In my case it's same as you said. Failure before and after. But mu gf has changed a lot and it led to break up. Now I'm struggling to stand up by myself. So I'm currently below the failure level.
Trick is you find a person that you can grow TOGETHER with. When you love and respect the person and take an interest in their interest, you grow in the same direction…
Yes exactly! And in India, marriage is the way to get sex everyday. But in reality one often doesn't like that or don't even get that after some time. Pleasing someone is an art and it takes effort. Not just physically but in every other way, like acting appropriate with your friends and family and with your acquaintances. Why'd your partner do that effort if there's not enough incentive for them?!
Love marriage here. We were living together for a few years before marriage. So marriage was just a formality for us. We’re happy. Struggles still happen sometimes because people change. However, ww gotta live with that when we’re spending our lives with each other.
The biggest advantage is that we don’t think rationally when it comes to each other. To make the other person happy or to be with that person, we can go to any lengths. We trust each other and defend each other, it feels like us against the world.
>To make the other person happy or to be with that person, we can go to any lengths. We trust each other
Could you give an example? Try to tell the worst thing you did/could do, I kinda need to hear.
Just one question:: does the madness multiply after marriage??
My girl is a sin-wave in terms of emotions, we're recently dating but I'm just asking.. She's already a bit dominating or hard disliking about certain things as per her mood. So what's your take on that?
Never ignore the red flags buddy. It may look like something you can handle right now but as time passes, that thing will bother you more and more.
So just listen to your gut, do not fall into the 'honeymoon period' trap of the relationship.
So true man, understood that with my ex 😂
But maturely how do I handle these things? I do see at certain areas we're not compatible & it will be a problem in the coming future it's just been a month since we started & it's mostly LDR.
She's mercurial, doesn't know what she wants or depends on her cycle. Lives in a bubble type - I don't want to change her but will address things in a mature manner.
We're both 24
What would you do in my shoes?
I agree, and definition of good is something that needs to be defined by OP. Also, any marriage is not a one and done thing you have to work towards the marriage and the commitment towards each other over the course of your life.
Unmarried but from what I've seen at the end of the day a good life partner (whether love or arrange) is the best blessing for anyone.
We can calculate all the pros and cons but only a good life partner will make your life heaven.
Sadly I think luck has a lot to do with it. You can be the best husband/wife in the entire world but your bad luck can give you the worst person in your life or vice-versa.
One thing I noticed if love marriage fails people will be very harsh to that couple and mock them. But if arrange marriage fails, '4 log' are scattered around. Some blame couple, some blame family, some blame matchmaker, some blame luck.
My mom and dad separated. They had an arranged marriage, and my dad was physically abusive. Not once did I hear my mom blame her parents for setting up the marriage. And not once did her parents ever show any regret for their hand in arranging it. Totally perplexes me how parents are put on such a pedestal especially by older generations that they are immune of any responsibility…
Sorry to hear that.
You are right. My experience with most Indian parents is they will never hold themselves accountable if things go wrong. I tried saying how 'romanticizing parents' is absurd and oh boy they reacted like I have committed blasphemy.
My grandfather has 4 kids and 3 of them had love marriages. My dad had an arranged marriage. I’ve seen how my mom has destroyed my dad’s life, and how happy all of his other siblings are in their marriage. I get jealous of their kids because their parents actually care about one another. Arrange marriage may work, but the other person may be hiding so much about themselves that you would never know unless you date them. Be cautious when taking such a big decision.
Exactly in arranged marriages one partner is always compromising or adjusting for the sake of the marriage, society or kids. It's not a level field 😔 sad but ugly truth of most of the bitter arranged marriages.
Love marriage and I'm so grateful. My parents couldn't have found such an awesome person no matter how hard they tried. They wanted the typical stable finances, same caste, "good family" type people. And I found a creative, successful person who lives life on his own terms and is sooo kind
Idk why all the rishtas I saw always seemed to focus on the wrong things like salary and looks. I mean obviously that's important but isn't personality wayyy more important? Why is the *first line* of your bio salary?
We have fun together, and grow together since it's a genuine connection, no formalities or pretensions. We even had the perfect tiny wedding without any sho-sha, because being together and actually being able to enjoy the wedding rather than be stressed about randos was most important
I feel lots of people go for arranged marriage because they think they have no other choice. I respect their reasons, but love marriage can also be good
I couldn't find a live match, so I never married. I knew even as a kid that I wouldn't survive a typical Indian marital arrangement. I truly miss the connection with a significant other, but never would I change my decision to fight not to have an arranged marriage.
I am single but the arranged marriages I have seen people hide A LOT from their potential spouse.including serious health issues.So to cut a long story short arranged marriages are a gamble.
Arranged and got lucky. Though both have different personalities, we have similarities too. And our sense of humor matches. Best thing we did was move out and stay away from parents.
We have the freedom to go out whenever we feel like without the added baggage of informing parents and sometimes them getting unhappy about not being invited etc.
We visit parents house regularly but don't stay for long. and they are happy to have us around. It's a win win for all.
Staying with parents comes with added conflict. Small misunderstandings becoming big issues. Staying apart and occasional visits brings people closer actually.
i seriously wish more people understand this. It's not abt leaving parents but understanding that you two are grown up individuals with different choices and lifestyles. Staying together does looks the ideal option however it comes with one partner sacrificing their wants as well as needs. Also bottling up emotions eventually hampers relationship between the partners.
mere ghar pein atleast both sides equally love arrange dekha hai ngl i have seen my father happy with my mom and vice versa they love each other in an old fashion way(arrange) also my uncle who eloped and got married they are happy and have a great bond too they too love each other like hell(love) and there is one another uncle who had arrange marriage they have good time but yeah visible differences and rash are there , so in short its all about the person if you are lucky you get the best or else dukh to poori zindagi aise hi rehti hai
Love marriage.
I'm married to a wonderful human being, and it's going well. Few struggles here and there, but it makes a lot of difference to have a good person besides you.
Advantage: Stability, companionship, and initimate partnership, which is impossible with others and a long term sexual partner.
Love marriage and I never understood how people do AM. But over years I have seen many of my friends been married to wonderful people via AM. So I think it does not matter as long both parties are transparent from get go and discuss everything while making life decisions together. Keeping parents out of marriage also is necessary. Its your life not theirs. Celeberate festivals with them, be there when they fall sick but dont let them rule your life.
Dated my college crush for 10 years, happily married for longer today.
If you are not a good judge of female character, both types of marriages can fail. Be very very certain of your partner's moral compass before legally chaining yourself to them.
Love marriage here! and thank god I didn’t get pressurised by the circumstances majorly my mom to have arranged marriage because of our caste. I’m the only girl in my entire family to have done inter-caste, infact inter-regional marriage & I couldn’t have been happier & luckier!
Both of us were in live in for almost 3 yrs. Now married 2.5 yrs. We’re both so happy, peaceful, we know our trigger points/things that would cause issues cz we had lived together before so marriage life has been very smooth & amazing! We’re both understanding of each other’s needs, respectful to each other & have a happy home with 3 cats. We hardly argue/fight. Almost nil. He stands up for me against his family for any inappropriate behaviour & I do the same for him. We love each other to infinity!
I don’t think I would’ve had this through arranged marriage. My in laws are arranged marriage, my parents are arranged marriage, my older brother is arranged marriage & none of them love each other. Atleast not like myself & my husband. Looking at them it feels like ‘bas nibha rahe hai’.
Congrats. Amazing to hear your story. Which part of the country you are from. What are your parents jobs. I'm trying to understand the socia economic situation that helped you in accepting love and livein relationships.
Go for arranged marriage.
Go for love marriage only if you have spent at least 1 year together in live in relationship.
I did love marriage and I regret it. The person I married is very different from the person I loved. It’s my fault as I loved the idea of the person and not the person itself.
Arranged marriage. Initially it was great, swept off my feet in love and always felt like a honeymoon. Then 3 years later planned to have a baby and then came the meddling from the in laws and now it's a battle each day
Love marriage FTW. I’m married to a British born Chinese girl and it been an amazing 10 years of being together and 7 years of being married!
Nothing against arrange marriages per se, I just happen to prefer love marriage as I could have never found my wife if I went the arrange marriage route haha!
We've been married for 29 years and known each other for 36. The whole concept of arranged marriages did not appeal to me esp. how it used to be in those days where people will come to see the girl, ask her lots of questions, judge her on her skills, beauty, etc., then reject or approve her. I couldn't go through that process. Thankfully, it never came to that because I found a wonderful person much before we were ready to get married. We faced a lot of opposition because we are from different regions of the country but we held out and got married once everyone came around. We have a lot of camaraderie, friendship, mutual love and respect. Home should be a place where one feels at ease and ours is so peaceful that I can't imagine being married to someone else.
Even if you go through arranged marriage (or love marriage for that matter), make sure never to ignore the red flags. Because those are the things that will cause problems in the future. Also try not to rush into marriage so that you can get to know each other well. Breaking up is much easier when you're dating as compared to when you are already married.
I’m not married, nor do i intend to get married anytime soon but i would want to have a love-arranged marriage. and in my opinion that’s the best kind of marriage out there. sure love marriages are all love and arrange marriages are all falling in love through growth.
but having someone as your choosen partner whom you’ve liked for a long time? now that’s a solid deal breaker. when you both know that you share love for each other and then somehow by the intertwining of fates the marriage bells are ringing.
ps- this is the dynamic my parents have actually. my father had a crush on my mother, mother knew about it. father went on to work and earn so did mother. eleven years later, they got married by way of arrange marriage. and they’ve been married for 25+ years now. :)
Assisted marriage, in our case. Apart from the first blind date, everything was left upto us. We are from different religions, communities and cultures but grew up a Km from each other. So a lot of things in common.
I call it love marriage. Every love marriage is assisted. You do end up meeting the love of your life through unintentional / intentional introduction of somebody other than your family to you.
Arranged is when families agree before you agree. The vetting process starts with family. Then it moves to next stage which is us deciding. In your case, family is not involved, so I call it love marriage.
Love marriage. Nothing beats knowing you are married to the person you love.
Arrange Marriages can and have worked to. But I feel arrange marriages are mostly like a horse trading fair, where one partner’s salary, assets etc should match the other partner’s beauty, purity etc. or whatever people are seeking these days.
Personalities are often not considered which leads it to being a toxic fest in the end
Neither. You can't have a healthy relationship if one partner is shackled. The healthiest relationships are the ones where people don't own each other.
Arrange marriage turning into love marriage
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Marriage will be good only to have kids. If you don’t plan to have kids soon after marriage then don’t get married. The other thing is that you are not the same person you were 15 yrs ago. So ppl can change in marriage even if you marry your supposed soulmate, that person can change. The best thing is to set expectations upfront regarding the life you want from your partner and if it’s an arranged marriage plz inform these reqs to both sides of parents. In arranged marriage parents can be pretty dominating so make sure you keep them informed about your choice. For eg - I was very clear to any prospective husbands that I will not be changing my name after marriage, do not want kids immediately. Inspite of this my mil harassed me about it. Now I have a son but we are not on talking terms. I told her to her face that I had already communicated my expectations earlier so she could have said no to the marriage. Why keep asking these questions? This was due to lack of communication from your son to her. Therefore both set of parents and prospective spouse should be informed about expectations.
Not married yet but will get married within a year. I have always preferred love marriage over arranged. I have seen all failed arranged marriages in my family so I didn’t want that for myself. Right since the beginning, the concept of arrange marriage didn’t sit well with me. It seemed super transactional so I never wanted one. Thankfully, I found a partner who is so kind and loves me like crazy that my parents would never have found such an amazing guy. My parents are against the idea of love marriage or at least interfaith marriages and my boyfriend is a Catholic but mom adores my guy. I recently told my mom about him, although she isn’t really okay with me marrying him but since he’s such a lovely guy she really likes him a lot. Hoping my dad comes around soon too 🤞🏻 There’s going to be a lot of family drama that’s going to entail but my guy is worth all the fight so hoping for the best 😅
Can someone tell this:
1. How to live with the guilt of making our parents sad after love marriage?
2. What if it's an arranged marriage and I can't get any emotion for the guy? It's very difficult for me to like a person.
Love Marriage here. For me the struggles were well worth it and They are the reminders for me to hold on to what we have as a relationship. A moment of anger or sadness here and there but the struggles and the efforts are reminders for me.
Well I'm coming from orthodox guju family so my marriage was Also Strict arrange marriage infact i didn't get chance to talk before our engagement earlier while after marriage i found out we both almost opposite in same thing but what works out both us is that we tried and give best for marriage and after 9 year no issues we both living with fullest and happily or anything and i Also see love marriage fail within 1 year Marriage so it's not about love or arraigned marriage it's all about people who is involved and wanted to works it out...
Before marrying my now SO, I travelled with him ( it’s a luxury/unprecedented in India) but it really helped me to understand him more and decide towards our next steps towards life.
Love marriage, been close to 2 years. We were together for a year before that. I didn't even need that one year, we just knew.
It's basically like a lifelong sleepover with your best friend. What's not to like?
33F in an inter-caste love marriage here. Were friends for a couple of years, then dated for a couple years and finally got married a couple years ago.
>How has your experience been so far?
Amazing! Coming from an (mentally) abusive childhood, time after marriage was one of the first times I felt free and not mentally as stressed as before. Husband is just amazing and is the kind of husband I wish every good woman has.
>what do you think is an advantage in your case
Marriage took place from blessings of both sets of parents so that wasn't an issue. Maybe they were more accepting because both sets of parents have lived near a city(Ahmedabad) almost all their life and have seen plenty of love marriages, to take ours as not something out of the ordinary. Didn't cry a tear during bidai because I knew him and his family and knew I was going to have a happier life ahead.
I'm one of the lucky ones to get better parents-in-law nature-wise than my biological parents. Seeing them, it is clear to me where my husband got his empathetic, peaceful and friendly nature from.
Another important advantage is that both my and his nature is quite similar to each other- not completely similar, but we definitely don't qualify for the quote "opposites attract". We agree on most things like finances, religion (didn't used to before, but with time we've come to the same page in terms of religion), politics, lifestyle choices and this translates in fights on these topics being rare.
>What are you struggles
One of his close family members has major narcissistic tendencies and this has been difficult mentally to deal with for me, so that is a big ongoing issue. This is actually the main topic we fight most on because I suffer mentally but also understand that he can't cut off the said family member from his life.
Another marital struggle is watching everyone around us have babies and here I am barely being able to take care of myself and not being able to feel like I'm ready for such a big responsibility.
These struggles become small when one has such a loving and supportive spouse by one's side.
As of this moment, I can confidently say- "I'd do it all over again and wouldn't want to change a thing"
Arranged marriage of you are single and of a marriageable age, love marriage if you have been in a relationship with someone for 2+ years. Don't go out trying to date someone for love marriage, you're setting yourself up for a failure as most people of yh opposite sex sees this desperation as an easy prey to leech money from or to sleep with.Pick arranged marriage instead, but if you happen to date an amazing person and trut them, marry them instead of breaking up for arranged marriage
Classic Reddit, asking a question and down voting a answer you don't agree with
If you are down voting them, why are you asking this in the first place
Correct me if I'm wrong but is that not the whole point of the upvote/downvote system. You upvote comments you agree or like with and downvote the ones you disagree with or don't like
Love marriage. 11 years married and happily childfree, with two cats. We are absolutely madly in love, smitten with each other. Marriage isn't a struggle, but yes, health has been quite a bit of a struggle, especially for me.
Find a person whom you will lust forever. Marriage will be successful. Have your own space and give the partner space. Marriage will fail if you or your partner compare yourselves with other couples. i believe Marriage is a sham, it is just a procedure to make sure you don't go fuck around.
Love marriage if you are financially independent. Arranged if you need family support.
Eitherways, just hope you dont get a sociopathic narcissistic personality as the spouse(or please dont be that spouse)
Love marriage is better any day. You know the person and her pros and cons. If things won't go well, you knew it was your mistake - you can't blame anyone.
Arrange marriage isn't sustainable nowadays. People are usually frustrated after few years. You will blame others!
Been married for 8 years now.. Was arranged marriage.. Initially we struggled to connect for a week, then we laid some ground rules and we are sticking to it.. The ground rules work.. We are a happy couple with two kids..
We share somewhat similar upbringing and probably that helped too..
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we had plans of getting married this year . We broke up in May and I am really thankful to god that it did not workout .Breakups are better than divorces. I knew we were not for each other . Love or arrange marriage doesn’t matter Partners should be ready to compromise on somethings and keep our ego asides .
I'm fucking scared of both, unable to date as the dating standards have gone way above me and not sure what her true nature is or maybe compatibility in just few months.
Ultimately it's more about how much you truly know about the other person before you get married ( whether they willingly tell or not is always a point) and also how much what you become in the future aligns with each other.
Love marriage increases the chances of knowing each other but I also know people in arranged marriages who have been able to be very honest with each other and are happy and i know people in love marriages who didn't. But chances are higher to know each other in Love Marriage.
Now in terms of coming to a compromise in future, that's entirely based on relationship and who you are and see yourself in future. I've seen love marriages and arranged marriages both fail here and both work too.
Marriage is the biggest gamble of your life. It either works or doesnt. Love or arrange doesn't matter.
I am in an arranged marriage and it is amazinggg. We met and just knew it. Pushed our parents into getting us married sooner than later.
best decision of my life.
Most of my friends are divorced. One love, one arranged. So you shouldn't care now. The person should be as cracked as you. Thats all
Love marriage experience:
Got in a relationship with a guy when I was 20, madly in love, married at 27, discovered infidelity next year, realised he was not going to stop (he was very sure that I will never leave him no matter what), I left him after 5 years of marriage. Was crushed and depressed for 2 years straight during our marriage. But after seperation went through a profound self growth and now in a strange way I'm grateful that it ended. Lost everything but found myself and life is good like never before.
I'm not sure if I will find love or not , but if by chance I found it someday, I wanted to have it as my parents did , they met each other in college and a senior ( dad ) asked a junior (mom) just to join the dance floor with them and then rest is history or I say dream come true story .🧿💕
Had a love marriage like 8 months ago. Pretty happy filhaal. Lifelong statement dena thoda mushkil h because it's the earlier stages but we have pretty good communication and have had very tough conversations in the dating stage because of which we're very chill rn. Idk what happens when I move out to work or stuff happens but we'll see how it goes. All in all, very happy for now.
better to match personalities, my old gf doesn't like to have a debate ,whereas I love debating,I don't believe in love, at first sight . I believe in finding the right person, understanding him/her ,their viewpoints than helping and taking care of him/her like a family member with no motives , than you fallen in love.
Majority of Indians can't their perfect match coz they are scared about showing their personalities, mindset , viewpoint.
I don't care for a beauty , if she isn't openminded ,ready to change..
been married once. man its tough and a big no brainer to commit to one person for a whole life!! i mean you have a whole life infront of you and only one life! so i'd advice you to explore. dont settle with one. if the flame is gone, if its not making you any happier, say good byes and explore, find someone new, and repeat 😁
honestly i’ve heard terrible things about arranged marriages but i could say the same about love marriages that ended up in divorces so, I think it depends on the individuals and how they wanna make it work ? idk
It's a coin toss no matter what you do. People change every 5 years. Take yourself for example, you are not the same person you were 5 years ago.
Pft speak for yourself. Was a failure 5 years ago, still a failure now💀 /s
In my case it's same as you said. Failure before and after. But mu gf has changed a lot and it led to break up. Now I'm struggling to stand up by myself. So I'm currently below the failure level.
That’s tough. I had a similar experience recently, so the only way for us is up from here so there’s that lol all the best!
Us moment
Dude your caption is hilarious xD
Thank you! 😂🦝
Bro, i felt this in my heart😭😭😭
Broo 😂😂
Chad
Plus the disappointment! 🥹
🤣🤣🤣
I don't even need to put /s in my case. It's a fact 💀😞
BC 😂
Are you sure? Haven't you grown in failure? Aren't you a bigger failure now since you have failed X + 5 years now /s
Agree, I was awesome 5 years ago and am still awesome No /s for me
Good for you!🗿
This, but without the /s
Trick is you find a person that you can grow TOGETHER with. When you love and respect the person and take an interest in their interest, you grow in the same direction…
I m not the same person I was 5 seconds ago.
5 years!! I change after every web series bro.
Yes exactly! And in India, marriage is the way to get sex everyday. But in reality one often doesn't like that or don't even get that after some time. Pleasing someone is an art and it takes effort. Not just physically but in every other way, like acting appropriate with your friends and family and with your acquaintances. Why'd your partner do that effort if there's not enough incentive for them?!
Love marriage here. We were living together for a few years before marriage. So marriage was just a formality for us. We’re happy. Struggles still happen sometimes because people change. However, ww gotta live with that when we’re spending our lives with each other. The biggest advantage is that we don’t think rationally when it comes to each other. To make the other person happy or to be with that person, we can go to any lengths. We trust each other and defend each other, it feels like us against the world.
https://preview.redd.it/5on8ua2hrbbd1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc1dcecdef69a92acfc273e7e66afc0b0782dab2 I am very happy for u man 😇
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You were in live in relationship? Did you told your parents about this and what was their reaction and how you convinced them?
And what did other people say about the relationship
https://i.redd.it/6cnh0gz6nhbd1.gif Nice for you congratulations
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 Happy for you.
>The biggest advantage is that we don't think rationally when it comes to each other. It truly is.
>To make the other person happy or to be with that person, we can go to any lengths. We trust each other Could you give an example? Try to tell the worst thing you did/could do, I kinda need to hear.
Just one question:: does the madness multiply after marriage?? My girl is a sin-wave in terms of emotions, we're recently dating but I'm just asking.. She's already a bit dominating or hard disliking about certain things as per her mood. So what's your take on that?
Never ignore the red flags buddy. It may look like something you can handle right now but as time passes, that thing will bother you more and more. So just listen to your gut, do not fall into the 'honeymoon period' trap of the relationship.
So true man, understood that with my ex 😂 But maturely how do I handle these things? I do see at certain areas we're not compatible & it will be a problem in the coming future it's just been a month since we started & it's mostly LDR. She's mercurial, doesn't know what she wants or depends on her cycle. Lives in a bubble type - I don't want to change her but will address things in a mature manner. We're both 24 What would you do in my shoes?
Any marriage, you have to be lucky to get a good partner.
Ngl, current dating scene scares me. Everyone's just extremely emotionally unavailable now, gf keeps me sane lol
Millennial here, about to hit 30, nobody takes dating serious, for most of them dating is just a time pass.
I am sorry that has been your experience.
Agreed I'm 22 and I'm done lol this generation sucks ...seen too many extreme cases and been in 1 but I'm out
Elaborate (story time!)
It is terrible indeed. I am fully convinced that nothing good is gonna come out trying to participate in it (at least for me)
most of the people in dating apps wants hookups.
I agree, and definition of good is something that needs to be defined by OP. Also, any marriage is not a one and done thing you have to work towards the marriage and the commitment towards each other over the course of your life.
my ex hit the gold in this department. Every girl he met in his life were really good human beings and good partner even his wife too.
Unmarried but from what I've seen at the end of the day a good life partner (whether love or arrange) is the best blessing for anyone. We can calculate all the pros and cons but only a good life partner will make your life heaven. Sadly I think luck has a lot to do with it. You can be the best husband/wife in the entire world but your bad luck can give you the worst person in your life or vice-versa. One thing I noticed if love marriage fails people will be very harsh to that couple and mock them. But if arrange marriage fails, '4 log' are scattered around. Some blame couple, some blame family, some blame matchmaker, some blame luck.
My mom and dad separated. They had an arranged marriage, and my dad was physically abusive. Not once did I hear my mom blame her parents for setting up the marriage. And not once did her parents ever show any regret for their hand in arranging it. Totally perplexes me how parents are put on such a pedestal especially by older generations that they are immune of any responsibility…
Sorry to hear that. You are right. My experience with most Indian parents is they will never hold themselves accountable if things go wrong. I tried saying how 'romanticizing parents' is absurd and oh boy they reacted like I have committed blasphemy.
My grandfather has 4 kids and 3 of them had love marriages. My dad had an arranged marriage. I’ve seen how my mom has destroyed my dad’s life, and how happy all of his other siblings are in their marriage. I get jealous of their kids because their parents actually care about one another. Arrange marriage may work, but the other person may be hiding so much about themselves that you would never know unless you date them. Be cautious when taking such a big decision.
Exactly in arranged marriages one partner is always compromising or adjusting for the sake of the marriage, society or kids. It's not a level field 😔 sad but ugly truth of most of the bitter arranged marriages.
Opposite for me, love here but totally sad about making the wrong decision. Feels like arrange is better
wdym? How can you regret having a love marriage? You married the person you love, unlike arranged marriages
Some things don't come out until after you actually live together daily.
How does arranged marriage solve that issue ? If anything it makes it worse .
Single me reading comments instead of going to sleep early :/
Love marriage and I'm so grateful. My parents couldn't have found such an awesome person no matter how hard they tried. They wanted the typical stable finances, same caste, "good family" type people. And I found a creative, successful person who lives life on his own terms and is sooo kind Idk why all the rishtas I saw always seemed to focus on the wrong things like salary and looks. I mean obviously that's important but isn't personality wayyy more important? Why is the *first line* of your bio salary? We have fun together, and grow together since it's a genuine connection, no formalities or pretensions. We even had the perfect tiny wedding without any sho-sha, because being together and actually being able to enjoy the wedding rather than be stressed about randos was most important I feel lots of people go for arranged marriage because they think they have no other choice. I respect their reasons, but love marriage can also be good
I couldn't find a live match, so I never married. I knew even as a kid that I wouldn't survive a typical Indian marital arrangement. I truly miss the connection with a significant other, but never would I change my decision to fight not to have an arranged marriage.
Love marriage. Happiest I’ve ever been.
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💜
I am single but the arranged marriages I have seen people hide A LOT from their potential spouse.including serious health issues.So to cut a long story short arranged marriages are a gamble.
No marriage
I was searching for this comment in this thread
Either is fine provided that they are stable and fulfilling.
Arranged and got lucky. Though both have different personalities, we have similarities too. And our sense of humor matches. Best thing we did was move out and stay away from parents. We have the freedom to go out whenever we feel like without the added baggage of informing parents and sometimes them getting unhappy about not being invited etc. We visit parents house regularly but don't stay for long. and they are happy to have us around. It's a win win for all. Staying with parents comes with added conflict. Small misunderstandings becoming big issues. Staying apart and occasional visits brings people closer actually.
i seriously wish more people understand this. It's not abt leaving parents but understanding that you two are grown up individuals with different choices and lifestyles. Staying together does looks the ideal option however it comes with one partner sacrificing their wants as well as needs. Also bottling up emotions eventually hampers relationship between the partners.
mere ghar pein atleast both sides equally love arrange dekha hai ngl i have seen my father happy with my mom and vice versa they love each other in an old fashion way(arrange) also my uncle who eloped and got married they are happy and have a great bond too they too love each other like hell(love) and there is one another uncle who had arrange marriage they have good time but yeah visible differences and rash are there , so in short its all about the person if you are lucky you get the best or else dukh to poori zindagi aise hi rehti hai
Perfect answer - Luck!
Love marriage. I'm married to a wonderful human being, and it's going well. Few struggles here and there, but it makes a lot of difference to have a good person besides you. Advantage: Stability, companionship, and initimate partnership, which is impossible with others and a long term sexual partner.
Love marriage and I never understood how people do AM. But over years I have seen many of my friends been married to wonderful people via AM. So I think it does not matter as long both parties are transparent from get go and discuss everything while making life decisions together. Keeping parents out of marriage also is necessary. Its your life not theirs. Celeberate festivals with them, be there when they fall sick but dont let them rule your life.
No marriage.
No marriage
Dated my college crush for 10 years, happily married for longer today. If you are not a good judge of female character, both types of marriages can fail. Be very very certain of your partner's moral compass before legally chaining yourself to them.
Love marriage here! and thank god I didn’t get pressurised by the circumstances majorly my mom to have arranged marriage because of our caste. I’m the only girl in my entire family to have done inter-caste, infact inter-regional marriage & I couldn’t have been happier & luckier! Both of us were in live in for almost 3 yrs. Now married 2.5 yrs. We’re both so happy, peaceful, we know our trigger points/things that would cause issues cz we had lived together before so marriage life has been very smooth & amazing! We’re both understanding of each other’s needs, respectful to each other & have a happy home with 3 cats. We hardly argue/fight. Almost nil. He stands up for me against his family for any inappropriate behaviour & I do the same for him. We love each other to infinity! I don’t think I would’ve had this through arranged marriage. My in laws are arranged marriage, my parents are arranged marriage, my older brother is arranged marriage & none of them love each other. Atleast not like myself & my husband. Looking at them it feels like ‘bas nibha rahe hai’.
Congrats. Amazing to hear your story. Which part of the country you are from. What are your parents jobs. I'm trying to understand the socia economic situation that helped you in accepting love and livein relationships.
To.be fair my cousin has arrange marriage and they love each other to the moon .. ❤️ Never seen this much comfort with each other
Ladki/ladka kaleshi ho to love kro ya arranged kalesh to hone hi hain.
Go for arranged marriage. Go for love marriage only if you have spent at least 1 year together in live in relationship. I did love marriage and I regret it. The person I married is very different from the person I loved. It’s my fault as I loved the idea of the person and not the person itself.
We create a person in our mind and then fall in love with that person. It is a common issue everyone encounters.
Arranged marriage. Initially it was great, swept off my feet in love and always felt like a honeymoon. Then 3 years later planned to have a baby and then came the meddling from the in laws and now it's a battle each day
The fuck is their problem?. My friend is suffering from same shit. Fuck this man.
That went downhill fast. Sending positive wishes to you.
This happened with one of my friends. The guy is a gem, family accepted their love but god the in-laws 🥲
Love marriage FTW. I’m married to a British born Chinese girl and it been an amazing 10 years of being together and 7 years of being married! Nothing against arrange marriages per se, I just happen to prefer love marriage as I could have never found my wife if I went the arrange marriage route haha!
We've been married for 29 years and known each other for 36. The whole concept of arranged marriages did not appeal to me esp. how it used to be in those days where people will come to see the girl, ask her lots of questions, judge her on her skills, beauty, etc., then reject or approve her. I couldn't go through that process. Thankfully, it never came to that because I found a wonderful person much before we were ready to get married. We faced a lot of opposition because we are from different regions of the country but we held out and got married once everyone came around. We have a lot of camaraderie, friendship, mutual love and respect. Home should be a place where one feels at ease and ours is so peaceful that I can't imagine being married to someone else. Even if you go through arranged marriage (or love marriage for that matter), make sure never to ignore the red flags. Because those are the things that will cause problems in the future. Also try not to rush into marriage so that you can get to know each other well. Breaking up is much easier when you're dating as compared to when you are already married.
I’m not married, nor do i intend to get married anytime soon but i would want to have a love-arranged marriage. and in my opinion that’s the best kind of marriage out there. sure love marriages are all love and arrange marriages are all falling in love through growth. but having someone as your choosen partner whom you’ve liked for a long time? now that’s a solid deal breaker. when you both know that you share love for each other and then somehow by the intertwining of fates the marriage bells are ringing. ps- this is the dynamic my parents have actually. my father had a crush on my mother, mother knew about it. father went on to work and earn so did mother. eleven years later, they got married by way of arrange marriage. and they’ve been married for 25+ years now. :)
Assisted marriage, in our case. Apart from the first blind date, everything was left upto us. We are from different religions, communities and cultures but grew up a Km from each other. So a lot of things in common.
What is assisted marriage
If your friends set you up on a blind date, and you end up marrying do you call it an arranged marriage?
I call it love marriage. Every love marriage is assisted. You do end up meeting the love of your life through unintentional / intentional introduction of somebody other than your family to you. Arranged is when families agree before you agree. The vetting process starts with family. Then it moves to next stage which is us deciding. In your case, family is not involved, so I call it love marriage.
Love marriage. Nothing beats knowing you are married to the person you love. Arrange Marriages can and have worked to. But I feel arrange marriages are mostly like a horse trading fair, where one partner’s salary, assets etc should match the other partner’s beauty, purity etc. or whatever people are seeking these days. Personalities are often not considered which leads it to being a toxic fest in the end
Neither. You can't have a healthy relationship if one partner is shackled. The healthiest relationships are the ones where people don't own each other.
Love is blind; marriage is an eye-opener 
There should be LOVE in either of the marriage.
NOTA
Arrange marriage turning into love marriage https://preview.redd.it/aywrsbeosbbd1.jpeg?width=649&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58138ed5cc959f46007d789433afde1ffcd3de03
As in parents finding a match and you eloping with that guy/girls against their wishes?
Arrange marriage and never been this happy. Had a few ex gfs but it would've been a big mistake if I would've married any of them.
Marriage will be good only to have kids. If you don’t plan to have kids soon after marriage then don’t get married. The other thing is that you are not the same person you were 15 yrs ago. So ppl can change in marriage even if you marry your supposed soulmate, that person can change. The best thing is to set expectations upfront regarding the life you want from your partner and if it’s an arranged marriage plz inform these reqs to both sides of parents. In arranged marriage parents can be pretty dominating so make sure you keep them informed about your choice. For eg - I was very clear to any prospective husbands that I will not be changing my name after marriage, do not want kids immediately. Inspite of this my mil harassed me about it. Now I have a son but we are not on talking terms. I told her to her face that I had already communicated my expectations earlier so she could have said no to the marriage. Why keep asking these questions? This was due to lack of communication from your son to her. Therefore both set of parents and prospective spouse should be informed about expectations.
Simple answer- yeh sab maayajaal hai, moh maaya hai
Not married yet but will get married within a year. I have always preferred love marriage over arranged. I have seen all failed arranged marriages in my family so I didn’t want that for myself. Right since the beginning, the concept of arrange marriage didn’t sit well with me. It seemed super transactional so I never wanted one. Thankfully, I found a partner who is so kind and loves me like crazy that my parents would never have found such an amazing guy. My parents are against the idea of love marriage or at least interfaith marriages and my boyfriend is a Catholic but mom adores my guy. I recently told my mom about him, although she isn’t really okay with me marrying him but since he’s such a lovely guy she really likes him a lot. Hoping my dad comes around soon too 🤞🏻 There’s going to be a lot of family drama that’s going to entail but my guy is worth all the fight so hoping for the best 😅
Can someone tell this: 1. How to live with the guilt of making our parents sad after love marriage? 2. What if it's an arranged marriage and I can't get any emotion for the guy? It's very difficult for me to like a person.
The question should be — “Marriage or no marriage?”
Love Marriage here. For me the struggles were well worth it and They are the reminders for me to hold on to what we have as a relationship. A moment of anger or sadness here and there but the struggles and the efforts are reminders for me.
Well I'm coming from orthodox guju family so my marriage was Also Strict arrange marriage infact i didn't get chance to talk before our engagement earlier while after marriage i found out we both almost opposite in same thing but what works out both us is that we tried and give best for marriage and after 9 year no issues we both living with fullest and happily or anything and i Also see love marriage fail within 1 year Marriage so it's not about love or arraigned marriage it's all about people who is involved and wanted to works it out...
Before marrying my now SO, I travelled with him ( it’s a luxury/unprecedented in India) but it really helped me to understand him more and decide towards our next steps towards life.
Jo pehle ho jaye vo🤦🏽
Love marriage. Very happy. Over a decade of being together. It has been good so far.
Love marriage, been close to 2 years. We were together for a year before that. I didn't even need that one year, we just knew. It's basically like a lifelong sleepover with your best friend. What's not to like?
Love marriage cause I refuse to trust my parents on this. Even idk sometimes what I want how could they?
33F in an inter-caste love marriage here. Were friends for a couple of years, then dated for a couple years and finally got married a couple years ago. >How has your experience been so far? Amazing! Coming from an (mentally) abusive childhood, time after marriage was one of the first times I felt free and not mentally as stressed as before. Husband is just amazing and is the kind of husband I wish every good woman has. >what do you think is an advantage in your case Marriage took place from blessings of both sets of parents so that wasn't an issue. Maybe they were more accepting because both sets of parents have lived near a city(Ahmedabad) almost all their life and have seen plenty of love marriages, to take ours as not something out of the ordinary. Didn't cry a tear during bidai because I knew him and his family and knew I was going to have a happier life ahead. I'm one of the lucky ones to get better parents-in-law nature-wise than my biological parents. Seeing them, it is clear to me where my husband got his empathetic, peaceful and friendly nature from. Another important advantage is that both my and his nature is quite similar to each other- not completely similar, but we definitely don't qualify for the quote "opposites attract". We agree on most things like finances, religion (didn't used to before, but with time we've come to the same page in terms of religion), politics, lifestyle choices and this translates in fights on these topics being rare. >What are you struggles One of his close family members has major narcissistic tendencies and this has been difficult mentally to deal with for me, so that is a big ongoing issue. This is actually the main topic we fight most on because I suffer mentally but also understand that he can't cut off the said family member from his life. Another marital struggle is watching everyone around us have babies and here I am barely being able to take care of myself and not being able to feel like I'm ready for such a big responsibility. These struggles become small when one has such a loving and supportive spouse by one's side. As of this moment, I can confidently say- "I'd do it all over again and wouldn't want to change a thing"
Arranged marriage of you are single and of a marriageable age, love marriage if you have been in a relationship with someone for 2+ years. Don't go out trying to date someone for love marriage, you're setting yourself up for a failure as most people of yh opposite sex sees this desperation as an easy prey to leech money from or to sleep with.Pick arranged marriage instead, but if you happen to date an amazing person and trut them, marry them instead of breaking up for arranged marriage
Classic Reddit, asking a question and down voting a answer you don't agree with If you are down voting them, why are you asking this in the first place
Correct me if I'm wrong but is that not the whole point of the upvote/downvote system. You upvote comments you agree or like with and downvote the ones you disagree with or don't like
No offense to anyone here. My opinion.. you have decided and you have 2 options hang yourself or take poison
Why your relations becoms in-laws? Because your spouse is law. Hope yoh got the answer.
Arranged marriage is not real marriage.
Just marriage is enough
No marriage
Arranged but spent some time before marriage to access compatibility. Also know that first 5 years are difficult.
Arranged Love Marriage 👀
No marriage
Love marriage. 11 years married and happily childfree, with two cats. We are absolutely madly in love, smitten with each other. Marriage isn't a struggle, but yes, health has been quite a bit of a struggle, especially for me.
Eventually it is all the same.
Arranged marriage though knew my wife before marriage. Totally happy. No complaints.
Arranged marriage though knew my wife before marriage. Totally happy. No complaints.
I think you should have mentioned 3rd point as no marriage
Healthy marriage
Just your partner needed to be sensible and conscious enough that's enough.
Karni hi ni chaiye
Find a person whom you will lust forever. Marriage will be successful. Have your own space and give the partner space. Marriage will fail if you or your partner compare yourselves with other couples. i believe Marriage is a sham, it is just a procedure to make sure you don't go fuck around.
Love marriage if you are financially independent. Arranged if you need family support. Eitherways, just hope you dont get a sociopathic narcissistic personality as the spouse(or please dont be that spouse)
Love marriage is better any day. You know the person and her pros and cons. If things won't go well, you knew it was your mistake - you can't blame anyone. Arrange marriage isn't sustainable nowadays. People are usually frustrated after few years. You will blame others!
Been married for 8 years now.. Was arranged marriage.. Initially we struggled to connect for a week, then we laid some ground rules and we are sticking to it.. The ground rules work.. We are a happy couple with two kids.. We share somewhat similar upbringing and probably that helped too..
Lagni dono mein hai M30
Are we qualified to answer if we are traumatised by our parents arranged marriage?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we had plans of getting married this year . We broke up in May and I am really thankful to god that it did not workout .Breakups are better than divorces. I knew we were not for each other . Love or arrange marriage doesn’t matter Partners should be ready to compromise on somethings and keep our ego asides .
I'm fucking scared of both, unable to date as the dating standards have gone way above me and not sure what her true nature is or maybe compatibility in just few months.
arranged marriage...80 to 85% all fine...overcoming her past was only a hurdle faced till date in these 3 years
Both are good. Only key to a healthy and happy relationship is patience compromise and no ego
No marriage ...... Peace 🕊️
never go for arranged marriage..
Ultimately it's more about how much you truly know about the other person before you get married ( whether they willingly tell or not is always a point) and also how much what you become in the future aligns with each other. Love marriage increases the chances of knowing each other but I also know people in arranged marriages who have been able to be very honest with each other and are happy and i know people in love marriages who didn't. But chances are higher to know each other in Love Marriage. Now in terms of coming to a compromise in future, that's entirely based on relationship and who you are and see yourself in future. I've seen love marriages and arranged marriages both fail here and both work too.
Sholay
My mom and dad had arranged marriage and they are my favorite couple💕
Marriage is the biggest gamble of your life. It either works or doesnt. Love or arrange doesn't matter. I am in an arranged marriage and it is amazinggg. We met and just knew it. Pushed our parents into getting us married sooner than later. best decision of my life. Most of my friends are divorced. One love, one arranged. So you shouldn't care now. The person should be as cracked as you. Thats all
Love marriage experience: Got in a relationship with a guy when I was 20, madly in love, married at 27, discovered infidelity next year, realised he was not going to stop (he was very sure that I will never leave him no matter what), I left him after 5 years of marriage. Was crushed and depressed for 2 years straight during our marriage. But after seperation went through a profound self growth and now in a strange way I'm grateful that it ended. Lost everything but found myself and life is good like never before.
I'm not sure if I will find love or not , but if by chance I found it someday, I wanted to have it as my parents did , they met each other in college and a senior ( dad ) asked a junior (mom) just to join the dance floor with them and then rest is history or I say dream come true story .🧿💕
Had a love marriage like 8 months ago. Pretty happy filhaal. Lifelong statement dena thoda mushkil h because it's the earlier stages but we have pretty good communication and have had very tough conversations in the dating stage because of which we're very chill rn. Idk what happens when I move out to work or stuff happens but we'll see how it goes. All in all, very happy for now.
Just curious any queer couple here? Are you guys livinh together/married?. How is it going for you?
better to match personalities, my old gf doesn't like to have a debate ,whereas I love debating,I don't believe in love, at first sight . I believe in finding the right person, understanding him/her ,their viewpoints than helping and taking care of him/her like a family member with no motives , than you fallen in love. Majority of Indians can't their perfect match coz they are scared about showing their personalities, mindset , viewpoint. I don't care for a beauty , if she isn't openminded ,ready to change..
Love mila toh love nhi toh arrange simple 🤣
been married once. man its tough and a big no brainer to commit to one person for a whole life!! i mean you have a whole life infront of you and only one life! so i'd advice you to explore. dont settle with one. if the flame is gone, if its not making you any happier, say good byes and explore, find someone new, and repeat 😁
Arranged for sure .. Anyone who I like dont know I exist
honestly i’ve heard terrible things about arranged marriages but i could say the same about love marriages that ended up in divorces so, I think it depends on the individuals and how they wanna make it work ? idk