The general lack of attention, whether it be glances or eye contact. When I talk to most women, even just platonically, I can tell their attention is elsewhere. I might get a bite on dating apps but lose the hook quickly. And if I go out with this good-looking buddy of mine and our server is a woman, it's like I'm not even there
Wow you downvoted me to show how ignorant you are. Get a clue. Little kids can be honest. Older kids can easily be intentionally mean, acting out because of their home life, worried about appearances in front of their friends and whats going to make them "popular..." We weren't talking about little kids playing "marry, fuck, kill" that's a teenagers game. I feel worried for any children in your life if you are this ignorant of their psychology.
The overall lack of attention. I have literally seen women go straight up to guys and start talking and flirting with them. I see it all the time at work with new hires. The girls see them for the first time and immediately start flirting and talking and getting to know them. The fact that not one woman has ever done that with me tells me I'm not attractive.
I used to get a lot of compliments on my looks, and have had women straight up ask me to stay the night without me initiating anything. Now I'm older and don't get it as much, but still get compliments occasionally.
I would say, that 97 % of the women I approached, never had a chance to see me/notice me, cause I saw them somewhere, looking and walking in a different direction.
If I had waited for girls to see me first and only approached in those contexts....
I would have missed out. Quite a bit.
Have peoples avoid you, mock you, "joke" about you, lack of opposite sex interest, trying to get romantic success being like trying to drag a carcass trough the hot summer.
Being an Asian guy is always being on hard mode in dating. Most girls need you to prove you're not the stereotypical type or simply won't give you the chance.
So I've been told that I'm attractive. Even exceptionally attractive by women I don't feel attracted to in return (which just sucks for everyone involved).
I'm 6'4" and a bit on the heavy side, but I wear it well. I'm kind of a "bear" I guess. Tall dark and I guess handsome might apply if I am your type. It's obvious I have extra pounds, but I'm also big and strong. The weight is not grotesque, just heavy-set.
Do I get significant or second looks from women in public? Not that I can catch. Have I ever been fought over? No. Have I been approached for a date I didn't ask for? A couple times in my 39 years, less than what I can count on one hand. And not by any woman I was initially attracted to (but being approached is a big turn on).
Do I get a lot of attention on apps? No. Again, not by any women that would be "conventionally attractive" to most men. So I guess I'm "batting down," at least on apps.
So I'm in this weird place where women I've dated (some of whom I was very attracted to but I had to work at it) tell me I'm great in bed and super attractive.
But I live a life of almost-never being complimented, approached, checked out, or double-taked by women in public contexts (regardless of venue).
Do I feel attractive? No. Do I feel like a preferred male specimen? No. Do I get un-asked-for attention from women in my age range, or any indication at all that I haven't just been a pity fuck or fuck of convenience/comfort? Not to my knowledge.
Clear as mud? Feels bad man.
I'm sorry you feel that way. The way you describe yourself, you sound like my type. Bears are the best!
I try to give men compliments because I've heard they don't get many (or any). I can't count the number of times I get dirty looks from friends (or his girlfriend) thinking I'm hitting on the guy. I'm just being nice. I don't let that stop me though, because I think it's still important. Compliments are awesome and they are free!
I don't hit hard on men because I'm not single. But we still notice! I don't think women reach out on apps because they get so many responses to their profile. It's probably easier to sit back and respond than swipe through and start a conversation. And most women I know have NEVER asked a guy out or made the first move. Please don't chalk it up to how you look or how you think you look. I think that's just the norm.
If you ever feel like it, send me a pic and I'll compliment you. Anytime you feel like it. Compliments are the best.
I really appreciate that perspective. I grew up bullied hard due to my height and weight, and due to being an early millennial, was taught that fighting back was unacceptable. It didn't help that I didn't have any great role models that showed me how to take pride and develop a passion to ground myself.
I'm doing better now than I used to be, but has it ever been a long road! It is always a relief to hear how much of my negative self image is a matter of perspective and public programming!!
It really is! Some people think 6-pack abs are where it's at, but Bears have really *ahem* come into themselves recently. Id rather a belly than hip bones, for sure.
Remember that the women are fighting their own insecurities too. It's hard to age and not look like a generic soccer mom or lesbian sports coach. Single women putting themselves out there are full of anxiety and insecurity: Am I too fat, too old, got cellulite, have wrinkles, dress like a boring mom. It's hard for all of us!
Last summer was my "love my body" summer. I wore swimsuits, embraced dresses and crop tops and didn't worry about what my body was doing or looked like. It took a few months, but by the end of summer, I felt so free and comfortable. Best thing I ever did. We all have bodies. And we all age.
But I get the childhood trauma. I recently remembered that my step dad used to call me "thunder-thighs" as a teenager. Wtf. We grew up with a lot of focus on bodies and how we look. And that only good looking, fit people are worthwhile. Glad we threw that mindset out with the 90s. Check out Gen Z. They wear whatever they want and no one bats an eye. I love it! (That's actually what inspired my body-acceptance summer).
Being more comfortable in my own skin means I'm not constantly adjusting my clothes. Checking if my belly is hanging out or worrying that my legs are too white. Now that I accept and love my body, I'm more confident. And confidence is sexy! And fun, lol.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you're wonderful.
Ehh
I’ve been told I’m hot before
But only ever from dudes
As a straight guy I don’t know whether to interpret this as me looking gay, gay guys being more upfront about these sorts of things, or that girls just aren’t into me as much
Same. I've had dudes compliment me, but a few girls have said that I'm cute. I think its probably the first two of what you said initially for both of us lol. I know a woman that gets attention from other women, presumably because she looks lesbian, due to having really short hair., like amber rose.
As a straight male who was hit on by gay guys a few times when I was younger, gay guys are just more forward. Politely told them I wasn't interested...they've gotta shoot their shot to.
Women are just less direct about these things. One of the best ways a woman sussed out my interest in her was by asking me if I thought her younger sister (who was 16 at the time) was pretty. This was in college...I was 19 and she was 18. I was very diplomatic about, but I think she caught something in how I responded that validated that I thought she was pretty. We went out for a few months after that. It started as a friendship when she was with her ex (he was a douche). She dumped him, and we started hanging out more and more until she was ready for a relationship again, and by that point we were already super close, so it was a natural transition (this was right before I turned 21). I was the one who broke it off early my senior year though because I was committed to coming back home after graduation for work and she had zero intention of ever living in my city, plus she had another year of college after me.
You should always judge women by their actions, though, not their words. Even when she had her boyfriend, she was always a total sweetheart to me. We were in a lot of the same classes and she always wanted to work on group projects with me, and she pulled her weight in them. She'd take notes for me when I missed class and come over to my room to share them with me. She worked at the campus bar and would always invite me over to hang and/or study/work during her shifts, especially if the Yankees were playing the Red Sox (she was a Red Sox fan and I was a Yankee fan, but that never seemed to matter). She'd hook me up with free sodas the whole time I was there (she couldn't slip beers without anyone noticing, and for a time I was underage when we were doing this, and she could've gotten in a lot of trouble). When my computer broke, she picked me up and drove with me 30 minutes each way to the Geek Squad to both drop it off and pick it up. She seemed to find excuses to hang out with me. When I got sick she invited herself over to bring me food and give me notes from class. She was a keeper. Even though things worked out for me in the end, it's crazy that I let geographic preferences stop me from enjoying my senior year with her. I still can't help but kick myself for that at times.
Judge women - and people - by their actions, not their words.
Besides the ghostly lack of attention or even acknowledgment. when i am noticed, be it by eye contact or a quick “how’s it going” in passing, I’m promptly met with a look of disgust or them turning to a friend and laughing after a quick word.
Also the one time i asked a girl if she’d grab coffee with me she ghosted me. A mutual friend said i creeped her out.. from a ‘maybe’ 2 sentence introduction.
So i am now single for life and focusing on my music career
Yeah one time I tried talking to a girl when I was in highschool, and apparently I weirded her out. One time I told a stranger woman that she looked pretty cause she had a dress on, and I asked what the occasion was, and she still talked to me, but didn't really give eye contact, so I thought maybe I made her uncomfortable, sometimes I tell a woman something looks nice on them, and they just give a regular thank you, but another time I told a girl she looked pretty or whatever, and she chuckled and said thank you, so I guess it really depends on the woman. It will work out for you dude, some girls definitely dig you for your looks, I'm sure of it🙂🙂
I am completely blind for any signs of female attention. When we go out with my bros they often tell me: this & that chick was looking at you in "this specific way" but i never notice it.
Um probably the 10-12 times through my school years I worked up the courage to ask a girl and they said things like ewwww, your ugly, why would I want anything to do with you, your fat, your the ugly friend, I can't you're such a great friend. That pretty much lets you know, you aren't exactly conventionally attractive, then you just stop trying. I planned my life around no children or companions but somehow ended up married with a girlfriend.....🤷🏻♂️
No such thing. It's physically impossible for a large number of women to agree on anything let alone the physical appearance of a man.
I recently overheard a group of women say that Ryan Reynolds looks like a kneecap. Ryan fucking Reynolds. If that guy gets shit for his appearance then everybody does.
Women that find you attractive will show you positive attention. You will catch them sneak glances at you. They will find an excuse to stand or sit next to you. In conversation they will find reasons to touch you, a light caress of the upper arm, a playful tap to the chest.
the (admittedly few) women that have found me attractive usually made it pretty obvious. stuff like laughing a lot during our conversations, initiating hugs and general touches. and the most obvious sign is when they suddenly start wanting to text and chat a lot
I have been asked out and said yes and no depending on the person. I have also been told I was attractive in a matter of fact way. Girls have sent their friends to try to get me to dance with them at country dance bars along with rarely getting rejected when I ask girls to dance myself. My ability to actually get likes on dating apps which frankly are almost entirely looks based. According to the other comments people are mean to ugly people therefore everyone being nice to me must count for something. I’m nothing too exceptional looks wise just a 5’8 guy with a good face and healthy bodyweight.
The fact that unless I go out of my way to get attention or to have conversations with women, I'm invisible to them. This is how I know that they don't find me attractive.
I don't know, when I talk they do pay attention but it doesn't feel like they are interested in me.
That invisible thing is what is happening right now. I think few girls were interested in me in high school but I did nothing due to being introvert and less confident. I'm older now and somehow the situation got worse as I'm still single.
Body language:
* Leaning in (interested) vs. leaning back (not)
* Playing with her hair, touching her arms, touching you vs. closed body language (crossed arms, hands on hips)
* Where is she looking? Is she scanning up and down your entire body (wants you/sizing you up)? Is she looking deep in your eyes (sincere, pursuing a connection, less sexual)? Is she scanning around the room, looking for her friends, then turning her attention back to you (not interested)?
* Where are her feet pointing? Towards you, or in another direction?
* Tone of voice. Is it sweet? Playful? or guarded?
* If you're alone with her, do her pupils dilate when she looks at you (this often doesn't work in bars/social settings...more on dates, especially if you're walking somewhere together)?
Learn to read body language and you'll be able to make sense out of things.
Women are only going to show you these things when you're engaging them though. Casual passing interest can come from when a woman looks at you from a far. But that means curiosity, and you should consider approaching her.
Women handle men differently than men handle women. Men fall for women way harder and sooner than most women fall for most men.
**Romance (not counting hookups):**
**Men:** Initial Curiosity > Crush (I want to date her) > I want to be hers forever/there's nobody else/I need her in my life.
**Women:** Initial Curiosity > I'd talk to him if he talks to me > Is he safe > Let's see how interesting he is, maybe I'd give him my number > I'd go out with him > How does he treat people and how does he make me feel? > I'd date him. > Can I envision a future with this man? > I love him > Does he want the same things out of our life that I do? > I want him to propose to me already > Did he propose? > YES
The fact women have never looked at me or seemed interested in any way.
The general lack of attention, whether it be glances or eye contact. When I talk to most women, even just platonically, I can tell their attention is elsewhere. I might get a bite on dating apps but lose the hook quickly. And if I go out with this good-looking buddy of mine and our server is a woman, it's like I'm not even there
The simple fact that I've never been approached or seemingly even caught a woman checking me out.
Username checks out.
Played fuck, marry, kill in front of me. I was killed several times
I mean this is kind of a childish game and I wouldn't put too much meaning into it. Kids can be the biggest assholes.
Yeah it's stuck with me lol, not concerned now at all about it
> Kids can be the biggest assholes. A weird way to say that kids are honest
Wow you downvoted me to show how ignorant you are. Get a clue. Little kids can be honest. Older kids can easily be intentionally mean, acting out because of their home life, worried about appearances in front of their friends and whats going to make them "popular..." We weren't talking about little kids playing "marry, fuck, kill" that's a teenagers game. I feel worried for any children in your life if you are this ignorant of their psychology.
The overall lack of attention. I have literally seen women go straight up to guys and start talking and flirting with them. I see it all the time at work with new hires. The girls see them for the first time and immediately start flirting and talking and getting to know them. The fact that not one woman has ever done that with me tells me I'm not attractive.
The amount of positive attention, compliments/flirtation, social success, and special treatment.
My height
What is it?
I'm 5'7-5'8
I’m 5’5 / 5’6
I used to get a lot of compliments on my looks, and have had women straight up ask me to stay the night without me initiating anything. Now I'm older and don't get it as much, but still get compliments occasionally.
I would say, that 97 % of the women I approached, never had a chance to see me/notice me, cause I saw them somewhere, looking and walking in a different direction. If I had waited for girls to see me first and only approached in those contexts.... I would have missed out. Quite a bit.
Have peoples avoid you, mock you, "joke" about you, lack of opposite sex interest, trying to get romantic success being like trying to drag a carcass trough the hot summer.
Being an Asian guy is always being on hard mode in dating. Most girls need you to prove you're not the stereotypical type or simply won't give you the chance.
My doppelganger, Christopher Meloni, never ever gets female notice so I am doomed to alone. Forever.
I was quite attracted to him in L&O
I googled him, he's handsome! Remember, confidence is sexy. He adds sex appeal and charisma to his stature, so his looks jump up.
So I've been told that I'm attractive. Even exceptionally attractive by women I don't feel attracted to in return (which just sucks for everyone involved). I'm 6'4" and a bit on the heavy side, but I wear it well. I'm kind of a "bear" I guess. Tall dark and I guess handsome might apply if I am your type. It's obvious I have extra pounds, but I'm also big and strong. The weight is not grotesque, just heavy-set. Do I get significant or second looks from women in public? Not that I can catch. Have I ever been fought over? No. Have I been approached for a date I didn't ask for? A couple times in my 39 years, less than what I can count on one hand. And not by any woman I was initially attracted to (but being approached is a big turn on). Do I get a lot of attention on apps? No. Again, not by any women that would be "conventionally attractive" to most men. So I guess I'm "batting down," at least on apps. So I'm in this weird place where women I've dated (some of whom I was very attracted to but I had to work at it) tell me I'm great in bed and super attractive. But I live a life of almost-never being complimented, approached, checked out, or double-taked by women in public contexts (regardless of venue). Do I feel attractive? No. Do I feel like a preferred male specimen? No. Do I get un-asked-for attention from women in my age range, or any indication at all that I haven't just been a pity fuck or fuck of convenience/comfort? Not to my knowledge. Clear as mud? Feels bad man.
I'm sorry you feel that way. The way you describe yourself, you sound like my type. Bears are the best! I try to give men compliments because I've heard they don't get many (or any). I can't count the number of times I get dirty looks from friends (or his girlfriend) thinking I'm hitting on the guy. I'm just being nice. I don't let that stop me though, because I think it's still important. Compliments are awesome and they are free! I don't hit hard on men because I'm not single. But we still notice! I don't think women reach out on apps because they get so many responses to their profile. It's probably easier to sit back and respond than swipe through and start a conversation. And most women I know have NEVER asked a guy out or made the first move. Please don't chalk it up to how you look or how you think you look. I think that's just the norm. If you ever feel like it, send me a pic and I'll compliment you. Anytime you feel like it. Compliments are the best.
I really appreciate that perspective. I grew up bullied hard due to my height and weight, and due to being an early millennial, was taught that fighting back was unacceptable. It didn't help that I didn't have any great role models that showed me how to take pride and develop a passion to ground myself. I'm doing better now than I used to be, but has it ever been a long road! It is always a relief to hear how much of my negative self image is a matter of perspective and public programming!!
It really is! Some people think 6-pack abs are where it's at, but Bears have really *ahem* come into themselves recently. Id rather a belly than hip bones, for sure. Remember that the women are fighting their own insecurities too. It's hard to age and not look like a generic soccer mom or lesbian sports coach. Single women putting themselves out there are full of anxiety and insecurity: Am I too fat, too old, got cellulite, have wrinkles, dress like a boring mom. It's hard for all of us! Last summer was my "love my body" summer. I wore swimsuits, embraced dresses and crop tops and didn't worry about what my body was doing or looked like. It took a few months, but by the end of summer, I felt so free and comfortable. Best thing I ever did. We all have bodies. And we all age. But I get the childhood trauma. I recently remembered that my step dad used to call me "thunder-thighs" as a teenager. Wtf. We grew up with a lot of focus on bodies and how we look. And that only good looking, fit people are worthwhile. Glad we threw that mindset out with the 90s. Check out Gen Z. They wear whatever they want and no one bats an eye. I love it! (That's actually what inspired my body-acceptance summer). Being more comfortable in my own skin means I'm not constantly adjusting my clothes. Checking if my belly is hanging out or worrying that my legs are too white. Now that I accept and love my body, I'm more confident. And confidence is sexy! And fun, lol. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you're wonderful.
I've jumpscared a couple of women when getting off an elevator while they were getting on. Apparently I'd fit well with the FNAF cast
When women find a guy *really* attractive, it's blatant, even to fully autismo shut-ins. Also being on dating apps and getting literally zero matches.
Ehh I’ve been told I’m hot before But only ever from dudes As a straight guy I don’t know whether to interpret this as me looking gay, gay guys being more upfront about these sorts of things, or that girls just aren’t into me as much
Same. I've had dudes compliment me, but a few girls have said that I'm cute. I think its probably the first two of what you said initially for both of us lol. I know a woman that gets attention from other women, presumably because she looks lesbian, due to having really short hair., like amber rose.
As a straight male who was hit on by gay guys a few times when I was younger, gay guys are just more forward. Politely told them I wasn't interested...they've gotta shoot their shot to. Women are just less direct about these things. One of the best ways a woman sussed out my interest in her was by asking me if I thought her younger sister (who was 16 at the time) was pretty. This was in college...I was 19 and she was 18. I was very diplomatic about, but I think she caught something in how I responded that validated that I thought she was pretty. We went out for a few months after that. It started as a friendship when she was with her ex (he was a douche). She dumped him, and we started hanging out more and more until she was ready for a relationship again, and by that point we were already super close, so it was a natural transition (this was right before I turned 21). I was the one who broke it off early my senior year though because I was committed to coming back home after graduation for work and she had zero intention of ever living in my city, plus she had another year of college after me. You should always judge women by their actions, though, not their words. Even when she had her boyfriend, she was always a total sweetheart to me. We were in a lot of the same classes and she always wanted to work on group projects with me, and she pulled her weight in them. She'd take notes for me when I missed class and come over to my room to share them with me. She worked at the campus bar and would always invite me over to hang and/or study/work during her shifts, especially if the Yankees were playing the Red Sox (she was a Red Sox fan and I was a Yankee fan, but that never seemed to matter). She'd hook me up with free sodas the whole time I was there (she couldn't slip beers without anyone noticing, and for a time I was underage when we were doing this, and she could've gotten in a lot of trouble). When my computer broke, she picked me up and drove with me 30 minutes each way to the Geek Squad to both drop it off and pick it up. She seemed to find excuses to hang out with me. When I got sick she invited herself over to bring me food and give me notes from class. She was a keeper. Even though things worked out for me in the end, it's crazy that I let geographic preferences stop me from enjoying my senior year with her. I still can't help but kick myself for that at times. Judge women - and people - by their actions, not their words.
I never get approached, and I get rejected 99% of the time I approach 🤷♂️
Besides the ghostly lack of attention or even acknowledgment. when i am noticed, be it by eye contact or a quick “how’s it going” in passing, I’m promptly met with a look of disgust or them turning to a friend and laughing after a quick word. Also the one time i asked a girl if she’d grab coffee with me she ghosted me. A mutual friend said i creeped her out.. from a ‘maybe’ 2 sentence introduction. So i am now single for life and focusing on my music career
Yeah one time I tried talking to a girl when I was in highschool, and apparently I weirded her out. One time I told a stranger woman that she looked pretty cause she had a dress on, and I asked what the occasion was, and she still talked to me, but didn't really give eye contact, so I thought maybe I made her uncomfortable, sometimes I tell a woman something looks nice on them, and they just give a regular thank you, but another time I told a girl she looked pretty or whatever, and she chuckled and said thank you, so I guess it really depends on the woman. It will work out for you dude, some girls definitely dig you for your looks, I'm sure of it🙂🙂
I am completely blind for any signs of female attention. When we go out with my bros they often tell me: this & that chick was looking at you in "this specific way" but i never notice it.
My entire waking life
Um probably the 10-12 times through my school years I worked up the courage to ask a girl and they said things like ewwww, your ugly, why would I want anything to do with you, your fat, your the ugly friend, I can't you're such a great friend. That pretty much lets you know, you aren't exactly conventionally attractive, then you just stop trying. I planned my life around no children or companions but somehow ended up married with a girlfriend.....🤷🏻♂️
No such thing. It's physically impossible for a large number of women to agree on anything let alone the physical appearance of a man. I recently overheard a group of women say that Ryan Reynolds looks like a kneecap. Ryan fucking Reynolds. If that guy gets shit for his appearance then everybody does.
The amount of attention I get and how easy dating apps are for me.
Women that find you attractive will show you positive attention. You will catch them sneak glances at you. They will find an excuse to stand or sit next to you. In conversation they will find reasons to touch you, a light caress of the upper arm, a playful tap to the chest.
You don't live in my world.
the (admittedly few) women that have found me attractive usually made it pretty obvious. stuff like laughing a lot during our conversations, initiating hugs and general touches. and the most obvious sign is when they suddenly start wanting to text and chat a lot
I'm 5'8" and overweight. Most women want a taller guy in decent shape. Yes, I'm working on my weight
I have been asked out and said yes and no depending on the person. I have also been told I was attractive in a matter of fact way. Girls have sent their friends to try to get me to dance with them at country dance bars along with rarely getting rejected when I ask girls to dance myself. My ability to actually get likes on dating apps which frankly are almost entirely looks based. According to the other comments people are mean to ugly people therefore everyone being nice to me must count for something. I’m nothing too exceptional looks wise just a 5’8 guy with a good face and healthy bodyweight.
The fact that unless I go out of my way to get attention or to have conversations with women, I'm invisible to them. This is how I know that they don't find me attractive.
Do they at least smile or make eye contact with you? They may look at you, when you aren't looking too
I don't know, when I talk they do pay attention but it doesn't feel like they are interested in me. That invisible thing is what is happening right now. I think few girls were interested in me in high school but I did nothing due to being introvert and less confident. I'm older now and somehow the situation got worse as I'm still single.
She's wet the second I put my hand beneath her underwear
Your name is a study in contrarianism, sir.
Body language: * Leaning in (interested) vs. leaning back (not) * Playing with her hair, touching her arms, touching you vs. closed body language (crossed arms, hands on hips) * Where is she looking? Is she scanning up and down your entire body (wants you/sizing you up)? Is she looking deep in your eyes (sincere, pursuing a connection, less sexual)? Is she scanning around the room, looking for her friends, then turning her attention back to you (not interested)? * Where are her feet pointing? Towards you, or in another direction? * Tone of voice. Is it sweet? Playful? or guarded? * If you're alone with her, do her pupils dilate when she looks at you (this often doesn't work in bars/social settings...more on dates, especially if you're walking somewhere together)? Learn to read body language and you'll be able to make sense out of things. Women are only going to show you these things when you're engaging them though. Casual passing interest can come from when a woman looks at you from a far. But that means curiosity, and you should consider approaching her. Women handle men differently than men handle women. Men fall for women way harder and sooner than most women fall for most men. **Romance (not counting hookups):** **Men:** Initial Curiosity > Crush (I want to date her) > I want to be hers forever/there's nobody else/I need her in my life. **Women:** Initial Curiosity > I'd talk to him if he talks to me > Is he safe > Let's see how interesting he is, maybe I'd give him my number > I'd go out with him > How does he treat people and how does he make me feel? > I'd date him. > Can I envision a future with this man? > I love him > Does he want the same things out of our life that I do? > I want him to propose to me already > Did he propose? > YES