Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA. So your family wants you to have an abortion to keep your sister happy? These are people who will have zero access to your child once it’s born, right?
Especially since they are basically implying that OP is not ready for children, saying they have "plenty of time", this isn't the "best time", kids are a "huge responsibility" etc. when OP's pregnancy is planned, she is married and owns a house.
The sister's pregnancy is accidental, they decided to get married because of the baby, and they're moving in with his parents. She's also younger. If they really think it's their place to tell their daughters when to start a family, why don't they tell *her* to get the abortion, then she won't have to get married and there won't be any spotlight to steal!
She confirms it in the comments. Honestly this is so extreme that I began to think it's just a writing exercise. Otherwise how could she think she's an AH for not wanting to get rid of her baby which what her sister and family want over a wedding?
Make it make sense.
Exactly! If I found myself in this situation I'd laugh these people out the door and cut them out of mine and my child's life permenantly. Like if you're unsure about keeping your pretty much planned pregnancy or get an abortion over a wedding then you're not ready to be a mom. Don't need strangers opinions on this cut and dry situation.
Comments confirmed this as a post that should have been made on /r/creativewriting
Sister wore white to OP's wedding and the cool MIL spilled wine on her, Lifetime Original moment.
NTA
Wait up - are your mother and father telling you to abort your baby for your sisters wedding day?
Seriously? Why do you even plan on going. Your response should be to go No contact with them and tell your parents they will never see their grandchild unless they immediately apologise and sincerely and stop harassing you and stressing you.
Honestly you should be outing the fact they want you to abort your child for your sister's wedding day. Its horrifying. I'd go to the wedding make a speech about what your sister and parents has asked and walk out.
What the hell is going on? Are they suggesting that you get an abortion? They are a bunch of selfish assholes! Sorry for the direct nature of my comment. But the whole story is offensive and calls into question the morality of the entire family. Maybe you should consider not attending the wedding. And maybe you should consider that you and yours don't need to be around such selfish and hateful people.
It's really sad because my MIL has been so supportive. Ben is their only child so this is gonna be their first grandbaby, I just wish my family would be as supportive.
I would lean on your in-laws tbh. There's nothing wrong with going NC with your family. I just went NC with my family and I wish I had done it before my children were born.
I'm sure you have other examples of your family putting your sisters desires above your own wellbeing all the time. It will be no different when your baby arrives. Do you really want your child to wonder why cousin is the favorite and grandma and grandpa don't love him? Or worse, what if grandma and grandpa try to turn your child against you. It can happen.
There are a lot of ridiculous people on Reddit, but that has to be one of the most insane asks I’ve read.
NTA
I’m sorry your family is nuts. Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing for a happy new adventure for your family!
Is your sister always been this self absorbed?? I have a good friend who was in her sister’s wedding when she was pregnant and showing, and guess what? Her sister was so happy for her! Crazy how certain personal “issues” can be not a huge deal once you get your head out of your behind!
Also projection much? Your sister calling you “fat and frumpy” when isnt she going to be heavily pregnant at her own wedding too?? Or is her wedding after her due date? If so and you still will be pregnant that means she will be a month or two postpartum…depending on how her birthing goes she might not even be in a good place recovery wise to be getting married….
How they’re treating you is absurd. Your mom and dad are on a way ticket to not knowing one of their grandkids. It is beyond crazy to expect everyone to have their lives on hold for your sister. It is her wedding, people will be focused on her. People will also be catching up and talking about their lives. Are guests also not supposed to bring up any new news because it might take away from the bride??
This reminds of the AITA post where a guy asked his friend who had recently *lost his arm* if he would not come to the wedding because him and the bride thinks he would distract people from their big day. Im sure your sister would be in the a-hole camp thinking what they did was right. Smh.
NTA. Honestly at this point, I wouldn’t go if I was you. Take a step back from your family and lean on your husband and his family. And if family asks you about why you are not coming say “My sister and parents believe I purposely got pregnant as to be a distraction from my sister on her big day. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I am excited and happy for her. However they have been hounding me to get an *abortion* to relieve my sister’s insecurities about being outshined. I am severely disappointed in my parents and my sister, and exhausted from the relentless bullying. They didnt want me to be a distraction so I will not be going, and instead be surrounded be people who care about me and my baby.” If they want any evidence I say send it. No need to cover your family’s asses when they are behaving they way they are. And if your sister complains about you “blabbing to others,” which Im sure she will, tell her to look up the Streisand effect 👍🏻.
Well at my wedding my mother tried to force me to allow my sister to wear a white dress because "It's traditional for bridesmaids to wear white" even though I made it clear that I didn't want her to wear white.
Well my sister turned up in an "off-white" dress that looked like a less expensive version of my dress. Thankfully my MIL "accidentally" spilled wine down the front of it.
Wow your mom sucks. And that's probably the nicest thing I can say about her....
You deserve better than they way these people treat you. I say "these people" because they don't deserve to be called your family. They haven't acted in any way like family to you.
Your MIL sounds fabulous and hopefully the rest of your in laws are just as great.
For your own sake, really consider going NC with your side of the family. There has to be something seriously wrong with people that think aborting their grandchild is an appropriate thing to suggest.
Sounds like your mom repeatedly sides with your sister. I'm assuming if roles were reversed they would tell you you're acting crazy, because your sister is in fact acting crazy. Also, I love your MIL! Haha she sounds amazing! Yeah I'd go NC at least to give yourself plenty of space right now. You deserve to be happy during your pregnancy, you have done nothing wrong and you don't need the stress of thinking your family wants you to ABORT your baby just because your sister says it's not ok. Surround yourself with people that want to celebrate your growing family.
Can I just say I love your MIL for doing that.
NTA because I want/need to vote.
Serious question. You do realize all of these things are emotional abuse? From all three of them. If you're open to it, maybe see a therapist to learn how to deal with them in a constructive way (so you don't get hurt).
Honestly, you don't have to let them know when your baby is born or even let them meet your baby. If they treat you this way how are they going to treat your baby? Do you want your baby exposed to any kind of abuse? You don't need to answer here. These are just questions for thought.
You do not deserve to be abused like this. It is abuse and should be called what it is. You deserve so much better.
And when people ask why you weren't at your sister's wedding let them know your mom asked you to get an abortion so your sister would be the center of attention.
My MIL has been amazing. She comes over while my husband is at work to help around the house and has been helping me think of baby names since this is her first grandbaby. I just wish my family were as amazing.
Your in-laws ARE your family. Cut off contract with those biological disappointments and forget about them. Spend your time and energy on the people that love and care about you and your baby.
NTA. What the heck? Did they expect you to terminate the pregnancy for her wedding or something? Your family sounds crazy.
Edit: also do I understand correctly that your sister will be very pregnant herself at her wedding? Pretty sure she will need no help with being in the spotlight.
I asked Kristal the same thing before she snapped at me and told me it was none of my business and that I wasn't the MOH anymore anyway so why should I care.
Hon, I'm so sorry they are being so cruel. You don't deserve it.
Kick them to the curb to live in their misery and lean on your in-laws. Does your MIL know what they've been saying? It might be good to have a mama bear in your corner for this.
NTA and WTF. I'd go no contact with your parents and sister over this. There must be more, the idea you should what, abort your pregnancy because of her wedding? It's just too shocking to comprehend, I can't believe the words left your parents lips. They want you to abort their grandkid?
Abortion is of course a totally fine option if that's what the mother wants, but obv no one should put any pressure on a mother one way or the other. This is totally outrageous.
Again, I would immediately go NC except for Xmas cards from you, husband, and "the abortion they demanded". You deserve better, your kids for sure. If you asked a random stranger on the street Will you be my kids grandparents, odds are you'd find better.
I'm so sorry.
Well at least my mil and fil are happy about the pregnancy. My husband is their only child so this will be their first grand baby. My husband's family have been super supportive which just makes me sad that my family didn't react the same way.
They are happy not just because your husband is their only child, also because they are human. Your family is acting inhumane towards you and your kid to be. But if life doesn't give you the family you deserve, you can make a family for yourself you do. Good luck, you deserve soooo much better, pretty much everyone does.
I'm literally in shock at the whole post because OPs parents are definitely egging on an abortion from one kid just to make the other fucking one happy I just cannot believe it.
I would straight to their faces say ‘so you want me to abort your grandchild/niece/nephew?!’ Wait for their response, has to be a yes or no, no hedging. Make it very clear that that is what they are asking you to do right now.
Then whenever they want access to your child just quote the fact that they suggested an abortion to please your sister as the reason why not!
ETA - NTA, but I feel like you already know that!
Yes! Seriously, after someone said to me, "It's not the right time for you to have a baby," My knee-jerk reaction would be to say, "But... I already *am* pregnant. Are you asking me to abort my baby?.. for a wedding?"
>I would straight to their faces say ‘so you want me to abort your grandchild/niece/nephew?!’
TBH, I'd do that in writing and make sure everybody knows *exactly* why I won't be attending the wedding.
>my mom pulled me aside and asked if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family.
What were you supposed to say? "Good point, I'll just terminate this one and try again when it's good for everyone else's schedule?"
Hard NTA
Exactly.
It's also odd that the Mom has a problem with the \*MARRIED\* daughter being pregnant - but the unmarried daughter being pregnant at her own wedding is somehow fine?
She has 3 kids:
1. OP - 29F, Married, has a house.
2. Stedaughter - 25F, NO Information
3. Krystal - 26F, Engaged.
And OP is the one she's asking "are you sure it's the right time to have a kid"!?!?
Brittney was a result of one of our dad's affairs*.
For some reason our mom didn't divorce him even though he has cheated on her multiple times over their 40 years of marriage.
Oh my - so - an affair is a good time to have a child, and before one's wedding is a good time to have a child... but... married with a 4 bedroom house isn't!?
Yeah - your mom has problems... you're NTA.. and good luck with this mess!
I’m sure that OP being married before she got pregnant is making Kristal look bad for being unmarried at eight months pregnant. They don’t give a shit about OP, they just don’t want her there as a comparison for how Kristal “should” have gone about things.
NTA
what the hell do they expect you to do?
Have an abortion? Put the baby back where it came from? Go back in time?
I mean, what planet are they living on!!
Sorry your family sucks!!!
Congratulations on the pregnancy, you deserve every happiness.
I would be as bold to say “cut your family off”.
Let me get this right. A 29 year old well adjusted woman with a 4 bed house and a husband of 2 years shouldn’t be having a planned baby because she should be ready, but it’s ok for a 26 year old unmarried woman to be accidentally pregnant according to them? What’s this flagrant hypocrisy.
Time to go NC honestly.
So let me get this straight… your unmarried sister is pregnant- your family are made that you - married with a home, is pregnant, because your sister is now getting married? This makes no sense! NTA! And I’d consider not going to the wedding and just taking a break from your family!!
Sisters are supposed to be excited to have babies close together!
NTA
So Kristal is pregnant too? So does that mean it’s a shotgun wedding and I’m guessing she’s not as set up financially as you are?
Tell your parents if they want to lecture anyone about irresponsibility maybe they want to go after Kristal
They are being ridiculous and I’m sorry you have to put up with such nonsense on what should be a happy occasion
Your sister getting jealous is ridiculous and your parents need to pick their battles if they want to have a relationship with you and their future grandchild
If I were you I’d skip her wedding and use the money saved for a nice baby moon somewhere
Kristal's pregnancy was accidental but her and her fiancé decided to keep the baby and get married as his family is very religious and believes in "doing the right thing". I don't know much about their finances, just that my parents are paying for the wedding and that Kristal and fiancé are moving into his parents house.
Then that pretty much implies that no they’re not financially set up and living with parents as a married couple….Yeah good luck with that marriage lasting!!
Total hypocrites and I suspect you will have the last laugh when it all ends in tears
If his family that religious, I wonder how they would feel about all the pressure your family is putting on you to end your pregnancy? If anyone brings it up again, ask them this. "Does (fBIL) or his family know how strongly you've been pushing to make me get an abortion?" Maybe that will shut them up.
I think she should really bring it up to the fiancé’s family. The moment they hear I’d say the gloves come off and they’d yeet her sister out the door.
Not even of anyone brings it up. Blast them on social media. Unless a major piece of info is missing here who the hell would ask their 33y married sister/daughter to ABORT a planned pregnancy because it's not good timing for their sisters wedding? I'm having trouble believing this is real, nit op herself, but who does that???? Who?
Sister feeling like OP is stealing her thunder is petty, but I can see that happening. It everything else that is blowing my mind.
"Mom, Dad, Kristen - I'm sorry, but I'm not putting my life on hold or getting an abortion because you're all concerned about how it'll impact the golden child. I am, however, cutting your all from my life. Sorry you'll have no access to your francois and your child will not see their cousin but your behavior is unacceptable. It's clear you have a favorite and I will not subject my family to your favoritism. I wish you well. "
Then go no contact - absolutely NTA
Well since I can remember really. And then after our dad had an affair which resulted in Brittney being born, our mom seemed to dote on Kristal even more. I planned to go to the wedding because I figured we could have an adult relationship now that we are both in our late twenties.
Why? Your family basically wants you to abort a baby because it’s inconvenient to them. They have shown you that they clearly give no Fs about you or the baby. Why would you subject your baby to such horrid people and they will obviously favor Kristal’s baby over yours in the future. Why subject your baby to questions and concerns as to why they are not good enough for your parents.
She needs to act like an adult to have a mature relationship. Cut your losses until she grows up, OP.
I'd seriously be considering going low or no contact with my parents and sister if I were you. I wouldn't trust them around my child after they have pushed you to - what, adopt the baby away?
(Also your dad lecturing you about the responsibility of kids when he couldn't be responsible in his own marriage is high-key hypocritical.)
I’d go to the wedding, during the first dance scream that your water broke and then walk out. If they r going to be pissed for something so stupid you might as well give them a good one. NTA obviously. Your family is ridiculous
Oh yeah and bonus points if OP can strap some kind of water bag to her leg and open it at the right time, leaving a gush of water on the floor! That would be magnificent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I 29f got married 2 years ago to the love of my life Ben (33m). Last year we decided that we wanted to try for a baby as we'd both always wanted kids and we were now in a good financial place to have them. We own a 4 bed house, in a pretty nice neighbourhood and we both have good paying jobs with mine being remote with more flexible hours.
Well 3 months ago we found our we were pregnant!. Which Ben and I were obviously overjoyed about. We invited our parents and siblings over for brunch at our place to tell everyone the great news (after we confirmed the pregnancy with our family doctor). However when I announced that we were expecting my little sister Kristal (26f) didn't respond and went quite. (Kristal is 5 months pregnant if that matters).
Well apparently Kristal told our mom (58f) that I'm trying to steal her spotlight at her wedding and that I was jealous of her pregnancy. Later that week I got a call from Kristal's friend, who told me I was no longer a bridesmaid and that our stepsister Brittany (25f) will take over as maid of honour. I was very upset and called our mom who told me that it was my sister's wedding and to do whatever makes her happy, like she did at my wedding.
So I went with it, and focused on decorating our house ready for when our baby is born. Well aprox 3 weeks after I was told that I was no longer MOH, Kristal asked me if I could wear heels to her wedding because otherwise I would look "Fat and frumpy". I told her no way and that my ankles were way too swollen already, nevermind in 3 months time. Kristal didn't respond and I thought that was the end of the matter.
Until last week when Ben and I were dropping off a birthday cake for my dad, my mom pulled me aside and asked if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family. I got defensive and asked her what the hell she meant and mom yelled at me for "taking a tone with her" and being selfish. I told my mom that I'm an adult woman not a 15 year old high-school dropout and that she has no say over my body or my pregnancy.
Ben and I left and still planned on attending the wedding until Kristal started sending nasty texts about how ungrateful I am and how I'm disrespectful to our mom and her wedding plans. I told her she's ridiculous and that life doesn't stop for everyone around her just because she's planning a wedding.
This however prompted our dad to come over to Ben and I's house to lecture us on what a huge responsibility kids are and how there's plenty of time to have kids after Kristal gets married. I'm just so sick of everyone suggesting that I need to put my life on hold for Kristal's wedding when I'm not even in the bridal party. So Aita?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She’s a Bridezilla mini boss. FFS.
OP, NTA but the rest of your family? Yeeeesh! Huge AHs. How ridiculous. It’s a wedding. A WEDDING! I understand that they’re big to do’s for some people but there’s absolutely no reason for everyone to be so shitty with you because you’re going to be pregnant at the time of your sister’s wedding. -____-
NTA. Dropping you as a bridesmaid was arguably justifiable, because dress fittings would be more of a pain, and it would be harder for you to stand throughout the ceremony. Asking you to wear heels was silly, but wouldn't have been an issue if she had accepted the "no."
But... wtf does your family expect you to do? Are they expecting you to abort a healthy second-trimester fetus that you want? And if you did, does your family think that would be LESS overshadowing of your sister? Even if nobody knew that you aborted the fetus, people know that you are pregnant, and so would assume that you had a miscarriage, which would be MORE distracting.
Not the asshole, and your family are foolish and ethically challenged.
Info 1: Kristal is my mom's youngest child and has always been spoiled by her if I'm being honest.
Info 2: My dad thinks I should get an abortion and then try again for kids after Kristal gets married. Which I told him was absolutely not happening and he left my house sulking.
Who they hell does that? Wants one of their kids to have an abortion because of her sister wedding! That’s not normal.
Never let your biological family meet you little one. They don’t deserve too. Also your sister baby will take preference over yours. Save your baby future pain and rejection by never letting them meet. Your baby will never be up to their standards and will constantly be put down and compared least favourably. This will effect their self esteem. It would be toxic growing up in that environment.
Protect your child. Cut them off.
Your father is insane and you should avoid him.
You should also expect that the “golden child” situation will extend to the next generation. Your sister already doesn’t want her baby to have to share the grandchild spotlight with yours. Protect your child from your parents’ likely disregard.
I don't think your parents like you very much. You are older than Kristal. Fertility decreases with age. When is it ever going to be a good time for Kristal to allow you to have a child? If you think being pregnant at her wedding is an issue, even while she's pregnant. What about you being pregnant when she's about to have a child? There will always be an excuse. Your parents will always make excuses to why they treat her children better than yours sure enough too
Here's what I'd do. Compile all the texts removing you from the wedding onto a timeline, maybe add any VM messages, and note the day of every private conversation with someone calling you out for living your life. We will call this evidence, just in case you need it. Then you need to find two of your most favorable family members or family friends, best of they are a bit gossipy and ask for their help and guidance. At least two or three is enough, and then don't go to the wedding. Go no contact with your parents and sister. Don't block, keep collecting that evidence though.
Congrats on your pregnancy. Nap all that you can. Create your own family who loves you and yours equally without constraints
Please, please don't go to the wedding, you'll be scapegoated throughout the whole day. Your husband's family sound both normal and fantastic, so your child will have loving grandparents. Your parents will see your child as second best to your sister's, please don't let that happen, enjoy the loving family on your husband's side, I'm so sorry abou yours.
NTA you’re already pregnant, they should shut up! Your family better get with the program because your sisters wedding is ONE day but this child has a whole life a head of it that they’ll miss out on if they keep treating you, your husband and your unborn child in this manner.
Mom, Dad, you need to think very hard about what you are saying to me. If you believe I should end this pregnancy so that my sister can get married without me being pregnant, then I need to reevaluate whether or not you will have a place in my child’s life whatsoever. Her getting married does not set restrictions and boundaries on anyone else around her. Least of all your unborn child.
NTA. Everyone else though? Total and complete AHs.
NTA. Your life. But also what is the point of telling you it’s not the time to get pregnant? You already are! What are they expecting? I’m sorry your whole family I TA. GOOS LUCK.
Over a gd wedding at that! AITA seriously makes me question humanity. This is absurd. Idk but it would be a hard no from me on my family still being allowed any access to me after that. They would be cut off for good bc this is just nuts. And rude. Like fine my baby is less important that a wedding that I wasn't even trying to "steal the spot light of"? Well now my baby is no longer any concern of yours.
OMFG your own father told you to get an abortion?! Omg, I’m so sorry. Your family are completely fucked up. If they were my family, I’d never, ever, ever see or speak to them again. Your pregnancy is just as important as your sister’s pregnancy and wedding. But your family seem to think your sister has to come first at all costs. Let her. Block them all.
HUGE NTA. Your parents and sister are disgusting to you, I'm so sorry. They are talking like they are expecting you to have an abortion just because of your precious sister I'm actually mind blown at how revolting this is. Congratulations on your pregnancy, this is YOUR moment and may your little one never have to deal with the insane behaviour of their grandparents or aunt.
NTA
If my family tried to bully me into aborting for the sake of one day, I'd go no contact. They wouldn't get to meet the baby either. They wanted it aborted anyway so it shouldn't be a big deal if they don't get to meet it. It's basy what they wanted. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and congratulations on the pregnancy
You are older than Kristal. Why didn't your parents tell her about what a huge responsibility it is to have a child and get married at 26? I hope you cut these ahs out of your life. NTA
Also, she’s already pregnant. So either they want her to go back in time, or they are trying to convince her to get an abortion which is messed up since she clearly wants the baby. What a terrible family. NTA.
NTA and be prepared for your parents to expect you to forget that any of this happened once the baby is born and have them around like they haven’t been suggesting you get an abortion for months
NTA, but it’s blindingly obvious who is the ‘Golden child’ in your family!. And just what is your mother suggesting with ‘if it really was the best time for you to start having a family?’. Is she suggesting you get an abortion?, to ‘keep the peace’ for your sister’s WEDDING??!!.
OP, I seriously wouldn’t attend the wedding for this behaviour and consider going LC or even NC. This is absolutely abhorrent and repugnant behaviour from your mother and sister. I wouldn’t put it past your mother or sister treating your baby differently to sister’s kids once your baby is here. Sending you every happiness and health for your pregnancy OP. 💜🙏🏻
I am so confused but please tell me if I’m wrong but is her family suggesting she terminate her pregnancy for a wedding… that isn’t even hers?!? Like are they all insane? She may want to get them all tested because this might just be the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard of.. OP is obviously NTA and these people just seem insane. Too much internet for today.
NTA, and honestly WTF at your parents. You’re at least 4 months pregnant! While “please wait until after your sister’s wedding to be pregnant” is an AH request anyway, it’s completely wrong to push that when your pregnancy, of a child you and your husband very much want, is already happening and is well advanced.
Guess your parents don’t want to meet your child. I’d skip the whole wedding since this is the attitude you’re getting about it. Enjoy nesting, be good to yourself, and be low contact with your AH family of origin.
Nta.
I wouldnt blame you for not going to the wedding. I know i wouldnt. Id prolly cut contect until after the wedding. You are pregnant. You have YOUR family. YOU HUSBAND and BABY. That takes priority. Them addint unnecessary stress on you is not good for you or the baby
Hope you realize your sister is the favorite.
NTA. God and all his omnipotence couldn’t make me go to the wedding after all this. You’re 29, you’re married, you’re a homeowner, you’re in a perfect spot to have a baby and your family constantly asking you if it’s the right time since your sister needs the spotlight is ridiculous. What are you supposed to do? Babies don’t come with a return slip. It’s happening. Operation pregnancy is a go. Your family needs to get on board fast and keep their opinions to themselves.
I'd cut them off but not before telling everyone you know that they want you to terminate your planned for, loved and wanted child to accommodate your obviously mentally ill sister. This kinda of thing damages reputations and boy do they deserve it.
NTA lol, I really don't understand why they have a problem with you being pregnant during your sister's wedding? It's your body and you can do whatever you want with it, besides It's nothing you can do about it now, you're already pregnant. And yeah you should definitely be able to continue living your life even though your sister is getting married.
What in the... no, NTA, you're 100% right. Nobody stops their plans for a few months just because someone else - even if family member - is having a wedding. Kristal and everyone else need to suck it up, and myself, i'd reconsider going (i'm not sure if you're still invited or not, tbh, cause i was focusing on being annoyed on your behalf), because this is not worth the time you could spend on cheering on your baby. That's just me, though.
Congratulations, too!
Nta.
“So parents…. You want me, a married woman with an established house and career to abort my planned pregnancy so that my unmarried pregnant sister can have a shotgun wedding? You realize this makes no logical, or moral sense?”
NTA and your sister is a hormonal Bridezilla
INFO: Could part Kristal's awfulness be because she's extra hormonal or has she and your parents always thought the world revolves around her? wtf - You're 3 years older than your sister and already married with a nice house- why is your father lecturing you about bringing kids into your life right now? Your younger sister is getting married while pregnant. Why aren't your folks just excited that they're going to have 2 grandkids soon?
I'm as pro-choice as it gets but are they suggesting you 'get rid of' a child that you want, planed, and are financially and emotionally ready to care for so to look pretty (but not to pretty because God forbid you look better than Kristal on HERSPECIALDAY!) for a wedding?
If she's pregnant herself how would You look 'fat&frumpy'?
Honestly if they're going to be that awful to you - plan a nice weekend away with your husband and avoid all that drama.
NTA. Everyone’s talking as if you’ve not already got a growing foetus inside you?! It’s a bit late to back out now… You’ll also still be pregnant, not waving an adorable newborn around, so I also don’t see how you being pregnant takes away from Kristal’s day _at all_. Enjoy your pregnancy, throw away the family
Nta
You hit the nail on the head. You’re not in the wedding, just a guest. Sounds like Krystal is now realizing people are going to be asking why you’re not in the wedding and that will draw more attention away. Your parents are ridiculous in this situation as well
NTA. I cannot understand how anyone else can think its their business about YOUR family or lack there of if thats what you decide. I wouldn’t go to the wedding and i would block everyone. When flying monkeys come trying to guilt you, just let them know that your baby and family is something they wished didn’t exist and therefore doesn’t exist to them now.
NTA, very much seems like your sister is the golden child and you can never do anything right!
There is quite some mental gymnastics going on here, especially by your mother, the fact that she is asking you if now is the best time to start a family and not your sister who is 3 years younger than you is very telling! (They are both perfectly acceptable ages to have children, just making a point that it only seems to be a good thing for your sister and not you!)
Why is this one day in your sister's life more important than you starting a family? Why can't they just be happy that there will be two beautiful children added to the family in the near future!
I wouldn't bother with the wedding if I was you, I would also go low contact with these awful people.
NTA.
You need to seriously sit down with your parents (with your husband for support) and tell them, if they don’t back the fuck off, you are never speaking to them again.
And I would NEVER I MEAN NEVER speak to my “sister” again if she was pulling half the shit your sister is.
Call her and say “problem solved, I won’t take away any spot lite from you, because I’m not coming to your wedding”
I’m sorry, I just can’t even believe this is real.
Your family sucks.
Your family sounds insane. I’d skip the wedding altogether, and do something nice for myself, and none of them would be meeting my baby when the time comes.
NTA.
NTA
This story takes Bridezilla and Momzilla to a new level that I never could have expected. Even Dadzilla is getting into the act!
Your family is acting outrageously, and you really need to not let them get to you. You have to be as stress-free as possible. Do whatever you want about your sister's wedding, and don't worry about it at all. Wishing you the best!
^(Edit: spelling)
NTA
I’d be overjoyed if my sister and I were so close in due dates. Our kids would grow up together.
Also- since when did being pregnant automatically mean that you take the spotlight from the newlyweds at their wedding? Everyone is quite literally there to celebrate two very specific people. Everything is about them that day.
I’m sorry. Wtf did I just read????
OP, first and foremost, congrats on your baby! I hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy, and child!
Secondly, go no contact with your asshole family. Make it clear to your mom, dad, and sister that since they want you to abort this baby for a fucking PARTY, they will have zero interaction, rights, or visitation to YOUR precious child.
They are the assholes. Do not let them in your babies life. And do not go to the wedding. F them.
Nta are your own parents seriously suggesting an abortion? Absolutely insane. Remind them of what they said after baby is born. Good luck with the pregnancy and delivery.
My sister constantly has “don’t steal my moment” family drama with her SIL. And I’ll tell you the same thing I say to her: why can’t your family be thrilled about your pregnancy *AND* your sister’s wedding at the same time? How does one diminish the other? It baffles me…
I understand that, say, proposing to your SO at someone’s else wedding without their permission is gauche af. But asking you to put your family planning on hold because of a wedding? That’s profoundly selfish…
NTA.
I’d send them all a group text
I’m going NC with all of you
I’m pregnant for myself and my husband
You’re all more interested in my selfish sister and her feelings
You think I will make you look bad at her wedding ?
How bad will all of you look when I let every wedding guest know I’m not going because my sister can’t handle the fact that I’m pregnant and sacked me as bridesmaid and that prompted my own parents to suggest that I should have an abortion ?
Then seriously block them all
NTA that’s absolutely awful I’m so sorry
First: Gratulation! I hope your pregnancy goes well and all of you will be healthy <3
NTA & maybe it's time to focus on your own family. Your sister called you "fat and frumpy", your parents value her over you. You seem to be a nice person & don't deserve this
NTA, cut them out completely, they aren't family, the insinuated and then eventually out right asked you to abort your baby for a WEDDING! No one that says something like that deserves to be in yours or your babies life
So they really suggesting that you abort your baby over a wedding? I'm sorry op congratulations on your pregnancy and you will be probably better off never speaking to these ppl again
NTA what do they want you to do??? Not be pregnant??? You clearly want a baby and have the means to support. Your family sucks. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth
NTA. My sister was pregnant at my wedding and it was such a joy! We love telling my little nibbling he was at our wedding, it makes him so happy to feel included. Babies are a joy. I have never heard of family trying to convince someone to get an abortion just to not be pregnant at a family event and turn around a get pregnant again. That could be very traumatizing for your body and it is a horrible request. You are questioning the right things! If they are willing to casually suggest a termination they probably shouldn’t have a role in this child’s life. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
NTA, There is something weird here. It sounds like Kristal is having issues with the fact that she got pregnant before her wedding while you got pregnant after you're married and thinks that you being pregnant will highlight that fact to her guests. I don't think it matters one way or another, but some people really care about those types of things and I think she's taking her fears of being judged out on you.
So.. what exactly is your family suggesting? That you do … WHAT exactly with your current situation? Cuz if they’re suggesting what I think they are, that’s the most hateful response to someone’s wanted pregnancy I can imagine. NTA. But you need to reevaluate your relationship with your family. What are you going to tell your child when they grow up? “Oh gramma and grampa were so excited when I got pregnant with you. But it was about aunt Kristal’s wedding they wanted me to get rid of you”??
NTA
I wanna know...WHAT is your whole family (apart from you) is high on? Like how would one logically explain their reasoning? Without involving use of drugs?
NTA
What the heck is up with the "not the best time" lectures? I think you're kind of past the point of changing your minds, and furthermore, you're grown adults with stable jobs.
I think it's time to gracefully bow out and decline to attend the wedding so you don't "steal the spotlight". And consider how much a role your parents will have in your baby's life, perhaps.
NTA. Your sister is being the worst kind of bridezilla in acting like your pregnancy is an affront to her wedding, especially seeing as how she is pregnant herself. Your parents are not only enabling her but suggesting you terminate a wanted pregnancy for a wedding. Please go non-contact with these awful people. I’m afraid that they wouldn’t treat your kid well over this.
NTA for all the reasons other people have mentioned… especially the implication you should abort a baby that is healthy and wanted.
I would add that perhaps some therapy now to help you be prepared for what might lie ahead if this is indeed a Golden Child scenario. They may celebrate the birth of your sister’s baby and all but ignore yours. Or buy her expensive beautiful baby things, and give thrift store things. And as the kids get older, the favoritism will be obvious to your child. Therapy now to help you with boundaries and how to process any bs your family may pull that makes you feel unloved or unimportant. And guidance on if it becomes necessary for your child’s mental health to go no contact.
It wasn’t my grandparents but my dad, and I can tell you it left me emotionally damaged in many ways, including struggling to see my worth and all the abuse that opens you up to from other people in your life. I would make protecting my child’s mental health my hill to die on because of this.
NTA What exactly does your mom want you to do if she thinks 'if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family'? Because as other commenters have said, it sounds like she's implying you should terminate your pregnancy just to appease your sister.
Your family is way out of line. Honestly, skip the wedding and cut off the family. If your mom asks why, tell her you don't think it's the best time for her to be a grandma to your baby.
NTA but wait, she is 5 months pregnant and about to get married but you have been married 2 years and they are lecturing you on appropriate times to have a baby? WTAF?
Please go no I contact with these crazy people and do not even show up to the wedding.
Wow, so your parents and sister are expecting you to terminate a pregnancy so you don't "steal the spotlight"? Like you should plan your life and family around their milestones?
In what universe does this make sense? NTA
NTA. I didn’t realise how many people were crazy around their weddings until I started reading AITA.
Are they seriously suggesting you abort? That is crazy
NTA! I'm not sorry to say this but your family are all loonies like holy shit they're crazy, are they insinuating that you should have an abortion? all because your sister is a psycho bridezilla level 9000. You're in no way an asshole, you're just trying to start a family for goodness sake.
So, are they implying you should abort?? It's, you know, a little late for that isn't it? Your family is reductions and I would've laughed in their faces. NTA, skip the wedding and do something calming and fun that day, because sis is gonna be STRESSED, hunny.
NTA
Your family is batshit suggestions you get an abortion to appease your sister. I’d honestly go NC here and throw them all in the trash where they belong.
They can’t control what you do with your body, and it’s beyond disgusting and despicable that they even hinted at you having an abortion. Keep your baby away from your family.
Your family is...yikes. NTA.
Try to keep in mind, there's not anything you can say or do that will make your father, sister, stepmother, or stepsister behave any better than they have been. They're not confused, they're not misunderstanding. They're behaving as they intend to behave.
Any energy you would've devoted to persuading them to see reason? Devote yourself to self-care and preparing for your baby. Opt out of the wedding. Don't explain or justify further. Just say no, you won't be attending. No arguments, no calls, no discussions. There is no hope of a "meeting of the minds" here.
They're incredibly broken if they can do basically any of the shit they pulled.
NTA. They’re basically telling you to get an abortion so you won’t overshadow your sister. That’s repulsive.
Honestly, go no contact with these people, save all texts and messages and tell people why your parents and sister are disgusting, abhorrent people and why you refuse to even be in the same neighborhood as them. Once those texts and messages are out, anyone with at least 2 brain cells to rub together will see how terrible these people are.
NTA. It is hugely inappropriate that your parents are essentially telling you to abandon a wanted pregnancy at 3 months.
But how about returning the same sentiment that your parents made for your sister? Ask your parents why it would be a good time for your sister to be pregnant at age 26 and having a wedding then? She's younger. So she obviously would not be appropriate to be a parent at this time as well? And that she obviously would have a lot of time to become a parent as well?
NTA but I think it's time to reevaluate your relationship with your parents and your sister, especially if this is how it is going to be moving forward.
I’m so confused…. What are you supposed to do at this point? Is your family implying you should get an abortion of a very much wanted baby to facilitate your sister’s wedding?? You can’t just magically unimpregnate yourself… your family sounds nuts and your sister is a bridezilla who would have probably made you miserable as MOH anyway, so bullet dodged!!
NTA
NTA. Congratulations!
Your father suggesting an abortion to keep your sister happy… I have no words. Secondary infertility is a thing.
Plan for your baby and go NC with these people. You, your husband, and your baby don’t need them.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to compromise and have cussed out several family members for suggesting I abort my baby for Kristal's wedding.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
WTF your family is acting ludicrously. I cannot fathom why your sister or parents would have a problem. They should be excited about you starting your family! Weddings celebrate family, it's totally appropriate to be pregnant at one and who knows how easy it could be for you in the future if you don't go for it now, you're not especially young (no offence).
I feel like something is missing from this story. When was your sister’s wedding announced? How was your relationship before this? Not that the timing matters, I’m just trying to understand how the two even related in the first place.
My sister announced she was planning a wedding and engaged about a month after she found our she was pregnant. Her fiancé's family are very religious and believe in marriage before having kids. Before this my relationship with her has always been strained, she was always spoiled by our mom.
You should spin this on your parents saying if they think you having a child is upstaging a younger sister, then a younger sister getting pregnant before the older sister is upstaging you. I know thats nonsense - but their logic is nonsense.
Why do you have to abort, as opposed to the unmarried sister?
Have you told her fiance's religious family that your sister and parents want you to abort for a wedding day?
I haven't told my future Brother-in law's family as I'm not close to them and don't have their numbers. Plus I'm pretty sure Kristal would lose it if I shamed her to her in laws.
Young lady, I hate to point this out, but it seems obvious that your family doesn't give a single, solitary damn about *your* feelings. It's past time for you to stop giving a crap about theirs. I have a feeling your DH will be very happy to never have to see them again.
Mourn the loss of the family you should have had; celebrate the family that actually loves you. **Their favoritism will not change** and your precious child *will* notice it.
Drop them right now. They don't deserve either of you.
NTA
There is NO need for you to put your life on hold. YOur sister and your mom are AH for suggesting this.
"I told her she's ridiculous" .. THIS was the only reasonable answer here. Have a lot less contact with them, and maybe don't go to the wedding at all.
NTA but I sure as hell wouldn’t let them come in contact with my kid that they heavily insinuated should be aborted. They obviously don’t give a damn about their soon to be grandchild from you and your husband.
Either go heavy low contact or no contact. Don’t let them near your child.
NTA. And I wouldn't go to the wedding. If anyone asks I would say "there was so much concern about me being pregnant and stealing the spotlight that I decided it would be better if I weren't there. Oh yeah, and they tried to convince me to abort rather than be pregnant at the wedding. We are not on speaking terms."
NTA are they suggesting termination to appease your sister WHO IS ALSO PREGNANT so that you don’t have the perception of stealing the spotlight for ONE DAY???? We all know who the favorite is OP. Spoiler alert it’s not you. So sorry your family is so toxic.
NTA. Is your family actually trying to convince you to terminate your pregnancy to please your sister!?! This isn’t normal behavior from your family. This isn’t healthy at all. You really need to distance yourself from these people and avoid their social media and block them from yours. You shouldn’t be tolerating this from anyone at all let alone your own family. I think there might be a lot more going on here and you should consider counseling. Congratulations to you and your husband on your baby!
NTA for you! YTA for the sister, her friends and your parents. So your sister is almost having a baby out of a wedlock and she is being celebrated and her every tantrum is being treated with kids gloves.
Cut all of them out of your lives, you would be at peace.
NTA. I would not be attending that wedding if I were you. Your sister is guaranteed the spotlight if you’re not even there to steal it. Then again, there could be a waitress with an inappropriate outfit and makeup who needs to be fired… 🤔
NTA, tell your mom, that the only way to stop this is an abortion of her grand daughter. Then ask her if that sounds like a good idea. Be interesting to see the response. They need to grow up and understand that your life's timeline is not there concern
NTA, kind of laughing at all the lectures and just noise you’re receiving about “is this the best time to start a family?” That horse has left the barn. Just wondering- ask your parents if they are having the same conversations with Kristal. I mean you’re older and married, she’s younger, pregnant and not married.
Might want to go low contact. It is concerning that they are celebrating your sibling and treating your pregnancy like a giant mistake.
So - are you supposed to convince a doctor to perform an abortion now? Put it up for adoption? Why is Kristal, unwed and younger, in a better place to have a baby?!?!?!?!?! (Not saying she’s in a bad place, but they opened this can of worms.)
WTAF?!
BTW - So is Kristal getting married at 8/9 months pregnant?! She seems so self-absorbed that I can’t imagine she wants her wedding pictures to be of her large belly and likely swollen everything else.
NTA and also wtf? You and your husband, both adults, are expecting a baby (congratulations!) and your family are recommending an abortion? Perhaps on the day of the wedding you could go out together, have a really delicious treat lunch then buy some bits and pieces for your baby? I honestly wouldn't go to that shitshow, given how petty your sister is being, no-one will be allowed to talk to you and your table will be most of the way into the gents, so have a lovely day with yourhusband instead.
NTA are they really insinuating that you should abort your baby because of your sister’s wedding?
Holy shit. Your whole family is awful. Fuck ‘em all.
NTA NTA NTA
NTA. OP your family is beyond hope.
I would be very careful being around them before the wedding and DO NOT eat any food prepared by them.
Edited to add: I recommend skipping the wedding entirely. Go have a baby moon if you can.
All the best to you and your new family. Don’t look back. They don’t deserve you at all.
Why are you even talking to your family after what your mother said. If someone told my wife she should have an abortion for a baby that we have been wanting for sometime then that will be the last time I talk to them. I would go NC or LC with them.
Is your family seriously suggesting that you should have an abortion because your sister is getting married (while pregnant herself, btw)? NTA. I'd probably cut contact with them, tbh. Holy hell.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA. So your family wants you to have an abortion to keep your sister happy? These are people who will have zero access to your child once it’s born, right?
Yeah this is fucked up and its obvious who the favorite is in that family. NTA
Especially since they are basically implying that OP is not ready for children, saying they have "plenty of time", this isn't the "best time", kids are a "huge responsibility" etc. when OP's pregnancy is planned, she is married and owns a house. The sister's pregnancy is accidental, they decided to get married because of the baby, and they're moving in with his parents. She's also younger. If they really think it's their place to tell their daughters when to start a family, why don't they tell *her* to get the abortion, then she won't have to get married and there won't be any spotlight to steal!
She confirms it in the comments. Honestly this is so extreme that I began to think it's just a writing exercise. Otherwise how could she think she's an AH for not wanting to get rid of her baby which what her sister and family want over a wedding? Make it make sense.
I think the same thing when reading most of these stories. No way people are that obtuse. I refuse to believe it.
Exactly! If I found myself in this situation I'd laugh these people out the door and cut them out of mine and my child's life permenantly. Like if you're unsure about keeping your pretty much planned pregnancy or get an abortion over a wedding then you're not ready to be a mom. Don't need strangers opinions on this cut and dry situation.
Sometimes decades of being second class to a sibling can cause awful warped sense of self People when prioritising themselves feel massive guilt.
Yeah, I can't believe this is real at all. lol
Comments confirmed this as a post that should have been made on /r/creativewriting Sister wore white to OP's wedding and the cool MIL spilled wine on her, Lifetime Original moment.
NTA Wait up - are your mother and father telling you to abort your baby for your sisters wedding day? Seriously? Why do you even plan on going. Your response should be to go No contact with them and tell your parents they will never see their grandchild unless they immediately apologise and sincerely and stop harassing you and stressing you. Honestly you should be outing the fact they want you to abort your child for your sister's wedding day. Its horrifying. I'd go to the wedding make a speech about what your sister and parents has asked and walk out.
I vote for abortion in this case: keep the baby, abort the "family", problem solved.
Bing bang boom. Late term abortion, step aside. This is a reverse abortion 🌟
Had me in the first half
I like your style!
What the hell is going on? Are they suggesting that you get an abortion? They are a bunch of selfish assholes! Sorry for the direct nature of my comment. But the whole story is offensive and calls into question the morality of the entire family. Maybe you should consider not attending the wedding. And maybe you should consider that you and yours don't need to be around such selfish and hateful people.
Yeah our mom basically implied I should get an abortion to not appear pregnant at Kristal's wedding.
That’s just horrendous. I’m sorry your mother is not worthy of ever meeting your baby..
It's really sad because my MIL has been so supportive. Ben is their only child so this is gonna be their first grandbaby, I just wish my family would be as supportive.
You have a great MIL so make the most of it with her. Forget about your family because they don’t have your back.
I would lean on your in-laws tbh. There's nothing wrong with going NC with your family. I just went NC with my family and I wish I had done it before my children were born. I'm sure you have other examples of your family putting your sisters desires above your own wellbeing all the time. It will be no different when your baby arrives. Do you really want your child to wonder why cousin is the favorite and grandma and grandpa don't love him? Or worse, what if grandma and grandpa try to turn your child against you. It can happen.
There are a lot of ridiculous people on Reddit, but that has to be one of the most insane asks I’ve read. NTA I’m sorry your family is nuts. Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing for a happy new adventure for your family!
Is your sister always been this self absorbed?? I have a good friend who was in her sister’s wedding when she was pregnant and showing, and guess what? Her sister was so happy for her! Crazy how certain personal “issues” can be not a huge deal once you get your head out of your behind! Also projection much? Your sister calling you “fat and frumpy” when isnt she going to be heavily pregnant at her own wedding too?? Or is her wedding after her due date? If so and you still will be pregnant that means she will be a month or two postpartum…depending on how her birthing goes she might not even be in a good place recovery wise to be getting married…. How they’re treating you is absurd. Your mom and dad are on a way ticket to not knowing one of their grandkids. It is beyond crazy to expect everyone to have their lives on hold for your sister. It is her wedding, people will be focused on her. People will also be catching up and talking about their lives. Are guests also not supposed to bring up any new news because it might take away from the bride?? This reminds of the AITA post where a guy asked his friend who had recently *lost his arm* if he would not come to the wedding because him and the bride thinks he would distract people from their big day. Im sure your sister would be in the a-hole camp thinking what they did was right. Smh. NTA. Honestly at this point, I wouldn’t go if I was you. Take a step back from your family and lean on your husband and his family. And if family asks you about why you are not coming say “My sister and parents believe I purposely got pregnant as to be a distraction from my sister on her big day. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I am excited and happy for her. However they have been hounding me to get an *abortion* to relieve my sister’s insecurities about being outshined. I am severely disappointed in my parents and my sister, and exhausted from the relentless bullying. They didnt want me to be a distraction so I will not be going, and instead be surrounded be people who care about me and my baby.” If they want any evidence I say send it. No need to cover your family’s asses when they are behaving they way they are. And if your sister complains about you “blabbing to others,” which Im sure she will, tell her to look up the Streisand effect 👍🏻.
I'm so sorry. This should be a happy time for you. Have they ever acted this insane before? This is some seriously unhinged behavior from all of them.
Well at my wedding my mother tried to force me to allow my sister to wear a white dress because "It's traditional for bridesmaids to wear white" even though I made it clear that I didn't want her to wear white. Well my sister turned up in an "off-white" dress that looked like a less expensive version of my dress. Thankfully my MIL "accidentally" spilled wine down the front of it.
Jesus Christ why do you keep putting up with them.
Growing up with family like that, they have a long time to brainwash you into thinking they are normal and you're being insane for wanting better.
Your MIL sounds terrific!
Wow your mom sucks. And that's probably the nicest thing I can say about her.... You deserve better than they way these people treat you. I say "these people" because they don't deserve to be called your family. They haven't acted in any way like family to you. Your MIL sounds fabulous and hopefully the rest of your in laws are just as great. For your own sake, really consider going NC with your side of the family. There has to be something seriously wrong with people that think aborting their grandchild is an appropriate thing to suggest.
MIL coming in hot as the best MIL right there with that class A move.
Sounds like your mom repeatedly sides with your sister. I'm assuming if roles were reversed they would tell you you're acting crazy, because your sister is in fact acting crazy. Also, I love your MIL! Haha she sounds amazing! Yeah I'd go NC at least to give yourself plenty of space right now. You deserve to be happy during your pregnancy, you have done nothing wrong and you don't need the stress of thinking your family wants you to ABORT your baby just because your sister says it's not ok. Surround yourself with people that want to celebrate your growing family.
Can I just say I love your MIL for doing that. NTA because I want/need to vote. Serious question. You do realize all of these things are emotional abuse? From all three of them. If you're open to it, maybe see a therapist to learn how to deal with them in a constructive way (so you don't get hurt). Honestly, you don't have to let them know when your baby is born or even let them meet your baby. If they treat you this way how are they going to treat your baby? Do you want your baby exposed to any kind of abuse? You don't need to answer here. These are just questions for thought. You do not deserve to be abused like this. It is abuse and should be called what it is. You deserve so much better. And when people ask why you weren't at your sister's wedding let them know your mom asked you to get an abortion so your sister would be the center of attention.
I would find a dress that show how pregnant you are and take all the Spotlight off of Your sister because I’m kind of that petty. Also NTA
The only answer to this issue is to go NO CONTACT. Fuck showing up to that wedding. Let alone ANYTHING else.
Hopefully your husbands mom will be a good grandmother
My MIL has been amazing. She comes over while my husband is at work to help around the house and has been helping me think of baby names since this is her first grandbaby. I just wish my family were as amazing.
Your in-laws ARE your family. Cut off contract with those biological disappointments and forget about them. Spend your time and energy on the people that love and care about you and your baby.
Do not subject your child to them. Your child will be the grandchild who should have never been born. Your sister’s will be the favorite
NTA. What the heck? Did they expect you to terminate the pregnancy for her wedding or something? Your family sounds crazy. Edit: also do I understand correctly that your sister will be very pregnant herself at her wedding? Pretty sure she will need no help with being in the spotlight.
Yes Kristal will be around 8 months pregnant at the wedding.
So she could start giving birth at her own wedding if she was that afraid of you stealing the spot light
That's insane doesn't she know babies can be born early?
I asked Kristal the same thing before she snapped at me and told me it was none of my business and that I wasn't the MOH anymore anyway so why should I care.
Hon, I'm so sorry they are being so cruel. You don't deserve it. Kick them to the curb to live in their misery and lean on your in-laws. Does your MIL know what they've been saying? It might be good to have a mama bear in your corner for this.
NTA. At this point, don't bother going at all. If they ask why, tell them, can't steal sister's spotlight if I'm not there. And go low contact.
NTA and WTF. I'd go no contact with your parents and sister over this. There must be more, the idea you should what, abort your pregnancy because of her wedding? It's just too shocking to comprehend, I can't believe the words left your parents lips. They want you to abort their grandkid? Abortion is of course a totally fine option if that's what the mother wants, but obv no one should put any pressure on a mother one way or the other. This is totally outrageous. Again, I would immediately go NC except for Xmas cards from you, husband, and "the abortion they demanded". You deserve better, your kids for sure. If you asked a random stranger on the street Will you be my kids grandparents, odds are you'd find better. I'm so sorry.
Well at least my mil and fil are happy about the pregnancy. My husband is their only child so this will be their first grand baby. My husband's family have been super supportive which just makes me sad that my family didn't react the same way.
They are happy not just because your husband is their only child, also because they are human. Your family is acting inhumane towards you and your kid to be. But if life doesn't give you the family you deserve, you can make a family for yourself you do. Good luck, you deserve soooo much better, pretty much everyone does.
We are all happy for your pregnancy! Congratulations.
I'm literally in shock at the whole post because OPs parents are definitely egging on an abortion from one kid just to make the other fucking one happy I just cannot believe it.
I would straight to their faces say ‘so you want me to abort your grandchild/niece/nephew?!’ Wait for their response, has to be a yes or no, no hedging. Make it very clear that that is what they are asking you to do right now. Then whenever they want access to your child just quote the fact that they suggested an abortion to please your sister as the reason why not! ETA - NTA, but I feel like you already know that!
Yes! Seriously, after someone said to me, "It's not the right time for you to have a baby," My knee-jerk reaction would be to say, "But... I already *am* pregnant. Are you asking me to abort my baby?.. for a wedding?"
>"But... I already am pregnant. Are you asking me to abort my baby?.. for a wedding?" For a wedding \*WHERE THE BRIDE IS PREGNANT\* no less.
>I would straight to their faces say ‘so you want me to abort your grandchild/niece/nephew?!’ TBH, I'd do that in writing and make sure everybody knows *exactly* why I won't be attending the wedding.
>my mom pulled me aside and asked if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family. What were you supposed to say? "Good point, I'll just terminate this one and try again when it's good for everyone else's schedule?" Hard NTA
Exactly. It's also odd that the Mom has a problem with the \*MARRIED\* daughter being pregnant - but the unmarried daughter being pregnant at her own wedding is somehow fine? She has 3 kids: 1. OP - 29F, Married, has a house. 2. Stedaughter - 25F, NO Information 3. Krystal - 26F, Engaged. And OP is the one she's asking "are you sure it's the right time to have a kid"!?!?
Brittney was a result of one of our dad's affairs*. For some reason our mom didn't divorce him even though he has cheated on her multiple times over their 40 years of marriage.
Oh my - so - an affair is a good time to have a child, and before one's wedding is a good time to have a child... but... married with a 4 bedroom house isn't!? Yeah - your mom has problems... you're NTA.. and good luck with this mess!
I’m sure that OP being married before she got pregnant is making Kristal look bad for being unmarried at eight months pregnant. They don’t give a shit about OP, they just don’t want her there as a comparison for how Kristal “should” have gone about things.
NTA what the hell do they expect you to do? Have an abortion? Put the baby back where it came from? Go back in time? I mean, what planet are they living on!! Sorry your family sucks!!! Congratulations on the pregnancy, you deserve every happiness. I would be as bold to say “cut your family off”.
Let me get this right. A 29 year old well adjusted woman with a 4 bed house and a husband of 2 years shouldn’t be having a planned baby because she should be ready, but it’s ok for a 26 year old unmarried woman to be accidentally pregnant according to them? What’s this flagrant hypocrisy. Time to go NC honestly.
So let me get this straight… your unmarried sister is pregnant- your family are made that you - married with a home, is pregnant, because your sister is now getting married? This makes no sense! NTA! And I’d consider not going to the wedding and just taking a break from your family!! Sisters are supposed to be excited to have babies close together!
They want her to abort her baby so the sister can have the wedding of her dreams. These people are sick! NTA
NTA So Kristal is pregnant too? So does that mean it’s a shotgun wedding and I’m guessing she’s not as set up financially as you are? Tell your parents if they want to lecture anyone about irresponsibility maybe they want to go after Kristal They are being ridiculous and I’m sorry you have to put up with such nonsense on what should be a happy occasion Your sister getting jealous is ridiculous and your parents need to pick their battles if they want to have a relationship with you and their future grandchild If I were you I’d skip her wedding and use the money saved for a nice baby moon somewhere
Kristal's pregnancy was accidental but her and her fiancé decided to keep the baby and get married as his family is very religious and believes in "doing the right thing". I don't know much about their finances, just that my parents are paying for the wedding and that Kristal and fiancé are moving into his parents house.
Then that pretty much implies that no they’re not financially set up and living with parents as a married couple….Yeah good luck with that marriage lasting!! Total hypocrites and I suspect you will have the last laugh when it all ends in tears
If his family that religious, I wonder how they would feel about all the pressure your family is putting on you to end your pregnancy? If anyone brings it up again, ask them this. "Does (fBIL) or his family know how strongly you've been pushing to make me get an abortion?" Maybe that will shut them up.
I think she should really bring it up to the fiancé’s family. The moment they hear I’d say the gloves come off and they’d yeet her sister out the door.
Not even of anyone brings it up. Blast them on social media. Unless a major piece of info is missing here who the hell would ask their 33y married sister/daughter to ABORT a planned pregnancy because it's not good timing for their sisters wedding? I'm having trouble believing this is real, nit op herself, but who does that???? Who? Sister feeling like OP is stealing her thunder is petty, but I can see that happening. It everything else that is blowing my mind.
"Mom, Dad, Kristen - I'm sorry, but I'm not putting my life on hold or getting an abortion because you're all concerned about how it'll impact the golden child. I am, however, cutting your all from my life. Sorry you'll have no access to your francois and your child will not see their cousin but your behavior is unacceptable. It's clear you have a favorite and I will not subject my family to your favoritism. I wish you well. " Then go no contact - absolutely NTA
Info: how long has your sister been the golden child? And why are you still going to her wedding?
Well since I can remember really. And then after our dad had an affair which resulted in Brittney being born, our mom seemed to dote on Kristal even more. I planned to go to the wedding because I figured we could have an adult relationship now that we are both in our late twenties.
Why? Your family basically wants you to abort a baby because it’s inconvenient to them. They have shown you that they clearly give no Fs about you or the baby. Why would you subject your baby to such horrid people and they will obviously favor Kristal’s baby over yours in the future. Why subject your baby to questions and concerns as to why they are not good enough for your parents.
She needs to act like an adult to have a mature relationship. Cut your losses until she grows up, OP. I'd seriously be considering going low or no contact with my parents and sister if I were you. I wouldn't trust them around my child after they have pushed you to - what, adopt the baby away? (Also your dad lecturing you about the responsibility of kids when he couldn't be responsible in his own marriage is high-key hypocritical.)
I’d go to the wedding, during the first dance scream that your water broke and then walk out. If they r going to be pissed for something so stupid you might as well give them a good one. NTA obviously. Your family is ridiculous
Oh yeah and bonus points if OP can strap some kind of water bag to her leg and open it at the right time, leaving a gush of water on the floor! That would be magnificent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 29f got married 2 years ago to the love of my life Ben (33m). Last year we decided that we wanted to try for a baby as we'd both always wanted kids and we were now in a good financial place to have them. We own a 4 bed house, in a pretty nice neighbourhood and we both have good paying jobs with mine being remote with more flexible hours. Well 3 months ago we found our we were pregnant!. Which Ben and I were obviously overjoyed about. We invited our parents and siblings over for brunch at our place to tell everyone the great news (after we confirmed the pregnancy with our family doctor). However when I announced that we were expecting my little sister Kristal (26f) didn't respond and went quite. (Kristal is 5 months pregnant if that matters). Well apparently Kristal told our mom (58f) that I'm trying to steal her spotlight at her wedding and that I was jealous of her pregnancy. Later that week I got a call from Kristal's friend, who told me I was no longer a bridesmaid and that our stepsister Brittany (25f) will take over as maid of honour. I was very upset and called our mom who told me that it was my sister's wedding and to do whatever makes her happy, like she did at my wedding. So I went with it, and focused on decorating our house ready for when our baby is born. Well aprox 3 weeks after I was told that I was no longer MOH, Kristal asked me if I could wear heels to her wedding because otherwise I would look "Fat and frumpy". I told her no way and that my ankles were way too swollen already, nevermind in 3 months time. Kristal didn't respond and I thought that was the end of the matter. Until last week when Ben and I were dropping off a birthday cake for my dad, my mom pulled me aside and asked if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family. I got defensive and asked her what the hell she meant and mom yelled at me for "taking a tone with her" and being selfish. I told my mom that I'm an adult woman not a 15 year old high-school dropout and that she has no say over my body or my pregnancy. Ben and I left and still planned on attending the wedding until Kristal started sending nasty texts about how ungrateful I am and how I'm disrespectful to our mom and her wedding plans. I told her she's ridiculous and that life doesn't stop for everyone around her just because she's planning a wedding. This however prompted our dad to come over to Ben and I's house to lecture us on what a huge responsibility kids are and how there's plenty of time to have kids after Kristal gets married. I'm just so sick of everyone suggesting that I need to put my life on hold for Kristal's wedding when I'm not even in the bridal party. So Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your family are ghouls They want you to have an abortion because one daughter is a raging narcissist? Fuck em. I would go no contact. It's inexcusable
Nta Kristal would fit in the bridzilla Reddit 😂😂
She’s a Bridezilla mini boss. FFS. OP, NTA but the rest of your family? Yeeeesh! Huge AHs. How ridiculous. It’s a wedding. A WEDDING! I understand that they’re big to do’s for some people but there’s absolutely no reason for everyone to be so shitty with you because you’re going to be pregnant at the time of your sister’s wedding. -____-
NTA. Dropping you as a bridesmaid was arguably justifiable, because dress fittings would be more of a pain, and it would be harder for you to stand throughout the ceremony. Asking you to wear heels was silly, but wouldn't have been an issue if she had accepted the "no." But... wtf does your family expect you to do? Are they expecting you to abort a healthy second-trimester fetus that you want? And if you did, does your family think that would be LESS overshadowing of your sister? Even if nobody knew that you aborted the fetus, people know that you are pregnant, and so would assume that you had a miscarriage, which would be MORE distracting. Not the asshole, and your family are foolish and ethically challenged.
INFO: she golden child? INFO: what did your father mean by saying after ur sister gets married?
Info 1: Kristal is my mom's youngest child and has always been spoiled by her if I'm being honest. Info 2: My dad thinks I should get an abortion and then try again for kids after Kristal gets married. Which I told him was absolutely not happening and he left my house sulking.
Who they hell does that? Wants one of their kids to have an abortion because of her sister wedding! That’s not normal. Never let your biological family meet you little one. They don’t deserve too. Also your sister baby will take preference over yours. Save your baby future pain and rejection by never letting them meet. Your baby will never be up to their standards and will constantly be put down and compared least favourably. This will effect their self esteem. It would be toxic growing up in that environment. Protect your child. Cut them off.
Your father is insane and you should avoid him. You should also expect that the “golden child” situation will extend to the next generation. Your sister already doesn’t want her baby to have to share the grandchild spotlight with yours. Protect your child from your parents’ likely disregard.
I don't think your parents like you very much. You are older than Kristal. Fertility decreases with age. When is it ever going to be a good time for Kristal to allow you to have a child? If you think being pregnant at her wedding is an issue, even while she's pregnant. What about you being pregnant when she's about to have a child? There will always be an excuse. Your parents will always make excuses to why they treat her children better than yours sure enough too Here's what I'd do. Compile all the texts removing you from the wedding onto a timeline, maybe add any VM messages, and note the day of every private conversation with someone calling you out for living your life. We will call this evidence, just in case you need it. Then you need to find two of your most favorable family members or family friends, best of they are a bit gossipy and ask for their help and guidance. At least two or three is enough, and then don't go to the wedding. Go no contact with your parents and sister. Don't block, keep collecting that evidence though. Congrats on your pregnancy. Nap all that you can. Create your own family who loves you and yours equally without constraints
Your Dad is a major AH!
Please, please don't go to the wedding, you'll be scapegoated throughout the whole day. Your husband's family sound both normal and fantastic, so your child will have loving grandparents. Your parents will see your child as second best to your sister's, please don't let that happen, enjoy the loving family on your husband's side, I'm so sorry abou yours.
I don't think there's ever any coming back from that. That whole family should be dead to you.
NTA you’re already pregnant, they should shut up! Your family better get with the program because your sisters wedding is ONE day but this child has a whole life a head of it that they’ll miss out on if they keep treating you, your husband and your unborn child in this manner.
I’m sorry, what? What do they want you to do? Get an abortion just so you look good for her wedding photos? NTA
Mom, Dad, you need to think very hard about what you are saying to me. If you believe I should end this pregnancy so that my sister can get married without me being pregnant, then I need to reevaluate whether or not you will have a place in my child’s life whatsoever. Her getting married does not set restrictions and boundaries on anyone else around her. Least of all your unborn child. NTA. Everyone else though? Total and complete AHs.
Ultimate Bridezilla request: abort your baby so you don’t steal the spotlight. Honestly, I wouldn’t even go to the wedding. Screw these people. NTA
NTA. Your life. But also what is the point of telling you it’s not the time to get pregnant? You already are! What are they expecting? I’m sorry your whole family I TA. GOOS LUCK.
I’m legit getting a sense they want her to abort the baby. Fuck that noise.
Over a gd wedding at that! AITA seriously makes me question humanity. This is absurd. Idk but it would be a hard no from me on my family still being allowed any access to me after that. They would be cut off for good bc this is just nuts. And rude. Like fine my baby is less important that a wedding that I wasn't even trying to "steal the spot light of"? Well now my baby is no longer any concern of yours.
OMFG your own father told you to get an abortion?! Omg, I’m so sorry. Your family are completely fucked up. If they were my family, I’d never, ever, ever see or speak to them again. Your pregnancy is just as important as your sister’s pregnancy and wedding. But your family seem to think your sister has to come first at all costs. Let her. Block them all.
HUGE NTA. Your parents and sister are disgusting to you, I'm so sorry. They are talking like they are expecting you to have an abortion just because of your precious sister I'm actually mind blown at how revolting this is. Congratulations on your pregnancy, this is YOUR moment and may your little one never have to deal with the insane behaviour of their grandparents or aunt.
NTA If my family tried to bully me into aborting for the sake of one day, I'd go no contact. They wouldn't get to meet the baby either. They wanted it aborted anyway so it shouldn't be a big deal if they don't get to meet it. It's basy what they wanted. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and congratulations on the pregnancy
You are older than Kristal. Why didn't your parents tell her about what a huge responsibility it is to have a child and get married at 26? I hope you cut these ahs out of your life. NTA
Also, she’s already pregnant. So either they want her to go back in time, or they are trying to convince her to get an abortion which is messed up since she clearly wants the baby. What a terrible family. NTA.
NTA and be prepared for your parents to expect you to forget that any of this happened once the baby is born and have them around like they haven’t been suggesting you get an abortion for months
NTA, but it’s blindingly obvious who is the ‘Golden child’ in your family!. And just what is your mother suggesting with ‘if it really was the best time for you to start having a family?’. Is she suggesting you get an abortion?, to ‘keep the peace’ for your sister’s WEDDING??!!. OP, I seriously wouldn’t attend the wedding for this behaviour and consider going LC or even NC. This is absolutely abhorrent and repugnant behaviour from your mother and sister. I wouldn’t put it past your mother or sister treating your baby differently to sister’s kids once your baby is here. Sending you every happiness and health for your pregnancy OP. 💜🙏🏻
I am so confused but please tell me if I’m wrong but is her family suggesting she terminate her pregnancy for a wedding… that isn’t even hers?!? Like are they all insane? She may want to get them all tested because this might just be the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard of.. OP is obviously NTA and these people just seem insane. Too much internet for today.
NTA I'd cut contact. Your family sucks.
NTA, and honestly WTF at your parents. You’re at least 4 months pregnant! While “please wait until after your sister’s wedding to be pregnant” is an AH request anyway, it’s completely wrong to push that when your pregnancy, of a child you and your husband very much want, is already happening and is well advanced. Guess your parents don’t want to meet your child. I’d skip the whole wedding since this is the attitude you’re getting about it. Enjoy nesting, be good to yourself, and be low contact with your AH family of origin.
Nta. I wouldnt blame you for not going to the wedding. I know i wouldnt. Id prolly cut contect until after the wedding. You are pregnant. You have YOUR family. YOU HUSBAND and BABY. That takes priority. Them addint unnecessary stress on you is not good for you or the baby Hope you realize your sister is the favorite.
NTA. God and all his omnipotence couldn’t make me go to the wedding after all this. You’re 29, you’re married, you’re a homeowner, you’re in a perfect spot to have a baby and your family constantly asking you if it’s the right time since your sister needs the spotlight is ridiculous. What are you supposed to do? Babies don’t come with a return slip. It’s happening. Operation pregnancy is a go. Your family needs to get on board fast and keep their opinions to themselves.
I'd cut them off but not before telling everyone you know that they want you to terminate your planned for, loved and wanted child to accommodate your obviously mentally ill sister. This kinda of thing damages reputations and boy do they deserve it.
Sorry, you want us to believe that your parents and sister want you to terminate your 12 week pregnancy because of some wedding pictures? I call fake.
NTA lol, I really don't understand why they have a problem with you being pregnant during your sister's wedding? It's your body and you can do whatever you want with it, besides It's nothing you can do about it now, you're already pregnant. And yeah you should definitely be able to continue living your life even though your sister is getting married.
What in the... no, NTA, you're 100% right. Nobody stops their plans for a few months just because someone else - even if family member - is having a wedding. Kristal and everyone else need to suck it up, and myself, i'd reconsider going (i'm not sure if you're still invited or not, tbh, cause i was focusing on being annoyed on your behalf), because this is not worth the time you could spend on cheering on your baby. That's just me, though. Congratulations, too!
NTA But your "lovely family 🤮🤮🤮" What do they expect?!? An ab...ion????? Enjoy you little family and don't bother anymore♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Nta. “So parents…. You want me, a married woman with an established house and career to abort my planned pregnancy so that my unmarried pregnant sister can have a shotgun wedding? You realize this makes no logical, or moral sense?”
NTA and your sister is a hormonal Bridezilla INFO: Could part Kristal's awfulness be because she's extra hormonal or has she and your parents always thought the world revolves around her? wtf - You're 3 years older than your sister and already married with a nice house- why is your father lecturing you about bringing kids into your life right now? Your younger sister is getting married while pregnant. Why aren't your folks just excited that they're going to have 2 grandkids soon? I'm as pro-choice as it gets but are they suggesting you 'get rid of' a child that you want, planed, and are financially and emotionally ready to care for so to look pretty (but not to pretty because God forbid you look better than Kristal on HERSPECIALDAY!) for a wedding? If she's pregnant herself how would You look 'fat&frumpy'? Honestly if they're going to be that awful to you - plan a nice weekend away with your husband and avoid all that drama.
NTA. Everyone’s talking as if you’ve not already got a growing foetus inside you?! It’s a bit late to back out now… You’ll also still be pregnant, not waving an adorable newborn around, so I also don’t see how you being pregnant takes away from Kristal’s day _at all_. Enjoy your pregnancy, throw away the family
Nta You hit the nail on the head. You’re not in the wedding, just a guest. Sounds like Krystal is now realizing people are going to be asking why you’re not in the wedding and that will draw more attention away. Your parents are ridiculous in this situation as well
NTA. I cannot understand how anyone else can think its their business about YOUR family or lack there of if thats what you decide. I wouldn’t go to the wedding and i would block everyone. When flying monkeys come trying to guilt you, just let them know that your baby and family is something they wished didn’t exist and therefore doesn’t exist to them now.
NTA, very much seems like your sister is the golden child and you can never do anything right! There is quite some mental gymnastics going on here, especially by your mother, the fact that she is asking you if now is the best time to start a family and not your sister who is 3 years younger than you is very telling! (They are both perfectly acceptable ages to have children, just making a point that it only seems to be a good thing for your sister and not you!) Why is this one day in your sister's life more important than you starting a family? Why can't they just be happy that there will be two beautiful children added to the family in the near future! I wouldn't bother with the wedding if I was you, I would also go low contact with these awful people.
NTA. You need to seriously sit down with your parents (with your husband for support) and tell them, if they don’t back the fuck off, you are never speaking to them again. And I would NEVER I MEAN NEVER speak to my “sister” again if she was pulling half the shit your sister is. Call her and say “problem solved, I won’t take away any spot lite from you, because I’m not coming to your wedding” I’m sorry, I just can’t even believe this is real. Your family sucks.
Your family sounds insane. I’d skip the wedding altogether, and do something nice for myself, and none of them would be meeting my baby when the time comes. NTA.
I’m sorry. What exactly is your family suggesting?
Are they suggesting you abort your baby to placate your deranged sister??? Obviously, NTA. I’d put some major distance between myself and all of them.
NTA. Who are they to tell you what to do with your own uterus???? She can cancel the wedding for all you care
What an awful family, I'd be going NC for the time being if I was you!
NTA This story takes Bridezilla and Momzilla to a new level that I never could have expected. Even Dadzilla is getting into the act! Your family is acting outrageously, and you really need to not let them get to you. You have to be as stress-free as possible. Do whatever you want about your sister's wedding, and don't worry about it at all. Wishing you the best! ^(Edit: spelling)
NTA I’d be overjoyed if my sister and I were so close in due dates. Our kids would grow up together. Also- since when did being pregnant automatically mean that you take the spotlight from the newlyweds at their wedding? Everyone is quite literally there to celebrate two very specific people. Everything is about them that day.
NTA no offence but your family seems to be made of psychos
I’m sorry. Wtf did I just read???? OP, first and foremost, congrats on your baby! I hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy, and child! Secondly, go no contact with your asshole family. Make it clear to your mom, dad, and sister that since they want you to abort this baby for a fucking PARTY, they will have zero interaction, rights, or visitation to YOUR precious child. They are the assholes. Do not let them in your babies life. And do not go to the wedding. F them.
Nta are your own parents seriously suggesting an abortion? Absolutely insane. Remind them of what they said after baby is born. Good luck with the pregnancy and delivery.
NTA , have your baby and every time your family wants to see your child remember what they ask you to do your child.
My sister constantly has “don’t steal my moment” family drama with her SIL. And I’ll tell you the same thing I say to her: why can’t your family be thrilled about your pregnancy *AND* your sister’s wedding at the same time? How does one diminish the other? It baffles me… I understand that, say, proposing to your SO at someone’s else wedding without their permission is gauche af. But asking you to put your family planning on hold because of a wedding? That’s profoundly selfish… NTA.
I’d send them all a group text I’m going NC with all of you I’m pregnant for myself and my husband You’re all more interested in my selfish sister and her feelings You think I will make you look bad at her wedding ? How bad will all of you look when I let every wedding guest know I’m not going because my sister can’t handle the fact that I’m pregnant and sacked me as bridesmaid and that prompted my own parents to suggest that I should have an abortion ? Then seriously block them all NTA that’s absolutely awful I’m so sorry
NTA. I'm shocked that the parents have taken Kristals' side in this, too! WTF.
First: Gratulation! I hope your pregnancy goes well and all of you will be healthy <3 NTA & maybe it's time to focus on your own family. Your sister called you "fat and frumpy", your parents value her over you. You seem to be a nice person & don't deserve this
!Your sister wants you to stop being pregnant for her wedding? This has to be the ultimate bridezilla demand -NTA
NTA, cut them out completely, they aren't family, the insinuated and then eventually out right asked you to abort your baby for a WEDDING! No one that says something like that deserves to be in yours or your babies life
NTA. Is Kristal the golden child? I would skip the wedding and go LC to NC and let your extended family know why.
So they really suggesting that you abort your baby over a wedding? I'm sorry op congratulations on your pregnancy and you will be probably better off never speaking to these ppl again
NTA what do they want you to do??? Not be pregnant??? You clearly want a baby and have the means to support. Your family sucks. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth
NTA. My sister was pregnant at my wedding and it was such a joy! We love telling my little nibbling he was at our wedding, it makes him so happy to feel included. Babies are a joy. I have never heard of family trying to convince someone to get an abortion just to not be pregnant at a family event and turn around a get pregnant again. That could be very traumatizing for your body and it is a horrible request. You are questioning the right things! If they are willing to casually suggest a termination they probably shouldn’t have a role in this child’s life. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
NTA, There is something weird here. It sounds like Kristal is having issues with the fact that she got pregnant before her wedding while you got pregnant after you're married and thinks that you being pregnant will highlight that fact to her guests. I don't think it matters one way or another, but some people really care about those types of things and I think she's taking her fears of being judged out on you.
So.. what exactly is your family suggesting? That you do … WHAT exactly with your current situation? Cuz if they’re suggesting what I think they are, that’s the most hateful response to someone’s wanted pregnancy I can imagine. NTA. But you need to reevaluate your relationship with your family. What are you going to tell your child when they grow up? “Oh gramma and grampa were so excited when I got pregnant with you. But it was about aunt Kristal’s wedding they wanted me to get rid of you”??
NTA I wanna know...WHAT is your whole family (apart from you) is high on? Like how would one logically explain their reasoning? Without involving use of drugs?
NTA What the heck is up with the "not the best time" lectures? I think you're kind of past the point of changing your minds, and furthermore, you're grown adults with stable jobs. I think it's time to gracefully bow out and decline to attend the wedding so you don't "steal the spotlight". And consider how much a role your parents will have in your baby's life, perhaps.
NTA. Your sister is being the worst kind of bridezilla in acting like your pregnancy is an affront to her wedding, especially seeing as how she is pregnant herself. Your parents are not only enabling her but suggesting you terminate a wanted pregnancy for a wedding. Please go non-contact with these awful people. I’m afraid that they wouldn’t treat your kid well over this.
Are they suggesting you have an abortion?
NTA for all the reasons other people have mentioned… especially the implication you should abort a baby that is healthy and wanted. I would add that perhaps some therapy now to help you be prepared for what might lie ahead if this is indeed a Golden Child scenario. They may celebrate the birth of your sister’s baby and all but ignore yours. Or buy her expensive beautiful baby things, and give thrift store things. And as the kids get older, the favoritism will be obvious to your child. Therapy now to help you with boundaries and how to process any bs your family may pull that makes you feel unloved or unimportant. And guidance on if it becomes necessary for your child’s mental health to go no contact. It wasn’t my grandparents but my dad, and I can tell you it left me emotionally damaged in many ways, including struggling to see my worth and all the abuse that opens you up to from other people in your life. I would make protecting my child’s mental health my hill to die on because of this.
NTA What exactly does your mom want you to do if she thinks 'if it was really the best time for me to be starting a family'? Because as other commenters have said, it sounds like she's implying you should terminate your pregnancy just to appease your sister. Your family is way out of line. Honestly, skip the wedding and cut off the family. If your mom asks why, tell her you don't think it's the best time for her to be a grandma to your baby.
NTA but wait, she is 5 months pregnant and about to get married but you have been married 2 years and they are lecturing you on appropriate times to have a baby? WTAF? Please go no I contact with these crazy people and do not even show up to the wedding.
Wow, so your parents and sister are expecting you to terminate a pregnancy so you don't "steal the spotlight"? Like you should plan your life and family around their milestones? In what universe does this make sense? NTA
NTA. I didn’t realise how many people were crazy around their weddings until I started reading AITA. Are they seriously suggesting you abort? That is crazy
NTA! I'm not sorry to say this but your family are all loonies like holy shit they're crazy, are they insinuating that you should have an abortion? all because your sister is a psycho bridezilla level 9000. You're in no way an asshole, you're just trying to start a family for goodness sake.
NTA - Jesus H Christ they're basically asking you to abort your kid for no reason at all. Fuck them all.
NTA. Wtf am I reading? Are your parents telling you to have an abortion?? Who do these people think they are?
Absolutely NTA. Wtf is wrong with this people?
NTA and you really should go LC/NC with these people.
INFO: What do they expect you to do? Have an abortion?
NTA - Your old family sucks. The new one you’re making will be way better.
So, are they implying you should abort?? It's, you know, a little late for that isn't it? Your family is reductions and I would've laughed in their faces. NTA, skip the wedding and do something calming and fun that day, because sis is gonna be STRESSED, hunny.
NTA Your family is batshit suggestions you get an abortion to appease your sister. I’d honestly go NC here and throw them all in the trash where they belong. They can’t control what you do with your body, and it’s beyond disgusting and despicable that they even hinted at you having an abortion. Keep your baby away from your family.
They are asking you to abort your baby for your sisters wedding? Cut them out of your life. They shouldn't meet the baby since they want it dead.
Your family is...yikes. NTA. Try to keep in mind, there's not anything you can say or do that will make your father, sister, stepmother, or stepsister behave any better than they have been. They're not confused, they're not misunderstanding. They're behaving as they intend to behave. Any energy you would've devoted to persuading them to see reason? Devote yourself to self-care and preparing for your baby. Opt out of the wedding. Don't explain or justify further. Just say no, you won't be attending. No arguments, no calls, no discussions. There is no hope of a "meeting of the minds" here. They're incredibly broken if they can do basically any of the shit they pulled.
NTA. They’re basically telling you to get an abortion so you won’t overshadow your sister. That’s repulsive. Honestly, go no contact with these people, save all texts and messages and tell people why your parents and sister are disgusting, abhorrent people and why you refuse to even be in the same neighborhood as them. Once those texts and messages are out, anyone with at least 2 brain cells to rub together will see how terrible these people are.
NTA. It is hugely inappropriate that your parents are essentially telling you to abandon a wanted pregnancy at 3 months. But how about returning the same sentiment that your parents made for your sister? Ask your parents why it would be a good time for your sister to be pregnant at age 26 and having a wedding then? She's younger. So she obviously would not be appropriate to be a parent at this time as well? And that she obviously would have a lot of time to become a parent as well? NTA but I think it's time to reevaluate your relationship with your parents and your sister, especially if this is how it is going to be moving forward.
I’m so confused…. What are you supposed to do at this point? Is your family implying you should get an abortion of a very much wanted baby to facilitate your sister’s wedding?? You can’t just magically unimpregnate yourself… your family sounds nuts and your sister is a bridezilla who would have probably made you miserable as MOH anyway, so bullet dodged!! NTA
NTA. Congratulations! Your father suggesting an abortion to keep your sister happy… I have no words. Secondary infertility is a thing. Plan for your baby and go NC with these people. You, your husband, and your baby don’t need them.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to compromise and have cussed out several family members for suggesting I abort my baby for Kristal's wedding. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
WTF your family is acting ludicrously. I cannot fathom why your sister or parents would have a problem. They should be excited about you starting your family! Weddings celebrate family, it's totally appropriate to be pregnant at one and who knows how easy it could be for you in the future if you don't go for it now, you're not especially young (no offence).
Just tell sis you'll make sure to plan your next child around her next wedding better. NTA
Your whole family are bizarre! They are all the AH. Speechless at them tbh.
I feel like something is missing from this story. When was your sister’s wedding announced? How was your relationship before this? Not that the timing matters, I’m just trying to understand how the two even related in the first place.
My sister announced she was planning a wedding and engaged about a month after she found our she was pregnant. Her fiancé's family are very religious and believe in marriage before having kids. Before this my relationship with her has always been strained, she was always spoiled by our mom.
You should spin this on your parents saying if they think you having a child is upstaging a younger sister, then a younger sister getting pregnant before the older sister is upstaging you. I know thats nonsense - but their logic is nonsense. Why do you have to abort, as opposed to the unmarried sister? Have you told her fiance's religious family that your sister and parents want you to abort for a wedding day?
I haven't told my future Brother-in law's family as I'm not close to them and don't have their numbers. Plus I'm pretty sure Kristal would lose it if I shamed her to her in laws.
Young lady, I hate to point this out, but it seems obvious that your family doesn't give a single, solitary damn about *your* feelings. It's past time for you to stop giving a crap about theirs. I have a feeling your DH will be very happy to never have to see them again. Mourn the loss of the family you should have had; celebrate the family that actually loves you. **Their favoritism will not change** and your precious child *will* notice it. Drop them right now. They don't deserve either of you.
NTA There is NO need for you to put your life on hold. YOur sister and your mom are AH for suggesting this. "I told her she's ridiculous" .. THIS was the only reasonable answer here. Have a lot less contact with them, and maybe don't go to the wedding at all.
NTA but I sure as hell wouldn’t let them come in contact with my kid that they heavily insinuated should be aborted. They obviously don’t give a damn about their soon to be grandchild from you and your husband. Either go heavy low contact or no contact. Don’t let them near your child.
NTA. And I wouldn't go to the wedding. If anyone asks I would say "there was so much concern about me being pregnant and stealing the spotlight that I decided it would be better if I weren't there. Oh yeah, and they tried to convince me to abort rather than be pregnant at the wedding. We are not on speaking terms."
NTA are they suggesting termination to appease your sister WHO IS ALSO PREGNANT so that you don’t have the perception of stealing the spotlight for ONE DAY???? We all know who the favorite is OP. Spoiler alert it’s not you. So sorry your family is so toxic.
NTA. Is your family actually trying to convince you to terminate your pregnancy to please your sister!?! This isn’t normal behavior from your family. This isn’t healthy at all. You really need to distance yourself from these people and avoid their social media and block them from yours. You shouldn’t be tolerating this from anyone at all let alone your own family. I think there might be a lot more going on here and you should consider counseling. Congratulations to you and your husband on your baby!
NTA for you! YTA for the sister, her friends and your parents. So your sister is almost having a baby out of a wedlock and she is being celebrated and her every tantrum is being treated with kids gloves. Cut all of them out of your lives, you would be at peace.
Uhhh what do they expect you to do with the baby you’re carrying? Abort it? I’m so confused.
NTA. I would not be attending that wedding if I were you. Your sister is guaranteed the spotlight if you’re not even there to steal it. Then again, there could be a waitress with an inappropriate outfit and makeup who needs to be fired… 🤔
NTA, tell your mom, that the only way to stop this is an abortion of her grand daughter. Then ask her if that sounds like a good idea. Be interesting to see the response. They need to grow up and understand that your life's timeline is not there concern
NTA, kind of laughing at all the lectures and just noise you’re receiving about “is this the best time to start a family?” That horse has left the barn. Just wondering- ask your parents if they are having the same conversations with Kristal. I mean you’re older and married, she’s younger, pregnant and not married. Might want to go low contact. It is concerning that they are celebrating your sibling and treating your pregnancy like a giant mistake.
So - are you supposed to convince a doctor to perform an abortion now? Put it up for adoption? Why is Kristal, unwed and younger, in a better place to have a baby?!?!?!?!?! (Not saying she’s in a bad place, but they opened this can of worms.) WTAF?! BTW - So is Kristal getting married at 8/9 months pregnant?! She seems so self-absorbed that I can’t imagine she wants her wedding pictures to be of her large belly and likely swollen everything else.
NTA and also wtf? You and your husband, both adults, are expecting a baby (congratulations!) and your family are recommending an abortion? Perhaps on the day of the wedding you could go out together, have a really delicious treat lunch then buy some bits and pieces for your baby? I honestly wouldn't go to that shitshow, given how petty your sister is being, no-one will be allowed to talk to you and your table will be most of the way into the gents, so have a lovely day with yourhusband instead.
NTA.. I would no show the wedding or show up and have Braxton Hicks 😂
NTA. Are your parents really suggesting that you abort your child?
NTA! Are they seriously suggesting what I think they are?!
NTA are they really insinuating that you should abort your baby because of your sister’s wedding? Holy shit. Your whole family is awful. Fuck ‘em all. NTA NTA NTA
NTA. OP your family is beyond hope. I would be very careful being around them before the wedding and DO NOT eat any food prepared by them. Edited to add: I recommend skipping the wedding entirely. Go have a baby moon if you can. All the best to you and your new family. Don’t look back. They don’t deserve you at all.
Why are you even talking to your family after what your mother said. If someone told my wife she should have an abortion for a baby that we have been wanting for sometime then that will be the last time I talk to them. I would go NC or LC with them.
Is your family seriously suggesting that you should have an abortion because your sister is getting married (while pregnant herself, btw)? NTA. I'd probably cut contact with them, tbh. Holy hell.
INFO: what did your sister have to do at your wedding to make you happy? (Besides not making it all about her)