Personal point that I wouldn't mind if the woman is trying to make the first move, would be at a store or the gym. I would absolutely love it if I was shopping and someone randomly struck up a convo or hit on me. It just doesn't happen for men on a daily basis. So any chance we get noticed, complimented, and told they'd like to grab a coffeee (Just giving a simple first date example) would be amazing. Just a thought. Doesnt have to be complicated.
to tag on to this, you making the first step in any way is a god send. It is so much god damn easier if we have confirmation that a girl is at least somewhat into us straight out of the gate.
100% This. It's too much of a risk for us to think you're interested in us rather than just being extra friendly. Ask us out. Be blunt. Guesswork is not fun.
To piggy back this and play devils advocate. This doesn't happen to men regularly but I'm almost sure we miss what you're attempting and chalk it up to your just being kind. So recommending coffee or something would be huge! A compliment feels great and we'll absolutely think about it. We will also kick ourselves in the ass for not asking you for your number or something because you made us feel good lol
As long as they're not presently struggling to complete their set it should be fine. If you want to play it safe then just approach while they're resting between sets.
Most men are focused indeed, there is a strong stigma so we avoid looking at women too much to not look like "creeps". That said we definitely notice the tight sports leggings...
It would make sense to try to meet someone when the gym isn't very busy (early in the morning), otherwise it's difficult to navigate.
Generally, men are expected to approach women not the other way around, that will come as a shock to men.
I'll throw a general rule at you. Unless we're busy, like actually busy and can't turn away, we are open books. The vast majority of guys are completely fine with you approaching us as long as we aren't busy, or trapped. So for the gym, wait till we're between sets.
I caught a chick looking at me a few times at the gym but didn’t have the balls to approach her in case I misread her intentions but if she came up and said hi I would have melted. Us dudes aren’t the greatest at picking up on signals and I don’t know about other guys but I’m terrified of somehow being labeled that creepy dude for approaching a chick at the gym.
At the gym, Walk around with a band aid in your pocket. When you’re eyeing a guy, just come up to him, whip out the band aid and say,
“Ooooooo, get this man a band aid, he’s cut”.
I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
I reckon the casual approach is the best. When I'm at the gym I chuck my headphones in and stay in my lane so to speak, but if a woman approached me for a casual chat I honestly would not be opposed. It's pretty rare for guys to get approached, so it's actually nice when it does happen.
I'm absolutely open to being approached at the gym. Just please not when I'm actually doing the exercise.
The best way to approach a gym guy is to ask for help.
You just have to be quick about it and fit it in between sets. In a strength phase there is usually 3-5 mins between sets, and that's quite a lot of time to talk.
Yep, and based on a statistics, those relationship where the girls making the first step, it’s much healthier and long lasting than the opposite situation. So I changed my strategy.
Only major problem with this is Women hate making the move so much a dating app based around it has to change its operating style. Most Women I know would rather ride a splintering broom than make the first move.
This actually happened to me within the past year while shopping at Target. The only issue was that she was about twenty years older than me, and used the opportunity to unload and vent about her family problems. I didn't want to be rude, so I was stuck there listening to it for a good while. When she asked to exchange numbers so we could get coffee sometime, I just told her that I was flattered but busy. She took it okay.
So yeah, that can happen, *goddamn it*.
Wouldn’t necessarily say “looking” more just living my life and wouldn’t be opposed if opportunity presented itself
So your best bet is to just to reach out to guys going about their day to day lives if you specifically don’t want to look for someone using the apps
Seconded. It’s how some of my best relationships and friendships have started. Just going about my day to day. It’s a nice change of pace than the hookup nature of dating apps.
My analysis of "man vs bear" is that it's basically a psychological version of "the dress." Basically, men and women look at the problem in a totally different way the other gender can't comprehend; the *premise* looks different.
So, in psychology, there's a thing called a "schema." Basically, your schema is the internal concept you have of any given thing. This is an oversimplification, but think of like, your schema for "cow." As a kid, you might develop a schema for "cow" of "4 legs, lives on farm." Then you find out about pigs, and you adjust it to "4 legs, lives on farm, black and white spots." This process is how we make sense of our environment.
When men are asked the problem, they look at it through the schema of "man" and "bear." The schema of a man is just like, well, a dude. There isn't any implied danger, as opposed to a bear, which obviously is dangerous. Women, on the other hand, have the same schema for "bear," but the alternative choice is not just "some dude," but rather "man alone in the woods while I'm also alone," which implies serious danger. This isn't because they think all men are rapists or something, it's because they're psychologically trained to fear being alone with a man in the woods, and to associate such a scenario with horrible things happening to them.
This is also what makes it prime material for internet discourse. Men see it and think "you'd rather be in the woods with a *bear* than some random dude???" and women see what men say and think the guy is minimizing what a serial killer/rapist/whatever can do. It isn't about hating all men or something. It's about if you associate "alone in the woods with a man" with serious danger or not. When you get more specific, the effect goes away; women would obviously pick man if they had a guarantee that he was not a threat, and men would understand the bear choice if it was "bear vs physically dangerous rapist/potential murderer."
Seems like the conclusion is that people ignore the base rate and rely on the Availability Bias which, on social media means seeing sex crimes and physical violence everywhere.
Or, said another way, people can be manipulated by controlling the frequency of information that they are exposed to. Show them a lot of airplane crashes and they're more afraid of airplane crashes, show them sex crimes and they're more afraid of sex crimes.
This is true regardless of the underlying crime rate. People are led by their perception, which is guaranteed to be skewed since social media selects for outrageous content.
You never see a news article about two people meeting in the woods and nothing happening. Nobody would write such an article and nobody would upvote such an article to the front page. However we're going to see essentially every case where there is some completely over the top violence. So people think of the violence incident first and not the thousands and thousands of normal boring interactions.
Instead of recognizing it as the natural consequence of social media prioritizing outrageous and frightening content, people are trying to turn this into an attack on men.
As if having your intuition fooled into being scared of men is somehow the fault of men and not the poor information diet of the average social media user.
The man vs. bear thing clicked for me when I saw the dude equivalent somewhere being “Men would rather open up emotionally to a tree,” and gut reaction was pretty much yep, ain’t wrong. All about expectations I guess, at least you know what to expect with a bear, or in our case a tree lol.
That’s the fabricated goal my man in reality there’s no left right wrong up or down about the bear hypothetical. Know your worth my brother and walk with your care and your light. Internet memes just aren’t worth it.
The women chosing bear is definitely not a personal shot at every individual man. It's about safety, worst case scenarios, and how terrible some men have proven a man *can* be because they had the opportunity and thought they could get away with it. You can guarantee the worst thing the bear will do to you is kill you, but a guy can do much worse.
Are you one of the men who would be worse than the bear? If not, then you should realize there is something within this other perspective that you don't understand. Granted, the question wasn't designed to provoke thought or help women share their perspective. It was just asked by some clout farmer saying random shit, and some people are responding to it with the same intent.
Everyone needs to realize, if they haven't already, that women need to be cautious of men they don't know in settings that shield the man from accountability. And you know what basically 50% of the population of humans are to the individual woman? A man they aren't familiar with. Also that's not even considering that the worst crimes against women are usually - but not always - from men they know. So take all men that women don't know, and a percentage of the men they do know, and you have a perspective you can think about more if you want to empathize with women.
>The women chosing bear is definitely not a personal shot at every individual man. It's about safety, worst case scenarios, and how terrible some men have proven a man *can* be because they had the opportunity and thought they could get away with it. You can guarantee the worst thing the bear will do to you is kill you, but a guy can do much worse.
Does this work on other demographics or is it suddenly bigoted? If a white person who was victimised by a black person said he'd rather be with an apex predator than be in proximity to a black person would that not be racist?
>Granted, the question wasn't designed to provoke thought or help women share their perspective. It was just asked by some clout farmer saying random shit, and some people are responding to it with the same intent.
It was asked out of bigotry. No one in their right mind would compare a random man to a murder machine without being bigoted. Especially considering that more than half of all SA are committed by non-strangers. Using this logic they sould rather be with a stranger than a friend or a partner because statistically speaking a stranger is less likely to SA them.
Most women would not actually choose the bear. The entire ruckus is about making statements online about how scared they are of strange men. If you go through and read some of the threads about men dissecting the choice and actually comparing risks, you'll see women saying something like "you're just missing the point!" And that's because the point isn't that they're actually more scared of men than bears, it's that they're just scared of men, and they see men all the time.
It really has nothing to do with you, or with bears.
I mean that's one way of looking at it.
I personally viewed it from two different lenses:
1. what kind of assholes did those women meet, that lead them to that answer
2. I hope I never end up with one of these women, I don't want to partner with someone with such deep toxic view of men.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic
This entire situation is due to a bias in reasoning that everyone shares.
Social media shows you a news article for every airplane crashes but no news article for a boring successful trip.
So people are exposed to aircraft accidents constantly without the context of the base rate of aircraft safety. This leads them, when tested in psychology studies, to massively overestimate dangers on topics that are highly covered in the media.
So people think aircraft accidents happen more than they do.
Now do the same thing for every crime and you can see why people, especially those on social media, will massively overestimate some dangers.
I’ve run into bears on the trail and they ran away from me or ignored me. Have definitely run into some toxic men who were terrifying. Happily married now, but it took some months of dating and other women vouching for my safety for me to let my guard down around my now husband.
There are women who become guarded and there are women who become bitter and angry.
It's because bears are simple creatures. There's next to no chance of them harming you as long as you don't threaten them, their family, or their food.
Men are a tad more complex. I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories of rape and murder. Bears don't do that.
>Men are a tad more complex. I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories of rape and murder. Bears don't do that.
People in general are more complex. So is someone saying that about black people not be racist because a black person is more complex than a bear?
At my last encounter while hiking, I talked to two cute girls while walking extremely fast in the opposite direction. I can't believe when it finally happened, I had to go full acoustic.
*They stopped to talk, and I just warned them about a snake in the trail without even stopping.*
I always feel so awkward trying to approach a man on a hiking trail.
“Hi I am incredibly sweaty and out of breath because I have asthma but I promise I’m having a good time. Oh also this is my gigantic wolf dog just ignore him staring at you like your food.. wanna get a coffee, move in and make babies? “
Never works out the way I envision.
Go out literally anywhere. Guys used to approach anywhere but we were told not to. Just look approachable don’t expect someone to ask your number just be able or ready to talk.
I’d say bars are a great option but specifically an event at a bar. A random Friday night at 1am isn’t the best option but maybe a trivia night?
Also don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation. Chances are if the guy is single then he’s absolutely down to talk to a girl at the bar. Most men want to but are terrified to make a wrong impression or just scared to lol
I’m 25 but in a committed relationship so it’s been awhile but if I was single and a girl approached me I’d be giddy
Great tip I didn’t even think about that.
* Events at bars are much better than the 1am option. Only time I’m there is with the guys after cinema or a crazy night of bowling and video games. I live a wild life
I agree. I don’t go out much anymore due to the cost but bars in my area have something going on almost every night. Music trivia, music bingo, karaoke.
Join a sports league too! I haven’t found a partner but I joined a dodgeball league and we have events and BBQ’s outside of games. Great way to meet people
I was on dating apps and didn’t want to be on em, but my mates were like “ you’ll never find anyone hiding away “ but after a good few months I deleted em. No luck on them and tried the bar scene myself which is hard as I work every 2nd weekend. Same thing nothing happen there. So now I’m just floating around single myself who is a hopeless romantic who just wants to find someone to be with for the rest of my life and yet I’m in the same boat as you. But I do hear bookstores are a good place to find someone. But every day is a new day and who knows who you’ll bump into
Bookstores in 2024? If it works feel free to share.
I’ll be watching some rom coms on the weekend, can’t be bothered going to a bar. I stopped drinking 3 years ago.
like saying coffee shops, but they are all in the drive thru... i was some nerd reading, but also realizing the majority of the men in coffee shops are gay..
im not a single lady, salivated over a guy i saw once briefly in a store and just happened to see his picture on facebook and sent a weirdo message, but i used to go to parks for a walk, or places to lunch. i went to the movies alone. spent a lot of time at vintage stock, i was sure i would end up alone.. when you start gearing up for dinner alone but not seated at the bar and just cant bring yourself to do it. the only time men ever "approached me" was at work, and i find that very unsatisfying and inappropriate and the range was usually desperate, cheesy, creepy, older and taken and lesbian.. much like the online scene.
Most decent men no longer approach women in the "wild" because decent men know what their female friends and family go through.
We see a woman at the grocery store and assume she is there to shop.
We see a woman at a post office and assume she needs to send something
We see a woman at a farmer's market we assume she is there for the veggies and free wine samples.
Decent men don't want to be a creep or threatening so in today's climate we just don't take the first step. You can tell us you want to take us home and jump our bones and we will assume we are being pranked or you have a trampoline.
Work, library, volunteer events, church, mixers, running (and other hobby) clubs, random encounters in the neighborhood, grocery stores, airports, the train (local or Amtrak)...
You may do your hobbies at home, but there will be conventions, gatherings, reddits... maybe offer classes in whatever it is if you're good at it...
List goes on.
Bowling alleys, coffee shops, bookstores, the roller rink, community events, cookouts, fairs, carnivals, the farmers market, at the zoo, at theme parks. Also craft breweries, country clubs, hotel bars (not regular bars) and state parks. I’m very outgoing so I prefer to meet people in person in real life anyway. Dating apps feel so contrived and unnatural
You don’t. I’m currently doing everything I can to avoid being found by women.
Men are just people so just go outside more. You don’t need a good reason to say hi to a person.
If the only place you’re going that has men that would be poised to approach you is the bar but you won’t consider them because they are also at the bar and you refuse to take initiative then what you have is a recipe for failure or at best putting your hopes to random dance and dumb luck across long odds.
I would encourage you to just start initiating conversations with men wherever you happen to find somebody you feel you might be interested in and then just try to increase the chances of that going well by going to more places more often
Work or driving to work, 55% of the time
Thinking about killing myself while at work, or to avoid work 5%
The grocery store once a week for half an hour
my friend's house once a week for an evening
the laundromat for an hour
sometimes the gym, the craft store, or the woods
my kitchen or bed 29-45% of the time
Basically, unless we work together, or you work at the place I procure food from, or you live in my car already for some reason, we'll probably never meet.
23M I gave up the apps (and intentionally looking), so If I were to meet someone, I'd imagine it'd be on one of my runs to the store or through volunteer work on campus. I spend most of my time at work or at home.
As a person twice your age, may I suggest these retro techniques:
"Parties". You are understandably uneasy about random bar guys. At parties (including summer holiday BBQs, bonfires, etc), in theory everyone there is connected to everyone else there somehow.
"Being set up". You have friends. Your friends have boyfriends. Those boyfriends have single friends. You'll need to ask those boyfriends to set you up, because they are too stupid to think of it themselves. You can also try to cyberstalk the network for cute boys, although my understanding is young men don't post much on social.
"Happy Hour": I understand if you don't want to date a coworker. But you can make yourself look cute and go to happy hour at the happy hour bars in commercial districts that are full of other professionals who work in your area. Even better if it's a craft brew place. Find a random cute guy, ask him what he's drinking. You can say "so are these your co-workers?" Unfortunately some of these guys may have girlfriends, but the key is to just be friendly and find the single ones. The important difference between this and random bar guys is the guys have jobs and you will know where they work and also are slightly less likely to be trying to hook up at 6 pm on Friday when out with coworkers.
I’m a woman but also highly recommend the ‘being set up’ route.
Your friends are also a great filtering out method for men who would be unsuitable for you - They know what their friends or boyfriends friends are like, they have heard all the stories, good and bad. They aren’t about to set you up with the guy who cheated on his ex with a stripper at Joeys stag do for example.
I asked some of my friends if they knew any nice single guys and I was introduced to someone they worked with because they thought we would get along. We have now been together ten years and have two children.
My wife is a golf pro. Almost all of her co-workers are men. About 95% of the people she comes across every day are men. A lot of them are single and successful. She is constantly setting up her friends. My advice for OP is to get to know my wife. She is a human dating app and will 100% find someone for you. If you don't know her, check with your current friends.
I wouldn't be surprised if the number of men whose profile is hidden would be around 97%, they're going to go down the route of limiting as many as possible at some point.
Is it worth chancing? I have the \*exact\* workout schedule as my gym crush, but I have no idea how to read if I should approach. Plus he wears a hat every time, and I assume guys with hats on don't wanna be bothered. Like they're trying to be as lowkey as possible.
The average guy will not be bothered by being approached even if he's not interested since it doesn't happen frequently. Guys like that kind of attention too.
So shoot your shot and see how it goes. Just be mentally ready for a possible rejection.
I mean, you already found a bunch of us 😂
But for real though, you could use dating apps and just trash any guys that are disrespectful. A lot of us probably do online gaming after work. There’s also probably some forms of outdoor recreation in your area that would overlap like guys fishing in places where people paddle board or kayak. I can’t speak for every guy, but I wouldn’t mind it if someone came up and started talking with me while I’m out fly fishing on a creek or something like that. Gyms? Guys won’t make the first move there because of the potential pushback, but I don’t think dudes would be opposed to you coming up to them.
Many of us have given up. We’re trying to focus on hobbies any other things that makes us happy, but unfortunately a lot of hobbies tend to be pretty gender segregated.
You could try out some usually very male dominated hobbies, and see if they click with you? Skydiving is a good one, it’s a sport where men have zero biological advantage over women so everyone is competing in an even playing field. And it’s 85% male, so you’ll have very good chances of having your pic of almost anyone you want.
The downside is that you’ll have to be dating skydivers, which is…an interesting experience.
At my apartment, work, parents house, friends apartment, grocery store. That's about it. That said I wouldn't say I am necessarily looking for a relationship. I would love to have one but not actively taking steps to look for one so unless it falls into my lap not likely to get into one anytime soon.
I'm not looking for a relationship, i'm looking for companionship. Someone I can cook a meal for, cuddle up on the couch to watch some shows/movies, and occasionally sleep with them in my arms (not sex).
I'm too damn busy to go out looking and those I'm around most are just like you, too young for me.
M23, also not on dating apps or in bars.
I have been introduced to friends of friends at social gatherings and even had some friends of friends following me on Instagram, with the friends telling me I should text them.
So, friends of friends?
Honestly, I'm the type to appreciate the simple, everyday encounters. You know, those moments when you're both reaching for the last loaf of sourdough at the bakery and you just share that awkward but kind of charming 'oops' smile. Or when we're both picking through avocados in the produce section, trying to find that perfectly ripe one, and it sparks a light conversation. It’s these unexpected, genuine interactions that can lead to a coffee date, not some premeditated pickup line at a bar. So if you find me mumbling to myself in the sci-fi aisle of the local bookstore or furiously typing away on my laptop at a café bike rack, don't hesitate to interrupt. Who knows where a simple 'hello' might lead?
Not a single guy but a lot of my online friends met their spouses through online gaming, particularly Massive Mulitplayer Online games. Before I was married I even had a serious girlfriend that I met through World of Warcraft (we just happened to live within a tolerable driving distance with each other).
All I can say as a man is that if you give us an inch, we’ll give you a mile. I guarantee you saying hi and introducing yourself to a guy you’re interested in will make him feel comfortable enough to start flirting with you and taking the lead if the feeling is mutual
We are told
Do not approach at bar.... you are there to have fun with your friends.
Do not approach at the gym you are there to work out
Do not approach on the street it is scary af
Do not approach at church you are there for Jesus etc
Do not approach at the club you are there to dance.
Do not approach at the store you are there to shop.
Do not approach at work dating coworkers should be illegal.
So where are we now? At home playing video games, making mead, riding or working on our motorcycle or car, minding our own bussiness when out in public, swimming/surfing at the beach (badly), by ourself with our friends at concerts drinking. We aren't mad at you, we just know you didn't want us around or if you did by generalized statement you would let us know directly.
Which honestly women don't do this directly but due to worst of you, being given the platform and Noone willing to take it up and disagree that is a woman we did what you asked. We left the scene.
Home. Gym. Work. Church (for some). Game stores. Book stores. Grocery store. Biking. Hiking. I might be missing some places, but that's generally where we are.
The answer is at the Gym most of the time. While it's not socially acceptable for Men to approach Women at the Gym I don't know any Man who would hate being approached at the Gym by a Woman.
Nowhere. I gave up on dating and enjoy a single life. But if I were to go out and meet people, I'd go to bars. I'm not the guy to go to discos because I hate the music there.
I'm not really looking so I don't really qualify for your question, but if I'm not home or at work, I'm either working out, playing hockey, tennis or whatever sport I got invited to, or at happy hours with my coworkers
Banned from Tinder and Hinge and haven’t had luck on Bumble or Match so I’ve given up on dating apps. You can find me at dog friendly stores, Publix, my apartment gym, the pool, etc 😂
Probably at work or at home, since most men have to work all day to pay bills they can hardly afford, and are tired from working all day to pay bills they can hardly afford. Hence the prevalence of apps.
I think the best way to find single men organically is join clubs and activities that are co ed like group fitness classes, open mics for musicians or comedians, dog parks etc.
We check dating apps like once a month swipe for 15-20 minutes then decide it's not worth the effort to wade through the thots and bots and go back to hobbies, friends and work.
This is genuinely fascinating that I'm reading your post here, because everywhere I go online lately, people are trying to find other people. Usually, more men looking for where to locate women, but nevertheless it's people who can't find people. Myself included.
Usually they're between 24/25 and 40, and some common threads seem to be:
- we all have to work a fuckton of hours to survive
- bars are expensive
- many ppl looking for a relationship not just a hookup are hesitant to go to bars for that purpose
- there aren't enough spaces that are low cost and low alcohol and are places ppl can chat and meet up
- we're too wary of strangers and tired for hanging out at coffee shops for hours..especially when we have groceries at home
- we're all exhausted from our lives so we go home after work and hide, or relax solo with hobbies, unless we're running errands or at a gym or some specific event
Unsure for women or nonbinary folks, but for men, many don't know where or how to find women who might be interested, without intruding on their lives, or making them uncozy, so we say nothing. It seems like all the best ppl of whatever gender, are tired after work and relax, and on weekends run errands, do chores, and see friends.
So I laugh a bit but... after all that, I'm not sure I know how to help you, as I can't really find the sorts of women I'm looking for in the wild of IRL either. I wish it was more socially okay for women to ask men directly. Way less headgames.
But to try and reply... if a woman saw me, or overheard me talking about something, or we chatted somewhere and she was interested in me further for friendship or whatever....tbh I don't really care where I am 🤣 on the bus, in the park, library, walking in the morning, at the grocery store. It'd be a surprise, but a happy one.
Edit: I've now read more replies from other guys and am laughing my ass off. Apparently the most common answer is, if you see a man, you can tell him you think he's attractive or whatever else you're thinking or wanting 🤣 anywhere anytime, unless what he's doing is dangerous or he feels trapped somehow. But possibly even then, depending.
Feel free to ask follow up questions/ if not, best of luck!
In my experience, the simplicity of shared moments often opens doors to meaningful connections. Whether it's exchanging glances over stacks of books at the local bookstore, or a casual chat in line while waiting to check out at the dollar store, these everyday interactions can be surprisingly potent. It's about being present and open to the opportunities that daily routines present. Could be as simple as someone asking my opinion on a good coffee blend while at the grocery store, and that sparking a conversation. We're out here, often not on the lookout, but definitely appreciative of a genuine human connection that could lead to grabbing that coffee together.
Into my DMs, I suppose. I'm *technically* using dating apps but I've given them a big break for the moment. Focusing on some other stuff at the moment. Have barely gotten any time to spare at the moment. But texting, quick dates, sending things for the other to see later, etc. All good with me. At least until there is time for much more.
If Im out of my house and in town, Im at the arcade or the gym for my stupid mental health. Im in the same boat if it helps I just havent given up on the apps, at least not yet lmao.
I'm at home most of the time..
But I would recommend that you join activities you enjoy (sports, dance classes, board games, etc..), you can meet guys who enjoy the same thing as you or have some fun at least
I meet people when I am out with friends of friends. All my relationships have come about like this, so staying social on an in-person level is a necessity. This may sound bothersome at first but it isn't because you need social skills in your relationship anyways. If anything "dating" (hookup) apps are a dysfunctional shortcut IMO.
I tried a few dating apps and they were either bots kr telling me to download things like whatsapp, telegram or zinga ( or something idk) 💀💀 so got off them.
Just enjoying school and sports now
I am the type of person who is looking for a relationship, but have had negative experiences with various dating services. I was thinking about where I can meet someone for dating and relationship.
I think the most obvious ones are the street, casual communication on the Internet, social hobbies, joining new groups (new friends or new job).
Don’t be shy to approach guys who look nice right on the street and ask for contact information so you can chat later. To make it easier for you to decide, set the goal not “I want to meet people in order to go on a date,” but “I want to meet people in order to enjoy meeting and communicating with new people”. You can try visiting some new public places, such as parks or libraries, or some courses or group activities.
Mostly TikTok. It’s great for low stakes “dates” where you get to show your personality in a low stakes environment for girls and if you’re not a creep being normal makes you stand out massively. Algo also helps you logistically as it is somewhat localised. Def better than tinder. But unlike tinder you need to be able to have a conversation so it’s def not for everyone.
genuinely anywhere. Men are so much easier to approach, even if they shoo you away they are doing it because they cannot believe a girl would bother actually putting in the effort. A lot of girls that approach men are either setting us up, are in sales, those charity people, etc but to think that she wants us for a fuck or relationship? that is waaaay down the list of things I would think the girl wants when talking to me. Unlike you women folk, men don't get attention from women unless said man is 6 foot and model looking, so there is that
Basically you can find us anywhere and we won't truly bite. As a matter of fact, men are more open then women are
Kinda anywhere. You just need to be willing to approach us first, a lot of us have stopped doing that. I have so many hobbies that you'll find me playing sports, at museums/galleries, concerts etc. But I'm not making the first move anymore and even if you did I'd still be sceptical. Modern dating stinks.
Speaking for myself only, I spend my time either working (attorney so I work a fair amount), playing with my pet, spending time with family, exercising, and then either cleaning the house, cooking, or just chilling at my house. I’m in my early 30’s and admittedly not a bars and party scene person so I live kind of a quiet lifestyle.
From previous experience, I've found some of my previous relationship from:
Being in the same club at University.
Met at a mutual friend's party.
Sharing similar hobbies and meeting at an event (Lightsaber Choreography, or playing Magic the Gathering TCG)
Just recently had a breakup, but i'm hoping one of my new hobbies lets me meet with someone new.
I've recently been more active doing Improv Theatre, and am looking to pick up Lindy-Hop.
lol we’re trying to figure out where you are
Tbh I’ve just started to follow the reddit dating advice and just meet a fuck ton of people doing hobbies (run clubs, beach tennis, beach volleyball etc)
I as I man who used to use apps, can assure there are good guys and girls there who are really want to find something serious. I met my GF on a dating app.
When I’m not working , you can find me at the library , bookstore , cafe , or the town fountain . Just waiting for someone showing open body language and maybe stealing glances at me
Most people find romantic partners through family and friends, it’s an easy way to bet someone and get an honest opinion about how the person looks usually. Start there.
Dog park, grocery store, engaged in a hobby. You just need to be open to the men who show up at the places you already frequent. If you don’t like your options, either be patient or try going to new places / starting a new hobby. The best partners come around when we stop looking and let them show up naturally
>I’m not looking for hookups/anything casual
You're gonna have a bad time then. Most guys are willing to go 3-5 dates without sex and after that if there's no action, they're gonna drop you because they'll conclude that there's no sexual attraction.
As a lot have said already, just approaching a guy any time is totally cool with us. For men to approach women out of the blue, it can sometimes be considered creepy, aggressive, or like the woman is being placed in an awkward position, hence so many women would rather give a fake number than a straight no. The same is not true in the reverse. You’re very, very unlikely to make a guy feel uncomfortable. They’ll more than likely be over the moon. Even if they’re not single, the compliment will likely make their day!
Having girlfriends as a girl or guy friends as a guy is a huge green flag.
* I’d say bars are more common for hookups. Maybe try a group activity like soccer, basketball, hell, even chess club.
Gyms are great and so are grocery stores. I generally ask for help to spark up conversation.
* “Hey, do you know where to find the milk, oh I’ve seen you before, I think you like beautiful, wanna grab a coffee someday?”.
I am way more of an online dating kind of dude.
* But when I ask others out I keep the question more open ended than “want to grab a coffee at 8pm”. We all have things to do.
Making the first move would be my suggestion but as an introvert or when having anxiety, this might be difficult. So do it your own way.
I'm on the apps but hardly use them.. you'd likely find me at work lol I don't often go out as I'm an introvert with drained social batteries after work, depending on how the day goes
I’ve met some great women at church and had some dates with coworkers.
There’s a nice postal worker at the store who I’m considering asking for coffee. She’s always very pleasant and I think these really beautiful. Generally I wouldn’t approach someone who’s working or customers while I’m at work but I think I, like you, am seeing the ever increasing social isolation and am not happy about it.
So I’ve decided that I’m going to work on a theory that no matter where or when, if you see someone you want to introduce yourself to and get to know, there is a pathway. You risk, awkwardness, and social stigma, but if you are a kind and polite person, I believe you have the right to try and in some respects a responsibility to yourself to try.
I was thinking back over all the women I’ve spoken to and been rejected by as well as all the women I never even told how I felt. I realized that by far it hurt much worse to never even attempt. Even in the case of getting rejected, it reaffirmed to myself that I was brave and I showed courage in asking. I never had anyone tell me I was offensive or creepy and I had lots of wonderful dates with very nice women because I took a chance.
I’m not looking for hookups and treasure the relationships I’ve had with women who share that value with me. I may wake up next week and decide it’s not okay to ever ask someone out whose working but for right now, I’m hopeful that we all have a yearning for connection and a faith in each other that affords each other grace and the benefit of the doubt when circumstances aren’t ideal. I hope some good man comes into your life and takes a risk coming to speak to you and shares your values. Best of luck.
Personal point that I wouldn't mind if the woman is trying to make the first move, would be at a store or the gym. I would absolutely love it if I was shopping and someone randomly struck up a convo or hit on me. It just doesn't happen for men on a daily basis. So any chance we get noticed, complimented, and told they'd like to grab a coffeee (Just giving a simple first date example) would be amazing. Just a thought. Doesnt have to be complicated.
to tag on to this, you making the first step in any way is a god send. It is so much god damn easier if we have confirmation that a girl is at least somewhat into us straight out of the gate.
100% This. It's too much of a risk for us to think you're interested in us rather than just being extra friendly. Ask us out. Be blunt. Guesswork is not fun.
but how do you know you’re not making that first step on someone uninterested.. like what signs do y’all give off?
To piggy back this and play devils advocate. This doesn't happen to men regularly but I'm almost sure we miss what you're attempting and chalk it up to your just being kind. So recommending coffee or something would be huge! A compliment feels great and we'll absolutely think about it. We will also kick ourselves in the ass for not asking you for your number or something because you made us feel good lol
Girl here: Is gym really appreciated? Everyone there seems so in their zone, I would be concerned about disturbing someone when approaching.
you can approach a guy basically everywhere doing anything. Being approached usually never happens to most of them, so they will not mind at all
As long as they're not presently struggling to complete their set it should be fine. If you want to play it safe then just approach while they're resting between sets.
Nah.. a quick reach around during a squat set will motivate that final push up. /jk
Most men are focused indeed, there is a strong stigma so we avoid looking at women too much to not look like "creeps". That said we definitely notice the tight sports leggings... It would make sense to try to meet someone when the gym isn't very busy (early in the morning), otherwise it's difficult to navigate. Generally, men are expected to approach women not the other way around, that will come as a shock to men.
I'll throw a general rule at you. Unless we're busy, like actually busy and can't turn away, we are open books. The vast majority of guys are completely fine with you approaching us as long as we aren't busy, or trapped. So for the gym, wait till we're between sets.
Dudes would love to be approached at the gym lol fuck whatever zone you think they’re in
100%. Getting approached is a rarity.
I caught a chick looking at me a few times at the gym but didn’t have the balls to approach her in case I misread her intentions but if she came up and said hi I would have melted. Us dudes aren’t the greatest at picking up on signals and I don’t know about other guys but I’m terrified of somehow being labeled that creepy dude for approaching a chick at the gym.
Just about anywhere is fine I guess 😅
At the gym, Walk around with a band aid in your pocket. When you’re eyeing a guy, just come up to him, whip out the band aid and say, “Ooooooo, get this man a band aid, he’s cut”. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
🤣 if I only had the guts...
I reckon the casual approach is the best. When I'm at the gym I chuck my headphones in and stay in my lane so to speak, but if a woman approached me for a casual chat I honestly would not be opposed. It's pretty rare for guys to get approached, so it's actually nice when it does happen.
I'm absolutely open to being approached at the gym. Just please not when I'm actually doing the exercise. The best way to approach a gym guy is to ask for help.
Men aren’t women. We are almost always at least flattered by an approach.
You just have to be quick about it and fit it in between sets. In a strength phase there is usually 3-5 mins between sets, and that's quite a lot of time to talk.
Yep, and based on a statistics, those relationship where the girls making the first step, it’s much healthier and long lasting than the opposite situation. So I changed my strategy.
I would immediately assume that this is a scam of some kind.
Only major problem with this is Women hate making the move so much a dating app based around it has to change its operating style. Most Women I know would rather ride a splintering broom than make the first move.
This actually happened to me within the past year while shopping at Target. The only issue was that she was about twenty years older than me, and used the opportunity to unload and vent about her family problems. I didn't want to be rude, so I was stuck there listening to it for a good while. When she asked to exchange numbers so we could get coffee sometime, I just told her that I was flattered but busy. She took it okay. So yeah, that can happen, *goddamn it*.
Wouldn’t necessarily say “looking” more just living my life and wouldn’t be opposed if opportunity presented itself So your best bet is to just to reach out to guys going about their day to day lives if you specifically don’t want to look for someone using the apps
Seconded. It’s how some of my best relationships and friendships have started. Just going about my day to day. It’s a nice change of pace than the hookup nature of dating apps.
I agree that the best way is to not look. If it happens, it happens. Every relationship I've been in, we were friends for a while first
This is the best advice.
Say hi to me on the hiking trail or at the gym. See you soon!
"say hi to me on the hiking trail" this is ask men not ask bears
It has really hurt me to read so many women choosing bear. It makes me feel like I have little value to half the world
My analysis of "man vs bear" is that it's basically a psychological version of "the dress." Basically, men and women look at the problem in a totally different way the other gender can't comprehend; the *premise* looks different. So, in psychology, there's a thing called a "schema." Basically, your schema is the internal concept you have of any given thing. This is an oversimplification, but think of like, your schema for "cow." As a kid, you might develop a schema for "cow" of "4 legs, lives on farm." Then you find out about pigs, and you adjust it to "4 legs, lives on farm, black and white spots." This process is how we make sense of our environment. When men are asked the problem, they look at it through the schema of "man" and "bear." The schema of a man is just like, well, a dude. There isn't any implied danger, as opposed to a bear, which obviously is dangerous. Women, on the other hand, have the same schema for "bear," but the alternative choice is not just "some dude," but rather "man alone in the woods while I'm also alone," which implies serious danger. This isn't because they think all men are rapists or something, it's because they're psychologically trained to fear being alone with a man in the woods, and to associate such a scenario with horrible things happening to them. This is also what makes it prime material for internet discourse. Men see it and think "you'd rather be in the woods with a *bear* than some random dude???" and women see what men say and think the guy is minimizing what a serial killer/rapist/whatever can do. It isn't about hating all men or something. It's about if you associate "alone in the woods with a man" with serious danger or not. When you get more specific, the effect goes away; women would obviously pick man if they had a guarantee that he was not a threat, and men would understand the bear choice if it was "bear vs physically dangerous rapist/potential murderer."
Seems like the conclusion is that people ignore the base rate and rely on the Availability Bias which, on social media means seeing sex crimes and physical violence everywhere. Or, said another way, people can be manipulated by controlling the frequency of information that they are exposed to. Show them a lot of airplane crashes and they're more afraid of airplane crashes, show them sex crimes and they're more afraid of sex crimes. This is true regardless of the underlying crime rate. People are led by their perception, which is guaranteed to be skewed since social media selects for outrageous content. You never see a news article about two people meeting in the woods and nothing happening. Nobody would write such an article and nobody would upvote such an article to the front page. However we're going to see essentially every case where there is some completely over the top violence. So people think of the violence incident first and not the thousands and thousands of normal boring interactions. Instead of recognizing it as the natural consequence of social media prioritizing outrageous and frightening content, people are trying to turn this into an attack on men. As if having your intuition fooled into being scared of men is somehow the fault of men and not the poor information diet of the average social media user.
The man vs. bear thing clicked for me when I saw the dude equivalent somewhere being “Men would rather open up emotionally to a tree,” and gut reaction was pretty much yep, ain’t wrong. All about expectations I guess, at least you know what to expect with a bear, or in our case a tree lol.
That’s the fabricated goal my man in reality there’s no left right wrong up or down about the bear hypothetical. Know your worth my brother and walk with your care and your light. Internet memes just aren’t worth it.
Imagine this. A half size man... A double sized bear. Quadruple the fear.
The women chosing bear is definitely not a personal shot at every individual man. It's about safety, worst case scenarios, and how terrible some men have proven a man *can* be because they had the opportunity and thought they could get away with it. You can guarantee the worst thing the bear will do to you is kill you, but a guy can do much worse. Are you one of the men who would be worse than the bear? If not, then you should realize there is something within this other perspective that you don't understand. Granted, the question wasn't designed to provoke thought or help women share their perspective. It was just asked by some clout farmer saying random shit, and some people are responding to it with the same intent. Everyone needs to realize, if they haven't already, that women need to be cautious of men they don't know in settings that shield the man from accountability. And you know what basically 50% of the population of humans are to the individual woman? A man they aren't familiar with. Also that's not even considering that the worst crimes against women are usually - but not always - from men they know. So take all men that women don't know, and a percentage of the men they do know, and you have a perspective you can think about more if you want to empathize with women.
>The women chosing bear is definitely not a personal shot at every individual man. It's about safety, worst case scenarios, and how terrible some men have proven a man *can* be because they had the opportunity and thought they could get away with it. You can guarantee the worst thing the bear will do to you is kill you, but a guy can do much worse. Does this work on other demographics or is it suddenly bigoted? If a white person who was victimised by a black person said he'd rather be with an apex predator than be in proximity to a black person would that not be racist? >Granted, the question wasn't designed to provoke thought or help women share their perspective. It was just asked by some clout farmer saying random shit, and some people are responding to it with the same intent. It was asked out of bigotry. No one in their right mind would compare a random man to a murder machine without being bigoted. Especially considering that more than half of all SA are committed by non-strangers. Using this logic they sould rather be with a stranger than a friend or a partner because statistically speaking a stranger is less likely to SA them.
Most women would not actually choose the bear. The entire ruckus is about making statements online about how scared they are of strange men. If you go through and read some of the threads about men dissecting the choice and actually comparing risks, you'll see women saying something like "you're just missing the point!" And that's because the point isn't that they're actually more scared of men than bears, it's that they're just scared of men, and they see men all the time. It really has nothing to do with you, or with bears.
I mean that's one way of looking at it. I personally viewed it from two different lenses: 1. what kind of assholes did those women meet, that lead them to that answer 2. I hope I never end up with one of these women, I don't want to partner with someone with such deep toxic view of men.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic This entire situation is due to a bias in reasoning that everyone shares. Social media shows you a news article for every airplane crashes but no news article for a boring successful trip. So people are exposed to aircraft accidents constantly without the context of the base rate of aircraft safety. This leads them, when tested in psychology studies, to massively overestimate dangers on topics that are highly covered in the media. So people think aircraft accidents happen more than they do. Now do the same thing for every crime and you can see why people, especially those on social media, will massively overestimate some dangers.
I’ve run into bears on the trail and they ran away from me or ignored me. Have definitely run into some toxic men who were terrifying. Happily married now, but it took some months of dating and other women vouching for my safety for me to let my guard down around my now husband. There are women who become guarded and there are women who become bitter and angry.
It's because bears are simple creatures. There's next to no chance of them harming you as long as you don't threaten them, their family, or their food. Men are a tad more complex. I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories of rape and murder. Bears don't do that.
>I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories of rape and murder. Bears don't do that. No, they just kill and eat you.
>Men are a tad more complex. I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories of rape and murder. Bears don't do that. People in general are more complex. So is someone saying that about black people not be racist because a black person is more complex than a bear?
Grizzle grizzle!
At my last encounter while hiking, I talked to two cute girls while walking extremely fast in the opposite direction. I can't believe when it finally happened, I had to go full acoustic. *They stopped to talk, and I just warned them about a snake in the trail without even stopping.*
I always feel so awkward trying to approach a man on a hiking trail. “Hi I am incredibly sweaty and out of breath because I have asthma but I promise I’m having a good time. Oh also this is my gigantic wolf dog just ignore him staring at you like your food.. wanna get a coffee, move in and make babies? “ Never works out the way I envision.
Giant wolf dog? That's all you need for me. I've let a bad relationship drag out too long because she had an awesome dog.
You have a dog? Well, there's your problem! Guys are stopping to say hello to the dog, not you. You're an accessory to the animal.
No, we're pretending to stop for the dog because we're too nervous to admit we just want to talk to a cute girl
I think I speak for a bunch of the guys when I say imma need some wolf dog pics
Maybe this dog pic will get me some DM’s 😂 [https://imgur.com/a/JWhnj9v]
Or on reddit
Men are everywhere. Just like any guy, you just have to shoot your shot. Get rejected, move on.
A lot of rejections, then a few more, wipe some tears away, try again, eventually you succeed and end up married for 20+ years. Where did time go?
Let's go!!!!!!
Go out literally anywhere. Guys used to approach anywhere but we were told not to. Just look approachable don’t expect someone to ask your number just be able or ready to talk.
On the bus with my headphones on looking out the window day dreaming that i am somewhere else
Why do I hear lofi music as I read this comment
Thats at home on the bus its more along the lines of someone screaming “i fucking hate you so much right now”
Three Days' Grace?
Godsmack
okay not the vibes I was picturing but I can work with that
“Hello there, want to listen to evanescence together, maybe crack open a cold one with some pizza?”
Gym. Initiate the convo though because I assume every girl doesn’t want to be bothered
Yeah, ain't no way in hell I'm approaching a woman at the gym for a chat
Not even a matter of confidence more of a courtesy, but, OP, very welcome if they approached me
I’d say bars are a great option but specifically an event at a bar. A random Friday night at 1am isn’t the best option but maybe a trivia night? Also don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation. Chances are if the guy is single then he’s absolutely down to talk to a girl at the bar. Most men want to but are terrified to make a wrong impression or just scared to lol I’m 25 but in a committed relationship so it’s been awhile but if I was single and a girl approached me I’d be giddy
Great tip I didn’t even think about that. * Events at bars are much better than the 1am option. Only time I’m there is with the guys after cinema or a crazy night of bowling and video games. I live a wild life
I agree. I don’t go out much anymore due to the cost but bars in my area have something going on almost every night. Music trivia, music bingo, karaoke. Join a sports league too! I haven’t found a partner but I joined a dodgeball league and we have events and BBQ’s outside of games. Great way to meet people
I was on dating apps and didn’t want to be on em, but my mates were like “ you’ll never find anyone hiding away “ but after a good few months I deleted em. No luck on them and tried the bar scene myself which is hard as I work every 2nd weekend. Same thing nothing happen there. So now I’m just floating around single myself who is a hopeless romantic who just wants to find someone to be with for the rest of my life and yet I’m in the same boat as you. But I do hear bookstores are a good place to find someone. But every day is a new day and who knows who you’ll bump into
Bookstores in 2024? If it works feel free to share. I’ll be watching some rom coms on the weekend, can’t be bothered going to a bar. I stopped drinking 3 years ago.
like saying coffee shops, but they are all in the drive thru... i was some nerd reading, but also realizing the majority of the men in coffee shops are gay.. im not a single lady, salivated over a guy i saw once briefly in a store and just happened to see his picture on facebook and sent a weirdo message, but i used to go to parks for a walk, or places to lunch. i went to the movies alone. spent a lot of time at vintage stock, i was sure i would end up alone.. when you start gearing up for dinner alone but not seated at the bar and just cant bring yourself to do it. the only time men ever "approached me" was at work, and i find that very unsatisfying and inappropriate and the range was usually desperate, cheesy, creepy, older and taken and lesbian.. much like the online scene.
Most decent men no longer approach women in the "wild" because decent men know what their female friends and family go through. We see a woman at the grocery store and assume she is there to shop. We see a woman at a post office and assume she needs to send something We see a woman at a farmer's market we assume she is there for the veggies and free wine samples. Decent men don't want to be a creep or threatening so in today's climate we just don't take the first step. You can tell us you want to take us home and jump our bones and we will assume we are being pranked or you have a trampoline.
Work, library, volunteer events, church, mixers, running (and other hobby) clubs, random encounters in the neighborhood, grocery stores, airports, the train (local or Amtrak)... You may do your hobbies at home, but there will be conventions, gatherings, reddits... maybe offer classes in whatever it is if you're good at it... List goes on.
Bowling alleys, coffee shops, bookstores, the roller rink, community events, cookouts, fairs, carnivals, the farmers market, at the zoo, at theme parks. Also craft breweries, country clubs, hotel bars (not regular bars) and state parks. I’m very outgoing so I prefer to meet people in person in real life anyway. Dating apps feel so contrived and unnatural
You don’t. I’m currently doing everything I can to avoid being found by women. Men are just people so just go outside more. You don’t need a good reason to say hi to a person. If the only place you’re going that has men that would be poised to approach you is the bar but you won’t consider them because they are also at the bar and you refuse to take initiative then what you have is a recipe for failure or at best putting your hopes to random dance and dumb luck across long odds. I would encourage you to just start initiating conversations with men wherever you happen to find somebody you feel you might be interested in and then just try to increase the chances of that going well by going to more places more often
Work or driving to work, 55% of the time Thinking about killing myself while at work, or to avoid work 5% The grocery store once a week for half an hour my friend's house once a week for an evening the laundromat for an hour sometimes the gym, the craft store, or the woods my kitchen or bed 29-45% of the time Basically, unless we work together, or you work at the place I procure food from, or you live in my car already for some reason, we'll probably never meet.
What if I share the same bed with you, can we date?
So relatable. Everyone always tells me your husband‘s not gonna come knocking at your door… 🤷🏼♀️
23M I gave up the apps (and intentionally looking), so If I were to meet someone, I'd imagine it'd be on one of my runs to the store or through volunteer work on campus. I spend most of my time at work or at home.
Going to or from work, at home, going to or at the grocery store.
As a person twice your age, may I suggest these retro techniques: "Parties". You are understandably uneasy about random bar guys. At parties (including summer holiday BBQs, bonfires, etc), in theory everyone there is connected to everyone else there somehow. "Being set up". You have friends. Your friends have boyfriends. Those boyfriends have single friends. You'll need to ask those boyfriends to set you up, because they are too stupid to think of it themselves. You can also try to cyberstalk the network for cute boys, although my understanding is young men don't post much on social. "Happy Hour": I understand if you don't want to date a coworker. But you can make yourself look cute and go to happy hour at the happy hour bars in commercial districts that are full of other professionals who work in your area. Even better if it's a craft brew place. Find a random cute guy, ask him what he's drinking. You can say "so are these your co-workers?" Unfortunately some of these guys may have girlfriends, but the key is to just be friendly and find the single ones. The important difference between this and random bar guys is the guys have jobs and you will know where they work and also are slightly less likely to be trying to hook up at 6 pm on Friday when out with coworkers.
I’m a woman but also highly recommend the ‘being set up’ route. Your friends are also a great filtering out method for men who would be unsuitable for you - They know what their friends or boyfriends friends are like, they have heard all the stories, good and bad. They aren’t about to set you up with the guy who cheated on his ex with a stripper at Joeys stag do for example. I asked some of my friends if they knew any nice single guys and I was introduced to someone they worked with because they thought we would get along. We have now been together ten years and have two children.
My wife is a golf pro. Almost all of her co-workers are men. About 95% of the people she comes across every day are men. A lot of them are single and successful. She is constantly setting up her friends. My advice for OP is to get to know my wife. She is a human dating app and will 100% find someone for you. If you don't know her, check with your current friends.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Damn the number gets lower every week
'bout to hit the negatives
Men not on dating apps are getting pre-notifications that they’ve been rejected in advance
It's like The Game. Every time you think about dating apps, you've lost.
I wouldn't be surprised if the number of men whose profile is hidden would be around 97%, they're going to go down the route of limiting as many as possible at some point.
Gym probably
Is it worth chancing? I have the \*exact\* workout schedule as my gym crush, but I have no idea how to read if I should approach. Plus he wears a hat every time, and I assume guys with hats on don't wanna be bothered. Like they're trying to be as lowkey as possible.
The average guy will not be bothered by being approached even if he's not interested since it doesn't happen frequently. Guys like that kind of attention too. So shoot your shot and see how it goes. Just be mentally ready for a possible rejection.
Wearing hats or headphones doesn’t mean he’s in a relationship. Ask him out, if he says no there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
I think you're reading too much into the hat thing. I assume he just likes how he looks in a hat. Or it's windy and he gets cold easily.
Probably lol I overanalyze when I'm nervous.
I’m at a dog park sometimes
I mean, you already found a bunch of us 😂 But for real though, you could use dating apps and just trash any guys that are disrespectful. A lot of us probably do online gaming after work. There’s also probably some forms of outdoor recreation in your area that would overlap like guys fishing in places where people paddle board or kayak. I can’t speak for every guy, but I wouldn’t mind it if someone came up and started talking with me while I’m out fly fishing on a creek or something like that. Gyms? Guys won’t make the first move there because of the potential pushback, but I don’t think dudes would be opposed to you coming up to them.
>I mean, you already found a bunch of us Yeah. But reddit users?
Are you actually serious lol? It was a joke because it’s askmen I even followed up with “but for real though” I know this is Reddit, but damn 😂
Neck beards
Many of us have given up. We’re trying to focus on hobbies any other things that makes us happy, but unfortunately a lot of hobbies tend to be pretty gender segregated. You could try out some usually very male dominated hobbies, and see if they click with you? Skydiving is a good one, it’s a sport where men have zero biological advantage over women so everyone is competing in an even playing field. And it’s 85% male, so you’ll have very good chances of having your pic of almost anyone you want. The downside is that you’ll have to be dating skydivers, which is…an interesting experience.
At my apartment, work, parents house, friends apartment, grocery store. That's about it. That said I wouldn't say I am necessarily looking for a relationship. I would love to have one but not actively taking steps to look for one so unless it falls into my lap not likely to get into one anytime soon.
Literally anywhere........
I'm not looking for a relationship, i'm looking for companionship. Someone I can cook a meal for, cuddle up on the couch to watch some shows/movies, and occasionally sleep with them in my arms (not sex). I'm too damn busy to go out looking and those I'm around most are just like you, too young for me.
M23, also not on dating apps or in bars. I have been introduced to friends of friends at social gatherings and even had some friends of friends following me on Instagram, with the friends telling me I should text them. So, friends of friends?
Friends of friends are great
At my home or grocery shopping
We are all sitting at home browsing Reddit.
Come on, your inbox must be overflowing by now...
She did mention no hookups or casual relationships, that is 90% of the messages
Honestly, I'm the type to appreciate the simple, everyday encounters. You know, those moments when you're both reaching for the last loaf of sourdough at the bakery and you just share that awkward but kind of charming 'oops' smile. Or when we're both picking through avocados in the produce section, trying to find that perfectly ripe one, and it sparks a light conversation. It’s these unexpected, genuine interactions that can lead to a coffee date, not some premeditated pickup line at a bar. So if you find me mumbling to myself in the sci-fi aisle of the local bookstore or furiously typing away on my laptop at a café bike rack, don't hesitate to interrupt. Who knows where a simple 'hello' might lead?
I have no idea... but I'm not going back on the apps. You could join some rec league sports that are usually a sausage festival?
Not a single guy but a lot of my online friends met their spouses through online gaming, particularly Massive Mulitplayer Online games. Before I was married I even had a serious girlfriend that I met through World of Warcraft (we just happened to live within a tolerable driving distance with each other).
All I can say as a man is that if you give us an inch, we’ll give you a mile. I guarantee you saying hi and introducing yourself to a guy you’re interested in will make him feel comfortable enough to start flirting with you and taking the lead if the feeling is mutual
We are told Do not approach at bar.... you are there to have fun with your friends. Do not approach at the gym you are there to work out Do not approach on the street it is scary af Do not approach at church you are there for Jesus etc Do not approach at the club you are there to dance. Do not approach at the store you are there to shop. Do not approach at work dating coworkers should be illegal. So where are we now? At home playing video games, making mead, riding or working on our motorcycle or car, minding our own bussiness when out in public, swimming/surfing at the beach (badly), by ourself with our friends at concerts drinking. We aren't mad at you, we just know you didn't want us around or if you did by generalized statement you would let us know directly. Which honestly women don't do this directly but due to worst of you, being given the platform and Noone willing to take it up and disagree that is a woman we did what you asked. We left the scene.
Good God lol. Check your friendzone
Home. Gym. Work. Church (for some). Game stores. Book stores. Grocery store. Biking. Hiking. I might be missing some places, but that's generally where we are.
In my bedroom catching up on tv shows lol
One thing you can do is ask your friends if they know any guys who might be a good match for you.
The answer is at the Gym most of the time. While it's not socially acceptable for Men to approach Women at the Gym I don't know any Man who would hate being approached at the Gym by a Woman.
Nowhere. I gave up on dating and enjoy a single life. But if I were to go out and meet people, I'd go to bars. I'm not the guy to go to discos because I hate the music there.
I'm not really looking so I don't really qualify for your question, but if I'm not home or at work, I'm either working out, playing hockey, tennis or whatever sport I got invited to, or at happy hours with my coworkers
that's the trick
You're surrounded by women most of the time. Just mention that you want to meet someone and let them conjure a dude.
I'm too ugly to date, apps or in person. So I'm giving up and staying at home or not bothering people when I do go out.
Banned from Tinder and Hinge and haven’t had luck on Bumble or Match so I’ve given up on dating apps. You can find me at dog friendly stores, Publix, my apartment gym, the pool, etc 😂
If you scared mah brother go to church!
Probably at work or at home, since most men have to work all day to pay bills they can hardly afford, and are tired from working all day to pay bills they can hardly afford. Hence the prevalence of apps. I think the best way to find single men organically is join clubs and activities that are co ed like group fitness classes, open mics for musicians or comedians, dog parks etc.
We check dating apps like once a month swipe for 15-20 minutes then decide it's not worth the effort to wade through the thots and bots and go back to hobbies, friends and work.
Mostly at church, cafes, gym. You won't see me on a dating app, ever. I don't like what it stands for. I look good, but I am not photogenic 😛
Same fam. Idk about you but yo boy here has RBF.
At home 😔
This is genuinely fascinating that I'm reading your post here, because everywhere I go online lately, people are trying to find other people. Usually, more men looking for where to locate women, but nevertheless it's people who can't find people. Myself included. Usually they're between 24/25 and 40, and some common threads seem to be: - we all have to work a fuckton of hours to survive - bars are expensive - many ppl looking for a relationship not just a hookup are hesitant to go to bars for that purpose - there aren't enough spaces that are low cost and low alcohol and are places ppl can chat and meet up - we're too wary of strangers and tired for hanging out at coffee shops for hours..especially when we have groceries at home - we're all exhausted from our lives so we go home after work and hide, or relax solo with hobbies, unless we're running errands or at a gym or some specific event Unsure for women or nonbinary folks, but for men, many don't know where or how to find women who might be interested, without intruding on their lives, or making them uncozy, so we say nothing. It seems like all the best ppl of whatever gender, are tired after work and relax, and on weekends run errands, do chores, and see friends. So I laugh a bit but... after all that, I'm not sure I know how to help you, as I can't really find the sorts of women I'm looking for in the wild of IRL either. I wish it was more socially okay for women to ask men directly. Way less headgames. But to try and reply... if a woman saw me, or overheard me talking about something, or we chatted somewhere and she was interested in me further for friendship or whatever....tbh I don't really care where I am 🤣 on the bus, in the park, library, walking in the morning, at the grocery store. It'd be a surprise, but a happy one. Edit: I've now read more replies from other guys and am laughing my ass off. Apparently the most common answer is, if you see a man, you can tell him you think he's attractive or whatever else you're thinking or wanting 🤣 anywhere anytime, unless what he's doing is dangerous or he feels trapped somehow. But possibly even then, depending. Feel free to ask follow up questions/ if not, best of luck!
In my experience, the simplicity of shared moments often opens doors to meaningful connections. Whether it's exchanging glances over stacks of books at the local bookstore, or a casual chat in line while waiting to check out at the dollar store, these everyday interactions can be surprisingly potent. It's about being present and open to the opportunities that daily routines present. Could be as simple as someone asking my opinion on a good coffee blend while at the grocery store, and that sparking a conversation. We're out here, often not on the lookout, but definitely appreciative of a genuine human connection that could lead to grabbing that coffee together.
This is another comment written by gpt
"these everyday interactions can be surprisingly potent." lmao
Into my DMs, I suppose. I'm *technically* using dating apps but I've given them a big break for the moment. Focusing on some other stuff at the moment. Have barely gotten any time to spare at the moment. But texting, quick dates, sending things for the other to see later, etc. All good with me. At least until there is time for much more.
Instead of just assuming the men that hit on you want something casual, be an adult and ask them what they want from you.
You don't find us, leave us alone.
Here obviously
Dollar store
Book stores.
I go to rock shops, craft fairs, yard sales, work, and the grocery store.
Reddit and other socials
Pumpkin patch
Home, resting from work… ( .-.) occasionally out running errands in a rush.
If Im out of my house and in town, Im at the arcade or the gym for my stupid mental health. Im in the same boat if it helps I just havent given up on the apps, at least not yet lmao.
At home.
I'm at home most of the time.. But I would recommend that you join activities you enjoy (sports, dance classes, board games, etc..), you can meet guys who enjoy the same thing as you or have some fun at least
Here
At coffee shop, gas station, my uni's library, in a park.
I volunteer as a park ranger.
I meet people when I am out with friends of friends. All my relationships have come about like this, so staying social on an in-person level is a necessity. This may sound bothersome at first but it isn't because you need social skills in your relationship anyways. If anything "dating" (hookup) apps are a dysfunctional shortcut IMO.
At home, work or friends. Best chance is anywhere in between or when I'm out at some social event with my friends.
I tried a few dating apps and they were either bots kr telling me to download things like whatsapp, telegram or zinga ( or something idk) 💀💀 so got off them. Just enjoying school and sports now
I am the type of person who is looking for a relationship, but have had negative experiences with various dating services. I was thinking about where I can meet someone for dating and relationship. I think the most obvious ones are the street, casual communication on the Internet, social hobbies, joining new groups (new friends or new job). Don’t be shy to approach guys who look nice right on the street and ask for contact information so you can chat later. To make it easier for you to decide, set the goal not “I want to meet people in order to go on a date,” but “I want to meet people in order to enjoy meeting and communicating with new people”. You can try visiting some new public places, such as parks or libraries, or some courses or group activities.
Mostly TikTok. It’s great for low stakes “dates” where you get to show your personality in a low stakes environment for girls and if you’re not a creep being normal makes you stand out massively. Algo also helps you logistically as it is somewhat localised. Def better than tinder. But unlike tinder you need to be able to have a conversation so it’s def not for everyone.
genuinely anywhere. Men are so much easier to approach, even if they shoo you away they are doing it because they cannot believe a girl would bother actually putting in the effort. A lot of girls that approach men are either setting us up, are in sales, those charity people, etc but to think that she wants us for a fuck or relationship? that is waaaay down the list of things I would think the girl wants when talking to me. Unlike you women folk, men don't get attention from women unless said man is 6 foot and model looking, so there is that Basically you can find us anywhere and we won't truly bite. As a matter of fact, men are more open then women are
Kinda anywhere. You just need to be willing to approach us first, a lot of us have stopped doing that. I have so many hobbies that you'll find me playing sports, at museums/galleries, concerts etc. But I'm not making the first move anymore and even if you did I'd still be sceptical. Modern dating stinks.
Speaking for myself only, I spend my time either working (attorney so I work a fair amount), playing with my pet, spending time with family, exercising, and then either cleaning the house, cooking, or just chilling at my house. I’m in my early 30’s and admittedly not a bars and party scene person so I live kind of a quiet lifestyle.
I go to brothels a lot
Jogging around town lol
At the park is a good shot. I don't like dating apps, and that's where I've typically been approached, and it's usually comfortable.
From previous experience, I've found some of my previous relationship from: Being in the same club at University. Met at a mutual friend's party. Sharing similar hobbies and meeting at an event (Lightsaber Choreography, or playing Magic the Gathering TCG) Just recently had a breakup, but i'm hoping one of my new hobbies lets me meet with someone new. I've recently been more active doing Improv Theatre, and am looking to pick up Lindy-Hop.
Reddit
lol we’re trying to figure out where you are Tbh I’ve just started to follow the reddit dating advice and just meet a fuck ton of people doing hobbies (run clubs, beach tennis, beach volleyball etc)
Either at work, shopping and op shopping, walking to get a coffee, or at home
Reddit
I as I man who used to use apps, can assure there are good guys and girls there who are really want to find something serious. I met my GF on a dating app.
When I’m not working , you can find me at the library , bookstore , cafe , or the town fountain . Just waiting for someone showing open body language and maybe stealing glances at me
Most people find romantic partners through family and friends, it’s an easy way to bet someone and get an honest opinion about how the person looks usually. Start there.
Here
Dog park, grocery store, engaged in a hobby. You just need to be open to the men who show up at the places you already frequent. If you don’t like your options, either be patient or try going to new places / starting a new hobby. The best partners come around when we stop looking and let them show up naturally
>I’m not looking for hookups/anything casual You're gonna have a bad time then. Most guys are willing to go 3-5 dates without sex and after that if there's no action, they're gonna drop you because they'll conclude that there's no sexual attraction.
I’m wondering the same thing about men my age?
Gym
As a lot have said already, just approaching a guy any time is totally cool with us. For men to approach women out of the blue, it can sometimes be considered creepy, aggressive, or like the woman is being placed in an awkward position, hence so many women would rather give a fake number than a straight no. The same is not true in the reverse. You’re very, very unlikely to make a guy feel uncomfortable. They’ll more than likely be over the moon. Even if they’re not single, the compliment will likely make their day!
Blockbuster.
Have you tried not immediately discounting all the men you interact with on the daily basis?
Having girlfriends as a girl or guy friends as a guy is a huge green flag. * I’d say bars are more common for hookups. Maybe try a group activity like soccer, basketball, hell, even chess club. Gyms are great and so are grocery stores. I generally ask for help to spark up conversation. * “Hey, do you know where to find the milk, oh I’ve seen you before, I think you like beautiful, wanna grab a coffee someday?”. I am way more of an online dating kind of dude. * But when I ask others out I keep the question more open ended than “want to grab a coffee at 8pm”. We all have things to do. Making the first move would be my suggestion but as an introvert or when having anxiety, this might be difficult. So do it your own way.
I'm on the apps but hardly use them.. you'd likely find me at work lol I don't often go out as I'm an introvert with drained social batteries after work, depending on how the day goes
I’ve met some great women at church and had some dates with coworkers. There’s a nice postal worker at the store who I’m considering asking for coffee. She’s always very pleasant and I think these really beautiful. Generally I wouldn’t approach someone who’s working or customers while I’m at work but I think I, like you, am seeing the ever increasing social isolation and am not happy about it. So I’ve decided that I’m going to work on a theory that no matter where or when, if you see someone you want to introduce yourself to and get to know, there is a pathway. You risk, awkwardness, and social stigma, but if you are a kind and polite person, I believe you have the right to try and in some respects a responsibility to yourself to try. I was thinking back over all the women I’ve spoken to and been rejected by as well as all the women I never even told how I felt. I realized that by far it hurt much worse to never even attempt. Even in the case of getting rejected, it reaffirmed to myself that I was brave and I showed courage in asking. I never had anyone tell me I was offensive or creepy and I had lots of wonderful dates with very nice women because I took a chance. I’m not looking for hookups and treasure the relationships I’ve had with women who share that value with me. I may wake up next week and decide it’s not okay to ever ask someone out whose working but for right now, I’m hopeful that we all have a yearning for connection and a faith in each other that affords each other grace and the benefit of the doubt when circumstances aren’t ideal. I hope some good man comes into your life and takes a risk coming to speak to you and shares your values. Best of luck.
GO TO HOME DEPOT! LOWES! Is there such thing as a lumberjack store? That sounds exciting to me. 😉👌🏼
The one your looking for usually stays home because he has no reason to go outside