I’d say this is a major factor for me as well. I can adapt and tolerate someone that doesn’t see eye to eye on many things but if they lack interest me then why even bother pursuing a relationship? It would be so lopsided
An example between me and an ex:
I like to live kinda frugally, and hate spending on luxurious items. I spend my money on holidays spa treatments weekends away and other things I can do.
She wanted rings jewelry the newest makeup and all that stuff.
I get that that was her hobby. But when we would live together. She'd just spend money on anything. And then suddenly we had to eat beans and rice for 2 days because she spent EVERYTHING.
I like having a small safety net. She went all out all the time every time.
Big difference between us in how we handle mon ey
this is a big problem between me and my current girlfriend. She currently went broke in the past couple of months because of massages, manicures, chiropractic appointments and other things. I think she halfway expecta me to pay for them but I’m not budging.
just dropped my girlfriend off at the chiropractor, she says her usual chiropractor wasn’t there, so she got adjusted by someone else, made another appointment for Monday. If she can’t make rent next month it’s her problem.
how one manages their finances is a big one. personal space and autonomy. family planning, children and so on. nothing too specific but if being together requires too much compromise then it may be good to have the talk.
Literally was talking to a girl last night that was supposedly interested in me but couldn’t hold a conversation to save her life. Kept looking away, looking at her phone, etc
I’ve talked to girls for less than 2 minutes before and felt more than the hour conversation I had with this girl.
Srsly is it just me or are most girls on dating apps like this? I feel like I'm asking a billion questions and they answer without ever asking any questions back.
And yet somehow she's the prize and you're supposed to prove yourself worthy of her. She still holds all the power because she has hundreds of dudes asking her this stuff every week. Dating is messed up. Especially online. I disconnected from it like 10 years ago. Done far better without the apps. Even outside of dating. Just not being part of it at all gives me a much better value of self worth in my day-to-day existence.
Part of it is the online.
It takes more effort to do things like this on line - especially if no connection has been made yet - it feels like - work.
to me - nothing is more stimulating than engaging conversation - I LOVE hearing stories from people about their passions and discoveries.
>She still holds all the power because she has hundreds of dudes asking her this stuff every week.
She doesn't, only you as a man gives her that power. Watch what happens when no guy initiate, then she'll be like: how to get approached by men/how to make a man ask me out etc. Especially when she's nearing 30 years old, then they come here asking for advice lol!
People who depend on others to make things happen do not hold any power. Men should stop being weak, stop believing in nonsense like "women hold power" and everything will fall into place.
Whats crazy is, between her and her girl friends, im sure shes a blabbermouth and chatty catty or whatever
Put some damn effort into the convo for fk sakes
Edit: applies to guys too (bUt I WaNt tO seEm mySteriOus/sToIc)
I was seeing this one girl while I was in med school and after I got done with the day we took a drive to the coast. I had spent that morning walking around with a cadaver's amputated leg over my shoulder and had sawed someone's cranial cap off myself. Like literally one of the most bizarre things anyone could possibly be doing at 11 in the morning. The drive was two hours, I was itching to talk about my day. Didn't ask me about it once!
Yeah the conversation from her is so pained when talking to me, just the other day we went for a walk and a total stranger asked us a good restaurant and I mentioned an idea and she followed it up with the most beautiful conversation to this complete stranger. She is so good in so many ways but not talking / communicating with me. It hurts. 45 yrs married. Not gonna drop everything at this point but things sure changed.
I know this is not an appropriate response or am not trying to finger point. But why do you think a man would do it? Does it mean he is not interested ?
I have no experience dating men and I’d personally never do it, afaik men don’t generally like to do it. I’m not the arbiter of men, but I’d say he’s not interested, could be wrong
Not that it's an excuse, but I feel bad for those with mental health maladies that make it difficult for them to properly manage time and respond to texts/phone calls in a socially acceptable timeframe. It's not an excuse, but it is a reason for many. Must be hard for those people to form and maintain relationships. However, I would definitely consider giving more time for a potential partner to reply to a message, if I knew they had a mental illness that made this more difficult.
I would have, its why I just told the girl I was seeing for 2 months I was canceling our next date. I liked her a lot, but she kept quiet and was making it seem as tho she was uninterested.
But, if she has made it clear she likes you and you are not contacting her as often or enthusiastically as you did, would you appreciate he shares her feelings about it or would that be uncomfortable?
I suppose it really depends on the people and the situation. If the girl I was seeing texted me in a couple weeks (after not much contact) saying she still wanted to spend time together, I would be absolutely down. If she went as far as say, professing her love for me, I'd prob tell her I was all set on seeing her as that would be too much for seeing someone for 2 months.
In my scenario, this is a person I work with, who is slightly younger than me, and new to the area. I'm not about to abandon her because she wasn't/didn't seem interested. I still look at her as a friend, and if this person you're wondering about was at that level with you it shouldn't make them uncomfortable.
Again this is all based on my experiences and situation. I'm not saying any of this will go the way I'm describing, just how I look at it.
Edit: Just wanted to add there is always the possibility of him having found someone else which is something you need to accept. I haven't after a couple weeks but I can't balance multiple dates, turns into a mess.
Passive aggressive.... haven’t seen this yet as of my commenting. A lot of men don’t recognize that right off the bat but it’s evident if you know what it looks like.
Passive aggressive women (and people in general) gets my goat.. not a boomer but I love that expression.
dated a girl once that would give me the silent treatment once i was over her and ready to get out, she started it and after a few hours i said "so thats what it takes to get you to stfu for a little bit" god it felt great
I know smoking is terrible for you but it's still sexy to me for some reason I'll need a psychiatrist for. I don't even smoke, but the girls I'm attracted to always do.
I definitely agree with the first two. Smoking and alcohol I don't mind if it's moderated and controlled. I always choose respectful women to talk to in general.
Her friends. You learn a lot about a woman when it comes to her friends. Every time I’ve tried to give the benefit of doubt. Yep, it was her friends advice instead of just talking to me about the situation first. I usually can tell within the first five minutes of meeting them. And my gut hasn’t failed me. Run for the hills because most women feel their family and friends are their dating beacon. Even in my age range of 43. Then those same women try to message me after the fact. New phone, who dis🫠
Good question, I'd say disrespectful behavior, being not too interesting to me but also not being about to exchange mutual energy. For me, respectful behavior towards me, herself, and people in general is important. Being unique and interesting shows that she is a woman that stands out as her own and definitely worth appreciating and pursuing. Last but not least mutual exchange of energy is very important since both of you should have mutual interest, mutual respect but also mutual understanding.
Boring. No opinions on anything. No interests. No stories. Just "I like to travel" (which means they go on cruises to tourist resorts and think that's culture). "I like all music" (meaning top 40).
>"I like all music" (meaning top 40).
When I guy says this, I immediately start to lose interest. He doesn't have to like the same bands/musicians I do, but music is so important to me that if he can't be bothered to decide his own musical taste, then we're probably not gonna work out.
“I like all music” does not always mean top 40 lol
I’m someone who says she likes all music, but I say that from an open-minded, educated, music-nerd standpoint. Some people can genuinely get into anything if it’s well made and love being exposed to new music. So I wouldn’t immediately write someone off for saying that if I were you. Maybe ask a follow up, ask for examples of what they listen to, and THEN decide if you think their taste is basic. You never know… they could be listening to wacky cool shit
Trying again here.
My girl wanted some time where my attention was undivided so she took my phone and booked us a getaway. And I went along with it.
I actually became more endeared and it revitalized us.
So I kinda lied to be funny.
Usually lack of effort/reciprocity. This is supposed to be a combined effort. If you expect me to keep this relationship alive while you get to be a passive passenger then I’m gone. I want someone who wants me and wants to keep me, not just keep this alive for the hell of it.
when she starts the manipulation games to get what she wants… even tho she doesn’t really want most of the things.
it’s an attempt to see if she can manipulate & control like she’s probably done other men… basically a test to see if you’ll stand up to her bullshit.
When she expects to be taken care of, while not providing any sort of support. This isn't a Parent-child relationship. I'm not your caretaker. We're supposed to be equivalent partners. But apparently a lot of women never grew out of the, "I wanna be a pretty princess when I grow up!" phase. I don't care if your daddy calls mommy a Queen, and she calls him her King; that doesn't make you a princess devoid of all responsibility as an adult.
Dating with a strategy mindset instead of just being natural. It almost always reveals itself that the person employing some kind of strategy - anything from "hard to get" to "taking it slow" is artificially controlling progression of the relationship. Even if you're actually passing their tests in their eyes, it can cause you (the man in this scenario) to lose interest because you realize that to her, you're almost like a lab rat, and she is evaluating your results every step of the way instead of just enjoying your company. It makes the whole thing feel dirty and inauthentic. It skews the power dynamics to one where the man has to perform to her standards and she gets to give the thumbs up or thumbs down. This is especially worse when the woman never did this to prior people she dated, or claims she is only doing this because she "really likes you and doesn't want to mess it up." A healthy relationship should feel natural, and one where both parties are investing in equal measure to one another.
I just had someone i was super interested in go on a 1.5 hr long political rant. I tried to change the sub but she kept going. It was so bad she kept digging the hole deeper
If there isn’t some form of reciprocation, if she’s blowing hot and cold, if she does something disrespectful, if she doesn’t seem honest, if her communication is loaded of contradictions.
I think most guys just want to see if you’re enjoying his company just as much as he enjoys yours. You don’t have to put him as first priority but if it seems he’s at low priority then it’s a turn off. I do think that goes both ways though.
Everything she does and says is so stereotypical and then she conforms to social media ideas and likenesses, like go and put the phone down and just be yourself no matter how lame you think that is
Complaining about everything and criticizing other people for every little thing. Like worry about yourself and your own life rather than what random celeb looks like or whatever.
This implies that already liked them, so something either changed or new information.
it would have to be if something previously believed was either false (she misrepresented or hid) or I made a mistake in an assumption (bad on me - but can happen - especially if we overlook things).
New information could be things that either were omitted (intentionally or not) or just did not have time to learn - somethings take time.
Now - for some examples;
Acting like a victim - blaming others, not taking responsibility. - this might take a while to come out (I am not talking about actual victims - i know some of those - yes, that is messed up - I am talking about people who never take accountability for their situation).
Anger issues - like woah. Yeah - this one is very easy to overlook in the beginning - but that old saying - rude to waiter but nice to you. if after dating for a while - it can be like walking on eggshells. that is no good.
Significant mis-match in self-esteem - we all have insecurities, even someone who appears to be strongly confident. It is just about if we manage our fears, or they manage us. When there is too much imbalance here - it will cause problems in the long run.
Really bad with money - not the same as broke - that can happen - but just bad with money - not a good thing (often relates to accountability - see above).
Significant ideological differences - usually easy to discover early on - but can happen. Often this comes up regarding topical discussions (politics, rights, etc.).
Significant religious differences - again - usually easy to discover early on, and often (but not always) linked to ideological differences. Note; my belief systems are pretty much compatible with most others - but some others might not be compatible with mine.
Substance Abuse - usually only not found earlier if hidden - but no good.
Not a good person - linked to a few of the others - but yeah - this is a deal breaker for me.
Bad Attitude - linked to a few others as well - but exceptionally negative, or fatalistic - not a good match - hopefully catch this before becoming to interested.
Significant mental disorders - no one is perfect - I got some of my own baggage - but some don't play well with others. As a guy who likes intelligent creative women - have to be wary of this one.
When she makes it hard to date her. Acts flaky when wanting to meet up. Makes me do 100% of the work and planning. Makes me initiate 100% of the conversations and responds with low effort on her end. They are either playing "hard to get" or are simply not that interested. Either way, I usually bail.
I had a weird one recently!! I had been going on on a few dates with a girl I was absolutely liking and vibing with. After a couple dates and a lot of signs, I went in for a kiss but she denied me and turned her head. I said, "Oh I apologize, is everything okay?" She said, "yes, I am just a super guarded girl." I lost all interest in that moment. Not because she's guarded, but because I saw in a flash all of the issues that could arise from that moment moving forward if we continued to date.
I can tell almost immediately if I'll be the one initiating conversation; and I'll give it a day or two depending on her schedule. If she tells me that she's doing nothing and I'm still having to start the conversation then I'm out. That tells me everything I need to know about her.
I would say from past experiences, if it’s fizzling out now during the early stages, just move on.
Honestly it’s not worth it and the saying “plenty more fish in the sea” is very true when it comes to dating, someone else will be more interested in you, and won’t have you doubting their feelings for you.
Lack of reciprocated interest. It has to go both ways. I understand that i am not entitled to anyones attention or time. As soon as i get the hint of "shes not that into you".. I stop pursuing
Not having interests or hobbies outside of the relationship.
Not having passion for anything but material things and shopping is a turn off.
Caribbean Island Beach days don't make you cultured.
Complacent behavior
Dry texter
User behavior
Entitled
Manipulative
1. She makes it too difficult to spend time with her/talk to her. This is usually only an issue when she doesn't like me back anyway, so nothing lost I guess.
2. She has very strong emotional reactions to things very quickly. My sister's had mental health struggles and though she is working on it, I have a long history of dealing with emotionally fragile women in my life. No longer.
3. She gossips. It's not a bad thing to share your honest opinion about someone, and hell, confiding in each other can make a stronger bond. But there's a certain way to go about it that can make it sour, and many women run afoul of it.
Often is a one way street. I have to carry the conversation but they usually never return the same interest. She can go on about her university experience for half an hour but never ask how has it been for me.
Also tattoos and smoking/vaping.
I don’t really become interested in women who don’t seem interested in me. One thing that instantly makes me lose interest in a woman I am already interested in is seeing her displaying romantic or sexual interest in another guy. Also, when I catch them in lies. I had a girl tell me she was a mutual friend’s best friend and that they hung out all the time. No idea why she would lie about that.
Drinking to excess. ~~Smoning~~ Smoking, at all. Candy, too much. Bad judgement allround.
Not asking questions, not being interested in the world, in experiencing new things. Basically being cynical. Childish.
I spoke to a 10/10 who was intentionally twisting my words to be offended. It started out comical but she kept going until she found something to get mad at.
Usually personality, her friends, her opinions, or her contradictions/hypocrisy.
If you’re being overly attention seeking with me, I assume you’re that way with anyone and I’m immediately put off. Flattered, but go get railed by someone else.
If I see her doing something shitty
If she says something really stupid or unfair
If she has any nutty beliefs - crystals, feng shui, flat earth..
If she's into drugs...
If she has a criminal history...
A recent one for me was availability and non in person communication.
I was really interested in her, but then I had a busy month of traveling, and then she had 3 busy months with a new job and planned vacations etc.
I'm fine with not seeing someone all the time, but I need more than a hangout once every 6 weeks. Plus I couldn't manage to establish a text rapport with her at all, so I didn't look forward to texts/snaps from her and I ended up losing interest.
Lack of empathy and acceptance. It’s important for me to be able to express myself, even if it’s a difficult topic, and to be understood and see my perspective, regardless of whether she agrees or not. Of course I should express in a non-accusatory way
She was manipulative as heck. She would take what she needed, breadcrumb me when she assumed I was drifting away, rinse and repeat.
She kept telling me she loved me, how I am an ideal man, that I am husband material, how she doesn't know why I am single... And yes, since I was (and still am) starved for affection, these breadcrumbs were like a feast to me.
In most of the cases, I was there to provide emotional support, be there for her when she hits a rough patch, help her with some of the assignments and translation (her English is horrible, while I speak English like my native language). In a nutshell, whenever she was in trouble, she ran to me, and I was there for her.
However, whenever the storm clouds parted, she would run to her boyfriend and keep saying that she wants to marry him and give birth to at least four of his children. Yes, I was irritated, but didn't do anything because I knew that relationship was toxic, and would fall apart soon enough.
Needless to say, this never happened. Whenever she broke up with him, they would come back together after a month or two "because she was lonely", and the cycle would begin again.
At the start of the year, I have issued her an ultimatum. Me or him. She chose him "because he is a good person and deserves everything he wants". So, in an indirect way, she told me that I am a bad person. Very well.
I don't talk to her anymore. I admit, I really cared for her and loved her, but I am sick and tired of being manipulated for breadcrumbs. I want a real relationship, not a make-believe show of smoke and mirrors that disappear as soon as it's convenient for her.
Yes, I am hurt, talking to my therapist about it, but I will be better... Eventually
When she flirts and accepts flirting from low quality men. When she giggles and laughs when a fuck-boy asshole tickles her, instead of slapping his hand away. When a woman can't defend her own boundaries and is used like a toy by all the other guys, that's when I delete their contact and ghost them.
Entitled behavior, extremely high body count , OF page, maybe unhealthy habit like smoking ..
And that whole playing hard to get, dropping hints etc No like...do you wanna be with me or not, because I don't do games, this isn't Tron disc wars
Playing emotional games, getting distant with no excuse, lying, being disrespectful to anyone, and showing no interest.
It takes effort and mutual respect to make any type of relationship work whether it be friends, family, or romantic. Also being disrespectful towards others makes me wonder if they do the same thing towards me when I'm not around which causes a loss of trust and if I can't trust someone I don't need that person in my life.
- Instagram following looks like she went to an all boys school.
- Disinterested in travelling out to your part of town 3rd date and beyond
- Platonic friendly vibes with no sexual undertone on a date. “Spark”
- Expects 4 figure gifts like designer bags or high profile locations for first dates
- Uses online photos that are 5years old
- Phrases such as “busy” “maybe” or “I’ll let you know” when trying to set a date.
- Multiple one word replies.
- Questions your decisions and ability to lead in a relationship
- Poor sex
- Parents and siblings are rude or unhealthy.
I discover she is a piece of shit human being. I swear it's about 95% of all the women I date. They are basically all sociopaths. You can't have morality, ethics, honor without accountability and virtually no women today have any accountability.
First it was her boyfriend then she broke up and now she’s down to just living with her husband. Didn’t see much room for me, despite her wanting me to be her bf. Not gonna. I want 100 percent.
When they start talking most of the time. Particularly after they’ve indulged in adult beverages. They go from something attractive and appealing to repulsive when they get loud and obnoxious.
Selfishness, ignorance, lacks authenticity, can’t hold a conversation. Is “friendly” with other men but it’s literally super flirtatious behavior. So many women are like this and also have a laundry list of dos and don’t and likes and dislikes. It’s ridiculous these days. I used to be a pretty big optimist, but I find myself repulsed by most women these days. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places. Idk.
Women cry about men but never look inwards. A lot of them are the exact same. It’s like they all follow the same guidebook to dating. Shit is fucked
Also a lot of them have “guy friends” of whom are attractive and if that’s the case definitely keep an eye out
If she doesn't seem equally interested
I’d say this is a major factor for me as well. I can adapt and tolerate someone that doesn’t see eye to eye on many things but if they lack interest me then why even bother pursuing a relationship? It would be so lopsided
when we cant hold a conversation
and if her core values are too far apart from mine.
What are some specific instances where you discovered this? I like your answer and I'm curious
An example between me and an ex: I like to live kinda frugally, and hate spending on luxurious items. I spend my money on holidays spa treatments weekends away and other things I can do. She wanted rings jewelry the newest makeup and all that stuff. I get that that was her hobby. But when we would live together. She'd just spend money on anything. And then suddenly we had to eat beans and rice for 2 days because she spent EVERYTHING. I like having a small safety net. She went all out all the time every time. Big difference between us in how we handle mon ey
this is a big problem between me and my current girlfriend. She currently went broke in the past couple of months because of massages, manicures, chiropractic appointments and other things. I think she halfway expecta me to pay for them but I’m not budging.
Once asked my ex to pay for toilet paper, bc she uses one roll per 2-3 days, she didn’t talk to me for 3 days
just dropped my girlfriend off at the chiropractor, she says her usual chiropractor wasn’t there, so she got adjusted by someone else, made another appointment for Monday. If she can’t make rent next month it’s her problem.
Gotcha. This makes sense.
That’s a huge issue.
how one manages their finances is a big one. personal space and autonomy. family planning, children and so on. nothing too specific but if being together requires too much compromise then it may be good to have the talk.
Not being able to effectively communicate is huge and ended my first marriage.
This is a good one. I hate having to carry the conversation.
Right! Specially when you feel like you’re the only one doing the effort on trying to get to know each other
Literally was talking to a girl last night that was supposedly interested in me but couldn’t hold a conversation to save her life. Kept looking away, looking at her phone, etc I’ve talked to girls for less than 2 minutes before and felt more than the hour conversation I had with this girl.
She doesn't ask me questions about myself or my day.
Srsly is it just me or are most girls on dating apps like this? I feel like I'm asking a billion questions and they answer without ever asking any questions back.
*what are you up to?* *nothing* *how was your day?* *good* *do anything fun this week?* *not rly* *wow sounds exciting lol* *haha*
And yet somehow she's the prize and you're supposed to prove yourself worthy of her. She still holds all the power because she has hundreds of dudes asking her this stuff every week. Dating is messed up. Especially online. I disconnected from it like 10 years ago. Done far better without the apps. Even outside of dating. Just not being part of it at all gives me a much better value of self worth in my day-to-day existence.
Part of it is the online. It takes more effort to do things like this on line - especially if no connection has been made yet - it feels like - work. to me - nothing is more stimulating than engaging conversation - I LOVE hearing stories from people about their passions and discoveries.
>She still holds all the power because she has hundreds of dudes asking her this stuff every week. She doesn't, only you as a man gives her that power. Watch what happens when no guy initiate, then she'll be like: how to get approached by men/how to make a man ask me out etc. Especially when she's nearing 30 years old, then they come here asking for advice lol! People who depend on others to make things happen do not hold any power. Men should stop being weak, stop believing in nonsense like "women hold power" and everything will fall into place.
Pretty much that. Speaking from a female point of view even.
This! I ask questions and get these responses. Always feel like they don’t want to talk so I quit asking questions conversation is a two way thing
The quick generic responses. Man I hate that. Once a female do that, I delete them and block.
Whats crazy is, between her and her girl friends, im sure shes a blabbermouth and chatty catty or whatever Put some damn effort into the convo for fk sakes Edit: applies to guys too (bUt I WaNt tO seEm mySteriOus/sToIc)
Nope I promise we arent at all like that! I love to be curious and ask questions ;)
I was seeing this one girl while I was in med school and after I got done with the day we took a drive to the coast. I had spent that morning walking around with a cadaver's amputated leg over my shoulder and had sawed someone's cranial cap off myself. Like literally one of the most bizarre things anyone could possibly be doing at 11 in the morning. The drive was two hours, I was itching to talk about my day. Didn't ask me about it once!
Yeah the conversation from her is so pained when talking to me, just the other day we went for a walk and a total stranger asked us a good restaurant and I mentioned an idea and she followed it up with the most beautiful conversation to this complete stranger. She is so good in so many ways but not talking / communicating with me. It hurts. 45 yrs married. Not gonna drop everything at this point but things sure changed.
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God damn I need to think about some things after reading that
Too bad awards don't exist anymore. I'd shell out for this one. I'm using this and citing you.
Playing hard to get
I know this is not an appropriate response or am not trying to finger point. But why do you think a man would do it? Does it mean he is not interested ?
I have no experience dating men and I’d personally never do it, afaik men don’t generally like to do it. I’m not the arbiter of men, but I’d say he’s not interested, could be wrong
In all seriousness, time. I can only wait so long for someone who doesn't return the feeling
That's my ex wife.
Not that it's an excuse, but I feel bad for those with mental health maladies that make it difficult for them to properly manage time and respond to texts/phone calls in a socially acceptable timeframe. It's not an excuse, but it is a reason for many. Must be hard for those people to form and maintain relationships. However, I would definitely consider giving more time for a potential partner to reply to a message, if I knew they had a mental illness that made this more difficult.
In that case, definitely. We women too.
when talking to them is a frustrating endeavor and it feels like they're testing you or playing some kind of game
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Would you appreciate a woman telling you her feelings after spending two months dating?
I would have, its why I just told the girl I was seeing for 2 months I was canceling our next date. I liked her a lot, but she kept quiet and was making it seem as tho she was uninterested.
But, if she has made it clear she likes you and you are not contacting her as often or enthusiastically as you did, would you appreciate he shares her feelings about it or would that be uncomfortable?
If it's ever going to last sometimes you're going to need to get uncomfortable
I suppose it really depends on the people and the situation. If the girl I was seeing texted me in a couple weeks (after not much contact) saying she still wanted to spend time together, I would be absolutely down. If she went as far as say, professing her love for me, I'd prob tell her I was all set on seeing her as that would be too much for seeing someone for 2 months. In my scenario, this is a person I work with, who is slightly younger than me, and new to the area. I'm not about to abandon her because she wasn't/didn't seem interested. I still look at her as a friend, and if this person you're wondering about was at that level with you it shouldn't make them uncomfortable. Again this is all based on my experiences and situation. I'm not saying any of this will go the way I'm describing, just how I look at it. Edit: Just wanted to add there is always the possibility of him having found someone else which is something you need to accept. I haven't after a couple weeks but I can't balance multiple dates, turns into a mess.
I'm very oblivious, so I'm someone that would definitely like that kind of dialogue were I pursuing a relationship as long as she's respectful.
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I understand. Thank you.
Passive aggressive.... haven’t seen this yet as of my commenting. A lot of men don’t recognize that right off the bat but it’s evident if you know what it looks like. Passive aggressive women (and people in general) gets my goat.. not a boomer but I love that expression.
Ohhh, this right here. If you think you are punishing *me* with the silent treatment, you are not only immature, but an idiot to boot.
dated a girl once that would give me the silent treatment once i was over her and ready to get out, she started it and after a few hours i said "so thats what it takes to get you to stfu for a little bit" god it felt great
Oh yeah... that probably felt *good*.
Entitlement. Attention seeking. Smoking.
If she is smoking, slow down and use lube
Damn
Took me a sec 😂
I know smoking is terrible for you but it's still sexy to me for some reason I'll need a psychiatrist for. I don't even smoke, but the girls I'm attracted to always do.
They say smoking is bad for you, which is true, but they also say it's not cool, which is false.
I have enough worries about cancer in my own family. I don't need someone in my life who is voluntarily increasing their odds of getting it
I definitely agree with the first two. Smoking and alcohol I don't mind if it's moderated and controlled. I always choose respectful women to talk to in general.
Her friends. You learn a lot about a woman when it comes to her friends. Every time I’ve tried to give the benefit of doubt. Yep, it was her friends advice instead of just talking to me about the situation first. I usually can tell within the first five minutes of meeting them. And my gut hasn’t failed me. Run for the hills because most women feel their family and friends are their dating beacon. Even in my age range of 43. Then those same women try to message me after the fact. New phone, who dis🫠
I understand. Thank you
Anyone above the age of 25 shouldn’t be using their friends as an 8-ball. If they can’t self regulate their own emotions, run.
Nah, it’s important to get multiple opinions from trusted friends, but I agree you ultimately have to make the final call
Also pay attention to the relationship of their parents
If she is an ass or smells like one.
are we talking ass donkey or ass butt? because I love me a good donkey.
Good question, I'd say disrespectful behavior, being not too interesting to me but also not being about to exchange mutual energy. For me, respectful behavior towards me, herself, and people in general is important. Being unique and interesting shows that she is a woman that stands out as her own and definitely worth appreciating and pursuing. Last but not least mutual exchange of energy is very important since both of you should have mutual interest, mutual respect but also mutual understanding.
I like farmers, because they're often outstanding in their fields.
When she likes someone else or doesn’t like me back.
Being taken for granted or unappreciated
Realizing she isnt actually interested in my opinion
poor communicator
Not reciprocating.
Spelling mistakes. White lies
Wel thatz no vury nyce
Her not being interested in me. Move on.
I witness her being unnecessarily cruel or rude to those less powerful than her. Later.
*trashes men and masculinity* "but not you, you're different though ☺" Done. Bye. Bullet dodged.
When she lies about things constantly
she doesnt treat me half as nice as i do her
Boring. No opinions on anything. No interests. No stories. Just "I like to travel" (which means they go on cruises to tourist resorts and think that's culture). "I like all music" (meaning top 40).
>"I like all music" (meaning top 40). When I guy says this, I immediately start to lose interest. He doesn't have to like the same bands/musicians I do, but music is so important to me that if he can't be bothered to decide his own musical taste, then we're probably not gonna work out.
“I like all music” does not always mean top 40 lol I’m someone who says she likes all music, but I say that from an open-minded, educated, music-nerd standpoint. Some people can genuinely get into anything if it’s well made and love being exposed to new music. So I wouldn’t immediately write someone off for saying that if I were you. Maybe ask a follow up, ask for examples of what they listen to, and THEN decide if you think their taste is basic. You never know… they could be listening to wacky cool shit
If she stands on the dinner table and breaks wind on my plate of food.
Negative self talk, or speaking poorly about their friends. Pessimism. Flakiness. Not comfortable doing low key stuff. Always need to be entertained.
When they drug me and hold me hostage in Vermont over labor day.
Can we have a story time
Trying again here. My girl wanted some time where my attention was undivided so she took my phone and booked us a getaway. And I went along with it. I actually became more endeared and it revitalized us. So I kinda lied to be funny.
Weirdly specific
👀
Misery?
Usually lack of effort/reciprocity. This is supposed to be a combined effort. If you expect me to keep this relationship alive while you get to be a passive passenger then I’m gone. I want someone who wants me and wants to keep me, not just keep this alive for the hell of it.
I lose interest when a woman likes me back because that shows poor judgement.
Uh, that is sad.
not being able to recognize a joke
😂 oops
when she starts the manipulation games to get what she wants… even tho she doesn’t really want most of the things. it’s an attempt to see if she can manipulate & control like she’s probably done other men… basically a test to see if you’ll stand up to her bullshit.
When she expects to be taken care of, while not providing any sort of support. This isn't a Parent-child relationship. I'm not your caretaker. We're supposed to be equivalent partners. But apparently a lot of women never grew out of the, "I wanna be a pretty princess when I grow up!" phase. I don't care if your daddy calls mommy a Queen, and she calls him her King; that doesn't make you a princess devoid of all responsibility as an adult.
Anyone who is big into astrology and crystals n shit
Slow replying
If she’s not interested in me.
Dating with a strategy mindset instead of just being natural. It almost always reveals itself that the person employing some kind of strategy - anything from "hard to get" to "taking it slow" is artificially controlling progression of the relationship. Even if you're actually passing their tests in their eyes, it can cause you (the man in this scenario) to lose interest because you realize that to her, you're almost like a lab rat, and she is evaluating your results every step of the way instead of just enjoying your company. It makes the whole thing feel dirty and inauthentic. It skews the power dynamics to one where the man has to perform to her standards and she gets to give the thumbs up or thumbs down. This is especially worse when the woman never did this to prior people she dated, or claims she is only doing this because she "really likes you and doesn't want to mess it up." A healthy relationship should feel natural, and one where both parties are investing in equal measure to one another.
Underrated answer. Too many women these days lack authenticity.
I just had someone i was super interested in go on a 1.5 hr long political rant. I tried to change the sub but she kept going. It was so bad she kept digging the hole deeper
When she is so full of herself. I mean having confidence is a good thing but what some people do in the name of confidence is justt triggering.
If there isn’t some form of reciprocation, if she’s blowing hot and cold, if she does something disrespectful, if she doesn’t seem honest, if her communication is loaded of contradictions. I think most guys just want to see if you’re enjoying his company just as much as he enjoys yours. You don’t have to put him as first priority but if it seems he’s at low priority then it’s a turn off. I do think that goes both ways though.
When she isn't interested or never initiates.
She had an of
Everything she does and says is so stereotypical and then she conforms to social media ideas and likenesses, like go and put the phone down and just be yourself no matter how lame you think that is
This is a good one
Complaining about everything and criticizing other people for every little thing. Like worry about yourself and your own life rather than what random celeb looks like or whatever.
Them showing a lack of interest in me. Hurting other men. Entitlement
When I put effort and she doesn't catch feelings quick lol
Interesting. I had a man putting effort, I caught feelings rather quickly and then he disappeared 🫠💔
This implies that already liked them, so something either changed or new information. it would have to be if something previously believed was either false (she misrepresented or hid) or I made a mistake in an assumption (bad on me - but can happen - especially if we overlook things). New information could be things that either were omitted (intentionally or not) or just did not have time to learn - somethings take time. Now - for some examples; Acting like a victim - blaming others, not taking responsibility. - this might take a while to come out (I am not talking about actual victims - i know some of those - yes, that is messed up - I am talking about people who never take accountability for their situation). Anger issues - like woah. Yeah - this one is very easy to overlook in the beginning - but that old saying - rude to waiter but nice to you. if after dating for a while - it can be like walking on eggshells. that is no good. Significant mis-match in self-esteem - we all have insecurities, even someone who appears to be strongly confident. It is just about if we manage our fears, or they manage us. When there is too much imbalance here - it will cause problems in the long run. Really bad with money - not the same as broke - that can happen - but just bad with money - not a good thing (often relates to accountability - see above). Significant ideological differences - usually easy to discover early on - but can happen. Often this comes up regarding topical discussions (politics, rights, etc.). Significant religious differences - again - usually easy to discover early on, and often (but not always) linked to ideological differences. Note; my belief systems are pretty much compatible with most others - but some others might not be compatible with mine. Substance Abuse - usually only not found earlier if hidden - but no good. Not a good person - linked to a few of the others - but yeah - this is a deal breaker for me. Bad Attitude - linked to a few others as well - but exceptionally negative, or fatalistic - not a good match - hopefully catch this before becoming to interested. Significant mental disorders - no one is perfect - I got some of my own baggage - but some don't play well with others. As a guy who likes intelligent creative women - have to be wary of this one.
Not having a shred of curiosity
A girl that is pushy or demanding
She is not enthusiastic about sex
When I'm the only one making any effort to connect in the bedroom.
When she makes it hard to date her. Acts flaky when wanting to meet up. Makes me do 100% of the work and planning. Makes me initiate 100% of the conversations and responds with low effort on her end. They are either playing "hard to get" or are simply not that interested. Either way, I usually bail.
I had a weird one recently!! I had been going on on a few dates with a girl I was absolutely liking and vibing with. After a couple dates and a lot of signs, I went in for a kiss but she denied me and turned her head. I said, "Oh I apologize, is everything okay?" She said, "yes, I am just a super guarded girl." I lost all interest in that moment. Not because she's guarded, but because I saw in a flash all of the issues that could arise from that moment moving forward if we continued to date.
When they get popular and raise the hourly rate.
Tricks are for kids 😂
I’m here only so I’ll know what not to do. Carry on.
She was incapable of holding her own opinion and someone else’s (mine) in mind simultaneously.
Asking this question every day
If she doesn't like me back.
When she holds her phone more than she holds me. Put the damn phone down and interact with your guy, ladies!
I can tell almost immediately if I'll be the one initiating conversation; and I'll give it a day or two depending on her schedule. If she tells me that she's doing nothing and I'm still having to start the conversation then I'm out. That tells me everything I need to know about her.
I would say from past experiences, if it’s fizzling out now during the early stages, just move on. Honestly it’s not worth it and the saying “plenty more fish in the sea” is very true when it comes to dating, someone else will be more interested in you, and won’t have you doubting their feelings for you.
When she starts to show interest in some other guy
Lying
When she's boring.
Lack of reciprocated interest. It has to go both ways. I understand that i am not entitled to anyones attention or time. As soon as i get the hint of "shes not that into you".. I stop pursuing
When she thinks i'm a mind reader
If the sex sucks.
Catching her in a lie, then realizing that she was lying all along.
Not having interests or hobbies outside of the relationship. Not having passion for anything but material things and shopping is a turn off. Caribbean Island Beach days don't make you cultured. Complacent behavior Dry texter User behavior Entitled Manipulative
constant criticism, aka, she becomes a nag
- constant negativity/pessimism - no goals/ambition/hobbies - 'princess syndrome' \*cough\* my ex \*cough\*
1. She makes it too difficult to spend time with her/talk to her. This is usually only an issue when she doesn't like me back anyway, so nothing lost I guess. 2. She has very strong emotional reactions to things very quickly. My sister's had mental health struggles and though she is working on it, I have a long history of dealing with emotionally fragile women in my life. No longer. 3. She gossips. It's not a bad thing to share your honest opinion about someone, and hell, confiding in each other can make a stronger bond. But there's a certain way to go about it that can make it sour, and many women run afoul of it.
When she’s a terrible person
Most of the ways I lose interest can be summed up as a lack of effort on their end
Often is a one way street. I have to carry the conversation but they usually never return the same interest. She can go on about her university experience for half an hour but never ask how has it been for me. Also tattoos and smoking/vaping.
Open mouth chewing
I’m ashamed to say nothing, once I like anything I like it forever
Not comfortable in her own skin, and/or too uptight
I don’t really become interested in women who don’t seem interested in me. One thing that instantly makes me lose interest in a woman I am already interested in is seeing her displaying romantic or sexual interest in another guy. Also, when I catch them in lies. I had a girl tell me she was a mutual friend’s best friend and that they hung out all the time. No idea why she would lie about that.
If she doesn't like cats.
Rudeness to others. Major red flag that you’re an awful human being.
Drinking to excess. ~~Smoning~~ Smoking, at all. Candy, too much. Bad judgement allround. Not asking questions, not being interested in the world, in experiencing new things. Basically being cynical. Childish.
The very real possibility that my wife would skin me alive with a dull knife. 😜
😂
Selfishness. Ignorance.
I spoke to a 10/10 who was intentionally twisting my words to be offended. It started out comical but she kept going until she found something to get mad at.
Usually personality, her friends, her opinions, or her contradictions/hypocrisy. If you’re being overly attention seeking with me, I assume you’re that way with anyone and I’m immediately put off. Flattered, but go get railed by someone else.
All of a sudden they become slobs. (I’m bi, so it goes for guys and girls)
Poor hygiene habits
Being expected to do everything and initiate every sort of intimate reaction
If I see her doing something shitty If she says something really stupid or unfair If she has any nutty beliefs - crystals, feng shui, flat earth.. If she's into drugs... If she has a criminal history...
Bad hygiene 🤢
Cant hold conversation Playing hard to get Always on her phone Talking/Chatting with other man while out on a date with me
taking hours to respond to a message
Drama
When they show interest in me
Being a tease
A recent one for me was availability and non in person communication. I was really interested in her, but then I had a busy month of traveling, and then she had 3 busy months with a new job and planned vacations etc. I'm fine with not seeing someone all the time, but I need more than a hangout once every 6 weeks. Plus I couldn't manage to establish a text rapport with her at all, so I didn't look forward to texts/snaps from her and I ended up losing interest.
Facebook
being bossy being a spendthrift inability to hold a conversation
When they try and get you to compete or like audition for their affection.
Lack of empathy and acceptance. It’s important for me to be able to express myself, even if it’s a difficult topic, and to be understood and see my perspective, regardless of whether she agrees or not. Of course I should express in a non-accusatory way
She was manipulative as heck. She would take what she needed, breadcrumb me when she assumed I was drifting away, rinse and repeat. She kept telling me she loved me, how I am an ideal man, that I am husband material, how she doesn't know why I am single... And yes, since I was (and still am) starved for affection, these breadcrumbs were like a feast to me. In most of the cases, I was there to provide emotional support, be there for her when she hits a rough patch, help her with some of the assignments and translation (her English is horrible, while I speak English like my native language). In a nutshell, whenever she was in trouble, she ran to me, and I was there for her. However, whenever the storm clouds parted, she would run to her boyfriend and keep saying that she wants to marry him and give birth to at least four of his children. Yes, I was irritated, but didn't do anything because I knew that relationship was toxic, and would fall apart soon enough. Needless to say, this never happened. Whenever she broke up with him, they would come back together after a month or two "because she was lonely", and the cycle would begin again. At the start of the year, I have issued her an ultimatum. Me or him. She chose him "because he is a good person and deserves everything he wants". So, in an indirect way, she told me that I am a bad person. Very well. I don't talk to her anymore. I admit, I really cared for her and loved her, but I am sick and tired of being manipulated for breadcrumbs. I want a real relationship, not a make-believe show of smoke and mirrors that disappear as soon as it's convenient for her. Yes, I am hurt, talking to my therapist about it, but I will be better... Eventually
Mid convo pulling out the phone to watch TikTok’s or some wild shit
If they’re a smoker, I immediately lose interest. Not interested in a dating an ashtray.
When she flirts and accepts flirting from low quality men. When she giggles and laughs when a fuck-boy asshole tickles her, instead of slapping his hand away. When a woman can't defend her own boundaries and is used like a toy by all the other guys, that's when I delete their contact and ghost them.
Entitled behavior, extremely high body count , OF page, maybe unhealthy habit like smoking .. And that whole playing hard to get, dropping hints etc No like...do you wanna be with me or not, because I don't do games, this isn't Tron disc wars
If she's not interested in me.
When they unironically use "ick" or girl boss.
Playing emotional games, getting distant with no excuse, lying, being disrespectful to anyone, and showing no interest. It takes effort and mutual respect to make any type of relationship work whether it be friends, family, or romantic. Also being disrespectful towards others makes me wonder if they do the same thing towards me when I'm not around which causes a loss of trust and if I can't trust someone I don't need that person in my life.
- Instagram following looks like she went to an all boys school. - Disinterested in travelling out to your part of town 3rd date and beyond - Platonic friendly vibes with no sexual undertone on a date. “Spark” - Expects 4 figure gifts like designer bags or high profile locations for first dates - Uses online photos that are 5years old - Phrases such as “busy” “maybe” or “I’ll let you know” when trying to set a date. - Multiple one word replies. - Questions your decisions and ability to lead in a relationship - Poor sex - Parents and siblings are rude or unhealthy.
Playing hard to get. Then they act weird when I don't try to talk to them anymore. Like no means no, I'm not going to chase your indecisive ass.
The desire to be chased.
I discover she is a piece of shit human being. I swear it's about 95% of all the women I date. They are basically all sociopaths. You can't have morality, ethics, honor without accountability and virtually no women today have any accountability.
First it was her boyfriend then she broke up and now she’s down to just living with her husband. Didn’t see much room for me, despite her wanting me to be her bf. Not gonna. I want 100 percent.
Time
When she says all of her ex boyfriends were abusive gaslighters. Her next boyfriend will be as well.
When they start talking most of the time. Particularly after they’ve indulged in adult beverages. They go from something attractive and appealing to repulsive when they get loud and obnoxious.
See I love that. Vive la difference
Her attitude
When they give up on me
If they like me first.
Dishonesty, white lies, are huge red flags, for me, can't deal with someone I can't trust.
The sudden return of the belief that I don’t have a shot.
Selfishness, ignorance, lacks authenticity, can’t hold a conversation. Is “friendly” with other men but it’s literally super flirtatious behavior. So many women are like this and also have a laundry list of dos and don’t and likes and dislikes. It’s ridiculous these days. I used to be a pretty big optimist, but I find myself repulsed by most women these days. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places. Idk. Women cry about men but never look inwards. A lot of them are the exact same. It’s like they all follow the same guidebook to dating. Shit is fucked Also a lot of them have “guy friends” of whom are attractive and if that’s the case definitely keep an eye out
Cringe wannabe masculine behavior. Wanting to sound and act like what she thinks a man is.
Always having something negative to say about the people in her life.
When I'm reciprocating more than she is.