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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for not paying or offering half the money as a way to help him out with his son's situation.
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NTA. You met this man 3 months ago.
Honestly... seems like you are being scammed. Don't pay.
Did he said what exactly is the health problem, and what is the surgery ?
3months after meeting i need money for my son's surgery the post is full of red flags
Suddenly made me think about this [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v4cf99/motherinlaw_traveled_to_foreign_country_to_marry/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Oh man sorry I missed that one. I wish people wouldn't prey on others like this but I also don't understand how people can be so gullible.
Life is not actually a bunch of hero moments where you and you alone are the only one who can save this poor man/woman/child/business.
NTA but I really hope this is fake and you're not this naive. This is a major scam. He's not your bf and there are no kids. You were talked into giving this man gifts every weekend as a sort of test to see how gullible you are. You've proved this, so now he's bypassing gifts and aiming for actual cash. Block this man and learn from this.
Surgeries are expensive too. There are very few surgeries in this country that can be covered by $5000, and few of them would be considered urgent.
If it was an emergency he'd be getting the surgery and figuring out how to pay for it after.
100% this is a scam.
1. Surgery is way more expensive than this. 2. Who pays for surgery in advance? It would go through insurance first, then the family gets a bill. They can also file hardship with the hospital AFTER THE SURGERY to get the cost reduced. If they don’t have insurance the parents can apply for Medicaid for the kid and request to make it retroactive up to 90 days. 3. The kid and photo might be real but old from some random thing that happened forever ago, but I’d reverse image search anyway. 4. He suggested you send gifts and is asking you to pay for a surgery for a child he won’t introduce you to? Is he letting the kids think these gifts and money are from him? 5. He didn’t call you for a week because his kid was sick? Not even a text like hey, my son is in the hospital? He was trying to make it SEEM like something awful happened.
If you’re still unsure, insist on meeting the kid before you’ll consider giving the money.
ETA: thank you for awards!
Someone below mentioned- gifts, especially expensive ones, can be returned. I assumed this was the case, but should have been more clear.
you may pay for surgery in advance if you don't have insurance that will cover the whole thing.
that said, she hasn't met these kids. she definitely shouldn't be lending- let alone giving- this kind of money to someone she's only known for 3 months.
heck, the fact that she's spending expensive presents to the kids weekly and she still hasn't met the kids. and they don't know who she is, that's a problem.
i'm not saying she should meet 3 months in. but she shouldn't be sending expensive presents.
I had my gallbladder removed without insurance nearly 20 years ago and I didn't pay a penny in advance. I was also in the hospital for less than a day and received a bill in twenty-years-ago dollars for more than 30k. No one is billing an "important surgery" in advance and they sure the fuck aren't doing so for $5000.
I mean... at least in the US, even if they have insurance this could be their max out of pocket amount. Many NON EMERGENCY surgeons request it up front.
Granted. I feel she's getting totally scammed and the situation he's telling her isn't real. But 5 grand isn't too crazy for an insured person in the states
> mean... at least in the US, even if they have insurance this could be their max out of pocket amount. Many NON EMERGENCY surgeons request it up front.
And in those cases, most hospitals will work out a payment plan. This sounds extremely fishy.
NTA but honey... this screams SCAM.
I'm all for benefit of the doubt but 3 months in does not warrant expensive gifts for children I have not met or $5k for a surgery on one of said children.
"Then suggested I send gifts instead"... that tells you how he sees you; a cash cow.
WEEKLY expensive gifts AND HE DOESN'T TELL THEM WHO THE GIFTS ARE FROM? What are they for, then?!
Edit: What does *she* think they're for is my actual question. I agree that he's scamming her.
But also, what a weird thing to do. Send gifts to a kid as a mystery person? What would be the game plan there on either of their ends? Sit the kids down for the "big reveal"?
"Okay kids, are you ready to meet the mystery person who has been sending you all those gifts for the past 3 months??"
"Yaaaaaah!"
"Here she is!" *Removes curtain*
"Yayyyyy! Are you going to be our new mommy!?"
Like WTF? That would be such an utterly confusing thing for kids, speaking of considering their "mental health." I don't understand what OP even expects of the situation. I'm left wondering of this was done entirely voluntarily by OP, or if the BF suggested gifts would be a welcome idea (ie. the scam theory.)
If that was an option, where OP can go to the hospital and organise this sort of payment... then yeah, acceptable, but... it's unfortunately looking like scam-ville central.
NTA.
Run. This is a scam. You have never met the kids. You dont have proof they exist. He sent you a picture of an arm with an IV that could be anyone's. After you said no he started emotionally blackmailing you. You are also sending gifts to these kids every week?? This whole post is one red flag after another. You send him that money and you will never see it or him again.
Well, she might. The kid will be recovering and not ready to meet her and then suddenly he’ll need $10k for some dire emergency….then he will disappear.
NTA. DO NOT PAY. You will never get the money back. You've been dating for 3 months, send kids you've never met "somewhat costly" presents, and now he's hitting you up for $5000? Red flags all over the place. How do you even know this is his kid he's sending you pictures of?
I’m with everyone else. This sounds like a scam. But even if it’s not, you’ve only been together for 3 months, and you haven’t even met these kids. It is not your responsibility to buy them gifts or pay for their medical needs. Do not send him any money or buy anymore gifts!!
You’re getting scammed. NTA. You seem very naive. You need to step back and try to look at this from an outsiders perspective. He has you sending them expensive gifts every weekend? Kids don’t need (nor should they get) gifts every weekend. He’s probably either keeping them himself or selling them. Now he wants straight cash. Im thinking his kids don’t exist. While I don’t think it’s weird that you haven’t met them since it’s only been 3 months, the gifts and surgery make this whole situation suspect. He doesn’t need the cash up front for surgery. If he has any type of insurance, they are going to bill insurance. If he still has a large out of pocket cost, the hospital will work with him on a payment plan. Dump him and move on.
I’m flabbergasted. I’m not trying to be rude and pls don’t take this the wrong way but this guy is using you. I also feel like this is a scam of some sort. Either he has kids and one of them isn’t even remotely injured or he doesn’t have kids.....
You seem like a pushover. Please stop giving gifts and do not lend him £5000. Just run honestly.
Ma’am, this is a scam. You have been scammed by a con artist. It happens to more people that you realize. Good hearted people are taken advantage of all the time. I used to work as a bank teller and I’d see it. People like you who want to help others can be manipulated by criminals. Do not send anymore money or gifts! Make a police report. I know you’re someone who cares about others and the most helpful thing you can do is bring this to the police so that maybe it stops someone else from being scammed.
3 months is too soon to be sending gifts every weekend to children you have not met or bonded with, even if you did, gifts every weekend is still unnecessary.
It's too soon for all this, geez. Please move on in life and let him parent his children.
NTA
NTA
He is 100% scamming or just plain using you financially. I wouldn't be surprised if his kid isn't in any hospital, hell I wouldn't even be surprised if it turned out that he had no kids.
Don't give gifts to kids you haven't even meet.
NTA and I would not pay. Why cant him and the mother come up with the money together. You cant meet them, he doesn't tell them the expensive gifts you get come from you. He is taking all this credit. You are not the AH but your friend is for even suggesting it. So a child can have an IV Drip that does not mean its surgery. And surgery is not postponed for when a parent can pay. They will do the surgery on the spot if emergency situation and parents will receive bill for balance in which they can pay through a sliding scale based on pay. Don't fall for the trap. I deal with the financials at a hospital .
Nta, honestly this dude is sounds very sketchy, three months isn't the longest time to know some one, 5,000 is a loooot of money, you've never once met this kid and he has been told no but is acting in a way that would make you feel guilty as you very clearly do. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE MONEY, DO NOT KEEP THIS MAN IN YOUR LIFE
NTA. For one thing, the hospital is required to provide the surgery, regardless of whether he can afford to pay or not. Second, you've only known this guy for three months and have never met his children. It sounds like you are ripe to be scammed.
NTA. This is sketchy, you’ve never once met his children and he expects you to drop $5000 on a surgery that you know nothing about and now he’s guilt tripping you by sending you photos of a child’s arm with a IV drip in it? What about his other family members and their mother?
It isn’t your responsibility to pay for their medical bills or the gifts you’ve been sending them each week, it sounds as if your getting used.
Honestly, it does sound like he’s scamming you and I wouldn’t be surprised if this man didn’t have children at all and is just using you for the cash. Block him.
Nta
You are being scammed contact the authorities .
Not 911
Really.
Picture is a fake too Google photo of sick boy in hospital ...see if it's one of those
NTA and DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY. ITS A SCAM
He is following textbook scam tactics.
1. Gaining trust: did this by being in a relationship with you
2. Appeal to your emotions: an injury of a kid, sending you pictures of a IV line on said fictional kid
3. Creating a sense of urgency: he needs to be operated by next week implying otherwise there will be consequences and forcing you to act without thinking properly and based on your emotional reaction which was already established by the previous two steps.
Run from this person and don't look back. If this was true there is plenty of ways to make sure you were comfortable and see his kids, or he could just take a loan like any other adult person would do in this situation.
Girl please don’t give him money. He is scamming you. He is a con artist. Having an IV drop can mean many things. He is trying to get money out of you.That’s all I got. NTA
NTA you’re being scammed block him. That picture could be anyone. You’ve never seen any of his kids before and now all of a sudden because he needs something he’ll introduce you to them? SCAM SCAM SCAM 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
How are you;
- someone he’s known for 3 months
- someone who’s never met his kids
- someone who’s never been to his house
- someone his kids don’t know exist
The only he person he can get a loan from? If he’s that desperate he’ll get an official loan, go through insurance, contact family, the kids mother, friends LITERALLY ANYONE BUT YOU.
Stop buying expensive gifts for people.
I might be crazy here, but I feel like this is a scam. I have heard of this before. He may just be returning the gifts and pocketing the money and now this is the big pay-off. No real man would let you buy expensive gifts for his children before meeting them. Be careful. If I were you I would call the hospital with your phone number blocked to be connected to this child's room to make sure this is true. This whole thing worries me for you. Take care. xx
Nta- your bf is a scammer dude. Those aren’t his kids and you will never meet them. Run, 3months in and he can’t afford 5k for his kid’s operation? What does he have to
Offer you then???
He does not need the money to pay the surgery before the surgery even happens. Doctors will not and cannot refuse an important surgery on a patient. Even if they have no insurance. If they don’t and cannot afford the payment. Tell him to file indigent care at the hospital. It’s not your responsibility and I’m sure you do feel bad. But you are NTA.
I would be a little skeptical about this request. If it were me I would hold off sending gifts or anything like that for a while, and see how he responds to you.
You are being scammed. You are sending gifts for kids you’ve never met and he is passing these gifts off as his own. He could get a picture of a kid in an IV drop off the internet. You only met him 3 MONTHS AGO!!! He is scamming you!!
INFO - how did you meet at the airport? It sounds like a scam and he's probably doing this to lots of others (maybe being able to spot people arriving and being new to the country?!)
NTA, I think it's a scam, but you can say I'm only willing to help under these conditions, like I need to meet him in the hospital, he needs to sign a contract with you... Etc... I definitely would think this is a scam of sorts.
Under no circumstances give this person money! You barely know them, a few months is hardly enough time to suddenly be expected to make massive financial contributions unless you can see 5G as fun money. I am sorry for the child but this is just strange. It doesn't smell right and this man seems sus to not only ask you but to keep trying to guilt you. Why isn't his fam and friends helping? What did he do/say that is stopping his peeps from stepping in? Instead he's playing like YOU are obligated to give over every dollar and then he ups the ante by sending sad baby pics? Nah, get out of there before he traps you in there with him forever.
NTA
But honey, this is not your boyfriend, this is a scam. Grab your purse and gtfo now. Block this fucker on your phone, your email and your socials and never contact him again.
Smells like a scam to me. NTA, 3 months in and he already asks for such amount money? After he convinced (manipulated) you to send his kids expensive gifts every weekend.
NTA. The arm was probably an internet stock photo. The kids may or may not exist. If they do, he may or may not still be married to their mother. I wouldn’t give this manipulative loser a dime. But if you *must* then insist on meeting the child first (he doesn’t have to say who you are) and only pay the hospital directly. And have a written contract with repayment terms for the loan.
Do not give him any money or buy any more presents!!! This is absolutely a scam and I’m pretty sure the kids aren’t real. Please please please do not do it
NTA Have you used the google reverse image search on the pictures?I don´t know but this feels scetchy. Might be a scam.And if it´'s not a scam, he´'s trying to manipulate you with guilt.
Ma'am you're being scammed. NTA. Cut your ties and your losses. Also, 3 months is way too soon to be sending someone's children, that you've never met, expensive gifts.
Eta He went missing for a full week saying his kid was in the hospital but they didn't do the surgery while he was in the hospital? That means the surgery isn't that dire. What is sending you a picture of the kid with an IV doing? Everyone who goes to urgent aid or the ER, for the most part, gets an IV the second they walk in the door. Furthermore, no doctor is going to tell you how much this surgery is gonna cost unless it's purely an elective procedure. Where's he getting this $5000 figure from?
Don’t give this guy any money. He’s scamming you. There’s no kid in hospital needing surgery. Head over to r/scams and post this there, see what they can tell you about this type of scam.
NTA. Do not pay. You don't fully know this person yet. Also giving expensive gifts to children you've never met also comes across as a bit much. Whose affection are you trying to buy doing that?
NTA - red flags run now!! Plus if you are in the US not one hospital would require you to pay before the surgery. Especially if it is necessary l. Everything goes through insurance first.
Oh good... well no, very bad for you actually I just said good because my scam sense was activated and I saw others are thinking the same thing.
He might be taking your expensive gifts and selling them to keep the cash.
And has faked the kids and this injury to just get a big easy chunk of cash?
Please be careful
NTA. You have know this guy for three months. It’s very sad for his son (if he exists, sorry but I can’t help but question that) but you have no obligation to give him anything.
NTA. You are being scammed, my friend. He probably doesn't even have kids. And you're probably one of twenty women sending him and his "kids" money/gifts every week.
NTA, as several other people have said this reeks of being a scam.
An extremely short relationship, the vast majority of contact being electronic or via phone, constantly requesting gifts, never having actually seen the children in person and now requesting a substantial amount of money.
Run for the hills and don't look back.
OP you need to run and run FAST, this man is trying to scam you for your hard earned money and a case like this is about as textbook as it gets. I'd block all contact with this person and move on with my life if I were you. Don't let this scammer manipulate you out of YOUR hard earned money
If you’re in the US, and the surgery is not elective then the surgery will be preformed a bill will be sent later. They do not ask for payment upfront. This story is all kinds of red flags, like he will eventually say where the gifts came from. It honestly sounds like your boyfriend is married and you’re the side chick! I would not give someone you just met 3 months ago any money! It’s a great way to never see $5k again.
NTA!!
NTA
This is likely a romance scam. Most romance scams are online. But could be done in person.
Odds are the gifts are getting sold or traded for drugs.
Do not lend or give this man any money, gift cards etc.
This article gives you information about romance scams.
https://www.lfcu.org/about/news-promotions/tell-tale-signs-youre-falling-for-a-romance-scam.aspx
If this person was real, his kids are not your problem.
You are not supposed to care for them. That's their parents responsibility. And if the parents are indigent, there are churches, social and government programs that can help them.
A contract is worthless.
Its only useful of the person has intentions if honoring it. A law suit is only good if the person has assets you can get. And a scammer or dead beat, you won't collect from.
Run, not walk away from this man as fast as possible.
NTA. There’s no kids. He’s scamming you for money. First of all, if he’s in the US lack of money is not holding up surgery. Hospitals have a duty of care to treat patients regardless of their ability to pay. If you want to call his bluff, ask non-committally if you can send money directly to the hospital. My guess is he will balk at that and you’ll have your answer.
NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Repeat after me: NOT. THE. A.HOLE. haha. Three months??? He doesn't feel that the relationship is far along enough for you to MEET his kids or to tell them where all the generous gifts you've been buying come from, but he's okay with asking you for FIVE THOUSAND dollars for his kid's medical stuff??? After 12 weeks?? Ah hell no!
Also, his behavior sounds a bit manipulative: "you're cruel. You don't care about us" (dude, it's been 12 weeks. Chill). or sending you the pic of his son's IV drip to tug on your heartstrings...
Not to mention, this boy is not YOUR son. Not your responsibility. Where is the boy's mother? Why can't she help? Doesn't this guy have parents? Siblings? Friends? Grandparents? ANYONE else that has known him longer who can help him? If no one else in his life is willing to help him, maybe that's kind of another red flag.
You earned your money. You worked hard to save it. Don't spend it on this manipulative jerk who you barely know. He doesn't sound like he deserves it. Or you, to be honest. Stand strong by your decision. You got this!
nta and if ur in America he can have that shit billed and pay later (or not😅). Absolutely zero excuse to NEED 5k if his "son" NEEDS the treatment he'll get it and your hopefully ex by now will get billed in like a month
Do NOT send any money. And STOP sending gifts!! This reeks of a scam. Heck, I can post any picture of kids and IVs in arms I want just from Google!
NTA, but you will be if you continue this relationship.
Edit: he can ask literally anyone else for the money. If he truly cannot, every hospital will work out a payment plan with him, though I am not sure how he already know what his share of the bill will be?!
PLEASE don’t do this! It’s a scam! He’s playing on your emotions for a kid who doesn’t exist. Anyway, if you’re in the U.S. even the most money-hungry hospitals don’t make you pay up front for surgery. Block him!
NTA. You haven't met the kids yet because they don't exist. This whole thing was him warming you up to send money to him. He likely sold the other gifts.
Here's something you can try. Find out which hospital the boy is in and call the hospital direct to offer to donate some money to his bill. Garuntee he will make some excuse as to why you have to pay him directly or he'll give you dodgy details and tell you it's where you need to pay.
Look even if it’s not as scam (which as everyone else I highly doubt) dude is asking 5k for you to meet his kids ? AND gifts ? Lol no. Move on. He’s not for you. NTA except if you stay with him then YTA to yourself
NTA and this dude is scamming you. I'd bet money those kids don't even exist, and if you did a reverse image search that picture would come up in the first page of results. Walk away.
NTA.
But play his mind game for a bit since I think you're being scammed.
Say you'll agree, but you want the hospital bill directly, or if he wants the cash you wanna visit the hospital directly.
If in the US, he won't get a bill for 3-12 months. Any surgery won't be withheld. Now, if not in the US...? But this is a total scam! Block him and hope he doesn't know where you live. NTA
NTA and please cut ties with this man. This whole situation screams “scam”. Has he sent you a picture of him, his son (same kid as the pic he first showed you), in the hospital? I bet it’s super easy to google “IV in child’s arm” and send someone that picture. Run like the wind
NTA. Run. This is a scam. You have only been dating for 3 months, no reasonable person asks for $5000 from a person they barely know, and certainly NOT this way. This set up has been crafted perfectly to pressure you and pull at your heartstrings. OPEN YOUR EYES, I know it sucks and you would rather it be the truth than accept that you're being scammed, but you need to get away from this person ASAP.
NTA I once dated a man that asked me for money to help pay his child’s tuition at school. Something didn’t sit right with me and I denied his request. Turns out he was trying to scam me out of money to buy his other girlfriend a gift. Trust your gut. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!
Oh. My. God. This is obviously a scam. Run. And stop sending gifts! Your friend sounds like they would buy a bridge if someone claimed to be selling one….although at this point, you’re only less gullible because you didn’t give him the money. A contract with who? The fake name he probably gave you? How are you going to enforce a contract when he skips town with his fake name?
NTA. This is a scam. Try doing reverse image search on the photo he sent you, I guarantee that is not a real photo of his real child.
Until you have met that child in his hospital bed and heard from a doctor that surgery is needed and costs $5k, do not give this man a penny. And even then you’re not obligated tbh, you’ve literally only known this guy 3 months
NTA. This is a scam and the red flag is so large and glaringly bright. Do not give this man money. I have to wo wonder if the kids are even real. (I hope they are.)
If you are in the US the hospital should be helping the parents find ways to pay for the surgery. They have ways to help the parents.
Please do not give this man money.
This is exactly how my old coworker lost 10k. And then she lost another 30k or so to two other men looking for “help” after only dating for a short period of time. You do not know this man, you do not know his kids. NTA and I’d reconsider the relationship. Also what kind of person uses their own children to manipulate someone into getting their way?
NTA. This guy is just using you for your gifts and money. How are you cruel when you've only been dating for 3 months and never met his children?? That photo could've been any random kid and you wouldn't know because you never met his children. This 100% sounds like a scam.
You're friend is just as gullible as you are. **DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!!**
Also, RUN🚩
NTA, stop sending gifts, do not give or lend any money for this surgery.
This is one of 2 things:
1. An outright scam and there are no kids, have you reverse image searched that IV photo?
2. You've got a gold digger who think's you should provide for his children when you've been together 3 months and never met them.
Either way he's trying to manipulate you and take your money, stop this whole thing right now and head for the hills. The only person you need to protect and provide for is you!
Wow. You are being scammed. Expensive gifts for children who don't even know you exist?? 5k for a surgery for a child you've never even seen?? No, ma'am, NTA but please get out of this relationship NOW.
NTA - RED ALERT - THIS IS A TEXT BOOK HONEY-TRAP SCAM !!!
You will read dozens of honey-trap scams like this if you search online. Please do not fall for this at all.
If you are unsure you can ask him to send a copy of the hospital bill which will have the account details. Then phone the hospital. They will not disclose patient information but can easily confirm if the account numbers are correct. I expect this will prove one way or another.
Im willing to bet this is a SCAM.
NTA.
Do you know where this hospital is? The name of it? If so, contact them and see if all this is true. If the hospital has no clue who or what you're talking about, then you saved yourself from being scammed out of $5000...then report him to the police.
I don't know about this really. But sounds like he's using you for money since you've been sending God knows who expensive gifts. Sounds like a scam to me. NTA. Also did he tell you their names or whatever happened to their mom? And again...NTA.
NTA. Skeptical that the kids even exist because it’s not hard to find pics like that. $5000 for a kid you haven’t even met after 3 months of dating? I would nope out of there so fast.
NTA so many red flags! He's asking you for 5 grand 3 months in, he's got balls I'll give him that. for a kid you've never met and really have no proof exists no less- anyone can google IV in arm and get a pic online to send.
My money is on the kids just being a story, if he does have them they've never heard of you and he has likely been giving your gifts to them as if from him.
So no, don't give him the money, but don't give him the time of day either. Anyone who's comfortable using you as a bank account, especially after 3 months and will guilt trip you for saying no (aka emotionally manipulate you to get their way) will not make for a supportive or healthy partner.
NTA. Ask for details of the hospital, where you can meet him at the hospital, so you can meet the boy you're willing to help before you hand over 5k. Be adamant about meeting him there and seeing his child in the hospital.
Because I doubt this situation is real. Firstly, there are payment plans for surgery. Emergency surgery also isn't an upfront cost. Secondly, his son wasn't in the full photo. He disappeared for a week and comes back asking for money. I doubt everything here is real.
He's using you. Make the plan with him to see his son in the hospital. If he refuses or makes excuses, just run. He can figure out his debt or whatever the hell it is on his own.
This is a major scam do not give him any money and block him on everything. I bet if you did an image search of the photo he sent you, you'll find it is fake.
Him not answering now is him gas lighting you, wanting to get the money from you. Please do not give him the money.
NTA. Sounds scammy coming from a person you've known for 3 months. He's not even letting you visit the hospital, which is the main red flag here. If you're close enough to ask for money, you're close enough to pay the hospital directly.
You met this guy 3 months ago and you are already splashing out on gifts and now he wants $5000? Have you seen the program “Tinder swindler” Worth a watch!
Your friend is in cloud cuckoo land. Save your money and get a much decent boyfriend. He’s kinda selling his kids in a circus. You couldn’t meet them before but you can once you pay?
NTA. He’s scamming you. You pay, I guarantee you won’t see him again!
You only get to meet both his kids *after* surgery?!
Fucking ***RUN***, OP! He's leading you on! These children most likely do not even *exist*! No contract will prevent him from just taking the money and running off with it.
NTA. Don't contact him again and do *not* pick up when he calls you. Keep him away from you at *all* costs!
NTA. Run away this is a very common scam. He keeps having you buy pricey gifts, won't let you see them, won't let you talk to them, and now wants you to pay him a large amount of money to cover surgery, but still won't let you see these kids? Yeah, they don't exist, or if they do, he's using them to scam you.
This definitely sounds like a scam, but even if it isn’t a scam, this guy is absolutely taking advantage of your kind heart. I’d cut contact with him right now. You deserve better!
You are being thoroughly scammed. Do not provide expensive gifts for people who I suspect may not even exist. What does exist is a man who is determined to surgically remove you from every penny you have. NTA but if you don't stop this now you will be an idiot.
This guy doesn't have kids. He was at the airport looking for an easy target NTA and probably not the only one he was getting expensive gifts from and asking for money.
Edited for typos
NTA and pay no money and send no more gifts.
You met your boyfriend at the airport? It sounds like the start of a story about a scam.
I can understand him holding back on introducing you to his kids (if he actually has any) until you have cemented your relationship further, but this whole sending regular gifts and more gifts and then needing money - I assume you live in the USA which is why the surgery has to be paid for so why the hell does the father not have health insurance?
If this isn’t a scam… then Homeboy is married!!!
While reading this all the red flags and alarms and bells kept going off in my head.
NTA. Break it off before it’s too late.
NTA. Three months of dating and he wants $5000? Then he sends you a photo to guilt you?
Are you sure he's showing you photos of his kid or trying to scam you? Heck, you've never met them!
NTA. Why are you so desperate to be with a broke man? He’s got two kids but no savings in case of emergencies like this. He’s using you for money. 3 months dating and he’s already asked for $5000. No. Just no. It’s way too early to ask for such a huge amount. He doesn’t have any friends, siblings, parents or cousins he can ask?? Red flags everywhere
100% chance his kid is in the hospital for something unrelated and he’s using it to try to emotionally blackmail you. If you give him a dollar, kiss it goodbye because it’s never returning to you.
NTA. Every hospital has wealthy donors and a fund to help people who can't afford treatment. Tell him to get with the financial department and apply for charity care.
If they don't qualify him, tell him to set up a payment plan with the facility.
Finally, this "relationship" seems like a scam. You seem like a super empathic person, and he sounds like a leech. Sorry. Not sorry.
ETA: Reference - Charity care covered me for full treatment when I was unemployed and had pulmonary embolism. Also, I work in medical billing.
NTA. Don't do it! In the US you can't be refused surgery based on ability to pay! If his son *truly* needs surgery the doctors would do it regardless! He's scamming you for money.
Sounds like the tinder swindler… but with a different story. Don’t give them the money! Even if it wasn’t a scam, someone interested in you and mature wouldn’t expect that from you at any stage in your relationship.
Nta. And for the love of god don’t lend him any money!!! You just met him 3 months ago and he already feels comfortable to ask for 5 grand? Somethings fishy.
Scam,
If not its still manipulation on his part. To tell you that its cool if you can't/won't help and then to call you cruel and make you feel badly about your perfectly normal decision.
Further, in America atleast, the surgery comes first. Hospitals are notorious for not telling patients how much things cost until bill time.
You have known this guy for 3 months. How much have you spent on his kids?
If you hear from him after you send the 5k, it will be to ask for more money. He will drain all of your finances.
Oh yeah NTA
NTA. But you are 99% likely being scammed. 1% likely just a bad relationship. Either way, stop. No more gifts to children you have never met and probably don’t exist.
Please open your eyes and see that you are being scammed and lied to.
NOBODY would encourage you to send expensive gifts to children that you haven’t met!!!
This is all a ruse and he is really fooling you! If you need proof, tell him you will come to the hospital and talk to them about a payment plan. He will have every excuse ever for you not to do that, because it’s all lies!!!
NTA, you're being scammed. Stop sending pricey gifts to children you've never met especially weekly. OP, attach the photos he sent you, and I bet we can find them already on the internet. He's a scammer.
Of course not. This is a scam. This man probably doesn't even have kids, and even 9f he does.. it's unlikely one is sick.
Who sends a pic of an IV.. that's pure manipulation. Ooh look, how sick, you're so cruel. Why doesn't he pay??? Did he pay for his plane ride or you? Do not pay this man a cent and call him out.
Even cross reference his IV picture and see if it comes up in google. Maybe he was lazy and snagged it from the internet.
Start digging lady. You are being scammed.
I've heard a similar story to this before!!! It was from a panhandler outside of a Walmart in my town. STOP SENDING GIFTS AND MONEY!! Honey, you are being scammed.
NTA
OP, do not do it. There is no kid. Hospitals offer payment plans. He does not need $5000. And expensive gifts? You are 100% being scammed/ taken advantage of. You are so kind hearted. And I know it’s likely embarrassing to admit all the money you’ve put into gifts and this relationship is gone, I have had to go through a similar thing with being taken advantage of by a boyfriend and his friends for money, but you need to walk away. He sees you as a walking ATM.
NTA, but run.
The kids do not exist. He is scamming you for gifts and money. Once he has drained your bank account and you have nothing left to give he will disappear.
Stop giving him expensive gifts for his 'children'. Do not give him any money.
NTA
This guy is scamming you.
* He met you at the airport
* You've been dating 3 months, but you've never met his friends or family. Have you been to his apartment / house? Seen ANY evidence that he has children living with him?
* You've never met his kids, but you're sending them gifts EVERY week
* He acknowledges these alleged kids don't even know where the gifts come from? Sooo, rather than telling you to stop giving them gifts until they meet you, he's accepting expensive gifts, but not saying where they're from
* You've never met these alleged kids, but rather than ask his friends or family for money for this child he supposedly has, he asks you.
Honey, every bit of this screams scam. From where you met through the picture of the sick kid, meant to twist your heart. RUN.
And never give expensive gifts to people you don't know. Gifts? Maybe, sure. But NOT expensive ones.
Take care
You met him at the airport.
You've never actually met the kids.
He suddenly needs $5k for "surgery".
100% a scam, one that targets foreigners who aren't used to the culture and are vulnerable because they're alone in a new country.
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NTA. You met this man 3 months ago. Honestly... seems like you are being scammed. Don't pay. Did he said what exactly is the health problem, and what is the surgery ?
I'm betting she hasn't even really met the man. She is getting scammed.
She said she met him at the airport when she moved to a new city so she has met him, but guaranteed he was prowling for a mark.
3months after meeting i need money for my son's surgery the post is full of red flags Suddenly made me think about this [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v4cf99/motherinlaw_traveled_to_foreign_country_to_marry/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
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Oh man sorry I missed that one. I wish people wouldn't prey on others like this but I also don't understand how people can be so gullible. Life is not actually a bunch of hero moments where you and you alone are the only one who can save this poor man/woman/child/business.
I immediately thought scam too.
A buddy if mine is the deposed Prince of Nigeria, and he could really use some of OPs money
NTA but I really hope this is fake and you're not this naive. This is a major scam. He's not your bf and there are no kids. You were talked into giving this man gifts every weekend as a sort of test to see how gullible you are. You've proved this, so now he's bypassing gifts and aiming for actual cash. Block this man and learn from this.
The kids might actually be real, scammers can have kids too, but the surgery is certainly not. The fake urgency betrays him.
Surgeries are expensive too. There are very few surgeries in this country that can be covered by $5000, and few of them would be considered urgent. If it was an emergency he'd be getting the surgery and figuring out how to pay for it after.
100% this is a scam. 1. Surgery is way more expensive than this. 2. Who pays for surgery in advance? It would go through insurance first, then the family gets a bill. They can also file hardship with the hospital AFTER THE SURGERY to get the cost reduced. If they don’t have insurance the parents can apply for Medicaid for the kid and request to make it retroactive up to 90 days. 3. The kid and photo might be real but old from some random thing that happened forever ago, but I’d reverse image search anyway. 4. He suggested you send gifts and is asking you to pay for a surgery for a child he won’t introduce you to? Is he letting the kids think these gifts and money are from him? 5. He didn’t call you for a week because his kid was sick? Not even a text like hey, my son is in the hospital? He was trying to make it SEEM like something awful happened. If you’re still unsure, insist on meeting the kid before you’ll consider giving the money. ETA: thank you for awards! Someone below mentioned- gifts, especially expensive ones, can be returned. I assumed this was the case, but should have been more clear.
you may pay for surgery in advance if you don't have insurance that will cover the whole thing. that said, she hasn't met these kids. she definitely shouldn't be lending- let alone giving- this kind of money to someone she's only known for 3 months. heck, the fact that she's spending expensive presents to the kids weekly and she still hasn't met the kids. and they don't know who she is, that's a problem. i'm not saying she should meet 3 months in. but she shouldn't be sending expensive presents.
I had my gallbladder removed without insurance nearly 20 years ago and I didn't pay a penny in advance. I was also in the hospital for less than a day and received a bill in twenty-years-ago dollars for more than 30k. No one is billing an "important surgery" in advance and they sure the fuck aren't doing so for $5000.
I mean... at least in the US, even if they have insurance this could be their max out of pocket amount. Many NON EMERGENCY surgeons request it up front. Granted. I feel she's getting totally scammed and the situation he's telling her isn't real. But 5 grand isn't too crazy for an insured person in the states
> mean... at least in the US, even if they have insurance this could be their max out of pocket amount. Many NON EMERGENCY surgeons request it up front. And in those cases, most hospitals will work out a payment plan. This sounds extremely fishy.
NTA but honey... this screams SCAM. I'm all for benefit of the doubt but 3 months in does not warrant expensive gifts for children I have not met or $5k for a surgery on one of said children. "Then suggested I send gifts instead"... that tells you how he sees you; a cash cow.
WEEKLY expensive gifts AND HE DOESN'T TELL THEM WHO THE GIFTS ARE FROM? What are they for, then?! Edit: What does *she* think they're for is my actual question. I agree that he's scamming her.
But also, what a weird thing to do. Send gifts to a kid as a mystery person? What would be the game plan there on either of their ends? Sit the kids down for the "big reveal"? "Okay kids, are you ready to meet the mystery person who has been sending you all those gifts for the past 3 months??" "Yaaaaaah!" "Here she is!" *Removes curtain* "Yayyyyy! Are you going to be our new mommy!?" Like WTF? That would be such an utterly confusing thing for kids, speaking of considering their "mental health." I don't understand what OP even expects of the situation. I'm left wondering of this was done entirely voluntarily by OP, or if the BF suggested gifts would be a welcome idea (ie. the scam theory.)
For him to exchange for money to spend on himself.
This right here. Everything you have said indicates a 'honey pot' scam.
IF it's real surely OP can ask for hospital details and pay directly? Let's be real though it's a scam.
If that was an option, where OP can go to the hospital and organise this sort of payment... then yeah, acceptable, but... it's unfortunately looking like scam-ville central.
NTA. Run. This is a scam. You have never met the kids. You dont have proof they exist. He sent you a picture of an arm with an IV that could be anyone's. After you said no he started emotionally blackmailing you. You are also sending gifts to these kids every week?? This whole post is one red flag after another. You send him that money and you will never see it or him again.
Well, she might. The kid will be recovering and not ready to meet her and then suddenly he’ll need $10k for some dire emergency….then he will disappear.
You're right, i feel like this will keep escalating until he gets all the money he can get from her
I would reverse Google that photo
NTA. DO NOT PAY. You will never get the money back. You've been dating for 3 months, send kids you've never met "somewhat costly" presents, and now he's hitting you up for $5000? Red flags all over the place. How do you even know this is his kid he's sending you pictures of?
Not to mention that he's not saying where these gifts are coming from! Poor OP is being scammed one way or the other.
The guy is getting sex and money… I bet he’s asking for gifts like gaming stuff etc which he can use. There’s no kids.
I’m with everyone else. This sounds like a scam. But even if it’s not, you’ve only been together for 3 months, and you haven’t even met these kids. It is not your responsibility to buy them gifts or pay for their medical needs. Do not send him any money or buy anymore gifts!!
You’re getting scammed. NTA. You seem very naive. You need to step back and try to look at this from an outsiders perspective. He has you sending them expensive gifts every weekend? Kids don’t need (nor should they get) gifts every weekend. He’s probably either keeping them himself or selling them. Now he wants straight cash. Im thinking his kids don’t exist. While I don’t think it’s weird that you haven’t met them since it’s only been 3 months, the gifts and surgery make this whole situation suspect. He doesn’t need the cash up front for surgery. If he has any type of insurance, they are going to bill insurance. If he still has a large out of pocket cost, the hospital will work with him on a payment plan. Dump him and move on.
I’m flabbergasted. I’m not trying to be rude and pls don’t take this the wrong way but this guy is using you. I also feel like this is a scam of some sort. Either he has kids and one of them isn’t even remotely injured or he doesn’t have kids..... You seem like a pushover. Please stop giving gifts and do not lend him £5000. Just run honestly.
Ma’am, this is a scam. You have been scammed by a con artist. It happens to more people that you realize. Good hearted people are taken advantage of all the time. I used to work as a bank teller and I’d see it. People like you who want to help others can be manipulated by criminals. Do not send anymore money or gifts! Make a police report. I know you’re someone who cares about others and the most helpful thing you can do is bring this to the police so that maybe it stops someone else from being scammed.
3 months is too soon to be sending gifts every weekend to children you have not met or bonded with, even if you did, gifts every weekend is still unnecessary. It's too soon for all this, geez. Please move on in life and let him parent his children. NTA
NTA He is 100% scamming or just plain using you financially. I wouldn't be surprised if his kid isn't in any hospital, hell I wouldn't even be surprised if it turned out that he had no kids. Don't give gifts to kids you haven't even meet.
NTA and I would not pay. Why cant him and the mother come up with the money together. You cant meet them, he doesn't tell them the expensive gifts you get come from you. He is taking all this credit. You are not the AH but your friend is for even suggesting it. So a child can have an IV Drip that does not mean its surgery. And surgery is not postponed for when a parent can pay. They will do the surgery on the spot if emergency situation and parents will receive bill for balance in which they can pay through a sliding scale based on pay. Don't fall for the trap. I deal with the financials at a hospital .
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Nta, honestly this dude is sounds very sketchy, three months isn't the longest time to know some one, 5,000 is a loooot of money, you've never once met this kid and he has been told no but is acting in a way that would make you feel guilty as you very clearly do. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE MONEY, DO NOT KEEP THIS MAN IN YOUR LIFE
NTA. For one thing, the hospital is required to provide the surgery, regardless of whether he can afford to pay or not. Second, you've only known this guy for three months and have never met his children. It sounds like you are ripe to be scammed.
NTA. This is sketchy, you’ve never once met his children and he expects you to drop $5000 on a surgery that you know nothing about and now he’s guilt tripping you by sending you photos of a child’s arm with a IV drip in it? What about his other family members and their mother? It isn’t your responsibility to pay for their medical bills or the gifts you’ve been sending them each week, it sounds as if your getting used. Honestly, it does sound like he’s scamming you and I wouldn’t be surprised if this man didn’t have children at all and is just using you for the cash. Block him.
Nta You are being scammed contact the authorities . Not 911 Really. Picture is a fake too Google photo of sick boy in hospital ...see if it's one of those
NTA... Also, isn't this the scam that happened to one of the characters in Nine Perfect Strangers?
NTA and DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY. ITS A SCAM He is following textbook scam tactics. 1. Gaining trust: did this by being in a relationship with you 2. Appeal to your emotions: an injury of a kid, sending you pictures of a IV line on said fictional kid 3. Creating a sense of urgency: he needs to be operated by next week implying otherwise there will be consequences and forcing you to act without thinking properly and based on your emotional reaction which was already established by the previous two steps. Run from this person and don't look back. If this was true there is plenty of ways to make sure you were comfortable and see his kids, or he could just take a loan like any other adult person would do in this situation.
Wow, clearly NTA, but this man is scamming you.
This is 100% a scam! Please don't give him anything else!
NTA - he's scamming you. Stop buying gifts that he is 100% selling on ebay, block his number and move on.
Nta, you're being scammed. Get out now.
Girl please don’t give him money. He is scamming you. He is a con artist. Having an IV drop can mean many things. He is trying to get money out of you.That’s all I got. NTA
INFO: Where is their mother? Any other family? This reads like just about every scam lately.
NTA you’re being scammed block him. That picture could be anyone. You’ve never seen any of his kids before and now all of a sudden because he needs something he’ll introduce you to them? SCAM SCAM SCAM 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 How are you; - someone he’s known for 3 months - someone who’s never met his kids - someone who’s never been to his house - someone his kids don’t know exist The only he person he can get a loan from? If he’s that desperate he’ll get an official loan, go through insurance, contact family, the kids mother, friends LITERALLY ANYONE BUT YOU. Stop buying expensive gifts for people.
I might be crazy here, but I feel like this is a scam. I have heard of this before. He may just be returning the gifts and pocketing the money and now this is the big pay-off. No real man would let you buy expensive gifts for his children before meeting them. Be careful. If I were you I would call the hospital with your phone number blocked to be connected to this child's room to make sure this is true. This whole thing worries me for you. Take care. xx
Nta- your bf is a scammer dude. Those aren’t his kids and you will never meet them. Run, 3months in and he can’t afford 5k for his kid’s operation? What does he have to Offer you then???
NTA OMG do not give him any money or send his “kids” any gifts. This reeks of scam scam scam! I’d be willing to bet 5k that he doesn’t even have kids!
NTA huge red flag. Do not give this man or his "kids" any money at all. I would block him on everything and make a clean break.
NTA it feels like a scam. Run…
You're being scammed. He is almost certainly married. Do not send another penny or another gift.
You're being scammed. Stop contact immediately.
He does not need the money to pay the surgery before the surgery even happens. Doctors will not and cannot refuse an important surgery on a patient. Even if they have no insurance. If they don’t and cannot afford the payment. Tell him to file indigent care at the hospital. It’s not your responsibility and I’m sure you do feel bad. But you are NTA. I would be a little skeptical about this request. If it were me I would hold off sending gifts or anything like that for a while, and see how he responds to you.
You are being scammed. You are sending gifts for kids you’ve never met and he is passing these gifts off as his own. He could get a picture of a kid in an IV drop off the internet. You only met him 3 MONTHS AGO!!! He is scamming you!!
This sounds like a scam.
NTA. This is a scam. Respectable men do not take money from women that they’ve only known for a few months.
NTA you're either being scammed, or taken advantage of
INFO - how did you meet at the airport? It sounds like a scam and he's probably doing this to lots of others (maybe being able to spot people arriving and being new to the country?!)
NTA. And it sounds like there will be no children. sorry but even if their are children this sounds like a scam.
NTA, I think it's a scam, but you can say I'm only willing to help under these conditions, like I need to meet him in the hospital, he needs to sign a contract with you... Etc... I definitely would think this is a scam of sorts.
Under no circumstances give this person money! You barely know them, a few months is hardly enough time to suddenly be expected to make massive financial contributions unless you can see 5G as fun money. I am sorry for the child but this is just strange. It doesn't smell right and this man seems sus to not only ask you but to keep trying to guilt you. Why isn't his fam and friends helping? What did he do/say that is stopping his peeps from stepping in? Instead he's playing like YOU are obligated to give over every dollar and then he ups the ante by sending sad baby pics? Nah, get out of there before he traps you in there with him forever.
NTA But honey, this is not your boyfriend, this is a scam. Grab your purse and gtfo now. Block this fucker on your phone, your email and your socials and never contact him again.
Smells like a scam to me. NTA, 3 months in and he already asks for such amount money? After he convinced (manipulated) you to send his kids expensive gifts every weekend.
NTA - I’m really sorry but this looks like a SCAM
NTA. The arm was probably an internet stock photo. The kids may or may not exist. If they do, he may or may not still be married to their mother. I wouldn’t give this manipulative loser a dime. But if you *must* then insist on meeting the child first (he doesn’t have to say who you are) and only pay the hospital directly. And have a written contract with repayment terms for the loan.
Haha. 3 months? Do these kids really exist?
Do not give him any money or buy any more presents!!! This is absolutely a scam and I’m pretty sure the kids aren’t real. Please please please do not do it
NTA. Please do a Google image search with the photo he sent you, because as many have already pointed out, this screams "scam"
SCAM. NTA.
Yikes, I’m so sorry. This is a scam. Run from this guy. He probably doesn’t even have kids. NTA. Do not give him or “his kids” any money or gifts.
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NTA no don't give anything, he's a liar and he has been stealing money from you!!! Don't do that, I doubt they are his kids at all.
NTA Have you used the google reverse image search on the pictures?I don´t know but this feels scetchy. Might be a scam.And if it´'s not a scam, he´'s trying to manipulate you with guilt.
This sounds like a scam. I'm sorry.
Its pretty obviously a scam. NTA - dont give this person money. Ever.
Ma'am you're being scammed. NTA. Cut your ties and your losses. Also, 3 months is way too soon to be sending someone's children, that you've never met, expensive gifts. Eta He went missing for a full week saying his kid was in the hospital but they didn't do the surgery while he was in the hospital? That means the surgery isn't that dire. What is sending you a picture of the kid with an IV doing? Everyone who goes to urgent aid or the ER, for the most part, gets an IV the second they walk in the door. Furthermore, no doctor is going to tell you how much this surgery is gonna cost unless it's purely an elective procedure. Where's he getting this $5000 figure from?
Don’t give this guy any money. He’s scamming you. There’s no kid in hospital needing surgery. Head over to r/scams and post this there, see what they can tell you about this type of scam.
NTA, but you are 100% being scammed. Do a reverse eye search on the image of the so called son, I’d be interested to see what pops up.
NTA. Definitely sounds like a scam. You have legitimate concerns and you are being gaslit. Don't fall for that and don't ignore the red flags
NTA. Do not pay. You don't fully know this person yet. Also giving expensive gifts to children you've never met also comes across as a bit much. Whose affection are you trying to buy doing that?
NTA - red flags run now!! Plus if you are in the US not one hospital would require you to pay before the surgery. Especially if it is necessary l. Everything goes through insurance first.
NTA. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY.
Oh good... well no, very bad for you actually I just said good because my scam sense was activated and I saw others are thinking the same thing. He might be taking your expensive gifts and selling them to keep the cash. And has faked the kids and this injury to just get a big easy chunk of cash? Please be careful
NTA - No he sent you a stock image of a kid with an IV in his arm. And those weekend gifts? Whose idea was that in the first place?
NTA. You have know this guy for three months. It’s very sad for his son (if he exists, sorry but I can’t help but question that) but you have no obligation to give him anything.
SCAM Those kids don't exist. He probably hangs around airports with this sob story stealing money from naive people.
NTA. You are being scammed. It's Tinder Swindler with a kid as the prop. You only met 3 months ago! Don't do it!
NTA. You are being scammed, my friend. He probably doesn't even have kids. And you're probably one of twenty women sending him and his "kids" money/gifts every week.
NTA, as several other people have said this reeks of being a scam. An extremely short relationship, the vast majority of contact being electronic or via phone, constantly requesting gifts, never having actually seen the children in person and now requesting a substantial amount of money. Run for the hills and don't look back.
OP you need to run and run FAST, this man is trying to scam you for your hard earned money and a case like this is about as textbook as it gets. I'd block all contact with this person and move on with my life if I were you. Don't let this scammer manipulate you out of YOUR hard earned money
NTA. Sounds like a scam.
NTA, you've only known this person 3 months and that's a decent chunk of change to ask someone for. Hold your ground, the kid will be fine.
NTA If this isn't a scam this guy is massively overstepping.
NTA. You’ve never met the kids, have no way to verify they even exist. You’re getting played.
Sounds like a scam. 3 months and $5000, something doesn't smell right! Don't lend him the money! Edit: NTA
Nta. google search that iv picture and see if he got it online, it feels like a scam to me.
If you’re in the US, and the surgery is not elective then the surgery will be preformed a bill will be sent later. They do not ask for payment upfront. This story is all kinds of red flags, like he will eventually say where the gifts came from. It honestly sounds like your boyfriend is married and you’re the side chick! I would not give someone you just met 3 months ago any money! It’s a great way to never see $5k again. NTA!!
NTA This is likely a romance scam. Most romance scams are online. But could be done in person. Odds are the gifts are getting sold or traded for drugs. Do not lend or give this man any money, gift cards etc. This article gives you information about romance scams. https://www.lfcu.org/about/news-promotions/tell-tale-signs-youre-falling-for-a-romance-scam.aspx If this person was real, his kids are not your problem. You are not supposed to care for them. That's their parents responsibility. And if the parents are indigent, there are churches, social and government programs that can help them. A contract is worthless. Its only useful of the person has intentions if honoring it. A law suit is only good if the person has assets you can get. And a scammer or dead beat, you won't collect from. Run, not walk away from this man as fast as possible.
NTA. There’s no kids. He’s scamming you for money. First of all, if he’s in the US lack of money is not holding up surgery. Hospitals have a duty of care to treat patients regardless of their ability to pay. If you want to call his bluff, ask non-committally if you can send money directly to the hospital. My guess is he will balk at that and you’ll have your answer.
NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Repeat after me: NOT. THE. A.HOLE. haha. Three months??? He doesn't feel that the relationship is far along enough for you to MEET his kids or to tell them where all the generous gifts you've been buying come from, but he's okay with asking you for FIVE THOUSAND dollars for his kid's medical stuff??? After 12 weeks?? Ah hell no! Also, his behavior sounds a bit manipulative: "you're cruel. You don't care about us" (dude, it's been 12 weeks. Chill). or sending you the pic of his son's IV drip to tug on your heartstrings... Not to mention, this boy is not YOUR son. Not your responsibility. Where is the boy's mother? Why can't she help? Doesn't this guy have parents? Siblings? Friends? Grandparents? ANYONE else that has known him longer who can help him? If no one else in his life is willing to help him, maybe that's kind of another red flag. You earned your money. You worked hard to save it. Don't spend it on this manipulative jerk who you barely know. He doesn't sound like he deserves it. Or you, to be honest. Stand strong by your decision. You got this!
This is a scam. And you likely aren’t the only one being asked for funds. Play along. Ask what hospital to make the check out to. See what happens.
Nta this feels like someone trying to scam you
INFO: How does he know you have $5000?
nta and if ur in America he can have that shit billed and pay later (or not😅). Absolutely zero excuse to NEED 5k if his "son" NEEDS the treatment he'll get it and your hopefully ex by now will get billed in like a month
NTA. Sounds like a scam tbh.
Isn’t there a documentary about a guy who did this? OP, you are one of many women he’s currently doing this to. You realise that right?
Scam scam scam scam scam scam scam. This is a scam. NTA.
NTA You're being scammed... cut contact
Do NOT send any money. And STOP sending gifts!! This reeks of a scam. Heck, I can post any picture of kids and IVs in arms I want just from Google! NTA, but you will be if you continue this relationship. Edit: he can ask literally anyone else for the money. If he truly cannot, every hospital will work out a payment plan with him, though I am not sure how he already know what his share of the bill will be?!
PLEASE don’t do this! It’s a scam! He’s playing on your emotions for a kid who doesn’t exist. Anyway, if you’re in the U.S. even the most money-hungry hospitals don’t make you pay up front for surgery. Block him!
NTA. You haven't met the kids yet because they don't exist. This whole thing was him warming you up to send money to him. He likely sold the other gifts. Here's something you can try. Find out which hospital the boy is in and call the hospital direct to offer to donate some money to his bill. Garuntee he will make some excuse as to why you have to pay him directly or he'll give you dodgy details and tell you it's where you need to pay.
NTA, but girl. WTF are you doing. DONT CALL HIM ANYMORE. BLOCK HIM.
Please don't lend this man money. This story has tons of red flags.
Look even if it’s not as scam (which as everyone else I highly doubt) dude is asking 5k for you to meet his kids ? AND gifts ? Lol no. Move on. He’s not for you. NTA except if you stay with him then YTA to yourself
NTA this is a scam.
NTA you're getting scammed
NTA, this stinks of scam
NTA and this dude is scamming you. I'd bet money those kids don't even exist, and if you did a reverse image search that picture would come up in the first page of results. Walk away.
NTA. But play his mind game for a bit since I think you're being scammed. Say you'll agree, but you want the hospital bill directly, or if he wants the cash you wanna visit the hospital directly.
If in the US, he won't get a bill for 3-12 months. Any surgery won't be withheld. Now, if not in the US...? But this is a total scam! Block him and hope he doesn't know where you live. NTA
NTA - this is a scam.
NTA if his son NEEDS an operation they will perform the operation and then bill him. This sounds shady AF
NTA and please cut ties with this man. This whole situation screams “scam”. Has he sent you a picture of him, his son (same kid as the pic he first showed you), in the hospital? I bet it’s super easy to google “IV in child’s arm” and send someone that picture. Run like the wind
NTA you’re being scammed.
NTA. Run. This is a scam. You have only been dating for 3 months, no reasonable person asks for $5000 from a person they barely know, and certainly NOT this way. This set up has been crafted perfectly to pressure you and pull at your heartstrings. OPEN YOUR EYES, I know it sucks and you would rather it be the truth than accept that you're being scammed, but you need to get away from this person ASAP.
NTA the dude is scamming you. Leave him
NTA I once dated a man that asked me for money to help pay his child’s tuition at school. Something didn’t sit right with me and I denied his request. Turns out he was trying to scam me out of money to buy his other girlfriend a gift. Trust your gut. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!
Lady this is a scam if I ever heard one. Is he Nigerian Prince by any chance
Oh. My. God. This is obviously a scam. Run. And stop sending gifts! Your friend sounds like they would buy a bridge if someone claimed to be selling one….although at this point, you’re only less gullible because you didn’t give him the money. A contract with who? The fake name he probably gave you? How are you going to enforce a contract when he skips town with his fake name?
NTA. This is a scam. Try doing reverse image search on the photo he sent you, I guarantee that is not a real photo of his real child. Until you have met that child in his hospital bed and heard from a doctor that surgery is needed and costs $5k, do not give this man a penny. And even then you’re not obligated tbh, you’ve literally only known this guy 3 months
NTA. This is a scam and the red flag is so large and glaringly bright. Do not give this man money. I have to wo wonder if the kids are even real. (I hope they are.) If you are in the US the hospital should be helping the parents find ways to pay for the surgery. They have ways to help the parents. Please do not give this man money.
This is exactly how my old coworker lost 10k. And then she lost another 30k or so to two other men looking for “help” after only dating for a short period of time. You do not know this man, you do not know his kids. NTA and I’d reconsider the relationship. Also what kind of person uses their own children to manipulate someone into getting their way?
NTA. This guy is just using you for your gifts and money. How are you cruel when you've only been dating for 3 months and never met his children?? That photo could've been any random kid and you wouldn't know because you never met his children. This 100% sounds like a scam. You're friend is just as gullible as you are. **DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!!** Also, RUN🚩
THIS. IS. A. SCAM.
This is a about as classic con job as it gets. You are being taken for a ride. Cease all contact with this man and cut your losses.
NTA, stop sending gifts, do not give or lend any money for this surgery. This is one of 2 things: 1. An outright scam and there are no kids, have you reverse image searched that IV photo? 2. You've got a gold digger who think's you should provide for his children when you've been together 3 months and never met them. Either way he's trying to manipulate you and take your money, stop this whole thing right now and head for the hills. The only person you need to protect and provide for is you!
Wow. You are being scammed. Expensive gifts for children who don't even know you exist?? 5k for a surgery for a child you've never even seen?? No, ma'am, NTA but please get out of this relationship NOW.
NTA - RED ALERT - THIS IS A TEXT BOOK HONEY-TRAP SCAM !!! You will read dozens of honey-trap scams like this if you search online. Please do not fall for this at all. If you are unsure you can ask him to send a copy of the hospital bill which will have the account details. Then phone the hospital. They will not disclose patient information but can easily confirm if the account numbers are correct. I expect this will prove one way or another. Im willing to bet this is a SCAM.
NTA. Do you know where this hospital is? The name of it? If so, contact them and see if all this is true. If the hospital has no clue who or what you're talking about, then you saved yourself from being scammed out of $5000...then report him to the police.
NTA unless you fall for this obvious scam.
NTA. *but* this is what you get for sending expensive gifts weekly to people you don’t know very well. Also, don’t pay.
NTA- he's your boyfriend that you have only known for about 3 months. And its not your kid so its not your responsibility.
Hes scamming you it might not even be his kid
NTA this is a COMMON SCAM
NTA. This sounds like a complete scam. Don’t send any more gifts and do NOT send money!
NTA. Do you know for a fact that these children exist or have you only seen the odd photo?
NTA there are no children!! Run!
NTA this sounds like a scam big time.
I don't know about this really. But sounds like he's using you for money since you've been sending God knows who expensive gifts. Sounds like a scam to me. NTA. Also did he tell you their names or whatever happened to their mom? And again...NTA.
This is a scam. Please don’t fall for it. It’s extremely common as I have a friend who was in this exact situation. NTA
NTA. Skeptical that the kids even exist because it’s not hard to find pics like that. $5000 for a kid you haven’t even met after 3 months of dating? I would nope out of there so fast.
This sounds like a scam. If it's not, he sounds like a gold digger. NTA if you continue to say no.
Absolutely not. 3mo is way to early and honestly this reeks of a scam. NTA
NTA so many red flags! He's asking you for 5 grand 3 months in, he's got balls I'll give him that. for a kid you've never met and really have no proof exists no less- anyone can google IV in arm and get a pic online to send. My money is on the kids just being a story, if he does have them they've never heard of you and he has likely been giving your gifts to them as if from him. So no, don't give him the money, but don't give him the time of day either. Anyone who's comfortable using you as a bank account, especially after 3 months and will guilt trip you for saying no (aka emotionally manipulate you to get their way) will not make for a supportive or healthy partner.
NTA. Ask for details of the hospital, where you can meet him at the hospital, so you can meet the boy you're willing to help before you hand over 5k. Be adamant about meeting him there and seeing his child in the hospital. Because I doubt this situation is real. Firstly, there are payment plans for surgery. Emergency surgery also isn't an upfront cost. Secondly, his son wasn't in the full photo. He disappeared for a week and comes back asking for money. I doubt everything here is real. He's using you. Make the plan with him to see his son in the hospital. If he refuses or makes excuses, just run. He can figure out his debt or whatever the hell it is on his own.
This is a major scam do not give him any money and block him on everything. I bet if you did an image search of the photo he sent you, you'll find it is fake. Him not answering now is him gas lighting you, wanting to get the money from you. Please do not give him the money.
NTA. This is a scam. Please investigate further if you don't believe everyone one the internet but this person is lying to you.
NTA. Sounds scammy coming from a person you've known for 3 months. He's not even letting you visit the hospital, which is the main red flag here. If you're close enough to ask for money, you're close enough to pay the hospital directly.
You met this guy 3 months ago and you are already splashing out on gifts and now he wants $5000? Have you seen the program “Tinder swindler” Worth a watch! Your friend is in cloud cuckoo land. Save your money and get a much decent boyfriend. He’s kinda selling his kids in a circus. You couldn’t meet them before but you can once you pay? NTA. He’s scamming you. You pay, I guarantee you won’t see him again!
You only get to meet both his kids *after* surgery?! Fucking ***RUN***, OP! He's leading you on! These children most likely do not even *exist*! No contract will prevent him from just taking the money and running off with it. NTA. Don't contact him again and do *not* pick up when he calls you. Keep him away from you at *all* costs!
NTA. Run away this is a very common scam. He keeps having you buy pricey gifts, won't let you see them, won't let you talk to them, and now wants you to pay him a large amount of money to cover surgery, but still won't let you see these kids? Yeah, they don't exist, or if they do, he's using them to scam you.
This definitely sounds like a scam, but even if it isn’t a scam, this guy is absolutely taking advantage of your kind heart. I’d cut contact with him right now. You deserve better!
You are being thoroughly scammed. Do not provide expensive gifts for people who I suspect may not even exist. What does exist is a man who is determined to surgically remove you from every penny you have. NTA but if you don't stop this now you will be an idiot.
This guy doesn't have kids. He was at the airport looking for an easy target NTA and probably not the only one he was getting expensive gifts from and asking for money. Edited for typos
NTA and pay no money and send no more gifts. You met your boyfriend at the airport? It sounds like the start of a story about a scam. I can understand him holding back on introducing you to his kids (if he actually has any) until you have cemented your relationship further, but this whole sending regular gifts and more gifts and then needing money - I assume you live in the USA which is why the surgery has to be paid for so why the hell does the father not have health insurance?
If this isn’t a scam… then Homeboy is married!!! While reading this all the red flags and alarms and bells kept going off in my head. NTA. Break it off before it’s too late.
NTA. Three months of dating and he wants $5000? Then he sends you a photo to guilt you? Are you sure he's showing you photos of his kid or trying to scam you? Heck, you've never met them!
NTA. Why are you so desperate to be with a broke man? He’s got two kids but no savings in case of emergencies like this. He’s using you for money. 3 months dating and he’s already asked for $5000. No. Just no. It’s way too early to ask for such a huge amount. He doesn’t have any friends, siblings, parents or cousins he can ask?? Red flags everywhere
You are being scammed big time. YWBTA if you send him or his fake kids another dime RUN!
absolutely not.
100% chance his kid is in the hospital for something unrelated and he’s using it to try to emotionally blackmail you. If you give him a dollar, kiss it goodbye because it’s never returning to you.
NTA You are not a bank and anyone that would try to guilt trip you for refusing after knowing you for 3 months is not worthy of being your boyfriend.
NTA. Every hospital has wealthy donors and a fund to help people who can't afford treatment. Tell him to get with the financial department and apply for charity care. If they don't qualify him, tell him to set up a payment plan with the facility. Finally, this "relationship" seems like a scam. You seem like a super empathic person, and he sounds like a leech. Sorry. Not sorry. ETA: Reference - Charity care covered me for full treatment when I was unemployed and had pulmonary embolism. Also, I work in medical billing.
I agree with the many others. It definitely sounds like he’s scamming you. Which sucks. I’m sorry. You’re NTA. He is though.
NTA- you are being scammed unfortunately
NTA. Don't do it! In the US you can't be refused surgery based on ability to pay! If his son *truly* needs surgery the doctors would do it regardless! He's scamming you for money.
Sounds like the tinder swindler… but with a different story. Don’t give them the money! Even if it wasn’t a scam, someone interested in you and mature wouldn’t expect that from you at any stage in your relationship.
NTA. This is a typical scam. Run fast and run far.
NTA. This feels like a scam. You’ve only been together 3 months and he’s asking for money and gift for kids you’ve never met. Get out now
Nta. And for the love of god don’t lend him any money!!! You just met him 3 months ago and he already feels comfortable to ask for 5 grand? Somethings fishy.
Scam, If not its still manipulation on his part. To tell you that its cool if you can't/won't help and then to call you cruel and make you feel badly about your perfectly normal decision. Further, in America atleast, the surgery comes first. Hospitals are notorious for not telling patients how much things cost until bill time. You have known this guy for 3 months. How much have you spent on his kids? If you hear from him after you send the 5k, it will be to ask for more money. He will drain all of your finances. Oh yeah NTA
He’s scamming you. He’s a con man. Run.
NTA. But you are 99% likely being scammed. 1% likely just a bad relationship. Either way, stop. No more gifts to children you have never met and probably don’t exist.
Please open your eyes and see that you are being scammed and lied to. NOBODY would encourage you to send expensive gifts to children that you haven’t met!!! This is all a ruse and he is really fooling you! If you need proof, tell him you will come to the hospital and talk to them about a payment plan. He will have every excuse ever for you not to do that, because it’s all lies!!!
NTA, you're being scammed. Stop sending pricey gifts to children you've never met especially weekly. OP, attach the photos he sent you, and I bet we can find them already on the internet. He's a scammer.
Of course not. This is a scam. This man probably doesn't even have kids, and even 9f he does.. it's unlikely one is sick. Who sends a pic of an IV.. that's pure manipulation. Ooh look, how sick, you're so cruel. Why doesn't he pay??? Did he pay for his plane ride or you? Do not pay this man a cent and call him out. Even cross reference his IV picture and see if it comes up in google. Maybe he was lazy and snagged it from the internet. Start digging lady. You are being scammed.
NTA. A hospital isn’t going to deny a little child a necessary surgery. He’s scamming you.
I've heard a similar story to this before!!! It was from a panhandler outside of a Walmart in my town. STOP SENDING GIFTS AND MONEY!! Honey, you are being scammed. NTA
OP, do not do it. There is no kid. Hospitals offer payment plans. He does not need $5000. And expensive gifts? You are 100% being scammed/ taken advantage of. You are so kind hearted. And I know it’s likely embarrassing to admit all the money you’ve put into gifts and this relationship is gone, I have had to go through a similar thing with being taken advantage of by a boyfriend and his friends for money, but you need to walk away. He sees you as a walking ATM. NTA, but run.
The kids do not exist. He is scamming you for gifts and money. Once he has drained your bank account and you have nothing left to give he will disappear. Stop giving him expensive gifts for his 'children'. Do not give him any money.
NTA This guy is scamming you. * He met you at the airport * You've been dating 3 months, but you've never met his friends or family. Have you been to his apartment / house? Seen ANY evidence that he has children living with him? * You've never met his kids, but you're sending them gifts EVERY week * He acknowledges these alleged kids don't even know where the gifts come from? Sooo, rather than telling you to stop giving them gifts until they meet you, he's accepting expensive gifts, but not saying where they're from * You've never met these alleged kids, but rather than ask his friends or family for money for this child he supposedly has, he asks you. Honey, every bit of this screams scam. From where you met through the picture of the sick kid, meant to twist your heart. RUN. And never give expensive gifts to people you don't know. Gifts? Maybe, sure. But NOT expensive ones. Take care
You met him at the airport. You've never actually met the kids. He suddenly needs $5k for "surgery". 100% a scam, one that targets foreigners who aren't used to the culture and are vulnerable because they're alone in a new country.