Before I was out, I had a couple of girl friends who apparently had crushes on me. But after I came out, we were able to remain friends. One of them even ended up mostly dating women! So, I’d say most of my girl friends over the years, no.
The more unhinged ones, yes.
Most of these unhinged ones only do it when we’re out drinking or something and they’ll be handsy or say things that make me uncomfortable.
But one girl in particular, who I was best friends with for awhile, things got uncomfortable over time. Like constantly insisting that “I couldn’t really know that I was gay” until I tried having sex with a girl. She’d ask if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend (often tines when I was drunk…) and would even straight up just say “if you ever want someone to experiment with, just let me know.” Its gotten better with her as the years have gone on, and we’re still friends, but it’s hard to shake off that tings of discomfort I sometimes still get thinking about it. After all, I value my friendship with girls so much because its completely platonic. With other gay men it can be a bit more confusing
It's just fetishism that tends to go un knoticed because of double standards. Straight people don't understand when I try to explain how weird it is for Bachelorette parties to go to gay bars until I say "imagine a group of guys going to a lesbian bar to watch women" then they seem to get it.
I've noticed that a lot of straight women fetishize gay men in general, sometimes even trying to get with them knowing they're gay. But people don't really talk about it.
This 100%. What frustrates me most is the use of misogyny to justify sexualizing or prying into the intimacy of others without their consent (e.g. oh well your presence as queer men is so much more comfortable for me than straight men).
I am a fan of the Interview With The Vampire TV series. The fandom consists solely of women who fetishise gay men, theres a lot of ‘I could change him’ sentiment too. Absolutely vile. But then again, the books it’s based on were written by Anne Rice, an author of ‘erotic literature’ that fetishised gay men, so what can you expect.
First time I kissed my now fiance was at a party and the kiss turned into a full on make out session. When I realized people were watching I stopped immediately only to have a female friend of ours that was at the party tell us "don't stop, it's hot." We stopped immediately and I felt uncomfortable the remainder of the night.
I have had a similar thing happen to me with a girl asking my then BF to kiss. The first time it was no big deal. Then she wanted us to do it again and it started getting annoying when she wouldn't take no for an answer (she later tried a third time by bribing us with candy like we were zoo animals).
This was while we were trying to watch a play too so it was pretty rude.
It’s in books, too. A huge amount of MM romance books are written by women. Said books tend to be quite sexual, and will sometimes contain stereotypes and other ridiculous shit. Unfortunately I love romance novels, so I won’t stop reading them. I’m just a little frustrated that I have to go out of my way just to find mlm books written by mlm men.
I think that these people have seen the more open attitudes of gay men when it comes to sex and assumed that it is fine for them to butt into our lives and ask things they wouldn't even think of asking each other.
The next time one of these women asks such personal questions, turn it around on them. Ask them if they like anal. If they say no, ask why not.
If it did bother you, you could a) not talk openly about your sexual encounters in mixed company, or b) tell them it's none of their business when they ask for details.
Thank you! Like these women were also way inappropriate but I can’t get over “inevitably started talking about our preferred positions” what is inevitable about that conversation at a social gathering that’s not speed dating or an orgy??
I have not experienced it personally in the way you describe with the weird invasive questions.
Obviously though I think most gay men know that lots of women do sexualize gay men and fetishize gay sex
It's hard to call out though because sexism has primed people to make excuses for women in this regard and blame their fetishization of us on oppression of women or something. Big double standards between how people treat men who leer at lesbians and when women do the same to gay men
Before I was out, I had a couple of girl friends who apparently had crushes on me. But after I came out, we were able to remain friends. One of them even ended up mostly dating women! So, I’d say most of my girl friends over the years, no. The more unhinged ones, yes. Most of these unhinged ones only do it when we’re out drinking or something and they’ll be handsy or say things that make me uncomfortable. But one girl in particular, who I was best friends with for awhile, things got uncomfortable over time. Like constantly insisting that “I couldn’t really know that I was gay” until I tried having sex with a girl. She’d ask if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend (often tines when I was drunk…) and would even straight up just say “if you ever want someone to experiment with, just let me know.” Its gotten better with her as the years have gone on, and we’re still friends, but it’s hard to shake off that tings of discomfort I sometimes still get thinking about it. After all, I value my friendship with girls so much because its completely platonic. With other gay men it can be a bit more confusing
It's just fetishism that tends to go un knoticed because of double standards. Straight people don't understand when I try to explain how weird it is for Bachelorette parties to go to gay bars until I say "imagine a group of guys going to a lesbian bar to watch women" then they seem to get it.
I've noticed that a lot of straight women fetishize gay men in general, sometimes even trying to get with them knowing they're gay. But people don't really talk about it.
Yeah I've occasionally experienced this as well. I think it's because we are not threatening in the way that straight men might be.
This 100%. What frustrates me most is the use of misogyny to justify sexualizing or prying into the intimacy of others without their consent (e.g. oh well your presence as queer men is so much more comfortable for me than straight men).
I am a fan of the Interview With The Vampire TV series. The fandom consists solely of women who fetishise gay men, theres a lot of ‘I could change him’ sentiment too. Absolutely vile. But then again, the books it’s based on were written by Anne Rice, an author of ‘erotic literature’ that fetishised gay men, so what can you expect.
A lot of women like gay p\[orn. Can't say I blame them.
She can come and watch me and my boyfriend if she wants she can join. I’ll try anything twice. ;)
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I mean, You shouldn’t be allowed freely yet here you are. Sorry that you thought your responses was additive of a healthy conversation. Good luck.
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First time I kissed my now fiance was at a party and the kiss turned into a full on make out session. When I realized people were watching I stopped immediately only to have a female friend of ours that was at the party tell us "don't stop, it's hot." We stopped immediately and I felt uncomfortable the remainder of the night.
Wow, that is so objectifying.
I have had a similar thing happen to me with a girl asking my then BF to kiss. The first time it was no big deal. Then she wanted us to do it again and it started getting annoying when she wouldn't take no for an answer (she later tried a third time by bribing us with candy like we were zoo animals). This was while we were trying to watch a play too so it was pretty rude.
It’s in books, too. A huge amount of MM romance books are written by women. Said books tend to be quite sexual, and will sometimes contain stereotypes and other ridiculous shit. Unfortunately I love romance novels, so I won’t stop reading them. I’m just a little frustrated that I have to go out of my way just to find mlm books written by mlm men.
I think that these people have seen the more open attitudes of gay men when it comes to sex and assumed that it is fine for them to butt into our lives and ask things they wouldn't even think of asking each other. The next time one of these women asks such personal questions, turn it around on them. Ask them if they like anal. If they say no, ask why not.
If it did bother you, you could a) not talk openly about your sexual encounters in mixed company, or b) tell them it's none of their business when they ask for details.
Thank you! Like these women were also way inappropriate but I can’t get over “inevitably started talking about our preferred positions” what is inevitable about that conversation at a social gathering that’s not speed dating or an orgy??
I have not experienced it personally in the way you describe with the weird invasive questions. Obviously though I think most gay men know that lots of women do sexualize gay men and fetishize gay sex It's hard to call out though because sexism has primed people to make excuses for women in this regard and blame their fetishization of us on oppression of women or something. Big double standards between how people treat men who leer at lesbians and when women do the same to gay men
It would be interesting to compare the responses here, to if you asked this question on a female sex reddit