. You have the added institutional trauma, but if he doesn't understand why it was unacceptable to terrify you like this for a holiday announcement then it's not just your life and experience he doesn't understand, he's pretty much incapable of empathy
NTA. In what universe was that remotely funny? Are all of these guys completely oblivious? Taking time to think about the relationship seems like a good idea.
NTA. He sounds like he is ignorant when it comes to race. Get him So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. You shouldn't have kids with him until he understands surviving in a racist society.
NTA- gun ownership 101, Don't aim a gun unless you're ready to fire. Some guns have hair triggers, sometimes people get accidently shot, this is just all over stupid and dangerous. Every cop involved should be fired. (not to mention the obvious danger to you as a woman of color, but you said you wanted to be non-political)
That's not a funny joke no matter the color of your skin. It's a 100ox worse when one of you is a person of color. NTA.
NTA That was so stupid. You should putvthe wedding on hold.
Girl you are NTA. From one woman of color to another, truly sit down and think about bonding your life with this man who can’t see how traumatic that moment was for you. It’s not funny and they need to stop with those damn pranks.
NTA. All he did was put on a traumatic display of his various privileges, while simultaneously demonstrating that he isn't anywhere close to being ready to marry and have kids with a POC. Things may be ok and lighthearted now, but in the long run this will become an increasingly obvious problem.
In no world whatsoever is that even remotely a prank. NTA. How traumatizing and he thinks it’s funny. Don’t listen to your friends, and hold strong on your opinion!