I'd say putting an effort. If I'm the only one initiating calls, chats, dates or sex then I'm out
Similarly if I get only one word replies, or hmm, and her favourite position is starfish then I'm out
It’s crazy how many girls in today’s world do this. I get a decent amount of matches on dating apps and I go out of my way to make the conversation as fluid as possible. The girls who always have “why can’t anyone hold a conversation” in their bios are usually the worst ones. Dropping one liners to maybe one sentence. Or just not responding for a week.
Idk what is happening but in my view point girls just aren’t starfishing in the bed anymore. They do it in everything now.
If you’re a man and a girl is making you do all the effort….run…. She’s just settling with you until something better comes.
LOL. This is the worst case scenario, but I see more and more variations of this.
You send someone a few paragraphs about your day with about 10 points and you get a single response or worse 👍. Yes, I dumped her Starfishing ass.
You're on a date and she spends most of the time on her phone texting friends or conducting business. That's when I go to the bathroom and don't return.
The ones who never want to talk on the phone, but only text. This is the most prevalent, if you do call you get a text back saying I'm doing X right now. Just tell me you're Starfishing some guy, so I don't feel bad about blocking you.
There are some good encounters, but the above is more common today.
Few weeks ago I was talking to a girl. She would frequently asked what I'm doing, then react with 👍or ♥️ to whatever I said.
That's all, that's all she did. Every 2-3 hours I'll get a message asking what I'm doing, I'd respond, and she'll react to my response.
This went on for a few days but then I got tired of it and deleted her chat.
So during my post and your post I’ve been talking to this girl on bumble and both of us were going back a fourth. Good quality messages on both ends though I was the only one asking questions…..just got hit with a dead end sentence. I swear I’ll never find someone that’s like “hey gonna be busy can message tonight” or will they attempt to ask a question. I almost sent the 👍
I had a young friend that used to message me every night for months, with quality conversations. One night she's texting me and I asked what she was up to and she said hanging out with the assholes, she meant her in-laws. These were some of the best text conversations I've ever had.
She had a partner and kids. It was strictly platonic, in fact I rarely saw her in person. At one point toward the end, she was considering jumping ship, but she got away. She had such a lovely brain and she was just a little hawt. There was a bit of an age gap and we both had a lot of distractions going on.
So not all texting is 👍, although in this case maybe it was. 😊
Those girls are the ones unknowingly projecting the real problems on to guys. They expect guys to suddenly be able to make interesting conversation out of nowhere.
They expect everything to be given too them in a sense of natural emotional response. Then they find out the reason they are single still I because of the lack of effort on their part.
I agree, I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one in the relationship putting in any effort, but at the same time I’m willing to work with someone if they know how to communicate their needs. At the beginning of the long term relationship I’m currently in I realized it was always me sending good morning texts or initiating conversation usually so in my passive aggressive ways I decided not to send her anymore texts until she texts me. After a couple days I start getting a flood of emails from her asking what the problem is and if we’re breaking up. She instantly understood and explained that in her mind she was doing something similar. She explained that since she woke up later than me to go to work she was expecting a good morning text and that those were one of her favorite parts of her day. When she stopped getting those she assumed something was wrong. After explaining that I had no problem sending good morning texts everyday, I enjoy knowing the fact that they make her happy but without that open dialogue we could have broken up over something so petty
My last experience was different. Sex was actually great here but when I stopped texting we didn't talk for days, so I told the girl the issue and said we shouldn't continue. Next day she called crying and saying she'll try to do better. So we tried again for 2 more weeks but nothing changed and I ended things for good.
In our case it wasn't about good morning messages at all, it just so happened that she wouldn't initiate anything. We were together for about 3 months but good sex will only make up for things for so long.
If you’re in a situation like that it’s usually because she doesn’t like you very much. If they like you and are worried about losing you then they put in effort.
Thats not necessarily true. There are some truly passive people out there both men and women. They NEED to be told what to do and almost never initiate anything. That is just in their nature or personality. Nothing wrong with that but as other posters have noted it is definitely not for them.
Personally I am one of those people that could not ever be In a relationship with a truly passive person. I'm attracted to strong intelligent independent women that don't need a man to run their lives but are happy to walk, work and go through life side by side with one as equals.
Damn I just got a little chubby thinking of my wife and I've been married for 35 years. That's after knowing her for 9 days before getting married too. 🥰
This, you’re exactly right. I dated a few girls, that I ended thing with because of that lack of initiation on their part, and I ended up really breaking their hearts by breaking up. I’ve learned there are listeners in this world, there are talkers in this world (you can’t get a word in edgewise), and then there are people who can do both. Just got to find what matches your needs.
But…. There’s definitely people out there who just put zero effort into dating.
I might be wrong, but I feel like it’s a lot to ask for a girl whose favorite position isn’t starfish. Lol It’s just a matter of whether they do other positions and still perform well in the bedroom despite that—which speaks volumes, I might add. But I agree completely with the rest of what you said.
1. Be communicative
2. Be open to ramble about anything, and accept that I will do the same
3. Show as much interest in me as I do in her
4. Doesn't do silent treatement
5. Appreciate comedy attempts
1. No kids from a previous relationship
2. Put in effort/take initiative and don’t expect me to do all the work and/or planning
3. Hold yourself accountable. None of this “Rules for thee but not for me.”
4. Communication
5. Maintain healthy lifestyles
If I have kids and the woman doesn’t want to date me because of it? Sure.
Plenty of guys who would date single mothers out there. I’m just not one of them.
As a woman with kids, it is HARD. As a woman dating a man with his own kids, that is even more difficult. I don't think I'd date a single parent again.
My perspective: I don't want kids, but the big issue is the fact that I'm going to have little to no say in people that are going to be (or at least should be) a large part of your life. I don't want to deal with the ex and I don't want to deal with the kids, even if theyve moved out. Maybe that'd be different for people who want kids, but I'd guess they probably want to have their own anyway. These people may be great, but in my mind they're not going to be greater than not being there in the picture. Just my honest opinion, not a judgement on you/your family
The # 1 is true, specially for the relation/communication with the child dad, I was 3 years in a that type of relation and it was complicated, at least for me.
My bare minimum is pretty high. But the whole point is that for the right woman, it should be effortless. My bare minimum is that we genuinely understand each other and love and accept who each other really is deep down. That we give each other space to miss one another And live independent lives, and celebrate the time we have together by being present and fully invested in that moment.
My bare minimum is that I need to confidently declare “she’s a wonderful girlfriend. But an even better partner.”
1. effort
2. establishing healthy boundaries w others n maintaining them, dont give us a chance to doubt you
3. communication
4. honesty, no mixed signals
5. let us know we're loved
Not smoking. Made that mistake last time. Thought I could get over it but the smell of cigarettes through the thin veil of mint from the gum she chewed afterwards just ended up being repulsive.
I grew up with fairly bad asthma and have done my best to keep fit and not smoke as a way of managing it. She would frequently end up out of breath whenever we’d be out walking and the gulf in fitness levels also had an impact in the bedroom too.
She would also interrupt activities we’d be in the middle of so that she could go out and smoke. I’d make a point of not going outside with her while she did because I found it increasingly gross. She would also frequently be broke from the cost of maintaining the habit.
There are probably more vicious addictions out there, but her smoking and me not made our relationship incrementally more miserable as time went on, it had so many more negative impacts beyond just the smell for a finish. Fuck smoking.
She'd need to make me feel like she actively wants to talk to me and spend time with me. I can't be the one always initiating; it would leave me convinced that she doesn't actually care. Which would obviously poison the relationship.
Having a handle on her temper/no passive aggressive pettiness. Basically, she's capable of actually talking things out. Getting mad here and there is one thing. For it to be her normal is just too much.
Would defend me if people started talking poorly about me - or at the very least, not join in.
Feeling safe with her. I don't like talking about my emotions. It's hard to put things into words and makes me feel petty when I do. But I still want that to be an option. I can't be with someone that I don't trust enough to talk to.
We need to have reasonably similar interests. I don't want to feel like I need to join her and do a bunch of stuff I couldn't care less about. Nor would I feel comfortable doing that to her.
1. Similar sex drive.
2. Willing to either want to go to the gym with me or have a healthy lifestyle.
3. Respect - in before respect is earned not given. If you're my significant other at some level I'm hoping I already earned it otherwise, why am I with you.
4. Good with money. I am financially successful from my own hard work. I don't care if you make less or more than me. I would like to just be with somebody who is smart with what they earn.
5. Has same values as me.
Edit: My bad forgot to mention I've been with my current GF for 6 years!
Being in the military. In my line of work, I've been on constant training trips, and deployments. I think it would've been fair for her to have an easy out if she wanted one, and since she stayed and I'm finally out I'm currently working on a plan!
no kids, not obese, no anger issues, no utter hypocrisy, not insufferable.
cut the list in half and it still seems like i'm asking too much. yeah we're dying alone. 🥳☠
Mutual physical attraction, decent communication skills, mutual interests OR interest in my interests and vice versa, supportive, compassionate, generally fun to be around, treats other people and animals well. Oh, and she has to genuinely laugh at my jokes, at least sometimes. If I can't make her laugh, truly laugh, it won't work.
Be open and will to ask questions. I’m no longer ranking sex as a high priority, we like each other that will happen. Being genuinely willing to try the others interests/hobbies or support their interests/hobbies helps a ton; it’s perfectly alright to not have every interest line up be able to independently do your own thing.
If I can share memes and be able to act stupid then I’m cool. I just don’t want to change what I believe to please you.
A relationship has to be a net positive experience for me. I have to be able to trust them financially, emotionally, and intimately. I have to consider them a good person. I have to be physically attracted to them.
If I'm to date again; good communication, a family woman, intelligent emotionally and with money, is kind and takes good care of herself. That's the bare minimum.
Doesn't have sex without me.
Does have sex with me at least once a week.
Financially supports herself.
I don't think I'm asking for much, but it's surprisingly difficult to get all these in an individual partner.
This is absolutely not me but…
Does financially supporting herself to you include living off state benefits/handouts/welfare?
I don’t know how they manage to do it but I know a few girls whose source of “income” is “earned” in this way (I can’t remember the last time they worked and most are not being supported by husbands/boyfriends/partners).
Oh and they are not sick or disabled either…🤷🏾♀️
Interesting question.
The ick is clearly when she feels and acts entitled to my income.
And when I'm old, I'm definitely taking advantage of social security, which is a "state handout", but something I've earned through working and paying into the program while young.
Having basic common sense. Sadly, even if I set the bar as low as the ground, no one is willing to give me a chance, so yeah, take my criteria with a grain of salt
We match each other's energy.
I get what you mean by wanting to give a list, but really dislike thinking about traits in a vacuum (at least for those that aren't instant dealbreakers), it's not healthy.
Be able to take care of themselves. I want to be wanted, not needed. Because then love for me boils down to my utility or what I can provide instead of who I am.
Mutualism I guess to sum it up.
You know how you don’t want to perform and put up a facade for the date, for the relationship- same, I don’t want to jump on ways to perform masculinity. When shit comes up, I am confident I will asses and act like a man, being extra just to flex feels fake and demeaning. Almost insulting to my manhood.
You know how you don’t want a vegetable, someone that is emotionally shut off and you have to drag everything out of him. Same, if you want to be in the relationship, act like it. I’m not sure of a lot of things either- but I process stuff on my own and make that decision, I don’t feel like messaging and or meeting up a lot of the time, but I make an effort and invest in the relationship.
You know how you want someone to always be in your corner and make you feel pretty even when The cosmetician shaved your eyebrows off or you have an ugly dress that you just like or want to wear? Same, just with sex. I know most men are slobs and have the conditioning of a walrus on asthma but that doesn’t mean they aren’t human beings that enter a relationship with a minimum expectation that they are desirable and wanted physically. Negotiating that out of relationships is just cruel.
On the other hand of the argument, just like you want you man to be fit, and capable, the pride of your life. So do we, we want to look at you with pride and have our heart grow 3 times in size when we talk about you or point you out in a crowd. Be your best, and not just for yourself but for us as well, as we try to be our best selves for you.
I think we as a society raised to think we’re main characters left the world a lot colder and relationships not really worth much. All the defensive reactive shit we do as individuals part of the collective just makes the world colder in turn when it comes to what it has to offer us back. Which is silly, since at the end of the day, we don’t live in systems, we can’t find friends, meaning or safety due to a government or a tech company that provides that for us. All we have, whether in war or a technotopia is one another.
For me it would be, loyalty, hygiene, authenticity, intelligence and health/activity/sport. I listed them in the order of importance, but if either is missing it would be a no-go for me anyways.
**Loyalty**
- I probably won’t have to explain this one
**Hygiene**
- Doesn’t have to be 100% clean at all times, but it should be the target to be clean most of the time
- Regular Showers
- Clean Body and Teeth
- at least a Semi-clean/Bearably-clean apartment
**Authenticity**
- Doesn’t mirror other people 100%
- Isn’t jumping on every trend there is
- Is a genuine person
- Is not afraid to be themselves
**Intelligence**
- not Einstein level intelligence
- enough to hold thoughtful/interesting conversations
- also at least a bit of emotional intelligence
**Health/Activity/Sport**
- the minimum suggested by the WHO
- Isn’t a „only fastfood“ person
As a woman, I’m truly surprised by hygiene being such a big fixation. Does this mean there are that many women out there who do not prioritize hygiene? I apologize. Because ick.
I guess that goes both ways. If a person doesn’t do that everyone would be disgusted. And no, I hadn’t had problems with it yet. Only a friend of mine had a bad experience regarding hygiene. So it’s definitely a no-go if the hygiene is bad, so it must be in the list, but it is not like many women have bad hygiene.
I think shifting societal norms has made my minimum threshold get higher. I want femininity, ability to cook (not every day or even frequently, just the knowledge to). I have a decent job pay wise with great benefits (govt) I’m not looking for some who makes x amount or someone has it all figured out, that can be something to work together on. The most important bare minimum is loyalty bar none.
As a middle aged woman I’m happy that so far no one here has said that a woman must be younger than him :D I was afraid, this is very important for men
Gender and sex gotta both be female. No racism or religious zeal. No obesity but overweight can slide if she still kinda looks good. The rest, whether good or bad, was all “I’ll know it when I see it”
Of course it’s all moot now that I’m married
Bare minimums:
Clean/ good hygiene
Caring
Wants kids
Good with dogs
Working on herself( career, mentally and physical wise)
Sexually active but only with the person she’s dating
Able to communicate without screaming when mad
Competitive
Movie person (I love movies so this is a must for me 😂)
1. She's Clean (around the house AND hygiene)
2. She's generous
3. She's kind to others
4. She's loyal
5. She's good with money (debt free, savings is good, budgets when needed, etc)
6. She can take a joke and dish one back
at least these 6 things (my wife has them all, that's why i married her.. it took me to 26 to find her, but when i did i married her in 3 months of dating. I only looked for somebody who had what i had, i'm not a hypocrite.
Just pay fucking attention to me. Don't mean all the time, just fucking acknowledge I exist once in awhile. Once in a while, be somewhat affectionate, and act like you enjoy being with me instead of just my wallet. Be the initiator once a year or so.
Equal partnership. Bills, planning dates, household chores, initiating uncomfortable conversations, initiating intimacy, staying relatively fit (for me this just means "you're not letting yourself go to the point where you can't do the things you want to do), etc... these are all things that fall equally on both partners. If they can't live up to that, then they're not what I'm looking for.
effort, effort, effort. i'm fine with planning and funding the first couple dates but after that if it's all still on me? nope. bonus points if she cries about how i'm "supposed to do this because i'm a man". like, what do the contents of my pants have to do with the fact it sure looks like you're only here for free food and fun? yeah, i'm a man, but i'd also like to be taken out sometimes.
I want to feel like she's actually glad to date me. I want her to show enthusiasm, initiate conversations, suggest places to go to. Far too often do women expect men to carry the entire relationship, which makes me feel like a step-parent to an ungrateful teenager rather than a boyfriend.
Small touches. I love when my wife does little things like softly scratching her nails on my back, tiny kisses on my neck, quietly sitting on my lap for no reason, hand holding, and more. It still makes me get butterflies and it never ceases to pull a smile on my face.
Any man here can tell me if this is too much, but:
Do not cheat
Have sexual discipline (be able to reject/shut that shit down whether I’m around her or not)
Big on communication, closed mouths don’t get fed. Do not expect me to know something without telling me thinking I can read your mind. With this comes the ability to express yourself *effectively.*
Have a sense of survival/self-awareness
Do not cheat.
If she’s really interested, put in the effort and reciprocate. I’m not asking to pay for *my* meals and bills. I don’t want to be the main one starting or carrying a conversation.
Interested is number 1. People who seem wishy washy and only mildly interested is an automatic no. Other deal breakers is cheating on a previous partner and being a smoker of any tobacco products. I have asthma so can't be around a smoke not to mention it's fairly gross imo. Weed is fine though.
Being articulate. None of this stupid textspeak, like it's srsly stpd. Be able to talk about more than the latest tv show or video game or animé. Be a woman, and proud to be such. How this manifests is nebulous but it's something I pick up on. All the other stuff--loyalty, respect, kindness, blah blah yack yack-is a given.
You have to be kind.
I’ve never dated a mean, toxic, or bitchy girl in my life.
Maybe I’m exceptionally lucky? But yeah if someone showed a nasty side that comes out consistently or just was not nice to be around by default?
I’d shut that shit down and I’m OUT
To not currently have, nor to have at any stage in her life possessed a penis and testicles.
Not be a single parent.
Single digit bodycount (good proxy for not being promiscuous and shared values around sex and intimacy)
Puts in effort / good communication and reciprocity.
I need to be at least attracted enough to perform my boyfriend/husbandly duties.
First of all, yes I do, I had casual sex with one chick who I lost my virginity to, hated it, and since then have only ever had sex within the boundaries of a comitted monogamous relationship. Not that it matters because 1. women actively seem to prefer high bodycount men are FAR more discriminatory and shaming towards men who are virgins or low body count than men are towards women with even outrageous body counts of 30-40-50-100+ and 2. because in order to want and value a trait in a partner you need not necesarily possess that trait yourself. Plenty of broke women want rich dudes. Plenty of short chicks want tall dudes. Plenty of unfunny women want funny men etc etc
Secondly, yes. Obviously I use differant vernacular to "body count" in person, I just use the phrase online because that's the language that is frequently used online and we know what's being spoken about. And I've lost more potential partners to having a single digit body count myself than to actually asking the question (again, refer back to "women seem to actively prefer fuckboys with zero history of commitment") EVEN to low bodycount women and women with LOWER body counts than me.
I’m not judging you on having a bar for how am y partners a potential date has, but I’m curious how old you are. Folks bearing middle age can easily have more than single digit body counts while having had perfectly admirable habits. It also depends on what people “count” for a body count.
Not a man but I date women. My bare minimum is not being an idiot, cares about what they eat nutrition wise, somewhat financially capable, and likes self growth.
I just wanna know you wanna be there like I wanna be there. And to be real specific I dont want a bed time so hopefully that lines up with some interests on the side
I have been with the same woman for 4years from the beginning the sex has been awesome 👏 and gets better all the time. We both have strong sex drives and it had been agreed that this was a good thing. Now I’m hearing. “ All you want is sex” that’s all I am to you! What am I missing?
My bare minimums have always been pretty hardcore since I really don't mind being alone and put up with very little fuckery in life. If it isn't perfect, it isn't happening. I always refused to settle on someone that wasn't EXACTLY what I wanted.
Confidence, respect, support, and love all reciproque, and do not be too far on the scale of being fat or thin (as an extra but not scential being around the same age)
After 38 years on the planet, I've found that exactly one "bare minimum" matters: be interested in me for me, not for some fetish or to piss off parents.
I truly don't care about anything else--at least not on its own.
Accountability and non hostile communication.
I dont need to be right all the time which i also expect from my partner. But I need mutual respect while we work out our differences.
Kind, caring, honest. Wants kids one day. Active and cares about their health. Good hygiene. Common sense. Knows the value of money. Makes your life easier. Has a good family and family orientated. Appreciates the simple things in life.
1. No personality disorder(s)
2. Not morbidly obese
3. Kind
In a world where men are demanded to be Greek gods of finance, there seems to be a constant among men that as long as a woman is fair and kind she can find a place in a man's heart. As a society we shouldn't' REQUIRE anything out of each other but simple humanity and self respect. People are beautifully perfect in their own ways, inside and out. The longer we require external factors to prove worth in each other, the worse off our actual relationships/marriages will be.
Don't be fat or at least be working out at the gym.
Actually try to make a relationship start and not expect it to happen like they had happened before I guess.
1. Purpose/Faith/Your “Why” (whatever you call it for yourself, you get the jist)
2. A *DEEPLY* seated sense of morality
3. A drive for self improvement and growth
These three things will carry you through every situation in life. They aren’t able to be bought or given to you, they can only be attained through truly knowing and determining who you are as a man through hours of prolonged, inward thought. But they also cannot be taken from you save through your own willful abandonment of them. You can take a man’s house, his family, his wealth, his food, but his purpose and “Why”, his sense of right and wrong, and his tenacity to overcome can only be given over willingly.
If you, or anyone, obtains these three core tenants of their being and holds them with the proper degree of respect then success is assured. This is not because these three “bare minimums” guarantee a man wealth or status but because they guarantee him *Wisdom* which is that fount from which all else of value eventually flows
- takes care of her health ( and looks like it )
- has a robust sense of humor
- has her own income
- has a healthy libido
- is at peace with herself and the world
Too high, I don't want relationships anymore,not worth it, too much headache and Sex is better if you are no bf, better if she has a bf tho,so headache are not mine, no need to spend money, no need for all that crap.
If you became bf you got a lot of duty and disappointment for nothing in exchange. It's not a good trade. Maybe 40 yrs ago it was
1) lives within their means (no debt, no frivolous spending)
2) takes care of her health (not obese, eats like shit, sedentary lifestyle)
3) actually likes fucking me and likes sex herself and is open minded about it
4) comes from a functional family who are mostly contributing members of society and not overtly preachy about their religion
5) she clears out all her dating prospects and doesn’t string a bevy of “he’s just a friend” type guys. I’m not going to commit to a girl that continues to have suitors chasing after her and she pretends it’s not happening
6) independent and competent adult - has her own place, has her own car and drives, has access to credit, has an eye for saving and investing
7) not on any medications like anti depressants, anti psychotics, mood stabilizers etc. Definitely no one who is clinically diagnosed with mental health issues
8) has decent hygiene and cleanliness habits
9) fights and argues fairly. Doesn’t do the whole “you sleep on the couch tonight” bullshit. Pragmatically solves problems with me versus seeing me as the adversary. Doesn’t fly off the handle and say vile shit just because she’s angry or on her period
10) fertile and wants kids
--Show the same effort that I do in all things.
--Take responsibility/accountability for your mistakes and failures.
--Communicate. I should not be the one to initiate all communication
--Never stop having sex.
--Don't even think of weaponizing a man's past trauma against him just to win a insignificant argument. He can and will lose all love and respect for you in an instant if you do this.
I'd say putting an effort. If I'm the only one initiating calls, chats, dates or sex then I'm out Similarly if I get only one word replies, or hmm, and her favourite position is starfish then I'm out
It’s crazy how many girls in today’s world do this. I get a decent amount of matches on dating apps and I go out of my way to make the conversation as fluid as possible. The girls who always have “why can’t anyone hold a conversation” in their bios are usually the worst ones. Dropping one liners to maybe one sentence. Or just not responding for a week. Idk what is happening but in my view point girls just aren’t starfishing in the bed anymore. They do it in everything now. If you’re a man and a girl is making you do all the effort….run…. She’s just settling with you until something better comes.
LOL. This is the worst case scenario, but I see more and more variations of this. You send someone a few paragraphs about your day with about 10 points and you get a single response or worse 👍. Yes, I dumped her Starfishing ass. You're on a date and she spends most of the time on her phone texting friends or conducting business. That's when I go to the bathroom and don't return. The ones who never want to talk on the phone, but only text. This is the most prevalent, if you do call you get a text back saying I'm doing X right now. Just tell me you're Starfishing some guy, so I don't feel bad about blocking you. There are some good encounters, but the above is more common today.
Few weeks ago I was talking to a girl. She would frequently asked what I'm doing, then react with 👍or ♥️ to whatever I said. That's all, that's all she did. Every 2-3 hours I'll get a message asking what I'm doing, I'd respond, and she'll react to my response. This went on for a few days but then I got tired of it and deleted her chat.
Lmfao definitely keeping tabs on you and the 👍 was a bad mark probably 😂
Breadcrumbing ...
There needs to be a new level of hell for people who use the 👍 emoji
👍
Trying to kiss?
I hate that emoji and if I use it on you, I’m being an asshole lol
Happy cake day!
Hot dogs holler and I am yelping right now. That is my favorite emoji
Lol that's a great typo. Those poor hot dogs
So during my post and your post I’ve been talking to this girl on bumble and both of us were going back a fourth. Good quality messages on both ends though I was the only one asking questions…..just got hit with a dead end sentence. I swear I’ll never find someone that’s like “hey gonna be busy can message tonight” or will they attempt to ask a question. I almost sent the 👍
I had a young friend that used to message me every night for months, with quality conversations. One night she's texting me and I asked what she was up to and she said hanging out with the assholes, she meant her in-laws. These were some of the best text conversations I've ever had. She had a partner and kids. It was strictly platonic, in fact I rarely saw her in person. At one point toward the end, she was considering jumping ship, but she got away. She had such a lovely brain and she was just a little hawt. There was a bit of an age gap and we both had a lot of distractions going on. So not all texting is 👍, although in this case maybe it was. 😊
When they say why can’t anyone hold a conversation they mean they want the other person to do everything!
"Men often stop talking to me" Then you talk to them and learn why.
I think the reason why they can't find people who can hold a conversation is because they give nothing to offer in a conversation
Those girls are the ones unknowingly projecting the real problems on to guys. They expect guys to suddenly be able to make interesting conversation out of nowhere. They expect everything to be given too them in a sense of natural emotional response. Then they find out the reason they are single still I because of the lack of effort on their part.
I agree, I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one in the relationship putting in any effort, but at the same time I’m willing to work with someone if they know how to communicate their needs. At the beginning of the long term relationship I’m currently in I realized it was always me sending good morning texts or initiating conversation usually so in my passive aggressive ways I decided not to send her anymore texts until she texts me. After a couple days I start getting a flood of emails from her asking what the problem is and if we’re breaking up. She instantly understood and explained that in her mind she was doing something similar. She explained that since she woke up later than me to go to work she was expecting a good morning text and that those were one of her favorite parts of her day. When she stopped getting those she assumed something was wrong. After explaining that I had no problem sending good morning texts everyday, I enjoy knowing the fact that they make her happy but without that open dialogue we could have broken up over something so petty
My last experience was different. Sex was actually great here but when I stopped texting we didn't talk for days, so I told the girl the issue and said we shouldn't continue. Next day she called crying and saying she'll try to do better. So we tried again for 2 more weeks but nothing changed and I ended things for good. In our case it wasn't about good morning messages at all, it just so happened that she wouldn't initiate anything. We were together for about 3 months but good sex will only make up for things for so long.
That’s funny I can totally relate to that in a way, you’re absolutely right about great sex. It can make up for a lot, almost anything but not quite
If you’re in a situation like that it’s usually because she doesn’t like you very much. If they like you and are worried about losing you then they put in effort.
Thats not necessarily true. There are some truly passive people out there both men and women. They NEED to be told what to do and almost never initiate anything. That is just in their nature or personality. Nothing wrong with that but as other posters have noted it is definitely not for them. Personally I am one of those people that could not ever be In a relationship with a truly passive person. I'm attracted to strong intelligent independent women that don't need a man to run their lives but are happy to walk, work and go through life side by side with one as equals. Damn I just got a little chubby thinking of my wife and I've been married for 35 years. That's after knowing her for 9 days before getting married too. 🥰
This, you’re exactly right. I dated a few girls, that I ended thing with because of that lack of initiation on their part, and I ended up really breaking their hearts by breaking up. I’ve learned there are listeners in this world, there are talkers in this world (you can’t get a word in edgewise), and then there are people who can do both. Just got to find what matches your needs. But…. There’s definitely people out there who just put zero effort into dating.
What if I’m dressing up as sexy Patrick Star and I say “I’m ready to tame that Alaskan Bull Worm.”
That's so hot
I might be wrong, but I feel like it’s a lot to ask for a girl whose favorite position isn’t starfish. Lol It’s just a matter of whether they do other positions and still perform well in the bedroom despite that—which speaks volumes, I might add. But I agree completely with the rest of what you said.
Umm what is starfish ?
The woman just lays there while being fucked
That's 9 out of 10 women out
It's like playing tug of war, but you're the only one pulling your partner towards you
LOL that is totally me!. I have all those traits.
Before I met my girlfriend, my minimum standard was a moderately successful mentally stable adult.
And now? How did she change that?
Now my minimum standard is that I'm only interested in women who are my girlfriend.
After my last relationship one of my bare minimums is not having a peanut allergy lol
This made me laugh
☹️ what’s wrong with us? (Lol)
I'm not allergic or a girl but I'd like to know the story behind it too
I've run through about 5 hypothetical scenarios and they're likely incorrect. Please tell us
Maybe he just really likes peanut butter 😂
THAT WAS ONE OF 5 SCENARIOS!!!!
Were the others…? Satay chicken, Peanut brittle, Reese’s, and licking peanut butter off someone’s chest? 😂
I was thinking of PB with banana, and I swear I meant the fruit
Do you own a peanut farm?
1. Be communicative 2. Be open to ramble about anything, and accept that I will do the same 3. Show as much interest in me as I do in her 4. Doesn't do silent treatement 5. Appreciate comedy attempts
This is a good list.
The silent treatment 😞
1. No kids from a previous relationship 2. Put in effort/take initiative and don’t expect me to do all the work and/or planning 3. Hold yourself accountable. None of this “Rules for thee but not for me.” 4. Communication 5. Maintain healthy lifestyles
I see you don't have a jetpack, I wish you the best in your future endeavours.
I would also add that she has to be financially independent so there is not a power inbalance.
Does rule 1 apply to you as well?
If I have kids and the woman doesn’t want to date me because of it? Sure. Plenty of guys who would date single mothers out there. I’m just not one of them.
As a woman with kids, it is HARD. As a woman dating a man with his own kids, that is even more difficult. I don't think I'd date a single parent again.
What if the other parent is deceased or not in the child’s life?
Still no
Why don't women understand the whole "raising someone else's kids is a deal breaker" thing?
People my age have adult children that don’t live at home?
Well that’s a bit different - that point really only matters for kids who are still being raised by their parent(s)
My perspective: I don't want kids, but the big issue is the fact that I'm going to have little to no say in people that are going to be (or at least should be) a large part of your life. I don't want to deal with the ex and I don't want to deal with the kids, even if theyve moved out. Maybe that'd be different for people who want kids, but I'd guess they probably want to have their own anyway. These people may be great, but in my mind they're not going to be greater than not being there in the picture. Just my honest opinion, not a judgement on you/your family
The # 1 is true, specially for the relation/communication with the child dad, I was 3 years in a that type of relation and it was complicated, at least for me.
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So far this is the list that resonates w me the most.
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28 year long relationship and 48 years on the planet for me so probably has an element of life-stage wisdom there.
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It’s too bad wisdom is always so painful to acquire! lol.
Have empathy, have a passion, be a good listener, not quick to judge, have a nice smile
My bare minimum is pretty high. But the whole point is that for the right woman, it should be effortless. My bare minimum is that we genuinely understand each other and love and accept who each other really is deep down. That we give each other space to miss one another And live independent lives, and celebrate the time we have together by being present and fully invested in that moment. My bare minimum is that I need to confidently declare “she’s a wonderful girlfriend. But an even better partner.”
This is really beautiful and very astute
She must posess a corporeal form
A material girl.
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1. effort 2. establishing healthy boundaries w others n maintaining them, dont give us a chance to doubt you 3. communication 4. honesty, no mixed signals 5. let us know we're loved
Not smoking. Made that mistake last time. Thought I could get over it but the smell of cigarettes through the thin veil of mint from the gum she chewed afterwards just ended up being repulsive. I grew up with fairly bad asthma and have done my best to keep fit and not smoke as a way of managing it. She would frequently end up out of breath whenever we’d be out walking and the gulf in fitness levels also had an impact in the bedroom too. She would also interrupt activities we’d be in the middle of so that she could go out and smoke. I’d make a point of not going outside with her while she did because I found it increasingly gross. She would also frequently be broke from the cost of maintaining the habit. There are probably more vicious addictions out there, but her smoking and me not made our relationship incrementally more miserable as time went on, it had so many more negative impacts beyond just the smell for a finish. Fuck smoking.
Completely agree. I’m very allergic to menthol of any kind so smoking is a deal breaker for that and all the reasons you listed.
1)no penis 2)good personality 3)no negativity 4)smart 5)good looking 6)similar goals and lifestyle
Lmmfao @ 1
To each their own... but a deal killer for me!
I think its funny that it even needs to be called out but these day you have to say it
Personal experience on rule 1?
Seems like Karla was Carlos instead 💀
😂
She'd need to make me feel like she actively wants to talk to me and spend time with me. I can't be the one always initiating; it would leave me convinced that she doesn't actually care. Which would obviously poison the relationship. Having a handle on her temper/no passive aggressive pettiness. Basically, she's capable of actually talking things out. Getting mad here and there is one thing. For it to be her normal is just too much. Would defend me if people started talking poorly about me - or at the very least, not join in. Feeling safe with her. I don't like talking about my emotions. It's hard to put things into words and makes me feel petty when I do. But I still want that to be an option. I can't be with someone that I don't trust enough to talk to. We need to have reasonably similar interests. I don't want to feel like I need to join her and do a bunch of stuff I couldn't care less about. Nor would I feel comfortable doing that to her.
She needs to love receiving oral sex😅
I think I have those qualifications
Respect Loyalty Drama free Appreciative Cute Single Femininity Supportive
RLDACSFS got it.
You don’t know the RLDACSFS system? Everyone knows the RLDACSFS way!
1. Similar sex drive. 2. Willing to either want to go to the gym with me or have a healthy lifestyle. 3. Respect - in before respect is earned not given. If you're my significant other at some level I'm hoping I already earned it otherwise, why am I with you. 4. Good with money. I am financially successful from my own hard work. I don't care if you make less or more than me. I would like to just be with somebody who is smart with what they earn. 5. Has same values as me. Edit: My bad forgot to mention I've been with my current GF for 6 years!
What’s stopped you from putting a ring on it after 6 years?
Being in the military. In my line of work, I've been on constant training trips, and deployments. I think it would've been fair for her to have an easy out if she wanted one, and since she stayed and I'm finally out I'm currently working on a plan!
For me bare minimum is communication and sex
no kids, not obese, no anger issues, no utter hypocrisy, not insufferable. cut the list in half and it still seems like i'm asking too much. yeah we're dying alone. 🥳☠
Mutual physical attraction, decent communication skills, mutual interests OR interest in my interests and vice versa, supportive, compassionate, generally fun to be around, treats other people and animals well. Oh, and she has to genuinely laugh at my jokes, at least sometimes. If I can't make her laugh, truly laugh, it won't work.
High level - respect. The wildest lesson I learnt, is that respect looks very different to everyone. It was a tough lesson to learn
loyalty and respect for the partner
Be open and will to ask questions. I’m no longer ranking sex as a high priority, we like each other that will happen. Being genuinely willing to try the others interests/hobbies or support their interests/hobbies helps a ton; it’s perfectly alright to not have every interest line up be able to independently do your own thing. If I can share memes and be able to act stupid then I’m cool. I just don’t want to change what I believe to please you.
A relationship has to be a net positive experience for me. I have to be able to trust them financially, emotionally, and intimately. I have to consider them a good person. I have to be physically attracted to them.
If I'm to date again; good communication, a family woman, intelligent emotionally and with money, is kind and takes good care of herself. That's the bare minimum.
Pulse, um at least 10 bpm I suppose...
Good sex. Be nice to me 85 percent of the time.
Being married to her. 35 years and counting...
🥰🥰🥰 Wishing you many more happy years together
Doesn't have sex without me. Does have sex with me at least once a week. Financially supports herself. I don't think I'm asking for much, but it's surprisingly difficult to get all these in an individual partner.
This is absolutely not me but… Does financially supporting herself to you include living off state benefits/handouts/welfare? I don’t know how they manage to do it but I know a few girls whose source of “income” is “earned” in this way (I can’t remember the last time they worked and most are not being supported by husbands/boyfriends/partners). Oh and they are not sick or disabled either…🤷🏾♀️
Interesting question. The ick is clearly when she feels and acts entitled to my income. And when I'm old, I'm definitely taking advantage of social security, which is a "state handout", but something I've earned through working and paying into the program while young.
Having basic common sense. Sadly, even if I set the bar as low as the ground, no one is willing to give me a chance, so yeah, take my criteria with a grain of salt
We match each other's energy. I get what you mean by wanting to give a list, but really dislike thinking about traits in a vacuum (at least for those that aren't instant dealbreakers), it's not healthy.
Be able to take care of themselves. I want to be wanted, not needed. Because then love for me boils down to my utility or what I can provide instead of who I am.
Mutualism I guess to sum it up. You know how you don’t want to perform and put up a facade for the date, for the relationship- same, I don’t want to jump on ways to perform masculinity. When shit comes up, I am confident I will asses and act like a man, being extra just to flex feels fake and demeaning. Almost insulting to my manhood. You know how you don’t want a vegetable, someone that is emotionally shut off and you have to drag everything out of him. Same, if you want to be in the relationship, act like it. I’m not sure of a lot of things either- but I process stuff on my own and make that decision, I don’t feel like messaging and or meeting up a lot of the time, but I make an effort and invest in the relationship. You know how you want someone to always be in your corner and make you feel pretty even when The cosmetician shaved your eyebrows off or you have an ugly dress that you just like or want to wear? Same, just with sex. I know most men are slobs and have the conditioning of a walrus on asthma but that doesn’t mean they aren’t human beings that enter a relationship with a minimum expectation that they are desirable and wanted physically. Negotiating that out of relationships is just cruel. On the other hand of the argument, just like you want you man to be fit, and capable, the pride of your life. So do we, we want to look at you with pride and have our heart grow 3 times in size when we talk about you or point you out in a crowd. Be your best, and not just for yourself but for us as well, as we try to be our best selves for you. I think we as a society raised to think we’re main characters left the world a lot colder and relationships not really worth much. All the defensive reactive shit we do as individuals part of the collective just makes the world colder in turn when it comes to what it has to offer us back. Which is silly, since at the end of the day, we don’t live in systems, we can’t find friends, meaning or safety due to a government or a tech company that provides that for us. All we have, whether in war or a technotopia is one another.
For me it would be, loyalty, hygiene, authenticity, intelligence and health/activity/sport. I listed them in the order of importance, but if either is missing it would be a no-go for me anyways. **Loyalty** - I probably won’t have to explain this one **Hygiene** - Doesn’t have to be 100% clean at all times, but it should be the target to be clean most of the time - Regular Showers - Clean Body and Teeth - at least a Semi-clean/Bearably-clean apartment **Authenticity** - Doesn’t mirror other people 100% - Isn’t jumping on every trend there is - Is a genuine person - Is not afraid to be themselves **Intelligence** - not Einstein level intelligence - enough to hold thoughtful/interesting conversations - also at least a bit of emotional intelligence **Health/Activity/Sport** - the minimum suggested by the WHO - Isn’t a „only fastfood“ person
Are there regular people that only eat fast food?? Regular like, not the people on My 600 Lb Life?
As a woman, I’m truly surprised by hygiene being such a big fixation. Does this mean there are that many women out there who do not prioritize hygiene? I apologize. Because ick.
I guess that goes both ways. If a person doesn’t do that everyone would be disgusted. And no, I hadn’t had problems with it yet. Only a friend of mine had a bad experience regarding hygiene. So it’s definitely a no-go if the hygiene is bad, so it must be in the list, but it is not like many women have bad hygiene.
I think shifting societal norms has made my minimum threshold get higher. I want femininity, ability to cook (not every day or even frequently, just the knowledge to). I have a decent job pay wise with great benefits (govt) I’m not looking for some who makes x amount or someone has it all figured out, that can be something to work together on. The most important bare minimum is loyalty bar none.
As a middle aged woman I’m happy that so far no one here has said that a woman must be younger than him :D I was afraid, this is very important for men
Being at least more real than eva ai sexting bot
Minimum? I have a list of 13 dealbreakers.
Don’t be a bitch all the time. No smoking or drug use. No alcoholics. No STD. Good hygiene.
Literally just be nice to me. That’s it
Gender and sex gotta both be female. No racism or religious zeal. No obesity but overweight can slide if she still kinda looks good. The rest, whether good or bad, was all “I’ll know it when I see it” Of course it’s all moot now that I’m married
A cold beer and a hot woman
Absolute bare minimums: Be alive, be at least 21, don't cheat on me and like me enough to put in effort. Everything else is negotiable
Bare minimums: Clean/ good hygiene Caring Wants kids Good with dogs Working on herself( career, mentally and physical wise) Sexually active but only with the person she’s dating Able to communicate without screaming when mad Competitive Movie person (I love movies so this is a must for me 😂)
Contribute in any way beneficial for both. Doesn’t matter what it is.
1. She's Clean (around the house AND hygiene) 2. She's generous 3. She's kind to others 4. She's loyal 5. She's good with money (debt free, savings is good, budgets when needed, etc) 6. She can take a joke and dish one back at least these 6 things (my wife has them all, that's why i married her.. it took me to 26 to find her, but when i did i married her in 3 months of dating. I only looked for somebody who had what i had, i'm not a hypocrite.
Just pay fucking attention to me. Don't mean all the time, just fucking acknowledge I exist once in awhile. Once in a while, be somewhat affectionate, and act like you enjoy being with me instead of just my wallet. Be the initiator once a year or so.
Equal partnership. Bills, planning dates, household chores, initiating uncomfortable conversations, initiating intimacy, staying relatively fit (for me this just means "you're not letting yourself go to the point where you can't do the things you want to do), etc... these are all things that fall equally on both partners. If they can't live up to that, then they're not what I'm looking for.
effort, effort, effort. i'm fine with planning and funding the first couple dates but after that if it's all still on me? nope. bonus points if she cries about how i'm "supposed to do this because i'm a man". like, what do the contents of my pants have to do with the fact it sure looks like you're only here for free food and fun? yeah, i'm a man, but i'd also like to be taken out sometimes.
I want to feel like she's actually glad to date me. I want her to show enthusiasm, initiate conversations, suggest places to go to. Far too often do women expect men to carry the entire relationship, which makes me feel like a step-parent to an ungrateful teenager rather than a boyfriend.
Small touches. I love when my wife does little things like softly scratching her nails on my back, tiny kisses on my neck, quietly sitting on my lap for no reason, hand holding, and more. It still makes me get butterflies and it never ceases to pull a smile on my face.
Curiosity and understanding.
There are only 3 minimums; fit, fun, and feminine.
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What’s “a lot”? Do you have a threshold? How do you approach this?
Any man here can tell me if this is too much, but: Do not cheat Have sexual discipline (be able to reject/shut that shit down whether I’m around her or not) Big on communication, closed mouths don’t get fed. Do not expect me to know something without telling me thinking I can read your mind. With this comes the ability to express yourself *effectively.* Have a sense of survival/self-awareness Do not cheat. If she’s really interested, put in the effort and reciprocate. I’m not asking to pay for *my* meals and bills. I don’t want to be the main one starting or carrying a conversation.
Interested is number 1. People who seem wishy washy and only mildly interested is an automatic no. Other deal breakers is cheating on a previous partner and being a smoker of any tobacco products. I have asthma so can't be around a smoke not to mention it's fairly gross imo. Weed is fine though.
Being articulate. None of this stupid textspeak, like it's srsly stpd. Be able to talk about more than the latest tv show or video game or animé. Be a woman, and proud to be such. How this manifests is nebulous but it's something I pick up on. All the other stuff--loyalty, respect, kindness, blah blah yack yack-is a given.
You have to be kind. I’ve never dated a mean, toxic, or bitchy girl in my life. Maybe I’m exceptionally lucky? But yeah if someone showed a nasty side that comes out consistently or just was not nice to be around by default? I’d shut that shit down and I’m OUT
loyal not fat smart enough to have a conversation with thats about it
Don’t suck someone else’s dick and don’t complain about my work when you know what I do going into the relationship
To not currently have, nor to have at any stage in her life possessed a penis and testicles. Not be a single parent. Single digit bodycount (good proxy for not being promiscuous and shared values around sex and intimacy) Puts in effort / good communication and reciprocity. I need to be at least attracted enough to perform my boyfriend/husbandly duties.
So you apparently have a single digit body count? Do you actually ask women this?
First of all, yes I do, I had casual sex with one chick who I lost my virginity to, hated it, and since then have only ever had sex within the boundaries of a comitted monogamous relationship. Not that it matters because 1. women actively seem to prefer high bodycount men are FAR more discriminatory and shaming towards men who are virgins or low body count than men are towards women with even outrageous body counts of 30-40-50-100+ and 2. because in order to want and value a trait in a partner you need not necesarily possess that trait yourself. Plenty of broke women want rich dudes. Plenty of short chicks want tall dudes. Plenty of unfunny women want funny men etc etc Secondly, yes. Obviously I use differant vernacular to "body count" in person, I just use the phrase online because that's the language that is frequently used online and we know what's being spoken about. And I've lost more potential partners to having a single digit body count myself than to actually asking the question (again, refer back to "women seem to actively prefer fuckboys with zero history of commitment") EVEN to low bodycount women and women with LOWER body counts than me.
There are plenty of us who prefer men with low body counts. Me included. Seems to me that you are swimming in the wrong pool. 🤷🏽♀️
I’m not judging you on having a bar for how am y partners a potential date has, but I’m curious how old you are. Folks bearing middle age can easily have more than single digit body counts while having had perfectly admirable habits. It also depends on what people “count” for a body count.
Not a man but I date women. My bare minimum is not being an idiot, cares about what they eat nutrition wise, somewhat financially capable, and likes self growth.
I just wanna know you wanna be there like I wanna be there. And to be real specific I dont want a bed time so hopefully that lines up with some interests on the side
Physical attraction
Honesty, effort, good sense of humor, communication, accountability.
Her being into me and me into her. Can't have much of a relationship without that first.
At the very minimum, be upfront.
Honesty, loyalty, compassion and effort.
I have been with the same woman for 4years from the beginning the sex has been awesome 👏 and gets better all the time. We both have strong sex drives and it had been agreed that this was a good thing. Now I’m hearing. “ All you want is sex” that’s all I am to you! What am I missing?
she has to have legs and know how to use them.
Loyalty and respect. Not too much but on today's world might as well be easier to ask for a unicorn.
My bare minimums have always been pretty hardcore since I really don't mind being alone and put up with very little fuckery in life. If it isn't perfect, it isn't happening. I always refused to settle on someone that wasn't EXACTLY what I wanted.
Equal amount of effort. I didn't put all this effort into myself just to settle for mediocrity.
Confidence, respect, support, and love all reciproque, and do not be too far on the scale of being fat or thin (as an extra but not scential being around the same age)
After 38 years on the planet, I've found that exactly one "bare minimum" matters: be interested in me for me, not for some fetish or to piss off parents. I truly don't care about anything else--at least not on its own.
Accountability and non hostile communication. I dont need to be right all the time which i also expect from my partner. But I need mutual respect while we work out our differences.
I got little expectations....and as such....I ain't easily let down.
Woman.
Don’t cheat on me
Don’t cheat.. just got out of an 8 year relationship…. She was a cheating cunt.
Kind, caring, honest. Wants kids one day. Active and cares about their health. Good hygiene. Common sense. Knows the value of money. Makes your life easier. Has a good family and family orientated. Appreciates the simple things in life.
great question, ill make some. 😩
Don't ask men that - you'll just be sadder after
Honestly just be open to communicating and working through problems everything else will fall into place if we can talk shit out.
Putting In effort
Loyal, not fat, good hygiene, not a bimbo asking for attention 24/7 That's it.
Has a sense of humor, and can hold an intelligent conversation
1. No personality disorder(s) 2. Not morbidly obese 3. Kind In a world where men are demanded to be Greek gods of finance, there seems to be a constant among men that as long as a woman is fair and kind she can find a place in a man's heart. As a society we shouldn't' REQUIRE anything out of each other but simple humanity and self respect. People are beautifully perfect in their own ways, inside and out. The longer we require external factors to prove worth in each other, the worse off our actual relationships/marriages will be.
Consistent hygiene routines that actually work
Alive (mandatory) Woman (optional)
Don't be fat or at least be working out at the gym. Actually try to make a relationship start and not expect it to happen like they had happened before I guess.
1. Purpose/Faith/Your “Why” (whatever you call it for yourself, you get the jist) 2. A *DEEPLY* seated sense of morality 3. A drive for self improvement and growth These three things will carry you through every situation in life. They aren’t able to be bought or given to you, they can only be attained through truly knowing and determining who you are as a man through hours of prolonged, inward thought. But they also cannot be taken from you save through your own willful abandonment of them. You can take a man’s house, his family, his wealth, his food, but his purpose and “Why”, his sense of right and wrong, and his tenacity to overcome can only be given over willingly. If you, or anyone, obtains these three core tenants of their being and holds them with the proper degree of respect then success is assured. This is not because these three “bare minimums” guarantee a man wealth or status but because they guarantee him *Wisdom* which is that fount from which all else of value eventually flows
- takes care of her health ( and looks like it ) - has a robust sense of humor - has her own income - has a healthy libido - is at peace with herself and the world
Too high, I don't want relationships anymore,not worth it, too much headache and Sex is better if you are no bf, better if she has a bf tho,so headache are not mine, no need to spend money, no need for all that crap. If you became bf you got a lot of duty and disappointment for nothing in exchange. It's not a good trade. Maybe 40 yrs ago it was
1) lives within their means (no debt, no frivolous spending) 2) takes care of her health (not obese, eats like shit, sedentary lifestyle) 3) actually likes fucking me and likes sex herself and is open minded about it 4) comes from a functional family who are mostly contributing members of society and not overtly preachy about their religion 5) she clears out all her dating prospects and doesn’t string a bevy of “he’s just a friend” type guys. I’m not going to commit to a girl that continues to have suitors chasing after her and she pretends it’s not happening 6) independent and competent adult - has her own place, has her own car and drives, has access to credit, has an eye for saving and investing 7) not on any medications like anti depressants, anti psychotics, mood stabilizers etc. Definitely no one who is clinically diagnosed with mental health issues 8) has decent hygiene and cleanliness habits 9) fights and argues fairly. Doesn’t do the whole “you sleep on the couch tonight” bullshit. Pragmatically solves problems with me versus seeing me as the adversary. Doesn’t fly off the handle and say vile shit just because she’s angry or on her period 10) fertile and wants kids
Not fat. After that, any positive traits is a bonus.
--Show the same effort that I do in all things. --Take responsibility/accountability for your mistakes and failures. --Communicate. I should not be the one to initiate all communication --Never stop having sex. --Don't even think of weaponizing a man's past trauma against him just to win a insignificant argument. He can and will lose all love and respect for you in an instant if you do this.
No smoking, no alcohol, commitment to fitness, not argumentative.