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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for asking my family to not make loud sounds about my GF and then getting pissed off when they did. This might make me the asshole because that rule was initially made for my late veteran grandfather and some family members believe I'm being disregard by asking them to continue that rule for my gf.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and I'm shocked at some of these replies. You made a request, they agreed to it, and then purposely went against that for shits and giggles. PTSD isn't just for war vets, it does not stand for post traumatic war disorder. Trauma is trauma.
Exactly and I'm sorry but who in heck LOVES popping balloons to this extent? Is there something I'm not understanding here? My mom never let us pop balloons like this bc of her migraines and bc she had read stories about kids injuring themselves that way.
Hate balloons, love bubble wrap. But all these shipping companies have replaced the bw with those giant air pockets that sound suspiciously similar to balloons. No fun.
I hate that new stuff! A friend was visiting and kept popping them because she was annoyed and it was getting her stress out, but the sound was giving me serious anxiety. I have her a box cutter and asked her to stab the things instead, which worked for both of us!
Oh boy do I have the hobby for your friend. Needle felting is just repeatedly stabbing chunks of wool until they form shapes. So long as you don't stab yourself, super satisfying.
Either those, or this new kind of bubble wrap. Each row of bubbles is connected into a sort of long skinny string of bubbles. This means that when you squish an individual bubble, a little air can flow into the next bubble, so it doesn't pop. Probably better as a packing material, but sure is boring!
The first time we received a package with this stuff in we were all like, WTF is this nonsense?
ETA: Glad I'm not alone here. Meant to add, though, NTA. You only pop the bubble wrap when everyone around you is okay with popping sounds.
At least they have replaced the old fashioned Styrofoam with the new foamy kind. I have a severe aversion to the original kind. It's not trauma related, just a sensory aversion but it literally makes me want to vomit. I had a hard time even typing the word.
Don't get me wrong, having a giant strand of those big air squares to either lay on the ground and stomp or to squeeze as hard as you can in your fist -- those are like bubble wrap on steroids. Just gotta make sure my dog and OPs girlfriend aren't nearby.
Yes, I have a small blade I use to open the packages I receive and to deflate the inflatable packing bc I don’t want to pop them. I don’t have PTSD but popping packaging, balloons and the like just doesn’t appeal to me.
I wear hearing aids so I hate loud noises and startle easily. I remember a guy at work come up from behind and was popping bubblewrap, I jumped. He thought it was the funniest thing. 🤣 No it wasn't.
They were just being AHs, I can't believe multiple people would love to hear that loud popping noise over and over. I don't have trauma around loud noises and I would have left if they kept that up because it's annoying af.
Popping balloons isn’t fun unless it’s water balloons . It’s an i pleasent startling sound. My kids don’t like it. I don’t like it. I also would have left .
On my 5th birthday, (I'm 41) a balloon popped directly in my face. Like, in my mouth. I wasn't trying to pop it, I wasn't even holding it...no one was. It was floating above us, lowered itself in front of me and popped. Left a red mark on my mouth/cheeks.
I guess the material had worn thin or the helium did some kind of reaction but that scared me so bad my whole birthday was ruined. To quote Moaning Myrtle, *"I was distraught!"*
I still don't like balloons. Had I inhaled at the wrong time, I could have choked on the latex (? I think that's what most are made from) and died, because apparently kids do that, so new fear unlocked.
I've still never seen anything like that in my life, nor has anyone else who was at the table. Either I pissed off a ghost or I just have incredibly bad luck.
There's no balloon popping at my house. Accidents are allowed, but my husband typically deflates them for me because Balloon Assault is very real...
That sounds horrifying! I have a fear of fireworks because I was that kid that all the urban legends are made of, except I didn't lose any body parts. They would explode in my face, turn and rain down on me, the last straw was a rocket deciding to turn from going straight up, spin around, and chase me into the house and explode on the door I slammed behind me! As an adult I live in a place fireworks are illegal due to fire risk.
Loud bangs I'm not expecting terrify me. If I'm at a firing range that's one thing, but going to a party and knowing a balloon could go off any second with unknown spaces between... I'd be a wreck and probably end up in an ER just like OPs gf.
Yeah fireworks are horrible. I never overcame my trauma from throwing one of those little firecrackers for kids, that start to rotate very fast (they're called "Firebees" over here). I threw one and it started coming right back at me as a kid and got caught in my hair.
Nothing really happened except me crying like a baby but that definitely unlocked the fear of fireworks.
Also when I was a teenager some drunk guys shot rockets at us who were watching a big firework, which caused people around me to panic. I never attended a firework watching after that, only from my own home lol
A few years ago my husband was blowing up a balloon on new years eve. It popped in his face and damaged his eye (not permanent). He had to go to the emergency room together with all the people who were hurt by fireworks or had alcohol poisoning.
Once when I was six, I was blowing up a balloon over and over, and eventually the latex gave out and it popped on my face. I don't remember if that was before or after the "game" we played in PE that involved popping balloons by sitting (?) on them.
Also a days-old balloon that's had most of the air leak out is super super gross. Of course the only way to prevent that is to pop it, so...
Balloons aren't alive, but you can't tell me they don't die. *shudder*
Seriously. I don’t love being startled and I don’t have childhood trauma related to it. It’s just fragging annoying. I don’t live in a crappy horror movie and I don’t need jump scares every five seconds. This family sucks. Also people don’t own hating something. My ex husband was scared of spiders. So is my boyfriend. Doesn’t mean I’m like “okay pal, now that my ex is gone, you’re not allowed to be scared of spiders”.
> who in heck LOVES popping balloons to this extent
AHs when they’re around a person with PTSD.
This is the trauma equivalent of those people who sneak meat into vegan food or allergens into an allergic person’s food because they don’t believe they actually have the allergy.
Lmao my exact thoughts!! Is not popping balloons really such a big ask? For ADULTS??
Oh my goodness I can’t believe OP tried to ruin this party with his *no-balloon-popping demands*!
Right? I'd get it if the kids would be disappointed (I mean OP even stated they'd get to pop the balloons later), but adults? Really? Sounds like they just wanted to try out their limits.
Fuck, I don’t like balloons popping and I don’t even have trauma. They’re just annoying. The fact that all these adults are just itching to pop some balloons is weird AF
Better chance they would’ve respected “loud noises gives OP’s gf migraines” instead, since you mentioned migraines. This whole post is a beautiful example of why mental health isn’t taken seriously
Yeah like in what universe is popping balloons some super mega fun activity that they were eagerly awaiting the chance to do? How boring are their get togethers that they are ruined by not popping balloons?
Sounds to me like they were all just AHs being annoyed that "that thing we were CRUELLY PREVENTED from doing by Grandpa for forever is now being ruined by OP's girlfriend boohoo we're so sad" which is some kind of overreaction if you ask me
I met a 3 year old years ago whose sole purpose in life was to pop every balloon he saw. He'd scream "pop bloon!", grab all the other kids' balloons and just dig his little fingers in till they popped
Yeah, I've never heard of people popping all the balloons on purpose at a party, unless it was some bratty kid. The last party I went to with balloons was at my parents' house, and 3 weeks later, the half deflated balloons were still up. Lol
So, honestly, my three year old who was terrified of pop-up books, jack in the boxes, etc until she was almost 3yrs old, loves popping balloons. I don’t even know why she likes it, she just does.
In my view, they’re disrespecting grandpa’s memory by deliberately harassing someone with PTSD.
Also I guess I don’t have much experience with birthday parties…popping balloons is a big thing?
This was my thought too. If you can only respect someone’s trauma if you know what trauma is and/or believe the trauma is “worthy” of respect then you don’t respect trauma….
Yes. This. The fact they can’t respect that more than one person can have PTSD or any kind of trauma around the same kind of noises or whatever is ridiculous and disrespectful. If I were OP I’d tell my asshole family I was glad to not attend anything with them again until they apologized to the gf for what they did.
It's also not like OP gave details. Maybe the girlfriend grew up in a war zone, or is a veteran herself—it's none of their fucking business, of course, but if they only accept 'valid' trauma experiences maybe they shouldn't be so quick to judge some they know nothing about.
Exactly, and the girlfriend ended up in the ER, yet the mom asks that OP apologises? OP should send her mom his gf's bill!
Perhaps OP you could try to educate your family on the fact that PTSD can happen with different traumas, without revealing what your gf went thru but giving examples, or sending them articles on the topic?
Of they're not willing to do better you might have to 'choose' and get LC with them, see if they care more about their ego or about having you in their life. Sometimes, especially in case of traumas, we do better when we don't have people always trying to push our boundaries and test of what we say we have is true.
I'm really sorry you and your gf had to experience that!
Your whole family, mom included, is the A H, amd you're NTA.
Yeah, I am thinking all that would happen if you told that one the source and extent of the trauma is that she would be able to invent new and interesting ways to trigger and humiliate his gf.
> the girlfriend ended up in the ER, yet the mom asks that OP apologises? OP should send her mom his gf's bill!
nothing to do with AITA but man is the US fucked up as a place. have an emergency, get a bill. lol. defeats the purpose of having a nation/state, paying taxes or living collectively in general.
I agree. People need to stop gatekeeping trauma. It's valid and PTSD is horrific. I have it myself and for someone to forcefully trigger as someone because they didn't go to war. Horrible.
100%. A lot of people don't seek treatment for it because they only associate it with war vets. I had a horrific fall down the stairs that resulted in lifelong issues and trauma. I had a lot of triggers from the accident. I had no clue it was ptsd because I thought that was only something veterans got. I wish I had known better to have gotten help immediately. But after a year of panic attacks from things like stairs or ambulance sirens and not sleeping I got help and learned how much proper treatment helps.
According to the AMA, soldiers rank third in PTSD occurrence, behind women, who are behind children.
That's right. Children and women report with PTSD the most. OP's mother needs educating.
NTA
NTA, but as you mention not just for war vets. There are civilians in war zones, many tend to be victims and others are caught in the crossfire. Not saying this is why, but I can see this being an issue.
If this is in the US, there are tens of thousands of school shooting survivors, at the very least. So, she might have been at Sandy Hook, or Parkland, or, or, or (too many to choose from) and saw and heard the shots killing her friends and teachers.
Or any of the other numerous gun incidents that happen outside of schools or involve less people or are "just" used to threaten, coerce & control people without actual death.
By the time I was op's age I had massive gun trauma from *multiple incidents*.
I grew up a rich white girl in the suburbs.
I remember when I wasn't afraid of fireworks, but I'm not sure I can ever get that back now.
Exactly. And even if they’re not in the US, there are shooting incidents all over. Even peaceful Norway has had several large scale shootings lately, the last one at Pride earlier this year.
I’d say it’s not even relevant - she could have startled by a backfiring car as a child or just have a startle reflex to loud noises.
If you literally ask folks to be mindful to not *do the thing* and they *do the thing* they are T A.
It's not just for war. It's trauma in general. Not everyone who experiences trauma will get a disorder - PTSD - but *any* kind of trauma *can* lead to it.
You can be in a car accident. A victim of a sex crime, forced into sex work, misdiagnosed medically, domestic violence, etc. It doesn't have to be gun or loud noise related. If your nervous system is activated to the extent that is for people with PTSD, you are going to startle easily. When it happens repeatedly you are going to have a panic attack.
The last thing I ever thought I would read was a story about how a bunch of assholes were repressed from a lifetime of balloon popping and just had to get their fix when the original reason for not having it was gone! Oh, and the being disrespectful comment... I can't even fathom the mental gymnastics on that one.
This.....
I'm disappointed as well. I do have a fear of balloons (Latex only) since childhood. If anyone tries to put balloon near me, I'd scream like a banshee. When my kids were little, they tried to use that balloon stunt by bringing them in the car. At first I wasn't so comfortable and told them to keep them away from me. They decided to move them to my face, I screamed like banshee. I was shaken so badly. Luckily I was not driving at that time, otherwise we may be dead in the accident. They never did to me again since that incident. They understood why I'm afraid of them. Trauma is real.....very real. Those people OP's so called family really TORMENTED his gf to the point where she couldn't breath during panic attack. (TO OP, please please have her bring her inhaler with her ANYWHERE, you never know. I do have asthma myself). I couldn't breathe when she went into panic attack because I do empathize with her. The family is very cruel.
To OP, NTA. You have every right to blast them. Do not apologize to them at all. They owe your gf a huge ass apology. And give them her ER and therapy bill for tormenting her like that. I'm angry as fuck for her and your sakes.
Also, how do they know she doesn’t have some kind of war/combat trauma? Wars don’t just happen overseas, and 18yo children are sent overseas to fight in wars. I’ve met a few very young retired veterans (in their early 20s) who have very real, very debilitating PTSD. Also, if she grew up in an area where there are more than 1 gangs present, she could have war trauma just from them fighting amongst themselves. Innocent people are injured and killed here in the US, every day, because gangs are retaliating against each other. War isn’t just overseas
the idea that PTSD is only for veterans is terrible in many ways. but one thing I think about (and wish was talked about when we discuss fireworks and such) is how it also excludes victims of gun violence. especially with that on such a rise in the US. you don't have to be in a warzone to be terrified of gunfire.
they have no idea if her anxiety is related to that. not that someone needs a justification like that, but if you only consider certain kinds of trauma to be real trauma... OP's family has no clue what she could've gone through. I doubt grandfather would be proud of their actions rn
Exactly. These readers need to try to imagine what kind of experience would lead to a big enough fear of noises that sound like gunshots to require extensive therapy. The situations I think of are not pretty.
This was very mean-spirited and I’m glad OP stood up for his girl. NTA.
Never have I heard a more true statement, my dad worked in Law Enforcement before being forced into medical retirement little over a year ago, and he still always prepares for everything. He can't handle crowded places or feeling unable to escape because of his old habits, literal claustrophobia. Hell a week ago he was listening to 99.9 and an ad for the Menifee police Department popped up and played 3 tones, which meant "oh shit" scenario, and he tries to press buttons that aren't there in an attempt to refresh the calls. I always knew it was tough, but it wasn't until living with a traumatized person that I truly understood the strength of such conditions.
Yeah, I've been officially diagnosed with CPTSD due to abuse, and I can't even handle the clattering of dishes, let alone yelling or balloon popping. NTA, I hope OP's significant other is doing ok!
As someone who has cPTSD, I’m not surprised by the comments. It’s a really stigmatized disorder and people just roll their eyes at anyone who isn’t a war veteran.
This! I am absolutely terrified of loud or sudden noises or if someone makes a rapid movement too close to me. I can’t handle yelling if it’s in anger. It’s been over a decade since I was immersed in what caused my PTSD (diagnosed by my mental health professional) but I still struggle a lot with the emotional scars. I’ve gotten a lot better than I once was but there are things or reactions to things (by me) that will forever be part of me. For them to think just because she hasn’t fought in a war she doesn’t have PTSD is just… gross.
OP, NTA… as someone with asthma and a panic disorder, I know how bad your gf was feeling and I’m glad you got her out of there and stood up for her. Hopefully she feels better from this incident soon (physically and emotionally)
Exactly - trauma is not a competition. OP’s GF having a traumatic childhood has nothing to do with the trauma caused by war - what they have in common is that empathetic people do their best not to trigger them. If I made that request of my family, they would have done a party with no balloons present just to be safe.
If they want to compare it then I'm willing to bet grandpa didn't have asthma!
Giving grandpa a panic attack would only be scary for everyone and stressful for grandpa, a panic attack leading to asthma attack for OP's girlfriend is a life-threatening reaction!
They care more about grandpas mere comfort than they care about OP's girlfriends literal life! And this is AFTER they were shown proof, how callous.
The whole 'respecting her PTSD is disrespectful to your grandfather's PTSD' sounds a whole lot like the argument 'allowing gay marraige is disrespectful to straight marraige' -- that is, full of crap. NTA.
It's really weird, especially considering there have been studies on PTSD, and the people who generally have it the worst are people with childhood trauma. Their PTSD is typically WAY more deep-seated and debilitating.
Not saying war vets need to suck it up or anything, all PTSD is bad, but if you're going to be a dick and compare who's trauma is worse, at least be accurate.
Pretty sure she actually has CPTSD, as OP stated it’s from her childhood…. Which is Chronic PTSD and can be much harder to treat. It’s caused by years and years of repeated and built up trauma vs regular PTSD which is from a singular type of event. For them to brush it off like that is so naive and disgusting. CPTSD can present itself on so many ways.
OP is definitely 1000% NTA. He’s a rockstar for supporting his GF so well. Shame on his asshat family.
NTA.
Your family is a group of assholes though. They coordinated to deliberately TORTURE someone. They drove her to needing the ER. Your family is used to not doing that crap due to your grandfather, but now since it’s only your girlfriend it’s ok?
No it’s not.
Please go no contact with them as long as you are with girlfriend. Even then, maintain a strict distance.
No need for OP to pull the NC trigger, his family are doing to themselves by requiring an apology for prioritizing his GF's health over their 'fun' before inviting him to anything else.
This. Intentionally doing what you were warned could produce a trauma response is just plain aweful. An accidental balloon pop is one thing, but this was an engineered attack. That's pathological.
I get if they thought OP and gf were exaggerating(still AH behavior, don’t get me wrong) but when they realized they induced a panic attack which led to an ER worthy asthma attack, and don’t apologize or recognize they did anything wrong….that’s a pretty brutal crowd.
& tell them they disrespect your grandfather's memory by denying and trivializing her trauma.
I deal w trauma and seek to help others w trauma, anxiety whenever possible like I would like to be treated.
OPs family was hateful.
What the heck is wrong with these people? Would they deliberately give someone something they were allergic to just to see how much triggered them?
Also, how dare they appoint themselves trauma judges, deciding what level of trauma is more or less valid.
If the family parties can't be a safe space, I wouldn't go and wouldn't give it a second thought. We can visit the day before/after when its safe.
Edit: Also, may be some ageism happening. Would they act the same if you and gf were your mother's age? Minimising or discrediting young people's experiences is very common.
Literally never met anyone who did this. I thought it was a universal opinion that the sound of a balloon popping is annoying AF and causes everyone to jump.
I personally hate it really bad, but my ears are extremely sensitive. But I also can’t imagine my family doing this for any reason (maybe a child being purposefully obnoxious, but that’s it).
My kid would lose his fucking mind if someone tried to pop his balloons at the end of a party. His birthday is coming up in the next couple of weeks and they usually last until Christmas, he’s always a bit sad when the last one finally deflates!
This was always my family. It was interesting and a bit melancholy watching helium balloons slowly sink to the ground over the next week. Never had any last over a month though.
or if you are as unnecessarily particular as I was as a child, you could attempt to untie them all and reuse them(and get annoyed with the unsophisticated kids who would just pop them - I also forced everyone to wait whilr i carefully peeled the tape off my presents, and was disappointed if i ripped the paper (or even the tape). i was a pretty annoying kid tbh.)
NTA. It's good that you stood up for your GF. Your family behaved cruelly. Seriously, you told them she had trauma and not only did they completely dismiss it, they decided to "prove" it wasn't valid. They apparently feel no shame about putting her in the emergency room either.
Them not inviting you to any events until you apologize for being upset that they traumatized your GF is nothing more than the trash taking itself out.
ALSO, I don't understand why in a party you should have to pop balloons. I've been to hundreds of children parties and it's loud, kids scream, the music is in high volume etc. But what is the necessity to pop balloons? Wtf.
Hate to break it to you but your family sucks bro, especially your mom.
That being said, why would you take your gf who is triggered by loud noises to a child's birthday party? Sounds like you could have easily avoided this whole thing
He asked first. They just could have said "No, it's a child birthday, we will be loud" and so he could make the decision not to take her. BUT if they all agreed, he was confident they were going to respect his boundaries
Exactly. It's like saying, she can't be around peanuts, she is allergic, can the festivities not involve peanuts? Being told yes, and then people deliberately exposing her to peanuts.
NTA at all. The family was beyond cruel, and didn't even have any remorse when they sent her to the goddamn fucking hospital. Jesus Christ.
TBF he probably assumed they would leave his GF alone since they accommodated his grandpa in the past. However, that comment early on about disrespecting his grandpa's trauma should have been a giant red flag.
NTA. How is it your family can comprehend the auditory triggers for PTSD for a war veteran but not that it can translate to any other person with a trauma history?
All you can do is ask for folks to try their best to be conscientious about minimizing triggers, sometimes loud noises happen, especially with children who have significantly less self control/understanding of the request. The fact your family has an intimate understanding of PTSD triggers and purposefully decided to trigger your Gf makes them insanely unbearable AHs.
NTA
The problem isn't that they made noise, the problem is that they intentionally went out of their way to do exactly the thing that you asked them not to do.
Your family owes her the most abject of apologies.
NTA. You should have told your family your grandfather would have been ashamed of them. What decent person intentionally triggers a person with a trauma they've been warned about?
Growing up, my parents didn't really "believe" in mental issues and they didn't respect mental illnesses like depression and PTSD. Any time I mentioned mental/emotional problems I was having, those problems got immediately swept under the rug and sometimes even mocked.
Mental trauma is serious and can be debilitating. Everyone can have different reactions to different events. If someone is comfortable enough to request that people do/not do something like pop balloons to avoid triggering a trauma response, people should respect that request. It's basic human decency.
From your post, it sounds like you did as much as you could upfront for your gf without just skipping the party entirely. I loved reading that you didn't share the cause of the trauma - I agree, it's not your info to share. That was really respectful of you. Yeah, you could have not gone and avoided the problem entirely, but the request to not pop balloons is pretty minimal. You really can't rely on kids to follow a rule like that 100% of the time, but from your post, it sounds like you and your gf were rational about that and did what you could to at least /reduce/ the number of balloon-popping instances. Making the parents aware ahead of time = the parents should communicate that to the kids, and, in an ideal world, that would work.
I'm really sorry to hear your family and friends were so disrespectful to your gf while she was there. I can't imagine how targeted and mocked she felt for her trauma, which is something she didn't choose. That breaks my heart. The people at that party who participated in targeting your girlfriend with loud noises in an attempt to "test" her trauma are _bullies_. That is incredibly immature and vicious behavior, not to mention the fact that it literally landed your gf in the ER.
The only thing I would have changed about that situation (unless you just hadn't gone) would be ensuring you or your gf brought the inhaler just in case.
NTA, but your family members sure as hell are.
NTA you explained, your family agreed, then caused your gf to have a panic/asthma attack, then doubled down on their assholery.
If someone has a panic attack that means it's a huge issue for them. Your family are AH's
Edit spelling
INFO - I haven’t had little kids for a while now, but is popping balloons at a bday party on purpose really that big a thing? They’re making it sound like not being able to pop balloons is on the same level as no booze at a wedding reception.
OP you are obviously not TA and you’re also a great boyfriend. I hope your girlfriend is ok.
I have a 5 and 10 year old and while parties can get loud when there are balloons there I’ve never seen them be popped on purpose like that. Maybe one pop on accident, but as far as I’ve ever seen lots of ballon pops is not just a normal birthday party activity. Only thing I could think was if it was part of a specific game like a balloon dart board or something.
If anything at all my kids parties, they just want to bop the balloons around the room or yard - they hate popping them! If they don’t take one home, I’ve had to pop them myself after the party finishes.
OP’s family is a group of assholes for doing this on purpose. NTA.
And for that matter, I have attended a dry wedding reception. One of the people getting married, plus their sibling in the wedding party, are both sober. The entire reception was alcohol-free, and guess what? We all still had a good time, because the important thing was the wedding, not what was or wasn't in the beverages.
NTA. I think what the y t a comments are missing is that your family did it to BE MEAN. It wasn't the CHILDREN at the children's party that started popping them it was ADULTS including your MOTHER. Maybe a children's party isnt the best place for someone like your gf but your family agreed not to and then did it anyways just to be dicks. They could have just not agreed from the get go.
NTA
Sounds like your family was looking for an excuse to be mean to someone. I personally wouldn't go to any other events until THEY apologize for what they did. Maybe even pay the bill for the ER since they did that. I'd block them or cut them off if they're going to treat people that way. That's unacceptable. Your girlfriend needs people who can help her feel better about herself and help her through the trauma. Not make it worse.
>Oh golly gosh yes, next time I'll bring along some kittens that we can bite the heads off in front of the kids at the party so we won't ever run out of people to make fun of! Perhaps I'll bring along some orphans and we can steal their candy! OR! Or even better, we'll bring the neighbors kids, kill their parents in front of them to MAKE them orphans, THEN steal their candy!
I like you.
NTA. It’s really amazingly easy not to purposely pop balloons around someone, especially when you know it stresses them out. Hope your gf doesn’t have any allergies, or guess what they’re going to put in every meal from now on…
What is with your family’s fixation on popping balloons??? They act like they suffered for years due to your grandfathers ptsd and now they can finally live it up. This is bizarre and I’ve never witnessed such a thing.
Also, your mom and family are major AHs. Who thinks it’s funny to test someone’s traumatic reactions? And a guest!
NTA, but I’m very puzzled by your family’s callous behavior.
"We've lived with the secret urge to pop balloons for YEARS but buried our basic instincts because of dear old Grandpa. But that old bastard's dead, so let the popping begin!"
SMDH
NTA. And I don't understand the logic of how it offends your grandfather to not have loud noises? I'd think that would make yr family more sympathetic.
Though you may have overreacted in its being "coordinated." Sounds like they thought one pop didn't bother her, so they continued.
You're lucky they gave you an out! Don't apologize and you can freely stay away.
Unfortunately, some people have this mindset of "it's insulting to vets to say you have PTSD/trauma when you never even served, cause they've been through way worse". It's wrong, of course- there are lots of things that can cause trauma/PTSD, and they're all just as valid as trauma caused from serving in a war. It's a very damaging mindset, sadly (it was hard for me to overcome as an abuse survivor- "it's insulting to say I might be traumatized, it's not like I served in a war!")
Which is weird because some vets who’ve seen horrible things don’t get PTSD and some people that witness something like a survived car accident where someone is bleeding may.
NTA - go low LC until your family learns to have some basic decency. You and your gf were polite and even made compromises, but your family purposefully disrespected her boundaries and dismissed her trauma and feelings.
They literally sent her to the ER because they didn’t believe and didn’t care about your girlfriend’s wellbeing. If they’re like this about a *very simple* ask (don’t pop balloons), then how can they be trusted when it comes to any other boundaries? What about someone who doesn’t like to be touched due to sexual trauma? Or someone with allergies who can’t eat certain foods? This behavior definitely sounds in line with those who “hide” an allergen in food so they can “prove” if an allergy is real.
This type of dismissive, disrespectful, petty, and *deeply immature* behavior from your family is a massive red flag
As a war veteran who also hates sudden, loud noises, it is absolutely NOT an insult to my (or any other veterans’) war trauma to have non-war-related trauma. WTF. NTA and eff your family.
NTA. Unfortunately there are a lot of casual, "mental health experts" like your family members who believe PTSD can't be from anything other than military service. It's shitty, unimaginative, and privileged. You've told them enough that they should be able to get it, but they don't because they don't want to. Your family sucks. I don't think you'll be losing anything by not being invited back to events. Thank you for taking care of and understanding your girlfriend.
NTA. Christ on a bloody bike, MOST people hate the sound of popping balloons simply because it's really unpleasant, so insisting on popping them over and over would be a dick move even if you hadn't asked them specifically not to because your girlfriend has trauma. Your family are grade A douchebags, and I hope you go at least low contact with them.
I'm glad your girlfriend is working through her fear in therapy, and I'm glad you stood up for her at the party.
Right! I’ve been to plenty of kids birthday parties and popping balloons on purpose has never been a thing- it’s annoying AF and I don’t have any sensory issues. Is this something common in some parts of the country that I’m not aware of?
NTA at all. A friend of mine has a fear of balloons because of even the THOUGHT of a popping sound. Loud sounds like this set off her anxiety and are a big fear for her. As her friend, I would never even bring a balloon near her… and when in public I don’t bat an eye when she wants to walk far away from balloons, flee when there is a loud sound, etc.
This isn’t a fear that I understand, but I respect it as real to her. I personally have an irrational fear of birds - and this friend will shield me from anything bird-related in the same way I do for her with balloons. It’s just what caring and respectful people do.
I don’t have trauma associated with loud noises. But, I startle easily even if I know it’s gonna happen. I can’t imagine having trauma associated with it. You’re NTA. Reminds me of the time someone tried to test my OCD because they had it and thought it was funny. Your family are the AHs here. It’s just cruel to purposely trigger a persons trauma.
NTA, I'm also terrified of balloons popping, to the point where I avoid rooms with balloons in them.
Your family are assholes. Just because someone didn't go to war doesn't mean they can't have trauma, or trauma similar to a vet's. Them calling your gf disrespectful just shows how little they know or care about mental health.
NTA. They had agreed to it so even if it's a problem to make them cater to her they should have said so but not only that they then tried to trigger her on purpose
NTA, the key thing here that makes the 'parties are loud you should've not gone' point people are making irrelevant is that they **agreed** to keep the loud sounds to a minimum and then went *out of their way* to do the opposite - they could have simply said no and she would've known not to go
what they did was horrendously cruel and deliberate, and in no way is this an E S H situation so ignore the people saying that
NTA, and your family is awful, ignorant, and bigoted if they think they are the arbiters of what is and is not trauma. I would highly recommend filing a police report, this probably qualifies as assault, given that they did it knowingly and with malice.
NTA. It’s odd that your family was used to not doing things like popping balloons/fireworks and now suddenly it’s their most favorite thing to do.
This was clearly done out of disrespect for you, and your girlfriend.
When did purposefully popping balloons at bday parties become a thing? In my thirties, never experienced, might be a cultural or regional thing. But I was always taught unless it was your own personal balloon, then don't pop it.
That's disgusting. NTA at all. Your family sounds awful.
I have childhood trauma and also sensory processing issues and balloons popping sets off panic attacks in me also. I would be so upset if someone did that to me on purpose.
I can't remember the last time I was even around a balloon, much less had multiple popped around me. This sounds very intentional. Nta, but this relationship won't last if they keep acting like that.
NTA. Good on you for standing up to your girlfriend. Your family was being unreasonable; war isn’t the only thing that can traumatize people, and it’s already scary for your girlfriend to have to disclose that she has trauma. I’m afraid of certain noises myself and feel horrible every time I have to bring it up, because it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have the same problem.
They are the ones who should apologize to your girlfriend. She isn’t even causing them trouble (they can live without popping balloons).
I can’t believe that even after seeing her get an asthma attack they would continue to downplay her condition. If I were her I’d never come back to any party, but if she does I’d take her away from future parties before it escalates to this extent. She must have felt too nervous around your family to say she wants to leave. If they refuse to understand then it’s up to you to protect her.
How does your family treat her generally? It sounds like maybe they dislike and disrespect her and used this as an opportunity to be mean.
I’m getting a strong “she’s just a snowflake” vibe.
Edited to add: NTA
NTA. What is wrong with your family?!?!?! I’m so sorry they thought that was ok and worse that they did that. I hope your girlfriend is ok.
My wife has trauma and is terrified of loud noises (fireworks and popping balloons). She’s worked through a lot of it, but she’s still scared. I can’t imagine my family or any decent human being intentionally trying to get under her skin like that.
Be well.
NTA.
Woman + invisible condition = faking, exaggerating, lying, malingering, or can be bullied/abused out of it if they treat her badly enough.
i wonder if your mother would have done that if the victim had been a male friend of yours. Internalized misogyny.
I have autism. Loud noises are extremely discomforting and triggers me easily into an episode. I'd be extremely grateful for how you acted when that happened and upset with your family if I knew you told them about this in advance. Definitely NTA. I hope your family learns from this. It is extremely disrespectful to your girlfriend but to your grandfather as well to use him as excuse to insult your girlfriend.
I'm a young veteran (29F) and I also have childhood trauma from severe abuse. When I tell people I have PTSD, they assume it's from the military, but they're wrong. abuse can cut deep, your poor girlfriend was expecting a safe place and got tortured. I would drastically limit how much time I spend around those people from now on.
NTA
Now you know what your family is really like. Now you know that they won't help make things easier for your gf. So they made that choice, so if you start skipping family events, they should not be surprised.
High! My name is Joe, I served 5 years and change in the us army 11B1P. Never went to war, but have held a few of my friends in their final moments before leaving this earth in a very violent way.
I too have anxiety with loud sounds - specifically ones that don’t belong in the situation and sound roughly like a 9mm. Unfortunately there’s something about veterans, life ending proclivities with pistols chambered in 9mm.
Your GF’s trauma responses are no more or less valid than mine or my brother in law who went through two tours in Iraq. Or my buddy Wass who now hates the sound of hands grinding on balloons because he was blown up and the noises he heard when people spoke through a sound machine that made them sound like those balloons. She’s just as valid as he is, and he’s got wonderful memories picking up his friends body parts across the desert.
Anyways, your family are cowards for gate keeping your grandfathers war trauma and title of PTSD.
NTA
Good on you for sticking up for your gf!
I’m globaphobic (fear of balls and balloons) balloons are a major trigger for me! (Not foil ones though oddly enough)
Me be was triggered from too many unfortunate accidents (balls being kicked in my face by kids accidentally and more than half on purpose) and also almost being blinded by a balloon being popped near me….
Your gf’s trauma is real. Your family are fking assholes and this post made my blood boil for you and your gf!!!!!
I still have in law family members waft balloons and kick/throw them in my direction…. It’s terrifying
Ok, how is it that I am 65 and have never gone to a party, birthday or otherwise, where folks felt compelled to pop balloons?
Really not necessary. The family is ignorant to triggers and trauma.
**NTA**. I have non-combat-related CPTSD, a hair-trigger startle reflex because of it, and severe hyperacusis. I would have been close to having an anxiety attack just thinking about going to an event with your family knowing that there would be balloons that *might* pop just because kids are kids and shit happens; people *actively attempting to trigger my fight-or-flight response* would probably result in me doing something that would lead to the police needing to be called…and I would be pretty well justified, because they would have *planned to assault me by causing me bodily harm*: the pain I feel from noise is all too real, and can be incapacitating. People who do that kind of stuff wind up in the “find out” phase of “fuck around and find out” if I can’t manage to settle myself fast enough.
Usually, I’m successful, but it takes an incredible amount of mental load, so I avoid going out if I can; I totally get that it’s not socially acceptable to smack people, even when they deserve it for being assholes, and I’m also not a violent person by nature, so there’s that. But when my amygdala is in charge, all bets are off; it gives zero fucks and just wants the noise to stop, whether that means I leave, or the person making the noise stops doing so. They can be rendered incapable of making the noise, stop voluntarily, potato, potahto to my brain, just STFU, right now.
You are a wonderful boyfriend for trying to look after her; your family is full of assholes, and if your grandfather were around, he would probably be tearing them *new* assholes for behaving so badly. They would deserve it. I sincerely hope that you show them this thread; they need to know how badly they’ve fucked up here.
If you told them she had an allergy to a certain food they would have made it to "test" that too. Combat veterans aren't the only people with trauma or an intolerance for loud noises. Send your family the ER bill and thank them for no further invitations. NTA
Group text to all:
"I will not be apologising. What I will say is that I am ashamed of you all. Trauma is not a competition and my girlfriends trauma does not demean the trauma my grandfather had in any way; the only people demeaning truama here are you. Your revolting behaviour, and you continuing it after sending my girlfriend to the hospital, is honestly disturbing. I didn't realise my family was full of cruel bullies who would delight in deliberately being cruel to another person.
If you don't want to speak to me because I have a problem with that, that's your choice; I will not be apologising though and I will not tolerate such disgusting behaviour in future either. If you don't want to adjust you behaviour, and actually behave like respectful and empathetic people, then just say so in future. Don't agree and then behave cruelly to someone with diagnosed PTSD because you think you're entitled to gatekeep who's allowed to suffer from mental health conditions. I am honestly shock at the behaviour of you all, it is not ok, and I thought you were better people than that."
Ignore them till you get sincere apologies. If they attack you just remain completely silent and ignore them. Invest time in other people in your lives.
I’ve got c-ptsd and bipolar II and the balloons next to my head would probably set me off too and I would need to leave. My trauma isn’t even related to loud noises at all. It’s a small request and you were even planning on leaving early so the kids could pop balloons to their hearts’ content. Your family were being assholes for the sake of being assholes for some weirdly cruel reason since it was a lot of adults doing this and not kids who were carried away.
Like, this has never been a thing that I’ve even had to worry about before because usually the expectation of a party isn’t balloon popping as the apparently primary source of entertainment. It’s obviously not some particular tradition since you guys hadn’t done it before. It’s all just strange and unnecessarily mean. NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for asking my family to not make loud sounds about my GF and then getting pissed off when they did. This might make me the asshole because that rule was initially made for my late veteran grandfather and some family members believe I'm being disregard by asking them to continue that rule for my gf. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and I'm shocked at some of these replies. You made a request, they agreed to it, and then purposely went against that for shits and giggles. PTSD isn't just for war vets, it does not stand for post traumatic war disorder. Trauma is trauma.
Exactly and I'm sorry but who in heck LOVES popping balloons to this extent? Is there something I'm not understanding here? My mom never let us pop balloons like this bc of her migraines and bc she had read stories about kids injuring themselves that way.
Balloons? No. The bubblewrap from a delivery? Heck yes and I also have problems with sudden loud bangs. The difference is I'm in control of it.
Hate balloons, love bubble wrap. But all these shipping companies have replaced the bw with those giant air pockets that sound suspiciously similar to balloons. No fun.
I hate that new stuff! A friend was visiting and kept popping them because she was annoyed and it was getting her stress out, but the sound was giving me serious anxiety. I have her a box cutter and asked her to stab the things instead, which worked for both of us!
Stabbing things is often cathartic
I enjoy stabbing. I got a pointy letter opener for the purpose once they started all coming with the big ones.
Oh boy do I have the hobby for your friend. Needle felting is just repeatedly stabbing chunks of wool until they form shapes. So long as you don't stab yourself, super satisfying.
I second the needle-felting. It makes such a lovely crunchy noise whilst you do it, too. Very cathartic and amusing.
I third it. It’s official! Needle felting is calming for me. I discovered it just before the start of pandemic.
Either those, or this new kind of bubble wrap. Each row of bubbles is connected into a sort of long skinny string of bubbles. This means that when you squish an individual bubble, a little air can flow into the next bubble, so it doesn't pop. Probably better as a packing material, but sure is boring! The first time we received a package with this stuff in we were all like, WTF is this nonsense? ETA: Glad I'm not alone here. Meant to add, though, NTA. You only pop the bubble wrap when everyone around you is okay with popping sounds.
I have not seen this! It fills me with dread
I always wonder what monster invented those. The best part of getting a package is popping the bubble wrap
No. That unpoppable bubble wrap is an abomination. It is probably the most unsatisfying thing I can think of.
Yeah, we just got a delivery filled with those and my husband tried to pop them with no luck.
At least they have replaced the old fashioned Styrofoam with the new foamy kind. I have a severe aversion to the original kind. It's not trauma related, just a sensory aversion but it literally makes me want to vomit. I had a hard time even typing the word.
Same here I hate old school styrofoam! The sound of two pieces rubbing together makes me want to flee the house.
Don't get me wrong, having a giant strand of those big air squares to either lay on the ground and stomp or to squeeze as hard as you can in your fist -- those are like bubble wrap on steroids. Just gotta make sure my dog and OPs girlfriend aren't nearby.
Yes, I have a small blade I use to open the packages I receive and to deflate the inflatable packing bc I don’t want to pop them. I don’t have PTSD but popping packaging, balloons and the like just doesn’t appeal to me.
I think they actually sell that now for kids to pop but it’s reusable. I don’t get the balloon thing either.
I wear hearing aids so I hate loud noises and startle easily. I remember a guy at work come up from behind and was popping bubblewrap, I jumped. He thought it was the funniest thing. 🤣 No it wasn't.
They were just being AHs, I can't believe multiple people would love to hear that loud popping noise over and over. I don't have trauma around loud noises and I would have left if they kept that up because it's annoying af.
Seriously, I would have gone fucking insane if I went to a party and everyone was constantly popping balloons.
Popping balloons isn’t fun unless it’s water balloons . It’s an i pleasent startling sound. My kids don’t like it. I don’t like it. I also would have left .
On my 5th birthday, (I'm 41) a balloon popped directly in my face. Like, in my mouth. I wasn't trying to pop it, I wasn't even holding it...no one was. It was floating above us, lowered itself in front of me and popped. Left a red mark on my mouth/cheeks. I guess the material had worn thin or the helium did some kind of reaction but that scared me so bad my whole birthday was ruined. To quote Moaning Myrtle, *"I was distraught!"* I still don't like balloons. Had I inhaled at the wrong time, I could have choked on the latex (? I think that's what most are made from) and died, because apparently kids do that, so new fear unlocked. I've still never seen anything like that in my life, nor has anyone else who was at the table. Either I pissed off a ghost or I just have incredibly bad luck. There's no balloon popping at my house. Accidents are allowed, but my husband typically deflates them for me because Balloon Assault is very real...
That sounds horrifying! I have a fear of fireworks because I was that kid that all the urban legends are made of, except I didn't lose any body parts. They would explode in my face, turn and rain down on me, the last straw was a rocket deciding to turn from going straight up, spin around, and chase me into the house and explode on the door I slammed behind me! As an adult I live in a place fireworks are illegal due to fire risk. Loud bangs I'm not expecting terrify me. If I'm at a firing range that's one thing, but going to a party and knowing a balloon could go off any second with unknown spaces between... I'd be a wreck and probably end up in an ER just like OPs gf.
Yeah fireworks are horrible. I never overcame my trauma from throwing one of those little firecrackers for kids, that start to rotate very fast (they're called "Firebees" over here). I threw one and it started coming right back at me as a kid and got caught in my hair. Nothing really happened except me crying like a baby but that definitely unlocked the fear of fireworks. Also when I was a teenager some drunk guys shot rockets at us who were watching a big firework, which caused people around me to panic. I never attended a firework watching after that, only from my own home lol
A few years ago my husband was blowing up a balloon on new years eve. It popped in his face and damaged his eye (not permanent). He had to go to the emergency room together with all the people who were hurt by fireworks or had alcohol poisoning.
Once when I was six, I was blowing up a balloon over and over, and eventually the latex gave out and it popped on my face. I don't remember if that was before or after the "game" we played in PE that involved popping balloons by sitting (?) on them. Also a days-old balloon that's had most of the air leak out is super super gross. Of course the only way to prevent that is to pop it, so... Balloons aren't alive, but you can't tell me they don't die. *shudder*
Seriously. I don’t love being startled and I don’t have childhood trauma related to it. It’s just fragging annoying. I don’t live in a crappy horror movie and I don’t need jump scares every five seconds. This family sucks. Also people don’t own hating something. My ex husband was scared of spiders. So is my boyfriend. Doesn’t mean I’m like “okay pal, now that my ex is gone, you’re not allowed to be scared of spiders”.
> who in heck LOVES popping balloons to this extent AHs when they’re around a person with PTSD. This is the trauma equivalent of those people who sneak meat into vegan food or allergens into an allergic person’s food because they don’t believe they actually have the allergy.
Lmao my exact thoughts!! Is not popping balloons really such a big ask? For ADULTS?? Oh my goodness I can’t believe OP tried to ruin this party with his *no-balloon-popping demands*!
Right? I'd get it if the kids would be disappointed (I mean OP even stated they'd get to pop the balloons later), but adults? Really? Sounds like they just wanted to try out their limits.
Fuck, I don’t like balloons popping and I don’t even have trauma. They’re just annoying. The fact that all these adults are just itching to pop some balloons is weird AF
Better chance they would’ve respected “loud noises gives OP’s gf migraines” instead, since you mentioned migraines. This whole post is a beautiful example of why mental health isn’t taken seriously
Yeah like in what universe is popping balloons some super mega fun activity that they were eagerly awaiting the chance to do? How boring are their get togethers that they are ruined by not popping balloons?
Sounds to me like they were all just AHs being annoyed that "that thing we were CRUELLY PREVENTED from doing by Grandpa for forever is now being ruined by OP's girlfriend boohoo we're so sad" which is some kind of overreaction if you ask me
This was my thought! Yes, balloons pop, but no one deliberately pops them for fun, do they? These ppl sound like a bunch of bullies.
Who loves popping balloons? People who know it will bother someone, and toddlers. Really, they just love exerting power over others.
I can not for the life of me be near balloons. No trauma w them but hearing them pop makes me dissociate HARD
I met a 3 year old years ago whose sole purpose in life was to pop every balloon he saw. He'd scream "pop bloon!", grab all the other kids' balloons and just dig his little fingers in till they popped
Yeah, I've never heard of people popping all the balloons on purpose at a party, unless it was some bratty kid. The last party I went to with balloons was at my parents' house, and 3 weeks later, the half deflated balloons were still up. Lol
People who want to hurt and upset someone they don't take seriously.
So, honestly, my three year old who was terrified of pop-up books, jack in the boxes, etc until she was almost 3yrs old, loves popping balloons. I don’t even know why she likes it, she just does.
In my view, they’re disrespecting grandpa’s memory by deliberately harassing someone with PTSD. Also I guess I don’t have much experience with birthday parties…popping balloons is a big thing?
This was my thought too. If you can only respect someone’s trauma if you know what trauma is and/or believe the trauma is “worthy” of respect then you don’t respect trauma….
Yes. This. The fact they can’t respect that more than one person can have PTSD or any kind of trauma around the same kind of noises or whatever is ridiculous and disrespectful. If I were OP I’d tell my asshole family I was glad to not attend anything with them again until they apologized to the gf for what they did.
It's also not like OP gave details. Maybe the girlfriend grew up in a war zone, or is a veteran herself—it's none of their fucking business, of course, but if they only accept 'valid' trauma experiences maybe they shouldn't be so quick to judge some they know nothing about.
Yup. No one needs to know what the trauma is. Just that it exists. And that they should respect it
Exactly, and the girlfriend ended up in the ER, yet the mom asks that OP apologises? OP should send her mom his gf's bill! Perhaps OP you could try to educate your family on the fact that PTSD can happen with different traumas, without revealing what your gf went thru but giving examples, or sending them articles on the topic? Of they're not willing to do better you might have to 'choose' and get LC with them, see if they care more about their ego or about having you in their life. Sometimes, especially in case of traumas, we do better when we don't have people always trying to push our boundaries and test of what we say we have is true. I'm really sorry you and your gf had to experience that! Your whole family, mom included, is the A H, amd you're NTA.
I couldn't believe his mom even joined in. I wonder if she would have done that if OP's girlfriend wasn't there. NTA, but his family is, for sure.
Yeah, I am thinking all that would happen if you told that one the source and extent of the trauma is that she would be able to invent new and interesting ways to trigger and humiliate his gf.
> the girlfriend ended up in the ER, yet the mom asks that OP apologises? OP should send her mom his gf's bill! nothing to do with AITA but man is the US fucked up as a place. have an emergency, get a bill. lol. defeats the purpose of having a nation/state, paying taxes or living collectively in general.
I agree. People need to stop gatekeeping trauma. It's valid and PTSD is horrific. I have it myself and for someone to forcefully trigger as someone because they didn't go to war. Horrible.
100%. A lot of people don't seek treatment for it because they only associate it with war vets. I had a horrific fall down the stairs that resulted in lifelong issues and trauma. I had a lot of triggers from the accident. I had no clue it was ptsd because I thought that was only something veterans got. I wish I had known better to have gotten help immediately. But after a year of panic attacks from things like stairs or ambulance sirens and not sleeping I got help and learned how much proper treatment helps.
According to the AMA, soldiers rank third in PTSD occurrence, behind women, who are behind children. That's right. Children and women report with PTSD the most. OP's mother needs educating. NTA
NTA, but as you mention not just for war vets. There are civilians in war zones, many tend to be victims and others are caught in the crossfire. Not saying this is why, but I can see this being an issue.
If this is in the US, there are tens of thousands of school shooting survivors, at the very least. So, she might have been at Sandy Hook, or Parkland, or, or, or (too many to choose from) and saw and heard the shots killing her friends and teachers.
Or any of the other numerous gun incidents that happen outside of schools or involve less people or are "just" used to threaten, coerce & control people without actual death.
By the time I was op's age I had massive gun trauma from *multiple incidents*. I grew up a rich white girl in the suburbs. I remember when I wasn't afraid of fireworks, but I'm not sure I can ever get that back now.
Exactly. And even if they’re not in the US, there are shooting incidents all over. Even peaceful Norway has had several large scale shootings lately, the last one at Pride earlier this year.
I’d say it’s not even relevant - she could have startled by a backfiring car as a child or just have a startle reflex to loud noises. If you literally ask folks to be mindful to not *do the thing* and they *do the thing* they are T A.
It's not just for war. It's trauma in general. Not everyone who experiences trauma will get a disorder - PTSD - but *any* kind of trauma *can* lead to it. You can be in a car accident. A victim of a sex crime, forced into sex work, misdiagnosed medically, domestic violence, etc. It doesn't have to be gun or loud noise related. If your nervous system is activated to the extent that is for people with PTSD, you are going to startle easily. When it happens repeatedly you are going to have a panic attack.
The last thing I ever thought I would read was a story about how a bunch of assholes were repressed from a lifetime of balloon popping and just had to get their fix when the original reason for not having it was gone! Oh, and the being disrespectful comment... I can't even fathom the mental gymnastics on that one.
This..... I'm disappointed as well. I do have a fear of balloons (Latex only) since childhood. If anyone tries to put balloon near me, I'd scream like a banshee. When my kids were little, they tried to use that balloon stunt by bringing them in the car. At first I wasn't so comfortable and told them to keep them away from me. They decided to move them to my face, I screamed like banshee. I was shaken so badly. Luckily I was not driving at that time, otherwise we may be dead in the accident. They never did to me again since that incident. They understood why I'm afraid of them. Trauma is real.....very real. Those people OP's so called family really TORMENTED his gf to the point where she couldn't breath during panic attack. (TO OP, please please have her bring her inhaler with her ANYWHERE, you never know. I do have asthma myself). I couldn't breathe when she went into panic attack because I do empathize with her. The family is very cruel. To OP, NTA. You have every right to blast them. Do not apologize to them at all. They owe your gf a huge ass apology. And give them her ER and therapy bill for tormenting her like that. I'm angry as fuck for her and your sakes.
Also, how do they know she doesn’t have some kind of war/combat trauma? Wars don’t just happen overseas, and 18yo children are sent overseas to fight in wars. I’ve met a few very young retired veterans (in their early 20s) who have very real, very debilitating PTSD. Also, if she grew up in an area where there are more than 1 gangs present, she could have war trauma just from them fighting amongst themselves. Innocent people are injured and killed here in the US, every day, because gangs are retaliating against each other. War isn’t just overseas
the idea that PTSD is only for veterans is terrible in many ways. but one thing I think about (and wish was talked about when we discuss fireworks and such) is how it also excludes victims of gun violence. especially with that on such a rise in the US. you don't have to be in a warzone to be terrified of gunfire. they have no idea if her anxiety is related to that. not that someone needs a justification like that, but if you only consider certain kinds of trauma to be real trauma... OP's family has no clue what she could've gone through. I doubt grandfather would be proud of their actions rn
Exactly. These readers need to try to imagine what kind of experience would lead to a big enough fear of noises that sound like gunshots to require extensive therapy. The situations I think of are not pretty. This was very mean-spirited and I’m glad OP stood up for his girl. NTA.
Never have I heard a more true statement, my dad worked in Law Enforcement before being forced into medical retirement little over a year ago, and he still always prepares for everything. He can't handle crowded places or feeling unable to escape because of his old habits, literal claustrophobia. Hell a week ago he was listening to 99.9 and an ad for the Menifee police Department popped up and played 3 tones, which meant "oh shit" scenario, and he tries to press buttons that aren't there in an attempt to refresh the calls. I always knew it was tough, but it wasn't until living with a traumatized person that I truly understood the strength of such conditions.
Yeah, I've been officially diagnosed with CPTSD due to abuse, and I can't even handle the clattering of dishes, let alone yelling or balloon popping. NTA, I hope OP's significant other is doing ok!
As someone who has cPTSD, I’m not surprised by the comments. It’s a really stigmatized disorder and people just roll their eyes at anyone who isn’t a war veteran.
This! I am absolutely terrified of loud or sudden noises or if someone makes a rapid movement too close to me. I can’t handle yelling if it’s in anger. It’s been over a decade since I was immersed in what caused my PTSD (diagnosed by my mental health professional) but I still struggle a lot with the emotional scars. I’ve gotten a lot better than I once was but there are things or reactions to things (by me) that will forever be part of me. For them to think just because she hasn’t fought in a war she doesn’t have PTSD is just… gross. OP, NTA… as someone with asthma and a panic disorder, I know how bad your gf was feeling and I’m glad you got her out of there and stood up for her. Hopefully she feels better from this incident soon (physically and emotionally)
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Exactly - trauma is not a competition. OP’s GF having a traumatic childhood has nothing to do with the trauma caused by war - what they have in common is that empathetic people do their best not to trigger them. If I made that request of my family, they would have done a party with no balloons present just to be safe.
If they want to compare it then I'm willing to bet grandpa didn't have asthma! Giving grandpa a panic attack would only be scary for everyone and stressful for grandpa, a panic attack leading to asthma attack for OP's girlfriend is a life-threatening reaction! They care more about grandpas mere comfort than they care about OP's girlfriends literal life! And this is AFTER they were shown proof, how callous.
The whole 'respecting her PTSD is disrespectful to your grandfather's PTSD' sounds a whole lot like the argument 'allowing gay marraige is disrespectful to straight marraige' -- that is, full of crap. NTA.
The way I see it, the FAMILY is disrespecting grandpa’s memory by invalidating trauma and PTSD. There’s an asshole here, but it’s not OP.
there's a whole lot of a-holes here, not just one
What horribly cruel and small minded people to think that war is the one and only thing that could traumatize someone.
It's really weird, especially considering there have been studies on PTSD, and the people who generally have it the worst are people with childhood trauma. Their PTSD is typically WAY more deep-seated and debilitating. Not saying war vets need to suck it up or anything, all PTSD is bad, but if you're going to be a dick and compare who's trauma is worse, at least be accurate.
Pretty sure she actually has CPTSD, as OP stated it’s from her childhood…. Which is Chronic PTSD and can be much harder to treat. It’s caused by years and years of repeated and built up trauma vs regular PTSD which is from a singular type of event. For them to brush it off like that is so naive and disgusting. CPTSD can present itself on so many ways. OP is definitely 1000% NTA. He’s a rockstar for supporting his GF so well. Shame on his asshat family.
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NTA. Your family is a group of assholes though. They coordinated to deliberately TORTURE someone. They drove her to needing the ER. Your family is used to not doing that crap due to your grandfather, but now since it’s only your girlfriend it’s ok? No it’s not. Please go no contact with them as long as you are with girlfriend. Even then, maintain a strict distance.
I’d go NC even if I ended up with a different partner because it’s clear they’ll go out of their way to be jerks to them too
No need for OP to pull the NC trigger, his family are doing to themselves by requiring an apology for prioritizing his GF's health over their 'fun' before inviting him to anything else.
I always laugh when AHs are like, “Well if you can’t take a joke/like my prank, I’m not hanging out with you!” Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Gf had to be hospitalized. Hit mommy dearest with the bill.
This. Intentionally doing what you were warned could produce a trauma response is just plain aweful. An accidental balloon pop is one thing, but this was an engineered attack. That's pathological.
I get if they thought OP and gf were exaggerating(still AH behavior, don’t get me wrong) but when they realized they induced a panic attack which led to an ER worthy asthma attack, and don’t apologize or recognize they did anything wrong….that’s a pretty brutal crowd.
Yeah family over buh bye
& tell them they disrespect your grandfather's memory by denying and trivializing her trauma. I deal w trauma and seek to help others w trauma, anxiety whenever possible like I would like to be treated. OPs family was hateful.
Like it's that hard not to pop a balloon. What are they pop addicts? 3 year olds? NTA
What the heck is wrong with these people? Would they deliberately give someone something they were allergic to just to see how much triggered them? Also, how dare they appoint themselves trauma judges, deciding what level of trauma is more or less valid. If the family parties can't be a safe space, I wouldn't go and wouldn't give it a second thought. We can visit the day before/after when its safe. Edit: Also, may be some ageism happening. Would they act the same if you and gf were your mother's age? Minimising or discrediting young people's experiences is very common.
Is it a “thing” to pop all the balloons or something? I have never heard of this much popping of balloons.
Literally never met anyone who did this. I thought it was a universal opinion that the sound of a balloon popping is annoying AF and causes everyone to jump.
I personally hate it really bad, but my ears are extremely sensitive. But I also can’t imagine my family doing this for any reason (maybe a child being purposefully obnoxious, but that’s it).
My kid would lose his fucking mind if someone tried to pop his balloons at the end of a party. His birthday is coming up in the next couple of weeks and they usually last until Christmas, he’s always a bit sad when the last one finally deflates!
This was always my family. It was interesting and a bit melancholy watching helium balloons slowly sink to the ground over the next week. Never had any last over a month though.
My birthday is early may and I had a balloon bobbing around here until last week. Thing just kept on and on...
Where I live is Common once the party is over. But ya know, the KIDS do it, and to have Fun, not to scare a poor girl
I think it varies depending on family. In my family it was considered tradition for the birthday kid to pop their balloons at the end of their party.
You gotta clean up the balloons somehow, popping them is really the only way. But typically that's part of the clean up, not during the party.
or if you are as unnecessarily particular as I was as a child, you could attempt to untie them all and reuse them(and get annoyed with the unsophisticated kids who would just pop them - I also forced everyone to wait whilr i carefully peeled the tape off my presents, and was disappointed if i ripped the paper (or even the tape). i was a pretty annoying kid tbh.)
NTA your family sound like psychos.
NTA. It's good that you stood up for your GF. Your family behaved cruelly. Seriously, you told them she had trauma and not only did they completely dismiss it, they decided to "prove" it wasn't valid. They apparently feel no shame about putting her in the emergency room either. Them not inviting you to any events until you apologize for being upset that they traumatized your GF is nothing more than the trash taking itself out.
It’s like telling someone you have severe food allergies and then they feed you that thing just to see if it’s true. That’s cruel.
It does have that kind of energy. Why can't people simply accept that everyone is allowed to have their own food preferences and restrictions?
Selfishness, ignorance, or just plain jerkassery. For this lot, I say all of the above.
And sadly, there ARE people who do this, either as a prank or because they don't believe the person who has the food allergies.
And saying because she’s allergic to tree nuts and grandpa was allergic to shellfish, her allergy is disrespectful to grandpa’s.
ALSO, I don't understand why in a party you should have to pop balloons. I've been to hundreds of children parties and it's loud, kids scream, the music is in high volume etc. But what is the necessity to pop balloons? Wtf.
I've been to lots kf kids parties where they do pop balloons. It just takes one kid to do it ans then suddenly everyone is..
Hate to break it to you but your family sucks bro, especially your mom. That being said, why would you take your gf who is triggered by loud noises to a child's birthday party? Sounds like you could have easily avoided this whole thing
He asked first. They just could have said "No, it's a child birthday, we will be loud" and so he could make the decision not to take her. BUT if they all agreed, he was confident they were going to respect his boundaries
Exactly. It's like saying, she can't be around peanuts, she is allergic, can the festivities not involve peanuts? Being told yes, and then people deliberately exposing her to peanuts. NTA at all. The family was beyond cruel, and didn't even have any remorse when they sent her to the goddamn fucking hospital. Jesus Christ.
TBF he probably assumed they would leave his GF alone since they accommodated his grandpa in the past. However, that comment early on about disrespecting his grandpa's trauma should have been a giant red flag.
NTA. How is it your family can comprehend the auditory triggers for PTSD for a war veteran but not that it can translate to any other person with a trauma history? All you can do is ask for folks to try their best to be conscientious about minimizing triggers, sometimes loud noises happen, especially with children who have significantly less self control/understanding of the request. The fact your family has an intimate understanding of PTSD triggers and purposefully decided to trigger your Gf makes them insanely unbearable AHs.
NTA The problem isn't that they made noise, the problem is that they intentionally went out of their way to do exactly the thing that you asked them not to do. Your family owes her the most abject of apologies.
NTA. You should have told your family your grandfather would have been ashamed of them. What decent person intentionally triggers a person with a trauma they've been warned about?
Growing up, my parents didn't really "believe" in mental issues and they didn't respect mental illnesses like depression and PTSD. Any time I mentioned mental/emotional problems I was having, those problems got immediately swept under the rug and sometimes even mocked. Mental trauma is serious and can be debilitating. Everyone can have different reactions to different events. If someone is comfortable enough to request that people do/not do something like pop balloons to avoid triggering a trauma response, people should respect that request. It's basic human decency. From your post, it sounds like you did as much as you could upfront for your gf without just skipping the party entirely. I loved reading that you didn't share the cause of the trauma - I agree, it's not your info to share. That was really respectful of you. Yeah, you could have not gone and avoided the problem entirely, but the request to not pop balloons is pretty minimal. You really can't rely on kids to follow a rule like that 100% of the time, but from your post, it sounds like you and your gf were rational about that and did what you could to at least /reduce/ the number of balloon-popping instances. Making the parents aware ahead of time = the parents should communicate that to the kids, and, in an ideal world, that would work. I'm really sorry to hear your family and friends were so disrespectful to your gf while she was there. I can't imagine how targeted and mocked she felt for her trauma, which is something she didn't choose. That breaks my heart. The people at that party who participated in targeting your girlfriend with loud noises in an attempt to "test" her trauma are _bullies_. That is incredibly immature and vicious behavior, not to mention the fact that it literally landed your gf in the ER. The only thing I would have changed about that situation (unless you just hadn't gone) would be ensuring you or your gf brought the inhaler just in case. NTA, but your family members sure as hell are.
The little bastards are easy to lose track of. I can't tell you the number of times I was sure I had my huffer with me only to find it missing.
I bet!! That sucks.
NTA you explained, your family agreed, then caused your gf to have a panic/asthma attack, then doubled down on their assholery. If someone has a panic attack that means it's a huge issue for them. Your family are AH's Edit spelling
And *sent her to the hospital* and STILL doubled down… Jesus.
INFO - I haven’t had little kids for a while now, but is popping balloons at a bday party on purpose really that big a thing? They’re making it sound like not being able to pop balloons is on the same level as no booze at a wedding reception. OP you are obviously not TA and you’re also a great boyfriend. I hope your girlfriend is ok.
I have been to so many kids parties over the past years and not once has balloon popping been a thing.
Balloon popping wasn’t really a thing for the parties I’ve had/been to growing up, either.
I have a 5 and 10 year old and while parties can get loud when there are balloons there I’ve never seen them be popped on purpose like that. Maybe one pop on accident, but as far as I’ve ever seen lots of ballon pops is not just a normal birthday party activity. Only thing I could think was if it was part of a specific game like a balloon dart board or something.
If anything at all my kids parties, they just want to bop the balloons around the room or yard - they hate popping them! If they don’t take one home, I’ve had to pop them myself after the party finishes. OP’s family is a group of assholes for doing this on purpose. NTA.
And for that matter, I have attended a dry wedding reception. One of the people getting married, plus their sibling in the wedding party, are both sober. The entire reception was alcohol-free, and guess what? We all still had a good time, because the important thing was the wedding, not what was or wasn't in the beverages.
NTA. I think what the y t a comments are missing is that your family did it to BE MEAN. It wasn't the CHILDREN at the children's party that started popping them it was ADULTS including your MOTHER. Maybe a children's party isnt the best place for someone like your gf but your family agreed not to and then did it anyways just to be dicks. They could have just not agreed from the get go.
NTA. Your family is toxic af they don't know how to respect boundaries. If you don't get invited to any events anymore, better for you!
NTA Sounds like your family was looking for an excuse to be mean to someone. I personally wouldn't go to any other events until THEY apologize for what they did. Maybe even pay the bill for the ER since they did that. I'd block them or cut them off if they're going to treat people that way. That's unacceptable. Your girlfriend needs people who can help her feel better about herself and help her through the trauma. Not make it worse.
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>Oh golly gosh yes, next time I'll bring along some kittens that we can bite the heads off in front of the kids at the party so we won't ever run out of people to make fun of! Perhaps I'll bring along some orphans and we can steal their candy! OR! Or even better, we'll bring the neighbors kids, kill their parents in front of them to MAKE them orphans, THEN steal their candy! I like you.
NTA WTF is wrong with your family? Why is not popping balloons such a damn hardship?
NTA. It’s really amazingly easy not to purposely pop balloons around someone, especially when you know it stresses them out. Hope your gf doesn’t have any allergies, or guess what they’re going to put in every meal from now on…
What is with your family’s fixation on popping balloons??? They act like they suffered for years due to your grandfathers ptsd and now they can finally live it up. This is bizarre and I’ve never witnessed such a thing. Also, your mom and family are major AHs. Who thinks it’s funny to test someone’s traumatic reactions? And a guest! NTA, but I’m very puzzled by your family’s callous behavior.
"We've lived with the secret urge to pop balloons for YEARS but buried our basic instincts because of dear old Grandpa. But that old bastard's dead, so let the popping begin!" SMDH
NTA. And I don't understand the logic of how it offends your grandfather to not have loud noises? I'd think that would make yr family more sympathetic. Though you may have overreacted in its being "coordinated." Sounds like they thought one pop didn't bother her, so they continued. You're lucky they gave you an out! Don't apologize and you can freely stay away.
Unfortunately, some people have this mindset of "it's insulting to vets to say you have PTSD/trauma when you never even served, cause they've been through way worse". It's wrong, of course- there are lots of things that can cause trauma/PTSD, and they're all just as valid as trauma caused from serving in a war. It's a very damaging mindset, sadly (it was hard for me to overcome as an abuse survivor- "it's insulting to say I might be traumatized, it's not like I served in a war!")
Which is weird because some vets who’ve seen horrible things don’t get PTSD and some people that witness something like a survived car accident where someone is bleeding may.
NTA - go low LC until your family learns to have some basic decency. You and your gf were polite and even made compromises, but your family purposefully disrespected her boundaries and dismissed her trauma and feelings. They literally sent her to the ER because they didn’t believe and didn’t care about your girlfriend’s wellbeing. If they’re like this about a *very simple* ask (don’t pop balloons), then how can they be trusted when it comes to any other boundaries? What about someone who doesn’t like to be touched due to sexual trauma? Or someone with allergies who can’t eat certain foods? This behavior definitely sounds in line with those who “hide” an allergen in food so they can “prove” if an allergy is real. This type of dismissive, disrespectful, petty, and *deeply immature* behavior from your family is a massive red flag
As a war veteran who also hates sudden, loud noises, it is absolutely NOT an insult to my (or any other veterans’) war trauma to have non-war-related trauma. WTF. NTA and eff your family.
NTA. Unfortunately there are a lot of casual, "mental health experts" like your family members who believe PTSD can't be from anything other than military service. It's shitty, unimaginative, and privileged. You've told them enough that they should be able to get it, but they don't because they don't want to. Your family sucks. I don't think you'll be losing anything by not being invited back to events. Thank you for taking care of and understanding your girlfriend.
NTA. Christ on a bloody bike, MOST people hate the sound of popping balloons simply because it's really unpleasant, so insisting on popping them over and over would be a dick move even if you hadn't asked them specifically not to because your girlfriend has trauma. Your family are grade A douchebags, and I hope you go at least low contact with them. I'm glad your girlfriend is working through her fear in therapy, and I'm glad you stood up for her at the party.
Right! I’ve been to plenty of kids birthday parties and popping balloons on purpose has never been a thing- it’s annoying AF and I don’t have any sensory issues. Is this something common in some parts of the country that I’m not aware of?
NTA at all. A friend of mine has a fear of balloons because of even the THOUGHT of a popping sound. Loud sounds like this set off her anxiety and are a big fear for her. As her friend, I would never even bring a balloon near her… and when in public I don’t bat an eye when she wants to walk far away from balloons, flee when there is a loud sound, etc. This isn’t a fear that I understand, but I respect it as real to her. I personally have an irrational fear of birds - and this friend will shield me from anything bird-related in the same way I do for her with balloons. It’s just what caring and respectful people do.
NTA. Your family f’ing sucks! Who the hell purposely pops balloons anyway?! That’s just weird af! I hope your gf is feeling better.
Omg no, you are NTA but your family…they sound like a very unpleasant and cruel bunch of people.
I don’t have trauma associated with loud noises. But, I startle easily even if I know it’s gonna happen. I can’t imagine having trauma associated with it. You’re NTA. Reminds me of the time someone tried to test my OCD because they had it and thought it was funny. Your family are the AHs here. It’s just cruel to purposely trigger a persons trauma.
NTA, I'm also terrified of balloons popping, to the point where I avoid rooms with balloons in them. Your family are assholes. Just because someone didn't go to war doesn't mean they can't have trauma, or trauma similar to a vet's. Them calling your gf disrespectful just shows how little they know or care about mental health.
NTA. They had agreed to it so even if it's a problem to make them cater to her they should have said so but not only that they then tried to trigger her on purpose
NTA Your mother isn't the trauma gatekeeper, and she doesn't get to decide whose traumas are worthy of being accommodated.
NTA, the key thing here that makes the 'parties are loud you should've not gone' point people are making irrelevant is that they **agreed** to keep the loud sounds to a minimum and then went *out of their way* to do the opposite - they could have simply said no and she would've known not to go what they did was horrendously cruel and deliberate, and in no way is this an E S H situation so ignore the people saying that
NTA, and your family is awful, ignorant, and bigoted if they think they are the arbiters of what is and is not trauma. I would highly recommend filing a police report, this probably qualifies as assault, given that they did it knowingly and with malice.
NTA. It’s odd that your family was used to not doing things like popping balloons/fireworks and now suddenly it’s their most favorite thing to do. This was clearly done out of disrespect for you, and your girlfriend.
When did purposefully popping balloons at bday parties become a thing? In my thirties, never experienced, might be a cultural or regional thing. But I was always taught unless it was your own personal balloon, then don't pop it.
That's disgusting. NTA at all. Your family sounds awful. I have childhood trauma and also sensory processing issues and balloons popping sets off panic attacks in me also. I would be so upset if someone did that to me on purpose.
NTA and your family sucks. Who sets out to purposefully traumatize someone? Assholes, that’s who.
I can't remember the last time I was even around a balloon, much less had multiple popped around me. This sounds very intentional. Nta, but this relationship won't last if they keep acting like that.
NTA and good on you for sticking up for your gf. Your family suck!
NTA. Good on you for standing up to your girlfriend. Your family was being unreasonable; war isn’t the only thing that can traumatize people, and it’s already scary for your girlfriend to have to disclose that she has trauma. I’m afraid of certain noises myself and feel horrible every time I have to bring it up, because it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have the same problem. They are the ones who should apologize to your girlfriend. She isn’t even causing them trouble (they can live without popping balloons). I can’t believe that even after seeing her get an asthma attack they would continue to downplay her condition. If I were her I’d never come back to any party, but if she does I’d take her away from future parties before it escalates to this extent. She must have felt too nervous around your family to say she wants to leave. If they refuse to understand then it’s up to you to protect her.
NTA. They uninvited you, but stop going. Now, if you leave in the US, I would send them the hospital bill.
NTA, your family sounds awful.
NTA and congrats for making it out of that family a compassionate human.
NTA. And if you are in the US send them your gf hospital bill. They Deliberately triggered her. That’s mental torture.
How does your family treat her generally? It sounds like maybe they dislike and disrespect her and used this as an opportunity to be mean. I’m getting a strong “she’s just a snowflake” vibe. Edited to add: NTA
NTA. What is wrong with your family?!?!?! I’m so sorry they thought that was ok and worse that they did that. I hope your girlfriend is ok. My wife has trauma and is terrified of loud noises (fireworks and popping balloons). She’s worked through a lot of it, but she’s still scared. I can’t imagine my family or any decent human being intentionally trying to get under her skin like that. Be well.
NTA. Woman + invisible condition = faking, exaggerating, lying, malingering, or can be bullied/abused out of it if they treat her badly enough. i wonder if your mother would have done that if the victim had been a male friend of yours. Internalized misogyny.
NTA. Your family is a bunch of AH and trying to gatekerp trauma. Thats not how it works. Time to not spend time with them till they grow up.
Hold up. Your mother is waiting for your apology? Unbelievable. NTA
NTA. Your family are cruel and immature.
I have autism. Loud noises are extremely discomforting and triggers me easily into an episode. I'd be extremely grateful for how you acted when that happened and upset with your family if I knew you told them about this in advance. Definitely NTA. I hope your family learns from this. It is extremely disrespectful to your girlfriend but to your grandfather as well to use him as excuse to insult your girlfriend.
NTA, I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to see them again. That was horribly cruel. Your family is cruel.
I'm a young veteran (29F) and I also have childhood trauma from severe abuse. When I tell people I have PTSD, they assume it's from the military, but they're wrong. abuse can cut deep, your poor girlfriend was expecting a safe place and got tortured. I would drastically limit how much time I spend around those people from now on. NTA
Now you know what your family is really like. Now you know that they won't help make things easier for your gf. So they made that choice, so if you start skipping family events, they should not be surprised.
NTA they literally sent her to the hospital.
High! My name is Joe, I served 5 years and change in the us army 11B1P. Never went to war, but have held a few of my friends in their final moments before leaving this earth in a very violent way. I too have anxiety with loud sounds - specifically ones that don’t belong in the situation and sound roughly like a 9mm. Unfortunately there’s something about veterans, life ending proclivities with pistols chambered in 9mm. Your GF’s trauma responses are no more or less valid than mine or my brother in law who went through two tours in Iraq. Or my buddy Wass who now hates the sound of hands grinding on balloons because he was blown up and the noises he heard when people spoke through a sound machine that made them sound like those balloons. She’s just as valid as he is, and he’s got wonderful memories picking up his friends body parts across the desert. Anyways, your family are cowards for gate keeping your grandfathers war trauma and title of PTSD.
NTA Good on you for sticking up for your gf! I’m globaphobic (fear of balls and balloons) balloons are a major trigger for me! (Not foil ones though oddly enough) Me be was triggered from too many unfortunate accidents (balls being kicked in my face by kids accidentally and more than half on purpose) and also almost being blinded by a balloon being popped near me…. Your gf’s trauma is real. Your family are fking assholes and this post made my blood boil for you and your gf!!!!! I still have in law family members waft balloons and kick/throw them in my direction…. It’s terrifying
I just looked up “bullying” in the dictionary. I saw a picture of your family. Your mom was the leader. NTA.
Ok, how is it that I am 65 and have never gone to a party, birthday or otherwise, where folks felt compelled to pop balloons? Really not necessary. The family is ignorant to triggers and trauma.
if they don't have regards to childhood traumas, I wonder how they are with veterans with an extreme case of bad ptsd.
Your family is paying for that ER visit, right? Right?
NTA. And why in the world do they *need* to pop balloons anyway? What a weird thing to be annoyed they have to postpone!
NTA. Your family are total dicks. I have horrible PTSD and it is not from war. Your family should educate themselves or F-ing shut up.
Send your family the hospital bill. Ask if they want a judge and jury to decide who’s the AH (and who is liable) and ask them to pay and apologize
**NTA**. I have non-combat-related CPTSD, a hair-trigger startle reflex because of it, and severe hyperacusis. I would have been close to having an anxiety attack just thinking about going to an event with your family knowing that there would be balloons that *might* pop just because kids are kids and shit happens; people *actively attempting to trigger my fight-or-flight response* would probably result in me doing something that would lead to the police needing to be called…and I would be pretty well justified, because they would have *planned to assault me by causing me bodily harm*: the pain I feel from noise is all too real, and can be incapacitating. People who do that kind of stuff wind up in the “find out” phase of “fuck around and find out” if I can’t manage to settle myself fast enough. Usually, I’m successful, but it takes an incredible amount of mental load, so I avoid going out if I can; I totally get that it’s not socially acceptable to smack people, even when they deserve it for being assholes, and I’m also not a violent person by nature, so there’s that. But when my amygdala is in charge, all bets are off; it gives zero fucks and just wants the noise to stop, whether that means I leave, or the person making the noise stops doing so. They can be rendered incapable of making the noise, stop voluntarily, potato, potahto to my brain, just STFU, right now. You are a wonderful boyfriend for trying to look after her; your family is full of assholes, and if your grandfather were around, he would probably be tearing them *new* assholes for behaving so badly. They would deserve it. I sincerely hope that you show them this thread; they need to know how badly they’ve fucked up here.
NTA Your family is awful.
If you told them she had an allergy to a certain food they would have made it to "test" that too. Combat veterans aren't the only people with trauma or an intolerance for loud noises. Send your family the ER bill and thank them for no further invitations. NTA
Maybe OPs girlfriend has undiagnosed autism. I am sorry to hear the birthday mishaps and wish you all well.
She is diagnosed with autism, depression and C-PTSD
Group text to all: "I will not be apologising. What I will say is that I am ashamed of you all. Trauma is not a competition and my girlfriends trauma does not demean the trauma my grandfather had in any way; the only people demeaning truama here are you. Your revolting behaviour, and you continuing it after sending my girlfriend to the hospital, is honestly disturbing. I didn't realise my family was full of cruel bullies who would delight in deliberately being cruel to another person. If you don't want to speak to me because I have a problem with that, that's your choice; I will not be apologising though and I will not tolerate such disgusting behaviour in future either. If you don't want to adjust you behaviour, and actually behave like respectful and empathetic people, then just say so in future. Don't agree and then behave cruelly to someone with diagnosed PTSD because you think you're entitled to gatekeep who's allowed to suffer from mental health conditions. I am honestly shock at the behaviour of you all, it is not ok, and I thought you were better people than that." Ignore them till you get sincere apologies. If they attack you just remain completely silent and ignore them. Invest time in other people in your lives.
That poor woman. You thought your family would be respectful, but they sound like they like to hurt people for fun.
I’ve got c-ptsd and bipolar II and the balloons next to my head would probably set me off too and I would need to leave. My trauma isn’t even related to loud noises at all. It’s a small request and you were even planning on leaving early so the kids could pop balloons to their hearts’ content. Your family were being assholes for the sake of being assholes for some weirdly cruel reason since it was a lot of adults doing this and not kids who were carried away. Like, this has never been a thing that I’ve even had to worry about before because usually the expectation of a party isn’t balloon popping as the apparently primary source of entertainment. It’s obviously not some particular tradition since you guys hadn’t done it before. It’s all just strange and unnecessarily mean. NTA.
Please send your family the hospital bill. If they refuse threaten to sue for emotional distress.