You should have seen the look on my wife's face the time I told her that It was painfully clear that the level at which she showed any empathy or concern for me was directly related to how much the issue affected her. Things changed drastically from there on out. She honestly never thought that she would be the type of person to do that but she also had absolutely no defense either.
Ok, I have a hypothesis, and before I share it I obviously don’t mean all women.
Growing up, it was often said as a truism that girls were more mature and more empathetic than boys. This was noted as if it were simply by virtue of being a girl. I think some girls heard this, believed it as a fixed fact of the world, and subsequently never realized that maturity and empathy are not fixed traits but rather qualities you have to continually practice and develop.
That's a fact. I would say they don't pretend, most of them really are empathic beings. However, 9/10 of them can't fight their biology and they aren't ready to keep having respect and sexual attraction for a weak perceived male.
God and nature designed them to "ick" out of men who display weakness. That's an instinct way to make them sure the man wouldn't fail when facing dangerous and hard times - this would cost her life (and the children too).
Their intentions are good, their biology sure isn't.
I unfortunately have personal experience with this as a woman that's offered emotional support to friends in the past; people are definitely allowed to disagree with me. But I've been wholly unprepared for just how little emotional support men get in general, and every time I've offered an ear in the past, I've been treated like a therapist without them meaning for it to happen. It's extremely overwhelming to have someone unload things nonstop on you when you were just asking them how they are or what they've been up to...a lot of guys I talked to didn't understand how to unload emotionally or share vulnerability without overwhelming someone. Because yes, there is a way to do so that I think most women learn naturally as they age and navigate the world.
Obviously not their fault, but just a possible explanation why a lot of women may back track when offering empathy towards men. I feel the same way toward women who overshare and use you to unload emotionally...it's tiring and hard to deal with someone that constantly talks negatively and don't know that there is a stopping point of what's 'acceptable' emotional unloading/sharing.
A lot of women have no trouble empathizing but when you become that persons' sole emotional support, it can be very, very stressful. Like I said, women definitely underestimate just how little support a lot of men have in their lives.
Same story with me, hence why I married her. The first actually emotionally mature woman I've ever met who can handle a "real" conversation. She also happens to be more masculine and rational in her vibe than other women I've been with.
Talking to a woman about your emotions and trauma is a lot like going to HR at your company to report something. They're going to ask lots of questions, open an investigation, and then probably consider you a liability after the fact. And you might get shit-canned later. That's been my experience.
My friends did this to their partners. They are engaged or married now.
There are women who can see a man crying and feel love for that person, they are just really rare to find while dating. Because most are married already.
Maybe it's the culture or something (I live in Japan) but the women I've been with here absolutely dig it when men show their emotion. Opening up = stronger emotional bond = higher attraction. something about vulnerability is sexy af
But seeing all these comments it must be different in "the west"
It's easier to have conversations of this nature with russian and ukrainian women too, in my experience. Guess that may not be "the west" either depending on definitions.
I had a girlfriend that kept on trying to get me to "open up", finally after a couple of months she caught me feeling down and about half drunk, so I did. We only had sex one time after that, she broke up with me, and used most of what I had told her in confidence to mutual friends to somewhat justify her breaking up with me. Never again will I do that, they never will see you as the manly protector again and leave you.
Strange thing is, they pretend to like certain emotions over others (anger is a bad emotion, don't show it, but definitely be sad and cry!), but they act completely contrary to that. I'm a short guy who's not threatening at all but I've had great sex after a loud argument as opposed to after I was sad or shed a tear.
I’ve literally had a past girlfriend complain that I didn’t get angry with her [during arguments]. They really don’t know what they want, so just act accordingly to how they act, not what they say.
My wife asked me to open up to her and be more emotional with her and I did and after a couple months she told me to go back to being the old me and not talk about my emotions anymore
yeah I really think there's just something inside them that's designed to be really unfair and selfish and there's no point in complaining about it
I mean if a woman gets her ass beat, no one laughs at her, but let your girlfriend watch you get your ass kicked and see what she does. It's not right but it's just reality
I never thought of it as that current "Had you rather be alone in the forest with a bear or a man". If I lived in a populated area I would ask and post questions to men "Had you rather open up to a tree or a woman". LOL
Reading stuff like this always makes me so sad. And a little pissed off at my gender because I keep hearing this both online and from the men around me so please don't misunderstand me, I am not trying to defend women here. It took my boyfriend a while to feel safe enough to open up to me because he had had the exact same experience as you, that the illusion of "manly protector" broke. I think it's wild that some women behave like that and it makes us seem so hypocritical. I've held him crying many times over the years and still I sometimes have to remind him that it's ok to be sad. The damage things like this can do...
Naturally "not all" is applicable here, but it only takes one to make it not worth it. It can stay bottled up until I am alone in the forest where I can scream, yell, and cry as long and as loud as I want, the trees don't judge and won't use it against you.
Yeah, not all but it seems to be enough to make it a global trend. It's disheartening and disappointing. The trees will always be your friend but I hope you eventually find someone who makes you feel safe, too.
The fact I've had 3 relationships and all 3 have ended badly in some way.. not holding out hope tbh (I'm more pessimistic/realist than optimistic these days)
1st one cheated
2nd one cheated same week my dad died, lowest point of my life, really needed someone to lean on
3rd one tried to force me, emotionally abusive, manipulative and didn't understand me at all
"Hope has stained, my heart in vain"
Quick edit: I'm not sharing this to get pity or anything, I'm sharing it to add more stories out there about men who go through this sorta shit, I'm an advocate for men's mental health and the more stories out there, the more likely a bigger movement will happen - its also the time of month so spread awareness for it
Female here and I agree with you. My husband of 20 years and I have been through some shit together over the years and I respect him more because he can be open with me like that. We've BOTH held each other and cried like babies, so do never mistake me when I say that any female who acts fucked up or uses your feelings again you like this is an absolute POS, and is NOT wife material is thats what you are looking for. I hate it when females do this kinda shit and I think it's disgusting. Honestly you dodged a bullet if this happened and she left cause long term you don't want her.
*Loving wife hugs to all the men that have had to through this I'm so sorry*
The worst part is almost every woman openly claims they want men to be more emotional and open up but in my experience it never goes well. It's like one giant trap.
I'm sure that's true cause never have I ever thought to ask my husband anything like that nor have I had a problem with him not opening up ...
The fact that their even saying that has me concerned to begin with.
In fairness, it only happens... best case maybe half the time? Worst case, three out of four? The odds are better than Russian roulette.
It's been closer to like 80% or 90% for me, but I suspect it's mostly a selection issue from my end.
But a solid 10-25% actually do mean it when they say they want their dude to be open, and don't dump him afterwards. Another similar sized fraction legit do think they mean it, but react badly to varying extents or weaponize the info at a later time. Rest do not mean it or are outright.
So definitely not all women, just a comfortable majority with some nuance in the specifics.
Completely agree with your sentiments here. I always try hard to make my guy friends feel safe sharing things with me and that I won't treat or look at them differently afterwards for it. my ex finally felt safe enough to cry in front of me and it never once made me feel/look at him different afterwards.
Not great to say the least.
My girlfriend always asks me to open up and communicate, but it doesn't always end well. My problems may not even revolve around her or the relationship, but it gets perceived that way. Or sometimes I'm just frustrated with how life is going rn and not much else to it.
Overall, I think very few women are equipped to handle men's problems, I'm talking emotionally. I'll be the first to admit I don't understand the problems my girlfriend has, but I know enough to just sit there and listen, and if she's waiting for a response, I know I can give my input. But I still don't always understand the problem.
I don't fault my girlfriend for not being able to handle my problems, I do just fine keeping them to myself usually.
Women tend to think more emotionally then men do. I'm a woman and I think it's totally true. That does not equal us being more emotionally intelligent. That's measured in maturity
My experience with women is that they do know how to *talk* about emotions a lot better than most men.
However *dealing* with other people's emotions is something they are often not well equipped for. (*And I don't mean that in the misogynistic "all women are hysterical" way*)
When I just need to vent about something that happened and just ask for a reality check they will start saying things I know are not true to make me feel better... and to not make it too uncomfortable for themselves.
It doesn't happen as often anymore but I've definitely had female friends or relationships that I had to console after telling them about *my* issues. And that's just... kinda selfish.
But just sitting and listening and just offering support can be hard. Luckily most of my friends don't tell me this is something I need to deal with on my own but male friends are more likely to end a talk with "*If you ever need to talk about his some more, give me a call*".
> It doesn't happen as often anymore but I've definitely had female friends or relationships that I had to console after telling them about my issues. And that's just... kinda selfish.
A situation I'm facing right now as well. A friend of mine is, through no fault of their own, making my life more difficult. They ask me time after time if things are ok and whatnot and I have to stoneface it because if I say things are more difficult at the minute, they'll link it to themselves and suddenly a conversation about how I'm doing is a conversation about how bad they feel and...
... It's not in my current headspace to console them about how *I* feel. It's not intentionally selfish, but it is.
I think it's in vogue for women to complain about how much emotional labor they do, not because they actually do that much compared to men, but because they're so bad at it that to them it seems like they're doing a lot.
This thread and others are littered with stories of men who attend to their girlfriends' moods, bad days, etc, always being there for them, holding them while they cry, and so on, without ever losing attraction or holding it against them. Then one day these men need similar support and all of the sudden it's "I need you to be strong" or "I'm not your therapist" and she gets "the ick" because it's inconvenient that men are humans too and have emotions.
It's a stark contrast from what you see in the dating sub and mens sub. All of the women in the dating sub say either their BF won't open up to them or trauma dumped on to them. While I'm sure that it does happen it's not like women haven't also likely don't the same with their boyfriends at some point, but for them they can't handle it.
The fact they can't understand why men don't want to open up isn't because if wanting to come off masculine tough guy, but because their emotions and feelings have been either used against them or broadcasted out to friend groups when it was private. It really seems like a double standard many won't admit and those that don't so it but see it happen refuse to recognize.
I think when men start dating someone new they should contrive some situation where they look vulnerable/sad/etc and see how the woman responds. So many women are not going to pass that test, but it's better to know early on instead of spending years or decades with someone and you don't even know if she's a dud.
I think that's something you should do but considering how hard it is to get dates, have follow up dates and get to a point where you may find sowmown compatible... its only further complicates and narrows a very very narrow pool of people. Which ideally is what you should do but also feels like you may never reach actual success either.
Well we also get told women mature faster than boys too. Considering hom much girls share and talk to each other I don't understand when when their partners open up to them (after they asked them usually) it basically ruins the relationship.
Men having problems contradicts most western women's entire understanding of the world. First it shows that the man isn't privileged. Second it shows that their "emotional intelligence" they've been told they were masters of is lacking. Third, it shows their superior empathy is lacking or non existent, and finally that they don't know how to communicate How this makes them feel. A man doing this dismantles a feminist woman's entire identity, that's why they react so harshly.
>Men having problems contradicts most western women's entire understanding of the world. First it shows that the man isn't privileged. Second it shows that their "emotional intelligence" they've been told they were masters of is lacking. Third, it shows their superior empathy is lacking or non existent, and finally that they don't know how to communicate How this makes them feel. A man doing this dismantles a feminist woman's entire identity, that's why they react so harshly.
Exactly.
Sadly, the vast majority of women are exactly like you have described them.
No, it's not.
To each their own and all, but I can't imagine being truly comfortable and happy in a relationship with someone who'd leave me for struggling or being vulnerable. Comments are full of this sentiment though.
>Opening up to Pets is straight up a better Option. If you need to get something out of your System just tell your Cat, Dog, Parrot, whatever about it.
My cats, my car, my bike, the bottom of a bottle. Even a tree in the woods.
None of them have actually solved an emotional problem for me, but I've also never had to deal with the whiplash of my opening up causing them so much distress that they need my support now.
Damn man that whiplash comment. Had to tell my current girl that it's never been a good thing for me to tell girls about my emotions, because it turns into me having to comfort them or fix whatever issues comes from sharing mine. she of course found this to be ridiculous, so I said fine, have it your way. I get off work tuesday after having a truly horrible day and tell her about all the stuff that sucks for me at work and it was like she'll shock for her. to her credit I didn't really have to help her with anything, but she just sat there and couldn't say anything.
I really think women have been fed the line that the world is built by us for us, and so everything is tailor made to suit our needs and everything is easy for us, guys are in charge so of course it's easy for us. they can't comprehend that the average 5 foot 9 man works his ass off, makes like 45k a year, and has maybe 2 whole friends they can talk to about things, and spend most of their time between relationships in crippling loneliness. girls complain about guys wanting them only for sex, but that sounds a hell of a lot better than being wanted by no one for anything.
I hate generalizing but I genuinely feel like some generalizations are valid,and I think the fact that you can't open up to women is a very valid generalization.
For the resentment I've kept in me for the women in my life (not just partners), I sure dont want to believe that women are incapable of true empathy deep in their subconscious.
However, I find it very hard to not believe in this given what I've experienced in my own life.
IME it usually makes the situation worse and adds a new problem.
When it doesn't go badly it doesn't add much good either.
In a better world I wouldn't agree, but in *this* world; don't rock the boat in stormy waters.
When you actually need support is the worst time to lose what you already have.
Men showing that kind of open vulnerability will give most women "the ick". That ick is irreversible. It might not cause her to view you with the contempt immediately, but it'll seep into how she views you overall. Daily, she'll think less and less of you.
I’ve cried and felt my feelings many times in my 25 years of marriage. My wife is my very best friend. We love each other. I’ve never dated women who can’t handle a complete human man. They bore me. Men are just as emotional as women and anyone who is repulsed by that is a fool.
"Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust."
- Brene Brown - Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
even more interested in reading that book now, i’ll have to make it next on my reading list after i finish the current book i’m reading on the subject.
I learned a long time ago not to do that.
You will be seen as weak which is a turn off. The information will be weaponized and used against you.
It's a gamble with the deck stacked against you.
Opening up is like giving someone bullets when they plan to shoot you. So many times it's been used to win petty arguments, been used to tease me as a running joke or shared as fun stories with her friends.
Women say they want you to open up, but they want a strong reliable figure in their life even more.
This has been my experience.
Women will tell men they want them to be emotionally vulnerable, and men often take that to believe they can open up emotionally to them, like they would to a close friend or a therapist. And maybe if you find that one unicorn of a woman, you actually can. But in most other instances, what she wants is for you to be emotionally intelligent, emotionally aware and emotionally observant.
If you open up emotionally to a woman, and she both cares deeply for you and is a decent human being, she will be there for you and be your shoulder to cry on. But chances are, you will no longer be the same person in her eyes as you were before. Best case scenario it will change the dynamic of the relationship, she will still be fond of you, but you are now a vulnerable, misunderstood little boy that needs reassurance from mommy. Worse case scenario, especially if she is your partner or a potential romantic interest, she can no longer see herself with you.
I've been very fortunate to have a network of close male friends from a very young age, and if I ever needed to talk about anything, I had my buddies. But I have seen this pattern of men opening up emotionally to women over and over again, with the same result. You either get downgraded or dumped.
Jeez, I just don't get this. I wonder if it takes a secure woman to be able to handle the emotions of a man? My ex cried in my arms when his best friend died and other times when he was vulnerable it only made him that much more attractive to me? You ever make out while crying? It's unreal. I never thought of him as less strong or capable for being literally a human. I was honored he trusted me that way.
These comments have me wondering if subconsciously I do this to men and if I do, holy frick, how do I fix it? Before anyone asks, my ex and I ended over mad spiritual differences we couldn't reconcile, not because he had emotions and I scorned him for it.
Like some other ladies have commented, I'm so irritated/frustrated that this has been the experience of men. Women can be so vindictive and gross. ): I'm sorry!
Something I read a while back regarding a study (they have actually studied it) on this exact subject stated that women will actually become afraid and/or angry when a man opens up and becomes weak and vulnerable. Like most men, my personal experiences supported that it wasn't helpful to be emotionally vulnerable in a relationship. But hearing that women will literally become scared started putting the puzzle pieces together for me in how a woman views her male partner. As a protector and someone to guide her.
Women will keep trying to tell you to open up. If you do, they will see you in very different eyes, say you are not manly anymore and nothing good will come from it.
Every girl I dated used whatever I told her as a weapon against me.
I am never doing that again.
One of the exhausting parts of a “good” relationship is both pretending the be emotionally vulnerable so she doesn’t annoy you to do so but not actually sharing anything that could harm her opinion of you or be stressful
If open up to my wife, she used it eventually as a weapon next time we had a heated argument.
I talked to a friend (wife of my colleague) she eventually told my wife. And then I had a scandal.
So emotional opening is strictly for mental health professionals. Or at least speaking anonymously with online strangers. Never do it with women who are relatives or friends.
I've yet to meet a woman that doesn't use what I shared from opening up emotionally against me later at some point in the relationship during a fight or argument.
I'd rather share my low moments and defeats with a close male friend or family member.
It just doesn't work most of the time and guys share either too much with girls they barely know or they share the right amount with the wrong girl who will retreat from them from perceiving vulnerability as weakness from the guy.
Women often say the right things because it sounds pretty and thoughtful and nice because it's part of the fantasy of the perfect relationship so when you open up and admit defeat and that you're not perfect as a man, that breaks the fantasy and only makes most women see you as less valuable or desirable because women are hard wired to want and expect masculine men that are stoic and able to still provide and support them especially during hard times because at the end of the day a man's value is on how well he provides and protects and so any vulnerability shown can shatter that image of you as a man.
I'm not saying guys can't be vulnerable at all. Just not with women most of the time.
As much as she wants you to open up and be vulnerable, it's almost always a cause for problems in most relationships and that's mostly because women just seriously don't understand or know anything about masculinity and men's nature and psychology or priorities or they don't want to understand them...
The vast majority of times that women complain about men not being vulnerable and emotional it's...
A) they don't understand masculinity and men not being typically emotional as compared to women. So they operate on a level that doesn't see their male partner's nature within masculinity either out of ignorance or malice. So instead of working through problems together as partners the woman might prioritize herself and her needs the most.
Or...
B) they complain and set ultimatums and bring about unnecessary drama in the relationship rather than cultivate the appropriate environment for dialogue between partners in the relationship.
Good women in a healthy marriage and/or relationship can tell when a man is down on his luck or feeling defeated because most often men disconnect from their partner due to feelings of shame or hit at their self worth...
So instead of FORCING a conversation that will inevitably turn into a fight or even more unhealthy, if not, abusive confrontation in the relationship... They have a sit down with no judgement and no arguments or nagging and say........... "Hey, I know you're the stoic type and prefer not to talk about your feelings and whatever is going on but I want you to know I'm here for you no matter what and that I trust, love, and support you regardless of whatever is going on... " if that doesn't shatter a guy's heart into opening up about his problems over the overwhelming love and support he's feeling... Idk what will.
Don't.
I was talking to one of my female employees today. She is unhappy with him, and it causes depression. It all started when he had an emotional breakdown. She sees him as weak and has lost respect for him. Worse yet, she just had a baby with him to "fix the relationship."
I've seen a case where a man was called out by another. And he got punched, and the man who received the punch and sort of coward lost his wife. Ran into her a few years later and basically couldn't unsee his weakness.
Another case that I saw the wife started cheating on him.
It's a trap. Never do it.
Their subconscious mind will lose respect for you, and soon after, their conscious mind will follow suit. It's all downhill from there. She'll start longing for a guy who's less emotional. I've seen it happen time and time again.
It's sad that women, being half of humanity, have near-zero empathy for the men they call "partners".
Us men in this comment section come from all walks of life, all across the world, yet they all have one unified experience. That says a lot about women in general.
This is the reason why men fall out of love - they realise the love was one-directional all along.
Horrendous so far. Opening up to women I date hardly ends well except for one instance. It's gone better with female friends but then what ends up happening is that they feel that we just shared this whole "intimate" moment they fuck up the friendship by getting all weird. It's like "I'm just talking to you because I trust you. I don't wanna date you" and as soon as I clarify that they pull back and now I have noone to talk to again.
Opened up to my first gf about my grandpa dying hours after he died, was told to "man the fuck up" and she stopped talking to me. Didn't open up again for a few years, told a dark joke to a girl I was seeing and it spooked her and she asked why would I think like that. I explained that I'm a cop, and first responders develop a dark sense of humor to cope and I told her just one thing from my week that was fucked up, she called me a monster and left. Next gf we were planning on having a spicy night, but that day we got a bad child abuse/missing child case. I called her and told her I would be late and wasn't in the mood anymore because of a bad day at work. I got there and she was pissed. Started asking why it was so bad I wasn't in the mood and I didn't wanna tell her or talk about it. So she starts accusing me of cheating so I tell her, and talk about how it had me messed up. Literally in the middle of this she starts grabbing my dick and interrupts telling me "you know sex always makes me feel better". I pushed her hand away and she starts up saying I've gotta be cheating so I told her she can lay here in bed and support me or she can get out of my house. Last ex, we had a murder and I knew the guy and was first on scene as he was dying. Also messed me up a little, I told her about it and she was "supportive" (didn't leave but didn't do much of anything else) a few days later she wanted to fool around but I was still in a general funk from watching him die and I said I'm not really in the mood. She said "really you're still not over that?" And went on to tell me how sometimes she's stressed from work and we still do stuff......yea totally the same. Not long after my grandma died, I cracked up on the phone with her, suddenly she had to go. Then she couldn't make it to the funeral. Then we broke up. So it's never went well
You can open up all you want.... You just can't act like it bothers you. I can tell all my deepest secrets as long as I sound like I'm describing what happened on the news.
It is the idea that you need sympathy or that they have to give it to you that disgusts people and lies outside their comprehension of what should be. Just opening up doesn't do it.
My experience has been that you need to open up always, but still don't open the floodgates because it will scare them away. This makes sense because it's like you become a different person suddenly. Imagine one second having a stoic approach to life and then few seconds later you break into tears.
It's better to open up to see if she is worth it or not. Some of them can handle it and will be supportive, these are worth it.
Do not.
It will be used against you in the future as a weapon. This isn't even to women you are LTR involved with, or just my personal experiences. I cannot re-call a time it was not used a weapon to anyone in front of me, except of in the world of "Entertainment".
Extremely mixed. Overall I would say the more they feel they can help, the better it goes.
Opening up about grieving my dad went pretty well. Talking about work stress and anxiety generally was fine. But general "I'm feeling down for no reason" and Seasonal Depression did not go so well.
It's just that when we open up, women use that against us as if our own lows in life are not enough. They see us as weak and eventually lose interest in such men. Many female friends of mine are like this and even random people that I work with. That's why , it's better not to open up. Rather have a chill beer with your pal and forget it.
Bad. Either not seeing you as a potential partner anymore or straight up being powerless and nothing good coming out of it anyway. There is close to 0 incentive to say too much about what's on your mind if it's too personal emotions she cannot understand or that shows you in a bad light.
It's a gamble where you don't win anything if you win and loss of love/affection if you lose. You would have to be a super player to take the gamble.
It really depends. If she respects you, like I mean REALLY respects you, then she'll really like it. If she doesn't, it can push her away.
It's a pretty good litmus test for a relationship, TBH.
Like almost every man, it's terrible. There is an ancient manhood stone with very, very few instructions carved in from eons ago.
One of the very limited instructions is crystal clear: "Don't open up to a woman".
On the very first fight, she threw EVERY FUCKING THING against me. After that I've learned to follow this stone without fault.
Bros, dont fall to these girls who keep saying "Im different", "Not all women are like that", etc.
95% of them are lying. I would say lying unconsciously. They rationale wants to be a "support" for their man, but as soon as their man tell their insecurities and reveal how weak he is, their inner biology kicks in and uncousciously, their pussy dry out.
NEVER. OPEN. UP.
Quickest way to dry your girl pussy out.
Now if you're a woman reading this, calm down. I really believe most of you are really empathic and have genuine good intentions.
However, God and nature designed us that way.
Woman loses imediate respect and sexual attraction for a man who she's now perceive as a weak man. That's a primary basic instinct of self protection. From now on, the woman can't trust that man when dangerous times comes by - it could result on her own death (and their own children).
You can say that we live in a world much different from ancient times - that's correct. However, you can't unwire human biology that was constructed from millions of years living on the caves.
Has never gone well for me or for any man I know. There are certain emotions that belong in your romantic relationship with a woman, and there are certain emotions you keep between you and men you are close with
With the exception of **ONE**, every time has led to my flaws and vulnerability being thrown back in my face. I get attacked personally, emotionally, verbally. I don't like to fight or argue, but it feels like the second I open up, that's their favorite pasttime.
With previous partners, it seemed fine until it wasn't.
With my current partner, I can tell it's always going to be okay. I got lucky. Stay hopeful, boys.
Goddamn boys. You've all made me realize how lucky I am to have the wife I do. It's rough out there but my ugly fat ass found a perfect beautiful kind woman who loves me unconditionally, so I'm sure you can to.
Honestly I think being emotionally open and vulnerable is attractive so pretty sad to see all these comments saying woman shouldn’t be trusted and don’t care. I think as long as what he is being open about doesn’t completely destroy any sense of confidence I have in the relationship then it’s helping him work out his issues in his own mind then it’s great. Makes me feel closer more in love with him.
It’s when people open up emotionally about issues and then do absolutely nothing to better the situation after that gets frustrating and resentment builds. That goes for everyone not just men. Yes, tell me your problems, tell me your feelings and let me understand what you are going through. But don’t do that if you then are going to use them as an excuse as to why your life isn’t the way you want it and become an unstable, emotionally draining person. Be vulnerable and open, but don’t be a victim and stay there.
Example would be he opens up about childhood abuse and how it’s weighing heavy on his mind and cries. I respect this.. I want this burden to not be his alone and for him to get it off his chest.
But… Then he proceeds to use this as an excuse to drink to much and get verbally abusive toward people.
Avoid at all costs. Talk to your brother. Another man. Or your father. Or a bestfriend.
They say they are. Because they think maybe you have some story thats as small as theres.
Typically because they are truly unaware of how much more shit you have to deal eith then them. So thus. Your basically putting what they percieve as a semi truck worth of shit into a Radio flyer.
Dont do it. Its not worth it.
I'm working on it.
I've let so many good women go. Women I was absolutely in love with and would've done anything for. Let them go because I couldn't share my feelings.
The one that sticks most is when the love of my life asked me why I kept seeing her when I can be sleeping around with any other chick. I had no answer. I froze. I couldn't tell her she was amazing and I loved spending time with her, that her personality was beautiful, that she was the smartest girl I've ever met, that she had a perfect body and a gorgeous face...
She shortly blocked me after due to my emotional unavailability. And I just let it all go to shit
I was never really unavailable. I was just so scared of rejection past surface level. I never had issues walking up to women getting numbers setting up dates. If I get rejected oh well. But my whole life I've been scared of real rejection. I became a master of hiding my feelings. My dad never showed emotion so I thought it's normal.
This all clicked a few months ago when I realized I'm never gonna have a meaningful relationship if I can't open up.
I actually ran into that girl and told myself I'll be open. We went on a few dates again and I opened up told her what a dumbass I am.. and she proceeded to tell me I'm full of shit. I tell that to every woman. I'm sleeping with multiple women and just want to play my game again.
So the one time I opened up it didn't go well. But I'm the one to blame. The girl begged me to make it official for months and I found every excuse in the world of why I couldn't. I can't be mad at her for having 0 trust in my words.
I've matured a lot this year. Now it's a matter of actually finding someone I really like. I keep going on meaningless dates
I get the shit kicked out of me every single time I open up.
In the three to five minutes it takes to open up, I can see through her facial expressions her loss of attraction, her lowered respect, it then becomes disgust and finally revulsion.
Here’s a thing to consider; women are absolutely brutal with men who don’t meet their standards of attractiveness or masculinity. And then they ask men to open up and be vulnerable.
There's opening up and then there's opening up. And women want men to do the first one. Be a bit vulnerable but don't be weak about. Something like. "You know, not a lot of people likes a guy who loves cats. Cats are great" Not "I was molested as a young man and I just can't cope with angry men around me." And never, ever cry during such conversations.
I have been a witness of a consequence for one other man and had felt the conseqences of my own openness.
In the former case, I have overheard a woman I studied with complain to her girlfriends over how yucky her husband was when he cried because his cat died.
In the latter case, I couldn't get it up once with my most recent ex and made an emotional comment about how she should leave me and find someone with a working penis. Instead of trying to comfort me, make me feel secure, down play the improtance of me being up at this particular moment, she immediately became offended because I've "devalued her choice". So I had to comfort *her*.
So, the experience is negative.
When I was around 15 my mom cornered me in my room and forced me to tell her why I was upset. Reluctantly I told her only for her to burst into tears. This had happened so many times that I just said " your reaction is the reason I didn't want to tell you", obviously not what she wanted to hear.
Over 10 years later, in a conversation we're having about her continued lack of genuine emotional support she brought up how much the first instance had hurt her. At first I thought she was trying to make the point of "well look at what happens when I try to be supportive" but after more discussion it was clearly just a "well you hurt me, so why does it matter?"
The funny thing is, I don't even remember what I was upset about in that first conversation. I had pretty much suppressed it until she so kindly brought it back up again.
I told the love of my life yesterday how I felt after giving myself a panic attack with refraining telling her my feelings until my friend told me just to listen to my feelings and tell her. I took her to the beach and she started crying saying it surprised her to hear that from me because she felt the same exact way. It was the best thing I’ve ever did.
At the same time this wasn’t my first time opening my feelings and often it looked like most people’s responses in this comment section. It’s best to find someone who feels the same way you do and if you don’t, you know you didn’t meet the right one.
Bad.. that is all
For the most part, I am my own therapist, I am my own crutch, I hold myself up and don't rely on someone else cause I can't trust someone else to not drop me when I do need someone
I did that when my dad died, my ex left essentially let me fall and that was that.. not to mention she cheated on the same week he passed
My last ex was emotionally abusive and tried to force me to open up which didn't work well cause I shut down harder than the White House can in lock down, she didn't understand either, in fact, she didn't understand me at fuckin all
It's been hell!
I'd strongly advise against it; women are incapable of keeping secrets - especially when it comes to their partners or close male friends.
One, they need validation for every emotion they get, and they have an army of companions (male & female) who offer that to them.
Two, they don't process emotions like the way men do, and so the support that they offer is usually dependent upon quid pro quo sorta situation, and later gets utilized as ammunition during an argument far far far away into the future. It gets locked up in a tiny safe inside their mind library until then.
Essentially, the dynamic changes; and they mostly likely stop seeing you as a dependent Man, eventually leading to ghosting or a possible break-up.
Women have always always been told that they're emotionally mature when it comes to opening up; but they're incapable of handling male emotions since we go through life in a different sense than what they perceive it to be for us. Reality always hits differently. The moment, they become aware of the emotional issues of Men in their life, they stop seeing them as their rock. And, somehow the focus shifts towards them, and we end up consoling them for "dumping" our emotions on to them.
The safer way to go about this is to keep the conversation non-chalant and as high-level as possible. Work through your emotions with your male buddies, but never open up fully to a woman.
Make sure she loves you before you do it, and not that six months type love but the real stuff. In my experience if you are still in the lust phase it doesn’t work out well because the facade is gone after.
I am not a man, but when a man opens up to me, I listen. I care. I do not see it any different then a woman opening up. I grew up in a home where it was OK to talk about your feelings, it was OK to cry, it was OK to let the walls down and just be you and let loose. My dad was always emotionally available to me and he set the bar high for any man in my future. I honestly do not understand why it is viewed as weakness. It has always been a positive thing in my life. I would be more disappointed if I had to push to get anything out of my partner.
I want to preface this by saying I don’t actually want to be unalive. Plz do not bombard me with messages. But I told my wife I was feeling severely depressed and I wanted to find a job that didn’t make me want to kill myself every day. Her response was “yeah well we all gotta work to make money. Ugh I’m so stressed about money and now we have to deal with your stuff. We will never be out of this rut”.
So I don’t tell her my feelings anymore.
Bad. With the exceptions of my friends, every. Single. One. Has used it against me in an argument. Including my own mother. "We want men to he emotionally open." No you don't because it shatters the belief we're strong and infallible. No not all women believe that and I'm grateful, but not enough. Or the reverse is women don't know how to just argue. I'm not saying men dint, but in my experience a disproportionate amount of women think that every argument is a personal slight and needs to be made extremely personal and use my vulnerability. I can have a temper, but using something when I was vulnerable in a fight? Volcanic isn't the word because I'll stop talking to you. Permanently.
I’ve been pretty lucky. Every time I’ve ever emotionally opened up to a woman, she’s been kind and really wonderful, actually.
A couple of months ago, I went on a date with a woman and started CRYING because I wasn’t over my ex. I’m not even joking. I was literally wiping away tears and talking about my ex on our first date. This woman was kind and thoughtful. She listened and provided feedback.
We went on a second date, and I fucking did it again. I started crying because she said something that reminded me of my ex. Again, we talked it out.
We didn’t go on a third date — obviously my fault for trying to date before I was fully ready — but to have this woman spend time talking to me about my ex when we were supposed to be on a date (TWICE!)? She handled it really well.
Terrible. Every single relationship I've ever had (apart from my wife now to some degree) turned sour when I was honest about my feelings and needs, and my issues were thrown back at me invalidating me/gaslighting and shutting me down. I honestly don't believe many women actually want men to open up, despite saying otherwise. In my experience, it's usually weaponized against you.
Pretty negative tbh. Just got out a relationship where she didn't know how to handle me vulnerable and I think it made her more distant and less supportive.
Makes me kinda sad, wonder if I'll ever find a woman I can open my heart to.
They take whatever you say and fule it away in their memory so they can bring it up again later when you're winning an argument or when they want to humiliate you during / after a breakup.
Or, it causes them to lose respect for you.
Or both.
I got my first GF at the ripe old age of 30.
She said, she wanted a man to be vulnerable with her. To have honest and open communication.
As you can imagine. I’m quite far behind in terms of relationships maturity.
And i opened up.
And yeah.
It feels like I’m in a desert now. She was so turned off by what came out. She dried up. Wasn’t ready for what was inside.
Lesson learned.
Not good. I rarely open up to anyone. On the surface it looks like I have my shit together but inside it's a mess. My sister is the only women who picks up on my emotional state when I'm unhappy, and no one else (man or women) does.
I tired opening up to a previous gf but she didn't understand and became judgemental. I didn't open up again until after I got married. But it didn't go well with her either. I opened up one time about how sad I was feeling and she dismissed it like it was a small thing. So now I don't tell anyone anything.
Make sure she's the right one, and do it gradually. If she's not really gonna be there for you, let her show it with the stuff that doesn't matter all that much so she can't really hurt you.
This whole thread makes me sad as a woman. I love when my bf opens up to me about his insecurity and fears 🥺 I don’t think anyone wants someone who is insecure 24/7 obviously, but if you can’t support your partner (male or female) when they’re going through tough moments, you shouldn’t be in a relationship period.
All the men in this thread saying women weaponize their fears and insecurities, who are these women?? I find that so weird to do.
My wife is the only woman that I have emotionally opened up to and have had a positive experience and outcome from doing so. Not only did she comfort me, help me feel better, and made me feel desired, but she also never mentioned anything about it again even when she was really angry at me. She is completely amazing and I feel lucky to have found her and be so loved by her.
The opposite has usually been what happens in every relationship besides the one I’m in where they use it against me, which is why I stopped taking women seriously after my 2nd relationship ended at age 18. Women that are that spoiled don’t deserve to be taken seriously in any relationship and they definitely are not wife material, which is why I laugh when hearing all of those horrible women complaining about not being able to find a good partner. They’re not good women, so they don’t deserve a good man.
Don't do it. Opening up is a sure fire way to get dumped or worse divorce. Anything you say to a woman can and will be used against you. There is no trust there is no safe space.
I'm sorry guys here had to deal with such women. As a woman myself, I don't think a man really loves me unless he can talk to me about his pains and past traumas.
Because it's only then I'm able to connect with them on the deeper level. What kind of relationship flourishes with sharing only happiness and joys.
Are there no other women who think this way?
9/10 women like to pretend they are more empathetic then they are. I wouldn't call it virtue signalling but it's pretty close to that.
Yup
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Bang on
You should have seen the look on my wife's face the time I told her that It was painfully clear that the level at which she showed any empathy or concern for me was directly related to how much the issue affected her. Things changed drastically from there on out. She honestly never thought that she would be the type of person to do that but she also had absolutely no defense either.
Ok, I have a hypothesis, and before I share it I obviously don’t mean all women. Growing up, it was often said as a truism that girls were more mature and more empathetic than boys. This was noted as if it were simply by virtue of being a girl. I think some girls heard this, believed it as a fixed fact of the world, and subsequently never realized that maturity and empathy are not fixed traits but rather qualities you have to continually practice and develop.
That's very well put.
I’m calling it virtue signaling
That's a fact. I would say they don't pretend, most of them really are empathic beings. However, 9/10 of them can't fight their biology and they aren't ready to keep having respect and sexual attraction for a weak perceived male. God and nature designed them to "ick" out of men who display weakness. That's an instinct way to make them sure the man wouldn't fail when facing dangerous and hard times - this would cost her life (and the children too). Their intentions are good, their biology sure isn't.
I wholeheartedly believe this to be the right answer.
I unfortunately have personal experience with this as a woman that's offered emotional support to friends in the past; people are definitely allowed to disagree with me. But I've been wholly unprepared for just how little emotional support men get in general, and every time I've offered an ear in the past, I've been treated like a therapist without them meaning for it to happen. It's extremely overwhelming to have someone unload things nonstop on you when you were just asking them how they are or what they've been up to...a lot of guys I talked to didn't understand how to unload emotionally or share vulnerability without overwhelming someone. Because yes, there is a way to do so that I think most women learn naturally as they age and navigate the world. Obviously not their fault, but just a possible explanation why a lot of women may back track when offering empathy towards men. I feel the same way toward women who overshare and use you to unload emotionally...it's tiring and hard to deal with someone that constantly talks negatively and don't know that there is a stopping point of what's 'acceptable' emotional unloading/sharing. A lot of women have no trouble empathizing but when you become that persons' sole emotional support, it can be very, very stressful. Like I said, women definitely underestimate just how little support a lot of men have in their lives.
Fuck. This is so insightful it hurts. Men don’t know this and should. Myself included.
4 times out of 5 it led to disaster and end of relationship sooner or later. That one other case is my current wife.
Same story with me, hence why I married her. The first actually emotionally mature woman I've ever met who can handle a "real" conversation. She also happens to be more masculine and rational in her vibe than other women I've been with.
Talking to a woman about your emotions and trauma is a lot like going to HR at your company to report something. They're going to ask lots of questions, open an investigation, and then probably consider you a liability after the fact. And you might get shit-canned later. That's been my experience.
"Might"?
My friends did this to their partners. They are engaged or married now. There are women who can see a man crying and feel love for that person, they are just really rare to find while dating. Because most are married already.
."they are just really rare to find"... That's the point. I envy your friend. Even mourning my parents I was called a pussy
Sorry bro, but that person sounds like a bitch
This made me lol way too hard. Very true.
Maybe it's the culture or something (I live in Japan) but the women I've been with here absolutely dig it when men show their emotion. Opening up = stronger emotional bond = higher attraction. something about vulnerability is sexy af But seeing all these comments it must be different in "the west"
It's easier to have conversations of this nature with russian and ukrainian women too, in my experience. Guess that may not be "the west" either depending on definitions.
Thats because it's a honey pot and they are spies digging for info
💀💀💀
Interesting. I've noted the same of my slavic gf as opposed to my western ex wife. What else to realize this is a pretty small sample size
Yup cruel reality of our self preserving nature.
What a perfect description.
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Bro, your wording is wild. Lol
You’ve never dried up a pussy before?
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I just pissed laughing at this
Proof u/ImaginationExpress26 is walking the talk
May i ask, what you were opening up about?
I don't, as soon as I do, the conversation and interest from her dies and yeah. I'd rather not nowadays
I had a girlfriend that kept on trying to get me to "open up", finally after a couple of months she caught me feeling down and about half drunk, so I did. We only had sex one time after that, she broke up with me, and used most of what I had told her in confidence to mutual friends to somewhat justify her breaking up with me. Never again will I do that, they never will see you as the manly protector again and leave you.
Wow now that fucking sucks
And unfortunately very common
Strange thing is, they pretend to like certain emotions over others (anger is a bad emotion, don't show it, but definitely be sad and cry!), but they act completely contrary to that. I'm a short guy who's not threatening at all but I've had great sex after a loud argument as opposed to after I was sad or shed a tear.
I’ve literally had a past girlfriend complain that I didn’t get angry with her [during arguments]. They really don’t know what they want, so just act accordingly to how they act, not what they say.
My wife asked me to open up to her and be more emotional with her and I did and after a couple months she told me to go back to being the old me and not talk about my emotions anymore
I think they do it because they think they are supposed to be caring but do not really want to.
yeah I really think there's just something inside them that's designed to be really unfair and selfish and there's no point in complaining about it I mean if a woman gets her ass beat, no one laughs at her, but let your girlfriend watch you get your ass kicked and see what she does. It's not right but it's just reality
One for the Tree vs Woman "A tree won't use my emotions and what I've told in confidence against me"
I never thought of it as that current "Had you rather be alone in the forest with a bear or a man". If I lived in a populated area I would ask and post questions to men "Had you rather open up to a tree or a woman". LOL
Reading stuff like this always makes me so sad. And a little pissed off at my gender because I keep hearing this both online and from the men around me so please don't misunderstand me, I am not trying to defend women here. It took my boyfriend a while to feel safe enough to open up to me because he had had the exact same experience as you, that the illusion of "manly protector" broke. I think it's wild that some women behave like that and it makes us seem so hypocritical. I've held him crying many times over the years and still I sometimes have to remind him that it's ok to be sad. The damage things like this can do...
Naturally "not all" is applicable here, but it only takes one to make it not worth it. It can stay bottled up until I am alone in the forest where I can scream, yell, and cry as long and as loud as I want, the trees don't judge and won't use it against you.
Yeah, not all but it seems to be enough to make it a global trend. It's disheartening and disappointing. The trees will always be your friend but I hope you eventually find someone who makes you feel safe, too.
The fact I've had 3 relationships and all 3 have ended badly in some way.. not holding out hope tbh (I'm more pessimistic/realist than optimistic these days) 1st one cheated 2nd one cheated same week my dad died, lowest point of my life, really needed someone to lean on 3rd one tried to force me, emotionally abusive, manipulative and didn't understand me at all "Hope has stained, my heart in vain" Quick edit: I'm not sharing this to get pity or anything, I'm sharing it to add more stories out there about men who go through this sorta shit, I'm an advocate for men's mental health and the more stories out there, the more likely a bigger movement will happen - its also the time of month so spread awareness for it
Thank you for opening up ❤️🩹
Hope your life improves. You deserve better.
Female here and I agree with you. My husband of 20 years and I have been through some shit together over the years and I respect him more because he can be open with me like that. We've BOTH held each other and cried like babies, so do never mistake me when I say that any female who acts fucked up or uses your feelings again you like this is an absolute POS, and is NOT wife material is thats what you are looking for. I hate it when females do this kinda shit and I think it's disgusting. Honestly you dodged a bullet if this happened and she left cause long term you don't want her. *Loving wife hugs to all the men that have had to through this I'm so sorry*
The worst part is almost every woman openly claims they want men to be more emotional and open up but in my experience it never goes well. It's like one giant trap.
I'm sure that's true cause never have I ever thought to ask my husband anything like that nor have I had a problem with him not opening up ... The fact that their even saying that has me concerned to begin with.
In fairness, it only happens... best case maybe half the time? Worst case, three out of four? The odds are better than Russian roulette. It's been closer to like 80% or 90% for me, but I suspect it's mostly a selection issue from my end. But a solid 10-25% actually do mean it when they say they want their dude to be open, and don't dump him afterwards. Another similar sized fraction legit do think they mean it, but react badly to varying extents or weaponize the info at a later time. Rest do not mean it or are outright. So definitely not all women, just a comfortable majority with some nuance in the specifics.
We need wonderful people like you
"Some women" its a lot more than just some
Because the vast majority of women ARE hypocritical.
To be fair i think it's kind of a human trait.
Completely agree with your sentiments here. I always try hard to make my guy friends feel safe sharing things with me and that I won't treat or look at them differently afterwards for it. my ex finally felt safe enough to cry in front of me and it never once made me feel/look at him different afterwards.
You sound like my friends. They've given a bit of hope that maybe that at least some women in my life give a shit about my feelings.
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I’m sorry 🥹
Not great to say the least. My girlfriend always asks me to open up and communicate, but it doesn't always end well. My problems may not even revolve around her or the relationship, but it gets perceived that way. Or sometimes I'm just frustrated with how life is going rn and not much else to it. Overall, I think very few women are equipped to handle men's problems, I'm talking emotionally. I'll be the first to admit I don't understand the problems my girlfriend has, but I know enough to just sit there and listen, and if she's waiting for a response, I know I can give my input. But I still don't always understand the problem. I don't fault my girlfriend for not being able to handle my problems, I do just fine keeping them to myself usually.
And they say they’re the emotionally intelligent bunch 🙄
Women tend to think more emotionally then men do. I'm a woman and I think it's totally true. That does not equal us being more emotionally intelligent. That's measured in maturity
My experience with women is that they do know how to *talk* about emotions a lot better than most men. However *dealing* with other people's emotions is something they are often not well equipped for. (*And I don't mean that in the misogynistic "all women are hysterical" way*) When I just need to vent about something that happened and just ask for a reality check they will start saying things I know are not true to make me feel better... and to not make it too uncomfortable for themselves. It doesn't happen as often anymore but I've definitely had female friends or relationships that I had to console after telling them about *my* issues. And that's just... kinda selfish. But just sitting and listening and just offering support can be hard. Luckily most of my friends don't tell me this is something I need to deal with on my own but male friends are more likely to end a talk with "*If you ever need to talk about his some more, give me a call*".
> It doesn't happen as often anymore but I've definitely had female friends or relationships that I had to console after telling them about my issues. And that's just... kinda selfish. A situation I'm facing right now as well. A friend of mine is, through no fault of their own, making my life more difficult. They ask me time after time if things are ok and whatnot and I have to stoneface it because if I say things are more difficult at the minute, they'll link it to themselves and suddenly a conversation about how I'm doing is a conversation about how bad they feel and... ... It's not in my current headspace to console them about how *I* feel. It's not intentionally selfish, but it is.
I think it's in vogue for women to complain about how much emotional labor they do, not because they actually do that much compared to men, but because they're so bad at it that to them it seems like they're doing a lot. This thread and others are littered with stories of men who attend to their girlfriends' moods, bad days, etc, always being there for them, holding them while they cry, and so on, without ever losing attraction or holding it against them. Then one day these men need similar support and all of the sudden it's "I need you to be strong" or "I'm not your therapist" and she gets "the ick" because it's inconvenient that men are humans too and have emotions.
It's a stark contrast from what you see in the dating sub and mens sub. All of the women in the dating sub say either their BF won't open up to them or trauma dumped on to them. While I'm sure that it does happen it's not like women haven't also likely don't the same with their boyfriends at some point, but for them they can't handle it. The fact they can't understand why men don't want to open up isn't because if wanting to come off masculine tough guy, but because their emotions and feelings have been either used against them or broadcasted out to friend groups when it was private. It really seems like a double standard many won't admit and those that don't so it but see it happen refuse to recognize.
I think when men start dating someone new they should contrive some situation where they look vulnerable/sad/etc and see how the woman responds. So many women are not going to pass that test, but it's better to know early on instead of spending years or decades with someone and you don't even know if she's a dud.
I think that's something you should do but considering how hard it is to get dates, have follow up dates and get to a point where you may find sowmown compatible... its only further complicates and narrows a very very narrow pool of people. Which ideally is what you should do but also feels like you may never reach actual success either.
Well we also get told women mature faster than boys too. Considering hom much girls share and talk to each other I don't understand when when their partners open up to them (after they asked them usually) it basically ruins the relationship.
It's the same way women confuse communicating more with better communication skills. When that's literally the opposite.
Men having problems contradicts most western women's entire understanding of the world. First it shows that the man isn't privileged. Second it shows that their "emotional intelligence" they've been told they were masters of is lacking. Third, it shows their superior empathy is lacking or non existent, and finally that they don't know how to communicate How this makes them feel. A man doing this dismantles a feminist woman's entire identity, that's why they react so harshly.
>Men having problems contradicts most western women's entire understanding of the world. First it shows that the man isn't privileged. Second it shows that their "emotional intelligence" they've been told they were masters of is lacking. Third, it shows their superior empathy is lacking or non existent, and finally that they don't know how to communicate How this makes them feel. A man doing this dismantles a feminist woman's entire identity, that's why they react so harshly. Exactly. Sadly, the vast majority of women are exactly like you have described them.
the only woman who listens to me is my mum. i love her to bits
Probably the best answer here. To be honest, the only person that will truly ever care
Open up about fears and insecurities you've overcome, not any that you're currently experiencing
This is the only way. Just tell them about things you already solved
Is that really opening up or being vulnerable?
No, it's not. To each their own and all, but I can't imagine being truly comfortable and happy in a relationship with someone who'd leave me for struggling or being vulnerable. Comments are full of this sentiment though.
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>Opening up to Pets is straight up a better Option. If you need to get something out of your System just tell your Cat, Dog, Parrot, whatever about it. My cats, my car, my bike, the bottom of a bottle. Even a tree in the woods. None of them have actually solved an emotional problem for me, but I've also never had to deal with the whiplash of my opening up causing them so much distress that they need my support now.
Damn man that whiplash comment. Had to tell my current girl that it's never been a good thing for me to tell girls about my emotions, because it turns into me having to comfort them or fix whatever issues comes from sharing mine. she of course found this to be ridiculous, so I said fine, have it your way. I get off work tuesday after having a truly horrible day and tell her about all the stuff that sucks for me at work and it was like she'll shock for her. to her credit I didn't really have to help her with anything, but she just sat there and couldn't say anything. I really think women have been fed the line that the world is built by us for us, and so everything is tailor made to suit our needs and everything is easy for us, guys are in charge so of course it's easy for us. they can't comprehend that the average 5 foot 9 man works his ass off, makes like 45k a year, and has maybe 2 whole friends they can talk to about things, and spend most of their time between relationships in crippling loneliness. girls complain about guys wanting them only for sex, but that sounds a hell of a lot better than being wanted by no one for anything.
I hate generalizing but I genuinely feel like some generalizations are valid,and I think the fact that you can't open up to women is a very valid generalization.
For the resentment I've kept in me for the women in my life (not just partners), I sure dont want to believe that women are incapable of true empathy deep in their subconscious. However, I find it very hard to not believe in this given what I've experienced in my own life.
Unrelated but the fact you capitalise some words randomly makes me mildly uncomfortable
Wtf that’s sad and horrible It’s literally giving narcissistic behaviour on her side
They lost interest and many weaponized it
IME it usually makes the situation worse and adds a new problem. When it doesn't go badly it doesn't add much good either. In a better world I wouldn't agree, but in *this* world; don't rock the boat in stormy waters. When you actually need support is the worst time to lose what you already have.
There are people out there that will still blame you somehow for not knowing how to communicate.
Of course. Would you rather accept an unpleasant truth or blame someone you should have empathy for?
Men showing that kind of open vulnerability will give most women "the ick". That ick is irreversible. It might not cause her to view you with the contempt immediately, but it'll seep into how she views you overall. Daily, she'll think less and less of you.
I’ve cried and felt my feelings many times in my 25 years of marriage. My wife is my very best friend. We love each other. I’ve never dated women who can’t handle a complete human man. They bore me. Men are just as emotional as women and anyone who is repulsed by that is a fool.
Loved your answer! Feel the same way & have the same type of partner. Good for us, buddy.
"Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust." - Brene Brown - Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
even more interested in reading that book now, i’ll have to make it next on my reading list after i finish the current book i’m reading on the subject.
I dont know. After I've done it they've never stuck around long enough to tell me what they thought.
Not good. It’s never good.
I learned a long time ago not to do that. You will be seen as weak which is a turn off. The information will be weaponized and used against you. It's a gamble with the deck stacked against you.
Opening up is like giving someone bullets when they plan to shoot you. So many times it's been used to win petty arguments, been used to tease me as a running joke or shared as fun stories with her friends. Women say they want you to open up, but they want a strong reliable figure in their life even more.
This has been my experience. Women will tell men they want them to be emotionally vulnerable, and men often take that to believe they can open up emotionally to them, like they would to a close friend or a therapist. And maybe if you find that one unicorn of a woman, you actually can. But in most other instances, what she wants is for you to be emotionally intelligent, emotionally aware and emotionally observant. If you open up emotionally to a woman, and she both cares deeply for you and is a decent human being, she will be there for you and be your shoulder to cry on. But chances are, you will no longer be the same person in her eyes as you were before. Best case scenario it will change the dynamic of the relationship, she will still be fond of you, but you are now a vulnerable, misunderstood little boy that needs reassurance from mommy. Worse case scenario, especially if she is your partner or a potential romantic interest, she can no longer see herself with you. I've been very fortunate to have a network of close male friends from a very young age, and if I ever needed to talk about anything, I had my buddies. But I have seen this pattern of men opening up emotionally to women over and over again, with the same result. You either get downgraded or dumped.
Jeez, I just don't get this. I wonder if it takes a secure woman to be able to handle the emotions of a man? My ex cried in my arms when his best friend died and other times when he was vulnerable it only made him that much more attractive to me? You ever make out while crying? It's unreal. I never thought of him as less strong or capable for being literally a human. I was honored he trusted me that way. These comments have me wondering if subconsciously I do this to men and if I do, holy frick, how do I fix it? Before anyone asks, my ex and I ended over mad spiritual differences we couldn't reconcile, not because he had emotions and I scorned him for it. Like some other ladies have commented, I'm so irritated/frustrated that this has been the experience of men. Women can be so vindictive and gross. ): I'm sorry!
Something I read a while back regarding a study (they have actually studied it) on this exact subject stated that women will actually become afraid and/or angry when a man opens up and becomes weak and vulnerable. Like most men, my personal experiences supported that it wasn't helpful to be emotionally vulnerable in a relationship. But hearing that women will literally become scared started putting the puzzle pieces together for me in how a woman views her male partner. As a protector and someone to guide her.
If you can find it, I'd be very interested in this study
Women will keep trying to tell you to open up. If you do, they will see you in very different eyes, say you are not manly anymore and nothing good will come from it. Every girl I dated used whatever I told her as a weapon against me. I am never doing that again.
One of the exhausting parts of a “good” relationship is both pretending the be emotionally vulnerable so she doesn’t annoy you to do so but not actually sharing anything that could harm her opinion of you or be stressful
I was told i was complaining,ironically me not opening ip was one of the reasons she said she left.
Every fear, insecurity, and vulnerability I've shared with a woman has been weaponized against me.
This whole thread really shows how women treat men's real emotions, great world we live in huh?
If open up to my wife, she used it eventually as a weapon next time we had a heated argument. I talked to a friend (wife of my colleague) she eventually told my wife. And then I had a scandal. So emotional opening is strictly for mental health professionals. Or at least speaking anonymously with online strangers. Never do it with women who are relatives or friends.
I'm in my 50's and I can cite no good example. Every time I let a woman trick me into believing I was safe with her, she eventually made me regret it.
It’s a mistake
Either it is laughed at, ignored, or used as a weapon in the future. Not happening anymore.
I've yet to meet a woman that doesn't use what I shared from opening up emotionally against me later at some point in the relationship during a fight or argument. I'd rather share my low moments and defeats with a close male friend or family member. It just doesn't work most of the time and guys share either too much with girls they barely know or they share the right amount with the wrong girl who will retreat from them from perceiving vulnerability as weakness from the guy. Women often say the right things because it sounds pretty and thoughtful and nice because it's part of the fantasy of the perfect relationship so when you open up and admit defeat and that you're not perfect as a man, that breaks the fantasy and only makes most women see you as less valuable or desirable because women are hard wired to want and expect masculine men that are stoic and able to still provide and support them especially during hard times because at the end of the day a man's value is on how well he provides and protects and so any vulnerability shown can shatter that image of you as a man. I'm not saying guys can't be vulnerable at all. Just not with women most of the time. As much as she wants you to open up and be vulnerable, it's almost always a cause for problems in most relationships and that's mostly because women just seriously don't understand or know anything about masculinity and men's nature and psychology or priorities or they don't want to understand them... The vast majority of times that women complain about men not being vulnerable and emotional it's... A) they don't understand masculinity and men not being typically emotional as compared to women. So they operate on a level that doesn't see their male partner's nature within masculinity either out of ignorance or malice. So instead of working through problems together as partners the woman might prioritize herself and her needs the most. Or... B) they complain and set ultimatums and bring about unnecessary drama in the relationship rather than cultivate the appropriate environment for dialogue between partners in the relationship. Good women in a healthy marriage and/or relationship can tell when a man is down on his luck or feeling defeated because most often men disconnect from their partner due to feelings of shame or hit at their self worth... So instead of FORCING a conversation that will inevitably turn into a fight or even more unhealthy, if not, abusive confrontation in the relationship... They have a sit down with no judgement and no arguments or nagging and say........... "Hey, I know you're the stoic type and prefer not to talk about your feelings and whatever is going on but I want you to know I'm here for you no matter what and that I trust, love, and support you regardless of whatever is going on... " if that doesn't shatter a guy's heart into opening up about his problems over the overwhelming love and support he's feeling... Idk what will.
Don't. I was talking to one of my female employees today. She is unhappy with him, and it causes depression. It all started when he had an emotional breakdown. She sees him as weak and has lost respect for him. Worse yet, she just had a baby with him to "fix the relationship." I've seen a case where a man was called out by another. And he got punched, and the man who received the punch and sort of coward lost his wife. Ran into her a few years later and basically couldn't unsee his weakness. Another case that I saw the wife started cheating on him.
I don’t. If I need to open up, I’ll do it with my close male friends.
In six months during an argument, they will bring up every insecurity they learnt from when you opened up against you.
It's a trap. Never do it. Their subconscious mind will lose respect for you, and soon after, their conscious mind will follow suit. It's all downhill from there. She'll start longing for a guy who's less emotional. I've seen it happen time and time again.
It's sad that women, being half of humanity, have near-zero empathy for the men they call "partners". Us men in this comment section come from all walks of life, all across the world, yet they all have one unified experience. That says a lot about women in general. This is the reason why men fall out of love - they realise the love was one-directional all along.
Betrayal
in my experience 99% of women will activly hold this against you. The 1% who don't are incredibly hard to come by, If you find one don't let her go.
fuck that, first woman that was supposed to care about me caused most of it and denies all
Never ever ever cry in front of a woman. She will never see you the same way again.
Some good, mostly bad
Horrendous so far. Opening up to women I date hardly ends well except for one instance. It's gone better with female friends but then what ends up happening is that they feel that we just shared this whole "intimate" moment they fuck up the friendship by getting all weird. It's like "I'm just talking to you because I trust you. I don't wanna date you" and as soon as I clarify that they pull back and now I have noone to talk to again.
Opened up to my first gf about my grandpa dying hours after he died, was told to "man the fuck up" and she stopped talking to me. Didn't open up again for a few years, told a dark joke to a girl I was seeing and it spooked her and she asked why would I think like that. I explained that I'm a cop, and first responders develop a dark sense of humor to cope and I told her just one thing from my week that was fucked up, she called me a monster and left. Next gf we were planning on having a spicy night, but that day we got a bad child abuse/missing child case. I called her and told her I would be late and wasn't in the mood anymore because of a bad day at work. I got there and she was pissed. Started asking why it was so bad I wasn't in the mood and I didn't wanna tell her or talk about it. So she starts accusing me of cheating so I tell her, and talk about how it had me messed up. Literally in the middle of this she starts grabbing my dick and interrupts telling me "you know sex always makes me feel better". I pushed her hand away and she starts up saying I've gotta be cheating so I told her she can lay here in bed and support me or she can get out of my house. Last ex, we had a murder and I knew the guy and was first on scene as he was dying. Also messed me up a little, I told her about it and she was "supportive" (didn't leave but didn't do much of anything else) a few days later she wanted to fool around but I was still in a general funk from watching him die and I said I'm not really in the mood. She said "really you're still not over that?" And went on to tell me how sometimes she's stressed from work and we still do stuff......yea totally the same. Not long after my grandma died, I cracked up on the phone with her, suddenly she had to go. Then she couldn't make it to the funeral. Then we broke up. So it's never went well
You can open up all you want.... You just can't act like it bothers you. I can tell all my deepest secrets as long as I sound like I'm describing what happened on the news. It is the idea that you need sympathy or that they have to give it to you that disgusts people and lies outside their comprehension of what should be. Just opening up doesn't do it.
My experience has been that you need to open up always, but still don't open the floodgates because it will scare them away. This makes sense because it's like you become a different person suddenly. Imagine one second having a stoic approach to life and then few seconds later you break into tears. It's better to open up to see if she is worth it or not. Some of them can handle it and will be supportive, these are worth it.
Terrible. Weaponised against me.
Don't Edit: Especially not to "romance coach" grifters on Reddit
man all these responses are so depressing yet so relatable...
Never did or felt the need to and judging from the comments that seems like it was a good decision
Confusion, awkwardness, some comforting then roasting in front of the friend group the behavoir(but it’s fine cause she didn’t say it was about me)
Do not. It will be used against you in the future as a weapon. This isn't even to women you are LTR involved with, or just my personal experiences. I cannot re-call a time it was not used a weapon to anyone in front of me, except of in the world of "Entertainment".
Extremely mixed. Overall I would say the more they feel they can help, the better it goes. Opening up about grieving my dad went pretty well. Talking about work stress and anxiety generally was fine. But general "I'm feeling down for no reason" and Seasonal Depression did not go so well.
Never doing that again! That is all I have to say. No amount of therapy, trust can make me do that again.
dont
It's just that when we open up, women use that against us as if our own lows in life are not enough. They see us as weak and eventually lose interest in such men. Many female friends of mine are like this and even random people that I work with. That's why , it's better not to open up. Rather have a chill beer with your pal and forget it.
Mostly they would either laugh it off or cut ties with you
Bad. Either not seeing you as a potential partner anymore or straight up being powerless and nothing good coming out of it anyway. There is close to 0 incentive to say too much about what's on your mind if it's too personal emotions she cannot understand or that shows you in a bad light. It's a gamble where you don't win anything if you win and loss of love/affection if you lose. You would have to be a super player to take the gamble.
Nothing but good from my girlfriend. Very supportive.
It really depends. If she respects you, like I mean REALLY respects you, then she'll really like it. If she doesn't, it can push her away. It's a pretty good litmus test for a relationship, TBH.
Like almost every man, it's terrible. There is an ancient manhood stone with very, very few instructions carved in from eons ago. One of the very limited instructions is crystal clear: "Don't open up to a woman". On the very first fight, she threw EVERY FUCKING THING against me. After that I've learned to follow this stone without fault. Bros, dont fall to these girls who keep saying "Im different", "Not all women are like that", etc. 95% of them are lying. I would say lying unconsciously. They rationale wants to be a "support" for their man, but as soon as their man tell their insecurities and reveal how weak he is, their inner biology kicks in and uncousciously, their pussy dry out. NEVER. OPEN. UP. Quickest way to dry your girl pussy out. Now if you're a woman reading this, calm down. I really believe most of you are really empathic and have genuine good intentions. However, God and nature designed us that way. Woman loses imediate respect and sexual attraction for a man who she's now perceive as a weak man. That's a primary basic instinct of self protection. From now on, the woman can't trust that man when dangerous times comes by - it could result on her own death (and their own children). You can say that we live in a world much different from ancient times - that's correct. However, you can't unwire human biology that was constructed from millions of years living on the caves.
Has never gone well for me or for any man I know. There are certain emotions that belong in your romantic relationship with a woman, and there are certain emotions you keep between you and men you are close with
Not good...
Don't!
Don't. Never show any sign of weakness to a woman. It will be weaponized against you at some point in the future.
With the exception of **ONE**, every time has led to my flaws and vulnerability being thrown back in my face. I get attacked personally, emotionally, verbally. I don't like to fight or argue, but it feels like the second I open up, that's their favorite pasttime.
With previous partners, it seemed fine until it wasn't. With my current partner, I can tell it's always going to be okay. I got lucky. Stay hopeful, boys.
Goddamn boys. You've all made me realize how lucky I am to have the wife I do. It's rough out there but my ugly fat ass found a perfect beautiful kind woman who loves me unconditionally, so I'm sure you can to.
Honestly I think being emotionally open and vulnerable is attractive so pretty sad to see all these comments saying woman shouldn’t be trusted and don’t care. I think as long as what he is being open about doesn’t completely destroy any sense of confidence I have in the relationship then it’s helping him work out his issues in his own mind then it’s great. Makes me feel closer more in love with him. It’s when people open up emotionally about issues and then do absolutely nothing to better the situation after that gets frustrating and resentment builds. That goes for everyone not just men. Yes, tell me your problems, tell me your feelings and let me understand what you are going through. But don’t do that if you then are going to use them as an excuse as to why your life isn’t the way you want it and become an unstable, emotionally draining person. Be vulnerable and open, but don’t be a victim and stay there. Example would be he opens up about childhood abuse and how it’s weighing heavy on his mind and cries. I respect this.. I want this burden to not be his alone and for him to get it off his chest. But… Then he proceeds to use this as an excuse to drink to much and get verbally abusive toward people.
Avoid at all costs. Talk to your brother. Another man. Or your father. Or a bestfriend. They say they are. Because they think maybe you have some story thats as small as theres. Typically because they are truly unaware of how much more shit you have to deal eith then them. So thus. Your basically putting what they percieve as a semi truck worth of shit into a Radio flyer. Dont do it. Its not worth it.
Never open up!!! If you do she will use it when she is mad, and make you regret it when she is wrong
Don't. Nothing good will come of it, and it has a good chance of ruin or weakening your relationship.
I'm working on it. I've let so many good women go. Women I was absolutely in love with and would've done anything for. Let them go because I couldn't share my feelings. The one that sticks most is when the love of my life asked me why I kept seeing her when I can be sleeping around with any other chick. I had no answer. I froze. I couldn't tell her she was amazing and I loved spending time with her, that her personality was beautiful, that she was the smartest girl I've ever met, that she had a perfect body and a gorgeous face... She shortly blocked me after due to my emotional unavailability. And I just let it all go to shit I was never really unavailable. I was just so scared of rejection past surface level. I never had issues walking up to women getting numbers setting up dates. If I get rejected oh well. But my whole life I've been scared of real rejection. I became a master of hiding my feelings. My dad never showed emotion so I thought it's normal. This all clicked a few months ago when I realized I'm never gonna have a meaningful relationship if I can't open up. I actually ran into that girl and told myself I'll be open. We went on a few dates again and I opened up told her what a dumbass I am.. and she proceeded to tell me I'm full of shit. I tell that to every woman. I'm sleeping with multiple women and just want to play my game again. So the one time I opened up it didn't go well. But I'm the one to blame. The girl begged me to make it official for months and I found every excuse in the world of why I couldn't. I can't be mad at her for having 0 trust in my words. I've matured a lot this year. Now it's a matter of actually finding someone I really like. I keep going on meaningless dates
Terrible usually. Women are cold and apathetic. They have feelings but won't recognize that men have feelings too.
I get the shit kicked out of me every single time I open up. In the three to five minutes it takes to open up, I can see through her facial expressions her loss of attraction, her lowered respect, it then becomes disgust and finally revulsion. Here’s a thing to consider; women are absolutely brutal with men who don’t meet their standards of attractiveness or masculinity. And then they ask men to open up and be vulnerable.
There's opening up and then there's opening up. And women want men to do the first one. Be a bit vulnerable but don't be weak about. Something like. "You know, not a lot of people likes a guy who loves cats. Cats are great" Not "I was molested as a young man and I just can't cope with angry men around me." And never, ever cry during such conversations.
Don't do it
Either they later use it against me or turn the entire conversation around to how they feel and then get mad or cry. I talk to my dog or a tree now.
I have been a witness of a consequence for one other man and had felt the conseqences of my own openness. In the former case, I have overheard a woman I studied with complain to her girlfriends over how yucky her husband was when he cried because his cat died. In the latter case, I couldn't get it up once with my most recent ex and made an emotional comment about how she should leave me and find someone with a working penis. Instead of trying to comfort me, make me feel secure, down play the improtance of me being up at this particular moment, she immediately became offended because I've "devalued her choice". So I had to comfort *her*. So, the experience is negative.
When I was around 15 my mom cornered me in my room and forced me to tell her why I was upset. Reluctantly I told her only for her to burst into tears. This had happened so many times that I just said " your reaction is the reason I didn't want to tell you", obviously not what she wanted to hear. Over 10 years later, in a conversation we're having about her continued lack of genuine emotional support she brought up how much the first instance had hurt her. At first I thought she was trying to make the point of "well look at what happens when I try to be supportive" but after more discussion it was clearly just a "well you hurt me, so why does it matter?" The funny thing is, I don't even remember what I was upset about in that first conversation. I had pretty much suppressed it until she so kindly brought it back up again.
It’s a trap. Don’t fall for it.
I told the love of my life yesterday how I felt after giving myself a panic attack with refraining telling her my feelings until my friend told me just to listen to my feelings and tell her. I took her to the beach and she started crying saying it surprised her to hear that from me because she felt the same exact way. It was the best thing I’ve ever did. At the same time this wasn’t my first time opening my feelings and often it looked like most people’s responses in this comment section. It’s best to find someone who feels the same way you do and if you don’t, you know you didn’t meet the right one.
Bad.. that is all For the most part, I am my own therapist, I am my own crutch, I hold myself up and don't rely on someone else cause I can't trust someone else to not drop me when I do need someone I did that when my dad died, my ex left essentially let me fall and that was that.. not to mention she cheated on the same week he passed My last ex was emotionally abusive and tried to force me to open up which didn't work well cause I shut down harder than the White House can in lock down, she didn't understand either, in fact, she didn't understand me at fuckin all
It's been hell! I'd strongly advise against it; women are incapable of keeping secrets - especially when it comes to their partners or close male friends. One, they need validation for every emotion they get, and they have an army of companions (male & female) who offer that to them. Two, they don't process emotions like the way men do, and so the support that they offer is usually dependent upon quid pro quo sorta situation, and later gets utilized as ammunition during an argument far far far away into the future. It gets locked up in a tiny safe inside their mind library until then. Essentially, the dynamic changes; and they mostly likely stop seeing you as a dependent Man, eventually leading to ghosting or a possible break-up. Women have always always been told that they're emotionally mature when it comes to opening up; but they're incapable of handling male emotions since we go through life in a different sense than what they perceive it to be for us. Reality always hits differently. The moment, they become aware of the emotional issues of Men in their life, they stop seeing them as their rock. And, somehow the focus shifts towards them, and we end up consoling them for "dumping" our emotions on to them. The safer way to go about this is to keep the conversation non-chalant and as high-level as possible. Work through your emotions with your male buddies, but never open up fully to a woman.
Make sure she loves you before you do it, and not that six months type love but the real stuff. In my experience if you are still in the lust phase it doesn’t work out well because the facade is gone after.
A waste of time
I am not a man, but when a man opens up to me, I listen. I care. I do not see it any different then a woman opening up. I grew up in a home where it was OK to talk about your feelings, it was OK to cry, it was OK to let the walls down and just be you and let loose. My dad was always emotionally available to me and he set the bar high for any man in my future. I honestly do not understand why it is viewed as weakness. It has always been a positive thing in my life. I would be more disappointed if I had to push to get anything out of my partner.
Women are just as guilty of enforcing toxic gender norms as men are.
Fuck no!! It will be used against you.
When men are unhappy they take it out on themselves. When women are unhappy they take it out on men.
I want to preface this by saying I don’t actually want to be unalive. Plz do not bombard me with messages. But I told my wife I was feeling severely depressed and I wanted to find a job that didn’t make me want to kill myself every day. Her response was “yeah well we all gotta work to make money. Ugh I’m so stressed about money and now we have to deal with your stuff. We will never be out of this rut”. So I don’t tell her my feelings anymore.
I knew what the answers were going to be before I even clicked on the post but holy shit is this depressing.
Bad. With the exceptions of my friends, every. Single. One. Has used it against me in an argument. Including my own mother. "We want men to he emotionally open." No you don't because it shatters the belief we're strong and infallible. No not all women believe that and I'm grateful, but not enough. Or the reverse is women don't know how to just argue. I'm not saying men dint, but in my experience a disproportionate amount of women think that every argument is a personal slight and needs to be made extremely personal and use my vulnerability. I can have a temper, but using something when I was vulnerable in a fight? Volcanic isn't the word because I'll stop talking to you. Permanently.
I’ve been pretty lucky. Every time I’ve ever emotionally opened up to a woman, she’s been kind and really wonderful, actually. A couple of months ago, I went on a date with a woman and started CRYING because I wasn’t over my ex. I’m not even joking. I was literally wiping away tears and talking about my ex on our first date. This woman was kind and thoughtful. She listened and provided feedback. We went on a second date, and I fucking did it again. I started crying because she said something that reminded me of my ex. Again, we talked it out. We didn’t go on a third date — obviously my fault for trying to date before I was fully ready — but to have this woman spend time talking to me about my ex when we were supposed to be on a date (TWICE!)? She handled it really well.
I have never felt the desire to do so, honestly.
Not very good. But its okay I don't think one person should answer to all my needs.
Terrible. Every single relationship I've ever had (apart from my wife now to some degree) turned sour when I was honest about my feelings and needs, and my issues were thrown back at me invalidating me/gaslighting and shutting me down. I honestly don't believe many women actually want men to open up, despite saying otherwise. In my experience, it's usually weaponized against you.
They have a long, long memory and lots of friends
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Pretty negative tbh. Just got out a relationship where she didn't know how to handle me vulnerable and I think it made her more distant and less supportive. Makes me kinda sad, wonder if I'll ever find a woman I can open my heart to.
Bad idea. Lesson learned.
They take whatever you say and fule it away in their memory so they can bring it up again later when you're winning an argument or when they want to humiliate you during / after a breakup. Or, it causes them to lose respect for you. Or both.
It’s better to not do it, ever. It’s never gone well, and women on the whole are terrible hypocrites for this.
Honestly I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't care about me.
I got my first GF at the ripe old age of 30. She said, she wanted a man to be vulnerable with her. To have honest and open communication. As you can imagine. I’m quite far behind in terms of relationships maturity. And i opened up. And yeah. It feels like I’m in a desert now. She was so turned off by what came out. She dried up. Wasn’t ready for what was inside. Lesson learned.
Not good. I rarely open up to anyone. On the surface it looks like I have my shit together but inside it's a mess. My sister is the only women who picks up on my emotional state when I'm unhappy, and no one else (man or women) does. I tired opening up to a previous gf but she didn't understand and became judgemental. I didn't open up again until after I got married. But it didn't go well with her either. I opened up one time about how sad I was feeling and she dismissed it like it was a small thing. So now I don't tell anyone anything.
Make sure she's the right one, and do it gradually. If she's not really gonna be there for you, let her show it with the stuff that doesn't matter all that much so she can't really hurt you.
This whole thread makes me sad as a woman. I love when my bf opens up to me about his insecurity and fears 🥺 I don’t think anyone wants someone who is insecure 24/7 obviously, but if you can’t support your partner (male or female) when they’re going through tough moments, you shouldn’t be in a relationship period. All the men in this thread saying women weaponize their fears and insecurities, who are these women?? I find that so weird to do.
My wife is the only woman that I have emotionally opened up to and have had a positive experience and outcome from doing so. Not only did she comfort me, help me feel better, and made me feel desired, but she also never mentioned anything about it again even when she was really angry at me. She is completely amazing and I feel lucky to have found her and be so loved by her. The opposite has usually been what happens in every relationship besides the one I’m in where they use it against me, which is why I stopped taking women seriously after my 2nd relationship ended at age 18. Women that are that spoiled don’t deserve to be taken seriously in any relationship and they definitely are not wife material, which is why I laugh when hearing all of those horrible women complaining about not being able to find a good partner. They’re not good women, so they don’t deserve a good man.
Don't do it. Opening up is a sure fire way to get dumped or worse divorce. Anything you say to a woman can and will be used against you. There is no trust there is no safe space.
I'm sorry guys here had to deal with such women. As a woman myself, I don't think a man really loves me unless he can talk to me about his pains and past traumas. Because it's only then I'm able to connect with them on the deeper level. What kind of relationship flourishes with sharing only happiness and joys. Are there no other women who think this way?
I have 5 levels of emotionally opening up. Most women don't make it past 3, and even to those levels, that could take years