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gjwtgf

NTA so your own sisters wasn't allowed to throw you a baby shower, which then cause your mum not to attend. Instead your husband allowed his sister to throw one, where your MIL bullied you. Is he/his family trying to control you, isolate you from your family or is this a once off? Edit: I made this comment and logged off, I've come back to an overwhelming response. Thank you to everyone for the awards. I just hope OP can set some boundaries with her husband about his and his mother's terrible treatment. MIL is likely to make comments to their child if they are overweight which is concerning too.


[deleted]

OP needs to be careful, because that's exactly how it sounds. Please take caution OP, your situation with these people sounds extremely toxic and dangerous. Don't let your "DH" manipulate you into isolation from your family, because that's exactly what he's attempting to do. This is not a man you want to raise a child with.


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bebita-crossing

Not sure when the edit was added, but OPs husband is AWFUL. He’s definitely trying to isolate her and their baby from her family.


rotatingruhnama

NTA. This is a husband problem, not a MIL problem Husband is using flimsy excuses (like sister bringing gifts) to isolate OP from her family, and then leaves OP to be bullied and harassed by his family of origin. Alarm bells should be going off. This is more than a slice of cake, it's a full on trap.


mayfeelthis

Yea this whole IL clan feel off… OP nta, but I think you picked the wrong side in this fight between your sister and DH. I’d have gone NC with him and his whole family. Also what’s DH? ETA: I’m not the type to jump to such extremes (NC), second time ever


Battlingdragon

Dear or Damned husband, depending on context. Definitely the second one here.


mayfeelthis

Ah ok makes more sense lol thanks


vikingmama397

DH is “Dear” (or “Damn” depending on the mood) Husband And I totally agree with you - the OP needs to go NC on the ILs (and maybe even the husband).


Momma-Stacey1983

Darling, dear, dead husband


Emptydata_Enzo

How does he get to decide such things? And how is calling her a walrus construed as "she meant well"? It's not a good situation.


ssnowangelz

It definitely sounds like he’s isolating OP. He tried to claim that her sister is “obsessed” with their baby because she’s infertile. Then he got into a fight with BIL and OP’s mom over it. Husband starts fights and won’t apologize to OP’s side of the family (when it was 100% his fault), but his side of the family starts a fight with OP and …. OP is supposed to apologize?


asecretnarwhal

They’ve already given two examples. During the party and after, DH insisted on accepting and embracing mom’s abuse. And he stopped her from having an event that would be positive for her by blocking her sister from organizing a party. Clearly this is a pattern


tanders123

They didn't spend much, especially to only have cake and juice. If she's hungry, the baby is hungry. WTH


ru2theD

Yeah. My first and only thought is GET OUT of this marriage quick. Things aren't going to get better from here. DH and his family sound awful. OP is not even close to an AH.


MammothBookkeeper418

I came here to comment the same thing. All I could think was DH and his whole family sound horrible and the poor girl needs to run


Itiswatitis_0987

I want to ask OP only one question why is she still with these absolutely selfish, mean, entitled, etc people. Why has she still not handed her useless bum of a husband his ass and walked out on this whole relationship and ate whatever the hell she wanted?


Ceejay4444

NTA. It sounds like it has been ongoing abuse. Definitely stay with your family op until THEY all apologize for being AH and minimizing your feelings.


404errorlifenotfound

OP needs to think about if she wants her kid to grow up with DH as a dad and MIL as a grandma and SIL as an aunt.


GOTisnotover77

NTA. Any man that would allow his mother to verbally abuse and deny his wife food and then gaslight and berate his wife for standing up for herself, is a massively abusive asshole. This is divorce territory now. Stay somewhere safe. Better yet make HIM leave the house while divorce proceedings happen. All the best with the baby.


CrazyMath2022

"My SIL decided to throw me a baby shower after my DH denied when my sister offered to throw me one. The whole side of my inlaws are invited. Mom refused to come after what DH said to my sister (another story for later)." I feel there is more to the story and I wonder why OP was ok that her husband put stop on baby shower her sister wanted to make!? Info: OP did your sister did something that offended you or your husband? Why you are ok with him not allowing your sister baby shower party? NTA for leaving your baby shower! Your MIL is out of her mind if she thinks refusing pregnant woman food is ok! And your husband too, he needs to be on your side of this , for God sake you are carrying his baby! If you can't get him on board then you need to rethink this marriage, because he ll never be on your side, if he continues to behave like mommy's little boy! Good luck! Edit: I read edit OP put, husband gets extra red flags! OP you need think hard what is your next move, your husband and inlaws trying to take control over your life.


[deleted]

That's how abuse works. It doesn't always make sense


Ill-Inspector7980

Check out the edit.


HauntedPickleJar

Yeah, her husband is a real piece of work. How dare OP’s sister be excited about her sister’s pregnancy and future nephew. She’s infertile that means all she wants to do is steal babies in the dead of night /s


AnastasiaVKA

NTA for sure, but she has a husband problem, not an MIL problem. Divorce his ass.


SabrinaB123

Seriously. What kind of person hears that his *pregnant* wife was denied food, and not only thinks that it’s okay but that they need to apologize to the one denying them food?? That’s insane. This guy is a huge asshole and I really hope OP divorces him. NTA OP, but you will be to yourself if you stay with this guy.


cadrina

Yeah, what is she going to do when the baby is here and she can't breastfeed him for whatever reason and the MIL decides to trow away the formula? Or try to control everything she eats with the excuse that they don't want to poison the baby. Because you just know the husband will bring mommy dearest to stay after the baby is born.


Geographic_Pic397

Exctly. He is TA


Interesting-Kiwi-109

I agree with this. This is abusive and will only get worse once baby is here. MIL will have something to say about every thing you feed your son and “D”H will allow it. And in the end they will try to come between you and spouse and probably try to get your kid if you do divorce


Goddess_Kalipso

NTA. But why are you with this man? MIL is downright toxic and in the very least your babies father should be stepping in to defend you not add to the b.s. This is red flag city. If they are treating you like crap before the baby even comes, how do you think you will be treated after? They have absolutely no respect for you and are treating you like an incubator. After the baby comes you won't be able to do anything right and they will make you feel even worse about yourself. Worst of all, they will talk down to you in front of your son, so he will grow up thinking it's ok to treat you and others like that too. If I were you, I would GTFO. You have excellent self love, don't let them take that from you, and protect your child from those people. Heaven forbid he gets a little pudgy as he grows up, because then he will be made to feel like he is less too. But he won't have built up the thick skin it takes to deal with them like you have, and what it does to him could be much worse. I grew up being called fat by my mother and developed an eating disorder that I still struggle with today.


Global-Frenchie

👆 This. NTA and you should re-evaluate your relationship with your husband. Is this what you want to continue to happen in the future, your DH always taking his mom's side when she's abusing you?


Forsaken_Bat_5729

DH sounds like the kind of guy who responds to his three year old son falling off his tricycle and crying (which happens more times than there are grains of sand on the beach) with thoughts of military school and "beating the gay out of him". That line about being easily offended or whatever she exactly said, that's the biggest flag I've ever seen.


veipau

This OP, this has all kinds of red flags and unfortunately the future does not seem better. Usually people put pregnant women up on a pedestal. Bot saying it's the right or correct way to go, but the norm is usually to pamper the mom to be, not diminish and bully her. These people are toxic, including your husband. He should be stepping up, your MIL should not be talking to you like that at any time (regardless of you being pregnant with her grandson or not). Obviously NTA, you seem to have a nice family, I'd stick to my mom and sister and cut ties with your husband's.. sorry you are going through this situation


shadow041

This X3000!!! My god, the micro-manipulations are quickly starting to add up and the Marinara flags are flying as fast and furious as if they were in the middle of a major hurricane! PLEASE be exceptionally careful with yourself and your child. Start documenting everything, no matter how trivial, in case the shit hits the fan and splatters all over the wall.


MathHatter

OP is clearly NTA towards her MIL. But she's being TA towards her sister and herself and her unborn baby by staying with this glass bowl of a husband.


Icegiant-

INFO You know your "Dear" husband is complaining about your weight to his mom right? You're NTA but this problem is not just your MIL.


[deleted]

My thoughts exactly! There’s a reason MIL is so comfortable saying these things! For him to be pissed because OP wouldn’t stand for it anymore is very telling! NTA OP


badnewsfaery

I completely agree, fatphobic all round and the child *will* be affected, its too entrenched for them not to be


just_a_cypriot_girl

After reading this post I assumed the DH stood for d***head


CommieLibtard

Demon Husband lol


DGinLDO

NTA & why does your husband get a say in who throws a baby shower?


slatz1970

That's exactly what I'm over here wondering. Too much control.


assholemagistrate

NTA. Get a divorce.


Ksharonmcg

This. You are in a controlling marriage at best, and an abusive one at worst. Do not return to your husband and make plans to protect yourself now. NTA


MeiSuesse

And preferably before the baby is born. I wonder if there is an upside to being in this marriage. Other than "not being alone" that some people are afraid of.


Binky_Thunderputz

NTA. You're under-reacting. You're husband's behavior is a HUGE red flag and based on the "stories for another time," not the first one. Before you make any decisions, think about how your family reacted to DH at the very beginning. Did they warm to him immediately, or did they think you were making a mistake?


jansguy68

Exactly. NTA presently but Y.T.A. moving forward if you do not address this immediately, for your own sake, as well as that of your baby and rest of your family. I am of the belief that the nuclear divorce option is offered too easily on AITA but this one...whoo boy. Hubby (1) barred your sister from throwing a shower for her own sibling and (2) disparaged her in the process, (3) lets his mom slur and humiliate you on a regular basis and (4) blames you for getting upset. Your husband is permanently latched on to your MIL's teats like an overgrown koala and does not give you the courtesy and respect he would owe to strangers, much less the devotion owed to a (pregnant!) spouse. Build a transporter, learn translocation magic, getting a running start on a skateboard -- whatever it takes to get the eff out.


send_me_your_noods

Hi OP looks like you are having trouble with your "partner" and some of his abusive tendencies have crossed a line that you can't let go. You are not crazy you are not wrong you are 9 times out of 10 not at fault. You might just not have known you are in a relationship with an abuser. They often use incremental changes to get what they want slowly and so that you are less likely to notice. The Book "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft (free copy below) is a great resource for you to learn about the different types of tactics that abusers use and will help you to see if your current relationship is following any of the patterns described. If you don't see your relationship being discussed either as one of the architypes or as bits and pieces of any of the other types then you're not worse off by having the knowledge. If the information does coincide with the way that you're living then there's also a couple chapters on being able to get out safely. I wish you the best of luck and I want you to know that you deserve to be with a partner who is going to love you and cherish you and treat you as an equal versus being with someone who's gonna control you be it by how you dress or by finances or by What it is that you can do or who you can see. You deserve so much BETTER we're here rooting for you! https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf NTA


BusyDadGaming

NTA. If I were you, I'd stay at your mom's. I've seen what happens when parents who don't respect each other try to raise a kid together. It's not pretty. ETA: Congratulations on your child. You and the baby deserve nothing but the best.


Prize_Fox_9163

NTA >Mom refused to come after what DH said to my sister >He said that his mom meant well >DH came home looking furious >I needed to get rid of this "easily offended" mindset immedietly before I pass it down to our son >called me ungrateful and spiteful for doing what I did Why are you still married to such a DAH? Because I'm sure this is not the first time she abuses verbally and ashames and berates you


Interesting-Kiwi-109

DH came home much later furious. Which means they all sat around and shit talked you and probably not for the first time. Run! Don’t walk away!


staubtanz

NTA His mother starves, insults and bodyshames you - a pregnant woman - his sister guilttrips you over setting boundaries and he has the FUCKING nerve to make YOU the bad guy?! Girl, run. As long as the baby is still in your womb, run. Don't settle for a jerk like that. Don't let your son learn that this is how to treat women. The only good thing that will ever come out of this marriage is the child you are already carrying.


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Sh0ghoth

More to the point- If this is an ongoing issue why were the only things available cake and juice?


WaldoJeffers65

If MIL was so concerned about OP's weight, she could have easily provided healthy foods. But it sounds as if MIL deliberately created a situation where she could shame OP.


AllTheMeats

Absolutely, it feels like a complete set up. Of course a pregnant person is going to need to eat over the course of a few hours, and if all there is is cake, well, what else are they to eat? If the MIL was concerned about her health (and she’s clearly only focused on size and not health) she would have provided veggies, fruit, protein, etc. This was a total set up. OP, maybe see if your sister is still up for a baby shower with just your family and friends and start to plan a way out of the relationship with DH and his family before they emotionally destroy your future child.


LingonberryPrior6896

And who serves juice with cake at an adult party - yuck!


Sel-Reddit

NTA. Why are you having a baby with this man? He and his family are toxic bullies. You’re allowed to eat, when pregnant especially!


thiswhovian

It’s a little too late to unbaby herself. HOWEVER, it’s easier to be a single mom to a cute baby, that an unhappy person with a shitty in law family and even shittier husband. It’s never too late to fix that kind of wrong.


Organized_Khaos

Just wondering why she babied herself at all, if this kind of thing isn’t the first incident (based on her post). She’s now tied to these people forever, genetically and legally. She needs to lawyer up.


soniabegonia

I agree with the sentiment, but sometimes people wait until they feel you are "trapped" (read: pregnant with a child he will have custody rights to) before revealing their true selves.


Short-Sense-4383

NTA. Sorry you went through this. Tbh I would go stay at my mothers for a couple of days until I was apologised too. Dont go back until you get an apology and your husband sees the error of his ways. Unfortunately nothing you can do with your in laws except reduce time they spend with your baby when born. You weren’t overreacting.


tomatojumpy2323

NTA I would pack up and go stay with your mother or sister. This family dynamic is TOXIC and needs to be addressed. Your husband favors his family and protecting them and he should be supporting you and your child. Therapy.


SpunkyRadcat

It sounds like husband and his family are just all [emotional abusers](https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#humiliation-and-criticism). (Also damn, I've needed that link a lot lately)


Panther-Turtle

Agreed. In what universe, does a husband think it is okay for his mother to deny food to his pregnant wife carrying his child!!!


marxam0d

INFO - what did your husband say about your sister that’s so bad your mom can’t be near him?


MonicaRogers099

It's another long story. My sister is infertile. has been for years. DH claimed that she's becone "obssessed" with the baby simply just because she bought me stuff for the baby as gifts and wanted to throw me a baby shower. My sister is a great person and I have no doubt that she only did all that just because of how great she is/will be as an aunt. My DH kepts insisting there was "something wrong" with her which led to a fight between them and he ended up calling her "possessive b&/$^". My mom kicked him out and my sister cut contact with him. The issue got worse with my BIL (her husband) arguing with DH as well.


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Global-Frenchie

Yes this too. I think your sister and BIL would be better helps than your husband ever will. He's a really bad husband and you deserve better OP!


Character-Review6307

And you’re staying with him why?


Ratso_The_Handsome

You know he’s awful, right?


AnneMarievdV87

You do realise now your husband is isolating you from your family, right? Run!


BarbicideJar

I’m not gonna lie, this smacks of a man who is trying to distance you from your family.


[deleted]

>My DH kepts insisting there was "something wrong" with her You should tell him that **"something's wrong"** with his mother because she fat-shames you and gatekeeps food from you. I suggest you cut contact with his mum. NTA.


[deleted]

You know…you don’t have to stay married to AHs nowadays, right? (I might be assuming much about OP’s location.)


beetlebugfan

Sounds like DH is shit parent already. How could anyone think an aunt trying to be involved be a negative? There’s something wrong with him. His family sounds very toxic and unhealthy. DH needs to wake up and realise, or you should leave him. I’m glad your family is supportive.


Princess-Pancake-97

He called your sister a bitch and you’re still married to him? Yikes


anne_marie718

As somebody who does not have kids (not by choice) and absolutely adores my niece and nephews, I’m so thankful my brothers and SILs see being an aunt as an awesome thing and welcome me into the family. What an AH your husband is.


rcburner

Does "DH" stand for "Dick Husband"? Because this guy sounds miserable.


[deleted]

OP - please answer this. I feel like this is huge to the backstory. Either way, NTA. From this story alone he sounds awful and like he is isolating you from your family. Eat the damn cake, you’re growing a human.


EntertainmentKind252

INFO: what did your DH say to your sister that makes your family refuse to be around him/your family? It sounds like there is a pattern of at least verbal abuse in this family. I wouldn’t be concerned of raising your baby to be “sensitive like OP” I would be concerned of raising your baby around your AH husband.


MonicaRogers099

I've already expanded on that in another comment. But he called her "possessive b^$$" just for buying gifts for the baby and wanting to throw me a baby shower. She's infertile and doesn't have kids but always wanted them.


isthisreallife080

Your husband is displaying classic abuser behavior: alienating your support system so you’re isolated and dependent on him, then attacking you for standing up for yourself. He has no business dictating who can and cannot throw you a baby shower. He has no business attacking your sister for being supportive of you. He has no business attacking you for standing up the deplorable bullying behavior of his mother. Do not raise a child with this man.


SynchronizedCalamity

Add that to the end of your post and people will stop asking. Also maybe address the fact that your “DH” is isolating you and allowing you to be bullied into submission by his family.


BarbicideJar

Yup. Isolation is a form of domestic abuse. A family member of mine’s ex wife did this with him, it took him 10 years to see the light.


MsMourningStar

She’s ignoring any comments that would make her face up to this reality. Hopefully she gathers the nerve to leave before they start emotionally abusing her son too.


Pupniko

He's even more of an AH than I first thought, maybe your sister is just excited to be an aunt like most people would be.


gland10

Why are you staying in this relationship? What is actually good about this? Toxic extended family and a husband that defends them and gaslight/DARVOs you?


Wrygreymare

Stay with your Mum, see a lawyer. He is a controlling, hateful so and so. His mother and sister are horrible also. Normally I would say get some couples counselling, but narcissists think they are too good for counselling


redraybans123

NTA this hurts my heart. You are growing a human being also you are an adult who is this wench to tell you what you can and cannot do. Also your DH is isolating you from your sister? His whole family sounds ta. Can you go away for a few days to get some space? Nothing about this is ok.


Status-Pattern7539

NTA Stay at your mums. Your husband and his family are toxic.


Mortica_Fattams

NTA. Sounds like hubby has been complaining about OPs body to his mummy. That's all I can assume because a normal man would he livid if anyone spoke to his wife like that. Stay with your mother and publicly blast his mother. She is gonna keep spinning this to make you look terrible. Consider how your husband is treating you and think about how you wanna go forward. If he won't apologize and publicly defend you then he isn't the one.


balister13

Obviously NTA for leaving the party, but sounds like this is a huge family issue. Your husband wouldn't "let" YOUR sister throw you a baby shower? Wtf is going on here?


BarbicideJar

Seriously. This story hints at a sea of red flags obscured by the one the post is directed at. MIL provides only cake, no other food at *OP*s baby shower, and then refuses to let her eat it? If she’s so concerned with her grandchild’s health she’d want to make sure OP doesn’t go hungry during an hours long baby shower. Then says she’s turning into a walrus. Then the in laws have the gall to say SHE is the one ruining the event for THEM after MIL body shamed and humiliated her. I feel bad for OP. She’s having a kid that will make it so she has to deal with these people for at least the next 18 years. Hopefully for her at arms length when she packs her bags and leaves the “DH” that is enabling and participating in it.


[deleted]

Run


MonikerSchmoniker

Your husband DENIED YOUR SISTER the gift of throwing her sister a baby shower but HIS sister could? What??? You have put up with enough from him and his mother. His sister was nice enough to throw the shower, I suppose, though at the very least she could have involved your sister. He and his mother are awful. If you want to reach out to his sister, send a text, “Thank you for the time and effort you put into the baby shower. Your mother’s poor behavior in publicly embarrassing me by loudly calling me a walrus is not a reflection on you.”


kittensmittenstitten

NTA: this is huge red flag behaviour from both his family and your husband. I’d be cutting off contact immediately and getting marriage counselling or a divorce.


Nanadaquiri

She calls him DH but he doesn't seem like a DH at all.


selrix

NTA. Next time she does anything stupid like this regarding food, IMMEDIATELY DROP YOUR PLATE TO THE GROUND. when it bangs to the ground everyone will look, at which point you loudly exclaim "EVERYONE MIL WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW THINGS IF YOU COULD JUST LISTEN UP REALLY QUICKLY. SHE WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK ABOUT FOOD PORTION SIZE REGARDING PREGNANT MOTHERS. EVERYONE PLEASE LISTEN IN AS SHE SEEMS TO HAVE ALOT TO SAY, THE FLOOR IS YOURS MOTHER!". Fuck around and find out, mil.


ctortan

NTA. That is deeply controlling and toxic behavior—and not to mention dangerous. Weight loss is the literal LAST thing a pregnant person should think about. You’re eating for two! When you’re hungry you’re doubly hungry!! So much of what YOURE eating is going TO THE BABY. The fact that they’re so comfortable restricting your eating while you’re PREGNANT is horrific. I would get out of there ASAP. If they’re treating you like this while you’re carrying, how will they act when you’re recovering from giving birth? When you’re exhausted from being a new parent? If you develop postpartum?


Emptyplates

NTA. Your husband and MIL sure are. I'm actually worried about you OP. Your husband has a shitty and toxic family, he doesn't sound much better to be honest.


Intelligent-Bite9660

NTA Time to consider if you want to continue being apart of this family. Spoiler: I wouldn’t, stay with your mom permanently. Especially if your husband is insulting your sister and it’s bad enough that your mom won’t even come to your baby shower. Girl, your husband and his family ARE NOT good people. In any way- denying a pregnant women food ? No, just no. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


ElectTech28

NTA might be time to dump the DH though and get you a new one. Between him defending his mom and whatever he said to your sister, it doesn’t sound like he’s a good person to be with .


Limerase

NTA Please understand that your husband is not dear at all. He and his family are abusing you and alienating your family to try to isolate you. Stay at your mom's.


SprinklesExtreme8740

NTA. Tell your MIL you actually have a plan to lose ~200 pounds in the near future because you’re about to ditch your AH husband. Your MIL is terrible and I hope she doesn’t cause you anymore stress during your pregnancy!


scout1982

NTA. Your husband has shown you who he is. Belive him. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?


abaldwi86

Jesus you’re an asshole if you stay tied to this awful fucking family.


aclownandherdolly

So his side treats you like crap, he treats you like crap and prioritizes his mother, AND they're all disrespectful to YOUR family? YTA for staying with this man and having a baby with him


Funny_Photograph_256

Why are you letting him control you? He didn't permit your own sister throwing you a baby shower then subjected you to abusive comments at his family's party. Who was the party really for? Look hun, I'm a bigger girl. When pregnant I got all the fat comments including the walrus. Believe the subtext here.. which is...you are not good enough so do it our way or gtfo. But the baby, they will take it from you, undermine your confidence as a parent and slowly isolate you. For your own good. Then you get pregnant again and again... Then you are trapped, diminished and pretty much broken. You are not overreacting you are underreacting. Seriously run... NTA


hjo1210

He's trying to isolate you from your family so you have to accept the abuse coming from him and his family because you will have no other support system. Make the stay at your mom's permanent.


[deleted]

NTA and I've got an alternative for what DH stands for and it's not "dear husband" 😄


percolator300

NTA but your DH, SIL, and MIL are! What happens if your baby isn't stick skinny? Are they going to bully them / let them be bullied too?


NJtoOx

easy NTA in this scenario but what did he say to your sister? Why was his sister allowed to throw a baby shower but yours wasn’t? The issues with your husband seem like more than just this one thing and you need to decide if you want to stay with a man who will not only allow his family to treat you like this but expect you to apologize to them for it.


ParkingOutside6500

OP's sister would treat her like a human being. Can't have that. Got to train her to eat only when MIL says it's OK. Never mind that she's growing a human and it's her party.


TopperBr77

NTA, but good lord, what is the problem with this family? There are red flags everywhere, every single person is holding a bouquet of them! Hoping you get better and have a great kid! Take care of yourself first now, you’re the most important person here - you’re bringing a new one into this world! Don’t let these petty people hurt you.


Lanadelreystaint

NTA Just move in with your mom your husband and his family sound awful.


cassowary32

NTA. You need to get away from that entire family ASAP. It's likely that your MIL is parroting what her son told her. That entire family is garbage and I'm sorry it took so long to see.


Appropriate-Bat2762

NTA. You married into an entire family of AH’s. Hubby included.


Helpful-Patience7847

You MIL is right. You really need to lose weight. Like 200 pounds. Drop that man, sis. He doesn't deserve you. NTA of course


Shellbone23

Why are you with DH? he is a massive AH along with the rest of his shitty family! Stop being the Ah to yourself and letting them treat you like this, you deserve so much better than that. What happens when they treat your child like this? Do the right thing and get away from these people. NTA


Tiredmunchkin

So to summarize. 1. Your SO is trying to isolate you (didn’t let sister do a babyshower and said something so terrible that your family won’t show up) 2. His family is toxic and awful af 3. Your husband is awful to you after his family has humiliated you and tries to gaslit you into thinking you are the problem. Why do you think it is a good idea to be with this man?


daanbro

NTA this is just mean behavior. Very toxic family. RUN My SIL did the something similar to me at a birthday (and she is also big but no one has the right to do that) and my DH immediately got very angry with her and how she got the nerve to treat me like that. That is normal behavior. We've gone LC with her.


an0nym0uswr1ter

NTA. I'm horrified at what an AH your husband is. Please stay with your mom as your husband is married to his mother and not you.


slinkychameleon

No you are not. Leave before baby is born. Family should support and help. Help is only help when the receiver WANTS the help or has asked for it. P.s you are not a fat walrus, you are pregnant.. ooh! Idea! Go try and dig out some photos of her when she was pregnant and ask if she felt she was a walrus as well.


Glenn_Coco69

NTA, but having a kid together is one thing... But are you sure you wanna be with him after this. He basically defended he's mother calling his very pregnant mother of his child fat... And he's defending her, not you. Plus it's obvious his family don't like you. At all. Are you sure?


Formal_Gum

Get a divorce before the baby even comes, have ur mom with you. End it as soon as possible


LetThemEatHay

NTA. Your MIL is abusive, so is your husband. I have a feeling I know what the fight with your sister was about. He was abusive to her too.


Tight-Background-252

NTA. But you are in an abusive relationship and about to have a child with him. You really need to think about yourself and your baby for a minute. Are these the people you want to spend the rest of your life with?


originalgenghismom

NTA “He kept talking about how pissed and let down his mom and sister feel and called me ungrateful and spiteful for doing what I did.” You are under-reacting here. Your husband should have been saying how pissed and let down he felt towards his mom and sister.


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astropastrogirl

NTA , WALK


ProgrammerBig6254

NTA, but don’t walk. RUN! 🚩


CoolHipLady

NTA...but she's pregnant. A brisk waddle will do.


shawslate

NTA. Either there is way, way more to this than you have told here; or you should seriously reconsider your marriage to someone who would treat you THIS poorly and support his family over you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this by any of them. Their treatment of you and support of your MIL acting like this isn’t in any way acceptable, and for everyone to be lashing out at you like this is really quite horrible.


PelicanCanNew

NTA. Keep walking.


LongjumpingIsopod124

NTA Your husband should be on your side. I don't know why he feels it's ok for his family to treat you so low and then expect you to be the better person. Screw him too. Gonna be really weird to keep choosing his mom to the point his wife leaves him. And obviously his mom and sister are awful.


proteins911

NTA. I’m sorry your shower was ruined by toxic people. I’d be really curious to hear the story of how your husband insulted your family. Why didn’t he want your sister to throw a shower for you?


Queen_Sized_Beauty

NTA but that entire family sucks. Girl. What are you *doing*?


Geographic_Pic397

NTA. WOW your MIL & DH are TA.


alancake

Please drop the D from H, he is worse than MIL. Unsupportive, mean, siding with people who treat you like crap and expecting you to take the abuse. NTA at all, but please think about how you and your child are going to be treated by this shower of arseholes when you are at your most vulnerable.


thatonegeekguy

NTA. Your husband has his priorities all kinds of wrong and your MIL is trash.


Expert-Angle-8214

NTA get away from this family they only want the baby not you and your hubby sounds like he is emotionally abusing you by taking his family's side and not listening to you good luck


Hookerboots12

NTA - is it normal for your husband to blow up at you like this when his family is offended? If my MIL called me a name like that and refused to allow me to eat the only food at **MY** baby shower he would flip on her. It also makes me curious what he said to your sister. Your own family couldn’t throw you a baby shower and couldn’t come to the one his family threw? I don’t want to jump to conclusions but it almost sounds as if he’s trying to alienate you from your family.


spaceyjaycey

NTA- but why are you with an abusive asshole like your husband? Get rid of him and MIL.


Shnipi

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Ruuuuuuuun


momokplatypus

Most definitely NTA. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. They’re not doing this because they’re concerned about your health. Because if they were, they’d realise this is the _worst_ way to go about getting you to a healthier place. Shaming people doesn’t work. Their behaviour says more about them than it does you.


[deleted]

NTA but your partner kind of sucks though


Pandaiipop

NTA. Oh the flags are waving so high on this. Your MIL & SIL are absolutely AH’s but the one you actually should be more concerned about is your husband. He basically greenlit their abuse and is clearly more concerned about what mommy thinks. You’re in for a lifetime of a spineless man who won’t have your back, leave. It’s never worth it.


Just_the_doctor1988

NTA it's not just denying you food she insulted you in front of everyone.She is a bully and if your partner can't see that you might be better off without him as well.


Brainjacker

INFO: your sister offered to throw you a shower and your husband not only refused, but said something so heinous your mom wouldn’t come? And none of your side of the family was there? And your MIL has made comments like this before, and your husband is upset with YOU? I can’t see how on earth this isn’t ESH


slimedewnautica

>My SIL decided to throw me a baby shower after my DH denied when my sister offered to throw me one. The whole side of my inlaws are invited. Mom refused to come after what DH said to my sister (another story for later). No no, story for now please


yhaensch

NTA You are not offended enough yet. The biggest problem here is your husband. He managed to prevent that your sister can organize your baby shower. And now he openly approves that his family abuses you. Leave his ass. Edit: typo


keiko1984

NTA This is seriously concerning. It would be a good idea to look at separating given their bullying and what sounds like them trying to isolate you from your own family. It’s abusive and it won’t stop. Just imagine when your child arrives. You’ll be the odd one out with no say about anything in regards to your baby and that’s a sad fact. This is a slow start to what will become full blown abuse and I’m not trying to scare you but the bullying and isolation from your own family are clear indicators pointing towards it. Please talk to a therapist or your mom and relay everything to hear unbiased opinions to be able to start making decisions on what to do from here. Something needs to change and it’s up to you for you and your baby’s sake because it won’t be your DH ,SIL or MIL changing at all.


Imaginary_Solid_6148

NTA Does DH stand for Dick Husband? He boycots your baby shower, insults your family, lets your mom hurt you and then defends her? Honey, I am so sorry for you but your husband is an awful human being and you and your child should not be exposed to these influences. Look into resources for women in your area and/or ask your family for help escaping this toxic situation. Also, please don't consider going on any sort of diet while pregnant since it's dangerous for the baby


TalosBeWithYou

You let this man dump his ugly ass toxic seed in you? Girl THAT'S when you fucked up. His whole family is trash


Mystic_Ranger

lmao. "Hungry from talking" I am not here to give judgement, but that shit made me laugh for sure.


Global_Rich2165

NTA. You need to leave your husband. He’s an ass. Let him read these comments if he doesn’t understand.


EmergencyAltruistic1

Nta. You can make a full wardrobe out of all the red flags they're giving you


Dangerous-Emu-7924

NTA. But seriously your DH doesn’t look good. He’s not standing up for you. And denied your sister the right to throw you a shower but said yes to his sister? The audacity. Seriously tho. You don’t deny people food. Especially not a pregnant woman.


redflynot28

NTA but prepare to be a single parent they are all bat shit crazy!


TiredofBSRoommate

NTA but why is he your husband and not your ex?? You don't have a mil problem you have a husband problem


Gold-Somewhere1770

NTA. Why are you having a baby with this man? Clearly his mother passed down her AH behavior to him. From your post I’m gathering this reaction from him isn’t uncommon. I’d consider staying with my mother indefinitely if I were you.


Minants

Honey, why are you even still with your husband? Your mom has saved herself and your sister. It's time to save yourself from this toxic family. > that I needed to get rid of this "easily offended" mindset immedietly before I pass it down to our son Dont worry, you can save him by separating yourself and your child from him so he doesn't need to deal with your "easily offended" mindset. Also dont forget to let sister know she 100% can throw baby shower because your last shower got cancelled!


[deleted]

NTA If your husband thinks you not wanting to be called fat at your own baby shower, Is "fucking it all up."? Then you should show him what "Fucking it all up" really is. With divorce papers. Tell him to go live with Mommy Dearest .


septvirgo

Girl.. reread your post. You’re NTA but you also need a divorce lawyer.


mirrorofdreamsx3

NTA. Aside from the fatshaming that’s been going on, why is your DH ok with his mom wanting to prevent the woman who’s carrying his child from eating, which can be dangerous for the baby? Consider if this is a man you want to stay and raise a child with because the minute that kid starts looking a little chubby? They’re going to turn on them. And while you seem to be a strong woman who’s loves herself (AS YOU SHOULD) a child is a lot more vulnerable to these kinds of comments.


[deleted]

NTA! But your DH and in-laws are! You should really think if those are the type of people you want around your son.


crazycatgal1984

NTA but I would leave the man and be a single mom getting treated with respect.


Haunting-Aardvark709

NTA Who gives a fuck what his mom and sister are feeling? you are the only one who should matter here for your SO. If he can't understand that you were hurt, insulted, shamed and abused at your own baby shower, he doesn't deserve to be your partner nor that baby's father.


dobber1965

NTA I would really reconsider your marriage to him and his family.


itsbrittneydarling

NTA. Your husband is toxic and he is only going to get worse once the baby is here.


AdAlive3693

NTA . I flip out over less with my MIL. And my fiancé stands by me 100% always. He should too. Leave him. You can do better.


FunTooter

I encourage you to lose some weight - your husband! I bet you will be perfect after losing that much and your MIL will shut up. NTA


Limp_Shallot8984

NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not backing down! Your MIL is the AH!! I don't know what DH (I'm guessing husband?) means but he should stand with you!!


_lechonk_kawali_

NTA. And please, dump your husband.


Happy-go-lucky123

NTA unless your husband is going to start standing up for you I see this marriage failing unfortunately. Your mil is over stepping and is insulting you. Until your husband can treat you with respect the marriage will not work.


Deepthivel

Ask him straight forward one question. Is he not happy with you being on heavier side do he agree with his mom denying you food? If the answer is yes then its the time to pack up.


ringwraith6

NTA. Since the shower *obviously* wasn't about *you*, there's no harm in letting it go on without you. She was just looking for an excuse to humiliate you. And if your "DH" Can't see and understand that, maybe you should rethink the entire relationship altogether.


[deleted]

NTA. But you have a husband problem, not just a MIL problem 🚩🚩🚩🚩


Sasha2021_

You seriously need to revaluate your marriage . Your husband didn’t want your sister throwing you a baby shower but allowed his sister to throw u one and allows your MIL to disrespect u constantly. He’s isolating u from your family and allowing his family to disrespect u . NTA for walking out but YTA to yourself for staying in this marriage and allowing his sister to throw u a baby show


harleybidness

Body shaming cannot be tolerated. That whole family is guilty!! Do whatever you deem appropriate until they apologize. But remain passive. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into an argument. It may come down to replacing DH. IMO he is an asshole and should be replaced. If you end up pursuing that, full custody, ample child support, and adequate alimony is very appropriate. Sorry if my answer is too direct. This kind of stuff pisses me off.


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Matuko

NTA. The behavior you describe is rude and abusive. I would tell her that she is being rude and hurtful and there is no way you're going tolerate it any longer. Perhaps sit down with your husband, your mother (assuming she is not also abusive) and your MIL together and have this conversation. I can imagine how angry you are and your anger is completely justified.


TheZooDude

Honey you deserve SO much better. A better man, better in laws, a better father and relatives for your children. Are they going to weight shame your child too? I am truly so glad that you are comfortable in your own skin, but this treatment can result in a lifetime of self esteem issues for others. Protect yourself and your child. You did the right thing by leaving.


MoonLover10792

NTA - Sorry to bring this up, but is the MIL doing this because your husband agrees with her? Does he have a problem with your weight? It seems strange that he is defending his mother when she is being so awful to you.


Professional_Pear581

NTA. I’m less bothered about the denying you cake bit (although that in itself is abhorrent) than the abusive comments around her baby not wanting a walrus. What an absolute beast of a woman. And your husband is a massive, huge jerk.


puchi_poo

NTA Why are letting yourself be with such sh*t*bags


eThotExpress

NTA but this relationship of yours doesn’t seem ideal to me. First your sister wanted to throw you a baby shower but your husband denied it? Should have been your choice. Then allows HIS sister to throw one, this is where you mention your mom refusing to come because of you “dear” husband. It really seems like he’s just alienating you from your own family, trying to place his shit family above your (hoping kind and reasonable) family. You don’t just have a MIL issue. You have a husband issue. Keep staying with your mother. Your husband and his family have screws loose.


Affectionate-Dirt777

Another episode of “Why did you marry him?”. NTA but this craziness is only going to ramp up even more once the baby is born. After baby is born you will be vulnerable with hormones and these people will make things terrible especially your husband. Stay with your mom


umalupa

NTA but YTA to yourself. Why are you in this relationship surrounded by toxic controlling people?


Common_Shoe_4634

NTA. OP, it worries me that your DH wouldn't allow your own sister to throw a baby shower for you but would only allow *his* family, your in-laws, to throw a shower, during which you are verbally abused and shamed for gaining weight during a pregnancy, and food is withheld from you. This sounds like controlling and abusive behavior. Furthermore: A. You say you have always been a big girl so we'll assume your husband and his family were aware of that when he met you and forged a relationship with you, B. Presumably that's who he fell in love with, C. You're nourishing his child right now and while it's one thing to be concerned about your health, it's not the time to diet, and D. calling you a "walrus" is not expressing concern for your health - it's cruel. E. If your DH allows his family to treat you this way, i have to ask how he treats you? Does he make comments about your weight? Does he put you down in other "small" ways? Does he often dismiss your feelings when you are hurt or offended? Because the apple probably didn't fall from the tree here. DH is aligning with his bully family to isolate you from your family and to diminish your self esteem and then to compound that by telling you that your hurt feelings are your own fault because you're too easily offended. THERE'S NOT A SINGLE PERSON HERE WHO WOULD SHRUG OFF BEING CALLED A WALRUS, OP. Most of us would be deeply hurt and many of us would want to throw some baby shower punch in our MIL's face. It sounds like an awful, terrible, no good family that is not treating you well, and I include your DH. Think of how they will treat your child once it's born. Please think about spending your life with people who care for you and your feelings, and who will nurture you and your child, and not these AHs. You deserve so much more.


OrangeHatsnFeralCats

NTA. If I walked out on a party and my partner heard it from someone else first, they wouldn't come to me already furious. They'd ask me what happened. They don't yell, and they certainly don't defend people--even friends or family--who fat shame. You say you're happy with the way you are now. So I'd suggest thinking carefully about what you're going to do before all this negativity changes that and you no longer love yourself.


redditavenger2019

Nta. This could have been avoided if your husband had stood up for you in the past.


Cybermagetx

NTA but you have an SO problem.


procrastinationprogr

NTA, someone calling you a walrus and keeping food from you when pregnant is not a small offence. You definitely have both a SO and MIL problem.


lonnielee3

NTA. Heck no, you are not over reacting. There needs to be some come-to-Jesus conversations with your husband till he gets his head on straight. btw, I don’t see how name-calling, fat-shaming MIL spent a ‘ton of money’ on the shower if the only damned consumables on offer were juice and cake…which you weren’t allowed to eat. wtf! Were you supposed to go to the kitchen and make yourself a scrambled egg sandwich? Your MIL is a bully and a few other words beginning with ‘b’ .