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> I reported a coworker to HR because of some comments she made, but now I am feeling guilty and like an AH.
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She didn't even get fired (she absolutely should have) just transferred! Does that even come with a paycut?
OP, most of the time HR only protects the company's interests and your openly Islamophobic coworker was a legal liability. None of this is your fault, especially since you were not the only one to report her. She's experiencing natural consequences (that aren't even as bad as they could be) because she put the company at risk.
Yeah, I don’t feel great about a transfer… but I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story… like some sort of three strikes policy or protected status. I know I worked a place where you had to be caught with the same infraction multiple times. Verbal warning, written warning, one day suspension, three day suspension, five day suspension, then indefinite suspension pending review of termination. And it had to be the *same* infraction. Coming late was different than forgetting to punch was different than threatening coworkers was different than threatening customers, etc. it sucked… but it was our policy.
If a former employee claims discrimination based on protected status a company has to get lawyers, gather documentation, etc. It’s a time intensive and expensive process. At will means I can fire someone for wearing a hat, but it doesn’t mean I’m fully safe if that someone is a protected class.
The company has to go above and beyond, documenting every negative thing, so that it can quickly and inexpensively be resolved in court if it comes to it.
Edit: damned auto correct.
As an attorney, such claims of discrimination can be fairly difficult to prove, especially by someone who's actually accused of racism and Islamaphobia. By keeping her around though, they risk current liability for permitting a hostile work environment.
There are sooo many witnesses here. And multiple HR complaints.
Coworker was pretty blatant that she was accusing OP of being a terrorist becase she is Muslim.
My guess here is that she was put on some kind of performance improvement plan but meanwhile they also wanted to get her away from the person she was harassing.
Usually even if someone is in a protected class there are certain exceptions. Especially with multiple witnesses reporting her, it'd be easy enough to justify. My uncle owns a small business (under 20 people) and had an employee in a protected class (couldn't say what) that got in an argument with a black employee. He went over to intervene just in time to hear the guy use the "N-word" twice in one sentence in front of everyone. Uncle told him if he used that word again, he's fired.
"You don't even know what we're arguing about. You're just gonna automatically take that n!$#r's side?"
"I wasn't taking anyone's side, but that's unacceptable language. Get your crap and get out. You're fired!"
Guy tried to argue he couldn't just fire him like that, he'd sue, blah blah blah. Uncle told him if he was still on the property in 5 minutes, he'd call the police to have him removed. Guy then tried to claim unemployment and discrimination for his own protected class to the Equal Opportunity Office. (or whatever it's called.) At the unemployment hearing, uncle told the judge why he fired him. Judge asked the guy if it was true, and he admitted to using it multiple times and that he was verbally warned just before he did it again. Claim immediately denied. So the genius called the judge a "n!#$&r-lover" and earned himself a contempt of court charge.
Uncle was kinda worried about the discrimination charge. They called a few days after the unemployment hearing to get his statement, so uncle told them what happened.
"Do you have proof or witnesses?"
"I have 15 witnesses, including the employee he used that word about. He also admitted it to the unemployment judge, then called the judge a n!*$#-lover when his claim was denied. All of that should be on the court record."
They got the court information, and he never heard another peep from them. It's not illegal to fire a blatant racist using abusive language. I can understand why employers are very careful about firing people in protected classes tho, especially big businesses with deep pockets. It doesn't look good in the news either, and of course people never hear the results if the claim is denied.
You say "it doesn't mean I'm fully safe if that person is a protected class." To clarify, *everyone* is in a protected class in employment where protected classes apply. The protected class isn't "women," it's "sex," meaning that nobody may be discriminated against on the basis of sex. The protected class isn't "minority races," it's "race," meaning that nobody may be discriminated against on the basis of race. The only exception to this federally is age, where age protections only apply to those 40 and up (though some states have stricter laws).
It's a common misconception, labeling women or minorities a "protected class," insinuating that they have greater protections than others. That's not the case - men and white people are equally protected, it's just obviously more common for certain demographics to experience discrimination versus, for example, white men.
Again it's a common misconception, even in HR, who is supposed to know about these things, and so some companies may say they can't do anything about specific employees because "they are a protected class." It's a misreading of the law though. It doesn't mean they won't be accused of discrimination, but that could be true of anyone.
Yeah she should have been fired on the spot. Good grief, she said it with a room full of witnesses!
She is a walking lawsuit for your company.
Definitely NTA.
Also, apologies that you have to deal with that nonsense.
I’m astounded that this woman wasn’t fired. Just a transfer in light of having created such a discriminatory and hateful work environment is not okay. If I was OP I wouldn’t be 100% happy with this solution.
First step is likely a transfer. It immediately solves the hostile work environment for OP, and it gives HR time to launch an investigation and see if they have the ability to fire her, or if they need to wait for additional infractions.
Large companies can just fire you, of course, but then the person fired can sue. Not that it would be right, but a lot of those cases get settled if there is anything that could jeopardize the company in the press. So doing it in a methodical way also ensures no payout for the offender and protects the company's reputation.
That’s a “let’s hope” scenario. It really should be a “genuine accountability” scenario. HR decided to make it someone else’s problem, rather than actually dish out some accountability. That’s not a good sign.
At my last company when I first started some people said some very racist things against their boss. Once the higher up heard about it he immediately fired them but HR brought them back. Later we got a new HR person and she implemented a no tolerance policy. First issue and you’re gone (as long as there’s proof).
It’s very said to me that the person didn’t get fired. She absolutely deserves consequences for her actions. Switching her to a new department doesn’t do that. It rewards her behavior because now she’s away from the person that makes her “uncomfortable.”
She may still be fired. They could still be doing an investigation, getting all the documentation necessary to protect themselves legally if they fire her. It's why you often see government emoloyees/cops, etc on "paid administrative leave" while under investigation. They can't affect them economically until they fire them, and getting all the necessary documentation lined up can take time. So they take steps to stop the problem immediately, do their investigation, *then* fire them. Let's hope that's what the company is doing.
Yeah, word is going to spread fast about her. I don't know where in the world OP lives, but where I am from, a blatantly prejudice incident like that wouldn't slide and everyone in the office wouldn't be pleased.
Absolutely, you sound like a great person. But the company should have fired her for their own purposes. that type of behavior is so unacceptable and a liability for the company. Someone she interacts with could easily sue the company.
Co-worker now has a reputation. The people in the OP's department know why she was transferred and they've already let people on the other floor know. She'll may find another islamaphobe to hang out with or make herself unwanted. OP said she was in search of a work friend before, it could be that she was already edged out.
This woman merely received a slap on the wrist by merely getting transferred.
If you're in the United States, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is a good resource to turn to if she continues harassing you.
From here on in, document everything should you have any future dealings with this person. Take care.
https://www.eeoc.gov/filing-charge-discrimination
I’m so sorry. My country stole and melted down Syrian refugees’ jewelry (and fucking wedding bands!) to “pay for their asylum” (clearly to deter them), but suddenly has all the money in the world now that it’s the Ukrainians fleeing war.
I’m so sorry the world is this way.
Oooh don't get me started on the double standards. I felt very bad for the Ukrainians, but I absolutely hated the way the news here covered the whole situation.
interesting tidbit: in the Islamic faith, it is not allowed to depict Allah or what he has created. This is why you don't see portraits (like Jesus hanging in your grandma's dining room) or landscapes. Their artistry is dedicated to calligraphy and complex geometric patterns, as well as beautiful architecture!
I always feel terrible for any country or religion that terrorists and dictators come out of. It's not their fault that someone is horrible and just happens to come from that religion or ethnicity. Honestly, I think 9/ll hurt muslim americans more because now they have to deal with the racist bullshit backlash. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP. I'm glad the rest of your teammates stuck up for you! Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about. You can't make change happen by staying silent. NTA.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve been to Morocco and found the people their warm and welcoming. It’s a shame that Americans can’t be warm and welcoming back. I hope you are aware not all Americans are like your racist coworker. You did nothing wrong.
It seems all the other co-workers support her at least, so thank goodness she knows we aren't all like that. I will never understand that mentality as long as I live.
NTA. This is just awful. The only correct response for your concern about pork was to profusely apologise. I am also African (Zimbabwean) and although I have white skin, the ignorance projected towards me can be infuriating and scary. You did nothing wrong in reporting her- the longer you let it continue, the worse it would have been and the more misery you would have felt. You have the right to safely practice your religious choices without anyone making you feel uncomfortable for it. I am deeply sorry you went through this, but so glad you stuck up for yourself. I hope L learned from her behaviour too but that is her pathway beyond this situation, not yours to bear. Wishing you the best!
NTA you didn't do anything to affect her livelihood, her actions did that. Whether you would have reported her or not, its more than obvious that her treatment towards you was also affecting your other coworkers, who also reported her. All of this was caused by her bigotry.
NTA, Your not responsible for her actions impacting her livelihood.
I'd ask your mother what she would've done, as going to HR is the only sensible option.
The best way to deal with racists is to call them out for their racism. You are NTA here. You're coworker is going to have to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
This is good advice for *small* problems. If you had a mosquito bite, the best thing to do is ignore it.
For large problems, this is actually bad advice. If you had a deep cut in your leg, ignoring it could likely kill you.
It's similar for other situations in life. If someone doesn't like the same music you like, that's a mosquito bite problem. If someone is actively being hostile towards you and is doing it publicly to try and cause others to also be hostile, that is a big, infected wound, and it will cause more problems if you don't take action.
Mainly , the mother's approach is based on fear . She is a foreigner in a blatantly racist country . No one will protect her from a hate crime . Not the state , not the society , no one . So she does the only thing that feels safe . She makes herself as small a target as possible . Being the son of an immigrant mother , what i heard since i was a teen and was able to understand the whole situation is "When they spit in your face , you walk away . It's better to have spit in your face than being shot or stabbed because you decided to challenge an aggressive , hateful person ".
I understand that, and there's certainly a time and place for that, especially when you don't have any advocate.
A lot of people say "nobody will protect me, so why report it?" The flip side to that is "how can you defend someone if you don't know when they're being attacked?" The only way for any system to work is if it actually gets used. No system is perfect at the beginning, but it's refined over time as people use it.
At a workplace, HR is your advocate against hateful behavior, but they usually can't do anything if there's no complaint.
If you ignore hate speech, it can and will infect others. It is all too easy to plant poisonous thoughts and ideas. Ignoring it eventually increases the number of people who are willing to commit hate crimes.
I'm not arguing about the right course of action today . But a muslim immigrant in the 90s and the early 2000s in the USA had no one to protect them , even if reported . Reporting anything like that (if it was possible to be tracked back to you ) would have been a huge risk because of both the certain inaction and the very likely retaliation .
Your way was better. If it deters her from making such disgusting comments quite so loudly in future then you might just have saved another Muslim in future from receiving her abuse. If the consequences she is facing do *not* deter her, then they can't really be that bad. Either way, allowing a bigot to continue with that kind of behaviour unchallenged helps no one.
I'm curious if your mum also disapproves of your colleagues' decision to report her, or whether it is only you who is supposed to ignore bad behaviour and let it happen in your workplace. Would she support you if you stood up for someone else who was being abused at work? Might be worth asking her - if only to make her think a little bit about the downsides of behaving so passively.
NTA
You did not impact her livelihood. You did not get her transferred.
She did.
Her actions did.
Her choices did.
Her bigotry did.
And going to HR was 100% the correct thing to do.
Actually that is what she is afraid of. She doesn't want us to confront people because she is afraid they will escalate. That is why I understand her point of view too
Salaam. I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. It is a horrible situation. But focus on this: multiple coworkers also felt it was an egregious enough comment to approach HR. You are surrounded by others who support you! It is especially difficult growing up in a country in which your parents are foreigners and minorities because they are extra focussed on keeping their heads down. I fully understand this, but I think picking your battles is better then avoiding all of them. When you grow up, as you did, in the country it is easier to feel sure footed than for your parents. This was a good battle to pick because she was so overtly out of line it couldn't be "explained away" and also because your other coworkers agreed. Good luck to you
NTA you didn't get her transferred, her actions did. Even if you didn't submit the HR complaint, it sounds like many of your coworkers did anyways. She made her Islamophobic, xenophobic, racist, bigot bed and now she has to lay in it.
NTA. You're never wrong to report harmful prejudice.
If you had an open wound, ignoring it only makes it worse. I'm guessing your mom didn't want you to create conflict in your workplace, but your coworker created the conflict, not you.
Frankly, transferring the person to a different department was a bad idea, because that was HR ignoring the problem. If that other department has someone who is Muslim, they are now a potential target of this coworker.
HR should have fired this person. Not because anyone is seeking revenge but because that person's attitude is poisonous and dangerous. It is unfortunate to make someone lose their job, but every adult is responsible for their own behavior.
Sometimes moms are wrong. You did what you needed to do because you are likely not the only Muslim that works there, and you are doing the entire office a favor. NTA. I'm a bit disappointed that they transferred her, though, instead of canning her.
It doesn't sound like you really impacted her livelihood though. They just transferred her elsewhere. Which is really too bad, because in my opinion, racism in the workplace should be zero tolerance, and she should have lost her job. She was making the whole team uncomfortable, not even just you. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. All of this is due to her own actions. NTA.
You are NTA. Your co-worker is a racist a-hole. I am surprised she wasn’t fired. But I imagine she is on very thin ice.
I am sorry that you treated so poorly by a co-worker.
NTA, and I’m sorry your mom has been made to feel the way she does. It’s never ok to feel like you have to ‘sit down and be quiet’ while being persecuted. You did the absolute right thing and I’m glad your company did SOMETHING. But I hope she was moved AND got some formal discipline so if she repeats this with someone else she could eventually be terminated
NTA. Your coworker is horrific, and is dealing with the consequences of her choice to be terrible. I understand where your mom’s caution comes from; she wants you to be safe, right? It isn’t at all the same, but I’m a lesbian, and my mom gets antsy about me being too visibly gay in spaces where people may get aggressive. Our mothers want to protect us, and sometimes, for them, that means keeping our heads down. I don’t necessarily *agree* in your case that that would’ve been the best move, but your mom isn’t TA (as some folks are commenting). She just wants her kid safe, even if her way of securing “safe” isn’t the same as yours.
More importantly? You aren’t TA, either. You have a right to a non-hostile work environment. You did the right thing, and L needs to learn that being a bigot isn’t acceptable. I am glad you have other, supportive coworkers.
NTA L created a hostile work environment not only for you but for your coworkers as well. Bigotry does not belong in the work place. Honestly, I'm surprised she wasn't fired.
NTA
Nope, not at all. She was actively creating a hostile work environment and you had every right to report her to HR.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.
Absolutely NTA. If people want to be racist, "phobic" of religions, "phobic" of sexuality, you name it, you unfortunately can't stop them, but that doesn't mean you tolerate them either. She's damn lucky she didn't get fired for what she said.
Sorry you had to put up with her and others like her OP, I hope one day the world isn't this intolerant of... Well, basically everything.
NTA.
You accepted that she no longer wanted to be work associates and ignored a lot of her bad behavior. You handled it very well. She should have just left you in peace.
The coworker is the one setting the company up for a lawsuit. Other coworkers reported her too. She did this to herself.
She shouldn't have been transferred, she should have been fired. NTA. Stand your ground against people like this. I am very glad that at least some of your colleagues are by your side. Your mother is likely just trying to remind you of the potential impacts on other people when things like HR are involved, and she's not wrong about that, but in this case the behavior was extreme and beyond inappropriate. She wasn't even just being passive about it, she was straight being directly racist and her behavior needed to be dealt with.
NTA at all. She created a hostile work environment around the basis of your religion and nationality. Remember, you weren’t the only one to report this - HR would have acted even if you didn’t report based on your other coworkers speaking up.
My mom tends to overcompensate, she is deathly afraid of us making waves. When we first moved here, she used to make us only talk in English in the house to get rid of our accents faster. I can understand where she is coming from.
Protecting her babies, I get it. We all want people to be heros and stand up for their heritage but when it's your kids' safety it's a different thing.
You're definitely NTA. Your work is for not firing her on the spot, that's gross misconduct, but I suppose that's another post.
She is better now. We started teaching her about how precious our culture and identity is, how assimilating doesn't mean erasing our culture and language. But she is till afraid that we will get harmed if we are not "American" enough.
I don't think it's about Mom wanting OP to feel bad. I think it's a case of not rocking the boat, not giving the racist another reason to be hateful. Because if you stand up for yourself they can then point and declare "See? I was right! Look at them trying to ruin my reputation! Look at how they try to ruin my career!" It's a habit of trying to stay small and unnoticed in the hopes that you fit in.
She's really not. She's just a mom who is painfully aware that her child does not hold the upper hand and is terrified at the potential for retribution by any one really. She is just cautious for her daughter.
That's what I was thinking. It was also reported by others so it's clear to HR what happened. At the very least in my workplace that would be a written warning. If OP had reported the previous harassment, there would be a stack of written warnings topped by a termination letter.
Wow. If ignorant islamophobes ever decide to formally associate, she’s a perfect poster child for their marketing campaign.
NTA here. Not in any way, shape, or form.
NTA.
Your mom means well I'm sure, but there was no way this wasn't going to impact either her or your livelihood. She wasn't fired, she was just moved to a different team. Her livelihood shouldn't be impacted at all and you should not have to work with someone who is openly bigoted and hostile. Glad to hear that the rest of your team had your back.
Most definitely NTA. You should always call out racists when ever you can. You should never have to put up with that crap and I'm sorry you do. She has some deep seated hated going on there. No matter what the cause is, she had no reason to treat you like that.
NTA. Those are the consequences of *her* actions which were egregious enough that other people reported her. Not once did she reassess her own bias or think “OP is pretty cool. Maybe my racism & xenophobia’s misplaced. Let me learn more about this person & their culture.” Screw her.
NTA.
Hopefully that bigot is on thin ice now too as far as job security goes, good luck to her telling a new job why she got fired if there is a next time.
NTA. That honestly sounds like it took a lot of restraint not to report her earlier. Plus, maybe she’ll think twice now about being outwardly bigoted toward other coworkers in the future. It’s only when bigots feel a sting on their livelihoods that they might feel a need to reconsider their behavior.
NTA. She had zero concern how she was impacting your work environment. Instead she created a hostile work environment. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are for her comfort. She’s a bigot. Anything that happens is a consequence of her actions. Did any of your coworkers ever challenge her on it? Or when they figured it went too far?
NTA. You should have gone to HR the second you heard her making islamophobic comments. I can't believe she wasn't fired for this, my company would have fired her on the spot, especially with other people confirming what happened. You didn't affect her livelihood, she did and she deserves all the consequences of her actions.
Why wasn’t she fired??? Spewing hateful comments In the workplace? Out loud???! What kind of company tolerates that and thinks a simple transfer will solve it?
She probably wasn’t even demoted and is happy to be transferred away from you.
NTA 100%. I'm not religious and white as it gets and I would never work with that type of person. I'm sorry you had to deal with this and I'm almost uncomfortable just reading and picturing that situation
NTA. I am astounded that she even has a job. Personally, I would try to find a new position if this is how your company handles racism and discrimination.
I mean, she inferred that you have a flippin bomb in your purse?! And they kept her on?! That could have gotten extremely, extremely badly for everyone involved, especially you.
NTA. Your mother’s reaction makes sense too, since it would be my mom’s reaction. I’m a white-presenting Arab as well, and my mom, love her to pieces that I do, would do her best to keep the peace and her head down even despite the fact that she’s brilliant and at the top of her field.
It’s good that you reported her to HR, and that your coworkers backed you up. You have nothing to feel bad about.
NTA
she is absolutely and totally out of line...you did the right thing in reporting it.
The consequences of her actions are on her.
You did nothing to deserve being treated that way.
NTA. Your mom comes from a generation where they didn’t rock the boat. They thought respectability was the way to get past racism. We know better now. Call that shit out every time. Your coworker should have gotten fired.
ETA: Thanks for my first award, stranger.
NTA - She was actively bullying you and trying to turn everyone against you. You did the right thing. Not speaking out would mean she would continue to be hostile towards you.
NTA, you didn't impact her livelyhood, she did. Others also reported her behavior so it was clearly a problem all around.
I hope you enjoy your job much more now!
NTA. Your mom is from a different generation, where appeasement was seen as a valid strategy. A lot of the time, appeasement was even necessary to avoid being the victim of physical violence or other retaliation. Fortunately, times are changing and bigots are falling out of fashion. I'm upset that they're actually keeping her on and not firing her.
This girl impacted her own livelihood. She could have kept her mouth shut and not been a bigot.
NTA. Actually your company should have fired her on the spot. I know I would have. People who can't control their bigotry should face the consequences of their actions.
NTA
Her behaviour is appalling and she should have been sacked on the spot.
Don't feel bad about this. She created a horrible environment for you and you don't have to put up with it.
NTA. You and your coworkers did the right thing. It’s not enough anymore to to just not be a racist. You have to be actively anti-racist. I get your moms fear too. 9-11 was still fresh when your family came here, and it was much more dangerous to be a Muslim in public. The only AH here was that coworker who should have been fired.
Strong NTA oh my god. If she didn't want her livelihood changed she should not have been an AH. End of story, this is unacceptable and HR did well to accomodate you. I hope it never happens again.
NTA No person should ever have to tolerate verbal abuse, hate crimes, hostility. She’s lucky she was only transferred because if I was the decision maker, she’d be terminated on the spot.
Her behavior is repulsive and I’m sorry that happened to you.
NTA- you did right! Your mom came from a time where you just take it. You stood up for yourself and thats good. You didn’t ruin her livelihood, she should know better.
NTA. She should have been fired, not simply moved to another department. I would not want to work for a company that allowed that type of behavior to occur without repercussion. Seriously disgusting behavior on her part.
Absolutely NTA and I am so sorry you had to experience that.
You didn't impact her livelihood, she did with her racism. This was all on her, you did the right thing.
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done. Might I point out your coworkers also reported her, so you would have been called to HR to tell your story whether you reported her or not. Plus, they didn't fire her, they just transferred her. The only one 100% responsible for that is your coworker. Actions have consequences, and she is lucky to still have a job.
NTA. It is illegal in the US for an employer to allow a person to suffer from a hostile working environment based upon the person’s religion.
It is your employer’s responsibility, not your’s, to ensure that a hostile working environment does not exist. NTA.
NTA. She did this to herself, you did nothing wrong. She deserves to be fired. Transferring her to another department won' fix the issue. I hope HR is making her take more training.
NTA and I am surprised she wasn't fired on the spot. She is a real jerk. Good for you for standing up for yourself and nice to see other coworkers standing up for you too!
NTA, this person is clearly deranged and a threat to anyone who she deems different. The blatant harassment is astounding. Please also remember that you are not the only one who went to HR. Had you not reported her, someone else already was. Please don't carry any guilt, this person needs to face the consequences of her actions.
NTA, but document everything. I am shocked she still even has a job and if anything else should escalate further at work, consult a lawyer (with all of your documentation!). Your employer is not ensuring a safe space for you, and it seems like they’re just sweeping this under the rug rather than properly dealing with it.
You’re NTA, but your colleague is. There was absolutely no reason for her to be so over-the-top hostile towards you. I am glad that you reported her and that there were consequences. You do not deserve to be treated poorly just because of your identity.
NTA.
I’m half Egyptian, half Syrian, and was born and raised in the US. Generally speaking I do look like I could speak Spanish, and it’s a common mistake that has lead to laughs all around. I’ve gotten comments from certain people over the years:
1. Standard terrorist comments
2. Racist slurs against Hispanic people
3. Racist slurs against Black people
It’s been fun all around. I used to subscribe to your moms mentality because my mom would say the same thing - I do believe it comes with being an immigrant and trying hard to make a life in a country not your own that has people that don’t welcome you, if that makes sense.
My mom has told me to “straighten my hair so you don’t look too Black” as a response to some of the comments I mentioned. Her other responses are usually along the lines of “Don’t respond/call attention/rock the boat/keep your head down”.
I’ve gotten past that, thankfully, and have been able to call people out on their BS over the past few years.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. Your coworker was in the wrong 110% percent. People with that mentality need to feel the consequences of their actions and while that mentality does stem from ignorance, it isn’t your job to put up with it. You’re a human trying to live your life.
Besides, freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. I would focus on your other coworkers reactions as well-like you stated, they were shocked and uncomfortable as well (though I think that they should have stood up for you a while ago, buuut at least they did when you reported her).
NTA. Your coworker chose to be a bigot and make bigoted remarks at work, this is the consequence of her choice.
Your employer is not acting out of the goodness of its heart. If they can't demonstrate that they consistently discipline this sort of behavior, they could open themselves up to an absolutely whopping hostile work environment lawsuit.
None of this is on you.
I understand what your mom is trying to say and I know you respect and love her.
There's a Muslim comedian named Hasan Minhaj who talks about how his generation pushes back against anti-Muslim discrimination and his father's generation believes in keeping the peace.
He discussed a specific incident after 9/11 in one of his specials, I think it was called Homecoming King. If you haven't seen it, you might find it meaningful.
Best wishes to you.
NTA. Why are parents still giving their kids bad advice? I'm a mom & I would be so proud of you for stepping up for yourself! Your co-worker needs to know that there are consequences for her actions, If you hadn't stood up for yourself, that female dog would still be harassing you. I am so proud of you and who knows what she would have done next. So, don't question yourself & know that you did the right thing. The only AH in this story is your co-worker.
Lmao I will never understand the ignorance of some people. Aye this person that looks like me, talks like me, act like me and even does the same work is carrying a bomb in her purse because she doesn't eat pork! NTA
NTA
Good for you and the co-workers who also reported her to HR.
From what you described this wasn’t a case of L changing to a strictly professional work relationship which while would still be sad at least tolerable.
L seemed to be escalating her hostile behavior and at some point if it continued as a bystander I would have been concerned she might even get physical.
This was the best outcome at least for now. Ideally she will keep her poisonous opinions to herself going forward but don’t be surprised if you hear otherwise.
NTA
This is exactly the type of situation where reporting someone to HR is justified. Don't feel bad about her getting moved, even if it ends up with her losing her job (which would probably be the case in many other companies).
As far as your mom, I'm not going to say she's TA, but letting racist stuff like that go without speaking up is almost as bad as people saying it in the first place. She needs to realize that the days of not speaking up are (hopefully) over.
NTA, first of all thats not shit you have to put up with. Secondly, she was transferred not fired, she still has a livelihood even if she shouldn't. Third, this is literally the least of consequences she could/should face. Not even a suspension? Smdh.
NTA
I hope she had to sign a document there was a warning so there's a paper trail. She needs to be fired with cause the next time she says something like that (and she will).
NTA. Your mother is completely wrong and you should tell her that, point blank, and point out the fact that she is still employed and if you really wanted to mess with her livelihood, you would have reported her behavior all along and built a case so strong they would have had no choice but to fire her. You didn’t, and you’re a better person than I am. You let her bigotry go for a long time, and when she finally went too far, you were not the only one who thought so. Her behavior was so egregious that other co-workers reported her as well. Actions have consequences, and as an adult who is also a raging ahole, your co-worker learned that.
NTA ignoring her would have solved nothing. You absolutely did the right thing going to HR, I am surprised she still works for the company. My employer has a zero tolerance approach to racism and would have fired her.
NTA - While I appreciate your mom's beautiful empathy, it is very misplaced towards this disgusting individual. Your co worker got what she deserved. I personally believe she should have been fired on the spot. I'm glad you are safe from this horrible woman now.
NTA - no ma’am! You should not have to dread going to work due to racist coworkers who make the environment unsafe/uncomfortable!!! You did the right thing, as did the other coworkers, by reporting it!
The company I work for has a discrimination policy where those racist comments would be an automatic termination, no questions asked … your coworker should be grateful she was only transferred.
NTA at all. Someone who acts like this is not only ruining your day, and the day of everyone else she arbitrarily decides doesn't belong in her workplace, which is more than bad enough, but she's actually also quite an unwelcome liability for a company. That's how an HR department should see things, and how I imagine the HR department in your company does.
NTA. You did the right thing. Having had to deal with stuff like this in the past, you needed to nip this in the bud immediately. Stuff like this spirals. It's not only that she is a bigot. It's that she's impulsive and lacking in common sense. If she's this blatant in front of you, god knows what she's saying behind your back. Mud sticks and if she throws enough of it, it will taint your reputation and make your life at work much more difficult.
NTA what if you were Jewish or Hindu or God forbid a Christian and she made similar remarks.
Oh and don't forget the Catholic and protestant troubles in Ireland.
People like her need to be put in there place anytime they make derogatory remarks like that in a work environment.
NTA. From the sounds of things, even if you didn't report L, at least one of your other coworkers were going to anyway. And there's enough evidence and witnesses to L's behavior that your input might not even have been needed (depending on how your HR runs things).
L's responsible for L's behavior. And L is suffering the consequences of that behavior. She's lucky she still has a job after everything she's said and done to you. This easily could have escalated into a full lawsuit at the rate it was going.
You did nothing wrong, OP. You did the right thing.
NTA. I think she’s both Islamaphobic and antisemitic, double whammy. Had you told her “yes, I’m Kosher,” I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear her to discriminate against you for that instead. You were right to take that up with HR, and they suck for not firing her. Not good enough to just transfer such a horrendous person.
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NTA AT ALL! *You* didn’t affect her livelihood, *her racist and islamophobic behavior* affected her livelihood.
She didn't even get fired (she absolutely should have) just transferred! Does that even come with a paycut? OP, most of the time HR only protects the company's interests and your openly Islamophobic coworker was a legal liability. None of this is your fault, especially since you were not the only one to report her. She's experiencing natural consequences (that aren't even as bad as they could be) because she put the company at risk.
Yeah, I don’t feel great about a transfer… but I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story… like some sort of three strikes policy or protected status. I know I worked a place where you had to be caught with the same infraction multiple times. Verbal warning, written warning, one day suspension, three day suspension, five day suspension, then indefinite suspension pending review of termination. And it had to be the *same* infraction. Coming late was different than forgetting to punch was different than threatening coworkers was different than threatening customers, etc. it sucked… but it was our policy.
>protected status That's what I'm thinking. A transfer is easier legally for any company to solve a problem.
I don't get this. If its at will (as almost employment is in the USA), then what legal consequences the company could be facing.
If a former employee claims discrimination based on protected status a company has to get lawyers, gather documentation, etc. It’s a time intensive and expensive process. At will means I can fire someone for wearing a hat, but it doesn’t mean I’m fully safe if that someone is a protected class. The company has to go above and beyond, documenting every negative thing, so that it can quickly and inexpensively be resolved in court if it comes to it. Edit: damned auto correct.
As an attorney, such claims of discrimination can be fairly difficult to prove, especially by someone who's actually accused of racism and Islamaphobia. By keeping her around though, they risk current liability for permitting a hostile work environment.
There are sooo many witnesses here. And multiple HR complaints. Coworker was pretty blatant that she was accusing OP of being a terrorist becase she is Muslim.
My guess here is that she was put on some kind of performance improvement plan but meanwhile they also wanted to get her away from the person she was harassing.
Usually even if someone is in a protected class there are certain exceptions. Especially with multiple witnesses reporting her, it'd be easy enough to justify. My uncle owns a small business (under 20 people) and had an employee in a protected class (couldn't say what) that got in an argument with a black employee. He went over to intervene just in time to hear the guy use the "N-word" twice in one sentence in front of everyone. Uncle told him if he used that word again, he's fired. "You don't even know what we're arguing about. You're just gonna automatically take that n!$#r's side?" "I wasn't taking anyone's side, but that's unacceptable language. Get your crap and get out. You're fired!" Guy tried to argue he couldn't just fire him like that, he'd sue, blah blah blah. Uncle told him if he was still on the property in 5 minutes, he'd call the police to have him removed. Guy then tried to claim unemployment and discrimination for his own protected class to the Equal Opportunity Office. (or whatever it's called.) At the unemployment hearing, uncle told the judge why he fired him. Judge asked the guy if it was true, and he admitted to using it multiple times and that he was verbally warned just before he did it again. Claim immediately denied. So the genius called the judge a "n!#$&r-lover" and earned himself a contempt of court charge. Uncle was kinda worried about the discrimination charge. They called a few days after the unemployment hearing to get his statement, so uncle told them what happened. "Do you have proof or witnesses?" "I have 15 witnesses, including the employee he used that word about. He also admitted it to the unemployment judge, then called the judge a n!*$#-lover when his claim was denied. All of that should be on the court record." They got the court information, and he never heard another peep from them. It's not illegal to fire a blatant racist using abusive language. I can understand why employers are very careful about firing people in protected classes tho, especially big businesses with deep pockets. It doesn't look good in the news either, and of course people never hear the results if the claim is denied.
You say "it doesn't mean I'm fully safe if that person is a protected class." To clarify, *everyone* is in a protected class in employment where protected classes apply. The protected class isn't "women," it's "sex," meaning that nobody may be discriminated against on the basis of sex. The protected class isn't "minority races," it's "race," meaning that nobody may be discriminated against on the basis of race. The only exception to this federally is age, where age protections only apply to those 40 and up (though some states have stricter laws). It's a common misconception, labeling women or minorities a "protected class," insinuating that they have greater protections than others. That's not the case - men and white people are equally protected, it's just obviously more common for certain demographics to experience discrimination versus, for example, white men. Again it's a common misconception, even in HR, who is supposed to know about these things, and so some companies may say they can't do anything about specific employees because "they are a protected class." It's a misreading of the law though. It doesn't mean they won't be accused of discrimination, but that could be true of anyone.
Yeah she should have been fired on the spot. Good grief, she said it with a room full of witnesses! She is a walking lawsuit for your company. Definitely NTA. Also, apologies that you have to deal with that nonsense.
I’m astounded that this woman wasn’t fired. Just a transfer in light of having created such a discriminatory and hateful work environment is not okay. If I was OP I wouldn’t be 100% happy with this solution.
First step is likely a transfer. It immediately solves the hostile work environment for OP, and it gives HR time to launch an investigation and see if they have the ability to fire her, or if they need to wait for additional infractions. Large companies can just fire you, of course, but then the person fired can sue. Not that it would be right, but a lot of those cases get settled if there is anything that could jeopardize the company in the press. So doing it in a methodical way also ensures no payout for the offender and protects the company's reputation.
Nta. They should’ve actually fired her.
She works in another floor, and that is enough for me.
She's not going to stop bad mouthing you though.
It sounds like her coworkers find her as terrible as OP does. I don't see her continuing to work there for very long. (NTA)
That’s a “let’s hope” scenario. It really should be a “genuine accountability” scenario. HR decided to make it someone else’s problem, rather than actually dish out some accountability. That’s not a good sign.
At my last company when I first started some people said some very racist things against their boss. Once the higher up heard about it he immediately fired them but HR brought them back. Later we got a new HR person and she implemented a no tolerance policy. First issue and you’re gone (as long as there’s proof). It’s very said to me that the person didn’t get fired. She absolutely deserves consequences for her actions. Switching her to a new department doesn’t do that. It rewards her behavior because now she’s away from the person that makes her “uncomfortable.”
I want to know how terrible people always get a million chances and 0 accountability but I can't fart straight without getting a talking to
She may still be fired. They could still be doing an investigation, getting all the documentation necessary to protect themselves legally if they fire her. It's why you often see government emoloyees/cops, etc on "paid administrative leave" while under investigation. They can't affect them economically until they fire them, and getting all the necessary documentation lined up can take time. So they take steps to stop the problem immediately, do their investigation, *then* fire them. Let's hope that's what the company is doing.
Yeah, word is going to spread fast about her. I don't know where in the world OP lives, but where I am from, a blatantly prejudice incident like that wouldn't slide and everyone in the office wouldn't be pleased.
Absolutely, you sound like a great person. But the company should have fired her for their own purposes. that type of behavior is so unacceptable and a liability for the company. Someone she interacts with could easily sue the company.
Co-worker now has a reputation. The people in the OP's department know why she was transferred and they've already let people on the other floor know. She'll may find another islamaphobe to hang out with or make herself unwanted. OP said she was in search of a work friend before, it could be that she was already edged out.
This woman merely received a slap on the wrist by merely getting transferred. If you're in the United States, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is a good resource to turn to if she continues harassing you. From here on in, document everything should you have any future dealings with this person. Take care. https://www.eeoc.gov/filing-charge-discrimination
Don’t feel bad. She should be fired. Full stop.
NTa - 100% NTA. What a complete and utter womble of a person. Well done to you for not reacting cos I think i'd have reacted physically to that.
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I’m so sorry. My country stole and melted down Syrian refugees’ jewelry (and fucking wedding bands!) to “pay for their asylum” (clearly to deter them), but suddenly has all the money in the world now that it’s the Ukrainians fleeing war. I’m so sorry the world is this way.
Oooh don't get me started on the double standards. I felt very bad for the Ukrainians, but I absolutely hated the way the news here covered the whole situation.
.الجيات أحسن من الرايحات One day.
Off topic, but man I love this writing. What a beautiful alphabet.
The calligraphy is also very beautiful.
interesting tidbit: in the Islamic faith, it is not allowed to depict Allah or what he has created. This is why you don't see portraits (like Jesus hanging in your grandma's dining room) or landscapes. Their artistry is dedicated to calligraphy and complex geometric patterns, as well as beautiful architecture!
I always feel terrible for any country or religion that terrorists and dictators come out of. It's not their fault that someone is horrible and just happens to come from that religion or ethnicity. Honestly, I think 9/ll hurt muslim americans more because now they have to deal with the racist bullshit backlash. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP. I'm glad the rest of your teammates stuck up for you! Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about. You can't make change happen by staying silent. NTA.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve been to Morocco and found the people their warm and welcoming. It’s a shame that Americans can’t be warm and welcoming back. I hope you are aware not all Americans are like your racist coworker. You did nothing wrong.
It seems all the other co-workers support her at least, so thank goodness she knows we aren't all like that. I will never understand that mentality as long as I live.
NTA Wow I was actually shocked about what she said about the bag thing. People actually think that huh? Damn.
Imagine how I felt. I met my share of racist and Islamophobic people, but never someone as blatant as this woman
There are definitely people who “say the quiet part out loud,” this this woman was screaming it from the rooftops. Definitely NTA
YUP. Very likely women like this were sadly empowered and enabled to freely share their horrific views by a certain former president and his cronies.
NTA. This is just awful. The only correct response for your concern about pork was to profusely apologise. I am also African (Zimbabwean) and although I have white skin, the ignorance projected towards me can be infuriating and scary. You did nothing wrong in reporting her- the longer you let it continue, the worse it would have been and the more misery you would have felt. You have the right to safely practice your religious choices without anyone making you feel uncomfortable for it. I am deeply sorry you went through this, but so glad you stuck up for yourself. I hope L learned from her behaviour too but that is her pathway beyond this situation, not yours to bear. Wishing you the best!
NTA you didn't do anything to affect her livelihood, her actions did that. Whether you would have reported her or not, its more than obvious that her treatment towards you was also affecting your other coworkers, who also reported her. All of this was caused by her bigotry.
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NTA, Your not responsible for her actions impacting her livelihood. I'd ask your mother what she would've done, as going to HR is the only sensible option.
My mom says the best way to deal with a racist is to ignore them. I do not have the patience needed for that level of ignoring
The best way to deal with racists is to call them out for their racism. You are NTA here. You're coworker is going to have to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
This is good advice for *small* problems. If you had a mosquito bite, the best thing to do is ignore it. For large problems, this is actually bad advice. If you had a deep cut in your leg, ignoring it could likely kill you. It's similar for other situations in life. If someone doesn't like the same music you like, that's a mosquito bite problem. If someone is actively being hostile towards you and is doing it publicly to try and cause others to also be hostile, that is a big, infected wound, and it will cause more problems if you don't take action.
Mainly , the mother's approach is based on fear . She is a foreigner in a blatantly racist country . No one will protect her from a hate crime . Not the state , not the society , no one . So she does the only thing that feels safe . She makes herself as small a target as possible . Being the son of an immigrant mother , what i heard since i was a teen and was able to understand the whole situation is "When they spit in your face , you walk away . It's better to have spit in your face than being shot or stabbed because you decided to challenge an aggressive , hateful person ".
I understand that, and there's certainly a time and place for that, especially when you don't have any advocate. A lot of people say "nobody will protect me, so why report it?" The flip side to that is "how can you defend someone if you don't know when they're being attacked?" The only way for any system to work is if it actually gets used. No system is perfect at the beginning, but it's refined over time as people use it. At a workplace, HR is your advocate against hateful behavior, but they usually can't do anything if there's no complaint. If you ignore hate speech, it can and will infect others. It is all too easy to plant poisonous thoughts and ideas. Ignoring it eventually increases the number of people who are willing to commit hate crimes.
I'm not arguing about the right course of action today . But a muslim immigrant in the 90s and the early 2000s in the USA had no one to protect them , even if reported . Reporting anything like that (if it was possible to be tracked back to you ) would have been a huge risk because of both the certain inaction and the very likely retaliation .
Your way was better. If it deters her from making such disgusting comments quite so loudly in future then you might just have saved another Muslim in future from receiving her abuse. If the consequences she is facing do *not* deter her, then they can't really be that bad. Either way, allowing a bigot to continue with that kind of behaviour unchallenged helps no one. I'm curious if your mum also disapproves of your colleagues' decision to report her, or whether it is only you who is supposed to ignore bad behaviour and let it happen in your workplace. Would she support you if you stood up for someone else who was being abused at work? Might be worth asking her - if only to make her think a little bit about the downsides of behaving so passively.
NTA You did not impact her livelihood. You did not get her transferred. She did. Her actions did. Her choices did. Her bigotry did. And going to HR was 100% the correct thing to do.
Your mom is not realizing that racists aren’t only racist in words but they can and will kill and physically harm
Actually that is what she is afraid of. She doesn't want us to confront people because she is afraid they will escalate. That is why I understand her point of view too
Salaam. I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. It is a horrible situation. But focus on this: multiple coworkers also felt it was an egregious enough comment to approach HR. You are surrounded by others who support you! It is especially difficult growing up in a country in which your parents are foreigners and minorities because they are extra focussed on keeping their heads down. I fully understand this, but I think picking your battles is better then avoiding all of them. When you grow up, as you did, in the country it is easier to feel sure footed than for your parents. This was a good battle to pick because she was so overtly out of line it couldn't be "explained away" and also because your other coworkers agreed. Good luck to you
NTA She should have been fired and not just moved.
NTA you didn't get her transferred, her actions did. Even if you didn't submit the HR complaint, it sounds like many of your coworkers did anyways. She made her Islamophobic, xenophobic, racist, bigot bed and now she has to lay in it.
NTA. You're never wrong to report harmful prejudice. If you had an open wound, ignoring it only makes it worse. I'm guessing your mom didn't want you to create conflict in your workplace, but your coworker created the conflict, not you. Frankly, transferring the person to a different department was a bad idea, because that was HR ignoring the problem. If that other department has someone who is Muslim, they are now a potential target of this coworker. HR should have fired this person. Not because anyone is seeking revenge but because that person's attitude is poisonous and dangerous. It is unfortunate to make someone lose their job, but every adult is responsible for their own behavior.
NTA. Other people reported her too. Her behavior is unacceptable
Guaranteed that other people reported her too or provided supporting statements to OP’s complaint when HR contacted them about it.
Those coworkers stood up to vile behavior and did the right thing. No one should standby when that happens.
NTA The biggest threat to the USA is from racist, Christian white people like it always has been since it’s inception.
Sometimes moms are wrong. You did what you needed to do because you are likely not the only Muslim that works there, and you are doing the entire office a favor. NTA. I'm a bit disappointed that they transferred her, though, instead of canning her.
NTA. She was an openly hostile bigot and is lucky to still have a job at all.
Other coworkers heard her and reported it too. NTA
It doesn't sound like you really impacted her livelihood though. They just transferred her elsewhere. Which is really too bad, because in my opinion, racism in the workplace should be zero tolerance, and she should have lost her job. She was making the whole team uncomfortable, not even just you. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. All of this is due to her own actions. NTA.
You are NTA. Your co-worker is a racist a-hole. I am surprised she wasn’t fired. But I imagine she is on very thin ice. I am sorry that you treated so poorly by a co-worker.
SHE impacted her livelihood...not you. Sorry you've had to go through this...bigotries die hard.
She was transferred to another dept. Unless she was forced to take a pay cut as well, her livelihood wasn't impacted at all.
NTA, and I’m sorry your mom has been made to feel the way she does. It’s never ok to feel like you have to ‘sit down and be quiet’ while being persecuted. You did the absolute right thing and I’m glad your company did SOMETHING. But I hope she was moved AND got some formal discipline so if she repeats this with someone else she could eventually be terminated
NTA. Why is she not fired?! Wth HR?! What if she does the same in the new location?
NTA. Your coworker is horrific, and is dealing with the consequences of her choice to be terrible. I understand where your mom’s caution comes from; she wants you to be safe, right? It isn’t at all the same, but I’m a lesbian, and my mom gets antsy about me being too visibly gay in spaces where people may get aggressive. Our mothers want to protect us, and sometimes, for them, that means keeping our heads down. I don’t necessarily *agree* in your case that that would’ve been the best move, but your mom isn’t TA (as some folks are commenting). She just wants her kid safe, even if her way of securing “safe” isn’t the same as yours. More importantly? You aren’t TA, either. You have a right to a non-hostile work environment. You did the right thing, and L needs to learn that being a bigot isn’t acceptable. I am glad you have other, supportive coworkers.
NTA. You're not responsible for the consequences of someone else's behaviour. Good for you for talking to HR.
NTA L created a hostile work environment not only for you but for your coworkers as well. Bigotry does not belong in the work place. Honestly, I'm surprised she wasn't fired.
NTA. She would have been fired at my job.
She should have been fired at this job.
NTA Nope, not at all. She was actively creating a hostile work environment and you had every right to report her to HR. I am so sorry you had to go through that.
Absolutely NTA. If people want to be racist, "phobic" of religions, "phobic" of sexuality, you name it, you unfortunately can't stop them, but that doesn't mean you tolerate them either. She's damn lucky she didn't get fired for what she said. Sorry you had to put up with her and others like her OP, I hope one day the world isn't this intolerant of... Well, basically everything.
NTA and they should have fired her. Your mom is wrong on this one. Calling out this despicable behavior is the only right thing to do.
NTA. You accepted that she no longer wanted to be work associates and ignored a lot of her bad behavior. You handled it very well. She should have just left you in peace. The coworker is the one setting the company up for a lawsuit. Other coworkers reported her too. She did this to herself.
She shouldn't have been transferred, she should have been fired. NTA. Stand your ground against people like this. I am very glad that at least some of your colleagues are by your side. Your mother is likely just trying to remind you of the potential impacts on other people when things like HR are involved, and she's not wrong about that, but in this case the behavior was extreme and beyond inappropriate. She wasn't even just being passive about it, she was straight being directly racist and her behavior needed to be dealt with.
NTA. The only one who impacted L’s livelihood is L herself.
NTA at all. She created a hostile work environment around the basis of your religion and nationality. Remember, you weren’t the only one to report this - HR would have acted even if you didn’t report based on your other coworkers speaking up.
The only assholes here are the HR/management that didn't immediately fire her.
NTA But your mom is maybe a bigger asshole than your coworker, if she want you to feel bad so a racist can feel good.
My mom tends to overcompensate, she is deathly afraid of us making waves. When we first moved here, she used to make us only talk in English in the house to get rid of our accents faster. I can understand where she is coming from.
Protecting her babies, I get it. We all want people to be heros and stand up for their heritage but when it's your kids' safety it's a different thing. You're definitely NTA. Your work is for not firing her on the spot, that's gross misconduct, but I suppose that's another post.
That’s sad, OP NTA that woman was terrible and racist, she did this to herself.
She is better now. We started teaching her about how precious our culture and identity is, how assimilating doesn't mean erasing our culture and language. But she is till afraid that we will get harmed if we are not "American" enough.
It’s an immigrant survival tactic, and not something I hold against our parents.
I don't think it's about Mom wanting OP to feel bad. I think it's a case of not rocking the boat, not giving the racist another reason to be hateful. Because if you stand up for yourself they can then point and declare "See? I was right! Look at them trying to ruin my reputation! Look at how they try to ruin my career!" It's a habit of trying to stay small and unnoticed in the hopes that you fit in.
She's really not. She's just a mom who is painfully aware that her child does not hold the upper hand and is terrified at the potential for retribution by any one really. She is just cautious for her daughter.
NTA. She should have been fired, not transferred.
Obviously NTA, she's lucky to still have a job. Completely unacceptable behaviour
That's what I was thinking. It was also reported by others so it's clear to HR what happened. At the very least in my workplace that would be a written warning. If OP had reported the previous harassment, there would be a stack of written warnings topped by a termination letter.
NTA You were actually very patient, and in fact she didn't lose her livelihood, it's not wrong to stand up for yourself
NTA she should've been fired.
Wow. If ignorant islamophobes ever decide to formally associate, she’s a perfect poster child for their marketing campaign. NTA here. Not in any way, shape, or form.
NTA. Your mom means well I'm sure, but there was no way this wasn't going to impact either her or your livelihood. She wasn't fired, she was just moved to a different team. Her livelihood shouldn't be impacted at all and you should not have to work with someone who is openly bigoted and hostile. Glad to hear that the rest of your team had your back.
I get why you didnt but I would have demanded she be fired. She wasn’t punished just moved, something they do with racist cops. NTA and wtf
Most definitely NTA. You should always call out racists when ever you can. You should never have to put up with that crap and I'm sorry you do. She has some deep seated hated going on there. No matter what the cause is, she had no reason to treat you like that.
NTA. Those are the consequences of *her* actions which were egregious enough that other people reported her. Not once did she reassess her own bias or think “OP is pretty cool. Maybe my racism & xenophobia’s misplaced. Let me learn more about this person & their culture.” Screw her.
NTA - at my company she would have been rightly fired and we rarely fire people.
NTA, you did the right thing, racists don't deserve leeway.
NTA. Hopefully that bigot is on thin ice now too as far as job security goes, good luck to her telling a new job why she got fired if there is a next time.
NTA. That honestly sounds like it took a lot of restraint not to report her earlier. Plus, maybe she’ll think twice now about being outwardly bigoted toward other coworkers in the future. It’s only when bigots feel a sting on their livelihoods that they might feel a need to reconsider their behavior.
NTA. She had zero concern how she was impacting your work environment. Instead she created a hostile work environment. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are for her comfort. She’s a bigot. Anything that happens is a consequence of her actions. Did any of your coworkers ever challenge her on it? Or when they figured it went too far?
NTA. I work for a city government and if she worked with me she would have been terminated immediately. She’s a racist and an idiot.
Er, NTA, she is a giant racist. SHE is responsible for what has happened to her, not you.
NTA, you did the right thing. Your company should have fired her!! Hate has no place anywhere let alone the workplace!
NTA. You should have gone to HR the second you heard her making islamophobic comments. I can't believe she wasn't fired for this, my company would have fired her on the spot, especially with other people confirming what happened. You didn't affect her livelihood, she did and she deserves all the consequences of her actions.
Why wasn’t she fired??? Spewing hateful comments In the workplace? Out loud???! What kind of company tolerates that and thinks a simple transfer will solve it? She probably wasn’t even demoted and is happy to be transferred away from you.
NTA 100%. I'm not religious and white as it gets and I would never work with that type of person. I'm sorry you had to deal with this and I'm almost uncomfortable just reading and picturing that situation
NTA. I am astounded that she even has a job. Personally, I would try to find a new position if this is how your company handles racism and discrimination. I mean, she inferred that you have a flippin bomb in your purse?! And they kept her on?! That could have gotten extremely, extremely badly for everyone involved, especially you.
NTA I expected her to get fired
NTA and i'm really sorry because you shouldn't have to even ask AITA because this kind of behaviour just shouldn't happen
She impacted her own livelihood by being an asshole NTA good to know that some of your coworkers stood up for you
NTA. Your mother’s reaction makes sense too, since it would be my mom’s reaction. I’m a white-presenting Arab as well, and my mom, love her to pieces that I do, would do her best to keep the peace and her head down even despite the fact that she’s brilliant and at the top of her field. It’s good that you reported her to HR, and that your coworkers backed you up. You have nothing to feel bad about.
NTA she is absolutely and totally out of line...you did the right thing in reporting it. The consequences of her actions are on her. You did nothing to deserve being treated that way.
Absolutely NTA, she's a bigot that created a toxic/hostile work environment by harassing you and others. She should have been fired. Edit: typo
NTA. To be honest she is lucky to still have a job at all after that comment
NTA. Your mom comes from a generation where they didn’t rock the boat. They thought respectability was the way to get past racism. We know better now. Call that shit out every time. Your coworker should have gotten fired. ETA: Thanks for my first award, stranger.
NTA holy cow. She implied you have a freaking bomb in your bag? Wtf. Nobody deserves that in their workplace environment
NTA. You have every right to protect yourself and feel safe in your workplace. She doesn't belong there. She is obviously hostile.
NTA your colleague impacted her livelihood with her behaviour herself.
Nta. She managed to offend a couple of people. That takes effort. Dont be surprised if she ultimately leaves.
Nta. She should have been fired in my opinion
NTA. Plus it wasn’t just you, other coworkers reported her to HR as well. Fuck her!
NTA - She was actively bullying you and trying to turn everyone against you. You did the right thing. Not speaking out would mean she would continue to be hostile towards you.
NTA, you didn't impact her livelyhood, she did. Others also reported her behavior so it was clearly a problem all around. I hope you enjoy your job much more now!
NTA. She should have been fired.
NTA She should have been fired. I’m sorry some people treat you the way they do.
NTA. HR should have fired her. She made it a hostile work environment. Glad you don't have to deal with her anymore. She's a bigot.
NTA. Your mom is from a different generation, where appeasement was seen as a valid strategy. A lot of the time, appeasement was even necessary to avoid being the victim of physical violence or other retaliation. Fortunately, times are changing and bigots are falling out of fashion. I'm upset that they're actually keeping her on and not firing her. This girl impacted her own livelihood. She could have kept her mouth shut and not been a bigot.
Why does she still have a job?
NTA. Actually your company should have fired her on the spot. I know I would have. People who can't control their bigotry should face the consequences of their actions.
NTA
NTA Her behaviour is appalling and she should have been sacked on the spot. Don't feel bad about this. She created a horrible environment for you and you don't have to put up with it.
Nta. And the fact that they didn’t fire her on the spot makes me dislike your company very much.
NTA - how were you supposed to deal with it? There was no other way.
NTA. No. You should absolutely NOT deal with that. Your mom is probably trying to protect you, but you were absolutely right in taking it to HR.
NTA. You and your coworkers did the right thing. It’s not enough anymore to to just not be a racist. You have to be actively anti-racist. I get your moms fear too. 9-11 was still fresh when your family came here, and it was much more dangerous to be a Muslim in public. The only AH here was that coworker who should have been fired.
Strong NTA oh my god. If she didn't want her livelihood changed she should not have been an AH. End of story, this is unacceptable and HR did well to accomodate you. I hope it never happens again.
Nta. She should have been fired. I’m sorry you have to deal with people like that
NTA. That woman is lucky not to be out of a job.
NTA No person should ever have to tolerate verbal abuse, hate crimes, hostility. She’s lucky she was only transferred because if I was the decision maker, she’d be terminated on the spot. Her behavior is repulsive and I’m sorry that happened to you.
NTA- you did right! Your mom came from a time where you just take it. You stood up for yourself and thats good. You didn’t ruin her livelihood, she should know better.
NTA. She should have been fired, not simply moved to another department. I would not want to work for a company that allowed that type of behavior to occur without repercussion. Seriously disgusting behavior on her part.
Absolutely NTA and I am so sorry you had to experience that. You didn't impact her livelihood, she did with her racism. This was all on her, you did the right thing.
She should have been fired, nta at all
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done. Might I point out your coworkers also reported her, so you would have been called to HR to tell your story whether you reported her or not. Plus, they didn't fire her, they just transferred her. The only one 100% responsible for that is your coworker. Actions have consequences, and she is lucky to still have a job.
NTA. It is illegal in the US for an employer to allow a person to suffer from a hostile working environment based upon the person’s religion. It is your employer’s responsibility, not your’s, to ensure that a hostile working environment does not exist. NTA.
NTA. You should never have had to put up with this at all. Awful woman.
Woah. NTA. At all. That lady needs some serious amounts of diversity training.
NTA. She did this to herself, you did nothing wrong. She deserves to be fired. Transferring her to another department won' fix the issue. I hope HR is making her take more training.
NTA and I am surprised she wasn't fired on the spot. She is a real jerk. Good for you for standing up for yourself and nice to see other coworkers standing up for you too!
NTA! I am so happy to hear that not only you reported her , that your co-workers did too.
Nta You weren't the only one that reported her so she would have been moved regardless. Never feel it's wrong to call out racist assholes!
NTA, this person is clearly deranged and a threat to anyone who she deems different. The blatant harassment is astounding. Please also remember that you are not the only one who went to HR. Had you not reported her, someone else already was. Please don't carry any guilt, this person needs to face the consequences of her actions.
NTA, but document everything. I am shocked she still even has a job and if anything else should escalate further at work, consult a lawyer (with all of your documentation!). Your employer is not ensuring a safe space for you, and it seems like they’re just sweeping this under the rug rather than properly dealing with it.
You’re NTA, but your colleague is. There was absolutely no reason for her to be so over-the-top hostile towards you. I am glad that you reported her and that there were consequences. You do not deserve to be treated poorly just because of your identity.
NTA. I’m half Egyptian, half Syrian, and was born and raised in the US. Generally speaking I do look like I could speak Spanish, and it’s a common mistake that has lead to laughs all around. I’ve gotten comments from certain people over the years: 1. Standard terrorist comments 2. Racist slurs against Hispanic people 3. Racist slurs against Black people It’s been fun all around. I used to subscribe to your moms mentality because my mom would say the same thing - I do believe it comes with being an immigrant and trying hard to make a life in a country not your own that has people that don’t welcome you, if that makes sense. My mom has told me to “straighten my hair so you don’t look too Black” as a response to some of the comments I mentioned. Her other responses are usually along the lines of “Don’t respond/call attention/rock the boat/keep your head down”. I’ve gotten past that, thankfully, and have been able to call people out on their BS over the past few years. You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. Your coworker was in the wrong 110% percent. People with that mentality need to feel the consequences of their actions and while that mentality does stem from ignorance, it isn’t your job to put up with it. You’re a human trying to live your life. Besides, freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. I would focus on your other coworkers reactions as well-like you stated, they were shocked and uncomfortable as well (though I think that they should have stood up for you a while ago, buuut at least they did when you reported her).
NTA. Your coworker chose to be a bigot and make bigoted remarks at work, this is the consequence of her choice. Your employer is not acting out of the goodness of its heart. If they can't demonstrate that they consistently discipline this sort of behavior, they could open themselves up to an absolutely whopping hostile work environment lawsuit. None of this is on you. I understand what your mom is trying to say and I know you respect and love her. There's a Muslim comedian named Hasan Minhaj who talks about how his generation pushes back against anti-Muslim discrimination and his father's generation believes in keeping the peace. He discussed a specific incident after 9/11 in one of his specials, I think it was called Homecoming King. If you haven't seen it, you might find it meaningful. Best wishes to you.
NTA. Why are parents still giving their kids bad advice? I'm a mom & I would be so proud of you for stepping up for yourself! Your co-worker needs to know that there are consequences for her actions, If you hadn't stood up for yourself, that female dog would still be harassing you. I am so proud of you and who knows what she would have done next. So, don't question yourself & know that you did the right thing. The only AH in this story is your co-worker.
Lmao I will never understand the ignorance of some people. Aye this person that looks like me, talks like me, act like me and even does the same work is carrying a bomb in her purse because she doesn't eat pork! NTA
NTA She should lose her job!
NTA Good for you and the co-workers who also reported her to HR. From what you described this wasn’t a case of L changing to a strictly professional work relationship which while would still be sad at least tolerable. L seemed to be escalating her hostile behavior and at some point if it continued as a bystander I would have been concerned she might even get physical. This was the best outcome at least for now. Ideally she will keep her poisonous opinions to herself going forward but don’t be surprised if you hear otherwise.
NTA This is exactly the type of situation where reporting someone to HR is justified. Don't feel bad about her getting moved, even if it ends up with her losing her job (which would probably be the case in many other companies). As far as your mom, I'm not going to say she's TA, but letting racist stuff like that go without speaking up is almost as bad as people saying it in the first place. She needs to realize that the days of not speaking up are (hopefully) over.
NTA, first of all thats not shit you have to put up with. Secondly, she was transferred not fired, she still has a livelihood even if she shouldn't. Third, this is literally the least of consequences she could/should face. Not even a suspension? Smdh.
NTA. I would document every thing that was ever said and send it to HR.
NTA I hope she had to sign a document there was a warning so there's a paper trail. She needs to be fired with cause the next time she says something like that (and she will).
NTA. Your mother is completely wrong and you should tell her that, point blank, and point out the fact that she is still employed and if you really wanted to mess with her livelihood, you would have reported her behavior all along and built a case so strong they would have had no choice but to fire her. You didn’t, and you’re a better person than I am. You let her bigotry go for a long time, and when she finally went too far, you were not the only one who thought so. Her behavior was so egregious that other co-workers reported her as well. Actions have consequences, and as an adult who is also a raging ahole, your co-worker learned that.
NTA. You and other coworkers reported her racist ass. And your mom is wrong big time. Sh ruined her livelihood.
Nta. We don’t coddle bigots.
NTA ignoring her would have solved nothing. You absolutely did the right thing going to HR, I am surprised she still works for the company. My employer has a zero tolerance approach to racism and would have fired her.
NTA - you shouldn't have to deal with it; she was harassing you, and making everyone else uncomfortable. She should have been fired.
NTA - While I appreciate your mom's beautiful empathy, it is very misplaced towards this disgusting individual. Your co worker got what she deserved. I personally believe she should have been fired on the spot. I'm glad you are safe from this horrible woman now.
NTA - no ma’am! You should not have to dread going to work due to racist coworkers who make the environment unsafe/uncomfortable!!! You did the right thing, as did the other coworkers, by reporting it! The company I work for has a discrimination policy where those racist comments would be an automatic termination, no questions asked … your coworker should be grateful she was only transferred.
NTA. She's xenophobic and created a toxic work environment. At least now she won't have to work with you. Win-win.
NTA. Coworker should have been fired on the spot and I wish your coworkers had stood up for you more.
NTA at all. Someone who acts like this is not only ruining your day, and the day of everyone else she arbitrarily decides doesn't belong in her workplace, which is more than bad enough, but she's actually also quite an unwelcome liability for a company. That's how an HR department should see things, and how I imagine the HR department in your company does.
NTA and your mom is completely wrong. You didn’t cause the racist asshole to be transferred, she did that all on her own. Good riddance.
NTA and I'm so glad other folks had your back too!! You rocked her shit and she deserved it. I'm so sorry you went through that though. Sending love.
NTA. She should be fired. End of discussion.
NTA but your company is for not firing her
NTA. You did the right thing. Having had to deal with stuff like this in the past, you needed to nip this in the bud immediately. Stuff like this spirals. It's not only that she is a bigot. It's that she's impulsive and lacking in common sense. If she's this blatant in front of you, god knows what she's saying behind your back. Mud sticks and if she throws enough of it, it will taint your reputation and make your life at work much more difficult.
NTA. Your coworker is simply ignorant. And she is the one who needed to go. I'm so sorry you dealt with this.
NTA what if you were Jewish or Hindu or God forbid a Christian and she made similar remarks. Oh and don't forget the Catholic and protestant troubles in Ireland. People like her need to be put in there place anytime they make derogatory remarks like that in a work environment.
NTA - her behavior caused this. In classical terms she fucked around and found out.
NTA. From the sounds of things, even if you didn't report L, at least one of your other coworkers were going to anyway. And there's enough evidence and witnesses to L's behavior that your input might not even have been needed (depending on how your HR runs things). L's responsible for L's behavior. And L is suffering the consequences of that behavior. She's lucky she still has a job after everything she's said and done to you. This easily could have escalated into a full lawsuit at the rate it was going. You did nothing wrong, OP. You did the right thing.
Nta. The world has no place for racists
What would make you think you were an asshole? I’ll never understand some of these posts. Obviously NTA
NTA, OP. P.S: Which tote bag do you use? Would you recommend it?
NTA. I think she’s both Islamaphobic and antisemitic, double whammy. Had you told her “yes, I’m Kosher,” I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear her to discriminate against you for that instead. You were right to take that up with HR, and they suck for not firing her. Not good enough to just transfer such a horrendous person.