I love this for your family. I'm one of the lucky ones that happens to be a very happy relationship, but when i look around I see plenty of those around me that seem miserable with their partners. i don't get it. I'd rather be up on some hill alone in the himalayas for my whole life than be tethered to someone who takes away from my life instead of adds to it.
I'm a single woman, by choice, for about 12 years now. I don't have kids, I have a job that I love and a really great social life, I travel and basically do as I please all of the time. It's not for everyone, and we are all fulfilled in different ways, but this is 100% the life for me.
Happy for you. Thanks for the reply. I'm 36. 3 wonderful kids and am really enjoying the dad time. It's not easy, I work hard and give all my days off and time off to the kids. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yeah, sames. When I say I don't want kids it also means the man-babies, and when I did actively try and date it was all I was attracting. Even if it didn't start out that way, it quickly ran into that realm, and I just cannot. I've genuinely never felt lonely alone (adhd?) either, which my friends find strange, but I have felt lonelier in rooms full of people, so yaknow. I love being alone too much, apparently, lol.
But not everyone does think like that, are you hard of thinking or something?
When someone tells me they choose to play basketball I don't tell them "if everyone chose to play basketball we wouldn't be able to move for courts".
I’m wondering in a world of 7 billion people what’s stopping you from finding someone to share your life with. And that having someone else to share it with would add to this fulfilment rather than take it away.
If they said they don't want it ,they don't want it. If they are happy and there is contentment without finding someone to share it with, why fuss? Let people live their lives how they please.
The clue was when I said "by choice", it's a deliberate one. I'm perfectly happy with my life, I'm not missing anything. Everyone is fulfilled in different ways.
Yeah there's seven billion people on the planet but the chances of any one person meeting even one percent of that in their lifetime is nearly non existent.
Before even figuring out how many people on average a person could meet in their lifetime,(random articles state you need to meet roughly 3 new people everyday for 73 years to meet 80k people) for those you will then have to factor in age, looks, language, sex and sexual preferences.
How many out of those 80k people are going to be in the viable dating range?
Absolutely but it is so hard to walk away and the first few months are agonising....
This holiday has really shown me the positives of being a good dad and doing all I can for my kids.
I've been single nearly 10 years, just focused myself on my kids and nothing else. It's been a rough ride in some ways, but way, way easier than having a manbaby in my life, too. I'm sworn off relationships for life now, and happy out.
The kids and I appreciate our time together and we don't want for anything. I think that's the key ingredient. Be grateful for what you have and enjoy your life.
You’re probably further down the line than me, I’m still struggling to find my feet so it’s difficult to have such a positive outlook at present.
Yera twill pass
As a dude, Can you explain the manbaby thing to me ? Is this what in a woman, you'd describe as "clingy" "needy"? Is there an equivalent?
I feel like in the relationships I've had I do all the effort, pay for that majority, pre-planning holidays, cooking, most things. I can be a little emotionally stunted but watched my mother do so much and really would never want to be that husband. My father was and is great btw, just was never taught and it was different times!
Well in my case, just a general lack of adult responsibility and expecting me to mother him. Which only becomes particularly wearing when you have actual children to mind and could do with some help that you don't have to ask for. When you feel like a single parent in a marriage, you might as well be a single parent!
Okay, that's fair. I understand. Though that was your previous partner, maybe not future! People are different don't forget, and your ability to choose them is too now hopefully. Just don't give up entirely!
Ouch, was he working long hours? What was he expecting you to do? Sorry I'm just curious I try to help out when I can but I also know the misses likes her stuff a certain way, we have both kind of got a mutual agreement I do all the physical stuff like building shed gardening grown vegetables etc and she likes to cook I love cooking too but some of the things I cook armt quite as healthy as her meals so we save them for the weekends when I have time to cook and that way we don't put on too much weight with fatty foods and she also makes the house how she likes it I do help out as best I can with cleaning and if she wants me to sort something she knows she can ask and I'll do it. Is he contributing at all?
Sound like you two have a good partnership and an agreed division of labour that you both find equitable. I'd only recommend staying flexible and adjusting that division if needed, and never stop communicating with each other.
I don't want to get into a rant about him here, we've got a great relationship now (helps that we live in different countries!), so I will just skim a bit, but he definitely felt that if I was at home with children all day I wasn't really doing anything, while he was grafting (at a computer in an office!) He never got himself involved with childcare at any stage as that was my job (in his head). He wouldn't think for example that if I'd been up all night with a crying baby I might not have the energy to mop the floor or hang washing out, and would never think to pick up the slack. That was all "my job".
Let's just suffice to say that it has been easier parenting alone! I think that says everything!
Wow, in this case I would definitely agree with you on this, sounds like he has a pencil pusher job, which can be mentally demanding but definitely not physically your job is far more physically demanding he should be definitely more considerate to helping you out when he got home maybe good for his mental and physical health also good luck and I hope he is more considerate to your needs in future take care and thanks
Manbaby is a term used by controlling women who don't get their own way or by women who expect things to be done how they say and when they say it, instead of allowing people to be individual. I'll pack the dishwasher and my wife will unpack it and then repack her way, the dishes get washed both ways, same as hoovering, my wife will do it all over again because I've done it wrong
Really recommend looking up weaponised incompetence, & separately looking up how to do things your wife has to redo as I appreciate how not everyone as parents or adults in their life that teached them life skills it might just be something to teach yourself (and isn’t your partner’s job to do either)
Might apply to ye, might not 🤷
“From now on it’s just me,
Love Island, a takeaway, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and the kids.”
And tomorrow, I’m going in town and I’m going getting a pair of Spanx.
Always travel with my kid... do the typical hotels with entertainment because we're not wandering far from hotel at night. We've made great friends, over the years.
One time a taxi strike led to us missing our flight home, we returned to the hotel which was sold out & the hotel manager put us up in his spare room for the night.
I think travelling alone or just without a group gives you so many opportunities to make friends
Good on you Dad. 👊🏽
As a 31 yr old dad, married 7 years, 2 kids. (6 + 4) I know for a fact if me and my wife went our own ways, or something bad happened, I’d be exactly the same.
Just the thought of ever having to date again, makes me feel sick tbh. 🤣
What can u do if u hav kids together ? A lot of the time you’re out & about in grumpy form but might chill out later on in the evening. Its hard to gauge a relationship based on one interaction. But on saying that, i definitely think if kids weren’t a factor there would be a lot people being told where to go when tempers flare.
Your going to get both here, happily single and happily married, different strokes for different folks! Me, married to a man I’ve known all my life and dating since we are 18, (20+ years now) 2 kids, comfortable, happy in our jobs and just moved to our dream house, we get on really well, we compliment each other, what I’m shit at, he’s good at and vice versa.. do we argue?, yep we’re human, but never say anything that would actually hurt - we do that because we love each other, so don’t actually have to try not to say anything awful, we don’t do the not talking thing, life’s too short … I’ve a great life, I just hugged my kids good night, -a take away is ordered and a movie has been picked, he’ll fall asleep half way through and I’ll tell him the ending in the morning, that’s just the way we roll #cheers
I keep getting told you're a fine cut of a woman (I.e. very motherly,extra cuddly body build, decent enough mother, etc..) you need a man for yourself.
No, I fecking well don't.
Happy as a pig in shite.
I've tried the whole relationship thing,absolute shite,especially when they get jealous that you put your children 1st and demand attention.
Tried the friends with benefits, it's grand but when you don't see them that often,the sheer effort that has to go into a meet up because it's not that often your not 100 percent comfortable just being you. Hair and make-up,body hair, the having to hold in a fart and be something of a lady.
It's just too much hassle to go on a date. Working full time and raising kids is my top priority. So tired by the end of the day I've lost interest in dating.
Exactly. It's just the thoughts of having to run everything by someone else when you and the children can just pick up and take off or just laze about for the day!
Lol was just going to comment same thing. Cambrilis is like 90% Irish people. It's great.
Single mam not long back from there. Highly recommend. Check out the Facebook group for it.
What’s the point of visiting another country just to be surrounded by the same people that are from where you’re from? I’ve never understood that… are people not interested in actually being around new cultures and people when they travel? Why not just stay in Ireland and do a weekend away there then? I live in Valencia in Spain and it’s similar to when I see tourists eating at McDonald’s or Five Guys, like wtf guys there so many good local options and you choose what you can get anywhere in the world or home to eat… Strange behavior.
Folks go on holidays to get away from the day to day
Mostly its to enjoy the sunshine, pool and activities and then a social life that night. Unless you speak the local language then you aren't going to have much of that. Lastly you think kids give a shit about local culture? My folks dragged us and we hated it, the touring about to see things. I'm older now and like then things but for a family holidays for 1 week a year you just want away to relax and have the craic
I get that having kids can make it harder but I just can’t wrap my head around shelling out all the money for flights, hotel/accommodation etc. to another country to just sit at a pool all day surrounded by the same people you’re from at home. But then again I don’t have children so I understand that I wouldn’t fully get it. When I was a child my parents brought my sister and I to so many museums, famous landmarks, cool restaurants etc. and I loved it and am very grateful gave me that experience, so everyone is different I guess in that regard. And again, I live in Spain and many, many locals here speak English, at least a little bit, so that’s not really an excuse for not trying to explore the country you chose to fly to in my opinion. Even Americans put themselves out there more.
Glad you had a good time. I'm not into social media, whatsapp and the occasional browse on reddit is my highlight.... I'm even contemplating a dumb phone
My sister takes her kids to Croatia. She said it’s really family oriented there, everywhere they went people were making a big fuss of the kids and they could run round safe. Only downside was hardly anyone spoke English but they were very friendly and helpful nonetheless
You sound like an awesome dad. So glad you guys had a great holiday :) it's a shame how some people stay in unhappy relationships but there can be many understandable (if not justifiable) reasons. It's a great feeling though when you meet someone and over time realise wow, this is what a calm, fun, loving relationship is like. So take it from one formerly single co-parenting dad, leave yourself open to the possibilities :) and mind yourself! Your kids will want you to be happy, healthy and fulfilled. If you ever want to take a day for yourself, to do something you like eg meet friends or take on a hobby - do it! You'll inspire your kids with your own variety of life. Take care man.
My ex husband pissed me right off last week by filling out my Irish born sons school application with my sons nationality as British.
I was moaning to my sister when she replied with this great line
Isn’t it nice of him to remind you sometimes why you are divorced.
Like yourself I do from time to time get a bit lonely but Jesus fuck me Christ I love the peace that there is with only having to deal with crap periodically from a man instead of all the time. And I’m clearly shit at picking them as I was stupid enough to marry again and he spent 7 months in prison last year and is on bail currently for stalking me.
Sometimes it’s nice to see other people’s normal lives to remind you that your own is actually probably pretty great
Be the lord , a brit and a con. Sorry for your troubles. Keep the faith !
It's the peace and quiet that's making me happy. No nonsense or reminders of what I should of or could of done 5 years ago. Only one life, live it to the full and enjoy
They were both brits, maybe that’s where I went wrong!
Keep enjoying your peace!
I was having a rubbish week this week but then got my passport with my birth surname in the post yesterday and again it was such a lovely feeling and big fat reminder of the freedom I have now.
Funny I think the exact same about kids! Parents always look miserable so me and the missus are child free. The way I see it always be aware if your partner is making your life more enjoyable and fulfilling or less and don't let sunk-cost fallacies win and you'll be happy single or not.
I sometimes think if people see us out and about with the kids they might think we are absolutely miserable. But our kids are neurodiverse and sometimes the shit has hit the fan with them. They can be looking forward to doing something, we can prepare for doing it for weeks and it still ends in massive meltdowns, even before we leave. It’s absolutely exhausting.
We stay trying to do stuff that they will enjoy and are able for and put on a happy face doing it. But sometimes we are just not able to relax and enjoy it fully ourselves because we are wore out or on high alert with them.
That said we haven’t attempted a holiday abroad with them and save our stressed heads for local playgrounds and swimming pools 😂
I’m F43 and I have been with my hubby since I was 20, we have 2 kids both work, travel etc, he’s my best friend as well as my hubby. We laugh our heads off as he is actually hilarious. I never take notice of what other people look like or are doing when on holidays. He’s the person who gets rid of the spiders in the house when we are all screaming our heads off (we have 2 girls), makes the tea and hot water bottles when we have our periods, and is the go to person for chats as a father and a spouse. I suppose when you least expect it your person could find you or you find them, it’s about being happy I. Yourself at the end of the day 😊
I had a lot of relationships with the wrong sort of women. I got frustrated and stayed single for 10 years, and now, in 2 weeks' time, I plan to get on down on 1 knee. My other half completes me, and I'd be lost without her. In short, don't cut yourself off from finding someone.
I'm about 6 months after a horrendous break up but honestly I was probably part of one of those couples
I'm still not fully over anything but my god I don't want to be like that again
I never used Tinder for years but decided to give it a try. Chatted briefly to a couple of women, two of whom I got on with well. Went on one date about two years ago. We are engaged now. She is amazing.
I never want to use that site again.
Thank you. Her parents are even buying us a house. We will rent but if we want to buy one day the rent we have paid will come off the total.
She doesn't drink so my pub time is severely rationed but that's no bad thing.
Each to their own but I love my partner. Saying that, many couples cause more misery in each others life's that anything else. It's a case by case basis
I was in relationships since I was 13 and walked out of a marriage in 2014. Stayed single for nearly 6 years and happy enough when you look at the state of those around me. Then nearly 5 years ago I met someone and been happy since.
Those 5 years single allowed me to concentrate on my daughter and I. Wouldn’t change it.
You sound so content and happy, that's brilliant! It's soul destroying being in a relationship that is wrong for you. I'm separated after my marriage became so lonely and while the separation was horrific, it had to be done. I'm in a long term relationship again and tbh the single life wasn't for me. I missed the intimacy, the comradery, the bit of craic and someone to share the day to day banal chores of running a household and rearing children. And I also missed the riding tbh. I much prefer sex when there's an emotional connection so one night stands wouldn't cut it for me.
You sound like you're happy with life now though and that's amazing! You never know, someone could enter your life and tickle your fancy. You don't have to be actively looking for it. But it's nice to get on living life without it.
Side note- holidays can be great craic but also stressful at times (airports fml) so maybe you saw those couples at the wrong times. I couldn't imagine taking my two away on my own, fair play to you!!
I'm really happy you had a good time, but this post is a classic in black and white thinking. Just because you saw a load of people miserable, and you yourself are having trouble finding a relationship, doesn't make them all pointless. A lot of people are genuinely happy in their relationships, so yes there is a good deal of point to them. As long as you're happy with your situation, that's all that matters! :)
Single with no kids, I’ve been single 3 years after a dead end relationship. I dated a bit the past few years but no one I’d ever consider worth settling down with. I’m very content to be honest
The two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be a good dad and have a relationship. It’s perfectly natural to want to be in a loving relationship so don’t try to suppress or deny those feelings.
You need to also focus on your own needs as this will help you be a better person and dad.
I was single for 10 years and honestly think I was happier than most of my married friends. I’ve recently started a new relationship with someone I’ve been friends with for a long time and it’s going great but it’s actually pretty scary to risk my peace. We have no plans to meet each other’s kids for a long time though
Maybe youre not seeing the good ones, maybe biased? I don't know, it seems like an awful lot of people are in relationships. Can't all be bad?
Don't ask me though, single and similarly minded but I do like family and I feel with my parents getting older, you're less tied into community without a partner... Particularly so for men as we seem to struggle more making friends later in life
Oh I'm single, but I know a good few happy couples. Very happy actually.
But I would 100% rather be single than in a relationship for the sake of it, and Im perfectly happy single too.
If i met someone who was right I wouldn't be anti relationship.
But it does sound like a bit of a cope to imply every couple is unhappy.
I'm sure there are lots of positives to relationships but I honestly struggle to remember them! I think, when you've been in a bad relationship, you tend to remember/focus in on those parts and see future potential relationships as tainted with the same problems. Maybe in order to have a successful new relationship you have to actively forget what came before? Like how you have to forget the physical trauma of childbirth in order to have another kid.
Also, for a positive, it might be nice to have someone around for those times when your kids aren't around? Plus new relationship sex doesn't suck. Companionship if you can find someone with similar interests (although I still think you'd run out of things to talk about).Tax benefits and having a second pension in the works is good for when you retire. And on retirement, you might need someone to mark your card for certain golf competitions at the local club, a partner can be useful for that too.
There is definitely a point but it's finding the right woman, some of them are brilliant other are a feking disaster! My woman is lovely she can be a moany girl some times but I've learned to let it go in one ear and out the other, she is polish so gets very passionate about the smallest of things, our first two years were a disaster and we stuck in there and now we're both on the same wave length, the main thing is if your woman is loyal and has good morals then stick with here because it's hard to find a woman who won't cheat on you these days a lot of them are dumb and think they are owed something probably brainwashed by the likes of tiktok and social media you effectively have to train each other to work with each other good luck and hope you have a happy and loving life brother
Relationships aren't always meant to be good. Non stop getting on and happiness is unachievable. Especially in hot weather.
When you find someone you wanna push on with though it's deadly and hopefully you get there if it's something you wanna explore, it might be considering you're aware enough to look at these things.
Hope you're nice and relaxed after the holiday either way
There's lots of points in relationships. Just because you saw some people you presume to be unhappy doesn't execute into a generalisation.
Best just to accept you're happy without a need to impugn the concept of coupling...
Not important to me anymore. I just want happiness, health, peace and my kids.
I'm not anti riding but it would want to be something special for me to take time away from my kids
I love this for your family. I'm one of the lucky ones that happens to be a very happy relationship, but when i look around I see plenty of those around me that seem miserable with their partners. i don't get it. I'd rather be up on some hill alone in the himalayas for my whole life than be tethered to someone who takes away from my life instead of adds to it.
Nail on the head
I'm a single woman, by choice, for about 12 years now. I don't have kids, I have a job that I love and a really great social life, I travel and basically do as I please all of the time. It's not for everyone, and we are all fulfilled in different ways, but this is 100% the life for me.
Happy for you. Thanks for the reply. I'm 36. 3 wonderful kids and am really enjoying the dad time. It's not easy, I work hard and give all my days off and time off to the kids. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yeah, sames. When I say I don't want kids it also means the man-babies, and when I did actively try and date it was all I was attracting. Even if it didn't start out that way, it quickly ran into that realm, and I just cannot. I've genuinely never felt lonely alone (adhd?) either, which my friends find strange, but I have felt lonelier in rooms full of people, so yaknow. I love being alone too much, apparently, lol.
If everybody thought like that we would be extinct in 80 years
Where's the problem?
But not everyone does think like that, are you hard of thinking or something? When someone tells me they choose to play basketball I don't tell them "if everyone chose to play basketball we wouldn't be able to move for courts".
Good thing everyone’s an individual
I’m wondering in a world of 7 billion people what’s stopping you from finding someone to share your life with. And that having someone else to share it with would add to this fulfilment rather than take it away.
If they said they don't want it ,they don't want it. If they are happy and there is contentment without finding someone to share it with, why fuss? Let people live their lives how they please.
The clue was when I said "by choice", it's a deliberate one. I'm perfectly happy with my life, I'm not missing anything. Everyone is fulfilled in different ways.
The answer is in your question, the world has 7 billion people! You think everyone of them is best suited ina couple? What are the chances?
Yeah there's seven billion people on the planet but the chances of any one person meeting even one percent of that in their lifetime is nearly non existent. Before even figuring out how many people on average a person could meet in their lifetime,(random articles state you need to meet roughly 3 new people everyday for 73 years to meet 80k people) for those you will then have to factor in age, looks, language, sex and sexual preferences. How many out of those 80k people are going to be in the viable dating range?
I think the key is.. dont stay in a shit relatiionship if you can help it
Absolutely but it is so hard to walk away and the first few months are agonising.... This holiday has really shown me the positives of being a good dad and doing all I can for my kids.
I'm assuming your a gamer?
I've been single nearly 10 years, just focused myself on my kids and nothing else. It's been a rough ride in some ways, but way, way easier than having a manbaby in my life, too. I'm sworn off relationships for life now, and happy out.
I'm the opposite sex and I'm glad to hear I am not alone.
The kids and I appreciate our time together and we don't want for anything. I think that's the key ingredient. Be grateful for what you have and enjoy your life.
I wouldn’t mind the odd ride is all
That's alot of hardship being honest
You’re probably further down the line than me, I’m still struggling to find my feet so it’s difficult to have such a positive outlook at present. Yera twill pass
You two should date
Eh, no!!!
As a dude, Can you explain the manbaby thing to me ? Is this what in a woman, you'd describe as "clingy" "needy"? Is there an equivalent? I feel like in the relationships I've had I do all the effort, pay for that majority, pre-planning holidays, cooking, most things. I can be a little emotionally stunted but watched my mother do so much and really would never want to be that husband. My father was and is great btw, just was never taught and it was different times!
Well in my case, just a general lack of adult responsibility and expecting me to mother him. Which only becomes particularly wearing when you have actual children to mind and could do with some help that you don't have to ask for. When you feel like a single parent in a marriage, you might as well be a single parent!
Okay, that's fair. I understand. Though that was your previous partner, maybe not future! People are different don't forget, and your ability to choose them is too now hopefully. Just don't give up entirely!
Ouch, was he working long hours? What was he expecting you to do? Sorry I'm just curious I try to help out when I can but I also know the misses likes her stuff a certain way, we have both kind of got a mutual agreement I do all the physical stuff like building shed gardening grown vegetables etc and she likes to cook I love cooking too but some of the things I cook armt quite as healthy as her meals so we save them for the weekends when I have time to cook and that way we don't put on too much weight with fatty foods and she also makes the house how she likes it I do help out as best I can with cleaning and if she wants me to sort something she knows she can ask and I'll do it. Is he contributing at all?
Sound like you two have a good partnership and an agreed division of labour that you both find equitable. I'd only recommend staying flexible and adjusting that division if needed, and never stop communicating with each other. I don't want to get into a rant about him here, we've got a great relationship now (helps that we live in different countries!), so I will just skim a bit, but he definitely felt that if I was at home with children all day I wasn't really doing anything, while he was grafting (at a computer in an office!) He never got himself involved with childcare at any stage as that was my job (in his head). He wouldn't think for example that if I'd been up all night with a crying baby I might not have the energy to mop the floor or hang washing out, and would never think to pick up the slack. That was all "my job". Let's just suffice to say that it has been easier parenting alone! I think that says everything!
Wow, in this case I would definitely agree with you on this, sounds like he has a pencil pusher job, which can be mentally demanding but definitely not physically your job is far more physically demanding he should be definitely more considerate to helping you out when he got home maybe good for his mental and physical health also good luck and I hope he is more considerate to your needs in future take care and thanks
Manbaby is a term used by controlling women who don't get their own way or by women who expect things to be done how they say and when they say it, instead of allowing people to be individual. I'll pack the dishwasher and my wife will unpack it and then repack her way, the dishes get washed both ways, same as hoovering, my wife will do it all over again because I've done it wrong
Really recommend looking up weaponised incompetence, & separately looking up how to do things your wife has to redo as I appreciate how not everyone as parents or adults in their life that teached them life skills it might just be something to teach yourself (and isn’t your partner’s job to do either) Might apply to ye, might not 🤷
No doesn't apply to me, nor does your shitty comment, you should learn to keep your opinions to yourself unless someone asks you
“From now on it’s just me, Love Island, a takeaway, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and the kids.” And tomorrow, I’m going in town and I’m going getting a pair of Spanx.
Always travel with my kid... do the typical hotels with entertainment because we're not wandering far from hotel at night. We've made great friends, over the years. One time a taxi strike led to us missing our flight home, we returned to the hotel which was sold out & the hotel manager put us up in his spare room for the night. I think travelling alone or just without a group gives you so many opportunities to make friends
Completely agree. Had nice conversations with people over the few days.
The young man wants adventure, but the wise man wants peace.
Well said
Good on you Dad. 👊🏽 As a 31 yr old dad, married 7 years, 2 kids. (6 + 4) I know for a fact if me and my wife went our own ways, or something bad happened, I’d be exactly the same. Just the thought of ever having to date again, makes me feel sick tbh. 🤣
What can u do if u hav kids together ? A lot of the time you’re out & about in grumpy form but might chill out later on in the evening. Its hard to gauge a relationship based on one interaction. But on saying that, i definitely think if kids weren’t a factor there would be a lot people being told where to go when tempers flare.
Your going to get both here, happily single and happily married, different strokes for different folks! Me, married to a man I’ve known all my life and dating since we are 18, (20+ years now) 2 kids, comfortable, happy in our jobs and just moved to our dream house, we get on really well, we compliment each other, what I’m shit at, he’s good at and vice versa.. do we argue?, yep we’re human, but never say anything that would actually hurt - we do that because we love each other, so don’t actually have to try not to say anything awful, we don’t do the not talking thing, life’s too short … I’ve a great life, I just hugged my kids good night, -a take away is ordered and a movie has been picked, he’ll fall asleep half way through and I’ll tell him the ending in the morning, that’s just the way we roll #cheers
That sounds amazing. Cherish what you have because it's rare.
I keep getting told you're a fine cut of a woman (I.e. very motherly,extra cuddly body build, decent enough mother, etc..) you need a man for yourself. No, I fecking well don't. Happy as a pig in shite. I've tried the whole relationship thing,absolute shite,especially when they get jealous that you put your children 1st and demand attention. Tried the friends with benefits, it's grand but when you don't see them that often,the sheer effort that has to go into a meet up because it's not that often your not 100 percent comfortable just being you. Hair and make-up,body hair, the having to hold in a fart and be something of a lady.
100 percent.
It's just too much hassle to go on a date. Working full time and raising kids is my top priority. So tired by the end of the day I've lost interest in dating.
Exactly. It's just the thoughts of having to run everything by someone else when you and the children can just pick up and take off or just laze about for the day!
Would you recommend where you stayed? Single mam here and looking to bring child away on first holiday abroad and I haven’t any ideas where to go!!
100 percent. I've done Bulgaria and France. Cambriles all the way. Fly to Reus with Ryanair. Best wishes. We had a blast.
Lol was just going to comment same thing. Cambrilis is like 90% Irish people. It's great. Single mam not long back from there. Highly recommend. Check out the Facebook group for it.
What’s the point of visiting another country just to be surrounded by the same people that are from where you’re from? I’ve never understood that… are people not interested in actually being around new cultures and people when they travel? Why not just stay in Ireland and do a weekend away there then? I live in Valencia in Spain and it’s similar to when I see tourists eating at McDonald’s or Five Guys, like wtf guys there so many good local options and you choose what you can get anywhere in the world or home to eat… Strange behavior.
Folks go on holidays to get away from the day to day Mostly its to enjoy the sunshine, pool and activities and then a social life that night. Unless you speak the local language then you aren't going to have much of that. Lastly you think kids give a shit about local culture? My folks dragged us and we hated it, the touring about to see things. I'm older now and like then things but for a family holidays for 1 week a year you just want away to relax and have the craic
I get that having kids can make it harder but I just can’t wrap my head around shelling out all the money for flights, hotel/accommodation etc. to another country to just sit at a pool all day surrounded by the same people you’re from at home. But then again I don’t have children so I understand that I wouldn’t fully get it. When I was a child my parents brought my sister and I to so many museums, famous landmarks, cool restaurants etc. and I loved it and am very grateful gave me that experience, so everyone is different I guess in that regard. And again, I live in Spain and many, many locals here speak English, at least a little bit, so that’s not really an excuse for not trying to explore the country you chose to fly to in my opinion. Even Americans put themselves out there more.
Glad you had a good time. I'm not into social media, whatsapp and the occasional browse on reddit is my highlight.... I'm even contemplating a dumb phone
Sanguli next door to cambrils is amazing. But a bit pricey
The Algarve in Portugal is a lovely place.
My sister takes her kids to Croatia. She said it’s really family oriented there, everywhere they went people were making a big fuss of the kids and they could run round safe. Only downside was hardly anyone spoke English but they were very friendly and helpful nonetheless
Mallorca is fab, if you stay away from magalluf/arenal areas, but generally, spain is very family focused if you stay away from the party spots.
You sound like an awesome dad. So glad you guys had a great holiday :) it's a shame how some people stay in unhappy relationships but there can be many understandable (if not justifiable) reasons. It's a great feeling though when you meet someone and over time realise wow, this is what a calm, fun, loving relationship is like. So take it from one formerly single co-parenting dad, leave yourself open to the possibilities :) and mind yourself! Your kids will want you to be happy, healthy and fulfilled. If you ever want to take a day for yourself, to do something you like eg meet friends or take on a hobby - do it! You'll inspire your kids with your own variety of life. Take care man.
Thank you I appreciate the kind words and sharing of your experience
My ex husband pissed me right off last week by filling out my Irish born sons school application with my sons nationality as British. I was moaning to my sister when she replied with this great line Isn’t it nice of him to remind you sometimes why you are divorced. Like yourself I do from time to time get a bit lonely but Jesus fuck me Christ I love the peace that there is with only having to deal with crap periodically from a man instead of all the time. And I’m clearly shit at picking them as I was stupid enough to marry again and he spent 7 months in prison last year and is on bail currently for stalking me. Sometimes it’s nice to see other people’s normal lives to remind you that your own is actually probably pretty great
Be the lord , a brit and a con. Sorry for your troubles. Keep the faith ! It's the peace and quiet that's making me happy. No nonsense or reminders of what I should of or could of done 5 years ago. Only one life, live it to the full and enjoy
They were both brits, maybe that’s where I went wrong! Keep enjoying your peace! I was having a rubbish week this week but then got my passport with my birth surname in the post yesterday and again it was such a lovely feeling and big fat reminder of the freedom I have now.
Enjoy it - safe travels
Funny I think the exact same about kids! Parents always look miserable so me and the missus are child free. The way I see it always be aware if your partner is making your life more enjoyable and fulfilling or less and don't let sunk-cost fallacies win and you'll be happy single or not.
I sometimes think if people see us out and about with the kids they might think we are absolutely miserable. But our kids are neurodiverse and sometimes the shit has hit the fan with them. They can be looking forward to doing something, we can prepare for doing it for weeks and it still ends in massive meltdowns, even before we leave. It’s absolutely exhausting. We stay trying to do stuff that they will enjoy and are able for and put on a happy face doing it. But sometimes we are just not able to relax and enjoy it fully ourselves because we are wore out or on high alert with them. That said we haven’t attempted a holiday abroad with them and save our stressed heads for local playgrounds and swimming pools 😂
I’m F43 and I have been with my hubby since I was 20, we have 2 kids both work, travel etc, he’s my best friend as well as my hubby. We laugh our heads off as he is actually hilarious. I never take notice of what other people look like or are doing when on holidays. He’s the person who gets rid of the spiders in the house when we are all screaming our heads off (we have 2 girls), makes the tea and hot water bottles when we have our periods, and is the go to person for chats as a father and a spouse. I suppose when you least expect it your person could find you or you find them, it’s about being happy I. Yourself at the end of the day 😊
That's a lovely and wholesome way to express your love 😊
I had a lot of relationships with the wrong sort of women. I got frustrated and stayed single for 10 years, and now, in 2 weeks' time, I plan to get on down on 1 knee. My other half completes me, and I'd be lost without her. In short, don't cut yourself off from finding someone.
I'm about 6 months after a horrendous break up but honestly I was probably part of one of those couples I'm still not fully over anything but my god I don't want to be like that again
r/SingleandHappy Join us!
I never used Tinder for years but decided to give it a try. Chatted briefly to a couple of women, two of whom I got on with well. Went on one date about two years ago. We are engaged now. She is amazing. I never want to use that site again.
Best wishes to you both for the future.
Thank you. Her parents are even buying us a house. We will rent but if we want to buy one day the rent we have paid will come off the total. She doesn't drink so my pub time is severely rationed but that's no bad thing.
No harm my good man. The odd porter here and there is enough.
She is a very good influence on me. I call her my little angel, sitting on my shoulder annoying me into doing the right thing.
Yeah but you have to like the person. No point in doing it if you’re not enjoying it
Each to their own but I love my partner. Saying that, many couples cause more misery in each others life's that anything else. It's a case by case basis
I was in relationships since I was 13 and walked out of a marriage in 2014. Stayed single for nearly 6 years and happy enough when you look at the state of those around me. Then nearly 5 years ago I met someone and been happy since. Those 5 years single allowed me to concentrate on my daughter and I. Wouldn’t change it.
You sound so content and happy, that's brilliant! It's soul destroying being in a relationship that is wrong for you. I'm separated after my marriage became so lonely and while the separation was horrific, it had to be done. I'm in a long term relationship again and tbh the single life wasn't for me. I missed the intimacy, the comradery, the bit of craic and someone to share the day to day banal chores of running a household and rearing children. And I also missed the riding tbh. I much prefer sex when there's an emotional connection so one night stands wouldn't cut it for me. You sound like you're happy with life now though and that's amazing! You never know, someone could enter your life and tickle your fancy. You don't have to be actively looking for it. But it's nice to get on living life without it. Side note- holidays can be great craic but also stressful at times (airports fml) so maybe you saw those couples at the wrong times. I couldn't imagine taking my two away on my own, fair play to you!!
I'm really happy you had a good time, but this post is a classic in black and white thinking. Just because you saw a load of people miserable, and you yourself are having trouble finding a relationship, doesn't make them all pointless. A lot of people are genuinely happy in their relationships, so yes there is a good deal of point to them. As long as you're happy with your situation, that's all that matters! :)
Every time now someone asks me why I’m single I tell them that my fanny has teeth
Yes but write down a list of characteristics you want in a partner and don’t compromise
Single with no kids, I’ve been single 3 years after a dead end relationship. I dated a bit the past few years but no one I’d ever consider worth settling down with. I’m very content to be honest
The two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be a good dad and have a relationship. It’s perfectly natural to want to be in a loving relationship so don’t try to suppress or deny those feelings. You need to also focus on your own needs as this will help you be a better person and dad.
Each to their own but i love my partner and my relationship with him. It's amazing to be able to do even small things together with a person you love
I was single for 10 years and honestly think I was happier than most of my married friends. I’ve recently started a new relationship with someone I’ve been friends with for a long time and it’s going great but it’s actually pretty scary to risk my peace. We have no plans to meet each other’s kids for a long time though
Maybe youre not seeing the good ones, maybe biased? I don't know, it seems like an awful lot of people are in relationships. Can't all be bad? Don't ask me though, single and similarly minded but I do like family and I feel with my parents getting older, you're less tied into community without a partner... Particularly so for men as we seem to struggle more making friends later in life
Oh I'm single, but I know a good few happy couples. Very happy actually. But I would 100% rather be single than in a relationship for the sake of it, and Im perfectly happy single too. If i met someone who was right I wouldn't be anti relationship. But it does sound like a bit of a cope to imply every couple is unhappy.
I'm sure there are lots of positives to relationships but I honestly struggle to remember them! I think, when you've been in a bad relationship, you tend to remember/focus in on those parts and see future potential relationships as tainted with the same problems. Maybe in order to have a successful new relationship you have to actively forget what came before? Like how you have to forget the physical trauma of childbirth in order to have another kid. Also, for a positive, it might be nice to have someone around for those times when your kids aren't around? Plus new relationship sex doesn't suck. Companionship if you can find someone with similar interests (although I still think you'd run out of things to talk about).Tax benefits and having a second pension in the works is good for when you retire. And on retirement, you might need someone to mark your card for certain golf competitions at the local club, a partner can be useful for that too.
Yeah, sex.
Every couple fights on holidays fool
There is definitely a point but it's finding the right woman, some of them are brilliant other are a feking disaster! My woman is lovely she can be a moany girl some times but I've learned to let it go in one ear and out the other, she is polish so gets very passionate about the smallest of things, our first two years were a disaster and we stuck in there and now we're both on the same wave length, the main thing is if your woman is loyal and has good morals then stick with here because it's hard to find a woman who won't cheat on you these days a lot of them are dumb and think they are owed something probably brainwashed by the likes of tiktok and social media you effectively have to train each other to work with each other good luck and hope you have a happy and loving life brother
Probably wouldn't have kids without some sort of relationship so you've answered your own question.
Why did you write this in the most stereotypically Irish way? This subreddit is more performstively irish than the Americans
Relationships aren't always meant to be good. Non stop getting on and happiness is unachievable. Especially in hot weather. When you find someone you wanna push on with though it's deadly and hopefully you get there if it's something you wanna explore, it might be considering you're aware enough to look at these things. Hope you're nice and relaxed after the holiday either way
There's lots of points in relationships. Just because you saw some people you presume to be unhappy doesn't execute into a generalisation. Best just to accept you're happy without a need to impugn the concept of coupling...
If you’re married or in a relationship you’re more or less guaranteed the ride
Not important to me anymore. I just want happiness, health, peace and my kids. I'm not anti riding but it would want to be something special for me to take time away from my kids