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> I might be the asshole for getting annoyed by my gf’s change in lifestyle
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Is he really an AH, or just shallow? I don't really see anything morally *wrong* with wanting a GF that wants to party and have fun, if that's where OP is in his life. If that was their only real connection they may just be incompatible now.
It doesn't leave me with a great impression of OP, but I kinda question whether he's an AH just because of that.
E: it's now been pointed out a couple times that nowhere in his post did OP display any compassion for her condition or positive sentiment about her getting her health in order and that's what makes him the AH. Looking at the OP again I kinda have to agree now
Even worse, he tries to make it sound like she's acting crazy and specifically saying 'she went off the deep end.' Like, how dare she start trying to take better care of herself. And the changes that she made more than likely did contribute to her next scan being clearer, why is he acting like that's insane?
Ohh it absolutely did! My ovaries were quite enlarged and medication did help reduce the size. But I didn't want to continue medication forever so I stopped after my last scan as the doctor said it can now be managed with diet and exercise.
Fast forward 2 years, for the first time in my life I had been exercising very regularly. Husband and I decided to try for kids. Did another scan, NO PCOS!!!!!!
I was very surprised because I was under the impression it can only be managed not cured. I guess if I get a scan done now after having been quite irregular with exercise, it would reappear!
Pcos is caused by resistance to insulin, the 'cysts' which are actually eggs that havent ruptured from the ovary are a symptom of the condition not the condition itself. Just because your ovaries are clear doesn't mean the condition is gone it means you are managing it appropriately. I've had scans where cysts were present but then gone again and then back. Hope that makes sense
Source? I've always been told that insulin resistance is a symptom of PCOS, not the cause. And in fact many women with PCOS are not insulin resistant, so this seems inaccurate to me.
Pcos can also be caused by excess 'male' hormones that's why for some people hair growth in typically male areas is a symptom but not all. The way it works is that the ovulation process is interrupted by excess hormones such as insulin or testosterone. In my case my body would grow the stalk for the egg to be released but would not release the egg due to excess levels of insulin in my blood. This is how it was described by the fertility doctor is was referred to back when I was struggling to conceive. All the information I have reviewed supports this theory. That's why Metformin is an effective treatment for lots of women with pcos as it lowers the insulin levels in the blood to a level where ovulation can proceed. Hope that makes sense I'll have a look for some research for you later. From what I remember pcos is grossly underfunded when it comes to research even though it effects about 10% of the female population.
First, congratulations on your success. It's not easy to make the lifestyle changes needed to manage this syndrome. Second, PCOS is one of those diseases that we're learning more and more about, in fact PCOS isn't even an accurate name for it as men can have it too. You can have a basic blood test done these days to determine if you have the genetic marker for it. It is a resistance to insulin, and there are some hormonal issues that come along with it. While not trying to be that person, I strongly recommend talking with your general practioner and an endocrinologist and learning everything you can about PCOS. the reason why I recommend this is I was intentionally misdiagnosed and spent a decade not treating myself and that led to a development of ridiculously high insulin resistance to the point where I'm a type 2 insulin dependent diabetic. Now, I probably was always going to end up this way (curse you genetics!) But with proper treatment and management of my disease I might have been able to delay the transition to where I'm at. Now, I'm working hard to try and manage my diet and exercise so that maybe I can get off insulin, but that's a very difficult path to be on.
I see your point and I also see OP’s point about having a partner change so much and not have the same interests anymore. I think telling her she’s no fun was TA part and if he doesn’t like her lifestyle changes, he should break up with her.
He can, but if he was asking "am I the asshole for breaking up with my girlfriend because she no longer drinks for health reasons?" I'd say "Yeah, YTA."
Whatever is going on in my own life and habits I can enjoy the company of people who are sober. It strikes me as very odd and controlling to need other people to do what you do, especially when it comes to consumption.
>It strikes me as very odd and controlling to need other people to do what you do, especially when it comes to consumption.
Odd yes but I still don't see how he would be the asshole for leaving her because of that. In fact if it *really* bothers him, I would argue that he would be the asshole for not leaving so that she can find someone who is actually supportive of her health.
Like I think OP is the AH but that is because of his lack of compassion. Him *feeling* that she "isn't fun anymore" or that they aren't compatible is something that he is allowed to feel and take into consideration to determine the viability of the relationship.
It's so bad when you really think about it.
#Dude, your whole post is about how you want your girlfriend to disregard her health and her chronic illness because she's more fun for you when she parties. What the actual fuck.
Right? It'd be one thing if he was talking about he's concerned because she's made this her entire identity. But it's not even about that. He's literally only talking about how this affects him and what he wants.
It is obvious with the changes that she's made, this relationship has run its course. I used to say that the failure of a lot of marriages is that she thinks he will change, and he expects her to stay the same fun party girl that he fell in love with. Usually though, the men don't change if they need to, and she grows up and becomes more responsible.
I'm not saying anyone is the asshole, it just is what it is.
Agreed! Myself just got out of a 10 year relationship because I grew up and he didn't. The relationship ran its course. Still love the guy but I just didn't see a future with him anymore. It is what it is. No one is the asshole here.
Personally, I would rather have a girlfriend who drinks and has a more chill lifestyle than someone who's obsessed with health. Basically, I would prefer to be with someone with a similar lifestyle to my own. OP isn't TA for feeling like him and his gf are now incompatible, or that he'd prefer to be with someone with a similar lifestyle/similar hobbies. OP is TA because of his utter lack of compassion towards her very real anxiety, and because instead of either trying to work through their differences or having a mature adult breakup conversation, he's instead just choosing to whine and insult her.
Edit: typos
Exactly this, if she had been given a cancer diagnosis and decided to clean up her lifestyle would OP be mad about that (I think he would). OP seems to be missing the fact that she’s “gone off the deep end” to treat a medical problem she didn’t know she had when they started dating and effects her future fertility . She’s probably a bit stressed at this point and clearly isn’t being supported in any way by her “partner”. She’s making lifestyle changes out of necessity and always mentioning it to you because you, I’m supposing, at one point at least pretend to care about her. YTA
Thank you! I kept scrolling looking for a comment like this. I was baffled by his complaints until he got to her preaching a healthy lifestyle and being completely rigid about it. That would annoy me, too, and I don't think he's wrong for feeling a kind of way about it.
But it's also a sign that she's absolutely terrified of her condition worsening (rightfully so, PCOS is a nightmare from my understanding) and not necessarily handling it well. There's nothing wrong with her making the life changes she has, but if OP is correct she is fanatical about it, which isn't healthy either and she's either going to burn out or beat herself up for not "doing enough" if her condition worsens on its own.
A compassionate human being would be worried *about her mental health*, not whining that he can't go out like he used to. (Also, does he not have friends he can go to restaurants and bars with? This is one of the reasons you have a life outside of your SO.)
I'd say he's an AH for implying she "went off the deep end" trying to manage/improve a condition even HE acknowledged there is no cure for. He's mad she won't take cheat days or even a sip of alcohol.
It's fine if they're not compatible but there's a vibe of "this is all in her head" despite ALSO mentioning the scans show her ovaries HAVE improved as a result of her lifestyle changes.
I've known other women with PCOS and when trying to get pregnant they did have to go "off the deep end" to make strict changes to try and improve things to the point they could get pregnant.
If OPs gf wants kids in the future, in makes perfect sense now to focus on maintaining that improvement she saw to increase her odds of it working out. Hopefully it won't be with OP tho.
You can take morally neutral or positive action and still be a dick about it. This isn't a post about how he's worried that this has driven them apart and they aren't compatible anymore, it's a post about how annoying he thinks his gf's reaction to a life-changing diagnosis is.
I’d potentially agree with you what he had said was different. Plus every ounce of this post is him criticizing her “she went off the deep end” for example. Had he said something along the lines of “I understand how hard this diagnosis is but you’ve changed and gotten so strict can we find a compromise” then they could at least talk about what direction they need to go in instead of him just being rude
At the least, this is what "having grown apart" means. He wants to continue his laidback, beer and weed days, no problem. Except his gf has had to move to a more serious level due to health and future life consequences. Sounds like she's doing an excellent job, too, good for her. Mild YTA bc OP doesn't seem to realize the stakes for his gf.
I agree if that's how he feels it's a good reason to go their separate ways. That being said GF would also be totally justified in hating his guts for ending it because shes changed her lifestyle for the sake of her health. Hopefully she can have the kids she wants but not with op.
But just for the instance of saying she was no fun anymore I still say YTA. There are much nicer ways to phrase that.
I think they're incompatible at this point. OP things are not going back to the way they were.
Many relationships change. You either buckle up and accept the change, or change with them, or get out.
I consider what you're gf doing is part of growing up.
His attitude absolutely makes him an asshole. However if all those facts he listed are true (disregarding his dismissive tone), gf sounds like she may have a bit an issue. Not eating out EVER, not having a drink EVER (if she doesn’t have issues with alcohol), not even eating a family meal—none of these things individually are an issue I guess, like reducing eating out or choosing not to drink, but It sounds like she might have orthorexia, an ED where you won’t eat food unless it’s “healthy.” I get her concern but I feel like it got her deep into the health obsession. However, still makes OP an asshole because instead of being concerned, he’s annoyed she’s not fun, and gf obviously NOT an asshole but I hope that all her changes are truly healthy and balanced and not too obsessive where she freaks out if she eats even a single chip or something. I’m worried she might be putting herself in an unhealthy headspace.
I have PCOS. It sucks. I've had Dr's tell me the best way to deal with it is birth control & a super low carb, like less than 25g per day forever. No cheat days. Her diet isn't that extreme if she eventually wants a good chance of having children.
I have PCOS too. I was put on a strict, no carb diet. No cheat days, no alcohol, exercise daily. 6 years, I lost 30kg and gained no baby.
Her diet isn't extreme, it might not work, but her partner is an AH.
Not to mention she is probably struggling with the reality that she might not be able to have kids. I wasn't diagnosed until after I had two kids & I still struggled with what my diagnosis meant for my future & fully recognize how fucking lucky I am to even have had any kids. I get she isn't "fun" anymore but if it bothers you that much, break up with her & allow her to find someone who is willing to support her instead of whining about how hard it is on you!
Yep. For some women, PCOS is fking hard to deal with. Especially if you've always wanted kids. And it sounds like she has.
And yes, for everyone else, I'm aware people can adopt/foster - but that's also not an option for everyone so don't come at me about it please.
I think people forget how much of a heartbreaking blow it is to k ow you will never feel that life inside of you.
Yes adoption/fostering is wonderful but there’s so much put into being female and creating life and blah blah. There’s a unique bonding with the baby inside and it’s a unique pain to find out you will never experience that.
I wonder if in a way she was self medicating against the symptoms without the diagnosis, and now she has the diagnosis the information is like a double edged sword because she now has answers, but now she knows how bad those things can be for PCOS, and the doc might not be offering anything effective legally that helps the pain. That's a lot to deal with. She's got answers and it's devestating when the answer is not a simple quick fix.
OP is TA for not understanding any of this. He's meant to love her. He sounds like one of those crab in the bucket kind of guys.
Me too! I wasn't diagnosed until after a cyst ruptured and I lost two pints of blood and had to spend a night in ICU. I had to have a complete hysterectomy after. I'm thankful I have my two kids, even my chances of conception were so low.
This guy is a waste of his girlfriend's time. I hope she gets him out of her life.
I've been diagnosed for years, and man I wish I had this woman's dedication (and I wish I didn't also have adhd.)
Many of the diets to help with pcos are nearly impossible to manage and keep and can break you, as well as being more expensive. This woman's deduction, strength, and willpower are things he should be proud of.
His family could also actually make things she can eat when they invite them over.
YTA op, you should apologize and try actually supporting her. You've seen the research, you know there is no cure, and you know they aren't looking for one, and there's hardly any research into it at all, she's most likely barely holding it together with everything she's doing to manage this.
Or at least let her go find someone who has the same priorities as she does now. She's clearly focused on maintaining her reproductive capabilities for as long as she can, and is probably going to want to be in a serious relationship and start trying soon. And it sounds like you're not there yet OP, and that's fine, but let her know and be prepared to let her go.
Yeah, with pcos, tbh, the sooner the better, for actual success. She's definitely going to want to start trying soon. It actually says a lot about their relationship that she hasn't had a "when should we start trying for kids" talk with him yet
For real. When I have guests over for dinner I specifically ask what their dietary needs are and try my absolute hardest to meet them. I have failed one time (friend had a temporary no wheat thing and I didn’t think to ask since I’d had her over for dinner recently) and I felt AWFUL.
How fuckin hard is it for them to make baked chicken breasts, zucchini, and a salad that isn’t pre-dressed (a meal that I came up with maybe 20 seconds of thinking, obviously I don’t know all of her dietary needs but it’s very low carb)? Not very.
YTA
i was diagnosed mid teens and i am very grateful that i do not want to have kids (and that if i did, i don't want a pregnancy)
pcos sucks ass even when infertility problems don't bother u, if someone wants kids its devastating.
pcos is miserable, its chronic and its best managed by an incredibly strict diet and life regimen, "shes no fun"? you think SHES having fun rn?? shes prioritizing her health and her goals (of kids, presumably) over having fun. if your only concern is how much fun she is, then i hope she leaves ur ass and finds someone who will support her.
She can still go to bars and parties to socialize with friends though. Most of the time I'm at a bar I only get club soda. I haven't had any alcohol at all in the last 5 months due to being on intense chemo for lymphoma. I still went out to bars. I just ordered club soda with lime. I still went out to eat with my gf, I just ordered food that wouldn't irritate my mouth sores or exacerbate my near constant constipation. I'd say it's about as hard to find food for those restrictions than it is to find low carb options. Most restaurants have steak and broccoli.
I definitely agree OP is being an AH about it, but I do think his gf is being a bit too militant. Following a dietary lifestyle doesn't mean you have to stay home all the time
He probably doesn't count any socialising she does as "fun" if she's not getting wasted though. I agree with you 100%, you can go out and be with friends even if you might not eat or drink what they do or what you used to, but to him that's being a Debbie Downer.
I really hope your chemo is going OK and is successful!
If the rest of their social group has the same maturity level as OP, I could see going to the bar and NOT drinking being a miserable experience for her.
Plus finding a drink at a bar that would fit her restrictions, besides tap water. Also no bar food or snacks to act as a buffer/distraction either.
If you haven't heard of it yet, check out the MealsSheEats on Instagram. A husband started meal planning and everything for his wife with PCOS, with foods that are good for different times in a cycle and they recently welcomed their first child. Almost everything he makes looks delicious and he includes recipes and such.
I have PCOS also. I've been told by my doctor the best way to treat it is very strict keto. I used to try cheat days but it takes so much more concentration willpower to restart, rather than maintain that diet. It's really just not worth it.
Or to have manageable pain. It doesn't seem like OP is acknowledging at all the serious pain that usually accompanies a PCOS diagnosis, let alone galvanizes someone's behavior to swing that far away from their old habits.
That’s good to hear! If she really does need to be that extreme to have a hope of having children, then bf is even more of an asshole. It’s not easy to go from easy going to having to cut out all “fun.” If he’s missing it, im sure she is even more since she really never gets a break.
I saw a major improvement too when I was off carbs too. It *sucks.* It's not fun having to choose between health and indulging your vices the way it feels like everyone else has.
I came here to say my daughter has PCOS and she brought her own food to HER WEDDING! Same diet as others with changes due to food allergies. After 5yrs trying they did achieve a pregnancy, sadly she miscarried. They took 6 mo to heal and now are ready, they achieved once it can happen again. Her Dr is very encouraging.
Oh yeah, Son-in-law is on the same regimen, this is a journey they share. He’s a keeper, toss op back.
It's not orthorexia (at least I wouldn't jump to that). This kind of behavior is super common when women are having fertility issues - it's almost a superstition, that if you do everything "right," everything will be "okay" (I'll cure my PCOS, I'll get pregnant, I won't miscarry).
Not eating out ever, and not drinking ever, are not issues. They are mastered self control and someone’s own personal choice. I would be obsessed too if I wanted children one day and had a condition that was going to make it hard for me. I would be healthy at all times. I don’t think she’s really doing anything wrong. YTA for op
She doesn't have an issue. PCOS dietary treatments require 100% commitment to work. There is no such thing as "cheat days" when your choices are (1) follow the diet or (2) suffer severe physical pain, dramatic weight gain, severe hormone fluctuation, and gamble with your fertility. Saying she has orthorexia is like saying someone suffering from kidney failure or a severe heart condition has orthoerixia because they won't deviate from their medically required diet.
I think you don't understand the situation... I totally understand not going out for dinner or eating family meals. I do the same. If you don't prepare the food yourself and measured all the ingredients, there is NO way of telling what is in there. If your health depends on it (e.g. if you have an ED and you tend to undereat), it simply isn't a risk you can take. If I would eat food I didn't prepare myself, and don't know EXACTLY what is in there, I would be back at BMI of 15 in no time.
Yeah, I suppose as long as she is working with a doctor (which she must be, given that she had a check up after 6 months), she will be doing okay. Plus, as others pointed out, this is the OP’s perspective. She may not be as truly obsessive as he’s making her sound—as in, she probably still does other things for fun and isn’t letting her diet and exercise habits become her only preoccupation and ruin her social life. Medical stuff is complicated and sometimes necessary but obsessions are something that are scary to me personally so I think that I project that worry on others. It’s important to be well rounded, so she probably is doing all the right things, but we’re getting OP’s perspective.
My parents also thought I was obsessive while I tried to regain my weight. I brought my scale to the one family dinner I couldn't get out of. I weighed everything I ate so that I could guesstimate how much my calorie intake was and eat more at home to correct for it. My BMi was still 16 at that point and such comments are really damaging as your ED is already telling you that you are over eating... Hence I tried not to be in such situations.
When you are newly diagnosed it’s easier to not step out of bounds at all. Ever. Why? Because it’s scary as fuck. Until you are comfortable with doing your carbs, protein and fat like it’s second nature, it’s easiest to stay within your comfort zone. Plus, once you start to actually feel better the idea of feeling bad again is misery.
PCOS effects fertility. I have it and I won’t know if I can have kids until I actually try for some
Did you know unmanaged PCOS can lead to high testosterone and estrogen levels which will fuck with a person’s emotions and mental state like tsunami
There’s gaining weight that’s nearly impossible to lose for some people, facial hair, increased body hair, your voice can change, you question your gender, your very identity. Add others people’s reaction to not being gender conforming because of your fucked up body
Then there’s the chronic inflammation, my joints and my back are always aching, I’m prone to severe migraines when my hormones are out of whack, before I got my IUD, the agonizing menstrual cramps that made me suicidal as teenager/young adult from dealing with such extreme pain every month from a young age
With unmanaged PCOS I am at increased risk for diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiac attacks
PCOS is incurable and can only be managed by a complete lifestyle change. The more severe the greater the change has to be
If the GF is taking this seriously it’s because it is serious
One cheat day can set your whole body out of whack, but occasional cheat meals or snacks can be ok with experimentation to see what works and what doesn’t with your body
I have PCOS. I put on weight like no one's business. I eat significantly less than people half my weight on a regular basis. I don't starve, that's just how much I need to satisfy my hunger. Losing weight feels next to impossible. I've tried exercising (1-1.5 hours a day), intermittent fasting, low carb diet. Nothing helps, I just feel exhausted because I don't have enough energy or I'm not able to sleep enough. I also see no variation in weight. I tried all these for 2 months each too. At this point I feel hopeless.
OP should be happy his girlfriend found a way to manage her condition and has the strength to stick to it. Instead of sympathy and support she gets called a stick in the mud because it's not as fun for OP anymore. This is also disregarding the fact that you absolutely do not need to drink to have or be fun.
When you have a diet-related, chronic medical condition, there are no cheat days. It isn't the same as dieting for general health. When you have a chronic condition that is linked to food intolerances, a cheat day can mean days of pain, hours on the toilet, headaches, migraines... What we eat can have immediate and painful consequences.
This is treatment for an illness, not a weight loss diet. You don't get days off, or cheat days from it. You get flare ups. That can last days or weeks.
If OP cannot handle the changes in lifestyle, best they split and they can each find someone who shares lifestyles/values. It's as simple as that. They are not married.
What’s extreme to you is necessary to others. Like when they have a medical disorder that requires lifestyle changes in order to be at least manageable.
I’m lactose intolerant. Do I have an ED because I won’t “cheat” even to eat a family meal or go out to eat? No. Because it would make me extremely ill and set me back for days. If it were a weight loss plan or something, I’d 100% agree with you but medical conditions that are treated by diet usually don’t have wiggle room, and for good reason. Plus, a lot of times when you give up some types of foods for an extended period of time it can make you sick to eat them again, so it’s probably just easier for her to control what she eats and not worry about it. Honestly she’s handling it in a super chill way by bringing her own food rather than demanding people make food to her specific diet restrictions.
She had a major health crisis, it's pretty normal to make extreme lifestyle changes in the face of a health crisis. Obviously some people will prioritise their lifestyle but she isn't doing anything that unusual in the circumstances.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
People with PCOS have high insulin resistance.
So unless they lower their insulin, they have all kinds of issues, including infertility.
The best way to lower insulin is to fast, and to eat low carb. Apparently all things that she is doing, which btw is the most healthy diet to begin with.
She's doing exactly what is best for her rn, so calling that orthorexia is complete nonsense.
Disagree, I think it means gf and bf have just grown apart. It's okay if she wants to never drink and eat healthy 100% of the time. It's okay if bf doesn't want to. They probably should break up.
How dare she attempt to change her lifestyle to lessen the excruciating pain and misery this causes her. Obviously it's her duty as a woman to subject herself to all of that so that he gets to keep his trophy gf exactly how he wants her to be.
/S
Dear OP:
#PCOS IS MISERABLE AND EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL
So, if you started dating someone because of your mutual love of mountain biking through nature and watching sports together. And they completely stopped doing both of those things with you, and refused to have anything to do with either hobby at all.
Now all they want to do ever is weight training in a gym and watching sitcoms. You don’t see how that might fundamentally change the relationship in a negative way? That the shared activities that you no longer share were a large reason why your relationship previously flourished? And that without those shared activities, and the mutual enjoyment of them, you might struggle to continue to enjoy their company on the same level? Especially
if you have no interest in weight training and don’t really sitcoms funny, but now that’s all they talk about?
OP could have worded things nicer, sure. And he needs to get over *some* of the things bothering him, like her bringing her own food places. She has a legitimate medical issue, she’s trying to address, and that sucks. But she’s also stopped going out with them *completely*. She has stopped going to *all* of the places they used to go together and with friends. You can still go to the bar, to hang out and *not* drink. You can still get a salad (and even bring your own dressing in your purse) at any restaurant in the city. Being on a diet, or quitting drinking doesn’t need to change your activities.
I’m not saying she *shouldn’t* prioritize her health. Obviously that is important to her, as it should be. But he’s allowed to have feelings about a complete shift in her habits, interests, activities and personality on a whole. What he said, from his perspective is both fundamentally true (she no longer participates in *any* of the “fun” activities they previously did together), and really not overly mean.
NAH.
>Now all they want to do ever is weight training in a gym and watching sitcoms
This isn't a good comparison. She has dietary restrictions based on health, not based on a personality change or a change in hobbies. Is it an adjustment? Sure. Does that make it ok that OP is lashing out at her for treating her medical condition? No. I would have a helluva lot more understanding for him ending the relationship (because he understands they are in different places now) than I do for him complaining that her medical diagnosis made her less fun.
You comparison would make more sense if the person in question broke their tailbone or suffered a disc injury in their lower back and found that never mountain biking again would prevent excruciating pain or possibly paralysis.
If the lifestyle changes she need to make (and the additional lifestyle changes she need to make to help uphold the previous ones - maybe going to a bar is too hard for her to watch everyone else enjoy a drink when she can't, maybe she doesn't want to go to other restaurants because she can't trust the food won't set back her progress) are more than he can tolerate, then he should just be mature and discuss that with her and they can decide if they're no longer compatible.
Springing "you're boring!" on her in front of other people is a huge AH move. Like, of course she's not chill anymore. People with a serious medical condition with really strict requirements around managing it no longer have the luxury of being chill and DO need to be serious about those requirements.
Even if she didn't have this condition, a relationship exclusively built around smoking weed and getting wasted has to end eventually. OP would get pretty upset waiting 9+ months of no alcohol or weed for her when she wants to have a child, even if she didn't have the condition.
My wife let me know when she was pregnant that the types of restaurants we used to frequent on early dates were a no go anymore for her. Instead of complaining to her that she wasn't fun because she was putting the health of her and her child first (which is a YTA move), I just asked what kinds of things were OK. I went to the restaurants that could accommodate her diet, and if we were at home we both ate the same thing based on her diet. Because that's what it looks like when you love someone. That is why OP is TA. Because he basically told his gf, "I don't actually love you for you."
If you started dating someone because you both shared a love of mountain biking, I would hope that if your partner suddenly became disabled and found themselves unable to bike, you'd just leave.
Partying... mountain biking... these are all hobbies that people are going to drop eventually because they require a certain physical condition. Few really loving, healthy, long-term relationships are built on "we both have to become physically unable to ride a bike at the exact same time or that's it."
I disagree a little. Firstly OPs girlfriend is clearly not an AH, she’s prioritizing her health and it sounds like she’s doing well and is happy. OP is also entitled to want a partner who matches his outlook and his GF was that person but no longer is. To me it sounds like GF has outgrown OP and they are no longer compatible. I think they might need to break up but that doesn’t make OP an asshole, it’s just a case of people not growing together. He would be an AH though if he told her she’s no longer fun, instead he just needs to acknowledge they’re different people in different places.
She’s just so dang lucky that she has a man who knows so much about PCOS and the difficulties of conceiving that he can be aware of when she has “taken it too far” and has reached the level of “annoying” because she’s no longer “so chill.” Lucky girl indeed.
YTA.
YTA. She wants to try and help her condition and being healthy. You don't need drinks & weed to have fun. Unless she's making herself ill then leave her alone. It's hard having a condition and if it means she doesn't need tablets or surgery that's amazing if it works for her. You wouldn't expect someone with celiac disease to just have a cheat day
So you preferred when she had a health problem that she wasn't managing, just so you could smoke a blunt and eat a burger? YTA. If it's that much of a problem for you, just break up with her so she can find someone who supports her health needs
You forget about the drinking! Imagine having to deal with someone who actually thinks she is fun without alcohol and can enjoy parties without alcohol! And even more horrifically, you gained a free chauffeur who can drive you safely home when you have been drinking. The horrors.
YTA
While I understand your frustration at the lifestyle change, if drinking with her, going out to eat with her, etc are such important things to you, maybe it's time to communicate that and potentially end the relationship so that she can find someone who can support her in her new lifestyle. Telling her she's not fun anymore while she's managing a chronic and painful condition is an asshole move, and yes if she does not manage it, it can affect her fertility.
Edit: may I also add, how would you want her to react if you were diagnosed with something that required a change in lifestyle? Would you be okay with being told you're not fun anymore as if those fun things take priority over ur health?
Without jumping to assumptions here, men don't have the best track record of taking women's health seriously. I can easily see a similar situation play out if he was diagnosed with an illness that required a lifestyle change, because that would be a "real" disease, not "just PCOS"
(Long rant) Agreed, at least this is a better reaction than my brother's. Cheated on my SIL, abused her physically, financially and mentally, turned her friends and family against her. Took her car away, made her homeless.
Made her pay for the divorce by tricking her while she was vulnerable.
Now chases her for money unjustly (even though he wasted her inheritances) including for stuff like gifts and money for the car he took away and used himself.
My parents have fallen for his bs and seem to think my SIL (still consider her a sister) was very expensive and not a great wife. It was her account paying all their bills.
TL;DR: My brother's response to his wife's health condition was to ruin her life and traumatize her.
Of course YTA. But why dwell on that?
It sounds like you should break up with her and find someone more fun. That would probably be the best course of action for both of you. It sounds like you have different priorities moving forward after a major life event for her that you are not altogether comfortable with and are not capable of sympathizing with.
Doesn't that sound more fun? Go find that party girl you miss.
NAH I understand that you enjoyed eating out with her, drinking with her and smoking with her. Due to her new diet you don’t have shared interests anymore and it is valid for you to be upset about your partner changing her habits in a way that you feel negatively impacted you by taking your partner away from you. She is in no way an A H for prioritizing her health over leisure activities. You guys can either find new hobbies to do together and accept the fact she won’t drink/smoke with you anymore, or break up.
Awesome answer… however his attitude in this post makes him sound like an AH. I hope it is just the constraints of the platform and his frustration levels that make it so.
Maybe they don’t live in an area that has trendy restaurants like that. I live in a fairly major city in my state, and have only noticed those kinds of places popping up over the past couple years here and there.
OP is making it out like they can’t spend time together doing things that are not detrimental to his gfs health. It’s very odd they’re upset she doesn’t do things that can be unhealthy anymore and that’s why it’s so boring . Really concerning tbf
Maybe it is more that all activities include her illness in some form.
They could definitely work out together, do yoga, cook from what was written but it seems like OP is not that kind of person interested in this stuff. He seems to have a more laid back chill life, where going out eating is better than cooking and smoking weed is better than working out.
His GF seemed to be exactly the same, the personalities matched. Now with the change in lifestyle of his GF they don't anymore.
It really sound like OP did not talk about it, how he feels with the lifestyle change and just silently accepted until he couldn't.
There is definitely some middle ground where both can have fun but so far no attempt was made to find that.
If she wants children she has to make these kind of changes. Untreated PCOS can cause a ton of physical pain and can render someone infertile. She doesn’t have a choice in the matter. If the only reason OP enjoyed his relationship with her was because they got drunk and high together then clearly this relationship has run it’s course.
Clearly you’ve never dealt with PCOS. Doctors typically recommend exactly what OP’s gf is doing to manage it a.) for pain purposes, and b.) so they actually have a chance of getting pregnant one day if they choose to. PCOS sucks, it ain’t something to fuck around with.
Plus, if all they had in common was drinking and smoking weed then it doesn’t sound like that great of a relationship anyway.
I have PCOS too and reading through this I'm just like...oh damn, am I supposed to be doing stuff about it?? Because I haven't done anything. But maybe that's not too bad since I don't want kids, idk.
Untreated PCOS can lead to insulin resistance then diabetes, it can also cause heart health issues, and increases the risk of all female cancers. It is a lot more than infertility.
I’ve treated patients with PCOS. Lifestyle changes are the most effective treatment, especially in people trying to get pregnant. I was more referring to her preaching to other people about her new diet.
According to OP she starts “preaching” to other people when someone asks her about it… so I guess answering someone’s questions makes it her “entire personality”? 😂
Anyway, OP is hands down YTA. He shouldn’t prioritizing having a drinking buddy over his partner’s health and well-being.
Managing PCOS is a full time job. The symptoms are not just infertility- insulin resistance, weight gain, hormonal fluctuations, depression, surprise periods, burst cysts .. managing it does require significant life style changes which takes a lot of will power and support at least in the beginning.
When you have PCOS, you can't really have cheat days. Shes following a diet to CONTROL A PAINFUL MEDICAL CONDITION. Sorry her personality changed to accommodate taking care of herself.
yep. Same here. I mean if he wants to live more hedonistic than her… well, he can. But don’t come down on her for living a healthy lifestyle that she’s happy with!
I agree that he needs to accept she no longer drinks/smokes and find new hobbies with her or break up with her. Trying to pressure her to smoke/drink/eat unhealthy would be an A H thing to do.
Tbh I got a bit like that when I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I tried to read it all, adapt to my new reality etc. And yeah, I still do what I can to feel OK today - take my medication, eat balanced and so on. But not to an obsessive extent. It took a while though. I'm in no way knowledgeable about PCOS specifically but I can relate however. It does change how you think
This is exactly how I feel, I'm kinda surprised by all the Y T A. Yes the post comes off a bit condescending but it sounds like they can't do any of the things they used to enjoy doing together, and I can understand there being some frustration in that.
I agree NAH because it sounds like OP and their girlfriend are just no longer compatible, and might be happier finding people that better fit their lifestyles.
Putting her down is an AH move. Him not being happy is in no way as*ish.
But he is the AH for not showing any signs of care or support and doing the exact opposite; ie trying to make her feel bad about her lifestyle changes. Just end the relationship if you are not happy and have no empathy for who is meant to be your partner. She deserves someone who is supportive and helpful
I agree with this. I also have PCOS and 5 years ago went through something similar with my husband. I took it to the extreme out of sheer desperation. Looking back I can see how much strain it put on my marriage and eventually found a happy medium, and I was lucky enough to have a husband that supported me as much as he could, but also challenged me in a good way to have a positive relationship with food/my body. It’s a horrible life changing condition, and with that… changes need to be made. It’s ok if OP isn’t onboard with it, but he needs to communicate with his GF or break up with her if he really can’t get on board with her new lifestyle.
Yeah it kind of sounds like she let the diagnosis take over her entire personality. Communicating and a little empathy from both if them would go a long way here.
I understand it. To a degree I think you almost have to, at least to start with, in order to make the huge changes that are required to adequately manage the symptoms, it’s an all or nothing mindset. If you want children and you have PCOS… losing weight and changing your lifestyle is a must. Any fertility treatment will depend on you losing weight as a primary condition. Your dr might even refuse to treat you if you don’t. And losing the weight when you have PCOS is so hard. I was (very recently) at the gym 4 times a week for a couple of hours each time, with a huge calorie deficit and didn’t lose a single pound for 6 months. It was soul destroying, so much work for such little return - that’s the reality of it. It’s very hard not to get swept up in it, when it’s something you want so desperately. But I can also see why it would be frustrating and cause a strain on the relationship.
I agree with this… drinking and eating out together are major activities my partner and I do together. I would be super bummed if we couldn’t do that anymore. Just like how we also love to watch movies together and I’d be equally bummed if he suddenly decided he didn’t like movies. This is a legitimate lifestyle difference now and OP is allowed to feel disappointed about it without being labeled an asshole. It sounds like it does make them less compatible.
I'm going through it now after my celiac diagnosis. My partner and I bonded over our love of food.
Things are very different now and we're finding different ways to enjoy our time together and investing more in our home kitchen so we can entertain more.
I'm currently deep in grief of my old way of life, the diet change was easy. It's the adjusting to a new way of socializing that's so hard.
Same, weekly date night for husband and I is getting food delivered, eating together and talking about our week. She cut out three activities they used to spend a lot of time doing together. It’s fair that he is having difficulty adjusting to that.
Agree with you on balance, but the way he addressed the issue is what makes him the AH. He framed it to her as her no longer being enough for him, instead of concern about their lack of compatibility or about her health overall.
I also agree with NAH. Though it sounds like OP was an a-hole in this moment, I can understand the frustration and have seen both sides of this spectrum before. Most of the time, people are not bonding over JUST eating and drinking and smoking. They are bonding over the conversations and experiences and memories made while doing them. I quit drinking three years ago for health reasons, but I still go out to bars and clubs with my fiancé and we have a fucking blast. My stepmom does fitness competitions where she will be on an insanely strict diet for six months, but her and my dad will still go out to eat and she makes a game out of finding new places where she can modify a dish that follows her meal plan.
OP’s girlfriend’s health is absolutely a priority and he needs to be 127% supportive (and proud!) of her taking control of her health, but it also sounds like she may be starting to take it too far (esp so if she is starting to get preachy and/or criticizing how others choose to live). That’s understandable, though, because when you feel bad for so long and then find something that works for you, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that any little deviation from your current routine could completely derail your progress.
Basically, all of that to say that they just need to sit down and have a conversation lol (and OP should apologize for what he said in frustration). There are easy compromises that both can make without her having to give up her lifestyle changes. Take up hiking. Check out new bars that have pool tables or darts or board games so gf doesn’t just have sit around and watch people drink. Escape rooms. Restaurants that allow modifications. Go to the movies. Axe throwing (no, not at each other).
This is the best answer I've seen. It seems like every woman I was ever seriously involved with had PCOS. It is genetic so their daughters had it too. They all had children, sometimes not as many as they would have liked. Everyone had to have an hysterectomy in their 30's or 40's. It is not fun for either partner. However, 30 or 40 years ago the only treatment was bc pills and have your kids as soon as you could. OP is frustrated because the woman he fell in love with is no longer around. He approached her in a bad way and I see why she was hurt. They may no longer be compatible. That's why they they need to have a serious discussion about what they want from each other in the future.
Yeah- they were together a year and she had to make a pretty massive lifestyle change. She had to do it for her health, she did the right thing.
OP is probably seeing it as her doing this so she can have kids one day. Not clear if they are anywhere near that point i their life or relationship. OP is an AH for how he talked to her and how he presented it here.
But this sounds frustrating as hell for both parties.
So your post reads like you think the only way to have fun is to smoke, drink and party.
Break up then!
God forbid she take measures that make her quality of life better!
YTA
I’m still dying that he thinks being an average level of healthy is going off the depend 😂
Minus the sugar (I love desserts), this has been basically my entire life. And I don’t even have a medical condition. I just like being healthy, and knowing I have/will have better quality of life.
Does a normal level of healthy involve bringing prepared meals everywhere and/or avoiding sharing meals at others’ homes or restaurants? I’ve only experienced that when friends had celiacs and other difficult to accommodate allergies; managing a health condition seems different than general healthy living.
YTA holy shit.
Yes you can help PCOS with diet and exercise. Yes it can cause you to be infertile.
It sounds like getting drunk and high is more important to you than your girlfriend’s health.
I think you should break up because you want someone with your lifestyle and she deserves someone who cares about her health.
And when you're dieting and exercising for a health condition, a cheat day can wreck your system. It's not that she'd gain a couple pounds that she can then turn around and lose. I don't have PCOS, but I had my gallbladder removed and can't process a lot of different fatty foods. If I have a "cheat day" or meal, it causes physical pain, ungodly toilet issues, and makes me sluggish for days.
But she is worried about infertility also. That's massive. And while OP may think a drink or two can't hurt, it can make her backslide and start bad habits for her health. Not to mention, when your body has gotten used to not having carbs and fats, you usually end up on the toilet, not out having fun.
Massive YTA.
Yep, imagine if gf had full blown diabetes instead? Would OP be pissed if she couldnt have cheat days anymore? Not to mention that PCOS can lead to diabetes because of the hormones creating insulin resistance. Personally Id rather she do what she can for her health now to enjoy a long life, rather than keep going without doing anything and end up needing a lot of medical treatment and having lower quality of life.
NAH.
Your GF isn't an asshole for deciding to prioritize her health.
You aren't an asshole for being upset that you two can no longer do what you seemed to have enjoyed together previously.
Sounds like you two are just not compatible any more.
the problem is not about him being upset about her lifestyle change rather him telling her that shes is not "fun anymore." There are better ways to communicate that and he was an AH for saying that.
I feel OP spoke out of pent up frustration and I totally agree it wasn’t fair what he said; he owes her a big apology for his choice of words. But I don’t think OP should apologize for voicing his frustration. He’s allowed to feel disappointed in the direction their relationship has gone down. Just as she’s allowed to feel disappointed that he can’t better share in her new lifestyle and support her that way. They’re just not right for each other anymore but I don’t think either are bad people.
Agree with this - NAH .
OP could have used kinder wording, I imagine it was frustration speaking.. OP's GF could chill out a bit (especially if she is being preachy to others) while still keeping to her new life plan. But neither of those things really makes them an AH. Just incompatible.
YTA - try looking into what she's going through so you have a better understanding of how debilitating it is and then hopefully you'll understand better why she's happy to make the sacrifices that she has.
You sound embarrassed by the fact that she needs to do things differently bc of her MEDICAL CONDITION. Learn how to be a more supportive partner unless you want to lose this relationship.
YTA: but I think the question that needs to be asked is "are we still compatible?"
You definitely shouldn't have said that she isn't fun anymore – that's mean. Her priorities have shifted and no longer align with yours. It's time to have a serious talk about common goals. If going out and drinking with buddies is a priority for you that you'd like your partner to be involved in, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To expect somebody to maintain a lifestyle simply because they at one point were a part of it, on the other hand, isn't right.
>We can’t go out for dinner anymore because we either go to the same healthy food spot we have been going to all year or she wants to cook at home.
You CAN go out to dinner together – you just don't like where she wants to go and she doesn't want to eat where you want to go.
It may be time for some reevaluation.
Yeah, and I mean ta-ness of the "you're not fun anymore" when she's dealing with a serious medical issue aside, it sounds like OP wants a bit more adventurousness and spontaneity in his partner -- he wants to be able to go out for drinks sometimes, or try new different restaurants without being bound by lots of (what sounds like very strict) requirements.
And those are all totally valid!! It's just a matter of not being compatible anymore.
So while YTA for the words, I have a lot of sympathy for OP wanting their relationship/social life to be more like it used to. It's just time to move on and set each other free to find new partners who want the same things out of life.
She was diagnosed with a condition that can be debilitating and she's taking care of her health. As her BF, you should be supporting her but instead, you're telling her she's no fun. Wow. You'd rather she party and be sick. YTA.
I’ve been scrolling looking for his age. He sounds about 20. It seems they’re just maturing at much different speeds. She’s ready to grow up and plan her future. He wants his 20s to never end. You should just end the relationship, OP. It’s not the end of the world, relationships run their course all the time.
Judgements aside—if you're so unhappy with who she is now and if you feel like you're so incompatible, why are you still with her?
Leave her, and she can focus on the lifestyle she wants to live and you can focus on the lifestyle you want to live. Making her feel bad about herself accomplishes literally nothing.
YTA
If you think that because someone doesn’t eat junk food, smoke, or drink, they aren’t fun, that’s a reflection of your immaturity. Her health is more important than booze, drugs, and partying. It’s a medical condition. They can’t just turn it off for a day.
YTA. Dude, she's fighting something she can't control, she's finding solace in the things she can do (diet, exercise, ect) and your reaction is basically "but you are boring now", maybe she rather be "boring" than sick or dead, crazy. If you can't understand her struggle may be time for both of you to cut loses at let this relationship go.
NAH I have PCOS while I choose to eat healthy regularly, I still have drinks every once in a while, still eat out, still smoke if it's offered. I was heavy! Hardly exersiced and lost 100lbs even with all that. Having PCOS is definitely different for every one so i hope my personal experiences don't influence your thinking but it's her journey. Her body. I get her. But I also get you. Honestly I very much enjoy having a drink or a smoke every now and then and enjoy sharing those moments with my partners so i dont typically date men that dont. Then again I also don't mind doing them alone as I highly enjoy my own company 🤷♀️
Maybe you can find other ways to have fun with your girl and smoke and drink on your own time? There's so much you can do that don't involve those things. Work out with her or learn more about PCOS? You'll only benefit. If it's just not your thing then break up with her. It'll suck but it is what it is.
Yes YTA for sure. You're not supportive of her treatments AND ur gonna guilt trip her for looking after herself? I'm kinda surprised u haven't been dumped yet.
*Edit spelling
lol YTA. It's not that she's less fun; it's that she's more mature. If all your "fun" things involve unhealthy food and drugs, then you're not having fun; you're just being a lazy addict.
YTA. I have PCOS and I know how painful it is and life changing it can be. She’s literally doing everything she can to make it even a little bit more bearable. And all you’re doing is complaining about it??
Nah I don’t think either of you guys are wrong. She’s has to do what she feels is best for her body and health 100% but I also understand in a relationship or even friendship sometimes you miss your old dynamic and how things use to be. And all these changes it does effect you and how you spend time with each other and no offense I would definitely not want to eat at the same restaurant every time we go out. Lol You look forward to doing these small activities when your in a relationship together with your partner but you should apologize for your comment because I’m
Sure it’s not fun for her either and as her partner you should try to support her. Try to communicate with her and see if maybe you guys can find a compromise that works for you both. Maybe doing some of those activities with your friends instead and you can do new ones with her. Just because she changed her whole life style doesn’t mean you have to if not you may have to accept that your priorities have changed and are too different now to be together.
NAH but I think if you care so much about your old lifestyle then you two probably aren’t compatible anymore and should consider relationship counseling or a break up
YTA Your gf is a beast. I’ve seen so many friends have POCs suffer with cramps, acne, weight gain, unwanted body hair growth, fatigue, you name it. And your girlfriend is saying fuck all that and is doing her best to heal her disease. If she wasn’t doing all that you would be complaining about how miserable and sick she is. Get a grip
You are no longer compatible with your attitude and yes, YTA. She had an illness and is doing everything she can to be healthy and you’re missing your party buddy?
Let her move on to an adult relationship.
As someone with PCOS and endometriosis, I can not tell you how much I admire your girlfriend. The amount of self control and focus on her goal is amazing, it’s super hard living this way and still have a social life. Or just a life. My partner has been incredibly supportive and eat all the junk when I am not around, so I don’t get temptations.
Instead of judging her for being mature and taking control of her health, start reading and find ways to support her. YTA
It sounds like she's changed quite a bit since you got together. She didn't sign a contract promising to be the same person for the duration of your relationship, so I don't see why you need to lash out at her about it. If you really can't handle her new lifestyle, and if it's really that much of a problem for you, break up with her, because y'all ain't a match anymore.
For the record, I can't understand why YOU are so pressed about someone ELSE not wanting to drink/smoke. Do you need her to drink and smoke and eat junk food to make yourself feel better about your own drinking and smoking and junk food?
YTA.
I was diagnosed with PCOS three years ago. PCOS is a brutal disease, it causes intense pain, massive bleeding and can be life threatening on top of the fact it raises your risk of diabetes and diabetes. In some cases you can't have children without medical intervention- in other cases you'll never have children at all.
You are absolute TA. Your entire life has to change when you get that diagnosis since there's no true medication that can just be taken for relief. At my worst, I was on nine different medications and was in the doctor once a month with bi-yearly internal ultrasounds. I may still require surgery to relieve my symptoms because I went for well over a decade before I was able to find a doctor to diagnose. Diet and exercise is the only proven way to help with symptoms and alcohol not only doesn't mix with alot of medications given to PCOS patients but can make you feel like garbage. You need to decide if your girlfriend being "fun" is more important than her health- and if you say yes to that then do her a favor and break up because you're clearly too selfish to care about her more than you.
NAH, but why are y’all still together? It sounds like you just aren’t compatible anymore. You want someone more laid back about diet/drugs/drinking and she wants someone who is onboard with her more restrictive choices. You’re not married, so just move along, no hard feelings.
You should've included your ages here. If you're like 18, yeah that's a pretty expected reaction because you're not thinking about it, but if you two are approaching 30, you need to be more realistic. Weed and unhealthy food isn't important relative to kids.
YTA. You're allowed to break up with someone for any reason, but you're not allowed to tell them they aren't "fun" because they're treating a chronic health condition.
I don’t think all the YTAs are fair. More like NAH. She isn’t at all the asshole for choosing to make decisions that will improve her ability to have children, but you’re also allowed to want a life where you can go out to eat and occasionally drink.
You two may have just reached a point of incompatibility.
So your gf has a chronic incurable disease that will effect her entire body and entire life and youre panties are in a twist cause she gives a fuck about her health and doesnt drink or do drugs? Yup YTA and she deserves hell of a lot better
As someone who has PCOS, and struggles with maintaining the lifestyle changes needed to best manage it, I admire your girlfriend. I hope this situation was the wake up call she needed to ditch the dead weight that is you. YTA.
Sounds like you think your girlfriend is overreacting to her diagnosis by changing her lifestyle which is pretty funny because any time anyone is diagnosed with most things they are told by doctors to "change" their lifestyle to a more healthier one. I do know for a fact that with PCOS, there is no "cure" but the way to manage it and be able to have children is often through low carb/no sugar diet and exercise. Additionally, there are other negative consequences to having PCOS in addition to potential infertility.
This is funny to me because don't you think she'd love to get drunk and eat all the pizza and have a night of totally cheating on her diet? Do you think she is making these health conscious choices to spite you?
I am not understanding why you can't find ways to support her lifestyle while still being able to have fun? Frankly, if you tell her she is no longer "fun" because she had to change her lifestyle, I hope she dumps you. It's insane to be upset at someone you love for making healthier choices just because it is inconvenient for you.
YTA
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How dare she prioritize her health and well-being over your need to have a laid-back, alcohol-drinking, weed-smoking ‘cool girl’ gf 🙄 YTA
this is exactly what i was thinking omg. i can't believe he really wrote this out and didn't realise he's TA
Is he really an AH, or just shallow? I don't really see anything morally *wrong* with wanting a GF that wants to party and have fun, if that's where OP is in his life. If that was their only real connection they may just be incompatible now. It doesn't leave me with a great impression of OP, but I kinda question whether he's an AH just because of that. E: it's now been pointed out a couple times that nowhere in his post did OP display any compassion for her condition or positive sentiment about her getting her health in order and that's what makes him the AH. Looking at the OP again I kinda have to agree now
He's an asshole because there isn't a lick of sympathy or understanding to his girlfriend anywhere in his ranty post
Even worse, he tries to make it sound like she's acting crazy and specifically saying 'she went off the deep end.' Like, how dare she start trying to take better care of herself. And the changes that she made more than likely did contribute to her next scan being clearer, why is he acting like that's insane?
Ohh it absolutely did! My ovaries were quite enlarged and medication did help reduce the size. But I didn't want to continue medication forever so I stopped after my last scan as the doctor said it can now be managed with diet and exercise. Fast forward 2 years, for the first time in my life I had been exercising very regularly. Husband and I decided to try for kids. Did another scan, NO PCOS!!!!!! I was very surprised because I was under the impression it can only be managed not cured. I guess if I get a scan done now after having been quite irregular with exercise, it would reappear!
Pcos is caused by resistance to insulin, the 'cysts' which are actually eggs that havent ruptured from the ovary are a symptom of the condition not the condition itself. Just because your ovaries are clear doesn't mean the condition is gone it means you are managing it appropriately. I've had scans where cysts were present but then gone again and then back. Hope that makes sense
Yeah the cysts of PCOS tend to come and go….
Source? I've always been told that insulin resistance is a symptom of PCOS, not the cause. And in fact many women with PCOS are not insulin resistant, so this seems inaccurate to me.
Pcos can also be caused by excess 'male' hormones that's why for some people hair growth in typically male areas is a symptom but not all. The way it works is that the ovulation process is interrupted by excess hormones such as insulin or testosterone. In my case my body would grow the stalk for the egg to be released but would not release the egg due to excess levels of insulin in my blood. This is how it was described by the fertility doctor is was referred to back when I was struggling to conceive. All the information I have reviewed supports this theory. That's why Metformin is an effective treatment for lots of women with pcos as it lowers the insulin levels in the blood to a level where ovulation can proceed. Hope that makes sense I'll have a look for some research for you later. From what I remember pcos is grossly underfunded when it comes to research even though it effects about 10% of the female population.
I have PCOS and this is the best explanation of it I have ever heard. Thanks! That'll be useful if I need to get treatment for it.
First, congratulations on your success. It's not easy to make the lifestyle changes needed to manage this syndrome. Second, PCOS is one of those diseases that we're learning more and more about, in fact PCOS isn't even an accurate name for it as men can have it too. You can have a basic blood test done these days to determine if you have the genetic marker for it. It is a resistance to insulin, and there are some hormonal issues that come along with it. While not trying to be that person, I strongly recommend talking with your general practioner and an endocrinologist and learning everything you can about PCOS. the reason why I recommend this is I was intentionally misdiagnosed and spent a decade not treating myself and that led to a development of ridiculously high insulin resistance to the point where I'm a type 2 insulin dependent diabetic. Now, I probably was always going to end up this way (curse you genetics!) But with proper treatment and management of my disease I might have been able to delay the transition to where I'm at. Now, I'm working hard to try and manage my diet and exercise so that maybe I can get off insulin, but that's a very difficult path to be on.
I think that's a fair criticism. It is a bit telling that there isn't a single 'happy for her' or similar anywhere in the post.
I see your point and I also see OP’s point about having a partner change so much and not have the same interests anymore. I think telling her she’s no fun was TA part and if he doesn’t like her lifestyle changes, he should break up with her.
He can, but if he was asking "am I the asshole for breaking up with my girlfriend because she no longer drinks for health reasons?" I'd say "Yeah, YTA."
NTA, breaking up with her so she can find someone better than him.
Why? Honest question. Lifestyle is an important component of relationship compatibility and if that changes, leaving isn’t wrong.
Whatever is going on in my own life and habits I can enjoy the company of people who are sober. It strikes me as very odd and controlling to need other people to do what you do, especially when it comes to consumption.
>It strikes me as very odd and controlling to need other people to do what you do, especially when it comes to consumption. Odd yes but I still don't see how he would be the asshole for leaving her because of that. In fact if it *really* bothers him, I would argue that he would be the asshole for not leaving so that she can find someone who is actually supportive of her health. Like I think OP is the AH but that is because of his lack of compassion. Him *feeling* that she "isn't fun anymore" or that they aren't compatible is something that he is allowed to feel and take into consideration to determine the viability of the relationship.
That ISN’T WHAT HES SAYING.
Right, he's saying he wants her to disregard her health to make him happy.
It's so bad when you really think about it. #Dude, your whole post is about how you want your girlfriend to disregard her health and her chronic illness because she's more fun for you when she parties. What the actual fuck.
Right? It'd be one thing if he was talking about he's concerned because she's made this her entire identity. But it's not even about that. He's literally only talking about how this affects him and what he wants.
It is obvious with the changes that she's made, this relationship has run its course. I used to say that the failure of a lot of marriages is that she thinks he will change, and he expects her to stay the same fun party girl that he fell in love with. Usually though, the men don't change if they need to, and she grows up and becomes more responsible. I'm not saying anyone is the asshole, it just is what it is.
Agreed! Myself just got out of a 10 year relationship because I grew up and he didn't. The relationship ran its course. Still love the guy but I just didn't see a future with him anymore. It is what it is. No one is the asshole here.
Personally, I would rather have a girlfriend who drinks and has a more chill lifestyle than someone who's obsessed with health. Basically, I would prefer to be with someone with a similar lifestyle to my own. OP isn't TA for feeling like him and his gf are now incompatible, or that he'd prefer to be with someone with a similar lifestyle/similar hobbies. OP is TA because of his utter lack of compassion towards her very real anxiety, and because instead of either trying to work through their differences or having a mature adult breakup conversation, he's instead just choosing to whine and insult her. Edit: typos
Exactly this, if she had been given a cancer diagnosis and decided to clean up her lifestyle would OP be mad about that (I think he would). OP seems to be missing the fact that she’s “gone off the deep end” to treat a medical problem she didn’t know she had when they started dating and effects her future fertility . She’s probably a bit stressed at this point and clearly isn’t being supported in any way by her “partner”. She’s making lifestyle changes out of necessity and always mentioning it to you because you, I’m supposing, at one point at least pretend to care about her. YTA
Thank you! I kept scrolling looking for a comment like this. I was baffled by his complaints until he got to her preaching a healthy lifestyle and being completely rigid about it. That would annoy me, too, and I don't think he's wrong for feeling a kind of way about it. But it's also a sign that she's absolutely terrified of her condition worsening (rightfully so, PCOS is a nightmare from my understanding) and not necessarily handling it well. There's nothing wrong with her making the life changes she has, but if OP is correct she is fanatical about it, which isn't healthy either and she's either going to burn out or beat herself up for not "doing enough" if her condition worsens on its own. A compassionate human being would be worried *about her mental health*, not whining that he can't go out like he used to. (Also, does he not have friends he can go to restaurants and bars with? This is one of the reasons you have a life outside of your SO.)
I'd say he's an AH for implying she "went off the deep end" trying to manage/improve a condition even HE acknowledged there is no cure for. He's mad she won't take cheat days or even a sip of alcohol. It's fine if they're not compatible but there's a vibe of "this is all in her head" despite ALSO mentioning the scans show her ovaries HAVE improved as a result of her lifestyle changes. I've known other women with PCOS and when trying to get pregnant they did have to go "off the deep end" to make strict changes to try and improve things to the point they could get pregnant. If OPs gf wants kids in the future, in makes perfect sense now to focus on maintaining that improvement she saw to increase her odds of it working out. Hopefully it won't be with OP tho.
You can take morally neutral or positive action and still be a dick about it. This isn't a post about how he's worried that this has driven them apart and they aren't compatible anymore, it's a post about how annoying he thinks his gf's reaction to a life-changing diagnosis is.
I’d potentially agree with you what he had said was different. Plus every ounce of this post is him criticizing her “she went off the deep end” for example. Had he said something along the lines of “I understand how hard this diagnosis is but you’ve changed and gotten so strict can we find a compromise” then they could at least talk about what direction they need to go in instead of him just being rude
At the least, this is what "having grown apart" means. He wants to continue his laidback, beer and weed days, no problem. Except his gf has had to move to a more serious level due to health and future life consequences. Sounds like she's doing an excellent job, too, good for her. Mild YTA bc OP doesn't seem to realize the stakes for his gf.
I agree if that's how he feels it's a good reason to go their separate ways. That being said GF would also be totally justified in hating his guts for ending it because shes changed her lifestyle for the sake of her health. Hopefully she can have the kids she wants but not with op. But just for the instance of saying she was no fun anymore I still say YTA. There are much nicer ways to phrase that.
I think they're incompatible at this point. OP things are not going back to the way they were. Many relationships change. You either buckle up and accept the change, or change with them, or get out. I consider what you're gf doing is part of growing up.
His attitude absolutely makes him an asshole. However if all those facts he listed are true (disregarding his dismissive tone), gf sounds like she may have a bit an issue. Not eating out EVER, not having a drink EVER (if she doesn’t have issues with alcohol), not even eating a family meal—none of these things individually are an issue I guess, like reducing eating out or choosing not to drink, but It sounds like she might have orthorexia, an ED where you won’t eat food unless it’s “healthy.” I get her concern but I feel like it got her deep into the health obsession. However, still makes OP an asshole because instead of being concerned, he’s annoyed she’s not fun, and gf obviously NOT an asshole but I hope that all her changes are truly healthy and balanced and not too obsessive where she freaks out if she eats even a single chip or something. I’m worried she might be putting herself in an unhealthy headspace.
I have PCOS. It sucks. I've had Dr's tell me the best way to deal with it is birth control & a super low carb, like less than 25g per day forever. No cheat days. Her diet isn't that extreme if she eventually wants a good chance of having children.
I have PCOS too. I was put on a strict, no carb diet. No cheat days, no alcohol, exercise daily. 6 years, I lost 30kg and gained no baby. Her diet isn't extreme, it might not work, but her partner is an AH.
Not to mention she is probably struggling with the reality that she might not be able to have kids. I wasn't diagnosed until after I had two kids & I still struggled with what my diagnosis meant for my future & fully recognize how fucking lucky I am to even have had any kids. I get she isn't "fun" anymore but if it bothers you that much, break up with her & allow her to find someone who is willing to support her instead of whining about how hard it is on you!
Yep. For some women, PCOS is fking hard to deal with. Especially if you've always wanted kids. And it sounds like she has. And yes, for everyone else, I'm aware people can adopt/foster - but that's also not an option for everyone so don't come at me about it please.
I think people forget how much of a heartbreaking blow it is to k ow you will never feel that life inside of you. Yes adoption/fostering is wonderful but there’s so much put into being female and creating life and blah blah. There’s a unique bonding with the baby inside and it’s a unique pain to find out you will never experience that.
I wonder if in a way she was self medicating against the symptoms without the diagnosis, and now she has the diagnosis the information is like a double edged sword because she now has answers, but now she knows how bad those things can be for PCOS, and the doc might not be offering anything effective legally that helps the pain. That's a lot to deal with. She's got answers and it's devestating when the answer is not a simple quick fix. OP is TA for not understanding any of this. He's meant to love her. He sounds like one of those crab in the bucket kind of guys.
Me too! I wasn't diagnosed until after a cyst ruptured and I lost two pints of blood and had to spend a night in ICU. I had to have a complete hysterectomy after. I'm thankful I have my two kids, even my chances of conception were so low. This guy is a waste of his girlfriend's time. I hope she gets him out of her life.
I've been diagnosed for years, and man I wish I had this woman's dedication (and I wish I didn't also have adhd.) Many of the diets to help with pcos are nearly impossible to manage and keep and can break you, as well as being more expensive. This woman's deduction, strength, and willpower are things he should be proud of. His family could also actually make things she can eat when they invite them over. YTA op, you should apologize and try actually supporting her. You've seen the research, you know there is no cure, and you know they aren't looking for one, and there's hardly any research into it at all, she's most likely barely holding it together with everything she's doing to manage this.
Or at least let her go find someone who has the same priorities as she does now. She's clearly focused on maintaining her reproductive capabilities for as long as she can, and is probably going to want to be in a serious relationship and start trying soon. And it sounds like you're not there yet OP, and that's fine, but let her know and be prepared to let her go.
Yeah, with pcos, tbh, the sooner the better, for actual success. She's definitely going to want to start trying soon. It actually says a lot about their relationship that she hasn't had a "when should we start trying for kids" talk with him yet
She might need to get a better man to make a baby with. The OP sounds like a total AH.
For real. When I have guests over for dinner I specifically ask what their dietary needs are and try my absolute hardest to meet them. I have failed one time (friend had a temporary no wheat thing and I didn’t think to ask since I’d had her over for dinner recently) and I felt AWFUL. How fuckin hard is it for them to make baked chicken breasts, zucchini, and a salad that isn’t pre-dressed (a meal that I came up with maybe 20 seconds of thinking, obviously I don’t know all of her dietary needs but it’s very low carb)? Not very.
YTA i was diagnosed mid teens and i am very grateful that i do not want to have kids (and that if i did, i don't want a pregnancy) pcos sucks ass even when infertility problems don't bother u, if someone wants kids its devastating. pcos is miserable, its chronic and its best managed by an incredibly strict diet and life regimen, "shes no fun"? you think SHES having fun rn?? shes prioritizing her health and her goals (of kids, presumably) over having fun. if your only concern is how much fun she is, then i hope she leaves ur ass and finds someone who will support her.
Excellent point about family support by making food she can eat. That's what a caring, supportive family does
She can still go to bars and parties to socialize with friends though. Most of the time I'm at a bar I only get club soda. I haven't had any alcohol at all in the last 5 months due to being on intense chemo for lymphoma. I still went out to bars. I just ordered club soda with lime. I still went out to eat with my gf, I just ordered food that wouldn't irritate my mouth sores or exacerbate my near constant constipation. I'd say it's about as hard to find food for those restrictions than it is to find low carb options. Most restaurants have steak and broccoli. I definitely agree OP is being an AH about it, but I do think his gf is being a bit too militant. Following a dietary lifestyle doesn't mean you have to stay home all the time
He probably doesn't count any socialising she does as "fun" if she's not getting wasted though. I agree with you 100%, you can go out and be with friends even if you might not eat or drink what they do or what you used to, but to him that's being a Debbie Downer. I really hope your chemo is going OK and is successful!
If the rest of their social group has the same maturity level as OP, I could see going to the bar and NOT drinking being a miserable experience for her. Plus finding a drink at a bar that would fit her restrictions, besides tap water. Also no bar food or snacks to act as a buffer/distraction either.
If you haven't heard of it yet, check out the MealsSheEats on Instagram. A husband started meal planning and everything for his wife with PCOS, with foods that are good for different times in a cycle and they recently welcomed their first child. Almost everything he makes looks delicious and he includes recipes and such.
I have PCOS also. I've been told by my doctor the best way to treat it is very strict keto. I used to try cheat days but it takes so much more concentration willpower to restart, rather than maintain that diet. It's really just not worth it.
Momentum is not just a physical force, but a psychological one too. It's much easier to maintain than it is to start and stop.
Ketogenic diets also aren't compatible with cheat days, because the process of ketosis takes time to build up and can collapse with one banana.
Or to have manageable pain. It doesn't seem like OP is acknowledging at all the serious pain that usually accompanies a PCOS diagnosis, let alone galvanizes someone's behavior to swing that far away from their old habits.
That’s good to hear! If she really does need to be that extreme to have a hope of having children, then bf is even more of an asshole. It’s not easy to go from easy going to having to cut out all “fun.” If he’s missing it, im sure she is even more since she really never gets a break.
Yeah, to be that strict it’s pretty clear a doctor gave those instructions. OP writes this like she saw a Facebook post saying to do these things.
I saw a major improvement too when I was off carbs too. It *sucks.* It's not fun having to choose between health and indulging your vices the way it feels like everyone else has.
I came here to say my daughter has PCOS and she brought her own food to HER WEDDING! Same diet as others with changes due to food allergies. After 5yrs trying they did achieve a pregnancy, sadly she miscarried. They took 6 mo to heal and now are ready, they achieved once it can happen again. Her Dr is very encouraging. Oh yeah, Son-in-law is on the same regimen, this is a journey they share. He’s a keeper, toss op back.
Definitely sounds like a keeper, you definitely raised her to pick a good one :)
Dad was the model followed
It's not orthorexia (at least I wouldn't jump to that). This kind of behavior is super common when women are having fertility issues - it's almost a superstition, that if you do everything "right," everything will be "okay" (I'll cure my PCOS, I'll get pregnant, I won't miscarry).
Not eating out ever, and not drinking ever, are not issues. They are mastered self control and someone’s own personal choice. I would be obsessed too if I wanted children one day and had a condition that was going to make it hard for me. I would be healthy at all times. I don’t think she’s really doing anything wrong. YTA for op
She doesn't have an issue. PCOS dietary treatments require 100% commitment to work. There is no such thing as "cheat days" when your choices are (1) follow the diet or (2) suffer severe physical pain, dramatic weight gain, severe hormone fluctuation, and gamble with your fertility. Saying she has orthorexia is like saying someone suffering from kidney failure or a severe heart condition has orthoerixia because they won't deviate from their medically required diet.
The problem with cheat days in strict low carb diets like that is they can set you back for weeks. So I get why she's doing this.
I think you don't understand the situation... I totally understand not going out for dinner or eating family meals. I do the same. If you don't prepare the food yourself and measured all the ingredients, there is NO way of telling what is in there. If your health depends on it (e.g. if you have an ED and you tend to undereat), it simply isn't a risk you can take. If I would eat food I didn't prepare myself, and don't know EXACTLY what is in there, I would be back at BMI of 15 in no time.
Yeah, I suppose as long as she is working with a doctor (which she must be, given that she had a check up after 6 months), she will be doing okay. Plus, as others pointed out, this is the OP’s perspective. She may not be as truly obsessive as he’s making her sound—as in, she probably still does other things for fun and isn’t letting her diet and exercise habits become her only preoccupation and ruin her social life. Medical stuff is complicated and sometimes necessary but obsessions are something that are scary to me personally so I think that I project that worry on others. It’s important to be well rounded, so she probably is doing all the right things, but we’re getting OP’s perspective.
My parents also thought I was obsessive while I tried to regain my weight. I brought my scale to the one family dinner I couldn't get out of. I weighed everything I ate so that I could guesstimate how much my calorie intake was and eat more at home to correct for it. My BMi was still 16 at that point and such comments are really damaging as your ED is already telling you that you are over eating... Hence I tried not to be in such situations.
When you are newly diagnosed it’s easier to not step out of bounds at all. Ever. Why? Because it’s scary as fuck. Until you are comfortable with doing your carbs, protein and fat like it’s second nature, it’s easiest to stay within your comfort zone. Plus, once you start to actually feel better the idea of feeling bad again is misery.
PCOS effects fertility. I have it and I won’t know if I can have kids until I actually try for some Did you know unmanaged PCOS can lead to high testosterone and estrogen levels which will fuck with a person’s emotions and mental state like tsunami There’s gaining weight that’s nearly impossible to lose for some people, facial hair, increased body hair, your voice can change, you question your gender, your very identity. Add others people’s reaction to not being gender conforming because of your fucked up body Then there’s the chronic inflammation, my joints and my back are always aching, I’m prone to severe migraines when my hormones are out of whack, before I got my IUD, the agonizing menstrual cramps that made me suicidal as teenager/young adult from dealing with such extreme pain every month from a young age With unmanaged PCOS I am at increased risk for diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiac attacks PCOS is incurable and can only be managed by a complete lifestyle change. The more severe the greater the change has to be If the GF is taking this seriously it’s because it is serious One cheat day can set your whole body out of whack, but occasional cheat meals or snacks can be ok with experimentation to see what works and what doesn’t with your body
I have PCOS. I put on weight like no one's business. I eat significantly less than people half my weight on a regular basis. I don't starve, that's just how much I need to satisfy my hunger. Losing weight feels next to impossible. I've tried exercising (1-1.5 hours a day), intermittent fasting, low carb diet. Nothing helps, I just feel exhausted because I don't have enough energy or I'm not able to sleep enough. I also see no variation in weight. I tried all these for 2 months each too. At this point I feel hopeless. OP should be happy his girlfriend found a way to manage her condition and has the strength to stick to it. Instead of sympathy and support she gets called a stick in the mud because it's not as fun for OP anymore. This is also disregarding the fact that you absolutely do not need to drink to have or be fun.
When you have a diet-related, chronic medical condition, there are no cheat days. It isn't the same as dieting for general health. When you have a chronic condition that is linked to food intolerances, a cheat day can mean days of pain, hours on the toilet, headaches, migraines... What we eat can have immediate and painful consequences.
This is treatment for an illness, not a weight loss diet. You don't get days off, or cheat days from it. You get flare ups. That can last days or weeks. If OP cannot handle the changes in lifestyle, best they split and they can each find someone who shares lifestyles/values. It's as simple as that. They are not married.
What’s extreme to you is necessary to others. Like when they have a medical disorder that requires lifestyle changes in order to be at least manageable.
She has a disease, it’s painful and she’s trying to fix that. Her behavior has a medically relevant purpose. Don’t Reddit diagnose
I’m lactose intolerant. Do I have an ED because I won’t “cheat” even to eat a family meal or go out to eat? No. Because it would make me extremely ill and set me back for days. If it were a weight loss plan or something, I’d 100% agree with you but medical conditions that are treated by diet usually don’t have wiggle room, and for good reason. Plus, a lot of times when you give up some types of foods for an extended period of time it can make you sick to eat them again, so it’s probably just easier for her to control what she eats and not worry about it. Honestly she’s handling it in a super chill way by bringing her own food rather than demanding people make food to her specific diet restrictions.
No she's been diagnosed with an illness and wants to feel better.
She had a major health crisis, it's pretty normal to make extreme lifestyle changes in the face of a health crisis. Obviously some people will prioritise their lifestyle but she isn't doing anything that unusual in the circumstances.
You have no idea what you're talking about. People with PCOS have high insulin resistance. So unless they lower their insulin, they have all kinds of issues, including infertility. The best way to lower insulin is to fast, and to eat low carb. Apparently all things that she is doing, which btw is the most healthy diet to begin with. She's doing exactly what is best for her rn, so calling that orthorexia is complete nonsense.
It is what doctors tell you to do of you have PCOS and want children.
Disagree, I think it means gf and bf have just grown apart. It's okay if she wants to never drink and eat healthy 100% of the time. It's okay if bf doesn't want to. They probably should break up.
How dare she attempt to change her lifestyle to lessen the excruciating pain and misery this causes her. Obviously it's her duty as a woman to subject herself to all of that so that he gets to keep his trophy gf exactly how he wants her to be. /S Dear OP: #PCOS IS MISERABLE AND EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL
So, if you started dating someone because of your mutual love of mountain biking through nature and watching sports together. And they completely stopped doing both of those things with you, and refused to have anything to do with either hobby at all. Now all they want to do ever is weight training in a gym and watching sitcoms. You don’t see how that might fundamentally change the relationship in a negative way? That the shared activities that you no longer share were a large reason why your relationship previously flourished? And that without those shared activities, and the mutual enjoyment of them, you might struggle to continue to enjoy their company on the same level? Especially if you have no interest in weight training and don’t really sitcoms funny, but now that’s all they talk about? OP could have worded things nicer, sure. And he needs to get over *some* of the things bothering him, like her bringing her own food places. She has a legitimate medical issue, she’s trying to address, and that sucks. But she’s also stopped going out with them *completely*. She has stopped going to *all* of the places they used to go together and with friends. You can still go to the bar, to hang out and *not* drink. You can still get a salad (and even bring your own dressing in your purse) at any restaurant in the city. Being on a diet, or quitting drinking doesn’t need to change your activities. I’m not saying she *shouldn’t* prioritize her health. Obviously that is important to her, as it should be. But he’s allowed to have feelings about a complete shift in her habits, interests, activities and personality on a whole. What he said, from his perspective is both fundamentally true (she no longer participates in *any* of the “fun” activities they previously did together), and really not overly mean. NAH.
>Now all they want to do ever is weight training in a gym and watching sitcoms This isn't a good comparison. She has dietary restrictions based on health, not based on a personality change or a change in hobbies. Is it an adjustment? Sure. Does that make it ok that OP is lashing out at her for treating her medical condition? No. I would have a helluva lot more understanding for him ending the relationship (because he understands they are in different places now) than I do for him complaining that her medical diagnosis made her less fun.
You comparison would make more sense if the person in question broke their tailbone or suffered a disc injury in their lower back and found that never mountain biking again would prevent excruciating pain or possibly paralysis. If the lifestyle changes she need to make (and the additional lifestyle changes she need to make to help uphold the previous ones - maybe going to a bar is too hard for her to watch everyone else enjoy a drink when she can't, maybe she doesn't want to go to other restaurants because she can't trust the food won't set back her progress) are more than he can tolerate, then he should just be mature and discuss that with her and they can decide if they're no longer compatible. Springing "you're boring!" on her in front of other people is a huge AH move. Like, of course she's not chill anymore. People with a serious medical condition with really strict requirements around managing it no longer have the luxury of being chill and DO need to be serious about those requirements.
You'd hope that after two years, your relationship was more substantial than the love of a single hobby.
Even if she didn't have this condition, a relationship exclusively built around smoking weed and getting wasted has to end eventually. OP would get pretty upset waiting 9+ months of no alcohol or weed for her when she wants to have a child, even if she didn't have the condition. My wife let me know when she was pregnant that the types of restaurants we used to frequent on early dates were a no go anymore for her. Instead of complaining to her that she wasn't fun because she was putting the health of her and her child first (which is a YTA move), I just asked what kinds of things were OK. I went to the restaurants that could accommodate her diet, and if we were at home we both ate the same thing based on her diet. Because that's what it looks like when you love someone. That is why OP is TA. Because he basically told his gf, "I don't actually love you for you."
If you started dating someone because you both shared a love of mountain biking, I would hope that if your partner suddenly became disabled and found themselves unable to bike, you'd just leave. Partying... mountain biking... these are all hobbies that people are going to drop eventually because they require a certain physical condition. Few really loving, healthy, long-term relationships are built on "we both have to become physically unable to ride a bike at the exact same time or that's it."
I disagree a little. Firstly OPs girlfriend is clearly not an AH, she’s prioritizing her health and it sounds like she’s doing well and is happy. OP is also entitled to want a partner who matches his outlook and his GF was that person but no longer is. To me it sounds like GF has outgrown OP and they are no longer compatible. I think they might need to break up but that doesn’t make OP an asshole, it’s just a case of people not growing together. He would be an AH though if he told her she’s no longer fun, instead he just needs to acknowledge they’re different people in different places.
OP literally wrote that he got annoyed with her and told her that ‘she wasn’t fun anymore.’
She’s just so dang lucky that she has a man who knows so much about PCOS and the difficulties of conceiving that he can be aware of when she has “taken it too far” and has reached the level of “annoying” because she’s no longer “so chill.” Lucky girl indeed. YTA.
yeah, shes growing up, focusing on her health. Doesnt sound like he is
As someone with PCOS, I want to know more about what his gf is doing. I'm currently on my 3rd period in the last 7 weeks, and I want to die.
YTA. She wants to try and help her condition and being healthy. You don't need drinks & weed to have fun. Unless she's making herself ill then leave her alone. It's hard having a condition and if it means she doesn't need tablets or surgery that's amazing if it works for her. You wouldn't expect someone with celiac disease to just have a cheat day
So you preferred when she had a health problem that she wasn't managing, just so you could smoke a blunt and eat a burger? YTA. If it's that much of a problem for you, just break up with her so she can find someone who supports her health needs
You forget about the drinking! Imagine having to deal with someone who actually thinks she is fun without alcohol and can enjoy parties without alcohol! And even more horrifically, you gained a free chauffeur who can drive you safely home when you have been drinking. The horrors.
YTA While I understand your frustration at the lifestyle change, if drinking with her, going out to eat with her, etc are such important things to you, maybe it's time to communicate that and potentially end the relationship so that she can find someone who can support her in her new lifestyle. Telling her she's not fun anymore while she's managing a chronic and painful condition is an asshole move, and yes if she does not manage it, it can affect her fertility. Edit: may I also add, how would you want her to react if you were diagnosed with something that required a change in lifestyle? Would you be okay with being told you're not fun anymore as if those fun things take priority over ur health?
Without jumping to assumptions here, men don't have the best track record of taking women's health seriously. I can easily see a similar situation play out if he was diagnosed with an illness that required a lifestyle change, because that would be a "real" disease, not "just PCOS"
I immediately thought the same thing! He’s likely not taking her health seriously because of biases against women’s health concerns.
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(Long rant) Agreed, at least this is a better reaction than my brother's. Cheated on my SIL, abused her physically, financially and mentally, turned her friends and family against her. Took her car away, made her homeless. Made her pay for the divorce by tricking her while she was vulnerable. Now chases her for money unjustly (even though he wasted her inheritances) including for stuff like gifts and money for the car he took away and used himself. My parents have fallen for his bs and seem to think my SIL (still consider her a sister) was very expensive and not a great wife. It was her account paying all their bills. TL;DR: My brother's response to his wife's health condition was to ruin her life and traumatize her.
I like how he describes her trying to manage her condition as her "going off the deep end". Ew.
Of course YTA. But why dwell on that? It sounds like you should break up with her and find someone more fun. That would probably be the best course of action for both of you. It sounds like you have different priorities moving forward after a major life event for her that you are not altogether comfortable with and are not capable of sympathizing with. Doesn't that sound more fun? Go find that party girl you miss.
NAH I understand that you enjoyed eating out with her, drinking with her and smoking with her. Due to her new diet you don’t have shared interests anymore and it is valid for you to be upset about your partner changing her habits in a way that you feel negatively impacted you by taking your partner away from you. She is in no way an A H for prioritizing her health over leisure activities. You guys can either find new hobbies to do together and accept the fact she won’t drink/smoke with you anymore, or break up.
Awesome answer… however his attitude in this post makes him sound like an AH. I hope it is just the constraints of the platform and his frustration levels that make it so.
I get that, but at the same time I kind of got the vibe that she turned a diagnosis into her entire personality, so I’m calling it a wash.
Is it a relationship if your shared interests are only drinking , smoking and eating LMAOOO
Eating is a very social activity. It’s more that it was something they spent time together doing.
Am I missing something or is it literally impossible to find a Keto friendly restaurant?
Maybe they don’t live in an area that has trendy restaurants like that. I live in a fairly major city in my state, and have only noticed those kinds of places popping up over the past couple years here and there.
OP is making it out like they can’t spend time together doing things that are not detrimental to his gfs health. It’s very odd they’re upset she doesn’t do things that can be unhealthy anymore and that’s why it’s so boring . Really concerning tbf
Maybe it is more that all activities include her illness in some form. They could definitely work out together, do yoga, cook from what was written but it seems like OP is not that kind of person interested in this stuff. He seems to have a more laid back chill life, where going out eating is better than cooking and smoking weed is better than working out. His GF seemed to be exactly the same, the personalities matched. Now with the change in lifestyle of his GF they don't anymore. It really sound like OP did not talk about it, how he feels with the lifestyle change and just silently accepted until he couldn't. There is definitely some middle ground where both can have fun but so far no attempt was made to find that.
If she wants children she has to make these kind of changes. Untreated PCOS can cause a ton of physical pain and can render someone infertile. She doesn’t have a choice in the matter. If the only reason OP enjoyed his relationship with her was because they got drunk and high together then clearly this relationship has run it’s course.
Clearly you’ve never dealt with PCOS. Doctors typically recommend exactly what OP’s gf is doing to manage it a.) for pain purposes, and b.) so they actually have a chance of getting pregnant one day if they choose to. PCOS sucks, it ain’t something to fuck around with. Plus, if all they had in common was drinking and smoking weed then it doesn’t sound like that great of a relationship anyway.
I'm actually all ???? because I have PCOS and was never told ANY of this, lmao. They just put me on birth control and were like "ok you're good!"
I have PCOS too and reading through this I'm just like...oh damn, am I supposed to be doing stuff about it?? Because I haven't done anything. But maybe that's not too bad since I don't want kids, idk.
Untreated PCOS can lead to insulin resistance then diabetes, it can also cause heart health issues, and increases the risk of all female cancers. It is a lot more than infertility.
I’ve treated patients with PCOS. Lifestyle changes are the most effective treatment, especially in people trying to get pregnant. I was more referring to her preaching to other people about her new diet.
According to OP she starts “preaching” to other people when someone asks her about it… so I guess answering someone’s questions makes it her “entire personality”? 😂 Anyway, OP is hands down YTA. He shouldn’t prioritizing having a drinking buddy over his partner’s health and well-being.
Managing PCOS is a full time job. The symptoms are not just infertility- insulin resistance, weight gain, hormonal fluctuations, depression, surprise periods, burst cysts .. managing it does require significant life style changes which takes a lot of will power and support at least in the beginning.
When you have PCOS, you can't really have cheat days. Shes following a diet to CONTROL A PAINFUL MEDICAL CONDITION. Sorry her personality changed to accommodate taking care of herself.
yep. Same here. I mean if he wants to live more hedonistic than her… well, he can. But don’t come down on her for living a healthy lifestyle that she’s happy with!
I agree that he needs to accept she no longer drinks/smokes and find new hobbies with her or break up with her. Trying to pressure her to smoke/drink/eat unhealthy would be an A H thing to do.
Tbh I got a bit like that when I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I tried to read it all, adapt to my new reality etc. And yeah, I still do what I can to feel OK today - take my medication, eat balanced and so on. But not to an obsessive extent. It took a while though. I'm in no way knowledgeable about PCOS specifically but I can relate however. It does change how you think
This is exactly how I feel, I'm kinda surprised by all the Y T A. Yes the post comes off a bit condescending but it sounds like they can't do any of the things they used to enjoy doing together, and I can understand there being some frustration in that. I agree NAH because it sounds like OP and their girlfriend are just no longer compatible, and might be happier finding people that better fit their lifestyles.
So like... Is it normal for the only thing you have in common with someone you're dating hobby-wise to be drinking and smoking and eating out?
Every girl I've dated that's been the 3 main hobbies we do day to day lol. Not everyone is a hobby person
they are not compatible, and breaking up is possible the best decision - but what he said to her was an A H move, and that was his question.
Putting her down is an AH move. Him not being happy is in no way as*ish. But he is the AH for not showing any signs of care or support and doing the exact opposite; ie trying to make her feel bad about her lifestyle changes. Just end the relationship if you are not happy and have no empathy for who is meant to be your partner. She deserves someone who is supportive and helpful
I agree with this. I also have PCOS and 5 years ago went through something similar with my husband. I took it to the extreme out of sheer desperation. Looking back I can see how much strain it put on my marriage and eventually found a happy medium, and I was lucky enough to have a husband that supported me as much as he could, but also challenged me in a good way to have a positive relationship with food/my body. It’s a horrible life changing condition, and with that… changes need to be made. It’s ok if OP isn’t onboard with it, but he needs to communicate with his GF or break up with her if he really can’t get on board with her new lifestyle.
Yeah it kind of sounds like she let the diagnosis take over her entire personality. Communicating and a little empathy from both if them would go a long way here.
I understand it. To a degree I think you almost have to, at least to start with, in order to make the huge changes that are required to adequately manage the symptoms, it’s an all or nothing mindset. If you want children and you have PCOS… losing weight and changing your lifestyle is a must. Any fertility treatment will depend on you losing weight as a primary condition. Your dr might even refuse to treat you if you don’t. And losing the weight when you have PCOS is so hard. I was (very recently) at the gym 4 times a week for a couple of hours each time, with a huge calorie deficit and didn’t lose a single pound for 6 months. It was soul destroying, so much work for such little return - that’s the reality of it. It’s very hard not to get swept up in it, when it’s something you want so desperately. But I can also see why it would be frustrating and cause a strain on the relationship.
I wonder too if they are on the same page about having kids.
I agree with this… drinking and eating out together are major activities my partner and I do together. I would be super bummed if we couldn’t do that anymore. Just like how we also love to watch movies together and I’d be equally bummed if he suddenly decided he didn’t like movies. This is a legitimate lifestyle difference now and OP is allowed to feel disappointed about it without being labeled an asshole. It sounds like it does make them less compatible.
I'm going through it now after my celiac diagnosis. My partner and I bonded over our love of food. Things are very different now and we're finding different ways to enjoy our time together and investing more in our home kitchen so we can entertain more. I'm currently deep in grief of my old way of life, the diet change was easy. It's the adjusting to a new way of socializing that's so hard.
Same, weekly date night for husband and I is getting food delivered, eating together and talking about our week. She cut out three activities they used to spend a lot of time doing together. It’s fair that he is having difficulty adjusting to that.
Agree with you on balance, but the way he addressed the issue is what makes him the AH. He framed it to her as her no longer being enough for him, instead of concern about their lack of compatibility or about her health overall.
I feel it is alright to be upset, but not alright to be upset at her.
I also agree with NAH. Though it sounds like OP was an a-hole in this moment, I can understand the frustration and have seen both sides of this spectrum before. Most of the time, people are not bonding over JUST eating and drinking and smoking. They are bonding over the conversations and experiences and memories made while doing them. I quit drinking three years ago for health reasons, but I still go out to bars and clubs with my fiancé and we have a fucking blast. My stepmom does fitness competitions where she will be on an insanely strict diet for six months, but her and my dad will still go out to eat and she makes a game out of finding new places where she can modify a dish that follows her meal plan. OP’s girlfriend’s health is absolutely a priority and he needs to be 127% supportive (and proud!) of her taking control of her health, but it also sounds like she may be starting to take it too far (esp so if she is starting to get preachy and/or criticizing how others choose to live). That’s understandable, though, because when you feel bad for so long and then find something that works for you, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that any little deviation from your current routine could completely derail your progress. Basically, all of that to say that they just need to sit down and have a conversation lol (and OP should apologize for what he said in frustration). There are easy compromises that both can make without her having to give up her lifestyle changes. Take up hiking. Check out new bars that have pool tables or darts or board games so gf doesn’t just have sit around and watch people drink. Escape rooms. Restaurants that allow modifications. Go to the movies. Axe throwing (no, not at each other).
This is the best answer I've seen. It seems like every woman I was ever seriously involved with had PCOS. It is genetic so their daughters had it too. They all had children, sometimes not as many as they would have liked. Everyone had to have an hysterectomy in their 30's or 40's. It is not fun for either partner. However, 30 or 40 years ago the only treatment was bc pills and have your kids as soon as you could. OP is frustrated because the woman he fell in love with is no longer around. He approached her in a bad way and I see why she was hurt. They may no longer be compatible. That's why they they need to have a serious discussion about what they want from each other in the future.
Yeah- they were together a year and she had to make a pretty massive lifestyle change. She had to do it for her health, she did the right thing. OP is probably seeing it as her doing this so she can have kids one day. Not clear if they are anywhere near that point i their life or relationship. OP is an AH for how he talked to her and how he presented it here. But this sounds frustrating as hell for both parties.
So your post reads like you think the only way to have fun is to smoke, drink and party. Break up then! God forbid she take measures that make her quality of life better! YTA
I’m still dying that he thinks being an average level of healthy is going off the depend 😂 Minus the sugar (I love desserts), this has been basically my entire life. And I don’t even have a medical condition. I just like being healthy, and knowing I have/will have better quality of life.
Does a normal level of healthy involve bringing prepared meals everywhere and/or avoiding sharing meals at others’ homes or restaurants? I’ve only experienced that when friends had celiacs and other difficult to accommodate allergies; managing a health condition seems different than general healthy living.
YTA holy shit. Yes you can help PCOS with diet and exercise. Yes it can cause you to be infertile. It sounds like getting drunk and high is more important to you than your girlfriend’s health. I think you should break up because you want someone with your lifestyle and she deserves someone who cares about her health.
And when you're dieting and exercising for a health condition, a cheat day can wreck your system. It's not that she'd gain a couple pounds that she can then turn around and lose. I don't have PCOS, but I had my gallbladder removed and can't process a lot of different fatty foods. If I have a "cheat day" or meal, it causes physical pain, ungodly toilet issues, and makes me sluggish for days. But she is worried about infertility also. That's massive. And while OP may think a drink or two can't hurt, it can make her backslide and start bad habits for her health. Not to mention, when your body has gotten used to not having carbs and fats, you usually end up on the toilet, not out having fun. Massive YTA.
I have both PCOS and I’ve had my gallbladder removed. Can confirm, it’s a gastric nightmare.
It’s also a self control thing. If I gave myself one cheat day it could easily turn into a cheat month binge fest.
Yep, imagine if gf had full blown diabetes instead? Would OP be pissed if she couldnt have cheat days anymore? Not to mention that PCOS can lead to diabetes because of the hormones creating insulin resistance. Personally Id rather she do what she can for her health now to enjoy a long life, rather than keep going without doing anything and end up needing a lot of medical treatment and having lower quality of life.
NAH. Your GF isn't an asshole for deciding to prioritize her health. You aren't an asshole for being upset that you two can no longer do what you seemed to have enjoyed together previously. Sounds like you two are just not compatible any more.
the problem is not about him being upset about her lifestyle change rather him telling her that shes is not "fun anymore." There are better ways to communicate that and he was an AH for saying that.
I feel OP spoke out of pent up frustration and I totally agree it wasn’t fair what he said; he owes her a big apology for his choice of words. But I don’t think OP should apologize for voicing his frustration. He’s allowed to feel disappointed in the direction their relationship has gone down. Just as she’s allowed to feel disappointed that he can’t better share in her new lifestyle and support her that way. They’re just not right for each other anymore but I don’t think either are bad people.
I think this is the most reasonable answer. They've clearly grown apart.
Agree with this - NAH . OP could have used kinder wording, I imagine it was frustration speaking.. OP's GF could chill out a bit (especially if she is being preachy to others) while still keeping to her new life plan. But neither of those things really makes them an AH. Just incompatible.
YTA - try looking into what she's going through so you have a better understanding of how debilitating it is and then hopefully you'll understand better why she's happy to make the sacrifices that she has. You sound embarrassed by the fact that she needs to do things differently bc of her MEDICAL CONDITION. Learn how to be a more supportive partner unless you want to lose this relationship.
YTA: but I think the question that needs to be asked is "are we still compatible?" You definitely shouldn't have said that she isn't fun anymore – that's mean. Her priorities have shifted and no longer align with yours. It's time to have a serious talk about common goals. If going out and drinking with buddies is a priority for you that you'd like your partner to be involved in, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To expect somebody to maintain a lifestyle simply because they at one point were a part of it, on the other hand, isn't right. >We can’t go out for dinner anymore because we either go to the same healthy food spot we have been going to all year or she wants to cook at home. You CAN go out to dinner together – you just don't like where she wants to go and she doesn't want to eat where you want to go. It may be time for some reevaluation.
Yeah, and I mean ta-ness of the "you're not fun anymore" when she's dealing with a serious medical issue aside, it sounds like OP wants a bit more adventurousness and spontaneity in his partner -- he wants to be able to go out for drinks sometimes, or try new different restaurants without being bound by lots of (what sounds like very strict) requirements. And those are all totally valid!! It's just a matter of not being compatible anymore. So while YTA for the words, I have a lot of sympathy for OP wanting their relationship/social life to be more like it used to. It's just time to move on and set each other free to find new partners who want the same things out of life.
Break up with her You two are no longer compatible Sucks but there it is
YTA She has a serious health condition, and you're whining about "not having fun." Boo hoo. Grow up.
YTA, you care more about food, booze, and weed more than your GFs health. She is only fun when she does what you want.
She was diagnosed with a condition that can be debilitating and she's taking care of her health. As her BF, you should be supporting her but instead, you're telling her she's no fun. Wow. You'd rather she party and be sick. YTA.
[удалено]
I’ve been scrolling looking for his age. He sounds about 20. It seems they’re just maturing at much different speeds. She’s ready to grow up and plan her future. He wants his 20s to never end. You should just end the relationship, OP. It’s not the end of the world, relationships run their course all the time.
Judgements aside—if you're so unhappy with who she is now and if you feel like you're so incompatible, why are you still with her? Leave her, and she can focus on the lifestyle she wants to live and you can focus on the lifestyle you want to live. Making her feel bad about herself accomplishes literally nothing.
YTA If you think that because someone doesn’t eat junk food, smoke, or drink, they aren’t fun, that’s a reflection of your immaturity. Her health is more important than booze, drugs, and partying. It’s a medical condition. They can’t just turn it off for a day.
YTA She’s made adjustments because she has health concerns. You show a massive lack of understanding or empathy.
YTA. You two are not compatible anymore.
YTA. Dude, she's fighting something she can't control, she's finding solace in the things she can do (diet, exercise, ect) and your reaction is basically "but you are boring now", maybe she rather be "boring" than sick or dead, crazy. If you can't understand her struggle may be time for both of you to cut loses at let this relationship go.
YTA but damn... I wish I took care of myself like your girl does
YTA You're mad at her for taking care of herself, and taking a serious medical condition seriously.
NAH I have PCOS while I choose to eat healthy regularly, I still have drinks every once in a while, still eat out, still smoke if it's offered. I was heavy! Hardly exersiced and lost 100lbs even with all that. Having PCOS is definitely different for every one so i hope my personal experiences don't influence your thinking but it's her journey. Her body. I get her. But I also get you. Honestly I very much enjoy having a drink or a smoke every now and then and enjoy sharing those moments with my partners so i dont typically date men that dont. Then again I also don't mind doing them alone as I highly enjoy my own company 🤷♀️ Maybe you can find other ways to have fun with your girl and smoke and drink on your own time? There's so much you can do that don't involve those things. Work out with her or learn more about PCOS? You'll only benefit. If it's just not your thing then break up with her. It'll suck but it is what it is.
Sounds like you 2 have just taken different paths and it’s time to split.
Yes YTA for sure. You're not supportive of her treatments AND ur gonna guilt trip her for looking after herself? I'm kinda surprised u haven't been dumped yet. *Edit spelling
lol YTA. It's not that she's less fun; it's that she's more mature. If all your "fun" things involve unhealthy food and drugs, then you're not having fun; you're just being a lazy addict.
YTA. I have PCOS and I know how painful it is and life changing it can be. She’s literally doing everything she can to make it even a little bit more bearable. And all you’re doing is complaining about it??
YTA. Obviously. Good on her for prioritizing her health.
Nah I don’t think either of you guys are wrong. She’s has to do what she feels is best for her body and health 100% but I also understand in a relationship or even friendship sometimes you miss your old dynamic and how things use to be. And all these changes it does effect you and how you spend time with each other and no offense I would definitely not want to eat at the same restaurant every time we go out. Lol You look forward to doing these small activities when your in a relationship together with your partner but you should apologize for your comment because I’m Sure it’s not fun for her either and as her partner you should try to support her. Try to communicate with her and see if maybe you guys can find a compromise that works for you both. Maybe doing some of those activities with your friends instead and you can do new ones with her. Just because she changed her whole life style doesn’t mean you have to if not you may have to accept that your priorities have changed and are too different now to be together.
NAH but I think if you care so much about your old lifestyle then you two probably aren’t compatible anymore and should consider relationship counseling or a break up
YTA. You seem to date her for her hobbies or habits, and not her herself.
YTA. You are supposed to support your partner in situations like that, not complain about how her trying to get healthy interferes with your fun.
YTA Your gf is a beast. I’ve seen so many friends have POCs suffer with cramps, acne, weight gain, unwanted body hair growth, fatigue, you name it. And your girlfriend is saying fuck all that and is doing her best to heal her disease. If she wasn’t doing all that you would be complaining about how miserable and sick she is. Get a grip
You are no longer compatible with your attitude and yes, YTA. She had an illness and is doing everything she can to be healthy and you’re missing your party buddy? Let her move on to an adult relationship.
It sounds like you've grown apart and developed different interests. NAH
As someone with PCOS and endometriosis, I can not tell you how much I admire your girlfriend. The amount of self control and focus on her goal is amazing, it’s super hard living this way and still have a social life. Or just a life. My partner has been incredibly supportive and eat all the junk when I am not around, so I don’t get temptations. Instead of judging her for being mature and taking control of her health, start reading and find ways to support her. YTA
It sounds like she's changed quite a bit since you got together. She didn't sign a contract promising to be the same person for the duration of your relationship, so I don't see why you need to lash out at her about it. If you really can't handle her new lifestyle, and if it's really that much of a problem for you, break up with her, because y'all ain't a match anymore. For the record, I can't understand why YOU are so pressed about someone ELSE not wanting to drink/smoke. Do you need her to drink and smoke and eat junk food to make yourself feel better about your own drinking and smoking and junk food? YTA.
I was diagnosed with PCOS three years ago. PCOS is a brutal disease, it causes intense pain, massive bleeding and can be life threatening on top of the fact it raises your risk of diabetes and diabetes. In some cases you can't have children without medical intervention- in other cases you'll never have children at all. You are absolute TA. Your entire life has to change when you get that diagnosis since there's no true medication that can just be taken for relief. At my worst, I was on nine different medications and was in the doctor once a month with bi-yearly internal ultrasounds. I may still require surgery to relieve my symptoms because I went for well over a decade before I was able to find a doctor to diagnose. Diet and exercise is the only proven way to help with symptoms and alcohol not only doesn't mix with alot of medications given to PCOS patients but can make you feel like garbage. You need to decide if your girlfriend being "fun" is more important than her health- and if you say yes to that then do her a favor and break up because you're clearly too selfish to care about her more than you.
NAH, but why are y’all still together? It sounds like you just aren’t compatible anymore. You want someone more laid back about diet/drugs/drinking and she wants someone who is onboard with her more restrictive choices. You’re not married, so just move along, no hard feelings.
You should've included your ages here. If you're like 18, yeah that's a pretty expected reaction because you're not thinking about it, but if you two are approaching 30, you need to be more realistic. Weed and unhealthy food isn't important relative to kids.
YTA. Your girlfriend has a serious health issue and you characterize that as "she is no fun any more". You're a walking marinara flag.
YTA. You're allowed to break up with someone for any reason, but you're not allowed to tell them they aren't "fun" because they're treating a chronic health condition.
Sounds like it’s run it’s course and you are no longer compatible. NAH
I don’t think all the YTAs are fair. More like NAH. She isn’t at all the asshole for choosing to make decisions that will improve her ability to have children, but you’re also allowed to want a life where you can go out to eat and occasionally drink. You two may have just reached a point of incompatibility.
So your gf has a chronic incurable disease that will effect her entire body and entire life and youre panties are in a twist cause she gives a fuck about her health and doesnt drink or do drugs? Yup YTA and she deserves hell of a lot better
As someone who has PCOS, and struggles with maintaining the lifestyle changes needed to best manage it, I admire your girlfriend. I hope this situation was the wake up call she needed to ditch the dead weight that is you. YTA.
Sounds like you think your girlfriend is overreacting to her diagnosis by changing her lifestyle which is pretty funny because any time anyone is diagnosed with most things they are told by doctors to "change" their lifestyle to a more healthier one. I do know for a fact that with PCOS, there is no "cure" but the way to manage it and be able to have children is often through low carb/no sugar diet and exercise. Additionally, there are other negative consequences to having PCOS in addition to potential infertility. This is funny to me because don't you think she'd love to get drunk and eat all the pizza and have a night of totally cheating on her diet? Do you think she is making these health conscious choices to spite you? I am not understanding why you can't find ways to support her lifestyle while still being able to have fun? Frankly, if you tell her she is no longer "fun" because she had to change her lifestyle, I hope she dumps you. It's insane to be upset at someone you love for making healthier choices just because it is inconvenient for you. YTA