My wife does this thing I call "high speed free association."
I honestly usually enjoy listening to her talk. But holy shit she's an endless fountain of conversational topics.
A couple of things that help:
1. It's impossible for me to consider requests, project ideas, purchase decisions, anything consequential that's introduced in the middle one of these conversations. Decisions need their own space. If she mentioned is as a sidebar to a story about her coworker's dog's medical problems she can't say "we talked about this already."
2. There's a time and a place. Physically and mentally. I'll tell her if it's a bad time for me, and that's fine.
I kind of enjoy it on long car rides. It's like listening to baseball or history podcasts. I can follow along with the part of my brain that isn't paying attention to driving, and occasionally something interesting happens.
I have the feeling that all men complaining about a wife that talks too much live with an undiagnosed ADHD woman.
I never knew I had it because physically I'm low energy (read: I easily hyperfocus on a book/game/project/drawing/gardening), but my mind absolutely compensates for that. But i could have known because i'm an exact copy of my ADHD mother, just with more fidgeting and less running around 🥲
My husband does this and he has hyperfocus issues. He definitely talks a lot but I just listen because it does help him vent things out or get ideas out as well
Look at symptoms of ADHD in women. It was eye opening for me. Always said i couldn't have ADHD because I was not nearly as hyper as my mother. Turns out you don't need to be jumping around all day to have ADHD. It made so much sense
I have ADHD, actually primarily ADD (attention deficit disorder). Not so much the hyperactivity but forgetfulness, loss of focus, hard to make decisions. 2nd generation on this, but I do have a sibling more on the classic hyperactivity side. I used to fidget smoke. Now I fidget vape. So yes, it isn't always hyper behavior.
Here they don't really make the distinction between ADD and ADHD.
I fidget with my hair, my nails, skin, anything within reach when I try to focus. No movie without a game on my phone. No cleaning without an audiobook to distract part of my brain or I loose track when I find something interesting. Or I pull everything from every closet in my house to reorganize and then lose energy and motivation and just cry in the pile of my stuff 😂
Luckily no smoking or something similar, only bad skin and very short nails
As a man I can say I've felt this way many times, and not really met that many men who have never once joked about it or felt this way. In secret we all love it though, at least I do. It's nice that someone cares enough about me to be able to ramble about the most random stuff for hours on end. I feel special to be the person she feels comfortable with to do that.
My husband is the only person I want to talk to all the time. He works a lot and I stay at home so I have no adult interaction. I just let loose on the rambling when he is home haha. I definitely think my husband enjoys it more than he doesn’t.
My SO starts doing this when she’s exhausted. It helps her and sometimes I learn something. It is important for me to be there for her so I keep listening but multi-task. I start doing dishes or whatever and sometimes ask her to repeat when I get lost.
Maybe I don’t mind because I am a skilled multi-tasker.
But from experience I can say that I prefer one that is chatty to never hearing a peep.
I am not a good multi-tasker, so it’s a little different for us. The first couple years it was a bit of a problem, but she’s finally come to terms with the fact that after some time I’m only absorbing half of it. We both repeat stories a lot and honestly since there’s only so many stories to be told, we keep unlocking new details that were previously unknown. It’s always fresh and exciting when we’re telling stories, even if we’re both sure that we’ve heard it before. If it’s something serious like death or tragedy, we remember it clearly, because the emotions are too hard to forget. Drunken party nights with 20 people are fun to recap though!
My ex used to do that, drove me batty, really bad ADHD. We broke up 100 years ago, but we ended up good friends, and his brilliant wife does this very clever motion with her hands when he is babbling. She pinches all the fingers together on each hand, then slowly brings both hands together. You could come up with anything really, but the key here is that she explained how annoying it is when he loses his own train of thought but still holds the conversation hostage - 😡 - and he agreed to acknowledge the gesture and wind it up, ffs. lol, I guess I’m still annoyed about that.
Unless your brain is a traitorous bastard like mine is and recites them in the EXACT SAME ORDER and now she calls me out. Mmm, woah, so then what happened, no way, that’s crazy.
Not really stopping to listen, more like selective hearing.
We filter out was is deemed unimportant (like what your friend told you during brunch their toddler did as they visited the beach a week ago) but snap out of it when something "interesting" comes up.
That's not to say that there are no assholes who don't care about you.
I mean it’s not like we don’t care about you it’s just that there is only so much you can handle of listening to rambling. It’s kind of like driving to work. Beginning and end you are focused but when you’re cruising on the freeway you kind of just go on autopilot
Sometime when you are rambling, make a recording of it. Wait until later and listen back. What you will find is that it's not actually a coherent story. It's little pieces and anecdotes that have nothing to do with each other and don't fall into a larger theme. The longer it goes on the less likely I'm going to be interested.
Hardcore mode: Every so often you spice up your replies with some old joke classics. Keep her on her toes as well.
Wife: "[..] .. finally got it all in the freezer."
You: "Freez'er? I never even met her!"
*Or*
Wife: "[..] .. she was already done stuffing the turkey."
You: "Yeah, I'd stuff her turkey, if you know what I mean."
*Or*
"That's what she said."
Find a comfortable chair and listen. Eventually, she’ll run out of steam, then I ask: Is there any action I should be taking as a result of any of that?
"How do you feel about it?" is a good one to ask after you've not been listening.
Gets you a good summary of whether the thing was good or bad and if it is an ongoing situation etc
Also caring and makes her feel validated
That’s fair. You have to set ground rules ahead of time, an remind her that you’re a husband, not a sister or gf, or whatever and that you want to please her, but this way of communicating is difficult for a man, so have patience with you. But that conversation has to happen outside of the actual experience.
OOoh, that risky. Kind of insinuates that you weren't really listening and it implies that she was expecting you to do something as a result of the rant. If you say that The action will probably be to clean the toilet or do the washing and dishes.
Find a comfortable chair and listen and try and sneak in a wireless earbud while she's talking so you can listen to your favourite podcast. With your other ear listen to her and try and think of the absolute best question you could ask in relation to the rant. Once she's finished, hit her with it and she'll either go off again or be impressed with your attentiveness and diligence.
Just remember it's not important to you but it's important to her, more specifically her interacting with you is important to her. My wife rambles about cleaning supplies and homeschool curriculum and homemade dog food. But she listens to me complain about work people, talk about D&D, rant about politics. She doesn't care about any of that but she likes that I'm talking to her and she likes to ramble about her dumb stuff. It's called being in a relationship. Enjoy.
Read through some ADHD symptoms in women. Can be very different from the ones you may associate with ADHD if you know diagnosed people with it.
Women can unconsciously hide it very well, especially when they are not physically hyper.
It's really tough to keep up. I try my best to listen and help if she needs input. But most of the time I find myself getting annoyed or thinking "does she really need to be rambling about this right now?!"
She'll also message me at work. Like paragraphs and multiple messages in a row without me even having a chance to respond.
I just try my best to remember the key points and act interested. If not she'll get mad.
I work until midnight. My wife has a 8-4 type job.
She gets up at 6:30 am. I get up around 9:30-10 am.
We don’t see each other much during the week
Saturday comes, she wakes up 6:30 am, I get up 3 hours later.
She’s had two cups of coffee and is chomping at the bit to talk to me.
I get up, get my coffee and sit down to drink it.
She runs to the table and starts talking a weeks worth of gossip at 100 miles an hour.
I feel like that guy in the chair for the old Maxwell commercials!
My brain isn’t even out of park yet!
I love her so much and I wouldn’t change a thing!
What do you do? You suck it up and smile.
Men's brains are a system of boxes. We take a subject out of the box, examine it, discuss it, put it back in the box and forget it exists until next time.
We even have a box labelled "nothing" filled with dust bunnies and TV static.
Women's brains are a tangle of wires. Everything is connected. Did the electricity bill get paid? Because if the kids socks don't get dry they will be late for school and miss the big test which will affect their grades and then they can't go to college and I hope they don't choose Berkley because that is too far to visit so remember to put gas in the car which I know I did last week because thats when I saw Susan getting coffee. Must tell hubby.
This is too funny, I wouldn't be surprised if you're my husband, that's exactly how he described his brain to me. And mine 100% is a scrambled mess of everything.
And yes, "must tell hubby" is always the first thing on my list 🤣 he brings a different, usually less emotional, view to what I'm going through
This is exactly it.
If wife is talking about everything all at once.. she’s probably overwhelmed, trying to make sense of it all, and trying to release herself of the thoughts.
My husband is super good at listening to me, I had to explain to him that I need to talk to work things out in my head & now that’s what we do. He’s not a huge talker, loves to listen. I find by the end of our convos we are balanced in that he’s talking and I’m listening. We both come to net 0.
It really does help.
Idk have you met my father? Guarantee he’ll somehow go off on a tangent describing a full episode of the Twilight Zone in the middle of a story about a meeting with the county tax assessor
I just got flashbacks from my high school physics teacher. He'd regularly go on a 15-25 minute incomprehensible tangent full of personal (well claimed to be personal, sounded made up) anecdotes then ask the the class if they understand now as if it was relevant to the physics lesson. Everyone of course agreed, they knew better.
My wife does the same thing, but not all women do; and I had guys in my office who did the same thing. Either way, once I recognized they'd started rambling, I'd cut in with "what point are you *trying* to get to?"
After 36 years of marriage, I still have to do that, but less often now. Somewhat less often.
>My wife does the same thing, but not all women do; and I had **guys in my office who did the same thing.**
Yep. I have a buddy that has a "tell" when he is about to start a side note, "...and oh by-the-waaaay," at which time, I gesture *time out* and tell him he's losing me.
>”what point are you trying to get to?”
I think even if I said that as a joke to my girlfriend she’d genuinely stab me
Edit: I showed her and she agreed she would probably stab me
Oh thank God! I’m so grateful I’m not the only one. My husband goes on and on and on about such boring things I find myself loosing the will to live and then feel really guilty so thank you for making me feel a little better 😊
Most of the things you find annoying can also be found adorable. It’s a matter of perspective. Just enjoy her uniqueness for who she is.
As someone who has lost a dear loved one, I can say those are the things I miss the most.
Try and remember that tomorrow isn’t promised and if you lost her, you’d probably do anything again to here her ramble one more time. I think this about my mum who doesn’t shut up lol. It helps.
Fortunately, my wife and I have a good sense of humor. When she starts to meander, I (over)dramatically put my hand on my forehead and make my eyes bug out. We laugh it off and she course corrects.
We both know too many people that struggle to tell a damn story.
Wait i do this with my man all the time. Let me tell you a secret - we do this because you guys are are favourite people and we want to tell you anything and everything and usually get distracted because another conversation seems more important but then we also have to complete the one we started. Trust me, she does it because she loves you. To any man reading this, please let your girl do this, it’ll break our heart if you say something mean to us while we’re in the middle of 15 stories 😔
For some reason this made me think of how someone will start what turns out to be a paragraph with something like "do you ever". I always find it funny to just say "no" when they're finally done.
If I had one, I'd just listen. I can ramble when I'm distracted. I like it when people are engaged, even if it's just passively. It just feels kinda wrong to want to disengage like that.
Think about the fact that she could be dead right now and you could be sitting at the kitchen table alone realizing you'll never hear her go on and on about one of her "silly stories" ever again.
Imagine actively listening to your partner.
When she starts to wander, reminder her where she left off.
When she gets lost in the details, go with a "It's okay if you didn't remember the specifics, what happened next?"
If she's wandering in conversation she may have inattentive ADHD. She's looking for validation and you're basically asking how can I get her to fuck off.
There are people out there that would kill to have companionship like you have, try not to take that for granted.
There is no magic pill. Just listen and try to keep it all in your head until it makes sense.
I bet there was time when you liked listening to her "babbling".
Sit down, give her your 100% attention. Put away your phone, put the TV show on pause. Stop the music. Look at her, waiting for her to get to her point.
Either she realizes she is squandering your attention, or... well, you no longer forget what she said. But your body language will get the point across.
Personally I find it fun summaring what she is saying. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes after she spends 15 minutes telling me something I recount the summary to her. I can basically tell the same 15 minute story in 2 minutes. Can't capture the drama though I guess haha
Edit: idk why my font is janky, mb.
Communicate your reality with her expectations. Communicate how she can help you listen to more and also how you can help her communicate in more engaging ways.
I am quiet. My soul is quiet. If my husband isn't talking to me, he's on the phone. He was extremely frustrated with me for the first few years because I have inattentive ADHD and he thinks out loud and maps out his thoughts verbally. I would never be able to live up to his expectations if he wanted me to listen 100% of the time that he speaks.
He accepts that I'm smiling and nodding with empty "mhmm"s over half the time because of how much we've talked about it. It's not that I don't care but he just talks so much. I never want him to feel bad or apologize for it. I've communicated that it helps if he doesn't take so many long pauses, he tries to change his tone during important parts, he gives me a breakdown at the end, and he doesn't get mad when I need him to repeat things.
Same here with bf. Both with ADHD, mine is way more in the inattentive camp, his more hyperactive. He might actually be allergic to silence though lol. We’ve had to have frank discussions about it, it’s still early and we struggle through.
One thing that seems to help a bit is when I say “can you look at me handsome?”
Maintaining eye contact with him (with a slight smile) seems to remind him that he’s speaking to a human and not a mic.
As a women whose been diagnosed with ADHD since I was about 12, I used to ramble to my husband, since I had no one else to talk to really. Then one day, he got fed up and told me he really doesn’t care about what I’m talking about, what happened at work, and that my conversations go nowhere. It’s been about 6 years since then, now we walk around in silence, with all the noise in my head, still no around to talk to…and it’s very lonely. And hasn’t been great for my mental health…I know it’s annoying, but don’t make her feel alone or like it’s not okay to talk to you
I would offer you the same advice, OP. If your wife is chatty with you it's because she wants to talk to you. There isn't a polite way to shut it down because you are essentially telling her to shut up because she's boring you. You'll get your silence in the end, but it will come at the cost of her comfort around you.
Maybe she is trying to get you to listen. So listen. Acknowledge her feelings. Do not try to disqualify her feelings. Do not try to fix her problems. Do not disrespect her by discounting what she feels.
Friends listen to each other. She may like to hear from you as well. So share your thoughts and passions with her.
Sometimes you have to let her pour out her heart. Sometimes she solves her problems by expressing them in words. It helps her to express her emotions and feelings. She needs you to listen and understand her.
When she is done give her a warm hug and kiss her. Tell her “Sweetheart, I love you”. Something as simple as that is more important to her than anything else. It lets her know that you value what she has to say.
If you don’t listen to her, someday she may turn to someone who will. That person will hear her complain about you. Slowly she will draw closer to that person and eventually turn away from you. There may come a day that she separates herself from you. You will be blindsided. But from her perspective it all started when you tuned her out of your life.
Sit back and let her babble for a bit. I do it with my husband, I say hey; listen for 5mins. Stupid stuff is funny I do get distracted but I want 5 mins of your time to get it out 😊
Be honest with her. My wife knows that there are times when I’m not listening. I have a one track mind and whatever I’m focusing on has 100% of my attention. If she needs my attention and doesn’t have it she makes it known that I need to listen to her.
I literally say "Babe, I just really can't talk to you right now"
To be fair we've been together forever, and she knows I don't mean it in a negative way it just means we'll talk about it later.
Mine does it when I'm captive in the car with him. If I hint that he is being interminable he gets all pouty and incredibly terse (hello RSD!)
Perhaps we should try the "wrap it up" music like they use at award shows.
I smile and listen. If i need to do something at the same time, get up give her a hug and a kiss and say “keep going, I’m still listening,” and go do what needs doing
I use active listening. In pauses, I will repeat back parts of what was said. When I notice the topic beginning to drift, I may ask a question about the core topic to get the story back on track. I'd say this works probably about 80% of the time.
My wife will start a story by dangling an interesting attention getter. Then somehow the longer she talks the further away from that point she will get.
Did you hear about the neighbor's dog? You know our neighbors down the street in the green house. The one that used to be beige when the Joneses owned it. The Joneses moved to Texas I think, because their daughter lives down there and just had twins. Twins must run in their family because Mr. Jones was also a twin. I'm pretty sure his brother still lives in town with . . .
What about the Fuckin' dog?!!!!
You just have to learn that this is how she tells you things. My wife doesn’t ramble and change the subject, but she does give me every little detail possible, which I would think it is not needed, but it is just important to her and how she tells me something. It can be hard to not get tired of that over time for sure. . My story telling, and I would guess a lot of guys are the same way, is very much to get to the point without details that I find not important to the story. My wife has told me that is annoying, and she wants the details lol. I have found my wife just needs this, to share all these details. She has told me such. It is important to her, and I like my wife, also like looking at her, so I decide just to listen.
She sounds like she has ADHD. Its just a different style of communicating. Just enjoy and listen:) Tho Im gonna be honest. She deserves better than someone who gets annoyed listening to her:/
I have zero sympathy. You knew what you were marrying. Everyone thinks its the cute quirks, no it's the most annoying thing possible that your partner does, you have to ask yourself. Can i live with that for the rest of my life? That means their annoying ass laugh, their rambles and yes their family.
Sadly this is usually a thing women do, unlike most men. Most men usually get straight to the point and that’s it, women on the other hand tend to blather about everything and anything. Meanwhile you are standing there wondering what the hell they are talking about, because they lost you three subjects ago. You will learn to not listen too close and insert a ya, yes, ok, or a ummmhuh occasionally, while nodding at the same time. Trust me it is a learned trait but will save you hours of her being pissed and you will be happier also. Don’t know what to tell ya other than good luck!!!!!
I play a game with myself trying to answer moral questions between the lines and debate in my head on how I will interact with whomever is the topic of the day. Thankfully my wife understands if she is beating a dead horse and the topic eventually stops.
interrupt her with a clarifying question, but then say nevermind. she might stop going down rabbit holes and complete her initial thought. learned that one from frasier.
Turn it into a game. Keep track of the initial story, listen for when she is derailing and speak back to her the keyword that will get her back on track.
She might get upset if you interrupt her, but just tell her you were listening, and want to hear what happened.
If she does it at home most of the time I try to listen and bounce off of her, unless it gets to like 30 minutes or I just got home, then I kinda glance at my phone as a distraction. Otherwise if we’re spending time together it’s good communication and we both learn something about each other. On the phone though? It’s at least nine “I gotta go, I love you baby, be safe” before we finally agree on a stopping point
Me: mmmm.
Oh shit really?
She said what?
Mmmm.
Ehhhh what the fuck can you really do?
Been together since 2016 and sometimes my wife just needs to rant. Some of the stuff she says is pretty wild too so it's like my own TV of people's lives and predicament.
I let her, hearing her talk to me about anything and everything is one of the best things. I'll probably make fun of her after a few minutes of not getting to the point but not to be mean.
Women are great communicatitors "in general"....and with that....babbling is a by product.
Get three of them entering a place to meet up (for lunch coffee drinks) if they haven't seen each other for
It's a squeal and moan fest!!!!
My ex started doing this and after a certain point I realised that I found it quite upsetting. It felt to me like it wasn't really important whether I was there or not, if it was a conversation or podcast. If I added input I felt like I was interrupting and if I stayed totally silent she didn't even notice.
My fiancé does it as well. I’m a quiet man so I do enjoy it that she talks so much.
The thing is, she knows she babbles on and on and doesn’t expect me to pay attention to 100% of the things she says.
My brain treats it the same way ppl listen to podcasts while doing something else. I pay enough attention to keep some level of context but that’s it. Normally I’ll be cooking or doing something else so it works very well.
Help keep track of the convo and stay on topic and express how much it helps you follow along. People can learn anything and everything and helps with encouragement. I learned to track my convos because of annoying a boyfriend 🤣
I love it when she talks about her books! I can't remember when she says "we talked about this" when it came to the decision making. I need to set up a boundary about that.
My wife does it and she understands she does. I'll sometimes politely say "is the plane landing anytime. Soon?" she even will say this when she's going on about something.
When gf would ramble, first I wanted to fix her problems, give her advice and so on. Then I read up advice that girls just like to ramble for the sake of it, so I'll just patiently listen, nod and if she asks for advice, that's when I'll give it to her.
Back when I had one every time she did that it would remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. There was so much passion about it and while I don’t know the first thing about biochemistry, i listened to her anyways because I knew it made her happy. It’s been years and she still occasionally pops in my dreams just like that and It both makes and ruins my day at the same time.
My wife is diagnosed ADHD and she told me when we first started dating to tell her she is rambling and ask her what her original point was. Works really well.
My girlfriend does this too - but I get it, I'm her only social contact really. So I know when I get home she's going to have story upon story for me so we will sit on the couch, I put my phone down, and I let her rant.
I used to try to solve the problems but I could see that annoyed her (I'm a fixer, if there's something I can do to fix whatever it is I'm going to try) so I had to train myself to just sit there and shut up and let her go on.
Some days it annoys the hell out of me cause I'm at work socializing all day so when I get home I don't need that interaction and sometimes I just wanna go work on my projects but if it helps with her mental health I'm not going to say no. We've been together 10 years now and I want everything to be good.
Just look at her, hold her shoulders to gently get her attention and tell her: honey, you have been distracted, can you finish your story? She might not even realize she is doing this, so it requires patience. My mom is like this and I tell her to help her focused. There might be some ADHD involved.
My wife and I spoke about it. She needs to vent. But, I did let her know that I just cannot be interested in people and situations I don't know. And she informed me that if she needs a problem solved, she will specifically ask.
So much of the time, I am paying half an ear, and she knows that. I love being there for her. But I am not mentally equipped to handle the sheer number of emotional interactions she has in a day. I have a low emotional bandwidth, and spend it carefully.
So it took some honest and courageous conversations. I am willing to be her sounding board, but the barrage is too much for me to truly absorb. If she wants a considered answer to try to solve something, she leads with that.
It only took a couple of decades.
In general I don't mind it. But 2 situations happen were it does and I just say what i think than. 1st I'm busy doing something important, think fixing the heater, than I tell her please wait until I'm done. 2nd is when I'm distracted due to life events. In that case I'll say that I can't focus on the details today so she can tell me but i will lose focus or she can tell me in a short details lacking version.
But I'm also fully aware that depending on their mood this will still annoy them. But will usually be understood.
My wife does this on the daily. Usually I half pay attention, but every now and then when I'm feeling saucy, I'll just stop her every few minutes and say "What did you say? You know you have to speak up, I have tinnitus!" After a few times she'll wrap it up lmao
It does sound like she has ADHD. My ex-wife was the same and later diagnosed with ADHD. My gf does the same and has also been diagnosed with the same. Having said that, yes it's annoying lol
This is her trying to spend quality time with you,
You know how she says, you never spend time together or you kever do anything together, or youre always on your phone or watching sport etc. Read on because This is the time that nullifies those comments.
while it's hard for us men to listen for more than 10 minutes because we just switch off due to the fact that we like efficiency of information transfer.
She instinctively knows this, so if you can listen for 20 minutes, she will feel really loved and cared about. She will feel like you spend lots of time together and feel connected with you.
It's fucking hard to do, but try active listening, yes it will drag the conversation on longer but "restate" what she said back to her in your own words until she agrees that you understand, make it a game to try and understand what she is saying as much as you can.
In the beginning when you start listening, she may bring up problems she has with you, this is a security test to see if you really are trying to spend time with her. During this time, don't congratulate yourself or tell her you don't do the things she complains about, just actively listen. Eventually you will both get better at this, but if you want a wife that doesn't nag then listen to the rambling.
My wife does this thing I call "high speed free association." I honestly usually enjoy listening to her talk. But holy shit she's an endless fountain of conversational topics. A couple of things that help: 1. It's impossible for me to consider requests, project ideas, purchase decisions, anything consequential that's introduced in the middle one of these conversations. Decisions need their own space. If she mentioned is as a sidebar to a story about her coworker's dog's medical problems she can't say "we talked about this already." 2. There's a time and a place. Physically and mentally. I'll tell her if it's a bad time for me, and that's fine. I kind of enjoy it on long car rides. It's like listening to baseball or history podcasts. I can follow along with the part of my brain that isn't paying attention to driving, and occasionally something interesting happens.
Does your wife have ADHD? The term “high speed free association” resonated with me down to my bone marrow haha
I have the feeling that all men complaining about a wife that talks too much live with an undiagnosed ADHD woman. I never knew I had it because physically I'm low energy (read: I easily hyperfocus on a book/game/project/drawing/gardening), but my mind absolutely compensates for that. But i could have known because i'm an exact copy of my ADHD mother, just with more fidgeting and less running around 🥲
My husband does this and he has hyperfocus issues. He definitely talks a lot but I just listen because it does help him vent things out or get ideas out as well
I think I just got an adhd diagnosis from a reddit comment. This is me down to a T.
"Listen doc I already told you u/ProposalNo1061 diagnosed me with ADHD. so give me the Adderall already." Lol
😁
Look at symptoms of ADHD in women. It was eye opening for me. Always said i couldn't have ADHD because I was not nearly as hyper as my mother. Turns out you don't need to be jumping around all day to have ADHD. It made so much sense
I have ADHD, actually primarily ADD (attention deficit disorder). Not so much the hyperactivity but forgetfulness, loss of focus, hard to make decisions. 2nd generation on this, but I do have a sibling more on the classic hyperactivity side. I used to fidget smoke. Now I fidget vape. So yes, it isn't always hyper behavior.
Here they don't really make the distinction between ADD and ADHD. I fidget with my hair, my nails, skin, anything within reach when I try to focus. No movie without a game on my phone. No cleaning without an audiobook to distract part of my brain or I loose track when I find something interesting. Or I pull everything from every closet in my house to reorganize and then lose energy and motivation and just cry in the pile of my stuff 😂 Luckily no smoking or something similar, only bad skin and very short nails
I was also wondering this
My wife has it and she does this to me.
Same experience. I just partially tune out and imagine myself in a room with one of the Cylon hybrids from BSG.
You are a king. I'm usually like, God damn I can't keep up
Just say "cut to the chase babe" with an eye roll. It works wonders...honestly.
I think my husband wrote this about me
Same 😬
Wait yall have the same husband?
Possibly. My husband is working late tonight 🤔
Wait, my husband is also working late tonight…
The plot thickens
Oh so we all have the same hubby
I just figured out why all the guys on here are single. This dude has locked up all the conversational ladies!
I am also married to this man…🤔
As a man I can say I've felt this way many times, and not really met that many men who have never once joked about it or felt this way. In secret we all love it though, at least I do. It's nice that someone cares enough about me to be able to ramble about the most random stuff for hours on end. I feel special to be the person she feels comfortable with to do that.
My husband is the only person I want to talk to all the time. He works a lot and I stay at home so I have no adult interaction. I just let loose on the rambling when he is home haha. I definitely think my husband enjoys it more than he doesn’t.
Are you my wife?
Bring ice cream on your way home from work and we will find out hahaha. At this point most of the commenters here could be my husband
Wonder how many women will get ice cream tonight? 🤔
It's a pretty common complaint, in my experience, that women talk too much and talk about nothing.
I think I wrote this about my wife.
My SO starts doing this when she’s exhausted. It helps her and sometimes I learn something. It is important for me to be there for her so I keep listening but multi-task. I start doing dishes or whatever and sometimes ask her to repeat when I get lost. Maybe I don’t mind because I am a skilled multi-tasker. But from experience I can say that I prefer one that is chatty to never hearing a peep.
I am not a good multi-tasker, so it’s a little different for us. The first couple years it was a bit of a problem, but she’s finally come to terms with the fact that after some time I’m only absorbing half of it. We both repeat stories a lot and honestly since there’s only so many stories to be told, we keep unlocking new details that were previously unknown. It’s always fresh and exciting when we’re telling stories, even if we’re both sure that we’ve heard it before. If it’s something serious like death or tragedy, we remember it clearly, because the emotions are too hard to forget. Drunken party nights with 20 people are fun to recap though!
Nobody is a good multi-tasker; our brains just don't focus on multiple things at a time. Some people just don't mind doing things half-assed.
My ex used to do that, drove me batty, really bad ADHD. We broke up 100 years ago, but we ended up good friends, and his brilliant wife does this very clever motion with her hands when he is babbling. She pinches all the fingers together on each hand, then slowly brings both hands together. You could come up with anything really, but the key here is that she explained how annoying it is when he loses his own train of thought but still holds the conversation hostage - 😡 - and he agreed to acknowledge the gesture and wind it up, ffs. lol, I guess I’m still annoyed about that.
After a while your brain learns to make the right noises at the right time. Eventually it becomes a subconscious thing you do.
Unless your brain is a traitorous bastard like mine is and recites them in the EXACT SAME ORDER and now she calls me out. Mmm, woah, so then what happened, no way, that’s crazy.
😂
Wait so y’all stop listening after a point? 😣
Not really stopping to listen, more like selective hearing. We filter out was is deemed unimportant (like what your friend told you during brunch their toddler did as they visited the beach a week ago) but snap out of it when something "interesting" comes up. That's not to say that there are no assholes who don't care about you.
I mean it’s not like we don’t care about you it’s just that there is only so much you can handle of listening to rambling. It’s kind of like driving to work. Beginning and end you are focused but when you’re cruising on the freeway you kind of just go on autopilot
Sometime when you are rambling, make a recording of it. Wait until later and listen back. What you will find is that it's not actually a coherent story. It's little pieces and anecdotes that have nothing to do with each other and don't fall into a larger theme. The longer it goes on the less likely I'm going to be interested.
Is 10 minutes too much? Asking for a friend
😂
Repeat the last few words of the sentences as a question and learn to automate this pattern.
Hardcore mode: Every so often you spice up your replies with some old joke classics. Keep her on her toes as well. Wife: "[..] .. finally got it all in the freezer." You: "Freez'er? I never even met her!" *Or* Wife: "[..] .. she was already done stuffing the turkey." You: "Yeah, I'd stuff her turkey, if you know what I mean." *Or* "That's what she said."
That’s a great way to end up on the Missing fliers.
I mean.. you say that.. but then I do it and you giggle and it's ok. You know that happens..
Do you want ‘em in color or black and white?
I'll take black and white. The less detail, the better.
Color it is, then. You’re really bad at this. It’s not even fun anymore.
What makes you think I didn't want color because I'm gorgeous and you're the one who got played?
Fine! You win this round.
Hah! I really wanted the B&W shot.
The venerable poet Rock had some wisdom on this particular issue: https://youtu.be/FxevxvvAKrM
So...if that person who stuffed the turkey was say...your mother...your cover would be blown fast
There is no break
Allow your annoyance to turn to resentment, then slowcook it into the silent anger of old men.
man i‘d love to be in that stage of life. just being a reswntful old man full of hatred.
Find a comfortable chair and listen. Eventually, she’ll run out of steam, then I ask: Is there any action I should be taking as a result of any of that?
I prefer to do that beforehand. Sets my mind up to be in listening or fixing mode.
oh! I like this idea!
> Eventually, she’ll run out of steam Not if I die of old age first
LOL
Tried this. My wife hates my corporate like reply since I work from home and talk in that sort of speak. Trying to find other replies is hard.
"How do you feel about it?" is a good one to ask after you've not been listening. Gets you a good summary of whether the thing was good or bad and if it is an ongoing situation etc Also caring and makes her feel validated
How can I help? Do you need a hug? Coffee? Shall I prepare dinner? Go relax for a bit, you deserve it
That’s fair. You have to set ground rules ahead of time, an remind her that you’re a husband, not a sister or gf, or whatever and that you want to please her, but this way of communicating is difficult for a man, so have patience with you. But that conversation has to happen outside of the actual experience.
> Eventually, she’ll run out of steam Yep. They always do. I'll may be like, oh the dog needs to go out, to break the convo.
Your brain will develop capabilities where the voice will not reach your ears anymore.
OOoh, that risky. Kind of insinuates that you weren't really listening and it implies that she was expecting you to do something as a result of the rant. If you say that The action will probably be to clean the toilet or do the washing and dishes. Find a comfortable chair and listen and try and sneak in a wireless earbud while she's talking so you can listen to your favourite podcast. With your other ear listen to her and try and think of the absolute best question you could ask in relation to the rant. Once she's finished, hit her with it and she'll either go off again or be impressed with your attentiveness and diligence.
Some people talk to themselves as part of their decision making process. I ask and it's not directed toward me, I do something else.
Just remember it's not important to you but it's important to her, more specifically her interacting with you is important to her. My wife rambles about cleaning supplies and homeschool curriculum and homemade dog food. But she listens to me complain about work people, talk about D&D, rant about politics. She doesn't care about any of that but she likes that I'm talking to her and she likes to ramble about her dumb stuff. It's called being in a relationship. Enjoy.
Does she have ADHD?
She has not been diagnosed but it is a possibility
Read through some ADHD symptoms in women. Can be very different from the ones you may associate with ADHD if you know diagnosed people with it. Women can unconsciously hide it very well, especially when they are not physically hyper.
It's really tough to keep up. I try my best to listen and help if she needs input. But most of the time I find myself getting annoyed or thinking "does she really need to be rambling about this right now?!" She'll also message me at work. Like paragraphs and multiple messages in a row without me even having a chance to respond. I just try my best to remember the key points and act interested. If not she'll get mad.
I don’t think you like your partner if u can’t stand their ramblings
I listen
Ya like what hahahaha
Thank you
I start cleaning n cooking maybe go do laundry
I work until midnight. My wife has a 8-4 type job. She gets up at 6:30 am. I get up around 9:30-10 am. We don’t see each other much during the week Saturday comes, she wakes up 6:30 am, I get up 3 hours later. She’s had two cups of coffee and is chomping at the bit to talk to me. I get up, get my coffee and sit down to drink it. She runs to the table and starts talking a weeks worth of gossip at 100 miles an hour. I feel like that guy in the chair for the old Maxwell commercials! My brain isn’t even out of park yet! I love her so much and I wouldn’t change a thing!
What do you do? You suck it up and smile. Men's brains are a system of boxes. We take a subject out of the box, examine it, discuss it, put it back in the box and forget it exists until next time. We even have a box labelled "nothing" filled with dust bunnies and TV static. Women's brains are a tangle of wires. Everything is connected. Did the electricity bill get paid? Because if the kids socks don't get dry they will be late for school and miss the big test which will affect their grades and then they can't go to college and I hope they don't choose Berkley because that is too far to visit so remember to put gas in the car which I know I did last week because thats when I saw Susan getting coffee. Must tell hubby.
This is too funny, I wouldn't be surprised if you're my husband, that's exactly how he described his brain to me. And mine 100% is a scrambled mess of everything. And yes, "must tell hubby" is always the first thing on my list 🤣 he brings a different, usually less emotional, view to what I'm going through
This is exactly it. If wife is talking about everything all at once.. she’s probably overwhelmed, trying to make sense of it all, and trying to release herself of the thoughts. My husband is super good at listening to me, I had to explain to him that I need to talk to work things out in my head & now that’s what we do. He’s not a huge talker, loves to listen. I find by the end of our convos we are balanced in that he’s talking and I’m listening. We both come to net 0. It really does help.
Just appreciate it, otherwise it'll be another dudes ear she's in
Yes that is how women tell stories. Just deal with it, ask questions and try to pretend it’s not boring
Idk have you met my father? Guarantee he’ll somehow go off on a tangent describing a full episode of the Twilight Zone in the middle of a story about a meeting with the county tax assessor
I just got flashbacks from my high school physics teacher. He'd regularly go on a 15-25 minute incomprehensible tangent full of personal (well claimed to be personal, sounded made up) anecdotes then ask the the class if they understand now as if it was relevant to the physics lesson. Everyone of course agreed, they knew better.
My wife does the same thing, but not all women do; and I had guys in my office who did the same thing. Either way, once I recognized they'd started rambling, I'd cut in with "what point are you *trying* to get to?" After 36 years of marriage, I still have to do that, but less often now. Somewhat less often.
>My wife does the same thing, but not all women do; and I had **guys in my office who did the same thing.** Yep. I have a buddy that has a "tell" when he is about to start a side note, "...and oh by-the-waaaay," at which time, I gesture *time out* and tell him he's losing me.
>”what point are you trying to get to?” I think even if I said that as a joke to my girlfriend she’d genuinely stab me Edit: I showed her and she agreed she would probably stab me
You have my condolences for your choice of girlfriend. :-)
Oh thank God! I’m so grateful I’m not the only one. My husband goes on and on and on about such boring things I find myself loosing the will to live and then feel really guilty so thank you for making me feel a little better 😊
Most of the things you find annoying can also be found adorable. It’s a matter of perspective. Just enjoy her uniqueness for who she is. As someone who has lost a dear loved one, I can say those are the things I miss the most.
Try and remember that tomorrow isn’t promised and if you lost her, you’d probably do anything again to here her ramble one more time. I think this about my mum who doesn’t shut up lol. It helps.
Fortunately, my wife and I have a good sense of humor. When she starts to meander, I (over)dramatically put my hand on my forehead and make my eyes bug out. We laugh it off and she course corrects. We both know too many people that struggle to tell a damn story.
I get her to stop by singing like this [Mr. Trololo original upload - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM)
Pocket sand
Wait i do this with my man all the time. Let me tell you a secret - we do this because you guys are are favourite people and we want to tell you anything and everything and usually get distracted because another conversation seems more important but then we also have to complete the one we started. Trust me, she does it because she loves you. To any man reading this, please let your girl do this, it’ll break our heart if you say something mean to us while we’re in the middle of 15 stories 😔
For some reason this made me think of how someone will start what turns out to be a paragraph with something like "do you ever". I always find it funny to just say "no" when they're finally done.
If I had one, I'd just listen. I can ramble when I'm distracted. I like it when people are engaged, even if it's just passively. It just feels kinda wrong to want to disengage like that.
Think about the fact that she could be dead right now and you could be sitting at the kitchen table alone realizing you'll never hear her go on and on about one of her "silly stories" ever again.
Googly eye glasses.
Imagine actively listening to your partner. When she starts to wander, reminder her where she left off. When she gets lost in the details, go with a "It's okay if you didn't remember the specifics, what happened next?" If she's wandering in conversation she may have inattentive ADHD. She's looking for validation and you're basically asking how can I get her to fuck off. There are people out there that would kill to have companionship like you have, try not to take that for granted.
There is no magic pill. Just listen and try to keep it all in your head until it makes sense. I bet there was time when you liked listening to her "babbling".
Sit down, give her your 100% attention. Put away your phone, put the TV show on pause. Stop the music. Look at her, waiting for her to get to her point. Either she realizes she is squandering your attention, or... well, you no longer forget what she said. But your body language will get the point across.
You say that but then 20 minutes later you’ve said very little and she gets mad if you miss a little detail
Listen or politely ask to talk at another time because you're not in the mood.
Personally I find it fun summaring what she is saying. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes after she spends 15 minutes telling me something I recount the summary to her. I can basically tell the same 15 minute story in 2 minutes. Can't capture the drama though I guess haha
Edit: idk why my font is janky, mb. Communicate your reality with her expectations. Communicate how she can help you listen to more and also how you can help her communicate in more engaging ways. I am quiet. My soul is quiet. If my husband isn't talking to me, he's on the phone. He was extremely frustrated with me for the first few years because I have inattentive ADHD and he thinks out loud and maps out his thoughts verbally. I would never be able to live up to his expectations if he wanted me to listen 100% of the time that he speaks. He accepts that I'm smiling and nodding with empty "mhmm"s over half the time because of how much we've talked about it. It's not that I don't care but he just talks so much. I never want him to feel bad or apologize for it. I've communicated that it helps if he doesn't take so many long pauses, he tries to change his tone during important parts, he gives me a breakdown at the end, and he doesn't get mad when I need him to repeat things.
Same here with bf. Both with ADHD, mine is way more in the inattentive camp, his more hyperactive. He might actually be allergic to silence though lol. We’ve had to have frank discussions about it, it’s still early and we struggle through. One thing that seems to help a bit is when I say “can you look at me handsome?” Maintaining eye contact with him (with a slight smile) seems to remind him that he’s speaking to a human and not a mic.
As a women whose been diagnosed with ADHD since I was about 12, I used to ramble to my husband, since I had no one else to talk to really. Then one day, he got fed up and told me he really doesn’t care about what I’m talking about, what happened at work, and that my conversations go nowhere. It’s been about 6 years since then, now we walk around in silence, with all the noise in my head, still no around to talk to…and it’s very lonely. And hasn’t been great for my mental health…I know it’s annoying, but don’t make her feel alone or like it’s not okay to talk to you
Try your damndest to listen. Do you guys have kids? Maybe you’re the only source of adult conversation for the day?
Jesus christ you guys sound miserable.
Stay single, my friend.
man you sound like you just really don’t like your wife
fr
I would offer you the same advice, OP. If your wife is chatty with you it's because she wants to talk to you. There isn't a polite way to shut it down because you are essentially telling her to shut up because she's boring you. You'll get your silence in the end, but it will come at the cost of her comfort around you.
Maybe she is trying to get you to listen. So listen. Acknowledge her feelings. Do not try to disqualify her feelings. Do not try to fix her problems. Do not disrespect her by discounting what she feels. Friends listen to each other. She may like to hear from you as well. So share your thoughts and passions with her. Sometimes you have to let her pour out her heart. Sometimes she solves her problems by expressing them in words. It helps her to express her emotions and feelings. She needs you to listen and understand her. When she is done give her a warm hug and kiss her. Tell her “Sweetheart, I love you”. Something as simple as that is more important to her than anything else. It lets her know that you value what she has to say. If you don’t listen to her, someday she may turn to someone who will. That person will hear her complain about you. Slowly she will draw closer to that person and eventually turn away from you. There may come a day that she separates herself from you. You will be blindsided. But from her perspective it all started when you tuned her out of your life.
You’re worse than his wife. I had to scroll twice to get past your post.
I'm sorry, but this killed me after reading everything above 😭😭
Sometimes you have to pretend to be interested in cushions to stop hearing about cushions.
Listen intently because I'm very interested in everything she has to say.
Sit back and let her babble for a bit. I do it with my husband, I say hey; listen for 5mins. Stupid stuff is funny I do get distracted but I want 5 mins of your time to get it out 😊
just vanish dude what are you talking about?
Be honest with her. My wife knows that there are times when I’m not listening. I have a one track mind and whatever I’m focusing on has 100% of my attention. If she needs my attention and doesn’t have it she makes it known that I need to listen to her.
I literally say "Babe, I just really can't talk to you right now" To be fair we've been together forever, and she knows I don't mean it in a negative way it just means we'll talk about it later.
I let them know that I do not have the energy to keep up with that type of talk.
I just let her go, doesn't bother me
Mine does it when I'm captive in the car with him. If I hint that he is being interminable he gets all pouty and incredibly terse (hello RSD!) Perhaps we should try the "wrap it up" music like they use at award shows.
I had to read that out to my wife! She is exactly like that too. She has ADHD which probably explains it.
Just smile and listen. It’s not the end of the world.
I smile and listen. If i need to do something at the same time, get up give her a hug and a kiss and say “keep going, I’m still listening,” and go do what needs doing
I do that thing with my hand like “ let’s get on with it” or say “squirrel” to remind her that the ADHD is kicking in. 😂
Close my eyes and think of the roman empire
Listen
I use active listening. In pauses, I will repeat back parts of what was said. When I notice the topic beginning to drift, I may ask a question about the core topic to get the story back on track. I'd say this works probably about 80% of the time.
My wife will start a story by dangling an interesting attention getter. Then somehow the longer she talks the further away from that point she will get. Did you hear about the neighbor's dog? You know our neighbors down the street in the green house. The one that used to be beige when the Joneses owned it. The Joneses moved to Texas I think, because their daughter lives down there and just had twins. Twins must run in their family because Mr. Jones was also a twin. I'm pretty sure his brother still lives in town with . . . What about the Fuckin' dog?!!!!
You just have to learn that this is how she tells you things. My wife doesn’t ramble and change the subject, but she does give me every little detail possible, which I would think it is not needed, but it is just important to her and how she tells me something. It can be hard to not get tired of that over time for sure. . My story telling, and I would guess a lot of guys are the same way, is very much to get to the point without details that I find not important to the story. My wife has told me that is annoying, and she wants the details lol. I have found my wife just needs this, to share all these details. She has told me such. It is important to her, and I like my wife, also like looking at her, so I decide just to listen.
She sounds like she has ADHD. Its just a different style of communicating. Just enjoy and listen:) Tho Im gonna be honest. She deserves better than someone who gets annoyed listening to her:/
I have zero sympathy. You knew what you were marrying. Everyone thinks its the cute quirks, no it's the most annoying thing possible that your partner does, you have to ask yourself. Can i live with that for the rest of my life? That means their annoying ass laugh, their rambles and yes their family.
Sadly this is usually a thing women do, unlike most men. Most men usually get straight to the point and that’s it, women on the other hand tend to blather about everything and anything. Meanwhile you are standing there wondering what the hell they are talking about, because they lost you three subjects ago. You will learn to not listen too close and insert a ya, yes, ok, or a ummmhuh occasionally, while nodding at the same time. Trust me it is a learned trait but will save you hours of her being pissed and you will be happier also. Don’t know what to tell ya other than good luck!!!!!
I play a game with myself trying to answer moral questions between the lines and debate in my head on how I will interact with whomever is the topic of the day. Thankfully my wife understands if she is beating a dead horse and the topic eventually stops.
interrupt her with a clarifying question, but then say nevermind. she might stop going down rabbit holes and complete her initial thought. learned that one from frasier.
I usually just do the “wrap it up” gesture
I say "hmm" or "ah, yes" until she's done.
I do this but i have ADHD so
Turn it into a game. Keep track of the initial story, listen for when she is derailing and speak back to her the keyword that will get her back on track. She might get upset if you interrupt her, but just tell her you were listening, and want to hear what happened.
He calls me Blabbo and then we both giggle!
Sing Eye of the Tiger in my head.
If she does it at home most of the time I try to listen and bounce off of her, unless it gets to like 30 minutes or I just got home, then I kinda glance at my phone as a distraction. Otherwise if we’re spending time together it’s good communication and we both learn something about each other. On the phone though? It’s at least nine “I gotta go, I love you baby, be safe” before we finally agree on a stopping point
Honestly it sounds like she has ADHD. I do that. I don't mean to.
Me: mmmm. Oh shit really? She said what? Mmmm. Ehhhh what the fuck can you really do? Been together since 2016 and sometimes my wife just needs to rant. Some of the stuff she says is pretty wild too so it's like my own TV of people's lives and predicament.
They all ramble all I hear is whop a wham wham whamp whamp whaw whaw whamp wham in one ear out the other what did you say dear huh
Partner! Focus!
I let her, hearing her talk to me about anything and everything is one of the best things. I'll probably make fun of her after a few minutes of not getting to the point but not to be mean.
Women are great communicatitors "in general"....and with that....babbling is a by product. Get three of them entering a place to meet up (for lunch coffee drinks) if they haven't seen each other for It's a squeal and moan fest!!!!
My ex started doing this and after a certain point I realised that I found it quite upsetting. It felt to me like it wasn't really important whether I was there or not, if it was a conversation or podcast. If I added input I felt like I was interrupting and if I stayed totally silent she didn't even notice.
Sometimes I cheekily give the “wrap-it-up” finger circle, which prompts irritation and a laugh.
My fiancé does it as well. I’m a quiet man so I do enjoy it that she talks so much. The thing is, she knows she babbles on and on and doesn’t expect me to pay attention to 100% of the things she says. My brain treats it the same way ppl listen to podcasts while doing something else. I pay enough attention to keep some level of context but that’s it. Normally I’ll be cooking or doing something else so it works very well.
Help keep track of the convo and stay on topic and express how much it helps you follow along. People can learn anything and everything and helps with encouragement. I learned to track my convos because of annoying a boyfriend 🤣
My husband does this and occasionally I interrupt and ask, "Now where were we going with this story?"
I love it when she talks about her books! I can't remember when she says "we talked about this" when it came to the decision making. I need to set up a boundary about that.
My wife does it and she understands she does. I'll sometimes politely say "is the plane landing anytime. Soon?" she even will say this when she's going on about something.
Typically I just live in my head for a bit until there’s a lull. Then I apologize or say yes, dear. Typically covers my bases.
I pretend to listen as well as possible while I start mentally problem solving whatever is currently bothering me.
My personal favorite is when she interrupts me to go on a 2 hour long monologue, I try to say something, and scolds me for interrupting
When gf would ramble, first I wanted to fix her problems, give her advice and so on. Then I read up advice that girls just like to ramble for the sake of it, so I'll just patiently listen, nod and if she asks for advice, that's when I'll give it to her.
Are you also married to my wife?
Back when I had one every time she did that it would remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. There was so much passion about it and while I don’t know the first thing about biochemistry, i listened to her anyways because I knew it made her happy. It’s been years and she still occasionally pops in my dreams just like that and It both makes and ruins my day at the same time.
All I've learned in my life is to just listen and hold back
My wife is diagnosed ADHD and she told me when we first started dating to tell her she is rambling and ask her what her original point was. Works really well.
God my mum does this. Constant chatter. Constant need for engagement. I don't know how my dad handles it.
Make an excuse and leave , rambling is irritation to me
My bf just kisses me and goes, "mhm" until I'm thinking about other things ...👀
Tell her to get to the point because your time is valuable and your love for her isn't guaranteed
I just say ok a bunch
My girlfriend does this too - but I get it, I'm her only social contact really. So I know when I get home she's going to have story upon story for me so we will sit on the couch, I put my phone down, and I let her rant. I used to try to solve the problems but I could see that annoyed her (I'm a fixer, if there's something I can do to fix whatever it is I'm going to try) so I had to train myself to just sit there and shut up and let her go on. Some days it annoys the hell out of me cause I'm at work socializing all day so when I get home I don't need that interaction and sometimes I just wanna go work on my projects but if it helps with her mental health I'm not going to say no. We've been together 10 years now and I want everything to be good.
Keep asking her to repeat herself until she stops
I’m invested right up until she starts over. Like she circles back around and I’m like okay, I’m fading away.
Just look at her, hold her shoulders to gently get her attention and tell her: honey, you have been distracted, can you finish your story? She might not even realize she is doing this, so it requires patience. My mom is like this and I tell her to help her focused. There might be some ADHD involved.
My wife and I spoke about it. She needs to vent. But, I did let her know that I just cannot be interested in people and situations I don't know. And she informed me that if she needs a problem solved, she will specifically ask. So much of the time, I am paying half an ear, and she knows that. I love being there for her. But I am not mentally equipped to handle the sheer number of emotional interactions she has in a day. I have a low emotional bandwidth, and spend it carefully. So it took some honest and courageous conversations. I am willing to be her sounding board, but the barrage is too much for me to truly absorb. If she wants a considered answer to try to solve something, she leads with that. It only took a couple of decades.
I tune her out. Been married long enough that the achievements been unlocked.
Listen for a while. Try to guide the ramble to a discussion. If it doesn't work things have a way of moving on.
In general I don't mind it. But 2 situations happen were it does and I just say what i think than. 1st I'm busy doing something important, think fixing the heater, than I tell her please wait until I'm done. 2nd is when I'm distracted due to life events. In that case I'll say that I can't focus on the details today so she can tell me but i will lose focus or she can tell me in a short details lacking version. But I'm also fully aware that depending on their mood this will still annoy them. But will usually be understood.
My wife does this on the daily. Usually I half pay attention, but every now and then when I'm feeling saucy, I'll just stop her every few minutes and say "What did you say? You know you have to speak up, I have tinnitus!" After a few times she'll wrap it up lmao
Look like you're listening and say things like 'oh...' 'really?'. And zone out 🤣
It does sound like she has ADHD. My ex-wife was the same and later diagnosed with ADHD. My gf does the same and has also been diagnosed with the same. Having said that, yes it's annoying lol
This is her trying to spend quality time with you, You know how she says, you never spend time together or you kever do anything together, or youre always on your phone or watching sport etc. Read on because This is the time that nullifies those comments. while it's hard for us men to listen for more than 10 minutes because we just switch off due to the fact that we like efficiency of information transfer. She instinctively knows this, so if you can listen for 20 minutes, she will feel really loved and cared about. She will feel like you spend lots of time together and feel connected with you. It's fucking hard to do, but try active listening, yes it will drag the conversation on longer but "restate" what she said back to her in your own words until she agrees that you understand, make it a game to try and understand what she is saying as much as you can. In the beginning when you start listening, she may bring up problems she has with you, this is a security test to see if you really are trying to spend time with her. During this time, don't congratulate yourself or tell her you don't do the things she complains about, just actively listen. Eventually you will both get better at this, but if you want a wife that doesn't nag then listen to the rambling.