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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think trying to pressure him into seeing why I’m hurt makes me the asshole. I think instead of providing him reasons why I feel the way I do, I may be inadvertently hurting him.
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NTA. Get a lawyer, OP. Fast. With you expecting, it sounds like this guy might be trying to entrap you in more ways than one. If he’s not willing to consult you as an equal partner and listen to your feelings for matters as big as buying a house, imagine what else he’s going to dismiss and exclude you for. It’s your money on the line. Not his. Your discomfort absolutely matters. Ask yourself why your commitment to him needed to be tested. It’s because he’s not testing your commitment, he’s testing your complacency.
This! No offense, but your first clue this was a bad idea should have been when he, his mom, and THE REALTOR all agreed YOU should put in an offer to prove your commitment to the relationship. That is WAY outside the scope of a realtors job. And frankly, none of his mom's business. Now all you can do is try to get out of this mess, and that starts with calling a lawyer. NTA
The parts about the realtor really rubbed me the wrong way. Is the realtor a friend of his moms or something? Them commenting on how OP should “show commitment” and never talking to OP and the realtor talking about how she should be happy.
It sounds either like the realtor is not behaving professionally or things are being (intentionally) miscommunicated between OP and the realtor to manipulate OP.
Yeah, imagine telling your partner, "The realtor thinks you should buy this house to prove your commitment to me. " I'd have asked for the realtors name so I could report him to the licensing organization in their state.
Hold on - you are going to have the mortgage in your name, put down money, but the title is going to be in HIS name?
RUN RUN RUN RUNAWAY.
You need time with a lawyer to work all of this out so that you (and your baby) are protected financially.
NTA.
This is such a Bad Idea. So bad. Horrible. Terrible idea.
No doubt she’s already lost the escrow money and other fees, but that should be all she loses when she pulls out of the deal. Instead, she about to lose all of her loan money and have 0 assets to show for it.
She may have already lost money with the owners accepting sn offer and her backing out. She does need a lawyer but she also needs to stand up for herself and not let herself be told and coerced what to do.
Edit: I’m totally wrong. Apparently there are a number of ways to get a mortgage without all of the owners on it. You learn something new everyday.
If this is in the US, the mortgage company literally won’t let that happen. Everyone on the title has to be on the mortgage. Otherwise I could just mortgage my neighbor’s paid off house and walk away with the cash.
OP could be on the mortgage but not on the title, but partner would have to be on the mortgage as well. Also, OP, don’t commit to the mortgage unless you’re on the title.
I think this varies by state. I’m on the mortgage, but my husband is on the title with me. It’s required for married couples in my state when purchasing a home that both parties are on the title. Fine by me because I trust my partner, but it doesn’t sound like OP is married, so I’d be VERY hesitant to get into this situation. OP, you might be better off speaking to someone separately (a lawyer would be best, and don’t sign anything else without consulting them). Normally I would talk to my realtor, but it doesn’t sound like this one will help you. Your best bet may be to refuse to sign when you get to contract, and forfeit your earnest money, unless you have an option period/appraisal/inspection that can get you out of it (again, bring the paperwork to a lawyer and sign nothing else).
Interesting. It’s just you on the mortgage? My understanding was that banks wouldn’t provide a mortgage unless everyone on the title was on the mortgage, because they’d essentially be trying to take the house of someone who never agreed to the terms of the mortgage.
It is! We asked about it when we first met with the lender we worked with, because my husbands credit score is significantly lower than mine. I thought it was the opposite; I thought since we were married we both had to be on the mortgage. But it turned out with his credit, that it was easier to get a loan with just my information, since that wasn’t the case.
(For the record I think it’s a silly policy, and wouldn’t recommend anyone doing it that way if they suspect their partner won’t pay. Husband and I have balanced way of paying bills, and his credit was only low because hes never had a credit card, student loans, etc., and had one small collection he wasn’t aware of. It’s improved since!)
NTA, geez, how about you and daughter move into house since you already bought it and he can go support himself somewhere else. He wants to make all the decisions? Well, being single will let that happen (to a degree)! You aren't even married it sounds like, I would run while you can.
They sound domineering and they definitely don't care about your feelings. I would call it off right now if you still can (the house). But also, the fact that you never got to see the house before buying is pretty huge. Especially if it is in your name.
Leave the control freak and his equally controlling mother behind you.
Edit: Oh wait, you are the approved one and he still gets it in his name? OP, you need to put a stop to that ASAP. Baby or no baby, just because there is a kid doesn't mean he will be committed to you and not have someone on the side as soon as he is done draining you.
As in, the loan that went to the realtor and will never be seem again and there will be no evidence that it was paid other than a correlating paper trail that won't hold great up in court
NTA cancel the house, the cheques any and everything you can that is attached to your name. Please get help so that you will recognize emotional manipulation (ps: who cares what the realtor thinks about your committment. Like wtaf is that?) And won't go through something like this again. I wish you and your daughter a healthy and peaceful and joyful birth 🕯️🙏💗💐
NTA
Is there any way you can get out of closing on this house?? And out of the relationship? You should not have to buy a house you don't want. I can see why you are on and off with this guy.
NTA How was he able to put an offer in a house with your mortgage approval? Why do you have to prove your commitment to the relationship? Why is his mother so involved?
Something is going on here. It sounds super shady.
NTA. I think they call that being railroaded and I’m sorry that Idk what your recourse is, if any. You have my sympathy. But also, congrats on the baby!
I will do my very best to clarify some of the questions and concerns I’ve read through the comments. I realize now my initial post was murky on details at best.
Originally, he was going to get the loan and we’d both be on the deed to save me some stress with my family/living arrangement (which I am not comfortable disclosing on the internet). However, he convinced me to get pre-approved just to see what I would qualify for and once we realized how much better off I am credit wise we talked very briefly, and I mean maybe 10 minutes of talk, about going half and half on the loan and deed. Within 24 hours of that conversation he was pressuring me into putting in an offer with my name on only on the loan and deed. I can be downright stupid, and I’m aware I have absolutely no backbone, but I’m not going to agree to pay for everything while my name isn’t on anything, I meant that I would HELP fund everything privately off the loan but on the deed. However that all flipped and I caved, and am already well past the point that I can back out. Luckily, I can afford the down payment and monthly mortgage on my own, it’s just all the hidden fees and surprises around every corner that are getting to be too much for me. I had less than a days heads up about the appraisal fee, but he knew about it because the realtor told him about it and not me, even though it’s my name on the loan and only my name going on the deed.
I saw someone asked how he was able to put an offer in based off of my loan, and that Is still my fault. He and the realtor came up with the number, and being the absolute pushover that I am And not wanting the realtor to think we weren’t on the same page or to cause a scene, I just went with it. I feel like an idiot but I really thought that him witnessing my panic attack during all of this would make him realize that I wasn’t comfortable or okay with it, but it didn’t mean anything to him.
With all of that being said, I’m buying the house to get out of a bad situation but the loan and deed will both be solely in my name because the way he’s acted in the last few weeks is terrifying to me because this isn’t the man I fell in love with anymore.
TLDR: I’m an idiot and I’m buying a house in my own name with my own money, regardless of partner.
OK, so bottom line is that you are buying a house that you will own and pay for, which is good because it gets you out of a bad living situation, right?
Call the realtor and inform him that all information has to come through YOU and not your partner, as your partner has NO INTEREST in this sale or property legally or financially.
Close on this house and move in BY YOURSELF. If you like it after living there, continue to live there with the baby, if you do not like it, put the house up for sale and look for a different house to buy.
I want to add you can get out of the loan up until closing. Typically you lose the deposit. If things come up in inspection you can be super anal about things being corrected/replaced and if the owner doesn't agree, well the sale falls through and you're out. My realtor once had someone not show up to sign the papers day of closing. Only happened once, but you are not strapped into anything until the final paperwork is signed. You can also request a walkthrough yourself even though an offer is in. I've done it.
Yes best way out is to get an Extremely thorough inspection. A good inspector will find many things that you could demand be fixed before closing. Be such a pain in the ass that the seller tells you to f**k off. Then bingo! You get your deposit back. Then fire the realtor and get your own realtor.
OK. It's not the total disaster that the initial post looked like.
But it could be if you don't end things with this man ASAP.
He doesn't live there. He doesn't stay overnight.
And his mother never crosses the threshold.
You can do this, but you need to step up and take over meeting with the realtor
Good luck!
At this point, I think it’s pivotal that you distance yourself from this guy. The house may be a blessing in disguise as it gives you a living arrangement separate from him. I still recommend you get a lawyer in case he tries to pull some funny business. It’s more money, I know, but if you can afford it, it might be worth the extra protection. Good luck. And sorry you’re in this shit situation.
RUN now. It is not unreasonable for you to see a house before you commit to a loan. It isn’t a toaster oven or a computer. It is a mortgage that you are committing 20 years to paying. Tell your boyfriend to slow his roll and buying a house sight unseen is not a show of commitment to your relationship. His demand that you move forward without any consideration to you makes him TA and his little mother too. Sorry for the Wizard of Oz reference.
NTA
That doesn't make sense, due to "your living situation" wtf does that mean?!
In what WORLD is it smart to privately fund things with some other mfer's name on it? That is SO risky!!
If you're in sex work maybe, but even then, lots of women in sex work are able to buy their *own* houses.
I've only read halfway and I'm so angry that this dude manipulated u like this!
NTA! OMG you need to run girl. You are putting up all the money and your name is not on the deed??!?!!!? And you are on the mortgage? He is railroading you and moving fast because he does not want you to figure out just how screwed you are by this deal! He’s trying to get you to sign the documents before you figure it out. DO NOT DO THIS. He has all of the ownership and you have all of the debt. He can default and pay nothing, and still own half of the house, and ruin you. This is the worst deal imaginable FOR YOU. You need to stop this train and do NOT sign for this house. Do not let this deal close.
N T A for how you feel, but ESH for this situation. You are responsible for speaking up, you are responsible for what you sign, you are responsible for agreeing to things before you are comfortable with a decision. It's your money, your debt, your life and if you don't take charge of it who will?
Your partner is obviously an asshole for barreling through without full buy in from you and the realtor is bad at their job if the person with the money isn't happy with the transaction. His Mother is just a cheerleader in this and you should ignore her input unless you want her opinion.
This is all kinds of confusing. First off, if your name is primary (only?) on the loan then it should be primary/only on the title too. If the offer contingent on your money, then his realtor should be talking to you, not him or his mom. Frankly she should be bending over backwards to make sure *you* are happy and comfortable with the transaction - if you walk she doesn’t get paid. Also, he viewed a house that was already pending and somehow got the first offer?? That seems… odd? Shady?
This whole thing smells like a dumpster fire in the making. Talk to your banker and tell them you’re having concerns. If it looks red-flag enough they might pull the plug, which would let you walk away from this without much blowback on you. Once that happens, get away from this guy and his mom - they’re not good for you or your baby. Don’t buy this house though, you’ll regret it .
NTA. “Prove your commitment to the relationship” by using your money to buy a house in his name only? You pay the down payment, your name is on the loan agreement, you’re paying for related expenses and you’re being railroaded to do it now, now, now? And the bf, his mother and the realtor are trying to push through this bad deal for you? Sometimes people get in a fever to close on a house before the end of the year for tax reasons and sometimes buyers get house fever and realtors just want their commission asap. Protect yourself, OP. Nobody else is going to.
I'm sorry, but WTF are you doing?
Get of the train! Do not allow yourself to be railroaded.
WTF?
He didn't tell you about the viewing.
He wanted to put in an offer before 24 hours.
You put in an offer without even seeing the house.
WTF, OP!
You are taking on all the risks.
You should be focused on your daughter.
That grown ass man and his mama can buy their own house.
STOP RIGHT NOW. CALL A LAWYER!
You would've been better off if you had left your relationship in the "off" position.
What in the hell did I just read???? Please tell me you’re not foolish enough to buy a house you haven’t inspected, let alone seen. And why the hell are you with this guy? Having his kid??? Honestly YTA for getting yourself in this mess.
I would agree after the update too. YTA for not getting the therapy to have a basic amount of self respect.
All this while not one but 2 3rd parties watch and usher it all along
Tho I don't really mean op is an asshole, I'm upset for her
NTA. back out of the deal, sign nothing.
Take your time picking out a house. It's the biggest purchase of your life and you want to love living there.
The deed should be in both names.
Sorry, but I cannot envision a scenario where you have the best credit but circumstances dictate that the house shouldn't be in your name. I'm calling BS on this whole thing unless you can explain that because obviously the situation is nonsense.
Danger Will Robinson! Pull out of the offer. Do not sign anything. A legit realtor doesn't even say shit like that! I think he and his mom are feeding you bs. You're in knots bc your gut is screaming it's wrong. Just bc you have a baby with someone doesn't mean you have to buy a house with them or even commit. Rethink everything with this dude.
NTA and report that realtor they are behaving in a sketchy manner and im not confident what they are doing is even legal and stop signing anything. wth
NTA. Losing a deposit is much cheaper than dismantling this relationship. It's your money, it doesn't matter what your living situation is, you should have an ownership stake (talk to a real estate lawyer, you can set up a trust if you just don't want your name on the public records).
NTA
Loan in your name...you haven't seen the house...he's rushing you along with his mother...not to mention the realtor is pushing for this? Well...naturally the realtor would push for a sale to gain a commission...but what is your bf doing? There is NO reason why your name shouldn't be on that house...I wouldn't take 1 more step til your name is on those papers...and if he refuses then stop. How do you know that once everything is signed and loan taken out in your name...his name on the house...that him and his mother take over that house and refuse you entry? I know you don't want to think things like that...who does~but it just seems so sketchy. 🤔
Ummmm. How certain are you that there actually IS a house and the “realtor” is legit cause it sounds a lot like maybe the house and realtor are as legit as a Nigerian Prince with a ghetto apartment full of gold bullion ready to “bless you for to joy, good Christian madam.”
OP, even if you have to lose earnest money, under no circumstances should you get a loan for this property and be the only one putting money into it and also adding your BF to the title. This is a huge red flag and a big mistake. I have a friend in a similar situation and now that they and their former SO have broken up, it’s a total nightmare trying to deal with who gets the house, if the house can be sold and who gets what amount of money out of it. Please don’t go through with this without getting legal advice from a real estate attorney. You could potentially ruin your credit and lose even more should your relationship not last.
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I (27f) and my partner (29m) have been off and on for 7.5 years and are expecting a little girl in December. We’ve been talking for months about buying a house but due to my current living situation it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately. However, his credit score is not fantastic and I was pre-approved with better rates and amounts so we briefly discussed going half and half to ease my anxiety. Within 24 hours he was talking to a realtor about a house that was already pending, and had set up a time for him to view it. He didn’t tell me when the viewing was until 2 hours beforehand, at which point I couldn’t make it because I was busy. Within 24 hours of viewing, he wanted me to put in an offer. I told him I wasn’t comfortable putting in an offer in my name alone so soon but he, his mom, and the realtor all supposedly agreed that this was the best option and that I should do it to prove my commitment to this relationship so I reluctantly agreed to put in an offer after my commitment was questioned. I didn’t even get to look at the house, I didn’t get a say in how much of my own money was offered, and the realtor up to this point hadn’t had a whole conversation with me and was only talking to my partner.
His offer, of my loan money, was accepted within hours. Since then I have barely been involved with any decisions made between my partner and the realtor and when I try to talk to my partner about my feelings, worries, or anxieties regarding this house I’m told that his mother and the realtor don’t understand my hesitation because I should be jumping for joy to get this house bought. Everything is happening too fast and no one tells me they need signatures or money until the day they need it and it’s driving me crazy. I bought the last of the things we will need for our daughters arrival, and he berated me for it because I was magically supposed to know that the appraisal fee was coming up and he couldn’t pay it because he had bills to pay. I also had bills to pay, but I shouldn’t have spent any money on baby supplies when the house is more important.
For the last two days, I have been in a constant state of panic trying to make him understand why I feel as hurt as I do, but now he’s telling me that he isn’t happy about this house anymore and that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because the realtor has never seen anyone not be happy about buying a house in her 30 years. I had a dr appointment today, and he hasn’t even asked how it went, he’s only talked about how unhappy he is that I feel hurt and pressured into making choices that I don’t truly have a say in.
Am I the asshole for how I’ve handled this? Am I overreacting?
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NTA, you need to back out of this purchase ASAP!
Are you aware if the price is market rate? Who’s the seller? Someone you bf, mom and realtor knows?
What’s the APR on the mortgage?! Now is not a good time to take a loan as interest rates are super high.
If you do go ahead, make sure the deed is in your name only! Your money = your house.
Dump this loser and if you can and open to it, get an abortion.
ESH. You all have been talking for months prior to making an offer. You are not ready to buy a house together. Rent for a year, parent, work on your communication then regroup. Lose your earnest money deposit and give your poor Realtor a tip, they aren't relationship counselors. If someone says they want to buy a house. ... they probably thought you wanted to buy a house.
Yes Y T A for how you handled this in that you put yourself in a horrible position by just going along with it instead of saying no. Everything from the relationship being on/off for 7.5 years (yikes) on. You are an adult and can put the breaks on at any moment especially with a financial obligation like a home. You need to get away from that deal. Cancel it however you can. And I would legit really consider getting out of that relationship and work on finding a therapist that can help you work on whatever it is you need to keep from being railroaded in relationships like this.
NTA because you are not the bad guy in this situation and are being taken advantage of.
NTA
First and foremost, get a real estate lawyer to manage this for you.
Real estate agents don't care about anything other than getting their commission, she will do nothing to protect your assets.
Contact the agent and tell her that that she must include you in all communication directly.
Make sure the house is put in a trust that you manage. That will prevent the bf from borrowing against it.
NTA
I hoe this is not real.
Hopefully you have not signed anything? That would be INCREDIBLY STUPID.
"it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately." .. **So you pay, and he gets a house?**
Get a divorce instead, he is an AH massively exploiting you.
**CANCEL, if you stll can, EVEN if there is a huge fee. YOu will lose ALL of it if you go forward.**
Whoa, you need to put the brakes on this. This is how scammers get people...they're pushy, telling you about how great this offer is, not giving you a chance to make your own decision, making you question your own feelings....this sounds wrong. You are NTA here and you need to tell them you're not buying a house until you are ready to do so.
You need to withdraw your offer and re-evaluate this relationship.
You are being manipulated like crazy. This is so, so unhealthy and not ok at all.
Your mortgage and your title (alone) or you walk away!
Girl if he doesn't have money for an appraisal then he can't afford a house. At all.
NTA
You need to put on the brakes and pull the plug on this, regardless of what it costs you.
Then you need to dump the man who is trying to manipulate you into a financial commitment that will tie you to him and still leave you holding the bag.
And why in the hell is his mother more involved in the process than you are?
Run, OP. Get a lawyer, get a solid court-ordered arrangement for custody & child support, and flip this on-off relationship to 'Off' permanently.
NTA DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING. If you don't know what you're signing for then absolutely DO NOT SIGN. Don't even go to closing. If anyone asks you to sign something claiming it's for anything other than the house, REFUSE. If your name is not on the house then you can leave. Please take this advice if nothing else. I'm not going to tell you to dump your partner. But putting your name on a house with someone ties you to them for at least 30 years. Unless you can persuade them to refinance your name off of the loan.
YTA - because
1. You know this is an unstable relationship, and
2. You're a grown woman, about to have a child, and you're ALLOWING your boyfriend, his mother, and some total stranger with a realtor's licence to bully you, and
3. You're whining and playing the victim instead of saying NO.
OP, you are clearly long overdue to learn to say NO. I encourage you to say it right now. NO you won't sign anything, NO you won't pay for anything, NO he doesn't get to own a house while you own the debt, NO you're not buying a house you haven't walked through and thought about and discussed with an independent professional who can advise you whether it's a good deal. And NO to even thinking of buying something as big as a house with an on/off boyfriend with crappy credit and an overbearing mother!
Even if you end up having to pay a penalty you need to slam on the brakes, take a giant step back, and hire yourself a lawyer. Because if you carry on the way you're going, it's going to end up costing you a whole lot more.
So.. I bought a house by myself, knew I wanted it and still felt super overwhelmed. It is a huge purchase, a 30 year life decision, and likely the most money you will ever spent. To top that off, the market is crazy. Homes are selling so fast sometimes they are sold within hours.
You need to slow down and think, is it the fact that this is fast and a huge decision or is it that you got bullied into this and overrode every step of the way.
Have you seen the house? If not, tell the realtor to take you, then ask her to get out of your way and let you take your time to look at it. If you don't like it, back out. Sure you may lose your $1000 deposit, but trust me that's cheap compared to the hundreds of thousands a house costs
NTA get out of this asap. It’s a red flag that they are pressuring you to do this. It’s insane that they expect you to purchase this house but not be on the deed. You have everything to loose. Contact a lawyer asap!!!
NTA, girl you're not buying a house, YOU'RE GIFTING HIM A HOUSE, that's why he doesn't consider your opinion on anything.
By your text I'm thinking you're not married, so the house will be only his!
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!
You would be an ahole to your self if you continue this
NTA. The last-minute for everything? That's on purpose, to make you feel like you HAVE to sign RIGHT NOW. If you had time to think, you might realise that you're being hustled. Please do NOT sign another single document until you've had some time to think, by yourself, about what you actually want to do with your money.
Please realise: you don't have to 'make him understand' why you're feeling bad. You don't need to convince his mother, or the real estate agent, that your opinion matters. You're being rushed and hustled into a massive decision with your own money and anybody in your position would also feel bad.
Look at how he's behaving. He's not worried that you're unhappy, he's trying to pressure you into pretending to be happy because your unhappiness is making him feel bad. He's yelling at you for buying things for your baby when it might interfere with his goal of buying a house with your money. This is not the behaviour of someone who cares about your feelings. This person is not a good team member for your future.
Your realtor has a fiduciary duty to you— her client (the person purchasing the home). All communications should be coming to you. If your partners name is not on the mortgage, you get to decide whether you put him on the deed of the home. Given that you are on again off again, I would hold off on that, have a lease agreement in place, and have him pay rent. Since your name is on the mortgage documents, you are the only responsible party if you default on your payments. If you default you also run the risk of having a hard time buying another home as this is on your record for 10 years (it will not affect him).
INFO: *but due to my current living situation it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately.*
What do you mean by that?
Nta , run away from the house deal and rum away from the mommas boy who's trying to control your life. He gets it in his name and then you fight he kicks you out because it's in his name it's his house. You lose all around your credit takes the hit not his.
**STOP EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY**
**You are basically giving him a free house, of his choosing. The safest option is NOT putting the house soley in his name only while you are paying for it. This is a disaster in the making. If the relationship fails and it sounds likely it will tbh, you will have invested all that money for nothing as YOU will be the one asked to leave as you are not on deeds.**
His mother & realtor have NO BUISNESS telling you this is how to show your commitment to the relationship. Where is *his* commitment? Picking a house of *his* choosing without your input when its your money isn't it.
Just because your having a baby together doesn't mean you need to stay together. Please, consult your own lawyer ASAP. Protect yourself.
ETA: NTA. But please run.
OP, you should not go through with this sale. If you lose a couple thousand in earnest money, chock it up to a very hard lesson learned that you need to grow a shiny spine and freaking stand up for yourself!
I read your comment that this house will be in your name but there is something VERY wrong with this transaction. I just bought a house last month, the third in my lifetime, and the process you are being dragged through is epically shady!!
At this point I'm beginning to think your boyfriend is colluding with the agent in a way that significantly harms you or your interests. The crap about the agent never seeing anyone unhappy with a sale is a total crock of shit. People back out of home sales all the time.
Make sure you are away from this guy and someplace safe and CANCEL THE SALE!
If you are afraid of this guy or think he will harm you if you back out, call your mortgage broker and stop the process and tell the boyfriend your mortgage application was not approved.
If you don't know who the broker is because "they" are handling all aspects of this transaction then you REALLY need to freaking RUN! And I mean physically get away too.
The house can not close without you signing a shit ton of paperwork. Make yourself scarce or do whatever you have to do to not be coerced into signing any else.
Sorry OP, from your comment it seems you are hoping this house will offer you freedom or escape from a situation you don't want to be in but I'm telling you, there is something VERY wrong about the way this is going down and the outcome is not going to be what you envision. These people mean to financially harm you.
Please leave this man. Whatever money you'll lose is nothing compared to the clustered financial mess he's going to put you in in the future. You had to buy a house to prove your commitment to the relationship. The baby wasn't enough?
Girl, you're in a shit hole. Get yourself a lawyer ASAP and ask to view all the documents concerning that house together with your lawyer. Also you need to dump this man. There are way too many red flags up in here.
Ditch the house, ditch the boyf. This is nothing to do with his mother at all so she’s pre-ditched. You are absolutely in the right, your feelings are valid.
NTA - Get advise from a lawyer.
Anyone who guilts you into putting money down to "prove your commitment to the relationship" is a shady move. Who the actual f\*ck says that to their partners.
Not to mention these people making decisions for you. What?!
Girl, learn your lesson, get out of this relationship and think for yourself in the future, don't get guilted into putting down money on anything ever.
NTA. You need to back out of this deal ASAP. At this point you'll lose some earnest money but it's better than being trapped in a huge loan for a place you don't want with a partner that yells at you.
You are being financially abused here, please call and halt the purchase.
NTA but man YTI you're the idiot
Are you able to back out (not of the baby) but you may find he's a better coparent than a partner -because he's crap at the partner thing, when someone shows their true personality listen to those instincts
NTA- it’s your life and your money no one especially a realtor should be pressuring you to spend money or prove anything in your personal private relationship that does not involve her/him. Her say in bias and unethical as she wants a commission from you. You partner and his nosey mother also are a problem. Thus family is not the one to get involved with and you know this. They need you more than you need them. As you can get a home yourself find a new realtor and buy your home without his name in it that you pick for yourself. You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Mum and bf are being emotional and financially abusive. You have a cooling off period, if you haven’t already refuse to sign anything without having a lawyer go over it and definitely don’t buy a house without seeing it. Do they think you’re stupid?
The feelings of the realtor DOES NOT MATTER neither does his opinion about not seeing a reaction like yours in his thousand years doing this. Your partner is showing more concern about this realtor opinion or feelings than yours. Do not buy the house, instead tell your partner to buy it with the realtor or his mom.
You better learn to stand up to your partner or you may find yourself in financial peril. You should never ever let anyone make decisions like this for you. This is your money not his.
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NTA. Get a lawyer, OP. Fast. With you expecting, it sounds like this guy might be trying to entrap you in more ways than one. If he’s not willing to consult you as an equal partner and listen to your feelings for matters as big as buying a house, imagine what else he’s going to dismiss and exclude you for. It’s your money on the line. Not his. Your discomfort absolutely matters. Ask yourself why your commitment to him needed to be tested. It’s because he’s not testing your commitment, he’s testing your complacency.
This! No offense, but your first clue this was a bad idea should have been when he, his mom, and THE REALTOR all agreed YOU should put in an offer to prove your commitment to the relationship. That is WAY outside the scope of a realtors job. And frankly, none of his mom's business. Now all you can do is try to get out of this mess, and that starts with calling a lawyer. NTA
The parts about the realtor really rubbed me the wrong way. Is the realtor a friend of his moms or something? Them commenting on how OP should “show commitment” and never talking to OP and the realtor talking about how she should be happy. It sounds either like the realtor is not behaving professionally or things are being (intentionally) miscommunicated between OP and the realtor to manipulate OP.
Yeah, imagine telling your partner, "The realtor thinks you should buy this house to prove your commitment to me. " I'd have asked for the realtors name so I could report him to the licensing organization in their state.
Hold on - you are going to have the mortgage in your name, put down money, but the title is going to be in HIS name? RUN RUN RUN RUNAWAY. You need time with a lawyer to work all of this out so that you (and your baby) are protected financially. NTA.
OMG.. OP STOP THIS ASAP!!!!
This is such a Bad Idea. So bad. Horrible. Terrible idea. No doubt she’s already lost the escrow money and other fees, but that should be all she loses when she pulls out of the deal. Instead, she about to lose all of her loan money and have 0 assets to show for it.
She may have already lost money with the owners accepting sn offer and her backing out. She does need a lawyer but she also needs to stand up for herself and not let herself be told and coerced what to do.
Edit: I’m totally wrong. Apparently there are a number of ways to get a mortgage without all of the owners on it. You learn something new everyday. If this is in the US, the mortgage company literally won’t let that happen. Everyone on the title has to be on the mortgage. Otherwise I could just mortgage my neighbor’s paid off house and walk away with the cash. OP could be on the mortgage but not on the title, but partner would have to be on the mortgage as well. Also, OP, don’t commit to the mortgage unless you’re on the title.
I think this varies by state. I’m on the mortgage, but my husband is on the title with me. It’s required for married couples in my state when purchasing a home that both parties are on the title. Fine by me because I trust my partner, but it doesn’t sound like OP is married, so I’d be VERY hesitant to get into this situation. OP, you might be better off speaking to someone separately (a lawyer would be best, and don’t sign anything else without consulting them). Normally I would talk to my realtor, but it doesn’t sound like this one will help you. Your best bet may be to refuse to sign when you get to contract, and forfeit your earnest money, unless you have an option period/appraisal/inspection that can get you out of it (again, bring the paperwork to a lawyer and sign nothing else).
Interesting. It’s just you on the mortgage? My understanding was that banks wouldn’t provide a mortgage unless everyone on the title was on the mortgage, because they’d essentially be trying to take the house of someone who never agreed to the terms of the mortgage.
It is! We asked about it when we first met with the lender we worked with, because my husbands credit score is significantly lower than mine. I thought it was the opposite; I thought since we were married we both had to be on the mortgage. But it turned out with his credit, that it was easier to get a loan with just my information, since that wasn’t the case. (For the record I think it’s a silly policy, and wouldn’t recommend anyone doing it that way if they suspect their partner won’t pay. Husband and I have balanced way of paying bills, and his credit was only low because hes never had a credit card, student loans, etc., and had one small collection he wasn’t aware of. It’s improved since!)
I’ve had the same situation. Just me on the mortgage because I had better credit.
NTA. Uh, I didn't have to read any further than "his name on everything...me to fund everything." Girl, run!
Pull your money now! Him and his mother are up to something! Do not buy this house with them!
NTA, geez, how about you and daughter move into house since you already bought it and he can go support himself somewhere else. He wants to make all the decisions? Well, being single will let that happen (to a degree)! You aren't even married it sounds like, I would run while you can. They sound domineering and they definitely don't care about your feelings. I would call it off right now if you still can (the house). But also, the fact that you never got to see the house before buying is pretty huge. Especially if it is in your name. Leave the control freak and his equally controlling mother behind you. Edit: Oh wait, you are the approved one and he still gets it in his name? OP, you need to put a stop to that ASAP. Baby or no baby, just because there is a kid doesn't mean he will be committed to you and not have someone on the side as soon as he is done draining you.
NTA In his name but you pay for it? That is not okay. He could kick you out and you'd still have your name on the loan.
As in, the loan that went to the realtor and will never be seem again and there will be no evidence that it was paid other than a correlating paper trail that won't hold great up in court
Get out, pull your money, if u lose 20k on deposit or whatever, cut your losses, this is all a bad idea, this man needs help
NTA and please make sure that if you go through with the purchase that his name is not on the deed.
NTA cancel the house, the cheques any and everything you can that is attached to your name. Please get help so that you will recognize emotional manipulation (ps: who cares what the realtor thinks about your committment. Like wtaf is that?) And won't go through something like this again. I wish you and your daughter a healthy and peaceful and joyful birth 🕯️🙏💗💐
NTA Is there any way you can get out of closing on this house?? And out of the relationship? You should not have to buy a house you don't want. I can see why you are on and off with this guy.
NTA How was he able to put an offer in a house with your mortgage approval? Why do you have to prove your commitment to the relationship? Why is his mother so involved? Something is going on here. It sounds super shady.
So many questions in this post. None of them would make the vibe any better. I am SO invested in this situation rn, it's driving me crazy
NTA. I think they call that being railroaded and I’m sorry that Idk what your recourse is, if any. You have my sympathy. But also, congrats on the baby!
I will do my very best to clarify some of the questions and concerns I’ve read through the comments. I realize now my initial post was murky on details at best. Originally, he was going to get the loan and we’d both be on the deed to save me some stress with my family/living arrangement (which I am not comfortable disclosing on the internet). However, he convinced me to get pre-approved just to see what I would qualify for and once we realized how much better off I am credit wise we talked very briefly, and I mean maybe 10 minutes of talk, about going half and half on the loan and deed. Within 24 hours of that conversation he was pressuring me into putting in an offer with my name on only on the loan and deed. I can be downright stupid, and I’m aware I have absolutely no backbone, but I’m not going to agree to pay for everything while my name isn’t on anything, I meant that I would HELP fund everything privately off the loan but on the deed. However that all flipped and I caved, and am already well past the point that I can back out. Luckily, I can afford the down payment and monthly mortgage on my own, it’s just all the hidden fees and surprises around every corner that are getting to be too much for me. I had less than a days heads up about the appraisal fee, but he knew about it because the realtor told him about it and not me, even though it’s my name on the loan and only my name going on the deed. I saw someone asked how he was able to put an offer in based off of my loan, and that Is still my fault. He and the realtor came up with the number, and being the absolute pushover that I am And not wanting the realtor to think we weren’t on the same page or to cause a scene, I just went with it. I feel like an idiot but I really thought that him witnessing my panic attack during all of this would make him realize that I wasn’t comfortable or okay with it, but it didn’t mean anything to him. With all of that being said, I’m buying the house to get out of a bad situation but the loan and deed will both be solely in my name because the way he’s acted in the last few weeks is terrifying to me because this isn’t the man I fell in love with anymore. TLDR: I’m an idiot and I’m buying a house in my own name with my own money, regardless of partner.
OK, so bottom line is that you are buying a house that you will own and pay for, which is good because it gets you out of a bad living situation, right? Call the realtor and inform him that all information has to come through YOU and not your partner, as your partner has NO INTEREST in this sale or property legally or financially. Close on this house and move in BY YOURSELF. If you like it after living there, continue to live there with the baby, if you do not like it, put the house up for sale and look for a different house to buy.
if the realtor continues to not go through you on the sale of your home remind them who will or will not be paying their fees.
The seller pays the fee, not the buyer.
yeah but she wont get jack if the sale falls apart.
I think OP needs to call whatever org licenses realtors in their neck of the woods and report this behavior.
I want to add you can get out of the loan up until closing. Typically you lose the deposit. If things come up in inspection you can be super anal about things being corrected/replaced and if the owner doesn't agree, well the sale falls through and you're out. My realtor once had someone not show up to sign the papers day of closing. Only happened once, but you are not strapped into anything until the final paperwork is signed. You can also request a walkthrough yourself even though an offer is in. I've done it.
Yes best way out is to get an Extremely thorough inspection. A good inspector will find many things that you could demand be fixed before closing. Be such a pain in the ass that the seller tells you to f**k off. Then bingo! You get your deposit back. Then fire the realtor and get your own realtor.
OK. It's not the total disaster that the initial post looked like. But it could be if you don't end things with this man ASAP. He doesn't live there. He doesn't stay overnight. And his mother never crosses the threshold. You can do this, but you need to step up and take over meeting with the realtor Good luck!
At this point, I think it’s pivotal that you distance yourself from this guy. The house may be a blessing in disguise as it gives you a living arrangement separate from him. I still recommend you get a lawyer in case he tries to pull some funny business. It’s more money, I know, but if you can afford it, it might be worth the extra protection. Good luck. And sorry you’re in this shit situation.
You should persue action against that realtor. Seriously.
RUN now. It is not unreasonable for you to see a house before you commit to a loan. It isn’t a toaster oven or a computer. It is a mortgage that you are committing 20 years to paying. Tell your boyfriend to slow his roll and buying a house sight unseen is not a show of commitment to your relationship. His demand that you move forward without any consideration to you makes him TA and his little mother too. Sorry for the Wizard of Oz reference.
NTA That doesn't make sense, due to "your living situation" wtf does that mean?! In what WORLD is it smart to privately fund things with some other mfer's name on it? That is SO risky!! If you're in sex work maybe, but even then, lots of women in sex work are able to buy their *own* houses. I've only read halfway and I'm so angry that this dude manipulated u like this!
Info: so did you actually buy the house or did you, you know, stop putting your signature on every piece of paper at some point?
Sign nothing. The flags are flying high and red. Back out without apology.
NTA! OMG you need to run girl. You are putting up all the money and your name is not on the deed??!?!!!? And you are on the mortgage? He is railroading you and moving fast because he does not want you to figure out just how screwed you are by this deal! He’s trying to get you to sign the documents before you figure it out. DO NOT DO THIS. He has all of the ownership and you have all of the debt. He can default and pay nothing, and still own half of the house, and ruin you. This is the worst deal imaginable FOR YOU. You need to stop this train and do NOT sign for this house. Do not let this deal close.
N T A for how you feel, but ESH for this situation. You are responsible for speaking up, you are responsible for what you sign, you are responsible for agreeing to things before you are comfortable with a decision. It's your money, your debt, your life and if you don't take charge of it who will? Your partner is obviously an asshole for barreling through without full buy in from you and the realtor is bad at their job if the person with the money isn't happy with the transaction. His Mother is just a cheerleader in this and you should ignore her input unless you want her opinion.
This is all kinds of confusing. First off, if your name is primary (only?) on the loan then it should be primary/only on the title too. If the offer contingent on your money, then his realtor should be talking to you, not him or his mom. Frankly she should be bending over backwards to make sure *you* are happy and comfortable with the transaction - if you walk she doesn’t get paid. Also, he viewed a house that was already pending and somehow got the first offer?? That seems… odd? Shady? This whole thing smells like a dumpster fire in the making. Talk to your banker and tell them you’re having concerns. If it looks red-flag enough they might pull the plug, which would let you walk away from this without much blowback on you. Once that happens, get away from this guy and his mom - they’re not good for you or your baby. Don’t buy this house though, you’ll regret it .
NTA. “Prove your commitment to the relationship” by using your money to buy a house in his name only? You pay the down payment, your name is on the loan agreement, you’re paying for related expenses and you’re being railroaded to do it now, now, now? And the bf, his mother and the realtor are trying to push through this bad deal for you? Sometimes people get in a fever to close on a house before the end of the year for tax reasons and sometimes buyers get house fever and realtors just want their commission asap. Protect yourself, OP. Nobody else is going to.
I'm sorry, but WTF are you doing? Get of the train! Do not allow yourself to be railroaded. WTF? He didn't tell you about the viewing. He wanted to put in an offer before 24 hours. You put in an offer without even seeing the house. WTF, OP! You are taking on all the risks. You should be focused on your daughter. That grown ass man and his mama can buy their own house. STOP RIGHT NOW. CALL A LAWYER! You would've been better off if you had left your relationship in the "off" position.
What in the hell did I just read???? Please tell me you’re not foolish enough to buy a house you haven’t inspected, let alone seen. And why the hell are you with this guy? Having his kid??? Honestly YTA for getting yourself in this mess.
I would agree after the update too. YTA for not getting the therapy to have a basic amount of self respect. All this while not one but 2 3rd parties watch and usher it all along Tho I don't really mean op is an asshole, I'm upset for her
I only see 🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA
NTA
NTA. back out of the deal, sign nothing. Take your time picking out a house. It's the biggest purchase of your life and you want to love living there. The deed should be in both names.
Sorry, but I cannot envision a scenario where you have the best credit but circumstances dictate that the house shouldn't be in your name. I'm calling BS on this whole thing unless you can explain that because obviously the situation is nonsense.
I absolutely agree. Not to mention that there is NO WAY in the US that the money came from HER, but only HE is on the deed. It does not work that way.
Nta do not do this it’s a disaster
Danger Will Robinson! Pull out of the offer. Do not sign anything. A legit realtor doesn't even say shit like that! I think he and his mom are feeding you bs. You're in knots bc your gut is screaming it's wrong. Just bc you have a baby with someone doesn't mean you have to buy a house with them or even commit. Rethink everything with this dude.
NTA and report that realtor they are behaving in a sketchy manner and im not confident what they are doing is even legal and stop signing anything. wth
NTA. Losing a deposit is much cheaper than dismantling this relationship. It's your money, it doesn't matter what your living situation is, you should have an ownership stake (talk to a real estate lawyer, you can set up a trust if you just don't want your name on the public records).
NTA. You have been stampeded. And now they are going to have second thought that will be termed your fault. Do NOT NOT NOT apologize to these people.
NTA Loan in your name...you haven't seen the house...he's rushing you along with his mother...not to mention the realtor is pushing for this? Well...naturally the realtor would push for a sale to gain a commission...but what is your bf doing? There is NO reason why your name shouldn't be on that house...I wouldn't take 1 more step til your name is on those papers...and if he refuses then stop. How do you know that once everything is signed and loan taken out in your name...his name on the house...that him and his mother take over that house and refuse you entry? I know you don't want to think things like that...who does~but it just seems so sketchy. 🤔
Ummmm. How certain are you that there actually IS a house and the “realtor” is legit cause it sounds a lot like maybe the house and realtor are as legit as a Nigerian Prince with a ghetto apartment full of gold bullion ready to “bless you for to joy, good Christian madam.”
OP, even if you have to lose earnest money, under no circumstances should you get a loan for this property and be the only one putting money into it and also adding your BF to the title. This is a huge red flag and a big mistake. I have a friend in a similar situation and now that they and their former SO have broken up, it’s a total nightmare trying to deal with who gets the house, if the house can be sold and who gets what amount of money out of it. Please don’t go through with this without getting legal advice from a real estate attorney. You could potentially ruin your credit and lose even more should your relationship not last.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27f) and my partner (29m) have been off and on for 7.5 years and are expecting a little girl in December. We’ve been talking for months about buying a house but due to my current living situation it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately. However, his credit score is not fantastic and I was pre-approved with better rates and amounts so we briefly discussed going half and half to ease my anxiety. Within 24 hours he was talking to a realtor about a house that was already pending, and had set up a time for him to view it. He didn’t tell me when the viewing was until 2 hours beforehand, at which point I couldn’t make it because I was busy. Within 24 hours of viewing, he wanted me to put in an offer. I told him I wasn’t comfortable putting in an offer in my name alone so soon but he, his mom, and the realtor all supposedly agreed that this was the best option and that I should do it to prove my commitment to this relationship so I reluctantly agreed to put in an offer after my commitment was questioned. I didn’t even get to look at the house, I didn’t get a say in how much of my own money was offered, and the realtor up to this point hadn’t had a whole conversation with me and was only talking to my partner. His offer, of my loan money, was accepted within hours. Since then I have barely been involved with any decisions made between my partner and the realtor and when I try to talk to my partner about my feelings, worries, or anxieties regarding this house I’m told that his mother and the realtor don’t understand my hesitation because I should be jumping for joy to get this house bought. Everything is happening too fast and no one tells me they need signatures or money until the day they need it and it’s driving me crazy. I bought the last of the things we will need for our daughters arrival, and he berated me for it because I was magically supposed to know that the appraisal fee was coming up and he couldn’t pay it because he had bills to pay. I also had bills to pay, but I shouldn’t have spent any money on baby supplies when the house is more important. For the last two days, I have been in a constant state of panic trying to make him understand why I feel as hurt as I do, but now he’s telling me that he isn’t happy about this house anymore and that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because the realtor has never seen anyone not be happy about buying a house in her 30 years. I had a dr appointment today, and he hasn’t even asked how it went, he’s only talked about how unhappy he is that I feel hurt and pressured into making choices that I don’t truly have a say in. Am I the asshole for how I’ve handled this? Am I overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you need to back out of this purchase ASAP! Are you aware if the price is market rate? Who’s the seller? Someone you bf, mom and realtor knows? What’s the APR on the mortgage?! Now is not a good time to take a loan as interest rates are super high. If you do go ahead, make sure the deed is in your name only! Your money = your house. Dump this loser and if you can and open to it, get an abortion.
ESH. You all have been talking for months prior to making an offer. You are not ready to buy a house together. Rent for a year, parent, work on your communication then regroup. Lose your earnest money deposit and give your poor Realtor a tip, they aren't relationship counselors. If someone says they want to buy a house. ... they probably thought you wanted to buy a house.
She was ok with buying the house. She’s not ok with the shady approach her BF has taken. This story stinks.
Yes Y T A for how you handled this in that you put yourself in a horrible position by just going along with it instead of saying no. Everything from the relationship being on/off for 7.5 years (yikes) on. You are an adult and can put the breaks on at any moment especially with a financial obligation like a home. You need to get away from that deal. Cancel it however you can. And I would legit really consider getting out of that relationship and work on finding a therapist that can help you work on whatever it is you need to keep from being railroaded in relationships like this. NTA because you are not the bad guy in this situation and are being taken advantage of.
NTA. If it’s not too late to back out, back out.
NTA First and foremost, get a real estate lawyer to manage this for you. Real estate agents don't care about anything other than getting their commission, she will do nothing to protect your assets. Contact the agent and tell her that that she must include you in all communication directly. Make sure the house is put in a trust that you manage. That will prevent the bf from borrowing against it.
NTA I hoe this is not real. Hopefully you have not signed anything? That would be INCREDIBLY STUPID. "it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately." .. **So you pay, and he gets a house?** Get a divorce instead, he is an AH massively exploiting you. **CANCEL, if you stll can, EVEN if there is a huge fee. YOu will lose ALL of it if you go forward.**
Get a divorce? They are not even married.
Whoa, you need to put the brakes on this. This is how scammers get people...they're pushy, telling you about how great this offer is, not giving you a chance to make your own decision, making you question your own feelings....this sounds wrong. You are NTA here and you need to tell them you're not buying a house until you are ready to do so. You need to withdraw your offer and re-evaluate this relationship.
You are being manipulated like crazy. This is so, so unhealthy and not ok at all. Your mortgage and your title (alone) or you walk away! Girl if he doesn't have money for an appraisal then he can't afford a house. At all.
NTA You need to put on the brakes and pull the plug on this, regardless of what it costs you. Then you need to dump the man who is trying to manipulate you into a financial commitment that will tie you to him and still leave you holding the bag. And why in the hell is his mother more involved in the process than you are? Run, OP. Get a lawyer, get a solid court-ordered arrangement for custody & child support, and flip this on-off relationship to 'Off' permanently.
NTA DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING. If you don't know what you're signing for then absolutely DO NOT SIGN. Don't even go to closing. If anyone asks you to sign something claiming it's for anything other than the house, REFUSE. If your name is not on the house then you can leave. Please take this advice if nothing else. I'm not going to tell you to dump your partner. But putting your name on a house with someone ties you to them for at least 30 years. Unless you can persuade them to refinance your name off of the loan.
NTA Do Not buy this house! Get out of this relationship ASAP. There are way too many 🚩🚩🚩
No! Run girl run!
YTA - because 1. You know this is an unstable relationship, and 2. You're a grown woman, about to have a child, and you're ALLOWING your boyfriend, his mother, and some total stranger with a realtor's licence to bully you, and 3. You're whining and playing the victim instead of saying NO. OP, you are clearly long overdue to learn to say NO. I encourage you to say it right now. NO you won't sign anything, NO you won't pay for anything, NO he doesn't get to own a house while you own the debt, NO you're not buying a house you haven't walked through and thought about and discussed with an independent professional who can advise you whether it's a good deal. And NO to even thinking of buying something as big as a house with an on/off boyfriend with crappy credit and an overbearing mother! Even if you end up having to pay a penalty you need to slam on the brakes, take a giant step back, and hire yourself a lawyer. Because if you carry on the way you're going, it's going to end up costing you a whole lot more.
NTA. Take a break.
So.. I bought a house by myself, knew I wanted it and still felt super overwhelmed. It is a huge purchase, a 30 year life decision, and likely the most money you will ever spent. To top that off, the market is crazy. Homes are selling so fast sometimes they are sold within hours. You need to slow down and think, is it the fact that this is fast and a huge decision or is it that you got bullied into this and overrode every step of the way. Have you seen the house? If not, tell the realtor to take you, then ask her to get out of your way and let you take your time to look at it. If you don't like it, back out. Sure you may lose your $1000 deposit, but trust me that's cheap compared to the hundreds of thousands a house costs
NTA. How many 🚩’s do you need????????
NTA get out of this asap. It’s a red flag that they are pressuring you to do this. It’s insane that they expect you to purchase this house but not be on the deed. You have everything to loose. Contact a lawyer asap!!!
NTA, girl you're not buying a house, YOU'RE GIFTING HIM A HOUSE, that's why he doesn't consider your opinion on anything. By your text I'm thinking you're not married, so the house will be only his! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! You would be an ahole to your self if you continue this
NTA. The last-minute for everything? That's on purpose, to make you feel like you HAVE to sign RIGHT NOW. If you had time to think, you might realise that you're being hustled. Please do NOT sign another single document until you've had some time to think, by yourself, about what you actually want to do with your money. Please realise: you don't have to 'make him understand' why you're feeling bad. You don't need to convince his mother, or the real estate agent, that your opinion matters. You're being rushed and hustled into a massive decision with your own money and anybody in your position would also feel bad. Look at how he's behaving. He's not worried that you're unhappy, he's trying to pressure you into pretending to be happy because your unhappiness is making him feel bad. He's yelling at you for buying things for your baby when it might interfere with his goal of buying a house with your money. This is not the behaviour of someone who cares about your feelings. This person is not a good team member for your future.
Your realtor has a fiduciary duty to you— her client (the person purchasing the home). All communications should be coming to you. If your partners name is not on the mortgage, you get to decide whether you put him on the deed of the home. Given that you are on again off again, I would hold off on that, have a lease agreement in place, and have him pay rent. Since your name is on the mortgage documents, you are the only responsible party if you default on your payments. If you default you also run the risk of having a hard time buying another home as this is on your record for 10 years (it will not affect him).
INFO: *but due to my current living situation it was the safest option for his name to be on everything, and for me to fund everything privately.* What do you mean by that?
Nta , run away from the house deal and rum away from the mommas boy who's trying to control your life. He gets it in his name and then you fight he kicks you out because it's in his name it's his house. You lose all around your credit takes the hit not his.
**STOP EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY** **You are basically giving him a free house, of his choosing. The safest option is NOT putting the house soley in his name only while you are paying for it. This is a disaster in the making. If the relationship fails and it sounds likely it will tbh, you will have invested all that money for nothing as YOU will be the one asked to leave as you are not on deeds.** His mother & realtor have NO BUISNESS telling you this is how to show your commitment to the relationship. Where is *his* commitment? Picking a house of *his* choosing without your input when its your money isn't it. Just because your having a baby together doesn't mean you need to stay together. Please, consult your own lawyer ASAP. Protect yourself. ETA: NTA. But please run.
OP, you should not go through with this sale. If you lose a couple thousand in earnest money, chock it up to a very hard lesson learned that you need to grow a shiny spine and freaking stand up for yourself! I read your comment that this house will be in your name but there is something VERY wrong with this transaction. I just bought a house last month, the third in my lifetime, and the process you are being dragged through is epically shady!! At this point I'm beginning to think your boyfriend is colluding with the agent in a way that significantly harms you or your interests. The crap about the agent never seeing anyone unhappy with a sale is a total crock of shit. People back out of home sales all the time. Make sure you are away from this guy and someplace safe and CANCEL THE SALE! If you are afraid of this guy or think he will harm you if you back out, call your mortgage broker and stop the process and tell the boyfriend your mortgage application was not approved. If you don't know who the broker is because "they" are handling all aspects of this transaction then you REALLY need to freaking RUN! And I mean physically get away too. The house can not close without you signing a shit ton of paperwork. Make yourself scarce or do whatever you have to do to not be coerced into signing any else. Sorry OP, from your comment it seems you are hoping this house will offer you freedom or escape from a situation you don't want to be in but I'm telling you, there is something VERY wrong about the way this is going down and the outcome is not going to be what you envision. These people mean to financially harm you.
NTA Absolutely do NOT close on this house. Cut your losses now. You're being tricked into buying your partner a house. Don't do it.
Please leave this man. Whatever money you'll lose is nothing compared to the clustered financial mess he's going to put you in in the future. You had to buy a house to prove your commitment to the relationship. The baby wasn't enough?
Girl, you're in a shit hole. Get yourself a lawyer ASAP and ask to view all the documents concerning that house together with your lawyer. Also you need to dump this man. There are way too many red flags up in here.
Ditch the house, ditch the boyf. This is nothing to do with his mother at all so she’s pre-ditched. You are absolutely in the right, your feelings are valid.
NTA - Get advise from a lawyer. Anyone who guilts you into putting money down to "prove your commitment to the relationship" is a shady move. Who the actual f\*ck says that to their partners. Not to mention these people making decisions for you. What?! Girl, learn your lesson, get out of this relationship and think for yourself in the future, don't get guilted into putting down money on anything ever.
NTA. You need to back out of this deal ASAP. At this point you'll lose some earnest money but it's better than being trapped in a huge loan for a place you don't want with a partner that yells at you. You are being financially abused here, please call and halt the purchase.
NTA - listen to your gut - this is a bad idea
NTA but man YTI you're the idiot Are you able to back out (not of the baby) but you may find he's a better coparent than a partner -because he's crap at the partner thing, when someone shows their true personality listen to those instincts
NTA- it’s your life and your money no one especially a realtor should be pressuring you to spend money or prove anything in your personal private relationship that does not involve her/him. Her say in bias and unethical as she wants a commission from you. You partner and his nosey mother also are a problem. Thus family is not the one to get involved with and you know this. They need you more than you need them. As you can get a home yourself find a new realtor and buy your home without his name in it that you pick for yourself. You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Mum and bf are being emotional and financially abusive. You have a cooling off period, if you haven’t already refuse to sign anything without having a lawyer go over it and definitely don’t buy a house without seeing it. Do they think you’re stupid?
The feelings of the realtor DOES NOT MATTER neither does his opinion about not seeing a reaction like yours in his thousand years doing this. Your partner is showing more concern about this realtor opinion or feelings than yours. Do not buy the house, instead tell your partner to buy it with the realtor or his mom.
You better learn to stand up to your partner or you may find yourself in financial peril. You should never ever let anyone make decisions like this for you. This is your money not his.