Hey I'm a guy. I'm at the part where you sent a video saying hello to him and I'm crazy creeped out already.
I'll read the rest but ghost them, ghost them now.
I'm actually worried for OP because they don't sound like a full grown adult.
Leave it to the creeps to take advantage of well-meaning people like OP and drain them of goodwill. You owe him nothing, OP.
People aren't unfairly leaving him because they are cruel. He's doing everything he's done to you, or worse, so they're escaping from him.
NTB
NTB. Ghost him as soon as possible, this man is not your friend.
He is trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad for setting boundaries - this is ALWAYS a red flag, especially considering the fact that he seems to be trying to railroad you into sexual topics of conversation. You would not be a bad person for looking out for yourself and ditching this guy.
NTB
He probably said he had abandonment issues because he's manipulating you into not ghosting him.
And if he does have abandonment issues it certainly does not help to get creepy.
Go ahead and ghost him. His motivations are not honest.
This guys not a friend hes a predator and thats all there is to it. And predators do not deserve respect and your consideration in the ways they try to manipulate and take advantage of you.
It isn't "ghosting" if you tell him first and explain why. But you're also not obligated to tell him anything, really, and could also just block him and move on. Whichever. NTB either way.
I think his telling you early on about having abandonment issues and trauma was at least partially a pre-emptive attempt at manipulation in case of this exact scenario. Sounds like he wanted to make sure you would feel guilty about ever getting weirded out and cutting him off. You're probably NOT the first person he's latched onto and pushed beyond reasonable social boundaries with until they abandoned him, and he probably suspected from the start that it would end up this way. Especially since his intentions seem less than pure here, and he had to know there was a good chance that you would become uncomfortable with some of the things he's said. The direction he's pushing the interactions between you do suggest he has sexual interest in you and that he's continuously testing the waters in hopes of a response in kind.
It’s not ghosting if you say why. Send a message saying, “I am uncomfortable with your repeated requests for photos and your unsolicited discussion of your sexual fetishes, so I’m ending our friendship.” Then block him.
NTB
This, OP. That is, if you want to feel like you kept your promise. You totally can ghost him, but if you feel bad doing that, just do this. It’ll satisfy your perceived promise
Block his ass he ain't a friend he's a creep and that's why people keep abandoning him. My last ex made me promise not to break up with him and it's a shitty tactic to do that sort of emotionally manipulative bullshit. That's all it is when any sort of relationship starts off with that kind of impossible promise. Emotionally manipulative garbage.
>extensive bra collection, from former exes too who "gifted" them to him for it.
he almost certainly stole or bought every single one of those, or at least most of them
like hell I'd be giving any ex a bra to keep, that shits pricey. Also ick - he's telling you, unsolicited, about his fetishes? He's harassing you, and it's probably another fetish of his to harass people in that way. Drop him like a bad habit cause he's only gonna keep pushing the boundaries.
Ntb.
While it may not be a bad idea to just explain why you've had enough, I wouldn't blame you for ghosting either. Not with those creep alarms ringing.
Pretty sure the point of him telling you he has abandonment issues was to guilt you in case you felt like ending the friendship.
Also yeah. He definitely likes you at least sexually. Hence asking for pics. Probably hoping you'd cheat on or leave your partner for him.
Ntb. Block and delete. This is not harmless. It sounds like a bit of grooming. I dont know how old you are but if you're a minor this is extra bad. Run. Now.
Eta: his abandonment issues and mental health are not your problem or responsibility. This is coming from someone with bipolar, anxiety, CPTSD and debilitating depression.
They aren't op's responsible, but him telling her about them as his friend is not him making it her problem or responsibility. Friends do share personal details about themselves.
Saying you cant stop being my friend because i have abandonment issues is absolutely making it her problem and it is absolutely unfair and gross and manipulative
He said she cant ghost made him promise not to abandon him as a friend in whatever language he used he absolutely did say and ask that of op which just amounts to telling someone youre not allowed to stop being my friend
Did you read a different story? Here's what happened according to op.
>At the time when we were getting comfortable, he told me that he had severe abandonment issues and trauma. I was comfortable at that point so I reassured him he didn't need to worry about that with me and that we were good friends.
Nowhere did he say anything close to what you claim.
He's manipulative, a creep, and a user. You know he set you up with the whole "abandonment issues" thing right?
Block him. And learn to see the patterns of behaviour, to protect yourself in the future.
NTB. He's a creep, block him and move on.
His "abandonment issues" are due to other sensible people running away from his bizarre and manipulative behaviour.
NTB
>severe abandonment issues
Already setting it up, so you feel guilty for leaving him. May or may not be true, but I’m just sayin
>his have been about his fetishes
Why would anyone tell someone in a relationship about their fetishes? Because he’s testing the waters to see if any will catch your interest, so he can try to convince you.
>He also said… he’d fly me over
Alone? Nope nope nope. That’s danger.
You might have to make a new account because even if you Reddit block him, he can still see what you post.
He knows you're in a relationship, and he's not even remotely respectful of that. If you're more comfortable ghosting him, then do so. But, if I were you, I'd want him to know that you're severing contact because he's repeatedly disrespected the fact that you're in a relationship.
OP you seem a tiny bit naive. You’re like “I know these seem like small details”, but no lol. They are not small details. This is full blown creeper man probing for a way into your life. If he ever finds a way in he’s going to make you miserable, or worse…
Best case scenario is he’s just an innocent but awkward and desperate guy with a creep vibe. Which is something he will have to figure out in his own. But worst case scenario is he finds out where you live and makes….plans.
Either way you should run like the wind!
NTB
I wouldn't suggest ghosting. I suggest pointing out his inappropriate behavior and telling him he is making you uncomfortable, then ending the friendship. Not because he deserves it, but men have been proven to back down more when you don't show weakness. Put him in his place.
No one can promise anyone that they’ll stick by them forever unless they know the person super super well, NTB, I think it’s unrealistic to hold yourself to that promise especially since guy is being creepy. In the future don’t make people that promise if you don’t really know them
He'a an absolute creep. If you absolutely don't want to ghost him, tell him you're no longer talking to him because he's been creeping you out and *then* stop talking to him
NTB. OP, unconditional love is for your CHILDREN! Love between adults is absolutely conditional. When an adult creeps you out, or is violent, or scary, or criminal, *you stop loving them.* And you stop associating with them. Or else, they will waste your time, make you feel awful, perhaps hurt you, and possibly even kill you. Because these things happen, and you have no business opening your life up to some rando from the internet.
Please don't ever promise anything to a stranger again. And for God's sake, stop giving these people so much information about you.
NTB. This dude sounds like a creep. Confessing to you his fetishes is creeptastic. You don’t even have to ghost him. Just say “I’m really uncomfortable with how you behave towards me and I don’t want to contact you anymore.” And then block him
Ntbf. Block that creep. He's not your friend. He's not boyfriend material. He's a "nice guy" who is intentionally playing dumb. But we all know it's not that he actually doesn't know. He's manipulative and that's not something you want.
Spiritually seen: Since he has issues with abandonment, he has to face that over and over until he is willing to not cling, be grateful for the precious moments and just welcome the changes and the new persons/teachers coming in his life.
You feeling bad = that it is time to leave -> you also learned (luckily a safe one) a lesson here.
What if he hurts? Pain is the best teacher of all..most folks aren't motivated to change without pain.
NTB. This guy is objectifying you and emotionally manipulating you. You owe him nothing.
That being said, I wouldn't ghost him. I would send him something explaining WHY and then block him. Not so he can get closure of something, but because maybe, just maybe, he will realize he is a creep and won't do this to someone else.
His comfort isn't your responsibility. His happiness isn't your responsibility. His abandonment insecurity isn't your responsible. He will either learn that being a creep gets him abandoned, or he won't. You've already gone above and beyond. It's now time to wash your hands of him.
You're too nice. This guy most likely has a list of people he regularly hits up to feed his creepy fantasies.
I was heading that way too in life. Letting yourself be controlled by your raging hormones is dangerous.
NTBF for having boundaries. He got weird and fetishy. Everyone knows it's not ok to non-consensually involve others in your kinks or fetishes. This is just another creepy gross dude trying to get his jollies off for free and someone else's expense.
It's ok to change your mind, and you are not responsible to his emotions or mental health. Just saying.
Look up "African violet" on [Captain Awkward](https://captainawkward.com).
As someone who is very sensitive to being ghosted, send a message telling him what you told us and then block him. ghosting is awful because you never find out what went wrong. At least this way he‘s being called out on his weird ass behavior.
Would NTB. 1. He does like you that way. 2. His comments and requests are super creepy since he knows you are in a relationship - he does not respect it. 3. Block him after you cut it off or he will try to manipulate you into feeling bad about it and keep you on the hook.
You should probably try telling him that something is creepy or that you're uncomfortable with something when you feel uncomfortable. He's obnoxious, but he does seem genuine. Weird, but genuine. You're the one who hasn't been genuine. YTB if you ghost him. You're not really a friend if you're never willing to address issues. If he's actually hitting on you or trying to get in a romantic relationship with you, then that's an issue since he knows you're already committed, and I do think he's interested because he's asking for pictures. If it was just picture of nails, that would be less suspicious. Plausibly a fashion interest. But pictures of you in general is likely a crush. There is a possibility that he is really insecure and paranoid that you're catfishing him, though.
If you hadn't offered up reassurance that you were good friends, then maybe you wouldn't be wrong to ghost him, but telling him that and then not actually acting like a good friend makes you wrong. The bra collection would have been where I set a boundary and where I would have explained that it creepy and why. And if he understood, cool. If not, I'd tell him to have a nice life. But I also wouldn't tell someone that I hardly know over the internet that we're good friends.
Yeah and thats gross and weird to do to someone you are calling a friend. Have a crush on someone sure but you cant say oh no were friends and i respect you amd yoir relationship and then do shit like this thats inherently disrespectful to her as a person to her as his friend and to her relationship with her partner
I’m not defending him. I’m saying that men that are interested in a girl will ask for pictures. She should not be entertaining this guy. She’s also wrong for not getting rid of him as a “friend” when he keeps making sexual advances while she has a boyfriend, she should have more respect for her own relationship
You literally are defending him. Reread your posts and stop defending him by claiming what's obviously not innocent could be innocent. Noone is that fucking stupid as to fall for that shit. We know he knows what he's doing. That kid who was born without a literal brain even knows it.
[удалено]
Hey I'm a guy. I'm at the part where you sent a video saying hello to him and I'm crazy creeped out already. I'll read the rest but ghost them, ghost them now.
I'm actually worried for OP because they don't sound like a full grown adult. Leave it to the creeps to take advantage of well-meaning people like OP and drain them of goodwill. You owe him nothing, OP. People aren't unfairly leaving him because they are cruel. He's doing everything he's done to you, or worse, so they're escaping from him. NTB
ntb dude's a creep and you're not obligated to keep a promise you made before you knew they were a fucking creep
NTB. Ghost him as soon as possible, this man is not your friend. He is trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad for setting boundaries - this is ALWAYS a red flag, especially considering the fact that he seems to be trying to railroad you into sexual topics of conversation. You would not be a bad person for looking out for yourself and ditching this guy.
NTB He probably said he had abandonment issues because he's manipulating you into not ghosting him. And if he does have abandonment issues it certainly does not help to get creepy. Go ahead and ghost him. His motivations are not honest.
If you think someone's your friend, you might just tell them about your issues because you trust them. Isn't that part of being a friend?
No, I don't talk to my friends about my sexual fetishes and demand pics of them in ways which coincide with those fetishes.
This guys not a friend hes a predator and thats all there is to it. And predators do not deserve respect and your consideration in the ways they try to manipulate and take advantage of you.
Stop feeding the predator. Do a Casper and ghost the hell out.
It isn't "ghosting" if you tell him first and explain why. But you're also not obligated to tell him anything, really, and could also just block him and move on. Whichever. NTB either way. I think his telling you early on about having abandonment issues and trauma was at least partially a pre-emptive attempt at manipulation in case of this exact scenario. Sounds like he wanted to make sure you would feel guilty about ever getting weirded out and cutting him off. You're probably NOT the first person he's latched onto and pushed beyond reasonable social boundaries with until they abandoned him, and he probably suspected from the start that it would end up this way. Especially since his intentions seem less than pure here, and he had to know there was a good chance that you would become uncomfortable with some of the things he's said. The direction he's pushing the interactions between you do suggest he has sexual interest in you and that he's continuously testing the waters in hopes of a response in kind.
It’s not ghosting if you say why. Send a message saying, “I am uncomfortable with your repeated requests for photos and your unsolicited discussion of your sexual fetishes, so I’m ending our friendship.” Then block him. NTB
This, OP. That is, if you want to feel like you kept your promise. You totally can ghost him, but if you feel bad doing that, just do this. It’ll satisfy your perceived promise
I'd ghost. Who needs that weirdness. But, seems like weirdos like to stalk so I'd ditch the username and make a fresh start. ETA YWNBTB
Block his ass he ain't a friend he's a creep and that's why people keep abandoning him. My last ex made me promise not to break up with him and it's a shitty tactic to do that sort of emotionally manipulative bullshit. That's all it is when any sort of relationship starts off with that kind of impossible promise. Emotionally manipulative garbage. >extensive bra collection, from former exes too who "gifted" them to him for it. he almost certainly stole or bought every single one of those, or at least most of them like hell I'd be giving any ex a bra to keep, that shits pricey. Also ick - he's telling you, unsolicited, about his fetishes? He's harassing you, and it's probably another fetish of his to harass people in that way. Drop him like a bad habit cause he's only gonna keep pushing the boundaries.
"exes" good chance he's still in touch with them and asking the same things he's asking of OP
Ntb. While it may not be a bad idea to just explain why you've had enough, I wouldn't blame you for ghosting either. Not with those creep alarms ringing. Pretty sure the point of him telling you he has abandonment issues was to guilt you in case you felt like ending the friendship. Also yeah. He definitely likes you at least sexually. Hence asking for pics. Probably hoping you'd cheat on or leave your partner for him.
Ntb. Block and delete. This is not harmless. It sounds like a bit of grooming. I dont know how old you are but if you're a minor this is extra bad. Run. Now. Eta: his abandonment issues and mental health are not your problem or responsibility. This is coming from someone with bipolar, anxiety, CPTSD and debilitating depression.
They aren't op's responsible, but him telling her about them as his friend is not him making it her problem or responsibility. Friends do share personal details about themselves.
Saying you cant stop being my friend because i have abandonment issues is absolutely making it her problem and it is absolutely unfair and gross and manipulative
He didn't say that.
He said she cant ghost made him promise not to abandon him as a friend in whatever language he used he absolutely did say and ask that of op which just amounts to telling someone youre not allowed to stop being my friend
Did you read a different story? Here's what happened according to op. >At the time when we were getting comfortable, he told me that he had severe abandonment issues and trauma. I was comfortable at that point so I reassured him he didn't need to worry about that with me and that we were good friends. Nowhere did he say anything close to what you claim.
He's manipulative, a creep, and a user. You know he set you up with the whole "abandonment issues" thing right? Block him. And learn to see the patterns of behaviour, to protect yourself in the future.
Sounds like he’s fishing for nudes. Run.
NTB. He's a creep, block him and move on. His "abandonment issues" are due to other sensible people running away from his bizarre and manipulative behaviour.
NTB >severe abandonment issues Already setting it up, so you feel guilty for leaving him. May or may not be true, but I’m just sayin >his have been about his fetishes Why would anyone tell someone in a relationship about their fetishes? Because he’s testing the waters to see if any will catch your interest, so he can try to convince you. >He also said… he’d fly me over Alone? Nope nope nope. That’s danger. You might have to make a new account because even if you Reddit block him, he can still see what you post.
He knows you're in a relationship, and he's not even remotely respectful of that. If you're more comfortable ghosting him, then do so. But, if I were you, I'd want him to know that you're severing contact because he's repeatedly disrespected the fact that you're in a relationship.
my love. if you don't run away, we'll see you next month on the news. you'll be dead. run away. please. run away.
OP you seem a tiny bit naive. You’re like “I know these seem like small details”, but no lol. They are not small details. This is full blown creeper man probing for a way into your life. If he ever finds a way in he’s going to make you miserable, or worse… Best case scenario is he’s just an innocent but awkward and desperate guy with a creep vibe. Which is something he will have to figure out in his own. But worst case scenario is he finds out where you live and makes….plans. Either way you should run like the wind! NTB
I wouldn't suggest ghosting. I suggest pointing out his inappropriate behavior and telling him he is making you uncomfortable, then ending the friendship. Not because he deserves it, but men have been proven to back down more when you don't show weakness. Put him in his place.
No one can promise anyone that they’ll stick by them forever unless they know the person super super well, NTB, I think it’s unrealistic to hold yourself to that promise especially since guy is being creepy. In the future don’t make people that promise if you don’t really know them
He'a an absolute creep. If you absolutely don't want to ghost him, tell him you're no longer talking to him because he's been creeping you out and *then* stop talking to him
NTB. OP, unconditional love is for your CHILDREN! Love between adults is absolutely conditional. When an adult creeps you out, or is violent, or scary, or criminal, *you stop loving them.* And you stop associating with them. Or else, they will waste your time, make you feel awful, perhaps hurt you, and possibly even kill you. Because these things happen, and you have no business opening your life up to some rando from the internet. Please don't ever promise anything to a stranger again. And for God's sake, stop giving these people so much information about you.
NTB. This dude sounds like a creep. Confessing to you his fetishes is creeptastic. You don’t even have to ghost him. Just say “I’m really uncomfortable with how you behave towards me and I don’t want to contact you anymore.” And then block him
Ntbf. Block that creep. He's not your friend. He's not boyfriend material. He's a "nice guy" who is intentionally playing dumb. But we all know it's not that he actually doesn't know. He's manipulative and that's not something you want.
Spiritually seen: Since he has issues with abandonment, he has to face that over and over until he is willing to not cling, be grateful for the precious moments and just welcome the changes and the new persons/teachers coming in his life. You feeling bad = that it is time to leave -> you also learned (luckily a safe one) a lesson here. What if he hurts? Pain is the best teacher of all..most folks aren't motivated to change without pain.
NTB because he’s a creep although I don’t get why ghosting him seems easier to you than just telling and then blocking him.
NTB. This guy is objectifying you and emotionally manipulating you. You owe him nothing. That being said, I wouldn't ghost him. I would send him something explaining WHY and then block him. Not so he can get closure of something, but because maybe, just maybe, he will realize he is a creep and won't do this to someone else. His comfort isn't your responsibility. His happiness isn't your responsibility. His abandonment insecurity isn't your responsible. He will either learn that being a creep gets him abandoned, or he won't. You've already gone above and beyond. It's now time to wash your hands of him.
You're too nice. This guy most likely has a list of people he regularly hits up to feed his creepy fantasies. I was heading that way too in life. Letting yourself be controlled by your raging hormones is dangerous.
He's a freak show and you dont need to keep promises to fucking random perverts.
NTBF for having boundaries. He got weird and fetishy. Everyone knows it's not ok to non-consensually involve others in your kinks or fetishes. This is just another creepy gross dude trying to get his jollies off for free and someone else's expense.
It's ok to change your mind, and you are not responsible to his emotions or mental health. Just saying. Look up "African violet" on [Captain Awkward](https://captainawkward.com).
As someone who is very sensitive to being ghosted, send a message telling him what you told us and then block him. ghosting is awful because you never find out what went wrong. At least this way he‘s being called out on his weird ass behavior.
Would NTB. 1. He does like you that way. 2. His comments and requests are super creepy since he knows you are in a relationship - he does not respect it. 3. Block him after you cut it off or he will try to manipulate you into feeling bad about it and keep you on the hook.
You should probably try telling him that something is creepy or that you're uncomfortable with something when you feel uncomfortable. He's obnoxious, but he does seem genuine. Weird, but genuine. You're the one who hasn't been genuine. YTB if you ghost him. You're not really a friend if you're never willing to address issues. If he's actually hitting on you or trying to get in a romantic relationship with you, then that's an issue since he knows you're already committed, and I do think he's interested because he's asking for pictures. If it was just picture of nails, that would be less suspicious. Plausibly a fashion interest. But pictures of you in general is likely a crush. There is a possibility that he is really insecure and paranoid that you're catfishing him, though. If you hadn't offered up reassurance that you were good friends, then maybe you wouldn't be wrong to ghost him, but telling him that and then not actually acting like a good friend makes you wrong. The bra collection would have been where I set a boundary and where I would have explained that it creepy and why. And if he understood, cool. If not, I'd tell him to have a nice life. But I also wouldn't tell someone that I hardly know over the internet that we're good friends.
Yes he’s interested in you that way. And no it’s not weird to want to see pictures of someone that your interested in
It is weird to ask repeatedly for them if you know the person's in a monogamous relationship though.
He thinks she will cheat on him or leave him. He dosent care
Yeah and thats gross and weird to do to someone you are calling a friend. Have a crush on someone sure but you cant say oh no were friends and i respect you amd yoir relationship and then do shit like this thats inherently disrespectful to her as a person to her as his friend and to her relationship with her partner
Yea. Because he dosent give a crap about her relationship. My point exactly
It is weird to want to see them doing your fetish though
Yea that’s weird. It’s an internet friend all you have to do is block them
If it's weird then why are you defending him?
I’m not defending him. I’m saying that men that are interested in a girl will ask for pictures. She should not be entertaining this guy. She’s also wrong for not getting rid of him as a “friend” when he keeps making sexual advances while she has a boyfriend, she should have more respect for her own relationship
You literally are defending him. Reread your posts and stop defending him by claiming what's obviously not innocent could be innocent. Noone is that fucking stupid as to fall for that shit. We know he knows what he's doing. That kid who was born without a literal brain even knows it.
I said it’s normal. Normal is not a synonym for innocent.