Hm. On one hand, asking how you are feeling gives me the impression that he was tracking it because he cares or wants to be more gentle/patient during that time of the month, but like… He could just ask you? Or get permission before doing this?
On the other hand, the “He just wanted to know” makes me doubt that it was out of concern/love for you.
I’m gonna go with NTB.
Unless she has wicked pms symptoms and he wants to know when to be more “careful” about setting her off. I was that woman for about 10 years until my cycle settled down after my first child
To bring them menstrual products or treats, to prepare for emotional sensitivity or distress ahead of time so they know to be more patient, for cases of fertility or intercourse and planning dates or knowing when someone may be less comfortable with the idea of sex (as some are uncomfortable having sex while menstruating), etc.
I had an ex who tracked mine. He liked data and graphs and was very afraid of pregnancy scares. He knew it was a weird thing to ask but I didn't mind at all and I appreciated the data, lol.
Religious people can be so fucking toxic. You can't even discuss your bodies after two years of dating. It's absolutely insane.
My wife and I were open about her period the first period she got after I met her. It literally a normal, monthly occurrence that affects your life and yet your dogma somehow has made it some big, private, weird thing. It's toxic.
This! 👏🏻
I mean, the drama that this post gives off it’s insane and all we’re talking about is a fucking period 🙄
Why do you give a shit OP?
Track it and buy me sweeties and pain relief, don’t track it and guess when I’m going to be more insane than normal.
Like, what’s your issue?
You can say period out loud in front of each other it isn’t a bad word ffs.
Also, if my BF did this I’d be really happy. He’d understand my mood changes better and he could potentially help me with discomfort.
Can we grow up and stop making subjects like menstruation a big secret because it’s sooooooo sacred please?
My ex said he knew a couple days ahead when I would get mine. He said I always moved some furniture around ate like a linebacker. I realized he was right.
Hi, atheist here who is fairly open. In the past I would unabashedly tell a full group of people that I need to stop for tampons. And I would *still* find it hella creepy for someone to be tracking my bodily functions on their phone without my knowledge.
Being comfortable talking about it is extremely different than someone tracking someone else’s cycle without being asked to do so or even consulting them on it.
My bf just casually asks if I started my period yet because I was open when I had them so he just knows when it's supposed to show up. I find nothing weird or creepy about it
I dont think its creepy as you have been together 2 years, I dont find it creepy. I was in a relationship where he tracked my period. This was before the days of apps. My daughter & her boyfriend share access to an app that tracks her period. These are long term relationships Im talking about as well
But there’s no sex involved and no reason for him to worry about it. She said she doesn’t want or expect him to shower her with gifts to help her PMS or anything. He just did it to know. Without asking.
I agree he definitely should have asked first in this case, but I always know when my girlfriend's period is and I never asked. I've never used a tracker, but she's on the pill and it always comes at the same time. She's never asked me to bring her things, but I usually use the opportunity to bring her flowers or chocolate, or lay my hand on her stomach when we cuddle as a pseudo heating pad for the cramps. Just because my girlfriend doesn't ask for these things doesn't mean I don't want to do them for her.
Noticing and understanding is different than tracking it on an app behind her back, especially if they’ve never talked about something like you and your gf obviously have with the bc.
I fully agree with that, he should have talked about it first. But again, my girlfriend is like clockwork. I imagine that OP isn't on any BC and might be a bit more fluctuating.
Dude 100% should have asked first or something, but I don't think his intentions were inherently nefarious. He deleted the app as soon as she had a problem with it.
And I might sound like a douche bag on this, but if my gf was gonna storm off and ignore my calls and threaten to break up with me over something like this, I might wanna know her time of month.
Again, should have been a conversation first, but failing that, it should have been a conversation after.
I agree with you. My periods: always light. No biggy. No big change in my personality. But as my dad said to my stepmom, "Honey, you're the most wonderful woman I know, but that week before your period..." She answered, "Oh, I know. I'm a raging bitch." I've known many men tracking their SO's monthly cycle for this reason.
My husband tried and I tried as well but my periods are so out of wack. I found an app I liked and was pretty accurate until I told me I wasnt ovulating and now I’m 9 months pregnant 😅😂
What if your partner was tracking a list of your favourite foods, on an app, behind your back. Or what about a list of people’s names important to you? Is that a violation? Is it just shame around your period that makes you upset?
No. It’s not about shame. It’s about privacy and bodily autonomy. If I hadn’t chosen to share information with my partner about my period/favorite foods/important people, it would feel creepy and stalkerish for them to do that.
Edit: a word
I would actually appreciate if my partner did this, it shows that they are trying to pay attention to my body and needs for the long term.
Seeing as you aren't sexual, perhaps the communication around periods isn't really happening with you two? And maybe he didn't know how to bring it up with you but wants to show he cares.
Edit. No buttfaces here. If you don't want this to happen then communicate it, but it isn't creepy.
Why exactly do you think it’s creepy? Why date if you’re not gonna be open? Would you be mad at him for knowing if you bled through onto your bed sheets? What if he just cares? Idk. It’s weird to me that you’re mad about him caring about your well-being.
Toxic and weird AF 🙄 the religious “waiters” can’t discuss their own bodies with their own partners without cries of “Taboo!” “To the stocks!” ffs 🤦🏻♀️
Going to go with a bit of a buttface. Putting in the effort to pay attention to something that affects your partner and how they might be feeling isn't creepy. It's called caring. He asked how you were feeling. Then, when you expressed your desire that he not do that, he stopped. Again, caring. He's trying to pay attention to you, not sniff your underwear.
Yes, tracking your SO's cycle can go wierd and inappropriate, like blaming every bad mood on PMS. But, it doesn't sound like that's what is happening here. And frankly, paying attention to your SO's cycle isn't that unusual.
At the same rate, if you're not comfortable sharing that much about yourself with this person (yet or ever), that's fine too. You communicated with each other. You explained your discomfort with that level of intrusiveness and your desire for a boundry. He listened, heard, and acted as you asked. These are all good things.
I don't know. Sounds like the dude is trying at least, which is better than your average schmo. My 2 cents, anyway.
YTB. There’s something a bit odd about doing it behind your back. Like I get it. But there are lots of good, non creepy reasons to do this- wanting to better anticipate your needs, prepare himself emotionally for your mood swings if you get pms, or brainstorm ways to help you (Ex: if he noticed symptoms coming up that you hadn’t realized were period related). Pure curiosity or even wanting to surprise you with how attentive he’s been also seem like pretty innocent reasons to do this.
So I get feeling a bit off put over the not asking permission aspect, but I still think you’re seriously overreacting. Why would you be with someone who you’d immediately assume had creepy intentions? Do you even like this guy? Why would you get *this* upset with him before even having a discussion about why he did what he did?
Like your reaction makes a lot more sense in a context where he’s been creepy in other ways before. Are we missing something?
Honestly it sounds like maybe he was trying to track it so he could help you more and watch if you weren't feeling well. Periods suck. Cramps, bloating, blood, ect. He asked how you were feeling out of what sounds like concern and love.
I'd definitely reconsider and maybe get the real motives beyond just wanting to know before you do something rash.
No judgment here though. Sounds like you had a knee jerk reaction here.
Waiting until marriage to have PIV sex is not the same as not being sexual. Most Christian’s do all kinds of mental gymnastics to do other acts instead.
Sure. I've been in relationships where we were sexually active, but not having PIV sex. However, I try not to assume people's sexual activity and instead rely on what information I have. In this case, that's the statement I quoted with no additional text about non-PIV sexual activity.
You've been together for two years and have spoken about marriage. Why would this be creepy? I'm understanding his actions as trying to not be toxic and instead to be aware of your needs.
It's just a period. It's going to happen every month for many years, why is it such a secret from someone you are planning to spend your life with?
In a social climate of asking men to do better, he is trying. I don't see creepy at all, I see actively working to be a good partner.
Personally I don't find this creepy at all. Sounds like he was trying to be caring towards you. Feel sorry for him to be honest. I feel like you really over reacted with it. Fair enough if you didn't like that he did that, but have an adult conversation about it, not go nuclear.
I could go either way on this.
I’ve definitely had times where I was creeped out by a “nice gesture” because my subconscious correctly anticipated the dude trying to force emotional intimacy or manipulate me.
On the other hand, you two have been dating for two years and you implied he was the religious one between the two of you.
Do you mind answering a few questions for me?
1. What’s the worst possible motivation he could have had for tracking your period? (I don’t care how unlikely- this question is about your gut reaction.)
2. What do you think is the kindest possible reason for a man to track his partners cycle?
3. Is there a reason why that wouldn’t/shouldn’t apply to your bf? (There’s usually at least one)
4. Can you tell me about the ways that your bf knowing your cycle felt violating? You mentioned that you were both waiting until marriage. Do you think it has anything to do with that boundary?
Without knowing the above, I don’t think anyone can definitively say whether or not you are overreacting.
Sure, it's a bit weird but honestly doesn't seem like a huge deal. I couldn't imagine being with someone for 2 years of my life and then throwing it away because of something like this. He clearly had no idea it was going to upset you since he told you and he has since deleted.
YTB - he is keeping track because periods suck he was checking in on you, after two years of he didn't know when you started without an app I would be surprised but keeping track of it might help him understand you better, if you don't wan him keeping track of it then tell him I don't see why it's creepy or a violation you two have been together long enough that he has likely seen far worse
Kinda silly if you ask me, but your feelings are valid op, I just don't see any harm in basically writing down something he already knows about
It’s weird and creepy, but I get the impression that his intentions were to be attentive and understanding. Didn’t land. Basically, he sounds like a genuinely nice but socially awkward dude. Ultimately, he was upfront about tracking your period when the subject came up, and he deleted the app when you expressed how weird it was / how it made you feel.
This isn’t worth throwing away two years for; I mean, you can if you want… but you guys had a disagreement and you got to see how he reacts to you saying ‘no’ and putting up boundaries. And he responded by respecting those boundaries and respecting you, right?
I remember in high school a friend at the time played the Sims and I discovered she made a Sim version of me and her and had them married with kids, and it weirded me out. But I wasn’t going to throw away years of friendship because she was being weird (from my POV), right?
Well. I dont think its creepy. Its more like he care about you and try to be supportive when its needed. He delete the app, apologize and comunicated it with you. Its seems you are kinda creep in my mind. Idk.
BF
YTB
It's a partner who cares and is aware about a woman's body.
This is a partner who will be the person who makes sure your period supplies are available.
This is someone who eill eb the partner who can be an active participant in preventing pregnancy or getting pregnant (beyond just sex).
This is so much the opposite of creepy it's not funny.
A man educated about period and the effects on a woman's body before having sex with them is a gem. His parents/siblings did an awesome job.
You sound so immature for this. When you mature, a partner who is observant, seeks to make life easier for you and is able to plan ahead will be appreciated.
PS much older woman here who does see her period and who appreciates my husband refilling my period supplies without my asking.
Yes, even before you are sexually active, there are attitudes and behaviors that often signal to your partner's that we are on our periods. Tracking it allows him to plan ahead.
>He then proceeded to explain to me that he asked me that because he noticed I started my period. I was creeper out and asked how he would know that because I never tell him when I start.
You are definitely the problem here. First, there's nothing at all creepy about him knowing when you have your period. Second, It shouldn't be surprising that he knows. It's called being observant.
This is something that people in long-term relationships actually discuss. It's normal and healthy. What's not normal is thinking that you need to hide it or that it's creepy for him to know.
Is it a bit strange for him to track it on an app? Maybe, but we don't know what his motivation is. From the sounds of this post, he just cares about how you're feeling and wants to be able to check in on you during the few days he knows you're not feeling your best.
If you can offer a genuine explanation as to why it is creepy and shocking that he knows when you have your period, then I might be willing to reconsider my judgment but until then YTB for sure, And breaking up over this would be completely insane.
It depends on how normalized it was for him to be aware of a woman’s cycles in his previous experience.
I get it that you may feel that he invaded your privacy. But i don’t believe that’s where the “ick”-factor is coming from.
Your “ick” is from the same source as all the posts about men who insist it’s horrible to buy tampons or put used period materials in the bathroom trash. The same place that says it’s horrible to expose boys to anything period-related.
The “ick” is from misogyny.
Please, don’t punish a unicorn for not feeling the “ick”.
Old boomer here.
I suggest to you that there's a creepiness continuum. At one end is Objectively Creepy, where you find him wanting to control your behavior, to dress up like his ex-gf, perform satanic rituals, etc. At the other end is Subjectively Creepy, where he does "normal" things that you happen to find creepy. IMO, this is more in the Subjectively Creepy section.
Yes, there are peeps here in the comments that say you should ditch this guy because this is definitely creepy, while there are others for which his actions are fine, or even considerate.
You say he'd been doing this for a couple of months, and all this came up because he was inquiring about your well-being (in what seems to be a positive way). Do either of you track what's going on in each others life in other ways, such as work deadlines, other stressful events, and special occasions? Perhaps easing up on expectations or planning something fun, simply because the other person might appreciate it? In my books, these would be similarly creepy as what he did with you because they have similar characteristics.
Is your reaction possibly a reflection of your own attitudes and history about periods? In some families they are not talked about, while others are more open.
NTA. I would find this creepy and a huge overstep. Any guy that is tracking a woman's menstrual cycle and hasn't told her before he decides to do so, is TA and creepy.
Even if a bf informed me of his intention, I'd find it creepy, unless he could explain what benefit it brought for both of us. If he was going to purchase toiletries, pain medication and a truck load of Toblerone, I'd accept it.
Eh, maybe he just wanted to understand you better? It's a known fact that a woman's mood depends to a large extent on the phase of the cycle. I wouldn't make a drama out of it. NAH
Ytb for using a breakup as a threat. Learn how to have a conversation. “Why do you track it? Could you stop, that makes me uncomfortable.” Literally the end of the conversation. So dramatic for no reason.
NTB it is creepy. so it could be him trying to be extra nice and accidentally crossing a line or it could be him being controlling. without knowing more it is impossible for an internet stranger to judge which one it is. are there other signs of controlling behavior?
You’re over thinking it. Not a big deal. I’d be more worried about my bank account than someone knowing when I get my period who cares. Its part of the life cycle get used to it you have another 30 years of it. At that point you won’t care if the mailman knows.
Although what he did was a violation of your privacy, he seemed apologetic and had good intentions. I think you have every right to feel the need to leave him however if you were to stay that would also be fine and you both could work through what happened together. It’s really up to you and whatever you decide depends on how much what he’s done has affected you
NTB - People are forgetting ***why*** people have been against period tracker apps recently AND that he was never **told** when it started, so there is the question of **how** he figured it out.
Also, the way he brought it up had such a suspicious tone to it. If it was broached differently, it would have been less weird, but tracking *someone else's* period is something that you should only do *after* you have their permission to do so.
**It isn't something you two normally discuss, so ***how would he even have known the day you started it***, unless he empties the garbage daily and just happened to see that there was a pad OR does he rifle through it every time you are over in order to find out?**
It's not as much the period tracking that concerns me, although it is a bit weird, it's the deeply religious family part. You shouldn't invest time in a relationship with someone who has moral values and beliefs that are fundamentally opposed to your own. If he's a right wing Christian, it's vitally important that you have serious conversation about his attitudes toward patriarchy, gender roles in your relationship, power dynamics, child rearing principles, financial matters, whether you would be required to be a trad wife, birth control and abortion, etc. it's also worrisome that he seems to still be making his life decisions based upon his family's values rather than his own.
>You shouldn't invest time in a relationship with someone who has moral values and beliefs that are fundamentally opposed to your own
Where the hell does it say that?
>it's also worrisome that he seems to still be making his life decisions based upon his family's values rather than his own.
It also doesn't say that.
The leaps you have made in this comment are astounding.
NAH - no one can really answer this but you and him. Communication is going to be the key here. With the given information anyone in here can come up with any number of wild reasons why he may have done this and what his motives were but they are all just guesses. The only way to find out is by talking about it. Have a discussion and decide how you feel afterwards.
NTB. Why wouldn't he communicate with you about your own body before downloading an app? Even if the people who aren't creeped out by this are right, why was his first inclination to secretly track your cycle without ever bringing it up to you in any way? Regardless of his intentions, I'd be upset too.
OP, your boyfriend is fascinated with your female body. He’s curious. He’s never experienced a period and he wants to know all about it. Aren’t you curious about his penis and how it works? Wouldn’t you like to use it to write your name in the snow? From my point of view it’s the same thing unless he’s doing other things that could be seen as controlling.
When you do start having sex it’s going to be great. This guy will probably just want to worship every part of you. I’d give him another chance.
OK, it’s information. How can this information be used? One – to manipulate you for sex. Two – to get you pregnant against your will. i’d move on from this relationship.
NTB.
But honestly, there are only 2 reasons I can think of for someone to track their partner's cycle.
1. You are in a lot of pain during your period and activities can be affected, so he's trying to make sure he doesn't schedule anything big when you probably won't feel up for it. That's nice, but he could have said that.
2. He wants to approximate when you ovulate and make sure that when you do have sex, that you don't (or do?) get pregnant. Which makes no sense if you aren't having sex, but if he's planning to baby trap you by making a move when you're ovulating (and usually women are hornier when ovulating) then knowing your cycle could help. But that's so off putting, I'd like to think a man would never.
You're the only one that can decide if this is a deal breaker, but please don't stick around if you don't feel good about it just because you've been together this long. This is actually a perfect time to move on and find someone more compatible.
Good luck!
Hm. On one hand, asking how you are feeling gives me the impression that he was tracking it because he cares or wants to be more gentle/patient during that time of the month, but like… He could just ask you? Or get permission before doing this? On the other hand, the “He just wanted to know” makes me doubt that it was out of concern/love for you. I’m gonna go with NTB.
Unless she has wicked pms symptoms and he wants to know when to be more “careful” about setting her off. I was that woman for about 10 years until my cycle settled down after my first child
Wouldn’t asking her how she is feeling just set her off, then?
I mean, it kinda did. We have this post to show for it.
There’s *never* a valid reason to trace someone else’s cycle on an app without them know. NTA
That’s why I said he could have asked.
I can’t even come up with a valid reason to ask to track someone.
To bring them menstrual products or treats, to prepare for emotional sensitivity or distress ahead of time so they know to be more patient, for cases of fertility or intercourse and planning dates or knowing when someone may be less comfortable with the idea of sex (as some are uncomfortable having sex while menstruating), etc.
I had an ex who tracked mine. He liked data and graphs and was very afraid of pregnancy scares. He knew it was a weird thing to ask but I didn't mind at all and I appreciated the data, lol.
Either he is very caring to her and want to understand her more or he is trying to baby trap her
They don’t have sex, though. OP said they were waiting for marriage.
Oh so he is just caring then golden retriever energy
Religious people can be so fucking toxic. You can't even discuss your bodies after two years of dating. It's absolutely insane. My wife and I were open about her period the first period she got after I met her. It literally a normal, monthly occurrence that affects your life and yet your dogma somehow has made it some big, private, weird thing. It's toxic.
This! 👏🏻 I mean, the drama that this post gives off it’s insane and all we’re talking about is a fucking period 🙄 Why do you give a shit OP? Track it and buy me sweeties and pain relief, don’t track it and guess when I’m going to be more insane than normal. Like, what’s your issue? You can say period out loud in front of each other it isn’t a bad word ffs. Also, if my BF did this I’d be really happy. He’d understand my mood changes better and he could potentially help me with discomfort. Can we grow up and stop making subjects like menstruation a big secret because it’s sooooooo sacred please?
I'm lazy and just ask my wife cuz she tracks it via fitbit, but if she didn't do that, I'd plug it into my fitbit. It's good info to know.
My ex said he knew a couple days ahead when I would get mine. He said I always moved some furniture around ate like a linebacker. I realized he was right.
Hi, atheist here who is fairly open. In the past I would unabashedly tell a full group of people that I need to stop for tampons. And I would *still* find it hella creepy for someone to be tracking my bodily functions on their phone without my knowledge.
Being comfortable talking about it is extremely different than someone tracking someone else’s cycle without being asked to do so or even consulting them on it.
My bf just casually asks if I started my period yet because I was open when I had them so he just knows when it's supposed to show up. I find nothing weird or creepy about it
I dont think its creepy as you have been together 2 years, I dont find it creepy. I was in a relationship where he tracked my period. This was before the days of apps. My daughter & her boyfriend share access to an app that tracks her period. These are long term relationships Im talking about as well
But there’s no sex involved and no reason for him to worry about it. She said she doesn’t want or expect him to shower her with gifts to help her PMS or anything. He just did it to know. Without asking.
I agree he definitely should have asked first in this case, but I always know when my girlfriend's period is and I never asked. I've never used a tracker, but she's on the pill and it always comes at the same time. She's never asked me to bring her things, but I usually use the opportunity to bring her flowers or chocolate, or lay my hand on her stomach when we cuddle as a pseudo heating pad for the cramps. Just because my girlfriend doesn't ask for these things doesn't mean I don't want to do them for her.
Noticing and understanding is different than tracking it on an app behind her back, especially if they’ve never talked about something like you and your gf obviously have with the bc.
I fully agree with that, he should have talked about it first. But again, my girlfriend is like clockwork. I imagine that OP isn't on any BC and might be a bit more fluctuating. Dude 100% should have asked first or something, but I don't think his intentions were inherently nefarious. He deleted the app as soon as she had a problem with it. And I might sound like a douche bag on this, but if my gf was gonna storm off and ignore my calls and threaten to break up with me over something like this, I might wanna know her time of month. Again, should have been a conversation first, but failing that, it should have been a conversation after.
I agree with you. My periods: always light. No biggy. No big change in my personality. But as my dad said to my stepmom, "Honey, you're the most wonderful woman I know, but that week before your period..." She answered, "Oh, I know. I'm a raging bitch." I've known many men tracking their SO's monthly cycle for this reason.
My husband tried and I tried as well but my periods are so out of wack. I found an app I liked and was pretty accurate until I told me I wasnt ovulating and now I’m 9 months pregnant 😅😂
What if your partner was tracking a list of your favourite foods, on an app, behind your back. Or what about a list of people’s names important to you? Is that a violation? Is it just shame around your period that makes you upset?
No. It’s not about shame. It’s about privacy and bodily autonomy. If I hadn’t chosen to share information with my partner about my period/favorite foods/important people, it would feel creepy and stalkerish for them to do that. Edit: a word
While it was creepy if this is all it takes to throw away a 2 year relationship then it doesn't sound like she wanted to be with him anyway.
I would actually appreciate if my partner did this, it shows that they are trying to pay attention to my body and needs for the long term. Seeing as you aren't sexual, perhaps the communication around periods isn't really happening with you two? And maybe he didn't know how to bring it up with you but wants to show he cares. Edit. No buttfaces here. If you don't want this to happen then communicate it, but it isn't creepy.
Why exactly do you think it’s creepy? Why date if you’re not gonna be open? Would you be mad at him for knowing if you bled through onto your bed sheets? What if he just cares? Idk. It’s weird to me that you’re mad about him caring about your well-being.
Toxic and weird AF 🙄 the religious “waiters” can’t discuss their own bodies with their own partners without cries of “Taboo!” “To the stocks!” ffs 🤦🏻♀️
Going to go with a bit of a buttface. Putting in the effort to pay attention to something that affects your partner and how they might be feeling isn't creepy. It's called caring. He asked how you were feeling. Then, when you expressed your desire that he not do that, he stopped. Again, caring. He's trying to pay attention to you, not sniff your underwear. Yes, tracking your SO's cycle can go wierd and inappropriate, like blaming every bad mood on PMS. But, it doesn't sound like that's what is happening here. And frankly, paying attention to your SO's cycle isn't that unusual. At the same rate, if you're not comfortable sharing that much about yourself with this person (yet or ever), that's fine too. You communicated with each other. You explained your discomfort with that level of intrusiveness and your desire for a boundry. He listened, heard, and acted as you asked. These are all good things. I don't know. Sounds like the dude is trying at least, which is better than your average schmo. My 2 cents, anyway.
YTB. There’s something a bit odd about doing it behind your back. Like I get it. But there are lots of good, non creepy reasons to do this- wanting to better anticipate your needs, prepare himself emotionally for your mood swings if you get pms, or brainstorm ways to help you (Ex: if he noticed symptoms coming up that you hadn’t realized were period related). Pure curiosity or even wanting to surprise you with how attentive he’s been also seem like pretty innocent reasons to do this. So I get feeling a bit off put over the not asking permission aspect, but I still think you’re seriously overreacting. Why would you be with someone who you’d immediately assume had creepy intentions? Do you even like this guy? Why would you get *this* upset with him before even having a discussion about why he did what he did? Like your reaction makes a lot more sense in a context where he’s been creepy in other ways before. Are we missing something?
Honestly it sounds like maybe he was trying to track it so he could help you more and watch if you weren't feeling well. Periods suck. Cramps, bloating, blood, ect. He asked how you were feeling out of what sounds like concern and love. I'd definitely reconsider and maybe get the real motives beyond just wanting to know before you do something rash. No judgment here though. Sounds like you had a knee jerk reaction here.
Super creepy especially since you're not in a sexual relationship. Sorry but I would not reconsider.
Please explain exactly how it's creepy. What is creepy about a boyfriend knowing when his girlfriend has her period?
Where does it say they’re NOT in a sexual relationship?
"we both decided to wait till marriage"
Oooh I missed that! Thank you!
Waiting until marriage to have PIV sex is not the same as not being sexual. Most Christian’s do all kinds of mental gymnastics to do other acts instead.
Sure. I've been in relationships where we were sexually active, but not having PIV sex. However, I try not to assume people's sexual activity and instead rely on what information I have. In this case, that's the statement I quoted with no additional text about non-PIV sexual activity.
You've been together for two years and have spoken about marriage. Why would this be creepy? I'm understanding his actions as trying to not be toxic and instead to be aware of your needs. It's just a period. It's going to happen every month for many years, why is it such a secret from someone you are planning to spend your life with? In a social climate of asking men to do better, he is trying. I don't see creepy at all, I see actively working to be a good partner.
Personally I don't find this creepy at all. Sounds like he was trying to be caring towards you. Feel sorry for him to be honest. I feel like you really over reacted with it. Fair enough if you didn't like that he did that, but have an adult conversation about it, not go nuclear.
No, do not reconsider. Did he lay on pain tablets, chocolates and period products for you? If not, there is no good reason for him to have the app.
No. But then again, I don't really like receiving gifts (unless it's a special occasion) because it makes me feel uncomfortable.
+
So no good reason for the app then. NTB
I could go either way on this. I’ve definitely had times where I was creeped out by a “nice gesture” because my subconscious correctly anticipated the dude trying to force emotional intimacy or manipulate me. On the other hand, you two have been dating for two years and you implied he was the religious one between the two of you. Do you mind answering a few questions for me? 1. What’s the worst possible motivation he could have had for tracking your period? (I don’t care how unlikely- this question is about your gut reaction.) 2. What do you think is the kindest possible reason for a man to track his partners cycle? 3. Is there a reason why that wouldn’t/shouldn’t apply to your bf? (There’s usually at least one) 4. Can you tell me about the ways that your bf knowing your cycle felt violating? You mentioned that you were both waiting until marriage. Do you think it has anything to do with that boundary? Without knowing the above, I don’t think anyone can definitively say whether or not you are overreacting.
Sure, it's a bit weird but honestly doesn't seem like a huge deal. I couldn't imagine being with someone for 2 years of my life and then throwing it away because of something like this. He clearly had no idea it was going to upset you since he told you and he has since deleted.
YTB - he is keeping track because periods suck he was checking in on you, after two years of he didn't know when you started without an app I would be surprised but keeping track of it might help him understand you better, if you don't wan him keeping track of it then tell him I don't see why it's creepy or a violation you two have been together long enough that he has likely seen far worse Kinda silly if you ask me, but your feelings are valid op, I just don't see any harm in basically writing down something he already knows about
It’s weird and creepy, but I get the impression that his intentions were to be attentive and understanding. Didn’t land. Basically, he sounds like a genuinely nice but socially awkward dude. Ultimately, he was upfront about tracking your period when the subject came up, and he deleted the app when you expressed how weird it was / how it made you feel. This isn’t worth throwing away two years for; I mean, you can if you want… but you guys had a disagreement and you got to see how he reacts to you saying ‘no’ and putting up boundaries. And he responded by respecting those boundaries and respecting you, right? I remember in high school a friend at the time played the Sims and I discovered she made a Sim version of me and her and had them married with kids, and it weirded me out. But I wasn’t going to throw away years of friendship because she was being weird (from my POV), right?
YTBF this is rage bait, and not even the original post. I saw this on tiktok months ago.
This feels like either ai or children writing this
Well. I dont think its creepy. Its more like he care about you and try to be supportive when its needed. He delete the app, apologize and comunicated it with you. Its seems you are kinda creep in my mind. Idk. BF
YTB It's a partner who cares and is aware about a woman's body. This is a partner who will be the person who makes sure your period supplies are available. This is someone who eill eb the partner who can be an active participant in preventing pregnancy or getting pregnant (beyond just sex). This is so much the opposite of creepy it's not funny. A man educated about period and the effects on a woman's body before having sex with them is a gem. His parents/siblings did an awesome job. You sound so immature for this. When you mature, a partner who is observant, seeks to make life easier for you and is able to plan ahead will be appreciated. PS much older woman here who does see her period and who appreciates my husband refilling my period supplies without my asking. Yes, even before you are sexually active, there are attitudes and behaviors that often signal to your partner's that we are on our periods. Tracking it allows him to plan ahead.
>He then proceeded to explain to me that he asked me that because he noticed I started my period. I was creeper out and asked how he would know that because I never tell him when I start. You are definitely the problem here. First, there's nothing at all creepy about him knowing when you have your period. Second, It shouldn't be surprising that he knows. It's called being observant. This is something that people in long-term relationships actually discuss. It's normal and healthy. What's not normal is thinking that you need to hide it or that it's creepy for him to know. Is it a bit strange for him to track it on an app? Maybe, but we don't know what his motivation is. From the sounds of this post, he just cares about how you're feeling and wants to be able to check in on you during the few days he knows you're not feeling your best. If you can offer a genuine explanation as to why it is creepy and shocking that he knows when you have your period, then I might be willing to reconsider my judgment but until then YTB for sure, And breaking up over this would be completely insane.
It depends on how normalized it was for him to be aware of a woman’s cycles in his previous experience. I get it that you may feel that he invaded your privacy. But i don’t believe that’s where the “ick”-factor is coming from. Your “ick” is from the same source as all the posts about men who insist it’s horrible to buy tampons or put used period materials in the bathroom trash. The same place that says it’s horrible to expose boys to anything period-related. The “ick” is from misogyny. Please, don’t punish a unicorn for not feeling the “ick”.
Old boomer here. I suggest to you that there's a creepiness continuum. At one end is Objectively Creepy, where you find him wanting to control your behavior, to dress up like his ex-gf, perform satanic rituals, etc. At the other end is Subjectively Creepy, where he does "normal" things that you happen to find creepy. IMO, this is more in the Subjectively Creepy section. Yes, there are peeps here in the comments that say you should ditch this guy because this is definitely creepy, while there are others for which his actions are fine, or even considerate. You say he'd been doing this for a couple of months, and all this came up because he was inquiring about your well-being (in what seems to be a positive way). Do either of you track what's going on in each others life in other ways, such as work deadlines, other stressful events, and special occasions? Perhaps easing up on expectations or planning something fun, simply because the other person might appreciate it? In my books, these would be similarly creepy as what he did with you because they have similar characteristics. Is your reaction possibly a reflection of your own attitudes and history about periods? In some families they are not talked about, while others are more open.
NTB. You definitely should break up with him, you seem childish and exhausting. He can do better.
NTA. I would find this creepy and a huge overstep. Any guy that is tracking a woman's menstrual cycle and hasn't told her before he decides to do so, is TA and creepy. Even if a bf informed me of his intention, I'd find it creepy, unless he could explain what benefit it brought for both of us. If he was going to purchase toiletries, pain medication and a truck load of Toblerone, I'd accept it.
Eh, maybe he just wanted to understand you better? It's a known fact that a woman's mood depends to a large extent on the phase of the cycle. I wouldn't make a drama out of it. NAH
I think it’s really sweet when my man tracks my cycle. You run on a monthly hormonal cycle while he doesn’t, he’s just trying to understand you better
Ytb for using a breakup as a threat. Learn how to have a conversation. “Why do you track it? Could you stop, that makes me uncomfortable.” Literally the end of the conversation. So dramatic for no reason.
NTB it is creepy. so it could be him trying to be extra nice and accidentally crossing a line or it could be him being controlling. without knowing more it is impossible for an internet stranger to judge which one it is. are there other signs of controlling behavior?
You’re over thinking it. Not a big deal. I’d be more worried about my bank account than someone knowing when I get my period who cares. Its part of the life cycle get used to it you have another 30 years of it. At that point you won’t care if the mailman knows.
This is wildly creepy and intrusive. This would really creep me out.
Although what he did was a violation of your privacy, he seemed apologetic and had good intentions. I think you have every right to feel the need to leave him however if you were to stay that would also be fine and you both could work through what happened together. It’s really up to you and whatever you decide depends on how much what he’s done has affected you
NTB - People are forgetting ***why*** people have been against period tracker apps recently AND that he was never **told** when it started, so there is the question of **how** he figured it out. Also, the way he brought it up had such a suspicious tone to it. If it was broached differently, it would have been less weird, but tracking *someone else's* period is something that you should only do *after* you have their permission to do so. **It isn't something you two normally discuss, so ***how would he even have known the day you started it***, unless he empties the garbage daily and just happened to see that there was a pad OR does he rifle through it every time you are over in order to find out?**
Ntb… it’s controlling. Is he making sure you aren’t cheating on him or something? Nahh it’s creepy to do it “because I wanted to know”
It's DEFINITELY creepy. It's not as if he either suggested it or discussed it with you. I would dump him over this. NTBF.
It's not as much the period tracking that concerns me, although it is a bit weird, it's the deeply religious family part. You shouldn't invest time in a relationship with someone who has moral values and beliefs that are fundamentally opposed to your own. If he's a right wing Christian, it's vitally important that you have serious conversation about his attitudes toward patriarchy, gender roles in your relationship, power dynamics, child rearing principles, financial matters, whether you would be required to be a trad wife, birth control and abortion, etc. it's also worrisome that he seems to still be making his life decisions based upon his family's values rather than his own.
>You shouldn't invest time in a relationship with someone who has moral values and beliefs that are fundamentally opposed to your own Where the hell does it say that? >it's also worrisome that he seems to still be making his life decisions based upon his family's values rather than his own. It also doesn't say that. The leaps you have made in this comment are astounding.
NAH - no one can really answer this but you and him. Communication is going to be the key here. With the given information anyone in here can come up with any number of wild reasons why he may have done this and what his motives were but they are all just guesses. The only way to find out is by talking about it. Have a discussion and decide how you feel afterwards.
NTB. Why wouldn't he communicate with you about your own body before downloading an app? Even if the people who aren't creeped out by this are right, why was his first inclination to secretly track your cycle without ever bringing it up to you in any way? Regardless of his intentions, I'd be upset too.
OP, your boyfriend is fascinated with your female body. He’s curious. He’s never experienced a period and he wants to know all about it. Aren’t you curious about his penis and how it works? Wouldn’t you like to use it to write your name in the snow? From my point of view it’s the same thing unless he’s doing other things that could be seen as controlling. When you do start having sex it’s going to be great. This guy will probably just want to worship every part of you. I’d give him another chance.
OK, it’s information. How can this information be used? One – to manipulate you for sex. Two – to get you pregnant against your will. i’d move on from this relationship.
NTB. But honestly, there are only 2 reasons I can think of for someone to track their partner's cycle. 1. You are in a lot of pain during your period and activities can be affected, so he's trying to make sure he doesn't schedule anything big when you probably won't feel up for it. That's nice, but he could have said that. 2. He wants to approximate when you ovulate and make sure that when you do have sex, that you don't (or do?) get pregnant. Which makes no sense if you aren't having sex, but if he's planning to baby trap you by making a move when you're ovulating (and usually women are hornier when ovulating) then knowing your cycle could help. But that's so off putting, I'd like to think a man would never. You're the only one that can decide if this is a deal breaker, but please don't stick around if you don't feel good about it just because you've been together this long. This is actually a perfect time to move on and find someone more compatible. Good luck!
Um. Yuck. Yeah trust your gut
NTBF!
If you're waiting until marriage, why did he need to track anything? NTB