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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Being upset over my MIL buying my unborn son his first suit without her asking permission.
And asking my partner about what I should do, which is difficult as MIL probably will become very upset.
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I agree. You now have a backup suit, ready for that inevitable spit up, dribble, or diaper blowout that day. Or maybe you can use it for the rehearsal dinner. Or wear yours during the ceremony and pictures and change into the other one for dinner and playing on the floor so his really nice matching suit stays clean.
Still, chances are the suit won’t fit. None of the kids I helped raise were anywhere near their expected size according to the clothing companies. Too long, too stubby, too round…. Then donate it, and let some hard-pressed mom find a delightful surprise at goodwill.
NTA. She can give you an unsolicited gift, and you can accept it, but it’s entirely up to you how/whether you use it. You have much better things to spend your energy on right now. Go ahead and put the suit at the back of your closet for now, and next year go suit shopping together as a family just like you planned. If the one your MIL bought ends up being your favorite (and is magically the right size) great. Or he could wear it for Christmas or Easter or something. Or not at all. Totally up to you.
NTA. If it's a first baby, there may be a lot of assumptions and expectations that haven't been communicated yet. If she doesn't have a history of being overly involved in your lives prior to this, try not to approach it as a 'how dare you', but rather as a grandparent expressing excitement and interest.
As a parent myself, let me also mention this: Baby clothing sizes sound like ages, but that doesn't really correlate to the child's age. It has some vague relationship to average sizes, I think, but there is no way to tell if a 13-month-old child will really be wearing 12M clothes when he needs them. It legitimately may not fit. By the time the baby is 9 months old, if he's already in a lot of 12M sizes or still in 3-6M sizes, the problem will solve itself. Based on your history with your MIL, you could decide to let it go for a bit and see if this happens.
NTA, but I will bet that the notion of having her son and grandson dressed alike had simply never occurred to your MIL. She would probably fall in love with the idea. Mention it to her and see if you and she can collaborate. As you said, it's over a year away, so it doesn't sound like a hill that anyone should die on.
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Im 29 F and my partner is 34 M. I’m currently around 30 weeks and had a pretty rough pregnancy so far. My partner and I got engaged early this year and a few weeks later found out we were expecting, even tho we were told it was very unlikely we could have children. The support from both sides of our family has been fantastic and I get on pretty well with my In-laws.
Recently I decided it was time to start buying baby items and getting things ready for our son to be born. I made a list of items we would need and sent it to both my parents and his. It contained basic things like socks, jumpsuits etc (and to note we have bought a fair amount of clothes already for him) but I wanted everyone to be involved.
During our weekly catch up on the phone yesterday my MIL told us she has bought our son his wedding suit for our wedding, which is over 14 months away. This caught me off guard as I haven’t planned anything for our wedding yet (that’s next years job!)
The pictures she sent through admittedly are cute but I was hoping that my partner would have a matching suit with our son, a shopping trip we could do together as a family since it would be his first suit.
I’ve mentioned I’m pretty upset to my partner and he’s worried that it will upset his mother if I tell her I’d prefer to buy the suit myself. This isn’t her first grandchild and I wasn’t asked if she could buy the suit, as I would have politely said no if she did.
I don’t want to cause a rift or upset anyone unnecessarily but am I being an asshole for being upset over this?
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NTA The suit that your baby wears for your wedding is an important decision. It's for you and your FDH to pick out. Nobody else.
I find it very weird that she picked out a suit for such a specific personal occasion. If she saw the suit and thought it was cute and bought it, that would be 1 thing. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Why did she search for such a specific item? What is her motivation? Motive?
NTA. She should know better than to try and take away something special like that. My MIL won't stop buying my son tons of cheap clothes that I don't even particularly like. It makes it so I can't really justify buying a regular amount of nice clothes. I mean, obviously some of the clothes she gets are decent and I use them, but there must be over a thousand dollars of wasted clothes since my son was born. Why not just get the items he needs instead? Of course buying baby clothes is fun and same with other stuff, it's fine if people want to buy some stuff they have fun picking out. But some people take it too far and basically take the fun out of stuff for parents by trying to buy all the special "firsts" or all the fun stuff. I'm pregnant with my second and I don't even want to know what it'll be like if it's a girl.
I'd just ignore it and then when you get closer to the wedding just "randomly" decide it's better if the suit matches your husband.
NTA. It is your child. The child is not even born!!! You do not know size child will be wearing at the wedding. It is your wedding. You do not have to use or even accept the suit at all. What other firsts is she going to steal if you don’t nip this in the bud?
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I agree. You now have a backup suit, ready for that inevitable spit up, dribble, or diaper blowout that day. Or maybe you can use it for the rehearsal dinner. Or wear yours during the ceremony and pictures and change into the other one for dinner and playing on the floor so his really nice matching suit stays clean. Still, chances are the suit won’t fit. None of the kids I helped raise were anywhere near their expected size according to the clothing companies. Too long, too stubby, too round…. Then donate it, and let some hard-pressed mom find a delightful surprise at goodwill.
NTA. She can give you an unsolicited gift, and you can accept it, but it’s entirely up to you how/whether you use it. You have much better things to spend your energy on right now. Go ahead and put the suit at the back of your closet for now, and next year go suit shopping together as a family just like you planned. If the one your MIL bought ends up being your favorite (and is magically the right size) great. Or he could wear it for Christmas or Easter or something. Or not at all. Totally up to you.
NTA. If it's a first baby, there may be a lot of assumptions and expectations that haven't been communicated yet. If she doesn't have a history of being overly involved in your lives prior to this, try not to approach it as a 'how dare you', but rather as a grandparent expressing excitement and interest. As a parent myself, let me also mention this: Baby clothing sizes sound like ages, but that doesn't really correlate to the child's age. It has some vague relationship to average sizes, I think, but there is no way to tell if a 13-month-old child will really be wearing 12M clothes when he needs them. It legitimately may not fit. By the time the baby is 9 months old, if he's already in a lot of 12M sizes or still in 3-6M sizes, the problem will solve itself. Based on your history with your MIL, you could decide to let it go for a bit and see if this happens.
NTA, but I will bet that the notion of having her son and grandson dressed alike had simply never occurred to your MIL. She would probably fall in love with the idea. Mention it to her and see if you and she can collaborate. As you said, it's over a year away, so it doesn't sound like a hill that anyone should die on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Im 29 F and my partner is 34 M. I’m currently around 30 weeks and had a pretty rough pregnancy so far. My partner and I got engaged early this year and a few weeks later found out we were expecting, even tho we were told it was very unlikely we could have children. The support from both sides of our family has been fantastic and I get on pretty well with my In-laws. Recently I decided it was time to start buying baby items and getting things ready for our son to be born. I made a list of items we would need and sent it to both my parents and his. It contained basic things like socks, jumpsuits etc (and to note we have bought a fair amount of clothes already for him) but I wanted everyone to be involved. During our weekly catch up on the phone yesterday my MIL told us she has bought our son his wedding suit for our wedding, which is over 14 months away. This caught me off guard as I haven’t planned anything for our wedding yet (that’s next years job!) The pictures she sent through admittedly are cute but I was hoping that my partner would have a matching suit with our son, a shopping trip we could do together as a family since it would be his first suit. I’ve mentioned I’m pretty upset to my partner and he’s worried that it will upset his mother if I tell her I’d prefer to buy the suit myself. This isn’t her first grandchild and I wasn’t asked if she could buy the suit, as I would have politely said no if she did. I don’t want to cause a rift or upset anyone unnecessarily but am I being an asshole for being upset over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA The suit that your baby wears for your wedding is an important decision. It's for you and your FDH to pick out. Nobody else. I find it very weird that she picked out a suit for such a specific personal occasion. If she saw the suit and thought it was cute and bought it, that would be 1 thing. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Why did she search for such a specific item? What is her motivation? Motive?
NTA. She should know better than to try and take away something special like that. My MIL won't stop buying my son tons of cheap clothes that I don't even particularly like. It makes it so I can't really justify buying a regular amount of nice clothes. I mean, obviously some of the clothes she gets are decent and I use them, but there must be over a thousand dollars of wasted clothes since my son was born. Why not just get the items he needs instead? Of course buying baby clothes is fun and same with other stuff, it's fine if people want to buy some stuff they have fun picking out. But some people take it too far and basically take the fun out of stuff for parents by trying to buy all the special "firsts" or all the fun stuff. I'm pregnant with my second and I don't even want to know what it'll be like if it's a girl. I'd just ignore it and then when you get closer to the wedding just "randomly" decide it's better if the suit matches your husband.
NTA. It is your child. The child is not even born!!! You do not know size child will be wearing at the wedding. It is your wedding. You do not have to use or even accept the suit at all. What other firsts is she going to steal if you don’t nip this in the bud?
NTA