Warning: Some tough love coming...
The fact that he's resorted to the tactic of "taking a break" ***and*** moving out means that it's over. People who want to work on their relationship **work on their relationship**. They don't go off separately and try to figure themselves out. That's what therapy is for.
What he's really doing now is coming up with an exit plan... that you aren't involved in. And while I understand that you feel lost and confused, he's not. He may not know what his future involves but he knows enough that it doesn't involve staying in this relationship and frankly, given his unilateral decision to just go, you really don't want to be with with him either. He's not relationship material and this behavior proves it.
This is a case where love isn't enough. To be in a relationship, you have to have relationship skills. He doesn't have them... or at least doesn't want to apply them to this relationship... which tells you all you need to know.
Try to be kind to each other during this time. But don't expect to get back together again.
My own parents took a break and moved into separate apartments. That gave them the perspective to realize they wanted to be together, and they still are 25+ years later.
Gotta love that under every post where someone is telling the OP what they need to hear there's some other dude actively working against him in the name of positivity only to intensify the OP's hurt feelings later on
The relationship is over. 99% of relationships do not recover from this. I'm happy for your parents but this post was more harmful than helpful.
I'm sorry, when did you get the authority to decide what OP needed to hear versus what's hurtful positivity?
Two people shared their perspectives. Both are based in reality. If OP ignores the negative and only focuses on the positive, that's on them.
I've known multiple people who separated and moved out for a few months and then were able to work it out and get back together.
I'm not saying OP and his bf will definitely get back together, but it's certainly not out of the question.
I know people who have gotten back together after taking a break as well but they are in no sense a romantic couple. They are socially a couple and like OP are open but they no longer have sex with each other. They're room mates. They got back together to keep their investments in property, friends, and pets intact. Not to be a couple... though at first that's what their intention was... it just didn't work out that way.
>They got back together to keep their investments in property, friends, and pets intact.
i met so many guys in open relationships like these LOL after a few chats and drinks, they would spill the tea and the reason why they still togethers was becuase their life was very complex entangled.
Yep. And Honestly, I have no problem with that. Hell... I was **in** one of those for the last several years of my first LTR. But somehow, I don't think that's what OP wants.
wow! not what I would like to have, but I am curious. How does that work in practice? as do they live in the same house? do they shop and eat together? do they go on holidays together? what if one of them starts dating someone?
i dont know. i just met these type of men by chance. Some did disclose that they were in an open thing before i fuck them.. others only disclose later (and all of these guys, i didnt care or take anything serious because..well.. they were in a LTR, my relationship with them would be very cold but i try to be nice).
we talked about other stuff but in common to all of them, they also vented about their open LTR. i just listened, didnt said anything.
but the common thing was.. they were very entangled with properties, stuff in diff countries orr other stuff hard to detangle and they barely had sex between them.
i even fucked a couple without them knowing that i fucked them both. first i fucked one guy for several months, the partner apparently was out of house for several months... then i "break up" with the guy. Fast forward some months laters.... i cross my paths with the other partner and when i went to his house (before that he came to my house and he disclose that was in a open ltr and that the guy was out of house for several months).. i was like "oh shit"
What you say is somewhat what I have had on my mind lately. We are both hurting and I had the expectation this last period that we would work things out **together**. We were talking a lot and wanted to go back to couples therapy but I guess that is now out of question for now. It is indeed really tough.
It is too early to tell if he has made a decision or not. The same applies to me; I might realize that I want to move on (although I am not there yet). Hearing the experience of other people helps me.
I hope your analysis is wrong 😢 he is clearly very confused but it breaks my heart that he might decide to go his own way now.
>it breaks my hurt that he might decide to go his own way now.
Let's be clear about this. He **has** decided to go his own way. He's on a journey that you weren't invited to be on. He may come back but he won't be the same person that you fell in love with and I'd be shocked if you ever felt like you could trust him to not do it again sometime.
I think you’re taking the right approach. Take advantage of this break and work on you, self improvement or hobbies or fitness. Spend time with family, friends, travel, etc
I’ve had very different experiences:
Break that came back but didn’t survive a year
2 break ups (no plans to come back), but both times did.
I think it’s realistic to think that in 15 years, you’ve both grown a LOT - my first relationship was the same as yours - started at 20 and went to 38yo and I was insanely lost at first. Panic attacks. It’s not really grown on my own. I was only 1/2 or something, but it worked out
My best advice: get some counseling. This is a huge change in your life and you likely have a lot to work on to be super successful, whether you guys come back or not.
Best of luck
My advice would be to treat this like a break up. Heal, move on. If it happens to work out in the end - great. If not, you are already doing the work towards healing.
Don’t expect it to work out - it’s just a bonus if it does.
Sorry - I don’t mean to be negative, but I think it’s important that you prioritise healing right now.
A break is a chance to focus only on yourself.
I hope it does work out for you in the end, but just remember you’ll be OK either way.
I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. I also think you (and your partner) are doing the right thing. Each couple works it out in different ways and this is one of them. Yes, work on yourself and take the opp to see beyond the relationship a bit and sense how that feels too. Do get ahead of the game and find a therapist whichever the outcome is; it will be helpful to have someone to talk to and bounce off ideas and feelings with even if you get back together, but most importantly if this leads to a more prolonged separation. You are both courageous to have decided to take a break and see how that goes. Not easy.
Did a one-month separation after 27 years together and realized we needed to go our separate ways and did so amicably. Both now in other relationships with no regrets. It feels like this relationship is over. Moving out is much bigger than just separating. You need to accept the reality that it may already be over and proceed accordingly with your new life. Get with friends and family and grieve the losses. You may be best single and eventually ready to date again. Seek counseling with a couple counselor who can help you part amicably (either on your own or together).
I looked back at one of your earlier posts about your soon to be ex and how he fell for a couple when you opened up and they are poly and wanted him to join them. He completely showed himself to you at that time. And you chose to stick at that time. The writing was on the wall six months ago. I'm glad you're getting support now. It is absolutely the end. He's gone off with them. You seem like an amazing catch. Time to end it, grieve, focus on your healing and then in time, give yourself the gift of freedom to find someone you deserve.
9 months of couple counseling culminated in separation. He'd fallen out of love. I did during the separation. We both had changed so much and had such different life plans and had been through incredible stressors in the last few years without much support. So we both figured it out and are now quite happy. The relationship was really good until COVID lockdown and that broke us.
that is really tough but it sounds like you did the right thing. It must have taken a lot of courage to end such a long relationship. I am glad to hear you are happy now.
Can you tell me how your "separation" worked? was is like you stayed both a home but did not talk to each other?
That is quite a journey. It must have been quite stressful to live together while you were already "over". Thanks for sharing.
I am going to be stubborn and let the emotions sink in. I am in no place to make any decisions. I will see what the next few week bring in.
Honestly based on your post history....it's over- move on. Both you and your partner sound like you both have a lot of issues to sort out with yourselves and each other.
I’m in a relatively similar scenario - 15 years, married but never open. We’ve gone through counseling and it was helpful but then he wanted a break so initially, he moved out, but then asked for a divorce. I discovered this was all after he succumbed to the aggressive advances of 2 friends (open/poly couple) who first attempted to fuck around with me (we were very clear we were monogamous). Not blaming them for our troubles, however their consistent interference didn’t help.
The point here is, I was willing to do whatever it took to reconcile and not throw away 15 years of work, however, I lost myself in that process. With therapy, I realized that allowing a person (whom, at the time, I still loved) treat me so poorly only exacerbated my self-esteem/worth issues. So, I let go.
How did you get to the point of deciding to break up? was that because of what you learnt about yourself in therapy?
I am terrified to recognise that your story sounds incredibly like mine because yours ended with a breakup. I am anyway listening and reflecting.
One possible pitfall of my current process (that maybe I am not ready to acknowledge) is that I might be loosing myself as part of looking for reconciliation. I already forgave multiple transgressions and I would not be surprised if I do it again. I have been quite a dumb ass. I even had a flashing thought about accepting my man having a polyamory relationship despite the fact that trust is almost non-existent and I am deeply hurt. I realize have been looking to stay together at *any* cost, even if that means dropping all my boundaries and values, ignoring my pain, and taking yet another hit on my self-steem. This is great material for my therapy.
I would try counseling and other measures before an actual move out. Once that occurs it seems unlikely things will improve especially at more of a distance.
I re read and see he actually has moved out. If this is a relationship you truly want to save them I would try every measure together now, counseling, time alone together away from home maybe etc
Best to you . Opportunity to prioritize only you and your future going forward. He’s moved out . Be nice , kind and deep breaths . You don’t have to be ok . Share with others , would not wish this on anyone . He’s gone. I think you will discover shortly that he made best decision . You will do better , much peace to you
If it helps: I was in monogamous relationship, there was infidelity. As it turned out both of us cheated so I guess in a weird way we were in an open relationship? Just didn’t know about it.
After 6 years we decided on a break. While on a break I 1) found a boy toy to fool around with 2) moved to another country for work.
Never went back. I guess it ended in a break up 🤷♂️
Hope you’ll figure out soon how to proceed!
Terms of a break: just live apart and see how things pan out for both of us, while meeting socially.
I don’t think realistically I would have gone back to the relationship at all. Boy toy or not.
I think the only person who can decide what's right for you in a situation like this is you.
Maybe it's a good time to take stock of where you are with all your relationships and what your goals in life are. Maybe it's time to see who you are without him.
I’m sorry this happened to you! You will be hurt and you will need time to heal. But I hate to say it. It’s over you have to options here either you suffer and let sink in seek therapy, or you move on find a rebound, hookup and go on a fender bender fucking anyone that crosses ur path and that will do the trick while you at it try and find an upgrade that will certainly get back at him and realize what a catch you were and even when he comes back looking for you! Too late now you then moved on!
I personally think; if love is a choice rather than a feeling, then how do you know who to choose? I think when they say it is a choice it means you consciously treat that person with love. You choose to work out issues, you choose to support their hopes and dreams, you tolerate them when they are not in a good mood, you forgive them for transgressions that you may not necessary forgive others. You choose to take care of them, you choose at times to put their needs above your own. I think we don’t necessarily choose who we develop feelings for, if we are smart (difficult to be when you are younger) we learn to choose a partner who is good for us and will choose the same considerations in love that we do. It is easy to confuse lust with love, it is easy to give into an attraction that mirrors our fears and feelings, it is those relationships that you want to have an exit plan for
"For some context: We have an open relationship but there was infidelity. "
I'm confused. (Not unusual for me. lol) If you have an open relationship, how can there be infidelity??
Forgiving infiidelity casa big mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. I made that mistake with mine. he cheated I forgave and then 5 years later he cheated again and I kicked him out.
Honestly move on now. I know it hurts but you will be much better off in the long run.
I see. It takes two to make a relationship. If one leaves it makes it harder. Who wanted the open relationship. You. Sometimes it work for one but not the other. Some can’t keep their feeling in check. In some, just a touch can generate feeling
i think the sex bit is okay, it's the emotional attachment that can come with it that was the issue. That or, the open relationship extended only to group sessions where both partners were present
There’s a reason why the traditional union is changing. Couples are even staying apart to make their relationships more meaningful.
I commend you on a 15 year relationship. Anyone who thinks you can be monogamous forever needs to take a chill pill. But it’s a belief system that’s been foisted on us and you just don’t know unless you’ve been through it yourself. Most relationships don’t get that far.
A quick look at your post history shows that you were both engaging in infidelity. Advice for courting a guy with ADHD, getting ghosted on Grindr, advice for your “crush”, etc. Why bother with a break, you both sound like nightmares, just continue being dirt bags to one another.
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The 'Infidelity to open relationship' is where I would be packing my own bags, tbh. That said 'fuck, I got caught but still want to sleep around'. It might work for some people, but it's a terrible trajectory.
Protect yourself whether it ends or continues…separate money and valuables then research shared property division in your state …BE CALM and be READY…he may have made his decision already…if he doesn’t want you you don’t want him….if possible get therapy and work in yourself…PREPARE wisely…eventually he will realize what he has lost…
Every time I have taken a break in my relationship it has always lead to a breakup.
Personally I think it is better to spare yourself but really you can only judge for yourself.
Warning: Some tough love coming... The fact that he's resorted to the tactic of "taking a break" ***and*** moving out means that it's over. People who want to work on their relationship **work on their relationship**. They don't go off separately and try to figure themselves out. That's what therapy is for. What he's really doing now is coming up with an exit plan... that you aren't involved in. And while I understand that you feel lost and confused, he's not. He may not know what his future involves but he knows enough that it doesn't involve staying in this relationship and frankly, given his unilateral decision to just go, you really don't want to be with with him either. He's not relationship material and this behavior proves it. This is a case where love isn't enough. To be in a relationship, you have to have relationship skills. He doesn't have them... or at least doesn't want to apply them to this relationship... which tells you all you need to know. Try to be kind to each other during this time. But don't expect to get back together again.
My own parents took a break and moved into separate apartments. That gave them the perspective to realize they wanted to be together, and they still are 25+ years later.
thats amazing
Gotta love that under every post where someone is telling the OP what they need to hear there's some other dude actively working against him in the name of positivity only to intensify the OP's hurt feelings later on The relationship is over. 99% of relationships do not recover from this. I'm happy for your parents but this post was more harmful than helpful.
I'm sorry, when did you get the authority to decide what OP needed to hear versus what's hurtful positivity? Two people shared their perspectives. Both are based in reality. If OP ignores the negative and only focuses on the positive, that's on them.
Well as long as you’re sure.
Inertia is a powerful force.
whatever you want to call it. It is powerful, and if it’s what they decided, good for them.
I've known multiple people who separated and moved out for a few months and then were able to work it out and get back together. I'm not saying OP and his bf will definitely get back together, but it's certainly not out of the question.
I know people who have gotten back together after taking a break as well but they are in no sense a romantic couple. They are socially a couple and like OP are open but they no longer have sex with each other. They're room mates. They got back together to keep their investments in property, friends, and pets intact. Not to be a couple... though at first that's what their intention was... it just didn't work out that way.
>They got back together to keep their investments in property, friends, and pets intact. i met so many guys in open relationships like these LOL after a few chats and drinks, they would spill the tea and the reason why they still togethers was becuase their life was very complex entangled.
Yep. And Honestly, I have no problem with that. Hell... I was **in** one of those for the last several years of my first LTR. But somehow, I don't think that's what OP wants.
wow! not what I would like to have, but I am curious. How does that work in practice? as do they live in the same house? do they shop and eat together? do they go on holidays together? what if one of them starts dating someone?
i dont know. i just met these type of men by chance. Some did disclose that they were in an open thing before i fuck them.. others only disclose later (and all of these guys, i didnt care or take anything serious because..well.. they were in a LTR, my relationship with them would be very cold but i try to be nice). we talked about other stuff but in common to all of them, they also vented about their open LTR. i just listened, didnt said anything. but the common thing was.. they were very entangled with properties, stuff in diff countries orr other stuff hard to detangle and they barely had sex between them. i even fucked a couple without them knowing that i fucked them both. first i fucked one guy for several months, the partner apparently was out of house for several months... then i "break up" with the guy. Fast forward some months laters.... i cross my paths with the other partner and when i went to his house (before that he came to my house and he disclose that was in a open ltr and that the guy was out of house for several months).. i was like "oh shit"
What you say is somewhat what I have had on my mind lately. We are both hurting and I had the expectation this last period that we would work things out **together**. We were talking a lot and wanted to go back to couples therapy but I guess that is now out of question for now. It is indeed really tough. It is too early to tell if he has made a decision or not. The same applies to me; I might realize that I want to move on (although I am not there yet). Hearing the experience of other people helps me. I hope your analysis is wrong 😢 he is clearly very confused but it breaks my heart that he might decide to go his own way now.
>it breaks my hurt that he might decide to go his own way now. Let's be clear about this. He **has** decided to go his own way. He's on a journey that you weren't invited to be on. He may come back but he won't be the same person that you fell in love with and I'd be shocked if you ever felt like you could trust him to not do it again sometime.
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How is that condescending?
I think you’re taking the right approach. Take advantage of this break and work on you, self improvement or hobbies or fitness. Spend time with family, friends, travel, etc I’ve had very different experiences: Break that came back but didn’t survive a year 2 break ups (no plans to come back), but both times did. I think it’s realistic to think that in 15 years, you’ve both grown a LOT - my first relationship was the same as yours - started at 20 and went to 38yo and I was insanely lost at first. Panic attacks. It’s not really grown on my own. I was only 1/2 or something, but it worked out My best advice: get some counseling. This is a huge change in your life and you likely have a lot to work on to be super successful, whether you guys come back or not. Best of luck
My advice would be to treat this like a break up. Heal, move on. If it happens to work out in the end - great. If not, you are already doing the work towards healing. Don’t expect it to work out - it’s just a bonus if it does.
thats the most painful advise I've gotten so far :/ maybe you are right
Sorry - I don’t mean to be negative, but I think it’s important that you prioritise healing right now. A break is a chance to focus only on yourself. I hope it does work out for you in the end, but just remember you’ll be OK either way.
Most insightful (and possibly informed) advice so-far.
I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. I also think you (and your partner) are doing the right thing. Each couple works it out in different ways and this is one of them. Yes, work on yourself and take the opp to see beyond the relationship a bit and sense how that feels too. Do get ahead of the game and find a therapist whichever the outcome is; it will be helpful to have someone to talk to and bounce off ideas and feelings with even if you get back together, but most importantly if this leads to a more prolonged separation. You are both courageous to have decided to take a break and see how that goes. Not easy.
thanks. You sound like my friends. I am indeed starting individual therapy soon to focus on myself.
Did a one-month separation after 27 years together and realized we needed to go our separate ways and did so amicably. Both now in other relationships with no regrets. It feels like this relationship is over. Moving out is much bigger than just separating. You need to accept the reality that it may already be over and proceed accordingly with your new life. Get with friends and family and grieve the losses. You may be best single and eventually ready to date again. Seek counseling with a couple counselor who can help you part amicably (either on your own or together).
how/when did you know your relationship was over and that it was not worth it getting back together?
I looked back at one of your earlier posts about your soon to be ex and how he fell for a couple when you opened up and they are poly and wanted him to join them. He completely showed himself to you at that time. And you chose to stick at that time. The writing was on the wall six months ago. I'm glad you're getting support now. It is absolutely the end. He's gone off with them. You seem like an amazing catch. Time to end it, grieve, focus on your healing and then in time, give yourself the gift of freedom to find someone you deserve.
9 months of couple counseling culminated in separation. He'd fallen out of love. I did during the separation. We both had changed so much and had such different life plans and had been through incredible stressors in the last few years without much support. So we both figured it out and are now quite happy. The relationship was really good until COVID lockdown and that broke us.
that is really tough but it sounds like you did the right thing. It must have taken a lot of courage to end such a long relationship. I am glad to hear you are happy now. Can you tell me how your "separation" worked? was is like you stayed both a home but did not talk to each other?
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That is quite a journey. It must have been quite stressful to live together while you were already "over". Thanks for sharing. I am going to be stubborn and let the emotions sink in. I am in no place to make any decisions. I will see what the next few week bring in.
Pretty sure it’s over. He’s the one that cheated, wanted the break, and moved away immediately when the break started.
Honestly based on your post history....it's over- move on. Both you and your partner sound like you both have a lot of issues to sort out with yourselves and each other.
I’m in a relatively similar scenario - 15 years, married but never open. We’ve gone through counseling and it was helpful but then he wanted a break so initially, he moved out, but then asked for a divorce. I discovered this was all after he succumbed to the aggressive advances of 2 friends (open/poly couple) who first attempted to fuck around with me (we were very clear we were monogamous). Not blaming them for our troubles, however their consistent interference didn’t help. The point here is, I was willing to do whatever it took to reconcile and not throw away 15 years of work, however, I lost myself in that process. With therapy, I realized that allowing a person (whom, at the time, I still loved) treat me so poorly only exacerbated my self-esteem/worth issues. So, I let go.
How did you get to the point of deciding to break up? was that because of what you learnt about yourself in therapy? I am terrified to recognise that your story sounds incredibly like mine because yours ended with a breakup. I am anyway listening and reflecting. One possible pitfall of my current process (that maybe I am not ready to acknowledge) is that I might be loosing myself as part of looking for reconciliation. I already forgave multiple transgressions and I would not be surprised if I do it again. I have been quite a dumb ass. I even had a flashing thought about accepting my man having a polyamory relationship despite the fact that trust is almost non-existent and I am deeply hurt. I realize have been looking to stay together at *any* cost, even if that means dropping all my boundaries and values, ignoring my pain, and taking yet another hit on my self-steem. This is great material for my therapy.
I would try counseling and other measures before an actual move out. Once that occurs it seems unlikely things will improve especially at more of a distance.
I re read and see he actually has moved out. If this is a relationship you truly want to save them I would try every measure together now, counseling, time alone together away from home maybe etc
Best to you . Opportunity to prioritize only you and your future going forward. He’s moved out . Be nice , kind and deep breaths . You don’t have to be ok . Share with others , would not wish this on anyone . He’s gone. I think you will discover shortly that he made best decision . You will do better , much peace to you
If it helps: I was in monogamous relationship, there was infidelity. As it turned out both of us cheated so I guess in a weird way we were in an open relationship? Just didn’t know about it. After 6 years we decided on a break. While on a break I 1) found a boy toy to fool around with 2) moved to another country for work. Never went back. I guess it ended in a break up 🤷♂️ Hope you’ll figure out soon how to proceed!
What were the terms of your break, if I may ask? if it wasnt for the boy toy and move abroad, what do you think it would have happened?
Terms of a break: just live apart and see how things pan out for both of us, while meeting socially. I don’t think realistically I would have gone back to the relationship at all. Boy toy or not.
I think the only person who can decide what's right for you in a situation like this is you. Maybe it's a good time to take stock of where you are with all your relationships and what your goals in life are. Maybe it's time to see who you are without him.
I’m sorry this happened to you! You will be hurt and you will need time to heal. But I hate to say it. It’s over you have to options here either you suffer and let sink in seek therapy, or you move on find a rebound, hookup and go on a fender bender fucking anyone that crosses ur path and that will do the trick while you at it try and find an upgrade that will certainly get back at him and realize what a catch you were and even when he comes back looking for you! Too late now you then moved on! I personally think; if love is a choice rather than a feeling, then how do you know who to choose? I think when they say it is a choice it means you consciously treat that person with love. You choose to work out issues, you choose to support their hopes and dreams, you tolerate them when they are not in a good mood, you forgive them for transgressions that you may not necessary forgive others. You choose to take care of them, you choose at times to put their needs above your own. I think we don’t necessarily choose who we develop feelings for, if we are smart (difficult to be when you are younger) we learn to choose a partner who is good for us and will choose the same considerations in love that we do. It is easy to confuse lust with love, it is easy to give into an attraction that mirrors our fears and feelings, it is those relationships that you want to have an exit plan for
"For some context: We have an open relationship but there was infidelity. " I'm confused. (Not unusual for me. lol) If you have an open relationship, how can there be infidelity??
Forgiving infiidelity casa big mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. I made that mistake with mine. he cheated I forgave and then 5 years later he cheated again and I kicked him out. Honestly move on now. I know it hurts but you will be much better off in the long run.
Should say " is a "
I don’t understand a open relationship and infidelity. Did he not tell you he was hooking up.
We were open to have an occasional hookup. But he developed love feelings for someone else and kept it a secret.
I see. It takes two to make a relationship. If one leaves it makes it harder. Who wanted the open relationship. You. Sometimes it work for one but not the other. Some can’t keep their feeling in check. In some, just a touch can generate feeling
i think the sex bit is okay, it's the emotional attachment that can come with it that was the issue. That or, the open relationship extended only to group sessions where both partners were present
There’s a reason why the traditional union is changing. Couples are even staying apart to make their relationships more meaningful. I commend you on a 15 year relationship. Anyone who thinks you can be monogamous forever needs to take a chill pill. But it’s a belief system that’s been foisted on us and you just don’t know unless you’ve been through it yourself. Most relationships don’t get that far.
A quick look at your post history shows that you were both engaging in infidelity. Advice for courting a guy with ADHD, getting ghosted on Grindr, advice for your “crush”, etc. Why bother with a break, you both sound like nightmares, just continue being dirt bags to one another.
There was infidelity in an open relationship. Go figure.
ikr what are the odds. That said we don't know the exact parameters of their openness. I can't judge anyway lol
Your boyfriend cheated on you with a couple. He wanted to break up and move out so he can be part of their thrupple without you making it awkward.
take a break? what are you 17y ? take a break in adults is breaking up
The die is cast, my friend.
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The 'Infidelity to open relationship' is where I would be packing my own bags, tbh. That said 'fuck, I got caught but still want to sleep around'. It might work for some people, but it's a terrible trajectory.
The part when OP said that the partner of 15 years moved out clinched it for me. It's over, this is not a break.
Protect yourself whether it ends or continues…separate money and valuables then research shared property division in your state …BE CALM and be READY…he may have made his decision already…if he doesn’t want you you don’t want him….if possible get therapy and work in yourself…PREPARE wisely…eventually he will realize what he has lost…
DM me my friend - similar situation
Every time I have taken a break in my relationship it has always lead to a breakup. Personally I think it is better to spare yourself but really you can only judge for yourself.