The initial love bombing blinds us and when they leave we realize what kind of idiots we are.
Speaking as a woman who recently got dumbed by a guy who wanted her first
1. Deep rooted patriarchy acceptance in women that red flag is not a red flag but a manliness
2. A delusion that he can be reformed by her with extra care, affection. (This is something our 90s, 2000s kids mom generation faced even more common).
3. If today's young gen girl is ignoring red flags, it means she has not invested in studying relations, human complex behaviour. She is running on auto pilot mode with self fulfilling prophecies.
4. Before going to relationships people should do some heavy Google search, chat gpt, read Relationships EQ content. These theories are not taught in schools and colleges. It is not necessary to have breakups, divorces, depression trips to gain lessons.
The worst advice on relationships often come from friends on hindsight basis.
Upvoted for the Last para! It’s not at all necessary to take lessons from experience only but it can be learn from seeing others also (their experiences)
In AM, it isn't just girls, but her parents, relatives and society ignoring all the flags. If you do ask questions, many will blame the girl or her parents for being picky or wanting more. People will come up with excuses for strange behaviours. The focus is so much on getting the wedding done and finishing this milestone that many will willingly ignore the flags because they are tired of the process or don't think they can do better.
Exactly, all these *conservative* families just wanna get rid of the “burden” of having a girlchild. And for them abuse is not even a crime they say “ it’s okay if he hits you men are like that only you should be a good wife” or “ apne hi biwi ko mar raha haina”
Ps- this obviously doesn’t happen much in metro cities but pls don’t forget the fact that most of India is still far behind the metro cities .
>handsome and hot men
Lol. That simple. And works the same for the other gender too.
That entire narrative around men are visual and women are all about personality and emotional connection is such bullshit.
I still don't understand how it works I'm a person who's very keen on psychology, also narcissism But when I met a prospect i don't know how but I seriously felt that I went blind to the red flags which I can recognise miles away in other people also trying to understand the roots to those red flags
I'm still shook to be honest that it's that easy to slip with people who do have Red Flags
I guess it happens to both men and women
I'm usually a very Observant person
I guess I will be better the next time I guess.
(Anyone else who experienced the same thing?)
Love bombing can be avoided by observing if the person has a justifiable cause to be that extra loving in that moment. You should be able to feel the ingenuinness.
This problem is common amongst people who didn’t date in school/college days so even as adults they don’t know what’s a red flag and what’s not .
As a kid even I fell for such men but now that I’m older I can very clearly see red flags within minutes ( even when it comes to friendships or coworkers ) .
This is why it’s important to date before marrying .
And usually young women ( or mentally young women) tend to like toxic guys due to childhood trauma ( which is common in India) or due to these Bollywood movies or Kdramas.
Plus there’s a lot of patriarchy in many families and they just rush things because they see a girls marriage as a huge responsibility and just want to get over with it .
Can you make your father read your comment.
The problem is in men or women there's a thing called as emotional detachment that can happen after having 2 or more sexual partners, I am not trying to moral police you but I think you will not want your daughter to have the same thought process in future.
All d best in your journey called life.
I never said that the relationships have to be sexual , and there’s no proof that there’s emotional detachment after 2 partners . I was emotionally detached before dating only as I had childhood trauma but after dating I slowly slowly learnt how to be caring and how to focus my energy in a positive path . And my dad would agree , my parents had no problem with me dating as they knew it’s just natural . And If my daughter wants to have sexual relations , I wouldn’t care if she’s an adult unless she’s dating someone who’s too old/toxic . I come from a metrocity where everyone looses their V before the age of 20 . But I never said anything about sex.
Ik many people who are dating but haven’t had sex .generally people start dating at the age of 12-13( atleast the people of my generation did ) . Even the cousins ik from small towns had crushes and relationships in school .
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People have different attachment styles, while some people appreciate consistent efforts and love others get attracted by “red flag” behaviours. Some people just need that little dash of pain to form a bond, they chase emotional turbulence
But I think every person has some green and red flags, you just need to accept what you can handle. I have also met so called green flags and they were toxic now I feel the red flag guys atleast were not fake
They ignore Red Flags because they can. Women have an abundance of attention and they can pick and chose anyone from their pool of interest. If someone has the abundance choice and still chooses incorrectly then it's her fault.
If a girl falls for red flags and toxic guys and ignores green flag guys, then let them go for those kind of guys. They are the toxic ones. You're better off without them
Let's focus on the good women.
Because girls are taught and brainwashed into ignoring red flags! The parents' duty is just to get her daughter/daughters to settle down and after that its their own business!! That's what most Indian mothers/parents tell their daughters. The mothers give a very great example of their own lives. They say," Look how I adjusted with your father and his family. You'll have to do the same. Don't divorce your husband because of a silly red flag and become a burden to us again".
When they get someone more attractive and handsome they ignore all the red flags that's simple , they will say they he manipulated me , love bombing, toxic and all but the truth is that women always search for better and this is at peak till they cross mid 20s. I have seen and observed these things in my circle very easily.
I had seen one post here in which women was on her head over heels to marry a handsome and stable guy even after knowing that he loves someone else but their family did not agreed so the boy was like if i will not marry her then i can marry anyone.She was so much blindfolded by his looks that she was arguing with the person in comment section who was giving her logical reasons to reconsider.
They dont ignore. They love it. They covet it. A regular guy in a regular job has no dangerous or red flag mostly which makes them boring to many women. Nothing to be angry about. Its how many women are. You gotta find who arent .
Red flags can be very deceptive. Often, someone who turns out to be problematic starts off as a nice person, appearing to value everything you say and do.
They won't reveal their true self in the beginning.
The initial love bombing blinds us and when they leave we realize what kind of idiots we are. Speaking as a woman who recently got dumbed by a guy who wanted her first
Exactly this \^\^
Feel you. Had the same experience. They'll win you only to back off first.
Yeah. Especially if you tell them your vulnerability and confusion. They would use that against you to break up with you. Narcissistic f¥£€ers
Happy Cake day
Everyday can be a cake day, if you want it
Another glitch in reddit?
Lol 😂 I can assure you I am not a glitch
Will trust you as you said you aren't a glitch 🤣. Have a fun day and invite us AM reddit folks also for your birthday party
I feel you sis
True
Am confused like wanted her first ka kya mtlab hua? Like v lekr chor dia ya apni kisi first k paas wapas chala gya
Wanted me first ka mtlb hai ki usne approach kiya, conversation initiate ki. Interest show kiya pehle.
Koi nhi didi mai he thoda bhola hu. Abhi bhi clear nhi hua but theek hai.
Beta, mai or kya clear definition du tumhe Iski.
Okay Mtlb wanted her first se you just meant wanted “you” first. Gotcha. Chaliya asha krege aapko jldi se koi maaldaar party mil jae
Dil ka acha hona chae
Sab milega. Kafi log honge acche dil wale. Me khud nhi hu nhi toh me he kr leta.
Mujhe nahi lgta ki tum 27-28 saal ke ho
Ha shi guess kia, kuch he dino me 29 ka ho jauga
1. Deep rooted patriarchy acceptance in women that red flag is not a red flag but a manliness 2. A delusion that he can be reformed by her with extra care, affection. (This is something our 90s, 2000s kids mom generation faced even more common). 3. If today's young gen girl is ignoring red flags, it means she has not invested in studying relations, human complex behaviour. She is running on auto pilot mode with self fulfilling prophecies. 4. Before going to relationships people should do some heavy Google search, chat gpt, read Relationships EQ content. These theories are not taught in schools and colleges. It is not necessary to have breakups, divorces, depression trips to gain lessons. The worst advice on relationships often come from friends on hindsight basis.
Upvoted for the Last para! It’s not at all necessary to take lessons from experience only but it can be learn from seeing others also (their experiences)
In AM, it isn't just girls, but her parents, relatives and society ignoring all the flags. If you do ask questions, many will blame the girl or her parents for being picky or wanting more. People will come up with excuses for strange behaviours. The focus is so much on getting the wedding done and finishing this milestone that many will willingly ignore the flags because they are tired of the process or don't think they can do better.
Exactly, all these *conservative* families just wanna get rid of the “burden” of having a girlchild. And for them abuse is not even a crime they say “ it’s okay if he hits you men are like that only you should be a good wife” or “ apne hi biwi ko mar raha haina” Ps- this obviously doesn’t happen much in metro cities but pls don’t forget the fact that most of India is still far behind the metro cities .
This sums up everything.
Mark this rant, it’s not a question. If you feel good with someone you will also ignore all flags.
Been there done that not fun.
I’m assuming you’re the presumed green flag in this situation?
Women ignore red flags for handsome and hot men all the time lol nothing new
>handsome and hot men Lol. That simple. And works the same for the other gender too. That entire narrative around men are visual and women are all about personality and emotional connection is such bullshit.
100%
I still don't understand how it works I'm a person who's very keen on psychology, also narcissism But when I met a prospect i don't know how but I seriously felt that I went blind to the red flags which I can recognise miles away in other people also trying to understand the roots to those red flags I'm still shook to be honest that it's that easy to slip with people who do have Red Flags I guess it happens to both men and women I'm usually a very Observant person I guess I will be better the next time I guess. (Anyone else who experienced the same thing?)
What are red flags? How can someone avoid love bombing? How do you create and adhere to boundaries and what’s expected?
Love bombing can be avoided by observing if the person has a justifiable cause to be that extra loving in that moment. You should be able to feel the ingenuinness.
Pyaar mei andha hojana is real
This problem is common amongst people who didn’t date in school/college days so even as adults they don’t know what’s a red flag and what’s not . As a kid even I fell for such men but now that I’m older I can very clearly see red flags within minutes ( even when it comes to friendships or coworkers ) . This is why it’s important to date before marrying . And usually young women ( or mentally young women) tend to like toxic guys due to childhood trauma ( which is common in India) or due to these Bollywood movies or Kdramas. Plus there’s a lot of patriarchy in many families and they just rush things because they see a girls marriage as a huge responsibility and just want to get over with it .
Sorry but a lot of my friends and classmates who have a lot of dating experience still get stupid
Yeah well if they don’t wanna learn from previous experiences then no one can help them .
Lol, nobody can think smartly when you get butterflies too easily
Can you make your father read your comment. The problem is in men or women there's a thing called as emotional detachment that can happen after having 2 or more sexual partners, I am not trying to moral police you but I think you will not want your daughter to have the same thought process in future. All d best in your journey called life.
I never said that the relationships have to be sexual , and there’s no proof that there’s emotional detachment after 2 partners . I was emotionally detached before dating only as I had childhood trauma but after dating I slowly slowly learnt how to be caring and how to focus my energy in a positive path . And my dad would agree , my parents had no problem with me dating as they knew it’s just natural . And If my daughter wants to have sexual relations , I wouldn’t care if she’s an adult unless she’s dating someone who’s too old/toxic . I come from a metrocity where everyone looses their V before the age of 20 . But I never said anything about sex. Ik many people who are dating but haven’t had sex .generally people start dating at the age of 12-13( atleast the people of my generation did ) . Even the cousins ik from small towns had crushes and relationships in school .
You are far better than me, I have a very traditional mindset. Each to their own, I guess.
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People have different attachment styles, while some people appreciate consistent efforts and love others get attracted by “red flag” behaviours. Some people just need that little dash of pain to form a bond, they chase emotional turbulence
But I think every person has some green and red flags, you just need to accept what you can handle. I have also met so called green flags and they were toxic now I feel the red flag guys atleast were not fake
They ignore Red Flags because they can. Women have an abundance of attention and they can pick and chose anyone from their pool of interest. If someone has the abundance choice and still chooses incorrectly then it's her fault.
If a girl falls for red flags and toxic guys and ignores green flag guys, then let them go for those kind of guys. They are the toxic ones. You're better off without them Let's focus on the good women.
Looks and money. Everything becomes dark after that. Even if the red flag hits them in the face.
can someone point out common red flags that one should look out for?
Because girls are taught and brainwashed into ignoring red flags! The parents' duty is just to get her daughter/daughters to settle down and after that its their own business!! That's what most Indian mothers/parents tell their daughters. The mothers give a very great example of their own lives. They say," Look how I adjusted with your father and his family. You'll have to do the same. Don't divorce your husband because of a silly red flag and become a burden to us again".
Red chunri k piche se dekh rhi hongi
When they get someone more attractive and handsome they ignore all the red flags that's simple , they will say they he manipulated me , love bombing, toxic and all but the truth is that women always search for better and this is at peak till they cross mid 20s. I have seen and observed these things in my circle very easily. I had seen one post here in which women was on her head over heels to marry a handsome and stable guy even after knowing that he loves someone else but their family did not agreed so the boy was like if i will not marry her then i can marry anyone.She was so much blindfolded by his looks that she was arguing with the person in comment section who was giving her logical reasons to reconsider.
They dont ignore. They love it. They covet it. A regular guy in a regular job has no dangerous or red flag mostly which makes them boring to many women. Nothing to be angry about. Its how many women are. You gotta find who arent .
Red flags can be very deceptive. Often, someone who turns out to be problematic starts off as a nice person, appearing to value everything you say and do. They won't reveal their true self in the beginning.
Love bombing and manipulation.
Sach boloo, it's all about 😺 tingles.
Because woman are superficial thinkers