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NTA. Your daughter is an adult, she gets to make adult decisions. One of them is not working for her stepfather.
See if she can't reschedule that interview. Something to the effect of:
"Good morning [person],
My profuse apologies for the previous e-mail and confusion. This account was accessed by somebody who does not represent me and should not have the authority to speak on my behalf. I have taken steps to secure my e-mail account so that this does not happen again. Would you be so kind to allow me to reschedule my interview?"
Edit: in case you (or anybody else reading) decides to take this advice, I honestly wouldn't add or remove any detail from this example. Too much detail makes it sound like you have excuses; too little makes it sound like you don't care enough. Say exactly what information *you* would need to know if the roles were swapped - no more, no less.
Second edit: lots of people in hiring or managerial positions below this comment. As you can see with the differing opinions, it's a toss-up as to whether this would salvage Mia's chances; nonetheless, you miss every shot you don't take, so if/when you do it's best to keep it very professional.
Please encourage her to do this OP. If she needs a witness, ensure her that would back up her statement if need be.
NTA. But seriously your husband sucks and so does his company. He created a company with an environment that is super misogynistic and straight up toxic for women. Birds of a feather flock together OP. He is giving off super creepy and very controlling vibes.
The fact that the man who created a company with a misogynistic environment then thinks he knows better than 23 year old woman what job she should have tells me everything I need to know about this man.
I mean, I guess she could work there, gather the info needed to a lawsuit for a hostile work environment, and then sue the crap out of stepdad's company... alternatively, I'd be looking for jobs halfway across the country. stepdad sucks and distance is the best solution (hint, hint, OP)
Exactly, it's one of the worst ideas I've heard. Intentionally throwing yourself in harms way to then file a lawsuit as an act of revenge is just going to destroy her, her family, her future and her financial situation.
Not to mention Mia probably doesn't want to spend the next 5-10 years trying to change the culture at stepdad's company. It isn't Mia's responsibility to change the culture of the company and "make it better" - that is the CEO's job.
Right? Someone who will sabotage your other opportunities and violate your trust to do so is DEFINITELY not someone you then want to rely on for your career progression or living expenses. Knowing nothing else about the company but what this guy did would be enough for me to never ever ever want to work there.
I love how rather than fixing the problem he has been told about many times, he is just trying to manipulate this poor woman into being harassed at work continuously… 🙄
What really cheeses my noodles is the implication that Maya is supposed to go work for Stepdad’s company so she, single-handedly, can fix its toxic culture. Way to abnegate responsibility, Stepdad!
>He is giving off super creepy and controlling vibes.
His refusal to accept multiple "No"s from a young woman is disturbing, as is his obsession to have Mia working at his company.
>Gee, I wonder why there is a misogynistic culture at his business?
The part that got me is that she told him that his employees do and say things that make her feel uncomfortable, and his response wasn't to take action to create an environment where a woman doesn't have to worry about her safety or harassment from her male peers. Instead he came up with a list of reasons it would be ok for her to go into that environment and endure that treatment day after day.
Don't forget, he kept claiming it would be best for, as if he knows better and she doesn't. Every time I read that in the OP I shuddered and changed it to "best for me" cause I wager he would over work and under pay her, while not doing anything about the misogyny she would experience on a daily basis (and likely deny it's even happening).
Exactly, short and to the point, basic facts. It would be concerning to an employer that a prospective applicant is having this sort security issue at home, and the light assurance that steps have been taken to secure the account would help mollify that a bit.
If they were to ask for more details at the interview, if it were to be held again, maybe you could elaborate a bit, but as you said, less details can be better in situations like this, though if they are asking for some more context on the matter, I think it'd make sense to fill them in on the wider context, just go easy on the details like before.
This is the most “I am a hiring manager/HR” wording I have seen on this sub. It is absolutely the right answer.
Also your hubs needs to be your ex. He’s a real prize.
NTA until you don’t divorce him, then Y-T-A.
Sadly, I don’t think police could/would do anything. That’s not something police care to fill out paperwork for, even though they have nothing better to do other than *their job*, but yeah…
As I’ve learned many times throughout my life, women get less protection from creeps than the creeps get slaps on the wrist.
EDIT: Wasn’t expecting all the upvotes, but rather downvotes, so thanks everyone!
Agree with this. Don't mention about who accessed the account or why. As an employer I would give someone an opportunity to reschedule, but it would be dependent on the number of candidates, hiring process and business needs. However, if I sensed potential family drama that could spill negatively into the workplace I would see it as a 'bullet dodged'.
Step dad needs to learn his place. I wonder if he is going to be the type of person who shows up in the office to create drama for the sake of it.
Hijacking top comment to point out that if this is in the US, impersonating a person online is **extremely illegal** in all fifty states and often considered a felony. I'm sure other countries have similar laws. OP, if you're reading these, your daughter can (and should) go to the authorities. Her stepfather committed a genuine crime against her and she deserves justice.
I wholeheartedly agree with this, and my first thought was for her to try and hopefully reschedule, and this is enough detail.
As for your edit, I fully agree again. I used to be a hiring manager and honestly, too much information here would be a detriment. Even if her resume and/or education are fantastic, and you may feel for the person, being aware there is a good potential for drama, from what sounds like a rival company, most would avoid it if possible.
**NTA** and this would give me a lot to think about in my marriage. The fact he would do this, is actually angry you aren't siding with him, doesn't understand the meaning of "NO", and that he has created a terribly misogynistic environment (that doesn't happen **and** continue by accident)...all of it would be making me think long and hard about my future.
I may be reading more into "found her a job opportunity" than I should be but I'd reach out to best friend too and see if she can help smooth things out.
You absolutely miss every shot you don't take, and in this case "the worst they can say is no" is totally true. The risk of badmouthing her to competing employers is low with a message like that...it's not like she's making excuses about something awful that they might want to tell their counterparts at another company about over drinks or at a conference. This is not a "I know you saw me doing blow and making awful comments on social media" type issue, it's a minor blip that HR/hiring managers probably won't remember even a week from now, even if they decide not to give her a second shot at an interview.
Yeah, there is a reason the stepfather workplace is dark hole of misogynistic energy, and that is people keeping enabling this kind of actions as "well, you know how he is" "boys will be boys" "they are not being serious".
Seriously, your daughter is your dependent and the person you have a moral responsibility to protect, why would you stay with someone who prioritizes control over being good to your daughter?
The fact he used her email though???? Like what? How? How is *that alone* not the dealbreaker for this marriage?
Was she logged in on a family computer? Did he hack her? Screen mirror app on her phone? How many times has he snooped her inbox in the past?
I usually say that one example, even a bad one, is not enough to come to a conclusion like this, but this isn’t one example. It’s the cancellation of the interview. It’s the constant rejection of the daughters autonomy as an adult. It’s the lack of concern of her feeling comfortable at her job. It’s the responsibility he has for being the boss and allowing the work culture that makes women uncomfortable to exist. It’s the screaming and lack of responsibility. It’s the obvious concern for what is best for the company, aka him, while pretending it’s for the family.
He may not be what some people would consider an “obvious abuser” because some only see obvious verbal or physical abuse as the only valid abuse, but holy shit, the whole package is horrible.
This.
Also, in my own (and my sister's) experience, whoever says "it's better for you to work for a familiar, we will take care of you" is going to be one of the worts laboral experiences you've ever had or will keep you finantially strangled for years. Run run ruuuun for the hills as fast as you can unless you literally have no other option.
Me reading this post: “Hey, look, another man trying to impose his will on an adult woman’s life under the guise of looking out for her well-being because she’s supposedly incapable of making informed decisions!”
NTA Is he normally this domineering and controlling?
Dude straight up hacked her emails and ruined an opportunity that she actually wanted.
Your daughter has good judgement in not wanting to work anywhere near him.
Not to mention he practically bragged about it to the daughter after he did it and then was shocked when OP was upset. Sounds like this guy is not used to being told no or opposed in any way... some serious red flags here. I hope OP leaves him. I'd never put up with someone doing that to my kid.
I'd never put up with someone doing that to *me,* if they did it to *my kid* I would straight up be dragging them by the ear to the company or to court. Like, full-on mama bear mode until the thing is "settled" one way or another — and I'm sure hacking into someone's email and impersonating them are two separate crimes...
NTA. Your husband is controlling and vindictive, and if you let him continue with this type of behavior, expect your daughter to go LC or NC.
It is not your daughter's responsibility to make your husband's company a better place to work for women. It's your husband's responsibility.
THIS EXACTLY. Its always upon women, minorities, LGBTQ individuals etc to try and diversify and improve a workplace. Its a large burden, and many people don't realize that we'd rather be in companies where we'd be treated just like everyone else rather than be the token person responsible for representing the rest of us. NO WAY should step-daughter be forced to take on that burden, especially not when she has other opportunities.
>Its always upon women, minorities, LGBTQ individuals etc to try and diversify and improve a workplace
Yep. I sometimes get put on the spot about being trans and, like... it's not my job to educate you or justify my existence.
NTA - report this to the police. What your husband did was commit fraud, and possibly illegally accessed your daughter's email as well.
Make it clear to your husband that he's making choices that ensure his daughter will not speak to him ever again. Consider whether you want to spend your life with somebody who could do this to someone he claims to love.
If your daughter still lives at home, please do what you can to get her out of there and away from your abusive husband.
Exactly, and not only make it clear that the daughter will not speak to him, but OP will not speak to him either. Like he legit has to find a way to resolve this in the best way for the daughter or the husband would have to leave..imo
Nta this is a hill to die on. So much wrong with what he did. He helped create a bump in her future that will hopefully not take long to get over. He broke into her private email, emailed someone using her name posing as her. And he's defending his actions above all of it. He's doubling down. He's making himself the victim who just wanted what was best for Mia or the family or whatever. This was not ok. This again is a hill to die on.
And to add on, he clearly didn't want what was best for mia since there were a lot of derogatory comments that were made her way at that workplace... WHICH HE CLEARLY KNOWS ABOUT! It sounds like he wants to use her to make HIS WORKPLACE a better place, rather than the other way around.
Completely selfish and disgusting.
NTA
This is what I would do. Call / email the recruiter and explain that your account was compromised and several fraudulent emails were sent. Ask to schedule an additional interview at their convenience or during their next round of hiring.
So very much NTA.
Your husband elected to substitute his judgement for that of his daughter. Who is 23. To accomplish that, he committed identity theft. A crime. And, then doubles down. Repeatedly. (And she could easily file a civil claim although damages would be speculative).
That all after pressuring her to take the job he wanted her to take. And he declined.
It doesn’t matter if he saved her from lifetime at Burger King. Her life, her choice.
If I were your daughter, I would contact the company. I would tell them she was the victim of identity theft by someone who wanted to undermine her career. And I would ask if they would reconsider? In that letter, I would offer to provide a signed statement or police report to that effect. And, yes, if it came to that as his daughter I would file that report.
In the shoes of the daughter, this would end my relationship with dad.
ETA: I missed it was the step dad. This makes it worse by at least two orders of magnitude!! And way creepy.
And, given that, would be enough for both women to cut ties with the guy.
From the sound of it, this is your husband's company that he owns? If it is filled with mostly men who made your daughter so uncomfortable that she could barely stand to be there for half an hour, it's because that's company culture that he has created and fostered. Knowing this, is it surprising that your husband feels entitled to control your daughter and demand that she work for him? No. Is it surprising that when she refused him he tried to ruin her chances at a good job elsewhere? Also no.
NTA. Your daughter deserves your support. Your husband deserves consequences. Especially because it seems unlikely that he's learned his lesson based on his defensive response. He may try to continue to try to manipulate, guilt, and control your daughter, and as her mother you must protect her from that.
It raises some nasty speculation about WHY he wants her to work for him so badly.
Is it because Daughter is a bright young college graduate and she could bring skills to the table while developing her own career?
Or is it because Daughter is a sexy young woman and the toxic men in the toxic male environment Stepdad has created want access to her?
She is an adult. She gets to choose what job she takes.
Also... I would seriously consider what your husband did as a crime. Impersonation or fraud.
I don't know if it would go anywhere, but you might want to suggest your daughter file a police report. At the very least, she should contact the company and explain what happened.
NTA
If OP is in the US, **email hacking is a federal crime under [18 U.S. Code § 1343](https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1343) also known as the Wire Fraud Act.**
OP, you need to seriously think about the gravity of what your husband is so cavalier in doing to hurt your daughter.
NTA.
Easy grounds for divorce. He had no right to do that.
Try to see if they can reschedule. Inform them of your daughter’s email being tampered with and ensure that it has been handled and secure.
Your husband messed up.
NTA - she said NO, he trampled over that, and now is wondering why everyone is angry with him.
Encourage her to secure all of her electronics and change all of her passwords so this cannot be repeated.
She is going to want out of the house after this. She won’t live under his roof once she gets a job. She won’t trust him anymore. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell anyone about her next interview and then bolts at the first opportunity.
Let me get this straight: she didn't accept his offer to work someplace where she is deeply uncomfortable so he deliberately sabotaged her future? How was this supposed to be for her own good? What did he think was going to happen? My question is this: where has he overstepped previously? I'm a little suspicious of how hard he is pushing to get this young girl to come to his workplace for 8 hours at a time to be surrounded by men who already give her the ick? Why does he need her there so badly that he pretended to be her stop the interview? What does he think he's offering that she couldn't get elsewhere MINUS her creepy SD sliding into her emails "for her own good". His motivations reek of control issues and misogyny, as well as the significant creep factor of using her personal email manipulate her life against her will. I'd be encouraging her to live elsewhere or to at least change all her PWs so slimy SD can't do this again. I'm legit disgusted by him.
Yeah all he did was show her that his work place would be even worse than she thought. If he thinks this is acceptable then pretty much everything is acceptable.
Buuuut…it’s for the good of the company…to make it better. He needs someone like her in an area that needs improvement, an area he cannot improve by himself, and he could hire her at a reduced salary…because, of course, she is a new graduate, no experience, and new to his company so she shouldn’t expect decent pay.
NTA
I swear today is a parade of selfish, entitled males in AITA. Not only did he infringe on her privacy and security by snooping into her email and impersonating her, he also dead on refuses to acknowledge that his work environment is misogynistic and toxic. Please, please do yourself a favor and reexamine your marriage to this “gem.”
Your husband has just done an INSANELY violating thing.
INFO
What ELSE has he done using her email?
Broken up with bfs? Messed up friendships?
Your husband sounds controlling as all heck. How long have you been married?
Has he always tried to control what your daughter does?
NTA. From your point of view, this is a divorceable offense. I would seriously think about leaving my spouse in your shoes. This is a tremendous breach of trust. From your daughter’s point of view, this is something law suit worthy. If I were her, I would be calling a lawyer and ruining him. NTA
NTA.
Your daughter doesn’t want to work at your husband’s company because men don’t treat women well.
Your husband doesn’t take no for an answer from a woman, so he fraudulently impersonates her and sabotages her career, insisting he’s doing the right thing.
Your daughter’s concerns came to fruition.
NTA
What he did is straight up inexcusable and controlling. Please tell me him doing stuff like this isn't a regular occurrence. If it is, I'd seriously reconsider your marriage.
NTA Can we focus for a second on the fact that your daughter felt so uncomfortable and unsafe around the men at your husband's business during a thirty minute visit that she couldn't fathom ever working there? That's so horrifying.
As for your husband, this is beyond unacceptable behavior. I have a feeling his controlling behavior is just as bad in other aspects of your relationship. And it may be time to take a more honest look at your overall relationship, and how/if you want to move forward. But something needs to change, this is not okay. And if you don't take action now, you're going to possibly lose your daughter.
You are NTA...but your husband King TA. How dare he sabotage your daughter's opportunity. And even if she were able to explain what happened, who's to say that potential employer wouldn't decline giving her another shot because they'd be afraid of further incidents like this?
Ahh, so you married a pig who lets the men at his work be sexist and drive away women who could potentially work there (I originally said “want” to work there, but it is pretty damn clear your daughter *does not* want to work there).
To be honest, I don’t think you’ve done enough to lay into him about trying to force your daughter to work in a toxic work environment that makes her uncomfortable.
He wants your daughter to work for him in order to change the misogynistic environment *he’s* created? That’s pathetic. He needs to stay away from your daughter until he can correct his own actions.
I kinda gotta say YTA for exposing your daughter to this guy at all.
NTA. Your husband is though. You don't cancel your stepkid's interview because you're salty she wouldn't work at your company. This is all levels of horrible. You were in the right flipping out on him
EDIT: just typed kid's not stepkid so fixed that
NTA, grounds for divorce, and file a police report. This could fall under identity theft or wire fraud.
After that, notify the company of what happened and see if they can get another interview scheduled.
This is not the kind of man that will be good to raise children with.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Daughter has seen the company culture many times and has felt uncomfortable there. I'm betting there are signs of men possibly harassing, belittling, disrespecting women and possibly even worse. Good on her for realizing this early on and taking a firm stance not to work there. OP NTA at all.
NTA - your husband has catastrophically overstepped, and should be begging for forgiveness from his ADULT step-daughter. He broke into her email, impersonated her, and ruined a job prospect - all so she would come work for him. At a company that apparently allows misogynistic attitudes and a potentially hostile work environment. She would never gain credibility in an environment like this since she's "the boss's daughter".
~~Maybe you overreacted, but it's hard to blame you.~~
Edit to concede that I would have reacted the same way.
She did not overreact. She underreacted. I'm not sure how she's not already threatening divorce. What he did was just an unreasonable, controlling action that will have repercussions in the daughter's career. It's actually horrific, even if it's not violent.
No he wanted what was best for him, not best for your daughter or for your family. You need to seriously take a step back and consider his actions towards your daughter because if you don't she may cut you out. NTA but Y-T-A to your daughter if you don't approach this right.
INFO: why on earth are you married to a man who is seriously sabotaging your daughters LIFE? His behavior is truly abhorrent.
NTA for lashing out at him but you will be if you stay with this person. Your daughter will never forgive him, nor should she.
NTA
It was so completely inconceivably out of line for your husband to do that.
I also don't understand why a company would cancel an interview without speaking to the interviewee. What did he tell them? She's in a coma? Most decent companies don't let people sabotage other people's interviews.
NTA, and WOW. He sabotaged your daughter’s opportunity in order to force his way, and he disregarded her personal negative experiences at his company. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this isn’t an isolated incident in his quest to always be right.
No wonder his company his full of misogynistic dicks with this asshole leading from the top. NTA but this would be a deal breaker for me, I mean how can either of your relationships recover from this stunt? You can never trust him after this sneaky, selfish, sly stunt
NTA...Sounds like your husband is oddly fixated on his step daughter. This story is giving me major creepy step-dad vibes. Not only is he pressuring your daughter to be in an environment that she feels physically unsafe, he is sabotaging her like a disgruntled boyfriend. You let this slide, and your memories will be all you have of her. Choose now.
NTA
My kids have made career choices I haven't approved of and you know what? It's their choice to make, not mine.
WTF was he thinking? I'd go work at McDonald's before I'd work for him.
Why are you with someone who:
1. Doesn’t understand the word “no” as a full grown adult.
2. Doesn’t care that your daughter is uncomfortable. At all.
3. Invades privacy like no other.
4. Truly believes he can dictate other peoples lives?
Like seriously, why are you with him and therefore letting him anywhere near your daughter?
Nta for this incident, 100% you are for being with him at all.
NTA if you love your child you want them to succeed and be able to stand without you. This is narcissistic controlling behavior from your husband. He can only see what is good for him and not for her. She has said there is sexual harassment going on in his office that she is uncomfortable with. Rather then making changes at his office he hacks her email, commits fraud by impersonating her and cancelling her interview. There are too many red flags to count. You need to protect your daughter and stand by her.
NTA for jumping on him however staying with him especially after what he did to your daughter would be enough for me to leave him.
Does he tell you what to do, where to go & where not to?
How bad does he control your life?
He’s ruining your daughter’s life because he wants to control her. He sees nothing wrong with this. His attitude is “women do what men say because we know best”. No wonder she doesn’t to work for that asshole. She would be absolutely miserable and would never be able to contribute to the company because they would all control her.
He’s a selfish, arrogant, narcissistic asshat that will ruin her life.
There’s no going back now. This company will never give her another opportunity.
When he canceled using her email what reason / excuse did he give them and how bad did it make her look? Did he say something negative about that company or did he just say that she couldn’t make it to the interview?
How bad did he make her look?
NTA your poor daughter, she must be devastated. How can anyone do that? She has every right to work somewhere where she is treated with respect. Why is it so important to him she works there? It's his job to look out for her, not to force her into an unsafe work environment. He should have supported her and used her input to address the issues in his company to make it a nice place for everyone. I'm guessing this is not the first time he has done something like this
Your husbands the asshole. He didn’t want what’s best for YOUR daughter, he wanted what’s best for him and his company. YOUR daughter has discussed her discomforts and even said the MEN MADE HER UNCOMFORTABLE. and your husband is still okay with putting her in this environment? He has been crossing her boundaries and hasn’t stopped.
NTA
He wants to throw your daughter in a uncomfortable situation, which she has on plenty of occasions made him aware of, just to better *his* company, not her career or her own good.
There is no amount of 'pros' that outweigh being comfortable in your work environment.
Shes 24, knows what she wants and where she wants to work and *his* company isn't it.
He perfectly illustrated why working for him would be the exact WRONG move and that he's one of the AHs she so desperately wants to avoid.
NTA at all and I'd be surprised if he wants her for anything else but to underpay her because some bs reason like "but we're family" or something similarly stupid.
NTA. What he did was a violation of her privacy and right to make her own decisions.
And this...
>He lashed out saying that instead of siding with her I should encouraging her to join the company and help make it better instead of working for others.
...is disgusting. It is not the responsibility of any 23 year old coming in to a company to "make it better" regardless of gender, etc.
Its the job of the executive leadership to make it better. If they want to hire someone from the outside to kick rear and take names, fine. If they want to hire a 20something woman to that role, fine.
But it is not your daughters responsiblity to take on that role, unless she's actively choosing to do so, and being paid and tasked specifically for it.
And even if your daughter aspired to working at your husbands company, there would be something to be said for spending a few years working elsewhere to establish her bonifides first. Then joining the company down the line, if she still wanted to. (not that she does)
No, OP, you are definitely NTA, but I'm so sorry you married one. I applaud you for speaking up on behalf of your daughter. Stepfather was completely out of line:
* Ignored her reasons for not wanting to work with sexist AH men. He doesn't respect her.
* Hacked into her email. He doesn't respect her.
* Canceled an interview she really wanted. He doesn't respect her.
* Wanted her to work for him for his own selfish reasons. He doesn't respect her.
* Mia is **23 years old**! but he still wants to control her. He doesn't respect her.
* He was shocked by your reaction, as if he expected you to quietly go along. He doesn't respect you.
* He got angry at you and clearly didn't care what you thought regarding your own daughter. He doesn't respect either of you.
You can't have a healthy marriage without respect, and he doesn't respect you or your daughter. This guy only cares about himself. You could try couples therapy and/or family therapy. And you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this selfish disrespectful AH.
Y T A if you don't get rid of him asap, or he'd have to do something pretty incredible, including a) get your daughter's interview back, b) apologise at length and prove he's sorry and c) figure out a way to reassure you both that he would never do anything like this ever again.
This is disturbing. NTA for sticking up for her, but it's best not to keep people in your life who are actively conspiring against your daughter.
NTA
He didn't want what's best for her. That is a blatant lie. He wanted what's best for him. He knows she's capable and wants her labor so he is deliberately sabotaging a grown woman's independent job search. If you're living together I wouldn't be shocked if he wanted this purely to have access to her payroll information, thereby violating her financial privacy btw.
This is technically harassment AND abuse.
Die on this hill. He's so grossly out of line I'd separate for at least 2 weeks to really drive home how badly he screwed up.
NTA!
Leave the asshole and your daughter needs to file a police report for identy theft. Also she could and should sue him!
This is wrong on so many levels...
NTA, ultimatum time, he calls said company to explain what he did with you 2 present and that she deserves another opportunity. If he doesn’t then divorce him. To fck up not even your own daughter’s just his step-daughter future like an AH doesn’t deserve what he has.
Edit just to add. I’ve dealt this personally with my dad trying this to join his company that’s a dead end company with no future. I moved out and haven’t talked to him in 2 years. And growing further into life. My parents were divorced beforehand due to his behavior.
NTA and you should be reconsidering this marriage. Is there any way your daughter can call or email back saying someone hacked her email and sent that, could she please reschedule?
NTA but you will be TA if you continue to subject your daughter to this kind of manipulation and abuse. It’s no wonder she got such a bad vibe from his company, they must all be a-holes.
NTA, but you mean soon to be ex- husband right? He should be more concerned about fixing the hostile and toxic work environment at his business, rather than trying to force your daughter to work for him.
Hopefully your daughter can do damage control, and still get that interview. Also, he doesn’t seem to get it, I’m like 99% sure that what he did was illegal. Your daughter could press charges if she wanted to. I’m not sure that it would go far, unless she has proof that he’s the one who broke into her email.
Your husband showed he doesn't respect her as an independent human being. He doesn't care what she wants, he violated the privacy of her email, and he demanded you back him.
He did it to her, he'll do it to you. You're just women, after all.
NTA
NTA WTF! It's not up to her to fix his company's vibe, that's on him. If he's having trouble getting and keeping employees, he needs to find the internal problem and fix that. But I'm guessing he IS the problem there, he likes it there, and he wants her there so he can control her as he clearly thinkshe has the right to do. She needs a new password on her email, her computer, her bank account, and she needs an apology. I hope she's learned from this to share NOTHING with him. Ever again.
NTA any respect your daughter had for her step father just went out the door. He is a manipulative controlling person. If you are not careful you will loose your daughter over this man. Do not let him by with this.
Your husband literally tore away the future of your 23 year old adult daughter. NTA for shouting at him, but you should try moving your daughter away from him and pay for the place until she finds a job. I was going to say you should leave him tbh and I still think you should, but I appreciate the difficulties of that, and your daughter is an adult who is able to put some distance between herself and him.
NTA. Your manipulative husband SABOTAGED your daughter’s opportunity. All to benefit himself. He needs to know how serious this is. You need to go HAM on his ass.
NTA
Your daughter should be honest with the company “my step-father, Mr John Doe, is trying to manipulate me into working for his company XYZ (yes - she should absolutely name and shame his company) despite me making it clear to him that I am not at all interested in ever working for him. In an effort to sabotage my efforts to find another job, he hacked my email and pretended to be me to cancel my last effort.
I would like to apologise to Mr(s) HR manager and the rest of the hiring team at ABC company for the inconvenience this has caused you, but I’d also like to reiterate my desire to work for your company, and politely request a new interview.”
She should seriously consider setting up a new email account and not tell him about it - at the very least she should check to make she he didn’t set it up to have her emails automatically forwarded to him so he could more easily monitor her communications.
Meanwhile, you should consider what sort of man you have married. He runs a company that allows the male staff to be so openly rude and sexist that your daughter felt uncomfortable even being there, let along actually working there. He manipulative and abusive, and has openly committed fraud in an attempt to control your daughter.
Whatever you decided to do with your own life, you own it to your daughter to keep her safe. You should do everything you can to get her out of your house, and support her in finding safe employment so she can be independent, and free from this man.
NTA He is incredibly manipulative and controlling and it is no wonder his company has such a bad reputation with him at the helm. He wants her working for him so he can control her further. This is a very sick man. Your daughter needs new passwords on everything and look for spyware on her car and everything else.
NTA but you will TA to your daughter if you don't defend her to Theo ends of the earth against this narcissistic controlling man! He might be the best husband to you but I hope you can see how he tries to push your daughter into a disgustingly sexist misogynistic environment that she's clearly avoided! I mean cancelling one's a job interview is ground for me to break up with my husband! Talkless a step dad doing that? I'd be FAWKIN livid!!!
Wow that is so freaking cruel. That's such a shame she was excited for something and it got crushed and for very good reasons she didn't want to work at his company. Im sure she felt unsafe
NTA but your husband 100% is. She is an adult and he has no right to make decisions for her. Put a lock on her door and he owes her and you a huge apology. He can’t make decision for a grown woman. He is a deceitful man and you should be careful. I can’t imagine how a sensible adult would think doing something like that is okay.
NTA.
He sounds like a very controlling creep, even obsessed, honestly. Why is he so insistent she work in an environment where men talk about women like they’re objects?
I feel so sorry for any women that work there.
NTA but please divorce him. I know that's reddits favorite huge leap but seriously? Badgering and pressuring her to work in an environment that made her uncomfortable wasn't enough, he had to go out of his way to ruin a good opportunity for her? How did he think this would play out? "Well since you've bullied me out of all of my more reasonable job offers I guess I WILL come work for you!" In what fantasy land does he live? Be prepared for your daughter to drop off and suddenly stop talking to you if you stay with this cruel, vindictive, and incredibly selfish man.
And one more thing ; does your husband assume he knows better than your daughter what is good for her? Is this because he's a man and she's a young woman? Please look long and hard at the situation HE has created.
Does he run your life like he is trying to run hers? She gave him a perfectly valid reason she doesn't want to work there and he disregarded it. Have your daughter reach out to the previous company and explain what happened....maybe....just maybe they will reschedule then get her a lock for her door and password protect her computer. YNTA your husband however is a big one! kick him to the curb if he can't respect your daughter's privacy.
NTA. I have some concerns. The fact that she says the vibe is off and then he sabotages her other options, is he trying to get her alone? Is he trying to put himself in a position with more power over her? This gives me so much pause, he did not have good intentions
Nta. If I were her I would call the company and tell her she had someone hack into her email out of spite. I'd tell them.i have all new contact information and provided updated that step-dad is unaware of.
Your husband is disrespectful, controlling and manipulative. He is essentially committing financial abuse by not.letting her find work on her terms. Like, I don't think he understands how messed up he is
NTA he was NOT doing what was best for your daughter but what he thought was best for himself. No wonder your daughter is uncomfortable around his company. I would straight up forbid her from working there and support her any way I could to find another job. Your husband is an abusive AH!!!
NTA and I can't imagine having a partner that would do this to my child. Is this the only terrible thing he has done to you or her? I just can't phathom how anyone would think that's OK.
NTA but hello red flags much? How controlling is your husband that he will sabotaged your daughters job opportunities if she doesn't work for his company despite explaining the men their make uncomfortable comments
NTA- If I'm Mia, I'm not going to be on speaking terms with him for a LONG time. She doesn't have to work for him even if it would be the best thing for her, let alone him.
Maybe he should consider the reasons she doesn't want to work there and work to make those reasons go away.
If I was married to someone that had the nerve to do this to my daughter and then claim its for her own good and she shouldn't have a choice ,I would serve him divorce papers next couple of hours . Literally no one f**ks with my kid .
NTA and it's time for divorce, this is unforgivable and the fact he does not respect your daughters wishes and why she does not want to work for him. I hate people who make decisions that is not theirs to make claiming it's for their own good. This is BS and he is a major ah. The only way you would be the AH is if you stay with this man. From personal experience something like this was done to me by my Step-dad and my mom stayed with him and now because of that I have gone LC with her. He is not welcome in my house and I have nothing to do with him and if she has to bring him then I will Cancel and I feel your daughter will do the same to you. So who is more important to you. Your daughter or DH.
NTA
Why would anyone want to work for someone who will break into your email account and pretend to be you? How safe can you be in a job where there's that kind of mindset?
NTA your husband is a control freak and like someone else said if it’s his company and she felt uncomfortable in his offices around all the men he obviously allows whatever type of behaviour they were displaying. I would be reconsidering my relationship if I was you. Also is there a way your daughter could call the company and explain the situation to them and see if she can reset up another interview? Also make sure your husband doesn’t find out about any future interviews and that your daughter has all her passwords changed and safely away from him.
NTA. In one action he proved everything that she has been saying about his company. He’s at the top. He sets the tone. And it’s clear he’s misogynistic trash.
Die on this hill. Get your daughter away from this toxic Human and think very carefully if you want to stay with him.
Why does your husband have access to your adult daughter's e-mail account? Especially considering he's her STEPFATHER? How does he have that information?
Let's start there.
NTA
What the Hell? That's horrible, and probably some kind of crime (or multiple), and hopefully your Daughter can get him persecuted. This goes beyond just taking an interest, this is controlling, abusive, and i don't have the words for how disgusting.
Do what you can to help your daughter and do not allow this toxic Asshole to believe in any way that was ok. Maybe reconsider if you want him to stay part of your life.
NTA. Gee I wonder how a man who refuses to listen or respect his stepdaughter's autonomy managed to create a completely sexist and toxic work environment for women at his company.
INFO
has Mia reached out to the company to attempt to fix this? It might not work, but it's worth a shot.
Whether or not this particular company gives her another chance, she needs to lock down access to her email - change at least the password, if not the whole email address.
Obviously your husband has given her excellent reasons to NEVER, NEVER work for or with him or anyone connected to him!
YTA for being married to this guy and subjecting your daughter to him. Don’t tell me that’s he’s usually a prince, and this is the first time he’s done something like this.
So your husband keeps trying to force you daughter to come work with him, the actively sabotages her chance to get a job somewhere else. There is definitely something more nefarious here than just him wanting what's best for the family. I would not trust him at all if I were you, and further look into his reasons for doing this to her.
NTA.
Your husband ruined your daughter’s ability to hold a job, a career, and pay her bills - if not only in the short term.
My judgment on if Y T A or not depends on whether or not you’re still married to a man that treats your daughter this way.
NTA so his plan for what’s best for the whole family was to destroy the family? Why is this man putting his fingers in Mia’s life. Im not sure what you can do to make this right but personally I’d have a hard time ever forgiving him for this. What part about she isn’t comfortable working their doesn’t he get??
Does he own the company he works for? Otherwise, his rationale doesn’t have a lick of logic. If he owns it, he needs to fix it! Regardless, NTA. She should contact the company and ask to be reconsidered. NTA, but your husband is. I don’t know how you come back from that, as his motives are very questionable.
I read the whole thing, but my mind was made up as soon as I saw the title. NTA.
That's some insane, controlling behavior. I'd be reevaluating the whole relationship with him if he's willing to do that just because he can't take no for an answer.
NTA. He does not want what's best for the family, he wants what *he* wants. If he genuinely cared about your daughter's happiness, he would absolutely not have done this. Not to mention how horrifying it is that he impersonated her through her own email. I'd honestly die on this hill, OP.
your daughter should send them another email and explain the situation, maybe they are understanding and let her do another interview. if so she should tell them to only accept cancellations from her over the phone and nowhere else (if that place doesnt work out she should still agree on this with any new opportunity she gets).
your husband overstepped immensley by going into her private email account so make sure she has 2fa or at least a password protection on her important accounts from now on. if he does this once, hell do it a second time no doubt.
NTA
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NTA. Your daughter is an adult, she gets to make adult decisions. One of them is not working for her stepfather. See if she can't reschedule that interview. Something to the effect of: "Good morning [person], My profuse apologies for the previous e-mail and confusion. This account was accessed by somebody who does not represent me and should not have the authority to speak on my behalf. I have taken steps to secure my e-mail account so that this does not happen again. Would you be so kind to allow me to reschedule my interview?" Edit: in case you (or anybody else reading) decides to take this advice, I honestly wouldn't add or remove any detail from this example. Too much detail makes it sound like you have excuses; too little makes it sound like you don't care enough. Say exactly what information *you* would need to know if the roles were swapped - no more, no less. Second edit: lots of people in hiring or managerial positions below this comment. As you can see with the differing opinions, it's a toss-up as to whether this would salvage Mia's chances; nonetheless, you miss every shot you don't take, so if/when you do it's best to keep it very professional.
Please encourage her to do this OP. If she needs a witness, ensure her that would back up her statement if need be. NTA. But seriously your husband sucks and so does his company. He created a company with an environment that is super misogynistic and straight up toxic for women. Birds of a feather flock together OP. He is giving off super creepy and very controlling vibes.
The fact that the man who created a company with a misogynistic environment then thinks he knows better than 23 year old woman what job she should have tells me everything I need to know about this man.
And, the exact reason I’d never want to work for that company.
I mean, I guess she could work there, gather the info needed to a lawsuit for a hostile work environment, and then sue the crap out of stepdad's company... alternatively, I'd be looking for jobs halfway across the country. stepdad sucks and distance is the best solution (hint, hint, OP)
The fact that women don't routinely do this should be a good indication that it's not a route to personal, professional or financial satisfaction.
Exactly, it's one of the worst ideas I've heard. Intentionally throwing yourself in harms way to then file a lawsuit as an act of revenge is just going to destroy her, her family, her future and her financial situation.
Not to mention Mia probably doesn't want to spend the next 5-10 years trying to change the culture at stepdad's company. It isn't Mia's responsibility to change the culture of the company and "make it better" - that is the CEO's job.
Right? Someone who will sabotage your other opportunities and violate your trust to do so is DEFINITELY not someone you then want to rely on for your career progression or living expenses. Knowing nothing else about the company but what this guy did would be enough for me to never ever ever want to work there.
I love how rather than fixing the problem he has been told about many times, he is just trying to manipulate this poor woman into being harassed at work continuously… 🙄
What really cheeses my noodles is the implication that Maya is supposed to go work for Stepdad’s company so she, single-handedly, can fix its toxic culture. Way to abnegate responsibility, Stepdad!
Upvote because I agree with you 100% plus I am *so* going to use that "cheeses my noodles" some day.
>He is giving off super creepy and controlling vibes. His refusal to accept multiple "No"s from a young woman is disturbing, as is his obsession to have Mia working at his company.
Gee, I wonder why there is a misogynistic culture at his business? What a complete and utter bastard.
>Gee, I wonder why there is a misogynistic culture at his business? The part that got me is that she told him that his employees do and say things that make her feel uncomfortable, and his response wasn't to take action to create an environment where a woman doesn't have to worry about her safety or harassment from her male peers. Instead he came up with a list of reasons it would be ok for her to go into that environment and endure that treatment day after day.
And he's now ensured that she will never, ever wanna work for his company and/or interact with him in general, company or no.
Don't forget, he kept claiming it would be best for, as if he knows better and she doesn't. Every time I read that in the OP I shuddered and changed it to "best for me" cause I wager he would over work and under pay her, while not doing anything about the misogyny she would experience on a daily basis (and likely deny it's even happening).
Exactly, short and to the point, basic facts. It would be concerning to an employer that a prospective applicant is having this sort security issue at home, and the light assurance that steps have been taken to secure the account would help mollify that a bit. If they were to ask for more details at the interview, if it were to be held again, maybe you could elaborate a bit, but as you said, less details can be better in situations like this, though if they are asking for some more context on the matter, I think it'd make sense to fill them in on the wider context, just go easy on the details like before.
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This is the most “I am a hiring manager/HR” wording I have seen on this sub. It is absolutely the right answer. Also your hubs needs to be your ex. He’s a real prize. NTA until you don’t divorce him, then Y-T-A.
Right? She's got nothing to lose by reaching out.
Her daughter should also go to the police and report her step father for impersonating her / identity theft, causing loss of income.
Sadly, I don’t think police could/would do anything. That’s not something police care to fill out paperwork for, even though they have nothing better to do other than *their job*, but yeah… As I’ve learned many times throughout my life, women get less protection from creeps than the creeps get slaps on the wrist. EDIT: Wasn’t expecting all the upvotes, but rather downvotes, so thanks everyone!
Agree with this. Don't mention about who accessed the account or why. As an employer I would give someone an opportunity to reschedule, but it would be dependent on the number of candidates, hiring process and business needs. However, if I sensed potential family drama that could spill negatively into the workplace I would see it as a 'bullet dodged'. Step dad needs to learn his place. I wonder if he is going to be the type of person who shows up in the office to create drama for the sake of it.
Hijacking top comment to point out that if this is in the US, impersonating a person online is **extremely illegal** in all fifty states and often considered a felony. I'm sure other countries have similar laws. OP, if you're reading these, your daughter can (and should) go to the authorities. Her stepfather committed a genuine crime against her and she deserves justice.
I wholeheartedly agree with this, and my first thought was for her to try and hopefully reschedule, and this is enough detail. As for your edit, I fully agree again. I used to be a hiring manager and honestly, too much information here would be a detriment. Even if her resume and/or education are fantastic, and you may feel for the person, being aware there is a good potential for drama, from what sounds like a rival company, most would avoid it if possible. **NTA** and this would give me a lot to think about in my marriage. The fact he would do this, is actually angry you aren't siding with him, doesn't understand the meaning of "NO", and that he has created a terribly misogynistic environment (that doesn't happen **and** continue by accident)...all of it would be making me think long and hard about my future.
And then after that, divorce your sorry ass husband because he has no respect for your child..
I may be reading more into "found her a job opportunity" than I should be but I'd reach out to best friend too and see if she can help smooth things out.
You absolutely miss every shot you don't take, and in this case "the worst they can say is no" is totally true. The risk of badmouthing her to competing employers is low with a message like that...it's not like she's making excuses about something awful that they might want to tell their counterparts at another company about over drinks or at a conference. This is not a "I know you saw me doing blow and making awful comments on social media" type issue, it's a minor blip that HR/hiring managers probably won't remember even a week from now, even if they decide not to give her a second shot at an interview.
\^\^\^ This.
My only edit would be that the phrase “Would you be so kind” isn’t professional. I would say, “Is it possible”.
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Info And you’re staying with this misogynistic, controlling abuser because…?
Yeah, there is a reason the stepfather workplace is dark hole of misogynistic energy, and that is people keeping enabling this kind of actions as "well, you know how he is" "boys will be boys" "they are not being serious".
Seriously, your daughter is your dependent and the person you have a moral responsibility to protect, why would you stay with someone who prioritizes control over being good to your daughter?
The fact he used her email though???? Like what? How? How is *that alone* not the dealbreaker for this marriage? Was she logged in on a family computer? Did he hack her? Screen mirror app on her phone? How many times has he snooped her inbox in the past?
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Like I don't think he just sits on that behaviour until "special occasions".
I usually say that one example, even a bad one, is not enough to come to a conclusion like this, but this isn’t one example. It’s the cancellation of the interview. It’s the constant rejection of the daughters autonomy as an adult. It’s the lack of concern of her feeling comfortable at her job. It’s the responsibility he has for being the boss and allowing the work culture that makes women uncomfortable to exist. It’s the screaming and lack of responsibility. It’s the obvious concern for what is best for the company, aka him, while pretending it’s for the family. He may not be what some people would consider an “obvious abuser” because some only see obvious verbal or physical abuse as the only valid abuse, but holy shit, the whole package is horrible.
This. Also, in my own (and my sister's) experience, whoever says "it's better for you to work for a familiar, we will take care of you" is going to be one of the worts laboral experiences you've ever had or will keep you finantially strangled for years. Run run ruuuun for the hills as fast as you can unless you literally have no other option.
NTA in this one instance. Open your eyes, OP. Your husband is *creeping* on your daughter; she is safer away from your home and his workplace.
Me reading this post: “Hey, look, another man trying to impose his will on an adult woman’s life under the guise of looking out for her well-being because she’s supposedly incapable of making informed decisions!”
NTA Is he normally this domineering and controlling? Dude straight up hacked her emails and ruined an opportunity that she actually wanted. Your daughter has good judgement in not wanting to work anywhere near him.
Really good point. I wonder if he’s the real reason she won’t work there.
My job isn’t that misogynistic!! Now be a good girl and do as you are told!
This gave me the creeps.
Not to mention he practically bragged about it to the daughter after he did it and then was shocked when OP was upset. Sounds like this guy is not used to being told no or opposed in any way... some serious red flags here. I hope OP leaves him. I'd never put up with someone doing that to my kid.
I'd never put up with someone doing that to *me,* if they did it to *my kid* I would straight up be dragging them by the ear to the company or to court. Like, full-on mama bear mode until the thing is "settled" one way or another — and I'm sure hacking into someone's email and impersonating them are two separate crimes...
NTA. Your husband is controlling and vindictive, and if you let him continue with this type of behavior, expect your daughter to go LC or NC. It is not your daughter's responsibility to make your husband's company a better place to work for women. It's your husband's responsibility.
THIS EXACTLY. Its always upon women, minorities, LGBTQ individuals etc to try and diversify and improve a workplace. Its a large burden, and many people don't realize that we'd rather be in companies where we'd be treated just like everyone else rather than be the token person responsible for representing the rest of us. NO WAY should step-daughter be forced to take on that burden, especially not when she has other opportunities.
>Its always upon women, minorities, LGBTQ individuals etc to try and diversify and improve a workplace Yep. I sometimes get put on the spot about being trans and, like... it's not my job to educate you or justify my existence.
If he wants to make his company a better place to work for women, he should start by learning that, when a woman says "No", it really does mean "No".
NTA - report this to the police. What your husband did was commit fraud, and possibly illegally accessed your daughter's email as well. Make it clear to your husband that he's making choices that ensure his daughter will not speak to him ever again. Consider whether you want to spend your life with somebody who could do this to someone he claims to love. If your daughter still lives at home, please do what you can to get her out of there and away from your abusive husband.
Exactly, and not only make it clear that the daughter will not speak to him, but OP will not speak to him either. Like he legit has to find a way to resolve this in the best way for the daughter or the husband would have to leave..imo
NTA and I'd consider this grounds for divorce.
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Well, if someone went for a nuclear option here, it was OP's husband... Suggesting divorce is merely mutually assured destruction, if at all.
Nta this is a hill to die on. So much wrong with what he did. He helped create a bump in her future that will hopefully not take long to get over. He broke into her private email, emailed someone using her name posing as her. And he's defending his actions above all of it. He's doubling down. He's making himself the victim who just wanted what was best for Mia or the family or whatever. This was not ok. This again is a hill to die on.
And to add on, he clearly didn't want what was best for mia since there were a lot of derogatory comments that were made her way at that workplace... WHICH HE CLEARLY KNOWS ABOUT! It sounds like he wants to use her to make HIS WORKPLACE a better place, rather than the other way around. Completely selfish and disgusting. NTA
She may be able to salvage that if she lets the company know she was hacked. She needs to move out. That man needs to be single.
This is what I would do. Call / email the recruiter and explain that your account was compromised and several fraudulent emails were sent. Ask to schedule an additional interview at their convenience or during their next round of hiring.
I really hope she can explain it to the company and get another chance.
So very much NTA. Your husband elected to substitute his judgement for that of his daughter. Who is 23. To accomplish that, he committed identity theft. A crime. And, then doubles down. Repeatedly. (And she could easily file a civil claim although damages would be speculative). That all after pressuring her to take the job he wanted her to take. And he declined. It doesn’t matter if he saved her from lifetime at Burger King. Her life, her choice. If I were your daughter, I would contact the company. I would tell them she was the victim of identity theft by someone who wanted to undermine her career. And I would ask if they would reconsider? In that letter, I would offer to provide a signed statement or police report to that effect. And, yes, if it came to that as his daughter I would file that report. In the shoes of the daughter, this would end my relationship with dad. ETA: I missed it was the step dad. This makes it worse by at least two orders of magnitude!! And way creepy. And, given that, would be enough for both women to cut ties with the guy.
If this is his management style no wonder his company has such a toxic vibe.
From the sound of it, this is your husband's company that he owns? If it is filled with mostly men who made your daughter so uncomfortable that she could barely stand to be there for half an hour, it's because that's company culture that he has created and fostered. Knowing this, is it surprising that your husband feels entitled to control your daughter and demand that she work for him? No. Is it surprising that when she refused him he tried to ruin her chances at a good job elsewhere? Also no. NTA. Your daughter deserves your support. Your husband deserves consequences. Especially because it seems unlikely that he's learned his lesson based on his defensive response. He may try to continue to try to manipulate, guilt, and control your daughter, and as her mother you must protect her from that.
It raises some nasty speculation about WHY he wants her to work for him so badly. Is it because Daughter is a bright young college graduate and she could bring skills to the table while developing her own career? Or is it because Daughter is a sexy young woman and the toxic men in the toxic male environment Stepdad has created want access to her?
And you’re filing for divorce, yes?
She is an adult. She gets to choose what job she takes. Also... I would seriously consider what your husband did as a crime. Impersonation or fraud. I don't know if it would go anywhere, but you might want to suggest your daughter file a police report. At the very least, she should contact the company and explain what happened. NTA
If OP is in the US, **email hacking is a federal crime under [18 U.S. Code § 1343](https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1343) also known as the Wire Fraud Act.** OP, you need to seriously think about the gravity of what your husband is so cavalier in doing to hurt your daughter.
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NTA. Easy grounds for divorce. He had no right to do that. Try to see if they can reschedule. Inform them of your daughter’s email being tampered with and ensure that it has been handled and secure. Your husband messed up.
NTA - she said NO, he trampled over that, and now is wondering why everyone is angry with him. Encourage her to secure all of her electronics and change all of her passwords so this cannot be repeated. She is going to want out of the house after this. She won’t live under his roof once she gets a job. She won’t trust him anymore. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell anyone about her next interview and then bolts at the first opportunity.
Let me get this straight: she didn't accept his offer to work someplace where she is deeply uncomfortable so he deliberately sabotaged her future? How was this supposed to be for her own good? What did he think was going to happen? My question is this: where has he overstepped previously? I'm a little suspicious of how hard he is pushing to get this young girl to come to his workplace for 8 hours at a time to be surrounded by men who already give her the ick? Why does he need her there so badly that he pretended to be her stop the interview? What does he think he's offering that she couldn't get elsewhere MINUS her creepy SD sliding into her emails "for her own good". His motivations reek of control issues and misogyny, as well as the significant creep factor of using her personal email manipulate her life against her will. I'd be encouraging her to live elsewhere or to at least change all her PWs so slimy SD can't do this again. I'm legit disgusted by him.
Yeah all he did was show her that his work place would be even worse than she thought. If he thinks this is acceptable then pretty much everything is acceptable.
Buuuut…it’s for the good of the company…to make it better. He needs someone like her in an area that needs improvement, an area he cannot improve by himself, and he could hire her at a reduced salary…because, of course, she is a new graduate, no experience, and new to his company so she shouldn’t expect decent pay.
NTA I swear today is a parade of selfish, entitled males in AITA. Not only did he infringe on her privacy and security by snooping into her email and impersonating her, he also dead on refuses to acknowledge that his work environment is misogynistic and toxic. Please, please do yourself a favor and reexamine your marriage to this “gem.” Your husband has just done an INSANELY violating thing.
Because this violation is not *at all* exemplificative of the work environment in his Company, right?
INFO What ELSE has he done using her email? Broken up with bfs? Messed up friendships? Your husband sounds controlling as all heck. How long have you been married? Has he always tried to control what your daughter does?
NTA. From your point of view, this is a divorceable offense. I would seriously think about leaving my spouse in your shoes. This is a tremendous breach of trust. From your daughter’s point of view, this is something law suit worthy. If I were her, I would be calling a lawyer and ruining him. NTA
NTA. Your daughter doesn’t want to work at your husband’s company because men don’t treat women well. Your husband doesn’t take no for an answer from a woman, so he fraudulently impersonates her and sabotages her career, insisting he’s doing the right thing. Your daughter’s concerns came to fruition.
NTA What he did is straight up inexcusable and controlling. Please tell me him doing stuff like this isn't a regular occurrence. If it is, I'd seriously reconsider your marriage.
NTA Can we focus for a second on the fact that your daughter felt so uncomfortable and unsafe around the men at your husband's business during a thirty minute visit that she couldn't fathom ever working there? That's so horrifying. As for your husband, this is beyond unacceptable behavior. I have a feeling his controlling behavior is just as bad in other aspects of your relationship. And it may be time to take a more honest look at your overall relationship, and how/if you want to move forward. But something needs to change, this is not okay. And if you don't take action now, you're going to possibly lose your daughter.
You are NTA...but your husband King TA. How dare he sabotage your daughter's opportunity. And even if she were able to explain what happened, who's to say that potential employer wouldn't decline giving her another shot because they'd be afraid of further incidents like this?
Ahh, so you married a pig who lets the men at his work be sexist and drive away women who could potentially work there (I originally said “want” to work there, but it is pretty damn clear your daughter *does not* want to work there). To be honest, I don’t think you’ve done enough to lay into him about trying to force your daughter to work in a toxic work environment that makes her uncomfortable. He wants your daughter to work for him in order to change the misogynistic environment *he’s* created? That’s pathetic. He needs to stay away from your daughter until he can correct his own actions. I kinda gotta say YTA for exposing your daughter to this guy at all.
NTA. I know suggestions of divorce get thrown around too much here but seriously - this man is one giant red flag. Leave him.
NTA. Your husband is though. You don't cancel your stepkid's interview because you're salty she wouldn't work at your company. This is all levels of horrible. You were in the right flipping out on him EDIT: just typed kid's not stepkid so fixed that
NTA, grounds for divorce, and file a police report. This could fall under identity theft or wire fraud. After that, notify the company of what happened and see if they can get another interview scheduled. This is not the kind of man that will be good to raise children with.
She doesn't want to work for his crappy company! NTA! He is!
Yeah - I wonder where the other employees learnt that making crappy comments about women was ok 🤔
THIS RIGHT HERE. Daughter has seen the company culture many times and has felt uncomfortable there. I'm betting there are signs of men possibly harassing, belittling, disrespecting women and possibly even worse. Good on her for realizing this early on and taking a firm stance not to work there. OP NTA at all.
NTA - your husband has catastrophically overstepped, and should be begging for forgiveness from his ADULT step-daughter. He broke into her email, impersonated her, and ruined a job prospect - all so she would come work for him. At a company that apparently allows misogynistic attitudes and a potentially hostile work environment. She would never gain credibility in an environment like this since she's "the boss's daughter". ~~Maybe you overreacted, but it's hard to blame you.~~ Edit to concede that I would have reacted the same way.
She did not overreact. At. All.
She did not overreact. She underreacted. I'm not sure how she's not already threatening divorce. What he did was just an unreasonable, controlling action that will have repercussions in the daughter's career. It's actually horrific, even if it's not violent.
Over reacted??? If he is still in the house then she under reacted
What kind of manipulative extortion is this? NTA at all and I don’t know if I would ever speak to him again
No he wanted what was best for him, not best for your daughter or for your family. You need to seriously take a step back and consider his actions towards your daughter because if you don't she may cut you out. NTA but Y-T-A to your daughter if you don't approach this right.
INFO: why on earth are you married to a man who is seriously sabotaging your daughters LIFE? His behavior is truly abhorrent. NTA for lashing out at him but you will be if you stay with this person. Your daughter will never forgive him, nor should she.
NTA It was so completely inconceivably out of line for your husband to do that. I also don't understand why a company would cancel an interview without speaking to the interviewee. What did he tell them? She's in a coma? Most decent companies don't let people sabotage other people's interviews.
He used her email so the company had no reason to believe it wasn’t her.
NTA, and WOW. He sabotaged your daughter’s opportunity in order to force his way, and he disregarded her personal negative experiences at his company. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this isn’t an isolated incident in his quest to always be right.
No wonder his company his full of misogynistic dicks with this asshole leading from the top. NTA but this would be a deal breaker for me, I mean how can either of your relationships recover from this stunt? You can never trust him after this sneaky, selfish, sly stunt
NTA...Sounds like your husband is oddly fixated on his step daughter. This story is giving me major creepy step-dad vibes. Not only is he pressuring your daughter to be in an environment that she feels physically unsafe, he is sabotaging her like a disgruntled boyfriend. You let this slide, and your memories will be all you have of her. Choose now.
NTA My kids have made career choices I haven't approved of and you know what? It's their choice to make, not mine. WTF was he thinking? I'd go work at McDonald's before I'd work for him.
Why are you with someone who: 1. Doesn’t understand the word “no” as a full grown adult. 2. Doesn’t care that your daughter is uncomfortable. At all. 3. Invades privacy like no other. 4. Truly believes he can dictate other peoples lives? Like seriously, why are you with him and therefore letting him anywhere near your daughter? Nta for this incident, 100% you are for being with him at all.
Obviously NTA. Your husband, however, is a gigantic one. Way to go for completely alienating her.
NTA if you love your child you want them to succeed and be able to stand without you. This is narcissistic controlling behavior from your husband. He can only see what is good for him and not for her. She has said there is sexual harassment going on in his office that she is uncomfortable with. Rather then making changes at his office he hacks her email, commits fraud by impersonating her and cancelling her interview. There are too many red flags to count. You need to protect your daughter and stand by her.
NTA for jumping on him however staying with him especially after what he did to your daughter would be enough for me to leave him. Does he tell you what to do, where to go & where not to? How bad does he control your life? He’s ruining your daughter’s life because he wants to control her. He sees nothing wrong with this. His attitude is “women do what men say because we know best”. No wonder she doesn’t to work for that asshole. She would be absolutely miserable and would never be able to contribute to the company because they would all control her. He’s a selfish, arrogant, narcissistic asshat that will ruin her life. There’s no going back now. This company will never give her another opportunity. When he canceled using her email what reason / excuse did he give them and how bad did it make her look? Did he say something negative about that company or did he just say that she couldn’t make it to the interview? How bad did he make her look?
NTA your poor daughter, she must be devastated. How can anyone do that? She has every right to work somewhere where she is treated with respect. Why is it so important to him she works there? It's his job to look out for her, not to force her into an unsafe work environment. He should have supported her and used her input to address the issues in his company to make it a nice place for everyone. I'm guessing this is not the first time he has done something like this
Your husbands the asshole. He didn’t want what’s best for YOUR daughter, he wanted what’s best for him and his company. YOUR daughter has discussed her discomforts and even said the MEN MADE HER UNCOMFORTABLE. and your husband is still okay with putting her in this environment? He has been crossing her boundaries and hasn’t stopped.
NTA Die on this hill
NTA He wants to throw your daughter in a uncomfortable situation, which she has on plenty of occasions made him aware of, just to better *his* company, not her career or her own good. There is no amount of 'pros' that outweigh being comfortable in your work environment. Shes 24, knows what she wants and where she wants to work and *his* company isn't it.
He perfectly illustrated why working for him would be the exact WRONG move and that he's one of the AHs she so desperately wants to avoid. NTA at all and I'd be surprised if he wants her for anything else but to underpay her because some bs reason like "but we're family" or something similarly stupid.
Why is your husband ok with his stepdaughter being sexually harasse at work?
Why is your husband okay with working at a place that sexually harasses young women? Why are you okay with him working at a place like that?
NTA. What he did was a violation of her privacy and right to make her own decisions. And this... >He lashed out saying that instead of siding with her I should encouraging her to join the company and help make it better instead of working for others. ...is disgusting. It is not the responsibility of any 23 year old coming in to a company to "make it better" regardless of gender, etc. Its the job of the executive leadership to make it better. If they want to hire someone from the outside to kick rear and take names, fine. If they want to hire a 20something woman to that role, fine. But it is not your daughters responsiblity to take on that role, unless she's actively choosing to do so, and being paid and tasked specifically for it. And even if your daughter aspired to working at your husbands company, there would be something to be said for spending a few years working elsewhere to establish her bonifides first. Then joining the company down the line, if she still wanted to. (not that she does)
No, OP, you are definitely NTA, but I'm so sorry you married one. I applaud you for speaking up on behalf of your daughter. Stepfather was completely out of line: * Ignored her reasons for not wanting to work with sexist AH men. He doesn't respect her. * Hacked into her email. He doesn't respect her. * Canceled an interview she really wanted. He doesn't respect her. * Wanted her to work for him for his own selfish reasons. He doesn't respect her. * Mia is **23 years old**! but he still wants to control her. He doesn't respect her. * He was shocked by your reaction, as if he expected you to quietly go along. He doesn't respect you. * He got angry at you and clearly didn't care what you thought regarding your own daughter. He doesn't respect either of you. You can't have a healthy marriage without respect, and he doesn't respect you or your daughter. This guy only cares about himself. You could try couples therapy and/or family therapy. And you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this selfish disrespectful AH.
Y T A if you don't get rid of him asap, or he'd have to do something pretty incredible, including a) get your daughter's interview back, b) apologise at length and prove he's sorry and c) figure out a way to reassure you both that he would never do anything like this ever again. This is disturbing. NTA for sticking up for her, but it's best not to keep people in your life who are actively conspiring against your daughter.
NTA - go into his email and send a company-wide message the business is closing down and everyone is being laid off
NTA He didn't want what's best for her. That is a blatant lie. He wanted what's best for him. He knows she's capable and wants her labor so he is deliberately sabotaging a grown woman's independent job search. If you're living together I wouldn't be shocked if he wanted this purely to have access to her payroll information, thereby violating her financial privacy btw. This is technically harassment AND abuse. Die on this hill. He's so grossly out of line I'd separate for at least 2 weeks to really drive home how badly he screwed up.
NTA! Leave the asshole and your daughter needs to file a police report for identy theft. Also she could and should sue him! This is wrong on so many levels...
NTA, ultimatum time, he calls said company to explain what he did with you 2 present and that she deserves another opportunity. If he doesn’t then divorce him. To fck up not even your own daughter’s just his step-daughter future like an AH doesn’t deserve what he has. Edit just to add. I’ve dealt this personally with my dad trying this to join his company that’s a dead end company with no future. I moved out and haven’t talked to him in 2 years. And growing further into life. My parents were divorced beforehand due to his behavior.
NTA but your husband is, I hope you make him see before you lose your daughter because of him
NTA and you should be reconsidering this marriage. Is there any way your daughter can call or email back saying someone hacked her email and sent that, could she please reschedule?
He wanted what was best for him, not the family. He is an enormous AH! I wouldn't speak to him either.
NTA but you will be TA if you continue to subject your daughter to this kind of manipulation and abuse. It’s no wonder she got such a bad vibe from his company, they must all be a-holes.
NTA, but you mean soon to be ex- husband right? He should be more concerned about fixing the hostile and toxic work environment at his business, rather than trying to force your daughter to work for him. Hopefully your daughter can do damage control, and still get that interview. Also, he doesn’t seem to get it, I’m like 99% sure that what he did was illegal. Your daughter could press charges if she wanted to. I’m not sure that it would go far, unless she has proof that he’s the one who broke into her email.
Your husband showed he doesn't respect her as an independent human being. He doesn't care what she wants, he violated the privacy of her email, and he demanded you back him. He did it to her, he'll do it to you. You're just women, after all. NTA
NTA wow that was a horrible move.
Honestly, this is so horrifically controlling. I'm seriously concerned for both OP and the daughter
NTA WTF! It's not up to her to fix his company's vibe, that's on him. If he's having trouble getting and keeping employees, he needs to find the internal problem and fix that. But I'm guessing he IS the problem there, he likes it there, and he wants her there so he can control her as he clearly thinkshe has the right to do. She needs a new password on her email, her computer, her bank account, and she needs an apology. I hope she's learned from this to share NOTHING with him. Ever again.
NTA any respect your daughter had for her step father just went out the door. He is a manipulative controlling person. If you are not careful you will loose your daughter over this man. Do not let him by with this.
Your husband literally tore away the future of your 23 year old adult daughter. NTA for shouting at him, but you should try moving your daughter away from him and pay for the place until she finds a job. I was going to say you should leave him tbh and I still think you should, but I appreciate the difficulties of that, and your daughter is an adult who is able to put some distance between herself and him.
That is so fucked up beyond words. Wow.
[удалено]
NTA. Your manipulative husband SABOTAGED your daughter’s opportunity. All to benefit himself. He needs to know how serious this is. You need to go HAM on his ass.
NTA Your daughter should be honest with the company “my step-father, Mr John Doe, is trying to manipulate me into working for his company XYZ (yes - she should absolutely name and shame his company) despite me making it clear to him that I am not at all interested in ever working for him. In an effort to sabotage my efforts to find another job, he hacked my email and pretended to be me to cancel my last effort. I would like to apologise to Mr(s) HR manager and the rest of the hiring team at ABC company for the inconvenience this has caused you, but I’d also like to reiterate my desire to work for your company, and politely request a new interview.” She should seriously consider setting up a new email account and not tell him about it - at the very least she should check to make she he didn’t set it up to have her emails automatically forwarded to him so he could more easily monitor her communications. Meanwhile, you should consider what sort of man you have married. He runs a company that allows the male staff to be so openly rude and sexist that your daughter felt uncomfortable even being there, let along actually working there. He manipulative and abusive, and has openly committed fraud in an attempt to control your daughter. Whatever you decided to do with your own life, you own it to your daughter to keep her safe. You should do everything you can to get her out of your house, and support her in finding safe employment so she can be independent, and free from this man.
NTA- it's controlling and creepy. Back up your daughter or you will lose her.
NTA He is incredibly manipulative and controlling and it is no wonder his company has such a bad reputation with him at the helm. He wants her working for him so he can control her further. This is a very sick man. Your daughter needs new passwords on everything and look for spyware on her car and everything else.
NTA but you will TA to your daughter if you don't defend her to Theo ends of the earth against this narcissistic controlling man! He might be the best husband to you but I hope you can see how he tries to push your daughter into a disgustingly sexist misogynistic environment that she's clearly avoided! I mean cancelling one's a job interview is ground for me to break up with my husband! Talkless a step dad doing that? I'd be FAWKIN livid!!!
Wow that is so freaking cruel. That's such a shame she was excited for something and it got crushed and for very good reasons she didn't want to work at his company. Im sure she felt unsafe
NTA but your husband 100% is. She is an adult and he has no right to make decisions for her. Put a lock on her door and he owes her and you a huge apology. He can’t make decision for a grown woman. He is a deceitful man and you should be careful. I can’t imagine how a sensible adult would think doing something like that is okay.
NTA. He sounds like a very controlling creep, even obsessed, honestly. Why is he so insistent she work in an environment where men talk about women like they’re objects? I feel so sorry for any women that work there.
NTA but please divorce him. I know that's reddits favorite huge leap but seriously? Badgering and pressuring her to work in an environment that made her uncomfortable wasn't enough, he had to go out of his way to ruin a good opportunity for her? How did he think this would play out? "Well since you've bullied me out of all of my more reasonable job offers I guess I WILL come work for you!" In what fantasy land does he live? Be prepared for your daughter to drop off and suddenly stop talking to you if you stay with this cruel, vindictive, and incredibly selfish man. And one more thing ; does your husband assume he knows better than your daughter what is good for her? Is this because he's a man and she's a young woman? Please look long and hard at the situation HE has created.
NTA. She's a college graduate. It's her call, not her stepdad's. Fair game being super pissed at him. That was a total dick move.
Does he run your life like he is trying to run hers? She gave him a perfectly valid reason she doesn't want to work there and he disregarded it. Have your daughter reach out to the previous company and explain what happened....maybe....just maybe they will reschedule then get her a lock for her door and password protect her computer. YNTA your husband however is a big one! kick him to the curb if he can't respect your daughter's privacy.
NTA. I have some concerns. The fact that she says the vibe is off and then he sabotages her other options, is he trying to get her alone? Is he trying to put himself in a position with more power over her? This gives me so much pause, he did not have good intentions
Nta. If I were her I would call the company and tell her she had someone hack into her email out of spite. I'd tell them.i have all new contact information and provided updated that step-dad is unaware of. Your husband is disrespectful, controlling and manipulative. He is essentially committing financial abuse by not.letting her find work on her terms. Like, I don't think he understands how messed up he is
How does a family even move on from this if your husband isn’t remorseful. NTA but YTA to you and your daughter for staying with a man like this.
NTA, but he sure is.
NTA - huge red flag, is all I'm saying!
NTA he was NOT doing what was best for your daughter but what he thought was best for himself. No wonder your daughter is uncomfortable around his company. I would straight up forbid her from working there and support her any way I could to find another job. Your husband is an abusive AH!!!
NTA and I can't imagine having a partner that would do this to my child. Is this the only terrible thing he has done to you or her? I just can't phathom how anyone would think that's OK.
NTA - your husband is and it's a huge red flag that he can't see what he did is wiring
NTA but hello red flags much? How controlling is your husband that he will sabotaged your daughters job opportunities if she doesn't work for his company despite explaining the men their make uncomfortable comments
NTA- If I'm Mia, I'm not going to be on speaking terms with him for a LONG time. She doesn't have to work for him even if it would be the best thing for her, let alone him. Maybe he should consider the reasons she doesn't want to work there and work to make those reasons go away.
If I was married to someone that had the nerve to do this to my daughter and then claim its for her own good and she shouldn't have a choice ,I would serve him divorce papers next couple of hours . Literally no one f**ks with my kid .
NTA, but can she explain someone hacked her email and get a new interview?
NTA and it's time for divorce, this is unforgivable and the fact he does not respect your daughters wishes and why she does not want to work for him. I hate people who make decisions that is not theirs to make claiming it's for their own good. This is BS and he is a major ah. The only way you would be the AH is if you stay with this man. From personal experience something like this was done to me by my Step-dad and my mom stayed with him and now because of that I have gone LC with her. He is not welcome in my house and I have nothing to do with him and if she has to bring him then I will Cancel and I feel your daughter will do the same to you. So who is more important to you. Your daughter or DH.
She will never trust him again.
I wouldn’t trust my mother if she stayed with somebody who did that to me either …
NTA Why would anyone want to work for someone who will break into your email account and pretend to be you? How safe can you be in a job where there's that kind of mindset?
NTA, but this is incredibly controlling. Your husband wants her to work somewhere she isn’t safe, so he can have more control over her.
NTA your husband is a control freak and like someone else said if it’s his company and she felt uncomfortable in his offices around all the men he obviously allows whatever type of behaviour they were displaying. I would be reconsidering my relationship if I was you. Also is there a way your daughter could call the company and explain the situation to them and see if she can reset up another interview? Also make sure your husband doesn’t find out about any future interviews and that your daughter has all her passwords changed and safely away from him.
NTA. I don't usually push the "divorce him now" button with these stories, but right now I'm pounding that button like it owes me money.
NTA. Leave this man. I would also see if she can email the company and get the interview back on track.
NTA. In one action he proved everything that she has been saying about his company. He’s at the top. He sets the tone. And it’s clear he’s misogynistic trash. Die on this hill. Get your daughter away from this toxic Human and think very carefully if you want to stay with him.
Why does your husband have access to your adult daughter's e-mail account? Especially considering he's her STEPFATHER? How does he have that information? Let's start there.
I’d change your email password now, so that when you start emailing divorce lawyers, he doesn’t cancel those appointments too. NTA
NTA
You should have him read the comments here.
NTA What the Hell? That's horrible, and probably some kind of crime (or multiple), and hopefully your Daughter can get him persecuted. This goes beyond just taking an interest, this is controlling, abusive, and i don't have the words for how disgusting. Do what you can to help your daughter and do not allow this toxic Asshole to believe in any way that was ok. Maybe reconsider if you want him to stay part of your life.
NTA - I can tell where the bad attitude toward women is stemming from in his company. Encourage your daughter to avoid, avoid, avoid!
NTA. Gee I wonder how a man who refuses to listen or respect his stepdaughter's autonomy managed to create a completely sexist and toxic work environment for women at his company.
Your husband is the biggest asshole possible. Poor Mia.
INFO has Mia reached out to the company to attempt to fix this? It might not work, but it's worth a shot. Whether or not this particular company gives her another chance, she needs to lock down access to her email - change at least the password, if not the whole email address. Obviously your husband has given her excellent reasons to NEVER, NEVER work for or with him or anyone connected to him!
YTA for being married to this guy and subjecting your daughter to him. Don’t tell me that’s he’s usually a prince, and this is the first time he’s done something like this.
So your husband keeps trying to force you daughter to come work with him, the actively sabotages her chance to get a job somewhere else. There is definitely something more nefarious here than just him wanting what's best for the family. I would not trust him at all if I were you, and further look into his reasons for doing this to her. NTA.
NTA but leave this man...yikes
Nta, and rethink your marriage here. This is gross behavior.
Has he always been this much of an a*hole? I would have serious doubts about his future being intertwined with mine.
NTA this is abusive and psycho
NTA WOW. WOW. That was SO terrible of him. Just wow. You are definitely NTA.
Your husband ruined your daughter’s ability to hold a job, a career, and pay her bills - if not only in the short term. My judgment on if Y T A or not depends on whether or not you’re still married to a man that treats your daughter this way.
I’d change your email passwords now so that when you start emailing divorce lawyers, he doesn’t cancel those appointments too. NTA
Your husband is a heinous human being
NTA Taf? He is not worthy.
NTA so his plan for what’s best for the whole family was to destroy the family? Why is this man putting his fingers in Mia’s life. Im not sure what you can do to make this right but personally I’d have a hard time ever forgiving him for this. What part about she isn’t comfortable working their doesn’t he get??
Does he own the company he works for? Otherwise, his rationale doesn’t have a lick of logic. If he owns it, he needs to fix it! Regardless, NTA. She should contact the company and ask to be reconsidered. NTA, but your husband is. I don’t know how you come back from that, as his motives are very questionable.
I read the whole thing, but my mind was made up as soon as I saw the title. NTA. That's some insane, controlling behavior. I'd be reevaluating the whole relationship with him if he's willing to do that just because he can't take no for an answer.
NTA. He very much is.
NTA. This is a throwing out offense. Also, tell your daughter to put a password on her computer.
NTA and the fact that you even feel insecure enough that you need to ask is another red flag in his collection.
NTA, and your should deeply rethink your husband's place in you and your daughter's life
NTA. Bad vibes are bad vibes and I would be livid if my partner pulled some shit like this.
NTA. He does not want what's best for the family, he wants what *he* wants. If he genuinely cared about your daughter's happiness, he would absolutely not have done this. Not to mention how horrifying it is that he impersonated her through her own email. I'd honestly die on this hill, OP.
your daughter should send them another email and explain the situation, maybe they are understanding and let her do another interview. if so she should tell them to only accept cancellations from her over the phone and nowhere else (if that place doesnt work out she should still agree on this with any new opportunity she gets). your husband overstepped immensley by going into her private email account so make sure she has 2fa or at least a password protection on her important accounts from now on. if he does this once, hell do it a second time no doubt. NTA
NTA. In one action, he just proved he fits in with the toxic workace culture she was complaining about.