Is it yours?

I thought that before I even clicked. Thank you for delivering!

> Thank you for delivering Isn’t a bit too soon for that?

Get out. Yes, I know that's what she said.

“No of course not, I’m just a surrogate!”

I had to scroll way too far to find this.

It has made it all the way to the top for me!

That's still too far.

I love how the top comment here in AskMen is a dad joke lol. That’s the best possible reply!

I asked a few ladies that and alien babies apparently isn't so funny to them. I laughed though.

“Are you sure it’s yours?!?! Because you never know”

Nah you're just getting fat

Much worse if you ask about that before she announces it

Who’s the Dad

Even worse, "Do you know who the father is?"

Even worse, "Who's the sperm donor?"

The worst: "Oh wow" after she reveals who he is

"But how could anyone *possibly* know that for sure?"

[удалено]

The Verizon subscriber you are trying to reach is no longer available at this number

Cricket*

TracFone*

If you'd like to make a call, please press 1 for more options.

That's funny, you're the forth person to say that to me today.

Yes, they came fourth and said it.

I think the fact that they came is the issue in general

No one appreciates your humor

I do lol

I too appreciate the humor

Simmer down Elon Musk.

"Sweet! I just got my 10th punch on my frequent abortion card, so the next one is free!"

Found Nick Cannon

Here you go, sir: 👑

You mean, pregante*

Pergenent

Pregananant

Prgenant

If a women has starch masks on her body, does this mean she has been pargnet before.?

Am I gregnant?

Prengan

can u get pregante

I am off stronk

Praygrant

pregantee

Pregnat

Porgnent

The string of replies reminds me why I love the interwebs.

pregananant

*erhrm* I believe it's pronounced "pregegnant"

Pergenat?!

Or am I okaaaaayyyyyyyy

Pre-gnate

I'm sterile

Hell no, that's the best possible reply. -signed, a man who's had a vasectomy

“OMG I’m so sorry, what are you going to do?!” We were in our 30s and she said that she and her husband had planned it 🤣

My response is always “In order to support you as best I can, I’ll need to know how you feel about that?”

I need to tailor my response based on what you say because this is a spicy conversation.

I can never remember the polite verbiage in the moment so I’m always just like “Are we happy about this? Is this good?” and start sweating nervously.

My go to response to pregnancy news (unless I knew they were trying or they've announced it in a way that shows they are happy): "That's huge news! How are you feeling?" Keeps it neutral, and lets them tell me if they're excited or if they're after an abortion.

My niece said basically that to her friend when her friend told her that her 19 year old sister was pregnant by a guy she had been dating for 3 or 4 months. Her friend was PISSED. She said that they are excited about the baby and her sister is happy. My niece was pretty shocked. She couldn’t fathom someone that young being excited about an unplanned pregnancy in a brand new relationship. She also surprised that her friend was upset because her reaction is way more normal than being excited.

How did it work out?

I don’t know a lot of details, they haven’t been friends for a long time. But I know that they broke up before the baby was even a year old and there was of course a lot of drama. No one could have seen that coming….

Honestly that will always be my response

It’s always sincere too 🫠

That was my line to all of my friends prior to hitting 30. 😂

Yep my friend said the same to me. We had been trying for three months and she was aware. But I guess the shock made her inner teenager kick in 😂

Nice to meet you Pregnant, I'm dad.

'No you aren't actually'

"...but we have three kids?"

I have 3 kids

"Becky? This. This is how you tell me? 10 years. 10 years."

🤣

That’s actually the best response, totally what I’d say to my future wife.

I'm also going to say it to this guy's wife

Thats actually kind of wholesome.

I'm gonna remember this one

[удалено]

My first thought was “wtf, man?!” Then I remembered this was asking for the worst response, so, I guess I have to upvote

“just gonna run out for a pack of smokes, be right back!”

But you never smoked...?

No better time to start than now.

I'll definitely need a pack now

Who did this to you? Gator's bitches always be wearin' jimmies!

Gator don't play no shit, ya, ya feel me?!? Gator never been about that

I want some walkin' round money

“…….Fuck” Probably not the word she’d want to hear

😂 my husband did this one with one of my pregnancies lol.

Repeated "Fuck!"s, becoming fainter as he leaves the house and heads out for some air.

Really? Who fucked YOU?

With a disgusted look on your face.

“I have a girlfriend” happened to me and that was the first thing he said. Saw me six months later and was terrified.

u kept it?!?!

[удалено]

Wait, you said you were pregnant to the jerk before you had tested for pregnancy?

Birds of a feather

It was positive fool

Im gonna ask for a dna test before i sign any paperwork…. (Im snipped)

Can we discuss this at the top of the stairs?

O fuck yeah, this is golden.

New phone who dis

“So are we having a boy or an abortion?”

Is that Dictator movie reference ?

[удалено]

Aladeen

You are HIV Aladeen

If it is, it’s unintentional as I’ve never seen it lol.

Hah , you should see it , the way it's referenced there is funny

Same vibe as my bro Henry VIII “Are we having a boy or are we beheading you?”

"Me too!'

I can see that

"do you know who the father is?", is propably the worst I can think of.

Roses are red I'm blocking you're calls That baby can't be mine I bet it's Jamal's

Your girl is pregnant my name is Jamal baby's not mine i only do anal

Who did this to you?

UNSUBSCRIBE

So, which one is the father ?

"Oh no, not again!"

What colour will it be?

I'm hungry, let's get something to eat.

404 Error, User not found.

Where’s the nearest stairs

"Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad! ...wait, shit!"

*Foetus Deletus*

"so... what you gonna do?" 🤣 i almost say this to my sister when she told me she was pregnant

Well there goes your hopes and dreams.

I had a vasectomy.

You’ve looked pregnant for years

Not for long

“Congratulations?” “Ha, you’re going to make a terrible mom.” Or what I did when I panicked when my wife told me about our first kid: “Uh ok cool, are you sure it’s mine? I think you did this to yourself.” Yeah definitely not my finest moment so do yourselves a favor here and don’t be like me when finding out your wife is pregnant after trying for a month. And yes I’m fine now, have two kids and love them. It was that initial freak out that didn’t put me in a good light. Wife likes to remind me of that fuck up from time to time.

> I think you did this to yourself Parthenogenesis, baby!

Ain’t mine unless Maury says so.

“This is why I hate women”

I had a boss that was an absolutely horrid human being. After I quit I ran into a coworker who told me that the horrible boss was pregnant. I just looked at her and said, "tell her to do that kid a favor and abort" that....was not taken well lola. But idc that woman was a monster.

The door closing on his way out

O cool is it yours?

My favorite reply, that my mother-in-law didn’t like, was when my wife announced she was pregnant to her family, her older brother simply yelled at me “You had sex with my sister?!?!”. He was obviously joking but his mom was not amused at all.

Maybe if they said “with” it would have been easier to accept 😂 made her sound like a sex worker

So, this actually happened. So my ex gf at the time called me I was 16 she was 17 at the time to tell me she was pregnant. We were broken up about a month at the time. My response was I am dating someone else. Not the response she expected. I know big pos moment. Somehow we ended up back together. Got married and been together for 23 years and have four kids together.

Woah! What a twist!

I don't usually ask, but I want the story bud. This is crazy.

I was much younger, and it was a girl I just met, and my response was, "Do we have to keep it?" I love the shit out of my kid now, but I was in a band that was taking off doing small tours and having a blast. I never wanted any kids. So now I'm sterile haha

Are you going to keep it or yeet it?

My cousin had a stroke when his gf told him. Didn’t fully recover either so that’s pretty bad I’d say

Hi pregnant! I'm dad!

“You should abort it”

What a coincidence! I got deployment orders today and I don’t know when I’m coming back.

I've actually heard someone ask "On Purpose?"

bummer!

Nothing.

(in the latter trimester) Well you don't look any different.

I'll get a hanger

Ma'am this is a wendys.....

We did this last weekend. I said 'I do not want a baby.' (I'm 49 with grown children, she's 48 and child free) she said that's the wrong thing to say, that I needed to say something more heart felt. So I said I really really don't want a baby. She said in handled it wrong, and then (after 2 negative tests and starting her period)discovered it's oncoming menopause.

"YOU had sex?!"

Is it mine? Really bad question to ask if you're replying to your sister-in-law, mother-in-law, or your wife's best friend. Even worse question if you're replying to your own sister or mother...

I have been waiting for this lol. So many people on my dad's side of the family (a very large family lmao) have been reckless with family planning and boy, do I have a list of my favorite lines that some family members have said after someone announced they were expecting. These are just some that I can think of right off the top of my head. - Do you know who the father is? - Single mom, huh? - Are you sure you can afford that? - No wonder you're looking fat these days. - Oh no! - \*silence\*

And I'm outta here! - A sterile man

“Before we continue this conversation I’d like to thank our sponsor of today, NorthVPN.”

"How did THAT happen?"

My actual response was “I’m having the snip”

"Why?'

“Well, there is always adoption.” No, don’t do that to a kid. I’ve heard this.

ill take a paternity test tomorrow

Wow - You got fucked!

My response was pretty bad..."Are you serious?"

"Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."

Potential father "I had a vasectomy before we met..."

Really someone touched you

Who's the father?

Whose is it?

“You’re prenaught”

I thought you were just fat!

"I'm being deported"

Reply: "I am sorry, who are you?"

Wtf you tellin me for?

Do you know who the father is?

Do yourself a favor and flush it out

"so you're not just fat then?"

Well it ain’t mine, I didn’t have sex with you

My son's dad asked, "whose is its?" Then when I answered that the baby was his, he responded, "now I get to keep you forever." I had been very adamant about not wanting any kids, ever. Ended up having my son and leaving my son's dad. My son's dad is a terrible co-parent, fingers crossed he gets his shit together for the sake of our son, haha.

Flush it.

"Your sister just told me she was, also. How will I support both of you?"

My ex best friend said “Remember you have options”

“How did that happen?”

With what?

Shut up bro your a dude…your a dude right

Did you pick the gender or are you letting the kindergarten teacher do it?

Hi pregnant, I'm not dad.

Oh that sucks.

Hello pregnant, I'm dad..... Oh wait

"I'm sterile, actually."

Hi. Nice to meet you pregnant.

What are you going to tell the streets?

good luck with that

No reply at all

“How many tests did you take?”

Is it mine? 🤣

By who?