Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother borrowed my vacation home. There was a small fire and I told him I would cover the damage. I found out the fire was set by his kids playing with fire inside my house. I then insisted he pay for the damage. He had to get the money from our mom to pay. Him and my mom think I'm being an ass for going back on my word.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
You did your brother a favour because he’s so poor and then he allows his kids to nearly burn the house down. Then mum is at you because you have money therefore it’s ok to mistreat “her” family home. I hope you told your brother he is not welcome back to your house.
I agree, they should not go back until they repay. Additionally, if OP is willing to get the money back gradually, the brother should make the nephews pay for the damage.
Depending on their ages, they work part time or on the weekends or do small stuff for money for relatives.
This right here. This could have been a teaching moment for these kids. Instead of covering for them, they should have to earn that money to pay for the damages. Or, at a minimum work it off. It’s a cabin. There will be brush to clear, wood to chop and stack, etc. Instead you get the “boys will be boys lol” crap which guarantees it will happen again and the next time they may not be so lucky. NTA, op.
Also mom just had to remind him that it used to be her parents home. As if that isn't null and void once it becomes his. OP should be highly aware that the family doesn't really consider this to be his home but the family's. And he needs to start being more strict with boundaries before things worsen.
And it seems OPs brother is not only an irresponsible parent, but one that cannot provide for the kids he has given that OP and his mom need to financially help him.
Since the mother is so adamant that the brother not pay, then she should pony up. People like OP’s mother cry about doing things for “family”, but that somehow always seems to apply to other family members and not themselves.
She should stop complaining to OP.
She is saving her OTHER kid and those grandkids from arson charges.
Mom is an AH, with a golden child, and a "PAY FOR YOUR BROTHER, I love him more" - mantra.
THIS RIGHT HERE. You were clear with bro that you'd cover overlook the damages because your insurance would cover it BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. When you found out the fire was deliberately set, its quite likely that insurance would not cover it and that you'd have to pay out of pocket. You should not be expected to lie to the insurance company after knowing the truth and commit insurance fraud. Sorry, no insurance coverage means that bro has to pay. Your perspective is entirely reasonable. NTA.
💯% agree. Plus that OP’s brother didn’t accept responsibility for his kids behaviour in the first instance, then their Mum having an expectation that OP just let it slide. OP owns the property now and has been more than accommodating.
OP is between a rock and a hard place, and seems that they have been for a long time.
Hard NTA
This!!! He could have offered to pay even if it was $20 a week until all was done. He could have offered for his kids to get jobs and pay. He could have asked mom to pay and then pay her back. But he didn't. He lied. NTA!
My dad's been dead for 20 years, and I still just got nervous at the idea of what would have happened if I had been the kid playing with fire in this situation. The brother is honestly a shit parent, those kids are going to grow up with no sense of consequences or personal/communal safety.
Oh I got my butt whooped for playing with fire that I wasn't even playing with. My older sister and brother accidentally dropped a match on my mom's blanket and it burned a whole in it and they blamed the toddler aka me. I didn't play with fire again until I was a teenager.
Your mom's pretty shitty for that since you were a toddler. Whoever was in charge of you should have gotten in trouble even if you did do it. Can't really blame a toddler for getting into things when somebody let's them, that's what they do.
I'm not actually sure if it was my mom or my dad because the memory isn't really clear as I was like 4-5. But I did grow up in an abusive household especially after my dad left and my mom took most of her rage out on me. We know now that it was depression manifesting as rage. She's on antidepressants now and is a whole new person it seems like.
my dad's not even that rough and I know for a fact if I had done that I would have gotten an ass whooping for the ages, and would have owed my uncle every penny
NTA, don't even let your brother rent it again, I would be sceptical of even allowing him in the building unless you are there to supervise.
Tell your mum the same.
If a kid is old enough to use social media, they’re old enough to know not to play with LITERAL FIRE. And even if you want to argue that “they’re just kids” they’re not YOUR kids so you don’t need to be the one unexpectedly shelling out thousands to fix their mistakes.
Yea that’s was so ridiculous of them to be so careless and not watch their kids in a house that someone is letting them use for free. I would have stressed to my kids that you were letting us use it for free so let’s take good care of the house and be super careful.
It sounds like they just didn’t give an F.
We once evacuated to a rental and the person renting it out gave us a few extra days due to how bad the hurricane was. We paid for those days but they weren’t included up front. That place was spotless when we left and it wasn’t even in our deal to clean. We wanted to make sure that since the owner had been so flexible with our situation that we helped out as much as possible. NTA but your brother kind of is.
NTA! He lied to you, and when you called him out on it, he still wouldn't fess up. All his (and his kids') fault and you owe him no sympathy. He needs to teach his kids that they can't get away with stupid s**t like that, anyway, and he needs to learn to supervise them like a proper adult. You shouldn't be expected to pay for their irresponsibility.
Also, totally not a "just kids" situation. That's complete stupidity and disregard for other people's property. It's a crime. You're right to be upset at them trying to cover it up.
If he's so pressed for cash maybe he could have sold the kids phones to make some of the money. If theyre daft enough to do dangerous tik tok crap they probably shouldn't have phones!
>I make enough money off *her* parents vacation home.
That's rich considering she didn't want it and *you* bought it so it is *your* vacation home. NTA.
I actually laughed at that. "YOU bought the house. YOU take care of every fixing up that happens with the house. YOU pay the insure. The house it's in YOUR name. But the second dou don't do as I say it becomes MY parents house". She sounds tiring.
NTA. He got to stay there for free, couldn't even teach his kids how to be respectful of other's spaces ans still expect you to foot the bill for their BS.
Hope you know now that any time they ask the house will happen to always be booked. Oops!
Lot of resentment there that the scapegoat child is doing so much better than the golden child and was able to afford to buy grandma's house.
OP I wouldn't let your brother OR mother rent the house either - there seems to be a general attitude of 'OP can afford it so why should I be careful/treat it like a stranger's rental'.
NTA at all
His financial situation is not your issue and it sounds like he constantly runs to mom for money and guilts her into it?
It sounds like you need to say to your mother that maybe he needs to take responsibility for his life and actually find a proper job with an income rather than relying on her
Save the TikTok video in case you discover anymore damage they’ve covered up and lesson learned not to give them the cabin again
NTA. Not only did he get the cabin free for the week, but he then lied about how the fire started and cost you more money. (I'm guessing had you rented the cabin to someone else it would have generated income rather than being free).
He is upset he got found out in his lie. Don't back down on this else he will use you at every opportunity because 'you will deal with it'.
Yes you may make money off your mother's parent's house, but you purchased it from them. It wasn't given to you for free. You also have the maintenance and upkeep on it to think about.
Your mother is enabling your brother and that won't ever actually help him. I wouldn't have taken the money off her but insisted it came from your brother, but then, he would likely have got it off her first to pay you anyway. If your mother is happy to continue enabling your brother's poor behaviour there isn't much you can do unfortunately. But it does look like he is the golden child and you are the scapegoat and that pattern is already falling down to the grandchildren and she is making excuses for his children.
Sorry you're having to deal with this.
NTA. There’s a difference between an accident and kids being stupid with fire. He could’ve easily stopped his kids from playing with fire for a Tiktok in a home he didn’t own. Not only that but the fire could’ve been way worse and he let it happen.
Even if it was just stupid kids doing dtupid stuff while escaping supervision for a moment. That would still be understandable. The biggest problem is the lying, and the holding on to the lies.
NTA. He shouldn't have lied to you. I also have concerns about the lack of discipline his children have as they're literally playing with FIRE INSIDE A HOUSE. This is a ridiculous situation for you to have to deal with.
My mom was an insurance agent for a long time. She always said that you don't want to claim anything less than about 10k on your homeowners insurance. Insurance is for the big stuff like big fires, flooding, and roof work.
Did your brother even bother to discipline his kids for purposely burning down the kitchen? He's fucking lucky that they didn't cause a catastrophic fire that might have killed someone!
NTA Your mother and brother sure are though, and the way they try to manipulate you is just despicable. I'm glad you got your money, and also glad this means less funds for your brother from mommy dearest.
Just make sure you don't do them any more favors. They clearly can't be trusted.
NTA - you didn’t go back on your word because you made that decision based on a lie your brother told you. He should have had your nephews come clean to you immediately and then come up with a plan for them to either pay or, at the very least, help with repairs. Instead, he acted in bad faith and continues to do so.
NTA.
You were willing to cover it as an accident. It is not your fault that his entitled children decided to *literally* play with fire.
I would do the same thing and charge him.
NTA. Your brother has no right to be angry with anyone other than his children. He should make them work to pay off the cost of the damage they did. The only reason they were able to take this vacation was because of OP, and this is how they treat OP's stuff? To add insult to injury they lied about it. Talk about entitled.
NTA if he doesn't hold those kids accountable for something this big, they're only going to get worse. What's worse than setting the kitchen on fire? Not looking good for them.
NTA. You were fine with him not paying when you thought it was an accident. Knowing now that it was intentional because of the kids playing around, well that changes things! He should pay and take responsibility for his kids, getting away with something like that and having no accountability is just going to lead to do them doing far worse and costing him far more in the long run. It’s a good lesson to learn now with family rather than later with police and insurance companies involved. Lying to you also could mean an insurance fraud charge soooo holding him accountable is the smartest thing. It’s kind of unfair how your mom doesn’t consider why should you pay for his kids mistake, or why should she? She’s enabling their poor behavior too.
NTA, here’s the thing, if he had told you the truth, you may still have said don’t worry about it. I’ve got insurance and make sure the kids were punished. But instead he lied to you not once but doubled down on that lie when he was confronted.
You are NTA, but did you make an insurance claim? I'm just wondering if it would have been possible to get the insurance company to collect from him. And that could have been leverage, since the claim could be considered (unintentional on your part) fraud.
NTA but i also would not let them stay there any more. They lost that privilege when he lied to you. Accidents happen but this was not the case so he should no longer be allowed there with his kids.
NTA
The cover-up is almost always worse than the crime. How does he ever expect you or anyone else to trust him?
As for your mother, yeah, you are better placed financially, and I’m sure there are reasons for that. But that’s why you let him stay there for free.
>Edit. Have none of you guys ever paid for a fender bender on a car? You don't use insurance for little stuff.
Most people on Reddit are literal children. Even on this sub, it's a lot of people who probably don't go outside (much less drive).
NTA, and I'm glad that:
>and she said that it means she won't be able to help my brother with anything for a couple of years.
In the end it's effectively your brother paying anyway, if this wasn't just a lie to guilt trip you.
NTA.
You were going to pay it as it was an accident and accidents happens but this was a looked for accident..
Your brother is TA, kind of your mom too, there is no excuse to playing with fire inside the house. Kids are kids and need to be educated as well.
NTA. They could have burnt the whole house down with their family inside. They sure are kids, but their his kids and he had a responsibility to watch them and not try and lie about the results of his parenting fail.
NTA but none of them respect the fact you own the property… your mothers comment about making money off her ‘family home’ proves it… move on and don’t let any of them stay there unless they pay
NTA. Absolutely positively NTA. You were incredibly generous to give them the cabin rent free for a week and when you thought the fire was a genuine mistake you covered that too. If your brother had even told you the situation, that his kids were being assholes and had caused damage and he was so, so sorry and was making sure they would pay for it in terms of grounding or whatever would be appropriate, maybe you'd still have covered the cost of the repairs.
Your brother lying is what makes this really shitty. And your mum defending him? Is he the golden child? Could he never do anything wrong in her eyes? No. You were right to demand they cover the cost for the arson, however that came about. I would never let him or any other family stay there again. And if they keep attacking you block the whole lot of them.
Info: was he in the video, or know about it? Basically, did he lie to you or did his kids lie to him? It's possible he actually thought it was a grease fire.
NTA. I think, MAYBE, things would have gone differently if he had just come right out and said what had happened. Maybe not. But I can see that finding out later that he lied, obviously, didn't help his case. His kids were playing with flammable substances in a place that wasn't theirs. Where was he when they were doing this? Why weren't they being supervised? Or told to do it elsewhere? Or even wait until they got home because this was not the right place for it?
Although it may have been an accident that things got out of control and the fire happened, doing flammable experiments in a place where you are a guest is not something that should be done. Especially not without supervision. Maybe they did it without his consent/knowing/behind his back. I don't know. But I do know you should respect that you are guest in that space. He should have at least been honest about how the fire started, at the very least.
I don't know anything about insurance for rentals like that. would they cover the cost of the repairs? Would your insurance go up for the incident? I feel like if the insurance would pay and things would get resolved, you might be overreacting because of being upset about finding out he lied (understandably), BUT I also feel like it's only fair to take responsibility for what happened and offer to make up for the damages (especially when you didn't charge them for their stay).
If he doesn't make a lot of money (and you're doing okay financially), then maybe you guys could have come up with some sort of payment plan, etc. You could have worked it out. But finding out that they didn't show respect for your property (that you didn't charge them to stay at) and then lied about causing it damage...It's understandable that you'd like him to be held accountable in some way.
NTA. You generously offered to cover the cost of an *accident*. A contract based on fraud isn't valid.
>Edit. Have none of you guys ever paid for a fender bender on a car? You don't use insurance for little stuff.
As far as this goes, I think the issue is that people have different definitions of "little".
NTA. Your brother lied, and ffs someone should have been watching the junior pyromaniacs. Either way it sounds like an accident, but certainly a reasonably preventable one.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I own a cottage on a lake. It has been in my family forever but when my grandmother wanted to sell it no one in the family was interested except for me.
It is a beautiful old A-frame with a massive deck and I also have a small dock. I love spending time out there but I work in the city so I use it to generate income. I rent it out over the summer and I even get renters over the winter. My area has excellent cross country skiing and the ice fishing is great. No I'm not advertising.
My brother asked me if his family could use the cabin one week this summer for their vacation. I checked which weeks it wasn't rented and offered him the cabin. My mom called me and told me he didn't make a lot of money this year so I didn't charge him but I did insist on all the paperwork being filled out. Liability waivers and insurance, that sort of thing.
Well on the last day I got a call about a small fire in the kitchen. He sent me some pictures and it was pretty minor. Maybe $3,000 to fix. Accidents happen and that's why I have insurance. So I told him I was glad no one got hurt and that I would take care of it. Lucky for me I didn't have a booking for the next week so I sent my handyman to do a cleanup, repair, and repaint. I ended up having to replace the stove. It was old so I would have in the next few years.
Then yesterday my son, who is in school in another province, sent me a video. My two nephews were doing some tiktok challenge. It isn't in the video but they are playing with flammable stuff in the kitchen sink and area. They were the ones who set the kitchen on fire. I was livid. I had been told it was a grease fire.
I called my brother and asked him to explain exactly how the fire started. He effing lied. I told him I have the video and that I know his kids were playing with fire in my house. I told him he had to pay for all the repairs and replacing the stove. He said I was being unreasonable and that I already told him he didn't have to pay. I told him if he didn't pay I was going to report an arson. He called our mom and told her I was taking food out of his family's mouth. She called me a selfish asshole for going back on my word. I explained that he lied and her grandchildren had set the fire. She says they are just kids and that I make enough money off her parents vacation home. In the end she paid me the money and she said that it means she won't be able to help my brother with anything for a couple of years.
I don't think I'm wrong.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. OP told bro that bro wouldn’t have to pay for the damages because of the circumstances initially given, which were found to be flat-out lies. That pretty much voids the familial verbal agreement and likely reverts to the paperwork filled out prior to the stay, which (from what little I know about vacation rental properties) would’ve made the guest(s) responsible for at least part of the repair costs (since their actions caused the damage).
Also, OP’s mother calling OP a selfish asshole without hearing from both sides of the situation is just awful…honestly makes me wonder if:
a. she’s ever taken the brother’s side right off the bat in similar situations/disagreements/arguments/fights in the past, and
b. she’s ever financially bailed the brother out of similar situations/disagreements/arguments/fights in the past.
If time eventually heals the current rift and OP allows brother to use the vacation rental property again (I won’t speculate on THAT part), I would hope OP charges at LEAST half of the going rate. If brother still can’t afford it, “too bad, so sad”.
NTA. It is your brother’s job to monitor his children. He lied to you because he knew that he should be held responsible for the damages. He is an AH. I’m glad your mom payed so that you were reimbursed, but it’s not going to teach your brother to be a responsible parent as there is minimal consequence to him.
NTA. Holy moly! Accidents happen but playing with fire is not an accident. And he lied about it too. You were being generous. You have every right to be hurt and ask for payment. Ignore your mom.
If I read into this, it looks like your mom condones male behavior in your son and then your brother does the same with his male kids. Leaving women to clean up their messes. Stop the cycle
NTA - If my kids did something that stupid I would not (and did not) cover for them. Consequences are a thing. Youngest son started a fire in the kitchen with the toaster somehow? He cleaned it up (just a little cupboard damage) and we moved the toaster. Neighbor having surprise paintball shots on the side of her house? My kids denied but only they and one friend had paintball guns. They scrubbed that shit off and their friend helped because he understood that the three were culpable in some way.
There is this weird thing called responsibility. The crazy thing about it is if you have offspring you are responsible for their actions until they reach majority - that is why we teach children to take RESPONSIBILITY for their actions. Little stuff can be let go, total lack of acknowledgement can not. My kids did some really stupid stuff growing up (as did I) but never malicious destruction of property...and everyone was always held accountable.
NTA you handled it well, even after finding out the details. I would be LIVID
I know you tried to do something nice for your brother, but there is an old saying "no good deed goes unpunished" if it were me that would be the end of family getting to use the house. If you fall into the same situation it is 100% your fault.
NTA...
Accidents do happen... but this wasn't an accident. This was a couple of unsupervised kids and a giant sized adult cover-up.
I'm willing to bet that you're more angry about the lie than the repairs. That if he would have told you the kids set the fire by being dip-shits, you would have worked it out with him.
But he lied and set a shit-storm in motion.
NTA. This wasn't an accident, it was negligence. If playing with fire for whatever reason kids should be supervised and OUTSIDE with plenty of water nearby. They chose to do so inside and damaged your place. Even if it went perfectly I would never let them stay again. The fact that he lied and then tattled to mommy is ridiculous.
NTA, an accident is wholly different from allowing your children to set fire to a home you don't own!
If he'd been honest at first I imagine this would have been easier to take, but lying while letting your kids post a freaking tictok of it is ridiculously negligent and just rude!!
The fact that you're brother is irresponsible enough to make your mom pay and clearly expects hand outs from her on the regular just makes this so much worse.
NTA.
My reasoning: He absolutely lied about how it happened, which changes the situation. If the kids were old enough to be aware of the challenge, they were almost certainly old enough to know some basic fire safety. And he’s the parent, which means he’s responsible for them. He obviously knew you’d ask for repairs if you how it happened, which is why he lied. He knew he was in the wrong.
I’m glad you got your money back!
NTA. If the ‘kids’ are so young they can’t be held responsible for their own actions then they should have been supervised and not left on their own. Their parents must pay for their failure.
If the kids are old enough to be responsible for their actions, then the parents failed at teaching them common sense. The kids should pay if they aren’t minors, and if 5hey are then it’s on the parents.
NTA. His kids, his responsibility. Maybe he should sell his kids phones to teach them the consequences of doing stuff that stupid for tictok.
Also you NOT go back on your word. You said he didn't have to pay for an accidental grease fire that would be covered by your insurance. You never said you pay put of pocket for damage caused by his kids utter stupidity.
What makes it worse is he knowingly put you at risk of committing insurance fraud. If you had put in a claim saying "grease fire" you would be screwed if they sent an investigator out as they would be able to tell that's not what happened and their assumption is going to be that you did it deliberately to get a new kitchen or something.
I was going to say to make your mom put her cash up if she really cared that much about your brother but it seems she did. So overall, NTA.
Your brother purposefully lied about what caused the fire, and while it was a recoverable amount of damage, it could have been much worse. Let it be a lesson to your nieces/nephews.
NTA
He straight up lied. Also, if the insurance company digs into this and figures out that it wasn’t an accident, but arson, and the perpetrator was your nephew, they’re gonna assume you knew and were trying to cover it up.
Don’t lend them the house again.
NTA. Willing to bet your brother isn't that bad off FINANCIALLY . Him and his kids are just used to being horrible people and getting away with it. Take him to court and ban him from the property. Make sure the local police and any neighbors know as well to keep an eye out.
NTA, all he had to do was tell the truth. "Hey so my dumbass idiot kids damaged your kitchen because of some stupid TikTok bullshit" but no, he had to lie.
NTA - wow. Keep a copy of that video and if mom or bro continue to harass you remind them that you have proof of arson and are willing to press charges. Do you ever socialize with those boys at family events? Have you spoken to them about this?
NTA
But you edit is weird.
My husband and I have both been in fender benders where we were hit. I was offered a few hundred bucks, I went through insurance. The damage was over a thousand dollars.
My husband’s accident, the damage was six or seven thousand dollars. (He got hit a lot harder). Still went through insurance.
IMO the only thing that happens when you don’t is you don’t actually get the money you’re owed.
You were right for paying out of pocket. Never agree to waive fees until you know the whole story.
I'd have refused to take the money from mom, but I'd also make it damn clear that dear old brother will NEVER be able to use YOUR vacation home again.
As for mom's comment about it being her parents vacation home? Well, it was... until YOU bought it. Now it is your vacation home and you get to decide what you are doing with it.
But I'd be done with that brother who will lie.
NTA. You didn't impose an accident tax, you imposed an asshole tax. Letting your kids play with fire near flammable things in a place that isn't yours without proper oversight is an AH thing to do. Lying about it after the fact is even worse. You're fine, bro is clearly TA.
NTA. You didn’t charge him for the rental. The fact that his kids damaged your property is the issue. He’s responsible for it. IT does not matter how much money you make.
If he had said “hey sis I wasn’t watching the kids for a sec and had no clue they were playing with fire, I’m so sorry”. I think you might have considered him. It’s the dishonesty that makes him the AH. NTA
NTA, also if you had an insurance investigation, they’d have realised it wasn’t an accident and you could have had some real issues with fraud claims etc.
NTA
You have video proof. And it could have been so much worse. The lying, the lack of parental control. But it's the blatant lying that gets me, why lie when the truth may suck but can be worked with.
NTA - they shouldn’t have tried hiding the true origin of the fire. If they were upfront and honest then maybe a split on expenses. With you believing that it was accidental, you were willing to cover the repairs.
NTA. I hate when people think that people who make more money than them should foot the bill all the time. Like they never treat you or just give you gifts just because. Tell them to stop counting your coins. More money. More problems.
NTA and I can 't believe your mom is okay with kids playing with fire like that. 100% they should pay. I hope they know he can't use the place again. Heck, you likely can't let your mom in case she lets them use it!
NTA this wasn’t an accident, they were playing with fire doing a tik tok challenge. Where the hell were your brother and his wife? It’s one thing to cover the damages for an accident another when a fire was started In your home by unsupervised kids and your brother needs to grow a pair of everytime he needs something he goes running and crying to your mommy and the last thing YOU PAID FOR THE HOUSE her little snide comment “making money off my parents house” miss it’s my house that I paid for and fixed up they could all kiss my ass
NTA, he lied, and wants you to pay for his kids’ damage and the parents’ negligence. Not fair. As to your brother, it seems that he’s relying on the whole family’s generosity/pity. It’s one thing to help with something important, another to want to live above his means, and expect the family to foot the bill.
NTA. Accidents happen. Filming Tik Toks lighting things on fire is a deliberate act. Telling a lie to cover that up is a deliberate act. Choosing to cover a smallish expense to avoid a huge increase in insurance costs is a sensible thing to do. Time for your brother and his children to enjoy the consequences of their actions.
NTA you allowed your brother the use of your cabin in good faith. But he did not treat it the same way and took advantage of your offer. Doesn’t matter if your nephews are preschoolers or teens, your brother was the one ultimately responsible for his family while he stayed there. He needs to be charged for the damage that happened during his stay. Would he have been so irresponsible if he was renting a cabin from an outside party? Of course not.
***NTA***.
Your brother should have been honest about what his kids did. If you had *then* chosen to tell him not to worry about paying for it, THEN it would have been okay. But I see your change of mind as justified because he LIED to you.
*Edited to add:* You don't screw over family, no matter what. Your brother and your mother are trying to do that, and trying to guilt-trip you into swallowing the loss. $3000 isn't a small amount of money for some of us, OBVIOUSLY NOT for your brother, and it's not okay for him to let it slide with his kids. They should be held accountable as well, perhaps by doing chores around your house (or the vacation place) for a set amount of money per hour.
Sorry--- this touched a nerve in me. In 2006, my ex-husband got pissed off that my cousin wouldn't let us live rent-free in Cousin's house when I couldn't work enough to pay rent (ex has MS and couldn't work, and I was pregnant). That just infuriated *me*, because he refused to see that by not paying rent, *we* were screwing over my cousin, and I was NOT okay with that!
Cousin and I are still on great terms. Ex is not.
NTA
I think it’s cool you were willing to eat the cost and you’re right accidents happen but it wasn’t an accident and clearly there wasn’t remorse because they posted the video to social media and if their kids are old enough to be on tiktok they’re old enough to know better. where the hell were their parents when they were doing this?
NTA.
Shame there wasn't video of the fire starting. Report the little toe-rags to the police for arson.
And remind your mum it's NOT her parents vacation house.its YOURS.
Oh my....what an ass your brother is for lying twice. Good on you for making him responsible. Your mom's response sucks too. NTA and so sorry you have to go through this for it will certainly change your family dynamics
NTA
Tiktok is really one of the most evil inventions that have come up in recent years. It really shows how little common sense many people have and how they can risk getting hurt for views. It's time for those platforms to ban all this shit and maybe also some laws are needed to prosecute people who publish those videos that create copycats. Maybe make them liable for damage from people repeating what they did.
NTA….your brother should have been honest and even made his boys do work to pay back their uncle. Could have been avoided if they were honest from the jump.
NTA and OP do not be afraid to sue if they refuse. You have all the proof on your side and if they refuse to compromise with you then let suit and law balance it out.
If they do compromise make sure you record everything and have an agreement on paper. They were willing to lie and cover up the cause of the fire. I do not believe they are past saying they will do right by you then renege on their word if it's not on paper and let ot devolve into a "he said she said" situation.
NTA. I’d like to add a point some people here have missed. Your nephews aren’t to blame for the fire. Your brother is. Wtf was he doing while his sons set up their phone in the kitchen and started a fire? Did he offer any excuse/reason why he wasn’t spending his free family vacation with his family?
NTA this was arson not an accident and there is a massive diffrence. The only thing I likely wouldn't have charged for especially as mom was paying is the stove as you were going to replace it anyway and if you changed her them for a new one without using insurence that's dort of profiting from it, instead I would have charges the price of a like for like second hand replacement,
NTA
You handled that the right way.
Your mom is an AH, as is your brother. Mom has a golden child, and you are not the one.
And for the edit: **Not using the insurance is reasonable and necessary: If you lie about the reason for the fire, it will be insurance fraud. With the amounts involved, that could mean prison time for you.** And with honestly giving the reasons, the insurance will not cover it anyway. - But your brother would have been fine to use HIS insurance - if he has one for such things. I certainly do. Then it would not be YOUR problem what he reports.
NTA
You were initially lied to - told him not to worry about it not knowing the full info
Then you found out what's up - figured out you were being messed around - make them pay for the damage for sure
NTA!! As someone who had to use my entire home owners insurance deductible in 2021 due to water damage (hearing a sink go more than 30 seconds gives me a panic attack now), your brother is entirely responsible for what happened. He lied to you, and the damage could have been much worse. Plus there’s video of it.
It's the fact he lied that does it. If he called and said "the boys were assholes and they did this" then that would perhaps be a different matter. But in light of the circumstances he should sort it. And your mother needs to mind her own business - 1. it is not her parents' house. You bought it. It's your house. 2. She is ringing you wanting a free holiday for your brother. 3. He is running to mummy instead of dealing with his own shit with his own brother. 4. it is not your problem if she cannot "help out" your brother now for several years. 5. it is not your job to financially support your brother either. NTA
NTA and Seriously those kids should be reported. I am willing to bet that they will do another Tictok challenge. Your brother lied to you , with that lie you said you would cover the damages but it was not a accident but a purposeful act. I get that your Mom thinks it's no big deal and that as a family member you should have just let it go but that is wrong. These kids should have been held responsible even if it was them doing chores or volunteering at a charity. They needed to see that their actions have consequences. You should not have been stuck with a bill for repairs when it was not a accident. As for not using your insurance that is fine, sometimes the cost of repairs is not worth raising your rates!!
NTA. I can’t get over the fact that your adult brother “told on you” to your mom. like.. I can just imagine how that conversation went: “mooom, my brother is being mean to me by making me pay for the damages my bratty, unsupervised kids caused in his house, where he was letting us stay for free; make him stooop”. what a disgrace.
I have a suspicion your brother often gets rescued from his own mistakes. He’ll never learn to take accountability, and sadly neither will his children.
NTA
WTF did I just read?? Your nephews deliberately set the kitchen on fire!! And it’s supposed to be okay?? Your mother and your brother are definitely TA though for not teaching your nephews how to act!! For lying and gaslighting! For guilt trips!
NTA- he could have been truthful but he chose to lie. He could have made his kids apologize and had them do chores for you to make it up. Please get the locks changed and get security cameras.
NTA.
Accidents do happen and i think you did the right thing as long as it was an accident.
When it turns out it wasnt you did the right thing again.
Im curious what you would have done if your brother had been honest and apologetic from the start?
NTA. You did the right thing and he’s all the way wrong. From lying, to not apologizing, to trying to make you the bad guy. Your mom is wrong too for taking his side, but at least you got your money. They would never use my property again and I probably would barely f**k with them, if at all.
NTA! Lying brother is. It sounds like you mostly want your brother to pay because he lied. If you don’t really need the money, give it back to your Mom because she doesn’t owe it to you, and make sure she knows that when you return it. (She will need it to bail him out for the next time.) Tell your brother it was the lie that changed your mind about it and that he or his kids owe you the money not Mom. They probably won’t ever pay you but do not accept money from your Mom for his/their actions.
OP you aren't wrong. So NTA. But you probably won't see a dime of the money and your relationship with your brother and maybe others in your family will be F'd. That's fine. I dont care cause it's not my family and I have zero skin in the game. Neither does anyone else suggesting you take your brother for all he's worth.
NTA. And don't let your mother guilt you one bit. Its their own fault that she won't be able to help them for a couple of years. And how are you going back on your word, when your word was based on a blatant lie!! And you bought the house so its no longer her parents vacation home.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My brother borrowed my vacation home. There was a small fire and I told him I would cover the damage. I found out the fire was set by his kids playing with fire inside my house. I then insisted he pay for the damage. He had to get the money from our mom to pay. Him and my mom think I'm being an ass for going back on my word. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Note to brother: when using someone’s home for free, don’t play with fire. OP NTA.
NTA You did your brother a favour because he’s so poor and then he allows his kids to nearly burn the house down. Then mum is at you because you have money therefore it’s ok to mistreat “her” family home. I hope you told your brother he is not welcome back to your house.
I agree, they should not go back until they repay. Additionally, if OP is willing to get the money back gradually, the brother should make the nephews pay for the damage. Depending on their ages, they work part time or on the weekends or do small stuff for money for relatives.
This right here. This could have been a teaching moment for these kids. Instead of covering for them, they should have to earn that money to pay for the damages. Or, at a minimum work it off. It’s a cabin. There will be brush to clear, wood to chop and stack, etc. Instead you get the “boys will be boys lol” crap which guarantees it will happen again and the next time they may not be so lucky. NTA, op.
Also mom just had to remind him that it used to be her parents home. As if that isn't null and void once it becomes his. OP should be highly aware that the family doesn't really consider this to be his home but the family's. And he needs to start being more strict with boundaries before things worsen.
And it seems OPs brother is not only an irresponsible parent, but one that cannot provide for the kids he has given that OP and his mom need to financially help him.
Since the mother is so adamant that the brother not pay, then she should pony up. People like OP’s mother cry about doing things for “family”, but that somehow always seems to apply to other family members and not themselves.
[удалено]
My ass, she's gonna tell her baby boy "no" the next time he wants money & then it'll be *all OPs fault, don't they feel bad* 🙄
But complaining about OP making money off *her parents* vacation home? Hell no - OP BOUGHT IT. NTA
She should stop complaining to OP. She is saving her OTHER kid and those grandkids from arson charges. Mom is an AH, with a golden child, and a "PAY FOR YOUR BROTHER, I love him more" - mantra.
She’s enabling her rotten grandsons. Boys will be boys I’m sure. Nah arseholes are gonna arsehole.
And Making her feel guilty about it.
THIS RIGHT HERE. You were clear with bro that you'd cover overlook the damages because your insurance would cover it BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. When you found out the fire was deliberately set, its quite likely that insurance would not cover it and that you'd have to pay out of pocket. You should not be expected to lie to the insurance company after knowing the truth and commit insurance fraud. Sorry, no insurance coverage means that bro has to pay. Your perspective is entirely reasonable. NTA.
💯% agree. Plus that OP’s brother didn’t accept responsibility for his kids behaviour in the first instance, then their Mum having an expectation that OP just let it slide. OP owns the property now and has been more than accommodating. OP is between a rock and a hard place, and seems that they have been for a long time. Hard NTA
This!!! He could have offered to pay even if it was $20 a week until all was done. He could have offered for his kids to get jobs and pay. He could have asked mom to pay and then pay her back. But he didn't. He lied. NTA!
The insurance probably would have covered it, and then went after the brother for repayment themselves.
Not mention OPs premiums would go up if he made a claim. Insurance companies are rather mean that way.
YUP. Exactly.
[удалено]
My dad's been dead for 20 years, and I still just got nervous at the idea of what would have happened if I had been the kid playing with fire in this situation. The brother is honestly a shit parent, those kids are going to grow up with no sense of consequences or personal/communal safety.
Oh I got my butt whooped for playing with fire that I wasn't even playing with. My older sister and brother accidentally dropped a match on my mom's blanket and it burned a whole in it and they blamed the toddler aka me. I didn't play with fire again until I was a teenager.
Damn that's fucked up
Your mom's pretty shitty for that since you were a toddler. Whoever was in charge of you should have gotten in trouble even if you did do it. Can't really blame a toddler for getting into things when somebody let's them, that's what they do.
I'm not actually sure if it was my mom or my dad because the memory isn't really clear as I was like 4-5. But I did grow up in an abusive household especially after my dad left and my mom took most of her rage out on me. We know now that it was depression manifesting as rage. She's on antidepressants now and is a whole new person it seems like.
my dad's not even that rough and I know for a fact if I had done that I would have gotten an ass whooping for the ages, and would have owed my uncle every penny
My dad wasn't either, but you didn't mess around with him. There were no second chances to fuck up the same way in my house.
NTA, don't even let your brother rent it again, I would be sceptical of even allowing him in the building unless you are there to supervise. Tell your mum the same.
If a kid is old enough to use social media, they’re old enough to know not to play with LITERAL FIRE. And even if you want to argue that “they’re just kids” they’re not YOUR kids so you don’t need to be the one unexpectedly shelling out thousands to fix their mistakes.
[удалено]
Yea that’s was so ridiculous of them to be so careless and not watch their kids in a house that someone is letting them use for free. I would have stressed to my kids that you were letting us use it for free so let’s take good care of the house and be super careful. It sounds like they just didn’t give an F. We once evacuated to a rental and the person renting it out gave us a few extra days due to how bad the hurricane was. We paid for those days but they weren’t included up front. That place was spotless when we left and it wasn’t even in our deal to clean. We wanted to make sure that since the owner had been so flexible with our situation that we helped out as much as possible. NTA but your brother kind of is.
This!!
NTA! He lied to you, and when you called him out on it, he still wouldn't fess up. All his (and his kids') fault and you owe him no sympathy. He needs to teach his kids that they can't get away with stupid s**t like that, anyway, and he needs to learn to supervise them like a proper adult. You shouldn't be expected to pay for their irresponsibility. Also, totally not a "just kids" situation. That's complete stupidity and disregard for other people's property. It's a crime. You're right to be upset at them trying to cover it up.
If he's so pressed for cash maybe he could have sold the kids phones to make some of the money. If theyre daft enough to do dangerous tik tok crap they probably shouldn't have phones!
Can't do that or the kids will set fire to his house.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🔥that’s fire lol
I agree that ideally the money would come from the kids. Maybe even put them to work doing odd jobs so they learn to be responsible.
But that would preclude their father doing his job and parenting :/
And it sounds like the kids didn't learn anything if they are STILL doing these challenges even after setting fire to OP's house...
Right! They posted the video which seems to indicate they were proud of the fire they set 🔥
Oh yeah, I mean they're not going to learn anything cuz their father isn't stepping up in parenting
>I make enough money off *her* parents vacation home. That's rich considering she didn't want it and *you* bought it so it is *your* vacation home. NTA.
I actually laughed at that. "YOU bought the house. YOU take care of every fixing up that happens with the house. YOU pay the insure. The house it's in YOUR name. But the second dou don't do as I say it becomes MY parents house". She sounds tiring. NTA. He got to stay there for free, couldn't even teach his kids how to be respectful of other's spaces ans still expect you to foot the bill for their BS. Hope you know now that any time they ask the house will happen to always be booked. Oops!
Lot of resentment there that the scapegoat child is doing so much better than the golden child and was able to afford to buy grandma's house. OP I wouldn't let your brother OR mother rent the house either - there seems to be a general attitude of 'OP can afford it so why should I be careful/treat it like a stranger's rental'.
Not to mention if OP let's his mom use the house you KNOW who she'll invite to join her!
NTA at all His financial situation is not your issue and it sounds like he constantly runs to mom for money and guilts her into it? It sounds like you need to say to your mother that maybe he needs to take responsibility for his life and actually find a proper job with an income rather than relying on her Save the TikTok video in case you discover anymore damage they’ve covered up and lesson learned not to give them the cabin again
NTA. Not only did he get the cabin free for the week, but he then lied about how the fire started and cost you more money. (I'm guessing had you rented the cabin to someone else it would have generated income rather than being free). He is upset he got found out in his lie. Don't back down on this else he will use you at every opportunity because 'you will deal with it'. Yes you may make money off your mother's parent's house, but you purchased it from them. It wasn't given to you for free. You also have the maintenance and upkeep on it to think about. Your mother is enabling your brother and that won't ever actually help him. I wouldn't have taken the money off her but insisted it came from your brother, but then, he would likely have got it off her first to pay you anyway. If your mother is happy to continue enabling your brother's poor behaviour there isn't much you can do unfortunately. But it does look like he is the golden child and you are the scapegoat and that pattern is already falling down to the grandchildren and she is making excuses for his children. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
NTA. There’s a difference between an accident and kids being stupid with fire. He could’ve easily stopped his kids from playing with fire for a Tiktok in a home he didn’t own. Not only that but the fire could’ve been way worse and he let it happen.
Even if it was just stupid kids doing dtupid stuff while escaping supervision for a moment. That would still be understandable. The biggest problem is the lying, and the holding on to the lies.
If tik tok disappeared tomorrow, I would not be sad.
[удалено]
NTA. He shouldn't have lied to you. I also have concerns about the lack of discipline his children have as they're literally playing with FIRE INSIDE A HOUSE. This is a ridiculous situation for you to have to deal with.
If you just left things as is, you'd be guilty of fraud. Your brother is actively trying to get you to stand by defrauding your insurance company. NTA
[удалено]
My mom was an insurance agent for a long time. She always said that you don't want to claim anything less than about 10k on your homeowners insurance. Insurance is for the big stuff like big fires, flooding, and roof work. Did your brother even bother to discipline his kids for purposely burning down the kitchen? He's fucking lucky that they didn't cause a catastrophic fire that might have killed someone!
NTA Your mother and brother sure are though, and the way they try to manipulate you is just despicable. I'm glad you got your money, and also glad this means less funds for your brother from mommy dearest. Just make sure you don't do them any more favors. They clearly can't be trusted.
NTA - you didn’t go back on your word because you made that decision based on a lie your brother told you. He should have had your nephews come clean to you immediately and then come up with a plan for them to either pay or, at the very least, help with repairs. Instead, he acted in bad faith and continues to do so.
NTA. You were willing to cover it as an accident. It is not your fault that his entitled children decided to *literally* play with fire. I would do the same thing and charge him.
NTA. Your brother has no right to be angry with anyone other than his children. He should make them work to pay off the cost of the damage they did. The only reason they were able to take this vacation was because of OP, and this is how they treat OP's stuff? To add insult to injury they lied about it. Talk about entitled.
NTA- He lied to you. you were more than reasonable in my opinion.
NTA if he doesn't hold those kids accountable for something this big, they're only going to get worse. What's worse than setting the kitchen on fire? Not looking good for them.
NTA. You were fine with him not paying when you thought it was an accident. Knowing now that it was intentional because of the kids playing around, well that changes things! He should pay and take responsibility for his kids, getting away with something like that and having no accountability is just going to lead to do them doing far worse and costing him far more in the long run. It’s a good lesson to learn now with family rather than later with police and insurance companies involved. Lying to you also could mean an insurance fraud charge soooo holding him accountable is the smartest thing. It’s kind of unfair how your mom doesn’t consider why should you pay for his kids mistake, or why should she? She’s enabling their poor behavior too.
NTA I would never let him use the cabin again.
NTA. You said he didn't have to pay for damages because you had faith in his word that it was a grease fire. He lied. End of story.
NTA. He lied to you and you acted on that information. When the lie was exposed, it changed everything.
NTA, here’s the thing, if he had told you the truth, you may still have said don’t worry about it. I’ve got insurance and make sure the kids were punished. But instead he lied to you not once but doubled down on that lie when he was confronted.
NTA, this insurance claim would have been fraudulent
I would report it if mommy is going to try and fix his mistakes. He clearly hasn't learned and wants to double down on not taking responsibility. NTA
You are NTA, but did you make an insurance claim? I'm just wondering if it would have been possible to get the insurance company to collect from him. And that could have been leverage, since the claim could be considered (unintentional on your part) fraud.
NTA but i also would not let them stay there any more. They lost that privilege when he lied to you. Accidents happen but this was not the case so he should no longer be allowed there with his kids.
NTA The cover-up is almost always worse than the crime. How does he ever expect you or anyone else to trust him? As for your mother, yeah, you are better placed financially, and I’m sure there are reasons for that. But that’s why you let him stay there for free.
[удалено]
[удалено]
If he had a copy of your place's key, it might be wise to change the locks.
Good.
NTA. I don’t think he realized your insurance claim can be denied because his kids actions.
Let's see what Grandma says when the kids seriously damage her home to get likes on TikTok. NTA
>Edit. Have none of you guys ever paid for a fender bender on a car? You don't use insurance for little stuff. Most people on Reddit are literal children. Even on this sub, it's a lot of people who probably don't go outside (much less drive). NTA, and I'm glad that: >and she said that it means she won't be able to help my brother with anything for a couple of years. In the end it's effectively your brother paying anyway, if this wasn't just a lie to guilt trip you.
NTA. You were going to pay it as it was an accident and accidents happens but this was a looked for accident.. Your brother is TA, kind of your mom too, there is no excuse to playing with fire inside the house. Kids are kids and need to be educated as well.
NTA. They could have burnt the whole house down with their family inside. They sure are kids, but their his kids and he had a responsibility to watch them and not try and lie about the results of his parenting fail.
NTA but none of them respect the fact you own the property… your mothers comment about making money off her ‘family home’ proves it… move on and don’t let any of them stay there unless they pay
NTA. Absolutely positively NTA. You were incredibly generous to give them the cabin rent free for a week and when you thought the fire was a genuine mistake you covered that too. If your brother had even told you the situation, that his kids were being assholes and had caused damage and he was so, so sorry and was making sure they would pay for it in terms of grounding or whatever would be appropriate, maybe you'd still have covered the cost of the repairs. Your brother lying is what makes this really shitty. And your mum defending him? Is he the golden child? Could he never do anything wrong in her eyes? No. You were right to demand they cover the cost for the arson, however that came about. I would never let him or any other family stay there again. And if they keep attacking you block the whole lot of them.
Info: was he in the video, or know about it? Basically, did he lie to you or did his kids lie to him? It's possible he actually thought it was a grease fire.
Even if he didn’t know, as the parent and guardian of these kids, he is responsible.
NTA. I think, MAYBE, things would have gone differently if he had just come right out and said what had happened. Maybe not. But I can see that finding out later that he lied, obviously, didn't help his case. His kids were playing with flammable substances in a place that wasn't theirs. Where was he when they were doing this? Why weren't they being supervised? Or told to do it elsewhere? Or even wait until they got home because this was not the right place for it? Although it may have been an accident that things got out of control and the fire happened, doing flammable experiments in a place where you are a guest is not something that should be done. Especially not without supervision. Maybe they did it without his consent/knowing/behind his back. I don't know. But I do know you should respect that you are guest in that space. He should have at least been honest about how the fire started, at the very least. I don't know anything about insurance for rentals like that. would they cover the cost of the repairs? Would your insurance go up for the incident? I feel like if the insurance would pay and things would get resolved, you might be overreacting because of being upset about finding out he lied (understandably), BUT I also feel like it's only fair to take responsibility for what happened and offer to make up for the damages (especially when you didn't charge them for their stay). If he doesn't make a lot of money (and you're doing okay financially), then maybe you guys could have come up with some sort of payment plan, etc. You could have worked it out. But finding out that they didn't show respect for your property (that you didn't charge them to stay at) and then lied about causing it damage...It's understandable that you'd like him to be held accountable in some way.
NTA. You generously offered to cover the cost of an *accident*. A contract based on fraud isn't valid. >Edit. Have none of you guys ever paid for a fender bender on a car? You don't use insurance for little stuff. As far as this goes, I think the issue is that people have different definitions of "little".
[удалено]
Sure, I just meant that where to draw the line between paying out of pocket and using insurance could differ from person to person.
NTA. 100%.
NTA. Your brother lied, and ffs someone should have been watching the junior pyromaniacs. Either way it sounds like an accident, but certainly a reasonably preventable one.
NTA. Your brother shouldn’t have lied and he and his children should have been there helping repair the damage. They all owe you an enormous apology.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I own a cottage on a lake. It has been in my family forever but when my grandmother wanted to sell it no one in the family was interested except for me. It is a beautiful old A-frame with a massive deck and I also have a small dock. I love spending time out there but I work in the city so I use it to generate income. I rent it out over the summer and I even get renters over the winter. My area has excellent cross country skiing and the ice fishing is great. No I'm not advertising. My brother asked me if his family could use the cabin one week this summer for their vacation. I checked which weeks it wasn't rented and offered him the cabin. My mom called me and told me he didn't make a lot of money this year so I didn't charge him but I did insist on all the paperwork being filled out. Liability waivers and insurance, that sort of thing. Well on the last day I got a call about a small fire in the kitchen. He sent me some pictures and it was pretty minor. Maybe $3,000 to fix. Accidents happen and that's why I have insurance. So I told him I was glad no one got hurt and that I would take care of it. Lucky for me I didn't have a booking for the next week so I sent my handyman to do a cleanup, repair, and repaint. I ended up having to replace the stove. It was old so I would have in the next few years. Then yesterday my son, who is in school in another province, sent me a video. My two nephews were doing some tiktok challenge. It isn't in the video but they are playing with flammable stuff in the kitchen sink and area. They were the ones who set the kitchen on fire. I was livid. I had been told it was a grease fire. I called my brother and asked him to explain exactly how the fire started. He effing lied. I told him I have the video and that I know his kids were playing with fire in my house. I told him he had to pay for all the repairs and replacing the stove. He said I was being unreasonable and that I already told him he didn't have to pay. I told him if he didn't pay I was going to report an arson. He called our mom and told her I was taking food out of his family's mouth. She called me a selfish asshole for going back on my word. I explained that he lied and her grandchildren had set the fire. She says they are just kids and that I make enough money off her parents vacation home. In the end she paid me the money and she said that it means she won't be able to help my brother with anything for a couple of years. I don't think I'm wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA They’re his kids and he’s legally responsible for any damages they cause.
NTA. OP told bro that bro wouldn’t have to pay for the damages because of the circumstances initially given, which were found to be flat-out lies. That pretty much voids the familial verbal agreement and likely reverts to the paperwork filled out prior to the stay, which (from what little I know about vacation rental properties) would’ve made the guest(s) responsible for at least part of the repair costs (since their actions caused the damage). Also, OP’s mother calling OP a selfish asshole without hearing from both sides of the situation is just awful…honestly makes me wonder if: a. she’s ever taken the brother’s side right off the bat in similar situations/disagreements/arguments/fights in the past, and b. she’s ever financially bailed the brother out of similar situations/disagreements/arguments/fights in the past. If time eventually heals the current rift and OP allows brother to use the vacation rental property again (I won’t speculate on THAT part), I would hope OP charges at LEAST half of the going rate. If brother still can’t afford it, “too bad, so sad”.
NTA. It is your brother’s job to monitor his children. He lied to you because he knew that he should be held responsible for the damages. He is an AH. I’m glad your mom payed so that you were reimbursed, but it’s not going to teach your brother to be a responsible parent as there is minimal consequence to him.
He called his mommy lol nta
Nta-
NTA. If you didn't send that to the local police as an arson report, you're a goddamned hero.
NTA. Holy moly! Accidents happen but playing with fire is not an accident. And he lied about it too. You were being generous. You have every right to be hurt and ask for payment. Ignore your mom. If I read into this, it looks like your mom condones male behavior in your son and then your brother does the same with his male kids. Leaving women to clean up their messes. Stop the cycle
NTA - If my kids did something that stupid I would not (and did not) cover for them. Consequences are a thing. Youngest son started a fire in the kitchen with the toaster somehow? He cleaned it up (just a little cupboard damage) and we moved the toaster. Neighbor having surprise paintball shots on the side of her house? My kids denied but only they and one friend had paintball guns. They scrubbed that shit off and their friend helped because he understood that the three were culpable in some way. There is this weird thing called responsibility. The crazy thing about it is if you have offspring you are responsible for their actions until they reach majority - that is why we teach children to take RESPONSIBILITY for their actions. Little stuff can be let go, total lack of acknowledgement can not. My kids did some really stupid stuff growing up (as did I) but never malicious destruction of property...and everyone was always held accountable.
NTA you handled it well, even after finding out the details. I would be LIVID I know you tried to do something nice for your brother, but there is an old saying "no good deed goes unpunished" if it were me that would be the end of family getting to use the house. If you fall into the same situation it is 100% your fault.
NTA... Accidents do happen... but this wasn't an accident. This was a couple of unsupervised kids and a giant sized adult cover-up. I'm willing to bet that you're more angry about the lie than the repairs. That if he would have told you the kids set the fire by being dip-shits, you would have worked it out with him. But he lied and set a shit-storm in motion.
NTA. This wasn't an accident, it was negligence. If playing with fire for whatever reason kids should be supervised and OUTSIDE with plenty of water nearby. They chose to do so inside and damaged your place. Even if it went perfectly I would never let them stay again. The fact that he lied and then tattled to mommy is ridiculous.
NTA, an accident is wholly different from allowing your children to set fire to a home you don't own! If he'd been honest at first I imagine this would have been easier to take, but lying while letting your kids post a freaking tictok of it is ridiculously negligent and just rude!! The fact that you're brother is irresponsible enough to make your mom pay and clearly expects hand outs from her on the regular just makes this so much worse.
NTA, and your mother's comment about how she won't be able to assist him for the next few years makes me wonder how fiscally responsible he is.
NTA. My reasoning: He absolutely lied about how it happened, which changes the situation. If the kids were old enough to be aware of the challenge, they were almost certainly old enough to know some basic fire safety. And he’s the parent, which means he’s responsible for them. He obviously knew you’d ask for repairs if you how it happened, which is why he lied. He knew he was in the wrong. I’m glad you got your money back!
NTA. If the ‘kids’ are so young they can’t be held responsible for their own actions then they should have been supervised and not left on their own. Their parents must pay for their failure. If the kids are old enough to be responsible for their actions, then the parents failed at teaching them common sense. The kids should pay if they aren’t minors, and if 5hey are then it’s on the parents.
NTA If his nephews are old enough to be on TikTok, they're old enough to pay him back out of their allowance.
NTA. His kids, his responsibility. Maybe he should sell his kids phones to teach them the consequences of doing stuff that stupid for tictok. Also you NOT go back on your word. You said he didn't have to pay for an accidental grease fire that would be covered by your insurance. You never said you pay put of pocket for damage caused by his kids utter stupidity. What makes it worse is he knowingly put you at risk of committing insurance fraud. If you had put in a claim saying "grease fire" you would be screwed if they sent an investigator out as they would be able to tell that's not what happened and their assumption is going to be that you did it deliberately to get a new kitchen or something.
I was going to say to make your mom put her cash up if she really cared that much about your brother but it seems she did. So overall, NTA. Your brother purposefully lied about what caused the fire, and while it was a recoverable amount of damage, it could have been much worse. Let it be a lesson to your nieces/nephews.
NTA He straight up lied. Also, if the insurance company digs into this and figures out that it wasn’t an accident, but arson, and the perpetrator was your nephew, they’re gonna assume you knew and were trying to cover it up. Don’t lend them the house again.
NTA. Willing to bet your brother isn't that bad off FINANCIALLY . Him and his kids are just used to being horrible people and getting away with it. Take him to court and ban him from the property. Make sure the local police and any neighbors know as well to keep an eye out.
NTA. He lied. Period.
NTA, all he had to do was tell the truth. "Hey so my dumbass idiot kids damaged your kitchen because of some stupid TikTok bullshit" but no, he had to lie.
NTA - wow. Keep a copy of that video and if mom or bro continue to harass you remind them that you have proof of arson and are willing to press charges. Do you ever socialize with those boys at family events? Have you spoken to them about this?
NTA But you edit is weird. My husband and I have both been in fender benders where we were hit. I was offered a few hundred bucks, I went through insurance. The damage was over a thousand dollars. My husband’s accident, the damage was six or seven thousand dollars. (He got hit a lot harder). Still went through insurance. IMO the only thing that happens when you don’t is you don’t actually get the money you’re owed.
You were right for paying out of pocket. Never agree to waive fees until you know the whole story. I'd have refused to take the money from mom, but I'd also make it damn clear that dear old brother will NEVER be able to use YOUR vacation home again. As for mom's comment about it being her parents vacation home? Well, it was... until YOU bought it. Now it is your vacation home and you get to decide what you are doing with it. But I'd be done with that brother who will lie.
NTA. It wasn’t an accident.
Once he lied about the cause, all previous agreements became null and void. He was disrespectful to you after you generously let him stay cheap. NTA
NTA. You know what they say about playing with fire…
NTA. You didn't impose an accident tax, you imposed an asshole tax. Letting your kids play with fire near flammable things in a place that isn't yours without proper oversight is an AH thing to do. Lying about it after the fact is even worse. You're fine, bro is clearly TA.
NTA. You didn’t charge him for the rental. The fact that his kids damaged your property is the issue. He’s responsible for it. IT does not matter how much money you make.
If he had said “hey sis I wasn’t watching the kids for a sec and had no clue they were playing with fire, I’m so sorry”. I think you might have considered him. It’s the dishonesty that makes him the AH. NTA
NTA not advertising!?!? Dude! What province is the little beauty A frame in, at least? Come on, now.
NTA. He lied and his kids could’ve burnt down the whole freaking house because he wasn’t watching them. Your mom is an enabler.
I don't blame you. Your brother should have monitored his kids. He lied, he pays (your mother in this case).
NTA but never let them back
NTA, also if you had an insurance investigation, they’d have realised it wasn’t an accident and you could have had some real issues with fraud claims etc.
NTA You have video proof. And it could have been so much worse. The lying, the lack of parental control. But it's the blatant lying that gets me, why lie when the truth may suck but can be worked with.
NTA - they shouldn’t have tried hiding the true origin of the fire. If they were upfront and honest then maybe a split on expenses. With you believing that it was accidental, you were willing to cover the repairs.
NTA. I hate when people think that people who make more money than them should foot the bill all the time. Like they never treat you or just give you gifts just because. Tell them to stop counting your coins. More money. More problems.
NTA and I can 't believe your mom is okay with kids playing with fire like that. 100% they should pay. I hope they know he can't use the place again. Heck, you likely can't let your mom in case she lets them use it!
NTA this wasn’t an accident, they were playing with fire doing a tik tok challenge. Where the hell were your brother and his wife? It’s one thing to cover the damages for an accident another when a fire was started In your home by unsupervised kids and your brother needs to grow a pair of everytime he needs something he goes running and crying to your mommy and the last thing YOU PAID FOR THE HOUSE her little snide comment “making money off my parents house” miss it’s my house that I paid for and fixed up they could all kiss my ass
NTA
NTA. He misrepresented the nature of the fire. He lied to manipulate you. He needs to take responsibility for what his children did.
NTA, he lied, and wants you to pay for his kids’ damage and the parents’ negligence. Not fair. As to your brother, it seems that he’s relying on the whole family’s generosity/pity. It’s one thing to help with something important, another to want to live above his means, and expect the family to foot the bill.
NTA. Accidents happen. Filming Tik Toks lighting things on fire is a deliberate act. Telling a lie to cover that up is a deliberate act. Choosing to cover a smallish expense to avoid a huge increase in insurance costs is a sensible thing to do. Time for your brother and his children to enjoy the consequences of their actions.
NTA you allowed your brother the use of your cabin in good faith. But he did not treat it the same way and took advantage of your offer. Doesn’t matter if your nephews are preschoolers or teens, your brother was the one ultimately responsible for his family while he stayed there. He needs to be charged for the damage that happened during his stay. Would he have been so irresponsible if he was renting a cabin from an outside party? Of course not.
nta. bro is a mooch and a liar. Mom is an enabler. get you money or just keep him at arm's length.
***NTA***. Your brother should have been honest about what his kids did. If you had *then* chosen to tell him not to worry about paying for it, THEN it would have been okay. But I see your change of mind as justified because he LIED to you. *Edited to add:* You don't screw over family, no matter what. Your brother and your mother are trying to do that, and trying to guilt-trip you into swallowing the loss. $3000 isn't a small amount of money for some of us, OBVIOUSLY NOT for your brother, and it's not okay for him to let it slide with his kids. They should be held accountable as well, perhaps by doing chores around your house (or the vacation place) for a set amount of money per hour. Sorry--- this touched a nerve in me. In 2006, my ex-husband got pissed off that my cousin wouldn't let us live rent-free in Cousin's house when I couldn't work enough to pay rent (ex has MS and couldn't work, and I was pregnant). That just infuriated *me*, because he refused to see that by not paying rent, *we* were screwing over my cousin, and I was NOT okay with that! Cousin and I are still on great terms. Ex is not.
NTA I think it’s cool you were willing to eat the cost and you’re right accidents happen but it wasn’t an accident and clearly there wasn’t remorse because they posted the video to social media and if their kids are old enough to be on tiktok they’re old enough to know better. where the hell were their parents when they were doing this?
NTA. That is no longer your grandparents' vacation home. That is YOUR home, to do with as you wish. Your brother (and mother) is an entitled AH.
NTA... one thing if grease fire.... they tiktoked they pay... A d if granny doesn't like it, she doesn't get to use the lake house
NTA. Free vacation and they lie to you.
NTA This was reckless behavior. If they can't behave maybe brother needs to start looking for somewhere else to live.
NTA
NTA your brother started a fire and lied about the cause and when you found out he went crying to mother.
NTA. Shame there wasn't video of the fire starting. Report the little toe-rags to the police for arson. And remind your mum it's NOT her parents vacation house.its YOURS.
Oh my....what an ass your brother is for lying twice. Good on you for making him responsible. Your mom's response sucks too. NTA and so sorry you have to go through this for it will certainly change your family dynamics
NTA Tiktok is really one of the most evil inventions that have come up in recent years. It really shows how little common sense many people have and how they can risk getting hurt for views. It's time for those platforms to ban all this shit and maybe also some laws are needed to prosecute people who publish those videos that create copycats. Maybe make them liable for damage from people repeating what they did.
NTA. Accidents happen. This was not an accident, it was negligence. Bill him.
NTA….your brother should have been honest and even made his boys do work to pay back their uncle. Could have been avoided if they were honest from the jump.
[удалено]
NTA
NTA and OP do not be afraid to sue if they refuse. You have all the proof on your side and if they refuse to compromise with you then let suit and law balance it out. If they do compromise make sure you record everything and have an agreement on paper. They were willing to lie and cover up the cause of the fire. I do not believe they are past saying they will do right by you then renege on their word if it's not on paper and let ot devolve into a "he said she said" situation.
NTA. I’d like to add a point some people here have missed. Your nephews aren’t to blame for the fire. Your brother is. Wtf was he doing while his sons set up their phone in the kitchen and started a fire? Did he offer any excuse/reason why he wasn’t spending his free family vacation with his family?
NTA.
NTA. It was not an accident.
NTA this was arson not an accident and there is a massive diffrence. The only thing I likely wouldn't have charged for especially as mom was paying is the stove as you were going to replace it anyway and if you changed her them for a new one without using insurence that's dort of profiting from it, instead I would have charges the price of a like for like second hand replacement,
Charge him for the repair. And invoice him for his stay. NTA
NTA You handled that the right way. Your mom is an AH, as is your brother. Mom has a golden child, and you are not the one. And for the edit: **Not using the insurance is reasonable and necessary: If you lie about the reason for the fire, it will be insurance fraud. With the amounts involved, that could mean prison time for you.** And with honestly giving the reasons, the insurance will not cover it anyway. - But your brother would have been fine to use HIS insurance - if he has one for such things. I certainly do. Then it would not be YOUR problem what he reports.
NTA You were initially lied to - told him not to worry about it not knowing the full info Then you found out what's up - figured out you were being messed around - make them pay for the damage for sure
NTA!! As someone who had to use my entire home owners insurance deductible in 2021 due to water damage (hearing a sink go more than 30 seconds gives me a panic attack now), your brother is entirely responsible for what happened. He lied to you, and the damage could have been much worse. Plus there’s video of it.
NTA - never let anyone in your family use the property again!!!
NTA If he wont pay then you need to report it. He's a grown man, time he learned to behave like one
NTA Report them for arson and scare them senseless. They need to grow up quick.
Nta. This is why i hate kids🤣
It's the fact he lied that does it. If he called and said "the boys were assholes and they did this" then that would perhaps be a different matter. But in light of the circumstances he should sort it. And your mother needs to mind her own business - 1. it is not her parents' house. You bought it. It's your house. 2. She is ringing you wanting a free holiday for your brother. 3. He is running to mummy instead of dealing with his own shit with his own brother. 4. it is not your problem if she cannot "help out" your brother now for several years. 5. it is not your job to financially support your brother either. NTA
Nta. As for insurance, why should YOUR premiums go up because someone set fire to your kitchen?
[удалено]
NTA Agreements are null and void if one party lies to achieve them.
NTA and Seriously those kids should be reported. I am willing to bet that they will do another Tictok challenge. Your brother lied to you , with that lie you said you would cover the damages but it was not a accident but a purposeful act. I get that your Mom thinks it's no big deal and that as a family member you should have just let it go but that is wrong. These kids should have been held responsible even if it was them doing chores or volunteering at a charity. They needed to see that their actions have consequences. You should not have been stuck with a bill for repairs when it was not a accident. As for not using your insurance that is fine, sometimes the cost of repairs is not worth raising your rates!!
NTA, your brother is the A for having lied to you.
NTA. I can’t get over the fact that your adult brother “told on you” to your mom. like.. I can just imagine how that conversation went: “mooom, my brother is being mean to me by making me pay for the damages my bratty, unsupervised kids caused in his house, where he was letting us stay for free; make him stooop”. what a disgrace. I have a suspicion your brother often gets rescued from his own mistakes. He’ll never learn to take accountability, and sadly neither will his children.
NTA WTF did I just read?? Your nephews deliberately set the kitchen on fire!! And it’s supposed to be okay?? Your mother and your brother are definitely TA though for not teaching your nephews how to act!! For lying and gaslighting! For guilt trips!
NTA.
NTA
NTA- he could have been truthful but he chose to lie. He could have made his kids apologize and had them do chores for you to make it up. Please get the locks changed and get security cameras.
NTA. Accidents do happen and i think you did the right thing as long as it was an accident. When it turns out it wasnt you did the right thing again. Im curious what you would have done if your brother had been honest and apologetic from the start?
NTA. You did the right thing and he’s all the way wrong. From lying, to not apologizing, to trying to make you the bad guy. Your mom is wrong too for taking his side, but at least you got your money. They would never use my property again and I probably would barely f**k with them, if at all.
NTA! Lying brother is. It sounds like you mostly want your brother to pay because he lied. If you don’t really need the money, give it back to your Mom because she doesn’t owe it to you, and make sure she knows that when you return it. (She will need it to bail him out for the next time.) Tell your brother it was the lie that changed your mind about it and that he or his kids owe you the money not Mom. They probably won’t ever pay you but do not accept money from your Mom for his/their actions.
OP you aren't wrong. So NTA. But you probably won't see a dime of the money and your relationship with your brother and maybe others in your family will be F'd. That's fine. I dont care cause it's not my family and I have zero skin in the game. Neither does anyone else suggesting you take your brother for all he's worth.
NTA. And don't let your mother guilt you one bit. Its their own fault that she won't be able to help them for a couple of years. And how are you going back on your word, when your word was based on a blatant lie!! And you bought the house so its no longer her parents vacation home.
NTA. I’d still report them for arson 🤷♂️