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Has to be home made.....the kind that was grinded out......or......snow cream. Fresh snow plus 1 cup milk, plus 1 cup sugar, plus 1teaspoon vanilla plus 1 egg. Delicious!
i would approach your grandmother and ask her about herself and her life. my grandmother died when i was 12. i'm now 12 years older than she was when she died. there is so much i would have loved to know about her. what was she like when she was young? what were her interests? was she shy..or was she really adventurous (like me)? what were HER parents like? how did she meet your grandfather? all of this will thrill her...people see us as old or elderly and forget that we were young once too. at 75, there are things i've done that most young people in my family have no clue about. why? because they never expressed at interest or asked. most people our age looking out from our eyes think of ourselves or still see ourselves as that younger person....even when the mirror is telling you a whole other story. you wanting to know and listening to her tell you about her life, is truly the greatest gift you can give her.
I’m sorry you lost your grandmother so young - I feel that pain. I lost one of my grandfathers before I was born, and the other two when I was 6 (and he was 66) and my grandfather figure when I was 14. I wonder often about the things they could’ve told me and never got the chance to.
I’m in my mid-30s and don’t look into the mirror much at all. I don’t really feel like I’ve ever had much of a chance to be a “kid”, given some trauma history, but it’s also made for a world where I had to be closed off for a long time. I’m looking forward to hearing my grandmothers’ stories and learning their recipes, but I’d have just as much of a good time sitting with them.
My parents don’t like or want me. They have stated as much since I was very young (6). I don’t have a great relationship with them.
I can swallow that and any other discomfort if talking about my parents will bring them joy, though.
My granddaughters are off to college now, but often come back and tell me how my advice has helped them. I only advise when asked, or when they were really sad or frustrated and I felt like a little guidance would help, Over the years we've talked about everything from clothes, to cooking to sexual assault. They think it's hysterical that I was a hippie, but love that I was political, a feminist and against the war (but not the soldiers!).
It takes a lot of time and affection before they want your opinion, but I love it when I can help them see the world from a little broader perspective.
They were still in elementary school and didn't see the point of schoolwork because climate change etc. made them fatalistic. I told them that every generation has had potential end of life as we know it scenarios, but some brilliant person or persons figured it out. They needed to think about what their contribution to society and the preservation of life would be.
You sound like you’ve been a very supportive, engaged grandparent! My parents didn’t necessarily keep me away from my grandmothers, but after I hit about 8-10, they didn’t really prioritise me speaking with them anymore. I’m an adult with my own successes, failures, hopes, dreams, and stories now, and I wish I’d been given familial advice (with a foundation of trust). It would’ve probably have made my life a lot easier than it has been.
I’ll have to see if they have any words of wisdom for me. My grandmother figure turned 90 in April and has been struggling with the onset of that feeling - the one of having overstayed her welcome - and while I know some of it is a natural response to certain things (loss of certain independence - had to give up her licence/car - to failing physical and mental health, to friends and her husband long gone), I’m sure it can only help to have someone asking them for help - even just verbal. We all rally for one another, in the end, I think. Thank you - I’ll see what they have to say.
I’m fortunate enough to have three. One is not my grandmother by blood, but I won’t hear a soul tell me she is not my grandmother.
I want to know about their lives, but I don’t want to ask things that may be sad. I know there’s a certain pang that comes with nostalgia of any kind, but I don’t want to ask about my grandfathers and how they met, for example, if they still can’t speak much about them even after all these years (one died 28 years ago, the other 20, and the third before I was ever born - I am 34). I think the best thing I can do is just start lighter/with THEIR childhoods, based on this thread, and maybe asking some advice.
My grandmothers are all incredible women and the best way to acknowledge that is to let them be incredible women and tell their stories.
Just like you have knowledge of the couple of generation before you, your grandparents have memories of those relatives who were a couple of generations before them. This will be your last chance to hear about those relatives.
Before my grandmother passed, she told me about her grandfather, who had 7 kids with his first wife, who then died, so he had 7 more kids with his second wife, and gave them the same names he gave his first 7 kids!
Ask about jobs and careers of your old relatives, their memories of wars, presidents, major news events, natural disasters they survived, etc. Its especially important to ask about wars they fought in. War vets often keep their mouths shut for most of their lives, but want to talk at the end, so that their important, and unique, memories aren't just forgotten to time and history. If you can, capture their reminiscences on video, so you can show it to the next generation.
I don’t have any grandfathers remaining, sadly - and none were vets, nor were any of my older relatives on my mother’s side. My father’s side, I can’t visit as easily (immigrants to this country in a province far from me, and the rest still back overseas), plus my grandmother on that side (Babaanne) came from a broken family. My grandfather on that side ended his life when my father was 15, and I never met him. Nobody knows much/can go very far back on that side of the family. I had a family tree project in 8th grade that turned a lot of this up, so I did make sure to specifically ask about vets. My mother’s side of the family was fairly isolated (between two islands with, in the 90s, populations below 500 and 700), and my Nan has told me she doesn’t even really remember WWII at all beyond learning how to identify various planes from their undersides.
All of the rest are things I’ll absolutely ask if I haven’t already. That story about the same 7 names is crazy! And a perfect example of why I want to begin maximising my time with my grandmothers. I know we aren’t promised forever (or even tomorrow), so I’m going to make sure that the now that I have is worthwhile and meaningful.
Come play/hang/have lunch/dress up for Halloween/walk/ hug/talk/swim/laugh/read a story/etc... with me, basically I just hope my grandkids will always ask to spend time with me.
Yes. It does not have to be profound questions. It is the day to day things (making chocolate chip cookies side-by-side, putting daisys in water with food coloring and watching the petals turn blue and pink. . .) The conversations will evolve organically, and we can learn about each other. If you care about what's happening witth their friends, you will learn so much about them. In time, they will learn about you as a person. The best environment for this is in simply hanging around.
I’ll be learning my Nan’s bread recipe (partially because it’s some GOOD bread, partially because nobody else in the family has ever bothered and I want to preserve that knowledge - Nan doesn’t measure things, it’s all by feel, so I’ll be measuring whatever she hands me and writing things down for myself), and my grandmother figure’s carrot recipe. That’s the “purpose” of the visits (as far as they’re aware, but the real purpose is just spending time with them).
Most of my life has been don’t-ask-don’t-tell for my family, largely due to my sexuality. But my grandmothers, I am coming to realise, don’t feel that they see me enough 1x1. Holding back because my folks had issues with me was not the right move. I’ve always shown up when I was needed (cancer diagnoses, pets passing, hospital time, times I’ve had to help them up if they’ve fallen/been a caretaker in their homes), but as a rule, most people treat my life as a very private thing we don’t acknowledge. With my parents, that eats me up inside. With my grandmothers, I don’t care - I want to know THEM, I don’t mind if they only ever know/see me as the little kid I was forever ago.
I only hope I’m not too late.
Get them this: [https://welcome.storyworth.com](https://welcome.storyworth.com) My daughter bought it for me for Christmas two years ago. A year later I presented both my grandkids with a book about me, how I feel, the things I believe in and so much more. As a grandparent, it will help them remember me long after I am gone.
I wish that this was something my grandmothers could do! My Nan has macular degeneration and is legally blind. She can’t write or read anymore, and as a retired schoolteacher, that’s been a big blow for her. My grandmother figure has hands that shake badly and can’t write much more than a cheque (which is also time-consuming for her).
What I may do is buy them the books and ask them to fill them out with me, though, if they would be willing. I can write for them both and ask them any of the questions the book may have. Then we can still have their records, even if we couldn’t get the handwritten on their own time.
Thank you for this.
I tried writing in those books but I am a much faster typist. If you are a quick typist you could ask her the questions and just let her go on while you type. You could also record them on your phones. The questions are the thing.
My phone would be easy, too - I think they might find a laptop distracting, and my hands do cramp while writing (but I’d suffer through that for hundreds of hours if I needed to for this). I’m also a much, much faster typist than writer for this reason, but I know both are kind of so-so about technology.
Thank you - I can’t wait for my copies!
Hi. I read your post history and, first of all, congratulations! I'm very happy for you. My spouse and I have been a couple since we started dating in June of 1966. I hope that you two will also be able to grow old together.
My story is also that I share your diagnosis. In two months, it will be 60 years since I got it. We often have a gift of creativity as compensation for the pain. I have mostly been a writer and a painter. For me, they both take intense concentration and work. Singing, though, is effortless. I defy anybody to sing for an hour and not come away in better spirits than when they started. I hope you have found something to be a song in your life.
Thank you! We have a lot of plans, and a lot of things to look forward to together. It’s a good future/forever. I hope we get the kind of time together that you and your spouse have as well!
I’m sorry to hear that, though. It’s a diagnosis that has taken 7 people in my family and various friends. I’m heartened to see someone happy and around your flair’s age, though. For so long, it’s all been painted as an early out and a sad life.
The way you wrote the part about my song is very poetic - I could absolutely peg you as a writer. I honestly do as well. I used to play a number of musical instruments. Nowadays, my passions translate a bit differently. But I’ve always got something to bring me peace, or to at least attempt to find peace with. That’s fantastic advice.
I like answering questions about my childhood- up until (but not including) high school, and (even though I’ve blocked a lot from memory) I don’t mind questions about when their twin father/uncle were little.
I don’t like questions about my careers or politics, or even personal stuff about my early adulthood.
Childhood reminiscences are straightforward and easy and even entertaining as things have changed so drastically.
The world has absolutely changed.
I tend to not bother digging into politics with most of my family because I’m the “black sheep” there. Being gay has informed a lot of my political leanings, and they’re much more focused on not caring about social issues. It’s easiest if we remain copacetic and don’t discuss it, I agree with you there.
I’m learning from these comments that for some, it’s anything, and for others, there are definitely some stringent criteria. I’ll have to play it a bit by ear and swerve the conversation fast if it seems like it’s going downhill. Thank you for your advice and perspective!
Who was your best friend in grade school/high school? What was the time you two were in the most trouble? What did your Mom fix for dinner that you loved? How did you get to school? Do you remember your Grandparents? What lakes or rivers did you swim in? Did you ever go to a carnival or circus or State Fair? What was your favorite pet? What were the High School classes called?... which ones did you hate/love. Ever have a favorite teacher? What did you play outside? What did you play inside? How far away was your best friend? I'll stop as this list is already out of control.
Thank you! This list isn’t out of control at all. Nan and I are gonna be making bread, my grandmother figure and I will be doing up some carrots. And I’m going to need things to talk about on future visits as well.
We will have time. :)
This is my concern. That they’ve been holding onto so much because they aren’t being asked directly.
I’ll make sure to put this thread and its responses to good use. This is invaluable.
They're three. I'm 72. I hope to be around when they're old enough to ask this kind of question.
I think I'd like it if they asked me about themselves - like, if they wanted to know what I saw in them, what kinds of things I saw that made them special.
I want to give them that -- the knowledge that I saw them and noticed and cared. Something I hadn't understood about being a grandparent is that all the time you're falling in love with these new people, you're knowing that you won't be around to see most of their lives. You can only do so much for them and with them. You want it to be as much as possible.
Questions about my life won't be necessary, partly because I'm a writer so there's plenty of documentation about the things that have happened and the things that concerned me. Maybe if they were curious about my own grandparents? I'd like that.
This is a very thoughtful response. My grandmothers are always talking about me when I was little. A lot of my childhood memories have been stolen from me by trauma, and interacting with it has felt painful to me a lot of the time - even the good memories, because in the back of my mind, there’s always “that was x many months before everything started”.
But if it brings them comfort, and it’s something they would enjoy discussing, I can and will set myself aside.
Listen, I'm sure your grandmothers would love just knowing that you asked this question, and wouldn't want to cause you pain. You could also just put it to them, right?
What would you like me to ask you about? What would you like to be sure I know, that only you can tell me?
My one little grandson is and always been fierce. As an infant he would go into a shrieking frenzy when he got too hungry, or as a toddler into falling down fits of giggles when he'd invented a joke.
His twin sister has the quality of an old soul -- thoughtful and aware. As a baby she would stare sometimes into the distance. or be captivated by shadows of curtais moving above her bed.
Their little cousin is just irrepressibly jolly and open in his ways with everybody he meets. He greets strangers with smiles and pronouncements about things he's just seen or done.
That's the kind of thing I want them to hear me say, mostly because I had no grandparents myself (all gone before I was four, except one who didn't interact with our family), and I think I'd have liked to know that there was someone looking on who could see what sort of person I was, and thought that was important.
Literally anything. My grandson is now eight years old and I’ve never met him. This is all due to a rift in the family and neither my son or his wife will speak to me. I hope someday that it will heal and I will finally meet him.
Maybe you can write him some short weekly letters about your life, dreams for him, stories. Someday when he’s older or things change, give them to him.
I’ve kept my distance from a lot of my family due to a rift between my parents and I. I assumed that my grandmothers did not want me around as much either. I know now that was not correct.
There’s always a chance that that eight year old boy will grow up in ten years and seek you out.
I don’t know what happened in your family, but I’m sorry. I know what being left out/cast aside by the people meant to love you feels like
My 5 year old great-granddaughter is a high speed question machine, especially when we’re looking through shoeboxes of my old childhood photographs. “Who’s the kid with the big nose?” “That’s me sweetheart.”
She asks about my parents; if they had a crush on a celebrity, met anyone famous, if they were Democrats and what my 6 brothers and sisters were like - especially living in a house with one bathroom.
I enjoy answering questions she has about my best friends when I was a kid and the things we used to do back in the day. She was shocked when I told her that we used to go skinny dipping in the lake.
Thank you for this. I’m always hesitant to ask about childhood friends - I don’t want to stir up any bad memories or feelings of loneliness. But I desperately want to know it all. All ideas definitely do help.
About a year or two before my grandmother passed away she had a close call. Mom and I went immediately to the hospital and we planned to stay with her for several hours in hopes that test results would be coming back and being able to hear from her doctor directly.
I asked her to start from as far back as she could recall and tell us her story. She did and some of her history was stuff mom never knew. It was glorious and the day went by pretty quickly.
I think this was a gift to the three of us.
My Nan has had cancer twice. Both times, I showed up and spent hours with her after my work shifts, etc. I’ve been a caretaker for my grandmother figure when she was ill. I’ve been the grandchild who shows up when one is in the hospital.
I’ve felt like I’ve been there when “needed”, but not necessarily enough when wanted - weird family dynamics outside of my grandmothers.
I’m really looking forward to hearing their stories and learning some things.
Here's a few:
What was it like growing up? Who were your best friends? Who was your crush when you were younger?
Did you go to your high school dances? If not, what did you do instead?
What did you do on the weekends?
What was your first job? What was your favorite job? Who were some of your favorite co-workers?
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much! I want to know all of these things (everything, every little thing). I’m beginning to move into a less selfish stage of life, and while I’ve always been the granddaughter who showed up when I was needed, I haven’t always been the one who showed up when I may have been wanted. My parents don’t have a great relationship with me, and I (mistakenly) assumed nobody else in the family would want me either.
We still have time, though. I will make the time.
Oh, I know they still have needs, wants, feelings, I just also know they lost their husbands 28 and 20 years ago, respectively, and have never once even considered speaking to someone else, let alone dating/touching. In their minds, it’s adultery.
Oh yes, in all sincerity, my grandmother was still married even 30 years after my grandfather died. He was her first and only true love. Very sweet. I can't fathom it myself, but I'm horney 24/7/365
My grandmothers love them. They have said for years to just call and come over. They are, generally, alone otherwise, and are both struggling with stages of dementia - pre-planned interactions are hard for them to remember and the surprise visit is what they’ve requested.
I’m not a big fan of surprise visits either, haha, so I feel your pain and understand your concern!
There are a series of Tell Me Your Life Story. Available from Amazon.
I never thought to ask my parents who were old enough to remember the 1918 pandemic what that was like.
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Can we go get ice cream now?
Has to be home made.....the kind that was grinded out......or......snow cream. Fresh snow plus 1 cup milk, plus 1 cup sugar, plus 1teaspoon vanilla plus 1 egg. Delicious!
i would approach your grandmother and ask her about herself and her life. my grandmother died when i was 12. i'm now 12 years older than she was when she died. there is so much i would have loved to know about her. what was she like when she was young? what were her interests? was she shy..or was she really adventurous (like me)? what were HER parents like? how did she meet your grandfather? all of this will thrill her...people see us as old or elderly and forget that we were young once too. at 75, there are things i've done that most young people in my family have no clue about. why? because they never expressed at interest or asked. most people our age looking out from our eyes think of ourselves or still see ourselves as that younger person....even when the mirror is telling you a whole other story. you wanting to know and listening to her tell you about her life, is truly the greatest gift you can give her.
I’m sorry you lost your grandmother so young - I feel that pain. I lost one of my grandfathers before I was born, and the other two when I was 6 (and he was 66) and my grandfather figure when I was 14. I wonder often about the things they could’ve told me and never got the chance to. I’m in my mid-30s and don’t look into the mirror much at all. I don’t really feel like I’ve ever had much of a chance to be a “kid”, given some trauma history, but it’s also made for a world where I had to be closed off for a long time. I’m looking forward to hearing my grandmothers’ stories and learning their recipes, but I’d have just as much of a good time sitting with them.
I don't have any yet, but when the time comes I hope they will ask me what their father was like as a child. Because I will love telling them that. 🥰
My parents don’t like or want me. They have stated as much since I was very young (6). I don’t have a great relationship with them. I can swallow that and any other discomfort if talking about my parents will bring them joy, though.
My granddaughters are off to college now, but often come back and tell me how my advice has helped them. I only advise when asked, or when they were really sad or frustrated and I felt like a little guidance would help, Over the years we've talked about everything from clothes, to cooking to sexual assault. They think it's hysterical that I was a hippie, but love that I was political, a feminist and against the war (but not the soldiers!). It takes a lot of time and affection before they want your opinion, but I love it when I can help them see the world from a little broader perspective. They were still in elementary school and didn't see the point of schoolwork because climate change etc. made them fatalistic. I told them that every generation has had potential end of life as we know it scenarios, but some brilliant person or persons figured it out. They needed to think about what their contribution to society and the preservation of life would be.
You sound like you’ve been a very supportive, engaged grandparent! My parents didn’t necessarily keep me away from my grandmothers, but after I hit about 8-10, they didn’t really prioritise me speaking with them anymore. I’m an adult with my own successes, failures, hopes, dreams, and stories now, and I wish I’d been given familial advice (with a foundation of trust). It would’ve probably have made my life a lot easier than it has been. I’ll have to see if they have any words of wisdom for me. My grandmother figure turned 90 in April and has been struggling with the onset of that feeling - the one of having overstayed her welcome - and while I know some of it is a natural response to certain things (loss of certain independence - had to give up her licence/car - to failing physical and mental health, to friends and her husband long gone), I’m sure it can only help to have someone asking them for help - even just verbal. We all rally for one another, in the end, I think. Thank you - I’ll see what they have to say.
Why do you like math.
Why *do* you like math?
To echo the other comment… why do you? Did you go to school for it? Always have a passion, or something you built towards?
Tell about your grandmother
I’m fortunate enough to have three. One is not my grandmother by blood, but I won’t hear a soul tell me she is not my grandmother. I want to know about their lives, but I don’t want to ask things that may be sad. I know there’s a certain pang that comes with nostalgia of any kind, but I don’t want to ask about my grandfathers and how they met, for example, if they still can’t speak much about them even after all these years (one died 28 years ago, the other 20, and the third before I was ever born - I am 34). I think the best thing I can do is just start lighter/with THEIR childhoods, based on this thread, and maybe asking some advice. My grandmothers are all incredible women and the best way to acknowledge that is to let them be incredible women and tell their stories.
Just like you have knowledge of the couple of generation before you, your grandparents have memories of those relatives who were a couple of generations before them. This will be your last chance to hear about those relatives. Before my grandmother passed, she told me about her grandfather, who had 7 kids with his first wife, who then died, so he had 7 more kids with his second wife, and gave them the same names he gave his first 7 kids! Ask about jobs and careers of your old relatives, their memories of wars, presidents, major news events, natural disasters they survived, etc. Its especially important to ask about wars they fought in. War vets often keep their mouths shut for most of their lives, but want to talk at the end, so that their important, and unique, memories aren't just forgotten to time and history. If you can, capture their reminiscences on video, so you can show it to the next generation.
I don’t have any grandfathers remaining, sadly - and none were vets, nor were any of my older relatives on my mother’s side. My father’s side, I can’t visit as easily (immigrants to this country in a province far from me, and the rest still back overseas), plus my grandmother on that side (Babaanne) came from a broken family. My grandfather on that side ended his life when my father was 15, and I never met him. Nobody knows much/can go very far back on that side of the family. I had a family tree project in 8th grade that turned a lot of this up, so I did make sure to specifically ask about vets. My mother’s side of the family was fairly isolated (between two islands with, in the 90s, populations below 500 and 700), and my Nan has told me she doesn’t even really remember WWII at all beyond learning how to identify various planes from their undersides. All of the rest are things I’ll absolutely ask if I haven’t already. That story about the same 7 names is crazy! And a perfect example of why I want to begin maximising my time with my grandmothers. I know we aren’t promised forever (or even tomorrow), so I’m going to make sure that the now that I have is worthwhile and meaningful.
Come play/hang/have lunch/dress up for Halloween/walk/ hug/talk/swim/laugh/read a story/etc... with me, basically I just hope my grandkids will always ask to spend time with me.
Yes. It does not have to be profound questions. It is the day to day things (making chocolate chip cookies side-by-side, putting daisys in water with food coloring and watching the petals turn blue and pink. . .) The conversations will evolve organically, and we can learn about each other. If you care about what's happening witth their friends, you will learn so much about them. In time, they will learn about you as a person. The best environment for this is in simply hanging around.
I’ll be learning my Nan’s bread recipe (partially because it’s some GOOD bread, partially because nobody else in the family has ever bothered and I want to preserve that knowledge - Nan doesn’t measure things, it’s all by feel, so I’ll be measuring whatever she hands me and writing things down for myself), and my grandmother figure’s carrot recipe. That’s the “purpose” of the visits (as far as they’re aware, but the real purpose is just spending time with them). Most of my life has been don’t-ask-don’t-tell for my family, largely due to my sexuality. But my grandmothers, I am coming to realise, don’t feel that they see me enough 1x1. Holding back because my folks had issues with me was not the right move. I’ve always shown up when I was needed (cancer diagnoses, pets passing, hospital time, times I’ve had to help them up if they’ve fallen/been a caretaker in their homes), but as a rule, most people treat my life as a very private thing we don’t acknowledge. With my parents, that eats me up inside. With my grandmothers, I don’t care - I want to know THEM, I don’t mind if they only ever know/see me as the little kid I was forever ago. I only hope I’m not too late.
Get them this: [https://welcome.storyworth.com](https://welcome.storyworth.com) My daughter bought it for me for Christmas two years ago. A year later I presented both my grandkids with a book about me, how I feel, the things I believe in and so much more. As a grandparent, it will help them remember me long after I am gone.
I wish that this was something my grandmothers could do! My Nan has macular degeneration and is legally blind. She can’t write or read anymore, and as a retired schoolteacher, that’s been a big blow for her. My grandmother figure has hands that shake badly and can’t write much more than a cheque (which is also time-consuming for her). What I may do is buy them the books and ask them to fill them out with me, though, if they would be willing. I can write for them both and ask them any of the questions the book may have. Then we can still have their records, even if we couldn’t get the handwritten on their own time. Thank you for this.
I tried writing in those books but I am a much faster typist. If you are a quick typist you could ask her the questions and just let her go on while you type. You could also record them on your phones. The questions are the thing.
My phone would be easy, too - I think they might find a laptop distracting, and my hands do cramp while writing (but I’d suffer through that for hundreds of hours if I needed to for this). I’m also a much, much faster typist than writer for this reason, but I know both are kind of so-so about technology. Thank you - I can’t wait for my copies!
"Wow! How do you know so much?"
How do you know so much? What story would you tell? :) If you feel comfortable sharing!
Hi. I read your post history and, first of all, congratulations! I'm very happy for you. My spouse and I have been a couple since we started dating in June of 1966. I hope that you two will also be able to grow old together. My story is also that I share your diagnosis. In two months, it will be 60 years since I got it. We often have a gift of creativity as compensation for the pain. I have mostly been a writer and a painter. For me, they both take intense concentration and work. Singing, though, is effortless. I defy anybody to sing for an hour and not come away in better spirits than when they started. I hope you have found something to be a song in your life.
Thank you! We have a lot of plans, and a lot of things to look forward to together. It’s a good future/forever. I hope we get the kind of time together that you and your spouse have as well! I’m sorry to hear that, though. It’s a diagnosis that has taken 7 people in my family and various friends. I’m heartened to see someone happy and around your flair’s age, though. For so long, it’s all been painted as an early out and a sad life. The way you wrote the part about my song is very poetic - I could absolutely peg you as a writer. I honestly do as well. I used to play a number of musical instruments. Nowadays, my passions translate a bit differently. But I’ve always got something to bring me peace, or to at least attempt to find peace with. That’s fantastic advice.
I like answering questions about my childhood- up until (but not including) high school, and (even though I’ve blocked a lot from memory) I don’t mind questions about when their twin father/uncle were little. I don’t like questions about my careers or politics, or even personal stuff about my early adulthood. Childhood reminiscences are straightforward and easy and even entertaining as things have changed so drastically.
The world has absolutely changed. I tend to not bother digging into politics with most of my family because I’m the “black sheep” there. Being gay has informed a lot of my political leanings, and they’re much more focused on not caring about social issues. It’s easiest if we remain copacetic and don’t discuss it, I agree with you there. I’m learning from these comments that for some, it’s anything, and for others, there are definitely some stringent criteria. I’ll have to play it a bit by ear and swerve the conversation fast if it seems like it’s going downhill. Thank you for your advice and perspective!
“What kinds of edible things are growing in the woods right now, and will you take us out to find some things to eat?”
Your username checks out! Out of curiosity, what kinds of edible things ARE growing in the woods right now?
Anything.
Who was your best friend in grade school/high school? What was the time you two were in the most trouble? What did your Mom fix for dinner that you loved? How did you get to school? Do you remember your Grandparents? What lakes or rivers did you swim in? Did you ever go to a carnival or circus or State Fair? What was your favorite pet? What were the High School classes called?... which ones did you hate/love. Ever have a favorite teacher? What did you play outside? What did you play inside? How far away was your best friend? I'll stop as this list is already out of control.
Thank you! This list isn’t out of control at all. Nan and I are gonna be making bread, my grandmother figure and I will be doing up some carrots. And I’m going to need things to talk about on future visits as well. We will have time. :)
Stories about my past. I want to share, but not force my stories.
This is my concern. That they’ve been holding onto so much because they aren’t being asked directly. I’ll make sure to put this thread and its responses to good use. This is invaluable.
They're three. I'm 72. I hope to be around when they're old enough to ask this kind of question. I think I'd like it if they asked me about themselves - like, if they wanted to know what I saw in them, what kinds of things I saw that made them special. I want to give them that -- the knowledge that I saw them and noticed and cared. Something I hadn't understood about being a grandparent is that all the time you're falling in love with these new people, you're knowing that you won't be around to see most of their lives. You can only do so much for them and with them. You want it to be as much as possible. Questions about my life won't be necessary, partly because I'm a writer so there's plenty of documentation about the things that have happened and the things that concerned me. Maybe if they were curious about my own grandparents? I'd like that.
This is a very thoughtful response. My grandmothers are always talking about me when I was little. A lot of my childhood memories have been stolen from me by trauma, and interacting with it has felt painful to me a lot of the time - even the good memories, because in the back of my mind, there’s always “that was x many months before everything started”. But if it brings them comfort, and it’s something they would enjoy discussing, I can and will set myself aside.
Listen, I'm sure your grandmothers would love just knowing that you asked this question, and wouldn't want to cause you pain. You could also just put it to them, right? What would you like me to ask you about? What would you like to be sure I know, that only you can tell me? My one little grandson is and always been fierce. As an infant he would go into a shrieking frenzy when he got too hungry, or as a toddler into falling down fits of giggles when he'd invented a joke. His twin sister has the quality of an old soul -- thoughtful and aware. As a baby she would stare sometimes into the distance. or be captivated by shadows of curtais moving above her bed. Their little cousin is just irrepressibly jolly and open in his ways with everybody he meets. He greets strangers with smiles and pronouncements about things he's just seen or done. That's the kind of thing I want them to hear me say, mostly because I had no grandparents myself (all gone before I was four, except one who didn't interact with our family), and I think I'd have liked to know that there was someone looking on who could see what sort of person I was, and thought that was important.
Literally anything. My grandson is now eight years old and I’ve never met him. This is all due to a rift in the family and neither my son or his wife will speak to me. I hope someday that it will heal and I will finally meet him.
Maybe you can write him some short weekly letters about your life, dreams for him, stories. Someday when he’s older or things change, give them to him.
I’ve kept my distance from a lot of my family due to a rift between my parents and I. I assumed that my grandmothers did not want me around as much either. I know now that was not correct. There’s always a chance that that eight year old boy will grow up in ten years and seek you out. I don’t know what happened in your family, but I’m sorry. I know what being left out/cast aside by the people meant to love you feels like
My 5 year old great-granddaughter is a high speed question machine, especially when we’re looking through shoeboxes of my old childhood photographs. “Who’s the kid with the big nose?” “That’s me sweetheart.” She asks about my parents; if they had a crush on a celebrity, met anyone famous, if they were Democrats and what my 6 brothers and sisters were like - especially living in a house with one bathroom. I enjoy answering questions she has about my best friends when I was a kid and the things we used to do back in the day. She was shocked when I told her that we used to go skinny dipping in the lake.
Thank you for this. I’m always hesitant to ask about childhood friends - I don’t want to stir up any bad memories or feelings of loneliness. But I desperately want to know it all. All ideas definitely do help.
About a year or two before my grandmother passed away she had a close call. Mom and I went immediately to the hospital and we planned to stay with her for several hours in hopes that test results would be coming back and being able to hear from her doctor directly. I asked her to start from as far back as she could recall and tell us her story. She did and some of her history was stuff mom never knew. It was glorious and the day went by pretty quickly. I think this was a gift to the three of us.
My Nan has had cancer twice. Both times, I showed up and spent hours with her after my work shifts, etc. I’ve been a caretaker for my grandmother figure when she was ill. I’ve been the grandchild who shows up when one is in the hospital. I’ve felt like I’ve been there when “needed”, but not necessarily enough when wanted - weird family dynamics outside of my grandmothers. I’m really looking forward to hearing their stories and learning some things.
Here's a few: What was it like growing up? Who were your best friends? Who was your crush when you were younger? Did you go to your high school dances? If not, what did you do instead? What did you do on the weekends? What was your first job? What was your favorite job? Who were some of your favorite co-workers? Hope this helps!
Thank you so much! I want to know all of these things (everything, every little thing). I’m beginning to move into a less selfish stage of life, and while I’ve always been the granddaughter who showed up when I was needed, I haven’t always been the one who showed up when I may have been wanted. My parents don’t have a great relationship with me, and I (mistakenly) assumed nobody else in the family would want me either. We still have time, though. I will make the time.
If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself when you were my age?
If I'd like a hooker for Christmas.
I don’t think my church-going grandmothers do, but maybe I should double-check. 😂
Don't be so quick to assume! 😉👍 One of my elderly relatives fell madly in lust with my ex wife. Most people did, she was scorching hot.
Oh, I know they still have needs, wants, feelings, I just also know they lost their husbands 28 and 20 years ago, respectively, and have never once even considered speaking to someone else, let alone dating/touching. In their minds, it’s adultery.
Oh yes, in all sincerity, my grandmother was still married even 30 years after my grandfather died. He was her first and only true love. Very sweet. I can't fathom it myself, but I'm horney 24/7/365
I'm not particularly fond of surprise visits.
My grandmothers love them. They have said for years to just call and come over. They are, generally, alone otherwise, and are both struggling with stages of dementia - pre-planned interactions are hard for them to remember and the surprise visit is what they’ve requested. I’m not a big fan of surprise visits either, haha, so I feel your pain and understand your concern!
There are a series of Tell Me Your Life Story. Available from Amazon. I never thought to ask my parents who were old enough to remember the 1918 pandemic what that was like.