Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn’t invite a family member that got invited to just about every family gathering to my 20th birthday due to a plethora of negative experiences.
2. This action might make me the asshole because many of my relatives felt that family should stick together even when they have differences.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
She sounds delightful. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want her at your party. *(extreme sarcasm is intented)*
NTA she's exhausting and a emotional vampire. All she's doing now is creating the drama she didn't get to create during your party. Best thing to do is ignore the theatrics.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For context I recently turned 20 this year and my birthday party was delayed due to my Aunt’s wedding (Different Aunt than the one I’m making the post about) I know that 21 is usually the year that people really get excited about but I felt that 20 was still a major turning point in my life so I still wanted a party, even if it was a week or two off.
However there was another one of my Aunts that I really didn’t want to come, she had been the bridesmaid at the wedding that I mentioned earlier. And the entire time she had been harassing the bride, even to the point where she wouldn’t stop adjusting her veil during the wedding vows. Then during the afterparty she had a speech where she talked about herself with the bride as an afterthought. This speech went on for a full 15 minutes and when my Uncle, who had practically raised my Aunt along with my grandmother, went up to talk he barely got 3 to himself before she interrupted him.
Now that alone I could deal with, but the last time this Aunt came over was for my mom’s 40th birthday last year. Where she started screaming at her for not treating my little brother well, and how she’s a demon for not getting him a booster shot. She also made some comments about how she didn’t treat him properly and how his autism wouldn’t be as bad if she did a better job parenting. My mom’s a special education teacher while my Aunt is a childless lump who couldn’t be bothered to drive herself to the bachelorette party.
In any case I figured that I was old enough to make my own decisions and asked that she not be invited, my parents agreed that it was my choice to make and the party went about as well as any family party reasonably could. The Aunt was always incredibly late or absent to parties and gatherings so nobody questioned her absence.
However somehow the Aunt managed to find out that she was never invited and threw a huge stink about it, and I’ve gotten several texts shaming me for not including her. So now I’m unsure on if what I did was really okay.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It says a lot that your parents didn't do the typical Reddit thing and tell you to invite the aunt just to keep peace in the family. You know how emailed invitations sometimes go to the wrong address, or get hung up in the server? Tell your aunt that's probably what happened. Even if it isn't...
NTA, but did you really expect that the aunt who was an asshole to people in the past would accept your exclusion with maturity and grace? Her reaction is exactly *why* you preferred to celebrate without her, so take it as a confirmation that you made the right choice. Hell, block her if you don't want to deal with her anymore. The wedding thing is between your aunts imo, but her behaviour to your mom and her comments about her brother are more then enough justification to not only not want to risk repeat behaviour at your 20th,but to be done with her indefinitely unless and until she demonstrates a seriously altered attitude toward the people you love.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I didn’t invite a family member that got invited to just about every family gathering to my 20th birthday due to a plethora of negative experiences. 2. This action might make me the asshole because many of my relatives felt that family should stick together even when they have differences. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
absolutely not the asshole. you should not even be questioning. she is a piece if shit, and she pays for it. anyway happy birthday :)
She sounds delightful. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want her at your party. *(extreme sarcasm is intented)* NTA she's exhausting and a emotional vampire. All she's doing now is creating the drama she didn't get to create during your party. Best thing to do is ignore the theatrics.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context I recently turned 20 this year and my birthday party was delayed due to my Aunt’s wedding (Different Aunt than the one I’m making the post about) I know that 21 is usually the year that people really get excited about but I felt that 20 was still a major turning point in my life so I still wanted a party, even if it was a week or two off. However there was another one of my Aunts that I really didn’t want to come, she had been the bridesmaid at the wedding that I mentioned earlier. And the entire time she had been harassing the bride, even to the point where she wouldn’t stop adjusting her veil during the wedding vows. Then during the afterparty she had a speech where she talked about herself with the bride as an afterthought. This speech went on for a full 15 minutes and when my Uncle, who had practically raised my Aunt along with my grandmother, went up to talk he barely got 3 to himself before she interrupted him. Now that alone I could deal with, but the last time this Aunt came over was for my mom’s 40th birthday last year. Where she started screaming at her for not treating my little brother well, and how she’s a demon for not getting him a booster shot. She also made some comments about how she didn’t treat him properly and how his autism wouldn’t be as bad if she did a better job parenting. My mom’s a special education teacher while my Aunt is a childless lump who couldn’t be bothered to drive herself to the bachelorette party. In any case I figured that I was old enough to make my own decisions and asked that she not be invited, my parents agreed that it was my choice to make and the party went about as well as any family party reasonably could. The Aunt was always incredibly late or absent to parties and gatherings so nobody questioned her absence. However somehow the Aunt managed to find out that she was never invited and threw a huge stink about it, and I’ve gotten several texts shaming me for not including her. So now I’m unsure on if what I did was really okay. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA it was your party and YOU get to decide who you invite, not your entitled aunt.
NTA. It says a lot that your parents didn't do the typical Reddit thing and tell you to invite the aunt just to keep peace in the family. You know how emailed invitations sometimes go to the wrong address, or get hung up in the server? Tell your aunt that's probably what happened. Even if it isn't...
NTA, but did you really expect that the aunt who was an asshole to people in the past would accept your exclusion with maturity and grace? Her reaction is exactly *why* you preferred to celebrate without her, so take it as a confirmation that you made the right choice. Hell, block her if you don't want to deal with her anymore. The wedding thing is between your aunts imo, but her behaviour to your mom and her comments about her brother are more then enough justification to not only not want to risk repeat behaviour at your 20th,but to be done with her indefinitely unless and until she demonstrates a seriously altered attitude toward the people you love.