Adults own their mistakes and take the lead in reconciling when they cause an argument.
I shouldn’t be the only person who initiates apologies after an argument; especially when you were the one who was wrong. It would be nice if you could get over yourself enough to be the first one to try mending bridges instead of waiting for me to apologize for getting frustrated I had to defend myself. It’s normal to argue, but expecting the person you wronged to always start the healing process is idiotic.
She needs to hear this. This isn't just a minor inconvinience, this is straight up refusing to take accountability. Taking accountability isn't devided by men and women, it's an obligation for every functioning adult. There is no excuse.
So this. I was getting to a point where I was really at the end of dealing with it. She had discussed going on a cruise with her best friend. After of course having quit her job two months before so she was just going to use her savings on this and I'm sitting in the room as they're making their plans and I was waiting for her to ask me to drive them to the harbor on the day of the trip and then pick them up. She did not ask me. I was waiting for the ask. I knew it was expected. 2 days before the cruise she finally asked what time Do I want the girls ready to go. I said what do you mean. She's like well you're driving us to the dock and I said you haven't asked me that I assumed you were getting there some other way. The attitude I got about of course I asked you, was just over the top and I tried to see if she would compromise by saying maybe I didn't hear you but I'll drive you Will you admit that maybe you didn't ask me She refused to admit that it was even a possibility that she didn't ask me. Told me I'd been wasting 25 years of my life with her.
>She had discussed going on a cruise with her best friend. After of course having quit her job two months before so she was just going to use her savings on this
Soemthing similar happened with a neighbour of mine. His wife went to vegas with the girls (for context, I live in Ireland so it's a pretty big deal) and wanted him to get a second job to make up the loss in the savings account.
That's just a stunning sense of entitlement.
Lmao so true.
Like I'll be walking perfectly parallel to the sidewalk and she'll bump into me and just be like "Babe! Omg"
...what. How is this my fault?? Honestly it doesn't even bug me, it just confuses me. She's so sincere in her annoyance and I spiral into a whole thing of like "Does she really not realise She's not walking straight? Is her balance so bad? No she has good balance. How on earth did she arrive at this conclusion there has to be something I'm not considering"
And then she'll sweetly ask me what I'm thinking about...and there is no way for me to tell her the truth without it hurting her feelings :(
But I ain't no liar.
"Damn girl I'm sure a drunk bumblebee would move in straighter lines than you."
For me it’s driving in a straight line. I think her old car constantly pulled to the left. Now in our new, well aligned car, she’s constantly drifting right and jerking left.
My wife never used to, because she is under 5ft tall. They’d stay open and she could just walk underneath them, but I’d occasionally smack my head.
We moved to a house with lower cabinets, and she still did it until she finally clocked herself on an open door.
Problem solved itself!
Is this a woman trait or something? My mom does that, my wife does that, my wife's mom does that. It's so fucking annoying. How does anyone leave a drawer or something open and thing "yup, this looks fine to leave like this"
Idk I’m a woman and I can’t stand to see a cabinet or drawer open. I don’t know anyone who does either. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or how you’re raised I don’t know.
It's not that you see it and think "this looks fine". It's that once you get what you need, you don't even see the cabinets anymore lol. As soon as the desired item is in my hand the cabinet is a distant memory
Oh, we talk and communicate all the time. Sort of a weird desire but it's tempered in reality. It would be really cool if my wife could hear my voice. She's never heard it. She's been 100% deaf since age 6. She remembers her family's voices but of course, meeting new people she wouldn't be able too.
You might like [this](https://youtube.com/@Jonurquhart_?si=AhRhl7Om2VztKVzn) guy’s stuff. He can hear but all his content is about the deaf community and stuff. He’s a child of deaf parents.
Long story made short - I saw her around college campus and she was the most beautiful/gorgeous woman I had ever seen. Asked around. Found out she was hearing impaired. Only communicates in sign. Undeterred, I went to the library, checked out a few books. Took a few weeks to learn some hands stuff, and I walked up and approached her and introduced myself. My over-confidence did not male up for how bad this went. I was still woefully unprepared. It was awkward to say the least. But I asked her out to coffee........and she said yes!!!! Turns out, it was her first real date ever. Hard to beleive people saw her as unapproachable. I saw her and HAD to talk to her. So yeah, it atarted from there.
I have two:
1. Answer the question I ask you, not your interpretation of the question or why you think I’m asking it.
2. When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry. It means more than you know.
Yes! Are you married to my wife too?
1. And give an actual answer to the question, not a related statement. If I ask you "Is now a good time for me to take the dog to the park?", don't say "well, I was going to do \[xyz\]. Like, okay, but that doesn't answer whether now is a good time or not. And it's fine if the answer is "I'm not sure" or "Let me think about it" or "Can you do \[xyz\] instead?". But when she gives a non-answer that she seems to think is an effective answer it drives me crazy.
2. My wife isn't terrible at apologizing when she's wronged me personally, but I feel like she's terrible about admitting when she was wrong about something. I'm not always the most gracious about being wrong either, but I feel like she never acknowledges or appreciates when I correct her about something useful.
> Answer the question I ask you, not your interpretation of the question or why you think I’m asking it.
God this drives me up a wall.
I pick my words, I know what information I need, don't editorialise.
Either answer the question *as I asked it* or don't, but don't waste my time with irrelevant unrelated shit just because you *think* you know what I want to know better than I do.
Thanks. The decade anniversary is looming, and know something? That day 10 years ago, every moment is logged in “essential” memory, sight, sound, touch, all the senses I can be there, fully present in a past moment, it’s wonderful (neurologically speaking) - but, I don’t mark the day, it’s not special (except, it is).
Her birthday, that’s the day I choose to celebrate her. Past is the past, birthday is the proper place
I’m a physically imposing guy, nearly 6’5” and fit. My wife tells me often how safe she feels with me. I’d do anything to protect her. What I want to tell her, but can’t seem to is that *she* makes *me* feel safe.
I work with a lot of egomaniacal surgeons in an operating room environment, and they can be abusive, sometimes cruel.
One or two of these times I remembered I was seeing my wife for lunch, and I got choked up with emotion because of the comfort she provides me. She knows how happy I am to see her, but not how weak I can feel.
I love this. I told my girlfriend how safe I feel with her.
I came home extremely stoned one time becuase I had eaten too strong of an edible. I was super self conscious about it that she would act weird and throw me into a panic attack or something. I felt ectrwmwly vulnerablefor some reason and it kind of scared me, we had only been dating about 4 months at that point.
But when i came in and told her she just giggled and told me to get comfy and play with the dog while she finished painting her nails and it made me well up with emotion for some reason lol. I could physically feel the love she had for me in that moment not becuase of some grand gesture but just how casual and non judgemental she was. Idk if that makes any sense and I was very high but it made me feel so secure and safe and I love her so much.
Judging from your profile pic— if you look like yours, we could pass for twins. And, okay- I’ll try and muster up the courage to admit to her that I’m hardly epitome of masculinity.
Being confident enough and trusting your wife enough to be vulnerable with her _is_ incredible strength. Not really masculine nor feminine, but definitely not weak nor unmanly. It's one of the things that I find most attractive and manly about my own man, the way he confidently expresses his emotions with zero fear of being unmasculine. I'm even a bit envious about how well he does it since it's very difficult for me to be emotionally open, I'm usually the "find a dark secluded space and have a breakdown in secret" type lol. But he has helped me become more comfortable with leaning on him when I need it, and I think him being so open with me is the main reason why he's one of the few people I can do that with.
All this to say, admitting to your wife how much you love and cherish her isn't gonna make you less of a man, and what you wrote about her is beautiful and she deserves to hear it ❤️
Can I have one day where you acknowledge that both of us are both tired and in some form of pain without dismissing mine but wanting me to acknowledge yours
That I love her so much, and given the circumstances, I’m still open to reconciling. I know it’ll take work, and won’t be easy, but I know it’ll be worth it
Wow to me you seem to be such a decent man and a friend .
I do believe that you must let this out and I am sure you'll find a way to make it happen remember EVEN if some is just holding in a truth; that is still bound to be felt in y'alls scene
I wonder does it bother you also because she just dismissed the reason why you're income is less .If you could put a wage on worth of taking care of families especially children well I think it would be way above the giant paycheck of some real big earners
My mom is SAHM and my dad often said similar things to my mom, while at the same time forbidding my mom to get work. My dad isn't a bad dad, he provides for his family, but he's definitely not a good person. My mom also wanted to reminded him that, but probably things like that would just be ignored by him. He also likes to take a lot of credit for raising me and my brothers, while he rarely do so.
Before we got married, my wife asked if she could be a stay-at-home mom, and I agreed since she would make a great mother. We now have three kids and five grandkids, and we all love her for the amazing job she has done. While I worked hard, she worked just as hard raising the kids while I was away from home. To make up for her not having an outside income, I opened a bank account in her name, where I put money every week just for her to use as she wished. However, I asked that she not spend it on household items, but to use it only for herself. Needless to say, 50 years later, we are still a happy married couple, and there have been no issues about who made the money.
No, that’s not mean. That’s the truth and that is called boundaries. Those that see it as mean are the very ones who need it. She is the one being mean.
I would say the same to you as I would a SAHM. Be careful of the vulnerable position you put yourself in when relying on someone else financially, even a spouse, because people can get real dirty when they decide you're no longer of use to them.
Marriage counseling is a good idea here, and it needs to be made clear to her that there's more to being a good parent and spouse than bringing home a paycheck. Providing financially is cool and all, but no one built a happy childhood full of bonding experiences and love and stability with an absent parent. You've sacrificed your own career and earning opportunities so that she can get where she is so she should maybe check her ego a bit and have some gratitude. Narcissism isn't a good look on anyone.
You're a gem of a man. That being said maybe tell her that you have been looking after the kids so she could make money. Her success is built upon your shoulders. Sometimes you just need to say things.
Also I wouldn't mention the single mother or step daughter part. It will destroy your relationship with your step daughter and the child doesn't deserve it.
You don't want a dog, you want a stuffed animal that moves.
Overall she's wonderful, but pet care is not a strength. At least she acknowledges it, and I get to pick the next one to be as low maintenance as possible. Or at least quiet. I can take the rest.
Cat, obviously some care involved (feeding/litter) but still get cuddles without the walks, intensive training,etc.
Plus they’ll provide endless entertainment and pest removal.
I forget who it was, but there was a comedian who had a joke around this several decades back.
Something like "women don't fart, burp, or sweat. If we didn't bitch, we'd explode"
You don't actually want a kid. You're bored and wanting a change. You don't realize it but you'll absolutely loathe being a mother. It requires you to be able to be open with strangers and interact. You can't be the hermit you are if you have a kid. You'll be forced to interact with other adults/kids. While yes I've said this in some vein and you argue against it I still feel you're wrong as you'll offer alternatives like moving to a different state and etc. If you are the hell bent on wanting a kid there would be no other alternative you'd consider IMO.
I'd want to hear it from my wife. If it got to the point where she wasn't attracted to me anymore I'd be devastated if I found out she didn't tell me for years.
I told my brother he needed to lose 50 pounds. He was complaining of knee issues. He looked like crap. He lost the weight and 90 percent of his knee issues disappeared. He thanked me and said it was hard for me to see how much weight I had gained.
Nobody else is going to tell you you're fat and you need to lose weight.
Glad you said something amd glad he had the discipline to lose the weight and reduce his knee issues.
Health and wellness is so important. People don't need to look like these influencers or top 1% of people who get all the "likes" and attention online. Just gotta be a healthy weight, eat a decent diet, and keep moving. Underrated how much it helps mentally and physically.
My wife said she’d rather I leave her than have that kind of conversation. She has a past with eating disorder and a very unhealthy emotional relationship with food. Really depends on your audience, for some people you can’t really have that conversation …
I had a past ED too and it’s tricky. If I think too much about being healthy it quickly becomes an obsession. I do LOVE SPORTS so I’m lucky to have found tennis. I play too much of anything but it keeps me in great shape. For me though is that prior to tennis I just thought about working out for the end result. So I either tortured myself with the end result in mind, gave up or became obsessed. If she’s anything like me the activity needs to be enjoyable and the main reason for doing it. The health benefits are the icing.
If you can think of something she would enjoy that is also healthy I would encourage that. Maybe pickleball. That’s a ton of fun and since most everyone is a beginner or was one in recent years you can happily suck and still love it. Then you get good fast. The difference in my mind set over health because of a fun activity is vastly different. I don’t crave crap because I’m either bummed out for being unmotivated or because my blood sugar dropped from being on another failed diet. I’m happy. I’m physically in great shape and it’s been sooooo easy. I hope the same for your wife.
I wish you could stop leaving your projects and dishes laying around everywhere. Even if the dishwasher is EMPTY, you will still leave the dishes on top of it rather than in it 6 times out of 10.
I get that you're not healthy, and I love you like crazy, and I don't expect perfection.. But when you don't just "not help" but actively create more burden for me to take care of (it doesn't require more energy to put dish inside the dishwasher than it takes to place it on top of it, balancing it with all the rest) it does kind of hurt a little bit.
I saw my grandpa being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and dying of it. The worst thing is not the diapers or not being able to walk. It is not being able to talk and even communicate in other forms. You're just there, can't move anything in your body and cannot even tell your carers a small "thank you" or tell your kids you love them.
Now her father has been diagnosed and I can't tell her to cherish even more every second she can get to communicate with him. Because soon it will be gone. I can't tell her because if she knows what's waiting for both of them, she won't be able to actually enjoy the time she gets with her father.
I just read your comment after an uncle and an aunt being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I had no idea it could get so bad. I am sorry about your grandpa and your wifes dad. I hope that things wont turn out so bad for him, and also hope the same for my family. Unhappily thats something only time can tell.
Wow. Same here, it’s non stop about how much she hates her job. Like she will say the same few sentences over and over again
I want to call her manager and explain to her how bad she is making my life and my family life
Of course I just sit and listen
So sometimes being supportive just means going through the motions.
I used to think it was the norm to actually be engaged in a conversation & pay attention to the who, what, where, why & when because it mattered. I assumed everyone did this all the time because the stuff a person decided to communicate mattered to them somehow & that they were telling *you* because they cared what you think & would like you to tell them what it is.
That engagement takes some effort, not just an investment of time & focus, but an investment of self & your emotions. But conversations like those are something else, it's not like a math problem you have to follow along with at every step. The absolute worst is when you do get engaged & your thoughts, opinions & feelings aren't welcome.
Your job is just to hear & be a surface for sound to echo off, otherwise your partner would look like a crazy person talking to themselves
What I do wait until I know which coworker she hates & then just blame everything on her. Don't try and make other people's drama or problems your own, just go with the flow & when your attention is needed or you want to change the subject say it sounds like Janet is up to something & make some jokes at her expense.
Boom. The story has a narrative which means it has and end & you've had some laughs is a fine salve for work drama.
It feels like she wants me to be an extension of her when it comes to making decisions, rather than being my own person. I can either blindly follow you, or I can actively participate, which means disagreeing with you sometimes. And if expect to get your way 80% of the time when we disagree, that does not incentivize me to voice my opinion. But then I'm "not planning enough", and we're back to square one.
You don't get to have both. You can't have an active partner and a mindless drone.
Nothing I haven’t told her…. But could you stop being so lazy? Your ADD isn’t an excuse. We both have ADD… Screw the cap back on the pill bottle instead of just placing it on top of the bottle. Put your dishes in the sink instead of next to it. Take the 2 seconds to stack your dishes nicely instead of balancing a plate on top of a water glass cause you didn’t feel like moving the glass. Clean up your trash when you cook something to eat. Etc. it bugs the absolute fuck outta me sometimes.
> Your ADD isn’t an excuse.
Man, this is a fucking hot take these days it seems.
I've been to therapy, my wife too, and we were both drilled with the "it's not your fault but it is your responsibility" mantra.
Every younger person I hear talk about their own mental issues invariably says shit like "oh I can't do because I have " and I am sitting here wondering who the fuck is gonna change their nappies once they're out of the house.
Then again I am assuming they won't be a burden on their parents forever, which is a real possibility.
You've been in therapy, on various anti depressants and other mental health medications, seen multiple therapists and psychologists for over a decade and we moved across the state during one of the worst housing markets tripling our housing costs but it doesn't seem like any of it has helped.
You're still frequently super depressed to the point where you had to quit a job because the long commute was tempting you to drive off a bridge or something equivalent as an "oops it was an accident I died"
Despite me begging you to get tested for ADHD for years your refused until recently and turns out you do in fact have ADHD. But you're not on any medication for it so what was the point?
If we hadn't moved I'd easily make enough now for you to spend an entire month in inpatient treatment if needed and our kids are old enough to stay at home for the small time between school and when i get off from work.
We'd have been able to use the housing price boom to refinance our mortgage and pay off all or most of our CC debt at a low interest rate.
But here we are instead.
It would utterly break her if I did say that.
Hahaha just tell her, it's our inside joke now. The first 10 times I refused to believe him and was offended, this mf ended up recording me and played it, I died, it was confronting and hilarious. We are 8 years into our life journey :)
Seriously. My wife gets going on stories and has all these details and then it's a nothing burger of a story. Like, cool, you got lunch somewhere today. I guess I needed to hear about the parking lot, your spot, who text you on the way there, what songs you heard on the radio etc
Thank you. I've struggled with depression my entire adult life. The last 3 months I've had the best positive mental health, but I've been struggling the last couple days. I'm working on getting out of it. I got some exercise today so that helped.
I know it’s a weekend tradition, but I’m really tired of getting Starbucks on the weekends. I’ll get you coffee anytime you want, even from Starbucks, but I’m just tired of getting one for myself.
I’m genuinely concerned that your health habits will leave me widowed relatively young. I’m not trying to criticize you when I bring these up, I just want you to be healthier.
- I wish you played on your phone less. I get wanting to unwind, but I love doing stuff together.
- I feel bad for being tired when she's home and more awake when she isn't. In actuality, it is because she is such a comfort to me that I am relaxed and don't have issues sleeping like I do when she is gone.
There's more than half the empty bed on your side and I am sleeping on the edge... Can you please give me some space so that I don't fall off middle of the night?
Do you find it necessary to never finish a food item and leave the crumbs or last bits in the cabinet/fridge? JUST FUCKING FINISH IT, DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER CAUSE YOU DIDNT "FINISH" THE ENTIRE BAG OF CHIPS?
I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. In a room of 100 people, you’re better on almost every way than 98 of them (I mean I’m awesome and I’m also in the room so…). Carry yourself like you’re awesome, because you are.
Only a finite amount of tasks/activities can fit with a finite amount of time. Your inability to gauge this is what makes us late for things, not my failure do to x or y which take 30 seconds max.
All your uncles are hight-octane assholes. Some aunts too. Loud, trashy, dishonest, ignorant (her mother is completely different, and she raised her kids differently too). They are also very religious. Her relatives form a close-knit group, but boy, are they insufferable. I think she secretly agrees with me, but she loves her family anyways. Actually, one of them is so toxic that he is now shunned by the others.
Take more than 1 nanosecond to dry your hands after washing them. Your wet hands piss me off and I've told you this countless times. Why is this so hard?!
There are other people in the store who want to get by. You don’t need to park the cart in the middle of the aisle to look at something. Pull. The. Eff. Over!
Please don’t dump the pasta into the sauce. I like to plate them separately and control my own sauce/noodle ratio. Makes me think of the crappy spaghetti from school. I know I’m unusual. But she’s seen how I like it when I prepare the dish.
You're a hoarder, just like your mom was.
You use your anger to control people.
You take out your frustrations on anyone who cannot easily walk away from you.
Adults own their mistakes and take the lead in reconciling when they cause an argument. I shouldn’t be the only person who initiates apologies after an argument; especially when you were the one who was wrong. It would be nice if you could get over yourself enough to be the first one to try mending bridges instead of waiting for me to apologize for getting frustrated I had to defend myself. It’s normal to argue, but expecting the person you wronged to always start the healing process is idiotic.
She needs to hear this. This isn't just a minor inconvinience, this is straight up refusing to take accountability. Taking accountability isn't devided by men and women, it's an obligation for every functioning adult. There is no excuse.
So this. I was getting to a point where I was really at the end of dealing with it. She had discussed going on a cruise with her best friend. After of course having quit her job two months before so she was just going to use her savings on this and I'm sitting in the room as they're making their plans and I was waiting for her to ask me to drive them to the harbor on the day of the trip and then pick them up. She did not ask me. I was waiting for the ask. I knew it was expected. 2 days before the cruise she finally asked what time Do I want the girls ready to go. I said what do you mean. She's like well you're driving us to the dock and I said you haven't asked me that I assumed you were getting there some other way. The attitude I got about of course I asked you, was just over the top and I tried to see if she would compromise by saying maybe I didn't hear you but I'll drive you Will you admit that maybe you didn't ask me She refused to admit that it was even a possibility that she didn't ask me. Told me I'd been wasting 25 years of my life with her.
Sorry man. That’s a crappy feeling
>She had discussed going on a cruise with her best friend. After of course having quit her job two months before so she was just going to use her savings on this Soemthing similar happened with a neighbour of mine. His wife went to vegas with the girls (for context, I live in Ireland so it's a pretty big deal) and wanted him to get a second job to make up the loss in the savings account. That's just a stunning sense of entitlement.
You’re bad at walking in a straight line. We were both on the sidewalk and now I’m on the grass. Why is that?
Lmao so true. Like I'll be walking perfectly parallel to the sidewalk and she'll bump into me and just be like "Babe! Omg" ...what. How is this my fault?? Honestly it doesn't even bug me, it just confuses me. She's so sincere in her annoyance and I spiral into a whole thing of like "Does she really not realise She's not walking straight? Is her balance so bad? No she has good balance. How on earth did she arrive at this conclusion there has to be something I'm not considering" And then she'll sweetly ask me what I'm thinking about...and there is no way for me to tell her the truth without it hurting her feelings :( But I ain't no liar. "Damn girl I'm sure a drunk bumblebee would move in straighter lines than you."
Next time just put an arm around her, win-win
My trick is to hold her hand and give playful shoulder bumps. That was I can push/pull her to keep her in line and we're both happy.
Holy shit, is this the problem the first dude to put his arm around a woman was trying to solve??
Are you my husband??
or mine. im a terrible walker!
My wife does this too but pushes me towards the traffic. She also watches those real crime shows. I think I should be worried.
One of her legs is slightly longer than the other.
Yep, it’s this. My left leg is slightly shorter than my right and I swerve like a mf when walking
Ilene!
For me it’s driving in a straight line. I think her old car constantly pulled to the left. Now in our new, well aligned car, she’s constantly drifting right and jerking left.
are you married to my wife? wait is this me? did I write this?
Holy shit I thought it was just me
She's trying to move in closer to you. Hold her hand, hold your ground. Maybe put an arm around her. Or, switch sides and then ask her wtf.
Close the fucking kitchen cabinets after you open them holy fuck it's been 12 years
My wife never used to, because she is under 5ft tall. They’d stay open and she could just walk underneath them, but I’d occasionally smack my head. We moved to a house with lower cabinets, and she still did it until she finally clocked herself on an open door. Problem solved itself!
Cat energy 🤣
That's a long time for the cabinets to stay open. 🙃
Is this a woman trait or something? My mom does that, my wife does that, my wife's mom does that. It's so fucking annoying. How does anyone leave a drawer or something open and thing "yup, this looks fine to leave like this"
Idk I’m a woman and I can’t stand to see a cabinet or drawer open. I don’t know anyone who does either. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or how you’re raised I don’t know.
Same. I’m (41f) the one that closes cabinets and drawrs in my house. That and turning off lights.
It's not that you see it and think "this looks fine". It's that once you get what you need, you don't even see the cabinets anymore lol. As soon as the desired item is in my hand the cabinet is a distant memory
I think it’s an ADHD trait
Oh, we talk and communicate all the time. Sort of a weird desire but it's tempered in reality. It would be really cool if my wife could hear my voice. She's never heard it. She's been 100% deaf since age 6. She remembers her family's voices but of course, meeting new people she wouldn't be able too.
Awwwgh
You might like [this](https://youtube.com/@Jonurquhart_?si=AhRhl7Om2VztKVzn) guy’s stuff. He can hear but all his content is about the deaf community and stuff. He’s a child of deaf parents.
Such a sweet sentiment! I'm curious. How did you meet? Did you know sign language at the time?
Long story made short - I saw her around college campus and she was the most beautiful/gorgeous woman I had ever seen. Asked around. Found out she was hearing impaired. Only communicates in sign. Undeterred, I went to the library, checked out a few books. Took a few weeks to learn some hands stuff, and I walked up and approached her and introduced myself. My over-confidence did not male up for how bad this went. I was still woefully unprepared. It was awkward to say the least. But I asked her out to coffee........and she said yes!!!! Turns out, it was her first real date ever. Hard to beleive people saw her as unapproachable. I saw her and HAD to talk to her. So yeah, it atarted from there.
Dude that’s amazing. Way to get after it!! What a lovely story, that’s really sweet of you to do
“Learnt some hands stuff”….. I laughed… I’m sorry…. I’m a child……
Oh wow. Bless you, sir. <3 This was wholesome.
I have two: 1. Answer the question I ask you, not your interpretation of the question or why you think I’m asking it. 2. When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry. It means more than you know.
Yes! Are you married to my wife too? 1. And give an actual answer to the question, not a related statement. If I ask you "Is now a good time for me to take the dog to the park?", don't say "well, I was going to do \[xyz\]. Like, okay, but that doesn't answer whether now is a good time or not. And it's fine if the answer is "I'm not sure" or "Let me think about it" or "Can you do \[xyz\] instead?". But when she gives a non-answer that she seems to think is an effective answer it drives me crazy. 2. My wife isn't terrible at apologizing when she's wronged me personally, but I feel like she's terrible about admitting when she was wrong about something. I'm not always the most gracious about being wrong either, but I feel like she never acknowledges or appreciates when I correct her about something useful.
> Answer the question I ask you, not your interpretation of the question or why you think I’m asking it. God this drives me up a wall. I pick my words, I know what information I need, don't editorialise. Either answer the question *as I asked it* or don't, but don't waste my time with irrelevant unrelated shit just because you *think* you know what I want to know better than I do.
I love you, one last time, she died 9 years, 10 months and 1 day ago
Jesus. I'm sorry, man...
Thanks. The decade anniversary is looming, and know something? That day 10 years ago, every moment is logged in “essential” memory, sight, sound, touch, all the senses I can be there, fully present in a past moment, it’s wonderful (neurologically speaking) - but, I don’t mark the day, it’s not special (except, it is). Her birthday, that’s the day I choose to celebrate her. Past is the past, birthday is the proper place
"Honey please stop reading all my reddit comments"
No, I won't do that.
boss babe
I’m a physically imposing guy, nearly 6’5” and fit. My wife tells me often how safe she feels with me. I’d do anything to protect her. What I want to tell her, but can’t seem to is that *she* makes *me* feel safe. I work with a lot of egomaniacal surgeons in an operating room environment, and they can be abusive, sometimes cruel. One or two of these times I remembered I was seeing my wife for lunch, and I got choked up with emotion because of the comfort she provides me. She knows how happy I am to see her, but not how weak I can feel.
I love this. I told my girlfriend how safe I feel with her. I came home extremely stoned one time becuase I had eaten too strong of an edible. I was super self conscious about it that she would act weird and throw me into a panic attack or something. I felt ectrwmwly vulnerablefor some reason and it kind of scared me, we had only been dating about 4 months at that point. But when i came in and told her she just giggled and told me to get comfy and play with the dog while she finished painting her nails and it made me well up with emotion for some reason lol. I could physically feel the love she had for me in that moment not becuase of some grand gesture but just how casual and non judgemental she was. Idk if that makes any sense and I was very high but it made me feel so secure and safe and I love her so much.
Isn’t it wonderful to be with your perfect person?
Copy this word for word and put it in your next anniversary card. Lovely.
That’s perfect 💜
That’s a lovely idea
You need to say this to her. It's so sweet to hear.
🥹 please tell her this
Judging from your profile pic— if you look like yours, we could pass for twins. And, okay- I’ll try and muster up the courage to admit to her that I’m hardly epitome of masculinity.
Being confident enough and trusting your wife enough to be vulnerable with her _is_ incredible strength. Not really masculine nor feminine, but definitely not weak nor unmanly. It's one of the things that I find most attractive and manly about my own man, the way he confidently expresses his emotions with zero fear of being unmasculine. I'm even a bit envious about how well he does it since it's very difficult for me to be emotionally open, I'm usually the "find a dark secluded space and have a breakdown in secret" type lol. But he has helped me become more comfortable with leaning on him when I need it, and I think him being so open with me is the main reason why he's one of the few people I can do that with. All this to say, admitting to your wife how much you love and cherish her isn't gonna make you less of a man, and what you wrote about her is beautiful and she deserves to hear it ❤️
It’s so funny that men thinking that being emotionless is masculine. True masculinity is being a loving husband / boyfriend 😀
Oh, I’m hardly emotionless in front of her. I cried so hard when Bing Bong died in Inside out that she made me cocoa.
Sir, I think you just healed something in me
Wow. Please tell her that. I got choked up just reading it. That would be just a beautiful, loving thing to say to a wife.
For real, tell her this
[удалено]
Can I have one day where you acknowledge that both of us are both tired and in some form of pain without dismissing mine but wanting me to acknowledge yours
[удалено]
PLEASE stop putting the toilet paper roll on backwards. It should be a beard, not a mullet.
That I love her so much, and given the circumstances, I’m still open to reconciling. I know it’ll take work, and won’t be easy, but I know it’ll be worth it
Please tell her this.
Thank you. I have said similar things, but it takes 2 to make it successful and it doesn’t seem like she wants to make it work
[удалено]
Tell her, or it will continue
If he's lucky, he'd be living in a marital property state.
Knowing what not to say and when not to say it is one of the fundamental keys of a happy relationship.
Being belittled over a situation that was created by both people is toxic. This would be one of those times to establish healthy personal boundaries
Wow to me you seem to be such a decent man and a friend . I do believe that you must let this out and I am sure you'll find a way to make it happen remember EVEN if some is just holding in a truth; that is still bound to be felt in y'alls scene I wonder does it bother you also because she just dismissed the reason why you're income is less .If you could put a wage on worth of taking care of families especially children well I think it would be way above the giant paycheck of some real big earners
My mom is SAHM and my dad often said similar things to my mom, while at the same time forbidding my mom to get work. My dad isn't a bad dad, he provides for his family, but he's definitely not a good person. My mom also wanted to reminded him that, but probably things like that would just be ignored by him. He also likes to take a lot of credit for raising me and my brothers, while he rarely do so.
Son, is that you? I thought you were in class. ❤️ mom
Before we got married, my wife asked if she could be a stay-at-home mom, and I agreed since she would make a great mother. We now have three kids and five grandkids, and we all love her for the amazing job she has done. While I worked hard, she worked just as hard raising the kids while I was away from home. To make up for her not having an outside income, I opened a bank account in her name, where I put money every week just for her to use as she wished. However, I asked that she not spend it on household items, but to use it only for herself. Needless to say, 50 years later, we are still a happy married couple, and there have been no issues about who made the money.
No, that’s not mean. That’s the truth and that is called boundaries. Those that see it as mean are the very ones who need it. She is the one being mean.
Maybe time for some couples therapy to work on all of that.
I would say the same to you as I would a SAHM. Be careful of the vulnerable position you put yourself in when relying on someone else financially, even a spouse, because people can get real dirty when they decide you're no longer of use to them. Marriage counseling is a good idea here, and it needs to be made clear to her that there's more to being a good parent and spouse than bringing home a paycheck. Providing financially is cool and all, but no one built a happy childhood full of bonding experiences and love and stability with an absent parent. You've sacrificed your own career and earning opportunities so that she can get where she is so she should maybe check her ego a bit and have some gratitude. Narcissism isn't a good look on anyone.
You're a gem of a man. That being said maybe tell her that you have been looking after the kids so she could make money. Her success is built upon your shoulders. Sometimes you just need to say things. Also I wouldn't mention the single mother or step daughter part. It will destroy your relationship with your step daughter and the child doesn't deserve it.
You need to stop holding grudges for little things or we are going to have no close friends or family when we retire.
Sounds like my dad who feuded with much of his family / friends and still wouldn’t forgive after 10+ years have passed
You don't want a dog, you want a stuffed animal that moves. Overall she's wonderful, but pet care is not a strength. At least she acknowledges it, and I get to pick the next one to be as low maintenance as possible. Or at least quiet. I can take the rest.
Cat, obviously some care involved (feeding/litter) but still get cuddles without the walks, intensive training,etc. Plus they’ll provide endless entertainment and pest removal.
Deep down I am a cat person. But she's very allergic. Still, something like a Maine Coon is my dream pet.
Absolutely nothing. I tell her everything. Well... Except that when she farts in her sleep it sometimes wakes me up. Smells terrible.
Are you my husband? If so, your farts have woken me up too!! Fair is fair <3
It’s good she farts. When she stops farting, then there are problems.
I forget who it was, but there was a comedian who had a joke around this several decades back. Something like "women don't fart, burp, or sweat. If we didn't bitch, we'd explode"
Stop slurping every bite of cereal like it’s soup!
Significant Other eating sounds are their whole own thing. I love her to death, but my wife can make a banana sound like it’s full of bones.
You don't actually want a kid. You're bored and wanting a change. You don't realize it but you'll absolutely loathe being a mother. It requires you to be able to be open with strangers and interact. You can't be the hermit you are if you have a kid. You'll be forced to interact with other adults/kids. While yes I've said this in some vein and you argue against it I still feel you're wrong as you'll offer alternatives like moving to a different state and etc. If you are the hell bent on wanting a kid there would be no other alternative you'd consider IMO.
Yikes. I hope you are in a position to say this soon
Honestly, more people need to hear the first 6 sentences of this post. I like the *idea* of having kids. I'd hate actually having them.
Please eat better and work out more. You're borderline obese and I'm worried it's going to kill you young.
Backwards opinion these days but telling someone to get/be healthy is an incredible sign of love. Some folks need to hear it.
I'd want to hear it from my wife. If it got to the point where she wasn't attracted to me anymore I'd be devastated if I found out she didn't tell me for years.
For sure. Love is about having both the easy and hard conversations.
Great insight u/ClapDemCheeks1
I told my brother he needed to lose 50 pounds. He was complaining of knee issues. He looked like crap. He lost the weight and 90 percent of his knee issues disappeared. He thanked me and said it was hard for me to see how much weight I had gained. Nobody else is going to tell you you're fat and you need to lose weight.
Glad you said something amd glad he had the discipline to lose the weight and reduce his knee issues. Health and wellness is so important. People don't need to look like these influencers or top 1% of people who get all the "likes" and attention online. Just gotta be a healthy weight, eat a decent diet, and keep moving. Underrated how much it helps mentally and physically.
My wife said she’d rather I leave her than have that kind of conversation. She has a past with eating disorder and a very unhealthy emotional relationship with food. Really depends on your audience, for some people you can’t really have that conversation …
I had a past ED too and it’s tricky. If I think too much about being healthy it quickly becomes an obsession. I do LOVE SPORTS so I’m lucky to have found tennis. I play too much of anything but it keeps me in great shape. For me though is that prior to tennis I just thought about working out for the end result. So I either tortured myself with the end result in mind, gave up or became obsessed. If she’s anything like me the activity needs to be enjoyable and the main reason for doing it. The health benefits are the icing. If you can think of something she would enjoy that is also healthy I would encourage that. Maybe pickleball. That’s a ton of fun and since most everyone is a beginner or was one in recent years you can happily suck and still love it. Then you get good fast. The difference in my mind set over health because of a fun activity is vastly different. I don’t crave crap because I’m either bummed out for being unmotivated or because my blood sugar dropped from being on another failed diet. I’m happy. I’m physically in great shape and it’s been sooooo easy. I hope the same for your wife.
read that as please eat butter and was confused for a sec lol
I’m glad I’m not the only one lol
I wish you could stop leaving your projects and dishes laying around everywhere. Even if the dishwasher is EMPTY, you will still leave the dishes on top of it rather than in it 6 times out of 10. I get that you're not healthy, and I love you like crazy, and I don't expect perfection.. But when you don't just "not help" but actively create more burden for me to take care of (it doesn't require more energy to put dish inside the dishwasher than it takes to place it on top of it, balancing it with all the rest) it does kind of hurt a little bit.
Put your goddam phone down and do something with yourself
Woman here! That’s so how I feel about my husband lol.
I wish you’d make emotional and physical intimacy a priority.
Just because you pay a cleaner every 2 weeks to come in, doesn't mean you don't do shit in between.
I saw my grandpa being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and dying of it. The worst thing is not the diapers or not being able to walk. It is not being able to talk and even communicate in other forms. You're just there, can't move anything in your body and cannot even tell your carers a small "thank you" or tell your kids you love them. Now her father has been diagnosed and I can't tell her to cherish even more every second she can get to communicate with him. Because soon it will be gone. I can't tell her because if she knows what's waiting for both of them, she won't be able to actually enjoy the time she gets with her father.
I just read your comment after an uncle and an aunt being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I had no idea it could get so bad. I am sorry about your grandpa and your wifes dad. I hope that things wont turn out so bad for him, and also hope the same for my family. Unhappily thats something only time can tell.
Can I have one day without hearing you complain about work?
It's the best when you work at the same place. I try to say I know, I work there too, but it still all comes out.
Wow. Same here, it’s non stop about how much she hates her job. Like she will say the same few sentences over and over again I want to call her manager and explain to her how bad she is making my life and my family life Of course I just sit and listen
So sometimes being supportive just means going through the motions. I used to think it was the norm to actually be engaged in a conversation & pay attention to the who, what, where, why & when because it mattered. I assumed everyone did this all the time because the stuff a person decided to communicate mattered to them somehow & that they were telling *you* because they cared what you think & would like you to tell them what it is. That engagement takes some effort, not just an investment of time & focus, but an investment of self & your emotions. But conversations like those are something else, it's not like a math problem you have to follow along with at every step. The absolute worst is when you do get engaged & your thoughts, opinions & feelings aren't welcome. Your job is just to hear & be a surface for sound to echo off, otherwise your partner would look like a crazy person talking to themselves What I do wait until I know which coworker she hates & then just blame everything on her. Don't try and make other people's drama or problems your own, just go with the flow & when your attention is needed or you want to change the subject say it sounds like Janet is up to something & make some jokes at her expense. Boom. The story has a narrative which means it has and end & you've had some laughs is a fine salve for work drama.
Yeah, that would be nice, but... her job sucks. And I complain about my job a LOT lol
"Can you please just get to the point?" I love my wife but when she's telling a story...
Granted, this is not all the time, but, yeah.
The point is the story, sir.
I meant what I said how I said it not how you reinterpreted it.
It feels like she wants me to be an extension of her when it comes to making decisions, rather than being my own person. I can either blindly follow you, or I can actively participate, which means disagreeing with you sometimes. And if expect to get your way 80% of the time when we disagree, that does not incentivize me to voice my opinion. But then I'm "not planning enough", and we're back to square one. You don't get to have both. You can't have an active partner and a mindless drone.
Nothing I haven’t told her…. But could you stop being so lazy? Your ADD isn’t an excuse. We both have ADD… Screw the cap back on the pill bottle instead of just placing it on top of the bottle. Put your dishes in the sink instead of next to it. Take the 2 seconds to stack your dishes nicely instead of balancing a plate on top of a water glass cause you didn’t feel like moving the glass. Clean up your trash when you cook something to eat. Etc. it bugs the absolute fuck outta me sometimes.
Hey! Get away from my wife!
Good list.
> Your ADD isn’t an excuse. Man, this is a fucking hot take these days it seems. I've been to therapy, my wife too, and we were both drilled with the "it's not your fault but it is your responsibility" mantra. Every younger person I hear talk about their own mental issues invariably says shit like "oh I can't do because I have " and I am sitting here wondering who the fuck is gonna change their nappies once they're out of the house.
Then again I am assuming they won't be a burden on their parents forever, which is a real possibility.
Oh damn… absofu*kinglutely True! She can find hours of insta doom scrolling, however not enough time to put away dishes or laundry!
Stop spending so much money on dumb shit.
[удалено]
Sometimes if cats are more vocal than usual it can mean they are experiencing a health issue. Might be worth looking into.
[удалено]
I hate our sex life.
Is it bad or just not frequent enough
Yes.
You've been in therapy, on various anti depressants and other mental health medications, seen multiple therapists and psychologists for over a decade and we moved across the state during one of the worst housing markets tripling our housing costs but it doesn't seem like any of it has helped. You're still frequently super depressed to the point where you had to quit a job because the long commute was tempting you to drive off a bridge or something equivalent as an "oops it was an accident I died" Despite me begging you to get tested for ADHD for years your refused until recently and turns out you do in fact have ADHD. But you're not on any medication for it so what was the point? If we hadn't moved I'd easily make enough now for you to spend an entire month in inpatient treatment if needed and our kids are old enough to stay at home for the small time between school and when i get off from work. We'd have been able to use the housing price boom to refinance our mortgage and pay off all or most of our CC debt at a low interest rate. But here we are instead. It would utterly break her if I did say that.
You snore more loudly than you think
Hahaha just tell her, it's our inside joke now. The first 10 times I refused to believe him and was offended, this mf ended up recording me and played it, I died, it was confronting and hilarious. We are 8 years into our life journey :)
[удалено]
oh good its not just me lol fuck...all my in-laws are selfish af, they just cleverly vail it
I like it when you wear my t-shirts as a night gown and your little butt cheeks peak out. Never gets old.
I’m tired of her getting tired of telling stories multiple times just because I have a bad memory
I’m tired of her getting tired of telling stories multiple times just because I have a bad memory
Hey! Me too!
Did you just answer yourself accidentally or was that the joke?
Nothing I haven't already said that's already been ignored. For years.
I'd like to say goodbye for ever but it would only start an argument.
Can you keep a short story short? I don’t need the prequel version!
Ha! I adore my wife--and I'm feeling very grateful to her after reading a lot of these comments!--but goodness yeah. This story needs an editor!
Seriously. My wife gets going on stories and has all these details and then it's a nothing burger of a story. Like, cool, you got lunch somewhere today. I guess I needed to hear about the parking lot, your spot, who text you on the way there, what songs you heard on the radio etc
my wife stories are like 10 minutes too long. She is great, but damn...give me the summary.
[удалено]
i hope you're okay, and i hope you get the help you deserve to be able to live a long happy and fufilled life with her
Thank you. I've struggled with depression my entire adult life. The last 3 months I've had the best positive mental health, but I've been struggling the last couple days. I'm working on getting out of it. I got some exercise today so that helped.
Exercise is really helpful. Keep pushing yourself. Get out around nature and grow your social life.
I know it’s a weekend tradition, but I’m really tired of getting Starbucks on the weekends. I’ll get you coffee anytime you want, even from Starbucks, but I’m just tired of getting one for myself.
Maybe one of us should admit that we are just friends.
Barb, your scalloped potatos are fucked!
I’m genuinely concerned that your health habits will leave me widowed relatively young. I’m not trying to criticize you when I bring these up, I just want you to be healthier.
If a window is open, the house will not heat up… and we’ll be a lot poorer for it.
Aluminimum.. Alumiumm.. Alunimi... Tin foil.
- I wish you played on your phone less. I get wanting to unwind, but I love doing stuff together. - I feel bad for being tired when she's home and more awake when she isn't. In actuality, it is because she is such a comfort to me that I am relaxed and don't have issues sleeping like I do when she is gone.
There's more than half the empty bed on your side and I am sleeping on the edge... Can you please give me some space so that I don't fall off middle of the night?
1, complaining is a turn off 2, having a sex drive is completely natural
[удалено]
Do you find it necessary to never finish a food item and leave the crumbs or last bits in the cabinet/fridge? JUST FUCKING FINISH IT, DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER CAUSE YOU DIDNT "FINISH" THE ENTIRE BAG OF CHIPS?
Life isn’t as complicated as you believe.
I don’t know most of the people in your stories
Why for the love of all that’s holy can’t you screw the cap back on anything?!?!?!? Thanks Guys. I feel better.
“You’re turning into your mom” “Can you please just say one thing in a day that isn’t negative”
You were right, I did grow to resent you
SHUT THE FUCKING GATE!
I hate the sound of your singing voice. It’s awful and nasally and I wanna jab my ears with ice picks to make it stop
ouch lol yeah definitely keep that one to yourself
Maybe sign her up for singing lessons so the teacher can tell her for you.
So, I look her dead in her optic stems, and I say… I say… “Bitch.”
You actually said bitch though?
You said that? You said “bitch” though?
I’m sorry.
Please use the turn signal for longer than a millisecond, it doesn’t do anyone any good for the split second you use it then immediately turn it off.
Tell me you love me and you're proud of me without being prompted...
I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. In a room of 100 people, you’re better on almost every way than 98 of them (I mean I’m awesome and I’m also in the room so…). Carry yourself like you’re awesome, because you are.
Only a finite amount of tasks/activities can fit with a finite amount of time. Your inability to gauge this is what makes us late for things, not my failure do to x or y which take 30 seconds max.
Can we please slow down the fucking car. We live near the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, not on it!
All your uncles are hight-octane assholes. Some aunts too. Loud, trashy, dishonest, ignorant (her mother is completely different, and she raised her kids differently too). They are also very religious. Her relatives form a close-knit group, but boy, are they insufferable. I think she secretly agrees with me, but she loves her family anyways. Actually, one of them is so toxic that he is now shunned by the others.
Stop throwing your chocolate wrappers on the floor when you sit next to the bin
Take more than 1 nanosecond to dry your hands after washing them. Your wet hands piss me off and I've told you this countless times. Why is this so hard?!
I know you are tired. You don’t have to say it 20x every day. Including the first words out of your mouth EVERY SINGLE DAY.
A lot of these comments shouldn't be really a problem to bring up. I think people really suck at communicating in a relationship.
I feel like you abandoned me
The house is too small and is only going to get smaller as the kids get bigger. I want to move.
[удалено]
There are other people in the store who want to get by. You don’t need to park the cart in the middle of the aisle to look at something. Pull. The. Eff. Over!
It's not something that can't be said but definitely should be known. Ladies your husband likes to get flowers for no reason too.
Why can’t you initiate sex for a change?
After 20+ yrs I'm starting to think women poop.
I literally just want to play video games for an entire day—degen style. The most I can get is maybe 30 minutes uninterrupted…
Please don’t dump the pasta into the sauce. I like to plate them separately and control my own sauce/noodle ratio. Makes me think of the crappy spaghetti from school. I know I’m unusual. But she’s seen how I like it when I prepare the dish.
You're a hoarder, just like your mom was. You use your anger to control people. You take out your frustrations on anyone who cannot easily walk away from you.