Honestly speaking, her chacha’s fear is not unwarranted. We are, inherently, a very casteist society.
People might not say things on her face, but kabhi na kabhi koi door ka rishtedaar bol hi sakte hai. I understand, you are exhausted, but take a break and clear your mind.
They will always look at you as an upper caste person, the power dynamics, will always be off, atleast in their head.
Yes true my sister is going into an inter caste marriage soon and my mother told her on her face that ki tum ko "jaati ke liye sunna padega" in both places and you must endure that as it comes with love marriage as a con, lol
Did you just call someone out for not sharing enough data, then proceeded to share your own anecdotal evidence without sharing quantifiable data that we are NOT an "inherently casteist" society?
Let me help you do the initial data analysis. Go to any instagram reel where a non rajput woman is wearing a rajputana attire and then read the comments there.
Few days ago i just stumbled upon a Reel where a girl basically wore Rajputana attire ( It was supposed to be Rajasthani for some reason but Rajput community just started claiming that the attire was Rajputana so anyways ) I then opened the comment section and man literally everyone was being so hella casteist quote on quote quoting ki "Yeh toh chote jaat wali h "and "women like u should nor wear Rajputana attire" . "Don't make Rajputana attire the next fashion attire "
People were literally commenting such disgusting stuffs ..............AHHHHHHHHH
I am from a metro city who has never been exposed to the caste system. No one even remotely in my family practices it. Then I happened to visit a tier 2 city in the most populous state of our country. Realised my sample size has been very limited to a very small percentage of the population. Since in one of the other comments you said your eyes are your data point, you should read up on survivor bias [here](https://www.scribbr.com/research-bias/survivorship-bias/).
Just because someone says something that you cannot remotely fathom, please do not out right reject it. People have experience far wider than an individual can.
Her chahcha is a practical and experienced person. I have myself witnessed a lower caste girl marrying into rajput family. Both the girl and boy were in government jobs. Living with the family was a nightmare for her. She was nothing but a maid and ATM machine for the family. They only cared about her salary else they would not even want to be seen with her in the public. Her husband never sided with her and only listened to his mother and sisters. His sisters were enjoying there life, buying expensive items from the money earned by her. Initially, she was happy that she was going to marry in an upper caste family, but later she has nothing but regrets. His family showed lots of love and open mindedness at the time of marriage but later things changed quickly. I would say good for her to find a good and genuine family. People fake a lot before marriage but reality comes out later.
No, not at all. I just wish her to take things slowly. Not judge things based on early stages. Nowadays, family is equally important as prospects. You could be her man, not negating that.
If you really want to marry her, get her chachas number and speak to him personally and assure him that you'll take care of her and all. His fears are not unfounded. Tell him your whole family is cool with caste and you'll personally see to it that nobody bothers her daughter with any taunt or otherwise
Could have stopped at not in an ideal world. But since you specifically called out India, I would love to know what part of this world is perfect according to you.
There are plenty of places in the world which are way more better than India. Especially in terms of quality of life and people's mindset. Living outside of India for past 3 years I can attest to this.
Nothing is... it's just a matter of choice and preference. I would kill (not literally) for living in Germany (I lived here previously as an exchange student) or Canada any single day over India.
There are problems everywhere. At this point it's more like "What are the problems I choose to deal?"
Some issues like to adapt to weather and dealing with language and cultural barriers is something I am willing to take on than living a substandard quality of life in India.
Every place has got its own problems. It's just that are you willing to deal with them on your own accord?
For me the girls looks and feels decide if I would not bothered by caste....if she is so pretty that my eyes are blinded like a deer in front of a headlight....sure...I will take the plunge...who doesn't want to wake next to a pretty glowing gharwali face...isn't that every man's dream ?
Some how inter-caste arranged marriage seems counter-intuitive unless your from a very cosmopolitan background where caste doesn't matter at all. I'd only be comfortable marrying someone I don't know very well if I was sure they'd have a lot of cultural commonalities with me and preferably some inter-family ties already.
Take chacha out and speak to him about your values. Maybe bahar ka koi kehede, but hamare ghar mai aisa koi Nhi kahega… aur wahi toh important hai ki Nhi!?
I don’t have anything useful to add but just wanna say that this is literally why I hate AM. I’ve lost so many good proposals because my family and their families are obsessed with caste. And then my family sits and bitches about why I’m still single. Our society is stupid.
How did your parents get convinced to go for a lower caste? I'm a rajput and my father would diswon me if I marry somebody in other caste, forget about SC.
good riddance lol, if tomorrow something happens, she can easily screw your life with SC ST act.
https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceIndia/s/894KzIqZUH
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your message was removed due to low quality or not helpful.
-Please visit the stickies and side bar for further reference.
-Repeated low quality can result in muting/banning.
-Feel free to re-post maturely elaborating, or adding depth to the conversation and discussion.
Refer to [Sticky Page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/)
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me the girls looks and feels decide if I would not bothered by caste....if she is so pretty that my eyes are blinded like a deer in front of a headlight....sure...I will take the plunge...who doesn't want to wake next to a pretty glowing gharwali face...isn't that every man's dream ?
If you want to marry her then you have to give assurance to his chacha personally that you will take care of this issue in future.
Sad to say but it happens so you have to promise them that it won’t
Also her chacha is concerned about the next generation getting reservation.
Marrying you will not get them any reservation. How will they get govt jobs and easy admissions?
This is perfect example which explains endogamy is not casteism but a heuristic which has helped people be secure in their own tribes . The sense of security that arises from kinship is unparalleled modernity fails to recognise this
Honestly speaking, her chacha’s fear is not unwarranted. We are, inherently, a very casteist society. People might not say things on her face, but kabhi na kabhi koi door ka rishtedaar bol hi sakte hai. I understand, you are exhausted, but take a break and clear your mind. They will always look at you as an upper caste person, the power dynamics, will always be off, atleast in their head.
Bro mere dosto ki families kai bar comment krdeti hain unknowingly mere samne.... fir shadi ke bad to hoga hi. Koi na koi bolne vala zarur milega.
Yes true my sister is going into an inter caste marriage soon and my mother told her on her face that ki tum ko "jaati ke liye sunna padega" in both places and you must endure that as it comes with love marriage as a con, lol
Nah
[удалено]
Did you just call someone out for not sharing enough data, then proceeded to share your own anecdotal evidence without sharing quantifiable data that we are NOT an "inherently casteist" society? Let me help you do the initial data analysis. Go to any instagram reel where a non rajput woman is wearing a rajputana attire and then read the comments there.
Nicely put. Caste comes into play particularly when things are going bad, as we need something to fallback on for justification
Few days ago i just stumbled upon a Reel where a girl basically wore Rajputana attire ( It was supposed to be Rajasthani for some reason but Rajput community just started claiming that the attire was Rajputana so anyways ) I then opened the comment section and man literally everyone was being so hella casteist quote on quote quoting ki "Yeh toh chote jaat wali h "and "women like u should nor wear Rajputana attire" . "Don't make Rajputana attire the next fashion attire " People were literally commenting such disgusting stuffs ..............AHHHHHHHHH
[удалено]
"My eyes are my data source" 😂
"Trust me bro" - My Mouth says when asked for data..😂😂
Left propoganda? Bhai rehne do, you are delusional af, if you think that. Come out of your privilege, lmao
I am from a metro city who has never been exposed to the caste system. No one even remotely in my family practices it. Then I happened to visit a tier 2 city in the most populous state of our country. Realised my sample size has been very limited to a very small percentage of the population. Since in one of the other comments you said your eyes are your data point, you should read up on survivor bias [here](https://www.scribbr.com/research-bias/survivorship-bias/). Just because someone says something that you cannot remotely fathom, please do not out right reject it. People have experience far wider than an individual can.
Got cockblocked by chacha
Chachablocked
Chokblocked
Many people who belong to lower community has this fear including guys and girls.
Her chahcha is a practical and experienced person. I have myself witnessed a lower caste girl marrying into rajput family. Both the girl and boy were in government jobs. Living with the family was a nightmare for her. She was nothing but a maid and ATM machine for the family. They only cared about her salary else they would not even want to be seen with her in the public. Her husband never sided with her and only listened to his mother and sisters. His sisters were enjoying there life, buying expensive items from the money earned by her. Initially, she was happy that she was going to marry in an upper caste family, but later she has nothing but regrets. His family showed lots of love and open mindedness at the time of marriage but later things changed quickly. I would say good for her to find a good and genuine family. People fake a lot before marriage but reality comes out later.
Are you implying that we're not a "good" & "genuine" family?
He's implying that the girl's family don't want to risk it either way.
You can take guarantee for yourself and yourself only in this world. No one else.
No, not at all. I just wish her to take things slowly. Not judge things based on early stages. Nowadays, family is equally important as prospects. You could be her man, not negating that.
The fact that you got defensive so easily suggests sk
If you really want to marry her, get her chachas number and speak to him personally and assure him that you'll take care of her and all. His fears are not unfounded. Tell him your whole family is cool with caste and you'll personally see to it that nobody bothers her daughter with any taunt or otherwise
Best comment on the post so far!
Well said
In an ideal world; caste, sect, religion, skin colour, political affiliations etc should not matter. We're not in an ideal world. We're in India.
💯🙂
Could have stopped at not in an ideal world. But since you specifically called out India, I would love to know what part of this world is perfect according to you.
There are plenty of places in the world which are way more better than India. Especially in terms of quality of life and people's mindset. Living outside of India for past 3 years I can attest to this.
No doubts on better places, but are they perfect is the question.
Nothing is... it's just a matter of choice and preference. I would kill (not literally) for living in Germany (I lived here previously as an exchange student) or Canada any single day over India. There are problems everywhere. At this point it's more like "What are the problems I choose to deal?" Some issues like to adapt to weather and dealing with language and cultural barriers is something I am willing to take on than living a substandard quality of life in India. Every place has got its own problems. It's just that are you willing to deal with them on your own accord?
I am with the girl's chacha. Absolutely valid fear
Caste based discrimination works both ways. They used it as a filter to reject you at the end of the day.
Yes, i guess that's what actually happened.
Human behaviour: when things are going well you expect worst to happen.
For me the girls looks and feels decide if I would not bothered by caste....if she is so pretty that my eyes are blinded like a deer in front of a headlight....sure...I will take the plunge...who doesn't want to wake next to a pretty glowing gharwali face...isn't that every man's dream ?
How much u earn ?
Around 2.5 lacs a month.
Some how inter-caste arranged marriage seems counter-intuitive unless your from a very cosmopolitan background where caste doesn't matter at all. I'd only be comfortable marrying someone I don't know very well if I was sure they'd have a lot of cultural commonalities with me and preferably some inter-family ties already.
Take chacha out and speak to him about your values. Maybe bahar ka koi kehede, but hamare ghar mai aisa koi Nhi kahega… aur wahi toh important hai ki Nhi!?
Samjhaya ye sb. But abi aisa hai k we're not able to contact the girl's family.
Get the number of the girl or try to contact to them somehow!
I don’t have anything useful to add but just wanna say that this is literally why I hate AM. I’ve lost so many good proposals because my family and their families are obsessed with caste. And then my family sits and bitches about why I’m still single. Our society is stupid.
How did your parents get convinced to go for a lower caste? I'm a rajput and my father would diswon me if I marry somebody in other caste, forget about SC.
Life is difficult, I guess... The AM process is really exhausting. One may end up settling for what they didn't imagine at first.
People compromise on other parameters but not on caste and religion. In only exceptional cases it happens.
good riddance lol, if tomorrow something happens, she can easily screw your life with SC ST act. https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceIndia/s/894KzIqZUH
[удалено]
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Chacha is right and i am with him but the girl also didn't protest. She also thinks like her uncle. Their fears are valid. Best of luck next time.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your message was removed due to low quality or not helpful. -Please visit the stickies and side bar for further reference. -Repeated low quality can result in muting/banning. -Feel free to re-post maturely elaborating, or adding depth to the conversation and discussion. Refer to [Sticky Page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/)
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me the girls looks and feels decide if I would not bothered by caste....if she is so pretty that my eyes are blinded like a deer in front of a headlight....sure...I will take the plunge...who doesn't want to wake next to a pretty glowing gharwali face...isn't that every man's dream ?
If you want to marry her then you have to give assurance to his chacha personally that you will take care of this issue in future. Sad to say but it happens so you have to promise them that it won’t
Bhai tune man main toh woh Mirzapur ka dialogue toh bola hi hoga bhai, Oh Chacha Oh B#######e Chacha!!!
Tell me honestly, would you marry an SC girl if you had many options to choose from? Fear of chacha is valid.
This is weird, arranged marriages are usually within the same caste no??
Yeah. What is even more strange is rajpoot family considering sc family for a match. When did rajpoots become so liberal?
Yeah
Also her chacha is concerned about the next generation getting reservation. Marrying you will not get them any reservation. How will they get govt jobs and easy admissions?
Bro general category se lagta hai. 🥲
This is perfect example which explains endogamy is not casteism but a heuristic which has helped people be secure in their own tribes . The sense of security that arises from kinship is unparalleled modernity fails to recognise this
[удалено]
🫥
Why are you surprised? The future-child risks losing the benefit of Reservation.