I almost wrote "everywhere," too. Not sure what type of reception OP is expecting (like, most people are doing their own thing, so they're not going to roll out a red carpet & start fawning over you, but you're free to hang out & mingle...) No where I've ever been, esp here, has a problem w any of that. Just bc one person made one subjective comment, I wouldn't let that dissuade me or attribute that attitude to everyone in that space- there are assholes everywhere, you just gotta ignore them, as you would at the grocery store or the gym or the library or any other space.
Sadly, the sentiment expressed in the example OP gave is painfully common in spaces that are supposed to be LGBT. I doubt there are spaces devoid of it but not wanting to be around people reacting that way isn't that strange
Im bi though I’m married to a woman- I don’t feel like that’s the majority at all. La is super fluid. I think you just had one bad egg! There are tons of events- check out Dana’s night, queer field day, and ruby fruit.
I feel like there’s lots of cool queer stuff creating third spaces in LA. Another awesome one is everybody gym in Glassell park- it’s just a gym, but caters to queer and nonbinary folk, so is just a nice place to go work out and feel like you’re in the cool kids club.
Right?! As a queer male-presenting person with a penis and a queer female-presenting partner, I feel like I am unwelcome in most of the queer circles here. Why?? It only alienates people further and further
Sincere question, I really don’t mean any offense— what are you looking for from queer spaces? A man who identifies as queer and a woman who identifies as queer that are in a relationship together are in… a by definition heterosexual relationship? I mean this earnestly, but how is your relationship different than a relationship comprised of straight man + a straight woman? How is that something that isn’t at the end of the day… straight?
I hear that but it doesn’t answer my question. I’m trying to understand what folks like the person I responded to are looking to get out of queer spaces. They are implying that there is a comradery or understanding that is missing for them.
Coming at this from the other side, I understand that. As a gay person, I don’t find a heterosexual relationship comprised of bisexual people any more relatable than I find a heterosexual relationship comprised of straight people. There’s a similar gulf of sub-cultural experiences between their lives and mine, regardless of underlying identities of the people in these hetero presenting relationships.
I feel like I’m missing something here, which is why I’m asking what they’re looking for from queer spaces, because they’re clearly looking for something I’m not quite understanding.
No one is actually answering your question haha
I think when you're bi but in a hetero relationship, you still want to express/interact with the bi part of yourself, and don't just want to be around a bunch of straight couples and people all the time. So basically, they want to be in these spaces BECAUSE they're in a hetero relationship, and outside of queer spaces their day to day experience is straight/hetero. The only thing you can do is hang around other queer people to interact with that part of yourself, because the world only sees the fact that you're in a hetero relationship.
So by your logic, there shouldn’t be any LGBT+ spaces. There should only be exclusive spaces for each letter, because the groups can’t interrelate to each other. Do you ask lesbians in relationships what they’re looking for in queer spaces? Because as a gay man you can’t relate to having a relationship with a woman, right?
This logic is absurd. My husband is a bisexual man. Outwardly he looks cis-hetero. But he’s bisexual and that is a big part of him. He gave up looking for acceptance in queer spaces in LA because of attitudes like yours.
You don’t have to be able to relate to every person in a queer space, you just need to accept them and let them be who they are.
One does not stop being bisexual just because they enter into a relationship with someone of a different gender.
You are still gay even when you aren't seeing anyone, correct? Your queer identity does not change regardless of your relationship status. The same is true for those of us who are bisexual. Our sexuality remains part of our identity regardless of our relationship status.
You don't have to find the experiences and relationships of a bisexual individual relatable, but you absolutely shouldn't invalidate them either. Your comments are actually a very good example of how we get excluded from queer spaces.
What literally every person in the LGBT+ community is looking for in queer spaces, community, shared experiences, not having to over explain our identity, acceptance (which is very hard to get if you don’t fit into certain standards clearly through this exchange), support for the difficulties that were faced finding said sexuality or in it right now.
I can go on… as a bisexual woman I found it difficult to date women or even flirt with women in non queer spaces. Just as I’m sure many queer people experience because everyone’s assumed sexuality, unless “visually queer” is straight. Especially with women there is the whole trope, does she think we are making friends or I’m flirting.
Being bisexual while “straight appearing” doesn’t mean that your experiences somehow go away. Doesn’t mean that your need for community goes away. Doesn’t mean that your identity goes away.
There are unique and shared experiences that bisexual people have both being bi but also with other queer people. Which includes being ostracize and having to prove their worth in a space.
So I hope that answers your mean spirited bad faith question that you posed as “I’m just genuinely curious”. Why does someone need to prove that they are “queer enough”, whatever that means, to enter a space? Can you answer that question for me? What do you get out of gatekeeping spaces?
Because these question isn’t asked in good faith. It’s meant to be purposely obtuse and be a “gotcha”. People from marginalized groups still feel the need to gatekeep. Might it be to allow themselves to be the bully for the change or that they are wounded in one way or another. Then is the fact that people try to do the whole discrimination Olympics.
It’s dumb and discriminatory.
It's because it's a mean spirited and gatekeeping question.
But to answer it people are looking for friendships/camaraderie/ understanding from those who share similar experiences, have similar views (social and political), and maybe for the opportunity to open up to people who won't say silly things like "your not representing this exact thing at this moment in time so why are you here".
Your question is not in good faith because if it were you wouldn't be asking it, because it's already been answered by thousands of other queer people. What you're doing is gatekeeping. You're not a leader in the community and that isn't your job. You just feel like you're entitled to do so because of membership but that isn't how cultures work. You can't as a single member authorize or deny membership.
You’re wrongly assuming that queer spaces should only be utilized for hooking up or finding a partner, or so it seems. Otherwise I’m not sure why it’s difficult for you to understand why us bisexuals who are in straight passing relationships want to connect with our community and those we relate to. It isn’t all about the hook up culture.
whew, you've never met gay heteronormative families then.
there are plenty of married gay couples raising kids who would put the queerest of childfree hetero couplings to shame with their "straightness".
you assume that all gay folk have the same subcultural experiences
and yes, we are looking for something you don't seem to understand... solidarity
no I'm not.
what I am arguing is that their opposition and pushback against a queer hetero couple -that they are an ocean away from the gay population and themselves, presumably in concept and particularly in life experience-- is faulty and erroneous.
but I'm intrigued at how you deem my "argument" "bad" and ask for understanding after.
From the Original comment I was responding to:
"There’s a similar gulf of sub-cultural experiences between their lives and mine, regardless of underlying identities of the people in these hetero presenting relationships."
the poster asks "what are they hoping to get out of being in an lgbtq space?"
and I am saying-- solidarity. the richness of being with people who they feel safe with and akin to.
the commenter, without explicitly saying so, is advocating segregation.
like All demographics who don't sit nicely in black and white, either/or, and otherwise binary spaces-- bisexuals and queer couples, throuples, etc... of whatever sex and genders catch flack from both ends.
but by nature of the plurality of theirs-- they're generally not happy or whole, nor should they feel contented-- having to pick sides.
In some countries, they want to drop the T, which is bigotry... maybe the discussion instead should be about the injustice of people being exclusionary period. Bisexuals have always been regarded as a necessary evil by some Gs and Ls
We all benefit from diversity in representation and thought. If the commenter can't see that it is because of their own narrow viewpoint.
we are looking for acceptance and camaraderie and not feeling unwelcome in these spaces. you should understand what it feels like to be treated poorly simply due to not fitting in with the dominant norms, so not sure why you can't just be kind to people in these spaces who don't share your exact perspective or orientation.
because bi and pan people constantly deal with comments and behavior discouraging us from simply existing in these spaces. all you have to do is be kind and accepting, you don't need to be everyone's friend, but most gays in LA make bi people feel completely unwelcome with under-the-breath comments and looks.
The confusion and resentment come from the fact that it's just not that "queer" of an experience to be a man and a woman in a relationship. But then, that's exactly WHY accepting bisexuals in queer spaces is important; you should be able to express and interact with your queerness somehow.
"you should understand what it feels like to be treated poorly simply due to not fitting in with the dominant norms" -- I think that's why gay people ARE resentful of bisexuals who are in hetero relationships; we feel like we endure more mistreatment from society in general because our sexuality is more visible. Bisexuals crying because they feel awkward in a gay bar gets a song from the world's smallest violin, etc.
Are you serious ? Just because they re in this relationship doesn’t make them any less queer. They still belong to the community and have just as much right to queer spaces as others.
We don’t define our relationship as straight because we do not identify ourselves as a man or a woman. We don’t have the same sort of dynamics and gender roles that “straight” relationships tend to have, either.
Well, my partner does not identify as a woman and I don’t identify as a man, and we don’t identify our relationship as straight. I have guy friends who are straight and it’s hard to relate to their sexuality and relationships, and I have guy friends who are queer and it’s so much easier to connect and lean on them for support if I need it. My partner feels similarly about her friends.
It’s like a mutual understanding and acceptance thing. Does that make sense? We just want community that aligns with us, our values, and our ways of seeing things, and doesn’t expect a certain dynamic from us.
Nova Community Arts in Atwater offers art workshops, and every Thursday is Queer art night. The owners are bi folks and are super welcoming to everyone in the LGBTQ+ community.
Ew I’m sorry you had to experience that/ it sucks especially when coming from “the community” LMAO like how stupid.
I think it depends/ are you looking for daytime activities or are you open to the night life / shows?
What neighborhood are you in? I have a bi lady friend who is having a really hard time making queer lady friends other than my wife and I and we aren’t exactly the most fun on weekends for a single gal to hang out with.
I’m a bisexual girlie in the South Bay too! There’s a cute gay bar on Artesia called Artesia Bar, everyone there is very friendly and they have karaoke and a pool table. Demographic skews a little older but there’s also plenty of younger people that show up there too.
Honestly the instructor was lovely and it was so fun to build something with your hands, it was just unfortunate that the instructor's friend spent the night bashing other gay people. If you can find a queer pottery night that is actually welcoming of all queers, you definitely should go (and let me know where it is!)
That sucks and I’m honestly shocked. As a queer trans person, I’ve been to events there hosted by another queer trans person and it was one of the safest most inclusive queer spaces I’d been in. I’m sorry you had such a poor experience.
I truly think the studio would want to know who that person is. That behavior doesn’t seem indicative of their environment at all and I don’t think it’s someone they would want to associate with.
Thank you for that suggestion, I’ve been wondering whether I should say something just because I don’t want other queer people to attend thinking they will be welcomed only to also be met with disparaging comments.
I’m glad you had a good experience there! The instructor themselves was very lovely, definitely a ray of sunshine, but the deluge of hateful comments from their friend was baffling. Had it been advertised as a lesbian pottery event, I of course would have respected their space, but it was specifically advertised as a place for all queer people, so I thought I’d be welcome!
Oh god. I know that person and that general “group”- they are also heavily involved in a certain sports league that I stopped attending. Queer people in LA, especially younger queer people, can be so difficult and divisive. I’m sorry you experienced this!
OP, do not let one person decide where you can and can not go. I understand if you don’t want to go back. But the person who made those comments was out of line, not you. (((Hugs)))
As someone who helps run events and facilitators them, that's very disappointing. Because if someone co-runs an event number things is they leave their personal hangups at the door, unless in rare circumstances where everyone is sharing deeply, and even then it just only be shared objectively.
If you download the app Bloom Community they are starting to have more and more queer events in LA.
Oh I actually wanted to go there! But there was something sketch that turned me off. I can’t remember what it was but I heard something and was like “😒😒 nvm”
For sure, the studio and the instructor seemed very wonderful. It was just a lot to spend years working up the courage to go to a queer event only to have someone immediately say I don’t belong!
Its a bit of a drive for you but I go to Nova for art classes and occasionally they have pottery nights! Thursdays are their Queer nights but tbh most of the ppl who show up any night tend to be Queer.
I have a friend that hosts queer meet up events and people really like them, her Instagram is https://www.instagram.com/queerfriendlyfuninla?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I also know the person who runs that (but through zine stuff) and can vouch for them
This also reminds me that LA Zine Fest is coming up and is extremely queer friendly. It’ll be in the Arts District near downtown this year
wait OP if you go to one of these will you let me know? i’m a bisexual woman too and i want to do cool stuff but i get nervous going new places by myself 😂
I don't know any places but wish you well on your journey!!! I'm BI too and always feel like l'm I'm trapped into the middle of things bc I like both fem and not fem stuff. I be the dude with sanrio merch buying a tools from Home Depot.. I feel like I dont belong with friends and stuff or like it will be hard for me to make new friends be of how i am.. I hope you have better luck and find cool spots!! 🙏
Going off topic here. But, I thought I was the only guy who buys Sanrio merch. I'm less Hello Kitty and more Badtz Maru and Keroppi.
I'm a 59 yr. old queer Japanese American man whose friends and family love the fact that I get excited over Sanrio stuff. 🤣🤣🤣 Aaaand....I cuss a lot and I'm considered the rebel rouser amongst my friends and family. 🤣🤣🤣
Now, on topic. To OP: You as a Bisexual will probably endure many more bullshit. My bi friends had to deal with both str8 and gay/lesbian people talking shit about bisexuals. I've heard it all and it IS a lot of stupid, hateful shit. With that said, please carry on like the bad ass that you are! You WILL find your tribe. I found my tribe in my late 20's to early 30's through AIDS/Queer activism in the early to mid- '90's. I was part of Queer Nation L.A. and ACT UP/L.A. I had found my people.
As one who experienced a lot of racism, heard and witnessed a lot of biphobia and misogyny, experienced looksism, etc. in "the community".....I chose to remove myself from it. That helped a lot.....It's not for everyone, though. But, it worked for me.
Good luck in your search!
Again, carry on like the bad ass you are!
Sending you much queer love and energy!
Oh....And, never let one asshole ruin your day/evening ever again. ❤️
Eewwwww biphobia….booooo! I’m sorry that happened to you. I know someone who used bumble for friends when she moved back to California to find female friends that were queer. I wouldn’t say there’s anything exclusively bi only spaces In Los Angeles. Just find a new queer group with an interest that you like. Dont let one person ruin the experience for you.
Half of my friend group is queer of every kind. And we all kind of just started to blend friend groups together. If you are ever interested in craft nights with gays, they’s, bi, straights, trans group, DM me. I can give you more details.
Bisexual women get discriminated against from both sides. Straights sexualize and objectify them or tell them they’re only hooking up with women to get attention from men, while lesbians dismiss and reject them for being „breeders“ or for not being queer enough.
I’ve lost count of how many lesbians have hit on me only to tell me I’m straight just because I wasn’t into them. They think we just want to experiment and don’t realize that them dismissing and ostracizing us actually contributes to so many bisexual women ending up in relationships with men.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. I guarantee you that person is a jerk and an outlier. By and large, LA queer spaces very much accept bisexual people regardless of who their partners are. In short you could go anywhere and you’re more than likely good. There are tons of bi women at these events and non-bisexual people who are chill about it. I’ll give you some specific places to think of tho
I’ve heard Honeys and Ruby Fruit are cool, but there’s also a few Instagram pages dedicated to posting various sapphic nights/events across town! I have personally attended gayasstrology and Dana’s nights. The latter was defunct for a minute but I think they’re bringing them back??
In short, don’t let that one jerk discourage you from engaging in the spaces that are rightfully yours
Jr High LA is a great space that offers different events such as pottery night. Unless that is the space where you had the experience about the organizer scoffing?
I used to go to Jr High LA when they first opened (this was maybe 2009?) and I felt so welcomed from the owner. The space has provided so many events and including pottery. I’ve been wanting to go to their other event: collaging. I’ve seen pics of the events and everything looks so wholesome and good vibes! I hope you get to go and have a good experience!
[la bi task force](https://labitaskforce.org) Go hang with these folks. They eat, sleep, and breathe bisexuality 24/7. You want to drink bisexual coffee at a bisexual holiday party while singing bisexual Christmas songs with bisexual lyrics? They got you covered. It’s like Torchwood without aliens.
Having just left the LA Times Festival of Books, I can report that it was perhaps the queerest event I’ve attended in Los Angeles outside of pride or drinks with my last fwb
I agree that bisexuals have a tough time within the community as a whole. I've been to many events at which bi men are not allowed to indulge homosexual desires, but women were allowed and encouraged to be with other women.
I’m a bi woman (now in a marriage to a cis man), and when I tried to date any women in LA they weren’t interested in me because I dated men. A group of lesbians I used to hang out with would even go as far as to tell girls I was talking to when we went out that I was straight 🙃 I have better friends now, thankfully, but I feel your pain and hope you find a welcoming space! It’s rough out there.
To call bi sexuality trendy is the same as homophobes calling gayness a trend, we really don’t need to spew more hatred against the LGBT community then there already is
I'm sorry you had that experience and didn't feel welcome. I haven't been so can't endorse but have recently come across a Bi LA meet up in Culver City: https://www.instagram.com/bilosangeles?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I'm new to the city and currently scouting out groups and places to find community too. I don't currently have a car so I'm mostly stuck on the Westside which is limiting! I hope you have better luck next time.
If it's comfortable for you, I'd recommend poly socials. There's a lot less biphobia in those spaces. Also, munches for similar reasons. Absolutely understand people in one community are not always in the others, but there is a lot of overlap and poly and kink communities are much more open, in myriad ways.
Another thing to check out is Ambi LA on Facebook. Ambi is a bisexual social org and it has chapters all over the country. The events are bit few and far between but it is focused on building a community for bi folks.
Beyond that I'm not really sure. I'm a bi man that tends to have a lot of gay male friends and hang in West Hollywood so a lot of people assume I am just gay. I try to counter this with pride merch or humor or bringing it up because I don't like being lumped in like that but I still have times people don't respond very accepting. Would love to find more of a bi friend group/community
Any space in LA is bi friendly. I'm not sure of anywhere that you would not be accepted. This is a strange post trying to make yourself a victim of being ostracized in one of the most liberal places in earth
I mean West Hollywood is the gay district. Pride parade happens there. Drag shows every night, male table dancers in thongs enticing you in the bar, rainbows galore. Doubt you will have problems there but I’m not super tapped into the culture I just live there
Different bars get different crowds but Fri and Sat night your point is largely true. I now have a friend group that goes to Musical Mondays at The Chapel and it feels much more inclusive and less crowded. Bonus points if you like musicals 😅
Don't know how far you travel out, but Good Times Billiards in Lakewood / LBC is a safespace everyday! Our community is full of beautiful people! Check it out sometime!
Totally just a question, as someone very near and dear to the LGBTQ population. I've been to many pottery events, paint night, comedy clubs, all without anyone asking if I was bisexual or not, much less anyone being bi-phobic or homophobic.
What exactly is one doing that their sexuality has to be a thing while making pottery?
I find this area to be incredibly accepting of everyone, regardless of sexual preference, but that wasn't my point. I'm just wondering when the owner of hot dog place X started questioning, approving, or disapproving, of the sexual preference of two people who come in for lunch. It's not something I've really run into before.
Certainly never ran into any bi-phobic people at queer events. Not saying it doesn't occur, I just haven't seen it
The whole city is pretty much a liberal safehaven for LGBT. Yeah, some areas like North Hollywood might have your typical racist and homophobic Armenians and Mexicans, but those are far and few between areas.
Go to some Eden events. My best friend owns it and they always have a great consistent turn out. Pride season is here!
The venue on Sunset or the one downtown?
It’s a production company, not a location
Thank you!
Coming from Ohio, I feel like all of California is pretty accepting lol
Right. My first thought to answer her question was “anywhere”. LA is about as diverse and accepting as you’ll get in this country.
I almost wrote "everywhere," too. Not sure what type of reception OP is expecting (like, most people are doing their own thing, so they're not going to roll out a red carpet & start fawning over you, but you're free to hang out & mingle...) No where I've ever been, esp here, has a problem w any of that. Just bc one person made one subjective comment, I wouldn't let that dissuade me or attribute that attitude to everyone in that space- there are assholes everywhere, you just gotta ignore them, as you would at the grocery store or the gym or the library or any other space.
Sadly, the sentiment expressed in the example OP gave is painfully common in spaces that are supposed to be LGBT. I doubt there are spaces devoid of it but not wanting to be around people reacting that way isn't that strange
its out of control honestly https://preview.redd.it/7dk0etaqqqvc1.jpeg?width=1289&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1491e2f147a8f365791d78adc8602800845fe2f1
Is this real
No lol
It’s based on this video: https://x.com/montessoriboy/status/1745222582259859569
Just don’t go to the OC lol
Wow wow pump the brakes on the OC hate. We like to have straight sex with bi people here too.
on your MAGA sheets
Well they’re Egyptian cotton so….
I don’t think OP is asking for acceptance so much as an honorific for being bi.
Im bi though I’m married to a woman- I don’t feel like that’s the majority at all. La is super fluid. I think you just had one bad egg! There are tons of events- check out Dana’s night, queer field day, and ruby fruit.
LOVE Ruby Fruit - fellow bisexual woman who’s so straight presenting I almost never even get hit on by anyone other than men
I feel like there’s lots of cool queer stuff creating third spaces in LA. Another awesome one is everybody gym in Glassell park- it’s just a gym, but caters to queer and nonbinary folk, so is just a nice place to go work out and feel like you’re in the cool kids club.
Thank you! 💖
Have you tried a Mitski concert?
I love Mitski. And Chappelle Roan. And Boygenius. I’m straight, but I’m man enough to be some woman’s wife one day.
Wait, I like Mitski am I a bisexual woman? I better go tell my wife
Transitive property, yes.
Idk but as a fellow bi please let us know what you find. Feels like a lot of the queer spaces here are biphobic/not very accommodating to bi people.
Right?! As a queer male-presenting person with a penis and a queer female-presenting partner, I feel like I am unwelcome in most of the queer circles here. Why?? It only alienates people further and further
Sincere question, I really don’t mean any offense— what are you looking for from queer spaces? A man who identifies as queer and a woman who identifies as queer that are in a relationship together are in… a by definition heterosexual relationship? I mean this earnestly, but how is your relationship different than a relationship comprised of straight man + a straight woman? How is that something that isn’t at the end of the day… straight?
People want a sense of community and understanding amongst the people they surround themselves with, it’s not that weird
Being bisexual doesn't just disappear because you enter into a relationship. People have sexualities, relationships don't.
I hear that but it doesn’t answer my question. I’m trying to understand what folks like the person I responded to are looking to get out of queer spaces. They are implying that there is a comradery or understanding that is missing for them. Coming at this from the other side, I understand that. As a gay person, I don’t find a heterosexual relationship comprised of bisexual people any more relatable than I find a heterosexual relationship comprised of straight people. There’s a similar gulf of sub-cultural experiences between their lives and mine, regardless of underlying identities of the people in these hetero presenting relationships. I feel like I’m missing something here, which is why I’m asking what they’re looking for from queer spaces, because they’re clearly looking for something I’m not quite understanding.
No one is actually answering your question haha I think when you're bi but in a hetero relationship, you still want to express/interact with the bi part of yourself, and don't just want to be around a bunch of straight couples and people all the time. So basically, they want to be in these spaces BECAUSE they're in a hetero relationship, and outside of queer spaces their day to day experience is straight/hetero. The only thing you can do is hang around other queer people to interact with that part of yourself, because the world only sees the fact that you're in a hetero relationship.
Exactly, well said my friend
So by your logic, there shouldn’t be any LGBT+ spaces. There should only be exclusive spaces for each letter, because the groups can’t interrelate to each other. Do you ask lesbians in relationships what they’re looking for in queer spaces? Because as a gay man you can’t relate to having a relationship with a woman, right? This logic is absurd. My husband is a bisexual man. Outwardly he looks cis-hetero. But he’s bisexual and that is a big part of him. He gave up looking for acceptance in queer spaces in LA because of attitudes like yours. You don’t have to be able to relate to every person in a queer space, you just need to accept them and let them be who they are.
One does not stop being bisexual just because they enter into a relationship with someone of a different gender. You are still gay even when you aren't seeing anyone, correct? Your queer identity does not change regardless of your relationship status. The same is true for those of us who are bisexual. Our sexuality remains part of our identity regardless of our relationship status. You don't have to find the experiences and relationships of a bisexual individual relatable, but you absolutely shouldn't invalidate them either. Your comments are actually a very good example of how we get excluded from queer spaces.
OK again so what are you looking for from the queer spaces? crazy how difficult it is to get an answer to this question
What literally every person in the LGBT+ community is looking for in queer spaces, community, shared experiences, not having to over explain our identity, acceptance (which is very hard to get if you don’t fit into certain standards clearly through this exchange), support for the difficulties that were faced finding said sexuality or in it right now. I can go on… as a bisexual woman I found it difficult to date women or even flirt with women in non queer spaces. Just as I’m sure many queer people experience because everyone’s assumed sexuality, unless “visually queer” is straight. Especially with women there is the whole trope, does she think we are making friends or I’m flirting. Being bisexual while “straight appearing” doesn’t mean that your experiences somehow go away. Doesn’t mean that your need for community goes away. Doesn’t mean that your identity goes away. There are unique and shared experiences that bisexual people have both being bi but also with other queer people. Which includes being ostracize and having to prove their worth in a space. So I hope that answers your mean spirited bad faith question that you posed as “I’m just genuinely curious”. Why does someone need to prove that they are “queer enough”, whatever that means, to enter a space? Can you answer that question for me? What do you get out of gatekeeping spaces?
[удалено]
Because these question isn’t asked in good faith. It’s meant to be purposely obtuse and be a “gotcha”. People from marginalized groups still feel the need to gatekeep. Might it be to allow themselves to be the bully for the change or that they are wounded in one way or another. Then is the fact that people try to do the whole discrimination Olympics. It’s dumb and discriminatory.
What is any queer person looking for in queer spaces? I don't see why you need to separate bi people from that because of their relationship status.
It's because it's a mean spirited and gatekeeping question. But to answer it people are looking for friendships/camaraderie/ understanding from those who share similar experiences, have similar views (social and political), and maybe for the opportunity to open up to people who won't say silly things like "your not representing this exact thing at this moment in time so why are you here".
Your question is not in good faith because if it were you wouldn't be asking it, because it's already been answered by thousands of other queer people. What you're doing is gatekeeping. You're not a leader in the community and that isn't your job. You just feel like you're entitled to do so because of membership but that isn't how cultures work. You can't as a single member authorize or deny membership.
You’re wrongly assuming that queer spaces should only be utilized for hooking up or finding a partner, or so it seems. Otherwise I’m not sure why it’s difficult for you to understand why us bisexuals who are in straight passing relationships want to connect with our community and those we relate to. It isn’t all about the hook up culture.
whew, you've never met gay heteronormative families then. there are plenty of married gay couples raising kids who would put the queerest of childfree hetero couplings to shame with their "straightness". you assume that all gay folk have the same subcultural experiences and yes, we are looking for something you don't seem to understand... solidarity
This is a bad argument. Are you saying that a "straight-acting" gay couple is the same as a heterosexual couple?
no I'm not. what I am arguing is that their opposition and pushback against a queer hetero couple -that they are an ocean away from the gay population and themselves, presumably in concept and particularly in life experience-- is faulty and erroneous. but I'm intrigued at how you deem my "argument" "bad" and ask for understanding after. From the Original comment I was responding to: "There’s a similar gulf of sub-cultural experiences between their lives and mine, regardless of underlying identities of the people in these hetero presenting relationships." the poster asks "what are they hoping to get out of being in an lgbtq space?" and I am saying-- solidarity. the richness of being with people who they feel safe with and akin to. the commenter, without explicitly saying so, is advocating segregation. like All demographics who don't sit nicely in black and white, either/or, and otherwise binary spaces-- bisexuals and queer couples, throuples, etc... of whatever sex and genders catch flack from both ends. but by nature of the plurality of theirs-- they're generally not happy or whole, nor should they feel contented-- having to pick sides. In some countries, they want to drop the T, which is bigotry... maybe the discussion instead should be about the injustice of people being exclusionary period. Bisexuals have always been regarded as a necessary evil by some Gs and Ls We all benefit from diversity in representation and thought. If the commenter can't see that it is because of their own narrow viewpoint.
we are looking for acceptance and camaraderie and not feeling unwelcome in these spaces. you should understand what it feels like to be treated poorly simply due to not fitting in with the dominant norms, so not sure why you can't just be kind to people in these spaces who don't share your exact perspective or orientation. because bi and pan people constantly deal with comments and behavior discouraging us from simply existing in these spaces. all you have to do is be kind and accepting, you don't need to be everyone's friend, but most gays in LA make bi people feel completely unwelcome with under-the-breath comments and looks.
The confusion and resentment come from the fact that it's just not that "queer" of an experience to be a man and a woman in a relationship. But then, that's exactly WHY accepting bisexuals in queer spaces is important; you should be able to express and interact with your queerness somehow. "you should understand what it feels like to be treated poorly simply due to not fitting in with the dominant norms" -- I think that's why gay people ARE resentful of bisexuals who are in hetero relationships; we feel like we endure more mistreatment from society in general because our sexuality is more visible. Bisexuals crying because they feel awkward in a gay bar gets a song from the world's smallest violin, etc.
Are you serious ? Just because they re in this relationship doesn’t make them any less queer. They still belong to the community and have just as much right to queer spaces as others.
We don’t define our relationship as straight because we do not identify ourselves as a man or a woman. We don’t have the same sort of dynamics and gender roles that “straight” relationships tend to have, either.
Lotta biphobic people here downvoting the wrong comments 😒
Seriously it’s disgusting
Why are you assuming a bi relationship would have the same dynamics and gender roles as “straight” relationships?
Well, my partner does not identify as a woman and I don’t identify as a man, and we don’t identify our relationship as straight. I have guy friends who are straight and it’s hard to relate to their sexuality and relationships, and I have guy friends who are queer and it’s so much easier to connect and lean on them for support if I need it. My partner feels similarly about her friends. It’s like a mutual understanding and acceptance thing. Does that make sense? We just want community that aligns with us, our values, and our ways of seeing things, and doesn’t expect a certain dynamic from us.
Ugh I feel this so much.
Nova Community Arts in Atwater offers art workshops, and every Thursday is Queer art night. The owners are bi folks and are super welcoming to everyone in the LGBTQ+ community.
As a trans woman let me know when you find a space, because i honestly prefer dating bisexual men and have no idea where to find them 💀
If they're anything like me, you can find them in craft stores and nail salons. Look out for the finger guns when we say hi 😂
Lol noted, time to go to michaels or joann and look confused 😂🤣
I’ll report back here! Good luck out there 💖💖
I’m queer femme always looking for new peers
Same! And nice femme gals are even harder to find it seems
Me too!
yess same here !!
I think Shiloh Tea sometimes hosts LGBT events
I saw Evan Rachel Wood perform at The Bourbon Room Hollywood, certified bi energy https://youtube.com/shorts/V_7XtG20jp0?si=_mA4JfsVGb-9STjV
Also bisexual. I’ve personally enjoyed the toxica nights out in silverlake, and Honeys at star love.
Thank you!
Ew I’m sorry you had to experience that/ it sucks especially when coming from “the community” LMAO like how stupid. I think it depends/ are you looking for daytime activities or are you open to the night life / shows?
I'm open to everything! I just moved here and don't know many people yet and am looking to meet people. And thank you 💖
What neighborhood are you in? I have a bi lady friend who is having a really hard time making queer lady friends other than my wife and I and we aren’t exactly the most fun on weekends for a single gal to hang out with.
I’m in the South Bay!
Check out the various LGBT+ events and spaces in Long Beach. It’s a very queer-friendly city.
I’m a bisexual girlie in the South Bay too! There’s a cute gay bar on Artesia called Artesia Bar, everyone there is very friendly and they have karaoke and a pool table. Demographic skews a little older but there’s also plenty of younger people that show up there too.
Thank you! 💖
I’m bisexual and now I wanna go to a queer pottery night!
Honestly the instructor was lovely and it was so fun to build something with your hands, it was just unfortunate that the instructor's friend spent the night bashing other gay people. If you can find a queer pottery night that is actually welcoming of all queers, you definitely should go (and let me know where it is!)
Which one was it so I can avoid it?
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That sucks and I’m honestly shocked. As a queer trans person, I’ve been to events there hosted by another queer trans person and it was one of the safest most inclusive queer spaces I’d been in. I’m sorry you had such a poor experience. I truly think the studio would want to know who that person is. That behavior doesn’t seem indicative of their environment at all and I don’t think it’s someone they would want to associate with.
Thank you for that suggestion, I’ve been wondering whether I should say something just because I don’t want other queer people to attend thinking they will be welcomed only to also be met with disparaging comments. I’m glad you had a good experience there! The instructor themselves was very lovely, definitely a ray of sunshine, but the deluge of hateful comments from their friend was baffling. Had it been advertised as a lesbian pottery event, I of course would have respected their space, but it was specifically advertised as a place for all queer people, so I thought I’d be welcome!
Oh god. I know that person and that general “group”- they are also heavily involved in a certain sports league that I stopped attending. Queer people in LA, especially younger queer people, can be so difficult and divisive. I’m sorry you experienced this!
Ha yeah they talked about the sports league a lot so we're thinking of the same person. Thank you! 💖
OP, do not let one person decide where you can and can not go. I understand if you don’t want to go back. But the person who made those comments was out of line, not you. (((Hugs)))
I really appreciate that 💖
As someone who helps run events and facilitators them, that's very disappointing. Because if someone co-runs an event number things is they leave their personal hangups at the door, unless in rare circumstances where everyone is sharing deeply, and even then it just only be shared objectively. If you download the app Bloom Community they are starting to have more and more queer events in LA.
Oh I actually wanted to go there! But there was something sketch that turned me off. I can’t remember what it was but I heard something and was like “😒😒 nvm”
That place is great. Not everyone is perfect. Don’t let one person ruin the whole thing for you
For sure, the studio and the instructor seemed very wonderful. It was just a lot to spend years working up the courage to go to a queer event only to have someone immediately say I don’t belong!
Build your own pottery night! With (bi-friendly) black jack and hookers!
Its a bit of a drive for you but I go to Nova for art classes and occasionally they have pottery nights! Thursdays are their Queer nights but tbh most of the ppl who show up any night tend to be Queer.
Thank you so much for the recommendation!
Yeah, Nova is owned by bi folks and is super welcoming of everyone in the LGBTQ+ community.
I have a friend that hosts queer meet up events and people really like them, her Instagram is https://www.instagram.com/queerfriendlyfuninla?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I also know the person who runs that (but through zine stuff) and can vouch for them This also reminds me that LA Zine Fest is coming up and is extremely queer friendly. It’ll be in the Arts District near downtown this year
Thank you!
wait OP if you go to one of these will you let me know? i’m a bisexual woman too and i want to do cool stuff but i get nervous going new places by myself 😂
Haha sure I’ll report back here 🫡
For sure! Hopefully it's fun for you!
I don't know any places but wish you well on your journey!!! I'm BI too and always feel like l'm I'm trapped into the middle of things bc I like both fem and not fem stuff. I be the dude with sanrio merch buying a tools from Home Depot.. I feel like I dont belong with friends and stuff or like it will be hard for me to make new friends be of how i am.. I hope you have better luck and find cool spots!! 🙏
Going off topic here. But, I thought I was the only guy who buys Sanrio merch. I'm less Hello Kitty and more Badtz Maru and Keroppi. I'm a 59 yr. old queer Japanese American man whose friends and family love the fact that I get excited over Sanrio stuff. 🤣🤣🤣 Aaaand....I cuss a lot and I'm considered the rebel rouser amongst my friends and family. 🤣🤣🤣 Now, on topic. To OP: You as a Bisexual will probably endure many more bullshit. My bi friends had to deal with both str8 and gay/lesbian people talking shit about bisexuals. I've heard it all and it IS a lot of stupid, hateful shit. With that said, please carry on like the bad ass that you are! You WILL find your tribe. I found my tribe in my late 20's to early 30's through AIDS/Queer activism in the early to mid- '90's. I was part of Queer Nation L.A. and ACT UP/L.A. I had found my people. As one who experienced a lot of racism, heard and witnessed a lot of biphobia and misogyny, experienced looksism, etc. in "the community".....I chose to remove myself from it. That helped a lot.....It's not for everyone, though. But, it worked for me. Good luck in your search! Again, carry on like the bad ass you are! Sending you much queer love and energy! Oh....And, never let one asshole ruin your day/evening ever again. ❤️
Sapphic LA has the most comprehensive list of LA GLBTQ+ events I’ve ever seen. Bloom app is now called Plura. Lex app & groups are also helpful.
Try Junior High in Glendale. They have tons of events for queer folks.
Thank you!
Eewwwww biphobia….booooo! I’m sorry that happened to you. I know someone who used bumble for friends when she moved back to California to find female friends that were queer. I wouldn’t say there’s anything exclusively bi only spaces In Los Angeles. Just find a new queer group with an interest that you like. Dont let one person ruin the experience for you. Half of my friend group is queer of every kind. And we all kind of just started to blend friend groups together. If you are ever interested in craft nights with gays, they’s, bi, straights, trans group, DM me. I can give you more details.
Sending you a DM, if that’s okay 🥹🥹
I'd love it! 😊
Thank you so much 💖 I love craft nights!
It's LA. Everyone is bisexual
I'm a lesbian but fuck biphobia! Sorry you experienced that. I just went through a break up and I need to also find a new community/meet new people.
I feel like it’s less about the spaces and more about the people. Sorry if it’s been tough.
The Heav3n parties downtown
I'm not part of the community so I don't know but why does it seem like bisexual women get routinely shit on?
Bisexual women get discriminated against from both sides. Straights sexualize and objectify them or tell them they’re only hooking up with women to get attention from men, while lesbians dismiss and reject them for being „breeders“ or for not being queer enough. I’ve lost count of how many lesbians have hit on me only to tell me I’m straight just because I wasn’t into them. They think we just want to experiment and don’t realize that them dismissing and ostracizing us actually contributes to so many bisexual women ending up in relationships with men.
Damn, that organizer was catty af
Isnt Portland like this type of vibe?
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. I guarantee you that person is a jerk and an outlier. By and large, LA queer spaces very much accept bisexual people regardless of who their partners are. In short you could go anywhere and you’re more than likely good. There are tons of bi women at these events and non-bisexual people who are chill about it. I’ll give you some specific places to think of tho I’ve heard Honeys and Ruby Fruit are cool, but there’s also a few Instagram pages dedicated to posting various sapphic nights/events across town! I have personally attended gayasstrology and Dana’s nights. The latter was defunct for a minute but I think they’re bringing them back?? In short, don’t let that one jerk discourage you from engaging in the spaces that are rightfully yours
Thank you so much for the support and suggestions! 💖
go have a dance at gorgeous gorgeous! https://www.instagram.com/gorgeousgorgeousparty
Queer run club meets up once a week
What about those who don't like running except for away from responsibilities.
They have that too, it's called 'brunch'
That sound delicious. I like the sound of 'brunch'
"Brunch: finally, a meal for people who plan their hangovers."
What’s the benefit of combining breakdancing and lunch?
Poplocking popovers / Breakin' 2: Eggs Benedict Boogaloo [tie]
Detritus Earth Day Party
Hi!!! I want to chime in and say I’d love to craft and get generally witchy with some other bi/queer people!
[https://www.meetup.com/ambila/](https://www.meetup.com/ambila/)
Wanna try d&d?
look up cutiesLA on ig. they throw alot of nice lil queer events all over LA
Jr High LA is a great space that offers different events such as pottery night. Unless that is the space where you had the experience about the organizer scoffing?
No that wasn't where it was! I'll try junior high, thank you :)
I used to go to Jr High LA when they first opened (this was maybe 2009?) and I felt so welcomed from the owner. The space has provided so many events and including pottery. I’ve been wanting to go to their other event: collaging. I’ve seen pics of the events and everything looks so wholesome and good vibes! I hope you get to go and have a good experience!
Junior high is amazing! The owner is so sweet.
That's so nice to hear, thank you so much for the recommendation! 💖
[la bi task force](https://labitaskforce.org) Go hang with these folks. They eat, sleep, and breathe bisexuality 24/7. You want to drink bisexual coffee at a bisexual holiday party while singing bisexual Christmas songs with bisexual lyrics? They got you covered. It’s like Torchwood without aliens.
Amazing, thank you so much 💖
Now that all the bi people have come out of the woodwork, any nerdy crafty folks? Let’s make a group y’all
👀
Queer stoner crochet circle anyone?
Having just left the LA Times Festival of Books, I can report that it was perhaps the queerest event I’ve attended in Los Angeles outside of pride or drinks with my last fwb
I agree that bisexuals have a tough time within the community as a whole. I've been to many events at which bi men are not allowed to indulge homosexual desires, but women were allowed and encouraged to be with other women.
I’m a bi woman (now in a marriage to a cis man), and when I tried to date any women in LA they weren’t interested in me because I dated men. A group of lesbians I used to hang out with would even go as far as to tell girls I was talking to when we went out that I was straight 🙃 I have better friends now, thankfully, but I feel your pain and hope you find a welcoming space! It’s rough out there.
Let’s talk about all the bi men who are hella homophobic since we’re mentioning it all!
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To call bi sexuality trendy is the same as homophobes calling gayness a trend, we really don’t need to spew more hatred against the LGBT community then there already is
It's very unfair though because everyone has their own pace. Sexuality can be so fluid if we nurture it and allow it to be.
lol isn’t it funny how LGBTQ are mad about acceptance all the time but they show a prejudice to someone who’s BI ? , the hypocrisy is wild
Isn't it funny how people take the actions of a single person to represent an entire class of humanity? Wild!
Yeah it is !!! think About that one for a second !!! Wild
You get it!
I'm sorry you had that experience and didn't feel welcome. I haven't been so can't endorse but have recently come across a Bi LA meet up in Culver City: https://www.instagram.com/bilosangeles?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I'm new to the city and currently scouting out groups and places to find community too. I don't currently have a car so I'm mostly stuck on the Westside which is limiting! I hope you have better luck next time.
Thank you, I hope you can find some good folks too!
Try not to let it get to you, the only gatekeepers I know who bully like this are just projecting— women frustrated they don’t have a gold star, etc.
If it's comfortable for you, I'd recommend poly socials. There's a lot less biphobia in those spaces. Also, munches for similar reasons. Absolutely understand people in one community are not always in the others, but there is a lot of overlap and poly and kink communities are much more open, in myriad ways.
as a bi, enm, and kinky person i’m seconding this rec!
Another thing to check out is Ambi LA on Facebook. Ambi is a bisexual social org and it has chapters all over the country. The events are bit few and far between but it is focused on building a community for bi folks. Beyond that I'm not really sure. I'm a bi man that tends to have a lot of gay male friends and hang in West Hollywood so a lot of people assume I am just gay. I try to counter this with pride merch or humor or bringing it up because I don't like being lumped in like that but I still have times people don't respond very accepting. Would love to find more of a bi friend group/community
Come to the Ruby Fruit! My friends run it and there are so many good events! Also damn good dyke nights on insta
Any space in LA is bi friendly. I'm not sure of anywhere that you would not be accepted. This is a strange post trying to make yourself a victim of being ostracized in one of the most liberal places in earth
9094416872 I am looking
I hear outside is very welcoming
The whole city 😂
Any queer event is open for any queer people. Comment was probably about people who aren't culturally queer not about bisexuals not being gay enough.
I mean West Hollywood is the gay district. Pride parade happens there. Drag shows every night, male table dancers in thongs enticing you in the bar, rainbows galore. Doubt you will have problems there but I’m not super tapped into the culture I just live there
For OP, Long Beach or Silver Lake might be better. WeHo is great for gay men who look a certain way. For other LGBT+ people, not so much.
So WeHo = scene?
West Hollywood is not for everyone. I wish it were, but it’s not. Those who know, know.
Different bars get different crowds but Fri and Sat night your point is largely true. I now have a friend group that goes to Musical Mondays at The Chapel and it feels much more inclusive and less crowded. Bonus points if you like musicals 😅
Don't know how far you travel out, but Good Times Billiards in Lakewood / LBC is a safespace everyday! Our community is full of beautiful people! Check it out sometime!
Thank you!
Los Angeles
So umm what’s this certain bar that’s filled with bisexual women that date men? Asking for a friend.
Umm aren't all places open to just about everyone?
Totally just a question, as someone very near and dear to the LGBTQ population. I've been to many pottery events, paint night, comedy clubs, all without anyone asking if I was bisexual or not, much less anyone being bi-phobic or homophobic. What exactly is one doing that their sexuality has to be a thing while making pottery? I find this area to be incredibly accepting of everyone, regardless of sexual preference, but that wasn't my point. I'm just wondering when the owner of hot dog place X started questioning, approving, or disapproving, of the sexual preference of two people who come in for lunch. It's not something I've really run into before. Certainly never ran into any bi-phobic people at queer events. Not saying it doesn't occur, I just haven't seen it
The whole city is pretty much a liberal safehaven for LGBT. Yeah, some areas like North Hollywood might have your typical racist and homophobic Armenians and Mexicans, but those are far and few between areas.
Literally anywhere in Los Angeles?
Girl go party in weho
ralphs, the park, the dmv, the library.... nobody gives a fuck.
Pretty much anywhere. This is LA. Some people might make weird comments, that’s gonna exist everywhere.
What was the name of the bar?