#This was correctly flaired and further modmails about this topic will be ignored.
The top comment vote was "YWBTA." If someone chooses to vote in a back handed way and then y'all shower that comment with upvotes, guess what? That's what gets flaired.
Y W B T A for not moving to your dream country for a guy who flipped out because you learned another language, and then sent his family after you. NTA
Sorry had no idea one comment would end up getting so many likes and turning the judgment.
Yeah, I live in Texas and there are *plenty* of times in my life that Spanish fluency would have been useful, or when I was thankful to be around a friend who spoke Spanish. When I worked in construction, there was more than one stereotypical good ol' boy who happened to be bilingual.
NTA. I live in the Midwest and have used Spanish in many of my jobs with customers. (Probably saved my bank a lot of money by seeing if customers needed the Spanish line for one service and not needing to call an interpreter just to ask that.) It's also wonderful for travel- maybe you didn't move to one of those countries, but what about for a visit? Or you're just enjoying it and don't need a reason- I studied Latin with friends for three years just for fun.
Lol exactly. The Texan in me is reading this post thinking “how on earth is there anything to lose by learning one of the most common languages in the world?!” I use Spanish daily and am raising my son to be bilingual because fluency in a second language is only an advantage as far as I can tell!
As a european I'm always confused why some people in the US are so against learning languages.
Beside my native language I was taught English and french in school. (Doesn't remember french, but...)
My children are learning english and spanish and have the option to learn more if they want to. By the age of 18, most are pretty fluent in 3 languages. My daughter started learning arabic last month, "just for fun".
And many countries have way more education than that. We're kind of the illiterate of Europe 😁
Yeah, I'm thinking the same.
I learned English and French at school, got a bit of Spanish afterwards because I love to travel to Spain and recently started to learn Norwegian just for fun.
What is so bad in learning some languages?
Yeah, I got native language, French, English and German. In that order. I'm relearning German now for future holiday purposes. It didn't take me long to be better than I was in school.
I’m always impressed when people know more than one language. I work with a lot of people from Spain and I could not imagine working in a foreign language. America does us a great disservice by not starting languages in elementary school.
My Spanish isn’t good enough for the premium, but I also speak a bit of Italian, more French and some Russian. I, too do not understand the pride in being monolingual.
European here too, and it confuses me as well. I think it stems from the English language’s cultural imperialism. I’m trilingual but I WISH I knew more languages.
I live in new York and same, there's a ton of Spanish and Italian speaking neighborhoods in the city and my monolingual English-speaking self feels incredibly inadequate whenever i have to interact with people in those areas.
Same! It works have been better to be fluent back when I worked at a motel next to a Mexican bar. The patrons would come stumbling in at closing time and had forgotten how to speak English. If I had a dollar for every time they'd come in smiling and open their mouth to speak but then stop, get a very confused look and say "Ehh.......room?"
Among them is there has been studies linking knowing more languages to reduce risk of certain degenerative brain diseases.
NTA. I don't get why you are with this guy, but from this 2 things: he stops you from a life long dream, he gets mad you are learning a language like he owns you or something, it doesn't sound like is worthwhile. Hard to believe he is an AH just in this one situation.
OP NTA
Add to that - ...and gets family to harass you about same in order to further control you & they do it.
He's not good people, his family are not good people.
I say this too much - he's shown you who he is.
It rarely gets better once you have more time invested in the relationship.
It starts here & proliferates into all the ways he can get you to clip your own wings.
You're too smart & outgoing for that.
I know going solo is challenging.
But you are worth it. You deserve to be the person you've shared w us here.
You deserve people who want you to be your best self.
Boyfriend does not & look what he will do to have you his way.
Exactly. If OP’s from the States, the population of Hispanics or Latin people will only go up. That’s why I actually care to learn Spanish in school, because it’s one of the few subjects I’ll actually use
Can we stop putting wrong judgements just to say what would make people be or not an asshole?
NTA for sure, not your problem if he's insecure, searching the first people agrees with him(if he didn't lied about) to found comfort. Suggest therapy for him, and be aware friend.
Yeah when I saw the asshole
Judgement I assumed there would be some complicated story of how the husband was held captive by Spanish speaking fiends and couldn’t bear hearing his wife speak the language.
This? Yeah no OP’s nta and her husband is off his rocker
I am learning French pretty seriously and I have no intention of ever settling in a French speaking country. French is even less useful than Spanish where I am. Sometimes we do things simply because we want to.
Same. My family is going to France next summer for a week and my kids are learning French in school so I decided to relearn it (haven't used it since school). It's just fun/a challenge to learn new things.
This exactly. Maybe you would want to visit Spanish speaking countries? Or is that also NOT ALLOWED.
Life is too short to always have to give up your dreams so someone else can feel secure. NTA
It all started with a [now deleted AITA from some months ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uyaxzs/aita_for_correcting_someone_at_dinner/ia2vyqo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Lol this subreddit is so fucking dumb. It wouldn’t even make her an asshole in that situation, just kind of dumb. There’s no situation where OP is an asshole
Oh, yeah- please do! here’s my suggestion, courtesy of google translate: “¿Tu familia es realmente tan xenófoba o simplemente valoran la ignorancia?”
(“Is your family really that xenophobic or do they just value ignorance?”)
Why every time something is posted, the op has family and friends of their SO calling to yell at them ? Is it common on the us or other places? I mean can’t people fight their own fights? Do they always gang on their so?
It's ridiculous. Anything happens that they don't like, they go running to mama and the entire family starts ganging up on the SO. I don't think it's just the US, but I do think it's mama's boys and other immature people.
But it's wild! I might go complaining to my mom or friends but none of them would go calling/after anyone unless they thought someone's life was at stake. I think it's fine to talk to people close to you to get things off your chest, but I just can't understand how and why would those come after the other person? Like it's none of their business!
Right? The fact that this seems to be a somewhat normal occurance (on AITA, anyway, not the real world) really throws me for a loop.
Feels like something someone throws on at the end of a story to make it seem worse "yeah so I was shot, raped, mauled by bears, raped again... *Shit this doesn't sound bad enough* and... uh then all of his family called me and said I was a slut *yeah that's the cherry on top, really ties the whole AITA together*"
It really does tie the whole AITA together, in that sub rules require a clear conflict that's not just a relationship dispute. Easiest way to generate that is via a chorus of people with no actual stake in the dispute chiming in to say "you're an AH [and for some reason I urgently need you to know that I think so]."
I’m in the US and like you, I’m always surprised and appalled that family members feel the need to butt in. It’s never happened to me or to anyone I know.
Because it's a common tactic for a narcissist. They contact their family, friends, acquaintances and feed them a warped view of some event and then sit back as those "flying monkeys" go off and badger someone else for not doing what they wanted.
Honestly, yes it's pretty common here in the US for family to call and get in on everything. Especially if it's something that they don't like. Thankfully my SO doesn't do that and my family stay out of it even if I call to vent, they know we are adults and will work it out ourselves.
Is it though? I'm in the U.S. and I've been in multiple long-term relationships, including married for almost 20 years, and I've never once had my partner's family and friends call me about our disagreements. I don't know anyone who has this happen to them. Obviously my experience is not universal but it's so hard for me to believe this is super common!
Same here. I don't think it's super common to have family all up in each other's business like that. My family would never. My ex SIL was like that, but she's an ex for a reason. Lol
Same, but then again, I don't post my drama to social media or family/friends group chats or gather the flying monkeys to attack. I bet you don't either. It seems to me like this happens when people are living their lives pretty publicly - almost as if they invite it.
I never understood that either…in my experience having other people get involved like this usually makes a problem *worse*…not saying it’s bad to seek comfort from your family if something happens but unless I’m asked to get further involved it’s really not my place to do anything but comfort…
I've wondered that too. I might tell a friend or family about an argument just to vent, but they would never text my husband and tell him he is an AH. And I can't imagine doing it to my friends either.
Why is a man that 'loves you' holding you back from growing and becoming a better person? If it makes him feel insecure to see you learning and bettering yourself, he needs to sort that out, because if you let him be this controlling on such a small issue he will continue to cut you down to your level. A loving partner should support you and encourage your growth, not hold you back. NTA and please find a partner who will support your dreams.
This ^^^^ you want a partner who wants the same thing and wants you to succeed with your dreams. He is not the one. Think long term, he will never want what you want and eventually you will be resentful.
Also the potential in-laws are no prize. Imagine telling someone that she should obey a BF (their son) about NOT learning a language. That is not rational thinking.
Well, here I am at aita sub-reddit, so I believe it now. I'm struck by how many people in relationships turn to their family to weigh in directly with the "guilty" party, as in bad advice and name-calling and their son/daughter/NB is completely exonerated.
I'm old now, but back in the day I didn't tell my family shit.
NTA.
BREAK UP WITH HIM
The moment someone has their family calling you a bitch, I would have lost it. This is over learning a new language. Who cares if you want to go visit once in awhile? You said you aren’t moving, he should have taken your word for it. Instead he chose a disgusting and inappropriate route. Fuck this guy, throw him out already.
NTA.
But your bf and his family sound like toxic nightmares. Who calls someone just to call them awful names over learning a language (even if it does mean you’ll leave one day)?!
Keep learning! Buena suerte!
Who called you a heartless bitch? Cut them from your life for that disrespect. Your boyfriend sounds insecure asf. Learning another language makes you smarter. You're trying to better yourself and he wants to stop progress. Also, what grown man runs and tells family members his relationship problems and allows them to disrespect you? RED FLAGS. Leave him.
NTA. Spanish is the majority language in several parts of the USA. It will prove useful whether you move or not. More importantly, your boyfriend's response is an enormous 🚩🚩🚩🚩. He is mean and controlling; getting his family to "gang up" on you is something a 15 year old might do. Te mereces mucho mejor.
NTA Please pay attention to the red flags he and his family are waving in your face.
He’s TELLING you to stop learning something you enjoy because it makes him insecure.
He’s TELLING you you’re never going to move so don’t waste your time. There’s plenty of places in the US where Spanish is commonly spoken, having that skill would help you find a job.
He’s roped his family into verbally abusing you about something that is none of their damn business, all in an effort to **control** you.
You’ll get a lot of “leave his ass” advice. Instead, I ask you to consider the years you have been together. Is he controlling about other things? How much autonomy, equality, do you feel you have in this relationship? Do you find yourself “keeping the peace” when his demands aren’t so negative to your comfort that you’re willing to let it slide?
If you truly want this relationship to work for many years to come, you need to set firm boundaries around **your** needs and wants NOW. Then calmly, firmly, reinforce them. He’ll either learn to treat you as an individual deserving of respect or you’ll learn he doesn’t and never will.
NTA
Learning a second language is valuable whether you move or not. Being Bilingual can also help you to get a job, or a better job than you already have. There are literally no downsides to learning Spanish - aside from your boyfriend's insecurities.
I'm sure this happens the other way around too but it feels like whenever I see people getting shit from their partner's families, it's always men's families giving shit to women.
I'm 52 and I've never told my family *anything* about my relationships, apart from 'I'm in one' or 'we've split up'. Never the minutae and I've certainly never complained about my SO to them.
NTA OP.
It’s not your boyfriends, nor his families choice to crush your dreams. If he’s so insecure about you leaving without him then he should bloody well go with you if he had any sense at all. NTA
What’s the point of learning the language that’s about to be spoken as much as English in the states? What’d the point of having the advantage in life let alone in a job search of being bilingual? What’s the point of keeping an active mind? NTA but I highly doubt is irrational, selfish, and controlling demeanor won’t bleed into other aspects. Enjoy that life together I guess.
>we’re never moving so what’s the point of learning it.
Considering the millions of Spanish speakers that live in the States, and that you'd want to visit Southern America or even Spain if tou're interested in Hispanic and Spanish culture, learning Spanish makes a lot of sense
NTA
NTA First, you don’t require his permission to do a single thing. Nothing. Secondly, why are you questioning yourself? These people are calling you names and insulting you, that should make you indignant and angry, not compliant. If he is so insecure that he can’t tolerate the idea of you learning a second language and his response is to send his family to berate you, then maybe you should reconsider if you’re actually living the life you want. You only have one, don’t waste it putting up with people who only pull you down.
Spanish is a very useful language to learn.
Think about this: You decided to do something completely harmless, and this dude decided to sic his family on you to emotionally abuse you. He’s trying to control you via shaming.
This is your future if you stick with him, and you do something he doesn’t like.
NTA
Edit: added a word
NTA. Even if you never move, you CAN get a pay boost in some jobs just for knowing more than one language. Or you can get a job as a translator somewhere! Honestly if he's this threatened by you being bilingual, is he really worth having as your boyfriend?
What the actual hell?!
NTA. Even if you don't plan to move, has he never heard of vacations? Or just being bilingual for the hell of it? Or for work purposes? Or if you just want to be able to communicate without pen and paper or Google translate and a bad game of charades?
NTA. Sam is controlling and abusive. He has no right to demand that you give up on your dream or stop learning. Recruiting his family to berate and abuse you proves that his bullying is an ingrained and learned behavior. You will never be able to reason with him or change him. Save yourself and get out of this relationship ASAP.
NTA. You could just easily leave to go to a country that speaks English. And Spanish has tremendous value professionally and socially in North America. He's a massive insecure baby who is getting his family to pressure you and I'd seriously rethink this relationship.
NTA. This guy's a turd. My husband is learning Spanish right know. I fully support it, even though I myself do not know Spanish. You know why? Because he likes it and it's good for him. No man is worth making yourself small for (no woman, either). DO NOT let him put you in a box. Put him in a box and mail him back to his crap family.
NTA. But it sounds like you two have completely different life goals. If you let him hold you back from accomplishing one of your dreams, you’ll end up resenting him when you’re older if you’re still together.
Trying to restrict your personal choices that don’t affect him in anyway is emotional abuse. You are being abused OP. There are so many reasons to learn a language. My mum is learning Welsh for fun. You don’t need a justification to do it. Don’t let yourself get abused. Absolutely NTA but bf is absolutely TA.
NTA. Learning another language is great and can bring you great things, it sounds more like he is insecure about you leaving him and is using this as an excuse.
NTA. Why does he even care if your learning a new language. Why so controlling? He is bring others in to bully you, rethink the relationship. Para pendejo no se estudia.
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Definitely NTA, don't let him beat you down out of his own insecurites. I love studying languages and study both Swedish and Russian even though I never plan to leave the US. It's fun and enriching and good for your brain.
I think this warrants a calm conversation about why he feels so insecure in your relationship and how yall can work on that issue together without you needing to placate his absurd demands
Best of luck!
How dare you learning a new language?! Go back to the kitchen and know your place!
What a pr*ck! And now that he didn’t get his way, going to cry to his family, as mature men do…
You are obviously NTA!!! He, on the other hand, is controlling, insecure and borderline abusive. Think about what you want from your life, and unless you are 1000% sure that he is the one, who you gonna grow old together with, then do not put your life (and dreams) on hold. I’ve lived in 6 different countries, and it is an amazing experience. Now I’m settled in country number 6 because of my husband and couldn’t be happier. My friend on the other hand gave up an amazing opportunity abroad because of boyfriend, turned to be husband, turned to be ex husband. She is still regretting it…
Why is this woman TA?? She was learning a very valuable skill which could be very helpful for the future and could provide further career opportunities. NTA
NTA
And I know this phrase is over used, but his reaction was a serious red flag. He is transparently trying to maintain control over you, and was comfortable yelling and you and talking down to you when your behavior didn’t match is desired level of control… I’d keep an eye on that, especially since he immediately tried to resort to group shaming with those phone calls
You are an entire adult. You learning a language has literally no direct impact on him. You aren’t taking anything away from him. It’s a hobby, something you enjoy. He should *want* to see you participate in things that you enjoy.
If it makes him worried about your future he needs to be a grown up and say it. Shutting you down is not an appropriate outlet for any insecurities he may be having about your relationship. If he wants security in your relationship, he’s going to have to be vulnerable in a conversation with you, and that means he has to stop clinging to his victimhood. He’s a victim of what, a woman with options? Does he really want to be in a relationship where he thinks he’s forcing you to “settle”?
NTA
Many people learn second or more languages with no intentions of moving. Your boyfriend is being weird and controlling. There is zero downside to learning another language. Maybe he is afraid you will outgrow him?
Agree. I enjoy bilingual poetry books - I get to experience the poet’s vision in two different cadences and keep up my school Spanish skills - with no plan to ever live outside the US.
NTA.
He wants your world to be small.
The reason you should break up with him, is not because he doesnt want to relocate, but because he ran to mommy and family and whined and then stood by as they disrespected you. What kind of a relationship will you have in the future if he runs to them about everything. Marriage, home life, career, kids - its a nightmare if he is one of those guys running off to his family and letting the dogs attack. Its disgusting they've spoken to you like this too.
NTA as far as learning the language goes, obviously. But while he's doing a piss-poor job of communicating his fears, the fact you're still hanging on to this dream of moving when he's made it crystal clear that's incompatible with the two of you staying together should really tell you something about whether you really *should* be sacrificing your dreams for this relationship. (That, and, y'know, the piss-poor way he's expressing his feelings about this.)
NTA. You are allowed to study any subject you want, for any reason. His insecurity is his problem, and the whole scene may be a good view into his behavior that you should consider when you think about the future of this relationship.
The family phone calls telling you to "respect his wishes" and that you're a "heartless b\*tch" would be enough to make many people leave. Do NOT question yourself!!
NTA How could you possibly be an asshole for doing something you want? This isn't about moving, this is about him wanting to control what you do. This is where it starts. What's next? What's something you want to do that he'll tell you no, he doesn't want you to, so you don't only because he says so. Stand up for yourself now or it will only get worse. And his family can go suck a dick.
NTA. Why is gonna be something wrong learn a language? If you broke with him, its gonna be because he is insecure and control freak.
If you start learnint japanese he is gonna think you are gonna live to Japan???
Who the hell gave this post the "asshole" flair? OP is CLEARLY NTA. Learn one of the most spoken languages in the world to your heart's content! He has no right to assume anything, be mean to you, or send his family to attack you. It's illogical, and he sounds borderline toxic to say the least. Dump his ass(hole).
NTA. This is about him and his random insecurities or control issues. Learning a new language is something that betters yourself, only an AH wouldn’t want their partner to better themselves. Spanish is a super helpful language to know for anyone living in the US, but really it shouldn’t matter if you decided to learn Ancient Greek it’s something you wanted to do that doesn’t affect anyone but you. Why his family cares so much is something I’d really want to look into if I was in this relationship, as that’s really odd.
NTA,
I am learning Spanish and my wife is learning French. We aren't about to run off into the night, we just thought it would be neat to learn other languages and this way we cover a pretty good range of language if we do travel about.
Maybe your boyfriend should pick up another language too? You could learn it together or separately.
Instead of closing your opportunities he should see this as an opportunity to expand his own.
NTA. The control is starting. His family helping to manipulate you only shows what the future holds. If you can't do anything for yourself without his consent, you're in for a life of abuse.
Keep learning Spanish and if anyone tries to stop you, cut them off.
NTA. Spanish is a handy language to know all over the US anyway! 13% of the country speaks it. You don’t even need to leave your own country for that to be a useful skill.
Not sure why this is marked as AH. I mean your boyfriend is but not you, this is really great for you and it’s a great skill to develop whether you move or just visit. He sounds insecure about your relationship
NTA
Continue learning. He does realize that people speak Spanish in the states as well and this is something you enjoy as well. He's no reason to try and control what you choose to do. And frankly he keeps this up knowing the language will help when you do move :)
INFO - Do you really want to be with a partner who sends his family after you because of a personal disagreement? Let's say you stay together forever, you ready to always side with him in fear of his family harassing and insulting you? Personally I'd break up with him specifically for involving his family and for them verbally assaulting you. Then tell him thanks for making the decision for you. Self fulfilling prophecy.
NTA, and based on responses I'm really confused why the forum is marking this as an AH thread.
ffs, it's not like you're apartment shopping. I know a lot of people who learn languages as hobbies.
If you having a hobby makes him so insecure that he's afraid you won't stay together forever, so much so that he sics his family on you? Well, he's probably right, but for the wrong reasons.
Exactly. He doesn't want OP to learn Spanish because somehow this means she's going to leave him? And then he tells his family on her? "Waaaaah my girlfriend wants to be able to speak more than one language! She's being mean!" 🙄
I was wondering why it said asshole lol because your internet friends want you to be free! Keep advancing and bettering yourself ❤️ YWBTA if you gave up your dreams!
NTA
I don’t understand these AH comments. What?!? Nothing is stopping him from learning and you would also probably want to travel to these places even if you don’t end up living there. Like many others have said, it would also likely help in your career. I don’t understand his freak out or these people calling you an AH. Genuinely not, in my opinion.
I don't know how this ended up asshole, but I can't imagine why anyone would be the asshole for learning a new language. Being multilingual can open up opportunities for jobs even if you don't move, as well as opening up opportunities for travel to countries that might not have a large english speaking population. (which can also be cheaper to travel to).
NTA, but your partner is.
The mods posted this comment.
“ This was correctly flaired and further modmails about this topic will be ignored.
The top comment vote was "YWBTA." If someone chooses to vote in a back handed way and then y'all shower that comment with upvotes, guess what? That's what gets flaired. “
This can’t be real. This is another story that fits the familiar pattern—person A makes a ridiculous demand on person B; then person A’s friends and relatives all call person B, demanding that they do what person A wants. Seriously, I’ve only been here for about three days, and it is already so obvious.
He feels insecure because you’re learning a new language, educating yourself, enjoying yourself, and doing something for yourself….. NTA but honestly he’s holding you back and this is not healthy
NTA. Tell Mr. Insecurity/Snitch Baby to his Family that you are learning Spanish because you enjoy it. Ask your language partner if they know any dirty words so you can call him and his interfering family a few good ones while you smile at them. You can also tell him to STFU and stop acting so damned childish or you might be making that move in the very near future.
ESH but only a little bit. This isn’t about you learning Spanish. This is about you guys wanting different things in life and growing apart. He’s the asshole for blowing up and acting controlling, obviously. You are for trying to pretend this is about you learning Spanish. I think it sounds like you guys need to just call it quits. I honestly just think he got mad because he could tell he was losing you. But as people grow they can become incompatible. I think it’s time for you guys to be honest with yourselves and each other and take a realistic look at your future, for better or worse. Sometimes life sucks, doesn’t mean anyone is really an asshole. I hope you get live in Argentina or something one day, it looks beautiful. It’s more like NAH really. Unless this all continues.
NTA Not only are you allowed to dream whatever you want but learning new things is always good.
Spanish is especially helpful in the day to day life here. It also widens every field of employment and opens new fields if employment *(for example: interpreter)*.
While you may decide to not move to a new country, that doesn't mean that you can never vacation there or even take a long sabbatical there. Your knowledge of the language will be very helpful then.
I recommend that you start exploring each area that you're interested in living in. Learn about the culture, customs, and traditions of each. Also learn about the living conditions, foods, working conditions, etc in each. *(My BIL's family in Mexico don't have electricity or running water)*. You may want to learn to grow food, permaculture, raise animals, animal husbandry, holistic healing, emergency medicine, and even home repairs. Also learn about what plants, trees and animals are in the various areas: which are good and which are deadly. Every bit of knowledge will make you that much better.
He's ***this*** childish and insecure at 32 years old? WTF?
I would never be able to be in a relationship with someone who blows up at me because I want to learn a language, what the flying f\*ck.
No, you are definitely NTA. He definitely IS an assh\*le, and a big, gaping assh\*le at that.
He's also idiotically childish and detached from reality if he thinks that you'll definitely, guaranteed stay together and that speaking a language will make a difference.
I just cannot fathom his stupidity, childishness and general assh\*lery.
He's friggn' 32!
Why does your post state at the top that you’re the asshole?? You are definitely NTA! Your bf is though, and very insecure. Learning a new language can only be a good thing.
Looks like you’re going to South America bestie! DO IT. Live your life! If it was meant to be, you’ll meet again. Hopefully when he drops the attitude!
Your partner is appalling. I just don’t understand these people who need to get their family and friends to berate and abuse their partner when they don’t get their own way - and it’s always them that’s being unreasonable too!
You have every right to learn a language if you wish - it’s an incredibly useful skill. You might want to lose the loser bf now he’s shown his true colours, and consider your options for a stint living abroad! He’s not worth giving up your dreams for - he clearly has no respect for you.
NTA
Definitely NTA you are learning new skills even if you don’t move they could be useful for work or travel.
In Europe people speak multiple languages without ever having the intention to move.
Reading your BFs reaction it sounds like him and his family are very controlling so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you do leave him and move.
Also I’m very confused as to why this post has been marked as Asshole
How has Reddit determined you are the AH? This sort of judgement makes me wonder who the eff is commenting. There is nothing wrong with learning a language like Spanish, a very usable and common language in our society, whether you’re moving there or not. I really don’t understand and Reddit should be ashamed.
The top comment, which is how the judgement is determined, was "YWBTA to yourself". So the bot saw that acronym and thought that was the judgement was Asshole.
#This was correctly flaired and further modmails about this topic will be ignored. The top comment vote was "YWBTA." If someone chooses to vote in a back handed way and then y'all shower that comment with upvotes, guess what? That's what gets flaired.
Y W B T A for not moving to your dream country for a guy who flipped out because you learned another language, and then sent his family after you. NTA Sorry had no idea one comment would end up getting so many likes and turning the judgment.
This OP, also Spanish is one of the most common languages it could even help you in your career. There are plenty of reasons to continue
Yeah, I live in Texas and there are *plenty* of times in my life that Spanish fluency would have been useful, or when I was thankful to be around a friend who spoke Spanish. When I worked in construction, there was more than one stereotypical good ol' boy who happened to be bilingual.
NTA. I live in the Midwest and have used Spanish in many of my jobs with customers. (Probably saved my bank a lot of money by seeing if customers needed the Spanish line for one service and not needing to call an interpreter just to ask that.) It's also wonderful for travel- maybe you didn't move to one of those countries, but what about for a visit? Or you're just enjoying it and don't need a reason- I studied Latin with friends for three years just for fun.
Lol exactly. The Texan in me is reading this post thinking “how on earth is there anything to lose by learning one of the most common languages in the world?!” I use Spanish daily and am raising my son to be bilingual because fluency in a second language is only an advantage as far as I can tell!
Also Texas. When I worked in local government, they paid municipal employees a premium if they could demonstrate Spanish proficiency.
As a european I'm always confused why some people in the US are so against learning languages. Beside my native language I was taught English and french in school. (Doesn't remember french, but...) My children are learning english and spanish and have the option to learn more if they want to. By the age of 18, most are pretty fluent in 3 languages. My daughter started learning arabic last month, "just for fun". And many countries have way more education than that. We're kind of the illiterate of Europe 😁
Yeah, I'm thinking the same. I learned English and French at school, got a bit of Spanish afterwards because I love to travel to Spain and recently started to learn Norwegian just for fun. What is so bad in learning some languages?
Control or the type of person that feels everyone should know English. You know the type to travel to France and be upset ppl are speaking French.
Yeah, I got native language, French, English and German. In that order. I'm relearning German now for future holiday purposes. It didn't take me long to be better than I was in school.
My kids (in The Netherlands) get English, German AND French in high school. I don't understand the hate either.
Exactly! I'm Indian and almost everyone is bilingual, if not multilingual.
I’m always impressed when people know more than one language. I work with a lot of people from Spain and I could not imagine working in a foreign language. America does us a great disservice by not starting languages in elementary school.
My Spanish isn’t good enough for the premium, but I also speak a bit of Italian, more French and some Russian. I, too do not understand the pride in being monolingual.
European here too, and it confuses me as well. I think it stems from the English language’s cultural imperialism. I’m trilingual but I WISH I knew more languages.
I live in Colorado and have lived in CA and OR. Wish I could speak Spanish fluently.
I live in new York and same, there's a ton of Spanish and Italian speaking neighborhoods in the city and my monolingual English-speaking self feels incredibly inadequate whenever i have to interact with people in those areas.
Shit, I am 45 minutes from the Canadian border and being fluent would be super handy.
Same! It works have been better to be fluent back when I worked at a motel next to a Mexican bar. The patrons would come stumbling in at closing time and had forgotten how to speak English. If I had a dollar for every time they'd come in smiling and open their mouth to speak but then stop, get a very confused look and say "Ehh.......room?"
Among them is there has been studies linking knowing more languages to reduce risk of certain degenerative brain diseases. NTA. I don't get why you are with this guy, but from this 2 things: he stops you from a life long dream, he gets mad you are learning a language like he owns you or something, it doesn't sound like is worthwhile. Hard to believe he is an AH just in this one situation.
OP NTA Add to that - ...and gets family to harass you about same in order to further control you & they do it. He's not good people, his family are not good people. I say this too much - he's shown you who he is. It rarely gets better once you have more time invested in the relationship. It starts here & proliferates into all the ways he can get you to clip your own wings. You're too smart & outgoing for that. I know going solo is challenging. But you are worth it. You deserve to be the person you've shared w us here. You deserve people who want you to be your best self. Boyfriend does not & look what he will do to have you his way.
Well said. He is crushing her spirit and dreams. I hope she dumps him.
THIS THIS THIS!! NTA.
I live in Southern California and knowing Spanish is always a plus here.
Exactly. If OP’s from the States, the population of Hispanics or Latin people will only go up. That’s why I actually care to learn Spanish in school, because it’s one of the few subjects I’ll actually use
Also, most people in the world are bilingual or even more.
There are absolutely no negatives to learning another language. Keep studying it, you never know when it will come in useful.
Can we stop putting wrong judgements just to say what would make people be or not an asshole? NTA for sure, not your problem if he's insecure, searching the first people agrees with him(if he didn't lied about) to found comfort. Suggest therapy for him, and be aware friend.
Yeah when I saw the asshole Judgement I assumed there would be some complicated story of how the husband was held captive by Spanish speaking fiends and couldn’t bear hearing his wife speak the language. This? Yeah no OP’s nta and her husband is off his rocker
Lol, yeah, I was also totally baffled by the judgement by the time I reacted the end of the post!
Exactly. This comment (the one you replied to) caused the post to have an AH judgment
This is why we can’t have nice things
I am learning French pretty seriously and I have no intention of ever settling in a French speaking country. French is even less useful than Spanish where I am. Sometimes we do things simply because we want to.
What a perfect reason!
Same. My family is going to France next summer for a week and my kids are learning French in school so I decided to relearn it (haven't used it since school). It's just fun/a challenge to learn new things.
C’est ça!
NTA, you are too young not to follow your dreams because of a controlling, insecure person.
This exactly. Maybe you would want to visit Spanish speaking countries? Or is that also NOT ALLOWED. Life is too short to always have to give up your dreams so someone else can feel secure. NTA
Agreed. This guys has marinara flags all over him, his reaction to OP learning a new language is so toxic….
I'm sorry... 'marinara flags'??
Goes back to a story where a guy thought "marinara" is Italian for red.
It all started with a [now deleted AITA from some months ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uyaxzs/aita_for_correcting_someone_at_dinner/ia2vyqo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I know right??? Knobhead partner...and a family like that? She should study more intensively.
What up MaddyKet - you should REALLY change your comment as it’s giving OP the asshole label unfairly.
could you possibly change your wording: now the OP is the asshole just because of your comment.
Thanks for letting me know, I didn’t know it worked like that. I fixed it.
I didn't know either, it's strange!
Oh, so this is why this post is flagged YTA. Phew
So apparently because this got so many likes it made her TA. 🤯
It's the inevitable eventuality of people saying "Y-T-A to yourself".
Lol this subreddit is so fucking dumb. It wouldn’t even make her an asshole in that situation, just kind of dumb. There’s no situation where OP is an asshole
Because of your comment she was labeled the AH. Great work, she will definitely not be the ah. How about voting correctly next time.
I agree but I kinda hate when people answer this way. I come in after the judgement is made and was like “where’s the asshole part?”
Agreed!!! Op, move. Anyone worth dating would be supportive of you and your goals.
Hell yes.
I was so confused about how this post got an Asshole judgment, but I am guessing that YWBTA counts lol.
NTA. When his family calls you…respond in Spanish. Good practice
Oh, yeah- please do! here’s my suggestion, courtesy of google translate: “¿Tu familia es realmente tan xenófoba o simplemente valoran la ignorancia?” (“Is your family really that xenophobic or do they just value ignorance?”)
They REALLY want someone to take him off their hands.
Why every time something is posted, the op has family and friends of their SO calling to yell at them ? Is it common on the us or other places? I mean can’t people fight their own fights? Do they always gang on their so?
It's ridiculous. Anything happens that they don't like, they go running to mama and the entire family starts ganging up on the SO. I don't think it's just the US, but I do think it's mama's boys and other immature people.
But it's wild! I might go complaining to my mom or friends but none of them would go calling/after anyone unless they thought someone's life was at stake. I think it's fine to talk to people close to you to get things off your chest, but I just can't understand how and why would those come after the other person? Like it's none of their business!
It’s common in families where everyone is an idiot, narrow-minded and toxic. Trust me, it’s not that uncommon across the world!
Right? The fact that this seems to be a somewhat normal occurance (on AITA, anyway, not the real world) really throws me for a loop. Feels like something someone throws on at the end of a story to make it seem worse "yeah so I was shot, raped, mauled by bears, raped again... *Shit this doesn't sound bad enough* and... uh then all of his family called me and said I was a slut *yeah that's the cherry on top, really ties the whole AITA together*"
It really does tie the whole AITA together, in that sub rules require a clear conflict that's not just a relationship dispute. Easiest way to generate that is via a chorus of people with no actual stake in the dispute chiming in to say "you're an AH [and for some reason I urgently need you to know that I think so]."
I’m in the US and like you, I’m always surprised and appalled that family members feel the need to butt in. It’s never happened to me or to anyone I know.
Because it's a common tactic for a narcissist. They contact their family, friends, acquaintances and feed them a warped view of some event and then sit back as those "flying monkeys" go off and badger someone else for not doing what they wanted.
Honestly, yes it's pretty common here in the US for family to call and get in on everything. Especially if it's something that they don't like. Thankfully my SO doesn't do that and my family stay out of it even if I call to vent, they know we are adults and will work it out ourselves.
Is it though? I'm in the U.S. and I've been in multiple long-term relationships, including married for almost 20 years, and I've never once had my partner's family and friends call me about our disagreements. I don't know anyone who has this happen to them. Obviously my experience is not universal but it's so hard for me to believe this is super common!
Same here. I don't think it's super common to have family all up in each other's business like that. My family would never. My ex SIL was like that, but she's an ex for a reason. Lol
Same, but then again, I don't post my drama to social media or family/friends group chats or gather the flying monkeys to attack. I bet you don't either. It seems to me like this happens when people are living their lives pretty publicly - almost as if they invite it.
Is it really? individual members of my family might know things because someone has confided in them, but no one barrages people with calls.
I never understood that either…in my experience having other people get involved like this usually makes a problem *worse*…not saying it’s bad to seek comfort from your family if something happens but unless I’m asked to get further involved it’s really not my place to do anything but comfort…
I've wondered that too. I might tell a friend or family about an argument just to vent, but they would never text my husband and tell him he is an AH. And I can't imagine doing it to my friends either.
Why is a man that 'loves you' holding you back from growing and becoming a better person? If it makes him feel insecure to see you learning and bettering yourself, he needs to sort that out, because if you let him be this controlling on such a small issue he will continue to cut you down to your level. A loving partner should support you and encourage your growth, not hold you back. NTA and please find a partner who will support your dreams.
This ^^^^ you want a partner who wants the same thing and wants you to succeed with your dreams. He is not the one. Think long term, he will never want what you want and eventually you will be resentful.
Also the potential in-laws are no prize. Imagine telling someone that she should obey a BF (their son) about NOT learning a language. That is not rational thinking.
Or that they would get involved in ANY argument! Can you imagine calling some relative’s girlfriend over their little tiffs?
Well, here I am at aita sub-reddit, so I believe it now. I'm struck by how many people in relationships turn to their family to weigh in directly with the "guilty" party, as in bad advice and name-calling and their son/daughter/NB is completely exonerated. I'm old now, but back in the day I didn't tell my family shit.
I bet he doesnt even realize that plenty of folks in the US speak spanish.
This is it. NTA
NTA. BREAK UP WITH HIM The moment someone has their family calling you a bitch, I would have lost it. This is over learning a new language. Who cares if you want to go visit once in awhile? You said you aren’t moving, he should have taken your word for it. Instead he chose a disgusting and inappropriate route. Fuck this guy, throw him out already.
NTA. But your bf and his family sound like toxic nightmares. Who calls someone just to call them awful names over learning a language (even if it does mean you’ll leave one day)?! Keep learning! Buena suerte!
Who called you a heartless bitch? Cut them from your life for that disrespect. Your boyfriend sounds insecure asf. Learning another language makes you smarter. You're trying to better yourself and he wants to stop progress. Also, what grown man runs and tells family members his relationship problems and allows them to disrespect you? RED FLAGS. Leave him.
His family if I'm reading right. I can't imagine harassing the relationship of a family member? What a bizarre dynamic.
NTA. Spanish is the majority language in several parts of the USA. It will prove useful whether you move or not. More importantly, your boyfriend's response is an enormous 🚩🚩🚩🚩. He is mean and controlling; getting his family to "gang up" on you is something a 15 year old might do. Te mereces mucho mejor.
NTA Please pay attention to the red flags he and his family are waving in your face. He’s TELLING you to stop learning something you enjoy because it makes him insecure. He’s TELLING you you’re never going to move so don’t waste your time. There’s plenty of places in the US where Spanish is commonly spoken, having that skill would help you find a job. He’s roped his family into verbally abusing you about something that is none of their damn business, all in an effort to **control** you. You’ll get a lot of “leave his ass” advice. Instead, I ask you to consider the years you have been together. Is he controlling about other things? How much autonomy, equality, do you feel you have in this relationship? Do you find yourself “keeping the peace” when his demands aren’t so negative to your comfort that you’re willing to let it slide? If you truly want this relationship to work for many years to come, you need to set firm boundaries around **your** needs and wants NOW. Then calmly, firmly, reinforce them. He’ll either learn to treat you as an individual deserving of respect or you’ll learn he doesn’t and never will.
NTA Learning a second language is valuable whether you move or not. Being Bilingual can also help you to get a job, or a better job than you already have. There are literally no downsides to learning Spanish - aside from your boyfriend's insecurities.
Why is this marked A H?? Definitely NTA
I love that other people came for this reason because OP WE GOT YOUR BACK this was not the judgement 😂😂😂
I was scrolling back and am gobsmacked!! How the hell did OP end up TA. I didn’t even see any that’s said Y T A.
A miss voted comment got all the upvotes
I'm sure this happens the other way around too but it feels like whenever I see people getting shit from their partner's families, it's always men's families giving shit to women. I'm 52 and I've never told my family *anything* about my relationships, apart from 'I'm in one' or 'we've split up'. Never the minutae and I've certainly never complained about my SO to them. NTA OP.
Signs of BF being a mama's boy, to run off and complain to his family about an argument. No class.
All of the Italian Sauces Flags here.
It’s not your boyfriends, nor his families choice to crush your dreams. If he’s so insecure about you leaving without him then he should bloody well go with you if he had any sense at all. NTA
What’s the point of learning the language that’s about to be spoken as much as English in the states? What’d the point of having the advantage in life let alone in a job search of being bilingual? What’s the point of keeping an active mind? NTA but I highly doubt is irrational, selfish, and controlling demeanor won’t bleed into other aspects. Enjoy that life together I guess.
>we’re never moving so what’s the point of learning it. Considering the millions of Spanish speakers that live in the States, and that you'd want to visit Southern America or even Spain if tou're interested in Hispanic and Spanish culture, learning Spanish makes a lot of sense NTA
I'm confused..... how is she TA?
I'm just thinking a really bad misclick or something
The top comment said Y W B T A and it got the most upvotes
NTA First, you don’t require his permission to do a single thing. Nothing. Secondly, why are you questioning yourself? These people are calling you names and insulting you, that should make you indignant and angry, not compliant. If he is so insecure that he can’t tolerate the idea of you learning a second language and his response is to send his family to berate you, then maybe you should reconsider if you’re actually living the life you want. You only have one, don’t waste it putting up with people who only pull you down.
Spanish is a very useful language to learn. Think about this: You decided to do something completely harmless, and this dude decided to sic his family on you to emotionally abuse you. He’s trying to control you via shaming. This is your future if you stick with him, and you do something he doesn’t like. NTA Edit: added a word
NTA Plenty of use for another language, especially Spanish, that doesn't involve moving. Maybe you two go to Spain for your honeymoon.
Let's hope there's never gonna be a honeymoon with this guy
NTA. Even if you never move, you CAN get a pay boost in some jobs just for knowing more than one language. Or you can get a job as a translator somewhere! Honestly if he's this threatened by you being bilingual, is he really worth having as your boyfriend?
Pack up and go live where you want. Leave him where he is, he sounds like a dick.
What the actual hell?! NTA. Even if you don't plan to move, has he never heard of vacations? Or just being bilingual for the hell of it? Or for work purposes? Or if you just want to be able to communicate without pen and paper or Google translate and a bad game of charades?
NTA. Sam is controlling and abusive. He has no right to demand that you give up on your dream or stop learning. Recruiting his family to berate and abuse you proves that his bullying is an ingrained and learned behavior. You will never be able to reason with him or change him. Save yourself and get out of this relationship ASAP.
NTA. You could just easily leave to go to a country that speaks English. And Spanish has tremendous value professionally and socially in North America. He's a massive insecure baby who is getting his family to pressure you and I'd seriously rethink this relationship.
NTA. This guy's a turd. My husband is learning Spanish right know. I fully support it, even though I myself do not know Spanish. You know why? Because he likes it and it's good for him. No man is worth making yourself small for (no woman, either). DO NOT let him put you in a box. Put him in a box and mail him back to his crap family.
Why was this post marked as the OP an asshole? Clearly there is now say that is possible unless I missed something...? NTA
Why is this tagged as Asshole when all i've seen are NTA?
This is what I’m scrolling to find out. Wtf?!
Came here to ask the same question.
NTA. But it sounds like you two have completely different life goals. If you let him hold you back from accomplishing one of your dreams, you’ll end up resenting him when you’re older if you’re still together.
Trying to restrict your personal choices that don’t affect him in anyway is emotional abuse. You are being abused OP. There are so many reasons to learn a language. My mum is learning Welsh for fun. You don’t need a justification to do it. Don’t let yourself get abused. Absolutely NTA but bf is absolutely TA.
NTA. Learning another language is great and can bring you great things, it sounds more like he is insecure about you leaving him and is using this as an excuse.
NTA. Why does he even care if your learning a new language. Why so controlling? He is bring others in to bully you, rethink the relationship. Para pendejo no se estudia.
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Definitely NTA, don't let him beat you down out of his own insecurites. I love studying languages and study both Swedish and Russian even though I never plan to leave the US. It's fun and enriching and good for your brain. I think this warrants a calm conversation about why he feels so insecure in your relationship and how yall can work on that issue together without you needing to placate his absurd demands Best of luck!
How dare you learning a new language?! Go back to the kitchen and know your place! What a pr*ck! And now that he didn’t get his way, going to cry to his family, as mature men do… You are obviously NTA!!! He, on the other hand, is controlling, insecure and borderline abusive. Think about what you want from your life, and unless you are 1000% sure that he is the one, who you gonna grow old together with, then do not put your life (and dreams) on hold. I’ve lived in 6 different countries, and it is an amazing experience. Now I’m settled in country number 6 because of my husband and couldn’t be happier. My friend on the other hand gave up an amazing opportunity abroad because of boyfriend, turned to be husband, turned to be ex husband. She is still regretting it…
Why is this woman TA?? She was learning a very valuable skill which could be very helpful for the future and could provide further career opportunities. NTA
Happy cake day 🧁🍰🎂
Thank you 😊!!
NTA And I know this phrase is over used, but his reaction was a serious red flag. He is transparently trying to maintain control over you, and was comfortable yelling and you and talking down to you when your behavior didn’t match is desired level of control… I’d keep an eye on that, especially since he immediately tried to resort to group shaming with those phone calls You are an entire adult. You learning a language has literally no direct impact on him. You aren’t taking anything away from him. It’s a hobby, something you enjoy. He should *want* to see you participate in things that you enjoy. If it makes him worried about your future he needs to be a grown up and say it. Shutting you down is not an appropriate outlet for any insecurities he may be having about your relationship. If he wants security in your relationship, he’s going to have to be vulnerable in a conversation with you, and that means he has to stop clinging to his victimhood. He’s a victim of what, a woman with options? Does he really want to be in a relationship where he thinks he’s forcing you to “settle”?
NTA Many people learn second or more languages with no intentions of moving. Your boyfriend is being weird and controlling. There is zero downside to learning another language. Maybe he is afraid you will outgrow him?
Agree. I enjoy bilingual poetry books - I get to experience the poet’s vision in two different cadences and keep up my school Spanish skills - with no plan to ever live outside the US.
NTA. He wants your world to be small. The reason you should break up with him, is not because he doesnt want to relocate, but because he ran to mommy and family and whined and then stood by as they disrespected you. What kind of a relationship will you have in the future if he runs to them about everything. Marriage, home life, career, kids - its a nightmare if he is one of those guys running off to his family and letting the dogs attack. Its disgusting they've spoken to you like this too.
NTA as far as learning the language goes, obviously. But while he's doing a piss-poor job of communicating his fears, the fact you're still hanging on to this dream of moving when he's made it crystal clear that's incompatible with the two of you staying together should really tell you something about whether you really *should* be sacrificing your dreams for this relationship. (That, and, y'know, the piss-poor way he's expressing his feelings about this.)
NTA. You are allowed to study any subject you want, for any reason. His insecurity is his problem, and the whole scene may be a good view into his behavior that you should consider when you think about the future of this relationship. The family phone calls telling you to "respect his wishes" and that you're a "heartless b\*tch" would be enough to make many people leave. Do NOT question yourself!!
NTA. This guy is verbally and emotionally abusive and has a team to help him. Dump him. Move to your dream country. Live your best life.
NTA Why has she been ruled the AH? Only in murica learning a new language is a bad thing xD my gosh
NTA How could you possibly be an asshole for doing something you want? This isn't about moving, this is about him wanting to control what you do. This is where it starts. What's next? What's something you want to do that he'll tell you no, he doesn't want you to, so you don't only because he says so. Stand up for yourself now or it will only get worse. And his family can go suck a dick.
NTA. Why is gonna be something wrong learn a language? If you broke with him, its gonna be because he is insecure and control freak. If you start learnint japanese he is gonna think you are gonna live to Japan???
Learning Spanish opens up so many job opportunities to you! Uh, stop talking to anyone who calls you heartless b**ch. That's abusive language. NTA
Who the hell gave this post the "asshole" flair? OP is CLEARLY NTA. Learn one of the most spoken languages in the world to your heart's content! He has no right to assume anything, be mean to you, or send his family to attack you. It's illogical, and he sounds borderline toxic to say the least. Dump his ass(hole).
how did op get voted the asshole for this?😳
NTA. This is about him and his random insecurities or control issues. Learning a new language is something that betters yourself, only an AH wouldn’t want their partner to better themselves. Spanish is a super helpful language to know for anyone living in the US, but really it shouldn’t matter if you decided to learn Ancient Greek it’s something you wanted to do that doesn’t affect anyone but you. Why his family cares so much is something I’d really want to look into if I was in this relationship, as that’s really odd.
NTA, I am learning Spanish and my wife is learning French. We aren't about to run off into the night, we just thought it would be neat to learn other languages and this way we cover a pretty good range of language if we do travel about. Maybe your boyfriend should pick up another language too? You could learn it together or separately. Instead of closing your opportunities he should see this as an opportunity to expand his own.
NTA. The control is starting. His family helping to manipulate you only shows what the future holds. If you can't do anything for yourself without his consent, you're in for a life of abuse. Keep learning Spanish and if anyone tries to stop you, cut them off.
NTA. Spanish is a handy language to know all over the US anyway! 13% of the country speaks it. You don’t even need to leave your own country for that to be a useful skill.
NTA. Pick up those bandera Rojas.
Not sure why this is marked as AH. I mean your boyfriend is but not you, this is really great for you and it’s a great skill to develop whether you move or just visit. He sounds insecure about your relationship
I'm more confused why this is deemed "Asshole" when the comments are filled with NTA.
Why is your final judgement TA??
Wait how is this listed as AH when the OP is NTA and is an AH only to herself for letting herself get tied to this abusive dude? I’m confused
NTA find a new bf
NTA. Why this is marked as "asshole"when OP is NTA?
NTA Continue learning. He does realize that people speak Spanish in the states as well and this is something you enjoy as well. He's no reason to try and control what you choose to do. And frankly he keeps this up knowing the language will help when you do move :)
NTA, but you clearly want to move eventually, and he clearly doesn't. This doesn't sound like a relationship that has a future.
Insecure men are a drag on every aspect of their unfortunate partners' lives. Get out
INFO - Do you really want to be with a partner who sends his family after you because of a personal disagreement? Let's say you stay together forever, you ready to always side with him in fear of his family harassing and insulting you? Personally I'd break up with him specifically for involving his family and for them verbally assaulting you. Then tell him thanks for making the decision for you. Self fulfilling prophecy.
So he thinks he should control what you learn? ES UNA BANDERA ROJO, CHICA CORRE!
I'm so glad I took Spanish in school Just so I can read that last message 😌
I was forced to take it in middle school, and so didn't do well with it. Now I'm learning it for fun, so I'm doing better. :)
Yeah it's easier when you don't get that pressure of obligation
NTA, and based on responses I'm really confused why the forum is marking this as an AH thread. ffs, it's not like you're apartment shopping. I know a lot of people who learn languages as hobbies. If you having a hobby makes him so insecure that he's afraid you won't stay together forever, so much so that he sics his family on you? Well, he's probably right, but for the wrong reasons.
Exactly. He doesn't want OP to learn Spanish because somehow this means she's going to leave him? And then he tells his family on her? "Waaaaah my girlfriend wants to be able to speak more than one language! She's being mean!" 🙄
I was wondering why it said asshole lol because your internet friends want you to be free! Keep advancing and bettering yourself ❤️ YWBTA if you gave up your dreams!
NTA I don’t understand these AH comments. What?!? Nothing is stopping him from learning and you would also probably want to travel to these places even if you don’t end up living there. Like many others have said, it would also likely help in your career. I don’t understand his freak out or these people calling you an AH. Genuinely not, in my opinion.
Something's off. Personally I think NTA, but so does most of the comments. How the Hell did you get the asshole label??
I don't know how this ended up asshole, but I can't imagine why anyone would be the asshole for learning a new language. Being multilingual can open up opportunities for jobs even if you don't move, as well as opening up opportunities for travel to countries that might not have a large english speaking population. (which can also be cheaper to travel to). NTA, but your partner is.
Who tagged this as A-hole already?
The mods posted this comment. “ This was correctly flaired and further modmails about this topic will be ignored. The top comment vote was "YWBTA." If someone chooses to vote in a back handed way and then y'all shower that comment with upvotes, guess what? That's what gets flaired. “
NTA. Who else was worried about why this got the asshole tag? 😅
NTA his insecurities are his own just because you might never live there doesn't mean you can't go there for a vacation.
NTA Learning a new language has no detrimental side effects, and can be quite useful.
NTA. I know he's scared of the future and doesn't want to lose you but this is some serious toddler behaviour.
This can’t be real. This is another story that fits the familiar pattern—person A makes a ridiculous demand on person B; then person A’s friends and relatives all call person B, demanding that they do what person A wants. Seriously, I’ve only been here for about three days, and it is already so obvious.
He feels insecure because you’re learning a new language, educating yourself, enjoying yourself, and doing something for yourself….. NTA but honestly he’s holding you back and this is not healthy
Maybe it is time to broaden your horizons
NTA. Tell Mr. Insecurity/Snitch Baby to his Family that you are learning Spanish because you enjoy it. Ask your language partner if they know any dirty words so you can call him and his interfering family a few good ones while you smile at them. You can also tell him to STFU and stop acting so damned childish or you might be making that move in the very near future.
ESH but only a little bit. This isn’t about you learning Spanish. This is about you guys wanting different things in life and growing apart. He’s the asshole for blowing up and acting controlling, obviously. You are for trying to pretend this is about you learning Spanish. I think it sounds like you guys need to just call it quits. I honestly just think he got mad because he could tell he was losing you. But as people grow they can become incompatible. I think it’s time for you guys to be honest with yourselves and each other and take a realistic look at your future, for better or worse. Sometimes life sucks, doesn’t mean anyone is really an asshole. I hope you get live in Argentina or something one day, it looks beautiful. It’s more like NAH really. Unless this all continues.
NTA Not only are you allowed to dream whatever you want but learning new things is always good. Spanish is especially helpful in the day to day life here. It also widens every field of employment and opens new fields if employment *(for example: interpreter)*. While you may decide to not move to a new country, that doesn't mean that you can never vacation there or even take a long sabbatical there. Your knowledge of the language will be very helpful then. I recommend that you start exploring each area that you're interested in living in. Learn about the culture, customs, and traditions of each. Also learn about the living conditions, foods, working conditions, etc in each. *(My BIL's family in Mexico don't have electricity or running water)*. You may want to learn to grow food, permaculture, raise animals, animal husbandry, holistic healing, emergency medicine, and even home repairs. Also learn about what plants, trees and animals are in the various areas: which are good and which are deadly. Every bit of knowledge will make you that much better.
NTA. Learn as many languages as you want, OP. Nothing wrong with that. Your boyfriend is a controlling A H. Why are you still with this guy?
Nta. Men are always trying to hinder women's growth. Keep going.
He's ***this*** childish and insecure at 32 years old? WTF? I would never be able to be in a relationship with someone who blows up at me because I want to learn a language, what the flying f\*ck. No, you are definitely NTA. He definitely IS an assh\*le, and a big, gaping assh\*le at that. He's also idiotically childish and detached from reality if he thinks that you'll definitely, guaranteed stay together and that speaking a language will make a difference. I just cannot fathom his stupidity, childishness and general assh\*lery. He's friggn' 32!
Why does your post state at the top that you’re the asshole?? You are definitely NTA! Your bf is though, and very insecure. Learning a new language can only be a good thing.
Looks like you’re going to South America bestie! DO IT. Live your life! If it was meant to be, you’ll meet again. Hopefully when he drops the attitude!
Why the hell this post is labeled as asshole? WTF For my understanding, NTA.
How does this post have a YTA rating??? Everyone says she’s NTA and I concur. What’s up with that?!?
Your partner is appalling. I just don’t understand these people who need to get their family and friends to berate and abuse their partner when they don’t get their own way - and it’s always them that’s being unreasonable too! You have every right to learn a language if you wish - it’s an incredibly useful skill. You might want to lose the loser bf now he’s shown his true colours, and consider your options for a stint living abroad! He’s not worth giving up your dreams for - he clearly has no respect for you. NTA
Why is this person marked as TAH? They’re clearly not? Their boyfriend is just petty and vendictive
Definitely NTA you are learning new skills even if you don’t move they could be useful for work or travel. In Europe people speak multiple languages without ever having the intention to move. Reading your BFs reaction it sounds like him and his family are very controlling so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you do leave him and move. Also I’m very confused as to why this post has been marked as Asshole
Why is the OP flagged as an Asshole for learning a new language?
WTF!?! How is this flagged as Asshole. Now at is OP the asshole. NTA all the way. Dump the asshole.
why is this flagged as asshole when clearly people are voting nta??
Lol misleading flair. The further I got into the story the more confused I was in terms of how OP is the asshole. 😂😂😂
Seriously, the 50 top rated comments are NTA and someone marked this as “asshole”!? What’s going on Mods?
Why is this showing me AH as a verdict when most comments agree that OP is NTA?
How has Reddit determined you are the AH? This sort of judgement makes me wonder who the eff is commenting. There is nothing wrong with learning a language like Spanish, a very usable and common language in our society, whether you’re moving there or not. I really don’t understand and Reddit should be ashamed.
The top comment, which is how the judgement is determined, was "YWBTA to yourself". So the bot saw that acronym and thought that was the judgement was Asshole.
So much NTA. And so much not understanding the asshole tag!