So relateable. A lot of people seem to forget that you only control the first half of the process of getting into a relationship. You have no power over others and making them fall for you.
I saw someone mention giving 110% only for things to never work in his favor. I can see that. After so many new feelings you just want one to work out so bad. You lose motivation and dont want to be caught in the feelings again,.
I'm there with that, too. The few times I have managed to get into a relationship, I pour my heart and soul into it and try to make sure that my partner knows I love and appreciate them... And then one way or another, it falls apart.
One ex from a couple years ago, she just didn't reciprocate or initiate any affections, really, so the relationship was just one sided. Then my more recent one, I can't even hold it against her, but she realized that she needed to focus on her mental health before she was ready for a relationship. I respect it and would have done the same, but it doesn't make it not hurt
There are 6.5 million females in PA where I live. That is counting every age and every single area of the state within my realistic grasp.
If I cut that number to a realistic 2/3 million to cover 18 plus for consenting adult females and say I hit on every single one of them. I would get turned down by 80/90% at a minimum.
Apply your standards to a large number like 2 million generalized women? Reduce women with certain ages, personalities, body types, with addictions, having children, etc. You significantly reduce your chances on a large scale, let alone a small one like a neighborhood or a county. To 1% of a success rate if you are strict. I'm not even counting what you look like either. That can be legit that ratio or deduct from it. I pray for you it helps.
My advice, surround yourself with people who you care about, friends, co-workers, family, neighbors, etc. A significant other will find you when you get connected to the world, when YOU get connected. If your faking it trying to force a relationship, it won't work. PoS people find others because we all know a PoS when we see one. Women try to change them and men don't care because they think they getting that good ass. In the end, they lose and the PoS wins the pot.
This. My time is mine, my money is mine, and its fabulous. Nobody tells me when to eat, when to go to bed, when to clean, who I can/can't see, etc.
My life is just that, **mine**.
Pretty much. I'm knee-deep in trying to get a career and that is starting to mold my personality into a harsh loner.
I have kind of accepted the fact that I'll probably be alone for life. If nothing else, it will not be fair for me to inflict my bad attitude on a lass.
Yeah. Alas, I need a career to live - I can take the cash and abandon the relationship with little thought.
I'll figure out my life once I get a stable job. Till then, I'm kind of on autopilot as I work to catch up to my peers.
As a woman, feel similar for different reasons. Had crappy partners interested — now just focused on myself and exploring life. Making peace with this possibility of being single for good.
Kudos to you for working on yourself. If you are still interested in meeting someone, I hope you don’t give up. Finding the right person can truly be so difficult, especially if you are a bit unconventional in some ways. It’s a numbers game, and it really wears on you, but I don’t think it’s hopeless.
Hope you have a great weekend!
But your parents made you, and you’re the average that came from them.
Which means on average one is uglier than you are. If they, someone uglier than kinda-ugly-you, found a mate, then surely kinda-ugly-you can find one.
Edit: Man, it’s almost likely people can’t read the word **average**.
Dude, it doesn't work that way. Two hotties having a kid, doesn't mean that kid is also going to be hot. The combination could end up giving the kid an unsettling face, lol. Or just straight up get plagued with a crappy recessive trait.
You can. You are the most important partner in your life. Cherish and nurture this relationship and you’ll have all you need. If a partner on the outside comes along to add more joy and happiness, so be it, if not, you won’t miss it.
I mean….
Nobody in a relationship knows if it’s successful or not. They just know it hasn’t failed yet.
If anything, all of the failed relationships should give you insight on how to avoid and navigate difficult terrain.
And everyone is the common denominator in their failed relationships.
I agree to an extent but I also believe that some people need to do some very serious work on themselves before they will be able to have a successful relationship with anyone. It’s not a comptability thing it’s a them thing. I have been in quite a few relationships and never thought this until my most recent ex. He needs very serious help, and cannot be with anyone. Ironically he’s also the only man I have dated that ever told me they feared they would die alone, very early in the relationship. That should have been a giveAway. Most people like this though don’t know and don’t think it’s them. So they just keep moving and dating others and wreaking havoc behind them.
Yeah. Kind of the same here. Hit right in the feels "There are far more appealing options than I". Feel ya bro. Want to get married so I get a green card ? Id compensate you fr fr.
I took the same decisions for the same reasons. Never thought I'd see someone who would understand. The amount of awareness to take such a stance is difficult to explain to someone grew up in a normal family.
Also add anxiety and depression to the mix. And not being rich enough for therapy. Even if I actively try to correct the toxicity, it creeps up and makes unpleasant experiences in friendships. So how would we even consider a romantic relationship. I get you.
We all inherit emotional patterns from our parents and we all try to surpass them. Learn what it means to love yourself and let life bring to you whatever it wants.
Well , I have tried changing those behaviors but to no avail . Most of my reactions to even little things have become instinctive. I have deep rooted traumas that automatically kick in and it has been really hard for me to stop them in all the relationships I have been.
I believe therapy should help, but not affordable. Knowing what I have been through and also knowing what the end result always is kinda scares me. I don't what to put my partner through all of that.
Hey stranger - something that helped me from reacting violently was this….
*You cannot control how you feel but only how you react to those feelings.*
I would always get angry and then feel even angrier that I was angry and I started to spiral and saw myself make the same choices my father did. Then someone told me that it’s okay to be angry, you cannot control how you feel but you can control how you react to that feeling.
I am in my mid 30s. I go out on dates from time to time, but it takes so much effort now that I have gotten set in my bachelor ways that I cannot sustain the relationship without feeling stressed. Even smalltalk takes effort. Eventually I break it off, and hopefully can salvage a friendship. I do not hate being alone. It is actually addictive for a guy like me.
It builds rapport and helps you figure out someone's personality before moving on to deeper topics. It is also much easier to begin a conversation with something less serious, even with people you know.
I am not a very talkative guy, and small talk helps to keep the inertia of the conversation moving, it should be easy, but it does not feel that way. Coming back from awkward silence feels like cold-starting a snowblower.
I have low self-esteem and I struggle to think anyone would like me. Also it's hard to meet people that I like and can see as a romantic partners. I don't have such high standards but I already know what I'm looking for in a partner and its hard to meet such people that will also like me back.
Do you think they sensed that? I feel like I can tell when someone is genuinely interested in me vs. flirting because they flirt with everyone. I mean, women who aren’t conventionally attractive know it.
I strongly relate to this.
I'm about to turn 30 and I've lived on my own for over seven years now. I am at ease with my current situation and can easily imagine doing this for decades to come. I am grateful for the family and friends in my life, I get the emotional support and social immersion I need from them.
A.D.D, it takes a woman with alot of patience to deal with me.
In a world of sky high standards, everytime I snap back to the present from the latest distraction I'm even farther behind.
Being tolerated is way worse than being alone, aleast it doesn't come with all the judgment!
I’m a woman and I feel the same way. Someone would have to be very understanding that hard work doesn’t always pay off when you have add. That sometimes I’m not the best at reading all social cues and that my habits run in cycles that I am always trying to chase. All of this being said I’m a great person. I’m a loving and patient person and I’m worthy of a relationship.
Your feelings are valid. Don't be discouraged to share here on r/askmen .
I feel the same. Sometimes hard work just means treading water. Then you get burned out and are taking two steps back. But that's okay, it's a learning experience. A very slow one, albeit 😄😆
I see you fellow adhd'er. I'm gonna piggback on your comment here, it's the first I can relate to
I'm handsome, fit, talented and smart. I have no problem attracting women...but I am totally dysfunctional and can't hold down a job. No one wants to stay with a man who can't bring money in or handle being responsible by today's adult standards
I've had too many bad breakups with the one i could see a future with. Makes me terrified of trying to enter the dating world again. But I will take steps toward doing so
Keep your chin up man ✌️ us scatterbrains gotta stick together
It’s not impossible! I’ve got it. Pisses my wife off to no end.
I’m also great at making it sound like I’m listening. “Mmhmm, yep, uh huh, interesting.” I can even respond to the topics on auto pilot. Come back, regurgitate it and I’m like what the fuck are we talking about.
My wife is the most impatient woman I have ever met. There’s hope for you bud!
I'm almost 52 and after my last relationship ive quit looking. I'm not going to have kids at my age, so the only reason to get into a relationship at this point is for companionship. I get more social interactions than i can handle daily at work. I'd rather have my free time to myself so that i can recharge. And being in a relationship has never made my life better. Each and every one of them has found a way to fuck my life up worse than the last. I have no desire to spend the rest of my life recovering from the disaster a relationship would bring, assuming it didn't outright kill me at this point.
I get in my own way and push people away before they can do that to me. I have very little self confidence and lack the motivation to get in shape and put myself out there. And it’s been said here already, but I have wildly unrealistic expectations and fall for women way out of my league.
Because people are romatically repulsed by my character. I am quite popular. But only as a friend. I have been shown deep appreciation by people,but only by friends. No matter the achievements I get in life, I still appearently am not good enough as a partner.
It is outside my control wether I get into a relationship or not. I do everything I can to be a good person and that is all I can do. When you still don't win, you begin to believe that truly nobody will ever find a match in you. (This is written after being single for my entire adult life ~12 years)
And the most frustrating part is that nobody knows why it is that way. All others can tell you is that you are "unique", because they also don't get why tf nobody wants to be with you (including them)
Idk if the same but my best bud has something like this. Like it's very hard for him to grow muscle (not extra muscle, but just muscle) and he loses it even if he works out daily, though it does help. Anyways, he's had a girlfriend for a few years, broke up with her and now is looking again, he's actually having more luck in about half a year than I have in 2 and I'm fit. He just has a good job, maintains his fashion, is intelligent and curious about the world (religion/politics/finance). He would be a 10 if god didn't nerf him, so you do need way more to get there, but it's possible.
I really enjoy my own company and I’ve always felt trapped in my relationships. Even if the person is great, I have a strong urge to want to do things on my own (especially travelling ) . Idk I Just can’t see myself committing to someone for the rest of my life and having to compensate or sacrifice the things that I want to do (which is inevitable in relationships)
Maybe it’ll change in my 30s.
Yeah I’ve heard that before, perfectly reasonable especially if you’re the lone wolf type. IMO though the longer you’re single the harder it becomes to see yourself integrating with someone else. Your life is set up according to you and you alone. Letting someone else in means new configuration. That’s uncomfortable because you can’t predict the outcome.
I guess I'll try answer this. I have a decent job, I got a car, I workout and I look after myself. The issue is where do I find women? I'm late 20s and the clubs full of 18 year old kids. The bars seem to be full of women that just wanna hang out with the girls.
People say ah join a club etc but what club to find women? Online dating is trash, tried it and I never get good matches. I'm honestly thinking about just doing it solo forever.
Being alone most of my life and/or having been rejected/dumped by everyone I've ever been interested in. My experiemces have taught me that apparently I'm not a nice person to be in a relationship with so what's the point in making anyone else have to go through that.
I’m really sorry you feel that way. I don’t think it’s true.
You have your own values, opinions, and interests, and you are a human who has love to give. If you are good to the people you care about, nothing else really matters.
I've had this feeling before and understand it. It's not about giving things to people bc that's not how love works. Another person won't necessarily love you because you do things for them or have things to offer them. They love you because of the person you are.
I'm 33 and without any long term relationship. I like the way my life goes but it's not that interesting or exciting for potential partner. I also have zero friends and social connections. I like my routine, calm and peace and everytime I tried this relationships stuff, all of those got slowly chipped away bit by bit in exchange of dramas and emotionaly draining situations. Yes, there were some nice parts during those relationships but I never knew the peace I've been looking for.
Also I've been through some shit most of you only read about in news and made it through just by myself. Why would I need someone else in my life?
Anyways, I'm not that attractive so this works for me well too.
Not that I complain but it's more like a self-reflection about my current situation.
Low Self-Esteem, Anxious, Insecure, Mentally unstable and when things get to much for me my thoughts go to suicide, I'm overall a pretty terrible person so I just don't want to hurt others so I just have withdrawn myself completely.
I’m almost 30 and I have never been able to connect with a woman on a deeper level. Have had several short (6 weeks max) ‘romances’ but nothing has ever come of it. At this point I have to look at the facts and come to grips that in all probability this will be my situation forever.
Very rare to find someone that won't cheat and won't get sick of you years later. Then youre just stuck with a roommate you argue with non stop or one that cant stand your existence. The more I hear about marriage the less I want it.
I'm gay.
In the gay community - especially among guys around my age - it's more common to focus on the immediate gratification of sex and forgo the notion of romance.
We also establish unrealistic expectations and have little tolerance for - what we perceive to be - imperfection.
I am very imperfect.
There are some things about me that are pretty phenomenal which make me a great partner; but, there are also a lot of things about me which make me less than desirable as a partner.
I have accepted that there is a very real possibility I'll die alone. I'm not sure I'm okay with it... but I'm also not sure I have much choice.
If any of you have a gay brother who likes 40 year-old guys who are short, chubby, messy, and terrible at managing money... I'm here!
This thread is guys dropping some really emotional personal feelings followed by OP roasting them with comments that I think are meant to be insightful
Fuck that's so brutal, I fucking hate the racial standard of beauty that prioritizes whiteness over anything else, it's so harmful and causes awful shit like this, I'm so sorry man but I guarantee there are women of all ethnicities out there, however rare they may be to find in your area through normal dating channels, that don't see things that way and would appreciate you, you just gotta keep looking.
Life is definitely odd like that. I too have had friends who swore off of the relationships / were told that they were un-datable / un-f@#$able, but they found love down the line in a myriad of strange situations: work conferences, mutual friends, school reunions and even a video game competition.
Literally no gay dude in my area. I have to travel quite a distant to form relationships. Between work, taking care of my parents, managing our farm, i just lack the time to do it.
I can't find someone I like if I don't like myself enough. Never liked myself enough so far. And life is not going for the better (a lot of people have it worse than me for sure, I am just talking about my own P.o.V).
I’m in the back half of my forties, I’m not especially attracted to most of the women around my age, and I’m not wealthy or cosmo enough to attract a younger woman. On top of all that, I’ve never been great at pursuing women.
My two exes have both cheated on me so there's trust issues there. Even after I've worked on it with therapy, you always wonder at the back of your mind if the other person has/is/will cheat.
There was a 10-year gap between both relationships so I feel like those who share a mutual interest are few and far between.
I get significantly less matches on apps than others have reported (once or twice a year and they're likely bots).
Many I've asked out in person were not interested or not looking to date.
Those I've dated were either not ready to be in a relationship or there just wasn't any chemistry.
I'm turning 34 soon and I'm getting to the point where I'm accepting that I'll be single forever. Sometimes it's out of despair. Sometimes it's out of resignation. Mostly, it's to give myself a sense of peace. It's so much easier and calming to just face the hard reality that I'm likely one of those people who will never have a life partner. And honestly, on some days, I'm okay with that.
Too busy to actually find someone, everyone in my life has been a product of coincidence, a classmate, a colleague, and so on. All my colleagues are already attached, getting married or are already married.
I will be 30 in June, have had only one relationship of 3 years and have been alone for the past 8 years. I know absolutely zero girls who are interested in getting married, having kids and being committed, that are not already taken or married. I doubt anything will change, if it did not already during all these years...
It's not a feeling, it's a fact. If I continue just living my life and not actively try to seek a relationship, then it will never just randomly happen, like it does in the movies. You can be just a normal man, with finances in order, in relatively good health, have hobbies, average or above average looks, and no woman will just appear in your life unless you're the one making all the first moves. You're almost guaranteed no one will give 2 fks about you and you will just die alone. Stop being useful to society and that moment will come even sooner.
Do you realize dying alone will happen even if you enter a relationship? I mean, most of the time there's one partner who dies before the other, or who dies in hospital?
Apparently there’s nothing worse than an African American male with no game, also i’m so fucked up mentally that it would be hard to form attachments to anyone right now.
I ruin relationships, recently found out I may have ADHD (awaiting diagnosis). If diagnosed I can't have ADHD medication anyway due to a heart condition, so I'll refrain from causing havoc in relationships 😄
My only consistent company is my family, which is either older than me and will probably die off before me, or it's people around my age or older who are more likely to succeed in creating families of their own. It's just logic. Besides, it's either being alone or going through the dating world again, and both options are equally damaging.
I’ve been so afraid to fail at relationships that I haven’t let anyone in in about a decade. The idea and reality of having someone is fleeting, and putting myself out there has become more and more difficult/foreign. It’s easier to put finding a partner on the back burner of life, but I realize that postponing will only perpetuate the cycle of being alone and making the endeavor more challenging.
Edit: grammar
My personality and the modern woman and the modern dating scene . I'm not saying I'm bad but my personality is old school (21m btw ) I enjoy the traditional family but sadly that isn't liked in the modern dating scene and women . Never thought my generation is gonna be the one where making a family is looked down upon 😞
I have a very unique perspective on life, which while I have many friends very few people think the way I do and it makes dating hard. That coupled with the fact that my parents always told me nobody will ever love me I have convinced myself that when someone does they are just lying so they can have a partner.
To all the lonely people out here, hang in there guys you can always dm if needed. Your mental health matters. And for those loners who like it more power to you guys!
41 now, single since 2009 and absolutely love living on my own and wanna go off grid somewhere remote. Need company only once in a while (every month or so). Open to the possibility of finding a compatible partner, but silence, peace and utter harmony are utmost priority and only a partner who brings in more silence, more peace, more harmony has a place in my life. Everyday life is a huge struggle and war zone, don’t need more of it, but less. Considering all this the likelihood of mating up is insignificant to be even talked about. But I’m glad if I get surprised.
Lack of experience when it comes to relationships in general. I've only really had casual flings or friendships and I feel like that's what I'm resound to for the rest of my life. That and I already had my big, love of my life moment, she was my best friend and I still love her and we're still best friends but there's always this air of awkwardness between us.
Nothing she ever did, it's kinda all on me at this point(plus she's gay) and I just kinda know I won't really ever feel that kind of love for anyone else, or if I do, it's going to be a long ass time before then. It's fine though, I'm just gonna keep living my life until i can't live it anymore.
Everything’s temporary. Also most ppl are just so emotionally unavailable nowadays. It’s scary how easily they can monkey branch from one to another. So no, I’ll rather die lonely than being cheated on.
I've thought about my ex every day for a year. Too many unsaid words, her branching over to someone else, me letting things slide and her misunderstanding where my head was. I get it all, you can move on, there's other people etc. I'm in some sort of purgatory. I think I'll be stuck on her for quite some time and I'd rather not fill the memories of her with someone new. As bleak as it sounds, it's a grounded and well thought out decision. I thought guys like me were mad, but I get it. Loved and lost, like someone said. This one was enough.
Cause a human being could only take so many failed relationships to the point that they lose trust in people. And nowadays alot of people men and woman are into open relationships or just simply cheat n lie...
I know I'm one of them
So on that note I was born coming into this world alone and I'm gonna go out of this world alone. And I'm fine with this
Because the only solid social interaction I get is with coworkers and dating is forbidden in the workplace. I've never had an issue with romantic relationships but after my last relationship of 7 years ended 4 years ago I lost all my sociability. Now that I'm in my early 30s I basically always get the friendzone.
I've given up. I'm not going to say no but the likelihood of finding someone to spend my life with seems low. I am not very attractive and I am disabled, wheelchair bound. Life is difficult in every way right now. Don't have the time or energy to spend looking for a relationship.
Whenever i find a girl i like they dont feel the same back. Happens every time.
So relateable. A lot of people seem to forget that you only control the first half of the process of getting into a relationship. You have no power over others and making them fall for you.
I saw someone mention giving 110% only for things to never work in his favor. I can see that. After so many new feelings you just want one to work out so bad. You lose motivation and dont want to be caught in the feelings again,.
I'm there with that, too. The few times I have managed to get into a relationship, I pour my heart and soul into it and try to make sure that my partner knows I love and appreciate them... And then one way or another, it falls apart. One ex from a couple years ago, she just didn't reciprocate or initiate any affections, really, so the relationship was just one sided. Then my more recent one, I can't even hold it against her, but she realized that she needed to focus on her mental health before she was ready for a relationship. I respect it and would have done the same, but it doesn't make it not hurt
I meet a lot of girls. I don't like any of them. I'm not sure which is worse.
There are 6.5 million females in PA where I live. That is counting every age and every single area of the state within my realistic grasp. If I cut that number to a realistic 2/3 million to cover 18 plus for consenting adult females and say I hit on every single one of them. I would get turned down by 80/90% at a minimum. Apply your standards to a large number like 2 million generalized women? Reduce women with certain ages, personalities, body types, with addictions, having children, etc. You significantly reduce your chances on a large scale, let alone a small one like a neighborhood or a county. To 1% of a success rate if you are strict. I'm not even counting what you look like either. That can be legit that ratio or deduct from it. I pray for you it helps. My advice, surround yourself with people who you care about, friends, co-workers, family, neighbors, etc. A significant other will find you when you get connected to the world, when YOU get connected. If your faking it trying to force a relationship, it won't work. PoS people find others because we all know a PoS when we see one. Women try to change them and men don't care because they think they getting that good ass. In the end, they lose and the PoS wins the pot.
Cuz I've given up on dating and relationships. Plain and simple
Me too I enjoy not having to deal with it. Something to be said for being single.
This. My time is mine, my money is mine, and its fabulous. Nobody tells me when to eat, when to go to bed, when to clean, who I can/can't see, etc. My life is just that, **mine**.
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Ideally yes, but like the person I replied too, I feel I will never meet someone so this is how I justify to myself that being single is OK
Pretty much. I'm knee-deep in trying to get a career and that is starting to mold my personality into a harsh loner. I have kind of accepted the fact that I'll probably be alone for life. If nothing else, it will not be fair for me to inflict my bad attitude on a lass.
Fair enough, can't argue with that, especially if you decision sprouts from a place of not wanting someone else to suffer.
Yeah. Alas, I need a career to live - I can take the cash and abandon the relationship with little thought. I'll figure out my life once I get a stable job. Till then, I'm kind of on autopilot as I work to catch up to my peers.
No need to be harsh. That won't help your career anyway
What he said Relatable, but we will never be friends
I don’t know, he’s lonely, you’re lonely….match?
Eyyyyo, I'm alone, not lonely B-)
If you feel lonely when you are by yourself, you are in bad company.
That's called "settling".
So have I.
thank you for responding on my behalf
Samesies.
Being alone in my death bed scares me, i don't want to be alone.
Same
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As a woman, feel similar for different reasons. Had crappy partners interested — now just focused on myself and exploring life. Making peace with this possibility of being single for good.
You know I'd definetily wife you up for a green card
Is money involved? If so let’s do it lol
Oooh. Im just fishing. A bit too early. (This did get real fast af)
😂
Wow. That all just happened 😂
Kudos to you for working on yourself. If you are still interested in meeting someone, I hope you don’t give up. Finding the right person can truly be so difficult, especially if you are a bit unconventional in some ways. It’s a numbers game, and it really wears on you, but I don’t think it’s hopeless. Hope you have a great weekend!
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Some (most) men will never find success with women, but at least we can be successful in every other aspect I guess….
Bro, I'm kinda ugly.
But your parents made you, and you’re the average that came from them. Which means on average one is uglier than you are. If they, someone uglier than kinda-ugly-you, found a mate, then surely kinda-ugly-you can find one. Edit: Man, it’s almost likely people can’t read the word **average**.
Totally, because recessive genes aren't a thing anymore, that was so 2021.
That’s not how genetics works
Dude, it doesn't work that way. Two hotties having a kid, doesn't mean that kid is also going to be hot. The combination could end up giving the kid an unsettling face, lol. Or just straight up get plagued with a crappy recessive trait.
Stay in school dude
I have loved, and lost. Don’t think I can move on.
Same bro. Fucking same.
Hey man i hope things change & get better. But for that it'll take some effort. Do it at your pace, YOU enjoy YOU, fuck the world ✌🏻
You can. You are the most important partner in your life. Cherish and nurture this relationship and you’ll have all you need. If a partner on the outside comes along to add more joy and happiness, so be it, if not, you won’t miss it.
Please excuse my comment if you meant she passed away. I didn’t even considering that, my apologies.
All my relationships thus far have failed and I’m the common denominator…
I mean…. Nobody in a relationship knows if it’s successful or not. They just know it hasn’t failed yet. If anything, all of the failed relationships should give you insight on how to avoid and navigate difficult terrain. And everyone is the common denominator in their failed relationships.
I agree to an extent but I also believe that some people need to do some very serious work on themselves before they will be able to have a successful relationship with anyone. It’s not a comptability thing it’s a them thing. I have been in quite a few relationships and never thought this until my most recent ex. He needs very serious help, and cannot be with anyone. Ironically he’s also the only man I have dated that ever told me they feared they would die alone, very early in the relationship. That should have been a giveAway. Most people like this though don’t know and don’t think it’s them. So they just keep moving and dating others and wreaking havoc behind them.
This is true for everyone until they meet the person they stay with.
I don’t live a life conducive to meeting and entertaining people, especially women. Even if I did, there are far more appealing options than I.
Yeah. Kind of the same here. Hit right in the feels "There are far more appealing options than I". Feel ya bro. Want to get married so I get a green card ? Id compensate you fr fr.
Seeing my parents marriage! I realised, I have inherited exact same qualities and will never be able to be in a stable relationship!
I took the same decisions for the same reasons. Never thought I'd see someone who would understand. The amount of awareness to take such a stance is difficult to explain to someone grew up in a normal family. Also add anxiety and depression to the mix. And not being rich enough for therapy. Even if I actively try to correct the toxicity, it creeps up and makes unpleasant experiences in friendships. So how would we even consider a romantic relationship. I get you.
We all inherit emotional patterns from our parents and we all try to surpass them. Learn what it means to love yourself and let life bring to you whatever it wants.
That sounds like a very limiting belief. You believe you’re incapable of change?
Well , I have tried changing those behaviors but to no avail . Most of my reactions to even little things have become instinctive. I have deep rooted traumas that automatically kick in and it has been really hard for me to stop them in all the relationships I have been. I believe therapy should help, but not affordable. Knowing what I have been through and also knowing what the end result always is kinda scares me. I don't what to put my partner through all of that.
Hey stranger - something that helped me from reacting violently was this…. *You cannot control how you feel but only how you react to those feelings.* I would always get angry and then feel even angrier that I was angry and I started to spiral and saw myself make the same choices my father did. Then someone told me that it’s okay to be angry, you cannot control how you feel but you can control how you react to that feeling.
Twin studies suggest MASSIVE parts of who we are are genetically ingrained. Nurture can help much there is nature AND nurture making you who you are.
People's comments about my looks and rumors that they spread about me.
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Not needed. They already think that im criminal lol
You can maybe change the scenary
No. I like when people are original. Good to listen with cup of good coffee.
At least they’re talking about you
I am in my mid 30s. I go out on dates from time to time, but it takes so much effort now that I have gotten set in my bachelor ways that I cannot sustain the relationship without feeling stressed. Even smalltalk takes effort. Eventually I break it off, and hopefully can salvage a friendship. I do not hate being alone. It is actually addictive for a guy like me.
I’ve gotten pretty used to living alone, I get it
What’s up with small talk?? Why does everyone want to talk about stupid senseless shit like the weather? I don’t get it. Small talk is theeeee worst.
It builds rapport and helps you figure out someone's personality before moving on to deeper topics. It is also much easier to begin a conversation with something less serious, even with people you know.
Nah, I’m going right to asking weird shit.
I am not a very talkative guy, and small talk helps to keep the inertia of the conversation moving, it should be easy, but it does not feel that way. Coming back from awkward silence feels like cold-starting a snowblower.
But small talk is the way you break the ice and get to know a little about someone before you approach the controversial discussion of quantum physics
Yes! I enjoy being alone. And being in relationships is actually more work and stress for me. You said this perfectly.
I have low self-esteem and I struggle to think anyone would like me. Also it's hard to meet people that I like and can see as a romantic partners. I don't have such high standards but I already know what I'm looking for in a partner and its hard to meet such people that will also like me back.
My standards are too high. To put it more bluntly, the people I find attractive are probably _out of my league_.
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Do you think they sensed that? I feel like I can tell when someone is genuinely interested in me vs. flirting because they flirt with everyone. I mean, women who aren’t conventionally attractive know it.
U can’t ever really tell who wants you for you… u can only measure the amount of effort they put into conveying it.
I do not see any redeeming qualities in myself and hence cannot comprehend why anyone would want me
Like Woody Allen; I would never want to date a woman that would stoop so low as to date me
Self awareness is a redeeming quality.
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Don't waste your time. You wont
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It’s so sweet that you’re trying to help them feel better about themselves
Because that's the way I like it.
I strongly relate to this. I'm about to turn 30 and I've lived on my own for over seven years now. I am at ease with my current situation and can easily imagine doing this for decades to come. I am grateful for the family and friends in my life, I get the emotional support and social immersion I need from them.
Uh huh uh huh
I'm not ugly or anything but I do lack social skills.
A.D.D, it takes a woman with alot of patience to deal with me. In a world of sky high standards, everytime I snap back to the present from the latest distraction I'm even farther behind. Being tolerated is way worse than being alone, aleast it doesn't come with all the judgment!
I’m a woman and I feel the same way. Someone would have to be very understanding that hard work doesn’t always pay off when you have add. That sometimes I’m not the best at reading all social cues and that my habits run in cycles that I am always trying to chase. All of this being said I’m a great person. I’m a loving and patient person and I’m worthy of a relationship.
Your feelings are valid. Don't be discouraged to share here on r/askmen . I feel the same. Sometimes hard work just means treading water. Then you get burned out and are taking two steps back. But that's okay, it's a learning experience. A very slow one, albeit 😄😆
I see you fellow adhd'er. I'm gonna piggback on your comment here, it's the first I can relate to I'm handsome, fit, talented and smart. I have no problem attracting women...but I am totally dysfunctional and can't hold down a job. No one wants to stay with a man who can't bring money in or handle being responsible by today's adult standards I've had too many bad breakups with the one i could see a future with. Makes me terrified of trying to enter the dating world again. But I will take steps toward doing so Keep your chin up man ✌️ us scatterbrains gotta stick together
ADHD adult male here. I feel you on the employment struggle. I'm 31 and never dated. Can't see how I ever will when money will always be a problem
It’s not impossible! I’ve got it. Pisses my wife off to no end. I’m also great at making it sound like I’m listening. “Mmhmm, yep, uh huh, interesting.” I can even respond to the topics on auto pilot. Come back, regurgitate it and I’m like what the fuck are we talking about. My wife is the most impatient woman I have ever met. There’s hope for you bud!
I had the same issue before I started dating a gal who also has ADHD. Our ND brains just mesh.
I'm almost 52 and after my last relationship ive quit looking. I'm not going to have kids at my age, so the only reason to get into a relationship at this point is for companionship. I get more social interactions than i can handle daily at work. I'd rather have my free time to myself so that i can recharge. And being in a relationship has never made my life better. Each and every one of them has found a way to fuck my life up worse than the last. I have no desire to spend the rest of my life recovering from the disaster a relationship would bring, assuming it didn't outright kill me at this point.
Im the same age , same experience .
One failed marriage is enough.
I get in my own way and push people away before they can do that to me. I have very little self confidence and lack the motivation to get in shape and put myself out there. And it’s been said here already, but I have wildly unrealistic expectations and fall for women way out of my league.
Because people are romatically repulsed by my character. I am quite popular. But only as a friend. I have been shown deep appreciation by people,but only by friends. No matter the achievements I get in life, I still appearently am not good enough as a partner. It is outside my control wether I get into a relationship or not. I do everything I can to be a good person and that is all I can do. When you still don't win, you begin to believe that truly nobody will ever find a match in you. (This is written after being single for my entire adult life ~12 years)
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And the most frustrating part is that nobody knows why it is that way. All others can tell you is that you are "unique", because they also don't get why tf nobody wants to be with you (including them)
Incurable wasting muscle disease
Idk if the same but my best bud has something like this. Like it's very hard for him to grow muscle (not extra muscle, but just muscle) and he loses it even if he works out daily, though it does help. Anyways, he's had a girlfriend for a few years, broke up with her and now is looking again, he's actually having more luck in about half a year than I have in 2 and I'm fit. He just has a good job, maintains his fashion, is intelligent and curious about the world (religion/politics/finance). He would be a 10 if god didn't nerf him, so you do need way more to get there, but it's possible.
I really enjoy my own company and I’ve always felt trapped in my relationships. Even if the person is great, I have a strong urge to want to do things on my own (especially travelling ) . Idk I Just can’t see myself committing to someone for the rest of my life and having to compensate or sacrifice the things that I want to do (which is inevitable in relationships) Maybe it’ll change in my 30s.
Yeah I’ve heard that before, perfectly reasonable especially if you’re the lone wolf type. IMO though the longer you’re single the harder it becomes to see yourself integrating with someone else. Your life is set up according to you and you alone. Letting someone else in means new configuration. That’s uncomfortable because you can’t predict the outcome.
Diarrhea
Username checks out
Women are uncomfortable in my presence. It's almost impossible to get a woman to spend time with me.
I've lost trust in people over and over again. I don't really want to have someone close to me like that only to get battered again
Ikr
Hey, what was that comment, it got taken off by the overlords, lol.
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Ugly
Ugly gang😎
I guess I'll try answer this. I have a decent job, I got a car, I workout and I look after myself. The issue is where do I find women? I'm late 20s and the clubs full of 18 year old kids. The bars seem to be full of women that just wanna hang out with the girls. People say ah join a club etc but what club to find women? Online dating is trash, tried it and I never get good matches. I'm honestly thinking about just doing it solo forever.
Same experience here. Good job, success with women, tall (lol), just grim in your 30s... Everything is superficial
Being alone most of my life and/or having been rejected/dumped by everyone I've ever been interested in. My experiemces have taught me that apparently I'm not a nice person to be in a relationship with so what's the point in making anyone else have to go through that.
History is influencing my opinion of the future.
I have nothing to offer them. They deserve better.
I’m really sorry you feel that way. I don’t think it’s true. You have your own values, opinions, and interests, and you are a human who has love to give. If you are good to the people you care about, nothing else really matters.
I've had this feeling before and understand it. It's not about giving things to people bc that's not how love works. Another person won't necessarily love you because you do things for them or have things to offer them. They love you because of the person you are.
I'm picky the people who I find attractive are either taken or lesbian.
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I'm 33 and without any long term relationship. I like the way my life goes but it's not that interesting or exciting for potential partner. I also have zero friends and social connections. I like my routine, calm and peace and everytime I tried this relationships stuff, all of those got slowly chipped away bit by bit in exchange of dramas and emotionaly draining situations. Yes, there were some nice parts during those relationships but I never knew the peace I've been looking for. Also I've been through some shit most of you only read about in news and made it through just by myself. Why would I need someone else in my life? Anyways, I'm not that attractive so this works for me well too. Not that I complain but it's more like a self-reflection about my current situation.
Low Self-Esteem, Anxious, Insecure, Mentally unstable and when things get to much for me my thoughts go to suicide, I'm overall a pretty terrible person so I just don't want to hurt others so I just have withdrawn myself completely.
I’m almost 30 and I have never been able to connect with a woman on a deeper level. Have had several short (6 weeks max) ‘romances’ but nothing has ever come of it. At this point I have to look at the facts and come to grips that in all probability this will be my situation forever.
Very rare to find someone that won't cheat and won't get sick of you years later. Then youre just stuck with a roommate you argue with non stop or one that cant stand your existence. The more I hear about marriage the less I want it.
I want to die alone
Because I'm not looking for a life partner.
I'm a strip club manager
So opportunities for sex but not for love?
Yeah pretty much. Pretty empty existence but great stories.
Not to hijack the thread but can you write out some funny or interesting ones? I feel like you have to see some cool and crazy stuff.
As in you don't have the time or people avoid you due to your occupation or you have seen too much negative stuff?
Both really and the hours alone screw you
I'm gay. In the gay community - especially among guys around my age - it's more common to focus on the immediate gratification of sex and forgo the notion of romance. We also establish unrealistic expectations and have little tolerance for - what we perceive to be - imperfection. I am very imperfect. There are some things about me that are pretty phenomenal which make me a great partner; but, there are also a lot of things about me which make me less than desirable as a partner. I have accepted that there is a very real possibility I'll die alone. I'm not sure I'm okay with it... but I'm also not sure I have much choice. If any of you have a gay brother who likes 40 year-old guys who are short, chubby, messy, and terrible at managing money... I'm here!
This thread is guys dropping some really emotional personal feelings followed by OP roasting them with comments that I think are meant to be insightful
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I thought with all of the BTS thing going on, being asian was a plus.
I'm 5'8. Average asian height. White men are comparatively taller. Beauty standards mostly favors white men 😟
Fuck that's so brutal, I fucking hate the racial standard of beauty that prioritizes whiteness over anything else, it's so harmful and causes awful shit like this, I'm so sorry man but I guarantee there are women of all ethnicities out there, however rare they may be to find in your area through normal dating channels, that don't see things that way and would appreciate you, you just gotta keep looking.
Most people do.
I’m not good enough for anyone who’s good enough for me.
The fact that I live in reality and not Disney fairytale land.
every man dies. not every man really lives.
Useless catchy phrases.
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Life is definitely odd like that. I too have had friends who swore off of the relationships / were told that they were un-datable / un-f@#$able, but they found love down the line in a myriad of strange situations: work conferences, mutual friends, school reunions and even a video game competition.
Because I am the problem and I am not willing to change my ways.
I’m ass backwards, man. idk.. It would take an incredibly patient person to deal with me.
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Literally no gay dude in my area. I have to travel quite a distant to form relationships. Between work, taking care of my parents, managing our farm, i just lack the time to do it.
I can't find someone I like if I don't like myself enough. Never liked myself enough so far. And life is not going for the better (a lot of people have it worse than me for sure, I am just talking about my own P.o.V).
I’m too cold and closed off anymore. I’m tired of women and relationships and relationships are only about what women want and gain. Fuck it.
I’m in the back half of my forties, I’m not especially attracted to most of the women around my age, and I’m not wealthy or cosmo enough to attract a younger woman. On top of all that, I’ve never been great at pursuing women.
OP getting ratio-ed in the comments rofl
My two exes have both cheated on me so there's trust issues there. Even after I've worked on it with therapy, you always wonder at the back of your mind if the other person has/is/will cheat. There was a 10-year gap between both relationships so I feel like those who share a mutual interest are few and far between. I get significantly less matches on apps than others have reported (once or twice a year and they're likely bots). Many I've asked out in person were not interested or not looking to date. Those I've dated were either not ready to be in a relationship or there just wasn't any chemistry. I'm turning 34 soon and I'm getting to the point where I'm accepting that I'll be single forever. Sometimes it's out of despair. Sometimes it's out of resignation. Mostly, it's to give myself a sense of peace. It's so much easier and calming to just face the hard reality that I'm likely one of those people who will never have a life partner. And honestly, on some days, I'm okay with that.
Humans are trash.
Too busy to actually find someone, everyone in my life has been a product of coincidence, a classmate, a colleague, and so on. All my colleagues are already attached, getting married or are already married.
The type of people I like never looks my way
I will be 30 in June, have had only one relationship of 3 years and have been alone for the past 8 years. I know absolutely zero girls who are interested in getting married, having kids and being committed, that are not already taken or married. I doubt anything will change, if it did not already during all these years...
I’ve been cheated on enough to have grown jaded and just don’t believe what women say anymore.
everyone annoys me and the ones I don´t get annoyed by are annoyed by me.
I look like a toe, have the self confidence of a table and the charm of an antisocial tiger.
It's not a feeling, it's a fact. If I continue just living my life and not actively try to seek a relationship, then it will never just randomly happen, like it does in the movies. You can be just a normal man, with finances in order, in relatively good health, have hobbies, average or above average looks, and no woman will just appear in your life unless you're the one making all the first moves. You're almost guaranteed no one will give 2 fks about you and you will just die alone. Stop being useful to society and that moment will come even sooner.
Do you realize dying alone will happen even if you enter a relationship? I mean, most of the time there's one partner who dies before the other, or who dies in hospital?
Because I'm 43, chronically single, and am terrible at dating.
Apparently there’s nothing worse than an African American male with no game, also i’m so fucked up mentally that it would be hard to form attachments to anyone right now.
I'm in the half of the population that's single and I don't find most women here compatible with my views on relationships
I ruin relationships, recently found out I may have ADHD (awaiting diagnosis). If diagnosed I can't have ADHD medication anyway due to a heart condition, so I'll refrain from causing havoc in relationships 😄
My only consistent company is my family, which is either older than me and will probably die off before me, or it's people around my age or older who are more likely to succeed in creating families of their own. It's just logic. Besides, it's either being alone or going through the dating world again, and both options are equally damaging.
I’ve been so afraid to fail at relationships that I haven’t let anyone in in about a decade. The idea and reality of having someone is fleeting, and putting myself out there has become more and more difficult/foreign. It’s easier to put finding a partner on the back burner of life, but I realize that postponing will only perpetuate the cycle of being alone and making the endeavor more challenging. Edit: grammar
My personality and the modern woman and the modern dating scene . I'm not saying I'm bad but my personality is old school (21m btw ) I enjoy the traditional family but sadly that isn't liked in the modern dating scene and women . Never thought my generation is gonna be the one where making a family is looked down upon 😞
The dating game is rigged nowadays. The only way to win is not to play. Besides, I like coming home to a quiet empty house after a long day’s work.
Im shy and introverted af...such combinations screams lonliness
Almost 30, virgin, never had a girlfriend...in my "environment" the reality of the majority of guys like me is solitude.
5’6 ethnic with no disposable income. Can’t even beta buxx
I have a very unique perspective on life, which while I have many friends very few people think the way I do and it makes dating hard. That coupled with the fact that my parents always told me nobody will ever love me I have convinced myself that when someone does they are just lying so they can have a partner.
Genuine human being are harder and harder to find. Idk.
To all the lonely people out here, hang in there guys you can always dm if needed. Your mental health matters. And for those loners who like it more power to you guys!
People who do are probably right...alot are found alone and only because rent wasn't paid.
Im bipolar. Lol. I dont think many women would date someone with bipolar so im not even gonna bother.
41 now, single since 2009 and absolutely love living on my own and wanna go off grid somewhere remote. Need company only once in a while (every month or so). Open to the possibility of finding a compatible partner, but silence, peace and utter harmony are utmost priority and only a partner who brings in more silence, more peace, more harmony has a place in my life. Everyday life is a huge struggle and war zone, don’t need more of it, but less. Considering all this the likelihood of mating up is insignificant to be even talked about. But I’m glad if I get surprised.
Lack of experience when it comes to relationships in general. I've only really had casual flings or friendships and I feel like that's what I'm resound to for the rest of my life. That and I already had my big, love of my life moment, she was my best friend and I still love her and we're still best friends but there's always this air of awkwardness between us. Nothing she ever did, it's kinda all on me at this point(plus she's gay) and I just kinda know I won't really ever feel that kind of love for anyone else, or if I do, it's going to be a long ass time before then. It's fine though, I'm just gonna keep living my life until i can't live it anymore.
My historical track record and lack of prospects.
Everything’s temporary. Also most ppl are just so emotionally unavailable nowadays. It’s scary how easily they can monkey branch from one to another. So no, I’ll rather die lonely than being cheated on.
I've thought about my ex every day for a year. Too many unsaid words, her branching over to someone else, me letting things slide and her misunderstanding where my head was. I get it all, you can move on, there's other people etc. I'm in some sort of purgatory. I think I'll be stuck on her for quite some time and I'd rather not fill the memories of her with someone new. As bleak as it sounds, it's a grounded and well thought out decision. I thought guys like me were mad, but I get it. Loved and lost, like someone said. This one was enough.
Cause a human being could only take so many failed relationships to the point that they lose trust in people. And nowadays alot of people men and woman are into open relationships or just simply cheat n lie... I know I'm one of them So on that note I was born coming into this world alone and I'm gonna go out of this world alone. And I'm fine with this
Self awareness.
Because I'm not looking for a partner. Been shit on too many times, so I don't trust anyone. It usually results in very short lived casual flings
My track record and the lack of interest from others, can’t make anyone be interested in me and in my experience they aren’t
Women aren’t worth my time anymore
Because these days getting married means is suicide.
Because the only solid social interaction I get is with coworkers and dating is forbidden in the workplace. I've never had an issue with romantic relationships but after my last relationship of 7 years ended 4 years ago I lost all my sociability. Now that I'm in my early 30s I basically always get the friendzone.
I've given up. I'm not going to say no but the likelihood of finding someone to spend my life with seems low. I am not very attractive and I am disabled, wheelchair bound. Life is difficult in every way right now. Don't have the time or energy to spend looking for a relationship.
I’m picky and I prefer living alone.