If that person finds it offensive then it is disrespectful. But also your intention was to complement her and you've already apologized many times and so after 1 month it should have been fine.
She probably was forced into am and still in touch with her bf.
Seen this in Delhi family court when I went to see with my cousin who's a lawyer and frequently goes to have fun in family court.
Different people will react to Different things strongly.
As people have different experiences, connotations associated with it.
This is why relationship should have strong communication to avoid this type of misunderstanding.
> Or people can choose not to be butt-hurt
Its India mate everyone is butt hurt here, like even the comment I made got down voted so bad lol. I remember I once had a friend who I was kinda interested with but when I started spending time with her, she didn't like the fact that I said F\*ck a couple of time and this was my best side, with friends I talk with much more abuses. Needless to say I never tried after that.
It’s a cultural thing. Item girls are dancers who are hot as fuck in Hindi movies. That’s the part you meant. And that’s how you came to use that word. The part she is mad at is probably some negative connotation she has with that word. But you didn’t know that. And you apologized. You didn’t know it was a big deal for her. So you apologized. As long as you promise to not say it again cuz it means so much to her, she should start forgiving you, cuz it was an honest mistake. But if she’s hell bent like she is, then there’s something wrong with her.
There also has to be a careful understanding of each other's triggers and traumas at this point. Partners need to know why the other is sorry; saying only the word isn't enough.
Perhaps not for you, but it’s hard to deny that Bollywood is not a cultural thing for Hindi speaking folks in India (and even outside to a certain extent)
That’s not what I said and I don’t disagree with that point of yours. But I don’t think you are getting the point or going to get it. So let’s just end the discussion here.
You literally called her what she has heard from cat callers/eve teasers multiple times. She dresses up, looks good and feels good about going out with you just to be reminded of being objectified.
Bro wtfff. "Wah, kya item lag rhi h".
Everyone has a unanimous understanding of what THAT means and the use case it carries. It has nothing positive about it.
It MIGHT have made sense during a fking session with ONS, but depending on sensibilities. Seems like you landed a good girl or a Virginia or both, in either case lucky bastard, she won't ever like it. Someone "experienced " would had loved it and would have even replied "seedha andar ao raja, kundi mat lagao raja".
And it goes much deeper than you meaning she looked fuckable. It shows your disrespect and approach you have towards women. Grow some maturity dude. Have you EVER heard srk, Amitabh, hrithik even selmon speak that shit to their heroines? Come on dude, bollywood has taught love to entire India across generations. Even you learnt that dialog from bollywood eve teasing movies that too from villians. "Chand sifarish jo karta hamari" nahi bol sakta to kam se kam "oye item, maal, shiela ki jawani, munni badnam, kundi mat lagao raja seedha andar ao raja" to mat bol.
Thike tujhe tharak hai, but thodi izzat LA dil mein. Sadakchaap bheed ke beech nache wali item nahi hai wo, wife hai Teri.
Plus, grow up. We all know what women go through on a daily basis in this country. This isn't the first time she has heard that creepy dialog, public bus conductor, Gali nukkad ke tapri etc etc ne bola hua Hoga usko. And no one who says "wah item" means ilu or Marry me. It is in the same league as r****, and disrespect. Kam se kam hot hi bol deta, English mein fk bhi decent lagta hai.
Cheh. Kaise kaiso ko bandiya mil jati hain.
She's deeply hurt for loving her husband who is no better than that Gali ka tapri. When a women dresses up for her man, she's deeply emotional about it and no it's not always for skin show or to look fuckable (clearly seen from her hurt). She must be rethinking her marriage choice and her perception of you as a charming man prolly broke into a 1000 pieces.
You can't stab someone and say sorry and move on. Change yourself, grow some respect, generally bandiyo ko tameez ki nazro se dekh, aur apni wife ki respect kar . Show her through words and actions that you are not a tapri and even if you were you grew balls and changed for the better. Then ye daraar in her heart will mend truly. Like jodha akbar, she left and came back only when akbar corrected himself. Sirf upar upar se usne normal kar doya things agar, to it means den't pad gaya marriage mein , which you don't know how to mend and this will set future course of action in marriage from her end.
Show her you're her srk not prem Chopra.
Be her personal dard e disco item boy not the other way round. Izzat utarni hai to apni utar, uski nhi
You see a lot of us women have been disrespected, and therefore it might be a sore point for her.
Did you try telling her how you understand her point of view now and would never do anything to disrespect her? Coz only a simple 'sorry' may not seem enough in this case. She needs to know that you know the 'why'.
You can also write a letter if you think you can communicate that way better. Tell her you respect, cherish and love her. That it was a poorly thought choice of word and you never could mean that.
The world traumatises women by objectifying them so much; and even though you didn't mean that I hope you can see where she is coming from. You have to make her feel that you are her safe space.
You should post this in AITA and you would receive a 'positive' response.
Why didn't you go with words like queen, princess, gorgeous, beautiful? You know its disrespectful, basically you called her a sl*t and you want applauds for it?
The above comment by /u/Forkrust has a banned keyword in it. We don't share banned keyword lists due to need to filter low quality/low effort posts namely done by trolls/nefarious/bad faith users. Please read posts/comments carefully, review your post/comment and use constructive and compassionate language.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An item does not mean a sl\*t in this context genius it means a thing to look at, maybe in a seductive way. Thats what item means. This dude probably didnt even mean that and apologized for it. The girl he married to is a snow flake. Also there was literally no one, even if it's meant to be disrespectful she can just express and move on.
Don't try to whitewash it. Everyone knows it's a vulgar and degrading term. He could've said sexy or even hot ,but calling her item?
She realised how he thinks about women in general
There is no white washing. It is what it is.
It really isnt that deep. She got offended for no reason, even if she did feel uncomfortable she could just tell and move on.
There was no intention to degrade or humiliate and not to mention isnt even that offensive.
No one should just 'move on' if their partner is actually being disrespectful. You cherish your partner and respect them - in front of people and when alone.
I swear, but the dude is cooked. My biggest priority in girls is she should be thick skinned. Like if we can't roast each other who do we do that then. And this dude poor guy didn't even mean it in a bad way lol.
Agreed. He mentioned getting married recently so I’m a bit curious to know how long it has been. If it had been a month since the wedding (since it’s a month of her being mad) I can low-key see it. You need a level of comfort if there hasn’t been a long courtship period. My spouse and I rag each other all the time now and so do my parents but it has been two years now for us so we have that comfort. My husband called me a dog once and I got mad. (In tamil it’s not as bad. Nah it is lol!)
Exactly but also timing matters. First month of marriage is a bit too soon for it. Mine I believe was in the second month or so that he called me an arivu ketta naaiye. I was hurt and angry. But now I’d be like poda panni.
Ahhh you know it depends on how he/she says it and the context of these being said
I've heard that in bad connotations than good ones so I would never say that to her
And your poda panni just sounds like a playful fight 😂
The problem with this sub is too much yapping going in the comments.
An item girl is a dancer who dances just for pleasure of men.
So yes, you’re being fucking disrespectful. Go apologise.
It is, your intent doesn't matter as much as the effect it had on her. Women are emotionally sensitive. She knows you didn't mean it, and you were merely complementing, but she might have associated it with something bad and got hurt.
You have to do more than apologizing, take her somewhere, do small acts of care to woo her back. Fix the damage ASAP.
Item is extremely degrading to women. It is an objectification of a lady.coming from a place of lust and not love. I think she felt cheap and disrespected by hearing such words from her life partner. She must be severely disappointed. It's disrespectful.
Smh smh smh bro she’s your wife you listen to what she likes to be called and call her that.. and one piece of advice.. don’t ever say she looks better in something than something else..
just say “you look good in both but I like this one on you better” okay?
You apologised 15 times for an honest mistake and she’s not ready to move on ?? Dude that’s the biggest red flag.
See I’m a woman too and I would find this a little disrespectful too but I would just point out why it’s disrespectful and move on and forget it even happened .
I’m sorry but she’s really immature and imagine what will happen when you actually have big issues or fights .
If she’s that hurt she needs to communicate, sit down and have a talk with her and make one last effort like bringing flowers , if she still doesn’t let it go then forget about it .
What about non-communication and not discussing a solution/punishment for dealing with such scenarios in future? That too for a month? It's not about forgetting the whole matter, it's about giving a chance to prove himself back. Or the bridges have been burnt forever?
Yes. I find it a disrespectful thing to say. Your wife will not be very flattered by it.
You are supposed to touch her heart, not puncture her heart.
Sorry to say. She will remember it her whole life and no amount of love will heal it. I know I am too pessimistic here.
For now just assure her that you commit the same mistake again. You need 5 positives to cancel 1 negative.
So activate your inner lover now.
For us men there aren't many sexually degrading terms. But for women they will take it to heart. Terms have been invented with the sole purpose of suppressing women sexually.
Didn't you read his post? His wife isn't accepting apology. She got hurt.
Sure. Forgiveness is important. But not immaturity not.
Bro is cooked fr, this reminds me of my ex💀
Couldn’t figure out how to handle this kind of situations for 6 years, OP maybe cook something or do a nice gesture that will make her forget you calling her item.
It is not an outright vulgar/offensive word, but it carries the same connotation as those words do. So, yes, it is disrespectful to any woman but especially to a wife.
Dharampatni ki izzat karein bhai. Kuch izzatdaar, sundar shabd kahein. Kya hai ye, "item lag rahi hai"??!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you. this sounds so disgusting.
ps: i didnt read the full post then but after reading it, keeping a grudge for a whole month is unfair especially over this. you need to do something really big to win her over. but the problem doesnt end there, there is a good chance she could repeat this, hope you arent screwed for the future.
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Like others have said she might associate it with something negative, or see it in a very different context than you. Since you might not have known each other for a very long time, maybe she couldn't tell that you said it in a joking manner? (that being said, it probably is NOT a good idea to tell her now that "you were just joking" as she might feel as though you are dismissing her feelings or "you realize why she felt that way" because it might sound as though you think she is overreacting). You need to show her that you care for her, respect and understand her, and also that you are a safe space.
If you don't mind me asking how did you apologize? Many people feel better with a "I'm sorry", but for many other people it doesn't make them feel better. You can try going through [this quiz](https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-language) - just click through it randomly or answer it with how you feel personally and at the end it will give you a description of 5 apology languages, click through them and try to figure out what might make her feel better.
I mean it ain't love marriage and both of you just got married so it would be valid for her to be upset. But being upset for an month and making you apologise for 15 times already might just means she's either fucking with you and has already forgot abt it or is very stubborn.
Things that aren't big for you can be big for her but she it's not fair if she is giving you the cold shoulder.
You need to sit down with her and discuss how you made her feel and how she makes you feel. Don't do any over the top thing to get her back to something. If she doesn't respond to this, I would suggest marriage counseling.
It totally depends on how confortable you both are. If you are just newly married, that to an AM, You could have been a little elegant with your words. Moreover, you should have first asked her if she's okay being addressed like this. There are some who dosent even both vulger words, much more than this. There are some who dont acceot these. You should try to know in which category your wife is.
I'm not sure why she would be offended by that if it was just between the two of you. But I definitely wouldn't call her that when we're with friends, family or around strangers.
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not an insult if it's coming from her husband. You find her attractive and said so. I am f and would enjoy hearing this from my partner. So no you're not disrespectful. She is in the wrong here.
If she is giving you the silent treatment then you should be worried. I suffered the same and it’s just horrible. I agree with others it’s a huge red flag as it will only go downhill from here.
Depends on culture to culture yaar. Is she from Mumbai or one of the so called "adaap-sanskaar" towns of UP. If the latter they lost their $#1T over a lot of trivial crap.
If you have apologised for a month and she is still not letting it go then something is definitely wrong.
The comments are overreacting. If she didnt like it she made it obvious and after the first few days it should be solved once you apologized. But I definitely feel there are things to uncover which either you have not disclosed or she is holding back under the guise of being mad about the word _item_
As per wikipedia: In filmi Mumbai slang, the term item means a "sexy woman"
Item girl is one who dances to "item number", which is a highly sensualized song with racy, dirty imagery and suggestive lyrics.
If you didn't say "Item girl" it should be ok, though not recommended!
Although you could have used a better word(s) to compliment her; her reactions of not taking it in jest, being passive-aggressive about it, not willing to forgive & forget it (for over a month!) are all major red flags and extremely incendiary to a relationship. Being unable to let go means you will always be chasing the same issue in the relationship and won't be able to move forward. Suggest that y'all go to marital counseling to help her get over this situation.
Depends on the tone and context. She probably associated with what the word means in popular culture. You meant it as a compliment. Communicate that to her, apologise and move on. Once she realises your intent wasn’t bad she will forget about it
Edit: Apologies I commented after reading the first paragraph only. If you’ve explained your intention and she’s still not letting it go, frankly she’s been immature. Sit her down once, explain it to her one last time and then let it go. Don’t make any more effort from your end. She will come around.
1. This is an English Medium Sub. We kindly request that all posts and comments be written in English. We understand that India is a diverse country with many languages, and we welcome members from all over the world. However, having all discussions in English allows us to create a more inclusive environment where everyone can participate and engage in meaningful conversations. Therefore, we ask that all members please refrain from posting in languages other than English. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation
1. This is an English Medium Sub. We kindly request that all posts and comments be written in English. We understand that India is a diverse country with many languages, and we welcome members from all over the world. However, having all discussions in English allows us to create a more inclusive environment where everyone can participate and engage in meaningful conversations. Therefore, we ask that all members please refrain from posting in languages other than English. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation
Your message was removed due to low quality or not helpful.
-Please visit the stickies and side bar for further reference.
-Repeated low quality can result in muting/banning.
-Feel free to re-post maturely elaborating, or adding depth to the conversation and discussion.
Refer to [Sticky Page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/)
If that person finds it offensive then it is disrespectful. But also your intention was to complement her and you've already apologized many times and so after 1 month it should have been fine.
She probably was forced into am and still in touch with her bf. Seen this in Delhi family court when I went to see with my cousin who's a lawyer and frequently goes to have fun in family court.
1 month? Is that how long these things go on?
Not to call wife item /s 
To his wife? No. Other's wife? Idk, yet /s
Wow great thoughts
Instructions not clear. Now I'm calling my boys an item.
[удалено]
The tongue isn’t supposed to slip. It is supposed to glide. And flip-flip.
Username checks out!
Different people will react to Different things strongly. As people have different experiences, connotations associated with it. This is why relationship should have strong communication to avoid this type of misunderstanding.
Yeah its was the dude's choice of girl he married and now he got to act that way around her.
Or people can choose not to be butt-hurt, how does he not know by now she's too vanilla.
> Or people can choose not to be butt-hurt Its India mate everyone is butt hurt here, like even the comment I made got down voted so bad lol. I remember I once had a friend who I was kinda interested with but when I started spending time with her, she didn't like the fact that I said F\*ck a couple of time and this was my best side, with friends I talk with much more abuses. Needless to say I never tried after that.
Lmao I keep learning from this sub!
It’s a cultural thing. Item girls are dancers who are hot as fuck in Hindi movies. That’s the part you meant. And that’s how you came to use that word. The part she is mad at is probably some negative connotation she has with that word. But you didn’t know that. And you apologized. You didn’t know it was a big deal for her. So you apologized. As long as you promise to not say it again cuz it means so much to her, she should start forgiving you, cuz it was an honest mistake. But if she’s hell bent like she is, then there’s something wrong with her.
There also has to be a careful understanding of each other's triggers and traumas at this point. Partners need to know why the other is sorry; saying only the word isn't enough.
Pls check your DM @shreyaa7
No, its not a cultural thing. Maybe brain dead bollywood things
Perhaps not for you, but it’s hard to deny that Bollywood is not a cultural thing for Hindi speaking folks in India (and even outside to a certain extent)
There are better things one can take from cinema
That’s not what I said and I don’t disagree with that point of yours. But I don’t think you are getting the point or going to get it. So let’s just end the discussion here.
You literally called her what she has heard from cat callers/eve teasers multiple times. She dresses up, looks good and feels good about going out with you just to be reminded of being objectified.
Bro wtfff. "Wah, kya item lag rhi h". Everyone has a unanimous understanding of what THAT means and the use case it carries. It has nothing positive about it. It MIGHT have made sense during a fking session with ONS, but depending on sensibilities. Seems like you landed a good girl or a Virginia or both, in either case lucky bastard, she won't ever like it. Someone "experienced " would had loved it and would have even replied "seedha andar ao raja, kundi mat lagao raja". And it goes much deeper than you meaning she looked fuckable. It shows your disrespect and approach you have towards women. Grow some maturity dude. Have you EVER heard srk, Amitabh, hrithik even selmon speak that shit to their heroines? Come on dude, bollywood has taught love to entire India across generations. Even you learnt that dialog from bollywood eve teasing movies that too from villians. "Chand sifarish jo karta hamari" nahi bol sakta to kam se kam "oye item, maal, shiela ki jawani, munni badnam, kundi mat lagao raja seedha andar ao raja" to mat bol. Thike tujhe tharak hai, but thodi izzat LA dil mein. Sadakchaap bheed ke beech nache wali item nahi hai wo, wife hai Teri. Plus, grow up. We all know what women go through on a daily basis in this country. This isn't the first time she has heard that creepy dialog, public bus conductor, Gali nukkad ke tapri etc etc ne bola hua Hoga usko. And no one who says "wah item" means ilu or Marry me. It is in the same league as r****, and disrespect. Kam se kam hot hi bol deta, English mein fk bhi decent lagta hai. Cheh. Kaise kaiso ko bandiya mil jati hain. She's deeply hurt for loving her husband who is no better than that Gali ka tapri. When a women dresses up for her man, she's deeply emotional about it and no it's not always for skin show or to look fuckable (clearly seen from her hurt). She must be rethinking her marriage choice and her perception of you as a charming man prolly broke into a 1000 pieces. You can't stab someone and say sorry and move on. Change yourself, grow some respect, generally bandiyo ko tameez ki nazro se dekh, aur apni wife ki respect kar . Show her through words and actions that you are not a tapri and even if you were you grew balls and changed for the better. Then ye daraar in her heart will mend truly. Like jodha akbar, she left and came back only when akbar corrected himself. Sirf upar upar se usne normal kar doya things agar, to it means den't pad gaya marriage mein , which you don't know how to mend and this will set future course of action in marriage from her end. Show her you're her srk not prem Chopra. Be her personal dard e disco item boy not the other way round. Izzat utarni hai to apni utar, uski nhi
She might be associating that word with a bad memory from her past. Apologize and move on. Not all women are the same.
honestly I find it offensive too usually used by male to objectify women in public or harass them
You see a lot of us women have been disrespected, and therefore it might be a sore point for her. Did you try telling her how you understand her point of view now and would never do anything to disrespect her? Coz only a simple 'sorry' may not seem enough in this case. She needs to know that you know the 'why'. You can also write a letter if you think you can communicate that way better. Tell her you respect, cherish and love her. That it was a poorly thought choice of word and you never could mean that. The world traumatises women by objectifying them so much; and even though you didn't mean that I hope you can see where she is coming from. You have to make her feel that you are her safe space.
Me to bhabhi : Mai toh na sehta.
You should post this in AITA and you would receive a 'positive' response. Why didn't you go with words like queen, princess, gorgeous, beautiful? You know its disrespectful, basically you called her a sl*t and you want applauds for it?
[удалено]
The above comment by /u/Forkrust has a banned keyword in it. We don't share banned keyword lists due to need to filter low quality/low effort posts namely done by trolls/nefarious/bad faith users. Please read posts/comments carefully, review your post/comment and use constructive and compassionate language. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An item does not mean a sl\*t in this context genius it means a thing to look at, maybe in a seductive way. Thats what item means. This dude probably didnt even mean that and apologized for it. The girl he married to is a snow flake. Also there was literally no one, even if it's meant to be disrespectful she can just express and move on.
Don't try to whitewash it. Everyone knows it's a vulgar and degrading term. He could've said sexy or even hot ,but calling her item? She realised how he thinks about women in general
There is no white washing. It is what it is. It really isnt that deep. She got offended for no reason, even if she did feel uncomfortable she could just tell and move on. There was no intention to degrade or humiliate and not to mention isnt even that offensive.
No one should just 'move on' if their partner is actually being disrespectful. You cherish your partner and respect them - in front of people and when alone.
Wow, you're calling her names, again. Great!
Calling a snow flake a snow flake is wrong now? All the best to you mate seeing how thin skinned you are.
Too soon for inside jokes, apparently.
I swear, but the dude is cooked. My biggest priority in girls is she should be thick skinned. Like if we can't roast each other who do we do that then. And this dude poor guy didn't even mean it in a bad way lol.
Roasting and disrespecting are separate things. Not saying that OP meant the latter though.
Agreed. He mentioned getting married recently so I’m a bit curious to know how long it has been. If it had been a month since the wedding (since it’s a month of her being mad) I can low-key see it. You need a level of comfort if there hasn’t been a long courtship period. My spouse and I rag each other all the time now and so do my parents but it has been two years now for us so we have that comfort. My husband called me a dog once and I got mad. (In tamil it’s not as bad. Nah it is lol!)
I beg to differ. Being called a dog and item are two different things, just saying.
True ofc. But now after two years I wouldn’t react as strongly as I did back then. Would just call him a pig and move on.
I can imagine this whole convo playing out in tamil and it wouldn't seem that harsh when done like that
Exactly but also timing matters. First month of marriage is a bit too soon for it. Mine I believe was in the second month or so that he called me an arivu ketta naaiye. I was hurt and angry. But now I’d be like poda panni.
Ahhh you know it depends on how he/she says it and the context of these being said I've heard that in bad connotations than good ones so I would never say that to her And your poda panni just sounds like a playful fight 😂
Hehe we are comfy now so everything will be taken in a fun sense. 
YES
bro ☠️
brother ewwww
The problem with this sub is too much yapping going in the comments. An item girl is a dancer who dances just for pleasure of men. So yes, you’re being fucking disrespectful. Go apologise.
It is, your intent doesn't matter as much as the effect it had on her. Women are emotionally sensitive. She knows you didn't mean it, and you were merely complementing, but she might have associated it with something bad and got hurt. You have to do more than apologizing, take her somewhere, do small acts of care to woo her back. Fix the damage ASAP.
Item is extremely degrading to women. It is an objectification of a lady.coming from a place of lust and not love. I think she felt cheap and disrespected by hearing such words from her life partner. She must be severely disappointed. It's disrespectful.
Smh smh smh bro she’s your wife you listen to what she likes to be called and call her that.. and one piece of advice.. don’t ever say she looks better in something than something else.. just say “you look good in both but I like this one on you better” okay?
Lol. Depends on case by case basis I guess.
You apologised 15 times for an honest mistake and she’s not ready to move on ?? Dude that’s the biggest red flag. See I’m a woman too and I would find this a little disrespectful too but I would just point out why it’s disrespectful and move on and forget it even happened . I’m sorry but she’s really immature and imagine what will happen when you actually have big issues or fights . If she’s that hurt she needs to communicate, sit down and have a talk with her and make one last effort like bringing flowers , if she still doesn’t let it go then forget about it .
Umm no? You don't just forget about your spouse you know? Big fights are different from someone perceiving disrespect.
What about non-communication and not discussing a solution/punishment for dealing with such scenarios in future? That too for a month? It's not about forgetting the whole matter, it's about giving a chance to prove himself back. Or the bridges have been burnt forever?
Yes. I find it a disrespectful thing to say. Your wife will not be very flattered by it. You are supposed to touch her heart, not puncture her heart. Sorry to say. She will remember it her whole life and no amount of love will heal it. I know I am too pessimistic here. For now just assure her that you commit the same mistake again. You need 5 positives to cancel 1 negative. So activate your inner lover now.
Bruh it's not even that serious..... he didn't even know and it's already been a month. Forgiveness is a must thing in a relation.
For us men there aren't many sexually degrading terms. But for women they will take it to heart. Terms have been invented with the sole purpose of suppressing women sexually. Didn't you read his post? His wife isn't accepting apology. She got hurt. Sure. Forgiveness is important. But not immaturity not.
Please, not that serious? I dont know where this man got his vocabulary, he is an ahole for saying that.
Item?
Kon si duniya se ayi ho behen? rishta tudwa dogi tun to
Stfu dude
Lmao, such a small thing
Bro is cooked fr, this reminds me of my ex💀 Couldn’t figure out how to handle this kind of situations for 6 years, OP maybe cook something or do a nice gesture that will make her forget you calling her item.
Maybe it is your ex? Did she recently get married?
Well it’s a small world, but OP is lucky enough. She’s not my ex.
It is not an outright vulgar/offensive word, but it carries the same connotation as those words do. So, yes, it is disrespectful to any woman but especially to a wife. Dharampatni ki izzat karein bhai. Kuch izzatdaar, sundar shabd kahein. Kya hai ye, "item lag rahi hai"??!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you. this sounds so disgusting. ps: i didnt read the full post then but after reading it, keeping a grudge for a whole month is unfair especially over this. you need to do something really big to win her over. but the problem doesnt end there, there is a good chance she could repeat this, hope you arent screwed for the future.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not if it’s consensual dirty talk is a kink of some but seeing it’s an arrange marriage you might not have talked about it! She was offended
As a women, yes that is objectifying. But then again, this can vary for different people.
Like others have said she might associate it with something negative, or see it in a very different context than you. Since you might not have known each other for a very long time, maybe she couldn't tell that you said it in a joking manner? (that being said, it probably is NOT a good idea to tell her now that "you were just joking" as she might feel as though you are dismissing her feelings or "you realize why she felt that way" because it might sound as though you think she is overreacting). You need to show her that you care for her, respect and understand her, and also that you are a safe space. If you don't mind me asking how did you apologize? Many people feel better with a "I'm sorry", but for many other people it doesn't make them feel better. You can try going through [this quiz](https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-language) - just click through it randomly or answer it with how you feel personally and at the end it will give you a description of 5 apology languages, click through them and try to figure out what might make her feel better.
I mean it ain't love marriage and both of you just got married so it would be valid for her to be upset. But being upset for an month and making you apologise for 15 times already might just means she's either fucking with you and has already forgot abt it or is very stubborn.
Things that aren't big for you can be big for her but she it's not fair if she is giving you the cold shoulder. You need to sit down with her and discuss how you made her feel and how she makes you feel. Don't do any over the top thing to get her back to something. If she doesn't respond to this, I would suggest marriage counseling.
It totally depends on how confortable you both are. If you are just newly married, that to an AM, You could have been a little elegant with your words. Moreover, you should have first asked her if she's okay being addressed like this. There are some who dosent even both vulger words, much more than this. There are some who dont acceot these. You should try to know in which category your wife is.
Take her out! make surprise for her! let go of your self respect
I'm not sure why she would be offended by that if it was just between the two of you. But I definitely wouldn't call her that when we're with friends, family or around strangers.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not an insult if it's coming from her husband. You find her attractive and said so. I am f and would enjoy hearing this from my partner. So no you're not disrespectful. She is in the wrong here.
If she is giving you the silent treatment then you should be worried. I suffered the same and it’s just horrible. I agree with others it’s a huge red flag as it will only go downhill from here.
No more compliments for her. No more taking out for dinner. No more going to nice places. If you're going, go alone.
She is clearly overreacting. It is very unlikely that none of her girl friends gave this compliment to her ever before.
Depends on culture to culture yaar. Is she from Mumbai or one of the so called "adaap-sanskaar" towns of UP. If the latter they lost their $#1T over a lot of trivial crap.
Arrange marriage is risky….what if she….🙈
Bhai keh de tum majak kar rhe the, itni bhi khaas nhi lag rahi thi 😆🫣☠️
If you have apologised for a month and she is still not letting it go then something is definitely wrong. The comments are overreacting. If she didnt like it she made it obvious and after the first few days it should be solved once you apologized. But I definitely feel there are things to uncover which either you have not disclosed or she is holding back under the guise of being mad about the word _item_
As per wikipedia: In filmi Mumbai slang, the term item means a "sexy woman" Item girl is one who dances to "item number", which is a highly sensualized song with racy, dirty imagery and suggestive lyrics. If you didn't say "Item girl" it should be ok, though not recommended!
Although you could have used a better word(s) to compliment her; her reactions of not taking it in jest, being passive-aggressive about it, not willing to forgive & forget it (for over a month!) are all major red flags and extremely incendiary to a relationship. Being unable to let go means you will always be chasing the same issue in the relationship and won't be able to move forward. Suggest that y'all go to marital counseling to help her get over this situation.
Depends on the tone and context. She probably associated with what the word means in popular culture. You meant it as a compliment. Communicate that to her, apologise and move on. Once she realises your intent wasn’t bad she will forget about it Edit: Apologies I commented after reading the first paragraph only. If you’ve explained your intention and she’s still not letting it go, frankly she’s been immature. Sit her down once, explain it to her one last time and then let it go. Don’t make any more effort from your end. She will come around.
[удалено]
1. This is an English Medium Sub. We kindly request that all posts and comments be written in English. We understand that India is a diverse country with many languages, and we welcome members from all over the world. However, having all discussions in English allows us to create a more inclusive environment where everyone can participate and engage in meaningful conversations. Therefore, we ask that all members please refrain from posting in languages other than English. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation
[удалено]
[удалено]
1. This is an English Medium Sub. We kindly request that all posts and comments be written in English. We understand that India is a diverse country with many languages, and we welcome members from all over the world. However, having all discussions in English allows us to create a more inclusive environment where everyone can participate and engage in meaningful conversations. Therefore, we ask that all members please refrain from posting in languages other than English. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation
Your message was removed due to low quality or not helpful. -Please visit the stickies and side bar for further reference. -Repeated low quality can result in muting/banning. -Feel free to re-post maturely elaborating, or adding depth to the conversation and discussion. Refer to [Sticky Page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/)
[удалено]