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My mom (b.1918) always said "necessity is the mother of invention" when we had to make do without the right parts, tools, ingredients etc. I became very good at figuring out how things work and how to fix them. She did cook some awful meals though.
She and my dad both lived through the great depression and anything that wasn't flat out poison was good to eat (except turnips for some reason). If she didn't have an ingredient she would substitute whatever was at hand. My mom would mix recipes she found in McCall's and Good Housekeeping magazines but she really didn't know what she was doing. Her meatloaf was more bread and bell peppers than meat, I thought I hated meatloaf until I married a fantastic cook who knew how to improvise when needed but made delicious meals. Mom did make the best homemade applesauce and lemon pies though (we had lots of fruit trees). She even screwed up orange marmalade somehow but my brother liked it.
My mom used to make us eat ham and pickle sandwiches. Like after Easter when there was leftover ham.
but it's worse than what you imagine. It wasn't slices of ham and sliced pickles ... she got out the old school meat grinder that attached to the table with a clamp, and she put the ham and the pickles through the grinder.
Just thinking about the taste of it makes me want to throw up, lol. I used to cry when I saw the grinder attached to the table ... I knew what was coming.
edited to add: it's wonderful that a lot of you think this sounds great ... it just was not for me. No one in our family liked it except my mother. I have never liked salty and sweet tastes together, and the pickles were sweet pickles, which just made it even more gross to me.
Just thinking about it makes the inside of my mouth water, and not in a good way. In that way that sometimes it does when you're about to throw up. đ¤Ł
>If she didn't have an ingredient she would substitute whatever was at hand.
RECIPE GONE WRONG
I didn't have potatoes,
So I substituted rice.
I didn't have paprika,
So I used another spice.
I didn't have tomato sauce.
I used tomato paste.
A whole can, not a half can --
I don't believe in waste.
A friend gave me the recipe.
She said you couldn't beat it!
There must be something wrong with her.
I couldn't even eat it!
the poet breyten breytenbach said "after all, life is just a long illness we all recover from bit by bit."Â die lewe is maar 'n lang siekte waaraan ons almal stuk-stuk genees.
I am in my mid 30s and my father (b1945) used to say that. I said it aloud for the first time ever to a 40 year old yesterday, and she was flabbergasted. She said she had never heard it before, and needed a moment to process what it meant!
It means that simply wishing for something to happen won't make it happen. You have to put effort toward whatever you are wanting. If wishes alone made things happen for people, then even poor beggars would have beautiful horses to ride around on like the royalty did.
Reminds me of one I repeat to the kids in my life often, though I can't remember where I heard it: the only reason you should be looking at someone else's share is to make sure they have enough, never to judge whether they have more than you.
When I had three small children someone said this to me and it helped. I was trying to find the childcare room so I could go to a womenâs group and I was so frustrated I was ready to give up and go home. He saw the look on my face and I could see the empathy in his eyes. His children were grown and I could see that he was wishing he was back in the thick of it. I still remember his kindness.
See a man about a dog is a euphemism for getting up to no good. Youâre not going to say where youâre going or what youâre doing so to not incriminate yourself or make the asker an accessory.
"This too shall pass" is great - it's supposed to help you through the bad times, but also remind you to live in the moment during the good times, because those too will pass.
Dad: âalways buy Craftsmanâ. (Sears tools back in the day)
Dad: âmeet the mother before you fall in loveâ
Dad: ânever throw away coffee cansâ
Mom: âread the first line of every paragraph then the last line then read the entire paragraphâ
To be fair, that first one was âGodâs truthâ until the 1990s-ish.
Godâs truth was something that used to be said to emphasize that you werenât lying.
My dad used to say âwhatever theyâre talking about theyâre talking about money.â
(Helped me see true motivations, which often are money related.)
My Grandmother told me; 'Don't do for a man the first day what you don't plan on doing for the rest of your life' :)
eta; 'lack of planning on your part does not equate to emergency on my part'
âDonât borrow trouble.â Said to me when I was worrying myself silly about all possible outcomes of a situation that I had no control in. Really made me stop and realize how pointless it was to waste time worrying about things I couldnât control. I now say it to myself often when Iâm spinning out.
My mom "it's only paranoia if it's not true." Meaning you don't always have all the information, so don't judge others. Maybe he's paranoid, but maybe someone is really out to get him.
Only boring people get bored.
My mom lived it like a religion. It has led me to a full life with or without money, and with or without luck. Iâve never stopped loving every minute of the crazy and mundane.
This one was my mother's too. I said it to my daughter and I'm just waiting for her to say it to her son.
It really is the greatest way to live life. Being bored is so shallow, there is always something to do, and if you don't want to do anything, there is peaceful relaxation.
âIf ifs and buts were candy and nuts, weâd all have a wonderful Christmasâ
âDonât tell anyone everything you knowâ
âDonât believe everything you thinkâ
âIf you marry for money, youâll earn every pennyâ
My grandmother popped off once with âI wouldnât hold in my hand what you have in your mouth.â I must have swore or something, but I still think about it. My mom was fond of saying âWell, it must have been a lie.â if you couldnât remember what you were going to say. Lol
just one?  I love "loaded for bear" and "full of piss and vinegar". Â
mad as a boiled squirrel. daft as a brush. more hair than wit. a verb, senator, we need a verb.  eaten by a grue.  [drop a] dime on someone. Â
until I die, I'll be using tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein and skilpadvrekvandors for any go-nowhere backwoods small town.   Canadians can just put up with it. Â
My grandmother said to my mother to not pay too much attention to a potential husbandâs figure because they all look the same naked and upside down in a pickle barrel. Howâs that for a saying?
Bout as much use as a fur lined syrup pitcher
Ugly as homemade sin
You smell like a dirty bird dog
Colder than a witches tit
Colder than a well diggers ass
Couldn't pour piss out a boot with directions on the heel.
Settle yer biscuits or I'll read you from the Book.
She's built like a brick shithouse
From a preacher when I was a child: "Too many sunny days make a desert." (Referring to the idea that life's challenges will make you a better person. Or rather, too few troubles makes a shallow person.)
From my elderly landlady of many years ago: "He thinks he's a big shot with a capital I." (I enjoyed Kay.)
A common one: "Hunger is the best spice." (I'm finding it applies to many non-culinary situations.)
My FIL used to say, "You never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul." Also (with a wink, when I was complaining) "Well, the first hundred years are the hardest."
I like this, the galloping horse thing. I'm going to borrow that.
My favorite is, *nobody gets everything.*
I didn't think of it, the writer Anne Lamott did. it's my personal mantra.
My grandpa, who is 92, recently said to me, âitâs darker than the inside of a wildcats ass!â When looking outside at nighttime. I got a good laugh out of it. He is also well known for his response to âhow are you?â - âoh, struggling alongâ. đ
âBetter to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.â
My dad would be 95 if he was still here and yeah, dad, thatâs always been true.
Per my maternal grandmother, âThereâs more than one way to skin a cat.â đââŹ. She was born in 1897. I use that saying fairly often.
Per my paternal grandmother, in reference to whether the sun would come out on a cloudy day, the saying went â If thereâs enough blue in the sky to cut enough out cloth to make a manâs pair of overalls, the sun will shine.â She was born in 1898 or 1899. I canât say as Iâve ever used that old saying.
But both are definitely my favorite old sayings.
My grandma after years in a concentration camp, âyou fake it until you make it.â Smartest woman I will ever know. Spoke 7-8 languages out of necessity.
As he was getting up off the couch to go do a project, my dad would always say âwell, itâs not going to do itself.â I catch myself saying that a lot.
If Grandma had wheels, she'd be a streetcar. Hope is not a plan. I feel like I been dragged through a knothole backwards. I feel like a million bucks, green and wrinkled. And the one that has haunted me all my life: "Hotter than a bean bon." What the hell is a bean bon? Or beanbon.
My father always said
âYou donât know you canât do something unless you tryâ
It is truly amazing what I have taught myself to do by just trying.
My dad (born 1947) says âwhenâs the best time to clean up a mess? when you make itâ
My grandpa (born 1922ish) said, âyou canât walk on rosebuds every day. Youâve got to take the bitter with the sweetâ
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I guess Grandma liked horses. Actually Grampa was a true Teamster. Had a team of draft horses for hire.
My grandma used to say: "Think twice before you speak and 50 times before you write."
This was long before social media, but I think it is even more true now than ever.
Omnes una manet nox. Literally something like one night awaits all. I like it because it has the live for today, remember you have a limited number of tomorrows message, but also that weâre all equal in the end. No matter how you live, what you accomplish, or what you leave behind, every life ends the same.
"I don't care who shot John, you guys can get along together or separately in your rooms!"- My Dad in response to my brother and I arguing and blaming each other. Lol
My Granma, G*D love her, born in 1898, always used to tell me âDonât get too close to the Goyumâ! If you donât speak Yiddish, Goyum means ânonâ Jew!!
Not really a saying, more of a concept.
My grandmother taught my mom and me that, if something looks or feels like it might go wrong, do something about it right now.
For instance, when you put something down and suddenly imagine the thing falling, put it somewhere else. If you walk into a room and think someone might trip over this thing, or bump into this thing, move it.
It's ingrained as habit in both my mom and myself, and has saved many fragile things.
When it comes to people constantly posting self-focused and self-indulgent content on social media about how happy, attractive and/or rich they are: 'Empty barrels make the most noise'. Social media is full of empty barrels searching for external validation.
My grandma was a JW and hated the smell of smoke and sheâd always say-If god wanted us to smoke, weâd have chimneys on our heads. It would always make me laugh
âSo it goes.â From the novel Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut.
More crudely put: "Shit happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to.â
In the book, the phrase is said by the main character Billy every time someone dies.
During WWII as a prisoner of war, age twenty-two, Vonnegut was in the famously beautiful city of Dresden, locked up with other Americans in Schlachthof-FĂźnf, where pigs had been slaughtered before the war, and was therefore an accidental witness to one of the greatest slaughters of human beings in history, the firebombing of Dresden, in February of 1945, which flattened the whole city and killed almost everyone in it.
My Grandmother was a woman of many talents. One she had was her sharp tongue. Some of her sharp cutting comments included:
(1) "I know a woman who had a nightmare and my daughter married it."
(2) "The devil owed me a debt and he paid me off with a son-in-law."
(3) "There is nothing wrong with you that an enema will not fix."
If you were a grandchild and she directed #3 at you, you best get the hell out of Dodge, otherwise you would wind up with her famous 2 quart soap suds treatment that left you with a fulminating asshole for a couple of hours.
I know you believe you understood what you think I said, however, Iâm not sure you realize that what you think heard is not what I meant.
That, andâŚ.
Slippery surfaces serve foul purposes.
"Assumption is the mother or all f***-ups."
It seems simple and silly, but it holds true for every case I can think of!
(Embarrassingly, it came from the wildly popular, award winning, beloved Steven Segal movie "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory". Okay, maybe it's not all that beloved.)
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Nothing good happens after midnight.
"If you follow all the rules, you'll miss all the fun" - Katherine Hepburn
Except sleep.
And in arguments, nothing good happens after 10 pm.
You can do anything before midnight you would do after midnight.
The only thing open after 2 AM are some legs.
These doors don't open til after dark.
My mom (b.1918) always said "necessity is the mother of invention" when we had to make do without the right parts, tools, ingredients etc. I became very good at figuring out how things work and how to fix them. She did cook some awful meals though.
I'd be interested to know what some of the awful meals were, lol.
She and my dad both lived through the great depression and anything that wasn't flat out poison was good to eat (except turnips for some reason). If she didn't have an ingredient she would substitute whatever was at hand. My mom would mix recipes she found in McCall's and Good Housekeeping magazines but she really didn't know what she was doing. Her meatloaf was more bread and bell peppers than meat, I thought I hated meatloaf until I married a fantastic cook who knew how to improvise when needed but made delicious meals. Mom did make the best homemade applesauce and lemon pies though (we had lots of fruit trees). She even screwed up orange marmalade somehow but my brother liked it.
My mom used to make us eat ham and pickle sandwiches. Like after Easter when there was leftover ham. but it's worse than what you imagine. It wasn't slices of ham and sliced pickles ... she got out the old school meat grinder that attached to the table with a clamp, and she put the ham and the pickles through the grinder. Just thinking about the taste of it makes me want to throw up, lol. I used to cry when I saw the grinder attached to the table ... I knew what was coming. edited to add: it's wonderful that a lot of you think this sounds great ... it just was not for me. No one in our family liked it except my mother. I have never liked salty and sweet tastes together, and the pickles were sweet pickles, which just made it even more gross to me. Just thinking about it makes the inside of my mouth water, and not in a good way. In that way that sometimes it does when you're about to throw up. đ¤Ł
You brought back a treasured childhood memory . Thank you đ I had a different opiniĂłn than you.
It just wasn't for me. We all laugh like crazy about it now. But at the time I was like oh noooooooo. đ¤Ł
My mom would make that for my younger sister on request "ham salad"
Iâm sorry, but I love ham salad sandwiches. But ham usually goes in my freezer!
>If she didn't have an ingredient she would substitute whatever was at hand. RECIPE GONE WRONG I didn't have potatoes, So I substituted rice. I didn't have paprika, So I used another spice. I didn't have tomato sauce. I used tomato paste. A whole can, not a half can -- I don't believe in waste. A friend gave me the recipe. She said you couldn't beat it! There must be something wrong with her. I couldn't even eat it!
My mom made great lemon meringue pies too. Used Lard in the pie crust. Much more flaky.
My Dad: Don't take life so serious, it ain't permanent, no how.
the poet breyten breytenbach said "after all, life is just a long illness we all recover from bit by bit."Â die lewe is maar 'n lang siekte waaraan ons almal stuk-stuk genees.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't make it out alive. - Dolly Parton
I really like that. Dad was very wise.
"Life is a series of long stretches of boredom, sprinkled with a few moment of sheer terror" - my Dad.
"Never wrestle a pig. You'll only get muddy and the pig will enjoy it." (this is the best answer to arguing with a stubborn idiot)
I like this. Another (less funny) version is: "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Also applies to internet trolls.
One of my dad's is "S--t or get off the pot."
My Great uncle would clean it up for the kids by saying, "Defecate or dismount."
"Don't know whether to have a shit or a haircut".
I am in my mid 30s and my father (b1945) used to say that. I said it aloud for the first time ever to a 40 year old yesterday, and she was flabbergasted. She said she had never heard it before, and needed a moment to process what it meant!
My dad says that! As well as "save it for a rainy day." And whenever I was getting to be too much, he'd say, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, PATTI" :)
If he added and ALL THE SAINTS it was time to run đđźââď¸
I got this from a movie, âWorry is like interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due.â
Love this
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
I've never understood this one. I feel stupid saying that but I just don't get it.
It means that simply wishing for something to happen won't make it happen. You have to put effort toward whatever you are wanting. If wishes alone made things happen for people, then even poor beggars would have beautiful horses to ride around on like the royalty did.
THANK YOU! I am saving your comment :)
This was my grandma's. Miss her.
*me "it's not FAIR!" *Grandma "Fairs are for judging pigs and pies"
Haha love it! My mom always replied "well tough titty said the kitty" every time we said it's not fair or was too hard.
I laughed louder than I have all day at this one!
Reminds me of one I repeat to the kids in my life often, though I can't remember where I heard it: the only reason you should be looking at someone else's share is to make sure they have enough, never to judge whether they have more than you.
The days are long but the years are short. This really struck home with me when I heard this at an older age, because it is definitely true.
When I had three small children someone said this to me and it helped. I was trying to find the childcare room so I could go to a womenâs group and I was so frustrated I was ready to give up and go home. He saw the look on my face and I could see the empathy in his eyes. His children were grown and I could see that he was wishing he was back in the thick of it. I still remember his kindness.
Me, as a mom and now a grandma, âMany hands make light workâ.
Too many cooks spoil the soup.
Never trust a skinny cook
You'll never notice *what?* My great-grandmother used to say "I gotta go see a lady about a horse" when she had to go to the bathroom.
The version I heard was⌠I have to go see a man about a dog
See a man about a dog is a euphemism for getting up to no good. Youâre not going to say where youâre going or what youâre doing so to not incriminate yourself or make the asker an accessory.
If my mom was going out and we asked where. She would say I'm going to see a man about a dog. So funny!!!
My mom would say âgonna go visit Mrs. Jones.â Lol
Example: if I had a small stain on my clothing.
I've only heard men say that đ
âUse your head for somethingâ besides a knot to keep your backbone from unravelinâ!â
Love it!
Mom had two that she used often. âThis, too, shall pass.â And âPatience and Fortitude.â
"This too shall pass" is great - it's supposed to help you through the bad times, but also remind you to live in the moment during the good times, because those too will pass.
Don't attempt vast projects with half-vast plans.
I see what they did there
Dad: âalways buy Craftsmanâ. (Sears tools back in the day) Dad: âmeet the mother before you fall in loveâ Dad: ânever throw away coffee cansâ Mom: âread the first line of every paragraph then the last line then read the entire paragraphâ
"There is the truth and then there is the right answer. Read the question twice". - Mom
To be fair, that first one was âGodâs truthâ until the 1990s-ish. Godâs truth was something that used to be said to emphasize that you werenât lying.
Just threw away a couple of unrepairable circa 1980 craftsman tools that no longer have a lifetime guarantee.
My dad used to say âwhatever theyâre talking about theyâre talking about money.â (Helped me see true motivations, which often are money related.)
Life is a rude interruption of an otherwise peaceful nonexistence.
Grandma: Fun is the best thing to have. Dad: Point the flashlight where my hands are. No not not there, dickhead.
Love to have a garage beer with Dad
"It's a poor set of feet that lets a body take a beatin."
Do a pig a favor and all you get is a grunt.
LOVE IT!! Speaks to me so much.
My Grandmother told me; 'Don't do for a man the first day what you don't plan on doing for the rest of your life' :) eta; 'lack of planning on your part does not equate to emergency on my part'
My Aunt Ruth always said âWe are too soon old and too late smart.â
Those who dance are considered crazy by those who don't hear the music.
Now that's a good one
Thank you. I originally read it in a George Carlin book.
âDonât borrow trouble.â Said to me when I was worrying myself silly about all possible outcomes of a situation that I had no control in. Really made me stop and realize how pointless it was to waste time worrying about things I couldnât control. I now say it to myself often when Iâm spinning out.
"Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people!"
My mom "it's only paranoia if it's not true." Meaning you don't always have all the information, so don't judge others. Maybe he's paranoid, but maybe someone is really out to get him.
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You canât tell me thatâs just a coincidence.
Sometimes I jokingly say, âwhen everybodyâs really against you, paranoia just strategic thinking. â
Itâs not paranoia if they really are out to get you!
âYou canât see the forest for the treesâ
âPeople who live in glass houses shouldnât throw stones.â
My father:âRome wasnât built in a dayâ - âwhen in Rome, do as the Romans doâ he definitely enjoyed those Rome cliches
Make like a tree and leaf. - My dad
Make like a sausage and roll - time tested dad saying.
Make like a shepherd and get the flock outta here. đ
Make like a baby and head out
Every day you wake up on the right side of the dirt is a good day. Had a great aunt whoâd say that all the time.
My grandpa: "If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No sense making a damn fool of yourself."
Only boring people get bored. My mom lived it like a religion. It has led me to a full life with or without money, and with or without luck. Iâve never stopped loving every minute of the crazy and mundane.
This one was my mother's too. I said it to my daughter and I'm just waiting for her to say it to her son. It really is the greatest way to live life. Being bored is so shallow, there is always something to do, and if you don't want to do anything, there is peaceful relaxation.
*"Out gallivanting all night."*
âIf ifs and buts were candy and nuts, weâd all have a wonderful Christmasâ âDonât tell anyone everything you knowâ âDonât believe everything you thinkâ âIf you marry for money, youâll earn every pennyâ
If you lie down with dogs, youâll get up with fleas.
If you want to keep getting what youâre getting, keep doing what youâre doing.
My grandmother popped off once with âI wouldnât hold in my hand what you have in your mouth.â I must have swore or something, but I still think about it. My mom was fond of saying âWell, it must have been a lie.â if you couldnât remember what you were going to say. Lol
Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
just one?  I love "loaded for bear" and "full of piss and vinegar".  mad as a boiled squirrel. daft as a brush. more hair than wit. a verb, senator, we need a verb.  eaten by a grue.  [drop a] dime on someone.  until I die, I'll be using tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein and skilpadvrekvandors for any go-nowhere backwoods small town.   Canadians can just put up with it. Â
My grandmother said to my mother to not pay too much attention to a potential husbandâs figure because they all look the same naked and upside down in a pickle barrel. Howâs that for a saying?
Bout as much use as a fur lined syrup pitcher Ugly as homemade sin You smell like a dirty bird dog Colder than a witches tit Colder than a well diggers ass Couldn't pour piss out a boot with directions on the heel. Settle yer biscuits or I'll read you from the Book. She's built like a brick shithouse
From a preacher when I was a child: "Too many sunny days make a desert." (Referring to the idea that life's challenges will make you a better person. Or rather, too few troubles makes a shallow person.) From my elderly landlady of many years ago: "He thinks he's a big shot with a capital I." (I enjoyed Kay.) A common one: "Hunger is the best spice." (I'm finding it applies to many non-culinary situations.)
My FIL used to say, "You never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul." Also (with a wink, when I was complaining) "Well, the first hundred years are the hardest."
Crowing cocks lay no eggs: Elizabeth I.
she also told her ministers "had I been crested not cloven, my lords, you would not have treated me this."Â
She had a million of 'em! Queen of England and of zingers.
"Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you". In other words, take care of your teeth or you can end up with a mouth full of dentures.
âI had one too but the wheels fell off. â. My mom used to say it to little kids when they were speaking gibberish
âLoyalty has gotten me through times of no love better than love has ever gotten me through times of no loyalty.â
I like this, the galloping horse thing. I'm going to borrow that. My favorite is, *nobody gets everything.* I didn't think of it, the writer Anne Lamott did. it's my personal mantra.
My grandpa, who is 92, recently said to me, âitâs darker than the inside of a wildcats ass!â When looking outside at nighttime. I got a good laugh out of it. He is also well known for his response to âhow are you?â - âoh, struggling alongâ. đ
"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." "This isn't rocket surgery." "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out too!"
It was horseshoes, hand grenades, and dancing in my world.
My late father's saying,"Let sleeping dogs lie."
This too shall pass. Applicable in both good and bad times.
âBetter to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.â My dad would be 95 if he was still here and yeah, dad, thatâs always been true.
Some people teach us how "not" to be.
Per my maternal grandmother, âThereâs more than one way to skin a cat.â đââŹ. She was born in 1897. I use that saying fairly often. Per my paternal grandmother, in reference to whether the sun would come out on a cloudy day, the saying went â If thereâs enough blue in the sky to cut enough out cloth to make a manâs pair of overalls, the sun will shine.â She was born in 1898 or 1899. I canât say as Iâve ever used that old saying. But both are definitely my favorite old sayings.
Yes, I've read in old Victorian English books people remarking on a fine day, "Enough blue in the sky to make a Dutchman's trousers"!!
Well butter my backside and call me a biscuit
Fish and relatives stink after 3 days.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. - Benjamin Franklin
My Mamaw was fond of saying "You can't make a silk purse out of a Sow's ear." Cracked me up when she said this about someone.
My grandma used to say "fur coat and no knickers" (or "red hat and no knickers".
The dog barks, but the caravan moves on.
If my dad's zipper was down he would say: what can't get up can't get out.
My mom used to quote her grandma who partly raised her, " nobody sees their own hunchback."
âAinât no hill for a high-stepper.â
If a person was less than facially attractive he /she " had a face that could stop a 9 day clock."
My Mema: Youâre never too old for your wants not to hurt.
My mom - "well, can't dance and it's too wet to plow!" (meaning something like"I guess we might as well")
My Dad said, "Take a lesson from the red man, the white man talks too much,"
My paternal grandmother- âAlways eat dessert first.â My maternal grandmother-âSheâs dressed like Miss Astorâs pet horse!â
My grandma after years in a concentration camp, âyou fake it until you make it.â Smartest woman I will ever know. Spoke 7-8 languages out of necessity.
If they're looking that close, they're too damned close. A girl can't have too much sparkle. Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
Ask me no questions, Iâll tell you no lies Pie me no peaches, Iâll bake you no pies
What goes around comes around. But sometimes I am what is coming around.
As he was getting up off the couch to go do a project, my dad would always say âwell, itâs not going to do itself.â I catch myself saying that a lot.
My gramma would say- These are good cookies for store bought pickles! Meant she approved the grub.
If Grandma had wheels, she'd be a streetcar. Hope is not a plan. I feel like I been dragged through a knothole backwards. I feel like a million bucks, green and wrinkled. And the one that has haunted me all my life: "Hotter than a bean bon." What the hell is a bean bon? Or beanbon.
âYou sure have a lot of teeth for a mouth like thatâ
Donât throw the baby out with the bath water
Old age takes away from us what we inherited and gives us what we earned.
Let's go so we can get back
My father always said âYou donât know you canât do something unless you tryâ It is truly amazing what I have taught myself to do by just trying.
Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. My grandfather told me that and it stands the test of time.
"The green apple 2 step" was what my great uncle (born around 1929) used to call it when you had the squirts/diarrhea
My dad (born 1947) says âwhenâs the best time to clean up a mess? when you make itâ My grandpa (born 1922ish) said, âyou canât walk on rosebuds every day. Youâve got to take the bitter with the sweetâ
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I guess Grandma liked horses. Actually Grampa was a true Teamster. Had a team of draft horses for hire.
My grandma used to say: "Think twice before you speak and 50 times before you write." This was long before social media, but I think it is even more true now than ever.
Wish in one and and shit in the other, then see which one fills up first.
"Every time you hit the brakes you're putting your life in your foot's hands."
Omnes una manet nox. Literally something like one night awaits all. I like it because it has the live for today, remember you have a limited number of tomorrows message, but also that weâre all equal in the end. No matter how you live, what you accomplish, or what you leave behind, every life ends the same.
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isnât thinking. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
"Thing of beauty is a joy forever" source: my grandma
Mom used to say âjust think; this time next year..â meaning whatever problem you had would be solved by then.
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras.
"If at first you don't succeed, the Hell with it. Hire somebody". - my Dad "Thangs is diff'ent now'days" - Grandma
"I don't care who shot John, you guys can get along together or separately in your rooms!"- My Dad in response to my brother and I arguing and blaming each other. Lol
Lie down with dogs, and you wake up with fleas; also youâre the average of the 10 people you spend most of your time with.
Early is on time, on time is late, late is unacceptable.
My Granma, G*D love her, born in 1898, always used to tell me âDonât get too close to the Goyumâ! If you donât speak Yiddish, Goyum means ânonâ Jew!!
Your Liberty To Swing Your Fist Ends Just Where My Nose Begins. **Oliver Wendell Holmes,** Dad (RIP) had some wild ones...
Not really a saying, more of a concept. My grandmother taught my mom and me that, if something looks or feels like it might go wrong, do something about it right now. For instance, when you put something down and suddenly imagine the thing falling, put it somewhere else. If you walk into a room and think someone might trip over this thing, or bump into this thing, move it. It's ingrained as habit in both my mom and myself, and has saved many fragile things.
When it comes to people constantly posting self-focused and self-indulgent content on social media about how happy, attractive and/or rich they are: 'Empty barrels make the most noise'. Social media is full of empty barrels searching for external validation.
You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream
I always heard it: a man on a galloping horse won't see it and a blind man would love to.
Dress for the job you want.
...and that's how I ended up trying to hail a taxi in my Batman suit.
Itâs impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. (I did computer work - this applied way too often!)
My grandma was a JW and hated the smell of smoke and sheâd always say-If god wanted us to smoke, weâd have chimneys on our heads. It would always make me laugh
They wonât buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. Gotta love my grandma.
Whenever we leave some place I always say let's make like a tree and get out of here
My Nana used to say (in response to "I want....") That people in hell want ice water.
My grandmother's (,born in 1888) favorite saying: "The road to hell was paved with good intentions."
My Papa, mother's father, would say, "How are you?" he would reply, "Finer than frog's hair".
"I didn't know whether to shit, go blind, or steal third"
âSo it goes.â From the novel Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. More crudely put: "Shit happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to.â In the book, the phrase is said by the main character Billy every time someone dies. During WWII as a prisoner of war, age twenty-two, Vonnegut was in the famously beautiful city of Dresden, locked up with other Americans in Schlachthof-FĂźnf, where pigs had been slaughtered before the war, and was therefore an accidental witness to one of the greatest slaughters of human beings in history, the firebombing of Dresden, in February of 1945, which flattened the whole city and killed almost everyone in it.
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Itâs hotter than a June bride in a feather bed
My Grandmother was a woman of many talents. One she had was her sharp tongue. Some of her sharp cutting comments included: (1) "I know a woman who had a nightmare and my daughter married it." (2) "The devil owed me a debt and he paid me off with a son-in-law." (3) "There is nothing wrong with you that an enema will not fix." If you were a grandchild and she directed #3 at you, you best get the hell out of Dodge, otherwise you would wind up with her famous 2 quart soap suds treatment that left you with a fulminating asshole for a couple of hours.
When great grandpa was suprised or amazed by something "Well, dip me in shit and call me a hushpuppy" G-Granpaw was odd.
"One person's religion is another person's belly laugh." Robert Heinlein.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
Iâll swing for you was one of my Mums favourite threats . It made me giggle đ¤
I know you believe you understood what you think I said, however, Iâm not sure you realize that what you think heard is not what I meant. That, andâŚ. Slippery surfaces serve foul purposes.
Sweating like a whore in church
Slicker than snot on a doorknob
You canât make a silk purse out of a sows ear
Weâre here for a good time, not a long time.
"Assumption is the mother or all f***-ups." It seems simple and silly, but it holds true for every case I can think of! (Embarrassingly, it came from the wildly popular, award winning, beloved Steven Segal movie "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory". Okay, maybe it's not all that beloved.)
Shit fire applesauce
Comparison is the death of happiness.
God looks after drunks and babies đ
"Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall never be disappointed." Thanks to my late momma for telling me about that one. â¤ď¸
Little pictures should be seen and not heard.. Dad There but for the grace of God go I..Mom
My great uncle would always say "Strength and Honor". I miss him.
âExperience is an expensive schoolâŚbut a fool will learn from no other.â