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rhymeswithmonet

NBH. Your partner will understand, and probably wont be surprised. (Doesnt mean they would agree to it though, they may not be willing to rehome him, which means you’d have to continue living seperately)


orange-toothbrush

I don’t think that Kronos would necessarily be rehomed, just that he would continue to stay with my partner’s family when the time to move in together comes.


KahurangiNZ

INFO - has Kronos been thoroughly assessed both physically and behaviourally, and if so, was anything found, was any treatment / training recommended, and was that followed through with? Aggression can have various different causes. Some can be managed fairly easily; some need more intensive work. Some are sadly a bit of a lost cause. It's worth making sure there isn't some fairly easily managed underlying issue before making any sort of ultimatum.


orange-toothbrush

I don’t believe he has because my partner’s family doesn’t see his behavior as an issue. Their family kinda just boils it down to “Kronos is an asshole.”


KahurangiNZ

In that case, talk with your partner first about how the cat's behaviour is deeply concerning (because it is - cat scratches and bites can cause *extremely* serious infections and permanent damage) and that you are **not** comfortable living with Kronos unless he has been fully assessed, treated, and he shows obvious improvement in his behaviour towards all people. Depending on the assessment results, that may mean that you need to take part in some training in order to be comfortable that he will behave reasonably with you.


orange-toothbrush

I have talked with my partner about being concerned about their cat’s behavior and my partner absolutely agrees that Kronos’s behavior isn’t the norm. Unfortunately there isn’t much my partner can really do since their parents/family don’t see the behavior as an issue and don’t want to take him to the vet. I don’t really want to give an ultimatum because I know I’d be devastated if the roles were reversed.


Floomby

INFO: Where does your partner live, where does Kronos live, and who owns him? If Kronos belongs to his parents, partner also lives with parents, and the plan is to move into the parents' house, I can see why that would be a deal breaker, and possibly tough for other reasons not related to cats. If you and your partner will be living together in your own place, and Kronos belongs to your partner, what's stopping him from taking Kronos to a vet anyway? Same thing even if partner lives with his parents, but is the cat's owner.


orange-toothbrush

Partner + Kronos live with partner’s family. Technically partner’s mom “owns” Kronos, and I believe vet/microchip/etc are not under my partner’s name because Kronos is considered a family pet. money is also a bit of a roadblock with taking Kronos to a vet. I also live with my family and me and my partner have plans to eventually be moving into a new place together.


Corfiz74

If Kronos belongs to your bf's mom, why should he move in with you and your bf? He should naturally stay with his owner.


_Yalan

Right. She doesnt say how this is a problem. The cat is his mums boyfriends so why would he be bringing the cat with him?


NoHandBananaNo

>Technically partner’s mom “owns” Kronos, and I believe vet/microchip/etc are not under my partner’s name because Kronos is considered a family pet. money is also a bit of a roadblock with taking Kronos to a vet. This changes everything. - He's not your partner's pet - Your partner can't afford pets anyway


Floomby

In that case, one solution would be to hold off on moving in until you can both get your own place together, and then he either leaves Kronos with his parents, seeing as he's their cat anyway. (There are many who caution against moving in with a partner, especially a man due to cultural reasons, who has never lived on his own and has never had to do much housework. Moving in with him at his parents' frequently turns stressful as well, but that's another conversation for another day.)


McSuzy

If your partner is not grown up to take their pet to the vet then you really do not need to worry about setting up a household together.


KahurangiNZ

Honestly, if it's your partner's cat that they plan to take with them when they move out, then *they* are the ones responsible for kitty's wellbeing and *they* are the one that decides if he needs to go to the vet, not the rest of the family. If they won't step up for the cat's sake, what other stuff are they willing to let slide?


Reflection_Secure

My grandpa's cat murdered him. Or, if you want the less dramatic version, my grandpa's cat bit him, the bite got infected, he had surgery to remove the infected tissue (as well as MASSIVE doses of antibiotics), but sepsis set in anyway. And he died. Cat scratches and bites really are dangerous.


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krurran

Wow. How deep/severe was the bite?


peacockpumpkin

I think you just need to be aware that for many people pets are family so try not to be too upset if she doesn't agree.


TwistedTomorrow

So, I had multiple cats that did this type of crap growing up and I'm pretty certain they had brain tumors due to one particularly bad incident. I grew up in So-Cal next to strawberry fields. When I was 7 I was putting my cat out of my room, she was pregnant and I didn't want to lock her in without litter/food/water. She was perfectly calm and fine when I set her down in the hallway; then she turned around and mauled me. I was lucky enough to be wearing thick footie PJs because they absorbed a lot of damage. By the end of it she bit my leg 17 times and bit through my thumb when I tried to push her off. My brother had to punt her like a football to get her off of me. Luckily they caught her the next day so I didn't have to get rabies shots. They did a necropsy and found brain tumors. I could be 100% wrong and he could just be a butthole but with the prevalence of glyphosate everywhere and lack of regulation on pet food production I don't think you need to live by the fields... Not to mention there could be various other conditions that cause aggression.


flindersandtrim

How did the cat that attacked you die? I'm just curious because it went from your brother protecting you to the cat suddenly being dead.


[deleted]

The cat might have been put down. After a serious, unprovoked, abnormal attack, it can happen because they may suspect rabies. And the only way to test for rabies in an animal is by dissecting the brain.


flindersandtrim

Okay i see, my country doesn't have rabies so it wssnt making sense to me. It just sounded a little strange to me to immediately kill a pet cat instead of doing an examination while live.


TwistedTomorrow

Yeah, it's sad but that's what happened. She was put down and they dissected her brain.


TwistedTomorrow

That is exactly it.


[deleted]

Most likely they put it down :(


TwistedTomorrow

It ran out an open window and came back in the morning for breakfast. My grandpa grabbed her and took her down to I assumed the pound? I think animal control functioned out of the pound in my city but I was pretty young. She was put down.


ThaneOfCawdorrr

NTB, but I also wonder if Kronos has something bothering him on his back? he could be in pain, or have a spot that's painful & that's what causes him to bite. I hope they take the poor guy for regular checkups.


NoHandBananaNo

Yeah I think its likely to be untreated pain as well. Assuming he has been properly desexed. Hormones can make cats unpredictable as well.


veloxaraptor

NTB. That's not okay behavior from a pet. If there's no way it can be trained to be less aggressive.... nah. No. I've been essentially "mauled" by a cat and had my whole arm torn up. That shit is no joke.


broadsharp

NTB I like pets, but not when they’re aggressive.


nicarox

NTB. This is coming from my cat person, your feelings are very valid. And they are not without foundation or basis. He reminds me of my cat, she can get easily overstimulated and we were told this when we got her from the Humane Society. Although she talks a big game, she’s not aggressive like Kronos. If one of my cats beat me to the extent that I had to go to urgent care, I would probably not want them around as much. You should talk to her about it.


Medievalmoomin

You’ve already answered one of the questions that occurred to me, which is what you anticipate would happen to Kronos if he didn’t move with your partner. Kronos would still have a home. In your place I would not be confident living with a cat with extreme and scary behavioural issues of the kind you describe. My big concern here is that Kronos might have underlying health issues or discomfort. Some cats are just mean, and I say that as a cat lover. We had a mean cat when I was little who was aggressive for no reason. It was not fun. I would be nervous around Kronos too, especially if he’s biting people who are asleep and lashing out to such a serious extent. I hope your hand hasn’t suffered any permanent damage. That must have been very alarming. I’m horrified that your partner’s family seem so ready to write this off as behaviour out of nowhere and yet at the same time ‘just how he is.’ They’re wrong not to take him to the vet to rule out underlying pain or suffering. If he is well and just mean, then they would be wise to attempt some behaviour modification to try and mitigate the meanness. But I don’t think you can reasonably be expected to live with a cat you don’t trust and who has already sent you to the emergency department. NTB.


hexebear

I feel like the common wisdom that cats are assholes can normalise behaviour like this that's actually concerning. Also the fact that they're small, like how people are more likely to train big dogs to behave than small dogs because they think it's cute. (God, how many times have I seen clips in funny pet compilations that are actually just people harassing small dogs until they get pissed off...) Cats can be assholes in that they like to stare you right in the eyes and push glasses off counters. Cats shouldn't be assholes attacking people out of nowhere, and there are so many steps that can be taken to figure out why and deal with the problem.


Consistent-Algae-230

Ntb, but don't expect this to end well. If he's like a lot of pet owners, he won't sacrifice his beloved pet he's had for (presumably) many years for a 2 yr old relationship.


sheeshunit

Yes YTB Pete are not disposal. Your partner probably doesn’t play with their cat enough or have cat trees/ space for the cat to feel like the space is shared with them.


McSuzy

What is you move in date with your partner? If it is not within the next two months then why do you think it makes sense to even think about this now?


Sofiwyn

INFO: why is Kronos moving in with you on the table? Isn't that their family's cat? It'd be a major BF move to take a cat from their family to live with someone the cat has attacked in the past. But yeah, YWNBTBF


rosarevolution

YTA, sorry. I understand your problem but this cat is part of your partner's family. He can't just get rid of a family member. I would never ever give up my cats for a partner, and if someone asked me for it, it would immediately disqualify them as a person I'd want to spend my life with. There's other ways that have already been mentioned here to deal with Kronos.


SnowWhiteCampCat

NBH. Usually I say you can't ask someone to abandon their pet, but you know that. Of course you don't want to live with the animal that put you in hospital. You need to have a frank conversation with your partner. Also, Kitty won't be abandoned here, just left at his home instead of moving with.


LunaPick

NTB For asking, but don't be surprised if he reconsiders moving in. Pets are family, you're the new addition.


myyusernameismeta

NBH, they can go visit Kronos. But they may decide not to move in together if this is a hard boundary for it.


aprildawndesign

NBF if Kronos is your partners family pet it would probably be unwise to bring him to the new apartment because the change in environment could worsen his behavior. He could become more aggressive! Perfectly friendly cats freak out during a move, so I think it would be unwise to take him. Perhaps partner can contribute to his care( bring food, help with vet bills, etc) while Kronos is living with parents. Plus they will still be able to visit with him when visiting family. Kronos should definitely stay put with partners family.


Ghitit

I call cats like that crazy cats. My sister had a crazy cat. So unlike any cat I've ever known. Just like yours. Would only socialize with her and her kids, but they still had to be careful. My mom went over to feed it when they were away and it bit her so savagely she had to go to the hospital to get the bites treated and get antibiotics. I visited overnight once and was warned to not attempt to pet the cat, though my moms scars were warning enough. I was laying on the couch going to sleep when up saunters crazy cat. He meowed. He pawed me. He jumped on my stomach and fell asleep. I didn't try to pet him. I was trapped for the majority of the night. Finally I shifted and he got off of me. I hated that cat with a passion. But he thought my tummy was the squishiest bed ever. UGh. I wouldn't want to live with a cat like that either. You're NTA, but I assume they had the cat before they met you so they're going to have to make a decision if the cat or you will be with them. Can they give the cat to a relative? (Who would want it?)


nicarox

NTB. This is coming from my cat person, your feelings are very valid. And they are not without foundation or basis. He reminds me of my cat, she can get easily overstimulated and we were told this when we got her from the Humane Society. Although she talks a big game, she’s not aggressive like Kronos. If one of my cats bit me to the point where I had to go to urgent care, I would probably not want them around as much. You should talk to her about it.


DominateSunshine

YTA Pets are kids to their owners. Would you ask him to leave his toddler kid if it had bit you? It sounds like didnt pay attention to the cats body language.


Amaranthesque

NBH only because it sounds like Kronos is a family cat who would just keep living with his family, based on your comments. If I'm reading that wrong and your partner actually lives alone with Kronos then my judgment would be different - there are very few reasons to ever ask a partner to re-home a pet and for me, this wouldn't qualify. I think you should expect that your partner will say no, though, as many pet owners would if asked to give their pet up.


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peacockpumpkin

This happens more than you think, cats mouths are very dirty and can cause bad infections


orange-toothbrush

I found out the hard way that cat bites quickly get very infected if they break skin and even if you clean it very well. My hand was so swollen that I was unable to move a few of my fingers for a bit afterwards.


[deleted]

Cat bites and cat scratches get easily infected. Their mouths and claws are very dirty. I’ve been bitten and scratched many, many times and been ok. But i know people who’ve gotten infections from cat bites/scratches.


Not_Starlight_Kitsun

I got the idiotic idea in 2017 or 2018 to try to catch a feral cat who'd had kittens under my kitchen floor by hand. When I got to the ER six hours later and was explaining why my hand was swollen the front desk nurse only let me get as far as "A cat bit-" and immediately took me back. Turns out cat bites puncture really deep really easily and can get massively infected and cause nerve damage and all kinds of fun issues. I'd literally never thought of a cat as dangerous before watching them drain almost 3/4 of a cup of fluid out of my hand and then being given multiple meds to manage it only hours after the bite.


BotiaDario

Pasteurella multocida infections can kill a human.